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♪ Good morning, USA. ♪
2
00:00:06,199 --> 00:00:10,074
♪ I got a feeling that it's
gonna be a wonderful day ♪
3
00:00:10,142 --> 00:00:13,012
♪ The sun in the sky
has a smile on his face ♪
4
00:00:13,080 --> 00:00:17,189
♪ And he's shining a salute
to the American race ♪
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00:00:19,250 --> 00:00:22,787
♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪
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♪ Good... ♪
♪ Good morning, USA ♪
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00:00:24,656 --> 00:00:25,991
Aah.
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00:00:27,493 --> 00:00:29,370
♪ Good morning, USA! ♪
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00:00:29,371 --> 00:00:31,571
♪ American Dad 6x19 ♪
Gorillas in the Mist
Original Air Date on May 22, 2011
10
00:00:31,572 --> 00:00:33,772
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
11
00:00:37,343 --> 00:00:41,013
Ah. Who's that funny for?
12
00:00:41,081 --> 00:00:42,550
I'll tell you who
it's not funny for.
13
00:00:42,618 --> 00:00:43,652
The busboy.
14
00:00:43,720 --> 00:00:44,953
Is kind of funny.
15
00:00:45,021 --> 00:00:46,422
Announcement.
16
00:00:46,490 --> 00:00:48,558
Since y'all are like my closest
friends in the world,
17
00:00:48,626 --> 00:00:50,693
I wanted to invite you to my
houseboat this Saturday.
18
00:00:50,761 --> 00:00:52,162
That's sweet of you.
I'm flattered.
19
00:00:52,230 --> 00:00:54,032
You're so generous
and your feet are adorable.
20
00:00:54,100 --> 00:00:56,768
The best part is, spring break
starts this weekend
21
00:00:56,835 --> 00:00:59,270
so the lake is gonna be crazy.
22
00:00:59,337 --> 00:01:01,205
I thought we could make
"Sluts Gone Nuts" T-shirts
23
00:01:01,272 --> 00:01:02,806
to get girls to show us
their tay-tay's.
24
00:01:02,874 --> 00:01:03,940
Check it out.
25
00:01:04,008 --> 00:01:06,044
Supplies, bi-atch.
26
00:01:06,111 --> 00:01:08,145
Oh, hey.
Oh, yeah.
27
00:01:10,682 --> 00:01:12,416
Aw, damn it.
It's the "dad phone."
28
00:01:12,483 --> 00:01:15,185
Oh, that reminds me, I have
to check my "sad phone."
29
00:01:15,252 --> 00:01:17,086
You have zero messages.
30
00:01:17,154 --> 00:01:19,190
I don't believe this.
31
00:01:19,257 --> 00:01:22,326
Francine caught my son trying
to ditch his PSAT prep class
32
00:01:22,394 --> 00:01:23,928
so he could go to the zoo.
33
00:01:23,996 --> 00:01:26,164
Sorry, guys.
I've got to go handle this.
34
00:01:26,232 --> 00:01:28,133
Dick, will you
decorate my T-shirt?
35
00:01:28,201 --> 00:01:30,537
You know what colors I like.
You got it.
36
00:01:30,604 --> 00:01:32,472
He likes yellow,
brown and green.
37
00:01:32,539 --> 00:01:35,542
He used to like red, but lately
he said he's over it.
38
00:01:35,610 --> 00:01:37,478
Mmm. That's a shame.
Red's great.
39
00:01:37,546 --> 00:01:39,614
I think red stuff
looks amazing.
40
00:01:42,018 --> 00:01:45,453
Steven Anita Smith.
41
00:01:45,521 --> 00:01:48,022
I told him to sit in his room
until you got home.
42
00:01:48,090 --> 00:01:50,458
I figured you'd want
to do the punishing.
43
00:01:50,526 --> 00:01:52,493
And I figured you would have
vacuumed the plant gravel
44
00:01:52,561 --> 00:01:54,462
out of the trunk
of my car by now.
45
00:01:54,529 --> 00:01:57,898
So, Big Shot tried
to go to the zoo
46
00:01:57,966 --> 00:01:59,533
instead of his PSAT
prep course.
47
00:01:59,601 --> 00:02:02,070
I know it was wrong,
but my friend Wilson said
48
00:02:02,137 --> 00:02:04,172
he could get me into the
new gorilla habitat.
49
00:02:04,240 --> 00:02:07,609
I am suspending all your TV
and video game privileges.
50
00:02:07,677 --> 00:02:09,711
And from here on out, I will
personally be taking you
51
00:02:09,779 --> 00:02:12,014
to and from every PSAT course.
52
00:02:12,082 --> 00:02:14,117
You're being so uncool.
53
00:02:14,185 --> 00:02:15,652
Hey, I'm not here
to be your friend, Steve.
54
00:02:15,719 --> 00:02:17,520
I'm your dad.
55
00:02:17,588 --> 00:02:18,855
That's why your number's
in the "dad phone"
56
00:02:18,922 --> 00:02:20,723
and not my "friend phone."
57
00:02:20,791 --> 00:02:23,360
"Friend phone"
conversations go like this:
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00:02:23,428 --> 00:02:26,196
"What up, Jackson?
Of course I want to hang out
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00:02:26,264 --> 00:02:28,231
and ride ten-speeds
or whatever."
60
00:02:28,299 --> 00:02:30,733
"Dad phone" conversations
go like this:
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00:02:30,801 --> 00:02:33,369
"Aw, damn it.
Damn it, damn it, damn it.
62
00:02:33,437 --> 00:02:35,371
"I'll come home
and handle it.
63
00:02:35,439 --> 00:02:37,506
"I don't know,
in five minutes.
64
00:02:37,574 --> 00:02:39,842
"We gotta get the bill and
figure out how much I owe.
65
00:02:39,910 --> 00:02:42,746
"I can't stiff these guys just
because my son's acting up.
66
00:02:42,814 --> 00:02:44,181
"Honey, that's not fair.
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00:02:44,249 --> 00:02:46,884
"I told you I was going out
for a drink this morning.
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00:02:46,952 --> 00:02:49,654
"Yes, I did, in the kitchen.
Maybe you weren't listening.
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00:02:49,722 --> 00:02:51,690
"Look, I gotta go.
You want me home, right?
70
00:02:51,758 --> 00:02:53,926
I can't come home
if I'm on the phone."
71
00:02:53,993 --> 00:02:55,461
Happy? Now I'm in trouble.
72
00:03:02,336 --> 00:03:03,669
I-I don't understand it.
73
00:03:03,737 --> 00:03:05,738
They play three chords
and whine about their lives
74
00:03:05,806 --> 00:03:06,939
and the crowd goes nuts.
75
00:03:07,007 --> 00:03:08,908
You gotta listen to the words.
76
00:03:08,976 --> 00:03:10,476
Country music comes
from the heart.
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00:03:10,544 --> 00:03:14,714
It comes from the ass.
Right in the middle of the ass.
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00:03:14,781 --> 00:03:16,282
Watch, anybody can do it.
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00:03:17,436 --> 00:03:19,471
Ladies and gents
our next performer
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00:03:19,553 --> 00:03:21,220
is new on the country scene.
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00:03:21,288 --> 00:03:24,824
Give a warm welcome
to Mr. Cuss Mustard.
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00:03:27,495 --> 00:03:28,596
Thank ya kindly.
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00:03:30,398 --> 00:03:35,469
♪ I love drinkin' and race cars
and big ol' fat women ♪
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00:03:35,537 --> 00:03:39,607
♪ And Jesus is awesome,
he rose on Thanksgivin'... ♪
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Oh! Oh!
86
00:03:40,775 --> 00:03:42,009
You, I saw you.
87
00:03:42,077 --> 00:03:43,277
Don't you talk about...
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00:03:43,345 --> 00:03:46,047
♪ I eat Funyuns and Tater Tots ♪
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00:03:46,115 --> 00:03:49,016
♪ I kill squirrels
with my gun... ♪
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00:03:49,084 --> 00:03:51,251
Okay, God, I'm finished.
91
00:03:51,319 --> 00:03:52,753
What happened?
They hated me.
92
00:03:52,821 --> 00:03:54,889
You can't fake
country music, Roger.
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00:03:54,957 --> 00:03:57,558
It comes from a lifetime
of pain and hard living.
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00:03:57,626 --> 00:03:59,160
I want some of that.
95
00:03:59,227 --> 00:04:00,794
Then by next Honky-Tonk night
96
00:04:00,862 --> 00:04:02,996
I can have a song
that blows everyone away.
97
00:04:03,064 --> 00:04:06,399
You can't just get a lifetime of...
Hat rack.
98
00:04:06,467 --> 00:04:07,667
How's your life?
99
00:04:07,735 --> 00:04:09,135
Unbearable.
100
00:04:09,203 --> 00:04:10,502
Perfect.
101
00:04:10,570 --> 00:04:11,804
Will you marry me?
102
00:04:11,871 --> 00:04:13,071
Sure.
103
00:04:13,139 --> 00:04:14,206
Screw it.
104
00:04:16,575 --> 00:04:18,778
This is all your fault.
105
00:04:18,845 --> 00:04:20,813
I'm supposed to be with my
friends on the houseboat.
106
00:04:20,881 --> 00:04:23,016
You don't have to keep picking
me up from PSAT class.
107
00:04:23,083 --> 00:04:24,317
No, I don't?
108
00:04:24,384 --> 00:04:26,920
What do I have
to do, master?
109
00:04:26,987 --> 00:04:28,922
What a dick.
110
00:04:28,989 --> 00:04:30,323
Hello?
111
00:04:30,391 --> 00:04:32,792
Stan, where are you?
We're ready to cast off.
112
00:04:32,860 --> 00:04:35,194
I'm caught in traffic
taking Steve home.
113
00:04:35,262 --> 00:04:37,630
Reginald's not gonna hold
the boat much longer.
114
00:04:37,698 --> 00:04:39,866
He's doing the little dance
he does when he's impatient.
115
00:04:39,933 --> 00:04:42,268
We gotta go!
116
00:04:42,335 --> 00:04:44,537
Just bring Steve with you.
You have to hurry.
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I'm on my way.
118
00:04:46,640 --> 00:04:48,174
Close your eyes, Steve.
119
00:04:48,242 --> 00:04:51,110
I don't want you to see
me drive like this.
120
00:04:54,281 --> 00:04:57,551
Aah! Ooh! Ooh! Ah! Ah!
121
00:05:01,823 --> 00:05:03,190
It's not funny.
122
00:05:03,258 --> 00:05:04,492
Is kind of funny.
123
00:05:08,631 --> 00:05:10,131
Yay!
Let's go, let's go.
124
00:05:10,199 --> 00:05:11,633
I got Ziplocs for
everyone's wallets.
125
00:05:11,701 --> 00:05:12,867
We already
saw a girl.
126
00:05:14,570 --> 00:05:16,772
Just give me a second, fellas.
127
00:05:16,840 --> 00:05:18,974
You're staying here.
128
00:05:19,042 --> 00:05:21,810
I've got no time to act
like a parent today.
129
00:05:21,878 --> 00:05:23,444
Leave that running.
130
00:05:23,512 --> 00:05:25,213
I don't want you to hear
anything we say out there.
131
00:05:25,281 --> 00:05:26,614
Our words are not for you.
132
00:05:33,254 --> 00:05:36,956
Aw, man, what's up with
Frank and the schedule?
133
00:05:37,024 --> 00:05:39,926
Aw, Frank.
134
00:05:39,994 --> 00:05:42,329
Son of a... Frank.
135
00:05:42,396 --> 00:05:45,699
I missed my kid's
birthday for this.
136
00:05:46,902 --> 00:05:49,437
Frank!
137
00:05:54,043 --> 00:05:55,643
This is it.
138
00:05:55,711 --> 00:05:57,612
Kids, come meet
your new daddy.
139
00:05:57,680 --> 00:05:59,080
It's perfect.
140
00:05:59,148 --> 00:06:00,615
We're poor,
we've got too many kids,
141
00:06:00,682 --> 00:06:02,216
it stinks to high heaven.
142
00:06:02,284 --> 00:06:04,452
This'll inspire one hell
of a country song.
143
00:06:04,519 --> 00:06:06,754
Just need a macchiato
to get me going.
144
00:06:06,822 --> 00:06:08,389
Where's our espresso
maker, dear?
145
00:06:08,457 --> 00:06:09,790
The what?
146
00:06:09,858 --> 00:06:13,393
Nyoo, thank you.
147
00:06:16,197 --> 00:06:18,498
Yeah, there he is. Yeah!
148
00:06:22,670 --> 00:06:24,404
Steve, what the hell are you
doing outside the bathroom?
149
00:06:24,472 --> 00:06:26,474
Jackson came in to doo doo
and let me out...
150
00:06:26,541 --> 00:06:27,975
after he was done.
151
00:06:28,043 --> 00:06:29,610
I'm better in front
of somebody.
152
00:06:29,678 --> 00:06:32,647
Steve just told the most
hilarious filthy joke.
153
00:06:32,715 --> 00:06:34,082
You have to hear it.
154
00:06:34,150 --> 00:06:35,851
I'm not going to share
a dirty joke with my son.
155
00:06:35,919 --> 00:06:37,052
It's inappropriate.
156
00:06:37,120 --> 00:06:39,856
Stan, it's just a joke.
Lighten up.
157
00:06:39,923 --> 00:06:42,757
Fine, one joke
then back in the bathroom.
158
00:06:42,825 --> 00:06:44,359
Okay, here goes.
159
00:06:44,426 --> 00:06:46,261
So a man with a tickle
in his throat...
160
00:06:46,328 --> 00:06:49,030
...and the donkey looks him
straight in the eye
161
00:06:49,098 --> 00:06:52,099
and without missing a beat
says, "Purple hat."
162
00:06:54,669 --> 00:06:56,369
Okay.
163
00:06:56,437 --> 00:06:58,438
What's wrong, Stan?
You didn't like it?
164
00:06:58,506 --> 00:07:00,473
Actually I thought
it was very well-crafted.
165
00:07:00,541 --> 00:07:02,810
The perfect combination
of dirty and smart.
166
00:07:02,878 --> 00:07:04,478
It was really
quite elegant.
167
00:07:04,546 --> 00:07:05,780
Well, why aren't
you laughing?
168
00:07:05,848 --> 00:07:07,949
Because I don't share laughs
with my son.
169
00:07:08,017 --> 00:07:10,318
There's nothing wrong
with laughing, Dad.
170
00:07:10,386 --> 00:07:12,354
I said I don't need to laugh...
171
00:07:12,422 --> 00:07:13,856
Purple hat, Dad.
172
00:07:13,923 --> 00:07:15,491
Steve, Steve, stop it.
173
00:07:15,558 --> 00:07:17,026
I'm not doing anything.
174
00:07:17,094 --> 00:07:18,594
It was the donkey.
175
00:07:18,662 --> 00:07:21,097
He said, "Purple hat."
176
00:07:21,165 --> 00:07:23,065
Don't you mess with me.
177
00:07:23,133 --> 00:07:25,467
It's okay. It's okay.
178
00:07:25,535 --> 00:07:27,369
Purple hat.
179
00:07:29,538 --> 00:07:31,239
Purple hat.
180
00:07:31,307 --> 00:07:33,875
That's what was said.
181
00:07:33,943 --> 00:07:36,511
By the donkey.
182
00:07:40,750 --> 00:07:43,718
For God's sake,
get this boy a T-shirt.
183
00:07:43,786 --> 00:07:45,520
Yeah!
Put that shirt on that boy.
184
00:07:45,588 --> 00:07:47,022
- Shirt the little man up.
- Attaboy.
185
00:07:55,330 --> 00:07:58,032
Steve, you don't know how...
how glad I am
186
00:07:58,099 --> 00:08:00,635
to be done with all
the father-son crap.
187
00:08:00,703 --> 00:08:02,938
It's buddy-buddy
from here on out.
188
00:08:03,005 --> 00:08:06,074
That means... so much to me.
189
00:08:06,142 --> 00:08:09,679
Look, look, I'm taking you
out of the "dad phone"
190
00:08:09,747 --> 00:08:11,982
and I'm putting you in the
"friend phone."
191
00:08:12,049 --> 00:08:13,316
It's official.
192
00:08:13,384 --> 00:08:16,286
Oh my God. Thanks, Dad.
193
00:08:16,354 --> 00:08:17,321
Hey.
What?
194
00:08:17,388 --> 00:08:20,090
You-you can call me Stan.
195
00:08:20,158 --> 00:08:22,893
They got me, y'all.
Watch my boat.
196
00:08:29,654 --> 00:08:30,889
That was amazing.
197
00:08:30,922 --> 00:08:32,757
You... you are
super fun, man.
198
00:08:32,824 --> 00:08:34,059
You're fun.
199
00:08:34,126 --> 00:08:36,061
I love being friends
with you, Stan.
200
00:08:36,128 --> 00:08:37,596
Hey, let's make
some nachos.
201
00:08:37,663 --> 00:08:39,465
Melt some queso.
202
00:08:39,532 --> 00:08:41,934
Yes!
203
00:08:42,002 --> 00:08:43,536
Hey-hey-hey,
knock, knock.
204
00:08:43,604 --> 00:08:46,139
Oh, are you doing a knock,
knock, knock, knock joke?
205
00:08:46,207 --> 00:08:47,774
Yeah, yeah, you just made me
think of it.
206
00:08:47,842 --> 00:08:48,909
Knock, knock.
207
00:08:48,977 --> 00:08:50,311
Who's there?
208
00:08:50,378 --> 00:08:52,913
Queso.
Queso who?
209
00:08:54,615 --> 00:08:56,616
'Kay so I farted.
210
00:08:56,717 --> 00:08:59,052
Yes.
211
00:08:59,120 --> 00:09:02,155
Hey, you want to wake up early
tomorrow and go for a run?
212
00:09:02,222 --> 00:09:03,690
Oh, definitely.
213
00:09:03,757 --> 00:09:05,091
You want to say
like 7:00?
214
00:09:05,159 --> 00:09:07,260
7:15, to be safe.
215
00:09:08,663 --> 00:09:11,564
There you are.
216
00:09:11,632 --> 00:09:14,134
What time did you and your dad
get home last night?
217
00:09:14,202 --> 00:09:15,836
He wouldn't even budge
this morning.
218
00:09:15,904 --> 00:09:17,571
Uh, don't know.
219
00:09:17,639 --> 00:09:19,373
It's kind of blurry.
220
00:09:19,441 --> 00:09:22,077
Good Lord,
you smell like a brewery.
221
00:09:22,144 --> 00:09:25,213
Did your father let you
drink beer last night?
222
00:09:25,281 --> 00:09:26,315
Umm...
223
00:09:31,555 --> 00:09:33,356
Ugh, you have been drinking.
224
00:09:34,524 --> 00:09:35,757
Stan!
225
00:09:35,825 --> 00:09:37,993
How could you let Steve
get drunk last night?
226
00:09:38,061 --> 00:09:39,561
It was a mistake,
Francine.
227
00:09:39,629 --> 00:09:40,963
I wasn't thinking
straight.
228
00:09:41,031 --> 00:09:42,531
I was with my friends,
we had some drinks,
229
00:09:42,599 --> 00:09:43,799
we were on a boat.
230
00:09:43,867 --> 00:09:45,568
I was... I was
boat-notized.
231
00:09:45,635 --> 00:09:47,469
Boat-notized?
232
00:09:47,537 --> 00:09:50,038
Oh, like ship-notized?
233
00:09:50,106 --> 00:09:53,008
Ship-notized?
That means nothing.
234
00:09:53,076 --> 00:09:54,676
Look, look, I told
Steve to stay away
235
00:09:54,744 --> 00:09:56,512
from the adult activity,
but he disobeyed me.
236
00:09:56,579 --> 00:09:57,880
What?!
237
00:09:57,947 --> 00:09:59,281
Stan, he needs
to be punished.
238
00:09:59,348 --> 00:10:01,516
Oh, don't worry.
He will be.
239
00:10:01,584 --> 00:10:03,719
Dad, I don't understand
why I'm in trouble.
240
00:10:03,786 --> 00:10:05,654
Dude, dude, dude,
Francine's lame, all right?
241
00:10:05,722 --> 00:10:07,189
It's cool, we're cool.
242
00:10:07,257 --> 00:10:09,725
Wait, so you're not gonna
punish me like Mom said?
243
00:10:09,793 --> 00:10:11,426
Come on.
We're boys now.
244
00:10:11,494 --> 00:10:13,194
Bros before
hoes, my man.
245
00:10:13,262 --> 00:10:16,131
Brothers before
whores all day long.
246
00:10:16,198 --> 00:10:17,966
And Mom's the whore
in that situation?
247
00:10:18,034 --> 00:10:21,437
All day long.
248
00:10:27,410 --> 00:10:29,711
Hey, what happened to being
a country singer?
249
00:10:29,779 --> 00:10:31,980
Oh, living the honky-tonk life
was too hard.
250
00:10:32,048 --> 00:10:34,249
I'm doing calypso dancing now.
251
00:10:34,317 --> 00:10:35,551
I don't blame you.
252
00:10:35,618 --> 00:10:37,953
The woman you ran off
with was a mess.
253
00:10:38,021 --> 00:10:40,189
Did she have a tattoo of Burt
Reynolds on her stomach?
254
00:10:40,257 --> 00:10:41,590
No, she didn't.
255
00:10:41,658 --> 00:10:43,492
It's Victor from
The Young and the Restless.
256
00:10:46,295 --> 00:10:48,763
You're coming with me,
you son of a bitch.
257
00:10:48,831 --> 00:10:49,998
We're married.
258
00:10:50,065 --> 00:10:51,633
You gotta a family
to look after.
259
00:10:51,701 --> 00:10:53,067
Oh, oh, sorry, no.
260
00:10:53,135 --> 00:10:54,669
No, you've got me confused
with someone else.
261
00:10:54,737 --> 00:10:56,203
I'm a Caribbean dancer.
262
00:10:56,271 --> 00:10:58,605
The name's
Calypso Banana Puffy-Sleeves.
263
00:10:58,673 --> 00:11:01,075
You call yourself
whatever the hell you want,
264
00:11:01,142 --> 00:11:03,410
but you're my husband
and you're coming home with me.
265
00:11:03,477 --> 00:11:05,879
Hey, Maurice, I'm gonna have
to cancel on you today.
266
00:11:05,946 --> 00:11:08,348
Sorry to make you drive
all the way down here.
267
00:11:08,416 --> 00:11:10,550
Hey, no problem,
Mr. Sleeves.
268
00:11:16,623 --> 00:11:18,391
♪ ♪
269
00:11:18,459 --> 00:11:20,593
Sometimes I think
music is the one thing
270
00:11:20,661 --> 00:11:22,328
that can save the world.
271
00:11:22,396 --> 00:11:25,298
Sometimes I think Francine
fakes her orgasms.
272
00:11:25,366 --> 00:11:27,734
Well, through the wall, it
sounds like you're slaying it.
273
00:11:27,802 --> 00:11:29,970
Thanks, man.
274
00:11:30,037 --> 00:11:31,805
What's going on
in here?
275
00:11:31,872 --> 00:11:33,173
Me and Steve are
just hanging.
276
00:11:33,241 --> 00:11:35,909
Is that supposed to be
part of Steve's punishment?
277
00:11:35,977 --> 00:11:37,878
Hey, Stan,
you think Mom's mad
278
00:11:37,946 --> 00:11:39,814
or do you think
she's just faking it?
279
00:11:39,881 --> 00:11:41,015
Nice one.
280
00:11:41,083 --> 00:11:42,150
What does that mean?
281
00:11:42,217 --> 00:11:43,518
Nothing, dear.
Inside joke.
282
00:11:43,586 --> 00:11:44,552
You wouldn't get it.
283
00:11:44,620 --> 00:11:45,954
Apparently
she never does.
284
00:11:46,022 --> 00:11:48,123
Hi-yo!
285
00:11:55,431 --> 00:11:57,298
Stop running!
286
00:11:57,366 --> 00:11:58,933
I'm trying to get
the baby to sleep!
287
00:11:59,000 --> 00:12:00,033
What are you looking at?
288
00:12:00,101 --> 00:12:01,168
Don't look at me.
289
00:12:01,235 --> 00:12:02,369
Y-You speak English?
290
00:12:02,436 --> 00:12:03,936
You need a kick in the head?
291
00:12:04,004 --> 00:12:05,138
Screw it.
292
00:12:05,205 --> 00:12:07,206
Naydern, I'm, um,
I'm gonna go get
293
00:12:07,273 --> 00:12:09,041
some cigarettes.
294
00:12:09,109 --> 00:12:11,878
That's the same thing my ex
said, and he never came back.
295
00:12:11,945 --> 00:12:13,179
Okay, relax. You're right.
296
00:12:13,247 --> 00:12:15,482
Oh, my God, tornado!
297
00:12:18,252 --> 00:12:21,288
My daddy never came back
'cause I shot him.
298
00:12:28,898 --> 00:12:29,998
Shello.
299
00:12:30,066 --> 00:12:31,366
Dude, what are you
up to right now?
300
00:12:31,434 --> 00:12:32,534
Boring work.
301
00:12:32,601 --> 00:12:34,035
You need to tell
Bullock you're sick
302
00:12:34,102 --> 00:12:35,369
and come meet
me at the zoo.
303
00:12:35,437 --> 00:12:36,437
You're at the zoo?
304
00:12:36,505 --> 00:12:37,938
Shouldn't you be at school?
305
00:12:38,006 --> 00:12:39,806
Wow, you sound like a
total dad right now.
306
00:12:39,874 --> 00:12:41,507
No, no, I mean,
I'm just saying...
307
00:12:41,575 --> 00:12:43,943
Look, today's the final day of
this amazing gorilla exhibit.
308
00:12:44,010 --> 00:12:45,077
Don't be lame.
309
00:12:45,145 --> 00:12:46,478
I'm not lame.
310
00:12:46,546 --> 00:12:48,614
If you're not lame, then
meet my ass down here.
311
00:12:48,681 --> 00:12:49,848
Fine, I'll meet your ass.
312
00:12:49,916 --> 00:12:51,250
I'll meet your ass
right now.
313
00:12:51,317 --> 00:12:52,918
That's what I'm
talking about.
314
00:12:52,986 --> 00:12:54,353
Peace.
315
00:12:54,421 --> 00:12:57,223
Wow, that was an awesome way
to get off the phone.
316
00:12:57,290 --> 00:12:58,758
I said, kill them!
317
00:12:58,825 --> 00:13:00,059
Kill them all!
318
00:13:00,127 --> 00:13:01,894
Yes, yes, them, too.
319
00:13:01,962 --> 00:13:03,296
Also them!
320
00:13:03,364 --> 00:13:04,531
No, not him!
321
00:13:04,598 --> 00:13:05,899
That's me.
322
00:13:05,966 --> 00:13:07,200
Idiots.
323
00:13:07,268 --> 00:13:08,401
What is it?!
324
00:13:08,469 --> 00:13:10,136
Sir, I-I'm not
feeling so well.
325
00:13:10,204 --> 00:13:11,337
Oh, no.
326
00:13:11,405 --> 00:13:13,239
Oh, my God, Stan.
327
00:13:13,306 --> 00:13:14,940
Oh, I'm so sorry.
328
00:13:15,008 --> 00:13:16,575
I hate that.
329
00:13:16,642 --> 00:13:18,810
Come here.
330
00:13:18,878 --> 00:13:20,412
I wish it were me.
331
00:13:20,480 --> 00:13:22,848
I wish I could just
absorb your germs
332
00:13:22,915 --> 00:13:25,050
and make my body
fight them.
333
00:13:25,117 --> 00:13:27,885
I-I think I'll be okay
if-if I just go home.
334
00:13:27,953 --> 00:13:29,821
Absolutely.
335
00:13:29,888 --> 00:13:32,557
Whatever you need,
just get better.
336
00:13:32,624 --> 00:13:35,994
It makes me so angry that
little viruses can just
337
00:13:36,062 --> 00:13:40,066
traipse in here and treat
your body like a playground.
338
00:13:40,133 --> 00:13:41,300
It-It's all right, sir.
339
00:13:41,368 --> 00:13:42,802
I should be better
by tomorrow.
340
00:13:42,870 --> 00:13:45,639
I just... I just feel
so helpless, you know?
341
00:13:45,706 --> 00:13:47,641
It's really not that bad.
342
00:13:47,709 --> 00:13:51,345
Have we displeased you,
Almighty God in heaven?!
343
00:13:51,413 --> 00:13:53,881
Do our lives mean
nothing to you?!
344
00:14:01,089 --> 00:14:04,659
All right, Stan the man's here!
345
00:14:04,726 --> 00:14:05,860
Told you I'd be here,
didn't I?
346
00:14:05,928 --> 00:14:07,029
Who's this guy?
347
00:14:07,096 --> 00:14:08,230
That's Wilson.
348
00:14:08,298 --> 00:14:09,665
He's a total dirtbag.
349
00:14:09,733 --> 00:14:12,268
Dirt a-bag.
350
00:14:12,336 --> 00:14:14,003
Wilson's gonna give us the keys
351
00:14:14,071 --> 00:14:15,972
to go inside
the gorilla enclosure.
352
00:14:16,040 --> 00:14:17,808
Isn't that amazing?
353
00:14:17,875 --> 00:14:19,776
I thought we were just
gonna ok at gorillas.
354
00:14:19,844 --> 00:14:21,178
I'm not going in there.
355
00:14:21,246 --> 00:14:23,180
And honestly, Steve, I don't
think you should, either.
356
00:14:23,248 --> 00:14:24,381
That's weak
sauce, Stan.
357
00:14:24,449 --> 00:14:26,317
Do not enter that sauce
in the county fair,
358
00:14:26,385 --> 00:14:28,086
because it is weak.
359
00:14:28,153 --> 00:14:29,187
I'm going
solo, Wilson.
360
00:14:29,255 --> 00:14:30,722
Let's do this.
361
00:14:37,662 --> 00:14:39,162
Wow!
362
00:14:39,230 --> 00:14:40,597
It's even more amazing than I...
363
00:14:41,832 --> 00:14:43,533
What's happening, Wilson?!
364
00:14:44,902 --> 00:14:46,736
Look at that
silly gorilla!
365
00:14:46,804 --> 00:14:48,671
It's not funny, Wilson!
366
00:15:02,354 --> 00:15:03,654
Is kind of funny.
367
00:15:19,765 --> 00:15:20,932
I don't like this!
368
00:15:21,000 --> 00:15:22,100
The zookeeper's here,
Steve.
369
00:15:22,168 --> 00:15:23,401
Everything's gonna
be okay.
370
00:15:23,469 --> 00:15:25,803
Whoa, I never said
everything's gonna be okay.
371
00:15:25,871 --> 00:15:27,205
That's a gorilla.
372
00:15:27,273 --> 00:15:29,374
I mean, how could you
let your son go in there?
373
00:15:29,442 --> 00:15:31,176
I didn't let him go in.
374
00:15:31,243 --> 00:15:34,178
Look, what happened was,
I was at work and he told me
375
00:15:34,246 --> 00:15:37,948
to meet his ass down here,
so I met his ass down here.
376
00:15:42,153 --> 00:15:43,620
What's he doing?
377
00:15:43,688 --> 00:15:45,556
Can't you shoot it with
a tranquilizer or something?
378
00:15:45,624 --> 00:15:46,724
Yeah, you know,
if we do,
379
00:15:46,792 --> 00:15:48,292
he could seize up
and crush the boy.
380
00:15:48,360 --> 00:15:50,895
We need to wait for
Bobo's personal handler.
381
00:15:50,963 --> 00:15:53,231
Unfortunately, he's at
a matinee right now.
382
00:15:53,299 --> 00:15:54,599
I hope he picks up.
383
00:15:55,835 --> 00:15:56,935
Hello?
384
00:15:58,204 --> 00:15:59,270
Is it an emergency?
385
00:15:59,338 --> 00:16:00,638
Shh!
386
00:16:00,706 --> 00:16:02,139
When was the last time
Bobo ate?
387
00:16:02,207 --> 00:16:03,808
Shh!
388
00:16:03,876 --> 00:16:04,976
That long?
389
00:16:05,044 --> 00:16:06,411
Oh, this isn't good.
390
00:16:06,479 --> 00:16:10,849
Excuse me, some of us are
trying to watch this porno!
391
00:16:15,454 --> 00:16:18,089
NAYDERN
You better not be sleeping in there.
392
00:16:18,157 --> 00:16:19,390
Dog's scooching
on the floor again;
393
00:16:19,458 --> 00:16:21,091
you need to squeeze out
his butt hole.
394
00:16:21,159 --> 00:16:23,061
Just a minute, baby.
395
00:16:26,532 --> 00:16:28,100
Hello, 911?
396
00:16:30,303 --> 00:16:31,904
You let go of me.
397
00:16:31,971 --> 00:16:34,273
I never touched
that son of a bitch!
398
00:16:34,341 --> 00:16:35,908
Yes, you did, Naydern.
399
00:16:35,976 --> 00:16:38,077
She said she was gonna
scissors off my hog.
400
00:16:38,145 --> 00:16:39,845
We want to go with our mama!
401
00:16:39,913 --> 00:16:41,647
Sorry. You kids are
gonna be split up
402
00:16:41,715 --> 00:16:43,149
and placed in
foster care.
403
00:16:43,217 --> 00:16:44,717
Wait, you can't
keep them all together?
404
00:16:44,784 --> 00:16:47,686
No way. We'll be lucky to find
them any homes at all.
405
00:16:47,754 --> 00:16:48,787
I want mama!
406
00:16:50,323 --> 00:16:51,790
Rocky!
407
00:16:56,129 --> 00:16:57,896
♪ ♪
408
00:17:01,601 --> 00:17:04,803
Looks like you've been
through some hard times.
409
00:17:07,707 --> 00:17:10,743
Actually, I was fine
until I saw that face of yours.
410
00:17:10,811 --> 00:17:12,878
It's painful
just to look at you.
411
00:17:12,946 --> 00:17:15,047
Oh, my God.
412
00:17:15,115 --> 00:17:17,783
I think I understand
country music!
413
00:17:20,019 --> 00:17:24,923
♪ I saw the ugliest woman
I ever did saw ♪
414
00:17:24,991 --> 00:17:28,394
♪ Face like a turnip
and an under-bit jaw ♪
415
00:17:28,461 --> 00:17:31,096
Yeah, man,
tell it how it is!
416
00:17:31,164 --> 00:17:34,633
♪ Inbred from inbreds,
then inbred again ♪
417
00:17:34,701 --> 00:17:38,070
♪ If ugly was pretty,
then she'd be a ten ♪
418
00:17:38,138 --> 00:17:40,205
That sounds
just like my wife!
419
00:17:40,273 --> 00:17:43,241
♪ She was so damn ugly ♪
420
00:17:43,309 --> 00:17:45,177
♪ So I got drunk and her
in my trunk. ♪
421
00:17:45,244 --> 00:17:46,345
Good night!
422
00:17:59,058 --> 00:18:01,126
Hold tight, Steve,
the handler's on his way.
423
00:18:01,194 --> 00:18:02,961
You've been saying
that for 20 minutes!
424
00:18:03,029 --> 00:18:05,564
Steve, I'm coming
in to get you!
425
00:18:09,535 --> 00:18:10,668
That's enough, Bobo.
426
00:18:13,105 --> 00:18:14,472
No, Bobo!
427
00:18:18,142 --> 00:18:19,576
Chill out, Bobo!
428
00:18:21,145 --> 00:18:22,579
Hello?
429
00:18:22,646 --> 00:18:26,850
Hi, Stan, just checking to see
when I can expect you home.
430
00:18:26,918 --> 00:18:28,118
Oh, normal time.
Everything's normal.
431
00:18:28,186 --> 00:18:29,620
W-Why would you ask?
432
00:18:29,688 --> 00:18:33,658
Oh, because you and Steve
are all over the news right now!
433
00:18:33,726 --> 00:18:36,461
According to sources, Langley
Falls resident Stan Smith,
434
00:18:36,529 --> 00:18:38,864
quote, "Got his ass down here,"
end quote,
435
00:18:38,932 --> 00:18:40,966
to meet his son on a school day.
436
00:18:41,034 --> 00:18:43,368
You better hope
that gorilla kills you
437
00:18:43,436 --> 00:18:45,003
before I get there, Stan.
438
00:18:47,607 --> 00:18:49,741
Oh, God, what
do I do?!
439
00:18:49,809 --> 00:18:51,176
It's a simple waltz, Steve.
440
00:18:51,244 --> 00:18:52,778
One, two, three,
one, two, three.
441
00:18:52,845 --> 00:18:55,347
Bobo, I need you
to let these people go.
442
00:18:55,415 --> 00:18:56,515
Bobo's handler!
443
00:18:56,583 --> 00:18:58,584
We're saved!
444
00:18:58,651 --> 00:19:00,318
Not exactly.
445
00:19:00,386 --> 00:19:03,254
He just said he wants the boy
to stay with him tonight.
446
00:19:03,322 --> 00:19:05,690
I don't want to die
from gorilla sex!
447
00:19:10,896 --> 00:19:12,997
Looks like there might
be a threesome, Steve!
448
00:19:13,065 --> 00:19:15,633
That's, uh, Rex,
Bobo's father.
449
00:19:15,701 --> 00:19:17,068
I'm his handler.
450
00:19:17,135 --> 00:19:19,703
He said, "What do you think
you're doing, son?!
451
00:19:19,771 --> 00:19:21,038
You woke me up!"
452
00:19:21,106 --> 00:19:24,075
"I'm just playing, Dad."
453
00:19:24,143 --> 00:19:26,177
"Look at all the
commotion you've caused.
454
00:19:26,245 --> 00:19:28,379
"You think you'll
get into a good
455
00:19:28,447 --> 00:19:30,782
"captive-breeding program
acting like this?
456
00:19:30,849 --> 00:19:33,385
Get inside right now!"
457
00:19:33,452 --> 00:19:35,687
"But this boy's father's
letting him play."
458
00:19:35,755 --> 00:19:37,589
"You call that
man a father?
459
00:19:37,657 --> 00:19:41,026
No respectable parent would
let their child in here."
460
00:19:41,094 --> 00:19:42,661
Hey, for your
information, Rex,
461
00:19:42,729 --> 00:19:44,496
my son and I
work better as friends.
462
00:19:44,564 --> 00:19:46,431
"I'm sure you do.
463
00:19:46,499 --> 00:19:48,166
"Friends don't have to worry
464
00:19:48,234 --> 00:19:50,502
"about discipline
or setting an example.
465
00:19:50,569 --> 00:19:52,504
"It's easy to be a friend;
466
00:19:52,571 --> 00:19:54,806
"that's why kids
have lots of them.
467
00:19:54,873 --> 00:19:59,377
"But a father-- our kids
only get one of those.
468
00:19:59,445 --> 00:20:02,814
"Who are we to take that
away from them?
469
00:20:05,117 --> 00:20:07,285
"Now, come
along, Bobo.
470
00:20:07,353 --> 00:20:11,289
You're grounded
for three moons."
471
00:20:11,357 --> 00:20:12,992
"I love you, too, Dad."
472
00:20:14,527 --> 00:20:17,661
Oh, Daddy, if you're watching,
I forgive you.
473
00:20:17,732 --> 00:20:19,633
Hey, Tank, ain't that your boy?
474
00:20:19,701 --> 00:20:20,901
What? No, no.
475
00:20:20,969 --> 00:20:22,636
That's not my kid.
476
00:20:22,704 --> 00:20:23,837
That's my son.
477
00:20:32,814 --> 00:20:35,082
He seems pretty cool.
478
00:20:37,887 --> 00:20:39,654
How crazy was that?
479
00:20:39,722 --> 00:20:41,089
Put your fist away right now.
480
00:20:41,157 --> 00:20:42,291
Uh-oh.
481
00:20:42,358 --> 00:20:44,293
You're making up
all the schoolwork
482
00:20:44,361 --> 00:20:45,594
you missed today,
plus extra credit.
483
00:20:45,662 --> 00:20:46,729
Yes, sir.
484
00:20:46,797 --> 00:20:47,898
There you are.
485
00:20:47,965 --> 00:20:49,166
How dare you...
486
00:20:49,234 --> 00:20:51,235
Lie to you and lose
all control of my son?
487
00:20:51,302 --> 00:20:54,005
I'll be able to think about that
long and hard while I'm cleaning
488
00:20:54,073 --> 00:20:56,374
the gutters and buying you
a diamond bracelet, won't I?
489
00:20:56,442 --> 00:20:58,409
Uh, yes, you will.
490
00:20:58,477 --> 00:20:59,844
Damn right, I will.
491
00:20:59,912 --> 00:21:02,013
I'm going straight to
the most expensive jewelry store
492
00:21:02,080 --> 00:21:04,415
I can find to buy the most
expensive bracelet they got.
493
00:21:10,232 --> 00:21:11,166
How much for that?
494
00:21:11,185 --> 00:21:12,718
- 50 bucks.
- Nope.
495
00:21:12,786 --> 00:21:16,786
== sync, corrected by elderman ==