(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
(CRANE WHIRRING)
It may not look like much now but wait till you see Poseidonis in 3D.
- With Aquaman riding Storm. - What's Storm?
That's his animatronic seahorse.
Amazing. Eventually you won't even need actors, right?
In five years we won't.
Kidding.
You still mad at me for bailing on dinner?
I'm not mad at you.
- So what's wrong? - Who says there's anything wrong?
I know you. I can tell.
Vince, you haven't known me in like five years.
True. You've probably changed a lot. I've changed a lot. I learned French.
I didn't know these two had a history.
It's nothing.
Even if something was wrong, I think it's egotistical
that you just assume it's about you.
That's right. I mean, you're right.
But I'm right, too. There is something wrong. So what is it?
Nothing. (LAUGHS)
I don't want to talk about it with you.
We're gonna be up here for a while, we might as well talk about something.
I had a fight with Chris.
I don't want to talk about that.
(GROANS) Vince, how are we ever going to make this movie together?
They're gonna make this movie together
because between them they're making $8 million.
Fucking actors, they never know when they're miked.
It was weird, on True Lies
it was Tom Arnold that said he was gonna be governor.
(CLEARS THROAT) Excuse me, Mr. Cameron.
- Yeah? - Ron's on the phone.
There seems to be a small problem with the hovercraft.
What is it?
- It won't hover. - God damn it.
Gary?
I hope these two are not going to be a fucking problem, Eric.
GARY: Go ahead, Jim.
Gary, I need you at the hovercraft right now, over.
GARY: Flying in.
VINCE: What happened with you and Chris? I want to know.
- MANDY: We're having communication issues. - VINCE: We had those.
- You got to be more up front. - Oh, really?
(LAUGHS)
If we're talking about someone who's never been up front,
we should be talking about you.
- What? - Well, I'm going to be up front now.
I'm not over you.
And I haven't gotten over you.
How's that for up front?
We are so fucked.
So first you tell me your relationship with this girl was meaningless.
Then I find out that you proposed to her.
Then you tell me you haven't thought about her in five years
when, as sick as it is, you're still in love with her.
How can I trust anything you say anymore?
How can I trust you? You're the one eavesdropping.
Should have Gavin de Becker come sweep the house for bugs.
You know what? This is a bad situation.
You know what, E? There's is no situation.
Mandy is engaged. You're acting like an obsessed schoolgirl.
E, do me a favor. Manage my career, not my relationships.
This is your career. And mine too, all right?
In front of James Cameron, stop lying to me.
I don't want to talk about this in front of the guys. I'm serious.
Vince, Armani doesn't have a suit for under two grand.
Don't worry, it's all on me.
Seriously, do we need to wear suits?
What else are you going to wear to a bat mitzvah? A Knick jersey?
It's formal. I was thinking home whites.
DRAMA: How come you're not trying anything on?
I don't let other men buy my clothes, Drama.
And I'm not paying two grand for a suit myself.
Wear the suit you wore for your high school graduation.
It's hanging in your closet.
I thought that was his communion suit.
E didn't grow much from communion to high school graduation.
It's probably the same suit.
Fuck you guys. I'm going to Men's Warehouse.
Oh, come on, E. I think you can afford a nice suit.
Don't be such a chaza, huh.
I'm brushing up on my Hebrew for the affair.
Chaza means greedy, Drama, not cheap.
- How do you know? - E used to valet park at Ohav Shalom.
That's great, Drama. Now you're illiterate in two languages.
Let's hit shoes.
TURTLE: Men's Warehouse?
Don't start.
What do you think, red or blue?
The red's a little flashy for a bat mitzvah, Vince. I like the blue.
Okay. How did you know we were going to a bat mitzvah?
- You don't remember me? - Sloan.
- Sloan McQuewick, right? - That's right.
Good memory. Eric, right?
Yeah, good memory, too.
This is Terrance's daughter. Terrance is Ari's boss.
- Ari's partner. - That's right. Now I remember.
- Do you? - No, not really.
I'm sorry, how did we meet?
The Christmas party, last year. You were going to Italy, right?
That's right. You were thinking about getting engaged.
- What? - We had a couple drinks.
More than a couple, I think.
I take it you didn't then.
Oh, no. We broke up.
So, will I be seeing you both at Ari's party?
- BOTH: Yeah. - Great. We'll have fun.
- See ya. - VINCE: Nice to meet you again.
Well, Vince, what else can we do for you today?
I'm just going to look at some more ties and that's it.
Great.
Know what, Philip? I think I'm going to buy myself a new suit.
What? She's not engaged.
Don't even think about not picking that up, Ray,
- 'cause I'll fucking kill you. - Fuck you, Ari.
(SINGING IN HEBREW)
Fabulous, baby. Fabulous.
(CONTINUES SINGING)
Hey, is it me
- or is her voice getting worse? - Ari!
Doesn't mean that I don't love her, but she's just awful, baby.
Hey, kids. Whose car's out front?
Terrance. He's waiting for you out back.
Terrance is here? Why's he here?
I don't know. Why don't you find out?
Ari, what are you freaking out about?
Guy lives three blocks from us and hasn't been by in five years.
Now he shows up four hours before we're supposed to see him. Something's up.
- Ari. - What?
You're a partner now. You don't need to be afraid of him anymore.
I'm afraid of him? I'll beat that old fuck and throw him in the pool.
Only Daddy speaks that way.
Out.
- There he is. - Ari!
Terrance, what a pleasant surprise.
- Nice to see you, mate. - Nice to see you.
- Sweaty. - (LAUGHS SARCASTICALLY)
Well, I'm looking forward to this evening.
Yeah, well, it should be fun, huh?
Cost me enough, it better be.
I hope you're not going to try and expense
any of this bat mitzvah to the agency.
- Me? - (LAUGHS)
Ah, so little Sarah becomes a woman tonight.
Yeah.
Time flies. Incredible, isn't it?
It seems like only yesterday
that my Sloan was running around in pigtails and braces.
- Amazing. - Yeah, yeah.
You know, speaking of Sloan,
she mentioned that she ran into Vincent Chase in Beverly Hills.
You know, she can't stop raving about this guy.
She thinks he's gonna be a giant movie star.
I've been saying that for five years.
Yes, but Sloan is never wrong.
You know, she saw Johnny Depp
in Platoon when she was eight years old
and she said, "Dad, that's the guy to watch."
You showed her Platoon when she was eight years old?
- Oliver did. He wanted feedback. - (LAUGHS)
Listen, the reason for my visit is
I'd like a little chat with Mr. Chase tonight.
I'd like to see into his head,
find out what his hopes and his dreams are.
We've had that talk dozens of times,
and I could tell you firsthand...
No, firsthand would be him telling me.
(CHUCKLES) Yeah.
So listen, why don't you give me
a proper introduction tonight, huh?
- I mean, make an old man happy. - Yeah.
Oh, listen,
- this is for the little lady. - Oh.
I didn't want my gift to get mixed up with all the others.
Huh?
(SIGHS)
Would you stop?
- You're gonna spoil your appetite. - You're not my mother.
If I'm not eating, you're not eating.
I'm fucking starving!
Do you know how much food is gonna be at this thing?
You eating right now would be like jerking off
an hour before fucking a supermodel.
If I was fucking a supermodel, I would jerk off.
That way I can go all night.
- You guys ready for a big night? - You sure Ari wants us there?
Of course he does, Turtle. Ari looks at us as family.
- Then why doesn't he represent me? - (CHUCKLES)
Oh, hey! Look at this guy!
$3,000 suit just to line up some pussy, huh, E?
It's a good investment. McQuewick's gotta be worth 100 million easy.
You buying that suit is like buying Microsoft in the '80s.
That's if you can get the girl.
- I just needed a new suit, that's all. - Oh, yeah?
- What about the hair? - What about it?
- A little shiny. - (SNIFFS) Mangoes.
Don't smell me.
Looks like we're headed for another E romance novel.
Get your tissues ready, guys.
Seriously, if this one breaks your heart,
just kill yourself so we don't have to hear about it.
I'll have the Barry Manilow CD ready for you.
- Fuck you guys. - What are you so sensitive about?
We know you well enough to know you're in for trouble.
- Yeah? How well do we know you, Vince? - (CHUCKLES)
DRAMA: What does that mean?
Yeah, why are you going off on Vince for?
ERIC: No reason.
- DRAMA: All right, what's up? - Nothing.
I didn't want to waste a Saturday night on a bat mitzvah anyway.
You guys don't wanna tell me what's up, I ain't going.
- Me neither. - Ask Vince.
I told you I didn't want to talk about it in front of them.
Them? Since when are we them?
Next thing you know, E's gonna be his brother.
You're a fuckin' dick.
(BOTTLE CAP RATTLES)
Fine. Tell 'em.
Vince isn't over Mandy. He never has been.
- He's been lying all along. - What are you talking about?
He told her he loved her today in front of James fucking Cameron.
- I didn't use those words. - TURTLE: I thought she was getting married.
- Great Mother of God. - This is why
we told you to get her off the movie, E!
Yeah, E, if this movie gets fucked up, it's on you.
No, look, nothing's getting fucked up, okay?
I am fine. I am just living my life.
You know, in fact, I was planning on living my life again tonight
till you decided to stake your claim with Sloan
with your new suit and your fruity new hair.
What?
We all know how you like to fall in love at the drop of a hat.
Did you ever think that maybe I was interested, too?
What are you talking... You didn't even remember who she was.
Don't worry, E. You spoke up first.
It's okay. I'll step down.
I don't need you to back off.
Oh, E, don't wake a sleeping giant.
Seriously, E. Take the offer while it's hot on the table.
I had a connection with this girl.
So what, she's just gonna flip to Vince?
You have a 25-mile lead in the marathon.
Once Vince laces up his shoes, it's over.
At least if he bangs Sloan, he'll get over his obsession with Mandy.
It might be worth the sacrifice to save the movie.
Look, Vince, if you wanna go for her, go for her.
Okay, fine, I will.
You don't scare me, you famous fuck.
Good move, E. You're gonna need all your facilities.
My what, idiot?
Did I say that wrong?
(HAVA NAGILA PLAYING)
Mazel tov.
Congratulations. You look beautiful.
Look at Terrance. I guarantee you his relatives worked with Nazis.
- Ari, compose yourself. - Compose myself? You hate Melinda, too.
- Quiet. I don't hate anybody. - Mazel tov, Ari.
Hello, darling. You look great! Beautiful.
- Thank you. - Hey, princess!
- Melinda, it's so great to see you. - You too!
- You look fabulous. - Thank you.
Being a housewife certainly agrees with you.
Playing a raging bitch on TV certainly agrees with you. You're so natural.
If you hadn't quit acting at 25 it might have been you on a hit TV show.
(ALL LAUGHING)
- Honey, I need a drink. - I think I need a drink, too.
Hey, I'm looking forward to my sit down with our boy.
"Sit down."
That schnitzel-loving fuck is trying to steal Vince. Hi.
- Nice to see you. Welcome. - MELISSA: Hello.
Speaking of Vince, why did he bring three dates?
ARl: That's the way it comes, a package deal.
Where am I gonna sit them?
I already talked to the caterer. Hi.
Everything's taken care of. Don't worry about it.
Why are me and Drama sitting at table 19 and you guys are sitting at table six?
Relax, Turtle. Ari probably just wants to spread out the celebs.
Not to mention I haven't seen a single edible item since we got here.
We just passed a sushi bar right there, Turtle.
- Cooked items, E. - The yellowtail is amazing.
- DRAMA: Patience, Turtle. - Hey, you boys missed temple.
We thought that was for Jews only.
Hi, Vince. Thanks so much for coming to my bat mitzvah.
I wouldn't miss it for the world.
- Look at you. You look beautiful. - Thanks, so do you.
You look great, too, E. What'd you do, raid the boys' department at Macy's?
You look pretty good, too. You auditioning for Guys and Dolls?
Hey, boys, enjoy yourselves. Tonight we eat like kings.
- 500 a head. - I'm starving.
- I told you. - Smoke more weed, Turtle.
Seriously, smoke more weed.
(POP MUSIC PLAYING)
She is pretty, huh?
Ivy Leaguer, too?
ERIC: I thought you didn't remember anything about her.
Things are starting to come back.
I think I'm gonna ask her to dance.
- Oh, unless, of course, you wanna... - Fuck you.
Oh, I forgot, you don't dance.
Great, you get a leg up on me because you've been training
for the Saturday Night Fever remake for the last 20 years.
I don't understand what you do at these things if you don't dance.
- Why're you doing this? - Why'd you tell the guys about Mandy
- when I asked you not to? - So what is this, payback?
- I'm heading over. - I'm heading over with you.
(SHALOM ALEICHEM PLAYING)
So what show did you say you were on again?
Viking Quest.
What did he say?
Excuse me, honey. What time's dinner? We're starving.
Didn't you eat all the appetizers after temple?
No, we missed temple.
Sinners. It's going to be a while.
I wanna kill you, Drama.
So what exactly were you doing in Italy?
A friend was opening a restaurant and I kinda helped her manage it.
God, what a coincidence.
E used to manage an Italian restaurant also.
Really?
- Well, yeah... - VINCE: Don't be embarrassed.
It was the biggest Sbarro's in all of Kew Gardens.
I love Sbarro's. I go to the one at the Beverly Center all the time.
- Great sauce, right? - Yeah.
Hey, Vince, my dad is dying to get a word in with you.
- Would you mind if I went to get him? - By all means.
Okay, I'll be right back.
Already wants me to meet the family.
You're seriously starting to annoy me.
ARl: Ladies and gentlemen, can I have your attention?
Excuse me, could I get your attention?
Before I bring up the special family members
for the lighting of the candle ceremony,
I would love to say a couple things about this little girl right here.
You know, when she was born
I have to be honest, I wanted a boy.
- (CROWD BOOS) Easy!
Wait a minute. Give me a break here.
Now I didn't have any sisters and I didn't know what to expect.
But this little girl changed my life.
(CHOKED UP) And,
watching her blossom into a woman
has been one of the most remarkable things
- that I have ever seen. - (CROWD APPLAUDING)
And from the time she could walk
she would come into our room and she would jump on our bed
and she would wake us up and we couldn't sleep.
- I'd get about two hours of sleep... - Vince, this is my father.
- Hello. - TERRANCE: Nice to see you.
And this is his wife Melinda Clark.
- Hi. - VINCE: Hello.
- And, Daddy, this is Eric Murphy. - Ah.
When was the last time we saw each other?
Oh, it's been a while. I think since the Christmas party last year.
Oh, that's right. That's right.
We should let them get acquainted.
- You wanna get a drink? - Yeah.
- We'll be at the bar. - MELINDA: So, Vince, I have to say,
I finally saw Head On. I just have to say it was fabulous.
- Simply fabulous. - Yeah.
We finally found her asleep under our bed.
And she didn't wake us.
But she wanted to be near us.
And I hope that she always will.
(CROWD APPLAUDING)
Now, I would love to invite
some of the family members... Who's coming up now?
- Grandpa Manny. We've got cousin... - Grandpa Manny,
or as Sara likes to call him "Munchie,"
I would love to come up here.
He's that special,
special breed of grandfather...
You know what? A better idea I think
would be to bring up Sarah's star crush,
Vinnie Chase, to cut the challah.
Everybody put it together for Vinnie Chase.
- (CROWD MURMURING) - (APPLAUDING)
- Ari, what the hell are you doing? - Vinnie Chase!
Come on up and cut the challah.
DRAMA: Look at that gorgeous piece of bread.
It's like a big baked cloud.
Imagine making a six-foot hero out of that thing.
A little mortadella, some gabagool, provolone.
(CROWD AWES, APPLAUDS)
Let's get this party started, huh? DJ Quik. Everybody dance.
What about the blessing and the lighting of the candles?
What more boring way to kill a party than to get 30 people up here
and light a fucking candle?
(WE ARE FAMILY PLAYING)
TURTLE: Thank God.
What did you guys order?
We didn't order anything. We were late.
- But we'll take whatever you've got. - Well,
what I got is
two kosher vegetarians.
WOMAN: Do you need some salt?
TURTLE: Excuse me, sir.
I will give you $100 for that prime rib.
What'd he say?
- (PON DE REPLAY PLAYING) - Oh, I love this song.
Do you want to dance?
Oh, you know what? I don't dance.
Oh, come on. It'll be fun.
No, not for you. People will be looking at you.
- It'll be horrifying, trust me. - What's up, kids?
- You guys having a good time? - Well, we were,
but Eric here refuses to dance with me.
Really? Why?
Well, he says he doesn't like to dance.
Since when? E, come on, you used to love to dance as a child.
You know what? He's a little insecure. I'll talk to him.
Okay, fine. I did lie about the past.
But I really believed I was over her.
And then I saw her and I realized I wasn't. What do you want me to do?
Get over her. Go make the movie.
This coming from my manager or my best friend?
Both. Look, she's in love with someone else. She's getting married.
Thanks, buddy.
Hey, Sloan.
E wants you to dance with me
so we can teach him a couple moves.
We'll be back later.
Shalom aleichem.
That's Hebrew for "What time do you get off tonight?"
Cute.
Ignore his inappropriate sexual advances.
We're looking for one thing, meat.
How stoned are you guys?
- What? - No.
I know exactly what you need.
Come on, boys.
(LET'S DO IT AGAIN PLAYING)
Unbelievable. He's pimping his own daughter out.
Sarah, come here, baby. Angel, come here.
- Stop it, Ari. - Honey, go get your star crush.
- Go ask him to dance right now. - Shut up, Daddy!
- You're so embarrassing me. - "Shut up, Daddy."
She's really a woman now. I have to get used to it.
- You are being ridiculous. - I'm being...
That's exactly what you said at the Bill and Ted premiere
when Terrance said, "I'll take Keanu, you take the other guy."
Ari, you've idolized Terrance since you were 20 years old
and you've let him take advantage of you ever since.
So stop it now.
You're right, baby.
- Just be a man. - "Just be a man." Really?
You give me the whole heartfelt pump-up speech
and then you say just go be a man? Come on.
I need to speak to you.
- (CLEARS THROAT) I'm dancing with my wife. - Now.
Excuse me, darling.
This better be good.
- Where's my joint? - Where's the goods?
Turn to your right.
A kids' buffet? Sweet!
- Thank you. - DRAMA: We got hot dogs,
and chicken and pizza.
Mac and cheese, baby! (LAUGHS)
Vince is my client.
I took him from nothing, all right?
And now he is on the cusp. I ain't sharin' him.
You know, when I started this company in 1971,
my mantra was, "Every client
"should be represented by every agent in the building."
And, yes, all right, technically, he is your client.
- But this is my agency. - And I'm a fucking partner.
Well, I've had more than a few partners.
Not all of them have lasted.
- Enjoy your evening. - (CHUCKLES SARCASTICALLY)
Good living, huh, kids?
No doubt.
You got a light?
You've gotta be kidding me. Turtle, look at this kid.
Jesus Christ! What, are you 13 and you're getting high?
You're not gonna give us a lecture, are you?
No, not a lecture, a life lesson.
We know. You're talking to former addicts.
Weed is a gateway drug, son.
One day you're lighting up in full view of a dozen adults at a bat mitzvah,
the next you're cruising Santa Monica Boulevard
offering hand jobs for a crack rock.
Which one of you did that?
Just put the joint down, kid.
Just give me a light, old man,
or I'll tell my dad you put your hand on my knee.
Enough about Mandy. What's the deal with your friend Eric?
Eric? I mean, Eric's the best.
He's got good values, smart, loyal.
I highly recommend him, although right now he's probably mad at me
because he thinks I'm out here working you.
What, you didn't tell him
- I don't date actors? - How would I know that?
I told you that at the Christmas party when you were working me.
- Really? Was I? - (CELL PHONE RINGING)
Come on.
Hello?
Cheer up, E. It's a celebration.
- Where's Vince? - He disappeared with Sloan.
Probably at the tennis courts.
I hear that's where you fuck at the Beverly Hilton.
The fact that he went after this girl purely out of spite,
- I may never speak to him again. - Don't be so overly sensitive.
It's like getting mad at the bull for giving you the horns
when you shouldn't have been in the ring in the first place.
- Fuck you guys for encouraging him. - Come on, Turtle,
- let's go work the waitress staff. - No, fuck that.
They just wheeled out the dessert cart.
Do-it-yourself sundaes? Oh, man.
Sprinkles.
- Hey. - Hey!
Where's Vince?
Oh, he got a phone call from Mandy and he left.
- You're kidding me. - He said you'd react that way.
But you gotta stop worrying about him.
What else did he say?
He said that you're a great guy
and that you've been his best friend his whole life,
and that I should just drag you onto the dance floor.
(CHUCKLES)
Come on, it's a slow song.
(BE YOUR GIRL PLAYING)
I was a little surprised that you called. What's going on?
I wanted to tell you
that Chris and I are gonna be taking a little break.
Aw, that's too bad.
Look, you know, if you need a friend, of course I'll be there...
Vince, I have enough friends.
The truth is, if we're being up front with one another,
I'm not over you either.
- Really? - Really.
You wanna go get a cup of coffee and talk about it?
Is that Vince?
Is that Mandy?
(LOVE STREET PLAYING)