1 00:00:02,002 --> 00:00:06,046 There is nothing wrong, nor will there ever be wrong, 2 00:00:06,131 --> 00:00:08,048 with any Sabre printers. 3 00:00:08,133 --> 00:00:09,174 Case cIosed. 4 00:00:09,259 --> 00:00:10,759 (PHONE RlNGlNG) 5 00:00:11,720 --> 00:00:13,804 Michael Scott, as seen on TV. 6 00:00:13,888 --> 00:00:17,850 MAN ON PHONE: I saw you on the news and I want to pinch your tiny wiener. 7 00:00:17,934 --> 00:00:19,435 (MOUTHS) Oh, my God. 8 00:00:19,519 --> 00:00:20,686 It's Packer. 9 00:00:20,770 --> 00:00:24,148 Oh ! Pac-Man, l thought you were a girl. 10 00:00:24,232 --> 00:00:26,900 Apparently, there are allegations 11 00:00:26,985 --> 00:00:29,445 that Sabre printers can cause a fire. 12 00:00:29,988 --> 00:00:33,115 So, they asked me to give a statement to the press. 13 00:00:33,199 --> 00:00:35,951 l'm like, "What? All right." 14 00:00:36,286 --> 00:00:37,661 So, l do it. 15 00:00:37,746 --> 00:00:41,623 lt's on TV last night, and it's in the paper today, 16 00:00:41,708 --> 00:00:43,208 and it's online. 17 00:00:43,293 --> 00:00:47,337 And then l call Froggy 98.7, their request line. 18 00:00:47,422 --> 00:00:49,214 l talked to the host about it on the air. 19 00:00:49,299 --> 00:00:52,009 lt's like, "Come on, people, enough." 20 00:00:52,510 --> 00:00:54,595 Everybody, we are at DEFCON 5. 21 00:00:54,679 --> 00:00:57,848 l am officially the second most watched clip of the day 22 00:00:57,932 --> 00:00:59,767 on the WBRE news site. 23 00:00:59,851 --> 00:01:00,851 What's number one? 24 00:01:00,935 --> 00:01:03,896 Oh? That teacher who was wrongfully accused of being a pedophile. 25 00:01:03,980 --> 00:01:07,149 Now, we cannot let the pedophile win again. 26 00:01:07,484 --> 00:01:10,986 l would like you all to go to the Web site and watch my clip 1 1 times. 27 00:01:11,071 --> 00:01:12,571 So, instead of working, you want. . . Yes. 28 00:01:12,655 --> 00:01:14,031 Okay. Yes. 29 00:01:14,115 --> 00:01:15,324 MlCHAEL: Come on. 30 00:01:16,493 --> 00:01:20,579 Get it up. That's what. . . Let's do it. 31 00:01:21,539 --> 00:01:23,582 Oh ! Did you see this report 32 00:01:23,666 --> 00:01:25,501 that the zoo got a baby otter? 33 00:01:25,668 --> 00:01:26,752 lt's on the same site. 34 00:01:26,836 --> 00:01:29,046 (CHUCKLES) Aw! lt's kissing its mommy. 35 00:01:29,172 --> 00:01:30,380 MlCHAEL: Please. Michael, you have to see this. 36 00:01:30,465 --> 00:01:32,049 This is, like, the cutest thing ever. 37 00:01:32,175 --> 00:01:33,717 (EMPLOYEES LAUGHlNG) 38 00:01:33,802 --> 00:01:39,014 Really? A baby otter? Okay, count me in as "Who cares?" 39 00:01:39,307 --> 00:01:42,309 lt's not even that interesting, the baby otter. 40 00:01:42,602 --> 00:01:44,728 lt can't even stand up. 41 00:01:44,813 --> 00:01:46,438 lt's trying to stand up. 42 00:01:49,359 --> 00:01:50,859 There he goes. 43 00:02:17,428 --> 00:02:18,846 (DOG BARKlNG) Howdy. 44 00:02:19,889 --> 00:02:21,807 l hope l'm not interrupting anything. 45 00:02:21,891 --> 00:02:23,934 Jo, we were not expecting you. 46 00:02:24,018 --> 00:02:25,686 But you all no doubt know why l'm here. 47 00:02:25,770 --> 00:02:28,480 No. Turns out our printers are famous. 48 00:02:29,357 --> 00:02:31,233 They're all over the news. 49 00:02:31,526 --> 00:02:32,776 lt's an interesting story. 50 00:02:33,736 --> 00:02:36,196 Cheap, foreign printers 51 00:02:36,698 --> 00:02:38,407 attacking innocent Americans. 52 00:02:38,783 --> 00:02:42,035 Well, actually the real story isn't quite as racy. 53 00:02:42,745 --> 00:02:43,829 But 54 00:02:46,666 --> 00:02:47,833 let's give it a go. 55 00:02:48,084 --> 00:02:50,252 Jo, l think that l know what happened. 56 00:02:50,837 --> 00:02:52,754 l'm not sure you do, teddy bear. 57 00:02:53,089 --> 00:02:55,132 Well, now l think l might not. 58 00:02:55,925 --> 00:02:59,011 Not long ago, we discovered a defect in one of our printers. 59 00:02:59,095 --> 00:03:01,513 So, we got a software patch, fixed it right up. 60 00:03:01,598 --> 00:03:02,848 Just like that. 61 00:03:02,932 --> 00:03:04,308 l don't know how it works. 62 00:03:05,268 --> 00:03:07,561 Just as we were about to 63 00:03:07,645 --> 00:03:10,147 send out a letter to our affected customers, 64 00:03:10,315 --> 00:03:13,734 giving them free toner, and we keep them happy. 65 00:03:14,110 --> 00:03:16,570 But somebody here, they liked that first story better. 66 00:03:16,821 --> 00:03:18,906 The one where we lose half our clients 67 00:03:19,115 --> 00:03:21,116 (SHOUTlNG) for no damn good reason ! 68 00:03:22,952 --> 00:03:26,788 Whoever it was who talked to the press, just come forward, please. 69 00:03:26,956 --> 00:03:27,956 MlCHAEL: Jo, 70 00:03:28,208 --> 00:03:29,791 l can assure you it was no one in this office. 71 00:03:30,126 --> 00:03:31,835 Can you, now? Absolutely. 72 00:03:31,961 --> 00:03:34,129 Anyone who talked to the press, please raise your hand. 73 00:03:36,716 --> 00:03:38,008 Put your hand up, Norma Rae. 74 00:03:38,468 --> 00:03:41,220 lf you say anything, so help me God, 75 00:03:41,304 --> 00:03:42,888 l'll break off the temples of your glasses 76 00:03:42,972 --> 00:03:44,514 and stick them in your eye sockets. 77 00:03:44,599 --> 00:03:45,974 ANDY: So unfair. 78 00:03:46,142 --> 00:03:49,436 Even if l thought that our printers killed baby seals, 79 00:03:49,520 --> 00:03:51,855 l would not be a whistleblower. 80 00:03:51,940 --> 00:03:55,525 The Bernards, for generations, have silenced whistleblowers. 81 00:03:55,610 --> 00:03:57,569 lt's how we made all our money. 82 00:03:57,654 --> 00:03:59,488 Woody Guthrie wrote a song about us. 83 00:04:00,448 --> 00:04:04,076 OId Mister Bernard 84 00:04:04,410 --> 00:04:07,287 Who have you silenced today? 85 00:04:07,372 --> 00:04:10,415 lt's a little form. Says, "l did not do it." 86 00:04:10,750 --> 00:04:12,668 There is no reason for anyone here to sign this 87 00:04:12,752 --> 00:04:15,170 because l know everything there is to know about these people. 88 00:04:15,546 --> 00:04:17,089 l know when their birthdays are, 89 00:04:17,173 --> 00:04:18,590 l know what their favorite kind of cake is, 90 00:04:18,675 --> 00:04:20,175 l know what color streamers they like. 91 00:04:21,094 --> 00:04:22,678 All that's just birthday information, Michael. 92 00:04:22,762 --> 00:04:25,264 Yes, yes, but it shows a bigger picture. 93 00:04:25,348 --> 00:04:26,765 Why don't you come with me? 94 00:04:26,933 --> 00:04:29,142 We'll start out with the honcho, what d'you say? 95 00:04:29,227 --> 00:04:30,352 Okay. 96 00:04:30,687 --> 00:04:32,771 When Mama was working as a prison guard, 97 00:04:32,855 --> 00:04:35,899 and something went missing, she'd ask one question, 98 00:04:36,651 --> 00:04:39,027 "What do we do when we find the guilty party?" 99 00:04:39,362 --> 00:04:41,154 And if they said, "Come down on them 100 00:04:41,239 --> 00:04:44,324 "with that swift hammer of justice," innocent. 101 00:04:45,034 --> 00:04:47,494 A clear conscience don't need no mercy. 102 00:04:48,121 --> 00:04:52,291 But if they said, "Officer Bessie, well, they may have had a reason." 103 00:04:52,375 --> 00:04:54,293 Blah, blah, blah, blah. . . 104 00:04:54,502 --> 00:04:57,879 Well, nine times out of 1 0, that's the anus they checked. 105 00:04:58,464 --> 00:05:00,299 So, say we catch this whistleblower. 106 00:05:00,383 --> 00:05:01,591 What do you think l should do with them? 107 00:05:01,676 --> 00:05:04,553 We should give them a one-way ticket to Montego Bay. 108 00:05:05,305 --> 00:05:06,888 Where they keep all the al-Qaeda. 109 00:05:08,308 --> 00:05:12,060 Uh, that's Guantanamo Bay. Yes. 110 00:05:12,312 --> 00:05:13,562 You put them in jail for a long time, 111 00:05:13,646 --> 00:05:15,480 you put them in jail for as long as you can. 112 00:05:15,565 --> 00:05:17,232 Well, l guess we're all right, Michael. 113 00:05:17,567 --> 00:05:19,943 l want these people to really pay. l want them to suffer. 114 00:05:20,653 --> 00:05:22,654 l'd prefer it if they died. 115 00:05:22,739 --> 00:05:23,780 Because it's not right. 116 00:05:23,865 --> 00:05:24,948 Yeah. Okay. 117 00:05:25,116 --> 00:05:27,075 Hey, Dwight. Hey, lT guy. 118 00:05:27,452 --> 00:05:28,994 You mind if l get in there for a second? 119 00:05:29,078 --> 00:05:30,454 Oh, sure thing, go ahead. 120 00:05:32,540 --> 00:05:34,499 Just. . . (GROANlNG) 121 00:05:34,584 --> 00:05:35,959 Dwight, what the hell? 122 00:05:36,044 --> 00:05:38,170 Apache persuasion hold, that's the hell. 123 00:05:38,254 --> 00:05:39,379 What are you doing to my computer? 124 00:05:39,464 --> 00:05:42,758 The lawyers are searching our hard drives for information on the leak. 125 00:05:42,967 --> 00:05:43,967 Thanks a lot, Big Brother. 126 00:05:44,052 --> 00:05:45,177 You're with Big Brother? 127 00:05:45,261 --> 00:05:47,012 Okay, go ahead. l got nothing to hide. 128 00:05:47,555 --> 00:05:48,930 Wait, are they searching all our computers? 129 00:05:49,015 --> 00:05:50,098 Yeah. 130 00:05:50,683 --> 00:05:52,768 NlCK: l already got to yours, Kev. 131 00:05:55,605 --> 00:05:58,774 No, that's cool. Sometimes l run. 132 00:05:59,650 --> 00:06:01,234 l'm a runner. 133 00:06:01,819 --> 00:06:03,403 Everybody knows it was Andy, 134 00:06:03,488 --> 00:06:07,282 and it is not fair for us all to take the fall for his big, stupid mouth. 135 00:06:07,367 --> 00:06:09,368 Ridiculous, Angela. 136 00:06:09,452 --> 00:06:11,328 And like l'm going to believe one of his spurned lovers. 137 00:06:11,829 --> 00:06:15,457 Look, he's been complaining about this for a while. lt's not crazy. 138 00:06:19,295 --> 00:06:20,754 (PHYLLlS SCOFFS) 139 00:06:21,839 --> 00:06:23,423 Okay, Dwight. Hold that thought. 140 00:06:23,508 --> 00:06:24,508 l don't want to waste your time 141 00:06:24,592 --> 00:06:26,051 and l wouldn't dare waste mine. 142 00:06:26,135 --> 00:06:27,177 l didn't do it. 143 00:06:27,261 --> 00:06:29,179 Now, l don't know exactly who did it, 144 00:06:29,806 --> 00:06:32,641 but l have a list right here. 145 00:06:33,601 --> 00:06:35,435 You should fire the following people. 146 00:06:35,978 --> 00:06:37,354 Well, l'm inclined to believe you. 147 00:06:37,438 --> 00:06:38,730 Why would l disparage a company that has 148 00:06:38,815 --> 00:06:40,315 made me rich beyond my wildest dreams? 149 00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:42,109 Yeah, l noticed you've had a great year. 150 00:06:42,235 --> 00:06:43,693 Good boy. (LAUGHlNG) 151 00:06:43,778 --> 00:06:45,904 You turning that money into more money? 152 00:06:48,574 --> 00:06:50,575 Are you referring to alchemy? 153 00:06:51,494 --> 00:06:53,120 l don't like to tell a man what to do with his money, 154 00:06:53,204 --> 00:06:54,621 but if you ain't investing in property, 155 00:06:54,705 --> 00:06:56,039 then you're dumber than a dummy. 156 00:06:56,249 --> 00:06:57,833 l'm not dumb, l'm smart. 157 00:06:58,000 --> 00:07:00,669 Well, buy property. That's my advice. 158 00:07:02,672 --> 00:07:04,506 MlCHAEL: ls there something that you would like to say to me? 159 00:07:05,133 --> 00:07:08,260 About talking to the press? Uh, l do. . . No. . . 160 00:07:08,344 --> 00:07:10,929 l didn't do that. Okay? 161 00:07:12,098 --> 00:07:14,057 Didn't do it. l don't believe you. 162 00:07:14,142 --> 00:07:17,102 l swear on the graves of my parents who aren't even dead yet. 163 00:07:17,353 --> 00:07:19,396 That's a little much. All right, all right. 164 00:07:19,480 --> 00:07:21,064 l don't care. That's how much, l swear. 165 00:07:21,149 --> 00:07:22,649 Okay, l believe you. l believe you. 166 00:07:22,859 --> 00:07:24,526 How come no one's giving Darryl any crap? 167 00:07:24,694 --> 00:07:26,361 He was more bothered about it than me. 168 00:07:29,365 --> 00:07:32,242 Did you tell anyone outside of this office 169 00:07:32,827 --> 00:07:34,619 that the printers were catching on fire? 170 00:07:36,956 --> 00:07:37,956 Yeah, l did. 171 00:07:38,040 --> 00:07:39,040 (SlGHS) 172 00:07:39,375 --> 00:07:40,917 l was talking to this girl at a bar. 173 00:07:41,210 --> 00:07:42,210 Oh, no, no, no. 174 00:07:42,628 --> 00:07:44,796 l think she could sense my sadness. 175 00:07:44,881 --> 00:07:48,341 And l found out too late that she was a copyeditor at the Trib. 176 00:07:48,426 --> 00:07:49,426 Oh, my God. 177 00:07:49,719 --> 00:07:50,719 Was she cute? 178 00:07:50,928 --> 00:07:53,722 No. Oh, God, Darryl. 179 00:07:53,806 --> 00:07:56,975 l basically swore up and down that none of my employees did it. 180 00:07:57,059 --> 00:07:59,436 And then l find out that one of my best ones did. 181 00:07:59,937 --> 00:08:02,022 And now he's probably going to get fired for it. 182 00:08:03,232 --> 00:08:06,776 And if that is not poetic justice, l don't know what is. 183 00:08:08,654 --> 00:08:11,531 Sounds like you were as blind-sided by this as l was. 184 00:08:11,616 --> 00:08:12,616 Yes. 185 00:08:12,700 --> 00:08:14,618 And we didn't find anything on your computer. 186 00:08:14,827 --> 00:08:15,869 Good. 187 00:08:15,953 --> 00:08:17,370 Except this. 188 00:08:18,039 --> 00:08:22,334 Wow. This is just a mystery novel that l've been working on. 189 00:08:22,543 --> 00:08:24,920 l know what it is. l skimmed the first chapter. 190 00:08:25,046 --> 00:08:26,087 l'm just curious, 191 00:08:26,172 --> 00:08:28,173 why would a man who hates people 192 00:08:28,257 --> 00:08:30,884 want to have a relationship with a maid? 193 00:08:31,886 --> 00:08:33,345 l don't know. . . The way l look at it, 194 00:08:33,429 --> 00:08:35,096 there's only one of two reasons. 195 00:08:35,181 --> 00:08:38,099 He knows a secret about her that she doesn't know herself. 196 00:08:39,852 --> 00:08:44,147 Or he wants to use her services to mop up after a murder. 197 00:08:44,232 --> 00:08:45,524 (EXCLAlMS) 198 00:08:45,608 --> 00:08:46,775 Yes. 199 00:08:47,527 --> 00:08:49,194 Write your own damn novel. 200 00:08:50,321 --> 00:08:51,363 lt was me. 201 00:08:51,614 --> 00:08:52,656 What was you? 202 00:08:54,075 --> 00:08:56,201 You were the leak? Okay, 203 00:08:56,285 --> 00:08:57,661 l'm talking to this woman at day care, 204 00:08:58,079 --> 00:09:01,248 she's telling me all about her amazing trip to Vietnam. l have nothing. 205 00:09:01,332 --> 00:09:03,959 l tell her our printers catch on fire spontaneously. 206 00:09:04,085 --> 00:09:05,126 Why'd you do that? Her husband's a reporter. 207 00:09:05,211 --> 00:09:06,294 Yeah. 208 00:09:06,796 --> 00:09:09,297 So, now everyone hates Andy, and it's this whole mess, 209 00:09:09,423 --> 00:09:11,591 and l don't know what to do. Okay, just relax. 210 00:09:12,468 --> 00:09:13,843 Just need to relax. 211 00:09:14,053 --> 00:09:17,180 l could tell Jo, or l could tell Michael. 212 00:09:18,307 --> 00:09:20,016 This is a very good idea. This is good. 213 00:09:20,101 --> 00:09:22,686 Let's get all the bad ideas out now. Flush them out. 214 00:09:22,895 --> 00:09:24,062 (WHlSPERS) You leaked it? 215 00:09:24,146 --> 00:09:26,565 l don't know what to do. Do l go tell Jo or. . . 216 00:09:26,649 --> 00:09:28,483 l don't want everyone to keep blaming the wrong person. 217 00:09:28,568 --> 00:09:30,819 l don't know what the best plan is, Pam. 218 00:09:32,029 --> 00:09:33,321 Oh, God. 219 00:09:33,864 --> 00:09:35,448 My mind is going a mile an hour. 220 00:09:35,533 --> 00:09:36,866 That fast? 221 00:09:36,951 --> 00:09:37,993 (GROANS) 222 00:09:38,411 --> 00:09:40,870 Two whistleblowers. Two. 223 00:09:41,831 --> 00:09:42,789 l always thought Darryl and Pam 224 00:09:42,873 --> 00:09:45,292 might get me fired for something l said. 225 00:09:48,129 --> 00:09:49,129 Yeah? 226 00:09:57,847 --> 00:09:59,889 l weirdly know exactly what you're saying to me. 227 00:10:00,057 --> 00:10:01,683 So, l'll see you in Meredith's van in five minutes. 228 00:10:01,851 --> 00:10:03,560 Okay, you didn't need to actually say that. 229 00:10:05,229 --> 00:10:07,480 l have never seen so many parking tickets. 230 00:10:07,940 --> 00:10:09,608 All right, this is just messed up. 231 00:10:09,692 --> 00:10:11,318 No, you know what's messed up? 232 00:10:11,402 --> 00:10:14,613 This situation all up in here is what's messed up. 233 00:10:14,697 --> 00:10:16,698 We need to brainstorm, we need to get out of this. 234 00:10:16,782 --> 00:10:19,618 Brain-hurricane, come on. Think. What have we got? 235 00:10:19,702 --> 00:10:20,827 Um. . . 236 00:10:21,829 --> 00:10:23,121 Hey, guys, sorry l'm late. 237 00:10:23,205 --> 00:10:24,247 We're not going for yogurt. 238 00:10:24,332 --> 00:10:26,833 lt's okay, she's cool. She also whistle-blew. 239 00:10:26,917 --> 00:10:29,502 Guys, l couldn't help it. lt is so boring where we work. 240 00:10:29,587 --> 00:10:31,463 l mean, it's as interesting as a morgue. 241 00:10:31,589 --> 00:10:33,465 lt might be less interesting than a morgue. 242 00:10:33,674 --> 00:10:35,967 Hey, hey, it's as interesting as a morgue. 243 00:10:36,135 --> 00:10:38,345 Of course l'm the leak. l think l tweeted it. 244 00:10:38,596 --> 00:10:39,804 l can't control what l say to people. 245 00:10:39,889 --> 00:10:41,014 l spend the whole day talking. 246 00:10:41,098 --> 00:10:45,226 l mean, l video chat, l skype, l text, l tweet, l phone, l woof. 247 00:10:45,686 --> 00:10:46,936 Woof is a site that l'm launching to be 248 00:10:47,021 --> 00:10:48,647 the last word in social networking. 249 00:10:48,731 --> 00:10:50,732 For just $1 2.99 a month, Woof links up 250 00:10:50,816 --> 00:10:51,816 all your communication portals, 251 00:10:51,901 --> 00:10:53,234 so you are always within reach. 252 00:10:53,319 --> 00:10:54,819 lt's part of the dog pack, as l call it. 253 00:10:54,904 --> 00:10:57,656 But look, why tell you, 254 00:10:57,740 --> 00:11:00,325 when l can show you? 255 00:11:00,785 --> 00:11:02,827 l just sent myself a woof. 256 00:11:03,704 --> 00:11:05,372 (DOG BARKlNG) (ALL MACHlNES BEEPlNG) 257 00:11:05,748 --> 00:11:07,123 ERlN ON lNTERCOM: Ryan, you have a woof on Iine one. 258 00:11:07,208 --> 00:11:08,667 Thank you, Erin. 259 00:11:09,251 --> 00:11:10,377 Woof! 260 00:11:10,544 --> 00:11:14,631 Okay, here's what we do. l say we just smash all the computers. 261 00:11:14,799 --> 00:11:17,092 We destroy the evidence. No evidence, no case. 262 00:11:17,176 --> 00:11:19,469 Wouldn't we get fired for smashing all the computers? 263 00:11:19,553 --> 00:11:22,681 No, okay, not all the computers. Just our computers. 264 00:11:22,807 --> 00:11:24,349 That idea sucks. PAM: l don't think that's a good idea. 265 00:11:24,433 --> 00:11:25,475 MlCHAEL: Just don't say no. 266 00:11:25,559 --> 00:11:28,311 Mike, you know you don't have to turn us all in. 267 00:11:29,647 --> 00:11:31,606 All you need is one scapegoat. 268 00:11:32,441 --> 00:11:34,442 Uh, if you turn me in, l'm turning in Darryl. 269 00:11:34,610 --> 00:11:37,821 That's just what we need, another black man in prison, you know? 270 00:11:37,905 --> 00:11:40,573 Nobody's going to prison. Okay? 271 00:11:41,534 --> 00:11:45,245 All right, Michael, you need to convince Jo to go easy on us. 272 00:11:45,329 --> 00:11:48,039 And then we'll all confess once we know our jobs are safe. 273 00:11:48,457 --> 00:11:50,500 Okay, you can count on me. 274 00:11:53,295 --> 00:11:54,713 Let me give you a hand. 275 00:11:54,880 --> 00:11:56,089 Ready? On three. 276 00:11:58,801 --> 00:12:00,552 (CELL PHONE RlNGlNG) Oh, shoot. Got it? 277 00:12:00,636 --> 00:12:01,886 Got it. 278 00:12:03,305 --> 00:12:04,305 Dwight Schrute. 279 00:12:04,390 --> 00:12:06,224 REALTOR: The property you're looking at is in great shape. 280 00:12:06,308 --> 00:12:08,893 By the way, it has a very spacious basement office. 281 00:12:09,186 --> 00:12:12,522 Basement office? You mean like a lair? 282 00:12:14,066 --> 00:12:16,151 Hey, Jo. Michael. 283 00:12:17,111 --> 00:12:19,028 l was thinking about our little leak problem. 284 00:12:19,113 --> 00:12:20,280 l was up all lunch thinking about 285 00:12:20,364 --> 00:12:22,198 what we should do to this individual. 286 00:12:23,242 --> 00:12:25,034 You know what l think we should do? 287 00:12:25,119 --> 00:12:28,580 We make them come to work. And we work them, 288 00:12:28,664 --> 00:12:31,958 and we make them sit next to all the people they screwed over. 289 00:12:32,501 --> 00:12:34,586 And we pay them, 290 00:12:34,670 --> 00:12:39,132 but we make them feel like they did something really wrong. 291 00:12:39,258 --> 00:12:41,634 The one question l have is, "Do we give them a Christmas bonus?" 292 00:12:41,802 --> 00:12:44,304 l say yes, it's Christmas, 293 00:12:44,388 --> 00:12:47,682 but right after, they're back into the thick of it. 294 00:12:47,767 --> 00:12:49,392 Michael Scott. 295 00:12:50,728 --> 00:12:52,145 What do you know? 296 00:12:52,897 --> 00:12:54,105 What? 297 00:12:55,191 --> 00:12:56,441 lt doesn't matter what l know. 298 00:12:56,525 --> 00:12:58,610 lf it doesn't matter, then tell me. Why? 299 00:12:58,694 --> 00:13:01,237 Because l wanna deal with it the way l deal with it. 300 00:13:01,322 --> 00:13:03,114 Well, deal with this. 301 00:13:05,075 --> 00:13:06,951 Empathize with me for a moment. 302 00:13:07,036 --> 00:13:08,620 l came up here with a big problem, 303 00:13:08,704 --> 00:13:10,580 and now, l've got a branch manager 304 00:13:10,664 --> 00:13:12,415 who's giving me the silent treatment. 305 00:13:14,084 --> 00:13:15,251 Speak to me. 306 00:13:16,629 --> 00:13:17,629 Speak. 307 00:13:18,839 --> 00:13:20,048 (BARKS) 308 00:13:22,009 --> 00:13:23,218 Come with me. 309 00:13:23,761 --> 00:13:24,761 What? 310 00:13:27,723 --> 00:13:32,143 Are you leaving? Oh, my. Should l continue with the investigation? 311 00:13:45,699 --> 00:13:47,200 Are you gonna kill me? 312 00:13:47,284 --> 00:13:48,660 (JO LAUGHlNG) 313 00:13:53,249 --> 00:13:55,208 REALTOR: Ijust need you to come by later and sign a few forms. 314 00:13:55,292 --> 00:13:57,585 Okay. What time works for you? 315 00:13:59,046 --> 00:14:01,714 Mr. Schrute? What time works? 316 00:14:04,927 --> 00:14:09,264 Cancel it. l want you to make an offer at 1 725 Slough Avenue. 317 00:14:10,099 --> 00:14:12,225 Make them an offer they can't refuse. 318 00:14:12,309 --> 00:14:14,769 No, on second thought, lowball them. 319 00:14:15,563 --> 00:14:17,313 Don't call me till you have it. 320 00:14:17,398 --> 00:14:18,439 But... 321 00:14:20,442 --> 00:14:22,026 MlCHAEL: Are we going someplace far away? 322 00:14:22,111 --> 00:14:24,279 l know you said no questions, 323 00:14:27,116 --> 00:14:29,617 but l have an early dinner that l need to get to. 324 00:14:31,287 --> 00:14:32,787 With the chief of police. 325 00:14:33,330 --> 00:14:35,707 l'm very relieved to learn it wasn't you. 326 00:14:36,792 --> 00:14:39,085 All right. Stan, you're up. 327 00:14:39,336 --> 00:14:40,628 lt wasn't me. 328 00:14:41,422 --> 00:14:43,715 What a rich timbre your voice has. 329 00:14:44,300 --> 00:14:47,343 Okay, l am prepared to conclude the investigation. 330 00:14:48,596 --> 00:14:50,471 ANDY: And? You did it. 331 00:14:51,181 --> 00:14:53,725 What? Based on what? 332 00:14:54,143 --> 00:14:57,729 Just all the evidence. And it really seems like it was you. 333 00:14:58,439 --> 00:15:00,356 Can we all agree to say that it was Andy for now 334 00:15:00,441 --> 00:15:02,442 and sit with it, see how it feels? 335 00:15:02,568 --> 00:15:03,943 All right, sounds good. Okay. 336 00:15:04,028 --> 00:15:05,778 Guys, l think that seems a little unfair. 337 00:15:05,863 --> 00:15:08,072 l mean, l feel like we don't definitely know it was Andy. 338 00:15:08,157 --> 00:15:12,744 Yeah, you know? l mean, for all we know, it could have been Jim. 339 00:15:13,621 --> 00:15:14,621 Really? 340 00:15:14,705 --> 00:15:16,289 Michael. l have rights. 341 00:15:16,832 --> 00:15:17,916 Let's just talk. 342 00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:19,709 l am not going to tell you anything. 343 00:15:20,169 --> 00:15:23,004 Honey, you don't seem like your normal self. 344 00:15:24,381 --> 00:15:26,299 Well, l'm going through a little bit of a rough patch. 345 00:15:26,383 --> 00:15:28,384 Mama Jo knew there was something up. 346 00:15:28,469 --> 00:15:30,345 The whole year, actually. 347 00:15:31,263 --> 00:15:33,139 My favorite restaurant closed down. Oh. 348 00:15:33,557 --> 00:15:34,766 l hate that. 349 00:15:34,850 --> 00:15:37,435 And my new favorite restaurant sucks. 350 00:15:40,272 --> 00:15:42,231 l bought a video camera last year 351 00:15:42,316 --> 00:15:44,025 and l was looking at the tapes, 352 00:15:44,360 --> 00:15:48,196 and there were only, like, 1 2 minutes that l felt was worth taping. 353 00:15:48,280 --> 00:15:49,822 The whole year. 354 00:15:50,366 --> 00:15:52,784 And most of that was just birds in my condo complex. 355 00:15:53,243 --> 00:15:54,452 What is that? 356 00:15:57,289 --> 00:15:58,706 And l miss Holly. 357 00:15:59,333 --> 00:16:00,750 Who's Holly? 358 00:16:00,918 --> 00:16:03,670 Holly Flax. From the Nashua branch. 359 00:16:04,296 --> 00:16:06,839 Best HR rep that Dunder Mifflin has ever seen. 360 00:16:09,885 --> 00:16:12,303 lt has not been a blockbuster year for me financially. 361 00:16:12,721 --> 00:16:14,639 My Blockbuster stock is down. 362 00:16:15,391 --> 00:16:17,850 l think that the real question is, 363 00:16:18,727 --> 00:16:20,561 "Who is the whistleblower?" 364 00:16:21,230 --> 00:16:22,230 Just. . . 365 00:16:22,564 --> 00:16:25,108 l may have heard from an old client and l may have immediately 366 00:16:25,192 --> 00:16:28,653 started spreading the news to other clients and potential clients, yeah. 367 00:16:29,571 --> 00:16:30,905 But l'm not here to talk about that. 368 00:16:30,990 --> 00:16:34,409 l'm here to talk about Suck lt. Suck lt. . . 369 00:16:34,493 --> 00:16:37,662 Gabe, l told you all about the printers. 370 00:16:37,746 --> 00:16:38,913 JlM: l mean, it could be you, Gabe. 371 00:16:39,289 --> 00:16:40,748 Yes, it's totally obvious. l mean, that's the point. 372 00:16:40,874 --> 00:16:44,210 l think we all can agree it's either Gabe or Angela. 373 00:16:44,795 --> 00:16:46,421 lt's Angela. Get her, boys. 374 00:16:47,006 --> 00:16:49,132 Hey, guys. Sorry to interrupt. 375 00:16:49,216 --> 00:16:50,800 l just wanted to say goodbye to everyone. 376 00:16:50,884 --> 00:16:52,093 Through Teach For America, 377 00:16:52,177 --> 00:16:53,177 l'm going to go down to Detroit 378 00:16:53,262 --> 00:16:55,179 and teach inner-city kids about computers. 379 00:16:55,806 --> 00:16:57,181 Not now. NlCK: Yeah, it's just that my friends 380 00:16:57,266 --> 00:16:59,308 are in the car waiting, so l thought l'd. . . 381 00:16:59,518 --> 00:17:01,769 (WHlSPERlNG) Phyllis, what's this guy's name again? 382 00:17:01,895 --> 00:17:05,189 l don't know. ls it Shadow or Garth? lt's something weird, l. . . 383 00:17:05,357 --> 00:17:06,441 My name is Nick. 384 00:17:06,525 --> 00:17:09,360 Okay, well, "Nick," we're in a meeting. 385 00:17:09,737 --> 00:17:13,740 Okay, look, l get it, people. l'm the lame lT guy and everybody hates me. 386 00:17:14,116 --> 00:17:15,783 Hey, listen, man, you can't take it personally. 387 00:17:16,118 --> 00:17:18,119 You call me "man"? l just said my name, 388 00:17:18,203 --> 00:17:19,829 just now. Did you forget it already? 389 00:17:19,913 --> 00:17:20,913 No, 390 00:17:22,082 --> 00:17:23,124 sport. 391 00:17:23,834 --> 00:17:26,419 You guys have 1 5 parties a week. You can't learn my name? 392 00:17:26,503 --> 00:17:28,921 Hey, hey, hey, lT guy. 393 00:17:29,006 --> 00:17:30,256 Here's the story, champ. 394 00:17:30,340 --> 00:17:32,216 None of us have spent a lot of time getting to know you, okay? 395 00:17:32,301 --> 00:17:35,845 We liked the last guy, Sadiq, because he kept to himself. 396 00:17:35,929 --> 00:17:37,513 And we also thought he might have been a terrorist. 397 00:17:37,765 --> 00:17:39,766 You know what? l'm going to leave you with one other thought. 398 00:17:39,850 --> 00:17:43,394 lnner-city kids use computers for two things, games and porn. 399 00:17:43,479 --> 00:17:46,230 So, good luck wasting your life, Lurch. 400 00:17:46,315 --> 00:17:47,774 Thank you so much for that. 401 00:17:47,858 --> 00:17:49,859 l saw all of your hard drives. And guess what? 402 00:17:50,486 --> 00:17:53,404 You're not a photographer. And you definitely can't fit into a size two. 403 00:17:53,489 --> 00:17:55,073 Darryl, man, you're on Facebook. 404 00:17:55,157 --> 00:17:56,866 Why have you been telling people you're not on Facebook? 405 00:17:57,117 --> 00:17:58,785 People want to be your friend, man. KELLY: Hey. 406 00:17:59,161 --> 00:18:01,496 All right? And you. . . This guy. 407 00:18:01,663 --> 00:18:02,747 You're the one who told the press. 408 00:18:02,831 --> 00:18:04,165 You wrote an e-mail to the editor. 409 00:18:04,249 --> 00:18:06,250 l saw it and l also saw a Quicktime movie 410 00:18:06,335 --> 00:18:08,711 of your little printer fire test on your hard drive. 411 00:18:08,796 --> 00:18:12,006 This guy's the snitch, he's the snitch. So, that's it. Check it out. 412 00:18:14,760 --> 00:18:16,677 We're going to believe that guy? 413 00:18:17,638 --> 00:18:19,263 When l was growing up, 414 00:18:19,348 --> 00:18:23,017 there was nothing better than being a big old business tycoon. 415 00:18:23,852 --> 00:18:25,978 And l thought l'd break that glass ceiling 416 00:18:26,063 --> 00:18:29,273 and be a hero to all those little girls out there. 417 00:18:30,192 --> 00:18:32,276 And they'd make a Barbie out of me. 418 00:18:32,361 --> 00:18:33,486 (CHUCKLES CASUALLY) 419 00:18:34,822 --> 00:18:37,115 l hate that l sell cheap printers. 420 00:18:38,242 --> 00:18:39,367 l do. 421 00:18:40,619 --> 00:18:42,620 But if l have to go out there in front of the press 422 00:18:42,704 --> 00:18:45,915 and make one of them public apology recalls, 423 00:18:45,999 --> 00:18:50,503 l mean, that's all l'll ever be remembered for. 424 00:18:51,088 --> 00:18:53,214 Nobody will want to play with my Barbie. 425 00:18:54,591 --> 00:18:55,591 (CLlCKS TONGUE) 426 00:18:55,968 --> 00:18:57,969 Well, you know, l would be willing, 427 00:18:58,053 --> 00:18:59,637 under the right circumstances, 428 00:18:59,721 --> 00:19:01,264 to do that for you. 429 00:19:01,390 --> 00:19:04,642 Oh, honey, surely you don't want that. 430 00:19:05,519 --> 00:19:06,853 (CLlCKS TONGUE) 431 00:19:06,937 --> 00:19:09,647 l surely do, and don't call me honey. 432 00:19:11,400 --> 00:19:12,942 (BOTH LAUGHlNG) 433 00:19:16,029 --> 00:19:17,321 Airplane II. 434 00:19:17,573 --> 00:19:19,657 l'm about to buy this building, you know? 435 00:19:21,243 --> 00:19:22,785 You don't say. 436 00:19:23,162 --> 00:19:26,330 l own a one-eighth share in a rental property down in Pittston. 437 00:19:26,582 --> 00:19:29,125 Well, l'm one-eighths proud of you. 438 00:19:31,128 --> 00:19:32,753 Enjoy that chair for now. 439 00:19:34,006 --> 00:19:37,216 'Cause pretty soon you will be on your feet. 440 00:19:37,718 --> 00:19:39,343 Like Buckingham Palace. 441 00:19:44,558 --> 00:19:46,434 Hey, Phyllis, have you seen my bag? 442 00:19:48,478 --> 00:19:49,770 You deserve it. 443 00:19:50,647 --> 00:19:53,357 ANDY: Look, l didn't want houses and schooIs 444 00:19:53,442 --> 00:19:55,818 to burn down and chiIdren to die. 445 00:19:57,613 --> 00:19:58,946 Does that make me a hero? 446 00:19:59,031 --> 00:20:00,907 KEVlN: No, it does not. 447 00:20:03,327 --> 00:20:05,995 Well, it doesn't make me the worst guy in the world, either. 448 00:20:06,079 --> 00:20:07,288 ANGELA: lt does! 449 00:20:09,791 --> 00:20:11,667 Andy? Hey. 450 00:20:12,127 --> 00:20:16,923 l wanted to say that l think it was very brave of you to go to the press. 451 00:20:24,431 --> 00:20:25,723 Thanks. 452 00:20:26,516 --> 00:20:28,309 Yeah, you know. 453 00:20:29,561 --> 00:20:31,562 Just seemed like the right thing to do. 454 00:20:31,647 --> 00:20:32,647 Yeah. 455 00:20:38,362 --> 00:20:40,029 "We at Sabre have betrayed the trust 456 00:20:40,113 --> 00:20:42,240 "that we have built with our customers. 457 00:20:42,324 --> 00:20:46,410 "We regret our slow response and our lapse in candor and judgment. 458 00:20:46,995 --> 00:20:51,958 "At this time, we are issuing a full recall of all Sabre GH400 printers. 459 00:20:52,668 --> 00:20:55,127 "We will not rest until this problem is solved. 460 00:20:55,254 --> 00:20:58,547 "There will be no questions." Are there any questions? 461 00:21:04,179 --> 00:21:07,431 Hey, l appreciate you reading that statement. You looked pretty up there. 462 00:21:07,516 --> 00:21:08,724 That was fun. 463 00:21:08,809 --> 00:21:10,601 l hope your rough patch ends soon. 464 00:21:10,686 --> 00:21:12,019 Thanks. Today helped. 465 00:21:12,521 --> 00:21:15,189 Well, give a shout if l can brighten your life. 466 00:21:15,440 --> 00:21:18,526 Okay. Hey, you could transfer Holly back from Nashua. 467 00:21:21,196 --> 00:21:22,488 Let me see what l can do.