1 00:00:01,419 --> 00:00:05,173 Today is the test launch day for the inaugural Sabre store. 2 00:00:06,591 --> 00:00:10,637 And I, Dwight Schrute, am in charge of the entire operation. 3 00:00:10,929 --> 00:00:13,723 If I can prove myself today and the store is a hit with the media, 4 00:00:13,807 --> 00:00:17,602 and Nellie sees this, the vice presidency is mine. 5 00:00:17,686 --> 00:00:18,853 Hey, are you holding this chair? 6 00:00:18,937 --> 00:00:20,313 Because I feel like I'm going to fall off. 7 00:00:20,397 --> 00:00:22,023 Yeah. Yes. Yes. I'm not wearing the right shoes for this. 8 00:00:22,107 --> 00:00:23,191 We went over this, okay? 9 00:00:23,274 --> 00:00:24,734 Your tiny fingers make the best knots. 10 00:00:25,110 --> 00:00:28,279 Hey, strangers. I'm so stoked for the Sabre store opening. 11 00:00:32,325 --> 00:00:35,328 Hey, my name's Tabitha. I'm camped out in front of the Sabre store 12 00:00:35,412 --> 00:00:37,789 so I can be first in line for the new Pyramid. 13 00:00:38,540 --> 00:00:39,582 Psst! 14 00:00:39,666 --> 00:00:42,544 It's me, Erin. Dwight had me pretend to be a hipster 15 00:00:42,627 --> 00:00:44,003 to create hype and it's working. 16 00:00:44,087 --> 00:00:46,631 There's already people camped out behind me. 17 00:01:00,812 --> 00:01:02,355 Test launch day, people. 18 00:01:02,480 --> 00:01:07,068 Now, I would like to fill you in on a little secret about me. 19 00:01:07,402 --> 00:01:08,903 To inspire you today. 20 00:01:08,987 --> 00:01:12,323 Now I know you probably all think I'm this patrician goddess. 21 00:01:12,407 --> 00:01:14,325 But here's the truth. 22 00:01:14,659 --> 00:01:17,454 I was born in the little working-class town of Basildon, 23 00:01:18,163 --> 00:01:19,998 and until the age of 32, 24 00:01:20,081 --> 00:01:21,541 I talked like this. 25 00:01:21,624 --> 00:01:24,043 Which was bloody horrendous, innit? 26 00:01:24,461 --> 00:01:28,006 I came from dirt. No, lower than... 27 00:01:28,590 --> 00:01:29,799 What's lower than dirt? 28 00:01:29,883 --> 00:01:32,510 Loam. Magma. Mantle. Outer core. Inner core. 29 00:01:32,594 --> 00:01:36,431 Yeah, thank you. Loam. Bloody loam I came from. 30 00:01:36,681 --> 00:01:39,100 I hit rock bottom when I auditioned for the Spice Girls. 31 00:01:39,184 --> 00:01:40,852 I didn't even get a callback. 32 00:01:40,935 --> 00:01:41,978 Which Spice Girl? 33 00:01:42,103 --> 00:01:43,146 The black one. 34 00:01:43,563 --> 00:01:45,023 I never stood a chance. 35 00:01:46,065 --> 00:01:47,108 Okay. 36 00:01:47,192 --> 00:01:49,110 Now think about my journey here today 37 00:01:49,194 --> 00:01:51,738 and let it inspire your journey. 38 00:01:52,363 --> 00:01:54,157 Okay. Nellie, thank you. Thank you so much. 39 00:01:54,240 --> 00:01:55,283 Yep. Yep- 40 00:01:55,366 --> 00:02:00,663 Today is press day, and press is going to make or break this store. 41 00:02:00,747 --> 00:02:04,375 And for a tech company, press can only mean one thing, bloggers. 42 00:02:04,793 --> 00:02:06,294 Dossier on bloggers. 43 00:02:06,377 --> 00:02:11,549 Bloggers are gross. Bloggers are obese. Bloggers have halitosis. 44 00:02:12,217 --> 00:02:13,551 You're going to love them. 45 00:02:14,135 --> 00:02:16,679 Ryan is going to be the main event today. 46 00:02:16,930 --> 00:02:19,057 He is the pitchman who is going to give 47 00:02:19,140 --> 00:02:21,309 the feisty yet profound speech 48 00:02:21,392 --> 00:02:23,853 worthy of a world's fair. Ryan, you ready to do this? 49 00:02:23,937 --> 00:02:25,146 When people see this presentation, 50 00:02:25,230 --> 00:02:26,564 they're going to in their pants. 51 00:02:26,606 --> 00:02:27,732 - Come on, man. - Come on. 52 00:02:27,816 --> 00:02:29,734 Okay. Seriously disgusting. 53 00:02:29,859 --> 00:02:31,903 Cathy, you will be the hot girl who talks to bloggers. 54 00:02:32,070 --> 00:02:34,489 Ugh! Kill me. It was my idea. 55 00:02:34,572 --> 00:02:37,283 Packer, you will be the sexual predator who has come to prey 56 00:02:37,367 --> 00:02:40,411 on the trendy teenage girls who are obsessed with the Pyramid. 57 00:02:40,703 --> 00:02:42,080 - Uh... - Ah... 58 00:02:42,205 --> 00:02:43,331 That is excellent. 59 00:02:43,414 --> 00:02:44,582 I don't see what that gets us, 60 00:02:44,666 --> 00:02:45,750 but I'm a team player. 61 00:02:45,834 --> 00:02:47,001 Perfect casting, right? 62 00:02:47,085 --> 00:02:50,171 Schrute's out to get me, but I'm playing the long game. 63 00:02:50,255 --> 00:02:54,008 As soon as he messes up, I swoop in like a sexual predator. 64 00:02:55,051 --> 00:02:59,430 I want to create a sense of wonder and enthusiasm, 65 00:02:59,597 --> 00:03:03,852 as if at the end of E.T., candy poured out of the screen. 66 00:03:04,227 --> 00:03:05,562 Do you understand? 67 00:03:06,104 --> 00:03:07,647 I want to get goose pimples. 68 00:03:08,606 --> 00:03:12,819 Speaking of pimples let's release the bloggers! 69 00:03:14,904 --> 00:03:15,947 Morning, everyone. 70 00:03:16,030 --> 00:03:17,699 Oh, Andy, guess what happened to me this morning. 71 00:03:17,824 --> 00:03:19,576 Don't care. Tell me later. Listen, it's important. 72 00:03:19,659 --> 00:03:20,910 You've got to hear this. 73 00:03:22,912 --> 00:03:23,997 What do you got? 74 00:03:24,122 --> 00:03:25,957 Oh, my God. Do you have a black eye? 75 00:03:26,040 --> 00:03:27,250 Yes, I do, Phyllis. 76 00:03:27,333 --> 00:03:29,210 I woke up at 4:00 a.m. by accident, 77 00:03:29,294 --> 00:03:31,087 in time for the paper to be delivered. 78 00:03:31,170 --> 00:03:32,171 Guess what? 79 00:03:32,547 --> 00:03:35,884 It's not a kid on a bike. It's a man in a car. 80 00:03:36,092 --> 00:03:37,510 Andy, who punched you? 81 00:03:37,719 --> 00:03:40,680 Hey, I was on the can. What's this about a black guy in the office? 82 00:03:40,972 --> 00:03:42,557 Black eye, Meredith. 83 00:03:42,640 --> 00:03:44,309 Will someone please explain what's going on here? 84 00:03:44,392 --> 00:03:48,062 Since the interesting thing happened until now, so much time has passed. 85 00:03:48,146 --> 00:03:49,522 It's like my life is buffering. 86 00:03:50,315 --> 00:03:53,902 Here's what happened. Pam and I were arriving for the day 87 00:03:53,985 --> 00:03:58,573 and there was a gang in the parking lot, on bikes, on motorcycles. 88 00:03:58,656 --> 00:04:00,909 And they just were hassling Pam. 89 00:04:00,992 --> 00:04:02,160 That's true. 90 00:04:02,243 --> 00:04:03,620 They had weapons. 91 00:04:03,703 --> 00:04:04,746 Weapons. 92 00:04:05,163 --> 00:04:07,457 I just stepped in to talk some sense into them. 93 00:04:07,540 --> 00:04:10,710 But these were not the kind of people who use their words. 94 00:04:10,835 --> 00:04:13,463 Punches were going, and I ducked a few, 95 00:04:13,546 --> 00:04:15,882 landed a couple, and I was fighting them off. 96 00:04:15,965 --> 00:04:19,177 It was a totally, like, senseless crime. 97 00:04:19,302 --> 00:04:21,137 - Thank goodness he was there. - Good job, Andy. 98 00:04:23,431 --> 00:04:26,225 I didn't do anything any of you wouldn't have done. 99 00:04:27,018 --> 00:04:28,478 Open the gates! 100 00:04:29,646 --> 00:04:32,482 There's plenty for everyone. No need to panic. 101 00:04:32,565 --> 00:04:34,984 There's plenty for everyone. There's plenty... 102 00:04:35,068 --> 00:04:37,570 Don't stampede. No need to stampede, sir. 103 00:04:38,196 --> 00:04:42,867 Okay, okay! Hey, hey! It's going to be fine! It's going to be fine! 104 00:04:42,992 --> 00:04:44,494 There's plenty of Pyramids! 105 00:04:44,577 --> 00:04:46,245 Come on, I was in line before you. 106 00:04:46,829 --> 00:04:48,623 So you're a blogger, right? 107 00:04:48,706 --> 00:04:49,874 Yeah. 108 00:04:50,041 --> 00:04:51,125 Blogger. 109 00:04:51,209 --> 00:04:53,044 God, stay away. 110 00:04:55,004 --> 00:04:56,631 Oh, I always get in trouble around bloggers. 111 00:04:56,714 --> 00:04:58,383 I'm trying to be a good girl for once. 112 00:04:59,342 --> 00:05:02,387 Uh, yeah, I already bought my Pyramid, but I don't want to leave yet. 113 00:05:02,470 --> 00:05:05,807 I haven't had so much fun since seeing Zooey Deschanel 114 00:05:05,890 --> 00:05:09,060 at the Coachella music festival. So fun. 115 00:05:09,394 --> 00:05:11,604 How can we feel safe knowing that there are gangs here? 116 00:05:11,729 --> 00:05:13,356 - We should call the police right now! - Yes! 117 00:05:13,439 --> 00:05:16,401 No,no,no,no,no,no! We don't need to call the police. 118 00:05:16,651 --> 00:05:18,403 They'll just ask everybody questions, 119 00:05:18,486 --> 00:05:20,238 get up in everyone's business, right, Pam? 120 00:05:20,321 --> 00:05:22,907 Police are a hassle. We settled this on the street. 121 00:05:23,032 --> 00:05:26,285 And my eye will heal. But if the police come, 122 00:05:26,369 --> 00:05:29,747 then we will forever stain our neighborhood as a troubled area. 123 00:05:29,998 --> 00:05:33,167 Why would you care what the police think of our neighborhood? 124 00:05:33,251 --> 00:05:37,422 Because I have neighborhood pride. 18505! 125 00:05:37,505 --> 00:05:38,756 18505! 126 00:05:38,840 --> 00:05:41,092 Guys, guys, that's so vague. 127 00:05:41,259 --> 00:05:43,177 You got to do the zip plus four. 128 00:05:43,428 --> 00:05:47,265 18505-7427. 129 00:05:47,724 --> 00:05:51,102 Look, I don't feel safe. I think we should call the police. 130 00:05:51,227 --> 00:05:53,021 Yes. Exactly, we need to feel safe, 131 00:05:53,104 --> 00:05:57,608 which is why Toby is teaching us self-defense. 132 00:05:59,527 --> 00:06:00,528 Me? 133 00:06:00,611 --> 00:06:02,113 Toby, will you teach us self-defense? 134 00:06:02,447 --> 00:06:05,033 Yeah. I can't believe you remembered. 135 00:06:05,116 --> 00:06:08,453 I do self-defense. I'll go put on my cup. 136 00:06:09,203 --> 00:06:10,246 Great. 137 00:06:10,663 --> 00:06:11,873 - Yes! - Okay. 138 00:06:11,956 --> 00:06:14,000 I wasn't sure which one of you was Chuck. 139 00:06:14,083 --> 00:06:16,127 Yeah, no, it seems to be going great. 140 00:06:17,670 --> 00:06:19,464 Andy got beat up by a fifth grade girl? 141 00:06:19,881 --> 00:06:21,799 Look at that guy, he's got a Sabre phone on him, 142 00:06:21,883 --> 00:06:23,176 he's not even using it. 143 00:06:23,259 --> 00:06:25,887 This is a perfect photo for my daily fail blog. 144 00:06:26,971 --> 00:06:28,890 Uh, I got to go. Okay. 145 00:06:29,098 --> 00:06:31,267 Dwight, what is a fail? That sounds bad. 146 00:06:31,350 --> 00:06:33,644 No, no, no, it's good. It's really... 147 00:06:33,728 --> 00:06:36,647 On the Internet, that's a really good, good thing. 148 00:06:37,482 --> 00:06:39,442 Are you trying to sabotage this entire event? 149 00:06:39,525 --> 00:06:40,610 I'm very sorry. 150 00:06:40,693 --> 00:06:45,406 We gave you an Arrowhead for free for the day. 151 00:06:45,698 --> 00:06:48,242 How hard would it have been to do this? Hmm? 152 00:06:49,243 --> 00:06:53,831 Hello. Hi, sweetie, it's Jim. I'm calling you from my new Arrowhead, 153 00:06:53,915 --> 00:06:55,541 which is why my voice is crystal clear 154 00:06:55,625 --> 00:06:57,168 and my hand won't ever get tired 155 00:06:57,251 --> 00:06:59,420 because of the ergonomic shape. 156 00:06:59,504 --> 00:07:03,216 I'm really sorry. ls there anything I can do? Maybe pretend to be Chuck? 157 00:07:03,341 --> 00:07:04,717 You could have pretended to be Chuck. 158 00:07:04,801 --> 00:07:06,594 I begged you to pretend to be Chuck. 159 00:07:06,677 --> 00:07:09,555 But you chose to be yourself and you can no longer be Chuck. 160 00:07:09,806 --> 00:07:11,349 Surrender the tri-pack. 161 00:07:16,979 --> 00:07:18,189 You know what you have to do. 162 00:07:24,695 --> 00:07:27,031 Point it towards the store, idiot. 163 00:07:36,999 --> 00:07:38,417 You know what I mean? 164 00:07:38,501 --> 00:07:39,794 Pick one of these buttons and just... 165 00:07:41,212 --> 00:07:43,172 Damn it. Take over. 166 00:07:44,048 --> 00:07:46,259 Oh, hey, hey, hey, you guys. You must be lost. 167 00:07:46,342 --> 00:07:48,302 Listen. Excuse me, sir. 168 00:07:48,386 --> 00:07:51,139 The fountain where you can feed the pigeons is out behind the bank. 169 00:07:51,222 --> 00:07:53,307 Tell your great-grandson to bring his kid by. 170 00:07:53,391 --> 00:07:55,476 Okay, so long. Here we go. 171 00:07:55,726 --> 00:07:57,562 Erin! Psst! Come on. 172 00:07:57,812 --> 00:08:00,356 The elderly suck the life out of the young. Get them out of here. 173 00:08:00,523 --> 00:08:03,109 We are closed. Come on. 174 00:08:03,693 --> 00:08:06,654 Self-defense is not some fun boxing match, okay? 175 00:08:06,737 --> 00:08:08,322 This is about escaping with your life. 176 00:08:08,406 --> 00:08:12,160 So strike, scream and run. 177 00:08:13,286 --> 00:08:14,412 All right, let's try it. 178 00:08:20,543 --> 00:08:21,544 That may have been my fault. 179 00:08:21,627 --> 00:08:22,712 What the hell, Toby? 180 00:08:22,795 --> 00:08:25,006 Okay, look, in a real crisis situation, 181 00:08:25,089 --> 00:08:26,674 you're not going to have time to think. 182 00:08:27,133 --> 00:08:29,927 Okay? So just remember IAATG. 183 00:08:30,469 --> 00:08:32,054 "It's All About The Groin." 184 00:08:32,138 --> 00:08:37,310 What if you're being attacked by a smallish man 185 00:08:37,393 --> 00:08:39,270 who happens to not have a groin? 186 00:08:39,937 --> 00:08:41,355 I don't think that's very common. 187 00:08:41,439 --> 00:08:43,024 But what if you're being attacked 188 00:08:43,107 --> 00:08:45,902 by a 4'11" man who's penis-less. 189 00:08:46,235 --> 00:08:49,322 Why are you fixated on this hypothetical transgendered attacker? 190 00:08:49,488 --> 00:08:50,907 Why don't we start with the basics? 191 00:08:50,990 --> 00:08:52,950 Show us how to defend ourself against a baby 192 00:08:53,034 --> 00:08:55,786 and then like a fifth-grade girl 193 00:08:55,870 --> 00:08:58,998 and then, you know, if we have time, on up to a scary man. 194 00:08:59,123 --> 00:09:03,336 The most common scenario is a larger man attacking a smaller female. 195 00:09:03,461 --> 00:09:08,132 So in that scenario, what if the victim 196 00:09:08,216 --> 00:09:10,426 sucker punches the attacker in the face? 197 00:09:10,718 --> 00:09:13,888 What can the attacker then do to better protect himself? 198 00:09:14,138 --> 00:09:15,765 It's interesting that you're drawn 199 00:09:15,848 --> 00:09:17,683 to the point of view of the attacker. 200 00:09:17,975 --> 00:09:20,686 You would like The Turn of the Table. 201 00:09:20,811 --> 00:09:22,563 Okay? The latest Chad Flenderman novel. 202 00:09:23,731 --> 00:09:26,400 From the point of view of his nemesis, Dr. Lucifer Woo. 203 00:09:26,484 --> 00:09:28,569 Can I please leave? I have a rape flute. 204 00:09:28,736 --> 00:09:30,988 All right, well, let's try one simple technique together. 205 00:09:31,072 --> 00:09:32,782 Okay, why doesn't everyone stand? 206 00:09:32,865 --> 00:09:34,575 Okay, so, you're being attacked, 207 00:09:34,659 --> 00:09:37,662 you've got your hands up, simple palm strike to the chin. 208 00:09:37,954 --> 00:09:40,164 Up to the chin. One, two. 209 00:09:40,498 --> 00:09:41,874 One, two. 210 00:09:42,375 --> 00:09:44,335 One, two. 211 00:09:44,961 --> 00:09:48,589 Cathy, I would like to introduce you to Fatty Gruesome. 212 00:09:48,673 --> 00:09:51,175 He is a freelancer for Wired magazine. 213 00:09:51,676 --> 00:09:53,261 Patty Grossman. I'm a woman. 214 00:09:53,469 --> 00:09:54,804 But you still work for Wired, right? 215 00:09:54,887 --> 00:09:56,013 Yes. Good. 216 00:09:56,097 --> 00:09:57,640 Okay. Flirt away. 217 00:09:59,183 --> 00:10:01,852 Sabre. It's time to come home. 218 00:10:05,523 --> 00:10:06,732 Yeah. 219 00:10:07,566 --> 00:10:10,528 Yeah. I mean, I think... It seemed like you were a little nervous. 220 00:10:10,611 --> 00:10:11,862 Yeah, no Sherlock. 221 00:10:11,946 --> 00:10:13,531 Can somebody please tell me something encouraging 222 00:10:13,614 --> 00:10:14,699 about this presentation 223 00:10:14,782 --> 00:10:16,784 before I go out there in front of a million people and do it? 224 00:10:16,867 --> 00:10:17,910 Okay. I know! I know, champ. 225 00:10:17,994 --> 00:10:19,912 Just calm down because, listen, 226 00:10:19,996 --> 00:10:21,706 when you are out in front of all those people... 227 00:10:21,789 --> 00:10:22,790 Yeah, what? 228 00:10:22,873 --> 00:10:23,916 ....you just need to realize 229 00:10:24,000 --> 00:10:27,128 so much rides on this. 230 00:10:27,211 --> 00:10:28,838 You have no idea. 231 00:10:28,921 --> 00:10:29,964 Dwight. 232 00:10:30,047 --> 00:10:31,382 I'm trying to make him feel important. 233 00:10:32,049 --> 00:10:35,011 I wish Kelly were here. She always knew what to say. 234 00:10:35,803 --> 00:10:36,887 Um... 235 00:10:38,055 --> 00:10:40,641 Oh, Ryan, you're so smart. 236 00:10:40,725 --> 00:10:42,435 You're smarter than Mark Zuckerberg 237 00:10:42,518 --> 00:10:44,562 and those Google guys all combined. 238 00:10:46,022 --> 00:10:48,399 You're so ignorant. You barely know what you're talking about. 239 00:10:48,607 --> 00:10:50,234 It's so ridiculous. 240 00:10:50,693 --> 00:10:52,653 You really need to read a couple of books. 241 00:10:52,903 --> 00:10:54,238 What's a book? 242 00:10:54,572 --> 00:10:56,741 Oh, my God. You're so embarrassing. 243 00:10:57,533 --> 00:10:59,869 My mom would say the best stuff though. 244 00:11:07,001 --> 00:11:08,210 You can... 245 00:11:09,337 --> 00:11:10,463 You can do it, Ryan. 246 00:11:10,629 --> 00:11:12,965 And you know that I'm capable of this? 247 00:11:13,049 --> 00:11:15,343 You're the only one who can do it, sweetie. 248 00:11:15,426 --> 00:11:17,595 What did you think of the presentation? 249 00:11:17,678 --> 00:11:19,347 I thought it was great, sweetie. 250 00:11:20,389 --> 00:11:21,849 I would just fix that one... 251 00:11:21,932 --> 00:11:23,684 "Fix" means you hate it! I knew it! 252 00:11:23,768 --> 00:11:24,977 I need something to drink! 253 00:11:25,061 --> 00:11:26,228 Jim, get him a water. 254 00:11:26,312 --> 00:11:27,605 No, not a water, a sports drink! 255 00:11:27,688 --> 00:11:28,939 I hate everything in that fridge. 256 00:11:29,023 --> 00:11:31,359 Not red! Get me something yellow or green 257 00:11:31,442 --> 00:11:33,235 from a nearby store. Not red! 258 00:11:34,362 --> 00:11:35,529 Why are you just standing there? 259 00:11:35,613 --> 00:11:38,115 Go to a nearby store and get him a yellow or green sports drink. 260 00:11:40,826 --> 00:11:43,746 Now if your attacker is willing to defile a corpse, 261 00:11:43,829 --> 00:11:46,123 you better stop playing dead right away 262 00:11:46,248 --> 00:11:47,917 and just make it known that you're alive. 263 00:11:48,042 --> 00:11:49,668 Forgive me for interrupting. 264 00:11:50,044 --> 00:11:53,047 I believe my daughter had an altercation with somebody here, 265 00:11:53,130 --> 00:11:55,674 some fancy gentleman with a squeaky voice? 266 00:11:55,758 --> 00:11:57,802 I think you guys might have the wrong office. 267 00:11:57,885 --> 00:11:59,720 That's him. The guy I hit. 268 00:11:59,804 --> 00:12:00,846 What? 269 00:12:00,930 --> 00:12:02,556 You've got to be kidding me. 270 00:12:02,640 --> 00:12:03,974 Poor Andy. 271 00:12:04,934 --> 00:12:08,229 First you got beat up by a gang and now she kicks your ass. 272 00:12:08,312 --> 00:12:09,271 No, Kevin. 273 00:12:09,355 --> 00:12:11,357 What about the lady you hit with a pinecone? 274 00:12:11,440 --> 00:12:12,983 There. That chubby one. 275 00:12:14,068 --> 00:12:15,277 I just had a baby. 276 00:12:15,361 --> 00:12:16,570 Yesterday? 277 00:12:16,821 --> 00:12:18,572 Wow. Apologize. 278 00:12:19,156 --> 00:12:22,326 Sorry I kicked your ass in front of your "thin" girlfriend. 279 00:12:22,451 --> 00:12:24,662 How about we wait until next year after you have your kid? 280 00:12:24,954 --> 00:12:26,956 You know what? Tiffany's going to college. 281 00:12:27,039 --> 00:12:29,458 Listen, I don't know what you guys are talking about, 282 00:12:29,542 --> 00:12:33,170 but I guess I'll just accept your apology so we can get on with our day. 283 00:12:33,421 --> 00:12:36,507 God bless. A friend of mine uses your paper. 284 00:12:36,590 --> 00:12:37,758 You do good work. 285 00:12:38,968 --> 00:12:40,219 BYE-bye. Bye. 286 00:12:40,803 --> 00:12:43,931 So, Toby, I think we should do a different self-defense seminar, 287 00:12:44,014 --> 00:12:46,475 how to protect ourselves against tiny little girls. 288 00:12:46,642 --> 00:12:49,728 There's no shame in getting beaten up by a girl. 289 00:12:49,812 --> 00:12:51,856 My ex-wife used to demolish me. 290 00:12:52,148 --> 00:12:53,482 No, there is shame in it, okay? 291 00:12:53,566 --> 00:12:55,276 We have to draw the line somewhere. 292 00:12:55,359 --> 00:12:57,695 Oh, my God, I think I see the imprint of a Ring Pop. 293 00:12:57,945 --> 00:12:59,113 Oh... 294 00:13:01,115 --> 00:13:02,366 Have you seen Erin? 295 00:13:02,450 --> 00:13:03,659 I'm on break. 296 00:13:06,871 --> 00:13:07,872 Oh, my God. 297 00:13:08,164 --> 00:13:09,832 No, hey, bloggers, where do you think you're going? 298 00:13:09,915 --> 00:13:11,292 No, you got to stay for the big presentation. 299 00:13:11,375 --> 00:13:12,710 We got this young whiz kid, Ryan. 300 00:13:12,793 --> 00:13:14,462 He's like an even more handsome Bill Gates. 301 00:13:14,545 --> 00:13:15,671 When's the presentation? 302 00:13:15,796 --> 00:13:17,423 It's moments away! Just stay here. 303 00:13:17,631 --> 00:13:19,967 Hey, Uncle Lucas, it's your nephew, Ryan. 304 00:13:20,050 --> 00:13:23,137 Honestly, I could use a prescription for Ritalin right now. 305 00:13:24,096 --> 00:13:26,348 Well, I know you did one for Aunt Carol. 306 00:13:27,641 --> 00:13:29,768 So it's different because it's your wife? 307 00:13:29,852 --> 00:13:31,979 Well, that doesn't make any sense to me. 308 00:13:32,062 --> 00:13:33,772 How are you doing? Don't talk to me right now. 309 00:13:33,856 --> 00:13:35,316 I'm sorry. I know you're my boss, 310 00:13:35,399 --> 00:13:36,609 but seriously, you need to get 311 00:13:36,692 --> 00:13:38,068 the hell out of my face. 312 00:13:40,905 --> 00:13:44,950 Your little man is unraveling. Now go and fix it. 313 00:13:45,409 --> 00:13:46,994 Sorry about kicking you out. 314 00:13:47,077 --> 00:13:50,331 It's just we don't want our brand associated with death. 315 00:13:50,414 --> 00:13:54,585 It's okay. I'll go to the Costco and search for handsome men. 316 00:13:55,085 --> 00:13:56,504 You're not married yet? 317 00:13:56,754 --> 00:14:00,508 Oh, I was. My husband was my best friend. 318 00:14:01,050 --> 00:14:02,301 He passed away. 319 00:14:04,094 --> 00:14:06,430 My best friend was my boss, Andy. 320 00:14:07,056 --> 00:14:08,933 We dated for a while, but since then, 321 00:14:09,016 --> 00:14:11,018 he rejected me and we're not really friends. 322 00:14:11,644 --> 00:14:16,315 Someone rejected you? With that body and those bazongas? 323 00:14:16,690 --> 00:14:17,858 Forget him. 324 00:14:18,567 --> 00:14:22,571 Yeah. Forget him! And you should forget your husband. 325 00:14:23,155 --> 00:14:24,156 Well... 326 00:14:25,991 --> 00:14:27,201 How long has he been in the bathroom? 327 00:14:27,284 --> 00:14:28,410 Like 10 minutes. 328 00:14:28,494 --> 00:14:30,204 Geez, what's he doing in there? 329 00:14:30,287 --> 00:14:31,539 Oh, that's my phone. 330 00:14:31,622 --> 00:14:32,873 Am I allowed to answer it or are you going to freak out? 331 00:14:32,957 --> 00:14:33,958 Are there bloggers around? 332 00:14:34,625 --> 00:14:35,626 It's Ryan. 333 00:14:35,960 --> 00:14:38,254 "I'm sorry. I lied. I'm not in the bathroom. 334 00:14:38,337 --> 00:14:40,589 "I can't do it. I need to see my mom. 335 00:14:40,673 --> 00:14:41,799 "I'm going home." 336 00:14:41,882 --> 00:14:43,968 What is the delay here? 337 00:14:45,302 --> 00:14:46,387 Where is Ryan? 338 00:14:47,137 --> 00:14:48,556 Why is he not here? 339 00:14:48,681 --> 00:14:50,140 I had to send him home. 340 00:14:51,225 --> 00:14:54,144 As brilliant and creative as he is, 341 00:14:54,270 --> 00:14:57,189 he is nothing compared to this guy! 342 00:14:57,523 --> 00:14:58,524 Uh... 343 00:14:59,066 --> 00:15:00,067 What? 344 00:15:00,150 --> 00:15:01,402 That's right. Will you just give us a second? 345 00:15:01,485 --> 00:15:03,445 You are going to bloody ruin it. You're going to bloody ruin it 346 00:15:03,529 --> 00:15:05,990 because you're a no-good, half-assed, cockeyed numpty! 347 00:15:06,073 --> 00:15:07,366 Okay. Okay. 348 00:15:08,492 --> 00:15:09,827 Jim. I'm not doing the presentation. 349 00:15:10,202 --> 00:15:13,706 Look at me. Look at me. Look at this face. 350 00:15:13,872 --> 00:15:15,541 This is not the face of a performer. 351 00:15:15,624 --> 00:15:18,836 This is the face of a scary apparition you see before you die. 352 00:15:19,670 --> 00:15:24,967 I'm telling you, if you don't do this, I don't stand a chance. 353 00:15:26,510 --> 00:15:27,595 Please, Jim. 354 00:15:33,434 --> 00:15:34,685 Okay, I'll do it. 355 00:15:35,769 --> 00:15:39,857 Uh, my God. Okay! 356 00:15:39,982 --> 00:15:41,734 Go get into Ryan's costume and check out his notes. 357 00:15:41,817 --> 00:15:42,860 A costume? 358 00:15:42,943 --> 00:15:44,528 Of course there's a costume. 359 00:15:46,113 --> 00:15:47,489 Oh, this is going to be great. 360 00:15:47,573 --> 00:15:48,866 There's nothing like some last minute changes 361 00:15:48,949 --> 00:15:51,660 to really energize a presentation. Huh? 362 00:16:03,964 --> 00:16:06,133 Did you pass out in there? What is taking so long? 363 00:16:06,216 --> 00:16:07,926 I've been in here for 20 seconds. 364 00:16:08,010 --> 00:16:10,888 Hurry up! Let me in! I want to watch you get dressed. 365 00:16:11,138 --> 00:16:13,182 Did you find the eyeliner? 366 00:16:14,058 --> 00:16:15,142 I'm not wearing eyeliner. 367 00:16:15,225 --> 00:16:17,353 You are wearing eyeliner, Jim. 368 00:16:26,570 --> 00:16:30,783 Time, space, gender. 369 00:16:30,991 --> 00:16:32,409 There are no rules anymore. 370 00:16:33,035 --> 00:16:34,912 All boundaries are breaking down 371 00:16:35,412 --> 00:16:38,040 in the wake of the infinite future. 372 00:16:39,500 --> 00:16:42,670 The only thing that... The only thing that remains... 373 00:16:42,878 --> 00:16:44,171 The only thing that remains 374 00:16:44,254 --> 00:16:46,674 are the things that have stood the test of time. 375 00:16:46,757 --> 00:16:51,261 Love, values, and of course, the Pyramids. 376 00:16:51,929 --> 00:16:54,765 The strongest shape ever constructed. 377 00:16:55,015 --> 00:16:59,186 A shape that fits all other shapes inside of it. 378 00:16:59,269 --> 00:17:00,354 No, that's... 379 00:17:00,437 --> 00:17:01,480 Mmm. It's true. 380 00:17:01,772 --> 00:17:07,403 This is the future because this is the past. 381 00:17:08,445 --> 00:17:10,572 I've been through a lot of issues in my life. 382 00:17:11,198 --> 00:17:15,202 I've seen drug addiction, unemployment. 383 00:17:15,828 --> 00:17:18,664 I've been in a relationship that tore my heart apart 384 00:17:18,747 --> 00:17:22,626 without ever being able to accept that love drove the pain. 385 00:17:23,127 --> 00:17:24,628 Yep. 386 00:17:24,712 --> 00:17:28,632 When I was 10 years old, my parents took me to Disneyworld. 387 00:17:28,799 --> 00:17:30,676 I cried the whole time. 388 00:17:32,052 --> 00:17:36,306 I was not able to comprehend the beauty that was before me. 389 00:17:37,307 --> 00:17:39,727 I just wanted to go home. 390 00:17:40,310 --> 00:17:43,564 This is what the Pyramid will do for you. 391 00:17:43,939 --> 00:17:46,984 It is the bridge to the world. 392 00:17:47,151 --> 00:17:48,986 It has the USB port. 393 00:17:49,194 --> 00:17:53,282 Wireless will be available in 2013. 394 00:17:54,408 --> 00:17:59,663 You can play anything from Chuck to Cars 2. 395 00:18:01,707 --> 00:18:06,837 With the Pyramid, you have the connection to everything. 396 00:18:07,755 --> 00:18:10,466 In time and space. 397 00:18:14,970 --> 00:18:15,971 Psst! 398 00:18:17,097 --> 00:18:18,182 Oh. 399 00:18:22,519 --> 00:18:26,231 Sabre. It's time to come home. 400 00:18:38,702 --> 00:18:41,246 All right. Thank you so much. Wow! 401 00:18:42,039 --> 00:18:43,123 Wow! 402 00:18:44,458 --> 00:18:45,584 And good night! 403 00:18:47,044 --> 00:18:48,045 Yeah! 404 00:18:53,550 --> 00:18:55,302 Okay, this isn't over. Let's stay focused, okay? 405 00:18:55,385 --> 00:18:58,555 We made fun of Andy earlier for getting beat up by a little girl, 406 00:18:59,181 --> 00:19:01,225 but little things can be dangerous. 407 00:19:01,308 --> 00:19:04,394 Whether it's a gremlin or Chucky the doll, 408 00:19:04,561 --> 00:19:07,648 the key is to throw it in something, 409 00:19:07,731 --> 00:19:11,068 like a fireplace or a tub of electricity. 410 00:19:11,485 --> 00:19:13,278 Okay, good point. Um... 411 00:19:13,570 --> 00:19:16,698 Good point? What is a tub of electricity? 412 00:19:17,449 --> 00:19:18,909 I don't know. With all due respect, 413 00:19:18,992 --> 00:19:20,661 we know what we're defending against. 414 00:19:20,744 --> 00:19:22,412 It's a 12-year-old female bully. 415 00:19:22,579 --> 00:19:23,831 I was a 12-year-old bully. 416 00:19:24,456 --> 00:19:27,334 Great! I think Kelly should attack Toby. 417 00:19:27,417 --> 00:19:28,502 MEREDITH; Yeah. 418 00:19:28,585 --> 00:19:29,795 Yeah, that's not a bad idea actually 419 00:19:29,878 --> 00:19:31,922 because I have had a lot of pent-up aggression. 420 00:19:32,005 --> 00:19:33,549 - Thanks. - Good! Go! 421 00:19:33,674 --> 00:19:34,883 I don't know whether this is gonna help. 422 00:19:35,008 --> 00:19:36,260 All right, Kelly! 423 00:19:36,677 --> 00:19:39,012 We should stay to maybe some more traditional models. 424 00:19:39,096 --> 00:19:40,430 You think you're so pretty? 425 00:19:40,514 --> 00:19:42,599 You're not going to be so pretty come prom-time! 426 00:19:42,724 --> 00:19:44,142 Okay, this is what's called... Take that! 427 00:19:44,226 --> 00:19:45,602 ...pre-violent posture. Take that! 428 00:19:46,061 --> 00:19:47,896 Not so pre-violent anymore! 429 00:19:47,980 --> 00:19:50,649 I'm in what's called the decision point. 430 00:19:50,816 --> 00:19:51,984 Hey, hey, hey. Kelly! Kelly! 431 00:19:52,609 --> 00:19:53,777 Ow! 432 00:19:53,944 --> 00:19:55,112 My good eye! 433 00:19:56,113 --> 00:19:57,114 Oh, boy. 434 00:19:58,198 --> 00:19:59,575 Oh, no, I'm not laughing at you. 435 00:19:59,658 --> 00:20:02,953 I'm laughing at something that Cece did 436 00:20:03,036 --> 00:20:06,665 on the playground earlier, yesterday, this morning. 437 00:20:07,541 --> 00:20:09,543 You know why I got hit by girls? 438 00:20:10,460 --> 00:20:12,921 Because I stood up for others. 439 00:20:13,005 --> 00:20:14,798 Pam and Toby. 440 00:20:16,133 --> 00:20:20,220 I stepped in and I didn't care that I was standing up to girls. 441 00:20:20,304 --> 00:20:25,767 You may want to ask yourselves, where were you when the girls came? 442 00:20:27,603 --> 00:20:30,230 Tough day, yes. But I feel good. 443 00:20:30,314 --> 00:20:32,900 I put the office in their place, 444 00:20:32,983 --> 00:20:36,403 took a bunch of painkillers, drank half a bottle of wine, took my pants off. 445 00:20:36,486 --> 00:20:38,572 I just feel good. 446 00:20:40,866 --> 00:20:43,243 Okay, okay, I will be the first to admit it. 447 00:20:43,327 --> 00:20:45,579 We could have integrated more Chuck into the presentation. 448 00:20:45,662 --> 00:20:48,498 Dwight, you're the vice president. 449 00:20:50,083 --> 00:20:54,671 Yeah! Okay! Come on! 450 00:20:55,172 --> 00:20:56,214 Right On! 451 00:20:56,548 --> 00:20:58,175 Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam! 452 00:20:58,258 --> 00:20:59,259 Boom!