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♪ Good morning, USA! ♪
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♪ I got a feeling that it's
gonna be a wonderful day ♪
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♪ The sun in the sky
has a smile on his face ♪
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♪ And he's shining a salute
to the American race ♪
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♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪
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♪ Good... ♪
♪ Good morning, USA ♪
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Aah!
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♪ American Dad 6x14 ♪
School Lies
Original Air Date on April 3, 2011
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-- sync, corrected by elderman --
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Listen, rookie,
you're new,
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so you'll be
intimidated at first.
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When I started,
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I was afraid to ask
where the bathroom was.
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I pooped in my drawer
for six months.
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Started planting
things in it.
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My tomatoes did
really well.
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The only way to get
ahead is to work hard.
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Just keep your nose to the
grindstone-- Oh, my God!
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It's Senator Buckingham!
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Stop pointing.
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He's the senator
who assigns
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all the prestigious CIA
task force positions.
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Quick, look like
you're working hard.
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00:01:05,194 --> 00:01:06,428
Don't stand there
looking stupid,
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start stacking the wood!
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Webber, you son of a gun!
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Still playing your short irons
in the front of your stance?
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It works for me.
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I made a tricky up and down
past the trap on nine last week.
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They got you
setting up shop here?
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No, no.
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I'm taking you up to eight.
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Got a primo task force position
for you.
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Geez, sir,
that would be great!
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See how busy I look?
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I don't fudging
believe it!
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Senator Buckingham just took
Webber to the eighth floor!
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Why did the senator just
promote the new guy?
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Stan, they're golf buddies.
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Golf?!
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But I've been here 20 years!
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I've focused
totally on the work!
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I've never made waves...
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That's exactly right!
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You haven't made waves.
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But people like waves.
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Waves are fun.
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Remember in Fast Times
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how Spicoli
is always after "tasty waves"?
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I've never seen
that movie.
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Well, no wonder you don't
understand the business world.
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Teishi!
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There's no birthday party
for me in here.
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She's seen Fast Times.
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It's like this, Stan.
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You can either play
the career game,
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or you can concentrate
on family.
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I'm not saying
career is better than family.
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It's just a choice.
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Career's better.
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This is all the towel I need.
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Hey-dee, hi-dee.
What's up? Not much.
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Just doing some work on
the school, some improvements.
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Gosh, in those
weird suits?
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Is it dangerous?
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Legally, I have to say "yes."
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But personally,
I don't think it's a problem.
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How could asbestos hurt you?
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It's got "best" right in it.
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I got a tear in my suit!
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I've been exposed!
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Don't touch me!
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No reason we both got to die!
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Steve, get in the car.
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'Kay, Mommy.
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Hey! Oh, God!
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I work and I work,
and I get nowhere.
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My only option
is to take 20 grand
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over to the golf club
and join up.
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You can't take up golf.
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We need that money
to send Steve to private school.
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We can't leave him where he is;
it's full of poisons!
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Can you guys keep it down?
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I'm studying
for my nursing exam.
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Bertrum, I have some bad news.
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The test results
came back and...
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looks like
you're dying of cuteness.
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Look, I'm sorry,
but I can't afford
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to once again fall into the trap
of choosing family over career.
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I don't think it's a trap.
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No? Try sitting
in a cubicle for 20 years.
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Did you know
that the average cubicle
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is half the size
of a prison cell?
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But you get to leave.
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And come home.
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You, you walked
right into that one, babe.
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Well, I already signed us up
to tour the private school.
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Fine, but I'm not gonna
try to impress anyone.
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No jokes, no charm,
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and I'm gonna wear
the pj bottoms
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where my pud always falls out.
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Look at
that designer backpack.
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00:04:00,686 --> 00:04:02,904
And check out
that $200 haircut.
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What a waste.
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That money could cover
a whole Iraqi family
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in white phosphorus.
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00:04:07,710 --> 00:04:09,944
And this kid in his
fancy electric scooter.
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Too spoiled to walk.
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COMPUTERIZED VOICE:
Good afternoon.
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Jerk's got his stereo
attached to his scooter.
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When I was young, I had
to carry mine on my shoulder.
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There is no way
we're sending Steve here
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to hobnob with Jimmy Boom Box
and his silver spoon pals.
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Yep, Steve should go here.
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But you just said...
I changed my mind.
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It's called a 180, Francine.
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It's a crow!
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Francine, get the camera.
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Why do I have to wear
this stupid uniform
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and go to a new school?
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You just have to go here
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until I can get in good
with the senator
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and get that promotion.
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Hey, you seen a limo
with diplomatic plates?
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No.
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Have you ever
seen a magic trick
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so amazing it'll
blow your mind?
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Yoo-hoo!
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Beat it, you dingus.
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Senator!
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It's Stan Smith
from the CIA.
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My son goes here.
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I don't recognize the face.
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Well, that's because
you haven't seen me
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putt my driver
and make holes.
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Sorry?
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Yeah, just golf talk.
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Or a golf joke,
if it doesn't seem right.
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That's good stuff.
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Hey, how about me and you
play some golf tomorrow?
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Hmm. I got to be at work.
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Hey, you know where
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all the real work gets done,
don't you?
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Oh, yeah.
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Do I ever!
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Okay!
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00:06:04,326 --> 00:06:05,910
See you tomorrow.
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00:06:09,882 --> 00:06:12,083
He means the work gets
done on the golf course.
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Shut up, dingus!
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Dingus! Dingus.
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Thank you.
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00:06:24,046 --> 00:06:26,047
I think that's enough, Stan.
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00:06:26,115 --> 00:06:28,249
Oh, excuse me,
Mr. Grindstone.
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This report is due
tomorrow, okay?!
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00:06:30,252 --> 00:06:32,720
Tomorrow...
Oh, that reminds me.
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00:06:32,788 --> 00:06:35,056
Tomorrow I'm playing golf
with Senator Buckingham.
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At his golf club.
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00:06:38,227 --> 00:06:41,095
The same one
Brooke Hogan belongs to.
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00:06:41,163 --> 00:06:44,832
Her father is Paul Hogan,
professional golfer,
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00:06:44,900 --> 00:06:47,168
brother of Hulk Hogan.
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00:06:47,236 --> 00:06:49,103
I don't think
any of that's right.
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Yello.
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Hey, baby.
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He wasn't in school?!
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No, don't.
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I'll set him straight.
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Straighter than Chuck Norris.
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Because, he's
so obviously hetero.
169
00:07:01,951 --> 00:07:03,434
Well, um,
m-maybe it'd be funnier
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00:07:03,502 --> 00:07:05,637
if you were looking at his face,
like I am.
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Hi, Mom.
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I'm not supposed
to talk to you.
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Oh? Why is that?
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Because your dad
is going to talk to you
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when he gets home.
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Oh? Why is that?
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School called.
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You!
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Ooh!
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Stan!
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00:07:45,861 --> 00:07:47,161
I know. I'll talk to him.
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It's, it's just, it's just...
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00:07:48,931 --> 00:07:51,566
he's so bad at moving his body.
184
00:07:53,569 --> 00:07:55,603
Steve, your mom and I
are paying a lot of money
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00:07:55,671 --> 00:07:56,871
for you to go
to this school.
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00:07:56,939 --> 00:07:58,172
More like so you can go!
187
00:07:58,257 --> 00:07:59,757
All you care about
is taking me there
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00:07:59,825 --> 00:08:01,292
so you can be friends
with that senator.
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00:08:01,360 --> 00:08:02,460
Friends?
190
00:08:02,528 --> 00:08:03,761
Did he use that word?
191
00:08:03,829 --> 00:08:05,129
God, you're embarrassing!
192
00:08:05,197 --> 00:08:06,531
But you're gonna be
way more embarrassed
193
00:08:06,598 --> 00:08:08,032
if you make me go back there.
194
00:08:08,100 --> 00:08:10,234
I'll act like a wolfman.
195
00:08:10,302 --> 00:08:12,003
No, you won't.
196
00:08:12,071 --> 00:08:13,488
I'm a wolfman.
197
00:08:13,555 --> 00:08:15,490
My dad is Stan Smith.
198
00:08:15,557 --> 00:08:17,291
Don't put him
on any task forces!
199
00:08:17,359 --> 00:08:18,343
You wouldn't do that!
200
00:08:18,410 --> 00:08:19,994
And I'd pant real fast!
201
00:08:21,113 --> 00:08:22,847
Wear makeup under the eyes.
202
00:08:24,083 --> 00:08:25,350
Is that what you want, Dad?!
203
00:08:25,417 --> 00:08:26,884
You know I got the pipes!
204
00:08:30,305 --> 00:08:32,507
Die, demon of the night!
205
00:08:32,574 --> 00:08:33,775
I was joking!
He was joking!
206
00:08:33,842 --> 00:08:34,742
What?
207
00:08:34,810 --> 00:08:36,010
Don't joke about that.
208
00:08:36,078 --> 00:08:37,345
I won't!
We won't!
209
00:08:38,931 --> 00:08:40,365
I do a serious job.
210
00:08:40,432 --> 00:08:41,666
I don't need this.
211
00:08:41,734 --> 00:08:44,268
We really appreciate
everything you do.
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00:08:46,905 --> 00:08:47,839
Here we are.
213
00:08:47,906 --> 00:08:49,340
Stuffington Academy.
214
00:08:49,408 --> 00:08:51,976
I'm glad we were able
to come to an agreement on this.
215
00:08:52,044 --> 00:08:53,911
Have a good day at school, son.
216
00:08:53,979 --> 00:08:56,964
I'm already having a good day
'cause you called me son.
217
00:08:57,032 --> 00:08:58,599
Now give me a kiss.
218
00:08:58,667 --> 00:09:01,002
Kiss me on the lips, Dad.
219
00:09:01,070 --> 00:09:03,805
I want that kind of relationship
with you.
220
00:09:05,674 --> 00:09:07,542
You thought about it.
I saw it.
221
00:09:13,829 --> 00:09:16,831
I'm so excited
to go to school here, Dad.
222
00:09:16,898 --> 00:09:18,499
Hey, hey, should I
come out of the closet
223
00:09:18,567 --> 00:09:20,467
and then make a big stink
when they won't let me
224
00:09:20,535 --> 00:09:22,403
take my 50-year-old boyfriend
to the prom?
225
00:09:22,470 --> 00:09:24,471
No! You have to
behave yourself.
226
00:09:26,124 --> 00:09:27,258
All right, there's
the senator.
227
00:09:27,325 --> 00:09:28,726
Now, get in good
with his daughter
228
00:09:28,793 --> 00:09:29,860
and it'll
help me a lot.
229
00:09:29,928 --> 00:09:31,629
Gotcha! Sex the daughter.
230
00:09:31,696 --> 00:09:33,764
I'm serious, Roger; I have
a lot riding on this.
231
00:09:33,832 --> 00:09:34,932
Just be normal.
232
00:09:35,000 --> 00:09:36,734
Senator Buckingham!
233
00:09:36,801 --> 00:09:38,602
I want you to meet
my son, Steve.
234
00:09:38,670 --> 00:09:39,770
Your eminence.
235
00:09:39,838 --> 00:09:41,805
This must be
your beautiful young wife.
236
00:09:42,874 --> 00:09:44,275
That's my daughter Cookie.
237
00:09:44,342 --> 00:09:45,976
Don't be late for class,
you two.
238
00:09:46,044 --> 00:09:48,596
So, Cookie,
do you like ponies?
239
00:09:48,663 --> 00:09:50,214
Your boy's quite the
little gentleman.
240
00:09:50,282 --> 00:09:51,649
Thank you, sir.
241
00:09:51,716 --> 00:09:53,551
Say, are we going to play
a round this afternoon?
242
00:09:53,618 --> 00:09:55,052
Totally!
I'd love to play around!
243
00:09:55,120 --> 00:09:56,353
Either we could see a movie
244
00:09:56,421 --> 00:09:58,355
and try the new Mexican place
at the food court...
245
00:09:58,423 --> 00:09:59,924
I mean a round of golf.
246
00:09:59,991 --> 00:10:02,493
"A round of golf."
247
00:10:02,561 --> 00:10:05,763
Like a set of tennis
or a game of checkers.
248
00:10:05,830 --> 00:10:07,831
Ah!
249
00:10:07,899 --> 00:10:09,200
Words.
250
00:10:11,653 --> 00:10:13,303
We pulled it off!
251
00:10:13,355 --> 00:10:15,105
Sorry. Forgot you
were back there.
252
00:10:15,156 --> 00:10:16,139
Why?!
253
00:10:16,191 --> 00:10:17,157
Oh, wow.
254
00:10:17,242 --> 00:10:18,442
Oh, geez, my eye.
255
00:10:18,493 --> 00:10:20,411
I-I got to go
to school like this!
256
00:10:20,478 --> 00:10:21,612
I'm not taking
you to school.
257
00:10:21,663 --> 00:10:23,030
Your mom thinks
you're at Stuffington,
258
00:10:23,114 --> 00:10:25,199
and we can't be getting two
report cards in the mail.
259
00:10:25,283 --> 00:10:26,951
But what about my education?
260
00:10:27,002 --> 00:10:28,919
Steve, you know how
we love the musical Annie?
261
00:10:28,987 --> 00:10:30,170
I love Annie!
262
00:10:30,255 --> 00:10:31,538
Yeah, notch it
down. I know.
263
00:10:31,623 --> 00:10:33,557
Well, you're gonna be
street smart like her,
264
00:10:33,625 --> 00:10:35,042
have a hard-knock
life! Get out.
265
00:10:37,729 --> 00:10:40,097
So, can I just hang out
at the arcade every day?
266
00:10:40,165 --> 00:10:41,832
Yeah, whatever.
All you have to do
267
00:10:41,900 --> 00:10:43,767
is walk out the door with me
every morning,
268
00:10:43,835 --> 00:10:45,636
so your mom thinks
you're going to Stuffington.
269
00:10:47,522 --> 00:10:49,456
Sandy!
270
00:10:49,524 --> 00:10:50,908
His name is Ronald!
271
00:10:50,976 --> 00:10:52,526
You trying to
rename my dog?!
272
00:10:52,611 --> 00:10:54,862
This guy's trying
to rename my dog!
273
00:11:03,822 --> 00:11:06,991
Okay, okay,
that's enough.
274
00:11:07,058 --> 00:11:10,494
Consuela, now you're a member
of the Chicas Freakas.
275
00:11:19,387 --> 00:11:21,789
You know how to
handle a gun.
276
00:11:21,856 --> 00:11:24,825
As long as that's not sexual
innuendo, then you're right.
277
00:11:25,961 --> 00:11:27,394
You're more
girl than boy.
278
00:11:27,462 --> 00:11:29,096
You want to be
part of our gang?
279
00:11:29,164 --> 00:11:30,531
Might as well.
280
00:11:30,598 --> 00:11:32,399
It's pretty boring when
everyone's at school anyway.
281
00:11:32,467 --> 00:11:33,934
Want to play
table hockey?
282
00:11:34,002 --> 00:11:35,703
After you join.
283
00:11:35,770 --> 00:11:37,671
Kick her ass!
284
00:11:39,941 --> 00:11:41,208
Aah...
285
00:11:41,276 --> 00:11:42,860
Aah...
286
00:11:42,927 --> 00:11:44,028
Aah...
287
00:11:44,095 --> 00:11:44,945
Aah...
288
00:11:47,615 --> 00:11:49,049
Beautiful shot!
289
00:11:49,117 --> 00:11:51,251
Thank you.
290
00:11:55,256 --> 00:11:57,992
Look! Your
favorite celebrity!
291
00:11:58,059 --> 00:11:59,860
Smack!
292
00:11:59,928 --> 00:12:01,312
Nicely played.
293
00:12:10,438 --> 00:12:13,624
Senator, we've known each other
for nearly two days now.
294
00:12:13,692 --> 00:12:15,275
Can I ask you a favor?
295
00:12:15,360 --> 00:12:17,945
Sure. Come by tonight for
dinner and we can talk.
296
00:12:18,029 --> 00:12:20,898
But let me warn you, I
have a rule about favors:
297
00:12:20,949 --> 00:12:22,483
I give everybody
just one.
298
00:12:22,567 --> 00:12:25,452
I have a similar rule
about bubble gum.
299
00:12:39,200 --> 00:12:40,634
Beautiful.
300
00:12:40,702 --> 00:12:43,704
Uh, I feel beautiful.
301
00:12:46,457 --> 00:12:48,058
I did it!
302
00:12:48,126 --> 00:12:49,476
I made waves!
303
00:12:49,544 --> 00:12:51,328
I'm like this
with the senator now.
304
00:12:51,396 --> 00:12:52,596
He's having me
for dinner tonight,
305
00:12:52,664 --> 00:12:54,498
and I'm gonna ask him to put me
306
00:12:54,566 --> 00:12:56,233
on the Interagency
Task Force as a favor.
307
00:12:56,301 --> 00:12:57,434
Ooh, what's that?
308
00:12:57,502 --> 00:12:58,602
It's basically this thing
309
00:12:58,670 --> 00:13:00,371
that will change
everything in my life.
310
00:13:00,438 --> 00:13:03,040
Everything in my life
will be better if I get it,
311
00:13:03,108 --> 00:13:04,942
and I'll be really
disappointed if I don't.
312
00:13:04,993 --> 00:13:06,977
Francine, I played the...
313
00:13:07,028 --> 00:13:09,680
My God! Did you get
in a fight at school?
314
00:13:09,748 --> 00:13:10,914
No. Look, you know,
315
00:13:10,982 --> 00:13:13,050
I'm gonna be a straight
shooter with you now.
316
00:13:13,118 --> 00:13:15,486
I think I screwed the pooch on this one.
What?
317
00:13:15,553 --> 00:13:17,221
You know how you said
try to be friends
318
00:13:17,288 --> 00:13:18,956
with the senator's daughter?
Yeah.
319
00:13:19,023 --> 00:13:21,442
Well, it began like that,
and then middle, middle, middle,
320
00:13:21,509 --> 00:13:24,128
and then I sold her
to a drug dealer. The end.
321
00:13:24,195 --> 00:13:25,162
You what?!
322
00:13:25,213 --> 00:13:27,514
Are you seriously
mad at me, Stan?
323
00:13:27,582 --> 00:13:29,833
You're the who's always telling
me to go with my instincts.
324
00:13:29,901 --> 00:13:31,268
I thought you'd
be proud of me.
325
00:13:31,336 --> 00:13:32,553
Ah, there's a blue
jay out there.
326
00:13:32,620 --> 00:13:34,121
I don't want
to see the blue jay.
327
00:13:34,189 --> 00:13:35,289
Oh, it's so blue.
328
00:13:35,356 --> 00:13:36,457
You're not gonna
want to miss this.
329
00:13:36,524 --> 00:13:37,424
No.
330
00:13:37,492 --> 00:13:39,126
Stan...
331
00:13:39,194 --> 00:13:40,778
Fine.
Oh, it's gone.
332
00:13:40,845 --> 00:13:42,513
Why would you
sell the girl?!
333
00:13:42,580 --> 00:13:44,915
Why would you not look at
the blue jay earlier?!
334
00:13:49,985 --> 00:13:51,585
You sold the
senator's daughter?!
335
00:13:51,653 --> 00:13:52,987
How did this happen?!
336
00:13:53,054 --> 00:13:55,456
Ugh, I've told this story
so many times today.
337
00:13:55,524 --> 00:13:57,191
You should just ask
my hairdresser.
338
00:13:57,259 --> 00:13:58,859
Roger!
Okay, okay.
339
00:13:58,927 --> 00:14:01,462
So, I was trying
to be her best friend,
340
00:14:01,530 --> 00:14:02,696
like you wanted...
341
00:14:02,747 --> 00:14:04,582
So, Cookie,
do you like ponies?
342
00:14:04,666 --> 00:14:06,200
Uh... no.
343
00:14:06,268 --> 00:14:07,802
I'm almost 16.
344
00:14:07,869 --> 00:14:09,837
Oh. So what do you like?
345
00:14:09,905 --> 00:14:11,639
Cocaine and stuff.
346
00:14:11,706 --> 00:14:13,174
Yay!
347
00:14:19,331 --> 00:14:21,999
Oh, Patrick.
348
00:14:22,067 --> 00:14:23,300
Wake up, bitch!
349
00:14:23,368 --> 00:14:24,502
MAN 2:
Get your ass up!
350
00:14:25,687 --> 00:14:26,921
Wake up!
351
00:14:26,988 --> 00:14:28,606
Ow! I'm awake!
What do you want?
352
00:14:28,673 --> 00:14:30,140
I want the money you owe me.
353
00:14:30,208 --> 00:14:31,475
I don't have any more money.
354
00:14:31,543 --> 00:14:34,111
Take this fool outside
and shoot him in the head.
355
00:14:34,179 --> 00:14:35,613
I don't want
to go outside!
356
00:14:35,680 --> 00:14:37,014
Hey, it's beautiful out.
357
00:14:37,082 --> 00:14:38,782
You've been inside all day.
358
00:14:38,850 --> 00:14:41,836
Now, you are gonna go out there,
get some fresh air,
359
00:14:41,903 --> 00:14:43,704
and get shot in the head.
360
00:14:43,772 --> 00:14:45,940
Wait. How much do I owe?
300 bucks.
361
00:14:46,007 --> 00:14:47,741
I'll sell you the girl for $300.
362
00:14:47,809 --> 00:14:49,310
Plus $1.35 for the bus.
363
00:14:49,377 --> 00:14:52,396
Oh, and the name of a plumber
I can trust at my house
364
00:14:52,464 --> 00:14:54,748
when I go to work--
I-I'm asking everybody.
365
00:14:54,816 --> 00:14:56,884
JKM Plumbing's
coming on Tuesday.
366
00:14:56,952 --> 00:14:59,904
So we can put the wooden spoon
back in the kitchen.
367
00:14:59,971 --> 00:15:02,189
No more having to chop .
368
00:15:02,257 --> 00:15:04,158
God, Roger, how
could you sell her?!
369
00:15:04,226 --> 00:15:06,126
Stan, you're focusing
on the wrong thing.
370
00:15:06,194 --> 00:15:07,962
The wooden spoon's
for pasta again.
371
00:15:09,231 --> 00:15:11,332
Hello.
372
00:15:11,399 --> 00:15:13,434
Stan, my daughter
didn't come home from school.
373
00:15:13,501 --> 00:15:16,303
Now, last time I talked to her,
she was with Steve.
374
00:15:16,371 --> 00:15:18,038
Yes! Yes! Uh,
they're right here.
375
00:15:18,106 --> 00:15:21,175
They are here playing safely
in the safeness of my house.
376
00:15:21,243 --> 00:15:22,826
No, we're not!
377
00:15:24,963 --> 00:15:27,231
Anyway, sir, she's
here and she's safe.
378
00:15:27,299 --> 00:15:28,933
Oh, good.
I was worried.
379
00:15:29,000 --> 00:15:32,303
Now, just bring Cookie home
when you come over for dinner.
380
00:15:32,370 --> 00:15:34,805
Take it easy, Stan.
Let's just...
381
00:15:34,873 --> 00:15:36,874
let's just
lower our guns.
382
00:15:36,942 --> 00:15:38,842
Pow! Second gun!
383
00:15:43,565 --> 00:15:45,065
Hmm, none of this
looks familiar.
384
00:15:45,133 --> 00:15:46,734
You dumb-ass! Where
did you leave her?
385
00:15:46,801 --> 00:15:48,969
I don't know.
I was pretty messed up, Stan.
386
00:15:49,020 --> 00:15:50,821
Maybe I'm too sober
to remember.
387
00:15:50,906 --> 00:15:53,140
Maybe if I was
messed up now?
388
00:15:53,191 --> 00:15:55,276
Forget it.
Fine. Just thought you wanted to find her.
389
00:16:01,816 --> 00:16:03,500
14 blocks straight ahead,
390
00:16:03,585 --> 00:16:05,536
then you're gonna take
a right on Euclid.
391
00:16:05,620 --> 00:16:07,338
Wow, Roger, you're
really focused.
392
00:16:07,422 --> 00:16:09,540
Yeah, I thought
it would help.
393
00:16:12,660 --> 00:16:14,678
It'll be the fourth
building on your left,
394
00:16:14,763 --> 00:16:16,830
just past the
recycling plant.
395
00:16:18,116 --> 00:16:19,499
Why are you stopping?
396
00:16:19,551 --> 00:16:20,651
It's a red light.
397
00:16:20,719 --> 00:16:22,453
I didn't stop
for red lights.
398
00:16:38,470 --> 00:16:42,056
Hey. Hi. I'm just here
to pick up Cookie.
399
00:16:42,123 --> 00:16:43,974
What?
The, uh...
400
00:16:44,042 --> 00:16:46,477
the, uh, girl there
on the couch.
401
00:16:46,544 --> 00:16:47,645
Which one?
402
00:16:49,314 --> 00:16:51,749
Uh... well, the, um,
403
00:16:51,816 --> 00:16:54,018
uh... h-how do I say this?
404
00:16:54,085 --> 00:16:56,887
Uh, th-the one with
the straightest hair.
405
00:16:56,955 --> 00:16:59,390
She's, uh, the one
on the end there.
406
00:16:59,457 --> 00:17:02,326
I mean, uh, if you were
handing out sunscreen,
407
00:17:02,394 --> 00:17:04,128
you'd give it
to her first.
408
00:17:04,195 --> 00:17:06,130
The white bitch?
Ah, yes, thank you.
409
00:17:06,197 --> 00:17:07,931
Yes, yes,
the-the white bitch.
410
00:17:07,999 --> 00:17:08,999
What's he want?
411
00:17:09,067 --> 00:17:10,551
He's here for
the white girl.
412
00:17:10,618 --> 00:17:13,087
She's mine! Everything
in this room is mine!
413
00:17:13,154 --> 00:17:14,989
Got it? The girl,
the coffeemaker,
414
00:17:15,056 --> 00:17:16,023
the... whoa!
415
00:17:16,091 --> 00:17:17,825
Whose is that?
416
00:17:17,892 --> 00:17:19,026
Oh, that's Carl's.
417
00:17:19,094 --> 00:17:20,160
Too scary, Carl.
418
00:17:20,228 --> 00:17:21,628
Get it out of here.
419
00:17:21,696 --> 00:17:22,830
No. You know what?
420
00:17:22,897 --> 00:17:24,365
Give it to this fool.
421
00:17:24,432 --> 00:17:25,766
He's on his way out.
422
00:17:31,256 --> 00:17:33,090
Ah. I see.
423
00:17:33,158 --> 00:17:35,025
I'll be on my way.
424
00:17:38,913 --> 00:17:40,848
Is this coffee fresh?
425
00:17:40,915 --> 00:17:42,216
Who made this?
426
00:17:42,283 --> 00:17:45,019
Yo! What time was
the coffee made?
427
00:17:52,394 --> 00:17:54,111
We're going straight to
the senator's for dinner.
428
00:17:54,195 --> 00:17:55,446
How do we
sober her up?
429
00:17:55,530 --> 00:17:56,613
We don't.
430
00:17:56,698 --> 00:17:58,098
She's... she is strung out.
431
00:17:58,149 --> 00:18:00,567
But she's a heavy user
with a massive tolerance,
432
00:18:00,618 --> 00:18:02,152
so she might
pull it together.
433
00:18:02,237 --> 00:18:03,603
She also might die.
434
00:18:03,655 --> 00:18:05,155
Either way,
I'm eating dessert.
435
00:18:05,240 --> 00:18:07,074
I've been very good
this week.
436
00:18:08,827 --> 00:18:11,462
It was great getting you
on the course today, Stan.
437
00:18:11,529 --> 00:18:12,996
Have you thought
about your favor?
438
00:18:13,064 --> 00:18:14,665
A favor?
439
00:18:14,733 --> 00:18:17,735
I did some favors today.
440
00:18:17,802 --> 00:18:19,503
Oh, she sure did!
441
00:18:19,571 --> 00:18:21,438
Shaking up medicine
at the old folks home.
442
00:18:21,506 --> 00:18:22,423
We all did it.
443
00:18:24,559 --> 00:18:26,343
Good idea, Cookie!
Let's dig in!
444
00:18:29,297 --> 00:18:30,664
Come on!
445
00:18:30,732 --> 00:18:31,965
Bravo, Cookie.
446
00:18:32,033 --> 00:18:33,700
Another face plant.
447
00:18:33,768 --> 00:18:36,570
Lessie! Bring in
the Pulp Fiction kit!
448
00:18:36,638 --> 00:18:39,473
You... you know
about her drug problem?
449
00:18:39,541 --> 00:18:40,741
All too well.
450
00:18:40,809 --> 00:18:42,693
But I don't have time
to deal with it.
451
00:18:42,761 --> 00:18:45,062
For men like us, Stan,
452
00:18:45,130 --> 00:18:48,165
for men of power
and authority,
453
00:18:48,233 --> 00:18:51,468
well, there's career
and there's family.
454
00:18:51,536 --> 00:18:54,471
And sometimes you have to
focus on what's important--
455
00:18:54,539 --> 00:18:56,140
and that's career.
456
00:18:56,207 --> 00:18:59,076
So, spit it out,
what's your favor?
457
00:18:59,144 --> 00:19:01,678
Well, since you assign
the task force positions...
458
00:19:01,746 --> 00:19:03,680
Take it.
459
00:19:03,748 --> 00:19:06,550
A phone call at a time like this
couldn't possibly change
460
00:19:06,618 --> 00:19:08,752
the nature of the favor
you're going to ask.
461
00:19:08,820 --> 00:19:10,370
Hello.
462
00:19:10,438 --> 00:19:12,072
Stan! Oh, my God, Stan!
463
00:19:12,140 --> 00:19:13,607
Steve's been arrested!
464
00:19:13,675 --> 00:19:15,042
Whoa, whoa, baby, calm down.
465
00:19:15,110 --> 00:19:17,211
He robbed a pharmacy!
People are in the hospital!
466
00:19:17,278 --> 00:19:18,445
Armed robbery!
He's in jail!
467
00:19:18,513 --> 00:19:20,080
People are always
in the hospital, baby--
468
00:19:20,148 --> 00:19:21,582
that's what they build them for.
469
00:19:21,649 --> 00:19:23,467
Stan! What are we gonna do?!
470
00:19:23,535 --> 00:19:25,836
Look, it's gonna be fine;
it's a first offense.
471
00:19:25,904 --> 00:19:27,237
You have to do something!
472
00:19:27,305 --> 00:19:29,306
He's your son!
473
00:19:35,346 --> 00:19:37,881
Okay, I know what my favor is.
474
00:19:39,350 --> 00:19:41,635
I washed you in the sink
when you were a baby!
475
00:19:41,703 --> 00:19:43,270
I ain't gonna let you die!
476
00:19:45,156 --> 00:19:46,356
There you are.
477
00:19:46,424 --> 00:19:48,125
You want a piece of cake?
478
00:19:48,193 --> 00:19:50,727
I hate you, Lessie!
479
00:19:50,795 --> 00:19:53,730
Mm, mm, you're
a troubled child.
480
00:19:56,201 --> 00:19:57,601
I don't know
who you know,
481
00:19:57,669 --> 00:20:00,070
but it must be someone
pretty high up.
482
00:20:00,138 --> 00:20:03,807
I mean, not the president,
but more than the mayor.
483
00:20:03,875 --> 00:20:06,777
Just from the feel of it,
I'd say it was a...
484
00:20:06,845 --> 00:20:08,712
third-term senator? U.S.
485
00:20:08,780 --> 00:20:10,280
Not state, of course.
486
00:20:10,348 --> 00:20:12,583
Wow! Exactly right!
487
00:20:12,650 --> 00:20:14,184
Yeah. It's on
the form here.
488
00:20:14,252 --> 00:20:16,186
Ha-ha! Wasted
your time!
489
00:20:16,254 --> 00:20:17,621
I'm sorry, Dad.
490
00:20:17,689 --> 00:20:20,023
No, I'm the one
who should be sorry.
491
00:20:20,091 --> 00:20:21,525
I was playing
the career game
492
00:20:21,593 --> 00:20:23,760
when I should have been
focusing on what's important--
493
00:20:23,828 --> 00:20:25,028
focusing on you.
494
00:20:25,096 --> 00:20:27,247
I just want to go back
to my old school.
495
00:20:27,315 --> 00:20:28,899
That's all I want, too, son.
496
00:20:28,967 --> 00:20:30,567
Your face is
freaking me out.
497
00:20:30,635 --> 00:20:32,436
You look like
the cashier at CVS.
498
00:20:32,503 --> 00:20:34,454
How are we gonna
explain this to Mom?
499
00:20:34,522 --> 00:20:36,139
Don't worry,
I'll take care of that.
500
00:20:36,207 --> 00:20:38,058
We'll blame the robbery
on one of those
501
00:20:38,126 --> 00:20:40,561
snotty private school kids.
502
00:20:42,864 --> 00:20:45,432
You on the run, too, huh?
503
00:20:46,935 --> 00:20:49,536
COMPUTERIZED VOICE:
I was framed. Who are you?
504
00:20:49,604 --> 00:20:52,606
My name's Johnny.
Johnny Mind.
505
00:20:52,674 --> 00:20:53,774
Mind Quad!
506
00:20:53,841 --> 00:20:54,775
Now, get in.
507
00:20:54,842 --> 00:20:56,443
We have good deeds to do
508
00:20:56,511 --> 00:20:59,329
in quirky small towns
all across America.
509
00:21:05,470 --> 00:21:07,671
You're watching the season
premiere of Mind Quad!
510
00:21:07,755 --> 00:21:09,940
Sign on to mindquad.org
to get the scoop
511
00:21:10,008 --> 00:21:11,341
on Johnny's new pal,
the differently-abled
512
00:21:11,409 --> 00:21:13,043
Jimmy Boom Box.
513
00:21:13,761 --> 00:21:17,261
-- sync, corrected by elderman --