1 00:00:07,257 --> 00:00:08,883 Are you swallowing them whole? 2 00:00:08,967 --> 00:00:11,844 You're eating them so fast, are they even touching your tongue? 3 00:00:11,929 --> 00:00:12,929 Yes. 4 00:00:13,013 --> 00:00:14,055 Why aren't you having any, Angela? 5 00:00:14,139 --> 00:00:18,351 Oh, I ate so many already when no one was looking. 6 00:00:18,435 --> 00:00:20,353 Yeah, right. 7 00:00:21,105 --> 00:00:22,814 My baby's dieting. 8 00:00:22,981 --> 00:00:26,109 She wants to fit into a special child-size wedding gown for our big day. 9 00:00:26,193 --> 00:00:27,485 Why do those exist? 10 00:00:27,569 --> 00:00:29,028 It's from my pageant days. 11 00:00:29,113 --> 00:00:32,073 I was Miss Tiny Mid-Atlantic Bride when I was 10. 12 00:00:32,157 --> 00:00:33,324 Probably heard of it. 13 00:00:33,450 --> 00:00:35,284 Brownies, is it? 14 00:00:35,619 --> 00:00:37,286 Pastry cubes made of sugar and fat? 15 00:00:37,371 --> 00:00:38,913 No, thank you. I'll stick with my jerky. 16 00:00:38,997 --> 00:00:40,206 So why'd you come in here? 17 00:00:40,290 --> 00:00:41,791 To socialize. And inform. 18 00:00:42,334 --> 00:00:45,211 Brownies! I'm taking two, 19 00:00:45,295 --> 00:00:49,257 so I can parcel them up and eat them at my leisure later on. 20 00:00:49,341 --> 00:00:50,466 Much healthier. 21 00:00:50,551 --> 00:00:51,759 You taking two? 22 00:00:51,844 --> 00:00:54,470 Yeah, but one of them is for Toby. 23 00:00:54,555 --> 00:00:57,557 Yeah. Why don't you send that to him in Costa Rica? 24 00:00:57,641 --> 00:01:00,184 I'm just gonna hand it to him right now. 25 00:01:00,269 --> 00:01:01,894 Okay, weirdo. 26 00:01:01,979 --> 00:01:03,354 Why's that? Why's that weird? 27 00:01:03,439 --> 00:01:06,274 She said she was going to give it to him right now. 28 00:01:06,358 --> 00:01:08,901 She's probably going to because they sit next to each other. 29 00:01:08,986 --> 00:01:10,695 Yeah, they used to. 30 00:01:11,572 --> 00:01:12,739 Toby works here again. 31 00:01:12,823 --> 00:01:14,407 Oh, can you imagine? 32 00:01:14,491 --> 00:01:17,243 Oh, no. You don't know. 33 00:01:17,327 --> 00:01:18,911 I don't know. What? 34 00:01:18,996 --> 00:01:21,497 You should probably just meander back there, 35 00:01:21,623 --> 00:01:23,958 take a look, see if he's back. 36 00:01:24,042 --> 00:01:25,251 Dare I? 37 00:01:26,420 --> 00:01:29,464 You know what? I'm going to, for old time's sake. 38 00:01:39,349 --> 00:01:42,018 Great practical joke, Jim. Got me to go to the annex. 39 00:01:45,898 --> 00:01:47,023 Hi, Michael. 40 00:01:47,107 --> 00:01:48,232 No! God! 41 00:01:49,193 --> 00:01:53,321 No, God, please, no! No! No! 42 00:01:54,239 --> 00:01:55,281 No! 43 00:02:27,439 --> 00:02:30,399 I blame the two of you. This is your fault. 44 00:02:30,776 --> 00:02:32,777 Michael, Dwight and I were talking about this, 45 00:02:32,861 --> 00:02:36,197 and we both don't understand how you didn't realize Toby was back. 46 00:02:36,281 --> 00:02:37,490 I'm concerned you may have brain damage. 47 00:02:37,574 --> 00:02:41,661 You cannot expect me to keep track of all of my personnel. 48 00:02:41,745 --> 00:02:45,665 There are a lot of people here and a lot of different shapes and sizes. 49 00:02:45,749 --> 00:02:50,378 And there is nothing that is even vaguely interesting about the way that he looks. 50 00:02:50,462 --> 00:02:51,921 So, I'm off the hook. 51 00:02:52,005 --> 00:02:54,298 Maybe you cleaned your ears too vigorously with Q-tips. 52 00:02:54,383 --> 00:02:56,092 I know where this is going. You hurt the temporal lobe... 53 00:02:56,176 --> 00:02:57,844 I'm not going to stop putting Q-tips in my ears. 54 00:02:57,928 --> 00:03:00,221 I don't care how much it hurts! 55 00:03:01,849 --> 00:03:03,599 Maybe I just block Toby from my mind. 56 00:03:03,684 --> 00:03:05,893 Oh, interesting. Continue. 57 00:03:06,937 --> 00:03:09,105 Like someone who's molested. 58 00:03:09,898 --> 00:03:13,192 Doesn't remember it for years. Toxic Shock Syndrome. 59 00:03:13,277 --> 00:03:14,861 Maybe it's Stockholm Syndrome. 60 00:03:14,945 --> 00:03:16,821 Maybe it's China syndrome. 61 00:03:16,905 --> 00:03:18,948 Could be any one of them. It's a messed up world. 62 00:03:19,032 --> 00:03:21,033 It is a messed up world. 63 00:03:21,952 --> 00:03:23,953 But it's our messed up world. 64 00:03:32,588 --> 00:03:35,965 Oh, come on! Do you see this? 65 00:03:38,135 --> 00:03:39,468 Disgusting. 66 00:03:43,265 --> 00:03:44,473 Look at him. 67 00:03:45,642 --> 00:03:47,435 With his stupid face. 68 00:03:48,645 --> 00:03:51,230 Stupid tan. 69 00:03:52,566 --> 00:03:54,609 Yeah. He looks great. Well-rested. 70 00:03:54,693 --> 00:03:55,860 No. He looks worse. 71 00:04:04,620 --> 00:04:05,620 Yeah. 72 00:04:05,704 --> 00:04:06,829 David Wallace is on the line for you. 73 00:04:06,914 --> 00:04:09,624 Thank God. David, hello. We need your help. 74 00:04:09,708 --> 00:04:11,250 Michael, is everyone okay? 75 00:04:11,335 --> 00:04:13,336 Oh, well, I'm afraid not. 76 00:04:13,420 --> 00:04:18,007 Toby Flenderson of HR has made a sudden reappearance. 77 00:04:18,091 --> 00:04:20,718 I don't understand. Is anyone hurt? 78 00:04:20,802 --> 00:04:24,847 Not on the surface, no. But I can tell people are disturbed, David. 79 00:04:24,932 --> 00:04:28,768 Michael, you texted me, "911, call me." 80 00:04:28,852 --> 00:04:30,645 Yes. All in caps. 81 00:04:30,729 --> 00:04:32,730 Do you know what "911 " means? 82 00:04:32,814 --> 00:04:35,191 I learned a while back that if I don't text "911," 83 00:04:35,275 --> 00:04:37,777 people will not return my calls. 84 00:04:37,861 --> 00:04:39,946 But now people always return my calls, 85 00:04:40,030 --> 00:04:44,241 because they think that something horrible has happened. 86 00:04:44,576 --> 00:04:47,453 Toby was hired back because he knows the branch, 87 00:04:47,537 --> 00:04:51,207 he was available, and I like him. Okay? And that's that. 88 00:04:51,291 --> 00:04:54,293 With all due respect, David, this hardly seems like a dialog. 89 00:04:54,378 --> 00:04:56,170 That's because it isn't, Michael. 90 00:04:57,047 --> 00:05:00,299 Now, what I'm curious about is how you were able to go an entire week 91 00:05:00,384 --> 00:05:02,426 without knowing a member of your staff was there. 92 00:05:02,511 --> 00:05:05,346 I did not want to go back to the annex 93 00:05:05,430 --> 00:05:08,140 because that is where Holly worked, whom I loved. 94 00:05:08,225 --> 00:05:09,392 Also, it's icky back there. 95 00:05:09,476 --> 00:05:11,727 That's true. People say it's icky. 96 00:05:13,271 --> 00:05:15,481 Okay. I have to go. 97 00:05:15,565 --> 00:05:17,066 David, wait. No. 98 00:05:17,150 --> 00:05:19,485 Is there no way we can get rid of him? 99 00:05:19,569 --> 00:05:21,028 Not without cause, Michael. 100 00:05:21,113 --> 00:05:22,530 I have cause. 101 00:05:22,614 --> 00:05:24,615 It is because I hate him. 102 00:05:25,617 --> 00:05:27,493 You have to get along with Toby. 103 00:05:27,577 --> 00:05:28,744 No. Yep. 104 00:05:28,829 --> 00:05:29,829 I don't. 105 00:05:29,913 --> 00:05:30,955 Goodbye, Michael. 106 00:05:34,918 --> 00:05:35,960 Don't do that. 107 00:05:36,211 --> 00:05:40,297 So, Tunes, you still going to buy your old man's place? 108 00:05:40,465 --> 00:05:42,550 Yeah, I am. Wait. How do you know that? 109 00:05:42,634 --> 00:05:44,343 I didn't tell you that. 110 00:05:44,428 --> 00:05:45,845 No, I was just walking by your desk. 111 00:05:45,929 --> 00:05:47,388 I saw some e-mails. 112 00:05:47,472 --> 00:05:49,515 I got peepers of an eagle. 113 00:05:49,599 --> 00:05:50,599 That's really not cool. 114 00:05:50,684 --> 00:05:51,684 So, Jim, 115 00:05:51,768 --> 00:05:53,310 you're going to live in the same house 116 00:05:53,395 --> 00:05:55,646 that you used to pee the bed in? 117 00:05:55,731 --> 00:05:58,065 Yeah. I guess, technically, Kev, you're right. 118 00:05:58,150 --> 00:06:00,359 Today's a big day. Today's the day 119 00:06:00,444 --> 00:06:03,612 that I show Pam the house that I bought for us. 120 00:06:03,697 --> 00:06:04,780 Without telling her. 121 00:06:04,865 --> 00:06:07,700 But it's my parents' house, the house I grew up in. 122 00:06:07,784 --> 00:06:10,161 And, yeah, I bought it kind of impulsively. 123 00:06:10,245 --> 00:06:13,956 I mean, the price was good, and I was helping out my mom. 124 00:06:14,041 --> 00:06:16,042 It's got shag carpets. 125 00:06:16,126 --> 00:06:18,377 I mean, you can't blame my parents. It was the '70s. 126 00:06:18,462 --> 00:06:21,589 And why would you want to buy ugly wood from trees 127 00:06:21,673 --> 00:06:25,384 when you can have paneling and a painting of some creepy clowns 128 00:06:25,469 --> 00:06:28,846 that is apparently crucial to the structural integrity of the building? 129 00:06:29,473 --> 00:06:31,223 She's gonna love it. 130 00:06:32,309 --> 00:06:33,309 Right? 131 00:06:33,727 --> 00:06:34,769 Could you guys all do me a favor 132 00:06:34,853 --> 00:06:36,729 and just not talk about this until I tell Pam? 133 00:06:36,813 --> 00:06:37,897 That'd be great. 134 00:06:37,981 --> 00:06:40,566 You haven't told the missus about the castle? 135 00:06:40,650 --> 00:06:42,276 You're in for a spanking, my friend. 136 00:06:42,360 --> 00:06:44,904 Myself and my lady, no secrets. 137 00:06:44,988 --> 00:06:46,697 Jim, don't listen to Andy. 138 00:06:46,782 --> 00:06:48,407 I think it's so romantic. 139 00:06:48,492 --> 00:06:49,617 Oh, thanks, Phyllis. 140 00:06:49,701 --> 00:06:52,078 Bob bought our house without consulting me and I loved it. 141 00:06:52,162 --> 00:06:53,829 Yeah? You didn't mind not choosing? 142 00:06:53,914 --> 00:06:54,914 Oh, no. Not at all. 143 00:06:54,998 --> 00:06:58,250 But Bob's so extravagant, I knew it would be spectacular. 144 00:06:58,335 --> 00:07:01,170 There's a maze in the back like The Shining. 145 00:07:01,463 --> 00:07:02,797 Where's your place? 146 00:07:02,881 --> 00:07:05,674 It's on Linden Ave., by the quarry. 147 00:07:06,301 --> 00:07:09,095 Cool beans, man. I live by the quarry. 148 00:07:09,179 --> 00:07:12,973 We should hang out by the quarry and throw things down there. 149 00:07:13,809 --> 00:07:15,059 Definitely, we should. 150 00:07:15,268 --> 00:07:17,812 "To whoever made the microwave mess. 151 00:07:17,896 --> 00:07:19,897 "The microwave is a shared kitchen appliance. 152 00:07:19,981 --> 00:07:22,441 "By not cleaning it up, you are basically telling whoever follows 153 00:07:22,526 --> 00:07:24,026 "that their time is less valuable, 154 00:07:24,111 --> 00:07:27,154 "as they will have to scrub out your disgusting splatter. 155 00:07:27,239 --> 00:07:29,949 "Sincerely, Disappointed." 156 00:07:30,033 --> 00:07:32,118 That is just obnoxious. 157 00:07:32,202 --> 00:07:33,869 No kidding. Yeah. 158 00:07:35,831 --> 00:07:37,748 Wait, what? The mess or the note? 159 00:07:37,833 --> 00:07:39,917 The note. So "holier than thou." 160 00:07:41,545 --> 00:07:42,711 I liked it. 161 00:07:42,796 --> 00:07:44,130 Don't you think the person who left the mess 162 00:07:44,214 --> 00:07:45,297 is the obnoxious one? 163 00:07:45,382 --> 00:07:46,882 No. 164 00:07:46,967 --> 00:07:49,510 The note is way more obnoxious than the mess. 165 00:07:49,594 --> 00:07:54,098 "Sincerely, Disappointed." Get off your high horse, richie. 166 00:07:54,182 --> 00:07:56,976 Just because someone likes things clean doesn't mean they're rich. 167 00:07:57,060 --> 00:07:59,061 Nah. They're rich. 168 00:08:00,438 --> 00:08:02,648 Yeah, I wrote the note. Not ashamed of it. 169 00:08:02,732 --> 00:08:05,734 I'm not proud of it. It is what it is. 170 00:08:05,819 --> 00:08:08,737 Everyone keeps asking me if I wrote the note on the microwave. 171 00:08:08,822 --> 00:08:12,074 It was rude and condescending and a little snotty. 172 00:08:13,326 --> 00:08:15,327 I wish I had written it. 173 00:08:27,924 --> 00:08:29,258 The nerve! 174 00:08:32,470 --> 00:08:35,181 You want to see some real high-caliber acting? 175 00:08:35,265 --> 00:08:38,058 Well, Mr. Kurt Russell, you are about to be served. 176 00:08:40,854 --> 00:08:42,855 Hey, Toby. 177 00:08:42,939 --> 00:08:46,192 Great to have you back, man. Seriously. Just... 178 00:08:46,276 --> 00:08:49,320 Just a real pleasure to see you again. 179 00:08:49,404 --> 00:08:50,362 Thanks, Michael. 180 00:08:50,447 --> 00:08:51,655 You're welcome. Missed you. 181 00:08:51,740 --> 00:08:54,033 Missed you as part of our family. 182 00:08:54,117 --> 00:08:57,328 Well, that's sweet. I missed you guys, too. 183 00:09:00,248 --> 00:09:02,583 So Costa Rica, that was... 184 00:09:03,418 --> 00:09:05,586 Did you have fun? That must have been fun. 185 00:09:05,670 --> 00:09:10,216 Well, it was amazing, really was. Thanks for asking. 186 00:09:10,300 --> 00:09:11,717 Beaches were pristine. 187 00:09:11,801 --> 00:09:12,885 Nice beaches, pristine beaches? 188 00:09:12,969 --> 00:09:14,261 Yeah. 189 00:09:14,346 --> 00:09:16,639 The whole thing was incredibly cathartic. 190 00:09:16,723 --> 00:09:18,891 Why'd you come back? Why didn't you stay? 191 00:09:18,975 --> 00:09:21,018 Well, it's actually kind of hard to meet people, I found. 192 00:09:21,102 --> 00:09:22,728 I bet. For you. 193 00:09:22,812 --> 00:09:25,314 And, yeah... Plus, it was hot. 194 00:09:26,316 --> 00:09:28,609 Hot. Why didn't you get an air... 195 00:09:28,693 --> 00:09:30,945 Should've gotten an air conditioner for yourself. 196 00:09:31,029 --> 00:09:32,112 Are you all right, Michael? 197 00:09:32,197 --> 00:09:34,531 Yeah, I am. I am. 198 00:09:34,616 --> 00:09:36,700 I tried. I tried. 199 00:09:37,535 --> 00:09:40,913 I tried to talk to Toby and be his friend, 200 00:09:40,997 --> 00:09:45,584 but that is like trying to be friends with an evil snail. 201 00:09:47,087 --> 00:09:49,338 I feel like I'm dying inside. 202 00:09:51,216 --> 00:09:53,884 I feel like Neve Campbell in Scream 2. 203 00:09:53,969 --> 00:09:56,720 She thinks she can go off to college and be happy. 204 00:09:56,805 --> 00:09:59,807 And then, the murderer comes back 205 00:09:59,891 --> 00:10:02,184 and starts killing off all of her friends. 206 00:10:04,562 --> 00:10:07,064 Learned a lot of lessons from that movie. 207 00:10:07,148 --> 00:10:08,607 This is just one of them. 208 00:10:10,527 --> 00:10:12,361 Okay, just summarize. 209 00:10:12,445 --> 00:10:14,280 Okay, fireable offenses include 210 00:10:14,364 --> 00:10:16,448 workplace violence and sexual harassment. 211 00:10:16,533 --> 00:10:18,575 That's it. That's it, perfect. 212 00:10:18,660 --> 00:10:20,369 We will get him to hit on somebody, 213 00:10:20,453 --> 00:10:22,037 and then we'll catch him in the act. 214 00:10:22,122 --> 00:10:24,123 I love catching people in the act. 215 00:10:24,207 --> 00:10:25,457 That's why I always whip open doors. 216 00:10:25,542 --> 00:10:26,583 Me, too. 217 00:10:26,668 --> 00:10:27,960 Okay, let's get this started. 218 00:10:28,044 --> 00:10:29,211 Okay. 219 00:10:31,047 --> 00:10:32,214 What are you doing? 220 00:10:32,299 --> 00:10:33,549 I am the bait. 221 00:10:33,633 --> 00:10:34,633 For what? 222 00:10:34,718 --> 00:10:36,593 Men find me desirable. No, no, no. 223 00:10:36,678 --> 00:10:38,637 It's a good day, too. I'm wearing my mustard shirt. 224 00:10:38,722 --> 00:10:39,972 You're the bait for Toby? 225 00:10:40,056 --> 00:10:43,225 No. For one thing, he's not gay. 226 00:10:43,310 --> 00:10:45,144 And if somebody were to be bait, 227 00:10:45,228 --> 00:10:48,397 it would be Jim or Ryan or me. 228 00:10:48,982 --> 00:10:50,107 Men find me desirable. 229 00:10:50,191 --> 00:10:51,233 Yes. 230 00:10:51,985 --> 00:10:53,402 Sure they do, Dwight. 231 00:10:53,486 --> 00:10:55,904 When it comes down to it, it's a health issue. 232 00:10:56,031 --> 00:10:57,323 I should've written that. 233 00:10:57,407 --> 00:10:58,824 Yeah. 234 00:11:01,036 --> 00:11:02,870 Why aren't you as mad or interested in this as me? 235 00:11:02,954 --> 00:11:06,665 Oh, totally. Sorry, are we talking about the microwave still? 236 00:11:06,750 --> 00:11:08,167 Are you inching away from me? 237 00:11:08,251 --> 00:11:09,335 No. 238 00:11:09,419 --> 00:11:11,170 Reach your arms out. 239 00:11:13,173 --> 00:11:14,173 I'm always this close. 240 00:11:14,257 --> 00:11:17,509 Pamtown ladies sing this song doo-dah doo-dah 241 00:11:17,594 --> 00:11:18,761 Hello, Pam. 242 00:11:18,845 --> 00:11:20,554 Jim, may I have a moment with Pam, please? 243 00:11:21,765 --> 00:11:24,266 Yes. I just have to take this call anyway, so... 244 00:11:24,351 --> 00:11:28,020 His mistress! No, I'm kidding. 245 00:11:28,104 --> 00:11:29,646 No one would ever cheat on you. 246 00:11:29,731 --> 00:11:31,190 You are the complete package, Pam. 247 00:11:31,274 --> 00:11:32,316 What do you need, Michael? 248 00:11:32,400 --> 00:11:35,277 Okay, what I would like you to do is take this folded note 249 00:11:35,362 --> 00:11:39,031 and deliver it to Toby Flenderson. 250 00:11:39,115 --> 00:11:42,618 I want you to just react to whatever this note elicits. 251 00:11:42,702 --> 00:11:44,370 Do not read it beforehand. 252 00:11:44,454 --> 00:11:45,537 Can you do that for me? 253 00:11:45,622 --> 00:11:46,997 Sure. Good. 254 00:11:47,957 --> 00:11:49,291 No, no, no, no, don't... 255 00:11:49,376 --> 00:11:51,794 "Please hug and kiss me, no matter how hard I struggle. 256 00:11:51,878 --> 00:11:53,504 "I am too shy to tell you that I love you." 257 00:11:53,588 --> 00:11:56,131 Damn it, Pam. You gave me your word. 258 00:12:02,097 --> 00:12:03,263 You have a good day? 259 00:12:05,475 --> 00:12:08,310 Hey. Hey, guys, that's really inappropriate. 260 00:12:11,731 --> 00:12:13,065 What's up? 261 00:12:13,149 --> 00:12:15,401 I got some photos from Costa Rica 262 00:12:15,485 --> 00:12:17,111 if you want to see them. 263 00:12:17,195 --> 00:12:18,946 Yeah, yeah, I'll see them. Cool. 264 00:12:19,030 --> 00:12:21,407 Toby, can I see those? 265 00:12:21,491 --> 00:12:23,909 What's the matter? What's the matter? You scared? 266 00:12:23,993 --> 00:12:24,993 Okay, those are fighting words. 267 00:12:25,078 --> 00:12:26,078 You mad? You mad at me? 268 00:12:26,162 --> 00:12:27,663 I hope he doesn't haul off and just hit you. 269 00:12:27,747 --> 00:12:29,289 Do you want to do that? Do you want to hit me? 270 00:12:29,374 --> 00:12:31,250 You want to punch me? 271 00:12:31,334 --> 00:12:33,210 He might do it. I dare you to. Punch him, Toby. 272 00:12:33,294 --> 00:12:34,503 Come on. Come on... 273 00:12:34,587 --> 00:12:35,587 What's the matter? 274 00:12:35,672 --> 00:12:37,214 Hit him. Hit him, chicken! 275 00:12:37,340 --> 00:12:38,674 Yeah, punch him. Hey, hey. 276 00:12:38,758 --> 00:12:40,259 Come on, Ryan. Whose side are you on? 277 00:12:40,343 --> 00:12:41,427 Ryan, come on, man. 278 00:12:41,511 --> 00:12:42,678 No, do it. Do it. I dare you. 279 00:12:42,762 --> 00:12:43,929 Punch him as hard as you possibly can 280 00:12:44,013 --> 00:12:45,264 in the face. I dare you, Flenderson. 281 00:12:45,348 --> 00:12:46,432 Not... Not as hard as you can. 282 00:12:46,516 --> 00:12:47,683 Just a good, solid punch. 283 00:12:47,767 --> 00:12:48,767 Come on, come on. 284 00:12:48,852 --> 00:12:51,270 I'm not going to punch you, Michael. 285 00:12:52,355 --> 00:12:53,981 Are you really not going to punch him? 286 00:12:54,065 --> 00:12:55,357 No, why would I punch you? 287 00:12:55,442 --> 00:12:56,984 Son of a bitch. 288 00:13:03,992 --> 00:13:07,619 Should have hit him, man. The guy was asking for it. 289 00:13:07,704 --> 00:13:09,663 Once in a lifetime, man. 290 00:13:12,125 --> 00:13:14,960 "Hey, whoever was bashing the first note, grow up. 291 00:13:15,044 --> 00:13:18,172 "The microwave is filthy and no one here is a maid." 292 00:13:18,256 --> 00:13:20,757 See? Someone around here is sane. 293 00:13:21,593 --> 00:13:25,220 "You are all a bunch of idiots and privileged ass-wipes who weren't raised right. 294 00:13:25,305 --> 00:13:28,432 "If I find you, I'm gonna knock your teeth out." 295 00:13:29,058 --> 00:13:31,643 Yikes. That's a little over the top. 296 00:13:31,895 --> 00:13:34,229 Their heart's in the right place. 297 00:13:41,988 --> 00:13:43,155 I thought you were going to parcel those out 298 00:13:43,239 --> 00:13:44,573 through the day. Would you stop it? 299 00:13:44,657 --> 00:13:47,534 You haven't done anything helpful all day. 300 00:13:51,080 --> 00:13:54,750 There's still one thing we can do to get Toby fired. 301 00:13:54,834 --> 00:13:56,251 What's that? 302 00:13:59,464 --> 00:14:01,590 Frame him for using drugs. 303 00:14:02,509 --> 00:14:03,634 Frame him? Yeah. 304 00:14:03,718 --> 00:14:07,387 It's illegal, but everything they do on The Shield is illegal. 305 00:14:07,472 --> 00:14:09,723 I've never framed a man before. Have you? 306 00:14:09,807 --> 00:14:11,475 No, I've framed animals before. 307 00:14:11,559 --> 00:14:14,186 I framed a raccoon for opening a Christmas present. 308 00:14:14,270 --> 00:14:17,523 And I framed a bear for eating out of the garbage. 309 00:14:17,607 --> 00:14:19,733 It just seems awfully mean. 310 00:14:20,985 --> 00:14:23,779 But sometimes, the ends justify the mean. 311 00:14:32,288 --> 00:14:33,956 Punch you, Michael. 312 00:14:42,799 --> 00:14:47,678 Hello. I've seen you guys around. 313 00:14:47,762 --> 00:14:49,137 I'm Michael Scott, Dunder Mifflin. 314 00:14:49,222 --> 00:14:50,889 How you doing? 315 00:14:54,811 --> 00:14:57,020 So I guess you know why I'm here. 316 00:14:57,105 --> 00:14:59,231 I need to purchase something. 317 00:14:59,315 --> 00:15:01,066 Like a fridge? No. 318 00:15:06,155 --> 00:15:07,656 I wanted... 319 00:15:07,740 --> 00:15:09,992 I wanted to buy some weed from someone. 320 00:15:10,076 --> 00:15:11,076 What? 321 00:15:11,160 --> 00:15:12,286 Grass, weed. 322 00:15:12,370 --> 00:15:15,080 What makes you think we'd have weed? 323 00:15:15,164 --> 00:15:18,166 I heard you were drug... I heard you dealt. 324 00:15:23,464 --> 00:15:25,841 Hey, just hold on one second. 325 00:15:28,720 --> 00:15:31,680 I'm not wearing a wire, so... 326 00:15:31,764 --> 00:15:33,557 Why would you even say that? 327 00:15:33,641 --> 00:15:35,642 Hey, it's going to be $500. 328 00:15:35,727 --> 00:15:37,311 How much? $500. 329 00:15:37,395 --> 00:15:39,605 It's a good price. It's a steal. 330 00:15:39,689 --> 00:15:40,897 How many pounds is that? 331 00:15:40,982 --> 00:15:42,566 It's two pounds. 332 00:15:42,650 --> 00:15:45,611 I'm losing money on this, man, just give me the money. 333 00:15:45,695 --> 00:15:46,653 Okay. 334 00:15:46,738 --> 00:15:48,488 All right. Walk away, walk away, walk away. 335 00:15:49,157 --> 00:15:51,867 Hey, Pam? I just wanted to let you know, 336 00:15:51,951 --> 00:15:55,454 I'm totally on your side with the whole microwave situation. 337 00:15:55,538 --> 00:15:57,164 Thank you. I was just back there 338 00:15:57,248 --> 00:15:59,666 to make some Cup-a-Soup, the thing is still a huge mess. 339 00:15:59,751 --> 00:16:00,792 I know. Can you believe it? 340 00:16:00,877 --> 00:16:02,794 Yeah, it's crazy. 341 00:16:02,879 --> 00:16:07,049 But I guess the thing is, at some point, notes or no notes, 342 00:16:07,133 --> 00:16:10,927 someone's going to have to just get in there and clean it up. 343 00:16:12,055 --> 00:16:14,765 I guess that's why we have a temp, huh? 344 00:16:16,225 --> 00:16:18,644 Oh, no, trust me, I would just make it worse. 345 00:16:18,728 --> 00:16:20,479 How would wiping it with a paper towel make it worse? 346 00:16:20,563 --> 00:16:22,564 I would find a way. 347 00:16:22,649 --> 00:16:24,149 You've seen things clean before though, right? 348 00:16:24,233 --> 00:16:27,569 I... Pam, I am hopeless at that stuff. 349 00:16:32,325 --> 00:16:33,325 Hi, Michael. 350 00:16:33,409 --> 00:16:34,785 Hey, hey, hey, hey. 351 00:16:34,869 --> 00:16:36,745 I forgot... I forgot... 352 00:16:41,334 --> 00:16:42,501 Yes. I repeat, 353 00:16:42,585 --> 00:16:45,045 a drug dealer is on the premises of Dunder Mifflin. 354 00:16:45,129 --> 00:16:47,422 His name is Toby Flenderson. 355 00:16:47,548 --> 00:16:52,052 And he recently returned from a mysterious vacation in Central America. 356 00:16:52,136 --> 00:16:55,097 I have risked a great deal to tell you this information. 357 00:16:55,181 --> 00:16:58,517 My name is Andy Bernard. Andrew Bernard, that's my name. 358 00:16:58,601 --> 00:17:00,060 See you soon. 359 00:17:03,773 --> 00:17:05,065 Pervert! 360 00:17:06,275 --> 00:17:07,526 Angela, I didn't do that. 361 00:17:07,610 --> 00:17:09,736 So is this what they taught you at your fancy art school? 362 00:17:09,821 --> 00:17:11,697 Why would I draw a penis on my own note? 363 00:17:11,781 --> 00:17:15,200 Why do you wear bright colors? For attention, Pam. 364 00:17:15,284 --> 00:17:18,620 Everyone, I have an announcement to make. 365 00:17:20,373 --> 00:17:23,959 I'm the person who put the first note on the microwave. 366 00:17:24,293 --> 00:17:26,586 But I did it because it needed to be said. 367 00:17:26,671 --> 00:17:28,880 Why did you hide behind anonymity? 368 00:17:28,965 --> 00:17:31,633 Because I was scared. But if that's my only crime, 369 00:17:31,718 --> 00:17:34,261 is it a worse crime than leaving a filthy microwave? 370 00:17:34,345 --> 00:17:35,387 Amen. 371 00:17:35,471 --> 00:17:36,513 Don't. This is for real. 372 00:17:36,597 --> 00:17:39,224 Just clean it up yourself if it bothers you so much. 373 00:17:39,308 --> 00:17:40,392 It's not my mess. 374 00:17:40,476 --> 00:17:43,645 It would've taken less time to clean it up than to write all those notes. 375 00:17:43,730 --> 00:17:44,771 That's not the point. 376 00:17:44,856 --> 00:17:47,774 Listen, New York, that might fly... 377 00:17:47,859 --> 00:17:50,402 Why? Because I went to New York for three months? 378 00:17:50,486 --> 00:17:52,404 That and the black sweater, Manhattan. 379 00:17:52,488 --> 00:17:54,990 Okay, yes. I went to New York, everybody. 380 00:17:55,074 --> 00:17:56,908 I'm not gonna apologize for it. 381 00:17:56,993 --> 00:18:00,454 I experienced more there in one week than I experience here in three months. 382 00:18:00,538 --> 00:18:01,913 I love New York. 383 00:18:01,998 --> 00:18:04,624 You know, I especially love that people there cleaned up after themselves. 384 00:18:04,709 --> 00:18:07,794 Well, I work too hard all day to be maid here, too. 385 00:18:07,879 --> 00:18:10,255 I got a mess to clean up at home, plus I'm a part-time maid. 386 00:18:10,339 --> 00:18:11,631 And what about the penises? 387 00:18:11,716 --> 00:18:13,842 I thought those were funny. 388 00:18:13,926 --> 00:18:15,761 - I didn't do them, Phyllis. - It's the anonymity 389 00:18:15,845 --> 00:18:17,679 that I find so cowardly, Pam. 390 00:18:17,764 --> 00:18:19,765 Really? Can you just get over that part? 391 00:18:19,849 --> 00:18:23,018 Why should I? You couldn't get over the messy microwave. 392 00:18:23,352 --> 00:18:24,519 What? 393 00:18:28,691 --> 00:18:29,775 I can't do this. 394 00:18:29,859 --> 00:18:30,942 Can't do what? 395 00:18:31,027 --> 00:18:34,571 It's not fair to you and it's really not fair to me. 396 00:18:34,655 --> 00:18:37,115 Wait, what are you saying? I broke up with Darryl so I could be with you. 397 00:18:37,200 --> 00:18:39,534 That was your choice. Don't put that on me. 398 00:18:39,619 --> 00:18:41,369 I'm just going on a little trip. 399 00:18:41,454 --> 00:18:42,454 Can I come? 400 00:18:42,538 --> 00:18:43,789 It's not that kind of trip. 401 00:18:43,873 --> 00:18:45,832 I'm going to Thailand with some friends from high school. 402 00:18:45,917 --> 00:18:47,292 Well, a high school. 403 00:18:47,376 --> 00:18:49,294 And if I don't do it now, I'll never get to go. 404 00:18:49,378 --> 00:18:50,462 And I'll always resent you for it. 405 00:18:50,546 --> 00:18:52,506 You don't want me to resent you, do you? 406 00:18:52,590 --> 00:18:53,882 So you're dumping me? 407 00:18:53,966 --> 00:18:55,842 Let's be adults about this. 408 00:18:55,927 --> 00:18:57,761 Let's have sex one more time, 409 00:18:57,845 --> 00:19:00,472 and if you have any extra cash, that would be amazing. 410 00:19:03,059 --> 00:19:04,226 Okay. 411 00:19:06,687 --> 00:19:09,064 Hi. We received a call. 412 00:19:09,148 --> 00:19:10,982 I don't know anything about that. 413 00:19:11,067 --> 00:19:14,277 We were tipped off about a possible narcotics situation. 414 00:19:14,362 --> 00:19:15,362 Here? 415 00:19:15,446 --> 00:19:17,030 Hey, Pam, hey, I got this, okay? 416 00:19:17,114 --> 00:19:19,032 Hello, officers. Dwight Schrute, 417 00:19:19,116 --> 00:19:20,826 former volunteer sheriff's deputy. 418 00:19:20,910 --> 00:19:22,828 Listen, I may have inside information 419 00:19:22,912 --> 00:19:26,122 that someone is hiding drugs in this very office. 420 00:19:30,419 --> 00:19:33,713 Just pretend like we're talking until the cops leave. 421 00:19:37,218 --> 00:19:40,220 Those are real cops. Real guns. 422 00:19:40,304 --> 00:19:41,471 Wonder what's going on. 423 00:19:42,181 --> 00:19:44,766 Officers, I reveal to you the perpetrator. 424 00:19:44,851 --> 00:19:46,351 Hey, what is this? Search his things. 425 00:19:46,435 --> 00:19:47,894 Sir, could you step away from your desk, please? 426 00:19:48,020 --> 00:19:49,521 Why? Sir, please step away from your desk. 427 00:19:49,605 --> 00:19:50,730 Hey, what's going on? 428 00:19:50,815 --> 00:19:52,440 You don't have my permission to do this. 429 00:19:52,525 --> 00:19:54,192 They don't need your permission, Flenderson. 430 00:19:54,277 --> 00:19:56,111 They've got the company's permission. 431 00:19:56,195 --> 00:19:57,404 Hey, hey, what are you... 432 00:19:57,488 --> 00:19:58,697 Why are you doing this? 433 00:19:58,781 --> 00:20:00,448 You know what? I think this... 434 00:20:00,533 --> 00:20:01,825 This is probably a misunderstanding. 435 00:20:01,909 --> 00:20:03,201 - Don't search my stuff. - Sir. 436 00:20:03,286 --> 00:20:05,579 I have a reasonable right to privacy. 437 00:20:05,663 --> 00:20:07,706 Save your whining for the jury there, Flenderson. 438 00:20:07,790 --> 00:20:08,748 Yeah, let's just cancel this, okay? 439 00:20:08,833 --> 00:20:09,833 Michael? 440 00:20:09,917 --> 00:20:12,168 Sir, did you recently return from a trip to Central America? 441 00:20:12,253 --> 00:20:13,253 Oh, my God. 442 00:20:13,337 --> 00:20:14,296 I went to Costa Rica for a few months. 443 00:20:14,422 --> 00:20:16,047 No, no, no. That was legitimate. What is going on? 444 00:20:16,132 --> 00:20:17,757 - That was totally legitimate. - Hey, check this out. 445 00:20:17,842 --> 00:20:19,175 Oh, God! That is nof mine. 446 00:20:19,302 --> 00:20:20,969 Turn around please. I have never seen this before. 447 00:20:21,053 --> 00:20:22,470 No, no, no, no, God! What is going on here? 448 00:20:22,555 --> 00:20:24,055 No, that's... I don't know what that is. 449 00:20:24,140 --> 00:20:25,599 Do you have any weapons? Of course not! 450 00:20:25,683 --> 00:20:27,392 I bet he has nothing to do with that. 451 00:20:27,476 --> 00:20:28,560 That's mine. 452 00:20:28,644 --> 00:20:29,644 No, Michael, no! 453 00:20:29,729 --> 00:20:30,729 Yes, it's mine. 454 00:20:32,023 --> 00:20:33,148 Some basil. 455 00:20:33,858 --> 00:20:34,941 And salad dressing, I think. 456 00:20:35,026 --> 00:20:36,067 Salad dressing? 457 00:20:36,152 --> 00:20:37,903 Yeah, it's a Caprese salad. 458 00:20:37,987 --> 00:20:39,988 There's a little bit of mozzarella right there. 459 00:20:40,740 --> 00:20:42,032 Are you kidding me? 460 00:20:43,034 --> 00:20:44,326 That's my salad. 461 00:20:44,452 --> 00:20:45,785 So wait a minute. There's no drugs? 462 00:20:45,870 --> 00:20:46,870 No. 463 00:20:46,954 --> 00:20:48,747 Oh, damn it. Come on! 464 00:20:48,831 --> 00:20:50,790 We got a fake tip. 465 00:20:50,875 --> 00:20:51,875 Wait, officers, are you sure you 466 00:20:51,959 --> 00:20:53,251 don't want to interrogate him? 467 00:20:53,336 --> 00:20:55,086 No. You have laws that protect you 468 00:20:55,171 --> 00:20:56,671 in any kind of interrogation. 469 00:20:56,756 --> 00:20:58,506 Why don't you use them? 470 00:21:01,135 --> 00:21:03,553 You must feel pretty good about yourself right now. 471 00:21:03,638 --> 00:21:08,016 I didn't put Caprese salad in my drawer, Michael. Did you? 472 00:21:08,100 --> 00:21:12,312 Since when is it illegal to put Caprese salad anywhere? 473 00:21:13,522 --> 00:21:15,315 You know, the police could have been out there, 474 00:21:15,399 --> 00:21:17,817 catching real criminals, instead of here, searching my stuff. 475 00:21:17,902 --> 00:21:19,361 Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? 476 00:21:19,445 --> 00:21:21,112 That's what you're worried about? 477 00:21:21,197 --> 00:21:23,782 You're worried about the cops' time. 478 00:21:23,866 --> 00:21:27,619 You think I framed you and you're worried about the taxpayer? 479 00:21:28,913 --> 00:21:30,205 God! 480 00:21:34,210 --> 00:21:36,503 Welcome back, jerky jerk-face. 481 00:21:38,506 --> 00:21:41,925 You said you were leaving, and you made liars out of all of us. 482 00:21:42,009 --> 00:21:42,968 I did leave. 483 00:21:43,052 --> 00:21:44,135 Yes, you did. 484 00:21:44,220 --> 00:21:45,428 And then you came back. 485 00:21:45,513 --> 00:21:48,765 Which makes you the biggest liar of history. 486 00:21:48,849 --> 00:21:50,308 I don't see it that way. 487 00:21:52,603 --> 00:21:53,687 Do you want to hear a lie? 488 00:21:53,771 --> 00:21:54,771 What? 489 00:21:54,855 --> 00:21:56,189 I think you're great. 490 00:21:56,273 --> 00:21:58,149 You're my best friend. 491 00:22:02,405 --> 00:22:04,572 Hey, do you mind if we make a stop on the way home? 492 00:22:04,657 --> 00:22:06,074 Sure. Cool. 493 00:22:10,329 --> 00:22:11,705 What are we doing at your parents' house? 494 00:22:11,789 --> 00:22:13,540 I have a surprise for you. 495 00:22:13,624 --> 00:22:15,917 All right. Ready? Close your eyes. 496 00:22:16,585 --> 00:22:19,587 And now, open your eyes. 497 00:22:20,589 --> 00:22:21,756 Ta-da! 498 00:22:23,592 --> 00:22:25,927 I don't get it. 499 00:22:26,012 --> 00:22:27,137 I bought it. 500 00:22:28,931 --> 00:22:30,306 It's ours. 501 00:22:33,644 --> 00:22:36,563 Let's go inside. I'll show you inside. 502 00:22:38,274 --> 00:22:40,567 So if you can believe it, I did it without a realtor. 503 00:22:40,651 --> 00:22:43,862 Saving on closing costs is good. 504 00:22:43,946 --> 00:22:47,782 And we can put all the money to de-shag the carpet. 505 00:22:49,452 --> 00:22:53,246 Which I think will help the color situation. 506 00:22:56,125 --> 00:22:58,460 Yeah, I am really sorry about this. 507 00:22:58,544 --> 00:23:02,047 I tried to move it, but he is really nailed in there. 508 00:23:02,631 --> 00:23:04,591 Worried about art theft, I guess. 509 00:23:04,675 --> 00:23:07,135 A lot of art thieves in this neighborhood. 510 00:23:09,638 --> 00:23:15,226 This is the master bedroom, but I'm actually not allowed in here. 511 00:23:15,311 --> 00:23:18,104 So, I'm still in the process of converting the garage. 512 00:23:18,189 --> 00:23:20,106 It's got great light in here. 513 00:23:20,191 --> 00:23:25,153 And I was thinking it could be perfect for an art studio. 514 00:23:36,165 --> 00:23:38,416 Look, I know. 515 00:23:38,501 --> 00:23:40,043 I bought this without asking you. 516 00:23:40,127 --> 00:23:43,838 And it doesn't look great. I know that. 517 00:23:44,673 --> 00:23:48,343 And if you really hate it, I totally understand. It's just... 518 00:23:48,427 --> 00:23:49,761 I love it. 519 00:23:51,263 --> 00:23:52,931 You do? 520 00:23:53,015 --> 00:23:55,141 Yeah, I love it. 521 00:23:55,226 --> 00:23:56,226 Really? 522 00:23:56,310 --> 00:23:57,769 I mean, you bought me a house. 523 00:23:57,853 --> 00:23:58,937 Oh, my God. 524 00:23:59,021 --> 00:24:00,605 You bought me a house! 525 00:24:01,732 --> 00:24:03,149 Yeah, I did. 526 00:24:11,534 --> 00:24:14,577 Do we have to sleep in your parents' bedroom? 527 00:24:14,662 --> 00:24:17,789 No. No, we'll just board that up. 528 00:24:17,873 --> 00:24:21,334 It'll be that weird spare room that people ask us about. 529 00:24:21,418 --> 00:24:22,544 And the clown? 530 00:24:22,628 --> 00:24:24,879 Yeah, I really can't move him. 531 00:24:27,216 --> 00:24:28,800 What is my perfect crime? 532 00:24:28,884 --> 00:24:31,136 I break into Tiffany's at midnight. 533 00:24:31,220 --> 00:24:35,056 Do I go for the vault? No, I go for the chandelier. It's priceless. 534 00:24:35,182 --> 00:24:37,308 As I'm taking it down, a woman catches me. 535 00:24:37,393 --> 00:24:38,601 She tells me to stop. 536 00:24:38,686 --> 00:24:40,687 It's her father's business. She's Tiffany. 537 00:24:40,771 --> 00:24:43,106 I say no. We make love all night. 538 00:24:43,190 --> 00:24:46,317 In the morning, the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. 539 00:24:46,402 --> 00:24:47,819 I tell her to meet me in Mexico, 540 00:24:47,903 --> 00:24:50,155 but I go to Canada. I don't trust her. 541 00:24:50,239 --> 00:24:52,490 Besides, I like the cold. 542 00:24:52,575 --> 00:24:54,033 30 years later, I get a postcard. 543 00:24:54,118 --> 00:24:56,661 I have a son and he's the chief of police. 544 00:24:56,745 --> 00:24:58,663 This is where the story gets interesting. 545 00:24:58,747 --> 00:25:02,500 I tell Tiffany to meet me in Paris by the Trocadero. 546 00:25:02,585 --> 00:25:04,169 She's been waiting for me all these years. 547 00:25:04,253 --> 00:25:05,753 She's never taken another lover. 548 00:25:05,838 --> 00:25:08,131 I don't care. I don't show up. I go to Berlin. 549 00:25:08,215 --> 00:25:10,925 That's where I stashed the chandelier.