1 00:00:02,336 --> 00:00:04,138 Tuttle: Welcome back to "Swords and Knives for Wives" 2 00:00:04,172 --> 00:00:06,006 on the Langley Home Shopping Network. 3 00:00:06,040 --> 00:00:08,742 Next up, we've got these kitchen scissors. 4 00:00:08,776 --> 00:00:11,645 What? "That's not a knife," you say? 5 00:00:11,679 --> 00:00:13,981 Correct again, my home beauties. 6 00:00:14,014 --> 00:00:15,216 Two knives. 7 00:00:15,249 --> 00:00:18,086 -Whoa! -Whoa! 8 00:00:18,119 --> 00:00:21,389 -Ohhhh-aaaaaaah... -Ohhhh-aaaaaaah... 9 00:00:21,422 --> 00:00:24,925 Now for a visit from an old friend of the show. 10 00:00:24,958 --> 00:00:29,330 Let's give a warm welcome to Mr. Lincoln! 11 00:00:29,363 --> 00:00:31,099 [ Patriotic music plays ] 12 00:00:31,132 --> 00:00:33,367 Penny for your thoughts, Mr. President? 13 00:00:33,401 --> 00:00:35,203 You say you want a shave? 14 00:00:35,236 --> 00:00:37,671 That makes cents. 15 00:00:37,705 --> 00:00:40,541 [ Both laugh ] 16 00:00:40,574 --> 00:00:44,078 While I show you have sharp these scissors are, a joke. 17 00:00:44,112 --> 00:00:47,281 A llama and a raccoon walk into a barbershop and... 18 00:00:47,315 --> 00:00:48,882 Oh, we're done. 19 00:00:48,916 --> 00:00:50,751 He never gets to the punch line. 20 00:00:50,784 --> 00:00:52,253 His scissors are too sharp. 21 00:00:52,286 --> 00:00:55,223 I got to have those sharp-ass scissors! 22 00:00:55,256 --> 00:00:57,725 Tuttle: My producer says we're sold out. 23 00:00:57,758 --> 00:01:00,894 [Bleep] [bleep] [bleep] [bleep] 24 00:01:00,928 --> 00:01:03,531 ** 25 00:01:03,564 --> 00:01:05,633 * Good morning, U.S.A. 26 00:01:05,666 --> 00:01:09,870 * I got a feelin' that it's gonna be a wonderful day * 27 00:01:09,903 --> 00:01:12,973 * The sun in the sky has a smile on his face * 28 00:01:13,006 --> 00:01:18,979 * And he's shinin' a salute to the American race * 29 00:01:19,012 --> 00:01:22,716 * Oh, boy, it's swell to say 30 00:01:22,750 --> 00:01:25,286 * Good -- * Good morning, U.S.A. 31 00:01:25,319 --> 00:01:26,587 Aah! 32 00:01:27,621 --> 00:01:30,724 * Good morning, U.S.A. 33 00:01:30,758 --> 00:01:34,728 ** 34 00:01:34,762 --> 00:01:36,764 Roger, what are you doing here? 35 00:01:36,797 --> 00:01:40,268 Just, uh, trying to return these gently used sausages. 36 00:01:40,301 --> 00:01:43,771 Okay, but I'm meeting my dear friend 37 00:01:43,804 --> 00:01:45,739 "Gina Lavetti" here, 38 00:01:45,773 --> 00:01:48,409 so you going to go change into her, or what? 39 00:01:48,442 --> 00:01:49,577 That's weird. 40 00:01:49,610 --> 00:01:50,911 I heard you and Gina were in a fight. 41 00:01:50,944 --> 00:01:53,013 What? Why? Did she say something? 42 00:01:53,046 --> 00:01:54,982 Oh, uh, no. [ Chuckles nervously ] 43 00:01:55,015 --> 00:01:57,618 What? Y-you know what? It's not my place. 44 00:01:57,651 --> 00:01:58,919 Please don't tell Gina I said anything. 45 00:01:58,952 --> 00:02:01,121 Roger: Don't tell Gina what? 46 00:02:02,723 --> 00:02:03,757 Oh, shit. 47 00:02:03,791 --> 00:02:04,925 Don't look at him for help. 48 00:02:04,958 --> 00:02:06,427 This is between you and me. 49 00:02:06,460 --> 00:02:07,795 I'm still pissed at you. 50 00:02:07,828 --> 00:02:09,197 For what? What did I do? 51 00:02:09,230 --> 00:02:10,931 You're the one who's an hour late. 52 00:02:10,964 --> 00:02:12,300 At least I showed up, 53 00:02:12,333 --> 00:02:15,269 unlike you to make candle store opening. 54 00:02:15,303 --> 00:02:18,172 Hey, uh, I think I'm going to bounce. 55 00:02:19,039 --> 00:02:22,109 I'm sorry I didn't make the opening, 56 00:02:22,142 --> 00:02:24,478 but I can come by the candle shop tomorrow. 57 00:02:24,512 --> 00:02:25,813 Can't. Failed. 58 00:02:25,846 --> 00:02:27,848 Turns out taco smell is not something people 59 00:02:27,881 --> 00:02:29,550 are looking for in a candle. 60 00:02:29,583 --> 00:02:32,286 Gina, can we try to move past this? 61 00:02:32,320 --> 00:02:34,688 I forgot my sausages. 62 00:02:34,722 --> 00:02:36,056 Why would I want to move past this? 63 00:02:36,089 --> 00:02:37,658 It's not like it's the first thing you've done. 64 00:02:37,691 --> 00:02:39,026 What do you mean? 65 00:02:39,059 --> 00:02:40,961 Well, for starters, you kept liking Dan's 66 00:02:40,994 --> 00:02:42,730 Instagram after he dumped me. 67 00:02:42,763 --> 00:02:44,465 You didn't reach out when my turtle died. 68 00:02:44,498 --> 00:02:46,967 You didn't even congratulate me when I got my Prius, 69 00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:48,836 which I know you know I have. 70 00:02:48,869 --> 00:02:50,704 You're a bad friend. You're not supportive. 71 00:02:50,738 --> 00:02:53,073 You're a toxic person. Goodbye. 72 00:02:53,106 --> 00:02:55,476 Gina, stop! You're right. 73 00:02:55,509 --> 00:02:57,010 I've been a bad friend, 74 00:02:57,044 --> 00:02:59,747 but I promise I'll be more supportive. 75 00:02:59,780 --> 00:03:01,582 Can you give me another chance? 76 00:03:01,615 --> 00:03:03,217 Well, I don't know. 77 00:03:03,251 --> 00:03:05,052 But if you want to tag along, 78 00:03:05,085 --> 00:03:08,021 I'm about to go get some jeans at the sexy jean store. 79 00:03:08,055 --> 00:03:11,259 Really? But that place is for hotties with b-- 80 00:03:12,560 --> 00:03:15,829 Let's get Gina some jeans! 81 00:03:15,863 --> 00:03:18,065 There's nothing even close, Francine. 82 00:03:18,098 --> 00:03:19,833 Uh, ma'am, you can't bring 83 00:03:19,867 --> 00:03:21,001 your goat into this store. 84 00:03:21,034 --> 00:03:23,937 What? No. This is my friend, Gina. 85 00:03:23,971 --> 00:03:26,407 It is eating the jeans. 86 00:03:26,440 --> 00:03:28,208 I eat when I'm nervous! 87 00:03:28,242 --> 00:03:29,243 [ Munching ] 88 00:03:29,277 --> 00:03:30,678 [ Sobbing ] 89 00:03:30,711 --> 00:03:32,946 Oh, I'm sure they look great. 90 00:03:32,980 --> 00:03:34,982 Give us a show. 91 00:03:39,152 --> 00:03:40,754 Ta-da. 92 00:03:44,458 --> 00:03:46,260 ** 93 00:03:46,294 --> 00:03:48,896 [ Laughs ] 94 00:03:48,929 --> 00:03:50,364 I am going to kill myself. 95 00:03:50,398 --> 00:03:51,231 [ Bottles clang ] 96 00:03:51,265 --> 00:03:52,700 Why does nobody make jeans 97 00:03:52,733 --> 00:03:54,935 for regular women like me? 98 00:03:54,968 --> 00:03:57,204 Ding dong. Light-bulb moment. 99 00:03:57,237 --> 00:04:00,908 Maybe I'll make my own jeans. 100 00:04:01,909 --> 00:04:03,877 Are you in support of that idea? 101 00:04:03,911 --> 00:04:07,581 Oh. Oh, yeah. Yeah. You should totally do that. 102 00:04:07,615 --> 00:04:08,949 They won't only be for me. 103 00:04:08,982 --> 00:04:11,385 They'll also be for women just like me, 104 00:04:11,419 --> 00:04:14,555 complicated women with complicated bodies, 105 00:04:14,588 --> 00:04:15,989 but I don't know a lot 106 00:04:16,023 --> 00:04:18,292 or even a single thing about making jeans. 107 00:04:18,326 --> 00:04:19,560 You'll learn! 108 00:04:19,593 --> 00:04:23,096 And this time, I'll be there every step of the way. 109 00:04:23,130 --> 00:04:24,398 Even when I go to the bathroom? 110 00:04:24,432 --> 00:04:25,566 Even then. 111 00:04:25,599 --> 00:04:26,800 What if I got a rotten tummy 112 00:04:26,834 --> 00:04:28,936 from eating too many asparagus stalks? 113 00:04:28,969 --> 00:04:31,138 Sure! It happens. 114 00:04:31,171 --> 00:04:32,606 Okay. 115 00:04:32,640 --> 00:04:34,241 I'm starting to trust you. 116 00:04:34,274 --> 00:04:36,243 And now for the final step. 117 00:04:36,276 --> 00:04:39,947 Figuring out how to make jeans and making them. 118 00:04:41,515 --> 00:04:45,152 Hmm, jeans. 119 00:04:45,185 --> 00:04:51,191 ** 120 00:04:54,628 --> 00:04:57,164 Jeans. 121 00:04:57,197 --> 00:05:03,203 ** 122 00:05:07,341 --> 00:05:11,645 Ugh, these renegade eyebrows of mine, so bushy. 123 00:05:11,679 --> 00:05:14,281 I feel like all I ever do is pluck, pluck, pluck. 124 00:05:14,314 --> 00:05:16,283 I would kill for your eyebrows. 125 00:05:16,316 --> 00:05:18,018 Look at my little nothings. 126 00:05:18,051 --> 00:05:20,488 I wouldn't wish these thin-y minis on my worst enemy. 127 00:05:20,521 --> 00:05:23,691 Oh, please. I'd trade you in a heartbeat. 128 00:05:23,724 --> 00:05:30,398 ** 129 00:05:35,268 --> 00:05:38,739 -I wish I had Dad's eyebrows. -I wish I had Steve's eyebrows. 130 00:05:38,772 --> 00:05:40,808 [ Wind whistling ] 131 00:05:40,841 --> 00:05:43,210 [ Thunder crashes, caw yowls ] 132 00:05:43,243 --> 00:05:49,249 ** 133 00:05:55,088 --> 00:05:57,725 Now that you know everything about making jeans, 134 00:05:57,758 --> 00:05:59,393 I guess it's time to dig in. 135 00:05:59,427 --> 00:06:01,194 Nope. I'm going to wait for a sign. 136 00:06:01,228 --> 00:06:04,297 Oh, maybe it will come in the form of a dream. 137 00:06:06,600 --> 00:06:07,901 [ Floor boards creak ] Oh? 138 00:06:07,935 --> 00:06:09,336 Did I hear a little tippy-toe? 139 00:06:09,369 --> 00:06:11,171 Sorry? Am I just supposed to 140 00:06:11,204 --> 00:06:13,774 drift off to sleep totally unsupported? 141 00:06:13,807 --> 00:06:15,576 Do you want me to stay? 142 00:06:15,609 --> 00:06:17,411 Yes. 143 00:06:21,381 --> 00:06:23,050 Deep voice: Gina. 144 00:06:25,419 --> 00:06:26,353 Jeans? 145 00:06:26,386 --> 00:06:29,289 It's time to make me, Gina. 146 00:06:29,322 --> 00:06:31,224 Okay, bye. 147 00:06:31,258 --> 00:06:32,626 Jeans! 148 00:06:32,660 --> 00:06:36,530 You need this, but you got to call right now. 149 00:06:36,564 --> 00:06:37,865 [ Telephone beeping ] 150 00:06:37,898 --> 00:06:38,866 I had the dream. 151 00:06:38,899 --> 00:06:40,367 I made the jeans! 152 00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:41,569 I'm so proud of you! 153 00:06:41,602 --> 00:06:43,537 I already know where I'm going to sell them, 154 00:06:43,571 --> 00:06:46,707 on an all-the-way unzipped He-Man sleeping bag 155 00:06:46,740 --> 00:06:47,908 in front of the bus depot. 156 00:06:47,941 --> 00:06:50,544 What?! These jeans are great! 157 00:06:50,578 --> 00:06:53,914 You should sell them on TV like Tuttle. 158 00:06:53,947 --> 00:06:56,884 My friend has a product to sell. 159 00:06:56,917 --> 00:06:59,052 My name? Francine. 160 00:06:59,086 --> 00:07:01,388 Sagittarius. 161 00:07:01,421 --> 00:07:02,790 Red. 162 00:07:02,823 --> 00:07:06,794 Uh...bi-curious. 163 00:07:06,827 --> 00:07:08,662 I got us a meeting! 164 00:07:10,798 --> 00:07:13,433 [ Whistling ] 165 00:07:14,502 --> 00:07:16,269 [ Both scream ] 166 00:07:16,303 --> 00:07:18,739 -You have my eyebrows! -You have my eyebrows! 167 00:07:18,772 --> 00:07:20,574 Someone is coming. Quick, hide! 168 00:07:20,608 --> 00:07:23,110 [ Footsteps approaching ] 169 00:07:23,143 --> 00:07:25,412 Oh, my God. Wh -- what are we going to do? 170 00:07:25,445 --> 00:07:27,414 I can't go to school like this. 171 00:07:27,447 --> 00:07:28,949 And I can't go to work like this. 172 00:07:28,982 --> 00:07:30,851 We'll have to switch places. 173 00:07:31,351 --> 00:07:34,321 This is already working. 174 00:07:36,790 --> 00:07:40,193 These are very good jeans. 175 00:07:40,227 --> 00:07:42,129 And they got a good flap to them. 176 00:07:42,162 --> 00:07:44,498 It's my special proprietary blend. 177 00:07:44,532 --> 00:07:46,767 What's your revenue? Zero. 178 00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:49,136 How about your customer acquisition costs? 179 00:07:49,169 --> 00:07:51,104 What's that? Your ROI? 180 00:07:51,138 --> 00:07:53,206 Pass. Look. You have a great product, 181 00:07:53,240 --> 00:07:56,276 but jeans are a hearty outdoor pant, 182 00:07:56,309 --> 00:07:59,112 and our viewers are gentle indoor women. 183 00:07:59,146 --> 00:08:02,983 I see. Well, thank you for your time. 184 00:08:03,016 --> 00:08:04,552 Listen, gentlemen. 185 00:08:04,585 --> 00:08:06,286 I am one of your viewers, 186 00:08:06,319 --> 00:08:09,189 and I am not some gentle indoor woman. 187 00:08:09,222 --> 00:08:11,792 I walked to the grocery store once. 188 00:08:11,825 --> 00:08:13,226 Did I fall in the gutter? 189 00:08:13,260 --> 00:08:16,463 Yes, and I wish I was wearing jeans 190 00:08:16,496 --> 00:08:20,300 because the mud splashed all the way up to my underwear. 191 00:08:20,333 --> 00:08:25,505 So in conclusion, my underwear is brown from a puddle, 192 00:08:25,539 --> 00:08:31,845 and my friend deserves a chance to sell her jeans on TV! 193 00:08:31,879 --> 00:08:33,046 Who are you? 194 00:08:33,080 --> 00:08:35,749 She's my rock. 195 00:08:35,783 --> 00:08:37,551 Ladies, I'm convinced. 196 00:08:37,585 --> 00:08:39,687 You've got yourselves a show. 197 00:08:40,788 --> 00:08:44,057 Now, let me tell you why my underwear is brown. 198 00:08:50,363 --> 00:08:53,100 Ladies, are you tired, stressed out? 199 00:08:53,133 --> 00:08:56,670 Do you have swollen ankles, sad eyes, bitch face? 200 00:08:56,704 --> 00:08:58,338 Well, gross! 201 00:08:58,371 --> 00:09:02,175 Wow. That guy knows how to sell pancake mix. 202 00:09:02,209 --> 00:09:05,378 Francine! Oh, and you must be Gina Lavetti! 203 00:09:05,412 --> 00:09:08,015 Welcome to the network. Are you excited? 204 00:09:08,048 --> 00:09:09,349 More like nervous. 205 00:09:09,382 --> 00:09:12,452 Don't worry about it, kid. You're gonna do great. 206 00:09:13,086 --> 00:09:14,855 [ Bell rings ] 207 00:09:14,888 --> 00:09:16,356 Ms. Lavetti, you're on next. 208 00:09:16,389 --> 00:09:18,525 -This is too much pressure. -Listen to me. 209 00:09:18,558 --> 00:09:22,696 I'll be right here in your ear the whole time. 210 00:09:22,730 --> 00:09:25,065 You're on in three, two... 211 00:09:29,770 --> 00:09:31,371 Talk about the jeans. 212 00:09:31,404 --> 00:09:33,373 Jeans. Good! 213 00:09:33,406 --> 00:09:36,076 Now show them who you are. 214 00:09:36,109 --> 00:09:40,280 I'm Gina Lavetti, and this is me. 215 00:09:42,349 --> 00:09:45,385 I've got the body of a rabbit and the soul of a lion. 216 00:09:45,418 --> 00:09:49,389 I'm a 58-year-old woman who's loved, lost, and lived, 217 00:09:49,422 --> 00:09:50,791 and I'm not done yet. 218 00:09:50,824 --> 00:09:54,762 I am embarking on a new journey, a jean journey. 219 00:09:54,795 --> 00:09:57,230 So if you don't have toothpick legs like the women 220 00:09:57,264 --> 00:09:59,232 in magazines, pick up the phone. 221 00:09:59,266 --> 00:10:03,103 My jeans are built for women who are built like me... 222 00:10:03,136 --> 00:10:05,605 normal. 223 00:10:05,639 --> 00:10:08,408 This space-age fabric is stretchy and tight. 224 00:10:08,441 --> 00:10:09,677 You'll look so sexy, 225 00:10:09,710 --> 00:10:11,578 you'll never want to take these jeans off. 226 00:10:11,611 --> 00:10:13,513 Gina, you have a customer. 227 00:10:13,546 --> 00:10:15,082 We're going to put her on the air. 228 00:10:15,115 --> 00:10:16,483 Woman: Oh, I didn't really expect 229 00:10:16,516 --> 00:10:19,119 to be on the air, but I do need some jeans. 230 00:10:19,152 --> 00:10:21,655 You do? You love my jeans? 231 00:10:21,689 --> 00:10:23,023 Oh, they're going to change your life 232 00:10:23,056 --> 00:10:24,992 like you've changed mine. 233 00:10:25,025 --> 00:10:26,593 Who else wants jeans? 234 00:10:26,626 --> 00:10:28,962 [ Applause ] Director: That's a wrap! 235 00:10:28,996 --> 00:10:30,597 Can you believe it, Franny? 236 00:10:30,630 --> 00:10:34,768 We sold a pair of jeans to every woman who called in... 237 00:10:34,802 --> 00:10:36,136 Two! 238 00:10:36,169 --> 00:10:38,438 I'm on top of the world! 239 00:10:38,471 --> 00:10:40,273 You would sell way more if they didn't give you 240 00:10:40,307 --> 00:10:42,209 the 5:00 a.m. time slot. 241 00:10:42,242 --> 00:10:44,177 Why? It's too late. 242 00:10:44,211 --> 00:10:47,014 With the sunrise, people's hopes come back. 243 00:10:47,047 --> 00:10:48,381 They stop trying to buy away 244 00:10:48,415 --> 00:10:50,550 their sadness, but don't worry. 245 00:10:50,583 --> 00:10:53,120 I'm going to work day and night to get your jeans 246 00:10:53,153 --> 00:10:55,288 in front of as many eyeballs are possible. 247 00:10:55,322 --> 00:10:56,623 Cool, cool, Francine. 248 00:10:56,656 --> 00:10:58,125 Well, I'm going to head on over to Arby's 249 00:10:58,158 --> 00:11:00,227 and do my kegels. 250 00:11:00,260 --> 00:11:02,295 [ Electricity sparks, engine starts ] 251 00:11:02,329 --> 00:11:03,330 [ Tires squeal ] 252 00:11:03,363 --> 00:11:04,865 Como se dice! 253 00:11:04,898 --> 00:11:06,800 Wake up in Spanish? 254 00:11:06,834 --> 00:11:09,469 Como se dice jeans? 255 00:11:09,502 --> 00:11:13,673 Como se dice normal women? 256 00:11:15,108 --> 00:11:17,177 We need her to glow. 257 00:11:17,210 --> 00:11:19,146 You're making her look gray! 258 00:11:19,179 --> 00:11:21,281 Shegray. 259 00:11:21,548 --> 00:11:22,916 Aah! 260 00:11:22,950 --> 00:11:24,184 [ Screams ] 261 00:11:24,217 --> 00:11:26,754 I'm so sorry. I just meant to fake it! 262 00:11:26,787 --> 00:11:29,723 But let's fix the lighting, okay? 263 00:11:31,691 --> 00:11:33,426 I don't know what's come over you, Langley, 264 00:11:33,460 --> 00:11:35,328 but we sold out again! 265 00:11:35,362 --> 00:11:36,830 And to reiterate, 266 00:11:36,864 --> 00:11:39,933 earlier I referred to that prank caller as a maggot. 267 00:11:39,967 --> 00:11:42,302 That's maggot with an "M." 268 00:11:44,537 --> 00:11:47,107 Big presentations today? 269 00:11:47,140 --> 00:11:48,441 I hope that was yesterday. 270 00:11:48,475 --> 00:11:50,243 Steve. Uh, yeah? 271 00:11:50,277 --> 00:11:52,512 You look like you've gained 100 pounds overnight 272 00:11:52,545 --> 00:11:53,847 and dyed your hair. 273 00:11:53,881 --> 00:11:56,216 If it weren't for those big bushy eyebrows, 274 00:11:56,249 --> 00:11:57,851 I wouldn't have recognized you. 275 00:11:57,885 --> 00:11:58,752 And you know the rules. 276 00:11:58,786 --> 00:12:00,220 Bushiest eyebrows go first. 277 00:12:00,253 --> 00:12:01,388 [ Gulps ] 278 00:12:01,421 --> 00:12:03,456 So you're right after Ross. 279 00:12:04,724 --> 00:12:06,459 Aaah! 280 00:12:07,494 --> 00:12:09,629 So you jump out of this helicopter 281 00:12:09,662 --> 00:12:11,198 and kill the terrorists! 282 00:12:11,231 --> 00:12:12,532 [ Gasps ] Then we'll tell 283 00:12:12,565 --> 00:12:14,134 each other detailed stories 284 00:12:14,167 --> 00:12:15,903 to prove that we're not virgins! 285 00:12:15,936 --> 00:12:16,904 [ Gasps ] 286 00:12:16,937 --> 00:12:18,205 Now, Stan, 287 00:12:18,238 --> 00:12:19,372 you know the rules. 288 00:12:19,406 --> 00:12:21,842 Wispiest eyebrows jump first! 289 00:12:25,745 --> 00:12:29,682 Just kidding. Thickest pubes go first! 290 00:12:31,919 --> 00:12:34,721 Hey, boss, wanted to talk to you about getting 291 00:12:34,754 --> 00:12:36,890 Gina Lavetti a better time slot. 292 00:12:36,924 --> 00:12:38,291 We want 3:00 a.m. 293 00:12:38,325 --> 00:12:39,392 Tuttle's at 3:00 a.m. 294 00:12:39,426 --> 00:12:41,461 Tuttle is old potatoes. 295 00:12:41,494 --> 00:12:43,263 Gina is hot potato. 296 00:12:43,296 --> 00:12:45,732 Tuttle's our boy. I'm not moving him. 297 00:12:45,765 --> 00:12:47,234 Your boy, huh? 298 00:12:47,267 --> 00:12:49,302 I look around, and I see me and Gina 299 00:12:49,336 --> 00:12:50,570 are the only women here. 300 00:12:50,603 --> 00:12:52,239 So? So... 301 00:12:52,272 --> 00:12:54,107 I'm starting to think this is 302 00:12:54,141 --> 00:12:56,944 nothing but a boy's club. 303 00:12:56,977 --> 00:12:59,412 Tss-cha-cha... 304 00:12:59,446 --> 00:13:01,581 Ch-ch-ch... 305 00:13:01,614 --> 00:13:02,415 Bam! 306 00:13:02,449 --> 00:13:03,851 What's happening? 307 00:13:03,884 --> 00:13:05,352 * Boy's club 308 00:13:05,385 --> 00:13:07,254 * It's a boy's club 309 00:13:07,287 --> 00:13:09,923 * We're the boys 310 00:13:09,957 --> 00:13:13,293 -Pssh. -Aah. 311 00:13:13,326 --> 00:13:15,328 * We're the boys, yeah! 312 00:13:15,362 --> 00:13:17,764 * It's a boy's club 313 00:13:17,797 --> 00:13:19,766 Pow! 314 00:13:19,799 --> 00:13:20,968 I was right. 315 00:13:21,001 --> 00:13:22,936 * Yeah 316 00:13:22,970 --> 00:13:24,637 The president is back! 317 00:13:24,671 --> 00:13:27,875 And he wants to be corkscrewed again. 318 00:13:27,908 --> 00:13:29,042 Move Tuttle? 319 00:13:29,076 --> 00:13:30,443 He's a star! 320 00:13:30,477 --> 00:13:32,712 [ Grunting ] 321 00:13:32,745 --> 00:13:33,680 [ Chuckles ] 322 00:13:33,713 --> 00:13:35,348 This -- this is embarrassing. 323 00:13:35,382 --> 00:13:38,351 This, uh, this -- this never happens. 324 00:13:38,385 --> 00:13:41,121 [ Laughs ] Damn it! 325 00:13:41,154 --> 00:13:43,991 Ow! These damn scissors suck! 326 00:13:49,997 --> 00:13:52,465 They fired him. They fired Tuttle. 327 00:13:52,499 --> 00:13:53,800 You're welcome. 328 00:13:53,833 --> 00:13:55,368 Oh, my God. You were the one 329 00:13:55,402 --> 00:13:56,636 who dulled his scissors. 330 00:13:56,669 --> 00:13:58,005 Damn it. That would have been 331 00:13:58,038 --> 00:13:59,907 way cheaper than buying a diamond penny. 332 00:13:59,940 --> 00:14:02,976 Tuttle was a dear friend, a mentor. 333 00:14:03,010 --> 00:14:05,145 Why would you do this? 334 00:14:05,178 --> 00:14:06,880 What are you talking about? 335 00:14:06,914 --> 00:14:08,415 I got you 3:00 a.m. 336 00:14:08,448 --> 00:14:10,250 I never wanted 3:00 a.m. 337 00:14:10,283 --> 00:14:12,219 I didn't even want to be on TV. 338 00:14:12,252 --> 00:14:14,587 All I wanted was a supportive friend, 339 00:14:14,621 --> 00:14:16,990 but you're poison, so get out of my face 340 00:14:17,024 --> 00:14:19,092 and take your friendship bracelet back. 341 00:14:19,126 --> 00:14:20,360 I didn't give you that. 342 00:14:20,393 --> 00:14:23,563 And why doesn't that surprise me? 343 00:14:26,866 --> 00:14:28,368 [ Laughter ] 344 00:14:28,401 --> 00:14:30,037 Roger: Welcome to "Gina's Jeans." 345 00:14:30,070 --> 00:14:33,206 I'm Gina, and this is my co-host, Tuttle. 346 00:14:33,240 --> 00:14:35,775 She hired Tuttle back?! 347 00:14:35,808 --> 00:14:37,777 How could she do this to you? 348 00:14:37,810 --> 00:14:40,747 She's gone absolutely insane! 349 00:14:40,780 --> 00:14:43,183 I can't believe how stretchy they are 350 00:14:43,216 --> 00:14:45,352 and yet so tight. 351 00:14:45,385 --> 00:14:46,453 [ Thud ] 352 00:14:46,486 --> 00:14:47,854 It's my proprietary blend. 353 00:14:47,887 --> 00:14:49,222 You can walk in these jeans. 354 00:14:49,256 --> 00:14:51,858 You can shop in them, and you can be an older woman 355 00:14:51,891 --> 00:14:54,962 who is taking part in this world in them. 356 00:14:54,995 --> 00:14:55,929 Let's take a call. 357 00:14:55,963 --> 00:14:57,697 Woman: Love the jeans, love you. 358 00:14:57,730 --> 00:14:59,199 There's just one thing. 359 00:14:59,232 --> 00:15:02,035 I took the jeans off last night, and when I woke up, 360 00:15:02,069 --> 00:15:03,070 I was wearing them. 361 00:15:03,103 --> 00:15:05,438 Sweet dream jeans are made of these. 362 00:15:05,472 --> 00:15:06,706 Next caller. 363 00:15:06,739 --> 00:15:09,709 She put her jeans on in her sleep? 364 00:15:09,742 --> 00:15:11,578 That seems weird. Yeah. 365 00:15:11,611 --> 00:15:13,480 That Gina is a real bitch. 366 00:15:13,513 --> 00:15:15,415 Woman #2: Hey, Gina, love the jeans. 367 00:15:15,448 --> 00:15:17,217 My ass has never looked better. 368 00:15:17,250 --> 00:15:21,554 One thing, though, the jeans occupy my every thought 369 00:15:21,588 --> 00:15:23,390 and also, uh... 370 00:15:23,423 --> 00:15:24,724 control them. 371 00:15:24,757 --> 00:15:28,161 Wait, the jeans are controlling her thoughts? 372 00:15:28,195 --> 00:15:29,262 Something's up. 373 00:15:29,296 --> 00:15:30,797 Oh, I'll say something is up. 374 00:15:30,830 --> 00:15:33,900 You got her the best time slot on the most successful 375 00:15:33,933 --> 00:15:37,104 local home shopping network -- all she ever wanted. 376 00:15:37,137 --> 00:15:39,839 Well, actually, she just wanted to sell her jeans 377 00:15:39,872 --> 00:15:42,075 off a sleeping bag at the bus depot. 378 00:15:42,109 --> 00:15:44,777 We should be the ones banging Tuttle, not her. 379 00:15:44,811 --> 00:15:46,846 Woman #3: Anyway, I met my friend for brunch, 380 00:15:46,879 --> 00:15:49,349 and our jeans compelled us to steal a car 381 00:15:49,382 --> 00:15:50,917 and drive to the coordinates. 382 00:15:50,950 --> 00:15:52,485 The coordinates? Yep. 383 00:15:52,519 --> 00:15:55,188 Uh-huh. What's at the coordinates? 384 00:15:55,222 --> 00:15:56,256 Oh, just... 385 00:15:56,289 --> 00:15:58,858 [deepened voice] our destiny. 386 00:15:58,891 --> 00:16:01,494 [ Receiver clicks, dial tone ] 387 00:16:01,528 --> 00:16:04,031 Okay. Next caller. 388 00:16:04,064 --> 00:16:07,000 Tell me you're having a nice, normal time with my jeans. 389 00:16:07,034 --> 00:16:08,301 Woman #4: Oh, I am. 390 00:16:08,335 --> 00:16:11,638 I wore them to a summer party, and it was a smash! 391 00:16:11,671 --> 00:16:15,308 Also, my jeans would be so mad at me if I didn't say... 392 00:16:15,342 --> 00:16:18,778 [male voice] 10, 21, 16, 47. 393 00:16:18,811 --> 00:16:22,049 Okay, those are definitely coordinates. 394 00:16:22,082 --> 00:16:23,783 Keep selling. 395 00:16:23,816 --> 00:16:25,785 [ Slurping, gulping ] 396 00:16:25,818 --> 00:16:27,220 I'm going to the studio. 397 00:16:27,254 --> 00:16:28,855 Yeah. Hit it with your car. 398 00:16:28,888 --> 00:16:30,623 I ain't gonna tell nobody. 399 00:16:30,657 --> 00:16:33,293 Klaus, you moron, Gina is my friend. 400 00:16:33,326 --> 00:16:34,461 I got to go help her. 401 00:16:34,494 --> 00:16:36,329 Now she's your friend? 402 00:16:36,363 --> 00:16:40,533 Francine, I am working my ass off to be on your side, 403 00:16:40,567 --> 00:16:42,369 but you've got me spinning in circles! 404 00:16:42,402 --> 00:16:45,838 Okay, cards on the table. I will do anything to be liked. 405 00:16:45,872 --> 00:16:49,409 I will say any words. I am loyal to no person or idea. 406 00:16:49,442 --> 00:16:53,980 I just need the slightest shred of human connection. 407 00:16:54,013 --> 00:16:55,148 Can you help me? 408 00:16:55,182 --> 00:16:56,816 Gina is in trouble. 409 00:16:56,849 --> 00:17:00,220 Gina is Roger! 410 00:17:00,253 --> 00:17:02,822 [ Whines ] 411 00:17:02,855 --> 00:17:05,525 Woman #5: Gina, I love the jeans. 412 00:17:05,558 --> 00:17:06,926 She's gonna mention coordinates. 413 00:17:06,959 --> 00:17:08,828 I can wear them with a T-shirt. 414 00:17:08,861 --> 00:17:10,230 I can wear them with a blazer. 415 00:17:10,263 --> 00:17:11,498 That is true. 416 00:17:11,531 --> 00:17:13,500 I get a lot of compliments on them. 417 00:17:13,533 --> 00:17:14,601 That's wonderful! 418 00:17:14,634 --> 00:17:15,702 I thought you were gonna say... 419 00:17:15,735 --> 00:17:18,671 Male voice: 10, 21, 16, 47. 420 00:17:18,705 --> 00:17:20,673 We got to stop this! 421 00:17:20,707 --> 00:17:24,411 [ Groans ] 422 00:17:24,444 --> 00:17:25,445 Where you going? 423 00:17:25,478 --> 00:17:26,679 I don't know. Probably... 424 00:17:26,713 --> 00:17:30,183 Male voice: 10, 21, 16, 47. 425 00:17:30,217 --> 00:17:36,022 ** 426 00:17:36,055 --> 00:17:36,956 [ Tires squeal ] 427 00:17:36,989 --> 00:17:39,626 -Hayley! -Mom, help me! 428 00:17:39,659 --> 00:17:41,094 Get in. I can't. 429 00:17:41,128 --> 00:17:43,563 These jeans are taking me somewhere. 430 00:17:43,596 --> 00:17:44,764 I see. 431 00:17:44,797 --> 00:17:49,902 Well, I'm going to 10, 21, 16, 47 432 00:17:49,936 --> 00:17:53,072 if that's anywhere near where you're going. 433 00:17:53,106 --> 00:17:55,142 [ Deepened voice ] Wow, this is crazy. 434 00:17:55,175 --> 00:17:56,909 That would be great. 435 00:17:56,943 --> 00:17:59,212 ** 436 00:17:59,246 --> 00:18:00,647 [ Tires squeal ] 437 00:18:04,251 --> 00:18:05,218 How was work? 438 00:18:05,252 --> 00:18:07,387 I had no idea what it was like 439 00:18:07,420 --> 00:18:08,621 to have your eyebrows. 440 00:18:08,655 --> 00:18:10,257 And I had no idea what it was like 441 00:18:10,290 --> 00:18:11,824 to have your eyebrows. 442 00:18:11,858 --> 00:18:13,293 So I was too light for your parachute 443 00:18:13,326 --> 00:18:15,895 and drifted 17 miles from the mission drop zone. 444 00:18:15,928 --> 00:18:17,730 Well, that's probably safer. 445 00:18:17,764 --> 00:18:19,566 For me, yeah, but I was supposed 446 00:18:19,599 --> 00:18:22,635 to be covering Johnson, so he's dead. 447 00:18:22,669 --> 00:18:24,637 Then we're even because I kind of messed up 448 00:18:24,671 --> 00:18:26,139 your school presentation. 449 00:18:26,173 --> 00:18:27,240 Oh, that's okay. 450 00:18:27,274 --> 00:18:28,641 They barely count towards your grade. 451 00:18:28,675 --> 00:18:30,076 Oh, good. That's great. 452 00:18:30,109 --> 00:18:32,579 I panicked and showed them my dick. 453 00:18:32,612 --> 00:18:38,851 ** 454 00:18:38,885 --> 00:18:43,022 Gina, I'm so sorry. You were right. 455 00:18:43,055 --> 00:18:44,957 I was being a bad friend. 456 00:18:44,991 --> 00:18:46,926 That's great, Francine, but we're a little past 457 00:18:46,959 --> 00:18:49,262 that now being in the middle of what I can only assume 458 00:18:49,296 --> 00:18:50,663 is a jeans death march. 459 00:18:50,697 --> 00:18:52,165 What the hell is going on? 460 00:18:52,199 --> 00:18:55,268 Well, my proprietary blend was cotton, 461 00:18:55,302 --> 00:18:58,371 and a little piece of my spaceship's seat belt, 462 00:18:58,405 --> 00:19:01,174 which is sentient and self-replicating, 463 00:19:01,208 --> 00:19:03,276 which I initially thought might be a problem, 464 00:19:03,310 --> 00:19:05,011 but then the fabric told me it wasn't 465 00:19:05,044 --> 00:19:06,713 and to stop asking questions. 466 00:19:06,746 --> 00:19:10,617 Everybody, get out of those jeans! 467 00:19:10,650 --> 00:19:12,952 But the jeans make us beautiful! 468 00:19:12,985 --> 00:19:15,622 You don't need jeans to be beautiful. 469 00:19:15,655 --> 00:19:18,525 Easy for you to say, you skinny bitch! 470 00:19:18,558 --> 00:19:19,692 You have to do something. 471 00:19:19,726 --> 00:19:20,993 They won't listen to me. 472 00:19:21,027 --> 00:19:23,162 What? The only reason they're in those jeans 473 00:19:23,196 --> 00:19:25,465 is because you inspired them. 474 00:19:25,498 --> 00:19:27,800 Now you've got to get them to take them off. 475 00:19:27,834 --> 00:19:29,636 The jeans have all the power. 476 00:19:29,669 --> 00:19:31,804 Because you gave it to them! 477 00:19:31,838 --> 00:19:33,139 Now take it back. 478 00:19:33,172 --> 00:19:36,509 Women of Langley, I used to think jeans 479 00:19:36,543 --> 00:19:38,411 were the most important thing in the world, 480 00:19:38,445 --> 00:19:41,314 that they made me worthy, beautiful, lovable. 481 00:19:41,348 --> 00:19:47,153 Am I still now all these things even without the jeans? 482 00:19:47,186 --> 00:19:50,757 Sure, but you're still wearing them a little bit. 483 00:19:50,790 --> 00:19:53,260 [ Grunting ] 484 00:19:53,293 --> 00:19:55,328 I should have taken my shoes off first. 485 00:19:55,362 --> 00:19:59,499 I didn't realize it, but I gave my power away 486 00:19:59,532 --> 00:20:03,270 to the jeans, something that we are women should never do, 487 00:20:03,303 --> 00:20:06,072 because when we give jeans too much power, 488 00:20:06,105 --> 00:20:07,840 they end up controlling us. 489 00:20:07,874 --> 00:20:10,510 Really go for it, Francine. You can't hurt me. 490 00:20:10,543 --> 00:20:12,345 Aaaah, it hurts so much! 491 00:20:12,379 --> 00:20:13,680 You're breaking my feet! 492 00:20:13,713 --> 00:20:15,014 [ Grunts ] 493 00:20:15,047 --> 00:20:17,183 Find a supportive friend, 494 00:20:17,216 --> 00:20:20,720 and get out of those damn jeans. 495 00:20:20,753 --> 00:20:21,921 They're doing it! 496 00:20:21,954 --> 00:20:24,056 They're free of the jeans! 497 00:20:26,726 --> 00:20:27,860 [ All gasp ] 498 00:20:27,894 --> 00:20:30,963 [ Thunder crashes ] 499 00:20:33,266 --> 00:20:36,369 It's just like the dream, how it all started. 500 00:20:36,403 --> 00:20:39,806 Jeans, do you have a message for us? 501 00:20:39,839 --> 00:20:43,376 Jeans: Confidence is sexy. 502 00:20:43,410 --> 00:20:44,811 [ Applause ] 503 00:20:44,844 --> 00:20:49,549 That giant talking pair of jeans is worth millions! 504 00:20:49,582 --> 00:20:52,018 Get it, boys! 505 00:20:55,755 --> 00:20:57,424 Sorry, jeans. 506 00:20:57,457 --> 00:21:00,226 You belong to the boy's club now. 507 00:21:00,259 --> 00:21:02,429 Jesus Christ! 508 00:21:02,462 --> 00:21:04,797 Have a great night!