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00:00:03,226 --> 00:00:06,094
♪ Good morning, USA! ♪
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00:00:06,224 --> 00:00:10,093
♪ I got a feeling that it's
gonna be a wonderful day ♪
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00:00:10,161 --> 00:00:13,030
♪ The sun in the sky
has a smile on his face ♪
4
00:00:13,097 --> 00:00:17,201
♪ And he's shining a salute
to the American race ♪
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00:00:19,270 --> 00:00:22,789
♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪
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♪ Good... ♪
♪ Good morning, USA ♪
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00:00:24,742 --> 00:00:26,310
Aah!
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00:00:26,377 --> 00:00:30,681
♪ American Dad 6x05 ♪
White Rice
Original Air Date on November 21, 2010
9
00:00:30,881 --> 00:00:33,281
== Sync, corrected by elderman ==
== for www.addic7ed.com ==
10
00:00:34,184 --> 00:00:36,350
Damn it, Stan,
I want to talk about this!
11
00:00:36,806 --> 00:00:38,873
Terry, quick,
Stan and Francine are fighting.
12
00:00:38,925 --> 00:00:40,709
Ooh, you think
it'll get violent?
13
00:00:40,776 --> 00:00:41,977
I'll open a good wine.
14
00:00:42,044 --> 00:00:43,178
We'll talk
about it later.
15
00:00:43,246 --> 00:00:44,779
Oh, you always
say that.
16
00:00:44,847 --> 00:00:47,449
And when bring it up later,
you just push it off.
17
00:00:47,516 --> 00:00:48,850
I do push it.
18
00:00:48,901 --> 00:00:50,418
I push it real good.
19
00:00:50,486 --> 00:00:52,854
♪ Duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh ♪
20
00:00:52,922 --> 00:00:55,557
♪ Duh-dah-dah-dah-dah
aah, push it ♪
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00:00:55,625 --> 00:00:56,958
♪ Push it real good. ♪
22
00:00:58,327 --> 00:01:00,762
Coming this way.
Act casual.
23
00:01:00,830 --> 00:01:03,031
Never wants to talk.
24
00:01:03,082 --> 00:01:04,566
Having a cigarette.
25
00:01:04,634 --> 00:01:08,169
I don't care
what the pack says.
26
00:01:08,237 --> 00:01:10,272
Francine, you okay?
27
00:01:10,339 --> 00:01:12,574
My father turned
68 today.
28
00:01:12,642 --> 00:01:14,209
He's not getting
any younger.
29
00:01:14,277 --> 00:01:17,212
I tried to talk to Stan about
moving my parents to town,
30
00:01:17,280 --> 00:01:19,014
but he refuses to
even discuss it.
31
00:01:19,081 --> 00:01:21,950
That must be tough, you two having
the same argument every year.
32
00:01:22,018 --> 00:01:23,518
What? No, we don't.
33
00:01:23,586 --> 00:01:25,487
This is the first time
I've ever brought it up.
34
00:01:27,189 --> 00:01:30,125
Francine, I want you
to come home right now.
35
00:01:30,192 --> 00:01:32,761
I'm not going
anywhere with you.
36
00:01:32,828 --> 00:01:34,596
Oh, this is a
private discussion.
37
00:01:34,664 --> 00:01:35,997
We'll leave you two alone.
38
00:01:43,272 --> 00:01:45,907
I'm sorry, okay?
39
00:01:45,975 --> 00:01:49,544
You're just saying you're sorry because
you want this conversation to be over.
40
00:01:50,980 --> 00:01:52,914
You're right.
You're right.
41
00:01:52,982 --> 00:01:54,449
We need some help
communicating.
42
00:01:54,517 --> 00:01:55,950
I think we should
see a therapist.
43
00:01:56,018 --> 00:01:58,053
Really? You would
do that for me?
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00:01:58,120 --> 00:01:59,321
For us.
45
00:01:59,388 --> 00:02:00,488
Oh, Stan.
46
00:02:00,556 --> 00:02:02,290
I'll find someone
for us to talk to.
47
00:02:02,358 --> 00:02:03,358
Let's go home.
48
00:02:06,429 --> 00:02:08,063
Aah, I saw it.
49
00:02:15,438 --> 00:02:17,439
Look what I won
at the carnival.
50
00:02:17,506 --> 00:02:19,441
She's beautiful.
51
00:02:19,508 --> 00:02:21,776
Yeah, the good Lord used
every crayon in the box
52
00:02:21,844 --> 00:02:23,712
when he made this gal.
53
00:02:23,779 --> 00:02:26,147
I'm gonna stick an M80 in her
and blow her to bits.
54
00:02:26,215 --> 00:02:28,616
Wait. Why don't you
drop her in my bowl?
55
00:02:28,684 --> 00:02:30,585
I'd be happy for
the companionship
56
00:02:30,653 --> 00:02:32,821
even if it is with a
normal non-speaking fish.
57
00:02:32,888 --> 00:02:35,056
Wow, look at you.
58
00:02:35,124 --> 00:02:36,758
Hooking up
with a colored girl.
59
00:02:36,826 --> 00:02:38,727
Hi, I'm Klaus.
60
00:02:38,794 --> 00:02:40,028
What's your sign?
61
00:02:40,096 --> 00:02:41,329
Pisces?
62
00:02:46,569 --> 00:02:49,304
My husband never
wants to hear me out.
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00:02:49,372 --> 00:02:52,607
Instead of talking things
through, he just pushes me off.
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00:02:52,675 --> 00:02:55,310
Don't worry,
I'll fix everything.
65
00:02:55,378 --> 00:02:57,011
Let's start with
you, Francine.
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00:02:57,079 --> 00:02:59,114
I want you to feel
completely relaxed.
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00:02:59,181 --> 00:03:01,516
Imagine warm liquid
filling your body--
68
00:03:01,584 --> 00:03:04,152
starting at your feet and
rising slowly to your head.
69
00:03:04,220 --> 00:03:07,389
When I snap my fingers, you are going
to fall into a deep, dream-like state.
70
00:03:08,991 --> 00:03:11,526
So, Stan, want me to
give her the regular?
71
00:03:11,594 --> 00:03:13,828
Yup, Sal, time
for her annual tune-up.
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00:03:13,896 --> 00:03:15,430
Ooh, mixed nuts
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00:03:15,498 --> 00:03:18,166
There's quite a few things
I'd like you to make her forget.
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00:03:18,234 --> 00:03:20,118
She wants to move her
parents to town again, huh?
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00:03:20,186 --> 00:03:23,855
Every year
on her dad's birthday.
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00:03:23,923 --> 00:03:26,458
There we go.
There's the winner.
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00:03:26,525 --> 00:03:29,878
Here's a list of some other things
I'd like repressed this year.
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00:03:29,945 --> 00:03:32,881
She talked about getting a puppy
again-- let's get rid of that.
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00:03:32,948 --> 00:03:35,083
She wanted to get
a subway map shower curtain--
80
00:03:35,151 --> 00:03:36,751
need to nip that in the bud.
81
00:03:36,819 --> 00:03:39,788
She wants me to start picking
my shoes up off the floor.
82
00:03:39,855 --> 00:03:41,923
She's also been grousing about
the night I sleep-punched her.
83
00:03:41,991 --> 00:03:43,992
And there's plenty more.
84
00:03:44,059 --> 00:03:45,760
Oh, and while you're
knocking around in there,
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00:03:45,828 --> 00:03:47,762
get her to love the films
of Emilio Estevez.
86
00:03:47,830 --> 00:03:49,464
How great is that guy?
87
00:03:49,532 --> 00:03:51,733
He's a Sheen,
he's from an acting dynasty,
88
00:03:51,801 --> 00:03:53,034
yet he chooses to be Mexican.
89
00:03:53,102 --> 00:03:54,469
Makes it huge.
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00:03:54,537 --> 00:03:55,837
Realizes people have
had enough of him,
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00:03:55,905 --> 00:03:58,440
and is decent enough to fall off
the face of the Earth.
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00:03:58,507 --> 00:04:01,643
Emi-lio-ooo!
No problem.
93
00:04:01,710 --> 00:04:04,095
Do your magic. I'm going to get
a sandwich across the street.
94
00:04:04,180 --> 00:04:06,181
Oh, I'll take a...
95
00:04:06,248 --> 00:04:08,216
Never mind, then.
96
00:04:08,284 --> 00:04:10,418
All righty,
then, Francine.
97
00:04:10,486 --> 00:04:12,020
You will stop
submitting captions
98
00:04:12,087 --> 00:04:13,521
for the New Yorker
cartoon contest.
99
00:04:13,589 --> 00:04:14,923
You'll stop
saying the phrase,
100
00:04:14,990 --> 00:04:18,460
"You are a card, and you
need to be dealt with."
101
00:04:18,527 --> 00:04:21,596
You will awake
in one hour.
102
00:04:21,664 --> 00:04:24,599
You will remember nothing
of this session.
103
00:04:24,667 --> 00:04:25,834
Okay, good to go.
104
00:04:25,901 --> 00:04:27,068
Thanks, Sal.
105
00:04:29,705 --> 00:04:33,475
Francine, you are
stiff as a board.
106
00:04:35,044 --> 00:04:36,578
Next year I'll have you
hypnotize my penis.
107
00:04:39,815 --> 00:04:40,982
Ah.
108
00:04:43,686 --> 00:04:46,888
Hey there, sleepyhead, you up
for a Mighty Ducks marathon?
109
00:05:01,203 --> 00:05:03,171
Sorry to intrude, guys.
110
00:05:03,239 --> 00:05:04,873
It's my father's birthday.
111
00:05:04,940 --> 00:05:07,141
He turned 69 and he's
not getting any younger.
112
00:05:07,209 --> 00:05:09,611
And you want to discuss
your parents moving to town,
113
00:05:09,678 --> 00:05:10,979
but Stan won't talk about it.
114
00:05:11,046 --> 00:05:13,581
Yes. H-How did you know?
115
00:05:13,649 --> 00:05:16,217
Because you come over every
year, say the same thing
116
00:05:16,285 --> 00:05:17,552
and pube-up our hot tub.
117
00:05:17,620 --> 00:05:19,888
I-I don't do that.
118
00:05:19,955 --> 00:05:21,422
Honey, let's go
see a therapist.
119
00:05:21,490 --> 00:05:24,025
Oh, you'd do
that for me?
120
00:05:27,263 --> 00:05:28,830
Ugh. I saw it again.
121
00:05:28,898 --> 00:05:31,299
You know she has one.
Why do you keep staring at it?
122
00:05:31,367 --> 00:05:33,501
I don't trust it.
I don't want to turn my back on it.
123
00:05:36,472 --> 00:05:37,805
♪ ♪
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00:05:37,873 --> 00:05:40,675
I now pronounce you
man-fish and wife.
125
00:05:40,743 --> 00:05:42,810
Now for my payment.
126
00:05:44,480 --> 00:05:46,281
Honk, honk.
127
00:05:46,348 --> 00:05:47,749
Pleasure doing
business with you.
128
00:05:52,955 --> 00:05:55,523
Uh, hey, I got you
a wedding present.
129
00:05:55,591 --> 00:05:59,193
Oh, Pumpkin, look,
our new home.
130
00:05:59,261 --> 00:06:02,096
Now let's get
this party started.
131
00:06:15,544 --> 00:06:18,446
Great. Here's this year's
list of things I need adiosed.
132
00:06:18,514 --> 00:06:19,681
I'm gonna go grab
a sandwich.
133
00:06:19,732 --> 00:06:21,649
Oh, I'll have a...
134
00:06:26,322 --> 00:06:29,057
And when you awake,
you will remember...
135
00:06:29,124 --> 00:06:32,060
everything Stan has made me
repress over the last 20 years!
136
00:06:32,127 --> 00:06:33,528
No!!
137
00:06:35,030 --> 00:06:37,532
Maybe once in a while,
I can get off.
138
00:06:37,600 --> 00:06:39,133
Let's talk about it later.
139
00:06:41,036 --> 00:06:43,955
Stan, I think we should get
Hayley and Bailey vaccinated.
140
00:06:44,039 --> 00:06:45,106
We'll talk about it later.
141
00:06:46,609 --> 00:06:50,345
Ow! Son of a bitch!
You punched me!
142
00:06:50,412 --> 00:06:52,580
Talk... later.
143
00:06:53,649 --> 00:06:54,983
Why, Sal?
144
00:06:55,050 --> 00:06:57,919
You've been coming here
for two decades--
145
00:06:57,987 --> 00:07:00,555
never once offered
to bring me a sandwich.
146
00:07:00,623 --> 00:07:04,892
Uh... Francine, you've
never been more relaxed.
147
00:07:04,960 --> 00:07:06,995
Your body is filling
with liquid...
148
00:07:07,062 --> 00:07:08,463
Oh!
149
00:07:08,530 --> 00:07:11,566
Emi-lio-ooo!
150
00:07:15,179 --> 00:07:17,043
So instead of discussing
things with me,
151
00:07:17,143 --> 00:07:18,977
you take me to a hypnotist?!
152
00:07:19,045 --> 00:07:23,081
We could've gone to a real therapist
and worked on our problems.
153
00:07:23,149 --> 00:07:25,384
I don't like airing my personal
business in front of an audience.
154
00:07:25,451 --> 00:07:29,154
But I do like using those steel
pee-troughs at the stadium.
155
00:07:29,222 --> 00:07:30,889
I don't know if it's because
it sounds like rain,
156
00:07:30,957 --> 00:07:32,524
or it's just the sight
of all those
157
00:07:32,592 --> 00:07:34,259
eager Johnsons
working together--
158
00:07:34,327 --> 00:07:36,428
Stan...
Let's play "Hide and Don't Seek."
159
00:07:36,496 --> 00:07:38,630
I'll hide in my plate
room, you don't seek me.
160
00:07:40,834 --> 00:07:43,168
We know the game is over
when you've made me dinner.
161
00:07:48,541 --> 00:07:51,777
Oh, my porcelain, ginger-haired
prankster.
162
00:07:51,845 --> 00:07:54,079
No one has a sense
of humor anymore.
163
00:07:54,147 --> 00:07:57,182
Stan, we are going to
talk about this now.
164
00:07:57,250 --> 00:08:00,586
Wait... more memories
are coming back.
165
00:08:00,653 --> 00:08:02,921
This wasn't always
your plate room.
166
00:08:02,989 --> 00:08:03,922
This was my work-space.
167
00:08:04,924 --> 00:08:06,825
Why did I need
a work-space?
168
00:08:06,893 --> 00:08:08,026
Uh, you didn't.
169
00:08:08,094 --> 00:08:09,528
Let's go on
vacation right now.
170
00:08:09,596 --> 00:08:10,696
The Poconos.
171
00:08:10,763 --> 00:08:11,797
Sounds funny.
172
00:08:11,865 --> 00:08:14,499
Hey, I had a secret
hiding place.
173
00:08:17,503 --> 00:08:19,605
What's on this tape?
Nothing.
174
00:08:19,672 --> 00:08:21,240
And we don't have
a VCR anymore
175
00:08:21,307 --> 00:08:23,141
so you'll have to
take my word for it.
176
00:08:23,209 --> 00:08:25,077
Roger still has one.
177
00:08:25,144 --> 00:08:27,412
Because you didn't
buy him a DVD player
178
00:08:27,480 --> 00:08:30,549
like he wanted
for his quinceañera.
179
00:08:30,617 --> 00:08:32,150
♪ ♪
180
00:08:32,218 --> 00:08:35,537
Eh, eh, eh, eh.
181
00:08:35,622 --> 00:08:38,156
Hey! My Angela Lansbury
workout.
182
00:08:38,207 --> 00:08:40,325
Why Miss Lansbury, you ask?
183
00:08:40,376 --> 00:08:42,678
Well, I've come to accept
that I have the body
184
00:08:42,762 --> 00:08:43,995
of a post-menopausal
senior woman.
185
00:08:44,047 --> 00:08:45,564
I do, I'm at peace with it.
186
00:08:47,200 --> 00:08:48,834
Any other woman in the audience
187
00:08:48,902 --> 00:08:50,369
the tallest member
of her family?
188
00:08:50,436 --> 00:08:55,374
Oh, my God, that's right!
I was a stand-up comic!
189
00:08:55,441 --> 00:08:57,910
Well, my adoptive parents
are Chinese.
190
00:08:57,977 --> 00:09:00,178
So I'm the tallest member
in generations.
191
00:09:00,246 --> 00:09:02,247
I go to my family reunion
192
00:09:02,315 --> 00:09:04,750
and they're all like
"Godzilla, aw!"
193
00:09:04,817 --> 00:09:06,084
Funny.
194
00:09:06,152 --> 00:09:09,021
In first grade they sent me home
with lice.
195
00:09:09,088 --> 00:09:11,623
My parents said,
"Of course she has lice.
196
00:09:11,691 --> 00:09:14,693
She has it for runch everyday."
197
00:09:14,761 --> 00:09:16,762
I can say it, you can't.
198
00:09:18,031 --> 00:09:19,031
You're good.
199
00:09:19,098 --> 00:09:20,499
Yay.
200
00:09:20,566 --> 00:09:22,768
Why on earth would
you make me forget
201
00:09:22,835 --> 00:09:24,636
I was a stand-up comedienne?
202
00:09:24,704 --> 00:09:27,039
You started working nights;
it affected my schedule.
203
00:09:27,106 --> 00:09:28,840
I talked to Sal about it,
204
00:09:28,908 --> 00:09:30,242
and he said
I don't like change.
205
00:09:30,310 --> 00:09:32,010
I have an aversion to it.
206
00:09:32,078 --> 00:09:33,211
An aversion.
207
00:09:33,279 --> 00:09:36,081
Can you imagine how hard
that's been on me?
208
00:09:38,117 --> 00:09:40,319
I get it.
I get it.
209
00:09:40,386 --> 00:09:41,720
I'll go get ready
for sex.
210
00:09:45,658 --> 00:09:47,459
You really think
I was funny?
211
00:09:47,527 --> 00:09:48,944
You're hilarious.
212
00:09:49,028 --> 00:09:51,430
All you need is a manager,
and you're on your way.
213
00:09:51,497 --> 00:09:54,416
I wouldn't even know
where to begin to find a...
214
00:09:54,484 --> 00:09:57,285
Sweeps McCullough,
talent manager.
215
00:09:57,353 --> 00:09:59,388
I used to represent
every sitcom neighbor
216
00:09:59,455 --> 00:10:00,622
and sidekick
in the '80s.
217
00:10:00,690 --> 00:10:02,724
I discovered Mindy Cohn,
Willie Aames,
218
00:10:02,792 --> 00:10:04,660
the slow kid
from Life Goes On.
219
00:10:04,727 --> 00:10:07,129
Was that a comedy?
Was to me.
220
00:10:07,196 --> 00:10:09,297
Anyway, I've been down
on my luck as of late,
221
00:10:09,365 --> 00:10:10,699
but I still know talent.
222
00:10:10,767 --> 00:10:12,100
I want to make you a star.
223
00:10:12,168 --> 00:10:13,301
Shut your eyes.
224
00:10:13,369 --> 00:10:14,436
Why?
225
00:10:14,504 --> 00:10:15,437
Ow!
226
00:10:15,505 --> 00:10:17,922
Ow. Ow.
227
00:10:17,974 --> 00:10:19,324
Sorry about that.
228
00:10:19,392 --> 00:10:22,227
I made the confetti out
of cut-up tuna can lids.
229
00:10:22,295 --> 00:10:23,762
Now about your career...
230
00:10:23,830 --> 00:10:27,366
I'm flattered, but this
all happened 20 years ago.
231
00:10:27,433 --> 00:10:29,167
I might not be
good anymore.
232
00:10:29,235 --> 00:10:31,436
Nonsense. Once you've got it,
you never lose it.
233
00:10:31,504 --> 00:10:33,105
You have talent herpes.
234
00:10:33,172 --> 00:10:34,706
I have regular herpes.
Thank you, Mindy Cohn.
235
00:10:34,774 --> 00:10:36,341
So what do you say, you in?
236
00:10:36,409 --> 00:10:40,112
I can't believe
Stan made me forget all this.
237
00:10:40,179 --> 00:10:41,613
Hell, yes, I'm in.
238
00:10:41,681 --> 00:10:43,115
Good. We'll start with
239
00:10:43,182 --> 00:10:45,817
with the standup-slash-topless
bar circuit and work our way up.
240
00:10:45,885 --> 00:10:47,552
I have to perform topless?
241
00:10:47,620 --> 00:10:48,687
You're not topless.
242
00:10:48,755 --> 00:10:49,921
The staff is topless.
243
00:10:49,989 --> 00:10:51,590
You want to get noticed?
244
00:10:51,657 --> 00:10:53,992
Your ha-has have to be bigger
than their ta-tas.
245
00:10:56,963 --> 00:10:58,930
Are you sure
about all this?
246
00:10:58,998 --> 00:11:00,999
Remember when Rudy
from The Cosby Show
247
00:11:01,067 --> 00:11:02,701
got old and stopped
being cute?
248
00:11:02,769 --> 00:11:04,770
I brought them Raven-Symone.
249
00:11:04,837 --> 00:11:06,405
Saw her on a Philadelphia
playground
250
00:11:06,472 --> 00:11:07,639
and knew she was a star.
251
00:11:07,707 --> 00:11:09,374
Snatched her right up.
252
00:11:09,442 --> 00:11:11,276
Six months later, her
parents saw her on TV
253
00:11:11,344 --> 00:11:12,644
and realized
she was still alive.
254
00:11:12,712 --> 00:11:14,279
Did some time for that.
255
00:11:14,347 --> 00:11:16,782
So, you ask,
am I sure about this?
256
00:11:16,849 --> 00:11:17,816
I don't know.
257
00:11:22,055 --> 00:11:23,472
She's a terrible wife.
258
00:11:23,539 --> 00:11:25,323
She has no maternal instincts.
259
00:11:25,391 --> 00:11:26,691
She can't be that bad.
260
00:11:26,759 --> 00:11:29,127
She ate three of the children!
261
00:11:29,195 --> 00:11:32,531
And poor little Susan,
she only ate half of her.
262
00:11:32,598 --> 00:11:33,732
She wasn't even hungry.
263
00:11:33,800 --> 00:11:36,301
She was just eating to eat!
264
00:11:39,005 --> 00:11:40,672
Coming from an Asian family,
265
00:11:40,740 --> 00:11:43,275
my parents had never seen boobs.
266
00:11:43,342 --> 00:11:45,243
No cup size was
bigger than an A.
267
00:11:45,311 --> 00:11:46,511
And that was my dad's.
268
00:11:55,922 --> 00:11:57,823
You know why Chinese couples
269
00:11:57,890 --> 00:11:59,691
can't have their own
Caucasian babies?
270
00:11:59,759 --> 00:12:02,928
Because two Wongs
don't make a white.
271
00:12:09,836 --> 00:12:11,803
I called in a bunch of favors
272
00:12:11,871 --> 00:12:13,705
and put together
a talent showcase
273
00:12:13,773 --> 00:12:16,374
at the mother of all
stripper-slash-comedy clubs.
274
00:12:16,442 --> 00:12:18,176
Hilareola's?
275
00:12:18,227 --> 00:12:19,878
You got me booked
at Hilareola's?!
276
00:12:19,946 --> 00:12:22,214
A bunch of TV execs
are gonna be there.
277
00:12:22,281 --> 00:12:24,149
You're my ticket
back to the bigs.
278
00:12:24,217 --> 00:12:26,918
No. This is exactly what
I was trying to avoid.
279
00:12:26,986 --> 00:12:29,087
My whole world is changing.
280
00:12:29,155 --> 00:12:31,523
Dinner's not on the table,
I'm wearing dirty shirts,
281
00:12:31,591 --> 00:12:33,458
there's no one taking
my shoes upstairs.
282
00:12:33,526 --> 00:12:35,494
We'll talk
about it later.
283
00:12:35,561 --> 00:12:37,295
How does that feel?
284
00:12:39,632 --> 00:12:42,033
By the look on his face,
not good.
285
00:12:48,541 --> 00:12:50,709
You boys are going
to eat her up.
286
00:12:53,412 --> 00:12:54,412
What?
287
00:12:54,480 --> 00:12:55,981
TV people don't
do this anymore?
288
00:12:56,048 --> 00:12:57,015
No.
289
00:12:58,751 --> 00:13:01,153
Stan, what are you
doing here?
290
00:13:01,220 --> 00:13:02,921
I just came to wish you luck.
291
00:13:02,989 --> 00:13:05,357
This is a big night. Huge night.
292
00:13:05,424 --> 00:13:07,125
Now, I don't want
to scare you,
293
00:13:07,193 --> 00:13:09,161
but the place is packed
with TV executives.
294
00:13:09,228 --> 00:13:10,562
Lot of pressure.
295
00:13:10,630 --> 00:13:13,198
If you're trying to rattle me,
it won't work.
296
00:13:13,266 --> 00:13:15,767
Welcome to Hilareola's.
297
00:13:15,835 --> 00:13:17,602
Tonight we have Langley Falls'
298
00:13:17,670 --> 00:13:20,872
blossoming new comedienne,
Francine Ling.
299
00:13:20,940 --> 00:13:23,975
Don't blow it. Your material's
as tired as your face.
300
00:13:30,950 --> 00:13:33,001
How's everyone do...?
301
00:13:43,846 --> 00:13:45,497
Well, you tried, Francine.
302
00:13:45,565 --> 00:13:49,467
FOX ordered six episodes for a
sitcom based on my stand-up.
303
00:13:49,535 --> 00:13:51,703
What?!
I'm leaving for Hollywood.
304
00:13:51,771 --> 00:13:53,772
But I saw you
throw up onstage.
305
00:13:53,839 --> 00:13:55,240
You shouldn't
have left.
306
00:13:55,308 --> 00:13:56,608
She riffed
for 20 minutes
307
00:13:56,676 --> 00:13:58,710
on how Chinese food
looks like vomit.
308
00:13:58,778 --> 00:14:00,412
"Mongolian barf-ecue."
309
00:14:00,479 --> 00:14:01,580
Hilarious!
310
00:14:02,748 --> 00:14:05,217
I'll send for my things.
311
00:14:05,284 --> 00:14:06,585
You can't just leave.
312
00:14:06,652 --> 00:14:08,787
Stan, you don't
control me anymore.
313
00:14:08,854 --> 00:14:11,456
I'm going to live my life,
and you can't stop me.
314
00:14:11,524 --> 00:14:12,724
I'm going, too.
315
00:14:12,792 --> 00:14:14,226
I'm a non-writing producer,
316
00:14:14,293 --> 00:14:16,061
which means I get
paid to do nothing.
317
00:14:16,128 --> 00:14:17,712
I might even
be a hindrance.
318
00:14:17,780 --> 00:14:20,498
I'm gonna call everyone to tell
them Sweeps is coming to town.
319
00:14:20,566 --> 00:14:23,568
I'm gonna get off the plane and
go right to Dana Plato's grave.
320
00:14:23,636 --> 00:14:24,736
I owe it to her.
321
00:14:24,804 --> 00:14:25,937
I killed her.
322
00:14:51,570 --> 00:14:52,495
And that's the news.
323
00:14:52,744 --> 00:14:54,528
We'll be back with sports.
324
00:14:54,596 --> 00:14:57,030
What happens
when an adopted white girl
325
00:14:57,098 --> 00:14:58,832
is raised by a Chinese family?
326
00:14:58,900 --> 00:15:00,684
This fall on Fox.
327
00:15:00,752 --> 00:15:04,755
Francine Ling and P.D. Wang
star in White Rice.
328
00:15:04,823 --> 00:15:06,190
Chopstick around.
329
00:15:06,257 --> 00:15:08,926
It's egg foo fun
for the whole family.
330
00:15:08,993 --> 00:15:10,294
I miss her, Klaus.
331
00:15:10,361 --> 00:15:12,362
Really? I couldn't tell.
332
00:15:12,430 --> 00:15:13,764
What am I gonna do?
333
00:15:13,832 --> 00:15:15,265
Change.
Huh?
334
00:15:15,333 --> 00:15:18,969
If you want her back, then
you're going to have to change.
335
00:15:19,037 --> 00:15:21,371
Don't let your marriage
fall apart like mine did.
336
00:15:21,439 --> 00:15:26,009
I hate your face so much.
337
00:15:30,882 --> 00:15:32,783
I love show night
rehearsal.
338
00:15:32,851 --> 00:15:34,718
It's a chance
to fine-tune the show
339
00:15:34,786 --> 00:15:36,520
before they bring
the audience in.
340
00:15:36,588 --> 00:15:39,323
It's also my chance to pick out
one of the extras to pork.
341
00:15:39,390 --> 00:15:41,258
Hey, Toots, you want
a part on the show?
342
00:15:41,326 --> 00:15:42,259
Let's see 'em.
343
00:15:42,327 --> 00:15:43,994
Sir, that is sexual harassment.
344
00:15:44,062 --> 00:15:45,963
Not if I don't
have a boner.
345
00:15:46,030 --> 00:15:46,930
Know the law.
346
00:15:50,568 --> 00:15:52,469
Okay, Francine,
you're getting ready
347
00:15:52,537 --> 00:15:55,806
for your father's 70th
birthday party, and... action.
348
00:15:55,874 --> 00:15:59,142
Uncle Fung is bringing dessert
and Dan will be home any minute.
349
00:15:59,210 --> 00:16:01,144
Does he have to come
to my birthday?
350
00:16:01,212 --> 00:16:02,579
He's my husband.
351
00:16:02,647 --> 00:16:04,648
We know, but
he is white.
352
00:16:04,716 --> 00:16:05,916
I'm white.
353
00:16:05,984 --> 00:16:08,252
You are a
reverse banana.
354
00:16:08,319 --> 00:16:11,588
You are white on outside,
yellow on inside.
355
00:16:11,656 --> 00:16:14,391
Laugh, laugh, laugh...
You two exit to the kitchen.
356
00:16:14,459 --> 00:16:16,226
Dan, you enter
and cross to Francine.
357
00:16:16,294 --> 00:16:19,396
Dan, I need to talk to you
about something.
358
00:16:19,464 --> 00:16:21,231
My father's turning 70,
359
00:16:21,299 --> 00:16:22,983
and he's not getting
any younger.
360
00:16:23,067 --> 00:16:24,868
I've got dessert.
361
00:16:24,936 --> 00:16:26,570
You're amazing, P.D.
362
00:16:26,638 --> 00:16:27,671
Let's break for dinner.
363
00:16:27,739 --> 00:16:28,939
We shoot in one hour.
364
00:16:30,341 --> 00:16:32,009
We're hitting our
stride, Frannie.
365
00:16:32,076 --> 00:16:33,277
Shooting our sixth episode.
366
00:16:33,344 --> 00:16:35,212
Premiering next week.
367
00:16:35,280 --> 00:16:36,647
I can't believe
my husband
368
00:16:36,714 --> 00:16:38,882
didn't want me to
have all of this.
369
00:16:38,950 --> 00:16:41,218
Well, I can tell you
this...
370
00:16:41,286 --> 00:16:43,186
I need some money
for more coke.
371
00:16:47,792 --> 00:16:49,843
I'm coming, baby.
372
00:17:00,738 --> 00:17:03,206
Do you have a drive-on?
373
00:17:03,274 --> 00:17:05,008
I'm Kristen Johnston.
374
00:17:05,076 --> 00:17:07,310
Oh, yes, of course,
Ms. Johnston.
375
00:17:09,013 --> 00:17:10,747
He's my
husband.
376
00:17:10,815 --> 00:17:13,083
We know, but he is white.
377
00:17:13,151 --> 00:17:14,017
I'm white.
378
00:17:14,085 --> 00:17:16,320
You are a reverse banana.
379
00:17:16,387 --> 00:17:17,654
What?
380
00:17:17,722 --> 00:17:20,290
You are white on outside,
yellow on inside.
381
00:17:22,427 --> 00:17:24,861
Is this where
Francine Ling lives?
382
00:17:24,929 --> 00:17:26,597
Uh, this is a set.
383
00:17:26,664 --> 00:17:28,515
And this is a fist.
384
00:17:30,034 --> 00:17:31,835
Francine, we need to talk.
385
00:17:31,903 --> 00:17:33,604
Stan, what are
you doing here?
386
00:17:33,671 --> 00:17:35,572
I'm not afraid
of change. I...
387
00:17:37,141 --> 00:17:39,109
Oh, I didn't realize
you had people over.
388
00:17:40,545 --> 00:17:41,845
Who is that guy?
389
00:17:41,913 --> 00:17:43,380
It's Kristen Johnston.
Just keep rolling.
390
00:17:43,448 --> 00:17:46,550
Look, I got that gold chain
you wanted to talk about.
391
00:17:46,618 --> 00:17:48,919
I'm also wearing cargo
shorts, like you wanted.
392
00:17:48,987 --> 00:17:50,954
Ten years ago you wanted to
paint the kitchen purple.
393
00:17:51,022 --> 00:17:52,055
I painted it.
394
00:17:52,123 --> 00:17:54,124
I have 20 dogs in the car.
395
00:17:54,192 --> 00:17:56,226
One for every year
you asked for one.
396
00:17:56,294 --> 00:17:58,629
All the things you
ever wanted, I did.
397
00:17:58,696 --> 00:18:00,631
I've changed for you.
398
00:18:00,698 --> 00:18:04,635
It turns out the only change I
can't live with is losing you.
399
00:18:04,702 --> 00:18:06,336
Aw...!
400
00:18:06,404 --> 00:18:07,571
I've got dessert.
401
00:18:07,639 --> 00:18:08,905
Get out
or I'll shoot you.
402
00:18:10,842 --> 00:18:14,711
Stan, I'm touched that
you made all these changes,
403
00:18:14,779 --> 00:18:16,680
but that's not what I wanted.
404
00:18:16,748 --> 00:18:18,682
It-it isn't?
405
00:18:18,750 --> 00:18:19,916
No.
406
00:18:19,984 --> 00:18:22,586
I just wanted to talk
those things through.
407
00:18:22,654 --> 00:18:24,521
I wasn't sure about them.
408
00:18:24,589 --> 00:18:27,257
That's why I needed
to discuss them with you.
409
00:18:27,325 --> 00:18:30,394
Now that I see the kitchen
purple, it looks terrible.
410
00:18:30,461 --> 00:18:33,296
And those shorts
make you look boxy.
411
00:18:33,364 --> 00:18:36,333
And who knows, maybe I wouldn't
like getting off.
412
00:18:36,401 --> 00:18:37,367
Phew.
413
00:18:39,637 --> 00:18:42,539
And as for my stand-up career,
414
00:18:42,607 --> 00:18:44,641
if we had just
talked it through,
415
00:18:44,709 --> 00:18:47,711
you would've realized it didn't
mean I would leave you.
416
00:18:47,779 --> 00:18:49,146
You could have come with me.
417
00:18:49,213 --> 00:18:52,315
There's a CIA office
out here in Los Angeles.
418
00:18:52,383 --> 00:18:54,084
Oh, yeah, I never
thought of that.
419
00:18:54,152 --> 00:18:55,852
This is incredibly
unprofessional.
420
00:19:01,025 --> 00:19:03,160
I'm really sorry, Francine.
421
00:19:03,227 --> 00:19:07,497
This time, I can tell
you really are sorry.
422
00:19:07,565 --> 00:19:10,367
So, I accept your apology.
423
00:19:10,435 --> 00:19:12,335
Aw...
424
00:19:12,403 --> 00:19:14,337
Cut! Lightning in a bottle.
425
00:19:15,573 --> 00:19:16,606
Yes!
426
00:19:16,674 --> 00:19:19,943
Oh, there is no downside
to this drug.
427
00:19:20,011 --> 00:19:23,213
So, you guys want to go get
some steaks at the Brown Derby?
428
00:19:26,117 --> 00:19:30,821
I'd like to make a toast to Francine and to
tonight's premiere of White Rice.
429
00:19:30,888 --> 00:19:32,289
It is going the distance.
430
00:19:32,356 --> 00:19:34,224
That's what I told
Meredith Baxter-Birney
431
00:19:34,292 --> 00:19:35,926
on the set of
Family Ties.
432
00:19:35,993 --> 00:19:38,645
That's when she was still
a fan of the meat rod.
433
00:19:41,999 --> 00:19:44,835
I can't wait to tell the kids
about moving to California.
434
00:19:44,902 --> 00:19:46,470
It's like a dream come true.
435
00:19:46,537 --> 00:19:48,238
You deserve it, baby.
436
00:19:48,306 --> 00:19:49,306
Quiet. The show's
coming on.
437
00:19:50,508 --> 00:19:53,610
Hi, Mah Mah,
what's for dinner?
438
00:19:53,678 --> 00:19:55,212
Eel in cow
eyeball sauce.
439
00:19:55,279 --> 00:19:57,214
It called the guck nu.
440
00:19:57,281 --> 00:20:00,183
Sounds more like
guck ewww.
441
00:20:00,251 --> 00:20:04,721
It's an all-new episode
of Fits In The Hole.
442
00:20:04,789 --> 00:20:06,590
Oh, my God.
443
00:20:06,657 --> 00:20:08,959
Look how fat she is
in that silver suit.
444
00:20:09,026 --> 00:20:10,460
I don't think
she's gonna make it.
445
00:20:10,528 --> 00:20:12,095
Roger, what happened
to White Rice?
446
00:20:12,163 --> 00:20:14,898
Right. It's probably
just a programming mistake.
447
00:20:14,966 --> 00:20:16,199
Yeah, this is Sweeps.
448
00:20:16,267 --> 00:20:17,601
Uh-huh.
449
00:20:17,668 --> 00:20:18,702
Uh-huh!
450
00:20:18,770 --> 00:20:20,070
Okay, thanks!
451
00:20:20,138 --> 00:20:21,504
We've been cancelled.
452
00:20:24,008 --> 00:20:25,742
After one joke?
453
00:20:25,810 --> 00:20:27,811
Apparently, the Asian
community is in an uproar.
454
00:20:27,879 --> 00:20:29,045
Oh. well.
455
00:20:29,113 --> 00:20:29,946
Can I borrow
your belt?
456
00:20:30,014 --> 00:20:31,214
And this chair?
457
00:20:33,284 --> 00:20:34,651
Sweeps is dead!
458
00:20:34,719 --> 00:20:36,753
He hung himself! No!
459
00:20:36,821 --> 00:20:38,388
I never gave you my belt.
460
00:20:38,456 --> 00:20:40,223
You didn't?
Give it to me.
461
00:20:40,291 --> 00:20:42,259
Sweeps is dead!
462
00:20:45,429 --> 00:20:48,598
Okay, Bah Bah, bye.
463
00:20:48,666 --> 00:20:52,402
Wow, I can't believe
my father's turning 70.
464
00:20:52,470 --> 00:20:57,207
Stan, I really think we should
talk about them moving to town.
465
00:20:58,843 --> 00:21:00,877
Okay, let's talk about it.
466
00:21:00,945 --> 00:21:04,014
I think it's a
terrible idea.
467
00:21:04,081 --> 00:21:07,117
Me, too.
468
00:21:07,185 --> 00:21:10,287
Stan, I need to borrow
your shovel.
469
00:21:10,354 --> 00:21:13,823
== Sync, corrected by elderman ==
== for www.addic7ed.com ==