1 00:00:02,377 --> 00:00:07,506 The fundamentals of business. The fundamentals of business. 2 00:00:07,590 --> 00:00:11,176 "Mental" is a part of the word. l have underlined it. 3 00:00:11,261 --> 00:00:14,054 Because you're mental if you don't have a good time. 4 00:00:14,139 --> 00:00:15,514 You have to enjoy it. 5 00:00:15,598 --> 00:00:17,683 (STUTTERlNG) "Fun" is in it. 6 00:00:18,143 --> 00:00:19,184 (ALL EXCLAlMlNG) 7 00:00:19,269 --> 00:00:20,227 "Fun"-damental. 8 00:00:20,311 --> 00:00:21,687 MEREDlTH: Oh, right. 9 00:00:21,771 --> 00:00:23,647 Get out. l know, l know. 10 00:00:23,732 --> 00:00:26,984 Yes, so, it all starts with a handshake. 11 00:00:27,068 --> 00:00:31,947 But you can't just go right to the selling. You need small talk. 12 00:00:32,032 --> 00:00:34,742 What topics can you use for small talk? 13 00:00:34,826 --> 00:00:37,453 Golf, stock market, Dave Matthews. 14 00:00:37,537 --> 00:00:38,954 Yes, what else? 15 00:00:39,039 --> 00:00:41,415 Small things. Peas, ball bearings, dimes. 16 00:00:41,499 --> 00:00:42,541 No. 17 00:00:42,625 --> 00:00:44,418 The weekend. Yeah ! That's good. 18 00:00:44,502 --> 00:00:48,297 Come on up. Meredith, come up here. Let's do a little something. 19 00:00:48,381 --> 00:00:51,800 So, Meredith and l have just started conversing, 20 00:00:51,885 --> 00:00:54,219 and l will say, "So, Meredith, 21 00:00:54,304 --> 00:00:56,138 "how was your weekend? What did you do?" 22 00:00:57,140 --> 00:01:00,142 Well, l caught my son taking a dump on the upper part of the toilet. 23 00:01:00,268 --> 00:01:01,769 All right. He calls it an "upper-decker." 24 00:01:01,853 --> 00:01:04,063 Okay, okay. God. (EXHALES) 25 00:01:04,147 --> 00:01:07,399 What you people don't know about business, l could fill a book with. 26 00:01:07,484 --> 00:01:09,068 Then do it. What? 27 00:01:09,152 --> 00:01:10,611 Write a book. 28 00:01:12,822 --> 00:01:15,824 The FundamentaIs of Business by Michael Scott. 29 00:01:16,201 --> 00:01:18,077 Over one billion sold. 30 00:01:19,204 --> 00:01:22,498 More than the Bible. l'm not surprised. Chapter One. 31 00:01:26,336 --> 00:01:28,003 The businessman. . . 32 00:01:45,980 --> 00:01:47,481 (DOOR OPENlNG) 33 00:01:52,195 --> 00:01:53,654 Mr. Grotti, this is Michael Scott. 34 00:01:53,738 --> 00:01:54,947 He's the person you should talk to. 35 00:01:55,031 --> 00:01:57,074 Hi. l'm sorry, just a sec. 36 00:01:58,201 --> 00:01:59,868 (SOFTLY) Erin, you're supposed to be the gatekeeper. 37 00:01:59,953 --> 00:02:02,621 Do you have any idea how valuable my time is? 38 00:02:02,705 --> 00:02:05,457 ln your schedule, it just says 9:00 till noon is creative space. 39 00:02:05,542 --> 00:02:06,542 l thought this could be part of that. 40 00:02:06,626 --> 00:02:09,128 Do you know how creative space works? 41 00:02:09,212 --> 00:02:11,046 Okay, fine. Just cancel my afternoon. 42 00:02:11,131 --> 00:02:13,382 You don't have anything in the afternoon. lt just says "free play." 43 00:02:13,466 --> 00:02:15,300 Push free play till tomorrow morning. 44 00:02:15,385 --> 00:02:19,805 Hi. Sorry, crazy day. You're seeing how the sausage gets made. 45 00:02:19,889 --> 00:02:24,059 Come in the conference room and l will show you a finished sausage. 46 00:02:26,729 --> 00:02:29,273 As a manager of business, you've got a lot of pride. 47 00:02:29,357 --> 00:02:30,357 Hmm. 48 00:02:30,441 --> 00:02:33,026 But you also got a lot of responsibility. 49 00:02:33,111 --> 00:02:34,153 Yep. 50 00:02:34,237 --> 00:02:36,947 None greater, perhaps, than the need to be sure 51 00:02:37,031 --> 00:02:42,411 that your small or large business is secure in the event of a covered loss. 52 00:02:42,495 --> 00:02:43,662 Okay. 53 00:02:44,622 --> 00:02:45,664 (lMlTATES GUNSHOT) 54 00:02:45,748 --> 00:02:49,209 There's nothing more insulting to a great salesman 55 00:02:49,294 --> 00:02:52,045 than having to listen to a bad salesman. 56 00:02:53,298 --> 00:02:55,132 lt's like a great basketball player 57 00:02:55,216 --> 00:02:58,135 having to listen to a bad basketball player. 58 00:02:58,428 --> 00:02:59,928 (PHONE RlNGlNG) 59 00:03:03,683 --> 00:03:05,267 KEVlN: Jim's gone on his honeymoon. 60 00:03:05,602 --> 00:03:09,313 So, l started borrowing his office to fart in. 61 00:03:09,397 --> 00:03:12,900 Then one day, l came in and l just stayed. 62 00:03:12,984 --> 00:03:16,820 'Cause this pIace is awesome. It feeIs Iike home now. 63 00:03:16,905 --> 00:03:20,574 Even better than my home. My home sucks. 64 00:03:21,951 --> 00:03:23,368 What do you think? 65 00:03:23,453 --> 00:03:24,494 l think you're right. 66 00:03:24,579 --> 00:03:26,622 Definitely looks suspicious. 67 00:03:26,706 --> 00:03:30,000 And his southern ltalian heritage raises some flags. 68 00:03:31,127 --> 00:03:34,588 God forbid you should have a fire in the warehouse. 69 00:03:34,672 --> 00:03:38,759 Oh ! Yep. Yeah. Definitely. All that paper burning up. 70 00:03:38,843 --> 00:03:42,471 Yeah, and the truck goes off the side of the road, there's injury. 71 00:03:42,555 --> 00:03:44,723 Mmm-hmm, l hear you. The truck. 72 00:03:44,807 --> 00:03:46,558 You will be hearing from me, Mr. Scott. 73 00:03:46,643 --> 00:03:47,684 Okay, well. . . 74 00:03:47,769 --> 00:03:49,853 l can be very, very persistent. 75 00:03:49,938 --> 00:03:50,938 Do your worst. 76 00:03:51,397 --> 00:03:52,731 (CHUCKLES) 77 00:03:55,276 --> 00:03:56,818 MlCHAEL: All right. 78 00:03:58,363 --> 00:04:00,280 Would you look at that, people? 79 00:04:00,365 --> 00:04:03,158 What an unpredictable world we live in, huh? 80 00:04:04,702 --> 00:04:06,078 Thank you. 81 00:04:06,579 --> 00:04:07,621 (DOOR CLOSlNG) 82 00:04:07,705 --> 00:04:09,081 What happened in there? Nothing, 83 00:04:09,165 --> 00:04:12,251 other than once again, l am just thankful that l am a paper salesman. 84 00:04:12,335 --> 00:04:13,335 Did he threaten you? 85 00:04:13,419 --> 00:04:15,420 No, Dwight. Not everything is a threat. 86 00:04:15,505 --> 00:04:16,505 Mobsters are. 87 00:04:16,589 --> 00:04:18,882 There is no such thing as monsters. 88 00:04:18,967 --> 00:04:20,926 ANDY: He drives an SUV. DWlGHT: l knew it. 89 00:04:21,010 --> 00:04:23,345 More trunk space, or should l say corpse space. 90 00:04:23,429 --> 00:04:26,181 Okay, guys, l drive an SUV. Does that mean l'm in the mob? 91 00:04:26,266 --> 00:04:29,768 No, not that by itself, but look at all the facts. 92 00:04:29,852 --> 00:04:31,979 He seems like a mobster. 93 00:04:32,063 --> 00:04:34,106 Wait, when did we start talking about the mob? 94 00:04:34,190 --> 00:04:35,649 The guy was trying to sell me insurance. 95 00:04:35,733 --> 00:04:37,276 All mobsters have a front. 96 00:04:37,360 --> 00:04:39,069 Sometimes it's selling insurance, 97 00:04:39,153 --> 00:04:42,030 sometimes it's waste management or sanitation. 98 00:04:42,115 --> 00:04:44,741 For the record, not all ltalian-Americans are in the Mafia. 99 00:04:44,826 --> 00:04:47,661 l think he just seemed like he was trying to sell me insurance. 100 00:04:47,745 --> 00:04:50,497 Yeah. "Buy my insurance or l burn your warehouse down." 101 00:04:50,581 --> 00:04:51,623 Exactly. 102 00:04:51,708 --> 00:04:54,209 He did talk about a fire in the warehouse. 103 00:04:54,877 --> 00:04:57,379 And he also vaguely threatened me with testicular cancer. 104 00:04:57,463 --> 00:04:58,839 (OSCAR GROANS) 105 00:04:58,923 --> 00:05:00,299 All right. Who else is here? 106 00:05:00,383 --> 00:05:02,217 Pam and Jim are on their honeymoon, 107 00:05:02,302 --> 00:05:05,887 so there's not the usual balance between sane and others. 108 00:05:05,972 --> 00:05:08,849 Toby has mentally checked out since June. 109 00:05:08,933 --> 00:05:13,478 lt's a very dangerous time. The coalition for reason is extremely weak. 110 00:05:14,063 --> 00:05:16,231 Oscar says l checked out, huh? 111 00:05:17,734 --> 00:05:18,734 Huh ! 112 00:05:19,235 --> 00:05:20,485 This is bad. All right. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. 113 00:05:20,570 --> 00:05:22,446 Calm down, calm down, calm down. 114 00:05:22,530 --> 00:05:24,072 Ryan, you lived in New York, what do you think? 115 00:05:24,157 --> 00:05:26,867 Well, first of all, there's no such thing as the Mafia. 116 00:05:26,993 --> 00:05:29,995 Okay. What you have are specific families. 117 00:05:30,079 --> 00:05:31,496 What's the guy's last name? 118 00:05:31,581 --> 00:05:33,665 Um, it is Grotti. 119 00:05:33,750 --> 00:05:35,375 Oh, no. That is. . . 120 00:05:35,460 --> 00:05:36,543 What? What? 121 00:05:36,627 --> 00:05:38,587 John Gotti, you idiot. 122 00:05:38,671 --> 00:05:40,797 lt's a completely different name. 123 00:05:40,923 --> 00:05:42,466 So he won't get caught. DWlGHT: Yeah. 124 00:05:42,550 --> 00:05:43,592 lt's pretty close. 125 00:05:43,676 --> 00:05:44,676 What are you talking about? 126 00:05:44,761 --> 00:05:47,929 What mobster would change his name from Gotti to Grotti? lt weakens it. 127 00:05:48,014 --> 00:05:51,641 No, l disagree. "R" is among the most menacing of sounds. 128 00:05:51,726 --> 00:05:53,852 That's why they call it "murder," not "mukduk." 129 00:05:53,936 --> 00:05:58,190 Okay, too many different words coming at me from too many different sentences. 130 00:05:58,274 --> 00:05:59,274 Lock your door. 131 00:05:59,359 --> 00:06:01,443 l'm not going to lock my door. 132 00:06:02,362 --> 00:06:04,029 (DOOR LOCK CLlCKS) 133 00:06:04,113 --> 00:06:06,531 JlM: (ON PHONE) HeIIo? Jim, it's Oscar. 134 00:06:06,616 --> 00:06:08,700 l'm so sorry to be calling you on your honeymoon. 135 00:06:08,785 --> 00:06:10,911 Oscar, what is going on? 136 00:06:12,413 --> 00:06:15,374 lt's Michael. He thinks he's being shaken down by the mob. 137 00:06:15,458 --> 00:06:17,250 l don't know how you usually handle this. 138 00:06:17,335 --> 00:06:19,002 (CHUCKLES) We're in Puerto Rico, so... 139 00:06:19,128 --> 00:06:21,254 Hey, Oscar. It's Pam, hey. Hey. 140 00:06:21,339 --> 00:06:22,381 We're on our honeymoon. 141 00:06:22,465 --> 00:06:23,423 Pam, l'm sorry. 142 00:06:23,508 --> 00:06:24,800 UnIess someone very close to us 143 00:06:24,884 --> 00:06:26,134 is in immediate physical danger, 144 00:06:26,219 --> 00:06:27,552 you should not be calling us. 145 00:06:27,637 --> 00:06:28,887 You're right, you're right. 146 00:06:28,971 --> 00:06:31,390 (DlAL TONE SOUNDlNG) All right. Okay, bye. 147 00:06:34,560 --> 00:06:36,561 lt's from Grotti. He's following up. 148 00:06:36,646 --> 00:06:37,729 ANDY: Already? 149 00:06:37,814 --> 00:06:40,148 (LAUGHlNG) This guy's persistent. 150 00:06:40,233 --> 00:06:43,568 Okay. "l feel that you will regret 151 00:06:43,653 --> 00:06:46,321 "missing this great opportunity to be in business." 152 00:06:47,407 --> 00:06:49,241 That's bad. That's bad. Yeah. Yeah. 153 00:06:49,325 --> 00:06:52,119 What are my options here? Do l just ignore it or. . . 154 00:06:52,203 --> 00:06:54,704 Yeah, right. You heard him, 155 00:06:54,789 --> 00:06:56,164 he's going to burn the warehouse down 156 00:06:56,249 --> 00:06:57,582 or run one of our trucks off the road. 157 00:06:57,667 --> 00:06:59,167 Okay, l'm calling the police. 158 00:07:01,379 --> 00:07:03,755 That is the stupidest thing you could do right now. 159 00:07:03,840 --> 00:07:05,507 No, he's right. Cops can't do anything 160 00:07:05,591 --> 00:07:06,758 until a crime has been reported. 161 00:07:06,843 --> 00:07:07,843 All right. Not only that, 162 00:07:07,927 --> 00:07:09,511 but if they find out you snitched, 163 00:07:09,595 --> 00:07:12,597 you get a dead horse's chopped off head in your bed. 164 00:07:12,723 --> 00:07:14,141 You know what? (SHUSHlNG) That's not going to happen. 165 00:07:14,225 --> 00:07:15,600 That's an exaggeration. ANDY: That's how it works. 166 00:07:15,685 --> 00:07:16,893 MlCHAEL: What am l supposed to do here? 167 00:07:16,978 --> 00:07:20,272 When somebody threatens you, you give in right away. 168 00:07:20,356 --> 00:07:22,899 Okay, you need to buy insurance from this guy and get him off your back. 169 00:07:22,984 --> 00:07:24,067 l was thinking exactly the same thing. 170 00:07:24,152 --> 00:07:26,403 No. Criminals are like raccoons, okay? 171 00:07:26,487 --> 00:07:27,487 You give them a taste of cat food, 172 00:07:27,572 --> 00:07:29,322 pretty soon they'll be back for the whole cat. 173 00:07:29,449 --> 00:07:31,158 Dwight. The only way to defeat a bully 174 00:07:31,242 --> 00:07:34,411 is to stand up to him. Trust me, l have bullied a lot of people. 175 00:07:34,495 --> 00:07:35,704 l don't know. l don't know about that. 176 00:07:35,788 --> 00:07:37,789 Wait. Let's hear him out. This is interesting. 177 00:07:37,874 --> 00:07:40,750 Here's what we do. We meet him in a public place, 178 00:07:40,835 --> 00:07:42,586 ask him to lunch or something like that. 179 00:07:42,670 --> 00:07:44,629 Someplace where he can't be openly violent. 180 00:07:44,714 --> 00:07:45,839 Okay. Let him know 181 00:07:45,923 --> 00:07:48,425 that you are not the typical kind of guy that he can shake down, 182 00:07:48,509 --> 00:07:52,137 that you're stubborn, that you might even be a little bit dangerous. 183 00:07:52,221 --> 00:07:54,473 l like this plan. l'd like to officially withdraw my plan. 184 00:07:54,557 --> 00:07:55,932 Hold on, hold on, just. . . 185 00:07:56,017 --> 00:07:57,309 No, no, no, no. My plan is out. 186 00:07:57,393 --> 00:07:58,810 We do it the hard way. 187 00:07:58,895 --> 00:08:02,230 All right, l will meet with him, but l'm not going alone. 188 00:08:02,356 --> 00:08:05,484 (CHUCKLlNG) Well, you're going to have to. We'll be right beside you. 189 00:08:05,568 --> 00:08:06,568 What? 190 00:08:10,781 --> 00:08:12,115 All right. 191 00:08:20,917 --> 00:08:23,168 What are you wearing? Who's Pat? 192 00:08:23,252 --> 00:08:26,671 lf l'm going to back you up, l need a weapon without drawing suspicion. 193 00:08:26,756 --> 00:08:28,215 And l have to justify it somehow, 194 00:08:28,299 --> 00:08:30,550 so l'm a mechanic with a tire thing. 195 00:08:30,635 --> 00:08:31,801 Do you know how to use it? 196 00:08:31,886 --> 00:08:33,386 To change tires, no. 197 00:08:33,471 --> 00:08:35,847 But, l mean, it's metal, l can hit somebody with it. 198 00:08:35,932 --> 00:08:37,641 Let's go, come on. 199 00:08:38,392 --> 00:08:40,477 God. God. 200 00:08:41,896 --> 00:08:43,355 Should l change? You're wearing loafers. 201 00:08:43,439 --> 00:08:45,440 Forget it. Forget it. 202 00:08:46,484 --> 00:08:48,276 (PEOPLE CHATTERlNG) 203 00:08:49,237 --> 00:08:51,863 Take that thing off the table. Please. 204 00:08:52,323 --> 00:08:55,700 Well, then l can't use it. l'm just going to hide it. 205 00:08:57,578 --> 00:09:00,539 Hey. The bathroom checks out clean. 206 00:09:00,623 --> 00:09:02,541 Nothing behind the toilet except this roach motel. 207 00:09:02,625 --> 00:09:04,417 No! God ! Oh, my God. 208 00:09:04,544 --> 00:09:06,169 You'll never kill it that way. Guys. 209 00:09:06,254 --> 00:09:07,546 You want to separate the head from the thorax. 210 00:09:07,630 --> 00:09:10,298 Guys, guys. Cool it. 211 00:09:11,050 --> 00:09:13,051 There he is, there he is. 212 00:09:14,929 --> 00:09:16,471 Hello. Mr. Scott, hello. 213 00:09:16,556 --> 00:09:20,559 Mr. Grotti, we meet again. These are my associates. 214 00:09:20,643 --> 00:09:21,893 Hi, Angelo Grotti. 215 00:09:21,978 --> 00:09:23,019 Hi. Hello. 216 00:09:23,104 --> 00:09:25,063 So. . . You got this table? 217 00:09:25,189 --> 00:09:26,982 Yes. What's this, one of them half-booths, 218 00:09:27,066 --> 00:09:28,358 can't-decide-what-it-is type of thing? 219 00:09:28,442 --> 00:09:29,568 Well. . . 220 00:09:29,652 --> 00:09:32,654 Waitress, we're going to sit over here. 221 00:09:32,738 --> 00:09:33,947 That's fine. 222 00:09:34,031 --> 00:09:35,156 Okay. 223 00:09:39,120 --> 00:09:40,662 (PHONE RlNGlNG) 224 00:09:43,499 --> 00:09:44,499 Hello? 225 00:09:44,584 --> 00:09:45,625 WOMAN: (ON PHONE) Hello, Mr. Halpert. 226 00:09:45,710 --> 00:09:48,753 I'm calling from the Identity Theft department at CapitaI One. 227 00:09:48,838 --> 00:09:51,798 We've detected some unusual activity on your credit card. 228 00:09:51,882 --> 00:09:54,426 Oh, man. Do you think it was stolen? 229 00:09:54,510 --> 00:09:57,596 First, would you mind verifying your home address? 230 00:09:57,680 --> 00:09:58,847 Um. . . Yes. 231 00:10:01,475 --> 00:10:05,437 383 Linden Ave. , Scranton, PA. 232 00:10:05,521 --> 00:10:08,023 And may I have the last four digits of your social security? 233 00:10:08,107 --> 00:10:09,733 Six-six-five-zero. 234 00:10:09,817 --> 00:10:13,778 Well, Mr. Halpert, you're obviously not in San Juan, Puerto Rico. 235 00:10:13,863 --> 00:10:15,196 Wait a minute. Yes, l am. 236 00:10:15,281 --> 00:10:17,073 I'm going to go ahead and put a hold on your card. 237 00:10:17,158 --> 00:10:19,409 No. That. . . l. . . 238 00:10:20,036 --> 00:10:24,331 l think that we should let the criminal use the card a little longer. 239 00:10:24,624 --> 00:10:27,626 Very funny, sir. We'll get a new card out to you right away. 240 00:10:27,710 --> 00:10:30,253 No. Have a nice day and thank you. 241 00:10:33,591 --> 00:10:35,091 Shoot. 242 00:10:35,176 --> 00:10:38,345 lf you want to supplement your coverage, we can do that. 243 00:10:38,429 --> 00:10:41,973 lf you want to replace your current coverage, all the better. 244 00:10:42,058 --> 00:10:43,266 Hey, you seem like a nice guy. 245 00:10:43,351 --> 00:10:44,559 Oh, he's not that nice. 246 00:10:44,644 --> 00:10:46,061 That's true. Mmm-hmm. 247 00:10:46,646 --> 00:10:48,271 That's very true. Okay, shut up. 248 00:10:48,356 --> 00:10:50,148 Have you decided? 249 00:10:50,232 --> 00:10:53,318 Yeah, l'll have the linguini, red sauce on the side. 250 00:10:53,402 --> 00:10:56,905 lf the sauce does not come on the side, l will send it back. 251 00:10:56,989 --> 00:10:59,407 l want garlic bread, toasted, not burnt. 252 00:10:59,492 --> 00:11:01,826 lf it comes burnt, l will send it back. 253 00:11:01,911 --> 00:11:04,829 Okay, then. And for you, sir? 254 00:11:04,914 --> 00:11:06,289 l will have the gabbagool. 255 00:11:06,957 --> 00:11:08,249 The what? 256 00:11:09,710 --> 00:11:11,086 The gabbagool. 257 00:11:11,837 --> 00:11:13,546 l don't really know what that is. 258 00:11:13,631 --> 00:11:15,340 You know, gabbagool. 259 00:11:15,424 --> 00:11:16,758 l don't have to have that. 260 00:11:16,842 --> 00:11:18,635 What he's trying to say is, gabbagool. 261 00:11:18,719 --> 00:11:19,678 Guys, guys, all right. 262 00:11:19,762 --> 00:11:20,887 l don't really think that we have that. 263 00:11:20,930 --> 00:11:22,597 That's okay. Bring him the gabbagool. 264 00:11:22,682 --> 00:11:26,017 (SHUSHlNG) l will have the spaghetti with a side salad. 265 00:11:26,102 --> 00:11:27,185 Okay. 266 00:11:27,353 --> 00:11:30,063 lf the salad is on top, l send it back. 267 00:11:30,773 --> 00:11:33,108 Why would you cancel Jim's credit cards? 268 00:11:33,192 --> 00:11:35,193 l usually can think quick on my feet, 269 00:11:35,277 --> 00:11:37,153 but they were so fast on the phone. 270 00:11:37,238 --> 00:11:39,114 This constitutes identity fraud. 271 00:11:39,198 --> 00:11:40,448 Oh, God. 272 00:11:40,658 --> 00:11:43,868 l wouldn't last in jail, Oscar. l'm not like you. 273 00:11:45,079 --> 00:11:46,871 What's that supposed to mean? 274 00:11:46,956 --> 00:11:48,873 What, you don't know about jail? 275 00:11:48,958 --> 00:11:51,084 You would love jail. 276 00:11:51,377 --> 00:11:52,794 Why would l love jail? 277 00:11:52,878 --> 00:11:56,297 Because. . . You would love it. 278 00:11:58,217 --> 00:12:03,263 l don't think our company actually needs any more insurance. So, l am out. 279 00:12:03,347 --> 00:12:06,975 Look closely, Michael. l feel there's a plan here for you. 280 00:12:07,685 --> 00:12:09,894 Maybe we have a plan for you. 281 00:12:10,479 --> 00:12:11,771 How about you? 282 00:12:11,856 --> 00:12:14,858 Maybe you can use supplemental coverage of some kind. 283 00:12:14,942 --> 00:12:16,568 Anybody can get hurt. 284 00:12:16,652 --> 00:12:19,028 You always think it can't happen to you, and. . . 285 00:12:19,113 --> 00:12:20,155 (BANGS ON TABLE) 286 00:12:21,157 --> 00:12:22,449 Think about it. 287 00:12:22,533 --> 00:12:24,743 Excuse me. Sorry to bother you. 288 00:12:24,827 --> 00:12:25,994 Are you a mechanic? 289 00:12:26,078 --> 00:12:27,120 Yeah. 290 00:12:27,204 --> 00:12:29,581 My battery's dead. l've got my kid. Can you please help? 291 00:12:29,665 --> 00:12:30,623 Yes, l can. 292 00:12:30,708 --> 00:12:31,916 No, no, no, no, come on. 293 00:12:32,001 --> 00:12:33,418 l'm sorry, we're having our salads. 294 00:12:33,502 --> 00:12:35,795 Come on, lady in distress. 295 00:12:35,880 --> 00:12:36,880 Go, go. 296 00:12:36,964 --> 00:12:38,757 Okay. Sorry. 297 00:12:39,300 --> 00:12:42,093 Thank you so much. l really appreciate it. 298 00:12:42,178 --> 00:12:43,303 Hey, do you need any help? 299 00:12:43,387 --> 00:12:46,139 l'm sure he can handle a simple jumpstart. 300 00:12:46,223 --> 00:12:47,724 Now, come on, sit down. 301 00:12:47,808 --> 00:12:48,767 He's a good mechanic. 302 00:12:48,851 --> 00:12:50,101 Sit down. 303 00:12:50,186 --> 00:12:52,312 Where were we? l don't. . . 304 00:12:52,396 --> 00:12:54,689 He was trying to force you to sign a policy. Okay, okay, okay. 305 00:12:54,774 --> 00:12:56,775 So, we're choosing. . . Okay. Yep. 306 00:12:56,859 --> 00:12:59,778 Did you check out Dental? All right, put it down. 307 00:12:59,862 --> 00:13:05,366 Black goes on the red with the. . . lf we. . . Positive. . . 308 00:13:06,702 --> 00:13:10,246 lt being a motor drive, it's probably down. 309 00:13:10,331 --> 00:13:12,123 He seems bad at this. 310 00:13:12,208 --> 00:13:15,210 You want to do this, junior? l didn't think so. 311 00:13:16,253 --> 00:13:20,340 l'm sorry, just had kind of a long day at the mechanic store. 312 00:13:22,510 --> 00:13:23,885 (EXCLAlMS) 313 00:13:26,555 --> 00:13:28,056 You've got a leaky spark tube. 314 00:13:28,140 --> 00:13:29,140 What? 315 00:13:29,225 --> 00:13:30,850 So, your car's totaled. 316 00:13:30,935 --> 00:13:33,228 You're gonna want to get a refund on that. 317 00:13:33,312 --> 00:13:36,648 Or my guy could do it, he's great. But l can't do that for you. 318 00:13:36,732 --> 00:13:39,442 l work exclusively on motorcycles. 319 00:13:41,278 --> 00:13:42,612 All right. 320 00:13:45,074 --> 00:13:47,325 Now, if you could just sign this letter of intent, 321 00:13:47,409 --> 00:13:49,494 l'll bring this back to my boss 322 00:13:49,578 --> 00:13:50,954 and we can get this in motion. 323 00:13:51,038 --> 00:13:55,166 (CLEARlNG THROAT) 324 00:13:55,960 --> 00:13:56,960 You okay, Pat? 325 00:13:57,044 --> 00:13:58,044 Yeah, l was just thinking 326 00:13:58,128 --> 00:14:03,591 about how l had this car. lt was this ltalian car. 327 00:14:03,676 --> 00:14:05,510 And l was driving it, 328 00:14:05,594 --> 00:14:07,512 and it kept telling me how much 329 00:14:07,596 --> 00:14:10,014 it needed oil, but l wouldn't give it any oil. 330 00:14:10,099 --> 00:14:13,017 And then, one day it exploded and it killed everyone, 331 00:14:13,102 --> 00:14:14,686 and that's what l'm afraid of. 332 00:14:14,770 --> 00:14:17,313 Aren't you a mechanic? Why wouldn't you put oil in a car? 333 00:14:17,398 --> 00:14:19,941 lt was before my technical training. 334 00:14:20,484 --> 00:14:22,235 Don't do it. 335 00:14:23,153 --> 00:14:24,195 Do it. 336 00:14:24,280 --> 00:14:25,822 Don't. Just do it. 337 00:14:25,906 --> 00:14:27,949 Okay. Don't do it. 338 00:14:28,033 --> 00:14:31,703 Look, Mike, l don't know what your friends are telling you, 339 00:14:31,787 --> 00:14:34,664 but you have to decide for yourself. 340 00:14:34,748 --> 00:14:36,708 l mean, are these guys going to take care 341 00:14:36,792 --> 00:14:38,334 of your things if you die tomorrow? 342 00:14:38,419 --> 00:14:39,460 Yes. 343 00:14:41,797 --> 00:14:42,797 Okay. 344 00:14:42,882 --> 00:14:43,882 (GROANS) 345 00:14:43,966 --> 00:14:45,675 l don't understand. Why would you buy a policy? 346 00:14:45,759 --> 00:14:48,803 lt's just the cost of a cup of coffee an hour. 347 00:14:48,971 --> 00:14:51,514 You were man enough to back down, Michael. l'm proud of you. 348 00:14:51,599 --> 00:14:53,433 l had to make a snap decision, Dwight. 349 00:14:53,517 --> 00:14:55,810 lt wasn't a snap decision. You were sitting there for an hour. 350 00:14:55,895 --> 00:14:58,021 lt was a lot of snap decisions. 351 00:14:58,147 --> 00:14:59,898 Do you know what "snap decision" means? MlCHAEL: Yes. 352 00:14:59,982 --> 00:15:00,940 lt means like this. (SNAPS FlNGER) 353 00:15:01,025 --> 00:15:02,817 MlCHAEL: Just get in the car. 354 00:15:04,820 --> 00:15:06,404 JlM: (ON PHONE) HeIIo? Jim? 355 00:15:06,488 --> 00:15:08,406 MichaeI? Oh, thank God. 356 00:15:08,532 --> 00:15:10,450 How did you get this number? (SlGHlNG) 357 00:15:10,534 --> 00:15:11,576 Michael, we're on a catamaran. 358 00:15:11,660 --> 00:15:12,619 lt wasn't easy. 359 00:15:12,703 --> 00:15:15,371 l had to tell the hotel that it was a medical emergency. 360 00:15:15,456 --> 00:15:16,831 l chose a massive coronary because 361 00:15:16,916 --> 00:15:19,083 you told me that your dad had a bad heart. 362 00:15:19,168 --> 00:15:22,754 Listen, man, l got a problem. 363 00:15:22,838 --> 00:15:26,883 l think l'm in trouble with the mob or a major insurance carrier. 364 00:15:26,967 --> 00:15:28,801 That sounds bad. Yeah, l know. 365 00:15:28,886 --> 00:15:31,304 And you usually can get out of stuff like this, 366 00:15:31,388 --> 00:15:32,889 so l'm turning to you, my friend. 367 00:15:32,973 --> 00:15:33,973 I'm going to help you through it, all right? 368 00:15:34,058 --> 00:15:35,058 Okay. 369 00:15:35,142 --> 00:15:37,018 All you're going to need... 370 00:15:37,102 --> 00:15:38,686 (VOlCE BREAKlNG) 371 00:15:38,854 --> 00:15:40,021 And then go to... 372 00:15:40,105 --> 00:15:41,272 Jim. Are you. . . 373 00:15:41,357 --> 00:15:42,899 And you'll be saved. 374 00:15:42,983 --> 00:15:45,234 What? Wait. l didn't hear a thing you just said. 375 00:15:45,319 --> 00:15:47,278 Just... And then you'll be saved. 376 00:15:47,363 --> 00:15:50,031 No! God, l missed the important part again. 377 00:15:50,115 --> 00:15:51,157 (VOlCE BREAKlNG) 378 00:15:51,241 --> 00:15:52,617 No. Oh, my God. 379 00:15:52,701 --> 00:15:54,202 And you'll be saved. No, Jim. 380 00:15:54,286 --> 00:15:57,205 Please repeat what you're saying, l can't understand you. 381 00:15:58,207 --> 00:16:01,918 Bermuda Triangle... Please don't call again. 382 00:16:02,002 --> 00:16:03,252 (PHONE CLlCKS) 383 00:16:04,088 --> 00:16:05,129 Jim? 384 00:16:05,214 --> 00:16:06,631 (DlAL TONE SOUNDlNG) 385 00:16:06,715 --> 00:16:08,049 Oh, my God. 386 00:16:16,392 --> 00:16:19,394 Hey, question for you. 387 00:16:20,688 --> 00:16:25,817 l recently purchased some insurance that l can't afford given my present salary. 388 00:16:26,568 --> 00:16:28,152 ls there anything accounting-wise l can do 389 00:16:28,237 --> 00:16:30,738 to sort of make it all go away? 390 00:16:30,823 --> 00:16:34,325 Accounting-wise, no, but phone-wise, just call up and cancel it. 391 00:16:34,410 --> 00:16:35,660 No, no. 392 00:16:36,286 --> 00:16:37,412 Um. . . 393 00:16:37,871 --> 00:16:40,581 What about this Cash for Clunkers thing? 394 00:16:41,792 --> 00:16:44,293 Just, no. No. 395 00:16:44,378 --> 00:16:47,755 Okay. All right, well, it was a thought. Thanks. 396 00:16:54,930 --> 00:16:58,474 We have let Michael down, and it's 85% your fault. 397 00:16:58,559 --> 00:17:00,393 He's alive, so you're welcome. 398 00:17:00,477 --> 00:17:02,687 Not on the inside, he's not. 399 00:17:02,771 --> 00:17:08,526 Look at his life. Broke, living in fear, no friends, dead-end job. 400 00:17:08,610 --> 00:17:10,862 Yeah, some of that existed before. 401 00:17:10,946 --> 00:17:12,697 Not the living in fear, that's new. 402 00:17:12,781 --> 00:17:13,781 You're right, that is new. 403 00:17:13,866 --> 00:17:15,450 Yes. 404 00:17:15,534 --> 00:17:17,410 He's got to stand up to this Mafia guy. 405 00:17:17,494 --> 00:17:19,037 Well, l don't see that happening. 406 00:17:19,121 --> 00:17:20,246 Me neither. 407 00:17:20,330 --> 00:17:22,373 Not the way things are now. 408 00:17:22,458 --> 00:17:26,627 But what if Michael felt no fear toward the Mafia guy? 409 00:17:26,712 --> 00:17:27,712 Are you saying. . . Yeah. 410 00:17:27,796 --> 00:17:31,049 . . .that we surgically remove the fear center from Michael's brain? 411 00:17:31,133 --> 00:17:32,216 What is wrong with you? 412 00:17:32,301 --> 00:17:35,261 l am talking about convincing Michael that the guy's not Mafia. 413 00:17:35,345 --> 00:17:36,888 That seems a little farfetched. 414 00:17:36,972 --> 00:17:39,891 What, more farfetched than a mobster walking into a paper company 415 00:17:39,975 --> 00:17:42,894 for a low-level shakedown? And that happened. 416 00:17:44,480 --> 00:17:48,733 Michael, incredible news. Grotti is clean. 417 00:17:49,193 --> 00:17:52,236 No, he's not. He's just good. 418 00:17:53,155 --> 00:17:55,698 Nothing sticks to him. You still don't understand how this works. 419 00:17:55,783 --> 00:17:57,867 No, Michael, what we're trying to say is, 420 00:17:57,951 --> 00:18:00,495 we made a mistake assuming he was Mafia. 421 00:18:00,579 --> 00:18:04,624 l have a buddy who's a Fed and we did a background check on the guy, 422 00:18:04,708 --> 00:18:06,375 his background is perfectly clean. 423 00:18:06,460 --> 00:18:07,543 lt's true, he's clean. 424 00:18:07,628 --> 00:18:10,379 l have a couple of friends still on the force, checked with them, 425 00:18:10,464 --> 00:18:13,091 ran his Fed friend up the flagpole to make sure he wasn't on the take. 426 00:18:13,175 --> 00:18:14,550 Turns out he's a totally lovely guy. 427 00:18:14,635 --> 00:18:15,927 Sweetest guy on the force, really. 428 00:18:16,011 --> 00:18:17,595 Class act. Boy scout. 429 00:18:17,679 --> 00:18:19,555 But Grotti acts like he's Mafia, though. 430 00:18:19,640 --> 00:18:21,474 He's trying to intimidate you to close sales. 431 00:18:21,558 --> 00:18:23,059 He's just a pushy salesman. 432 00:18:23,143 --> 00:18:25,812 And he made us all look like chumps. 433 00:18:27,231 --> 00:18:28,272 (SlGHS) 434 00:18:28,357 --> 00:18:32,235 lf there is one thing l hate more than the Mafia, it is a liar. 435 00:18:32,694 --> 00:18:35,696 l wish the Mafia would go out and kill all the liars. 436 00:18:35,781 --> 00:18:40,076 And bury them in my yard. And l wouldn't tell the cops a thing. 437 00:18:41,078 --> 00:18:42,745 Not that l would be lying, per se, 438 00:18:42,830 --> 00:18:45,498 but l would just get really quiet all of a sudden. 439 00:18:45,582 --> 00:18:47,542 (ON PHONE) This is Grotti. This is Scott. 440 00:18:47,626 --> 00:18:51,295 Oh! Great, Michael. I'm just finishing up your paperwork right now. 441 00:18:51,380 --> 00:18:53,965 Oh, really? ls that supposed to scare me? 442 00:18:54,550 --> 00:18:55,800 I thought you'd be pleased. 443 00:18:55,884 --> 00:18:58,010 Well, you thought wrong. 444 00:18:58,137 --> 00:19:00,429 Because l am not pleased. l'm actually kind of p.o.'d. 445 00:19:00,556 --> 00:19:02,306 Why? l think you know exactly why. 446 00:19:02,391 --> 00:19:06,477 Because you were trying to scare me into buying insurance. 447 00:19:06,562 --> 00:19:08,271 I don't get it. How was I scaring you? 448 00:19:08,355 --> 00:19:10,523 l think you knew exactly what you were doing, 449 00:19:10,607 --> 00:19:13,442 and frankly, l think you were being a total and utter jerk. 450 00:19:13,527 --> 00:19:14,527 Ooh, okay. 451 00:19:14,611 --> 00:19:16,028 You suck. DWlGHT: Okay. That's. . . 452 00:19:16,113 --> 00:19:17,864 And l'm not going to buy your stupid insurance. 453 00:19:17,948 --> 00:19:19,657 That's good, let's wrap it up. Okay. How about that? 454 00:19:19,741 --> 00:19:21,868 The only person that actually needs insurance is you, 455 00:19:21,952 --> 00:19:23,953 if you show your face around here again. Got it? 456 00:19:24,037 --> 00:19:26,622 Look, Michael, when we aII calm down here, 457 00:19:26,707 --> 00:19:28,291 maybe at some point in the future, 458 00:19:28,375 --> 00:19:30,501 you change your mind, why don't you give me a call? 459 00:19:30,586 --> 00:19:31,878 Doubt it. 460 00:19:34,756 --> 00:19:35,840 Oh, man. 461 00:19:35,924 --> 00:19:37,592 What a tool. 462 00:19:41,972 --> 00:19:42,972 What? 463 00:19:43,056 --> 00:19:44,182 Next time you look in the mirror, 464 00:19:44,266 --> 00:19:48,686 you're going to be looking at a guy who stood down the Mafia. 465 00:19:49,438 --> 00:19:51,606 No. What do you mean? 466 00:19:51,690 --> 00:19:55,443 We just told you he wasn't Mafia so you wouldn't be scared. 467 00:19:56,612 --> 00:19:57,612 What? 468 00:19:57,696 --> 00:20:00,198 You successfully backed down the mob. 469 00:20:00,282 --> 00:20:04,952 You made the Mafia apologize to you. You made the Mafia be polite. 470 00:20:05,537 --> 00:20:07,288 Oh, man. 471 00:20:10,083 --> 00:20:12,251 l should be mad at you guys. 472 00:20:13,337 --> 00:20:14,879 But l'm not. 473 00:20:14,963 --> 00:20:17,548 So, l looked him in the eye and l said, 474 00:20:17,633 --> 00:20:20,092 "Not today, Grotti. Not today. 475 00:20:20,177 --> 00:20:24,263 "And not tomorrow, and not the next day, or the day after that. 476 00:20:24,348 --> 00:20:26,349 "And you can tell all your friends that 477 00:20:26,433 --> 00:20:29,560 "if l see them, then they are already dead." 478 00:20:29,645 --> 00:20:30,895 l said something like that. 479 00:20:30,979 --> 00:20:32,021 Very close. 480 00:20:32,105 --> 00:20:33,064 Just to be clear, he backed down 481 00:20:33,148 --> 00:20:35,191 an insurance agent from Mutual of Harrisburg. 482 00:20:35,275 --> 00:20:36,234 Erin? ERlN: Yes? 483 00:20:36,318 --> 00:20:37,526 Coffee. Okay. 484 00:20:37,611 --> 00:20:39,904 Not from the kitchen, Stop & Shop. 485 00:20:39,988 --> 00:20:41,447 lf it's not Stop & Shop, l send it back. 486 00:20:41,531 --> 00:20:42,531 Okay. 487 00:20:42,616 --> 00:20:44,617 Large. lf it's a medium, l send it back. 488 00:20:44,701 --> 00:20:46,911 lf it's an extra large, l send it back. 489 00:20:46,995 --> 00:20:48,371 How do you return coffee? 490 00:20:48,455 --> 00:20:49,497 Go. 491 00:20:51,250 --> 00:20:52,750 Any questions? 492 00:20:54,002 --> 00:20:55,086 (PHONE RlNGlNG) 493 00:20:55,170 --> 00:20:56,420 PAM: (ON PHONE) Are you kidding me? 494 00:20:56,505 --> 00:20:58,631 Hi, Pam. ls Jim there? 495 00:20:58,715 --> 00:21:01,259 Listen, our credit card has been canceIed and we have to deaI with that. 496 00:21:01,343 --> 00:21:04,387 And I really can't handIe the fact that you're calling us here. 497 00:21:04,471 --> 00:21:07,807 Okay, that sounds good. l'll let you go. 498 00:21:07,891 --> 00:21:12,436 Just tell Jim that l said hi. 499 00:21:12,521 --> 00:21:16,816 l will. l will, Kevin. I wiII make that my top priority. 500 00:21:16,900 --> 00:21:18,609 Cool. Okay. Bye. 501 00:21:18,694 --> 00:21:19,944 (DlAL TONE SOUNDlNG) 502 00:21:22,030 --> 00:21:24,365 They have no idea what happened.