1 00:00:02,168 --> 00:00:03,377 (PHONE RlNGlNG) 2 00:00:03,461 --> 00:00:04,837 OPERATOR: Vancouver Court Hotel, how may I help you? 3 00:00:04,921 --> 00:00:07,006 Hello, Vancouver, this is Michael Scott 4 00:00:07,090 --> 00:00:09,508 calling from the United States of America. 5 00:00:09,592 --> 00:00:11,677 l have a reservation in your fair city 6 00:00:11,761 --> 00:00:14,263 from February 1 2th to the 1 9th. 7 00:00:14,431 --> 00:00:15,848 First week of the Olympics. 8 00:00:15,932 --> 00:00:17,266 Well, we're looking forward to having you, 9 00:00:17,350 --> 00:00:18,934 so let me just pull up your information here. 10 00:00:19,019 --> 00:00:20,019 Oki-doke. 11 00:00:20,103 --> 00:00:21,812 Uh, l don't seem to have it, sir. 12 00:00:22,230 --> 00:00:23,230 What? 13 00:00:23,314 --> 00:00:24,606 l'm not seeing anything under confirmation. . . 14 00:00:24,733 --> 00:00:26,775 No. No. Could it be under "affirmation?" 15 00:00:26,860 --> 00:00:27,860 'Cause you have thousands of those. 16 00:00:27,944 --> 00:00:29,778 We're just trying to look it up right now. 17 00:00:29,863 --> 00:00:32,031 You did get the e-vite to my barbeque. 18 00:00:32,115 --> 00:00:33,532 Come on, Dwight. Michael. 19 00:00:33,616 --> 00:00:36,618 OPERATOR: Sir, a Iot of people are trying to get Iast-minute reservations 20 00:00:36,703 --> 00:00:38,203 at hoteIs here for the OIympics, 21 00:00:38,288 --> 00:00:39,788 but we've been fully booked for months. 22 00:00:39,873 --> 00:00:43,667 Well, l have been booked for three years, so you should have that. 23 00:00:43,752 --> 00:00:46,211 l have always heard that British Columbia is a very nice place, 24 00:00:46,296 --> 00:00:48,922 but l'm not getting that from this conversation. 25 00:00:49,007 --> 00:00:53,302 Wait, l got it! Confirmation code, X-V-2-R-D-M. 26 00:00:54,596 --> 00:00:55,637 Oh. 27 00:00:55,722 --> 00:00:57,139 Here it is. Yeah. Oh. 28 00:00:57,265 --> 00:00:58,307 OPERATOR: Uh-huh. Thank you. 29 00:00:58,391 --> 00:01:00,684 Seven nights in our street-view economy single. 30 00:01:00,769 --> 00:01:01,894 That's it. Yeah. 31 00:01:01,978 --> 00:01:05,105 We changed systems a whiIe back. I do apologize. 32 00:01:05,190 --> 00:01:06,315 Okay. Okay. 33 00:01:06,399 --> 00:01:07,775 (STAMMERS) How may I heIp you, Mr. Scott? 34 00:01:07,859 --> 00:01:11,195 All right. l would like to cancel my reservation, please. 35 00:01:11,279 --> 00:01:13,113 There is a canceIIation fee for this, sir. 36 00:01:13,198 --> 00:01:15,324 Okay, put it on my card. 37 00:01:36,346 --> 00:01:38,472 MlCHAEL: Today, Jo Bennett, the CEO from Sabre 38 00:01:38,556 --> 00:01:41,266 is coming to see us here for the first time. 39 00:01:41,851 --> 00:01:45,145 She bought us sight unseen, like a mail-order bride, 40 00:01:45,313 --> 00:01:48,440 (CHUCKLES) so she's gotta be kind of nervous. I mean, are we ugly? 41 00:01:48,525 --> 00:01:51,360 Are we smart? Are we cooI? Are we too cooI? (BARKlNG) 42 00:01:51,653 --> 00:01:53,403 Do we speak English? 43 00:01:54,489 --> 00:01:56,323 (JO LAUGHlNG) 44 00:01:58,326 --> 00:02:00,285 Why, hello! 45 00:02:00,370 --> 00:02:01,578 GABE: This is Michael Scott, 46 00:02:01,663 --> 00:02:03,205 co-regional manager of this branch. 47 00:02:03,289 --> 00:02:04,456 Pleasure to meet you, Miss Bennett. 48 00:02:04,541 --> 00:02:06,125 Uh, that's Mrs. Bennett, sweetheart. 49 00:02:06,209 --> 00:02:08,502 My husband and l are divorced but l kept the "missus" 50 00:02:08,586 --> 00:02:10,838 just to piss off the new wife. Oh. 51 00:02:10,922 --> 00:02:12,965 (ALL LAUGHlNG) Well, let's take a gander around this place. 52 00:02:13,049 --> 00:02:14,633 These sure are pretty dogs. 53 00:02:14,717 --> 00:02:16,510 JO: (CHUCKLlNG) They love a good crotch. 54 00:02:16,761 --> 00:02:18,011 They sure do. 55 00:02:18,096 --> 00:02:19,596 You should take that as a compliment. 56 00:02:19,681 --> 00:02:21,056 Oh, l do. 57 00:02:23,685 --> 00:02:25,185 JO: Hello. Hello. 58 00:02:25,520 --> 00:02:28,021 Do you always stay seated when a lady enters the room? 59 00:02:28,106 --> 00:02:29,439 l am treating you the same as a man, 60 00:02:29,524 --> 00:02:31,233 for whom l would also not stand. 61 00:02:31,317 --> 00:02:34,236 Unless it was the president, or Judge Judy. 62 00:02:35,572 --> 00:02:36,780 l like that. 63 00:02:36,865 --> 00:02:38,657 GABE: This is Accounting. JO: Uh-huh. 64 00:02:38,741 --> 00:02:39,783 Hi. 65 00:02:39,868 --> 00:02:40,951 Good-looking group. 66 00:02:41,035 --> 00:02:43,370 Over here is Meredith Palmer, Creed Bratton. 67 00:02:43,454 --> 00:02:44,997 JO: Another couple of heartbreakers. 68 00:02:45,081 --> 00:02:46,582 Who's this tall drink of sun tea? 69 00:02:46,666 --> 00:02:50,169 That is Jim Halpert. He is the co-regional manager of this office. 70 00:02:50,253 --> 00:02:51,753 l thought this guy was the manager. 71 00:02:51,838 --> 00:02:54,715 Oh, he is. He's the co-manager. That's the other co-manager. 72 00:02:54,799 --> 00:02:56,425 Two guys doing one job? 73 00:02:57,719 --> 00:02:59,469 We gotta do something about that. (CHUCKLlNG) 74 00:03:02,307 --> 00:03:03,849 l've got some Valentine's cards 75 00:03:03,933 --> 00:03:06,685 for my co-workers and my bro-workers. 76 00:03:06,769 --> 00:03:08,228 No. No. 77 00:03:08,313 --> 00:03:09,521 What? No candy? 78 00:03:09,939 --> 00:03:11,607 ANDY: Valentine's Day. Right around the corner. 79 00:03:11,691 --> 00:03:14,526 Erin and l have been on zero dates. 80 00:03:14,611 --> 00:03:16,445 So l got her a Valentine's Day card, 81 00:03:16,529 --> 00:03:18,655 but I didn't want to seem too eager, 82 00:03:18,740 --> 00:03:20,699 so I got cards for everyone in the whoIe office 83 00:03:20,783 --> 00:03:22,701 to kind of diIute it a IittIe bit. 84 00:03:22,827 --> 00:03:24,912 Look alive. (EXCLAlMS) 85 00:03:24,996 --> 00:03:27,164 Jeez, you gave me a paper cut on my throat. 86 00:03:27,415 --> 00:03:29,249 Yeah, l have this thing about men cutting 87 00:03:29,334 --> 00:03:31,251 or threatening to cut my throat. 88 00:03:31,336 --> 00:03:33,212 Don't try to cut my throat. 89 00:03:33,296 --> 00:03:36,757 Jo, l don't know how things work in Florida, which from your description 90 00:03:36,841 --> 00:03:39,927 sounds like a colorful, lawless swamp, 91 00:03:40,136 --> 00:03:43,972 but here it takes two men to do one job, 92 00:03:44,432 --> 00:03:46,058 where in Florida, it might take 93 00:03:46,142 --> 00:03:48,268 one very strong woman to do such a job. 94 00:03:48,353 --> 00:03:49,728 Whoa. Whoa. 95 00:03:49,979 --> 00:03:53,232 l'll take over. Um, what we're doing here, 96 00:03:53,316 --> 00:03:55,651 Michael handles more of the big picture stuff, 97 00:03:55,735 --> 00:03:58,111 and l handle more of the day-to-day stuff. 98 00:03:58,196 --> 00:03:59,488 Yeah. JlM: So, together. . . 99 00:03:59,572 --> 00:04:01,240 l think l understand. All right. 100 00:04:01,324 --> 00:04:03,283 Each of you is doing half a job. 101 00:04:03,409 --> 00:04:04,993 No. (CHUCKLES) And sometimes l can hardly handle that. 102 00:04:05,078 --> 00:04:06,203 (JO CHUCKLlNG) 103 00:04:06,287 --> 00:04:09,164 Now this is knucklehead talk. l'm not going to abide it, you know. 104 00:04:09,249 --> 00:04:12,709 You can't give me gravy and tell me it's jelly, 'cause gravy ain't sweet. 105 00:04:12,794 --> 00:04:14,461 ls it, Jim? (SOFTLY) l don't think so. 106 00:04:14,545 --> 00:04:15,629 Michael? 107 00:04:15,713 --> 00:04:16,797 Forget the question. 108 00:04:16,923 --> 00:04:19,258 l think one of you should return to Sales, 109 00:04:19,342 --> 00:04:21,343 and the other one will be a manager. 110 00:04:21,427 --> 00:04:24,429 l humbly accept the management position. 111 00:04:24,514 --> 00:04:25,597 Why would you just automatically get it? 112 00:04:25,682 --> 00:04:29,685 Because, well, Jim, where l'm from, there are two types of folk, 113 00:04:29,769 --> 00:04:33,563 those who ain't and those who are knee-high on a grasshopper. 114 00:04:34,065 --> 00:04:37,484 Which type ain't you ain't? Y'all come back now. 115 00:04:39,362 --> 00:04:41,238 Do you even know what that means? Yes. 116 00:04:41,322 --> 00:04:43,448 Well, l'm gonna let this marinate. So you can go. 117 00:04:43,533 --> 00:04:44,616 Um. . . 118 00:04:44,701 --> 00:04:46,451 You can go on. Yeah. 119 00:04:46,786 --> 00:04:48,287 (SHOOlNG) 120 00:04:48,371 --> 00:04:52,291 l'm Jolene Bennett, Jo for short. l'm a breast cancer survivor, 121 00:04:52,375 --> 00:04:54,459 close personal friends with Nancy Pelosi, 122 00:04:54,544 --> 00:04:57,212 and Truman Capote and I slept with three of the same guys. 123 00:04:57,338 --> 00:04:59,881 When l was a little girl, l was terrified to fly, 124 00:04:59,966 --> 00:05:01,925 and now I have my own pilot's license. 125 00:05:02,010 --> 00:05:03,927 l am CEO of Sabre lnternational 126 00:05:04,012 --> 00:05:07,764 and l sell the best damn printers and all-in-one machines Korea can make. 127 00:05:07,849 --> 00:05:08,890 Pleased to meet you. 128 00:05:09,017 --> 00:05:10,142 (EXCLAlMS) Traffic jam. 129 00:05:10,226 --> 00:05:12,185 Uh-oh. Traffic jam on route three. 130 00:05:12,270 --> 00:05:13,562 (BOTH lMlTATlNG HORN HONKlNG) 131 00:05:13,646 --> 00:05:15,272 Twenty people dead in a pileup. 132 00:05:15,356 --> 00:05:17,357 There's blood everywhere. 133 00:05:17,775 --> 00:05:20,152 Um, l got you a Valentine's card. 134 00:05:20,236 --> 00:05:21,778 You did? Yeah. 135 00:05:23,197 --> 00:05:24,656 (EXCLAlMS) A bird and a dog ! 136 00:05:24,741 --> 00:05:26,491 Yeah, well, it's Snoopy and Woodstock. 137 00:05:26,576 --> 00:05:27,659 You named them? 138 00:05:27,744 --> 00:05:29,119 Uh, Charles Schulz did. 139 00:05:29,912 --> 00:05:30,912 l thought it was relevant 140 00:05:30,997 --> 00:05:33,081 'cause l got you all those birds for Christmas, remember? 141 00:05:33,166 --> 00:05:36,877 Yeah, l do remember. Oh, they love each other. 142 00:05:36,961 --> 00:05:39,379 Oh, look at that. They sure do. l hadn't noticed. 143 00:05:39,964 --> 00:05:41,673 Oh, it smells really good, too. 144 00:05:41,758 --> 00:05:43,133 Yeah, it's Roger Federer for Men. 145 00:05:43,217 --> 00:05:44,676 l sprayed some in there. 146 00:05:44,761 --> 00:05:47,637 Andy, whoa! Thank you very much. 147 00:05:47,722 --> 00:05:49,514 lt's got pheromones in it. (CHUCKLES) 148 00:05:49,766 --> 00:05:51,141 JO: Hey. KEVlN: Hi. 149 00:05:51,976 --> 00:05:56,104 Just choosing seats, not getting married. Chop, chop, little onion. 150 00:05:56,272 --> 00:05:58,106 Jo, there's books in my chair. 151 00:05:58,191 --> 00:05:59,524 That's right, darling. 152 00:05:59,609 --> 00:06:02,861 Now you're the proud new owner of a Sabre handbook, 153 00:06:02,945 --> 00:06:04,780 and my autobiography. 154 00:06:04,864 --> 00:06:08,241 Now, you all must be in a tizzy. l can see it on your faces. 155 00:06:08,326 --> 00:06:11,578 l mean, what's going on now? l mean, who owns Dunder Mifflin? 156 00:06:11,662 --> 00:06:14,498 Right? l mean, Sabre? What's that? 157 00:06:14,999 --> 00:06:18,960 Some company we never heard of from down in Tallahassee? 158 00:06:19,045 --> 00:06:21,671 l mean, where is that? Near Mars? 159 00:06:21,756 --> 00:06:23,548 No, we know. Texas. 160 00:06:23,966 --> 00:06:26,468 Now, Dunder Mifflin has an arm's reach 161 00:06:26,552 --> 00:06:29,137 into all these small businesses all over the northeast, 162 00:06:29,305 --> 00:06:31,723 and now we're gonna take that arm 163 00:06:32,100 --> 00:06:36,395 and we're going to start selling printers. 164 00:06:36,479 --> 00:06:37,896 l could manage my way around that. 165 00:06:37,980 --> 00:06:39,815 They're the easiest-to-use printers in the market. 166 00:06:39,899 --> 00:06:42,401 l will try to manage my excitement. 167 00:06:43,319 --> 00:06:46,488 l have been saying the word "manager" a lot, 168 00:06:46,572 --> 00:06:49,658 so whenever Jo thinks manager, she thinks of me. 169 00:06:51,285 --> 00:06:53,245 Camel cigarettes did the same thing with Joe Camel 170 00:06:53,329 --> 00:06:55,205 by making him look like a penis. 171 00:06:55,289 --> 00:06:58,041 l can't even go near a cigarette now 172 00:06:58,126 --> 00:07:00,627 without thinking of a penis, and vice versa. 173 00:07:01,295 --> 00:07:03,380 l think that's it. So we're all good. 174 00:07:03,464 --> 00:07:05,257 Okay. Thanks, y'all. 175 00:07:13,433 --> 00:07:14,808 Oh, my God. 176 00:07:15,351 --> 00:07:19,020 l guess Andy likes me. l never thought of him in that way. 177 00:07:19,188 --> 00:07:20,981 But l guess in most romantic comedies, 178 00:07:21,065 --> 00:07:22,566 the guy you're supposed to be with is the one 179 00:07:22,650 --> 00:07:24,317 that you never thought of in that way. 180 00:07:24,402 --> 00:07:28,196 You might have even thought he was annoying or possibly homosexual. 181 00:07:28,489 --> 00:07:29,865 So check this out. 182 00:07:29,949 --> 00:07:32,367 According to the handbook, you could make more money 183 00:07:32,452 --> 00:07:34,035 as a salesman than as a manager. 184 00:07:34,120 --> 00:07:36,163 They have all these incentive programs. 185 00:07:36,247 --> 00:07:37,789 l ran your numbers from last year. 186 00:07:37,874 --> 00:07:39,708 This is way more than l make now. 187 00:07:39,792 --> 00:07:41,960 l don't think l'm gonna miss being manager. 188 00:07:42,044 --> 00:07:43,795 You know how some people say they're not in it for the money? 189 00:07:43,880 --> 00:07:45,755 Well, with all due respect to this job, 190 00:07:45,840 --> 00:07:47,966 l think l'm definitely in it for the money. 191 00:07:48,050 --> 00:07:49,926 And, quite honestly, the women. 192 00:07:50,970 --> 00:07:52,304 Hey. Got a second? 193 00:07:52,388 --> 00:07:53,472 Sure. All right. 194 00:07:53,556 --> 00:07:56,349 You here to tell me that you think l would be a better manager, 195 00:07:56,434 --> 00:07:58,977 and that you are sorry for being such a jerk? 196 00:07:59,061 --> 00:08:00,562 Actually, yeah. 197 00:08:01,731 --> 00:08:03,565 What? Exactly that. 198 00:08:03,649 --> 00:08:08,069 l think that you absolutely deserve the manager position more than l do. 199 00:08:09,155 --> 00:08:11,615 What? Really? Yeah. 200 00:08:12,325 --> 00:08:14,242 (LAUGHlNG) Wow! Wow! 201 00:08:14,827 --> 00:08:15,952 (VOCALlZlNG) 202 00:08:16,037 --> 00:08:17,829 Hello, Oscar. 203 00:08:17,914 --> 00:08:19,080 Michael, reading. 204 00:08:19,165 --> 00:08:20,165 What are you reading? 205 00:08:20,249 --> 00:08:21,291 The AtIantic. 206 00:08:21,375 --> 00:08:23,543 Oh, that is my favorite ocean. l love it. 207 00:08:23,628 --> 00:08:27,714 l'm so happy right now. No, l can't keep it a secret any longer. 208 00:08:28,007 --> 00:08:29,299 Jim's stepping down to salesman. 209 00:08:29,383 --> 00:08:31,635 l am going to be the sole manager once again. 210 00:08:31,719 --> 00:08:33,678 (SlGHS) l should step into Sales myself. 211 00:08:33,763 --> 00:08:36,097 Why? ls there an untapped gay market? 212 00:08:36,599 --> 00:08:38,767 Sabre has no caps on commissions. 213 00:08:38,851 --> 00:08:40,977 He can make a lot more money in Sales. 214 00:08:41,938 --> 00:08:43,146 (SlGHlNG) 215 00:08:44,524 --> 00:08:45,690 (CLlCKS TONGUE) 216 00:08:46,484 --> 00:08:47,734 Where did you get that information? 217 00:08:47,818 --> 00:08:50,237 Manual. Manuel who? 218 00:08:50,947 --> 00:08:53,823 Mmm-hmm. Well, according to the manual, 219 00:08:53,908 --> 00:08:56,117 there is no cap on commissions. 220 00:08:56,202 --> 00:08:57,953 l have been hustled. 221 00:09:00,164 --> 00:09:01,498 (SOFTLY) Son of a bitch. 222 00:09:01,582 --> 00:09:03,416 JlM: This is. . . Pardon me. 223 00:09:03,501 --> 00:09:05,168 Speak of the devil. We were just talking about you. 224 00:09:05,294 --> 00:09:06,711 Have a seat. Okay. 225 00:09:06,796 --> 00:09:09,798 Now, Jim here is thinking about taking himself 226 00:09:09,924 --> 00:09:11,550 out of the running for being manager. Yep. 227 00:09:11,634 --> 00:09:15,720 Oh, really? (EXCLAlMS) That is so sweet of you ! 228 00:09:16,472 --> 00:09:20,350 But l cannot accept, because l have been thinking about it, 229 00:09:20,810 --> 00:09:22,811 and l think l want to go back to Sales. 230 00:09:22,895 --> 00:09:24,104 Really? JlM: Really? 231 00:09:24,188 --> 00:09:26,022 Yeah, you can take the man out of the salesman, 232 00:09:26,107 --> 00:09:28,275 but you can't take the sales out of salesman. 233 00:09:28,359 --> 00:09:30,068 Well, l think you're both being a little too modest. 234 00:09:30,152 --> 00:09:33,905 No, l really, really think Michael is better at being manager 235 00:09:33,990 --> 00:09:35,448 for so many reasons. Mmm-mmm. 236 00:09:35,533 --> 00:09:40,620 No. l think l would be bad. l would sleep in my office. . . 237 00:09:40,746 --> 00:09:42,706 JO: Okay. . . .and l would sexually harass people. 238 00:09:42,832 --> 00:09:44,749 Why would you do that? l'm turning myself in right now. 239 00:09:44,834 --> 00:09:48,003 You know, Michael, you have more experience in sales and management, 240 00:09:48,087 --> 00:09:49,754 so l'm going to defer to your judgment. 241 00:09:49,839 --> 00:09:50,922 Thank you. 242 00:09:51,007 --> 00:09:53,466 l think you will become the salesman, 243 00:09:53,551 --> 00:09:55,760 and congratulations, 244 00:09:55,845 --> 00:09:58,346 you're gonna be the new manager of this branch. 245 00:09:58,848 --> 00:10:01,099 That's great. Congratulations. 246 00:10:01,475 --> 00:10:04,352 Have fun signing my commission checks, boss. 247 00:10:07,440 --> 00:10:08,523 (EXCLAlMS) 248 00:10:08,608 --> 00:10:11,985 Michael marked his heights. He's grown. 249 00:10:12,528 --> 00:10:14,362 (BOTH LAUGHlNG) 250 00:10:18,326 --> 00:10:22,579 Bobcat, this is Dragon. Listen, he's been promoted to sole manager. 251 00:10:22,997 --> 00:10:27,334 We have got to step this up. Meet me behind the dumpster in 90 seconds. 252 00:10:27,710 --> 00:10:29,544 Eighty-nine, 88. . . 253 00:10:30,296 --> 00:10:31,755 You're 20 minutes late. 254 00:10:32,840 --> 00:10:35,258 Um, l was at another dumpster. 255 00:10:35,384 --> 00:10:37,844 Just admit you lost track of time. (SlGHS) 256 00:10:38,095 --> 00:10:41,806 DWlGHT: Ryan and I have been meeting up to work on our diabolical plot against Jim. 257 00:10:41,891 --> 00:10:44,476 Ryan is always late for our meetings. 258 00:10:45,061 --> 00:10:46,853 l wish l had a lair. 259 00:10:47,688 --> 00:10:49,147 Did you see Saw? 260 00:10:49,231 --> 00:10:51,775 Of course l seesaw. Mose and l seesaw all the time. 261 00:10:51,859 --> 00:10:54,653 No, the movie. Did you see the movie Saw? 262 00:10:55,029 --> 00:10:58,657 Oh. Yeah. Great film. Almost as fun as going on a seesaw. 263 00:10:58,783 --> 00:11:01,701 Okay. The reason these movies are so popular. . . Mmm-hmm. 264 00:11:01,786 --> 00:11:04,537 . . .is the element of psychological torment. 265 00:11:04,747 --> 00:11:07,832 l like where you're going with this. Continue. 266 00:11:08,042 --> 00:11:10,960 Could we lure him into an old warehouse or something? 267 00:11:11,087 --> 00:11:12,754 l have an old barn. lt's kind of smelly. Yes. 268 00:11:12,880 --> 00:11:14,673 But that might be a plus. And then what? Okay. 269 00:11:14,757 --> 00:11:16,883 We do what they did in Saw. 270 00:11:20,346 --> 00:11:22,847 l mean, we don't kill him, obviously. 271 00:11:22,932 --> 00:11:23,890 l have a mask. 272 00:11:23,974 --> 00:11:25,016 Okay, that's your idea? 273 00:11:25,101 --> 00:11:26,935 Exactly like in the movie? 274 00:11:27,019 --> 00:11:29,854 That is the most idiotic thing l have ever heard in my life. 275 00:11:29,939 --> 00:11:31,398 Well, suggest something else then. Don't just. . . 276 00:11:31,482 --> 00:11:32,732 Are you supposed to cut his leg off? 277 00:11:32,858 --> 00:11:34,109 Don't just criticize my idea! Think! 278 00:11:34,193 --> 00:11:36,319 You think of something then. 279 00:11:37,697 --> 00:11:41,282 Michael, l'm worried that not all your toys are gonna fit on your new desk. 280 00:11:41,367 --> 00:11:42,617 How is that possible? 281 00:11:42,702 --> 00:11:45,370 Well, in your old office, there were all those ledges and extra space. 282 00:11:45,454 --> 00:11:48,289 No excuses, Erin, come on. Make it happen. 283 00:11:48,958 --> 00:11:50,834 You know, l actually think that l should get back to work. 284 00:11:50,918 --> 00:11:54,003 Jim asked me to do some stuff, and he's manager. 285 00:11:55,464 --> 00:11:57,382 Oh, yeah, fine, fine. Leave it here. 286 00:11:57,466 --> 00:11:58,550 Okay. All right. 287 00:11:58,634 --> 00:12:00,385 MlCHAEL: l have to make some sales anyway. 288 00:12:00,469 --> 00:12:03,471 Who should l call with my magic sales fingers? 289 00:12:03,556 --> 00:12:04,973 (PHONE RlNGlNG) 290 00:12:09,311 --> 00:12:10,770 Michael Scott, Head of Sales. 291 00:12:10,855 --> 00:12:14,315 You gotta do something, man. You can't just sit there. 292 00:12:18,904 --> 00:12:21,448 The new lT guy. Nick. 293 00:12:21,532 --> 00:12:22,574 Nick. 294 00:12:22,658 --> 00:12:25,618 l think he's the key. He's very trusting. He's looking for friends. 295 00:12:25,703 --> 00:12:27,912 He's been given an awesome amount of power, 296 00:12:27,997 --> 00:12:29,748 and does not know how to wield it. 297 00:12:29,832 --> 00:12:31,082 Like Frodo. 298 00:12:31,667 --> 00:12:36,087 Why don't you just let me handle the Tolkien references, okay, dumb jock? 299 00:12:36,464 --> 00:12:39,507 Well, l think he can be corrupted. Like Gollum. 300 00:12:40,259 --> 00:12:43,928 Smeagol was corrupted and became Gollum. 301 00:12:44,472 --> 00:12:47,223 l might start a diabolical plot against him after this one. 302 00:12:48,976 --> 00:12:50,226 Who's hungry? 303 00:12:50,311 --> 00:12:51,352 What is that? 304 00:12:51,437 --> 00:12:53,938 lt's ants on a log. Michael would always have me bring them in at 2:30 305 00:12:54,023 --> 00:12:55,899 and say, "Who's hungry?" 306 00:12:55,983 --> 00:12:58,318 (CHUCKLES) Oh. l'm fine. Thank you, though. 307 00:12:58,903 --> 00:13:00,737 Do you want me to spin you in your chair and make you dizzy? 308 00:13:00,821 --> 00:13:01,988 Why would l want to do that? 309 00:13:02,072 --> 00:13:04,824 lt's a thinking technique. All the top executives do it. 310 00:13:04,909 --> 00:13:08,203 lt keeps the brain moving, and a spinning brain's a working brain. 311 00:13:08,287 --> 00:13:11,289 For now l'm just gonna go back to work here. 312 00:13:11,373 --> 00:13:12,707 Oh, sure. Yeah, thank you. 313 00:13:12,792 --> 00:13:14,000 Well. . . 314 00:13:15,586 --> 00:13:19,547 lt will be a pleasure doing business with you. Thanks. Bye, bye. 315 00:13:23,010 --> 00:13:26,721 l just got a new account. The gentlemen's club in Carbondale. 316 00:13:26,806 --> 00:13:30,642 lt is called Curves. l went by there the other day, 317 00:13:31,143 --> 00:13:34,187 saw some of the women walking in. Not really my cup of tea. 318 00:13:34,271 --> 00:13:36,356 Actually, Kevin, you might like it. 319 00:13:36,440 --> 00:13:37,524 Nice. 320 00:13:37,900 --> 00:13:41,736 You know, we really don't announce out loud our sales that much. 321 00:13:41,821 --> 00:13:43,947 Why not? lt's part of the sales experience. 322 00:13:44,031 --> 00:13:46,241 lt's not really 1 992 anymore. 323 00:13:46,325 --> 00:13:47,408 (ALL LAUGHlNG) MlCHAEL: Okay. 324 00:13:50,162 --> 00:13:52,330 "You brighten my day with the sound of your voice. 325 00:13:52,414 --> 00:13:55,583 "You bring so much laughter and love. You're everything to me, 326 00:13:55,668 --> 00:13:58,086 "and l was so blessed when God sent you here to me." 327 00:13:58,170 --> 00:13:59,254 (CHUCKLES) Jeez Louise. 328 00:13:59,338 --> 00:14:00,839 l know. Obsessed with me much? 329 00:14:00,923 --> 00:14:02,006 Well, everyone got one. 330 00:14:02,091 --> 00:14:03,800 What did yours say? 331 00:14:04,260 --> 00:14:07,011 "Friends are worth sharing a dog house with." 332 00:14:07,096 --> 00:14:10,682 lt's no wonder that Andy gave Kelly such a romantic card. 333 00:14:10,766 --> 00:14:12,475 l can't compete with her. 334 00:14:12,560 --> 00:14:16,771 That girl can sing and dance and gets all of her clothes at the mall. 335 00:14:17,439 --> 00:14:20,942 And l feel like such a fool for thinking that Andy was only going after one girl, 336 00:14:21,151 --> 00:14:24,946 because Andy Bernard is a playboy. And why shouldn't he be? 337 00:14:25,698 --> 00:14:27,282 He's got it all. 338 00:14:29,201 --> 00:14:30,577 (EXCLAlMS) 339 00:14:30,661 --> 00:14:32,620 There he is. The lT guy. 340 00:14:33,914 --> 00:14:35,331 l see you discovered the break room. 341 00:14:35,416 --> 00:14:36,416 Yep. 342 00:14:36,500 --> 00:14:38,835 l imagine one of the best things about being an lT guy is, 343 00:14:38,919 --> 00:14:41,170 you get to know everyone's computer passwords. 344 00:14:41,255 --> 00:14:43,047 No, l actually don't. 345 00:14:43,132 --> 00:14:44,299 (ALL LAUGHlNG) 346 00:14:44,383 --> 00:14:46,593 Listen, l know you have to say that, 347 00:14:46,677 --> 00:14:48,386 but we got a little problem here. 348 00:14:48,470 --> 00:14:50,889 There is an employee named Jim Halpert, 349 00:14:50,973 --> 00:14:52,724 and he's doing some terrible things. Okay? 350 00:14:52,808 --> 00:14:56,769 He's molesting people via the lnternet, and we need to stop him. 351 00:14:57,730 --> 00:14:59,314 l think that you should call the cops. 352 00:14:59,398 --> 00:15:01,691 No, the cops called us. 353 00:15:02,610 --> 00:15:07,447 So l'm gonna need you to give me the password to Jim Halpert's computer. 354 00:15:07,656 --> 00:15:09,073 l don't know what to tell you, man. l'm sorry. 355 00:15:09,158 --> 00:15:10,700 l just can't give out his password like that. 356 00:15:10,784 --> 00:15:15,496 Nick, we can make things very difficult for you. 357 00:15:17,541 --> 00:15:20,084 Are you threatening me? 358 00:15:20,169 --> 00:15:21,252 Threatening you? 359 00:15:23,339 --> 00:15:24,380 No. 360 00:15:27,676 --> 00:15:28,760 (GRUNTS) 361 00:15:31,680 --> 00:15:32,847 (EXHALES DEEPLY) 362 00:15:35,559 --> 00:15:38,186 What is that smell? Do you smell that? 363 00:15:38,729 --> 00:15:42,482 What is that? Like a sulfur deposit under here? 364 00:15:42,566 --> 00:15:44,359 Michael, stop. 365 00:15:44,443 --> 00:15:46,319 No, l'm serious. We don't have to put up. . . 366 00:15:47,488 --> 00:15:49,489 (SOFTLY) ls it the dogs? Michael. 367 00:15:49,615 --> 00:15:51,908 You know what? We don't have to deal with this. 368 00:15:51,992 --> 00:15:54,202 l am going to google sulfur maps. 369 00:15:54,286 --> 00:15:55,620 Michael, it's Phyllis. 370 00:15:57,957 --> 00:15:59,457 No, this is geological. 371 00:15:59,541 --> 00:16:02,293 l sent an email out to everyone in this area 372 00:16:02,378 --> 00:16:04,379 that this might be a side effect 373 00:16:04,463 --> 00:16:06,714 to my new allergy medication l'm on. 374 00:16:06,799 --> 00:16:08,758 Are you kidding me? No. 375 00:16:12,096 --> 00:16:13,513 And you guys are okay with this? 376 00:16:13,597 --> 00:16:15,139 She sent an email. 377 00:16:15,224 --> 00:16:16,391 PHYLLlS: l did. 378 00:16:34,243 --> 00:16:35,743 lt's not 'cause of the smell. 379 00:16:35,828 --> 00:16:38,079 l'm just expecting a nose bleed. 380 00:16:40,624 --> 00:16:41,749 Oh, my God. 381 00:16:44,586 --> 00:16:45,878 (LAUGHS) 382 00:16:45,963 --> 00:16:47,255 You scared me. 383 00:16:47,339 --> 00:16:48,881 l'm sorry. l thought you saw me. 384 00:16:48,966 --> 00:16:52,051 l didn't see you. And you were there all along. 385 00:16:53,887 --> 00:16:57,432 Well, warmed it up for you, so it should be good to go. 386 00:16:57,933 --> 00:16:59,934 Cool. Thanks. Bye, Andy. 387 00:17:05,649 --> 00:17:07,191 That was weird. 388 00:17:07,276 --> 00:17:10,611 No, it ain't. We all saw the valentine you gave her. 389 00:17:10,696 --> 00:17:12,363 l don't even know what that card said. 390 00:17:12,448 --> 00:17:14,949 Believe me, if l got that card, 391 00:17:15,034 --> 00:17:18,411 we'd be in the bathroom doing it right now. 392 00:17:18,495 --> 00:17:19,620 (EXCLAlMS) 393 00:17:24,293 --> 00:17:27,128 Hey. 394 00:17:27,463 --> 00:17:30,840 You know, it's funny. l used to stand in here and wish l was out there. 395 00:17:30,924 --> 00:17:32,633 Now l'm out there, and l wish l was in here. 396 00:17:32,718 --> 00:17:34,135 Well, the grass is always greener. 397 00:17:34,219 --> 00:17:36,971 Yeah, except there's no grass out there. 398 00:17:37,723 --> 00:17:39,724 lt's just a farty dirt-patch. 399 00:17:39,808 --> 00:17:40,933 Well, it's what you wanted. 400 00:17:41,018 --> 00:17:44,729 l really need my job back. We made a terrible mistake here. 401 00:17:44,813 --> 00:17:47,607 For the record, l fought this. All right? 402 00:17:47,691 --> 00:17:50,151 And now, l'm not really sure what we do. 403 00:17:51,570 --> 00:17:53,654 We make a poster that says, "Happy Opposite Day" 404 00:17:53,739 --> 00:17:56,407 and she sees it on the way out. That's stupid. 405 00:17:56,492 --> 00:18:00,953 Oh, l wish we had one of those amnesia flashlights from Men In Black. 406 00:18:01,288 --> 00:18:04,916 Hey. What was that movie where their boss was within earshot 407 00:18:05,000 --> 00:18:07,418 and they could have just gone and talked to her? 408 00:18:07,503 --> 00:18:09,003 Lethal Weapon? That's it. 409 00:18:09,088 --> 00:18:10,671 l think we should do it the LethaI Weapon way. 410 00:18:11,006 --> 00:18:13,925 You two are grown-assed men. What do l have to do? 411 00:18:14,009 --> 00:18:15,426 Fire you and get two people in here 412 00:18:15,511 --> 00:18:16,594 who don't need so much management? 413 00:18:16,678 --> 00:18:17,678 Ah ! 414 00:18:17,805 --> 00:18:19,514 (COUGHS) What l. . . Michael's saying that he's better 415 00:18:19,598 --> 00:18:20,681 at being a manager, and l agree. 416 00:18:20,808 --> 00:18:23,017 l'm just. . . He's a better people person, weirdly. 417 00:18:23,102 --> 00:18:25,561 And weirdly, l'm a good dog person, right, guys? 418 00:18:25,646 --> 00:18:27,605 Come on. See? They love me. 419 00:18:27,689 --> 00:18:30,525 Fine. l don't care which one of you does which job, 420 00:18:30,609 --> 00:18:33,444 just stop meeting with me to talk about it. 421 00:18:33,529 --> 00:18:34,612 (DOGS PANTlNG) 422 00:18:34,696 --> 00:18:35,947 All right. All right. 423 00:18:36,031 --> 00:18:37,365 (CELL PHONE RlNGlNG) Oh. 424 00:18:37,449 --> 00:18:41,953 l gotta take this. Yeah. Finish walking my dogs for me. 425 00:18:42,371 --> 00:18:45,790 And don't ride them. A lot of people try to ride them. 426 00:18:50,337 --> 00:18:52,130 Excuse me, everyone, please check your emails. 427 00:18:52,214 --> 00:18:54,423 l just sent you the following message, 428 00:18:54,508 --> 00:18:57,426 "Coworkers, you may have received a valentine from me. 429 00:18:57,511 --> 00:19:00,346 "Please understand this does not mean that l like you in any way." 430 00:19:00,430 --> 00:19:02,890 You don't even like us as friends? 431 00:19:03,142 --> 00:19:06,227 Phyllis, you guys are, like, my closest friends. 432 00:19:06,436 --> 00:19:08,604 l just mean l don't like-like you. 433 00:19:08,689 --> 00:19:09,730 What are we, five? 434 00:19:09,815 --> 00:19:11,440 "Please don't read into this card. 435 00:19:11,525 --> 00:19:14,152 "Yours in professionalism, Nard Dog." 436 00:19:14,570 --> 00:19:16,654 Um, why did l just receive a mass email from you 437 00:19:16,738 --> 00:19:18,156 that said that you don't like me? 438 00:19:18,240 --> 00:19:20,783 Do you realize how hard that makes me like you, Andy? 439 00:19:20,868 --> 00:19:23,244 lt's not. . . That wasn't. . . 440 00:19:25,414 --> 00:19:27,206 l like someone else. 441 00:19:27,291 --> 00:19:28,374 Who? 442 00:19:29,042 --> 00:19:30,168 (STUTTERS) 443 00:19:30,627 --> 00:19:32,545 lt's not. . . 444 00:19:34,298 --> 00:19:35,923 Whether or not. . . 445 00:19:36,592 --> 00:19:38,885 (MUMBLlNG) 446 00:19:39,344 --> 00:19:40,386 Who? What? 447 00:19:40,470 --> 00:19:43,472 Yeah, l guess Andy never liked Kelly. 448 00:19:44,099 --> 00:19:45,266 How about that? 449 00:19:46,310 --> 00:19:48,060 (BREATHlNG DEEPLY) 450 00:19:48,145 --> 00:19:49,687 lt smells good in here. 451 00:19:49,771 --> 00:19:54,192 lt sure does. Okay, we have your space heater, your humidifier, 452 00:19:54,276 --> 00:19:57,862 your dehumidifier, your fan, your foot fan and your food dehydrator. 453 00:19:57,946 --> 00:20:00,489 Erin, what about my keyboard? 454 00:20:02,576 --> 00:20:03,910 (MUSlC PLAYlNG ON KEYBOARD) 455 00:20:03,994 --> 00:20:05,119 Ah. 456 00:20:06,413 --> 00:20:08,122 So good to be home. 457 00:20:10,626 --> 00:20:11,709 How about a little Bossa Nova? 458 00:20:11,793 --> 00:20:12,835 (EXCLAlMS) 459 00:20:13,420 --> 00:20:15,129 (SLOW MUSlC PLAYlNG) 460 00:20:16,965 --> 00:20:18,633 (BOTH CHUCKLlNG) 461 00:20:24,640 --> 00:20:25,890 He looks happy. 462 00:20:26,934 --> 00:20:28,059 Yep. 463 00:20:28,477 --> 00:20:32,730 Well, well, well. Hmm. Boss for. . . 464 00:20:32,814 --> 00:20:34,357 What was it? Oh. 465 00:20:34,483 --> 00:20:38,694 Four-and-a-half hours. New record. Low. 466 00:20:39,446 --> 00:20:41,781 Previous record, Henry Rostin. 467 00:20:41,865 --> 00:20:43,574 Boss for nine years, four months. 468 00:20:43,659 --> 00:20:46,118 And he only left because he had family matters to attend to, 469 00:20:46,203 --> 00:20:47,787 and he. . . What? 470 00:20:48,163 --> 00:20:49,664 (MUSlC CONTlNUES PLAYlNG) 471 00:20:53,627 --> 00:20:54,835 DWlGHT: Michael ! 472 00:20:56,505 --> 00:20:57,755 (ELEVATOR BELL DlNGS) 473 00:20:57,839 --> 00:21:00,675 l can't help but think that something we did made this possible. 474 00:21:00,759 --> 00:21:05,221 Jim dug his own grave, but maybe we provided the shovel. 475 00:21:05,514 --> 00:21:09,850 (EXCLAlMS) Temp, l like that. l'm gonna engrave that into a piece of wood. 476 00:21:10,185 --> 00:21:11,602 Care to celebrate with a drink? 477 00:21:11,687 --> 00:21:13,104 l would love to. 478 00:21:13,188 --> 00:21:14,272 (CHUCKLlNG) 479 00:21:16,900 --> 00:21:17,942 Why not? 480 00:21:18,026 --> 00:21:19,819 Because martini bars are pretentious. 481 00:21:19,903 --> 00:21:21,404 No, thank you. l'm sorry that l don't want 482 00:21:21,488 --> 00:21:22,947 farm-boy swill like you do, you know? 483 00:21:23,031 --> 00:21:24,907 lt is not farm-boy swill. l will show you. 484 00:21:24,992 --> 00:21:27,034 lt is beet vodka and it is delicious. 485 00:21:27,119 --> 00:21:29,787 l'm not interested in anything l have to make myself.