1 00:00:04,421 --> 00:00:05,671 (GRUNTS) 2 00:00:07,674 --> 00:00:08,841 Parkour! 3 00:00:10,552 --> 00:00:12,428 Michael. Parkour! Parkour! 4 00:00:13,263 --> 00:00:14,930 Extreme. MlCHAEL: Parkour! 5 00:00:15,140 --> 00:00:19,476 This is parkour. lnternet sensation of 2004, 6 00:00:19,686 --> 00:00:22,146 and it was in one of the Bond films. lt's pretty impressive. 7 00:00:22,230 --> 00:00:25,774 The goal is to get from point A to point B as creatively as possible. 8 00:00:25,859 --> 00:00:27,568 So technically they are doing parkour, 9 00:00:27,652 --> 00:00:31,113 as long as point A is delusion and point B is the hospital. 10 00:00:31,281 --> 00:00:32,781 (DWlGHT YELLS) 11 00:00:33,616 --> 00:00:35,159 Parkour! 12 00:00:38,788 --> 00:00:39,830 (DWlGHT WHOOPlNG) 13 00:00:39,914 --> 00:00:41,623 DWlGHT: Yeah, parkour! 14 00:00:41,875 --> 00:00:43,333 Andy, leap frog. Go, go! 15 00:00:43,460 --> 00:00:45,586 Do me! Do me! Yeah. Okay. Yeah. 16 00:00:45,670 --> 00:00:46,712 Parkour! Parkour! 17 00:00:46,796 --> 00:00:48,714 Get off! Get off! Okay. 18 00:00:48,798 --> 00:00:49,798 Parkour! 19 00:00:52,302 --> 00:00:53,844 Parkour! Jump over the camera. 20 00:00:54,137 --> 00:00:55,387 Jump over the camera. 21 00:00:57,307 --> 00:00:59,558 Okay, we all go together, or we go one at a time. 22 00:00:59,642 --> 00:01:04,313 Here it is. Here it is. Truck to refrigerators to dumpster, 23 00:01:04,481 --> 00:01:07,900 360 spin onto the palettes, back flip, gainer into the trashcan. 24 00:01:08,026 --> 00:01:09,985 Yeah, gainer! Yeah, yeah, yeah ! 25 00:01:10,070 --> 00:01:12,446 Parkour, parkour! Parkour, parkour! 26 00:01:12,530 --> 00:01:13,781 l'm right behind you, Andy. Come on ! 27 00:01:13,865 --> 00:01:16,116 Let's do it! Yeah ! 28 00:01:19,662 --> 00:01:20,788 ANDY: (GROANS) Parkour. 29 00:01:29,923 --> 00:01:31,340 (lNAUDlBLE) 30 00:01:44,521 --> 00:01:45,521 DWlGHT: Good. 31 00:01:47,857 --> 00:01:48,857 Excellent. 32 00:01:50,401 --> 00:01:51,485 Thank you. 33 00:01:52,028 --> 00:01:54,238 Here you go. ls there anything else l can do? 34 00:02:01,579 --> 00:02:02,830 Yes. 35 00:02:02,914 --> 00:02:04,581 (CLEARlNG THROAT) 36 00:02:04,666 --> 00:02:06,708 See those files behind Kevin's desk? Mmm-hmm. 37 00:02:06,793 --> 00:02:08,794 Go put them all in random order. 38 00:02:08,878 --> 00:02:09,878 Okay. 39 00:02:09,963 --> 00:02:13,298 DWlGHT: Then come back here for your next assignment concerning their order. 40 00:02:13,591 --> 00:02:17,469 This is the last day of our summer interns. lt's been nice. 41 00:02:17,554 --> 00:02:18,846 We haven't had interns in a whiIe. 42 00:02:18,930 --> 00:02:19,972 (lNAUDlBLE) 43 00:02:20,056 --> 00:02:22,391 Ever since MichaeI's Monica Lewinsky incident. 44 00:02:22,559 --> 00:02:23,892 He didn't do anything sexual. 45 00:02:24,102 --> 00:02:26,937 He just made far, far too many Monica Lewinsky jokes. 46 00:02:27,730 --> 00:02:30,315 lt was just easier for corporate to shut down the program. 47 00:02:33,278 --> 00:02:35,404 Think she did him? l bet there's something there. 48 00:02:35,530 --> 00:02:36,989 l was with them in the kitchen yesterday, 49 00:02:37,073 --> 00:02:39,199 and they were all too happy to be cleaning the freezer. 50 00:02:39,325 --> 00:02:41,660 lf they get married before l do, l'm going to kill myself. 51 00:02:42,120 --> 00:02:43,912 Who's getting married? Nobody. 52 00:02:45,039 --> 00:02:46,582 lf somebody doesn't tell me, l'm gonna start screaming. 53 00:02:46,666 --> 00:02:48,417 lt's Eric and Megan. Oh ! 54 00:02:48,501 --> 00:02:50,043 Hey, l hired them. 55 00:02:50,253 --> 00:02:51,503 Matchmaker. 56 00:02:52,172 --> 00:02:53,881 This place is like Spaniard fly. 57 00:02:53,965 --> 00:02:56,091 They're not getting married. lt's just talk. 58 00:02:56,176 --> 00:02:57,759 Did everybody know about this but me? 59 00:02:57,844 --> 00:02:59,803 There's nothing to know. lt's just gossip. 60 00:03:02,098 --> 00:03:03,307 Okay. Okay. 61 00:03:04,434 --> 00:03:06,018 We haven't told anyone that l'm pregnant. 62 00:03:06,102 --> 00:03:09,354 What with her being unmarried, knocked up by some guy. 63 00:03:09,439 --> 00:03:11,857 The yakety-yaks in this office would have a field day. 64 00:03:11,941 --> 00:03:13,692 Yeah, and we don't want them at the wedding thinking 65 00:03:13,776 --> 00:03:16,778 Jim's being marched down the aisle by my dad with a shotgun. 66 00:03:18,114 --> 00:03:19,364 Wait, there's not going to be a shotgun? 67 00:03:19,449 --> 00:03:20,490 Nope. 68 00:03:20,575 --> 00:03:23,243 No shotgun? Because that changes everything. 69 00:03:23,453 --> 00:03:24,786 Can't back out now, Halpert. 70 00:03:25,580 --> 00:03:28,624 What are you going to do about it? There's no shotgun, so, 71 00:03:30,084 --> 00:03:32,211 free at last, free at last. 72 00:03:33,421 --> 00:03:34,504 No, keep it up. 73 00:03:36,132 --> 00:03:37,132 You'll never guess what l know. 74 00:03:37,217 --> 00:03:39,134 Okay. Let me finish this thought. 75 00:03:39,636 --> 00:03:41,094 Eric likes Megan. 76 00:03:42,347 --> 00:03:43,639 He most definitely does. 77 00:03:43,806 --> 00:03:45,766 He's been asking her out repeatedly for weeks. 78 00:03:45,850 --> 00:03:48,769 She finally said yes. They went out on a group date the other night. 79 00:03:48,853 --> 00:03:50,229 Apparently it went very well. 80 00:03:51,231 --> 00:03:53,232 How do you know this? People tell me things. 81 00:03:53,316 --> 00:03:55,234 l guess l have a face you can trust. 82 00:03:55,318 --> 00:03:57,319 l think it's because of my low cheek bones. 83 00:03:58,196 --> 00:04:01,907 And boom. Okay, what is it? What can't l guess? 84 00:04:02,951 --> 00:04:05,577 l hate, hate, hate being left out. 85 00:04:05,870 --> 00:04:10,374 Whether it's not being picked for a team or being picked for a team 86 00:04:10,458 --> 00:04:13,627 and then showing up and realizing that the team doesn't exist, 87 00:04:14,629 --> 00:04:16,546 or that the sport doesn't exist. 88 00:04:17,382 --> 00:04:19,383 l should have known. Poopball? 89 00:04:20,677 --> 00:04:23,553 Oh, man, l know how you feel. Third wheel. 90 00:04:23,638 --> 00:04:26,848 l have been the third wheel so many times in my life. 91 00:04:27,517 --> 00:04:29,643 My mom told me something once that made me feel a lot better. 92 00:04:29,727 --> 00:04:33,855 She said, "The third wheel is what makes it a tricycle." 93 00:04:34,148 --> 00:04:35,190 What are you talking about? 94 00:04:35,275 --> 00:04:37,526 l am talking about your group date with Megan and Eric. 95 00:04:37,652 --> 00:04:38,860 At Tinks? Yes. 96 00:04:38,987 --> 00:04:40,320 How'd you know about that? Well. . . 97 00:04:40,405 --> 00:04:41,655 Did Stanley tell you? 98 00:04:42,365 --> 00:04:44,741 Stanley was on your group date? 99 00:04:45,034 --> 00:04:46,868 No. Stanley was with his wife. 100 00:04:46,953 --> 00:04:48,537 l waved at him but he didn't wave back. 101 00:04:50,039 --> 00:04:51,039 (CHUCKLES) 102 00:04:51,124 --> 00:04:52,582 Does anybody else know about this? 103 00:04:52,667 --> 00:04:53,709 No. 104 00:04:53,793 --> 00:04:55,127 (CHUCKLES) 105 00:04:56,879 --> 00:04:59,298 There he goes. There he goes. 106 00:05:00,967 --> 00:05:04,052 So, what is the scuttlebutt? Anybody hear anything? 107 00:05:06,222 --> 00:05:08,974 Nothing? l got a little something-something. 108 00:05:09,559 --> 00:05:10,892 l don't know if l should say. 109 00:05:11,102 --> 00:05:12,311 So just keep it to yourself, then. 110 00:05:12,395 --> 00:05:14,563 Stanley is having a midlife crisis. 111 00:05:14,647 --> 00:05:16,815 Stanley is way past the middle of his life, 112 00:05:16,899 --> 00:05:18,650 especially considering his height-to-weight ratio. 113 00:05:18,735 --> 00:05:21,278 Well, apparently, he and his wife 114 00:05:21,362 --> 00:05:23,989 were out dancing at a club for young people. 115 00:05:24,073 --> 00:05:25,657 Teri's out of town, Michael. 116 00:05:25,867 --> 00:05:27,909 Who? Stanley's wife, Teri. 117 00:05:27,994 --> 00:05:30,829 She's at an interior decorating expo in Philly. 118 00:05:31,039 --> 00:05:35,792 And Stanley hates crowds, kids and music. l think you should check your facts. 119 00:05:43,092 --> 00:05:46,428 You stupid son of a bitch. You set me up. 120 00:05:46,596 --> 00:05:47,554 What are you talking about? 121 00:05:47,638 --> 00:05:49,264 Stanley's wife is out of town. 122 00:05:49,349 --> 00:05:50,349 He was with somebody. 123 00:05:50,433 --> 00:05:51,475 He was definitely with someone. 124 00:05:51,601 --> 00:05:54,102 Oh ! Was he? Well, who? His sister? 125 00:05:54,228 --> 00:05:55,354 (LAUGHS) 126 00:05:55,438 --> 00:05:56,605 l don't get it! 127 00:05:57,106 --> 00:05:59,900 lf that was his sister, then what they were doing was totally illegal. 128 00:06:01,110 --> 00:06:02,110 Drugs? 129 00:06:03,488 --> 00:06:04,696 Making out. 130 00:06:10,453 --> 00:06:11,787 Okay. 131 00:06:16,459 --> 00:06:17,959 Okay. No, it's okay. 132 00:06:18,920 --> 00:06:20,087 Never mind. Carry on. 133 00:06:20,546 --> 00:06:22,214 (WHlSPERlNG) Stanley is having an affair. 134 00:06:22,423 --> 00:06:23,548 What? l know. 135 00:06:23,633 --> 00:06:24,633 (lNAUDlBLE) 136 00:06:24,717 --> 00:06:28,553 MlCHAEL: I am very happy right now, thrilled perhaps, to be a part of the office, 137 00:06:28,638 --> 00:06:30,305 to be a part of the conversation. 138 00:06:30,390 --> 00:06:34,017 When you have somebody's attention, and their eyes are lighting up 139 00:06:34,102 --> 00:06:36,853 because they are very interested in what you have to say, 140 00:06:36,938 --> 00:06:38,063 that is a great feeling. 141 00:06:38,147 --> 00:06:40,524 And I experienced that firsthand today. 142 00:06:40,608 --> 00:06:43,735 lt is wonderful to be the center of attention. 143 00:06:43,820 --> 00:06:46,113 MlCHAEL: That and that are the same letter. 144 00:06:46,197 --> 00:06:47,864 KEVlN: Q. 145 00:06:47,949 --> 00:06:49,741 No. No. 146 00:06:49,826 --> 00:06:51,535 Okay. He's holding a pencil. 147 00:06:51,661 --> 00:06:54,121 He could be doing a crossword puzzle with that pencil. 148 00:06:54,247 --> 00:06:57,833 What's that letter, right there? Same letter here and here. 149 00:06:57,959 --> 00:06:59,668 What haven't you guessed? T. 150 00:06:59,877 --> 00:07:04,631 T! Yes! Yes! That is a T. 151 00:07:04,715 --> 00:07:09,636 And there's another one right there. Just sound that out. You're almost there. 152 00:07:10,513 --> 00:07:13,807 Hey, Stanley, where are you going, big guy? Up to no good? 153 00:07:13,891 --> 00:07:15,934 l'm meeting a client. Do you have a problem with that? 154 00:07:16,018 --> 00:07:19,187 No, no, no, no, no. l just had a quick question for you. 155 00:07:19,272 --> 00:07:24,067 l'm casting a movie and l'm looking for a woman who can dance, beautiful woman. 156 00:07:24,152 --> 00:07:25,277 Do you know anybody? 157 00:07:25,695 --> 00:07:26,736 Goodbye. 158 00:07:26,821 --> 00:07:29,823 Pays 5 million dollars. Nudity required. 159 00:07:30,366 --> 00:07:31,408 You have to stop this. 160 00:07:31,492 --> 00:07:33,452 (WHlSPERlNG) Did you hear that Stanley's having an affair? 161 00:07:33,536 --> 00:07:36,121 (WHlSPERlNG) l did. From you. You got to stop telling people. 162 00:07:36,205 --> 00:07:39,833 Okay. l get it. You feel out of the loop and you feel sorry for yourself, 163 00:07:39,917 --> 00:07:42,085 and it's really sad because everybody thinks you're a loser. 164 00:07:42,170 --> 00:07:44,296 Do you even know if it's true? Do you have any idea? 165 00:07:44,380 --> 00:07:47,007 Because you might be ruining his life. 166 00:07:53,222 --> 00:07:55,932 Hold up! Hold up! Hold up! No, no, no, no! 167 00:07:56,017 --> 00:07:57,017 (HONKlNG) 168 00:07:57,101 --> 00:07:59,227 lt's time to stop being polite and get real ! 169 00:07:59,562 --> 00:08:01,605 Stanley, you having an affair? 170 00:08:02,940 --> 00:08:06,651 That is ridiculous. Of course not. Why would you think that? 171 00:08:06,736 --> 00:08:08,945 So it's not true. Okay. Well. . . 172 00:08:10,406 --> 00:08:11,656 (SlGHlNG) Oh ! 173 00:08:11,741 --> 00:08:15,410 Those interns, they told me they saw you at the club, 174 00:08:15,661 --> 00:08:17,287 and they all said it was you. 175 00:08:17,371 --> 00:08:23,043 lt was clearly just racial profiling gossip. The little. . . 176 00:08:23,127 --> 00:08:26,254 Damn ! l told her it was a stupid idea. . . 177 00:08:26,339 --> 00:08:28,340 lt's so stupid. . . .to go up in that club. 178 00:08:28,424 --> 00:08:32,093 lt's just that Teri's been traveling a lot lately. 179 00:08:32,178 --> 00:08:34,679 l know. l know. lt's been lonely. 180 00:08:34,764 --> 00:08:36,264 Oh, l bet. l. . . 181 00:08:36,390 --> 00:08:38,475 Cynthia's been keeping me company. 182 00:08:38,601 --> 00:08:42,145 She was my nurse when l was in rehabilitation. 183 00:08:42,313 --> 00:08:45,774 We used to go on these long walks on the treadmill. 184 00:08:47,902 --> 00:08:49,319 l didn't intend. . . 185 00:08:49,403 --> 00:08:51,738 Wait, wait, wait. 186 00:08:53,074 --> 00:08:54,115 So it is true? 187 00:08:54,200 --> 00:08:55,951 Yeah, but Michael, l'm going to go break it off. 188 00:08:56,035 --> 00:08:57,202 That's where l'm headed right now. l swear. 189 00:08:57,286 --> 00:08:59,037 Oh, my God. Wait a second. 190 00:08:59,121 --> 00:09:03,250 Do people often say they're going on sales calls and then go someplace else? 191 00:09:03,334 --> 00:09:04,376 Because that's not cool. 192 00:09:04,460 --> 00:09:09,130 l just need you to promise not to say a word about this to anyone. 193 00:09:09,590 --> 00:09:10,549 Michael, please. 194 00:09:10,633 --> 00:09:12,425 l'm not saying a damn thing. 195 00:09:12,510 --> 00:09:13,885 l'm counting on you, Michael. 196 00:09:13,970 --> 00:09:15,470 Okay. You can count on me. 197 00:09:20,142 --> 00:09:21,226 Oh, that smells good. 198 00:09:21,394 --> 00:09:24,646 Yeah, l might have extra. lt just depends on how many l eat. 199 00:09:24,730 --> 00:09:26,773 Did you hear about Angela? That's pretty weird. 200 00:09:26,857 --> 00:09:30,318 Yeah. What do you mean exactly? 201 00:09:30,611 --> 00:09:35,490 Well, the fact that she apparently is dating an 81 -year-old billionaire. 202 00:09:35,866 --> 00:09:37,576 Owns a Quiznos on the turnpike. 203 00:09:38,244 --> 00:09:39,786 Really? Uh-huh. 204 00:09:40,162 --> 00:09:41,913 (EXCLAlMlNG) Right? 205 00:09:41,998 --> 00:09:45,333 How do you un-tell something? You can't. 206 00:09:46,168 --> 00:09:48,336 You can't put words back in your mouth. 207 00:09:48,421 --> 00:09:53,133 What you can do is spread false gossip, 208 00:09:53,676 --> 00:09:56,845 so that people think that everything that's been said is untrue, 209 00:09:57,096 --> 00:09:59,514 including "Stanley is having an affair." 210 00:10:01,225 --> 00:10:04,936 lt's like the end of Spartacus. l've seen that movie half a dozen times, 211 00:10:05,313 --> 00:10:07,731 and l still don't know who the real Spartacus is. 212 00:10:08,065 --> 00:10:11,818 And that is what makes that movie a classic whodunit. 213 00:10:12,695 --> 00:10:14,321 Kelly has an eating disorder? MlCHAEL: Yes. 214 00:10:14,405 --> 00:10:15,447 She always eats my lunch. 215 00:10:15,531 --> 00:10:18,658 Anorexia. She's an anorexitic. 216 00:10:18,951 --> 00:10:20,076 We should do something. 217 00:10:20,161 --> 00:10:21,286 Nothing can be done. 218 00:10:21,370 --> 00:10:24,372 Just have to tell everybody and hope for the best, l guess. 219 00:10:25,625 --> 00:10:29,252 l'm worried about Erin because she's not a very good worker. 220 00:10:29,337 --> 00:10:30,837 l don't know how long she's going to last here. 221 00:10:30,921 --> 00:10:33,798 Really? Yeah. So. . . 222 00:10:34,008 --> 00:10:36,259 And Andy is gay. 223 00:10:36,385 --> 00:10:38,053 Andy Bernard? Mmm-hmm. 224 00:10:38,387 --> 00:10:40,764 (WHlSPERlNG) Did you hear Pam is pregnant? 225 00:10:41,515 --> 00:10:42,849 (WHlSPERlNG) Really? Yeah. 226 00:10:44,518 --> 00:10:46,144 She's going to hate being a mom. 227 00:10:48,522 --> 00:10:50,148 (KEVlN CHUCKLlNG) 228 00:10:53,361 --> 00:10:54,944 What? Tea. 229 00:10:56,030 --> 00:10:57,739 So? You would. 230 00:10:58,240 --> 00:11:01,576 l like tea. Oh, l bet you like it. 231 00:11:01,661 --> 00:11:06,456 Yeah. l like it a lot. l love tea. 232 00:11:06,540 --> 00:11:09,668 Do you like it as much as you like men's butts? 233 00:11:09,794 --> 00:11:12,754 What? Because you're gay. 234 00:11:14,757 --> 00:11:20,095 Who told you that? Was it Broccoli Rob? Someone from Chi Psi? 235 00:11:20,596 --> 00:11:22,263 Or did you run into someone from my high school? 236 00:11:22,723 --> 00:11:26,434 This is not the first time rumors about me being gay have come up. 237 00:11:27,103 --> 00:11:28,353 Twice before, actually. 238 00:11:29,689 --> 00:11:34,234 Just a weird coincidence. lt's a little too weird. 239 00:11:35,528 --> 00:11:37,320 (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) 240 00:11:37,613 --> 00:11:40,532 Almost makes you wonder if it's not a coincidence at all. Whoa! 241 00:11:41,492 --> 00:11:42,909 Which it is, of course. 242 00:11:44,620 --> 00:11:46,162 But it makes you wonder. 243 00:11:47,123 --> 00:11:50,458 Did you hear the rumor about me, that l'm gay? 244 00:11:50,710 --> 00:11:52,585 l did, yes. 245 00:11:53,295 --> 00:11:55,296 And? What? 246 00:11:57,133 --> 00:12:01,219 Do you think it's true? Do you think that l'm gay? 247 00:12:01,637 --> 00:12:02,804 Are you attracted to other men? 248 00:12:02,888 --> 00:12:04,222 (SCOFFlNG) 249 00:12:05,641 --> 00:12:06,683 No. 250 00:12:07,977 --> 00:12:09,936 But let me kick you a scenario. 251 00:12:10,146 --> 00:12:14,441 l'm at, like, a beach cabana and Brad Pitt approaches, 252 00:12:14,650 --> 00:12:16,192 tries to lean in and kiss me. 253 00:12:18,362 --> 00:12:24,159 l would definitely resist, like, at first, but if he was persistent, 254 00:12:24,994 --> 00:12:29,664 l might give in a little bit to just sort of see what it felt like. 255 00:12:30,124 --> 00:12:35,795 Would l push him away? How hard? Like, what if he's, like, really aggressive? 256 00:12:35,963 --> 00:12:41,885 lf you resisted Brad Pitt a little bit, he would still need to get to you? 257 00:12:41,969 --> 00:12:46,139 This is not real Brad Pitt, this is, like, in my. . . This is my fantasy. 258 00:12:46,348 --> 00:12:50,226 Or it's, like, not fantasy, it's, like, what l'm. . . lt's just a scenario. 259 00:12:50,686 --> 00:12:56,858 Well, l wish l could help you. l don't. . . You might be gay. You might be gay. 260 00:12:59,236 --> 00:13:01,696 OSCAR: What exactIy is my responsibility here? 261 00:13:01,781 --> 00:13:04,282 To comfort insecure heterosexual men? 262 00:13:04,366 --> 00:13:06,367 That can't possibly fall to me. 263 00:13:06,577 --> 00:13:07,619 PHYLLlS: (SOFTLY) How far along is Pam? 264 00:13:07,703 --> 00:13:09,287 A few months. That's why they're rushing the wedding. 265 00:13:09,371 --> 00:13:12,540 (SOFTLY) Guys, guys, guys, you can't believe everything you hear. 266 00:13:12,625 --> 00:13:14,793 Like Stanley having an affair. 267 00:13:14,877 --> 00:13:17,879 That is crazy. There's no stock in it. 268 00:13:18,255 --> 00:13:21,090 lt's a weird day for false facts. Just let it go. 269 00:13:21,634 --> 00:13:27,180 Okay, everybody, big day. Last day for our interns. Lot of other stuff. 270 00:13:27,556 --> 00:13:31,601 Who knows what to believe? Dwight, the honors. 271 00:13:33,020 --> 00:13:38,066 Present these to the Dean for credit. And as a gift, l've attached my card. 272 00:13:38,150 --> 00:13:40,193 Call me any time of the day or night. 273 00:13:40,569 --> 00:13:41,820 Why would we call you at night? 274 00:13:42,780 --> 00:13:45,323 Well, now you can't call me at all, so problem solved. 275 00:13:45,449 --> 00:13:46,950 You're going to regret that when you find yourself 276 00:13:47,034 --> 00:13:49,077 between a moose and her cubs at night. 277 00:13:49,370 --> 00:13:52,330 Look to the intern on your left. Now to your right. 278 00:13:52,581 --> 00:13:56,292 One of you will do exceedingly well in business, just unlimited potential. 279 00:13:56,961 --> 00:13:59,921 One of you will make a living and nothing more. 280 00:14:00,339 --> 00:14:03,967 And one of you will make a great mother. 281 00:14:05,469 --> 00:14:08,638 lt's up to you to choose which you want to be. 282 00:14:10,808 --> 00:14:12,559 l am so happy you're eating again. 283 00:14:12,643 --> 00:14:13,893 Me, too. 284 00:14:14,103 --> 00:14:16,437 Tuna, how come you never try to set me up? 285 00:14:16,730 --> 00:14:19,774 l don't really do that. But Pam might have some friends, though. 286 00:14:20,025 --> 00:14:21,526 Women friends? Yeah. 287 00:14:21,861 --> 00:14:23,111 Not guy friends? 288 00:14:23,445 --> 00:14:25,697 Are you interested in her guy friends? 289 00:14:25,781 --> 00:14:28,449 No. l mean, for the record, l prefer women. 290 00:14:28,576 --> 00:14:31,703 Okay. But off the record, l'm kind of confused. 291 00:14:31,954 --> 00:14:32,996 Really? 292 00:14:33,122 --> 00:14:36,207 Yeah, the evidence is sort of stacked against me, l feel like. 293 00:14:36,333 --> 00:14:38,501 Well, you've got to figure this out. Yeah, right? 294 00:14:38,586 --> 00:14:39,752 Yeah. How? 295 00:14:39,837 --> 00:14:41,588 You've got to have sex with a woman. 296 00:14:41,672 --> 00:14:42,714 Righto. 297 00:14:42,798 --> 00:14:44,716 And then a man. And then compare. 298 00:14:44,800 --> 00:14:45,800 Oh ! 299 00:14:48,095 --> 00:14:49,095 All right. 300 00:14:49,430 --> 00:14:50,388 Well, hey. Yep. 301 00:14:50,472 --> 00:14:52,682 Congratulations to you. On what? 302 00:14:52,808 --> 00:14:54,434 (CHUCKLES) Come on. 303 00:14:54,977 --> 00:14:59,147 Little baby Tuna. Little junior Toro. 304 00:15:01,817 --> 00:15:04,903 You know, a baby conceived out of wedlock is still a bastard. 305 00:15:05,821 --> 00:15:06,988 What? 306 00:15:07,072 --> 00:15:08,156 Want me to say it again? 307 00:15:08,240 --> 00:15:09,782 Why did that come into your brain? 308 00:15:09,867 --> 00:15:11,326 Can l talk to you for a second? 309 00:15:13,162 --> 00:15:14,579 So, they know. 310 00:15:14,914 --> 00:15:16,956 Who did you tell? l didn't tell anyone. Who did you tell? 311 00:15:17,041 --> 00:15:18,207 Nobody. 312 00:15:18,292 --> 00:15:22,128 Hey, did one of you tell Stanley that l have asthma? Because l don't. 313 00:15:22,212 --> 00:15:24,464 lf it gets out they won't let me scuba. 314 00:15:24,548 --> 00:15:28,051 lf l can't scuba, then what's this all been about? 315 00:15:28,135 --> 00:15:29,510 What am l working toward? 316 00:15:29,637 --> 00:15:33,139 What? You think l'm the voice of the Taco Bell dog? 317 00:15:33,891 --> 00:15:37,894 What are you guys talking about? l have a daughter. How could l be a virgin? 318 00:15:38,187 --> 00:15:41,272 Hey, has everyone heard a crazy rumor about themselves today? 319 00:15:41,357 --> 00:15:42,482 ALL: Yes. 320 00:15:42,566 --> 00:15:45,109 Yeah, yeah ! You know what, let's discredit these rumors. 321 00:15:45,194 --> 00:15:47,320 Yeah, sure, but who's been saying all that stuff? 322 00:15:47,404 --> 00:15:50,573 lt's not important, Jim. l just think we shouldn't listen to any of this crap. 323 00:15:50,658 --> 00:15:52,450 Sure, but we should get to the bottom of this. 324 00:15:52,534 --> 00:15:54,577 Let's pick a rumor and trace it back to the beginning. 325 00:15:54,662 --> 00:15:56,371 l need to do mine first. 326 00:15:56,747 --> 00:16:00,249 Who's been saying that there's another person inside of me 327 00:16:00,542 --> 00:16:02,585 working me with controls? 328 00:16:02,795 --> 00:16:05,088 l heard that from Andy. 329 00:16:05,339 --> 00:16:06,631 l heard it from Erin. 330 00:16:06,715 --> 00:16:07,757 KEVlN: What? 331 00:16:07,841 --> 00:16:09,509 l heard it from Michael. 332 00:16:10,344 --> 00:16:11,344 Michael. 333 00:16:13,263 --> 00:16:14,263 PAM: Michael? 334 00:16:15,474 --> 00:16:16,641 He's over here. 335 00:16:17,393 --> 00:16:18,810 Where are you going? Nowhere. 336 00:16:19,061 --> 00:16:20,186 Michael. Hmm? 337 00:16:23,732 --> 00:16:26,693 You told people that l use store-bought manure, 338 00:16:27,820 --> 00:16:31,364 when l showed you where my manure comes from. 339 00:16:31,991 --> 00:16:33,908 Hmm? Hmm? 340 00:16:34,451 --> 00:16:36,327 Don't get on it. Michael, don't. 341 00:16:36,412 --> 00:16:39,163 PAM: Don't get on. Do not. KEVlN: Michael, no. 342 00:16:39,248 --> 00:16:40,498 Michael. Stay, Michael. 343 00:16:40,582 --> 00:16:42,291 Step away. Stay. 344 00:16:42,376 --> 00:16:43,918 ANDY: Come on, boss. PHYLLlS: No. No. 345 00:16:46,296 --> 00:16:48,715 Okay, l made it all up. KELLY: What? 346 00:16:49,133 --> 00:16:50,508 Even the fact that l'm gay? 347 00:16:50,592 --> 00:16:52,260 Yes. Yes! 348 00:16:52,511 --> 00:16:55,596 But, guys, l'm a victim here, too. Okay? 349 00:16:55,681 --> 00:16:57,849 People have been saying that l'm a J.Crew model. 350 00:16:58,100 --> 00:16:59,851 No, we heard that about Jim. 351 00:16:59,935 --> 00:17:04,022 Jim? No, no, l spread the rumor that somebody here was a J.Crew model 352 00:17:04,106 --> 00:17:05,440 and l was referring to myself. 353 00:17:05,607 --> 00:17:06,733 How is that a bad rumor? 354 00:17:06,817 --> 00:17:10,737 Because a lot of people think that models, even though they're very attractive, 355 00:17:10,821 --> 00:17:14,323 are somewhat vapid. lt's set our industry back quite a bit. 356 00:17:14,450 --> 00:17:18,453 Michael, why? Why say all these things? Why make up an eating disorder, 357 00:17:18,662 --> 00:17:21,205 Stanley's affair, me being a spokesdog? 358 00:17:21,290 --> 00:17:23,207 You told everyone l was having an affair? 359 00:17:23,292 --> 00:17:25,043 Okay, okay, here's the thing. 360 00:17:26,128 --> 00:17:30,840 There was one true rumor out there today. l didn't want everybody to know what it was, 361 00:17:30,966 --> 00:17:34,218 so all of you are off the hook except for this one person. 362 00:17:34,595 --> 00:17:36,554 Well, then what's the one true rumor? 363 00:17:36,638 --> 00:17:37,972 We have a right to know. 364 00:17:38,182 --> 00:17:40,933 Michael, am l gay? 365 00:17:41,810 --> 00:17:46,272 The one true rumor, and this is going to ruin this person's life, is that. . . 366 00:17:46,356 --> 00:17:47,356 That Pam's pregnant. 367 00:17:47,524 --> 00:17:49,692 ANGELA: l knew it, l knew it. l knew it! 368 00:17:49,902 --> 00:17:53,613 Her breasts were a tiny bit bigger. At first, l thought, 369 00:17:53,822 --> 00:17:56,115 "Oh ! She has a new bra with padding." 370 00:17:56,200 --> 00:17:59,994 But then l thought, "Pam doesn't need padding." 371 00:18:00,329 --> 00:18:01,829 lt just didn't add up, Jim. 372 00:18:01,914 --> 00:18:03,164 Okay, thank you. 373 00:18:03,248 --> 00:18:04,248 PHYLLlS: Congratulations! 374 00:18:04,333 --> 00:18:06,292 ERlN: That's really great, you guys. RYAN: Don't vaccinate it. 375 00:18:06,376 --> 00:18:07,877 DWlGHT: Who's the father? Jim. 376 00:18:07,961 --> 00:18:09,504 CREED: How far along? JlM: Four months. 377 00:18:09,963 --> 00:18:11,422 Who's the OB-GYN? Stop. Don't. 378 00:18:11,507 --> 00:18:16,928 All right, you know, this is not the truth and you can't fall on the sword this way. 379 00:18:17,346 --> 00:18:20,973 The real thing is that Stanley Hudson had an affair. 380 00:18:21,058 --> 00:18:22,391 No. Yes. 381 00:18:22,476 --> 00:18:23,518 Thank you for trying to defend us, 382 00:18:23,602 --> 00:18:25,603 but actually Pam is pregnant and we can prove it. 383 00:18:25,729 --> 00:18:27,105 Yes. lf everybody would like to see the proof. 384 00:18:27,189 --> 00:18:28,648 Wanna. . . Okay. Okay. 385 00:18:29,691 --> 00:18:30,775 We're just going to wait here? 386 00:18:30,859 --> 00:18:32,151 What's the proof, l mean. . . 387 00:18:32,361 --> 00:18:34,112 (lNDlSTlNCT CHATTER) 388 00:18:35,072 --> 00:18:37,532 (ALL EXCLAlMlNG) 389 00:18:37,616 --> 00:18:40,451 lt's true! Pam, look at that! 390 00:18:41,161 --> 00:18:43,663 That is the inside of your vagina. 391 00:18:43,747 --> 00:18:45,498 That's not how it works but. . . 392 00:18:45,582 --> 00:18:50,545 lt's clear why we were trying not to tell people. That's clear now. Yeah. 393 00:18:55,926 --> 00:18:57,718 How long have you known about the pregnancy? 394 00:18:59,388 --> 00:19:02,390 A week? A month? A year? 395 00:19:03,183 --> 00:19:05,017 Michael, we only told our parents last week. 396 00:19:05,227 --> 00:19:06,727 Did you pee on a stick? 397 00:19:06,812 --> 00:19:09,397 l did. But it was inconclusive. 398 00:19:10,149 --> 00:19:12,108 You should have told me. 399 00:19:13,402 --> 00:19:14,569 You're right. 400 00:19:14,862 --> 00:19:17,572 We should have realized that you are an equal part of this. 401 00:19:17,823 --> 00:19:19,365 (PHONE RlNGlNG) 402 00:19:20,117 --> 00:19:21,117 Yes. 403 00:19:21,201 --> 00:19:22,994 ERIN: Michael, Teri Hudson returning your call. 404 00:19:23,078 --> 00:19:24,120 (GASPS) 405 00:19:24,204 --> 00:19:25,663 You called Stanley's wife? 406 00:19:25,747 --> 00:19:27,123 Oh ! Oh ! 407 00:19:27,666 --> 00:19:30,418 Yeah, a long time ago. Just to make sure she was out of town. 408 00:19:30,752 --> 00:19:32,128 Oh, God. Don't take it. 409 00:19:32,379 --> 00:19:34,422 No, l have to take it or it'll seem suspicious. 410 00:19:34,506 --> 00:19:36,632 lf you talk to her, you're going to tell her about Stanley 411 00:19:36,717 --> 00:19:38,009 and that's going to seem more suspicious. 412 00:19:38,093 --> 00:19:39,969 No, no, no, l can do this. You can't do this. 413 00:19:40,053 --> 00:19:44,724 Yes, l can. l am going to tell her that l need to redecorate my condo 414 00:19:44,808 --> 00:19:45,850 and l need her help. 415 00:19:45,934 --> 00:19:48,853 We will haggle about money, and l will back down, 416 00:19:48,937 --> 00:19:52,023 and then l won't talk to her until this whole Cynthia thing has blown over. 417 00:19:52,107 --> 00:19:53,149 JlM: Sounds terrible. We think you should. . . 418 00:19:53,233 --> 00:19:54,275 Michael, please don't. (CLEARlNG THROAT) 419 00:19:54,443 --> 00:19:56,068 Hey, what up, Cynthia? 420 00:20:03,368 --> 00:20:04,744 Just hang on a second, Cynthia. 421 00:20:14,630 --> 00:20:17,381 Well, it turns out that Teri was already suspicious 422 00:20:17,466 --> 00:20:21,469 because she had caught Stanley and Cynthia a few months ago. 423 00:20:21,803 --> 00:20:26,682 So Stanley promised that he would stop, and he did. End of story. 424 00:20:26,767 --> 00:20:28,809 Well, not exactly. 425 00:20:28,894 --> 00:20:30,436 (lNDlSTlNCT SCREAMlNG) 426 00:20:30,520 --> 00:20:32,104 Cynthia kept caIIing him. 427 00:20:32,189 --> 00:20:35,233 She wouId not stop calling him, and she was in Iove with him. 428 00:20:35,317 --> 00:20:38,027 And get this. Cynthia, aIso married. 429 00:20:38,320 --> 00:20:42,573 So, you can't stop Iove, I guess. 430 00:20:42,991 --> 00:20:47,078 And quite frankly, I don't think you should ever even try. 431 00:20:51,458 --> 00:20:56,504 l learned that a company can describe their internship as full of exciting experiences, 432 00:20:57,005 --> 00:20:59,840 even if that's a lie. There's no regulation. 433 00:21:00,175 --> 00:21:03,427 l learned that half these people's e-mail password is "Password." 434 00:21:03,845 --> 00:21:07,056 l learned that a ream of paper is 300 sheets. 435 00:21:07,140 --> 00:21:08,516 l thought it was 500. 436 00:21:09,893 --> 00:21:10,935 Oh ! 437 00:21:11,144 --> 00:21:13,104 l guess l didn't learn anything. 438 00:21:14,523 --> 00:21:17,191 l learned that if you look even the tiniest bit like Jet Li, 439 00:21:17,734 --> 00:21:20,444 Michael will call you Jet Li all summer. 440 00:21:20,654 --> 00:21:22,863 Julia Stiles. Alan Thicke.