(THEME MUSlC PLAYlNG)
-(HlP-HOP MUSlC PLAYlNG) -(PEOPLE CHATTlNG)
-l feel small. -You feel small, E?
Shut up, Turtle.
There's no need to be shy. They're just models.
l'm not shy. ln fact, l can't wait
till l get to fuck a girl while she rests her tits on my forehead.
Oh right, like you could ever get a model.
-What, like you could? -Like either of you could.
-No, E did. Perfect 1 0 model, remember? -Thank you.
Come on, bro. She was a west coast model. That don't count.
Why, Drama? What's the difference?
That's like asking what's the difference between
Central Park and Park La Brea.
When have you been to Central Park?
l don't brag to you guys about all my conquests.
No, usually you just lie about them.
l've never even heard him lie about a model.
Whatever. Tonight l'm gonna fuck something so tall
her scuff marks will be on my ceiling for proof.
SHAUNA: These accessories are not the best look for you, Vincent.
Why you so mean, Shauna?
Yeah, come on, l need a little support. l'm feeling insecure.
Well, don't, because while Hollywood doesn't appreciate this gorgeous face,
the fashion world does. Now are you excited?
l don't know, Shauna. l'm an actor, not a model.
Dolce & Gabbana's gonna pay you $1 million
for a one-day photo shoot in ltaly.
You'll act like a fucking model, okay?
Oh, he will. And he's excited.
-Good. -Hey, Shauna.
Come on, l want to introduce you to the man who made this all happen.
We'll be over here scoping out the terrain.
VlNCE: Good luck, Johnny.
How you doing, baby?
-(LAUGHS) -Fucking Euro.
-Fredrick, how are you? -Hello, you sexy thing.
-How are you? -How you doing? Good.
Vince, you have a very sexy publicist, you know that?
l know.
-Vince, Fredrick Lyne. Call me Freddy. -Okay, Freddy.
Freddy's the marketing genius who put Madonna and Halle Berry
in the Versace campaigns when he was over there.
lt's what l do. l put people together with things.
And you, sunshine, l could put together with anything.
Fabulous.
Now Annie Leibovitz is shooting it. You met her?
Lovely girl. Not quick, but she's very, very good.
We're shooting at Mick Jagger's estate, which is unbelievable.
-Gorgeous. -Sounds great.
Natasha! l want you to meet your co-star,
'cause she is something else. Natasha!
-(SPEAKlNG RUSSlAN) -Sorry.
Guys, this ravishing creature here is Natasha Ladianova.
She is fast becoming the hottest model on the entire planet, bar none.
Think you can see why.
Natasha, Vincent Chase.
-Hey. -Hi.
-Eric Murphy. How are you? -Oh, nice to meet you.
They look fantastic together. You've got an amazing eye, Fredrick.
Yeah.
Yeah, great.
Listen, l've got to drag you off to meet some magazine people.
-Bye. -Uh, Natasha.
Yeah, certainly, bye.
Vince, l'll see you later at the fitting, yes?
-Ciao, Fredrick. -Nice to meet you guys.
You fucked that girl, didn't you?
No.
-But you know her. -Uh-huh.
-(ORGAN PLAYlNG) -(CHOlR SlNGlNG)
l hate myself for the fact
that even today l still don't like you.
l mean, l want to. l do.
-Ari! -Baby, l'm...
-Ari. -John.
l am so sorry.
-Yeah, it's a shame. -Yeah.
-He was having a good run. -Yeah.
l was on the golf course with him when it happened.
-Oh. -Yeah.
You know, he promised Vincent Chase Smokejumpers.
We should keep that good run going by honoring that promise.
Ari!
l'll speak to you after we've paid our respects.
Of course. Of course. Of course.
Listen, just excuse me for one second, baby.
No business, Ari. Respect.
Respect means keeping business alive even when you're dead.
Remember that.
John, what do you say we bring Vince back
to the studio just to pay tribute to Alan?
l sell airplane engines, Ari.
The studio accounts for 5% of our business.
l can't focus on who's doing what in what movie.
His replacement will have to do that.
Who you thinking about?
l'm thinking about you.
Really?
l thought about you when l first hired Alan,
but you were still a bit green.
Well, a lot has changed since then.
lt certainly has.
You've made me an even richer man
by bringing me three tentpoles in three years.
Maybe it's time l returned the favor.
Ready to move from the ground floor to the penthouse, Ari?
-You saw the connection. -l think everyone did.
l only saw Drama strike out with every model in the place.
Shut it, Turtle. These things take time.
Vince had an 1 1 -hour flight to secure that chemistry.
L.A. To London. l don't even remember why l was going,
but l definitely remember Natasha.
1 1 hours? Why didn't you just mile-high it?
We were both in a relationship.
How do you know she's not still in a relationship?
l can tell.
Ready for round two, Drama?
Funny, E. But the odds are in my favor here.
How do you figure?
lt's a fitting. They're already naked and vulnerable.
Just try not to get arrested again.
At least in jail he can probably get some.
Whatever. Watch and learn.
TURTLE: lncoming.
-Hi there. -Hello, Vince.
l hear you joined the Dolce & Gabbana campaign.
-Yes, l'm very excited. -Hey, l recognize you.
You were on the cover of Vogue last month.
-Cosmo. -Right.
A very nice spread, if l may say.
Thank you. l recognize you too.
-Oh yeah? -You were on The View.
You had a meltdown. Not very nice, if l may say.
-lt's not his finest hour. -(BOTH LAUGH)
Do l know you?
Uh, l'm Eric.
-l'm Raina. -Nice to meet you.
Good things come in small packages.
Nice to meet you, Vince. And you, Eric.
What the hell was that?
l don't know. l think she thinks you're cute.
DRAMA: Cute like a little compact bundle ofjoy.
More like you're so little and cute
she wants to strap something on and stuff you like a turkey.
Hey, Vince, can l get you over here to get started?
Yeah, sure. l'll be right back.
-Thank you. -Uh-huh.
-So is Natasha here yet? -You mean Helena?
-Hi. Nice to meet you. -Hi, how are you?
-FREDDY: Vincent Chase, there he is. -Hey.
-The man, the legend. -So what do you think?
Let's have a look at you.
-Very, very nice. Turn around. -Thank you.
Absolutely terrible in the ass. Do something about that, please.
So, Freddy, is Natasha not coming?
This is Helena, her replacement.
-Did you meet? -Yeah.
Replacement? What happened?
Oh, l don't know. She's a model, you know?
She probably had her period, thought she got stabbed.
All right, come on. Let's get the pants on.
How would you like to be fucking a studio head, baby?
Well, Ron Meyer's pretty handsome.
Ha ha. Seriously, what do you think?
l think l've never seen anyone
so giddy after a funeral, Ari.
This is the kind of offer you dream about getting your whole life.
-So you're gonna take it? -l don't know.
-Your clients are gonna be pretty upset. -Give me a break, honey.
Look, there's probably maybe two clients that l really care about.
Vinnie is one of them. And if l take the job
l can put him in this movie that he wants.
(PHONE RlNGS)
Dana Gordon, you're on speakerphone and my wife's in the car.
-Oh, uh, hi. -HeIIo.
-(MOUTHlNG) -So how was the funeraI?
-lt was fun. -So you spoke to John?
Spoke to John about what?
l was at that place for a decade, Ari. l know all about it.
Okay, what do you want?
l want to be under you.
Dana, l told you my wife's in the car.
Very funny. l want to be your number two.
l know everyone there. l helped build that place.
And if it weren't for Alan being such a woman-hating
piece of shit, l'd still be helping.
Understood. Listen, let's see how it plays out.
Just asking for consideration, Ari.
-l'll get back to you. -Bye.
"l'm on speaker with my wife in the car"?
-lt's common courtesy. -What were you afraid she was gonna say?
-Nothing. -Who is she?
Nobody. She's a studio exec. A good one.
ln fact, she'd make a great number two.
Did you fuck her?
Maybe she wouldn't.
Who gives a shit why some model quit?
They're like cockroaches,
stamp one out and 50 lookalikes show up in their place.
l want a number, Shauna, not a lecture.
Well, l can't get it and her agency wants to know who it's for
because apparently 50 actors a week call trying to bang her.
Oh, great.
Look, what's the big deal? You really like this one?
l'm just curious to know what happened.
Christy, where are all the models staying?
-At the W. -The W, Vince.
Go there if it's really eating you, but go cautiously
because if she really did quit over you, showing up could be really creepy.
Thanks, Shauna. You don't think she quit 'cause of me, do you?
-No shot. -No way.
Maybe.
lt's possible.
(ELEVATOR DlNGS)
How was the funeral, Ari?
lt was delightful. Are you kidding?
Alan has not looked that good in years.
Ari, that's very macabre.
-What's been going on here? -Jeffrey Tambor stopped by.
-Oh, God, is he gone? -Yes, but he said he'll be back.
-Excellent. What else? -Barbara's been looking for you.
-Don't tell her l'm back. -Ari.
-l won't say a word. -Babs, what's the haps?
Sussman and Levinson want some face time with you.
They're your clients.
They're coming in for a meeting and they want to know they have your support.
Well, they're reality TV writers, so they don't have my support.
They made $4 million last year, Ari.
Understood, but they're your clients.
-They want to branch out. -To what, the circus?
-(LAUGHS) -Features.
Oh, come on. l met those freaks.
lf it wasn't for losers eating bull cock tempura,
they'd be lucky to produce a decent infomercial.
They're coming in after lunch. Do you have a minute to say hello?
-Tell her l'm busy. -He's got a lot on his plate.
-l'll bring them by. -Come with a gun.
What's this?
lt came this morning with that box and that note.
-Do you want me to read it? -No, l want you to get out and close the door.
Jesus!
-What've you got there, Ari? -l asked you to get the fuck out.
Yes, but John Ellis is on the phone. l figured you'd want it.
Put him through.
Like the new watch, Ari Gold.
And your little plane.
l love the watch, John.
That's an Audemars Piguet, Ari.
Possibly the finest timepiece known to man.
What can l say? l'm a fan.
Fan enough to come to Geneva to watch me try to buy the company?
Are you serious?
l never fuck around when l'm talking about a billion-dollar deal.
Bring your wife. l'll show you Switzerland on a Wednesday.
l'll also show you what could be.
Well, you know, l got a lot of things going on here, John.
No pressure, Ari. lt's not how l do it.
I've got a GuIfstream leaving out of Van Nuys at 7:00.
lf you're on it, good. lf not...
l'll talk to you when l'm back.
Enjoy the day.
Are you hiding something from me, Ari?
Only my cock and my asshole, Lloyd.
-(HlP-HOP MUSlC PLAYlNG) -(PEOPLE CHATTlNG)
How you doing, honey?
Which one of us are you calling honey?
Whichever one of you is interested.
That would be neither of us.
(ERlC LAUGHlNG)
These models must all be cycling together
-'cause they got bad attitudes. -You got bad game.
Oh yeah, yours is pretty good today too, Turtle.
Oh, l've given up playing. At this point l'm just hoping
an insecure civilian walks by that l can fuck.
-That's just sad. -Room 81 3.
-We'll wait down here. -Cool.
-Don't do anything we wouldn't do. -l won't.
And don't forget to tell her no one likes a quitter, bro.
Okay, Johnny.
No one likes a quitter?
l need a drink.
-l got this one. -Big shot.
-Hey, you. -Hey.
Strange seeing you here.
You're not following me, are you?
Actually, no. Vince is meeting with one of your co-workers.
And who are you meeting with?
l'm not meeting with anyone.
Yes you are. Me.
You boys mind if l kidnap him?
You have any friends that might want to hold us hostage?
-Where are you taking me? -Don't fight me.
lf you do l will sweep you off your feet
and carry you to my room.
Am l not the one on the network fucking TV show?
-Hey, Vince. -Hey.
l'm Vivica. Come on in.
Thank you.
ls Natasha here?
No, she left.
Oh, really? Where'd she go?
She had to go to Majorca, l think.
-Or maybe Hawaii. -Oh, wow.
At least they're both hot.
Yeah, l think she was more excited about going to ltaly with you.
And if she wasn't so worried about her career
she probably would've told Fredrick to go fuck himself.
Really? What happened?
-He told me she quit. -Of course he did.
He's a fucking liar and he's obsessed with her.
He saw you two vibing at the party
so he moved her to the lookbook shoot and shipped her off.
-Are you serious? -Yeah.
Listen, don't tell him this because l still want to work for him,
-but Fredrick's a psycho. -Yeah, sounds like it.
Do you have her number? l'd love to call her.
Sorry, l don't.
How about l leave you mine just in case you see her?
Sure, go ahead.
You know, Vince, you should stick around.
l was about to puff a J, take a bath.
You could join.
Sounds tempting. Very tempting.
But l don't think that's such a good idea.
Okay, but l was just testing you anyway.
l'm gonna tell Natasha that you're a good guy.
Thank you.
-Bye, Vince. -Ciao.
Wow, nice room.
Big stars get the biggest rooms.
No offense to the little people,
present company excluded of course.
-That's funny. -Humor is one of many talents.
Would you like to see some of my others?
Okay.
You coming?
ln there?
l heard you're a very successful talent manager.
Yeah, l've been getting into the...
l would like to show you my reel.
No problem.
-Okay. -Good.
(SCREAMlNG)
Very natural, no?
(SCREAMlNG CONTlNUES)
(lMlTATlNG JET ENGlNE)
-Busy day. -Hey, Jeff.
l tried to stop him but he could see you procrastinating...
-Like you could stop me anyway, Lloyd. -Very true, Jeffrey.
What's going on, Ari? l called you this morning.
You call me every morning.
Yeah, but l called you this morning and you did not call me back.
Yeah, but l always call you back, okay?
Did you think maybe that l had something else going on?
What did you have going on?
(SlGHS) Alan Gray died.
Yeah, so what? l hated that prick.
l know you did.
You know, that man had the audacity
to tell me that he was gonna put me in the Branagh film?
-Yeah, l know. -l'm not in that.
l know. l know.
Who's the new guy gonna be?
Hope he likes me.
How could he not?
What are you doing for lunch?
Let me... Jeff.
How come you don't do another TV show?
l don't want to do any more TV.
That's Satan's work.
Yeah, but you're bored out of your mind.
Yeah, well get me a fucking job.
Every day l get an offer for you and you don't want to do anything.
-l wanted to do that Pitt film. -You wanted to do his role.
You're a dick. Listen to me.
-You listening? -Yes.
Okay, l brought the breakdowns.
l just want to go through everything that they're getting ready to shoot
and l want to see what you think l'm right for.
Now look at this, Good Goodbye.
How bad can that be?
-Can we? -(GROANS)
Big Deal Jimmy.
What the fuck is wrong with Big DeaI Jimmy?
l could be in that. Laugh Laugh Daddy.
-There has to be a father's role in there. -Lloyd!
SHAUNA: Come on, Vince. You can fuck whoever you want.
Just do it after this campaign.
l can't work a job knowing that a girl got fired because of me.
You're gonna make $1 miIIion for looking pretty.
$1 million that you and those morons
standing behind you desperately need.
So pIease don't fuck this up.
-Shauna, give me the address. -What are you gonna do?
l'm gonna talk to him. Don't worry, l'll be on my best behavior.
Fine. 670 South Main, penthouse.
Thank you, as always.
Well, that was quick. Either he couldn't close
or the sheer physics of the act was too overwhelming.
Actually, l've been trying to figure out how it would line up.
So l was right? She was into you?
No, you weren't right. She's an actress, thought l could help manage her.
-Thank God. -Oh, you're happy about that?
lf l can't fuck a model today, nobody should.
-You're a real team player, Drama. -l know, right?
-So can she act? -No.
-No model can. -And she's a bitch.
l mean, she leans over me to talk to me.
-Come on. -She's taller than you.
You're taller than me too. You don't lean over me.
Sorry, E.
-Poor E. -Woe is E.
How did it go with Natasha?
lt's still going.
No, no, hold it. You wait a minute.
So what l'm hearing from my own agent
is that you don't think l have the acting chops to play Marcel Proust?
What l'm saying is l don't think
that an audience is gonna buy you as a gay Frenchman.
You know l speak French?
l meant it as a compliment.
-lt didn't feel like one. -Excuse me, Jeffrey Tambor.
-l'm sorry. -Apology not accepted.
-Ari, listen to me. -Jeff, take a breath.
Please, Lloyd, please tell me that someone
hit my dog with a car and l have to get out of here.
No, Ari, your wife is on the phone and wants to know why
you sent over a set of Louis Vuitton luggage and quite frankly so do l.
-He'll call back. -Hold on, Jeffrey, just...
-Sorry to interrupt. Hello, Jeffrey. -Barbara.
-LLOYD: Ari. -You know what? l'll call her back.
-l got a really important meeting with Barbara. -How long do you need him?
-Not long. -Long.
l'll wait. Hey, take notes. Let's go.
Just say hello quickly.
There's the man. We know your time is precious.
Not for talented people like you.
So l hear you want to make the jump into features.
We want to write something for Peter Jackson.
He usually writes his own stuff.
Well, we have a take on The Hobbit.
We want to make him a giant. l'm kidding.
Seriously, we have a take.
Okay, he wrote all three Lord ofthe Rings.
So l think he's gonna want to write that.
Maybe, maybe not.
Oh, okay. Well, do you have a sample?
We do.
-It's The Hobbit. -We did it on spec.
But we don't want to just send it to him.
No, we want to present it face to face.
-Uh, he's in New Zealand. -We have a plane.
We just got it. You can come.
-l have to go to the bathroom. -BARBARA: Ari.
Can we just give you the quick pitch? lt's very short.
-Oh, l have to go to the bathroom. -Ari, sit.
-Ari, stay. -The whole thing's a metaphor.
-l speak French. -BARBARA: Ari!
(SPEAKS FRENCH)
-Where are you going, Ari? -To the bathroom.
-Bathroom's the other way. -Honey, listen.
Yeah, pack those bags. We're going to Geneva tonight.
-Vive Ia France! -Geneva, Ari?
What is going on? What should l tell Jeffrey?
l don't give a fuck.
Vinnie, l think it's really sweet how concerned you are about the campaign,
but it doesn't matter who the model is. She's decoration.
You're the money. You're the brand. Want a drink?
Yeah, l just thought we had really great chemistry.
l'm not sure l really felt it with this other girl.
Well, let's dump her. Know what l mean?
You can choose whoever you want. l'll get you a book.
You know, Freddy, l think your instincts were right the first time.
-We should go with Natasha. -What are we gonna do? She quit.
Really?
Did she?
Why, what did she tell you?
All right, fuck it.
l fired her. She lied to me.
She never told me when l booked her that she knew you.
We don't really know each other.
We shared a plane ride together.
So why do you give a fuck?
-lt's a principle thing. -What principle?
Look, l'm paying you a fortune to do the photo shoot.
Vinnie, don't blow this between you and me. l've got big plans for you.
Freddy, l am a professional.
Well, this don't seem too professional to me.
And firing a girl because she doesn't want you is?
(CHUCKLES)
Because she doesn't want me? ls that what you think?
Do you think she does?
Of course she wants me. They all want me. Look at me.
l don't want her.
No? Then what do you want?
l want you, you beautiful boy.
Look, l didn't know you had a history.
No, l'll compete with all the other
anorexic empty spaces,
but l can't compete with history.
Freddy, there's no competition.
l'm not gay.
l'm not even bi.
Hey, l'm just a straight man that likes sucking cock.
No one's gonna know.
Well...
l guess l'm just not cut out for the fashion world.
Aw, forget it. That whole world is deviants, bro.
The dudes bang each other while the chicks watch.
The chicks bang each other while more chicks watch.
And yet nobody would let you watch anything.
Pick on me all you want, Turtle,
but you never and shall forever never get what l've had.
-Herpes? -Oh!
My dick is clean, tiny man.
-(PHONE RlNGS) -Hold on, hold on. l'm getting a call.
Chill out. Hello?
-Hey, Vince. -Natasha.
Hey, l got your message.
Yeah, l wanted to say l'm sorry about the campaign.
Eh, that shit happens all the time.
Are you gonna be okay without me?
lt's funny you should ask.
l couldn't face it alone so l quit.
-Really? -Yup.
Well, if you have some free time
why don't you come join me to Hawaii for my shoot?
We've plenty of space on the plane.
Oh yeah? You got room for four?
For sure. And maybe bring your manager.
-l have a special request for him. -Great.
So Van Nuys airport tonight. l'll text you.
-See you there. -What's up?
Models, models and more models.
-l don't follow. -Oh, but you will. You will.
MRS. ARl: Why have l never heard Dana's name before?
Because it was 1 990 and you were dating Jack Wagner.
Well, l don't think l could live
with having someone work for you that you had sex with.
Could you live with that?
-ls Vince coming with us? -What?
Jesus Christ, what the fuck is he doing here?
-Look at this power couple. -Hey, there he is.
Good to see you, sir. How are you?
-Hello, John. -You look beautiful.
Thank you for the lovely vacation. Kate, hi.
-Shall we? -Yes, we shall.
Um, can you just give me one quick second?
-Sure. -Yeah.
-Vinnie. -Ari.
-Small world, huh? -What are you doing here?
-Listen, we are taking a little trip. -Yeah, us too.
Yeah, l can see that you're saving money by flying private again.
Not our dime. lt's theirs.
Nice dime.
-Where are you headed? -We're going to Geneva.
That's Alan's boss right there.
-Oh, yeah? -Yeah.
Aw, you're going to Geneva for me?
-Something wrong? -Yeah, listen, Vinnie.
Um, you're the only one in this town that l'm telling this to.
l'm in a position to get you any job that we want
-for the rest of your career. -How so?
They're offering me Alan's position.
They want me to run the studio.
-Wow. -Yeah.
l know, it just came out of the blue. What do you think?
l just... l mean l...
l think l'd like us to finish what we started together,
but l think you gotta do what you gotta do, right?
What are you thinking?
l'm thinking...
l don't know. l'm thinking. l'm thinking.
l'll tell you that much.
Wow.
(STAMMERS)
-Have a good trip. -You too.
All right.
Yo, what's up?
They just offered Ari the studio head position.
ls he gonna take it?
What's up, bro?
Vinnie.
Hello, hello.
l figure we could just pick up where we left off.
-Okay. -All right.
There are more girls coming, right?
-Don't worry. Any second. -They better be good-looking.
You're so lucky.
l get so claustrophobic and cramped on these flights.
-Will you stop it, Raina? -What?
Because l'm not that small, that's why.
Oh, did l hurt your feelings? l'm just teasing you.
Yeah, well it's not a very smart way to get a manager.
l want a manager.
But l need a spinner.
Did she just call him a spinner? (LAUGHS)
Hello, ladies.
-Hey, now we're talking. -How you doing?
Hey, how are you? Who needs a drink?
Drinks?
So who's ready for five hours of captivity?
TURTLE: Drinks all around?
Are you all right, Vince?
How could l be better?
(SOFT POP MUSlC PLAYlNG)