1 00:00:02,919 --> 00:00:03,961 (KNOCK ON DOOR) 2 00:00:04,045 --> 00:00:05,587 Could you please sign my expense report? 3 00:00:05,672 --> 00:00:08,674 No way, no how. Expense reports are a day-to-day item. 4 00:00:08,758 --> 00:00:12,761 That is Jim's now. l am exclusively big picture. Epic. 5 00:00:21,104 --> 00:00:22,855 Sign this. Uh-uh-uh. 6 00:00:22,939 --> 00:00:24,857 Where's the please? We're not animals. 7 00:00:24,941 --> 00:00:26,442 (SlGHS) Sign it. 8 00:00:26,526 --> 00:00:27,860 No. Not without a please. 9 00:00:29,320 --> 00:00:30,529 ldiot. 10 00:00:34,576 --> 00:00:35,826 l have a complaint about Jim. 11 00:00:35,910 --> 00:00:37,953 That is not big picture. 12 00:00:38,455 --> 00:00:43,375 l would like to file a huge, enormous, massive complaint 13 00:00:43,460 --> 00:00:46,253 about the tallest guy in our office. 14 00:00:51,718 --> 00:00:52,843 Okay. 15 00:00:53,636 --> 00:00:55,387 Jim won't sign my expense report. 16 00:00:55,472 --> 00:00:57,556 That is not. . . Okay. Day-to-day. 17 00:00:57,640 --> 00:00:59,308 That is day-to-day. No. That is huge. 18 00:00:59,392 --> 00:01:02,978 You're trying to trick me. Get out, get out, get out, get out, get out. 19 00:01:06,441 --> 00:01:07,941 l'd like to lodge a complaint. 20 00:01:08,026 --> 00:01:10,194 l'm sorry to hear about that. Who is this about? 21 00:01:10,320 --> 00:01:11,445 You. Okay. 22 00:01:11,529 --> 00:01:14,114 Just want to let you know l take complaints very seriously, 23 00:01:14,199 --> 00:01:16,617 so, when did this happen? 24 00:01:16,701 --> 00:01:17,743 One minute ago. 25 00:01:17,827 --> 00:01:20,079 Okay. And how do you feel? 26 00:01:20,163 --> 00:01:21,121 Angry. 27 00:01:21,247 --> 00:01:23,165 All right. Did he hit you? No. 28 00:01:23,249 --> 00:01:24,917 Did you cry? No. 29 00:01:25,043 --> 00:01:26,376 Did you feel like crying? No. 30 00:01:26,461 --> 00:01:29,171 l'm just going to write, "Held back tears." 31 00:01:29,255 --> 00:01:31,423 Wait, stop writing that. That is not true. 32 00:01:31,508 --> 00:01:32,674 lf you stop crying, l'll stop writing it. 33 00:01:32,759 --> 00:01:33,842 l'm not. . . 34 00:01:33,927 --> 00:01:34,927 (GRUNTS) 35 00:01:35,303 --> 00:01:38,055 l deserved that promotion. Not Jim. 36 00:01:38,139 --> 00:01:42,142 Oh, man, makes me want to put him in a triangle choke hold 37 00:01:42,227 --> 00:01:44,353 and force him down to the ground 38 00:01:44,437 --> 00:01:46,480 and just keep pressing and pressing, 39 00:01:46,564 --> 00:01:51,318 and then flip him over and then put him in a hammerlock and he's gasping. 40 00:01:51,402 --> 00:01:53,403 He's panting for every last breath. 41 00:01:53,488 --> 00:01:57,866 And the crowd is going crazy and boom, l emerge victorious! 42 00:01:57,951 --> 00:01:59,034 (EXCLAlMS JOYOUSLY) 43 00:01:59,119 --> 00:02:01,912 Eighteen thousand dollars and a chance at the title! 44 00:02:02,038 --> 00:02:03,372 (GRUNTlNG) 45 00:02:03,581 --> 00:02:06,250 Dwight, Jim wants you to keep it down. 46 00:02:15,426 --> 00:02:16,844 (lNAUDlBLE) 47 00:02:41,077 --> 00:02:43,287 Everyone, now would be a good time to freshen up 48 00:02:43,371 --> 00:02:44,663 because l'd like everyone to meet 49 00:02:44,747 --> 00:02:46,290 in the conference room in five minutes. 50 00:02:46,374 --> 00:02:47,708 And l suggest that you bring a snack 51 00:02:47,792 --> 00:02:49,209 because we may be in there for a while. 52 00:02:49,294 --> 00:02:50,294 Michael. Yes. 53 00:02:50,420 --> 00:02:52,004 Can l talk to you in my office for a second? Mmm. . . 54 00:02:52,088 --> 00:02:55,215 Sure. But could l first talk to you in my office? 55 00:02:58,094 --> 00:03:00,053 Can l also be a boss? 56 00:03:00,138 --> 00:03:01,555 Look, it doesn't take a genius to know 57 00:03:01,639 --> 00:03:05,017 that any organization thrives when it has two leaders. 58 00:03:06,060 --> 00:03:08,395 Go ahead, name a country that doesn't have two presidents. 59 00:03:08,479 --> 00:03:11,231 A boat that set sail without two captains. 60 00:03:11,316 --> 00:03:14,193 Where would Catholicism be without the popes? 61 00:03:14,277 --> 00:03:15,694 l have noticed that we. . . 62 00:03:15,778 --> 00:03:17,112 Welcome. 63 00:03:17,197 --> 00:03:18,864 Thank you. l have noticed we've been having 64 00:03:18,990 --> 00:03:20,991 a lot of conference room meetings. Mmm-hmm. 65 00:03:21,075 --> 00:03:24,203 And l'm wondering if perhaps those are a bit. . . 66 00:03:24,287 --> 00:03:25,412 Disruptive. Yes. 67 00:03:25,496 --> 00:03:29,958 No. l don't think they are. l think the meetings are very important. 68 00:03:30,043 --> 00:03:32,211 Okay. Maybe we should talk specifics. 69 00:03:32,337 --> 00:03:33,962 Let's do. Okay. 70 00:03:34,047 --> 00:03:36,882 Yesterday we had a meeting about planets. 71 00:03:36,966 --> 00:03:41,762 Well, to be fair, Jim, James. . . Jimothy. 72 00:03:42,430 --> 00:03:45,432 To be fair, Jimothy. . . That sounds weird. 73 00:03:45,516 --> 00:03:46,600 Are you okay with being called Jim? 74 00:03:46,684 --> 00:03:47,851 l am. All right. 75 00:03:47,936 --> 00:03:49,186 Jim, to be fair, 76 00:03:49,270 --> 00:03:50,562 the conversation wasn't about planets. 77 00:03:50,647 --> 00:03:51,647 Right. 78 00:03:51,731 --> 00:03:53,273 At first, we were talking about 79 00:03:53,358 --> 00:03:55,817 introducing a line of toilet paper. 80 00:03:55,902 --> 00:03:57,027 And what part of the human body 81 00:03:57,111 --> 00:03:59,821 does one use toilet paper upon? 82 00:04:00,365 --> 00:04:03,200 So you draw a line from there to the other planets, 83 00:04:03,284 --> 00:04:04,743 and l think by the end, we all learned 84 00:04:04,827 --> 00:04:06,578 a little bit about how small we are. 85 00:04:06,663 --> 00:04:07,829 Yes, l agree. l just feel. . . 86 00:04:07,914 --> 00:04:09,164 Because it's a big universe. 87 00:04:09,249 --> 00:04:12,542 And we're all just little tiny specks of dust. 88 00:04:12,627 --> 00:04:16,088 l just think that maybe they're eating large amounts of the day. 89 00:04:16,172 --> 00:04:18,382 You know what eats a large amount of the day are naps. 90 00:04:18,466 --> 00:04:20,676 You go to sleep, it's light out, you wake up, it's dark. 91 00:04:20,760 --> 00:04:24,596 That's the whole day. Where did that day go? l have no idea. 92 00:04:25,556 --> 00:04:27,432 You mean on a weekend? 93 00:04:28,518 --> 00:04:29,601 Yes. 94 00:04:30,687 --> 00:04:32,396 How about this? l think our goal should be 95 00:04:32,480 --> 00:04:35,232 we don't have meetings unless they're absolutely essential. 96 00:04:35,316 --> 00:04:37,985 All right. No more meetings this week. 97 00:04:38,069 --> 00:04:40,737 Really? You just agree to that? 98 00:04:40,822 --> 00:04:42,447 l can be very surprising. 99 00:04:49,455 --> 00:04:50,622 What's going on? 100 00:04:50,707 --> 00:04:53,208 l need to fit into my wedding dress. 101 00:04:53,793 --> 00:04:55,335 However, l'm also pregnant. 102 00:04:59,215 --> 00:05:00,716 You know, it's a myth that women have to gain 103 00:05:00,800 --> 00:05:03,051 more than nine pounds in a pregnancy. 104 00:05:03,136 --> 00:05:06,346 Look at these actresses. Some of them lose weight. 105 00:05:06,681 --> 00:05:07,681 (CHUCKLES) 106 00:05:07,765 --> 00:05:09,975 Hey, did you guys register for wedding gifts? 107 00:05:10,059 --> 00:05:13,145 We did, but mostly because people expect us to. 108 00:05:14,022 --> 00:05:17,691 We're also accepting other gifts not on the registry. 109 00:05:19,777 --> 00:05:21,153 However much. 110 00:05:21,237 --> 00:05:25,282 lt's awkward asking people for money. But we could really use it. 111 00:05:26,492 --> 00:05:30,871 Why doesn't Crate and Barrel let you register for a toaster full of cash? 112 00:05:30,955 --> 00:05:32,622 Perfect. l hate registries. 113 00:05:32,707 --> 00:05:33,749 Oh, good. 114 00:05:33,833 --> 00:05:37,794 My cousin makes the most amazing romantic birdhouse mailboxes. 115 00:05:37,879 --> 00:05:41,173 l know l shouldn't tell you, but you'll still be surprised when you see it. 116 00:05:41,257 --> 00:05:43,467 You're not registered for a birdhouse, are you? 117 00:05:43,551 --> 00:05:45,010 No, we're not. 118 00:05:45,094 --> 00:05:46,511 Good. Good. 119 00:05:51,225 --> 00:05:52,976 (KNOCKS ON DOOR) MlCHAEL: Mmm-hmm. 120 00:05:54,103 --> 00:05:55,896 JlM: Okay. l thought l saw people missing. 121 00:05:55,980 --> 00:05:59,983 Yeah. Just focus grouping a product expansion idea to these folks. 122 00:06:00,109 --> 00:06:01,568 Got one of each. Really? 123 00:06:01,652 --> 00:06:03,028 Hey, Stanley, what was the last thing Michael said 124 00:06:03,112 --> 00:06:04,154 before l came through the door? 125 00:06:04,238 --> 00:06:05,447 Stanley, you don't need to answer that. 126 00:06:05,531 --> 00:06:06,865 Stanley? 127 00:06:06,949 --> 00:06:08,909 "lf you don't smell this, you're fired." 128 00:06:08,993 --> 00:06:10,494 Okay, Michael, l thought we agreed 129 00:06:10,578 --> 00:06:12,704 to not take up people's time with meetings like these. 130 00:06:12,789 --> 00:06:15,707 What do you mean by "these" people? 131 00:06:15,792 --> 00:06:17,167 Michael, this is a conference room meeting. 132 00:06:17,293 --> 00:06:20,420 Oh, hey, everybody, l think that Jim has gone insane 133 00:06:20,505 --> 00:06:23,006 because he thinks that my office is a conference room. 134 00:06:23,091 --> 00:06:24,049 That's not what l meant. 135 00:06:24,133 --> 00:06:27,552 Listen, Jim, no offense, but when push comes to shove, 136 00:06:27,637 --> 00:06:30,097 what l want is more important than what you want. 137 00:06:30,181 --> 00:06:31,306 l disagree. 138 00:06:31,391 --> 00:06:32,432 What do you guys think? 139 00:06:32,517 --> 00:06:34,142 (lNDlSTlNCT CHATTER) Can l go back to my desk now? 140 00:06:34,227 --> 00:06:36,228 Great. Guys, can l just have a moment alone with Michael, please? 141 00:06:36,312 --> 00:06:37,896 No, no, no, no. You don't need to go anywhere. 142 00:06:37,980 --> 00:06:39,564 Anything that Jim has to say to me, 143 00:06:39,649 --> 00:06:41,817 he can say in front of these types of people. 144 00:06:41,901 --> 00:06:43,777 That is not what l said. 145 00:06:43,861 --> 00:06:45,404 And also, l am co-manager, 146 00:06:45,488 --> 00:06:47,155 meaning you are not the only manager anymore. 147 00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:48,573 l am also a co-manager. 148 00:06:48,658 --> 00:06:49,908 That is not what Wallace told us. 149 00:06:49,992 --> 00:06:51,076 That's exactly what Wallace told us. 150 00:06:51,160 --> 00:06:53,578 That is not the way l heard it. 151 00:06:53,663 --> 00:06:56,081 l love rivalries. Michael or Jim, 152 00:06:56,165 --> 00:06:59,876 Paris or Nicole, Heidi or L.C. , it's so much fun. 153 00:06:59,961 --> 00:07:01,920 But l guess if l'm really thinking about it, 154 00:07:02,004 --> 00:07:03,922 and answering your question honestly, 155 00:07:04,006 --> 00:07:08,510 l'd have to go with L.C. Heidi's a bad friend and her skin is terrible. 156 00:07:08,594 --> 00:07:11,638 lt is one thing me giving you the co-manager title, 157 00:07:11,722 --> 00:07:13,849 it is another thing you bossing me around. 158 00:07:13,933 --> 00:07:14,933 l'm not bossing you around. 159 00:07:15,017 --> 00:07:17,185 l'm trying to do my job, which is sharing your job. 160 00:07:17,270 --> 00:07:19,104 So maybe we should just call David Wallace. 161 00:07:19,188 --> 00:07:21,273 No, no, no. No! We will not call David Wallace. 162 00:07:21,357 --> 00:07:22,691 l will call David Wallace. 163 00:07:22,775 --> 00:07:24,693 David Wallace is on line two for you guys. 164 00:07:24,777 --> 00:07:27,863 Or David Wallace will call us on line two. Why don't we just. . . 165 00:07:27,989 --> 00:07:29,781 Hey, David. You got Jim here. Hey, David. 166 00:07:29,866 --> 00:07:31,992 This is Michael, senior co-manager. 167 00:07:32,076 --> 00:07:36,621 DAVID: Hey, guys. I'm calling because unfortunately 168 00:07:37,039 --> 00:07:38,665 we wiII not be able to give out 169 00:07:38,749 --> 00:07:40,292 cost of living raises this year 170 00:07:40,376 --> 00:07:42,210 and I know people expect it. 171 00:07:42,336 --> 00:07:45,338 However, there just is only a small amount of money for each branch. 172 00:07:45,423 --> 00:07:47,716 So, we're Ieaving it up to the managers 173 00:07:47,800 --> 00:07:49,301 to decide how to distribute it. 174 00:07:49,385 --> 00:07:53,430 Got it, Dave. Sounds like your classic big picture decision. 175 00:07:53,514 --> 00:07:56,266 Which will clearly affect the day-to-day wellbeing of our employees. 176 00:07:56,350 --> 00:07:57,559 It's probably a IittIe of both. 177 00:07:57,643 --> 00:07:58,685 Which is it more of? 178 00:07:58,769 --> 00:07:59,853 Excuse me? Hey, David, 179 00:07:59,937 --> 00:08:01,188 l know that l am very new at this, 180 00:08:01,272 --> 00:08:03,273 but l have a very good perspective on how things work. . . 181 00:08:03,357 --> 00:08:06,651 Wait, I'm sorry. Michael, are you texting me? 182 00:08:08,237 --> 00:08:10,322 l thought maybe we could talk after this is over. 183 00:08:10,406 --> 00:08:12,491 Look, I need you both to take care of this. 184 00:08:12,575 --> 00:08:14,659 This is not going to be a problem, is it? 185 00:08:14,744 --> 00:08:15,744 Nope, not at all. Not at all. Nope. 186 00:08:15,828 --> 00:08:16,828 No, it will not be. 187 00:08:16,913 --> 00:08:17,871 l am on top of it. Very good. 188 00:08:17,997 --> 00:08:19,748 All right. Thanks a lot, David. Talk to you later. . . 189 00:08:19,832 --> 00:08:22,584 Okay, you didn't let me say goodbye. 190 00:08:22,877 --> 00:08:23,877 (SlGHS) 191 00:08:23,961 --> 00:08:26,213 All right, l am looking forward to this. 192 00:08:26,297 --> 00:08:27,339 You don't have to lie. 193 00:08:27,423 --> 00:08:30,008 l hate the fact that we have to do this together. 194 00:08:30,092 --> 00:08:31,927 l think we work much better separately. 195 00:08:32,011 --> 00:08:36,139 When l am irritated and l look at you, l don't see you anymore. 196 00:08:36,224 --> 00:08:37,516 Right. All l can see 197 00:08:37,600 --> 00:08:39,935 is how big and gross the pores on your nose are. 198 00:08:40,019 --> 00:08:42,229 All right. Let's get started. 199 00:08:48,611 --> 00:08:50,904 Hey, why haven't we ever. . . 200 00:08:50,988 --> 00:08:52,239 We have. 201 00:08:56,285 --> 00:08:57,786 You know, there's no easy way to do this. 202 00:08:57,870 --> 00:09:01,414 l say we add 1 .5% to their paychecks 203 00:09:01,499 --> 00:09:03,375 and don't say anything about it. 204 00:09:03,459 --> 00:09:05,502 Do you mean, like, break in, in the middle of the night 205 00:09:05,586 --> 00:09:06,795 and change the numbers on payroll? 206 00:09:06,879 --> 00:09:08,380 No, we can do it during the day. 207 00:09:08,464 --> 00:09:09,881 lt doesn't have to be that dramatic, Jim. 208 00:09:09,966 --> 00:09:11,341 Okay. 209 00:09:11,425 --> 00:09:15,971 You know what would help is a pros and cons list for our options. 210 00:09:16,347 --> 00:09:17,806 Jim, don't take this the wrong way. 211 00:09:17,890 --> 00:09:19,849 Are you going to take this the wrong way? 212 00:09:19,934 --> 00:09:20,934 lt's hard to tell so far. 213 00:09:21,018 --> 00:09:22,352 You use your brain too much. 214 00:09:22,436 --> 00:09:24,229 l'm sorry, are you advocating that l use it less? 215 00:09:24,313 --> 00:09:27,357 Sometimes the smartest people don't think at all. 216 00:09:27,483 --> 00:09:29,234 You just came up with that. As l was saying it. 217 00:09:29,318 --> 00:09:30,652 Yeah. 218 00:09:30,736 --> 00:09:35,282 Okay, so for the 1 .5% increase, pro, everyone gets a little bit. 219 00:09:35,366 --> 00:09:37,200 Con, you look like a nerd. 220 00:09:37,285 --> 00:09:40,036 Con, no one gets as much as they did last year. 221 00:09:40,121 --> 00:09:43,373 Pro, you get to share your pros and cons list with the other nerds. 222 00:09:43,457 --> 00:09:45,250 Pro, no favoritism. 223 00:09:45,334 --> 00:09:48,211 Con, you unzip your pants and you'll find 224 00:09:48,296 --> 00:09:50,171 that there's a calculator down there. 225 00:09:51,632 --> 00:09:53,341 l've been studying Michael for years 226 00:09:53,426 --> 00:09:56,553 and l've condensed what l've learned into this chart. 227 00:09:56,637 --> 00:09:58,179 How Michael spends his time. 228 00:09:58,264 --> 00:10:01,099 As you can see, we have procrastinating and distracting others. 229 00:10:01,183 --> 00:10:04,352 And this tiny sliver here is critical thinking. 230 00:10:05,479 --> 00:10:07,939 l made it bigger so that you could see it. 231 00:10:09,567 --> 00:10:14,571 Hey, Pam. l heard that you were registered, but l didn't hear where. 232 00:10:14,780 --> 00:10:20,243 l don't think we registered anywhere. We just want cash. 233 00:10:20,620 --> 00:10:24,831 Like money? Like, you want my money? 234 00:10:24,957 --> 00:10:26,207 Mmm-hmm. 235 00:10:26,375 --> 00:10:28,251 Will you take a check? 236 00:10:28,794 --> 00:10:29,794 Yeah. 237 00:10:29,879 --> 00:10:30,879 Cool. 238 00:10:33,215 --> 00:10:38,303 ln the memo line, l'm going to write, "To love's eternal glory." 239 00:10:39,180 --> 00:10:40,639 Okay. 240 00:10:40,723 --> 00:10:41,931 Wait till Monday. 241 00:10:43,517 --> 00:10:48,229 ls this what l've become? Materialistic? Shallow? 242 00:10:49,273 --> 00:10:54,235 l feel horrible. Oh, look! "Mrs. Pam Halpert!" 243 00:10:55,404 --> 00:10:58,448 That's the first time l've seen it in writing. 244 00:10:59,617 --> 00:11:01,034 You know what, the more l think about it, 245 00:11:01,118 --> 00:11:04,245 the more l think we should give it to the salesmen. 246 00:11:04,330 --> 00:11:05,580 That will not go over well. 247 00:11:05,665 --> 00:11:07,290 Yeah, l know, l just think it seems smart 248 00:11:07,375 --> 00:11:09,000 to keep the salesmen happier right now. 249 00:11:09,085 --> 00:11:11,252 Of course, l know this might come off as biased, 250 00:11:11,337 --> 00:11:13,755 so you know what? Let us. . . 251 00:11:13,839 --> 00:11:15,256 Oh, my God, are you going to make 252 00:11:15,341 --> 00:11:16,966 another pro and con list? l'm going to kill myself. 253 00:11:17,051 --> 00:11:18,802 Well, l'm not going to let you stop me from thinking. 254 00:11:18,886 --> 00:11:20,762 No, l could not do that, Jim. 255 00:11:20,846 --> 00:11:23,014 l can see it in your crusty little eyes 256 00:11:23,099 --> 00:11:25,225 that you are going to make everything perfect. 257 00:11:25,309 --> 00:11:28,103 "lf l could just think this through, 258 00:11:28,187 --> 00:11:30,814 "if l could just think it exactly right, 259 00:11:30,898 --> 00:11:33,149 "l can make this perfect. 260 00:11:33,776 --> 00:11:35,735 "And then l can go down every avenue, 261 00:11:35,820 --> 00:11:37,821 "and every avenue off of that avenue. 262 00:11:37,947 --> 00:11:39,447 "And then another avenue. . ." Michael. 263 00:11:39,532 --> 00:11:40,532 "And then another." 264 00:11:40,616 --> 00:11:41,783 Look, you have a lot of strengths. 265 00:11:41,867 --> 00:11:43,743 Oh, l do? Tell me what they are. 266 00:11:43,828 --> 00:11:46,329 l think that you are able to take 267 00:11:46,414 --> 00:11:47,747 constructive criticism very well. 268 00:11:47,832 --> 00:11:50,667 Ha! That, l am not known for that. 269 00:11:50,751 --> 00:11:52,544 But there is a reason why l'm here. 270 00:11:52,628 --> 00:11:54,295 Yes, you went over my head to Wallace. 271 00:11:54,380 --> 00:11:56,881 No, it's because you also have a lot of weaknesses, Michael. 272 00:11:56,966 --> 00:12:00,719 Okay, well, why don't you tell me what those are, Jim? 273 00:12:00,803 --> 00:12:02,220 Why don't you enliven me? 274 00:12:02,304 --> 00:12:04,013 l don't think you're good at making tough decisions. 275 00:12:04,098 --> 00:12:05,098 Ah ! 276 00:12:05,182 --> 00:12:08,601 At thinking out the options and then stating that decision very clearly, 277 00:12:08,686 --> 00:12:10,645 especially when it's an unpopular decision. 278 00:12:10,730 --> 00:12:13,982 Okay. Here's a tough decision for you, you suck. You suck. 279 00:12:14,108 --> 00:12:15,775 Michael, wait. ls that clear enough for you? 280 00:12:15,860 --> 00:12:21,156 Maybe l'm here for a reason, because l might have some good ideas, too. 281 00:12:21,240 --> 00:12:23,450 l've been sitting out there and l've been learning a lot 282 00:12:23,534 --> 00:12:26,661 and maybe l can just bring something different to the table. 283 00:12:26,746 --> 00:12:28,163 Okay, Skippy, here we go. 284 00:12:28,247 --> 00:12:31,499 Why don't you run yourself out there and tell them? 285 00:12:32,126 --> 00:12:33,501 You call it. 286 00:12:39,550 --> 00:12:41,426 This had better be terrible. 287 00:12:41,510 --> 00:12:43,011 Could l have everyone's attention, please? 288 00:12:43,095 --> 00:12:46,097 l have some tough news, so l'm just going to give it to you straight. 289 00:12:46,182 --> 00:12:49,017 Truth is we only have so much money for raises this year. 290 00:12:49,101 --> 00:12:50,101 So the simple fact is, 291 00:12:50,186 --> 00:12:52,562 some people will get raises and some people won't. 292 00:12:52,646 --> 00:12:54,230 Now what we've decided is 293 00:12:54,315 --> 00:12:56,941 294 00:12:57,026 --> 00:12:58,276 Wait, seriously? 295 00:12:58,360 --> 00:13:01,529 Look, you guys are smart, so l'm just leveling with you, 296 00:13:01,614 --> 00:13:03,114 just trying to treat you like adults. 297 00:13:03,199 --> 00:13:06,576 Thank you, Jim, for thinking that we're smart people. 298 00:13:06,660 --> 00:13:08,286 ANGELA: But l do not understand. 299 00:13:08,370 --> 00:13:11,748 lf we're such smart adults, then why don't we get raises? 300 00:13:11,832 --> 00:13:13,500 Excellent question, genius. 301 00:13:13,584 --> 00:13:15,168 lt's because Jim wants to give the raises 302 00:13:15,252 --> 00:13:17,128 to his friends and the people he sleeps with. 303 00:13:17,213 --> 00:13:18,254 Ooh ! Easy, that's not it at all. 304 00:13:18,339 --> 00:13:19,297 OSCAR: Well? 305 00:13:19,381 --> 00:13:20,799 Really, what it is, is about the money 306 00:13:20,883 --> 00:13:22,467 the sales staff brings in to the office. . . 307 00:13:22,551 --> 00:13:23,551 What's going on? 308 00:13:23,636 --> 00:13:26,471 Jim is only giving raises to the salesmen. 309 00:13:26,639 --> 00:13:28,473 What the hell? Why are you being such a jerk? 310 00:13:28,557 --> 00:13:31,226 Hold on, Kelly, would it help you to know that Jim thinks you're smart? 311 00:13:31,310 --> 00:13:34,521 No. How is that going to repair Ryan's car? 312 00:13:34,605 --> 00:13:37,148 This is ridiculous! How can he do this to us? 313 00:13:37,233 --> 00:13:38,399 Okay, Dwight, you know what? 314 00:13:38,484 --> 00:13:39,692 You'd be getting the raise, so. . . 315 00:13:39,777 --> 00:13:42,487 What about all these people? How is it fair to them? 316 00:13:42,571 --> 00:13:43,655 OSCAR: Exactly. KEVlN: Totally. 317 00:13:43,739 --> 00:13:46,282 We work just as hard as the salespeople, we deserve raises. 318 00:13:46,367 --> 00:13:47,325 Yes. Yes. 319 00:13:47,409 --> 00:13:49,035 They don't get them if we don't get them. 320 00:13:49,119 --> 00:13:52,789 My kid needs shoes. You want to tell him he doesn't get shoes? 321 00:13:52,873 --> 00:13:53,832 KEVlN: Yeah. 322 00:13:53,916 --> 00:13:55,208 Her kid needs shoes, Jim. 323 00:13:55,292 --> 00:13:56,793 MEREDlTH: What the hell? 324 00:13:56,877 --> 00:13:58,253 (CLAMORlNG) 325 00:13:59,505 --> 00:14:04,926 Wow. l'm just going to rewind and back off a bit, so. . . 326 00:14:06,720 --> 00:14:08,471 (SPEAKlNG GlBBERlSH) 327 00:14:11,141 --> 00:14:12,141 (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) 328 00:14:12,226 --> 00:14:13,226 (LAUGHlNG) 329 00:14:13,310 --> 00:14:15,728 That was good. That was good. 330 00:14:15,938 --> 00:14:18,398 Okay, all right. Well, we all know 331 00:14:18,482 --> 00:14:19,816 it's hard to be a boss, right? 332 00:14:19,900 --> 00:14:23,903 You know what? Look around you, these are your best friends. 333 00:14:24,321 --> 00:14:29,117 These are the people who will open their hearts to you. 334 00:14:29,201 --> 00:14:33,454 They all have heart-ons for you. 335 00:14:33,998 --> 00:14:35,748 And that is a gift. 336 00:14:36,250 --> 00:14:39,627 So in terms of gifts, we should be giving each other gifts. 337 00:14:39,712 --> 00:14:43,256 Angela, yes, lend Oscar a cup of sugar. 338 00:14:43,340 --> 00:14:44,716 This is. . . What are you talking about? Michael ! 339 00:14:44,800 --> 00:14:47,594 We just need to hear your plan for our raise. 340 00:14:47,678 --> 00:14:51,973 My plan, a man, Panama. 341 00:14:52,766 --> 00:14:54,017 That's not how that goes. 342 00:14:54,101 --> 00:14:57,020 You're not saying anything. At least Jim was being direct. . . 343 00:14:57,104 --> 00:14:58,062 Thank you, Meredith. 344 00:14:58,147 --> 00:14:59,731 . . .when he was telling us his dumbass plan. 345 00:14:59,815 --> 00:15:01,149 OSCAR: We would just like to know what's happening. 346 00:15:01,233 --> 00:15:03,234 Are we getting a raise, yes or no? 347 00:15:03,319 --> 00:15:05,612 All right, let me get this cleared. Does everybody want a raise? 348 00:15:05,696 --> 00:15:06,905 ALL: Yes! 349 00:15:06,989 --> 00:15:08,781 All right, everyone wants a raise, 350 00:15:08,866 --> 00:15:11,618 so what we're going to do is go into here 351 00:15:11,702 --> 00:15:13,828 and we will not come out until we do. 352 00:15:14,371 --> 00:15:15,580 Again, that gives us no information. 353 00:15:15,664 --> 00:15:18,791 PHYLLlS: This isn't a game, you know, it's our livelihood. 354 00:15:21,629 --> 00:15:24,047 What about a raise based on merit? 355 00:15:24,632 --> 00:15:25,882 Rank each person individually. 356 00:15:25,966 --> 00:15:27,842 Mmm-hmm. Piece of cake. 357 00:15:28,469 --> 00:15:29,886 Ryan is obviously the best. 358 00:15:29,970 --> 00:15:31,638 Obviously. Too bad he's a temp 359 00:15:31,722 --> 00:15:33,139 and doesn't count, so let's get started. 360 00:15:33,223 --> 00:15:34,515 Are you making a. . . 361 00:15:34,600 --> 00:15:36,601 Nope, l'm numbering the paper. 362 00:15:36,685 --> 00:15:38,561 Just. . . Yeah. l don't understand 363 00:15:38,646 --> 00:15:40,980 how they can even consider giving money 364 00:15:41,065 --> 00:15:43,399 to some people and not the rest of us. 365 00:15:43,484 --> 00:15:45,860 lt's not like we're not going to see the checks, we're in Accounting. 366 00:15:45,945 --> 00:15:47,695 l am so pissed at this company. 367 00:15:47,780 --> 00:15:48,780 And Jim. 368 00:15:48,864 --> 00:15:50,990 Yeah. Who said that? 369 00:15:51,909 --> 00:15:53,117 l think it was Creed. 370 00:15:53,202 --> 00:15:54,202 Yep. 371 00:15:58,874 --> 00:16:00,708 lt's going really well, actually. Mmm-hmm. 372 00:16:00,793 --> 00:16:03,503 Each Boston baked bean represents half-a-percent raise. 373 00:16:03,587 --> 00:16:04,587 We each got 24 beans, 374 00:16:04,672 --> 00:16:06,965 so the idea is, you place the bean 375 00:16:07,049 --> 00:16:09,884 on the picture of who you think deserves. . . 376 00:16:09,969 --> 00:16:11,761 Who's that? Toby. 377 00:16:11,845 --> 00:16:13,179 Okay, he's not a part of this, you know that. 378 00:16:13,263 --> 00:16:15,181 Just wanted to draw a picture of him. 379 00:16:15,265 --> 00:16:16,641 Okay, your move. 380 00:16:16,725 --> 00:16:18,309 All right. Who to pick? 381 00:16:19,228 --> 00:16:20,269 Who to pick? 382 00:16:20,354 --> 00:16:21,354 Here we go. 383 00:16:21,438 --> 00:16:25,316 l will skip a turn. 384 00:16:25,401 --> 00:16:27,568 Okay, you're going to still have to play that bean, you know that. 385 00:16:27,653 --> 00:16:28,987 l need more time. 386 00:16:29,071 --> 00:16:30,738 (KNOCKlNG ON DOOR) 387 00:16:35,995 --> 00:16:38,121 Wallace sent an email about a meeting next week, 388 00:16:38,205 --> 00:16:40,415 he wants you both to respond. 389 00:16:57,307 --> 00:17:00,518 People are starting to notice how terrible Jim is. 390 00:17:00,602 --> 00:17:03,938 lt's great. Eventually, they will rise up and revolt. 391 00:17:04,523 --> 00:17:07,233 My only hope is that they do it sooner rather than later. 392 00:17:07,317 --> 00:17:09,527 lf the people here were our Founding Fathers, 393 00:17:09,611 --> 00:17:12,363 the Revolutionary War would have been delayed 1 0 years 394 00:17:12,448 --> 00:17:15,616 because Stanley Washington was napping. 395 00:17:15,701 --> 00:17:20,038 And Phyllis Hancock was still signing the Declaration, 396 00:17:20,122 --> 00:17:24,250 and Kevin Jefferson was distracted by a butterfly. 397 00:17:24,334 --> 00:17:29,005 Come on in. That's right. Come in, feast your eyes. 398 00:17:29,089 --> 00:17:33,384 They determine our worth by putting beans on our faces. 399 00:17:33,469 --> 00:17:34,469 What the hell? 400 00:17:34,553 --> 00:17:36,929 Things were not this bad when just Michael was manager. 401 00:17:37,014 --> 00:17:38,389 Hey, what are you guys doing in here? 402 00:17:38,474 --> 00:17:39,724 What does a bean mean? 403 00:17:39,808 --> 00:17:44,395 Why aren't there any beans on this very old, frizzy-haired picture of me? 404 00:17:44,480 --> 00:17:46,814 KEVlN: Michael, what does a bean mean? 405 00:17:46,899 --> 00:17:47,940 Jim? 406 00:17:48,025 --> 00:17:49,067 l was just trying to be unbiased. 407 00:17:49,151 --> 00:17:50,443 What does a bean mean? 408 00:17:50,527 --> 00:17:51,611 Someone please explain it to Kevin. 409 00:17:51,695 --> 00:17:54,238 Why can't you? My time is just as valuable as yours. 410 00:17:54,323 --> 00:17:56,032 Not according to the beans. 411 00:17:56,116 --> 00:17:58,493 This is how you make this important decision? 412 00:17:58,577 --> 00:18:02,747 (CHUCKLES) There's no way that Stanley gets more beans than me, that is ridiculous. 413 00:18:02,831 --> 00:18:03,956 (lNDlSTlNCT CHATTERlNG) 414 00:18:04,041 --> 00:18:05,833 This is how it works. 415 00:18:06,168 --> 00:18:09,587 PHYLLlS: lt's not so much that l might not get a raise, it's just demeaning. 416 00:18:09,671 --> 00:18:14,509 Thank you. That is exactly. . . But, by the way, l would also like a raise. 417 00:18:14,593 --> 00:18:16,344 Yeah, l would, too. 418 00:18:16,428 --> 00:18:17,887 Are we idiots? 419 00:18:20,599 --> 00:18:23,518 DWlGHT: What right does Jim have to claim authority? 420 00:18:24,186 --> 00:18:26,312 ls he as good a salesman as l? 421 00:18:26,396 --> 00:18:29,315 ls he as matronly as Phyllis? 422 00:18:29,775 --> 00:18:33,402 There are moments where we can affect change. 423 00:18:33,987 --> 00:18:38,491 For a few seconds, every decade, we exist. 424 00:18:39,201 --> 00:18:42,286 And these are those seconds. Let us storm his castle. 425 00:18:42,371 --> 00:18:46,207 Come on, tick, let's get him, tock. 426 00:18:47,042 --> 00:18:51,963 Let's get Jim. Tick, and drag Jim out of his office, tock, 427 00:18:52,047 --> 00:18:55,424 take his keys away from him, tick, that's a clock. 428 00:18:55,509 --> 00:18:58,928 The time is getting very close. lt's now or never. 429 00:18:59,012 --> 00:19:00,513 What say you? 430 00:19:01,890 --> 00:19:02,974 l say no. 431 00:19:03,058 --> 00:19:05,726 No, l mean, what do you say to my plan? 432 00:19:06,061 --> 00:19:07,562 (ALL MURMURlNG) 433 00:19:09,356 --> 00:19:10,606 ANDY: Michael Scott. . . Security guard. 434 00:19:10,691 --> 00:19:12,150 PHYLLlS: Michael, will you help us? 435 00:19:12,234 --> 00:19:14,193 (ALL CHATTERlNG lNDlSTlNCTLY) 436 00:19:14,278 --> 00:19:15,736 KEVlN: What does a bean mean? 437 00:19:17,489 --> 00:19:19,073 (EXHALES DEEPLY) 438 00:19:20,576 --> 00:19:21,993 How you doing? 439 00:19:22,578 --> 00:19:25,079 On a scale of one to 1 0, l'd say l'm about a four. 440 00:19:25,914 --> 00:19:27,331 What are you usually? 441 00:19:27,416 --> 00:19:29,292 Six. You? 442 00:19:29,376 --> 00:19:32,170 Usually a 1 0, but l'm feeling like a zero. 443 00:19:32,254 --> 00:19:33,838 l mean, a performance-based raise 444 00:19:33,922 --> 00:19:35,339 sounded like a good idea, right? 445 00:19:35,424 --> 00:19:36,924 l know, l know. 446 00:19:37,009 --> 00:19:38,467 We tried to find the fairest way to do it. 447 00:19:38,552 --> 00:19:39,594 Yes, we did. 448 00:19:39,678 --> 00:19:41,053 l just. . . 449 00:19:44,391 --> 00:19:45,474 What? 450 00:19:45,893 --> 00:19:47,018 Um. . . 451 00:19:47,686 --> 00:19:49,187 Nothing. l just. . . 452 00:19:49,271 --> 00:19:52,940 l used to have to do this part alone. And it was the worst. 453 00:19:56,069 --> 00:19:58,070 l have something l would like to give you. 454 00:19:58,197 --> 00:20:00,698 MEREDlTH: Michael, come on ! This isn't fair! KEVlN: Michael ! 455 00:20:01,742 --> 00:20:04,702 Michael's my only friend left in the office. 456 00:20:05,287 --> 00:20:08,581 Except Pam. l think. 457 00:20:09,791 --> 00:20:11,000 She still upset? 458 00:20:12,169 --> 00:20:15,379 ANGELA: Michael, you cannot just keep avoiding us like this. 459 00:20:16,298 --> 00:20:17,298 (CHUCKLES) 460 00:20:17,549 --> 00:20:18,716 (LAUGHS) 461 00:20:18,800 --> 00:20:19,759 Thank you. 462 00:20:19,843 --> 00:20:20,843 You're welcome. 463 00:20:23,013 --> 00:20:24,513 What's in here? 464 00:20:24,598 --> 00:20:25,640 Gin. 465 00:20:35,567 --> 00:20:36,651 Ooh. 466 00:20:38,904 --> 00:20:40,154 (KNOCK ON DOOR) 467 00:20:44,660 --> 00:20:46,285 (WHlSPERlNG) Just pretend we're not here. 468 00:20:50,165 --> 00:20:51,749 Heard you guys are looking for cash for the wedding? 469 00:20:51,833 --> 00:20:54,085 Yeah, l mean, if it's all the same for you. 470 00:20:54,169 --> 00:20:55,211 Question for you, 471 00:20:55,295 --> 00:20:59,423 would you guys rather have $1 00 now or $5,000 a year from now? 472 00:20:59,508 --> 00:21:00,800 $1 00 now, for sure. 473 00:21:00,884 --> 00:21:03,594 Because you just give me $50 to cover the broker fee, 474 00:21:03,679 --> 00:21:06,138 l put in $1 00 of my own money, as the gift. 475 00:21:06,223 --> 00:21:09,767 Yeah. No, no. The $1 00. l'll just take the $1 00. 476 00:21:10,852 --> 00:21:13,271 (SOFTLY) lnstead of $5,000 a year from now? 477 00:21:14,690 --> 00:21:16,232 How sure is this? 478 00:21:16,316 --> 00:21:17,817 The guy has an algorithm 479 00:21:17,901 --> 00:21:21,696 to determine the winner of any given college basketball game. 480 00:21:27,786 --> 00:21:29,203 Don't tell Jim.