1 00:00:04,629 --> 00:00:07,483 You guys were right. I read the ad wrong. 2 00:00:07,507 --> 00:00:11,612 It wasn't for a candy-striper. It was for a candy-stripper. 3 00:00:11,636 --> 00:00:13,263 What is that, a joke? 4 00:00:13,638 --> 00:00:16,909 Check it out. Snot forgot his vest. 5 00:00:16,933 --> 00:00:19,286 I guess we all know what that means, right? 6 00:00:19,310 --> 00:00:21,288 Uh, that's a no. 7 00:00:21,312 --> 00:00:24,458 Snot secretly takes off his vest when he dumps out. 8 00:00:24,482 --> 00:00:26,168 Oh, no. He hides that? 9 00:00:26,192 --> 00:00:29,988 Be proud, guy. It's cool to poo. 10 00:00:33,742 --> 00:00:34,826 What's this? 11 00:00:35,869 --> 00:00:39,807 Hey, this is about us. It's a list of the family. 12 00:00:39,831 --> 00:00:41,976 We're ranked. 13 00:00:42,000 --> 00:00:43,060 Ranked? 14 00:00:43,084 --> 00:00:46,647 On what, may I ask, did Snot rank us? 15 00:00:46,671 --> 00:00:47,964 Hotness. 16 00:00:49,507 --> 00:00:50,568 Oh, my God. 17 00:00:50,592 --> 00:00:53,053 I'm not last. I'm not last! 18 00:00:53,928 --> 00:00:55,889 I forgot my vest. 19 00:00:56,222 --> 00:00:58,266 Sit the hell down, Snot. 20 00:00:59,392 --> 00:01:02,353 'Tis the season for questions. 21 00:01:02,687 --> 00:01:03,855 Gulp. 22 00:01:05,857 --> 00:01:08,836 Good morning, USA. 23 00:01:08,860 --> 00:01:10,421 What is this, Snot? 24 00:01:10,445 --> 00:01:15,509 First off, isn't some weird ranking of who I am personally attracted to. 25 00:01:15,533 --> 00:01:20,389 It's just a super normal, kind of hard to even be mad about, list 26 00:01:20,413 --> 00:01:23,517 of the objective hotness of my best friend's family. 27 00:01:23,541 --> 00:01:25,811 Just to be clear, I'm ranked number one. 28 00:01:25,835 --> 00:01:28,272 - Does that mean... - You're the hottest in the family. 29 00:01:28,296 --> 00:01:30,274 Your Honor, I have no more questions for him, 30 00:01:30,298 --> 00:01:32,258 except to ask if he wants to stay for dinner. 31 00:01:32,509 --> 00:01:35,780 I see. I see, I'm seven on here. 32 00:01:35,804 --> 00:01:39,075 I'm just not sure I understand the numbering system. 33 00:01:39,099 --> 00:01:41,535 Please allow me to explain my conclusions. 34 00:01:41,559 --> 00:01:46,040 Mr. Smith is ranked first for his natural "talent." 35 00:01:46,064 --> 00:01:48,626 The man has the perfect body. 36 00:01:48,650 --> 00:01:52,963 Huge menacing torso, and legs that are mostly an afterthought. 37 00:01:52,987 --> 00:01:56,050 But the showstopper is a chin 38 00:01:56,074 --> 00:02:00,387 that makes you realize that nothing is impossible. 39 00:02:00,411 --> 00:02:02,807 Hayley is ranked second. 40 00:02:02,831 --> 00:02:05,309 She oozes potential. 41 00:02:05,333 --> 00:02:09,146 A deep beauty lies within, but it's mostly hidden 42 00:02:09,170 --> 00:02:11,398 because she transcends fashion 43 00:02:11,422 --> 00:02:14,843 and dresses in absolute defiance of it. 44 00:02:15,510 --> 00:02:18,072 Steve came in a strong third. 45 00:02:18,096 --> 00:02:21,408 His silky hair and soft hands are great, 46 00:02:21,432 --> 00:02:25,770 but it's that fat ass that put him over the top. 47 00:02:27,147 --> 00:02:29,375 Francine, I worry about your drinking. 48 00:02:29,399 --> 00:02:32,253 And even though it hasn't affected your looks yet, 49 00:02:32,277 --> 00:02:36,531 it's just so... tragically sad. 50 00:02:39,742 --> 00:02:42,596 Klaus is a gorgeous shade of orange. 51 00:02:42,620 --> 00:02:46,791 Gazing upon him is like watching a tropical sunset. 52 00:02:47,876 --> 00:02:51,963 Jeff's feet are the perfect size for his body. 53 00:02:52,714 --> 00:02:55,359 And that concludes my list. 54 00:02:55,383 --> 00:02:56,485 What about me? 55 00:02:56,509 --> 00:02:59,137 You've explained everyone's rankings but not mine. 56 00:03:01,014 --> 00:03:05,643 I just don't think it's fair to say if it's something you can't change. 57 00:03:09,022 --> 00:03:11,458 Announcement. I'm skipping work for the month 58 00:03:11,482 --> 00:03:14,128 and this time not just to play Animal Crossing. 59 00:03:14,152 --> 00:03:16,881 I'm going to finally start my magazine. 60 00:03:16,905 --> 00:03:18,883 Stan Magazine is happening? 61 00:03:18,907 --> 00:03:23,679 Yup. For the first time ever, there will be a magazine for men. 62 00:03:23,703 --> 00:03:26,557 Is this all because my friend thought you were attractive? 63 00:03:26,581 --> 00:03:28,350 He's my friend, too, Steve. 64 00:03:28,374 --> 00:03:31,437 Dad, there are already tons of men's magazines out there. 65 00:03:31,461 --> 00:03:33,480 Stan Magazine will be different. 66 00:03:33,504 --> 00:03:36,483 Stan Magazine will have reviews of wristwatches 67 00:03:36,507 --> 00:03:39,528 and a sex advice column from, get this, 68 00:03:39,552 --> 00:03:41,697 a woman wearing glasses. 69 00:03:41,721 --> 00:03:44,742 So there is irony at play in this magazine. 70 00:03:44,766 --> 00:03:47,953 Sorry I'm late for my breakfast. I didn't get much sleep last night, 71 00:03:47,977 --> 00:03:50,480 - and I'm not feeling too hot. - I bet you aren't. 72 00:03:51,940 --> 00:03:53,483 I'm going to the zoo. 73 00:03:55,652 --> 00:03:58,005 Dude, one of the gross hippos escaped. 74 00:03:58,029 --> 00:03:59,715 Oh, no, has a hippo gotten out? 75 00:03:59,739 --> 00:04:02,009 Oh, no, they're talking about me. 76 00:04:02,033 --> 00:04:03,469 That's no hippo. 77 00:04:03,493 --> 00:04:07,389 It's a disgusting squid trying to sneak out of the zoo in people clothes. 78 00:04:07,413 --> 00:04:10,959 My confidence is so low I don't even look human anymore. 79 00:04:13,378 --> 00:04:15,213 The zoo got a monster. 80 00:04:18,466 --> 00:04:21,654 Well, I've been to every bank in the Tri-City metro area 81 00:04:21,678 --> 00:04:24,907 and no one has the balls to loan me money for my magazine. 82 00:04:24,931 --> 00:04:28,285 Goddamn banks. All they care about is money. 83 00:04:28,309 --> 00:04:31,330 How are you doing, Barry? I'm so sorry for your loss. 84 00:04:31,354 --> 00:04:33,040 I really miss Nana. 85 00:04:33,064 --> 00:04:37,277 Now all I have to remember her by is the large inheritance she left me. 86 00:04:38,861 --> 00:04:41,572 Barry, my good man, have a seat. 87 00:04:42,740 --> 00:04:46,136 Francine, we have a guest. Bring this lard ass some ribs. 88 00:04:46,160 --> 00:04:47,596 I don't know if you've heard, 89 00:04:47,620 --> 00:04:49,974 but I've got a lot of heat on me right now. 90 00:04:49,998 --> 00:04:54,395 Oh. I heard about Snot's rankings. Congratulations. 91 00:04:54,419 --> 00:04:56,730 I have an investment opportunity for you. 92 00:04:56,754 --> 00:04:59,650 Stan Magazine, a magazine for men. 93 00:04:59,674 --> 00:05:02,194 It's luxury but also rugged. 94 00:05:02,218 --> 00:05:05,221 It's political, I but only for office politics. 95 00:05:05,805 --> 00:05:09,017 - Dad, can you please not... - Francine, silence the boy! 96 00:05:10,977 --> 00:05:13,747 Do you know anything about launching a magazine? 97 00:05:13,771 --> 00:05:16,750 That's a great question. I've got some better ones. 98 00:05:16,774 --> 00:05:19,461 What's Jeremy Renner's favorite cigar shop? 99 00:05:19,485 --> 00:05:21,839 Where does Gerard Butler like to scuba dive? 100 00:05:21,863 --> 00:05:25,759 Those are the big questions Stan Magazine will attempt to answer. 101 00:05:25,783 --> 00:05:27,785 - I'll give you $600. - Great. 102 00:05:28,328 --> 00:05:31,056 Barry, I'm so sorry about your grandmother. 103 00:05:31,080 --> 00:05:35,043 That she won't be here to see you become a magazine millionaire. 104 00:05:35,626 --> 00:05:38,689 Who cares what Snot, the family, a couple of zoo workers 105 00:05:38,713 --> 00:05:40,733 and an entire Starbucks think of you? 106 00:05:40,757 --> 00:05:42,818 The barista asked me to leave the store, 107 00:05:42,842 --> 00:05:45,321 and then I could hear everyone cheer when I left. 108 00:05:45,345 --> 00:05:49,265 Klaus, this is the least confident and sexy I've ever felt. 109 00:05:50,433 --> 00:05:53,329 Oh, no. It's the Wednesday before Christmas, isn't it? 110 00:05:53,353 --> 00:05:55,938 Tonight's my legendary Christmas sex party. 111 00:05:56,272 --> 00:05:58,959 Sex! Sex! Sex! 112 00:05:58,983 --> 00:06:00,919 What a disaster. 113 00:06:00,943 --> 00:06:05,049 With your confidence so low and my bang-tivity scene not finished yet, 114 00:06:05,073 --> 00:06:07,343 I still have to glue on Joseph's mammoth hog 115 00:06:07,367 --> 00:06:09,786 and arrange the Three Wise Men's circle jerk. 116 00:06:17,168 --> 00:06:18,336 Upstairs. 117 00:06:20,713 --> 00:06:23,275 So, Rog, when are you gonna get in on the action? 118 00:06:23,299 --> 00:06:26,111 Not sure. I got my hands full with these refreshments, 119 00:06:26,135 --> 00:06:29,281 and after that I feel like it's time I build that Lego Death Star 120 00:06:29,305 --> 00:06:30,616 I got six years ago. 121 00:06:30,640 --> 00:06:33,410 Roger, you're being silly. You're sexy as hell. 122 00:06:33,434 --> 00:06:36,813 This is your party. Get in there, Santa. 123 00:06:38,940 --> 00:06:39,917 Do I look good? 124 00:06:39,941 --> 00:06:42,819 You are giving me a full-on Yule log, bro. 125 00:06:47,281 --> 00:06:49,843 Coming through. Excuse me. Hey, how's it going over there? 126 00:06:49,867 --> 00:06:52,429 There's a hippo in here! 127 00:06:52,453 --> 00:06:56,058 It's clearly a squid. 128 00:06:56,082 --> 00:06:57,726 Okay. That hurts. 129 00:06:57,750 --> 00:07:00,062 Hey-o, how's the futon crew doing? 130 00:07:00,086 --> 00:07:01,814 - Room for a fifth? - No! 131 00:07:01,838 --> 00:07:05,484 Oh, God. Whatever you're doing, can you not do it near me? 132 00:07:05,508 --> 00:07:06,985 Sorry, sorry. 133 00:07:07,009 --> 00:07:10,280 Everyone is just so obsessed with sex at this orgy. 134 00:07:10,304 --> 00:07:13,075 Whatever happened to a little something called conversation? 135 00:07:13,099 --> 00:07:15,160 Huh? Sorry, I wasn't listening. 136 00:07:15,184 --> 00:07:18,539 Tuttle is really getting into the Christmas spirit. 137 00:07:18,563 --> 00:07:20,898 Giving and receiving. 138 00:07:25,027 --> 00:07:27,589 I thought we could take a break from all that humping 139 00:07:27,613 --> 00:07:29,258 to share a nice Christmas goose. 140 00:07:29,282 --> 00:07:30,801 Do we have to? 141 00:07:30,825 --> 00:07:35,472 Yes. We're going to eat, chat, and enjoy each other's sexiest body part. 142 00:07:35,496 --> 00:07:37,516 - You mean the ball sack? - The taint? 143 00:07:37,540 --> 00:07:40,334 - Is he talking about the anus? - The brain! 144 00:07:40,835 --> 00:07:43,230 Have you read Dune? I keep trying to get into it, 145 00:07:43,254 --> 00:07:45,441 but I don't know, maybe I'm just not a Dune guy. 146 00:07:45,465 --> 00:07:48,509 Hey! I run the clapper around here. 147 00:07:49,886 --> 00:07:53,073 Okay. Very funny everybody. Where did the goose go? 148 00:07:53,097 --> 00:07:56,201 I'm gonna turn off the light again, and whoever took the goose, 149 00:07:56,225 --> 00:07:58,227 just put it back. No questions asked. 150 00:08:00,938 --> 00:08:01,957 Thank you. 151 00:08:01,981 --> 00:08:04,418 Oh, no, did someone this goose? 152 00:08:04,442 --> 00:08:06,027 Who this goose? 153 00:08:10,948 --> 00:08:12,050 S'up, homies? 154 00:08:12,074 --> 00:08:15,012 Dad, what are you doing here? And what happened to your face? 155 00:08:15,036 --> 00:08:18,223 You think it's easy to stay on top of Snot's rankings? 156 00:08:18,247 --> 00:08:21,852 I had all the fat from my feet and calves put into my cheeks and lips. 157 00:08:21,876 --> 00:08:23,729 Hi, Snot. Always good to see you. 158 00:08:23,753 --> 00:08:27,399 Now, Barry, I wanted to chat about continuing your investment 159 00:08:27,423 --> 00:08:29,026 in Stan Magazine. 160 00:08:29,050 --> 00:08:33,363 Don't forget your grandmother's dying words. "Support print journalism." 161 00:08:33,387 --> 00:08:35,723 Her dying words were, "Find my killer." 162 00:08:36,599 --> 00:08:38,702 Look, I'm sorry, Mr. Smith, 163 00:08:38,726 --> 00:08:41,538 but this all seems like a giant vanity project. 164 00:08:41,562 --> 00:08:45,501 You think I'm gonna take artistic advice from my money guy? No way! 165 00:08:45,525 --> 00:08:47,252 You suits are all the same. 166 00:08:47,276 --> 00:08:51,381 You're the one wearing a suit. I'm not giving you any more money. 167 00:08:51,405 --> 00:08:53,425 Very well, you are dead to me. 168 00:08:53,449 --> 00:08:56,744 I'm gonna go finish my lunch with the sexy religious students. 169 00:08:58,037 --> 00:09:02,100 You know, I always thought that cleaning up after an orgy would be gross, 170 00:09:02,124 --> 00:09:03,477 and I was right. 171 00:09:03,501 --> 00:09:05,687 Klaus, I can't live like this anymore. 172 00:09:05,711 --> 00:09:08,315 Sex makes everything so much worse, 173 00:09:08,339 --> 00:09:11,235 so I've decided to swear off sex from now on. 174 00:09:11,259 --> 00:09:13,070 I'm giving it up forever. 175 00:09:13,094 --> 00:09:15,989 I'm with you. I'm sick of sex, too. 176 00:09:16,013 --> 00:09:20,160 I don't wanna get railed, nailed, Eiffel-towered, pretzel-dipped, 177 00:09:20,184 --> 00:09:22,287 corkscrewed, flat-ironed, 178 00:09:22,311 --> 00:09:25,374 wheel-barrowed or sporked ever again. 179 00:09:25,398 --> 00:09:28,460 I'm done, done, done with sex. 180 00:09:28,484 --> 00:09:30,420 - Sporked? - Sex, who needs it? 181 00:09:30,444 --> 00:09:34,156 Not me. My old downstairs is basically destroyed anyways. 182 00:09:36,242 --> 00:09:38,262 I like your vibe, strange woman. 183 00:09:38,286 --> 00:09:40,931 Roger, professional uncle, hater of sex. 184 00:09:40,955 --> 00:09:42,057 Elizabeth. 185 00:09:42,081 --> 00:09:45,894 You know, if we're both really serious about not having sex, 186 00:09:45,918 --> 00:09:48,129 there's something we can do. 187 00:09:49,046 --> 00:09:50,923 - We got married! - We got married! 188 00:09:51,048 --> 00:09:52,925 Pum, pum, pum! 189 00:10:01,976 --> 00:10:04,288 - Good morning. - Good morning to you, sir. 190 00:10:04,312 --> 00:10:05,872 - Companionship. - Companionship. 191 00:10:05,896 --> 00:10:06,981 Companionship. 192 00:10:07,356 --> 00:10:09,358 Don't forget I'm part of this, too. 193 00:10:10,484 --> 00:10:13,046 It's so nice not worrying about sex anymore. 194 00:10:13,070 --> 00:10:15,257 I can focus on the important things in life, 195 00:10:15,281 --> 00:10:16,883 like this flavorless oatmeal. 196 00:10:16,907 --> 00:10:20,536 And I can wear my night guard all day long. 197 00:10:22,538 --> 00:10:27,251 This homemade apple cider vinegar is so much more sour than store-bought. 198 00:10:34,967 --> 00:10:38,054 The birds are quite promiscuous up here in the mountains. 199 00:10:40,139 --> 00:10:43,118 Woodworking. A true lasting pleasure. 200 00:10:43,142 --> 00:10:44,352 I could do this all night. 201 00:10:44,852 --> 00:10:47,914 But it's been a long day. I think it's time to hit the hay. 202 00:10:47,938 --> 00:10:50,983 Honey, it's 7:15 in the morning. 203 00:10:57,156 --> 00:10:58,449 Shh! He's coming. 204 00:11:00,409 --> 00:11:03,746 Why is Dad dressed like a villainous emperor from a sci-fi movie? 205 00:11:05,998 --> 00:11:07,434 Thank you, Xerxes. 206 00:11:07,458 --> 00:11:10,228 The venom of this little snake reactivates my calf fat. 207 00:11:10,252 --> 00:11:13,547 It's what we in the magazine business call a "compound plumpening". 208 00:11:13,923 --> 00:11:16,735 I have great news. After a brief bankruptcy, 209 00:11:16,759 --> 00:11:19,279 Stan Magazine will continue to move forward 210 00:11:19,303 --> 00:11:21,931 thanks to our angel investor, Toshi. 211 00:11:23,015 --> 00:11:25,577 - Don't you have friends of your own? - Not really, no. 212 00:11:25,601 --> 00:11:27,704 Okay. Let's get an update from my writers. 213 00:11:27,728 --> 00:11:31,416 Chuck Klosterman, how's that hit piece on that cheap-ass loser, Barry? 214 00:11:31,440 --> 00:11:33,877 It's a brutal Takedown as requested. 215 00:11:33,901 --> 00:11:36,838 All right. That's enough, chatterbox. I pay you to type, not to talk. 216 00:11:36,862 --> 00:11:40,866 Stan, how many more tequilas do you want me to taste test? 217 00:11:40,991 --> 00:11:43,828 Um, I asked you to write about lacrosse. 218 00:11:45,287 --> 00:11:48,767 Finally, Malcolm Glad well, how are those wristwatch reviews coming? 219 00:11:48,791 --> 00:11:50,811 Stan, I tried to explain, 220 00:11:50,835 --> 00:11:54,898 my writings deal with the unexpected implications of human behavior 221 00:11:54,922 --> 00:11:56,692 in the social sciences. 222 00:11:56,716 --> 00:11:58,652 Well, now you review wristwatches. 223 00:11:58,676 --> 00:12:02,430 And remember, it's a men's magazine, so the highest rating is five boners. 224 00:12:03,931 --> 00:12:05,891 You heard the snake. Back to work. 225 00:12:08,227 --> 00:12:09,979 Companionship! 226 00:12:10,604 --> 00:12:11,772 Companionship. 227 00:12:14,650 --> 00:12:15,794 This is the life. 228 00:12:15,818 --> 00:12:19,613 As little sex and as much apple cider vinegar as we want. 229 00:12:22,324 --> 00:12:24,326 I was kind of hoping that would kill me. 230 00:12:28,831 --> 00:12:32,602 Mmm. Burnt-ass bread. Who needs sex? 231 00:12:32,626 --> 00:12:36,005 Not me and my burnt-ass bread. We're doing great. 232 00:12:39,216 --> 00:12:41,778 Hi, Time Warner? Yes, I'd like to lodge a complaint. 233 00:12:41,802 --> 00:12:46,307 Dr. Phil is wearing a tan suit today, and he looks like a giant fat penis. 234 00:12:49,602 --> 00:12:50,895 There. Done. 235 00:12:53,522 --> 00:12:55,065 We've been here for a while. 236 00:12:55,858 --> 00:12:57,610 I learned to play the piano. 237 00:13:00,696 --> 00:13:03,216 What is that awful noise? I don't like it. 238 00:13:03,240 --> 00:13:05,409 Elizabeth, can you hear this? 239 00:13:09,497 --> 00:13:13,393 "Uncle Tuttle's Ballsackular Bang Bash"? 240 00:13:13,417 --> 00:13:18,315 Elizabeth, my Christmas sex party has been stolen by that pervert Al Tuttle. 241 00:13:18,339 --> 00:13:20,567 Elizabeth, the party seems bigger than ever. 242 00:13:20,591 --> 00:13:22,986 There's a line around the block to get in. 243 00:13:23,010 --> 00:13:25,530 Oh, man, Elizabeth, you're not gonna believe this, 244 00:13:25,554 --> 00:13:29,659 but there's a woman there that's biting your humdrum style. 245 00:13:29,683 --> 00:13:32,120 What a joke. She can't pull it off at all. 246 00:13:32,144 --> 00:13:35,957 She even has your same back tattoo that means "betrayal" in Chinese. 247 00:13:35,981 --> 00:13:38,692 Elizabeth, you gotta see this! Elizabeth? 248 00:13:40,194 --> 00:13:41,654 Wait a minute. 249 00:13:42,112 --> 00:13:44,824 I've been whatever is Chinese for betrayed. 250 00:13:46,909 --> 00:13:48,869 What is all the commotion? 251 00:13:49,954 --> 00:13:52,224 Roger, what is happening to you? 252 00:13:52,248 --> 00:13:54,100 I don't know. I think this is what happens 253 00:13:54,124 --> 00:13:55,977 when my species had been betrayed. 254 00:13:56,001 --> 00:13:58,146 Or maybe this is what happens to my species 255 00:13:58,170 --> 00:13:59,672 if they go a year without sex. 256 00:14:00,047 --> 00:14:03,425 - How do you not know? - I flunked out of school, Klaus. 257 00:14:05,469 --> 00:14:06,988 Whoa, Roger. 258 00:14:07,012 --> 00:14:11,493 I am not Roger anymore. Call me the Grounch. 259 00:14:11,517 --> 00:14:14,019 The Grounch who stole Sex-mas. 260 00:14:19,149 --> 00:14:23,713 Gonna have sex gonna have sex, gonna have sex today. 261 00:14:23,737 --> 00:14:28,093 Oh, what fun it is to ride on a random stranger's face. 262 00:14:28,117 --> 00:14:29,302 Yay! 263 00:14:29,326 --> 00:14:32,055 Now that the Grounch had been betrayed, 264 00:14:32,079 --> 00:14:34,766 he couldn't stand anyone getting laid. 265 00:14:34,790 --> 00:14:38,144 And every party goer liked sex a lot. 266 00:14:38,168 --> 00:14:41,606 But the Grounch, he did not. 267 00:14:41,630 --> 00:14:46,152 The Grounch hates sex and the people who have it one and all. 268 00:14:46,176 --> 00:14:51,181 Most think because his boner was two sizes too small. 269 00:14:52,600 --> 00:14:56,162 The Grounch couldn't stand to see all these people, 270 00:14:56,186 --> 00:14:58,373 every one of them so horny. 271 00:14:58,397 --> 00:15:00,083 He said to the heavens... 272 00:15:00,107 --> 00:15:02,669 I must find a way to stop this orgy. 273 00:15:02,693 --> 00:15:07,215 Right in that moment, the Grounch got an idea. 274 00:15:07,239 --> 00:15:12,328 A ghastly gruesome Grounchy idea. 275 00:15:12,870 --> 00:15:16,290 I know exactly what all these pervs need to get off. 276 00:15:16,582 --> 00:15:19,519 Tonight I will steal all their sexy things. 277 00:15:19,543 --> 00:15:23,690 The spankaroos, the bungle fondlers and the strap-on dil-dolls. 278 00:15:23,714 --> 00:15:27,569 I will ruin their big party and give everyone blue balls. 279 00:15:27,593 --> 00:15:31,907 His mission clear, the Grounch yelled down the hill. 280 00:15:31,931 --> 00:15:34,934 If I can't have sex, then no one will! 281 00:15:36,727 --> 00:15:40,606 You're a green one, Monsieur Grounch. 282 00:15:41,523 --> 00:15:45,319 You have no sex appeal. 283 00:15:46,153 --> 00:15:48,381 You look like a furry booger. 284 00:15:48,405 --> 00:15:52,159 You're charming as a dead seal Monsieur Grounch. 285 00:15:52,993 --> 00:15:54,971 You smell like 3-day old gym shorts. 286 00:15:54,995 --> 00:15:58,415 Worn by an incontinent Shaquille O'Neal. 287 00:16:01,752 --> 00:16:05,464 You're an original character Monsieur Grounch. 288 00:16:06,173 --> 00:16:08,526 That's an undeniable fact. 289 00:16:08,550 --> 00:16:13,055 But if this does remind you of some other creature. 290 00:16:13,514 --> 00:16:14,932 Don't overreact. 291 00:16:15,599 --> 00:16:19,788 The Supreme Court ruled that a parody may claim. 292 00:16:19,812 --> 00:16:23,649 Fair use under Section 107. 293 00:16:24,274 --> 00:16:25,776 Of the Copyright Act 294 00:16:26,652 --> 00:16:28,838 1 Where's my Peepee Pump-o Max? 295 00:16:28,862 --> 00:16:30,757 And I'm looking for my hoohoo wax. 296 00:16:30,781 --> 00:16:35,095 I can't possibly get down without my rootie-too tie-bootie snacks. 297 00:16:35,119 --> 00:16:36,972 Hey where's my dingle dongle? 298 00:16:36,996 --> 00:16:40,433 And I can't have sex without my vibro-schlongle. 299 00:16:40,457 --> 00:16:43,335 Has anyone seen my anal tongle? 300 00:16:44,962 --> 00:16:48,841 You're a piece of shit Monsieur Grounch. 301 00:16:49,967 --> 00:16:53,178 You stink like a Muppet's fart. 302 00:16:54,680 --> 00:16:56,700 You're a real bad apple. 303 00:16:56,724 --> 00:17:00,519 You're worse than Paul Blart The mall cop. 304 00:17:01,270 --> 00:17:06,108 You're the worst thing to happen to the local community. 305 00:17:07,526 --> 00:17:09,778 Since Walmart. 306 00:17:19,163 --> 00:17:22,017 Tuck in that shirt. This isn't fajita night at Applebee's. 307 00:17:22,041 --> 00:17:24,227 This is fajita night catered by Applebee's 308 00:17:24,251 --> 00:17:26,462 for Stan Magazine's launch party. 309 00:17:28,881 --> 00:17:30,316 All right. It's 8:00. 310 00:17:30,340 --> 00:17:32,968 Time to open the doors and let the riff-raff in. 311 00:17:35,387 --> 00:17:36,489 Where's my riff-raff? 312 00:17:36,513 --> 00:17:40,368 Dad, I tried to tell you that no one had RSVP'd. 313 00:17:40,392 --> 00:17:43,913 But you just kept accusing me of not considering fashion an art form. 314 00:17:43,937 --> 00:17:46,416 Fashion is an art form, Hayley. 315 00:17:46,440 --> 00:17:47,733 Wait, no one's coming? 316 00:17:50,944 --> 00:17:52,446 Put that back on the pedestal. 317 00:17:52,988 --> 00:17:55,425 What's with the Pikachus on every page? 318 00:17:55,449 --> 00:17:58,762 What, you think it's too much like all the other men's magazines? 319 00:17:58,786 --> 00:18:01,080 I'm sorry I'm not perfect like you, Steve. 320 00:18:05,709 --> 00:18:06,794 No! 321 00:18:08,170 --> 00:18:11,715 Why must the beautiful suffer so? 322 00:18:12,925 --> 00:18:16,053 The Grounch was happy, his mission complete. 323 00:18:16,678 --> 00:18:19,640 Till he heard the sound of sucking on feet. 324 00:18:20,766 --> 00:18:22,994 I don't understand. How could this be? 325 00:18:23,018 --> 00:18:25,896 They're still having the sex party? 326 00:18:26,230 --> 00:18:30,835 And then he made a realization that made his face flush. 327 00:18:30,859 --> 00:18:34,172 The spirit of sex is too hard to crush. 328 00:18:34,196 --> 00:18:38,635 The Grounch realized that a sex party isn't about toys, 329 00:18:38,659 --> 00:18:41,721 lingerie, or lube with spermicide... 330 00:18:41,745 --> 00:18:44,331 It's about feeling sexy inside. 331 00:18:44,706 --> 00:18:47,685 But that's exactly what the Grounch didn't feel. 332 00:18:47,709 --> 00:18:50,855 I guess before bed, I'll have a sad bowl of oatmeal. 333 00:18:50,879 --> 00:18:54,692 And that might've been the end of our pathetic tale 334 00:18:54,716 --> 00:18:58,571 if the Grounch hadn't noticed that he was standing on a scale. 335 00:18:58,595 --> 00:19:00,907 Holy shit! I've lost two pounds. 336 00:19:00,931 --> 00:19:03,100 It must be all that oatmeal I've been eating. 337 00:19:03,851 --> 00:19:06,186 Dang, I look skinny as hell. 338 00:19:10,941 --> 00:19:14,963 That was the moment that everything changed. 339 00:19:14,987 --> 00:19:18,883 Suddenly the Grounch didn't feel like such a grump. 340 00:19:18,907 --> 00:19:23,579 The Grounch was feeling sexy, and he wanted to hump. 341 00:19:35,799 --> 00:19:39,696 I want to apologize to all of you. I'm sorry I tried to ruin your night. 342 00:19:39,720 --> 00:19:42,615 Not good enough. We're mad at you. 343 00:19:42,639 --> 00:19:45,410 You know, you stole Hideki's heartburn medication. 344 00:19:45,434 --> 00:19:46,536 Not cool. 345 00:19:46,560 --> 00:19:51,315 Well, if words can't convince you, maybe this will change your mind. 346 00:19:57,404 --> 00:19:59,072 Mmm... Let us talk it over. 347 00:20:03,160 --> 00:20:06,222 We've decided we want to have sex with you. 348 00:20:06,246 --> 00:20:09,601 Elizabeth... I want you first. 349 00:20:09,625 --> 00:20:11,102 Please come in. 350 00:20:11,126 --> 00:20:13,771 There's snacks in the kitchen, a shower in the back, 351 00:20:13,795 --> 00:20:15,964 and no finishing on my iguana. 352 00:20:24,014 --> 00:20:26,618 Ah, I guess I screwed off all my green fur. 353 00:20:26,642 --> 00:20:29,746 Well, I did it, Klaus. I schtupped the whole town. 354 00:20:29,770 --> 00:20:33,416 Congratulations, Roger. Glad you got your mojo back. 355 00:20:33,440 --> 00:20:37,712 Yeah, me too. I just don't understand what lesson I was supposed to learn. 356 00:20:37,736 --> 00:20:39,571 Don't you remember? 357 00:20:39,821 --> 00:20:42,324 Confidence is sexy. 358 00:20:42,824 --> 00:20:45,511 Oh, hi, Jeans. So this was all about confidence? 359 00:20:45,535 --> 00:20:47,347 Obviously. 360 00:20:47,371 --> 00:20:49,265 Goodbye, Roger. 361 00:20:49,289 --> 00:20:54,086 I must now return to where I live. Behind the moon. 362 00:20:54,294 --> 00:20:56,964 Merry Christmas... 363 00:20:58,799 --> 00:21:01,510 And happy New Year.