1
00:00:02,002 --> 00:00:04,461
This here is
a radon test kit.

2
00:00:04,546 --> 00:00:06,005
Okay, l'll be
putting them everywhere.

3
00:00:06,089 --> 00:00:08,632
And please don't
throw these out.

4
00:00:09,676 --> 00:00:11,719
This is a radon test kit.

5
00:00:12,762 --> 00:00:13,929
Please don't
throw these out.

6
00:00:15,640 --> 00:00:16,932
You'll see them
all over the office.

7
00:00:17,267 --> 00:00:19,351
Toby has been leaving
radon kits everywhere

8
00:00:19,811 --> 00:00:21,353
like he owns the place.

9
00:00:22,480 --> 00:00:25,858
The first time I threw
mine away, I thought
it was an ant trap.

10
00:00:26,735 --> 00:00:28,277
But I figured I'd
rather Iive with ants

11
00:00:28,361 --> 00:00:30,237
than with this
creepy little disk.

12
00:00:30,321 --> 00:00:34,199
The second time,
I thought it was
one of those,

13
00:00:34,284 --> 00:00:38,203
you know,
the things you turn over
and it moos like a cow thing,

14
00:00:38,288 --> 00:00:43,876
but upon closer examination
it was another ant trap,
so I threw it away.

15
00:00:43,960 --> 00:00:48,714
And the third time,
I did it out of spite.

16
00:00:50,216 --> 00:00:51,717
(MAKlNG FARTlNG NOlSES)

17
00:00:51,801 --> 00:00:53,052
Come on, Michael,
you're interrupting.

18
00:00:53,136 --> 00:00:54,845
You're kidding me! God !

19
00:00:54,929 --> 00:00:56,972
You say radon is
silent but deadly
and then you expect me

20
00:00:57,057 --> 00:00:59,058
not to make farting noises
with my mouth?

21
00:00:59,142 --> 00:01:00,392
What is this?
Please sit down.

22
00:01:00,477 --> 00:01:01,977
You know what,
we're not gonna die
of radon,

23
00:01:02,062 --> 00:01:03,312
we're gonna die of boredom.

24
00:01:03,396 --> 00:01:04,396
Yeah.

25
00:01:04,481 --> 00:01:05,522
MlCHAEL: Right?

26
00:01:05,607 --> 00:01:07,691
And if l had a gun
with two bullets,

27
00:01:07,776 --> 00:01:10,444
and l was in a room
with Hitler,
Bin Laden and Toby,

28
00:01:10,528 --> 00:01:12,362
l would shoot Toby twice.

29
00:01:12,489 --> 00:01:13,781
(ALL MUTTERlNG)

30
00:01:13,865 --> 00:01:15,532
Okay, all right.
You were being really funny

31
00:01:15,617 --> 00:01:16,575
and then you went too far.

32
00:01:16,659 --> 00:01:18,577
l would kill Bin Laden
and then Toby.

33
00:01:18,703 --> 00:01:20,204
No. That's still. . .

34
00:01:20,288 --> 00:01:22,206
Okay, geniuses,
how would you do it?

35
00:01:22,290 --> 00:01:26,376
Curve the bullet
like in my favorite
James McAvoy film Wanted.

36
00:01:27,003 --> 00:01:28,504
All that does is help you
shoot around things.

37
00:01:28,630 --> 00:01:30,422
What does Bin Laden. . .
ls there
a curtain rod in the room?

38
00:01:30,507 --> 00:01:31,507
MlCHAEL: l don't know.

39
00:01:31,591 --> 00:01:34,760
How about
make-believe land has
anything you want?

40
00:01:34,844 --> 00:01:36,929
Stanley, please,
this is serious.

41
00:01:37,263 --> 00:01:39,932
ls this the thing
where they use an icicle
so there's no evidence?

42
00:01:40,016 --> 00:01:42,101
Yes, we should stab Toby
through the heart
with an icicle.

43
00:01:42,185 --> 00:01:43,977
(GROANS) Come on,
the whole two bullet thing
is a red herring.

44
00:01:44,062 --> 00:01:45,813
Here's how you do it.
You line them all up,

45
00:01:45,897 --> 00:01:48,107
you take one bullet,
shoot them all
through the throat

46
00:01:48,191 --> 00:01:49,733
at the same time.

47
00:01:49,818 --> 00:01:51,735
Watch this.
Phyllis, you're Hitler,
come up here.

48
00:01:51,820 --> 00:01:55,072
Toby, you're Toby.
Andy, you're Bin Laden.
Line up.

49
00:01:55,156 --> 00:01:56,657
TOBY: l don't want to do this.
DWlGHT: Throats together.

50
00:01:56,741 --> 00:01:58,450
Toby, just do it!
Toby, come on.

51
00:01:58,535 --> 00:01:59,535
God.

52
00:01:59,619 --> 00:02:01,620
Ready, one bullet and. . .

53
00:02:02,038 --> 00:02:03,163
Boom !

54
00:02:03,248 --> 00:02:05,541
(lMlTATlNG BULLET lMPACT)

55
00:02:06,793 --> 00:02:08,043
ANDY: Yeah, that works.

56
00:02:08,670 --> 00:02:09,753
lt worked !

57
00:02:32,485 --> 00:02:33,610
What flavors did you get?

58
00:02:33,695 --> 00:02:35,154
lt's so exciting, Pam.

59
00:02:35,238 --> 00:02:38,240
The Eagles are doing
a theme of ice creams
in honor of turning 60.

60
00:02:38,324 --> 00:02:41,994
"Despera-Dough,
Witchy-Womanilla."
Why do they do this?

61
00:02:42,078 --> 00:02:43,162
Do you want me to
go back to the store?

62
00:02:43,246 --> 00:02:45,789
No, no, no, it's fine.
l was just commenting.

63
00:02:46,082 --> 00:02:48,000
We got to get these out,
open them up.
Okay.

64
00:02:48,084 --> 00:02:50,752
This is all for Michael.
Turns out his
girlfriend was married.

65
00:02:51,337 --> 00:02:53,005
PAM: Yeah,
and when MichaeI
gets a broken heart,

66
00:02:53,089 --> 00:02:54,506
this whole place
comes to a halt,

67
00:02:54,591 --> 00:02:56,842
so, we're just trying to
get out in front of this.

68
00:02:57,093 --> 00:03:00,262
After his last breakup,
he ate 40,000 calories
in three hours.

69
00:03:00,346 --> 00:03:02,306
Right, Pam?
That's what Pam told me.

70
00:03:02,974 --> 00:03:04,016
Yeah.

71
00:03:04,100 --> 00:03:05,726
Or, no, well,
l don't know.

72
00:03:05,810 --> 00:03:08,437
l'm sorry.
l was up all night
with Cece.

73
00:03:08,521 --> 00:03:10,272
Otherwise l'd be
running this.

74
00:03:10,356 --> 00:03:11,523
That's okay.

75
00:03:11,608 --> 00:03:13,942
You probably shouldn't
keep a baby up that late.

76
00:03:14,944 --> 00:03:16,445
We have Mr. Bean
playing in
the conference room,

77
00:03:16,613 --> 00:03:17,988
and the Pink Panther
movie in his office.

78
00:03:18,072 --> 00:03:19,489
With half hour shifts
to watch with him.

79
00:03:19,574 --> 00:03:21,366
And we need bodies
in both these rooms,
people.

80
00:03:21,451 --> 00:03:22,451
So, please sign up.

81
00:03:22,660 --> 00:03:23,869
He's coming.
PAM: Oh. Okay.

82
00:03:23,953 --> 00:03:25,871
Everyone, remember
when he gets like this,

83
00:03:25,955 --> 00:03:27,789
he will wallow
if you empathize.

84
00:03:27,874 --> 00:03:29,124
Keep conversations light.

85
00:03:29,209 --> 00:03:31,251
And if you get stuck
and you don't know
what to do,

86
00:03:31,336 --> 00:03:32,753
make a random
sound effect.

87
00:03:32,837 --> 00:03:34,504
Okay, farting noise,
whatever. Okay.

88
00:03:35,298 --> 00:03:36,882
Hey, everyone.
No, out.

89
00:03:36,966 --> 00:03:38,175
DWlGHT: Get out, right now.
Leave now.

90
00:03:38,259 --> 00:03:39,551
DWlGHT:
Get out. Right now.

91
00:03:39,636 --> 00:03:40,844
PAM:
Please, please!

92
00:03:41,804 --> 00:03:43,722
And if he makes a joke,
just laugh it up

93
00:03:43,806 --> 00:03:45,515
no matter what, okay?

94
00:03:48,645 --> 00:03:50,520
Morning, everyone.
ALL: Hey!

95
00:03:50,605 --> 00:03:52,731
Hey!

96
00:03:52,815 --> 00:03:53,941
Hello.

97
00:03:54,025 --> 00:03:56,109
Michael,
nice tie or something.

98
00:03:56,361 --> 00:03:58,528
Thank you.
lt's reversible, l think.

99
00:03:58,988 --> 00:04:00,239
(ALL LAUGHlNG)

100
00:04:00,490 --> 00:04:01,740
That's hilarious.
PAM:
That's awesome.

101
00:04:01,824 --> 00:04:02,950
You want some ice cream?

102
00:04:03,159 --> 00:04:06,328
Oh ! Wow. Are those
Eagles flavors?

103
00:04:06,913 --> 00:04:08,789
"Cake lt To The Limit,"
that's my favorite.

104
00:04:08,873 --> 00:04:11,250
l love that.
Too much for me to
have by myself.

105
00:04:11,334 --> 00:04:12,626
Anybody want to share?

106
00:04:13,962 --> 00:04:15,712
(lMlTATES BALL BOUNClNG)

107
00:04:16,673 --> 00:04:21,009
Okay, well. . . That's random.
l will dig into those later.

108
00:04:22,845 --> 00:04:24,763
l don't follow this
exactly.

109
00:04:24,847 --> 00:04:26,390
"The descendents
of any replicants

110
00:04:26,474 --> 00:04:27,641
"from this union
shall have. . ."

111
00:04:27,767 --> 00:04:28,809
Joint custody.
Joint custody.

112
00:04:30,395 --> 00:04:32,187
Are we talking about
your grandchildren?

113
00:04:32,272 --> 00:04:33,313
No.
No.

114
00:04:33,481 --> 00:04:34,940
Rather than spend
all day in court,

115
00:04:35,024 --> 00:04:38,068
we have decided to
settle our dispute
using a mediator.

116
00:04:38,528 --> 00:04:41,613
lt was an option
spelled out in our
child-rearing contract.

117
00:04:41,698 --> 00:04:42,739
Alleged contract.

118
00:04:42,824 --> 00:04:43,824
Alleged?

119
00:04:43,908 --> 00:04:46,159
l'm going to own your farm
by the time this is over.

120
00:04:46,244 --> 00:04:49,830
Pfft. Yeah, just try.
l will do legal jujitsu
on you.

121
00:04:49,914 --> 00:04:50,956
Yeah.

122
00:04:51,040 --> 00:04:52,124
(EXCLAlMlNG)

123
00:04:52,208 --> 00:04:55,210
See, don't even
need to make contact.
The law will do it.

124
00:04:56,004 --> 00:04:58,046
So much of this is
just impossible to verify.

125
00:04:58,131 --> 00:05:01,425
ltem five, point B,
the beet juice cleanse.

126
00:05:01,509 --> 00:05:04,344
l'm doing it.
You know l am.
lt's disgusting.

127
00:05:04,429 --> 00:05:06,138
How do we know this?
l'd like to see
a stool sample.

128
00:05:06,222 --> 00:05:08,056
Dwight, look at my teeth.

129
00:05:09,100 --> 00:05:10,183
Ugh !

130
00:05:10,393 --> 00:05:12,019
ANDY: No secret crying.

131
00:05:12,228 --> 00:05:14,563
Hasn't even opened
the tissue box in there.

132
00:05:15,023 --> 00:05:16,523
Could he still be seeing her?

133
00:05:16,649 --> 00:05:18,191
l don't think he'd do that.

134
00:05:18,651 --> 00:05:20,027
So, we're gonna say
the most likely scenario

135
00:05:20,111 --> 00:05:22,029
is that Michael
matured overnight?

136
00:05:22,113 --> 00:05:24,573
lt happened to
Tom Hanks in Big.

137
00:05:24,824 --> 00:05:27,534
Exactly.
lt happened in Big.

138
00:05:29,037 --> 00:05:30,704
No, l gotta go.
Text me later.

139
00:05:31,080 --> 00:05:32,831
l'm really too
tired to do this.
Me, too.

140
00:05:32,915 --> 00:05:34,583
Then let's just not do this.

141
00:05:34,667 --> 00:05:37,044
Do you have any idea
of the risks involved?

142
00:05:38,338 --> 00:05:39,421
Hey, Michael.
Hey.

143
00:05:39,505 --> 00:05:41,965
We were wondering
if you'd like to have
dinner with us tonight

144
00:05:42,050 --> 00:05:43,967
in our home and
play with our baby?

145
00:05:44,052 --> 00:05:45,635
We could order in
from Hooters.

146
00:05:45,845 --> 00:05:47,220
Hooters to go, nice.

147
00:05:47,388 --> 00:05:48,847
We can watch a movie
and play Rock Band.

148
00:05:48,931 --> 00:05:50,015
Billy Joel Rock Band.

149
00:05:50,099 --> 00:05:51,183
That exists?

150
00:05:51,267 --> 00:05:52,351
Yes.

151
00:05:53,436 --> 00:05:56,146
Okay, well, l'll have to
take a rain check,
but thanks for the offer.

152
00:05:56,898 --> 00:05:59,191
Michael Scott,
are you still seeing Donna?

153
00:06:00,777 --> 00:06:02,819
MlCHAEL: Okay, Pam,

154
00:06:03,279 --> 00:06:05,864
she's not invisible,
so stop asking
silly questions.

155
00:06:05,948 --> 00:06:07,032
Michael.

156
00:06:07,116 --> 00:06:08,700
Since when is this an office

157
00:06:08,785 --> 00:06:11,370
where we delve into
each other's personal lives?

158
00:06:11,454 --> 00:06:12,954
l like Donna.

159
00:06:14,791 --> 00:06:17,376
ls it wrong to
keep seeing her?

160
00:06:17,460 --> 00:06:20,128
Depends on who you ask.
l mean,
if you ask her husband

161
00:06:21,464 --> 00:06:24,341
or you took a random poll,
yeah, it's wrong.

162
00:06:24,467 --> 00:06:25,926
That is something
l would never do.

163
00:06:26,010 --> 00:06:28,345
Well,
l think we all know what
you're capable of, Meredith.

164
00:06:28,429 --> 00:06:31,807
Hey, l have never cheated on,
been cheated on
or been used to cheat with.

165
00:06:31,933 --> 00:06:37,229
l ask everyone in the room,
"Are you in a relationship?"

166
00:06:38,856 --> 00:06:40,023
People, this is Scranton

167
00:06:40,108 --> 00:06:41,400
and many people
consider that to be

168
00:06:41,484 --> 00:06:43,735
the Paris of
northeastern Pennsylvania.

169
00:06:43,820 --> 00:06:46,655
And in Paris,
it is rude for a woman to
have less than four lovers.

170
00:06:47,073 --> 00:06:48,949
Ugh ! Ryan, l do not
want you hanging out
with Michael anymore.

171
00:06:49,033 --> 00:06:50,117
Okay.

172
00:06:50,201 --> 00:06:52,828
Okay, l will have you know
that l asked Donna about this

173
00:06:52,912 --> 00:06:54,162
and she is fine with it.

174
00:06:54,247 --> 00:06:56,873
And just to be sure,
l asked her again afterward,
same answer.

175
00:06:56,999 --> 00:06:58,250
How does he feel about it?

176
00:06:58,334 --> 00:07:00,085
He is never gonna find out.

177
00:07:00,169 --> 00:07:01,878
He is a high school
baseball coach,

178
00:07:01,963 --> 00:07:04,339
he wakes up early,
he goes to bed early.

179
00:07:06,050 --> 00:07:07,968
Look at how long it took
for him to find out.

180
00:07:08,052 --> 00:07:10,387
lt was right under his nose.
l had to tell him.

181
00:07:10,471 --> 00:07:11,930
Okay, now you're
just being hurtful.

182
00:07:12,014 --> 00:07:13,306
l'm sorry.

183
00:07:13,516 --> 00:07:16,601
Why is it okay
for Stanley to cheat?
Or for Phyllis to cheat?

184
00:07:16,853 --> 00:07:17,936
Hey.

185
00:07:18,020 --> 00:07:19,062
On her diet.

186
00:07:19,355 --> 00:07:21,731
He's a sports guy.
He's scummy.

187
00:07:21,983 --> 00:07:23,900
Dog fighting,
drugs, they spit.

188
00:07:24,068 --> 00:07:25,527
Did Donna tell you that?

189
00:07:26,362 --> 00:07:28,196
ReaI Sports with
Bryant Gumball.

190
00:07:28,281 --> 00:07:30,699
So, you're just
making a giant assumption.
You don't even know the guy.

191
00:07:30,783 --> 00:07:32,117
You know what?
You know what?

192
00:07:32,201 --> 00:07:35,245
l am declaring
a moment of silence
right now.

193
00:07:35,329 --> 00:07:38,081
Ten minutes of silence
honoring Michael Jackson.

194
00:07:38,166 --> 00:07:41,042
Just sit there
and think about
Michael Jackson.

195
00:07:42,044 --> 00:07:44,045
My name's Andy Bernard
and l am a cuckold.

196
00:07:44,130 --> 00:07:45,881
For those of you unfamiliar
with William Shakespeare,

197
00:07:45,965 --> 00:07:48,467
a cuckold is
a man whose woman
is cheating on him.

198
00:07:49,218 --> 00:07:50,510
l've lived the part.

199
00:07:51,637 --> 00:07:55,640
And let me tell you,
l would so much rather
play the part on stage.

200
00:07:57,393 --> 00:08:00,812
So, here's the thing
about infidelity.

201
00:08:00,897 --> 00:08:01,980
No, no.

202
00:08:02,064 --> 00:08:04,566
When are you people
going to stop
casting the first stone?

203
00:08:05,193 --> 00:08:07,360
l am not in the wrong here.
l am the good guy.

204
00:08:07,987 --> 00:08:09,321
How does that work?

205
00:08:09,947 --> 00:08:13,366
Do you think this husband
is a super sweet, nice guy?

206
00:08:13,451 --> 00:08:15,827
Do you think he's an angel?
l don't think so.

207
00:08:15,912 --> 00:08:20,457
Why is his wife going off
and having a little
something-something with me?

208
00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:24,211
There has to be
a problem with him.

209
00:08:24,420 --> 00:08:28,256
ln any cheating movie,
the person getting
cheated on is the hero.

210
00:08:28,633 --> 00:08:30,759
You're Ali Larter,
l'm Beyoncé.

211
00:08:31,010 --> 00:08:32,093
l am Beyoncé always.

212
00:08:32,178 --> 00:08:33,929
Not this time.
Yes, l am.

213
00:08:34,514 --> 00:08:37,015
This guy's a high school
baseball coach, right?

214
00:08:37,099 --> 00:08:38,892
Let's go check him out,
see what
a horrible person he is.

215
00:08:39,018 --> 00:08:40,644
l would love that.
Yeah.

216
00:08:40,728 --> 00:08:43,021
Those teams have games
and practices every day.
Let's go check it out.

217
00:08:43,439 --> 00:08:44,689
l have work to do.

218
00:08:44,774 --> 00:08:46,399
Really?
l thought you were the boss.

219
00:08:48,277 --> 00:08:49,277
Let's go.

220
00:08:50,446 --> 00:08:53,365
l can't wait to see
this jerk who is making me
cheat on his wife.

221
00:08:53,449 --> 00:08:54,574
l should punch him
in the nose

222
00:08:54,659 --> 00:08:55,992
for what he's
making me do to her.

223
00:09:00,790 --> 00:09:02,165
(PEOPLE CHEERlNG)

224
00:09:02,291 --> 00:09:03,458
(ANDY VOCALlZlNG)

225
00:09:05,002 --> 00:09:06,336
All right, Andy, please.

226
00:09:06,462 --> 00:09:07,796
Baseball !
Shh !

227
00:09:08,339 --> 00:09:10,799
Try not to draw attention,
please.

228
00:09:12,301 --> 00:09:13,301
That's him. That's him.

229
00:09:13,844 --> 00:09:15,011
Where?
Right there.

230
00:09:15,263 --> 00:09:16,263
The coach.

231
00:09:16,347 --> 00:09:17,597
Stage right or stage left?

232
00:09:17,682 --> 00:09:19,307
l played batboy
in Damn Yankees.

233
00:09:19,392 --> 00:09:22,561
Right there. Look, look.
Follow my finger, okay? See?

234
00:09:22,853 --> 00:09:24,563
The grownup by the base.

235
00:09:24,647 --> 00:09:28,108
And now coaching third base
with two arms, two legs

236
00:09:28,192 --> 00:09:30,318
and a heart capable
of feeling pain. . .

237
00:09:30,444 --> 00:09:32,404
All right.
Can you just. . .
. . .is number. . .

238
00:09:32,488 --> 00:09:34,698
Can you just act normal
for a second, please?

239
00:09:34,782 --> 00:09:37,033
Whatever.
l'm the one blending in.

240
00:09:38,160 --> 00:09:39,202
(SNORlNG)

241
00:09:42,331 --> 00:09:43,415
(CLEARlNG THROAT)

242
00:09:43,499 --> 00:09:44,874
(PAM CONTlNUES SNORlNG)

243
00:09:46,043 --> 00:09:47,836
Guys?
Pam?

244
00:09:48,379 --> 00:09:49,921
Hey. Oh ! Hi, Gabe.

245
00:09:50,214 --> 00:09:53,341
Can you two please
join me in my office?
Now.

246
00:09:58,514 --> 00:09:59,931
You were supposed
to be the lookout.

247
00:10:00,016 --> 00:10:03,018
Yeah, well,
it's really warm in here.
lt's like a sleeping bag.

248
00:10:03,394 --> 00:10:05,895
l don't want to
be the heavy here,
but honestly, guys,

249
00:10:05,980 --> 00:10:07,439
this makes us all look bad.

250
00:10:07,690 --> 00:10:09,649
Sorry about that.
So embarrassing.

251
00:10:11,152 --> 00:10:14,195
Good, okay,
end of the dressing down.

252
00:10:14,572 --> 00:10:17,824
l just hate that part
of the job, you know?
The power dynamic.

253
00:10:18,367 --> 00:10:19,951
Well, you were
surprisingly restrained.

254
00:10:20,036 --> 00:10:21,578
We will be well
rested tomorrow.

255
00:10:21,704 --> 00:10:22,662
Okay. That's great, actually,

256
00:10:22,747 --> 00:10:24,623
because l wanted
to talk to you
about something else.

257
00:10:25,041 --> 00:10:26,333
Excellent. Go for it.

258
00:10:26,417 --> 00:10:28,376
l'm sure you got my e-mail
about the printer fires,

259
00:10:28,461 --> 00:10:30,503
the one with
the branching decision tree.

260
00:10:30,588 --> 00:10:32,213
l actually
designed that chart.

261
00:10:32,298 --> 00:10:33,965
Kind of hoping
it catches on.

262
00:10:34,050 --> 00:10:35,925
Anyway, the question is,

263
00:10:36,010 --> 00:10:38,803
what is the best
way to disseminate
important information

264
00:10:38,888 --> 00:10:40,180
in an efficient way?

265
00:10:40,556 --> 00:10:43,767
Right. So let's. . .

266
00:10:44,018 --> 00:10:45,810
Finally, there's
a provision here
in the occurrence

267
00:10:45,895 --> 00:10:47,646
that the child is
born an old man,

268
00:10:47,730 --> 00:10:48,688
à la Benjamin Button.

269
00:10:48,814 --> 00:10:50,607
Same page.
Go to the next one.
Same page. We're fine there.

270
00:10:50,691 --> 00:10:52,025
Just keep moving.

271
00:10:52,109 --> 00:10:53,693
Despite
the provision covering

272
00:10:53,778 --> 00:10:55,362
whether this is all
part of The Matrix. . .

273
00:10:55,529 --> 00:10:56,905
Which we can't know. . .

274
00:10:57,239 --> 00:10:58,281
. . .this is essentially. . .

275
00:10:58,366 --> 00:10:59,366
. . .unless we're unplugged. . .

276
00:11:00,117 --> 00:11:02,410
. . .equivalent to a donor
or surrogate contract. . .

277
00:11:02,662 --> 00:11:04,079
. . .and wake up in the future.

278
00:11:04,205 --> 00:11:06,122
. . .which is
actually pretty common.

279
00:11:06,207 --> 00:11:09,501
So, l have to tell you
that this is
a solid contract.

280
00:11:10,920 --> 00:11:12,087
What?

281
00:11:12,171 --> 00:11:15,090
Look, l can't enforce
that anybody have a child
with anyone else.

282
00:11:15,299 --> 00:11:16,299
What?

283
00:11:16,384 --> 00:11:18,968
MEDlATOR: So essentially
this comes down to damages.

284
00:11:19,345 --> 00:11:22,764
Now, there is some precedence
for the range of $30,000.

285
00:11:23,140 --> 00:11:24,265
What?

286
00:11:24,350 --> 00:11:26,935
l don't have
$30,000 lying around.

287
00:11:27,019 --> 00:11:28,353
l have it buried very deeply,

288
00:11:28,437 --> 00:11:31,272
and l don't want to dig past
a certain someone to get it.

289
00:11:32,358 --> 00:11:34,859
Chase Dixon is up,
could be a big play.

290
00:11:34,944 --> 00:11:36,027
You have no idea what
you're talking about.

291
00:11:36,112 --> 00:11:37,404
l know it's like cricket.

292
00:11:37,488 --> 00:11:38,697
No. No.

293
00:11:38,781 --> 00:11:40,740
Well, home plate
is like a wicket.

294
00:11:40,825 --> 00:11:43,034
You don't know,
you don't know anything.

295
00:11:43,285 --> 00:11:45,662
Look at him.
Look at him over there.

296
00:11:45,746 --> 00:11:48,623
High fiving?
He didn't even do anything.

297
00:11:48,708 --> 00:11:50,333
The kid did all the work.

298
00:11:50,543 --> 00:11:51,543
l bet he does that at home.

299
00:11:51,627 --> 00:11:55,004
l bet it's like, "Hey,
Donna, why don't you
wash the dishes?

300
00:11:55,089 --> 00:11:56,548
"High five, Donna."

301
00:11:56,632 --> 00:12:00,427
"Hey, why don't you bring
me my slippers? High five.
l'm taking all the credit."

302
00:12:00,511 --> 00:12:02,262
He seems pretty
well liked by the team.

303
00:12:02,346 --> 00:12:05,682
Okay, well, that's because
he's paying their salary.

304
00:12:06,809 --> 00:12:08,935
You do know
that high school coaches
don't pay their players.

305
00:12:09,019 --> 00:12:10,979
l know. l know. l know.

306
00:12:11,772 --> 00:12:13,106
That was a euphemism.

307
00:12:13,232 --> 00:12:15,442
$30,000?
There's got to be another way.

308
00:12:15,568 --> 00:12:18,528
He has a 60-acre beet farm
that is worth
a small fortune.

309
00:12:18,696 --> 00:12:20,280
Look, l will not pay.

310
00:12:20,656 --> 00:12:23,158
Well, l have an alternative.

311
00:12:24,160 --> 00:12:26,494
"lntercourse to completion
five individual times

312
00:12:26,579 --> 00:12:27,787
"rendered at my discretion."

313
00:12:27,872 --> 00:12:29,330
Look, l don't think
that's actually legal.

314
00:12:29,457 --> 00:12:30,707
Agreed.

315
00:12:32,752 --> 00:12:36,588
Five times for $30,000?
Not a bad stud fee.

316
00:12:36,672 --> 00:12:38,423
Better than most horses.

317
00:12:38,758 --> 00:12:40,341
But not on your bed.
lt's lumpy.

318
00:12:40,426 --> 00:12:42,510
Those lumps are cats,
and those cats have names,

319
00:12:42,595 --> 00:12:45,346
and those names
are Amber, Milky Way,
Dianne and Lumpy.

320
00:12:45,848 --> 00:12:47,140
Fine, five times.

321
00:12:47,224 --> 00:12:49,267
Look, l can't legally
watch this unfold.

322
00:12:49,351 --> 00:12:51,519
lt's coming
a little dangerously
close to prostitution.

323
00:12:51,812 --> 00:12:53,021
l want eye contact.

324
00:12:53,105 --> 00:12:54,189
No.
Yes.

325
00:12:54,273 --> 00:12:56,107
Do you understand how rare
that is in nature?

326
00:12:56,192 --> 00:12:57,650
l'm not some farm animal.

327
00:13:01,363 --> 00:13:02,947
ANDY: Great game, Coach.
Shh.

328
00:13:03,032 --> 00:13:04,741
Okay, all right,
don't, don't, don't.

329
00:13:05,117 --> 00:13:08,453
You guys are awesome.
Best game l've
ever seen in my life.

330
00:13:08,662 --> 00:13:10,580
Yeah, right.
You must be rooting
for the other guys.

331
00:13:10,664 --> 00:13:12,457
Ha! The other guys
can go die.

332
00:13:12,541 --> 00:13:13,500
Okay.
Baseball !

333
00:13:13,584 --> 00:13:14,626
Go talk to him.

334
00:13:14,710 --> 00:13:16,127
No, God,
you go talk to him.

335
00:13:17,046 --> 00:13:19,839
Shane, great game, man.

336
00:13:21,175 --> 00:13:22,217
Do l know you?

337
00:13:22,301 --> 00:13:23,343
No, just big fans.

338
00:13:23,594 --> 00:13:24,928
Both of us.

339
00:13:25,095 --> 00:13:27,180
Are you somebody's
parents?

340
00:13:27,264 --> 00:13:30,642
Are you guys Kenny's dads?

341
00:13:31,227 --> 00:13:34,187
(LAUGHS) No, no,
but we're gay for baseball.

342
00:13:34,939 --> 00:13:36,689
Okay.
But l have a wife, actually,

343
00:13:36,774 --> 00:13:38,483
who l really love a lot.
Yeah.

344
00:13:38,567 --> 00:13:39,734
Okay.

345
00:13:39,819 --> 00:13:40,819
Let's go!

346
00:13:40,903 --> 00:13:42,737
l am so into
the institution
of marriage.

347
00:13:42,863 --> 00:13:45,156
lsn't marriage the best,
you know?

348
00:13:45,366 --> 00:13:46,866
Two good people
finding each other,

349
00:13:46,951 --> 00:13:48,952
getting all committed to
each other.

350
00:13:50,412 --> 00:13:52,080
You love baseball,
what else do you love?

351
00:13:52,248 --> 00:13:53,915
Let's round you out
as a person.

352
00:13:54,041 --> 00:13:56,751
Hey, l'm really sorry,
l'm just trying to
focus here on the game.

353
00:13:56,836 --> 00:13:59,754
l get it, man. l love it.
That's what
makes you a good coach.

354
00:14:00,256 --> 00:14:03,049
You know, but as a fan,
it just helps me
enjoy the game better

355
00:14:03,133 --> 00:14:05,635
if l know
the coach loves his wife.

356
00:14:06,053 --> 00:14:08,638
Of course. Okay,
l've got to
get back to this.

357
00:14:08,722 --> 00:14:09,764
Of course.
All right.

358
00:14:09,849 --> 00:14:12,642
But real quick,
l want you to meet
my associate. Sheldon !

359
00:14:12,726 --> 00:14:14,394
No, no, no. l'm good.
ANDY: Come on, get over here.

360
00:14:14,478 --> 00:14:16,229
ANDY: Get over here.
Oh, my God. All right.

361
00:14:16,313 --> 00:14:18,439
Sheldon, say hi
to the nice coach.

362
00:14:18,524 --> 00:14:19,774
Sorry, l've got
some stomach cramps.

363
00:14:20,109 --> 00:14:21,776
SHANE: lt's all right,
it's all right,
just keep it going.

364
00:14:21,861 --> 00:14:23,903
Well, that was not at all
what l expected.

365
00:14:24,196 --> 00:14:25,780
(LAUGHS lN RELlEF)

366
00:14:26,282 --> 00:14:27,448
My heart's still racing.

367
00:14:27,700 --> 00:14:30,451
I just looked
a man in the eyes
and I shook his hand.

368
00:14:30,536 --> 00:14:33,621
All the time I was thinking,
"I'm sleeping with your wife."

369
00:14:33,789 --> 00:14:36,791
You know who does that?
James freaking Bond.

370
00:14:38,586 --> 00:14:40,920
Okay, orange slices.

371
00:14:41,005 --> 00:14:42,463
There you go.
Thanks, Michael.

372
00:14:42,548 --> 00:14:45,216
Don't thank me,
thank Dylan's mom.

373
00:14:45,301 --> 00:14:46,467
There you go.

374
00:14:46,594 --> 00:14:47,719
(MlCHAEL LAUGHlNG)

375
00:14:47,970 --> 00:14:49,429
Why would you throw
something wet at me?

376
00:14:49,513 --> 00:14:50,597
MlCHAEL: You love it.

377
00:14:50,681 --> 00:14:51,890
There you go.

378
00:14:52,641 --> 00:14:53,766
Now, were those
for the team?

379
00:14:54,226 --> 00:14:56,686
No. They didn't say "team,"
they just said "Coal Hawks."

380
00:14:56,896 --> 00:14:58,563
l don't think those
were yours to take.

381
00:14:58,647 --> 00:15:00,148
Well, then, it wouldn't
be the first time

382
00:15:00,232 --> 00:15:02,150
l stole something
away from Coach Shane.

383
00:15:02,526 --> 00:15:03,735
ANDY: l just want to
go on record as saying

384
00:15:03,819 --> 00:15:06,029
that l do not
condone this affair.

385
00:15:06,113 --> 00:15:07,864
And l even went
so far as to
force Michael

386
00:15:07,948 --> 00:15:10,074
to confront
the victim of his behavior.

387
00:15:10,618 --> 00:15:12,160
Did you talk to him?
l did.

388
00:15:12,244 --> 00:15:15,121
You talked to the man
whose wife you're
having an affair with?

389
00:15:15,205 --> 00:15:16,915
Wow, that is crazy.

390
00:15:16,999 --> 00:15:18,041
Was there a fist fight?

391
00:15:18,125 --> 00:15:20,627
No, we just talked.
He's very nice.

392
00:15:20,711 --> 00:15:21,920
And it didn't
change your mind?

393
00:15:22,004 --> 00:15:23,087
lt did not.

394
00:15:23,172 --> 00:15:24,172
Michael, that's awful.

395
00:15:24,256 --> 00:15:25,256
lsn't it?

396
00:15:25,341 --> 00:15:26,591
PHYLLlS: Yes.
l'm awful, aren't l?

397
00:15:26,675 --> 00:15:27,759
Yeah, that's pretty. . .

398
00:15:27,843 --> 00:15:29,260
l'm an awful guy. Ooh !

399
00:15:29,345 --> 00:15:30,553
How can you
live with yourself?

400
00:15:30,638 --> 00:15:32,513
l am what l am, Oscar.

401
00:15:32,848 --> 00:15:36,351
And l want what l want.
And right now
l want a piece of cake.

402
00:15:36,852 --> 00:15:40,563
From now on, when l'm hungry,
l am going to eat
whatever l am hungry for.

403
00:15:40,648 --> 00:15:43,316
That is
a dangerous game, friend-o.

404
00:15:43,651 --> 00:15:44,943
Well, because
l thought that it was

405
00:15:45,027 --> 00:15:46,611
a book about Anthropologie,
the store.

406
00:15:46,695 --> 00:15:48,571
l don't know why
you were in that
part of the bookstore.

407
00:15:48,656 --> 00:15:50,114
Because it's next to
the baby section, okay?

408
00:15:50,199 --> 00:15:52,617
Well, that makes more sense.
You should have
said that at the beginning,

409
00:15:52,701 --> 00:15:54,327
when you said,
"l read a book
about anthropology."

410
00:15:54,411 --> 00:15:56,245
KELLY: l don't even know
why you're screaming
at me right now.

411
00:15:56,330 --> 00:15:57,580
l'm not screaming.
l'm not screaming.

412
00:15:58,040 --> 00:15:59,874
That's Meredith's cake.
lt's her birthday.

413
00:15:59,959 --> 00:16:01,459
l don't care.

414
00:16:01,543 --> 00:16:03,962
l have an appetite for life.

415
00:16:05,714 --> 00:16:06,923
Mmm.

416
00:16:08,175 --> 00:16:10,051
God, that's lemon.

417
00:16:11,053 --> 00:16:14,722
Good for you, man.
Good for you.

418
00:16:18,686 --> 00:16:20,645
He takes what he wants.

419
00:16:22,982 --> 00:16:24,482
You know what?

420
00:16:24,566 --> 00:16:27,276
l think you're attractive
and l want to sleep with you.

421
00:16:27,569 --> 00:16:28,611
What about Kelly?

422
00:16:29,196 --> 00:16:30,530
You read my mind.

423
00:16:30,990 --> 00:16:32,156
ls this a joke?

424
00:16:32,825 --> 00:16:34,075
Yep.

425
00:16:36,578 --> 00:16:37,912
lt's hard to
live that way, man.

426
00:16:37,997 --> 00:16:40,748
You gotta really not care
what people think
about you, right?

427
00:16:41,250 --> 00:16:44,127
l don't know how
you do it, Michael.
l can't be that cold.

428
00:16:45,379 --> 00:16:47,088
You'll learn, baby,
you'll learn.

429
00:16:53,804 --> 00:16:56,931
DWlGHT: I am
an honorabIe man and
I wiII honor the contract.

430
00:16:57,433 --> 00:16:59,225
But l don't have to
give her the good stuff.

431
00:16:59,643 --> 00:17:03,021
Schrute sperm are strong,
but they're no match
for a grown Schrute man.

432
00:17:03,105 --> 00:17:04,188
(SCREAMlNG)

433
00:17:04,314 --> 00:17:06,607
(CHUCKLES)
Let's see what she gets.

434
00:17:07,276 --> 00:17:08,359
(SCREAMlNG)

435
00:17:11,947 --> 00:17:13,531
Boss, we're out of paper.

436
00:17:13,615 --> 00:17:14,615
Yeah, l noticed that.

437
00:17:14,742 --> 00:17:16,617
Aren't you
gonna add any more?
Nope.

438
00:17:17,119 --> 00:17:19,328
He don't give
an F about nothing.

439
00:17:19,621 --> 00:17:21,831
l have got big balls.

440
00:17:23,125 --> 00:17:24,584
l don't think
l'm gonna make it.

441
00:17:24,668 --> 00:17:26,419
(YAWNlNG) What about
an energy drink
or something?

442
00:17:26,795 --> 00:17:30,131
lt gets in the breast milk.
lf l drink it, Cece drinks it
six hours later.

443
00:17:30,340 --> 00:17:31,549
Well, it doesn't mean
l can't drink it.

444
00:17:31,633 --> 00:17:33,009
Well, it does and it doesn't.

445
00:17:34,011 --> 00:17:36,304
l probably
shouldn't tell you this,

446
00:17:36,388 --> 00:17:40,058
but a lot guys
in the warehouse
work multiple jobs,

447
00:17:40,142 --> 00:17:41,225
so we have a place.

448
00:17:41,810 --> 00:17:42,810
A place?

449
00:17:42,895 --> 00:17:44,020
A restful location.

450
00:17:44,646 --> 00:17:46,606
Talk to Glen, he'll
take you up in the lift.

451
00:17:46,982 --> 00:17:48,483
You sleep in the warehouse?

452
00:17:49,401 --> 00:17:52,111
Light bulb's burned out,
so it's dark.

453
00:17:52,905 --> 00:17:56,032
And the heat
from the backup generator
keeps it nice and warm.

454
00:17:56,533 --> 00:17:59,494
Sometimes l think about it
when l'm trying to
fall asleep at home.

455
00:18:00,537 --> 00:18:03,998
But as far as
the rest of the office goes,
it doesn't exist. Okay?

456
00:18:04,083 --> 00:18:05,333
Okay.
Pam?

457
00:18:05,626 --> 00:18:06,793
Okay.

458
00:18:08,420 --> 00:18:09,420
For your signature.

459
00:18:09,505 --> 00:18:10,546
Okay.

460
00:18:16,470 --> 00:18:17,470
Phyllis?

461
00:18:19,515 --> 00:18:20,640
Okay, look at me.

462
00:18:22,976 --> 00:18:26,813
Phyllis, look at. . .
Okay, that's. . .

463
00:18:27,606 --> 00:18:31,109
All right, all right,
you know what?
l'm sick of this.

464
00:18:31,193 --> 00:18:34,112
l'm sick of the little
disapproving head shakes.

465
00:18:34,196 --> 00:18:36,656
lf you think
that's going to have
any effect on me,

466
00:18:36,740 --> 00:18:37,865
it will not.

467
00:18:37,950 --> 00:18:41,869
l am going to leave
right now and go to
a motel to meet Donna.

468
00:18:42,246 --> 00:18:43,538
Why not your condo?

469
00:18:43,747 --> 00:18:47,375
Because a motel is dirty,
and it is sexy.

470
00:18:47,835 --> 00:18:50,086
Like me and like Donna.

471
00:18:50,587 --> 00:18:53,673
And frankly,
the stuff that we're into
isn't very condo-appropriate.

472
00:18:53,757 --> 00:18:55,466
Michael, will you drop it?

473
00:18:55,551 --> 00:18:58,344
Everybody's spoken their mind
and no one's
changing their mind.

474
00:18:58,512 --> 00:19:01,139
Okay, Morgan Freeman
narrating everything.

475
00:19:01,223 --> 00:19:02,974
Do you want
someone to stop you?
Because no one's going to.

476
00:19:03,058 --> 00:19:05,268
Nobody better try to stop me.

477
00:19:07,187 --> 00:19:08,187
Good.

478
00:19:09,356 --> 00:19:11,107
l could have stopped him.

479
00:19:11,692 --> 00:19:12,942
(CAR LOCK BEEPlNG)

480
00:19:18,240 --> 00:19:19,657
Are you warmed up?
No.

481
00:19:19,783 --> 00:19:21,868
God, Angela,
why is that always
my responsibility?

482
00:19:24,496 --> 00:19:25,663
ANGELA: What did you
do to yourself?

483
00:19:25,747 --> 00:19:27,331
DWlGHT: Never mind.
Just. . . Never mind.

484
00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:29,959
ANGELA:
Well, it better work.
DWlGHT: lt'll work.

485
00:19:31,211 --> 00:19:32,837
Stop kissing me.
(ANGELA SCOFFlNG)

486
00:19:32,921 --> 00:19:34,088
lt's not in the contract.

487
00:20:12,586 --> 00:20:15,087
MlCHAEL: How do I feeI about
breaking up with Donna?

488
00:20:15,464 --> 00:20:18,591
Good. MoraI.
I feel proud.

489
00:20:19,134 --> 00:20:20,259
Like a grown-up.

490
00:20:20,344 --> 00:20:21,385
(CELL PHONE BEEPlNG)

491
00:20:21,470 --> 00:20:25,097
That was not easy
because I really
Iiked her a Iot.

492
00:20:25,641 --> 00:20:27,350
I'm a IittIe bit
emotional right now

493
00:20:27,434 --> 00:20:32,021
because I know
that I absolutely
made the right decision.

494
00:20:32,356 --> 00:20:35,316
At the end of the day,
we have to do what's right.

495
00:20:35,776 --> 00:20:37,860
And it was either
living with myself

496
00:20:39,655 --> 00:20:41,614
or being happy.

497
00:20:44,826 --> 00:20:46,327
And l picked

498
00:20:47,162 --> 00:20:48,162
the

499
00:20:50,249 --> 00:20:51,249
former.

500
00:20:55,337 --> 00:20:57,171
Michael Scott?
Yes?

501
00:20:57,839 --> 00:20:59,507
Do you want to make
a comment on the rumors?

502
00:20:59,591 --> 00:21:00,841
(SlGHlNG) Um. . .

503
00:21:02,219 --> 00:21:04,262
l have done some
very bad things.

504
00:21:05,013 --> 00:21:06,931
Things of which
l'm not proud.

505
00:21:07,182 --> 00:21:10,810
l would like to
publicly apologize

506
00:21:11,728 --> 00:21:13,312
to the coach
and the players,

507
00:21:13,939 --> 00:21:16,607
and l vow to never

508
00:21:17,192 --> 00:21:21,279
listen to
my bodily instincts
ever again.

509
00:21:22,531 --> 00:21:24,865
l'm talking about
the Sabre printers
that catch on fire.

510
00:21:25,033 --> 00:21:29,578
Oh ! Okay,
l was talking about. . .
What's going on?