1
00:00:01,419 --> 00:00:04,047
Hey, Jim, Stanley's back
from the hospital today.

2
00:00:04,130 --> 00:00:05,548
Can you sign his card?
Oh, great.

3
00:00:07,592 --> 00:00:10,762
"Glad they didn't mix up your
tonsillectomy with a mustachectomy."

4
00:00:12,681 --> 00:00:13,682
That's not good.

5
00:00:13,890 --> 00:00:16,059
Oh, because your jokes
are all hilarious.

6
00:00:16,142 --> 00:00:17,435
It's nice.
It's funny.

7
00:00:17,519 --> 00:00:18,937
It mentions his
tonsillectomy and makes

8
00:00:19,020 --> 00:00:20,438
a funny little joke
about his mustache.

9
00:00:20,897 --> 00:00:22,107
Stanley doesn't
have a mustache.

10
00:00:24,401 --> 00:00:25,443
Yeah, he does.

11
00:00:25,527 --> 00:00:28,822
Pam, hit the brakes. Stanley
does not have a mustache.

12
00:00:29,989 --> 00:00:35,453
I misspoke, I'm not sure. I think he has one...
I think he has a mustache.

13
00:00:35,662 --> 00:00:37,539
Okay, Phyllis sits
across from him every day.

14
00:00:37,622 --> 00:00:38,957
Phyllis, does he
have a mustache or not?

15
00:00:39,040 --> 00:00:41,626
Oh, I don't know.
Now I think he doesn't.

16
00:00:42,168 --> 00:00:43,753
Phyllis,
what are you talking...

17
00:00:43,837 --> 00:00:45,797
The whole card
depends on this.

18
00:00:45,880 --> 00:00:47,507
Okay, the man's
worked here for 25 years.

19
00:00:47,590 --> 00:00:49,300
How can none of us
picture his face?

20
00:00:49,384 --> 00:00:50,885
Because we come
here to do our jobs.

21
00:00:50,969 --> 00:00:53,138
We don't stick our noses
in other people's business.

22
00:00:53,513 --> 00:00:56,391
Okay. Which one of these
looks more right?

23
00:00:56,474 --> 00:00:57,767
Neither of those
looks like any person

24
00:00:57,851 --> 00:00:59,394
that has ever
existed or been dreamt of

25
00:00:59,477 --> 00:01:01,020
in the history
of human insanity.

26
00:01:01,104 --> 00:01:02,605
That said,
the one on the left.

27
00:01:03,481 --> 00:01:06,735
Guys, that's the elevator.
What if it's him?

28
00:01:06,818 --> 00:01:08,987
Okay, quick,
who says "mustache"?

29
00:01:10,113 --> 00:01:11,114
Yep.

30
00:01:11,656 --> 00:01:13,158
Who says "no mustache"?

31
00:01:20,749 --> 00:01:21,750
Ah!

32
00:01:21,958 --> 00:01:24,002
Hey!
He does have one.

33
00:01:24,085 --> 00:01:25,086
Yes!

34
00:01:26,671 --> 00:01:28,047
Welcome back, Stanley.

35
00:01:39,058 --> 00:01:40,518
"Good morning, Robert,"
says no one

36
00:01:40,602 --> 00:01:43,062
because our receptionist
is in Florida.

37
00:01:50,570 --> 00:01:51,613
Pam!
Oh!

38
00:01:52,405 --> 00:01:56,951
Is this a video conference you're having
with "Drake featuring Swizz Beatz"?

39
00:01:57,494 --> 00:01:59,704
Um, no, I was just
having a cup of coffee

40
00:01:59,788 --> 00:02:00,997
kind of warming up
for the day.

41
00:02:01,289 --> 00:02:03,833
People, you should come
to work already warm.

42
00:02:04,042 --> 00:02:08,671
9:00 to 10:00 a.m. is the most productive
potential that human beings...

43
00:02:08,755 --> 00:02:10,965
Sorry! Sorry,
everyone, I'm late,

44
00:02:11,049 --> 00:02:14,803
but you are all here, so no harm
done at all by my lateness.

45
00:02:15,136 --> 00:02:17,055
Nellie, really, 9:50.

46
00:02:17,305 --> 00:02:19,307
Oh, here's
what happened.

47
00:02:19,390 --> 00:02:23,645
7:46, my alarm clock goes off,
I hear it, whack the snooze.

48
00:02:24,062 --> 00:02:28,149
Nine minutes. Buzz,
off it goes again, whack.

49
00:02:28,233 --> 00:02:32,612
Seven more times I did that.
Buzz, whack, buzz, whack.

50
00:02:33,446 --> 00:02:35,615
By the time I got up,
it was 10 minutes ago.

51
00:02:35,698 --> 00:02:38,243
No will power.
That is my curse.

52
00:02:38,493 --> 00:02:41,496
I've never believed will power
was very important in a woman.

53
00:02:44,207 --> 00:02:46,543
I don't think you would
have shown up to work

54
00:02:46,626 --> 00:02:48,753
nearly an hour late
for no reason.

55
00:02:49,045 --> 00:02:50,630
Oh, I assure you
I would have done.

56
00:02:50,713 --> 00:02:52,924
I did. And I'll keep doing it.

57
00:02:53,258 --> 00:02:56,302
No, no, there's something going
on, some stress in your life.

58
00:02:56,761 --> 00:03:02,475
Well, yes, there is the whole
moving to Scranton nonsense.

59
00:03:02,767 --> 00:03:07,480
Thirty boxes arrived yesterday from
England and two trunks from Florida.

60
00:03:07,605 --> 00:03:09,691
Then, I have to
move into my apartment

61
00:03:09,774 --> 00:03:12,944
in this dreadful,
God knows where it is,

62
00:03:13,111 --> 00:03:15,071
backwater,
suburb of a suburb,

63
00:03:15,488 --> 00:03:16,739
and I mean, no
offense, but are there

64
00:03:16,823 --> 00:03:19,200
a lot of Irish people
living around here?

65
00:03:19,450 --> 00:03:20,785
- Yes.
- Oh!

66
00:03:21,202 --> 00:03:23,246
I hate that.
No offense.

67
00:03:23,496 --> 00:03:24,539
None taken.

68
00:03:24,622 --> 00:03:27,292
Actually, Nellie, this monologue
you're delivering is very offensive.

69
00:03:27,834 --> 00:03:30,962
Ooh! Ay caramba! The natives
are getting restless.

70
00:03:31,296 --> 00:03:32,589
Who's a native?

71
00:03:33,089 --> 00:03:35,466
Excuse me, the tone here
is getting quite hostile.

72
00:03:35,675 --> 00:03:37,552
I would appreciate it if
you would keep that stuff

73
00:03:37,635 --> 00:03:39,137
on the basketball court.

74
00:03:39,470 --> 00:03:40,972
What does that mean?
Okay, okay.

75
00:03:41,055 --> 00:03:43,850
If you'd let me finish.

76
00:03:43,933 --> 00:03:48,354
Or the squash court or
the supreme court. Hmm?

77
00:03:49,606 --> 00:03:51,482
Nellie?
Yes, Robert.

78
00:03:52,317 --> 00:03:56,362
You're clearly under a lot
of stress with the moving

79
00:03:56,446 --> 00:04:00,158
and the work situation
you've found yourself in.

80
00:04:00,283 --> 00:04:01,284
Yeah.

81
00:04:01,367 --> 00:04:02,952
Let's help her out,
shall we?

82
00:04:03,161 --> 00:04:05,747
Go above and beyond today

83
00:04:05,830 --> 00:04:09,292
to show her some of that
warm Scranton hospitality.

84
00:04:10,793 --> 00:04:13,171
Jim, Dwight, take the day.

85
00:04:13,254 --> 00:04:17,008
Help Nellie move those
boxes into her new place.

86
00:04:17,508 --> 00:04:18,509
Why Jim?
What?

87
00:04:18,718 --> 00:04:22,430
The rest of you, let's throw a
party at the end of the day

88
00:04:22,513 --> 00:04:25,433
to welcome the newest member
of our little community.

89
00:04:26,601 --> 00:04:28,728
I'm sorry, we're throwing
a party for someone

90
00:04:28,811 --> 00:04:30,188
because they're
being horrible?

91
00:04:30,271 --> 00:04:32,148
I'm sorry.
We're taking work time

92
00:04:32,231 --> 00:04:34,442
to move someone's personal
belongings into their new apartment.

93
00:04:34,567 --> 00:04:36,319
I'm still not sure why
this woman is even here!

94
00:04:36,444 --> 00:04:37,695
Why is she here?

95
00:04:38,529 --> 00:04:42,033
Two crazy kids
on the journey of life

96
00:04:42,116 --> 00:04:45,078
Going to Pennsylvania

97
00:04:45,244 --> 00:04:47,664
On the road with
my new girlfriend.

98
00:04:48,373 --> 00:04:52,126
But first, a small pit stop to break
up with my current girlfriend,

99
00:04:52,210 --> 00:04:55,296
who is at her parents' cabin
in southern Pennsylvania.

100
00:04:55,380 --> 00:04:56,631
Oh, that must be nice.

101
00:04:56,714 --> 00:04:57,799
Mmm-hmm.

102
00:04:57,882 --> 00:05:01,552
It's a beautiful place. Great
place to let her down easy.

103
00:05:01,636 --> 00:05:04,389
Oh, no, no, I meant that must
be nice to have parents.

104
00:05:04,472 --> 00:05:05,556
Oh. Hmm.

105
00:05:06,808 --> 00:05:09,435
Time to have a little kiss

106
00:05:09,519 --> 00:05:10,645
No.

107
00:05:10,728 --> 00:05:12,313
Mmm. Sorry, right.

108
00:05:12,438 --> 00:05:14,023
No kisses until the
breakup is official. Yes.

109
00:05:14,107 --> 00:05:15,316
I believe in that.
Yes, so do I.

110
00:05:15,400 --> 00:05:18,569
I think that's important. That is important.
Bummer, but important.

111
00:05:18,695 --> 00:05:20,071
Important.
Mmm-hmm.

112
00:05:20,488 --> 00:05:22,824
I can't believe he's making
us throw a party for her.

113
00:05:22,907 --> 00:05:23,992
I know. Right?

114
00:05:24,075 --> 00:05:25,410
She's always late,
she's always rude.

115
00:05:25,660 --> 00:05:27,620
It kind of makes me want to
throw a really bad party.

116
00:05:27,704 --> 00:05:28,705
Yeah.

117
00:05:28,830 --> 00:05:29,872
On purpose.

118
00:05:30,707 --> 00:05:31,874
Phyllis.

119
00:05:33,501 --> 00:05:35,211
We should do it right
here in the break room.

120
00:05:35,461 --> 00:05:36,629
Ooh!

121
00:05:37,213 --> 00:05:38,506
Order carrot cake.

122
00:05:42,176 --> 00:05:43,386
And Jessica,
just so you know,

123
00:05:43,469 --> 00:05:46,973
this is way more about my love for
Erin than anything wrong with you.

124
00:05:47,056 --> 00:05:51,060
Well, Andy, I'm upset, but you did
this in the best way possible,

125
00:05:51,144 --> 00:05:56,482
and I knew you as a lover and
I'll remember you as a gentleman.

126
00:05:56,566 --> 00:05:58,901
Okay. That was one
minute and 10 seconds.

127
00:05:58,985 --> 00:06:00,611
Consider it nailed.

128
00:06:02,447 --> 00:06:03,740
I think we
should try it again.

129
00:06:03,823 --> 00:06:05,324
This time,
worst case scenario.

130
00:06:05,575 --> 00:06:09,245
Okay, here we go. Jessica, I'm really sorry.
I just need you to know...

131
00:06:09,328 --> 00:06:10,955
What?

132
00:06:11,456 --> 00:06:12,707
I just need
you to know...

133
00:06:12,790 --> 00:06:14,792
What? I didn't
sleep well last night.

134
00:06:20,798 --> 00:06:21,924
Ow!

135
00:06:22,425 --> 00:06:24,635
Nellie, that reminds me, do you
want this chair in the bedroom?

136
00:06:24,719 --> 00:06:26,304
'Cause I don't think it's going
to fit through the door.

137
00:06:26,471 --> 00:06:28,973
Don't listen to Jim. Have you
ever seen him play Tetris?

138
00:06:29,057 --> 00:06:31,726
"Oh, I think I'll just
use this line horizontally.

139
00:06:31,809 --> 00:06:34,437
"Oh, I have no idea
what a gift this line is."

140
00:06:34,520 --> 00:06:35,605
That was one time.

141
00:06:35,688 --> 00:06:38,816
I will get the chair in. Watch the
great "Schrut-ini" work his magic.

142
00:06:39,067 --> 00:06:42,570
Oh, no, really? Magic, no,
no, no, let's not go there.

143
00:06:43,154 --> 00:06:46,949
No, nothing is more
repellent than magicians.

144
00:06:47,033 --> 00:06:49,368
Bunch of grown men,
waving wands,

145
00:06:49,452 --> 00:06:51,454
pulling bunnies
out of body crevices.

146
00:06:51,662 --> 00:06:53,748
Magicians are repulsive.
Next topic.

147
00:06:54,916 --> 00:06:56,000
Excuse me, one second.

148
00:06:57,794 --> 00:06:59,754
- Hi.
- Hey, what's up?

149
00:06:59,837 --> 00:07:02,090
Oh, nothing, just hauling
some cube with Dwight.

150
00:07:02,173 --> 00:07:03,674
Hauling cube!

151
00:07:03,758 --> 00:07:04,842
That's moving boxes.

152
00:07:04,926 --> 00:07:06,886
We just came up with the term
to make it sound cooler.

153
00:07:06,969 --> 00:07:08,679
So, we're planning
this party for Nellie,

154
00:07:08,763 --> 00:07:11,390
and we're going to
make it really bad.

155
00:07:11,474 --> 00:07:12,517
It sounds like
every other party.

156
00:07:12,892 --> 00:07:14,769
No, we're going to
make it like a prank,

157
00:07:14,852 --> 00:07:17,855
like order bad food, give her
this passive-aggressive card.

158
00:07:18,064 --> 00:07:19,941
Oh, hire a magician.

159
00:07:20,024 --> 00:07:21,109
What?

160
00:07:21,192 --> 00:07:23,152
Trust me.
Okay.

161
00:07:30,952 --> 00:07:34,330
Wow, there's a lot of cars here.
This is just weird.

162
00:07:36,249 --> 00:07:39,710
Andy. Hi, what are
you doing here?

163
00:07:39,877 --> 00:07:41,462
Hey, Lauren,
look at you.

164
00:07:41,587 --> 00:07:43,214
I know, look at me.

165
00:07:43,589 --> 00:07:45,216
I'm just on my way back
from this business trip,

166
00:07:45,299 --> 00:07:46,884
thought I'd stop
and say hi to Jessica.

167
00:07:47,051 --> 00:07:48,052
Aw!

168
00:07:48,344 --> 00:07:50,805
Why is Erin with me?
That's a great question.

169
00:07:50,888 --> 00:07:55,560
She is my co-worker and she needed a
ride, because she totaled her car.

170
00:07:55,810 --> 00:07:57,145
Oh, God.

171
00:07:57,645 --> 00:07:59,522
So I'm Erin.
Yeah, this is Erin.

172
00:07:59,605 --> 00:08:00,857
Hi. Nice to meet you.

173
00:08:02,191 --> 00:08:06,445
Well, Jess went out for a run,
but she'll be back soon.

174
00:08:06,529 --> 00:08:07,530
Mmm-hmm.

175
00:08:07,613 --> 00:08:09,907
Hey, ladies,
Andy's here.

176
00:08:10,950 --> 00:08:14,203
Okay, Andy, that is
a bachelorette party.

177
00:08:14,287 --> 00:08:17,832
This is Jessica's friends, and they've
been drinking during the daytime.

178
00:08:17,915 --> 00:08:18,916
Should we go?

179
00:08:19,000 --> 00:08:20,042
Yeah.

180
00:08:20,585 --> 00:08:22,545
You know, we had such a quick
window to make this work.

181
00:08:22,628 --> 00:08:23,671
I think we should
probably just...

182
00:08:23,754 --> 00:08:27,842
Oh, Jess, look who stopped
by after his business trip.

183
00:08:27,925 --> 00:08:29,468
Andy, hey.

184
00:08:31,429 --> 00:08:34,974
I wonder if king-sized sheets are
called presidential-sized in England.

185
00:08:36,309 --> 00:08:37,643
I really should have
a "Tweeter" account.

186
00:08:38,102 --> 00:08:39,854
Yes, you should.

187
00:08:41,772 --> 00:08:42,773
Ooh!

188
00:08:46,611 --> 00:08:47,778
I have to see
these shoes.

189
00:08:47,862 --> 00:08:49,030
I doubt that they're...

190
00:08:50,531 --> 00:08:51,532
Oh.

191
00:08:53,284 --> 00:08:54,744
Who is this guy?

192
00:08:56,162 --> 00:08:58,039
There's the two of them
taking a hike.

193
00:08:58,122 --> 00:08:59,916
I'm guessing he's
some kind of friend.

194
00:09:00,458 --> 00:09:01,667
Boyfriend.

195
00:09:01,876 --> 00:09:03,711
Here's the two of them
kissing at a beach

196
00:09:03,794 --> 00:09:06,172
and kissing at
the Eiffel Tower.

197
00:09:06,255 --> 00:09:08,633
I'm guessing he's some kind
of close, romantic friend.

198
00:09:09,091 --> 00:09:10,092
Like a boyfriend?

199
00:09:10,509 --> 00:09:12,553
You read my mind.
Yeah.

200
00:09:13,221 --> 00:09:15,932
Whoa. Here's one with
his face whited out.

201
00:09:16,015 --> 00:09:17,058
Hmm.

202
00:09:17,141 --> 00:09:18,267
Maybe someone threw
a pie in his face.

203
00:09:18,601 --> 00:09:20,603
New theory, he's a hated
Italian politician.

204
00:09:20,811 --> 00:09:22,271
Better theory,
this is her ex-boyfriend,

205
00:09:22,355 --> 00:09:23,856
and they went through some
kind of painful breakup.

206
00:09:25,066 --> 00:09:26,067
- Oh.
- Nellie,

207
00:09:26,859 --> 00:09:28,736
so sorry,
we were just...

208
00:09:29,320 --> 00:09:31,322
I see you've
discovered Benjamin.

209
00:09:31,405 --> 00:09:33,407
That's what I call my box
full of photos of Henry.

210
00:09:34,951 --> 00:09:36,494
Why not call...
Shh.

211
00:09:38,746 --> 00:09:42,416
God, we owned
this flat together.

212
00:09:42,500 --> 00:09:45,169
Then one morning, just
like that, he was gone.

213
00:09:45,253 --> 00:09:47,088
He ran off with a waitress
at our favorite restaurant.

214
00:09:47,672 --> 00:09:49,298
That's awful.

215
00:09:50,841 --> 00:09:51,926
What kind of restaurant?

216
00:09:52,009 --> 00:09:53,010
Dwight.

217
00:09:53,219 --> 00:09:56,514
I couldn't afford the flat myself.
So I sold it at a loss.

218
00:09:57,014 --> 00:09:59,267
Ah, but what's 10 years
of bliss down the drain

219
00:09:59,350 --> 00:10:03,020
compared with the thrill of starting
over with nothing and no one?

220
00:10:03,479 --> 00:10:06,357
I'm so sorry. These must
be very painful memories.

221
00:10:06,440 --> 00:10:08,276
If it would
help you to forget,

222
00:10:08,359 --> 00:10:11,070
I could hit you in the brain
stem with this candlestick.

223
00:10:12,196 --> 00:10:14,365
Thank you. No.

224
00:10:16,617 --> 00:10:20,788
Look, Jim, Dwight, please,
don't tell anyone about this.

225
00:10:20,955 --> 00:10:22,206
No, no, of course.

226
00:10:24,041 --> 00:10:28,713
Just one quick question,
was this Halloween or...

227
00:10:28,796 --> 00:10:30,715
God, no.

228
00:10:30,798 --> 00:10:33,092
That's the most embarrassing
thing of all of this.

229
00:10:33,426 --> 00:10:36,679
What kind of fool gets her heart
broken by a bloody stage magician?

230
00:10:39,181 --> 00:10:42,226
You know what, Pam? I was thinking
maybe we should change course here.

231
00:10:42,310 --> 00:10:43,394
Let's give up on
all this mean stuff.

232
00:10:43,686 --> 00:10:46,647
What? No. No. I just
had this brilliant idea.

233
00:10:46,731 --> 00:10:47,857
Everyone loved it.

234
00:10:47,940 --> 00:10:49,984
You don't have
a copyright on pranks.

235
00:10:50,067 --> 00:10:52,111
I might be better
at this than you.

236
00:10:52,403 --> 00:10:54,405
No, that's not... Jim,
could you give us a hand?

237
00:10:54,488 --> 00:10:55,698
Absolutely. Yeah.

238
00:10:55,823 --> 00:10:57,867
Call it off, Pam.
Call it off, okay?

239
00:10:57,950 --> 00:10:59,118
It's way more complicated
than you think.

240
00:10:59,285 --> 00:11:00,786
Cancel the magician.
Trust me.

241
00:11:00,870 --> 00:11:03,831
Oh, okay.
Okay, I will.

242
00:11:06,584 --> 00:11:07,710
That's a great idea.

243
00:11:07,793 --> 00:11:09,295
Yeah. Okay.

244
00:11:09,420 --> 00:11:10,588
- Pam, we have a great idea.
- Listen to this.

245
00:11:10,671 --> 00:11:12,590
We're going to have the
fluorescent lights flickering.

246
00:11:12,673 --> 00:11:13,966
It's going to
make everyone sick.

247
00:11:14,800 --> 00:11:16,218
Or what if...
Okay.

248
00:11:16,302 --> 00:11:22,266
...we discuss the idea of doing
the party totally normal.

249
00:11:22,933 --> 00:11:24,602
Like, not mean.

250
00:11:25,269 --> 00:11:26,771
Just a regular party.

251
00:11:27,855 --> 00:11:28,898
Not mean.

252
00:11:28,981 --> 00:11:31,650
I knew she'd crack. I wanted
to leave you out, you know.

253
00:11:31,817 --> 00:11:34,403
We're in far too deep. We can't
change course at this point.

254
00:11:34,487 --> 00:11:36,947
What are you talking about?
Of course we can.

255
00:11:37,031 --> 00:11:38,157
What I mean to say is
we don't want to.

256
00:11:38,449 --> 00:11:40,868
Toots, we're not stopping this
train, so get off the tracks.

257
00:11:42,536 --> 00:11:43,537
Suck it!

258
00:11:45,539 --> 00:11:46,540
Andy.

259
00:11:47,041 --> 00:11:50,378
It'll be fine. Just act natural.
Do you want a gummy penis?

260
00:11:50,795 --> 00:11:52,797
No. I'll just have
some gummy bears.

261
00:11:53,005 --> 00:11:54,048
These are delicious.

262
00:11:54,131 --> 00:11:55,383
But they're penises.

263
00:11:55,841 --> 00:11:57,843
And we come to Matthew,

264
00:11:57,927 --> 00:11:59,595
the guy who was
with his old girlfriend

265
00:11:59,678 --> 00:12:01,555
basically the whole time
we were together.

266
00:12:01,639 --> 00:12:03,015
Oh, no.

267
00:12:03,724 --> 00:12:07,478
Eww! That seems gross
at first blush, right?

268
00:12:07,770 --> 00:12:10,981
But relationships are always
more complicated than you think.

269
00:12:11,482 --> 00:12:13,859
I mean, we don't know Matthew's
history with this other woman.

270
00:12:14,819 --> 00:12:17,947
Maybe she saved his life.
I don't know.

271
00:12:18,572 --> 00:12:19,573
I just...
I don't think we should

272
00:12:19,657 --> 00:12:20,866
rush to judgment
about Matthew.

273
00:12:20,950 --> 00:12:22,159
Maybe we don't
pop that one.

274
00:12:22,368 --> 00:12:24,078
No. Pop it.
Pop it!

275
00:12:24,161 --> 00:12:25,204
LAUREN; Pop it!

276
00:12:27,790 --> 00:12:29,041
HEY
HEY

277
00:12:29,125 --> 00:12:30,626
Sorry. It's kind of a mad house.

278
00:12:33,045 --> 00:12:34,380
Oh, Megan.

279
00:12:34,713 --> 00:12:37,258
You are one of the good
ones, Nard Dog. Aw!

280
00:12:37,341 --> 00:12:39,176
No, really.
Where's my Andy?

281
00:12:39,969 --> 00:12:41,387
He's out there.

282
00:12:42,221 --> 00:12:43,431
Are you going to
sing for us?

283
00:12:43,848 --> 00:12:46,976
Well, you guys are doing a pretty good
job with the scary yelling, so...

284
00:12:47,059 --> 00:12:51,105
That's not like you. That's not like you.
Come on, sing! Sing!

285
00:12:51,188 --> 00:12:57,361
By yon bonnie banks
and by yon bonnie braes

286
00:12:57,862 --> 00:12:59,989
Okay, they're almost here.
What?

287
00:13:01,157 --> 00:13:03,367
Come on! If you guys
are going to be mean,

288
00:13:03,451 --> 00:13:04,743
can't you at least
be subtle?

289
00:13:05,703 --> 00:13:08,581
Oh, in the warehouse,
we'd use code names

290
00:13:08,664 --> 00:13:10,249
for people we
wanted to talk about.

291
00:13:10,332 --> 00:13:13,043
Andy was "Jelly Roll." Mike
was "Dennis the Menace."

292
00:13:13,669 --> 00:13:14,670
Ryan was "Douche Bag."

293
00:13:15,004 --> 00:13:17,756
Hey, that's not a code name.
That's just an insult.

294
00:13:17,840 --> 00:13:19,633
Plus, everyone would know
who you meant. Yeah.

295
00:13:19,717 --> 00:13:22,303
No, that's a great idea.
Yes, let's have a code name.

296
00:13:22,386 --> 00:13:26,098
How about "Mondays"? I hate Mondays.
Mondays are the worst.

297
00:13:26,182 --> 00:13:27,183
Nobody's named Monday.

298
00:13:27,391 --> 00:13:30,436
Hey, how about we go with "Pam"?
Simple, easy to remember.

299
00:13:30,895 --> 00:13:33,147
Because there's someone
already here named Pam.

300
00:13:33,230 --> 00:13:34,231
Shh. Here she comes.

301
00:13:34,315 --> 00:13:35,316
Hey.

302
00:13:35,941 --> 00:13:37,234
Welcome to your party.

303
00:13:37,568 --> 00:13:41,322
Everybody, get comfy now. This first
song's over a half-hour long.

304
00:13:47,411 --> 00:13:50,998
Best gig ever. They asked
me to play only originals.

305
00:13:51,081 --> 00:13:53,834
I said, "Have you heard my originals?
They're terrible."

306
00:13:53,918 --> 00:13:59,089
They said, "Even better." I said, "I get it.
It's an ironic party for Nellie."

307
00:13:59,924 --> 00:14:01,258
Maybe we should just go.

308
00:14:01,383 --> 00:14:02,718
No, I got to do this.

309
00:14:04,595 --> 00:14:06,222
Hey, Jessica,
can I talk to you?

310
00:14:06,347 --> 00:14:07,973
Uh, yeah, sure,
what's up?

311
00:14:08,057 --> 00:14:09,558
Maybe we could
talk in private.

312
00:14:09,642 --> 00:14:11,477
Yeah, what is it?

313
00:14:12,394 --> 00:14:14,230
Well, first,
let me just say that

314
00:14:14,313 --> 00:14:17,900
I hope when I'm done with
the sort of ugly bits,

315
00:14:17,983 --> 00:14:19,777
that we can
stay friends.

316
00:14:19,860 --> 00:14:21,028
You're breaking up
with me?

317
00:14:21,445 --> 00:14:22,530
Uh...

318
00:14:22,613 --> 00:14:24,281
No. No.

319
00:14:24,949 --> 00:14:27,868
You always do this.
You twist my words around.

320
00:14:27,952 --> 00:14:29,954
Part of me thinks we should
just end this right now.

321
00:14:30,371 --> 00:14:34,375
Oh, my God. Are you
leaving me for Erin?

322
00:14:34,458 --> 00:14:37,378
You said she wasn't relationship
material, and she wasn't as good as me.

323
00:14:37,461 --> 00:14:38,712
But it's her, isn't it?

324
00:14:38,796 --> 00:14:39,797
Whoa.

325
00:14:40,714 --> 00:14:44,176
That... No.
Okay, you want honesty?

326
00:14:44,385 --> 00:14:47,930
Super honesty time.
I'm gay.

327
00:14:48,556 --> 00:14:49,557
What?

328
00:14:50,474 --> 00:14:53,102
I am gay and
I prefer men.

329
00:14:53,185 --> 00:14:54,186
I knew it!

330
00:14:54,270 --> 00:14:55,479
You did not, Kenny.

331
00:14:55,604 --> 00:14:57,273
You invited me to
go shopping with you.

332
00:14:57,356 --> 00:15:01,652
I like hanging outwith you.
You're a cool guy.

333
00:15:01,735 --> 00:15:03,779
Which proves my point
that I'm gay.

334
00:15:03,988 --> 00:15:05,990
Andy, you're not gay.

335
00:15:06,073 --> 00:15:11,287
I mean, we were together and
you seemed pretty excitable.

336
00:15:11,370 --> 00:15:15,499
Well, I was faking it.
I had to fake it every time.

337
00:15:15,583 --> 00:15:18,669
I had to imagine that I was in
a steam room with John Stamos.

338
00:15:19,461 --> 00:15:22,840
I can't say it
doesn't make sense.

339
00:15:23,757 --> 00:15:26,385
Well, I mean, I was
good at hiding it...

340
00:15:26,468 --> 00:15:28,304
It's fine, Andy.

341
00:15:29,013 --> 00:15:31,599
I didn't think we were going
to get married or anything.

342
00:15:31,682 --> 00:15:34,810
I just...
I'm just upset for now.

343
00:15:35,185 --> 00:15:40,190
Understandable, and I'm really sorry.
I really am.

344
00:15:44,028 --> 00:15:47,781
So, we should probably go.

345
00:15:55,873 --> 00:15:59,126
This humble
but sincere effort is

346
00:15:59,209 --> 00:16:02,046
all for our valued new colleague.
Excellent.

347
00:16:02,755 --> 00:16:05,382
To Nellie Bertram,
you are a most welcome

348
00:16:05,466 --> 00:16:07,384
and friendly presence
at our company.

349
00:16:07,718 --> 00:16:09,219
Cheers.
Why, thank you.

350
00:16:10,095 --> 00:16:13,349
Pam, on the other hand,
is a most unwelcome,

351
00:16:13,474 --> 00:16:17,061
entitled and unfriendly
presence in our company.

352
00:16:17,186 --> 00:16:18,562
Cheers.

353
00:16:20,439 --> 00:16:24,026
Nellie is terrific,
but to be honest,

354
00:16:24,109 --> 00:16:27,321
every day, I imagine how
happy I'd be if Pam died.

355
00:16:29,323 --> 00:16:35,162
Oh, well, I feel that as
someone who knows Pam,

356
00:16:35,245 --> 00:16:40,125
only a little bit, enough, a good
amount, not the most, though,

357
00:16:40,250 --> 00:16:42,127
I would say that
she is misunderstood,

358
00:16:42,670 --> 00:16:45,130
and that maybe there's
some stuff in her past

359
00:16:45,214 --> 00:16:46,965
that you guys
don't know about

360
00:16:47,049 --> 00:16:48,509
that's a little
messed up and probably

361
00:16:48,592 --> 00:16:50,219
makes her such a
torture to work with.

362
00:16:50,594 --> 00:16:56,058
We hate Pam! We hate Pam!
We hate Pam! We hate Pam!

363
00:16:56,392 --> 00:16:57,643
So we've established...

364
00:16:57,726 --> 00:16:58,686
No.

365
00:16:58,769 --> 00:17:00,771
...that you guys hate Pam.

366
00:17:01,522 --> 00:17:04,942
Do you ever wish she
would just disappear?

367
00:17:05,609 --> 00:17:06,610
Oh!

368
00:17:10,447 --> 00:17:11,740
That was a really
rough scene.

369
00:17:11,824 --> 00:17:13,617
Right? Rough scene.
Yeah.

370
00:17:16,578 --> 00:17:17,996
At least we can kiss now.

371
00:17:18,080 --> 00:17:19,456
Oh, yeah.

372
00:17:24,211 --> 00:17:27,756
You know, that stuff that I said
about you to her, that's just...

373
00:17:27,840 --> 00:17:29,133
I had to say it.

374
00:17:30,008 --> 00:17:31,301
You know, I was dating
her at the time.

375
00:17:31,385 --> 00:17:32,428
Yeah.

376
00:17:33,220 --> 00:17:34,930
Yes, of course.

377
00:17:36,098 --> 00:17:37,099
Ugh.

378
00:17:37,182 --> 00:17:38,225
I feel really tired.

379
00:17:38,308 --> 00:17:39,351
Yeah.

380
00:17:39,435 --> 00:17:40,477
Probably from
seeing that turkey.

381
00:17:40,561 --> 00:17:41,562
Oh, yeah.

382
00:17:41,645 --> 00:17:45,482
When we drove by the farm.
Always does that.

383
00:17:52,406 --> 00:17:55,033
Are you Nellie? I think
you're my volunteer.

384
00:17:55,117 --> 00:17:56,243
Come on
over here, huh?

385
00:17:58,162 --> 00:17:59,955
No, I'll do it.
I will volunteer.

386
00:18:00,080 --> 00:18:01,790
No, Nellie should.
No, I'll do it.

387
00:18:01,957 --> 00:18:08,255
Oh, big guy, huh? How's the air up there?
Watch out for birds.

388
00:18:09,923 --> 00:18:13,427
All right, let's do
some card magic.

389
00:18:13,510 --> 00:18:15,596
Now, what I want
you to do is,

390
00:18:15,679 --> 00:18:18,307
I want you to pick a card
just by looking at it.

391
00:18:18,432 --> 00:18:20,851
Do not say what it is.

392
00:18:23,687 --> 00:18:24,688
It's the four of hearts.

393
00:18:25,063 --> 00:18:26,565
Oh, no, it's...

394
00:18:26,648 --> 00:18:30,110
Looks like we got a guy from
another country here, huh?

395
00:18:30,235 --> 00:18:33,447
No hablo el cardo, señior?

396
00:18:34,364 --> 00:18:38,911
All right, the card is picked. Now,
sir, will you please shuffle the deck?

397
00:18:45,542 --> 00:18:47,878
You didn't just do that
on purpose, did you?

398
00:18:48,045 --> 00:18:50,923
Why is Jim treating
the magician poorly?

399
00:18:51,048 --> 00:18:53,759
Little known fact about me,
before I was a magician,

400
00:18:53,842 --> 00:18:56,804
I used to work
at a rope factory.

401
00:18:56,887 --> 00:18:59,056
Not true because
that's not a real place.

402
00:18:59,723 --> 00:19:02,976
But I never could seem to
figure out those knots.

403
00:19:03,060 --> 00:19:04,978
That's not a real knot. When
you pull on it, it disappears.

404
00:19:05,062 --> 00:19:06,063
What the hell?

405
00:19:07,231 --> 00:19:09,608
All right! Where's Phyllis?
Who's Phyllis?

406
00:19:10,776 --> 00:19:15,823
Look, this is really uncool, okay?
I put on a clean show here...

407
00:19:15,906 --> 00:19:17,908
Okay, scram, wizard!
What?

408
00:19:17,991 --> 00:19:19,076
You heard me!

409
00:19:19,243 --> 00:19:21,912
Wow. Nellie, I'm sorry.
If I'd known

410
00:19:21,995 --> 00:19:24,665
Jim and Pam
would use this party

411
00:19:24,748 --> 00:19:26,875
as an excuse to
abuse a magician...

412
00:19:27,000 --> 00:19:29,586
Well, I thought
it was quite fun.

413
00:19:30,212 --> 00:19:32,965
In fact, I think they're brilliant
employees in their own way.

414
00:19:34,007 --> 00:19:35,342
Don't you see
what I see?

415
00:19:35,717 --> 00:19:38,720
Interesting, yes.
No, yes, I see that.

416
00:19:39,721 --> 00:19:43,141
Great work, team.
Great party.

417
00:19:43,559 --> 00:19:46,019
You think this
is a great party?

418
00:19:46,103 --> 00:19:50,566
This cake has vegetables in
it, like a salad bar, Robert.

419
00:19:50,649 --> 00:19:53,235
How do I get this
taste out of my mouth?

420
00:19:57,281 --> 00:19:58,782
What? Why are we...

421
00:19:58,866 --> 00:20:00,325
I just got to do
one thing.

422
00:20:06,790 --> 00:20:08,000
Oh, hello.

423
00:20:08,458 --> 00:20:10,210
Hey, everybody,
look who's here.

424
00:20:10,294 --> 00:20:11,336
What are you doing here?

425
00:20:11,670 --> 00:20:15,716
Hi. Super duper honesty
time, I'm not gay.

426
00:20:16,466 --> 00:20:18,886
In fact, I'm so not gay that
I'm in love with a girl.

427
00:20:18,969 --> 00:20:22,097
Her name is Erin Hannon,
and she is right there.

428
00:20:22,180 --> 00:20:25,058
She's sweet,
funny and beautiful

429
00:20:25,142 --> 00:20:26,894
and total
relationship material.

430
00:20:28,228 --> 00:20:29,521
Why the hell did
you come back here?

431
00:20:29,897 --> 00:20:30,939
Go away.

432
00:20:31,023 --> 00:20:32,024
Get lost.

433
00:20:32,149 --> 00:20:33,400
Get out!
Okay.

434
00:20:33,483 --> 00:20:35,027
You're done! Get out!
Bye, guys. Go. Go.

435
00:20:35,110 --> 00:20:36,153
You ruined my party.

436
00:20:37,029 --> 00:20:39,573
Who does that?
Are you kidding me?

437
00:20:39,656 --> 00:20:41,116
Yeah, run away.
Run away!

438
00:20:41,199 --> 00:20:42,409
You're disgusting!

439
00:20:42,492 --> 00:20:44,369
I can't believe
you're not gay!

440
00:20:45,704 --> 00:20:46,788
Yeah,
get out of here.

441
00:20:46,872 --> 00:20:47,956
Don't come back!

442
00:20:50,709 --> 00:20:51,919
Uh-oh.

443
00:20:52,461 --> 00:20:53,712
You don't even
know how to drive!

444
00:20:54,338 --> 00:20:56,256
Loser! Nice car!

445
00:21:03,013 --> 00:21:04,806
Hey, Hank.
Yes, ma'am.

446
00:21:05,015 --> 00:21:08,852
I thought I was very specific about
you not letting up a magician.

447
00:21:09,311 --> 00:21:10,979
Yes, ma'am,
I got my eyes open.

448
00:21:11,355 --> 00:21:13,357
Well, turns out he
actually made it up there.

449
00:21:13,649 --> 00:21:15,192
What? That ain't right.

450
00:21:15,525 --> 00:21:16,735
Yeah, he came and went.

451
00:21:18,362 --> 00:21:22,032
Wait a minute, you said
it was a magician, right?

452
00:21:23,033 --> 00:21:25,744
You don't think he could have used...
It couldn't have been...

453
00:21:27,537 --> 00:21:28,538
Let's just go.

454
00:21:28,622 --> 00:21:29,706
Good night, Hank.