1
00:00:01,602 --> 00:00:03,036
(upbeat March plays)
2
00:00:03,104 --> 00:00:05,872
* good morning, usa! *
3
00:00:05,940 --> 00:00:09,810
* I got a feeling that it's
gonna be a wonderful day *
4
00:00:09,877 --> 00:00:12,746
* the sun in the sky
has a smile on his face *
5
00:00:12,814 --> 00:00:16,450
* and he's shining a salute
to the american race *
6
00:00:18,986 --> 00:00:22,022
* oh, boy, it's swell to say *
7
00:00:22,090 --> 00:00:24,024
* good morning, usa *
8
00:00:24,092 --> 00:00:26,893
Captioning sponsored by
20th century fox television
9
00:00:26,961 --> 00:00:30,397
And toyota. Moving forward.
10
00:00:32,633 --> 00:00:35,569
Nice! The mobile lab's
back from the garage.
11
00:00:35,636 --> 00:00:36,970
I see they didn't put on
12
00:00:37,038 --> 00:00:39,106
The semi-erotic
mudflaps I suggested.
13
00:00:39,173 --> 00:00:40,340
Can we get on with this?
14
00:00:40,408 --> 00:00:41,908
Yes, of course.
15
00:00:41,976 --> 00:00:44,945
Now, once you're in the brain
of bin laden's cat,
16
00:00:45,012 --> 00:00:47,247
Code name buffy,
you're to find out
17
00:00:47,315 --> 00:00:49,449
If she's overheard
any terrorist intel,
18
00:00:49,517 --> 00:00:53,754
Then ask her why she tries
to scratch me when I pet her.
19
00:00:53,821 --> 00:00:55,088
Does she hate me?
20
00:00:55,156 --> 00:00:56,590
I do everything for her.
21
00:00:56,657 --> 00:00:59,092
You know, ray,
this is highly experimental.
22
00:00:59,160 --> 00:01:01,194
There's no guarantee
you'll come out alive.
23
00:01:01,262 --> 00:01:02,629
What do I care?
24
00:01:02,697 --> 00:01:05,799
My kids are out of the
house. My wife left me.
25
00:01:05,867 --> 00:01:07,968
Very good. Just sign right here.
26
00:01:08,035 --> 00:01:09,202
Ray, you had a wife?
27
00:01:09,270 --> 00:01:10,504
I always thought...
28
00:01:10,571 --> 00:01:11,671
I don't know what I thought.
29
00:01:11,739 --> 00:01:13,173
I never think about you.
30
00:01:13,241 --> 00:01:15,041
Anyway, director bullock, I
have to take off early today.
31
00:01:15,109 --> 00:01:16,676
My kids are leaving
for the summer.
32
00:01:16,744 --> 00:01:19,179
Uh-oh.
This is how it starts.
33
00:01:19,247 --> 00:01:21,982
Ruth and I were happily married
for 25 years,
34
00:01:22,049 --> 00:01:24,184
But when the kids
left for college,
35
00:01:24,252 --> 00:01:26,620
We sat down to dinner
one night and boom!
36
00:01:26,687 --> 00:01:29,923
She realized
how boring I was.
37
00:01:29,991 --> 00:01:31,425
I'm not worried
about that.
38
00:01:31,492 --> 00:01:33,126
Francine will
never leave me.
39
00:01:33,194 --> 00:01:34,361
Oh, yeah?
40
00:01:34,429 --> 00:01:36,430
Without your kids,
you got no buffer.
41
00:01:36,497 --> 00:01:38,899
And you're
more boring than I am!
42
00:01:38,966 --> 00:01:41,701
It's true. No one wants
to eat lunch with you.
43
00:01:41,769 --> 00:01:43,270
Well, even if I am boring,
44
00:01:43,337 --> 00:01:45,105
Francine will never find out.
45
00:01:45,173 --> 00:01:46,440
I've got an ace in the hole.
46
00:01:46,507 --> 00:01:47,774
All right, ray,
47
00:01:47,842 --> 00:01:49,176
You're going
into the cat's mind
48
00:01:49,243 --> 00:01:51,244
In three, two...
49
00:01:51,312 --> 00:01:53,713
(zapping)
50
00:01:53,781 --> 00:01:54,748
He's safely in.
51
00:01:54,816 --> 00:01:55,749
Good.
52
00:01:55,817 --> 00:01:58,618
(blows raspberry)
53
00:01:58,686 --> 00:02:00,987
Anybody else care for a go?
54
00:02:01,055 --> 00:02:02,456
It's super fun.
55
00:02:04,358 --> 00:02:06,126
Have fun at camp, honey.
56
00:02:06,194 --> 00:02:08,795
If anyone needs me,
I'll be living in a tree,
57
00:02:08,863 --> 00:02:10,263
Protesting logging.
58
00:02:10,331 --> 00:02:11,932
No one needs you.
59
00:02:11,999 --> 00:02:15,335
I can't believe my babies are
leaving for the whole summer.
60
00:02:15,403 --> 00:02:16,336
(smooching)
61
00:02:16,404 --> 00:02:17,971
Hit it, hit, it, hit it!
62
00:02:18,039 --> 00:02:19,039
(tires squealing)
63
00:02:20,675 --> 00:02:23,944
And don't write.
Whoo-hoo-hoo!
64
00:02:24,011 --> 00:02:25,879
For the first time
in 18 years,
65
00:02:25,947 --> 00:02:28,048
We have the whole house
to ourselves!
66
00:02:28,115 --> 00:02:31,985
Just you and me getting to know
each other all over again.
67
00:02:32,053 --> 00:02:33,453
That sounds great, francine.
68
00:02:33,521 --> 00:02:34,688
But I think you're
forgetting about...
69
00:02:34,755 --> 00:02:35,589
(explosion booming)
70
00:02:37,391 --> 00:02:39,459
...The madman we hide
in the attic.
71
00:02:39,527 --> 00:02:41,294
He requires
our constant attention.
72
00:02:41,362 --> 00:02:43,597
Sorry, honey.
No alone time for us.
73
00:02:43,664 --> 00:02:45,198
Phew. I had to
get out of there.
74
00:02:45,266 --> 00:02:46,766
It really smelled.
75
00:02:46,834 --> 00:02:49,169
I threw up in the shower, and
it didn't go down the drain,
76
00:02:49,237 --> 00:02:51,771
And now the tub's overflowing,
and I want some iced tea,
77
00:02:51,839 --> 00:02:54,207
And I know you
know I want it now!
78
00:02:55,676 --> 00:02:58,345
Come on, come on.
Come on, come on, come on.
79
00:02:58,412 --> 00:02:59,846
(groans)
damn it!
80
00:02:59,914 --> 00:03:01,414
Hey, f-bombs.
81
00:03:01,482 --> 00:03:04,251
Roger, I see you're busy,
but I was thinking it's time
82
00:03:04,318 --> 00:03:06,653
I teach you how to do
some stuff on your own.
83
00:03:06,721 --> 00:03:09,923
The laundry, cleaning,
making your own iced tea...
84
00:03:09,991 --> 00:03:12,726
(plays pitch pipe)
85
00:03:12,793 --> 00:03:14,995
(sings in tune):
* no. *
86
00:03:15,062 --> 00:03:16,696
We can make a game of it.
87
00:03:16,764 --> 00:03:19,032
I'm going to be
colton lansington,
88
00:03:19,100 --> 00:03:21,067
A renegade space cop
who struggles
89
00:03:21,135 --> 00:03:23,403
To keep his
bipolar disorder in check.
90
00:03:23,471 --> 00:03:24,905
Okay, colton.
91
00:03:24,972 --> 00:03:27,407
You just had a busy space day
92
00:03:27,475 --> 00:03:29,509
And now you'd like to cool down
93
00:03:29,577 --> 00:03:31,578
With some intergalactic
iced tea.
94
00:03:31,646 --> 00:03:34,080
Now, you take two
scoops of powder...
95
00:03:34,148 --> 00:03:36,650
Colton doesn't
take orders from nobody!
96
00:03:36,717 --> 00:03:38,418
I'm off my meds!
97
00:03:42,023 --> 00:03:43,924
Well, lookie, lookie.
98
00:03:43,991 --> 00:03:47,260
Seems we've got ourselves a
cabin of bunk-boobs next door.
99
00:03:47,328 --> 00:03:50,430
I'm gonna freshen up, then
make with the introducies.
100
00:03:50,498 --> 00:03:52,532
You're just gonna walk
right up to those girls?
101
00:03:52,600 --> 00:03:54,434
Snotters, this is camp.
102
00:03:54,502 --> 00:03:57,037
We left our reputations
as nerds back home.
103
00:03:57,104 --> 00:03:59,706
It's a chance
to reinvent ourselves.
104
00:03:59,774 --> 00:04:02,042
(in deeper voice):
Hey there. Name's joss.
105
00:04:02,109 --> 00:04:04,344
I'm a tennis player from vegas.
106
00:04:04,412 --> 00:04:07,013
But most people know me
for my niçoise salad.
107
00:04:07,081 --> 00:04:09,316
(in deep voice):
I'm leo.
108
00:04:09,383 --> 00:04:12,118
I like making love
with the lights on.
109
00:04:12,186 --> 00:04:13,186
Boy:
Geeks!
110
00:04:13,254 --> 00:04:15,121
Get 'em!
111
00:04:16,824 --> 00:04:20,226
Aye! Aye! Aye! Aye! Yah!
112
00:04:22,530 --> 00:04:24,097
You know how
you're always making a mess
113
00:04:24,165 --> 00:04:25,599
And I have to clean it up?
114
00:04:25,666 --> 00:04:27,734
Well, this invention... Roger?
115
00:04:27,802 --> 00:04:30,070
Checkin' out my pow-pow.
116
00:04:30,137 --> 00:04:31,204
Continue.
117
00:04:31,272 --> 00:04:33,306
What up, dink?
118
00:04:33,374 --> 00:04:35,175
Cleaning up
after roger again?
119
00:04:35,242 --> 00:04:37,110
Did he have another
ticker-tape parade
120
00:04:37,178 --> 00:04:39,713
Because the deli finally
named a sandwich after him?
121
00:04:39,780 --> 00:04:43,249
Actually, stan, I'm teaching
roger to be self-sufficient,
122
00:04:43,317 --> 00:04:45,318
So we can finally
have our alone time.
123
00:04:45,386 --> 00:04:47,187
Great.
124
00:04:49,023 --> 00:04:50,223
Now, there are
three settings.
125
00:04:50,291 --> 00:04:51,458
(booming)
(booming)
126
00:04:51,525 --> 00:04:53,627
Roger on a hard roll!
127
00:04:53,694 --> 00:04:55,895
I got problems, fish.
128
00:04:55,963 --> 00:04:57,864
Francine wants to
spend the summer alone,
129
00:04:57,932 --> 00:04:59,165
Just the two of us.
130
00:04:59,233 --> 00:05:03,136
Yeah!
You are going to be sexing!
131
00:05:03,204 --> 00:05:04,738
No, you don't get it.
132
00:05:04,805 --> 00:05:07,807
Francine and I haven't been
alone together in 18 years.
133
00:05:07,875 --> 00:05:10,477
What if she thinks I'm
boring and leaves me?
134
00:05:10,544 --> 00:05:12,479
I knew the kids couldn't
be my buffer forever,
135
00:05:12,546 --> 00:05:14,147
But roger was my
ace in the hole.
136
00:05:14,215 --> 00:05:15,982
If he learns how to
take care of himself,
137
00:05:16,050 --> 00:05:17,917
It'll just be me and francine.
138
00:05:17,985 --> 00:05:19,653
That's why you're stressed?
139
00:05:19,720 --> 00:05:21,054
(laughing)
140
00:05:21,122 --> 00:05:24,758
Stan, it's roger.
He can't do anything on his own.
141
00:05:24,825 --> 00:05:28,228
You'll never have to worry
about being alone with francine.
142
00:05:28,295 --> 00:05:30,130
(laughing)
143
00:05:30,197 --> 00:05:31,398
(both laughing)
144
00:05:31,465 --> 00:05:32,766
You're right.
What am I thinking?
145
00:05:32,833 --> 00:05:33,933
Roger's an idiot.
146
00:05:34,001 --> 00:05:35,402
He can't take care of himself.
147
00:05:35,469 --> 00:05:37,137
He's like a baby.
Or africa!
148
00:05:37,204 --> 00:05:38,371
(both laughing)
149
00:05:38,439 --> 00:05:41,608
That was good.
That was good.
150
00:05:41,676 --> 00:05:43,209
I don't believe it.
151
00:05:43,277 --> 00:05:46,112
We're here two minutes and
already we're branded as nerds.
152
00:05:46,180 --> 00:05:48,081
I can't even wear
my new sandals now!
153
00:05:48,149 --> 00:05:49,249
No one's gonna buy it!
154
00:05:49,316 --> 00:05:50,950
Oh, face it, steve.
155
00:05:51,018 --> 00:05:53,420
No matter where we go,
we're just gonna be...
156
00:05:53,487 --> 00:05:54,854
Losers.
157
00:05:54,922 --> 00:05:57,057
But how'd they
figure it out so fast?
158
00:05:57,124 --> 00:05:58,892
What do these guys got
that we don't?
159
00:06:00,394 --> 00:06:02,996
Oh, my god, that's it.
160
00:06:03,064 --> 00:06:04,831
Boxer shorts!
161
00:06:04,899 --> 00:06:07,300
Fellas, if we want to be cool,
162
00:06:07,368 --> 00:06:09,102
We've got to shed
these whities of tight,
163
00:06:09,170 --> 00:06:12,105
And get ourselves some of those.
164
00:06:14,709 --> 00:06:17,877
Stan, I have a surprise for you!
165
00:06:17,945 --> 00:06:19,379
You know how I've
been training roger
166
00:06:19,447 --> 00:06:20,914
To be more self-sufficient?
167
00:06:20,981 --> 00:06:22,916
Well, guess what he
did this afternoon?
168
00:06:22,983 --> 00:06:24,784
He moved out!
169
00:06:24,852 --> 00:06:26,519
We're finally alone.
170
00:06:26,587 --> 00:06:30,724
No kids, no alien,
just you and me.
171
00:06:30,791 --> 00:06:32,892
Oh, and more good news!
172
00:06:32,960 --> 00:06:35,562
The cable's out and I
just got my period,
173
00:06:35,629 --> 00:06:40,233
So there's nothing to do
but talk and talk and talk.
174
00:06:43,757 --> 00:06:44,691
(whistling)
roger?
175
00:06:44,758 --> 00:06:46,559
(whistling)
come here, boy!
176
00:06:46,627 --> 00:06:49,596
Stan, he's not here.
He got his own place.
177
00:06:49,663 --> 00:06:51,731
Now, let's
go inside and talk.
178
00:06:51,799 --> 00:06:53,800
We can't! We have
to go visit roger.
179
00:06:53,868 --> 00:06:55,668
I got him a
housewarming gift.
180
00:06:57,238 --> 00:06:59,772
This is not from
the both of us.
181
00:07:03,777 --> 00:07:05,778
Stan! Francine!
182
00:07:05,846 --> 00:07:08,615
Buenas noches.
Welcome to mi casa.
183
00:07:08,682 --> 00:07:10,750
Oh, you're
learning spanish?
184
00:07:10,818 --> 00:07:12,218
You got to
in this neighborhood,
185
00:07:12,286 --> 00:07:14,053
If you wanna read
the mcdonald's billboards.
186
00:07:14,121 --> 00:07:15,188
This is for you.
187
00:07:15,256 --> 00:07:17,924
All right.
188
00:07:17,992 --> 00:07:20,159
Well, why don't I
give you the tour?
189
00:07:20,227 --> 00:07:22,629
This room is the kitchen slash
bedroom slash living room
190
00:07:22,696 --> 00:07:23,863
Slash dance studio.
191
00:07:23,931 --> 00:07:26,766
(groaning)
192
00:07:26,834 --> 00:07:28,101
My hammies.
193
00:07:28,168 --> 00:07:30,203
It's wonderful, roger.
194
00:07:30,271 --> 00:07:31,738
How are you paying for this?
195
00:07:31,805 --> 00:07:33,573
I got a job at
colonial pet store.
196
00:07:33,641 --> 00:07:35,275
You? Working?
197
00:07:35,342 --> 00:07:36,576
Francine, pour
yourself a drink.
198
00:07:36,644 --> 00:07:39,545
Stan and I need to talk.
199
00:07:39,613 --> 00:07:41,447
I heard what you said.
200
00:07:41,515 --> 00:07:42,982
That I couldn't do
anything on my own.
201
00:07:43,050 --> 00:07:45,118
Well, look around, jerk.
It's all mine.
202
00:07:45,185 --> 00:07:48,388
And I'll have you know that
I've only called 911 once today,
203
00:07:48,455 --> 00:07:49,989
Because some cholos broke in.
204
00:07:50,057 --> 00:07:52,058
They stole my swimming jeans.
205
00:07:52,126 --> 00:07:54,360
Roger, look, I'm sorry
you heard what I said.
206
00:07:54,428 --> 00:07:56,129
Please, just move back home.
207
00:07:56,196 --> 00:07:57,597
You miss me, huh?
208
00:07:57,665 --> 00:07:59,599
Miss my dana carvey
impersonations?
209
00:07:59,667 --> 00:08:01,167
Well, it's too late, stan.
210
00:08:01,235 --> 00:08:02,635
I'm self-sufficient now.
211
00:08:02,703 --> 00:08:05,271
Get used to it.
212
00:08:05,339 --> 00:08:09,042
I don't want my rug
to smell like smoke.
213
00:08:09,109 --> 00:08:11,210
I'm so proud
of you, roger.
214
00:08:11,278 --> 00:08:13,746
Yeah, you know, they say
if a domestic pig escapes
215
00:08:13,814 --> 00:08:16,282
Into the wild, it will
instinctively grow tusks.
216
00:08:16,350 --> 00:08:17,684
Who says that?
217
00:08:17,751 --> 00:08:20,420
Your mother.
218
00:08:20,487 --> 00:08:22,155
Stan, let's go home.
219
00:08:22,222 --> 00:08:24,390
Roger has a lot of
unpacking to do.
220
00:08:24,458 --> 00:08:27,760
No! I mean, uh, I'm sure roger
wants us to stay for dinner.
221
00:08:27,828 --> 00:08:30,897
That is, unless he's incapable
of making a meal.
222
00:08:30,965 --> 00:08:32,065
(laughing)
223
00:08:32,132 --> 00:08:33,466
Oh, stan.
224
00:08:33,534 --> 00:08:36,736
I've got a freezer full
of shu mai from trader joes.
225
00:08:36,804 --> 00:08:39,472
And for dessert,
a huge-ass box of chocodiles.
226
00:08:39,540 --> 00:08:42,175
I hid them in the fridge
for when the cholos come back.
227
00:08:42,242 --> 00:08:43,743
And they will be back.
228
00:08:43,811 --> 00:08:46,479
I gave the biggest one a key.
229
00:08:46,547 --> 00:08:50,016
Wow. We're finally
alone together.
230
00:08:50,084 --> 00:08:53,286
Tell me something
fascinating about you.
231
00:08:53,354 --> 00:08:55,054
Uh...
232
00:08:55,122 --> 00:08:58,091
My god, I never realized
how boring you are.
233
00:08:58,158 --> 00:08:59,325
I'm leaving you.
234
00:08:59,393 --> 00:09:00,960
You're going to die alone.
235
00:09:01,028 --> 00:09:02,095
(screaming)
236
00:09:02,162 --> 00:09:04,964
(screaming)
237
00:09:05,032 --> 00:09:06,165
What's happening?
238
00:09:06,233 --> 00:09:07,433
You fell asleep at roger's
239
00:09:07,501 --> 00:09:09,469
After you asked him to
count to a million.
240
00:09:09,536 --> 00:09:12,205
We couldn't wake you up,
so I carried you to the car.
241
00:09:12,272 --> 00:09:15,675
Ugh, I ate two boxes of shu mai.
242
00:09:15,743 --> 00:09:17,643
I got the pork sweats.
243
00:09:17,711 --> 00:09:19,379
All right.
I'll be up in a minute.
244
00:09:19,446 --> 00:09:20,847
(burps)
245
00:09:20,914 --> 00:09:22,248
I'm gross.
246
00:09:22,316 --> 00:09:24,283
We were wrong, fish!
247
00:09:24,351 --> 00:09:26,652
Roger's moved out and he's
completely independent.
248
00:09:26,720 --> 00:09:27,754
What am I gonna do?
249
00:09:27,821 --> 00:09:29,188
Ask him to come back.
250
00:09:29,256 --> 00:09:30,690
Yeah...
251
00:09:30,758 --> 00:09:32,291
I'll force him back.
252
00:09:32,359 --> 00:09:34,460
I'll poison roger
and he'll be too sick
253
00:09:34,528 --> 00:09:35,595
To take care of himself.
254
00:09:35,662 --> 00:09:37,196
Then he'll have
to come crawling home.
255
00:09:37,264 --> 00:09:38,264
What?!
256
00:09:38,332 --> 00:09:39,899
All I have to do
is keep him
257
00:09:39,967 --> 00:09:41,934
Weak and needy
until the kids come back.
258
00:09:44,605 --> 00:09:46,606
You monster.
I'll tell on you!
259
00:09:53,347 --> 00:09:54,447
What am I doing?
260
00:09:54,515 --> 00:09:56,382
No!
261
00:10:02,122 --> 00:10:03,389
Roger, what are
you doing here?
262
00:10:03,457 --> 00:10:04,757
Stan invited me for dinner.
263
00:10:04,825 --> 00:10:05,992
He misses me.
264
00:10:06,060 --> 00:10:08,161
Oh, I brought you this.
Tag. You're it.
265
00:10:08,228 --> 00:10:12,131
Stan, you miss roger.
That's so sweet.
266
00:10:12,199 --> 00:10:14,133
You and I can have
alone time tomorrow.
267
00:10:14,201 --> 00:10:15,802
(laughing)
268
00:10:15,869 --> 00:10:17,737
Yes.
269
00:10:19,973 --> 00:10:22,175
To roger's independence.
(clinking)
270
00:10:24,812 --> 00:10:27,280
Oh, I feel awful.
271
00:10:27,347 --> 00:10:28,948
Roger, you should
sleep here tonight.
272
00:10:29,016 --> 00:10:30,917
You're too sick to go home.
273
00:10:30,984 --> 00:10:34,153
But I have to study
my adult dog food manual.
274
00:10:34,221 --> 00:10:37,223
(moaning)
275
00:10:39,960 --> 00:10:44,030
Now, we just go in and tell them
we want men's boxer shorts.
276
00:10:44,098 --> 00:10:46,866
I see you gents are interested
in buying some underwear.
277
00:10:46,934 --> 00:10:49,735
We want to get some boxer
shorts like the cool kids have.
278
00:10:49,803 --> 00:10:52,472
Sure, you can
be followers.
279
00:10:52,539 --> 00:10:54,707
Try and play catch up
to the trends...
280
00:10:54,775 --> 00:10:56,275
Or you could set them.
281
00:10:57,744 --> 00:11:00,146
Name's mr. Clyde timpleton.
282
00:11:00,214 --> 00:11:02,448
Can I buy you boys some lunch?
283
00:11:02,516 --> 00:11:04,684
(deep voice):
I never turn down lunch.
284
00:11:04,751 --> 00:11:06,919
Or a big-ass bitch.
285
00:11:06,987 --> 00:11:08,888
You guys really want
to spin heads
286
00:11:08,956 --> 00:11:12,492
At that camp of yours,
you wear these...
287
00:11:12,559 --> 00:11:13,960
Culottes.
288
00:11:14,027 --> 00:11:16,629
Culottes?
I don't know.
289
00:11:16,697 --> 00:11:18,631
These will make you
superstars.
290
00:11:18,699 --> 00:11:20,700
The cool kids will carry you
through the streets.
291
00:11:20,767 --> 00:11:23,302
Women will go hysterical.
292
00:11:23,370 --> 00:11:26,873
Ooh, the stitching
is wonderful.
293
00:11:26,940 --> 00:11:28,374
You, sir,
have made a sale!
294
00:11:28,442 --> 00:11:29,942
Good, good.
295
00:11:30,010 --> 00:11:34,313
Here. These are thank-you notes
from your nads.
296
00:11:37,918 --> 00:11:40,419
Ray, I read your report
from your time spent
297
00:11:40,487 --> 00:11:41,654
Inside buffy's brain.
298
00:11:41,722 --> 00:11:44,056
Very comprehensive,
well done.
299
00:11:44,124 --> 00:11:47,760
Buffy, I understand
you think I smell "weird,"
300
00:11:47,828 --> 00:11:50,263
But I believe it was
my body wash,
301
00:11:50,330 --> 00:11:52,865
Which I've changed,
so now you should love me.
302
00:11:56,370 --> 00:11:59,172
Now where will you sleep,
you ice queen?!
303
00:11:59,239 --> 00:12:01,941
You think
you're better than me?!
304
00:12:02,009 --> 00:12:03,543
You're not better than me!
305
00:12:03,610 --> 00:12:07,580
You're going to learn
a hard, hard lesson.
306
00:12:09,483 --> 00:12:11,184
(phone rings)
307
00:12:11,251 --> 00:12:12,285
Hello?
308
00:12:12,352 --> 00:12:13,986
How about we go out
to fondue tonight?
309
00:12:14,054 --> 00:12:16,322
You and me
and a nice dinner
310
00:12:16,390 --> 00:12:18,491
Rolling right into cramps
and diarrhea?
311
00:12:18,559 --> 00:12:19,525
What about roger?
312
00:12:19,593 --> 00:12:20,826
He's feeling better.
313
00:12:20,894 --> 00:12:22,728
He's even working
his afternoon shift,
314
00:12:22,796 --> 00:12:25,031
So we're free.
315
00:12:25,098 --> 00:12:27,733
So, ray, uh, how
is it being single?
316
00:12:27,801 --> 00:12:29,802
Eh, not so bad.
317
00:12:37,878 --> 00:12:40,346
Is this food appropriate
for a small dog?
318
00:12:40,414 --> 00:12:42,748
Oh, ma'am, I'm not
qualified to answer that.
319
00:12:42,816 --> 00:12:45,318
See, I only have one mouse
on my name tag,
320
00:12:45,385 --> 00:12:47,486
Which means I do stocking,
lifting and the like.
321
00:12:47,554 --> 00:12:50,056
You need to talk to someone
with at least one dog.
322
00:12:50,123 --> 00:12:52,558
See, it goes one mouse,
two mouse, one bird, two bird,
323
00:12:52,626 --> 00:12:53,993
Then one dog, then two dog.
324
00:12:54,061 --> 00:12:56,429
I hear there's a guy
up in portland with three dogs,
325
00:12:56,496 --> 00:12:58,798
But I think that's just
an office rumor.
326
00:12:58,865 --> 00:13:01,000
Wouldn't it be something
if it was true, though?
327
00:13:01,068 --> 00:13:03,536
Hey, roger!
What's going on?
328
00:13:03,604 --> 00:13:05,605
Not much. Just boring myself
and this old broad.
329
00:13:05,672 --> 00:13:06,772
What's up?
330
00:13:06,840 --> 00:13:08,441
Francine told me
you went to work,
331
00:13:08,508 --> 00:13:10,176
So I thought I'd bring
you a juice
332
00:13:10,244 --> 00:13:11,677
To keep your
immune system up.
333
00:13:11,745 --> 00:13:13,279
Mm, isn't that
nice of you...?
334
00:13:13,347 --> 00:13:17,550
(groaning)
who will feed
the chinchillas?
335
00:13:17,618 --> 00:13:18,651
(shivering)
336
00:13:18,719 --> 00:13:20,486
You're too sick.
337
00:13:20,554 --> 00:13:22,255
We're getting you
out of that apartment
338
00:13:22,322 --> 00:13:23,723
And bringing
you back home.
339
00:13:24,725 --> 00:13:26,158
You're freezing!
340
00:13:26,226 --> 00:13:27,827
I'll get you
some blankets.
341
00:13:27,894 --> 00:13:30,663
Looks like you're
here to stay, roger.
342
00:13:30,731 --> 00:13:33,399
This calls for
a celebration.
343
00:13:33,467 --> 00:13:36,836
Frannie, will you make me
some iced tea?
344
00:13:36,903 --> 00:13:37,870
Stan?
345
00:13:37,938 --> 00:13:40,306
Anybody?
346
00:13:40,374 --> 00:13:41,874
No, you know what?
347
00:13:41,942 --> 00:13:43,276
I can do it myself.
348
00:13:50,884 --> 00:13:55,755
(humming "the can-can song")
349
00:13:55,822 --> 00:13:57,723
(francine screams)
350
00:13:57,791 --> 00:14:00,526
(roger blubbering)
351
00:14:00,594 --> 00:14:02,795
Oh, my god, stan!
352
00:14:02,863 --> 00:14:05,298
Oh, he's doing his
heath ledger impression.
353
00:14:05,365 --> 00:14:07,533
Too soon, roger,
too soon.
354
00:14:10,999 --> 00:14:12,099
How's he doing?
355
00:14:12,167 --> 00:14:13,501
He seems to be stabilized,
356
00:14:13,569 --> 00:14:15,303
But he's not coming out
of the coma.
357
00:14:15,370 --> 00:14:18,339
I guess there's nothing
we can do except wait.
358
00:14:18,407 --> 00:14:19,807
Just the two of us.
359
00:14:19,875 --> 00:14:23,644
Oh, fyi, the cable repairman
canceled on me,
360
00:14:23,712 --> 00:14:26,914
And I'm having one
of my famous ten-day periods.
361
00:14:26,982 --> 00:14:28,015
I have an idea!
362
00:14:31,720 --> 00:14:33,187
You're sure you know
what you're doing?
363
00:14:34,456 --> 00:14:35,723
Roger's in a coma.
364
00:14:35,791 --> 00:14:38,226
All I have to do is
use this device
365
00:14:38,293 --> 00:14:40,995
To go into his brain,
find him in his unconscious,
366
00:14:41,063 --> 00:14:43,064
And bring him over to
the conscious side.
367
00:14:43,131 --> 00:14:44,198
Don't worry, francine,
368
00:14:44,266 --> 00:14:45,900
We do it all the
time with cats.
369
00:14:45,968 --> 00:14:47,101
All right, turn it on.
370
00:14:47,169 --> 00:14:50,771
(whooshing hum)
371
00:14:50,839 --> 00:14:53,941
It worked.
I'm in roger's mind.
372
00:14:54,009 --> 00:14:55,810
Now to find him.
373
00:14:55,877 --> 00:14:56,877
(thunder crashing)
374
00:15:05,387 --> 00:15:06,520
Hello, pretty bird.
375
00:15:09,591 --> 00:15:12,159
(screeching)
376
00:15:12,227 --> 00:15:13,594
(screams)
377
00:15:16,565 --> 00:15:19,433
Oh, stan, I hope
you don't get lost in there.
378
00:15:19,501 --> 00:15:21,002
What if you die? (gasps)
379
00:15:21,069 --> 00:15:23,571
I left my soda in the freezer.
380
00:15:24,773 --> 00:15:27,341
Francine! Let's do some shots!
381
00:15:27,409 --> 00:15:29,844
Klaus?!
What are you doing in here?
382
00:15:29,911 --> 00:15:31,612
Stan put me in here
two days ago.
383
00:15:31,680 --> 00:15:33,981
The only reason
I didn't freeze to death is
384
00:15:34,049 --> 00:15:36,684
I filled my bowl with
that bottle of vodka.
385
00:15:36,752 --> 00:15:38,452
Why'd he put you
in the freezer?
386
00:15:38,520 --> 00:15:40,721
Oh, I'll tell you why.
He... (vomits)
387
00:15:56,838 --> 00:15:58,272
Hey, chocodile,
watch where you're going.
388
00:15:59,508 --> 00:16:02,176
Oh, hell no. (roars)
389
00:16:03,312 --> 00:16:04,845
(grunting)
390
00:16:10,986 --> 00:16:12,186
(glass clanks)
391
00:16:17,159 --> 00:16:18,793
(air hisses)
392
00:16:19,394 --> 00:16:21,128
Buh-bye.
393
00:16:21,196 --> 00:16:22,930
(sighs)
394
00:16:22,998 --> 00:16:24,598
Francine:
You bastard!
395
00:16:24,666 --> 00:16:26,834
(gasps) francine?!
396
00:16:29,171 --> 00:16:31,639
Francine,
what are you...?
397
00:16:31,707 --> 00:16:33,207
Klaus told me you've
been poisoning roger
398
00:16:33,275 --> 00:16:35,643
Just because you don't want to
spend time alone with me!
399
00:16:35,711 --> 00:16:37,111
Um...
400
00:16:37,179 --> 00:16:39,947
Forget it, stan!
I'm gonna get roger out,
401
00:16:40,015 --> 00:16:41,682
And then when we get home,
402
00:16:41,750 --> 00:16:44,085
You can have
all the alone time you want
403
00:16:44,152 --> 00:16:46,220
Because I'm not gonna
be there!
404
00:16:46,288 --> 00:16:47,488
Francine, wait!
405
00:16:47,556 --> 00:16:49,757
It's dangerous in here.
406
00:16:52,427 --> 00:16:54,261
Francine!
407
00:16:57,499 --> 00:16:59,333
Francine!
408
00:17:07,876 --> 00:17:11,479
(anguished groaning)
409
00:17:11,546 --> 00:17:12,913
Who are you?
410
00:17:12,981 --> 00:17:15,549
(high-pitched, weak voice):
Roger's conscience.
411
00:17:15,617 --> 00:17:18,018
Oh, my god,
you're dying of neglect!
412
00:17:18,086 --> 00:17:22,022
Kill... Me!
413
00:17:22,090 --> 00:17:23,524
(groaning)
414
00:17:23,592 --> 00:17:24,592
Tom skerritt?!
415
00:17:24,659 --> 00:17:26,927
(weakly):
Get me work.
416
00:17:30,465 --> 00:17:34,034
Oh, my, is it time
to change already?
417
00:17:34,102 --> 00:17:38,205
Yep, time to peel outta
these old dungarees.
418
00:17:38,273 --> 00:17:39,306
Steve:
You boys ready
419
00:17:39,374 --> 00:17:41,675
For that swim test
today, or what?
420
00:17:46,948 --> 00:17:48,816
(boys yelling)
421
00:17:48,884 --> 00:17:51,852
Look at us, fellas!
The underwear works!
422
00:17:51,920 --> 00:17:53,154
Just like clyde
said it would!
423
00:17:53,221 --> 00:17:54,889
Put 'em in
the girls' cabin!
424
00:17:54,956 --> 00:17:56,257
They're so impressed,
425
00:17:56,324 --> 00:17:58,025
They're bringing us
straight to their women!
426
00:17:58,093 --> 00:17:59,059
(screams)
427
00:17:59,127 --> 00:18:00,261
(all scream)
428
00:18:00,328 --> 00:18:01,829
If only we
could thank
429
00:18:01,897 --> 00:18:04,565
That magical mystery
underwear salesman.
430
00:18:04,633 --> 00:18:07,268
Oh, I don't think we've seen
the last of him.
431
00:18:14,976 --> 00:18:16,043
(train whistle blows)
432
00:18:22,918 --> 00:18:24,718
(gasps) it's breathtaking.
433
00:18:28,156 --> 00:18:29,323
(birds chirping)
434
00:18:29,391 --> 00:18:31,292
The cherry blossoms,
the rolling hills,
435
00:18:31,359 --> 00:18:33,294
The three urkels grazing
in the meadow.
436
00:18:38,600 --> 00:18:41,035
(sign buzzing)
437
00:18:41,102 --> 00:18:42,303
Francine!
438
00:18:44,706 --> 00:18:46,674
No, no, I'll
never tell anyone.
439
00:18:46,741 --> 00:18:49,543
Your reputation is
safe with me.
440
00:18:51,079 --> 00:18:52,680
Hey, fellas, I nailed her!
441
00:18:52,747 --> 00:18:54,148
It was so easy!
442
00:18:54,216 --> 00:18:56,150
(creature bellows, sobs)
443
00:19:02,224 --> 00:19:05,759
I am vicki: Voice
input child identicant.
444
00:19:05,827 --> 00:19:06,861
What are tears?
445
00:19:06,928 --> 00:19:08,028
Next!
446
00:19:11,867 --> 00:19:13,367
(horn blares)
447
00:19:13,435 --> 00:19:15,069
Learn how to drive,
you bitch!
448
00:19:15,136 --> 00:19:18,205
Relax, mc raw g.
Let it go.
449
00:19:18,273 --> 00:19:21,075
Are you kidding?
Nobody cuts off
biggie smalls!
450
00:19:21,142 --> 00:19:22,309
(tires screeching)
451
00:19:22,377 --> 00:19:24,245
Hey, jackass, you want
some of this?!
452
00:19:24,312 --> 00:19:25,246
(gun hammer cocks)
453
00:19:25,313 --> 00:19:27,581
(gunshots)
454
00:19:27,649 --> 00:19:29,383
(tires squeal away)
455
00:19:33,255 --> 00:19:35,856
He said he made this for me.
456
00:19:35,924 --> 00:19:37,358
Stan:
No, you don't get it.
457
00:19:37,425 --> 00:19:40,561
Francine and I haven't been
alone together in 18 years.
458
00:19:40,629 --> 00:19:42,730
What if she thinks I'm boring
and leaves me?
459
00:19:44,165 --> 00:19:45,499
Is that true?
460
00:19:45,567 --> 00:19:48,969
Is that why you were afraid
to be alone with me?
461
00:19:49,037 --> 00:19:51,305
Because you thought
I'd be bored with you?
462
00:19:51,373 --> 00:19:53,307
(sheepishly):
Well, yeah.
463
00:19:53,375 --> 00:19:55,576
Stan, you might
not be interesting,
464
00:19:55,644 --> 00:19:57,711
But you're definitely
not boring.
465
00:19:57,779 --> 00:20:00,514
I mean, the kids
have only been gone
for two days,
466
00:20:00,582 --> 00:20:03,551
And look at us, we're inside
an alien's brain.
467
00:20:03,618 --> 00:20:05,986
So, you're not gonna
sit down to dinner
468
00:20:06,054 --> 00:20:08,455
And realize
you don't wanna be
with me anymore?
469
00:20:08,523 --> 00:20:10,691
No, honey.
I know who you are.
470
00:20:10,759 --> 00:20:12,426
And I love you.
471
00:20:12,494 --> 00:20:13,427
Both:
Mm...
472
00:20:13,495 --> 00:20:16,030
Come on.
Let's go get roger.
473
00:20:23,572 --> 00:20:26,407
No, francine.
He needs a prince.
474
00:20:30,178 --> 00:20:32,646
(frantic moaning)
475
00:20:32,714 --> 00:20:34,415
(spits)
what the hell are you doing?!
476
00:20:34,482 --> 00:20:36,684
Me? You're the one
making a move.
477
00:20:36,751 --> 00:20:38,519
I was just napping
on this pedestal
478
00:20:38,587 --> 00:20:40,888
In the perfect light in
my most prettiest dress.
479
00:20:40,956 --> 00:20:42,923
Roger, you're in a coma.
480
00:20:42,991 --> 00:20:45,926
We're in your brain
to help you wake up
and bring you home.
481
00:20:45,994 --> 00:20:47,194
Home?
482
00:20:47,262 --> 00:20:48,829
You mean... Your home?
483
00:20:48,897 --> 00:20:49,964
That's right.
484
00:20:50,031 --> 00:20:51,465
Oh, thank god!
I hated my apartment.
485
00:20:51,533 --> 00:20:54,301
I don't know if you noticed,
but it didn't have a bathroom.
486
00:20:54,369 --> 00:20:55,903
I won't be getting that security
deposit back.
487
00:20:58,139 --> 00:21:00,007
Hey, guess who I had
lunch with today.
488
00:21:00,075 --> 00:21:01,208
Tom skerritt.
489
00:21:01,276 --> 00:21:02,943
Oh, that's interesting.
490
00:21:03,011 --> 00:21:06,447
Oh, yeah.
I guess it is.
491
00:21:06,514 --> 00:21:08,549
Buh-bye!
492
00:21:08,550 --> 00:21:11,550
Sync by honeybunny