1
00:00:04,506 --> 00:00:05,965
Val, I need the space.

2
00:00:06,841 --> 00:00:07,967
All right,
guys, clear out.

3
00:00:08,051 --> 00:00:09,010
Everybody out!

4
00:00:09,094 --> 00:00:10,303
Promise me you're
going to clean up.

5
00:00:10,387 --> 00:00:12,639
I can't promise what I'm
going to do or not do.

6
00:00:12,722 --> 00:00:13,723
Promise me...

7
00:00:13,807 --> 00:00:15,100
Obviously,
I'm going to clean up.

8
00:00:15,183 --> 00:00:18,061
Stress is like the uptight
mayor of a town who's saying,

9
00:00:18,144 --> 00:00:20,313
"Hey, we're uptight.
You can't dance."

10
00:00:20,397 --> 00:00:24,109
And then, you have to be like, "Oh,
yeah, Mayor Stress? Well, watch this."

11
00:00:24,192 --> 00:00:26,444
And then, we dance.

12
00:00:28,488 --> 00:00:30,323
Oh, how we dance.

13
00:01:05,191 --> 00:01:06,735
Sex also works.

14
00:01:30,550 --> 00:01:32,302
Hey, Jim's back
from jury duty.

15
00:01:32,385 --> 00:01:35,847
Hey!Tuna!
He's back!

16
00:01:36,389 --> 00:01:37,390
Hey.

17
00:01:37,474 --> 00:01:38,433
Oh, look at this.

18
00:01:38,516 --> 00:01:40,268
Tuna wrap.
Okay.

19
00:01:41,728 --> 00:01:43,062
Hand roll.

20
00:01:43,772 --> 00:01:44,939
How was jury duty?

21
00:01:45,190 --> 00:01:46,483
Pretty uneventful,
actually.

22
00:01:46,566 --> 00:01:48,777
I can't believe they let someone
like you serve on a jury.

23
00:01:48,860 --> 00:01:50,820
Makes me question
the whole judicial system.

24
00:01:51,029 --> 00:01:52,113
What was the case?

25
00:01:52,197 --> 00:01:53,281
A hit and run.

26
00:01:53,865 --> 00:01:55,784
Ooh! The case of the hit and run.
That's exciting.

27
00:01:55,867 --> 00:01:57,202
Did you send him
to the slammer?

28
00:01:57,285 --> 00:01:58,828
No. Not guilty.

29
00:01:59,037 --> 00:02:00,538
Of course you
found him not guilty.

30
00:02:01,289 --> 00:02:04,542
He apologized. And I just
really want him to like me. Mmm!

31
00:02:05,251 --> 00:02:06,336
We're best friends,
actually.

32
00:02:06,419 --> 00:02:08,463
We're going wine tasting next
weekend, if you want to come.

33
00:02:08,671 --> 00:02:09,839
Not coming.
Have plans.

34
00:02:09,964 --> 00:02:11,132
Okay.

35
00:02:11,216 --> 00:02:13,426
I did get called
into jury duty.

36
00:02:13,510 --> 00:02:15,386
And they
released me around noon,

37
00:02:15,470 --> 00:02:17,472
so I didn't
think it was worth it

38
00:02:17,555 --> 00:02:19,599
to come back to work
for a half day.

39
00:02:19,682 --> 00:02:22,644
And then the next morning, Pam was a
little overwhelmed with the kids,

40
00:02:22,727 --> 00:02:25,230
so I took an extra day
to help out.

41
00:02:26,231 --> 00:02:28,691
And then,
three other days happened.

42
00:02:29,526 --> 00:02:30,735
Ah!

43
00:02:31,069 --> 00:02:32,737
Angela had the baby!

44
00:02:32,987 --> 00:02:35,865
Is it black? Because
that would be hilarious.

45
00:02:35,949 --> 00:02:37,033
Why?

46
00:02:37,951 --> 00:02:39,118
You know.

47
00:02:39,202 --> 00:02:42,080
Would it be more hilarious than
Angela having a Chinese baby?

48
00:02:42,539 --> 00:02:45,917
A little bit. Yeah.
Right, guys? Back me up.

49
00:02:46,918 --> 00:02:47,877
Maybe a little bit.

50
00:02:47,961 --> 00:02:49,712
Oh. Did I win the pool?

51
00:02:50,213 --> 00:02:52,298
Uh, no. Right month, wrong year.

52
00:02:52,882 --> 00:02:55,468
No one won the pool. Angela
wasn't due for another month.

53
00:02:55,552 --> 00:02:57,512
We should all go to
the hospital and visit her.

54
00:02:57,595 --> 00:02:59,722
Oh, I'd love to, but...

55
00:02:59,973 --> 00:03:02,350
Oh, man, I would, but I
can't miss any more work.

56
00:03:02,433 --> 00:03:05,937
Well, Kevin and I have to go, because
accounting is its own little family.

57
00:03:06,020 --> 00:03:10,817
Yeah, Oscar's the dad, I'm
Oscar's dad and Angela's my mom.

58
00:03:11,317 --> 00:03:13,653
Everyone,
our very own Angela...

59
00:03:13,736 --> 00:03:15,780
We all got the e-mail. Some
of us are going to go visit.

60
00:03:15,989 --> 00:03:17,532
Oh, I am so in.

61
00:03:17,949 --> 00:03:19,868
I love maternity wards.

62
00:03:20,118 --> 00:03:22,203
It's the perfect blend
of love and horror.

63
00:03:22,287 --> 00:03:25,039
Things can go so
wrong or so right.

64
00:03:27,542 --> 00:03:30,336
Come on, Judge Judy, tell us your case.
What were the deets?

65
00:03:30,420 --> 00:03:32,046
It was actually
a pretty boring case.

66
00:03:32,130 --> 00:03:35,174
How could it be boring? You were
there for five days. Titillate us.

67
00:03:35,258 --> 00:03:38,511
Yeah, you owe us. I had to stay
until 6:00 twice to cover for you.

68
00:03:38,803 --> 00:03:40,388
My wife got to
the TV first.

69
00:03:40,471 --> 00:03:43,057
I had to sit through damn
Rizzoli & damn Isles.

70
00:03:43,141 --> 00:03:45,935
Yeah. My car got smashed
visiting one of your clients,

71
00:03:46,019 --> 00:03:49,022
and I had to have it detailed
and they took my meter change.

72
00:03:49,355 --> 00:03:50,398
Wow. I'm really sorry.

73
00:03:50,481 --> 00:03:51,524
Yeah.

74
00:03:51,941 --> 00:03:53,860
I never considered
that my week off

75
00:03:53,943 --> 00:03:56,446
would make everyone
else's job harder.

76
00:03:57,614 --> 00:03:59,657
The least I could do
was give them a good story.

77
00:04:00,491 --> 00:04:01,910
So Phyllis,
he was here and then,

78
00:04:01,993 --> 00:04:04,579
the car came and
it was like that.

79
00:04:04,662 --> 00:04:06,748
Yeah, so it had to be a
double backflip, actually.

80
00:04:06,831 --> 00:04:10,376
You know, when I was on
J-duties, strangler case,

81
00:04:10,460 --> 00:04:15,340
we used to recreate the various stranglings
with empanadas from Ernesto's.

82
00:04:15,632 --> 00:04:17,175
Oh, man, Ernesto's.

83
00:04:17,258 --> 00:04:18,885
That was our
favorite restaurant, too.

84
00:04:19,052 --> 00:04:21,220
You mean food truck.
Ernesto's was a food truck.

85
00:04:21,304 --> 00:04:22,847
Toby, shut your hole
about the empanadas.

86
00:04:22,931 --> 00:04:24,766
Nobody cares
about the empanadas.

87
00:04:24,974 --> 00:04:26,559
I was in Los Angeles
last year.

88
00:04:26,643 --> 00:04:30,104
Jim tricked me into thinking
I'd won a walk-on part on NCIS

89
00:04:30,188 --> 00:04:31,147
but that's not important.

90
00:04:31,230 --> 00:04:34,776
While I was being kicked off the
lot, I saw food trucks everywhere.

91
00:04:34,859 --> 00:04:36,736
Everyone in Los Angeles
eats from them

92
00:04:36,819 --> 00:04:39,822
and nobody calls
them restaurants.

93
00:04:46,454 --> 00:04:49,624
Guys, I don't know
how many of you have seen...

94
00:04:49,707 --> 00:04:51,459
Gabe, bring it in.

95
00:04:51,542 --> 00:04:54,462
I don't know how many of you have
seen a premature baby before.

96
00:04:54,545 --> 00:04:57,423
It's going to be really tiny, so
please don't say anything offensive.

97
00:04:57,882 --> 00:04:59,050
Got that, bimbo?

98
00:04:59,133 --> 00:05:00,635
Got it, bimbo.

99
00:05:01,844 --> 00:05:02,887
Yes?

100
00:05:03,471 --> 00:05:05,014
Knock, knock.

101
00:05:05,682 --> 00:05:06,724
- Hi.
- Uh...

102
00:05:09,769 --> 00:05:12,480
I don't want... What are
you guys doing here?

103
00:05:12,563 --> 00:05:14,857
We wanted to say hi to the
newest little Dunder Mifflinite.

104
00:05:14,941 --> 00:05:20,530
Well, meet our not-so-little bundle
of joy, Philip Halsted Lipton.

105
00:05:20,738 --> 00:05:22,156
Philip is so fat.

106
00:05:22,240 --> 00:05:23,366
Kevin.

107
00:05:23,449 --> 00:05:25,868
You warned me not to say
anything if it was tiny, Oscar.

108
00:05:25,952 --> 00:05:28,830
You didn't prepare me
for a big, giant, fat baby.

109
00:05:28,913 --> 00:05:30,748
Yes, he's substantial.
Hey!

110
00:05:30,832 --> 00:05:33,751
He's more than substantial.
He's a monster.

111
00:05:36,796 --> 00:05:38,006
So this whole
hit and run thing,

112
00:05:38,089 --> 00:05:40,008
there's this one part
I can't figure out.

113
00:05:40,091 --> 00:05:41,551
You said it was
at a four-way stop?

114
00:05:41,634 --> 00:05:42,635
Mmm-hmm.

115
00:05:42,760 --> 00:05:46,806
And the victim rode his bicycle
into the left-hand turn lane,

116
00:05:46,889 --> 00:05:49,600
but the perp was already in
the left-hand turn lane?

117
00:05:49,892 --> 00:05:50,935
Mmm-hmm.

118
00:05:51,060 --> 00:05:54,772
See, that's what I'm having
trouble with, because the fact is

119
00:05:56,107 --> 00:05:58,484
you never said he
was on a bicycle.

120
00:06:03,239 --> 00:06:05,366
Busted, Halpert! Yes!
Wait. No.

121
00:06:05,450 --> 00:06:06,617
Andy, get out here!

122
00:06:06,701 --> 00:06:07,827
I never said he
was on a bicycle.

123
00:06:07,910 --> 00:06:09,245
I just said I
wasn't listening to you.

124
00:06:09,328 --> 00:06:10,580
I am making
a citizen's arrest.

125
00:06:10,663 --> 00:06:11,914
You have the right
to remain silent.

126
00:06:11,998 --> 00:06:13,207
You have the right
to beg for mercy.

127
00:06:13,291 --> 00:06:16,335
You have the right to request
judgment by combat! Dwight's rights!

128
00:06:16,753 --> 00:06:17,879
What's up, gangsters?

129
00:06:18,421 --> 00:06:20,715
Jim was lying
about jury duty.

130
00:06:20,798 --> 00:06:24,135
He was lying the whole time so he
could go do yoga or go canoeing,

131
00:06:24,218 --> 00:06:26,721
I don't know what this pervert likes.
Fire him!

132
00:06:27,305 --> 00:06:29,891
Dwight, not everything
is a conspiracy theory.

133
00:06:30,224 --> 00:06:33,436
I have Jim on the record
saying that the victim...

134
00:06:33,519 --> 00:06:35,646
Dwight,
I have me on the record

135
00:06:35,730 --> 00:06:38,858
saying to you, take a
chill pill, all right?

136
00:06:39,150 --> 00:06:40,485
I don't need to
take a chill pill.

137
00:06:40,818 --> 00:06:41,819
Here, right there.

138
00:06:45,656 --> 00:06:46,908
Down the hatch.

139
00:06:46,991 --> 00:06:49,786
I really don't want
to take a chill pill.

140
00:06:50,119 --> 00:06:53,456
That a boy, good.
Now, chill.

141
00:06:53,539 --> 00:06:54,540
Okay, okay.

142
00:06:57,502 --> 00:07:01,214
But let's just say
that Jim was lying about jury duty,

143
00:07:01,297 --> 00:07:02,882
you would have to
fire him, right?

144
00:07:03,674 --> 00:07:06,594
Yeah, sure. Of course.
I'd fire him to Timbuktu!

145
00:07:06,677 --> 00:07:07,762
Ha-ha!

146
00:07:09,430 --> 00:07:11,182
Good enough for me.

147
00:07:12,350 --> 00:07:13,392
Ah!

148
00:07:16,771 --> 00:07:19,440
And Pam was just going crazy
trying to take care of Philip,

149
00:07:19,524 --> 00:07:21,859
because Cece has been
out of control recently.

150
00:07:22,985 --> 00:07:26,614
Look, Andy, it doesn't matter. The truth
is I just feel terrible lying to you.

151
00:07:26,697 --> 00:07:29,033
I feel terrible
getting lied to.

152
00:07:29,742 --> 00:07:31,369
No one's ever
lied to me before.

153
00:07:33,371 --> 00:07:34,455
Okay.

154
00:07:34,539 --> 00:07:36,374
I think the best
thing to do right now

155
00:07:36,457 --> 00:07:38,251
is just come clean
and tell everybody...

156
00:07:38,334 --> 00:07:41,129
No. Not after what I told
Dwight about firing you. No.

157
00:07:41,212 --> 00:07:42,213
Here's what
we're going to do.

158
00:07:42,922 --> 00:07:44,882
We're going to have ourselves
a good old fashioned cover-up.

159
00:07:45,883 --> 00:07:48,261
You ever heard of a
Connecticut cover up? No.

160
00:07:48,469 --> 00:07:50,346
You know why you
never heard of it?

161
00:07:50,429 --> 00:07:51,472
Covered it up.

162
00:07:52,723 --> 00:07:54,517
Are you sure you can
keep this under wraps?

163
00:07:54,600 --> 00:07:56,435
They used to
call me King Tut,

164
00:07:56,519 --> 00:07:59,105
because I'm so good at
keeping things under wraps.

165
00:07:59,313 --> 00:08:01,858
My nickname was
actually King Butt,

166
00:08:01,941 --> 00:08:03,693
because I had
a king-sized butt.

167
00:08:12,618 --> 00:08:13,744
Where do you
want it parked?

168
00:08:15,246 --> 00:08:18,666
Okay, everybody!
Gather round.

169
00:08:18,749 --> 00:08:20,793
Got a real special
surprise for you.

170
00:08:20,877 --> 00:08:22,086
Ernesto!

171
00:08:22,420 --> 00:08:23,796
Hola, Toby!

172
00:08:31,429 --> 00:08:34,140
Uh, I'm going to say "I"
when I'm talking for Ernesto,

173
00:08:34,223 --> 00:08:36,475
so instead of,
"He says blah, blah, blah,"

174
00:08:36,559 --> 00:08:39,437
I'm going to say, "I say blah,
blah, blah," but that's for him.

175
00:08:39,937 --> 00:08:43,399
Anyway, it was something
like, he remembers Toby.

176
00:08:44,192 --> 00:08:45,234
"I remember Toby."

177
00:08:46,027 --> 00:08:49,739
Oh, Jim. Hey, this
guy look familiar?

178
00:08:50,198 --> 00:08:51,365
It's the empanada guy.

179
00:08:51,449 --> 00:08:52,575
The empanada guy!

180
00:08:52,658 --> 00:08:56,120
Holy . Damn it, Toby.
No, I wasn't asking you.

181
00:08:57,371 --> 00:08:58,748
Ask him if he
remembers Jim.

182
00:09:03,711 --> 00:09:04,754
No.

183
00:09:05,129 --> 00:09:06,172
He says no.

184
00:09:06,255 --> 00:09:07,506
He says no. Boom!

185
00:09:07,590 --> 00:09:09,133
Yeah, but who remembers
all their customers?

186
00:09:09,217 --> 00:09:11,344
I mean, I can name
like three of our clients.

187
00:09:11,427 --> 00:09:14,472
He remembers Toby, the most
forgettable man in the known world.

188
00:09:18,809 --> 00:09:20,686
He doesn't want
any trouble.

189
00:09:20,770 --> 00:09:22,355
He sees lots of people,

190
00:09:22,438 --> 00:09:25,274
they come from all around to eat
his delicious meat pockets.

191
00:09:25,358 --> 00:09:29,487
Uh, you guys are going to love
these, so empanadas on me.

192
00:09:29,570 --> 00:09:30,571
You guys got to try them.

193
00:09:30,655 --> 00:09:34,909
Usually I'm a burrito guy, but if you
won't tell, I won't. Wink, wink.

194
00:09:35,076 --> 00:09:37,787
Great. And while we're enjoying
these delicious empanadas,

195
00:09:37,870 --> 00:09:40,164
Jim, why don't you
tell us your story again?

196
00:09:40,248 --> 00:09:41,332
Why? Everybody's heard it.

197
00:09:41,791 --> 00:09:43,125
Walk us through it.

198
00:09:43,209 --> 00:09:44,669
What time would you get
there every morning?

199
00:09:45,169 --> 00:09:46,754
Hey, Murder, She Wrote,

200
00:09:46,837 --> 00:09:50,383
how about we drop the whole
Murder, She Wrote thing, okay?

201
00:09:50,549 --> 00:09:53,427
Jim was at the courthouse for
jury duty every morning.

202
00:09:53,511 --> 00:09:56,180
How do I know?
Because I drove him there.

203
00:09:56,931 --> 00:09:58,766
Why?
Why?

204
00:09:59,350 --> 00:10:00,393
Why?

205
00:10:02,103 --> 00:10:03,688
Because my car broke down.

206
00:10:04,313 --> 00:10:05,773
His car broke down,
so he called me

207
00:10:05,856 --> 00:10:06,941
because I live
near the courthouse.

208
00:10:07,024 --> 00:10:09,986
Wait, wait,
you live by the courthouse.

209
00:10:10,069 --> 00:10:13,447
You drove from near the
courthouse out to Jim's house

210
00:10:13,531 --> 00:10:14,991
and then back to
the courthouse?

211
00:10:15,074 --> 00:10:17,618
Thirty minutes out, 30
minutes back, easy hour.

212
00:10:17,702 --> 00:10:19,495
And I would watch
that cute, little tooshy

213
00:10:19,578 --> 00:10:21,831
scurry up those courthouse
stairs every morning,

214
00:10:21,914 --> 00:10:23,582
and that was that.

215
00:10:24,125 --> 00:10:28,045
I'm sorry, do you have
any American Mexican food?

216
00:10:28,629 --> 00:10:30,298
We're getting
buried out there.

217
00:10:30,381 --> 00:10:32,008
What was that stuff about
the car breaking down?

218
00:10:32,091 --> 00:10:33,884
Well, I think you
handled it pretty well.

219
00:10:34,010 --> 00:10:37,430
I'm not Rumpelstiltskin, Jim, I can't
keep spinning gold out of your.

220
00:10:37,555 --> 00:10:39,140
Okay, listen, all right?

221
00:10:39,223 --> 00:10:41,434
Dwight's onto us. He's going
to figure it out really soon.

222
00:10:41,517 --> 00:10:43,352
So let's just get ahead of it.
Let's tell the truth.

223
00:10:44,478 --> 00:10:46,480
I don't even know what
the truth is anymore.

224
00:10:47,273 --> 00:10:48,816
Wow, it's so

225
00:10:49,608 --> 00:10:50,818
healthy.

226
00:10:50,901 --> 00:10:53,446
I'm going to call
him Little Kevin.

227
00:10:53,529 --> 00:10:54,905
No, you will not.

228
00:10:54,989 --> 00:10:58,326
Is he really five pounds? Because
I squat with five pounds.

229
00:10:58,868 --> 00:10:59,952
This...

230
00:11:00,453 --> 00:11:02,371
Yeah, this feels
like more than that.

231
00:11:02,455 --> 00:11:05,082
No,no,no, he's nine
pounds, seven ounces.

232
00:11:06,042 --> 00:11:07,918
Nine pounds? Really?

233
00:11:08,419 --> 00:11:11,839
I thought you said five. You know what?
I was under so many drugs.

234
00:11:11,922 --> 00:11:15,634
I felt like I was at a James
Taylor concert or something.

235
00:11:16,761 --> 00:11:17,803
So, what did you bring?

236
00:11:17,887 --> 00:11:20,973
Oh, yeah, I don't know
if it's right, but...

237
00:11:21,057 --> 00:11:24,352
Well, if it's anything like
that gorgeous wrapping paper,

238
00:11:24,435 --> 00:11:25,519
you hit it
out of the park.

239
00:11:26,812 --> 00:11:27,897
Oh!

240
00:11:28,105 --> 00:11:29,732
Preemie pajamas.

241
00:11:29,815 --> 00:11:31,525
Again, it may not be
the right size, I can...

242
00:11:31,609 --> 00:11:34,987
No, I think he came early
just so he could wear these.

243
00:11:35,196 --> 00:11:36,197
Thank you.

244
00:11:36,280 --> 00:11:38,699
I got Little Kevin
Call of Duty.

245
00:11:38,783 --> 00:11:41,243
This baby is
clearly not premature.

246
00:11:41,327 --> 00:11:43,204
They're lying about
the date it was conceived.

247
00:11:43,287 --> 00:11:45,164
It's very interesting.

248
00:11:45,289 --> 00:11:49,335
And her husband's gay. I don't
even know which thread to follow.

249
00:11:57,301 --> 00:12:00,679
Uh, excuse me, can I have
everyone's attention for a second?

250
00:12:00,888 --> 00:12:02,515
First off, I just want to
say that I'm really sorry.

251
00:12:02,598 --> 00:12:04,392
I didn't know that
my absence last week

252
00:12:04,475 --> 00:12:06,227
would have been
a burden on any of you.

253
00:12:06,310 --> 00:12:09,397
Because, though I did
have jury duty last week,

254
00:12:09,897 --> 00:12:12,983
they did dismiss me
early on Monday.

255
00:12:14,568 --> 00:12:16,821
And I think you're going to
find this pretty hilarious.

256
00:12:16,904 --> 00:12:20,866
I kind of, well,
maybe took the week off.

257
00:12:22,284 --> 00:12:23,244
What?

258
00:12:23,327 --> 00:12:25,371
Funny? No? Nobody laughed.

259
00:12:26,914 --> 00:12:28,457
You're screwed.

260
00:12:29,250 --> 00:12:32,461
Oh! It's happening.
It's really happening.

261
00:12:32,545 --> 00:12:35,297
What the hell, Jim, I
covered for your bony butt.

262
00:12:35,381 --> 00:12:37,591
Pam really needed some help
with the kids, so...

263
00:12:37,675 --> 00:12:39,176
I promise my
intentions were good.

264
00:12:39,260 --> 00:12:40,886
Your clients,
they're all mine.

265
00:12:40,970 --> 00:12:45,307
Jim, I got my ass chewed out because
one of your orders got messed up.

266
00:12:45,724 --> 00:12:47,768
And Andy, you said you drove
him to the courthouse.

267
00:12:47,893 --> 00:12:49,061
Uh, I did.

268
00:12:50,187 --> 00:12:53,190
Every morning. And if I
didn't, then I hope I die.

269
00:12:53,524 --> 00:12:58,028
All right, well, let's get this
show on the road, shall we?

270
00:12:58,112 --> 00:13:01,031
Allow me to give you a hand.
Here we are.

271
00:13:01,115 --> 00:13:03,242
So long, clump mate.

272
00:13:03,951 --> 00:13:05,578
I'm going to miss you.
Truth be told,

273
00:13:05,661 --> 00:13:08,330
I never thought that this was
how it was going to end.

274
00:13:08,414 --> 00:13:10,458
I always thought I was going
to defeat you somehow,

275
00:13:10,541 --> 00:13:11,667
but you've
defeated yourself.

276
00:13:12,418 --> 00:13:14,879
Dwight, cut it out.
I'm not firing Jim.

277
00:13:15,004 --> 00:13:16,630
No,no,no,no,
you said...

278
00:13:16,714 --> 00:13:18,466
I know what I said.

279
00:13:18,549 --> 00:13:22,636
Jim, you're in deep
doo-doo, you understand?

280
00:13:22,720 --> 00:13:24,013
And I have one
thing to say to you,

281
00:13:24,096 --> 00:13:26,307
and I'm going to say it in
front of this whole office.

282
00:13:26,390 --> 00:13:27,725
Look me in the eye.

283
00:13:31,395 --> 00:13:32,480
That's it?

284
00:13:33,856 --> 00:13:35,316
This is crap!

285
00:13:37,860 --> 00:13:40,070
You've reached Gabe Lewis.
I'm currently indisposed.

286
00:13:40,154 --> 00:13:42,072
Leave me a message. Ciao.

287
00:13:42,156 --> 00:13:43,324
Gabe, it's Dwight again.

288
00:13:43,407 --> 00:13:45,493
Highest priority,
triple urgent.

289
00:13:45,576 --> 00:13:48,162
Call me immediately.
That means ASAP.

290
00:13:48,829 --> 00:13:50,664
I'm going to find Gabe,
tell him what Jim did

291
00:13:50,748 --> 00:13:53,751
and let the little stickler do
what he does best, stickle.

292
00:13:54,877 --> 00:13:57,421
Honestly, I can return
this for a larger size.

293
00:13:57,630 --> 00:14:00,424
It's fine. Pajamas aren't
supposed to be baggy, right?

294
00:14:00,508 --> 00:14:01,759
It's not the barrio.

295
00:14:03,052 --> 00:14:06,597
The only premature baby in this
room is the baby this baby ate.

296
00:14:09,350 --> 00:14:10,809
Little Kevin.

297
00:14:11,101 --> 00:14:12,728
Really?
Angela.

298
00:14:12,937 --> 00:14:14,271
Fine. God.

299
00:14:15,022 --> 00:14:16,899
Philip was conceived
nine months ago.

300
00:14:18,442 --> 00:14:20,819
The Senator and I
wanted to wait,

301
00:14:21,362 --> 00:14:23,197
but we had just seen Thor,

302
00:14:23,280 --> 00:14:25,699
and there was way too much
wine in my chicken piccata.

303
00:14:25,783 --> 00:14:27,535
Chicken marsala.
Right.

304
00:14:27,618 --> 00:14:31,205
And, the point is, Philip was
conceived out of wedlock.

305
00:14:31,288 --> 00:14:32,373
Hmm.

306
00:14:32,498 --> 00:14:35,709
And now you all know,
but you can never tell.

307
00:14:36,168 --> 00:14:37,586
I'm serious.

308
00:14:39,255 --> 00:14:40,464
Dwight.

309
00:14:40,673 --> 00:14:41,674
Hey.

310
00:14:41,799 --> 00:14:42,841
Oh. Hey, have you
seen Gabe?

311
00:14:42,925 --> 00:14:45,094
He went to the car or
something, but he'll be back.

312
00:14:45,469 --> 00:14:46,470
Okay.

313
00:14:49,640 --> 00:14:50,891
Don't you want
to see the baby?

314
00:14:51,559 --> 00:14:54,311
Why? I know what Angela and
the Senator look like.

315
00:14:54,395 --> 00:14:56,730
I can mash that up
in my head right now.

316
00:14:59,733 --> 00:15:01,068
I promised I
wouldn't tell.

317
00:15:01,318 --> 00:15:02,361
So don't.

318
00:15:02,903 --> 00:15:06,073
Angela got pregnant
before the wedding.

319
00:15:08,284 --> 00:15:09,368
What?

320
00:15:09,618 --> 00:15:10,744
She got pregnant
before the wedding.

321
00:15:10,828 --> 00:15:12,496
How long before?
A month.

322
00:15:19,128 --> 00:15:20,296
You didn't hear it
from me.

323
00:15:20,379 --> 00:15:21,755
Yes, I did.

324
00:15:26,677 --> 00:15:28,053
Dwight?
Dwight.

325
00:15:28,137 --> 00:15:29,179
I want to see the baby.

326
00:15:29,263 --> 00:15:32,182
Well, Angela will make you cut your fingernails.
It's not worth it.

327
00:15:33,017 --> 00:15:34,101
Oh!

328
00:15:34,518 --> 00:15:35,603
Yes.

329
00:15:36,437 --> 00:15:37,521
Oh!

330
00:15:37,730 --> 00:15:42,484
What a beautiful child. Prominent
forehead, short arms, tiny nose.

331
00:15:43,986 --> 00:15:45,863
You will lead millions,

332
00:15:46,530 --> 00:15:48,866
willingly or as slaves.

333
00:15:49,241 --> 00:15:53,370
That baby is a Schrute, and
unless somebody taught Mose sex,

334
00:15:53,704 --> 00:15:55,372
that baby is mine.

335
00:15:56,957 --> 00:15:58,292
He's hungry.

336
00:15:58,375 --> 00:16:00,461
Oh, that's my cue
to leave.

337
00:16:00,544 --> 00:16:02,254
No, you don't have to. I'm
going to wear this cover.

338
00:16:02,338 --> 00:16:03,505
Still.

339
00:16:04,214 --> 00:16:05,257
Still.

340
00:16:05,341 --> 00:16:06,467
You won't be seeing...

341
00:16:08,886 --> 00:16:09,887
Do you want the giraffe?

342
00:16:09,970 --> 00:16:12,890
Yes, I am bringing my kids in
to help me get out of this hole.

343
00:16:12,973 --> 00:16:14,725
And you all remember
my beautiful wife, Pam.

344
00:16:14,808 --> 00:16:15,851
Hi.

345
00:16:16,727 --> 00:16:18,812
Wow, I really thought I'd
be more excited to be here.

346
00:16:18,896 --> 00:16:20,689
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Game face, baby.
Game face.

347
00:16:20,773 --> 00:16:21,815
Oh, right. Okay.

348
00:16:21,899 --> 00:16:23,609
Hey, Stanley,
it's great to see you!

349
00:16:23,692 --> 00:16:24,652
No, that's overdoing it,
I think.

350
00:16:24,735 --> 00:16:26,820
Hi, Stanley.
Split the difference.

351
00:16:26,904 --> 00:16:28,572
Jim.
Okay. Let's go.

352
00:16:28,989 --> 00:16:30,032
Hi.

353
00:16:31,367 --> 00:16:32,826
Hi, everybody.

354
00:16:32,910 --> 00:16:34,495
What?
Oh, hi.

355
00:16:34,578 --> 00:16:35,954
How about
a little visit?

356
00:16:36,038 --> 00:16:38,999
Wow. What a surprise.
That's crazy.

357
00:16:39,083 --> 00:16:41,001
You guys get to meet
the little heck raisers.

358
00:16:41,085 --> 00:16:42,753
Hey, Angela's back
with her baby.

359
00:16:42,836 --> 00:16:44,505
Yes, well, you guys
all know Cece,

360
00:16:44,588 --> 00:16:46,590
but we wanted to introduce
you to baby Philip.

361
00:16:49,426 --> 00:16:50,719
You guys.

362
00:16:53,097 --> 00:16:55,015
He's licking on my finger
just like my cat does.

363
00:16:55,099 --> 00:16:56,225
Let me have a turn.

364
00:16:56,308 --> 00:16:57,351
No, it's
the pacifier's turn.

365
00:16:57,434 --> 00:16:58,477
All right.

366
00:16:58,560 --> 00:17:00,187
Did you say
something about

367
00:17:00,270 --> 00:17:03,440
this one bringing in
something for these people?

368
00:17:03,524 --> 00:17:06,694
Yes. Cece wanted
to thank everybody

369
00:17:06,819 --> 00:17:10,239
for letting her daddy stay home
with her all last week and play,

370
00:17:10,322 --> 00:17:11,907
so she brought
you a little treat.

371
00:17:11,990 --> 00:17:13,158
Oh, cookies?

372
00:17:13,242 --> 00:17:14,785
No. But that would have
been a really good idea.

373
00:17:14,868 --> 00:17:15,869
That would have
been really good.

374
00:17:15,953 --> 00:17:18,622
No,she
brought you drawings.

375
00:17:18,831 --> 00:17:21,208
Oh, my goodness,
let's take a look at these.

376
00:17:21,291 --> 00:17:25,921
They're usually amazing, so let's see.
Yep, they are.

377
00:17:26,004 --> 00:17:27,381
Uncle Andy.

378
00:17:27,464 --> 00:17:28,507
Oh!

379
00:17:28,590 --> 00:17:29,842
Aunt Phyllis.

380
00:17:29,925 --> 00:17:33,095
Wow. These are incredible.
Cece, did you do these?

381
00:17:33,178 --> 00:17:34,221
No.

382
00:17:34,304 --> 00:17:37,975
She says no to everything. You
know, she thinks my name is "No."

383
00:17:38,058 --> 00:17:39,893
Cece, do you want
some broccoli?

384
00:17:39,977 --> 00:17:40,978
Yes.

385
00:17:41,061 --> 00:17:42,062
No.

386
00:17:42,813 --> 00:17:43,939
It's crazy.

387
00:17:44,022 --> 00:17:46,650
Why am I shorter than the table
that I'm standing next to?

388
00:17:47,443 --> 00:17:49,820
There is crosshatching
in some of these.

389
00:17:49,903 --> 00:17:51,739
That's kind of advanced
for a 2-year-old.

390
00:17:51,822 --> 00:17:54,450
Cece, this is your
big sister, Kelly.

391
00:17:55,117 --> 00:17:56,410
Did you color
this pretty picture?

392
00:17:56,493 --> 00:17:57,536
No.

393
00:17:57,661 --> 00:17:59,830
So then this
means nothing to you?

394
00:18:01,373 --> 00:18:02,666
Hey, Cece,

395
00:18:03,041 --> 00:18:07,463
why don't you draw another picture
for us exactly like this one,

396
00:18:07,921 --> 00:18:10,591
or at least in
the exact same style?

397
00:18:10,758 --> 00:18:13,844
You know what? I don't think you
need to do things on command.

398
00:18:13,927 --> 00:18:16,764
That's very weird. Just take that.
Thank you.

399
00:18:16,847 --> 00:18:20,017
I think we should just wrap
up the show, kiddos, right?

400
00:18:20,642 --> 00:18:22,311
I don't know what
else we can do here.

401
00:18:23,520 --> 00:18:24,772
Okay. All right.

402
00:18:24,855 --> 00:18:26,565
It's okay, sweetie.
All right.

403
00:18:26,648 --> 00:18:28,275
All right. Okay.

404
00:18:31,361 --> 00:18:32,696
It's okay.

405
00:18:32,946 --> 00:18:34,490
I know. I know.
Shh.

406
00:18:36,825 --> 00:18:41,121
Angela, this child is definitely mine.
He looks just like me.

407
00:18:41,205 --> 00:18:42,915
Every baby
looks just like you.

408
00:18:42,998 --> 00:18:44,374
Your face kind of
looks like a baby.

409
00:18:44,458 --> 00:18:48,962
Need I remind you that we were
together a month before the wedding?

410
00:18:49,046 --> 00:18:51,131
That is completely untrue.

411
00:18:51,215 --> 00:18:52,216
Completely true.

412
00:18:52,299 --> 00:18:53,300
No.
Remember?

413
00:18:53,383 --> 00:18:55,260
You said that Robert
was not fulfilling you.

414
00:18:55,344 --> 00:18:56,678
And I said that I
could fulfill you,

415
00:18:56,762 --> 00:18:58,055
and you said,
"I'd like to see you try."

416
00:18:58,138 --> 00:19:00,307
And then I kissed you with the
force of a thousand waterfalls.

417
00:19:00,390 --> 00:19:01,725
That didn't happen.

418
00:19:01,809 --> 00:19:03,393
Then I inserted my
penis into your...

419
00:19:03,477 --> 00:19:05,020
No! Stop it! Dwight.

420
00:19:05,103 --> 00:19:06,230
...vagina and...

421
00:19:06,313 --> 00:19:07,523
And even if it did,
it's just a coincidence.

422
00:19:07,606 --> 00:19:09,149
Admit that there is a chance.
I will not.

423
00:19:09,233 --> 00:19:10,234
Admit it.
I will not.

424
00:19:10,275 --> 00:19:11,276
It's not...

425
00:19:12,069 --> 00:19:13,570
All done?
Yes.

426
00:19:13,654 --> 00:19:15,239
Yes. He's sleeping.

427
00:19:15,322 --> 00:19:17,074
Before I go, may I?

428
00:19:17,449 --> 00:19:18,575
Sure.

429
00:19:19,535 --> 00:19:21,829
Watch the head.
Watch the head.

430
00:19:31,672 --> 00:19:33,590
Nurse! You know that baby in there?
Baby Philip?

431
00:19:33,674 --> 00:19:35,133
Cancel the circumcision.

432
00:19:35,217 --> 00:19:36,218
Who are you?

433
00:19:39,096 --> 00:19:41,056
I just might be his father.

434
00:19:41,557 --> 00:19:43,767
I don't know
what that means.

435
00:19:44,309 --> 00:19:46,436
We're going to
circumcise him.

436
00:19:48,772 --> 00:19:49,857
Cece, want to come?

437
00:19:49,940 --> 00:19:50,899
No!

438
00:19:50,983 --> 00:19:52,526
Want to come play?
Oh, bud, I know.

439
00:19:52,609 --> 00:19:53,569
Do you have a pacifier?

440
00:19:53,652 --> 00:19:55,612
Yeah. I'm looking. I'm
looking for the pacifier.

441
00:19:56,154 --> 00:19:57,698
Cece!
Okay, we're going.

442
00:19:57,781 --> 00:20:00,117
We got to go. All right,
we're going home.

443
00:20:01,785 --> 00:20:03,954
I know. I know, bud. I know.

444
00:20:05,789 --> 00:20:07,833
You gotta grab her.
I'll go grab her. Okay.

445
00:20:07,916 --> 00:20:10,252
Okay. Here we go.
Here we go.

446
00:20:10,377 --> 00:20:12,754
Okay, I'm just going to go down to
the car, and I'm going to put her

447
00:20:12,838 --> 00:20:14,631
in her seat and
I'll be right back up.

448
00:20:16,300 --> 00:20:17,551
We'll see you tomorrow.

449
00:20:17,634 --> 00:20:18,760
No, no, it's okay.
I'll be right back.

450
00:20:18,844 --> 00:20:19,928
No, just go home.

451
00:20:20,012 --> 00:20:22,055
It's all good.
We got this.

452
00:20:22,139 --> 00:20:23,599
I have a kid.

453
00:20:23,891 --> 00:20:25,767
Last week,
Jim at home,

454
00:20:27,185 --> 00:20:28,979
that was no vacation.

455
00:20:29,396 --> 00:20:30,564
Jim, just go.

456
00:20:30,647 --> 00:20:32,608
Hey, we'll be just fine.

457
00:20:34,484 --> 00:20:35,903
Thanks, guys.

458
00:20:36,320 --> 00:20:38,655
All right, here we go.
Let's go.

459
00:20:39,531 --> 00:20:41,158
om

460
00:20:41,325 --> 00:20:42,451
Phew!

461
00:20:52,920 --> 00:20:54,046
Dwight, what the hell?

462
00:20:55,213 --> 00:20:56,715
You can't smoke in here.

463
00:20:56,798 --> 00:20:58,300
Oh, all right.

464
00:20:59,217 --> 00:21:00,260
Ah!

465
00:21:00,344 --> 00:21:02,638
The office looks different now.
Mmm.

466
00:21:02,846 --> 00:21:04,056
Smaller.

467
00:21:04,723 --> 00:21:06,725
Maybe I just feel bigger.

468
00:21:07,059 --> 00:21:08,101
Hello, Gabe.

469
00:21:08,185 --> 00:21:09,311
You had something
important to tell me?

470
00:21:10,187 --> 00:21:14,524
Oh. You know, I did, but now it
seems infinitely insignificant.

471
00:21:15,233 --> 00:21:18,904
Jim? Oh, right.
No, forget it.

472
00:21:18,987 --> 00:21:21,490
He was doing it for his kids.
I get it.

473
00:21:21,698 --> 00:21:24,117
Kids drive us dads crazy.

474
00:21:24,201 --> 00:21:25,911
Sometimes I feel
like they're raising us.

475
00:21:26,244 --> 00:21:27,621
Am I right?