1 00:00:01,334 --> 00:00:03,920 Sync and correction by Mlmlte www.addic7ed.com 2 00:00:04,045 --> 00:00:06,381 ♪ Good morning, USA! ♪ 3 00:00:07,062 --> 00:00:10,218 ♪ I got a feeling that it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪ 4 00:00:10,584 --> 00:00:13,347 ♪ The sun in the sky has a smile on his face ♪ 5 00:00:13,570 --> 00:00:17,726 ♪ And he's shining a salute to the American race ♪ 6 00:00:19,727 --> 00:00:23,171 ♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪ 7 00:00:23,296 --> 00:00:24,990 ♪ Good... ♪ ♪ Good morning, USA ♪ 8 00:00:25,115 --> 00:00:26,526 Aah! 9 00:00:27,951 --> 00:00:31,198 ♪ Good morning, USA! ♪ 10 00:00:33,908 --> 00:00:36,368 I wanted you guys to be the first to know... 11 00:00:36,493 --> 00:00:37,769 I'm getting married! 12 00:00:37,894 --> 00:00:39,081 Hey! 13 00:00:40,731 --> 00:00:44,126 Stan, you were the one who introduced me to Olivia, 14 00:00:44,251 --> 00:00:48,013 which... is why I wanted to ask you 15 00:00:48,138 --> 00:00:51,967 if you would do me the honor of being my best... 16 00:00:52,092 --> 00:00:53,685 Oh, God! Oh, God! Oh, God! 17 00:00:53,810 --> 00:00:55,220 Jeremy?! Michael! 18 00:00:55,345 --> 00:00:56,738 My twin brother! 19 00:00:56,863 --> 00:00:58,307 I can't believe you've come back 20 00:00:58,432 --> 00:01:00,576 after being lost at sea for 12 years! 21 00:01:00,701 --> 00:01:02,210 Will you be my best man?! 22 00:01:02,335 --> 00:01:03,814 Yes. 23 00:01:05,147 --> 00:01:06,548 I hope you two 24 00:01:06,673 --> 00:01:07,916 will be very happy! 25 00:01:16,750 --> 00:01:19,645 Michael was my last single guy friend, Francine. 26 00:01:19,770 --> 00:01:22,249 He was my last chance to be a best man! 27 00:01:22,415 --> 00:01:25,836 Being a best man is something I've dreamt of my entire life. 28 00:01:26,002 --> 00:01:28,310 ♪ ♪ 29 00:01:33,926 --> 00:01:36,078 My dream is over, Francine. 30 00:01:36,203 --> 00:01:37,863 They say you have a better chance 31 00:01:37,988 --> 00:01:39,531 of getting hit by a meteor 32 00:01:39,656 --> 00:01:41,767 than of being a best man after you're 40. 33 00:01:41,892 --> 00:01:42,951 Who says that? 34 00:01:43,076 --> 00:01:44,286 Roger. 35 00:01:44,411 --> 00:01:45,887 So we know it's true, then. 36 00:01:46,012 --> 00:01:47,422 Come on, think. 37 00:01:47,547 --> 00:01:49,708 You must have one single guy friend. 38 00:01:49,833 --> 00:01:52,362 Well, there is one. 39 00:01:52,528 --> 00:01:55,564 Who wants to see me pee on this cake? 40 00:01:59,226 --> 00:02:01,037 Principal Brian Lewis. 41 00:02:01,203 --> 00:02:03,498 My last single guy friend. 42 00:02:07,851 --> 00:02:09,945 Yeah, Superintendent! 43 00:02:10,070 --> 00:02:11,897 Blast my Buddah belly! 44 00:02:14,425 --> 00:02:16,218 Oh, I'll never be a best man. 45 00:02:16,343 --> 00:02:17,953 Don't give up on your dream, Stan. 46 00:02:19,412 --> 00:02:21,089 All you need to do is convince Lewis... 47 00:02:21,214 --> 00:02:22,591 Lewis! Ooh! 48 00:02:22,716 --> 00:02:25,360 ...to get married and then convince some girl to marry him. 49 00:02:25,485 --> 00:02:26,628 You're right! 50 00:02:26,753 --> 00:02:27,796 How hard can it be? 51 00:02:27,921 --> 00:02:29,164 Sweets, you killed my master. 52 00:02:29,289 --> 00:02:30,399 Now you die! 53 00:02:30,524 --> 00:02:31,867 Cake! Cake! Pie! Brownie! 54 00:02:31,992 --> 00:02:34,042 Cookie, cookie, cookie, cookie! 55 00:02:35,988 --> 00:02:39,910 No. No. No. No. 56 00:02:40,076 --> 00:02:41,410 No. No. No. No... 57 00:02:41,535 --> 00:02:43,311 That's the dude I was telling you about 58 00:02:43,436 --> 00:02:45,147 while we were playing army guys. 59 00:02:45,272 --> 00:02:47,182 Oh, the weird shorts guy? 60 00:02:47,307 --> 00:02:49,284 He comes in every weekend... 61 00:02:49,409 --> 00:02:51,421 ...tries on all the shorts, and never buys anything. 62 00:02:51,645 --> 00:02:54,022 Where's a mirror? 63 00:02:54,147 --> 00:02:57,109 Maybe there's one through this odd, tiny door. 64 00:02:59,936 --> 00:03:02,814 I have been waiting for you. 65 00:03:02,939 --> 00:03:05,117 And I, you. 66 00:03:05,242 --> 00:03:07,187 What's happening? What are we talking about? 67 00:03:07,353 --> 00:03:09,512 I made you shorts. 68 00:03:11,399 --> 00:03:12,924 I don't know. 69 00:03:13,049 --> 00:03:15,794 Like Lil' Kim, I have a real tough body for shorts. 70 00:03:15,919 --> 00:03:17,229 How much are they? 71 00:03:17,354 --> 00:03:20,498 Like everything at Ross, it is impossible to tell, 72 00:03:20,623 --> 00:03:23,036 because the price tag has fallen off. 73 00:03:25,913 --> 00:03:27,880 I'll try them on, but I don't... 74 00:03:29,750 --> 00:03:31,610 My God. 75 00:03:31,735 --> 00:03:33,228 They're amazing. 76 00:03:34,888 --> 00:03:37,399 I wish Mom could figure out Skype 77 00:03:37,524 --> 00:03:39,469 so I could show her these shorts. 78 00:03:42,179 --> 00:03:43,371 I want to apologize again 79 00:03:43,496 --> 00:03:45,475 for my behavior at the school the other night. 80 00:03:45,715 --> 00:03:47,576 I take allergy medicine, and I'm not supposed 81 00:03:47,701 --> 00:03:50,063 to drink 14 shots of tequila when I'm on it. 82 00:03:50,229 --> 00:03:52,414 You know, you should think about settling down. 83 00:03:52,539 --> 00:03:55,735 Find a nice woman, get married, share your life with someone. 84 00:03:55,901 --> 00:03:57,586 When you say, "share my life," 85 00:03:57,711 --> 00:04:00,198 I hear, "share my tequila," and I think, "no." 86 00:04:01,281 --> 00:04:02,991 Here, try a hot wing. 87 00:04:03,116 --> 00:04:04,776 They're 100% boneless. 88 00:04:04,901 --> 00:04:06,705 No bones. Zero. 89 00:04:06,871 --> 00:04:08,063 Boneless! 90 00:04:08,188 --> 00:04:10,849 They got some food scientists up in here, huh? 91 00:04:12,752 --> 00:04:14,319 Bone-full! 92 00:04:14,444 --> 00:04:16,488 They are full... of bones! 93 00:04:25,255 --> 00:04:27,566 You almost died, bro! Alone! 94 00:04:27,691 --> 00:04:29,301 Oh, God! Alone, bro! 95 00:04:29,426 --> 00:04:31,036 I don't want to die alone, bro! 96 00:04:31,161 --> 00:04:32,304 No one does, bro! 97 00:04:32,429 --> 00:04:34,172 You need to settle down and get married. 98 00:04:34,297 --> 00:04:35,373 You're scaring me, bro! 99 00:04:35,498 --> 00:04:36,526 Get married, bro! 100 00:04:36,692 --> 00:04:37,876 Okay, damn it. All right! 101 00:04:38,001 --> 00:04:39,094 Yes! Don't worry. 102 00:04:39,219 --> 00:04:41,448 I'll help you get your life on the right path. 103 00:04:41,671 --> 00:04:43,533 Now we just have to find someone to marry you. 104 00:04:43,773 --> 00:04:46,351 Well, I was seeing a real classy broad recently. 105 00:04:46,476 --> 00:04:48,553 - Totally different from all the women... - Hookers. 106 00:04:48,678 --> 00:04:51,189 ...hookers-- thank you-- that I've dated in the past. 107 00:04:51,314 --> 00:04:53,058 But she dumped me because I wouldn't commit. 108 00:04:53,183 --> 00:04:54,377 Perfect! Who is she? 109 00:04:56,504 --> 00:04:57,829 Yes, I broke up with Brian 110 00:04:57,954 --> 00:04:59,883 because I wasn't his first priority. 111 00:05:00,049 --> 00:05:03,428 It was cocaine, which he pronounced "kyo-kayne." 112 00:05:03,594 --> 00:05:06,421 Superintendent, his brush with death has changed him. 113 00:05:06,546 --> 00:05:08,391 He wants to get married now. 114 00:05:08,615 --> 00:05:11,102 I will marry him if he's serious. 115 00:05:11,351 --> 00:05:13,480 He is serious. He is dead serious. 116 00:05:13,646 --> 00:05:15,597 No drugs, no drinking, and a home-cooked meal 117 00:05:15,722 --> 00:05:17,359 with my parents two nights a week. 118 00:05:17,525 --> 00:05:18,967 Agreed on the drugs and drinking 119 00:05:19,092 --> 00:05:21,186 and parents dinner once a week at a restaurant. 120 00:05:22,662 --> 00:05:25,033 And he'd like you to give him a lefty cappuccino. 121 00:05:25,199 --> 00:05:25,951 What's that? 122 00:05:27,851 --> 00:05:29,544 It's not something you'd agree to 123 00:05:29,669 --> 00:05:31,206 if you knew what it was. 124 00:05:31,372 --> 00:05:32,082 Agreed. 125 00:05:35,175 --> 00:05:38,236 Now, do you have something to ask me, Brian? 126 00:05:38,361 --> 00:05:39,905 Me, your man friend 127 00:05:40,030 --> 00:05:41,706 who has led you down this blissful 128 00:05:41,831 --> 00:05:43,635 and best life path? 129 00:05:43,801 --> 00:05:45,310 Oh, okay. 130 00:05:45,435 --> 00:05:47,347 Do you want to be my...? 131 00:05:47,513 --> 00:05:49,724 You want to maybe do this right, or are you going to half-ass it? 132 00:05:49,890 --> 00:05:52,067 Get down on one knee. 133 00:05:54,044 --> 00:05:55,271 ♪ ♪ 134 00:05:55,437 --> 00:05:57,939 Okay, now. Do it now. 135 00:05:58,064 --> 00:05:59,841 Everything is perfect. 136 00:05:59,966 --> 00:06:02,460 Stan, will you be my best man? 137 00:06:02,585 --> 00:06:04,846 Oh, yes! Yes, I will! 138 00:06:04,971 --> 00:06:08,300 Up until now, I've just been a great man. 139 00:06:08,425 --> 00:06:11,553 Now, I will be a best man. 140 00:06:11,678 --> 00:06:13,540 And I'm the Crest Man. 141 00:06:14,931 --> 00:06:17,002 I'm living in my car. 142 00:06:17,168 --> 00:06:19,268 ♪ ♪ 143 00:06:24,341 --> 00:06:25,718 And obviously, 144 00:06:25,843 --> 00:06:28,554 the last dance of the night will be The Humpty Dance. 145 00:06:28,679 --> 00:06:30,556 I'm so proud of him, Stan. 146 00:06:30,681 --> 00:06:32,558 He's two weeks sober, jogging every day, 147 00:06:32,683 --> 00:06:34,560 sleeping 14 hours a night. 148 00:06:34,685 --> 00:06:36,462 Can't get in trouble if I'm asleep! 149 00:06:36,587 --> 00:06:38,197 He's pronouncing "cocaine" properly, 150 00:06:38,322 --> 00:06:39,698 hasn't peed on any cakes, 151 00:06:39,823 --> 00:06:42,725 and hasn't challenged a dog to a fistfight in days. 152 00:06:52,703 --> 00:06:56,332 Sorry to rush off, but I've got a City Council meeting. 153 00:06:56,457 --> 00:06:59,935 I'm gonna listen to the CD you made me in the car. 154 00:07:00,060 --> 00:07:01,637 I love track eight. 155 00:07:01,762 --> 00:07:03,272 Oh, if you like track eight, 156 00:07:03,397 --> 00:07:05,508 then you're gonna love track seven. 157 00:07:05,633 --> 00:07:07,243 I've already heard track seven. 158 00:07:07,368 --> 00:07:09,168 Oh, you're gonna love it! 159 00:07:12,006 --> 00:07:13,783 Okay, did you bring the old photos 160 00:07:13,908 --> 00:07:15,885 for the bachelor party slideshow? 161 00:07:16,010 --> 00:07:17,877 Right here! 162 00:07:20,606 --> 00:07:23,109 This looks like a publicity photo for Diff'rent Strokes. 163 00:07:23,275 --> 00:07:25,077 It's actually a picture of my family, 164 00:07:25,202 --> 00:07:27,614 but my life was the inspiration for that show. 165 00:07:27,780 --> 00:07:29,265 You're kidding. Nope. 166 00:07:29,390 --> 00:07:31,167 My older brother William, aka Willis, 167 00:07:31,292 --> 00:07:33,402 and I were adopted by a rich white guy. 168 00:07:33,527 --> 00:07:35,337 All that stuff really happened to me. 169 00:07:35,462 --> 00:07:37,506 I smoked a pack of cigarettes in the closet, 170 00:07:37,631 --> 00:07:40,919 a fat man tried to touch me and my friend in a bicycle shop... 171 00:07:41,085 --> 00:07:42,411 You just left Dudley there! 172 00:07:42,536 --> 00:07:43,646 I did. 173 00:07:43,771 --> 00:07:46,424 He's real messed up now. 174 00:07:46,590 --> 00:07:48,784 That's me and Tracy Bryant, 175 00:07:48,909 --> 00:07:50,887 my prison cellmate for three years. 176 00:07:51,053 --> 00:07:52,822 We lost touch when I got out. 177 00:07:52,947 --> 00:07:56,025 I don't even know if he's still in the joint or what. 178 00:07:56,150 --> 00:07:58,812 Man, we go way back, like car seats. 179 00:07:58,978 --> 00:08:00,863 Yo, Tracy, you gonna lift weights? 180 00:08:00,988 --> 00:08:03,899 Yeah, Brian. Nothing else to do in here but get strong. 181 00:08:04,024 --> 00:08:05,601 What you lookin' at, bitch? 182 00:08:05,726 --> 00:08:07,036 Bitch, I'm lookin' at you, bitch! 183 00:08:07,161 --> 00:08:08,537 Uh-oh! 184 00:08:11,932 --> 00:08:13,809 Well, Lewis is obviously deep in thought. 185 00:08:13,934 --> 00:08:14,977 Guess I'll take this opportunity 186 00:08:15,102 --> 00:08:16,512 to do my own thinking. 187 00:08:16,637 --> 00:08:18,447 Hey, I should find his old cellmate, Tracy, 188 00:08:18,572 --> 00:08:20,216 and invite him to the wedding. 189 00:08:20,341 --> 00:08:22,085 What a great best man thing to do! 190 00:08:24,979 --> 00:08:28,181 Stan, you and me is thinking buddies. 191 00:08:30,009 --> 00:08:31,760 Roger, I've seen you in shorts. 192 00:08:31,885 --> 00:08:33,262 You look terrible in them. 193 00:08:33,387 --> 00:08:36,098 Remember, I told you not to wear short... 194 00:08:36,223 --> 00:08:39,568 I see my beauty has caused you to be quiet mid-sentence. 195 00:08:39,693 --> 00:08:41,136 Oh, my God. 196 00:08:41,261 --> 00:08:43,055 How is that even possible?! 197 00:08:43,180 --> 00:08:44,897 I don't know! I mean, watch. 198 00:08:47,468 --> 00:08:49,945 But much like the appeal of the Ugg boot, 199 00:08:50,070 --> 00:08:51,914 I'm not questioning it, just accepting it. 200 00:08:52,039 --> 00:08:54,149 Now I need to think of a perfect venue 201 00:08:54,274 --> 00:08:56,142 to debut my new shorts. 202 00:08:57,678 --> 00:09:00,055 What if you wear them up in the club? 203 00:09:00,180 --> 00:09:01,991 In... Miami? 204 00:09:08,297 --> 00:09:10,349 Welcome to Miami. Enjoy your stay. 205 00:09:10,474 --> 00:09:14,277 And now phase three: to enroll at Florida State University! 206 00:09:15,888 --> 00:09:19,191 How did a baby and a dog get on a flight to Miami? 207 00:09:19,316 --> 00:09:21,510 Guess they're not as interested in reality as we are. 208 00:09:21,635 --> 00:09:22,845 Yup, we're keepin' it real. 209 00:09:22,970 --> 00:09:25,064 Just a boy and an alien on a bus. 210 00:09:25,189 --> 00:09:28,634 A boy and an alien in a wig and magical shorts on a bus. 211 00:09:28,759 --> 00:09:30,426 ♪ Super real! ♪ 212 00:09:35,232 --> 00:09:37,035 Attention, everyone! 213 00:09:37,201 --> 00:09:38,377 As the best man, 214 00:09:38,502 --> 00:09:40,538 I've got a special surprise for the groom. 215 00:09:42,873 --> 00:09:45,684 It took some doing, but I finally managed to find him... 216 00:09:45,809 --> 00:09:48,630 Tracy Bryant, your old cellmate! 217 00:09:48,796 --> 00:09:49,505 Tracy?! 218 00:09:49,671 --> 00:09:50,980 Been a long time, Brian. 219 00:09:52,341 --> 00:09:54,493 I can't believe you're getting married, 220 00:09:54,618 --> 00:09:56,763 'cause you already married... to me! 221 00:09:56,929 --> 00:09:58,764 I'm his prison wife! 222 00:09:58,889 --> 00:10:01,166 This ring is made out of love and commitment 223 00:10:01,291 --> 00:10:03,102 and pipe cleaners and human teeth! 224 00:10:03,268 --> 00:10:04,312 You're married?! 225 00:10:04,478 --> 00:10:06,522 Mm-hmm, to this bitch! 226 00:10:06,688 --> 00:10:07,899 Ellen, I can explain... 227 00:10:08,065 --> 00:10:09,541 Yeah, explain how you're gonna stand here 228 00:10:09,666 --> 00:10:11,210 in front of all these nice people 229 00:10:11,335 --> 00:10:12,711 and commit a sin like this. 230 00:10:12,836 --> 00:10:14,196 I (bleep) your ass! 231 00:10:14,321 --> 00:10:16,198 But how is this even possible?! 232 00:10:16,323 --> 00:10:18,124 Allow me to break it down for you. 233 00:10:22,079 --> 00:10:24,990 According to prison rules, I became Lewis' bitch 234 00:10:25,115 --> 00:10:26,876 after he beat up my previous husband. 235 00:10:27,042 --> 00:10:29,495 After that, we had three years of wedded bliss. 236 00:10:29,620 --> 00:10:31,547 We shared a home... 237 00:10:31,713 --> 00:10:33,424 a job... 238 00:10:33,707 --> 00:10:36,678 ...and some excellent toilet wine. 239 00:10:36,844 --> 00:10:38,187 But that was years ago! 240 00:10:38,312 --> 00:10:39,521 Prison rules are serious. 241 00:10:39,646 --> 00:10:41,123 We follow them till we die! 242 00:10:41,248 --> 00:10:43,559 It took me 15 years to find you, Big Lew, 243 00:10:43,684 --> 00:10:44,927 and I'm never leaving you again. 244 00:10:45,052 --> 00:10:46,437 Ever! Forever! 245 00:10:46,603 --> 00:10:47,680 Get out of here, Tracy! 246 00:10:47,805 --> 00:10:49,148 I don't need this now. 247 00:10:49,273 --> 00:10:50,816 I've finally got my life on track. 248 00:10:50,941 --> 00:10:52,277 I say "cocaine" now. 249 00:10:52,443 --> 00:10:54,069 This is all your fault. 250 00:10:54,194 --> 00:10:55,771 Don't let him ruin my wedding. 251 00:10:55,896 --> 00:10:57,840 Hey, it's our wedding. 252 00:10:57,965 --> 00:10:59,409 Don't worry. I'll-I'll fix this. 253 00:10:59,575 --> 00:11:01,076 Brian, you've gotten fat on me. 254 00:11:01,201 --> 00:11:02,578 More for me to zerbert! 255 00:11:04,037 --> 00:11:06,332 Got to blow up my brown beach ball! 256 00:11:06,498 --> 00:11:10,193 ♪ ♪ 257 00:11:13,338 --> 00:11:14,506 This must be 258 00:11:14,631 --> 00:11:17,927 what Thomas Haden Church feels like all the time. 259 00:11:18,093 --> 00:11:19,819 ♪ ♪ 260 00:11:35,602 --> 00:11:38,054 I am loving these shorts! 261 00:11:42,259 --> 00:11:44,620 You are beautiful! 262 00:11:44,745 --> 00:11:46,104 I know! 263 00:11:46,229 --> 00:11:48,807 I am legendary homosexual Ricky Martin! 264 00:11:48,932 --> 00:11:50,766 That I did not know! 265 00:11:52,461 --> 00:11:53,545 Hey, hey, hey, hey. 266 00:11:53,670 --> 00:11:54,997 Hey. Hey. Hey, hey. Hey, hey... 267 00:11:55,122 --> 00:11:56,248 These Cubans are hassling me! 268 00:11:56,373 --> 00:11:58,134 Hey. Hey. Hey, hey... 269 00:11:58,300 --> 00:11:59,951 I still don't understand why I'm not riding with Lew-Lew. 270 00:12:00,076 --> 00:12:02,004 I told you. He had some things to take care of, 271 00:12:02,129 --> 00:12:03,839 so he asked me to drive you to his house. 272 00:12:03,964 --> 00:12:05,457 Drive faster. I want to get to the kitchen 273 00:12:05,582 --> 00:12:06,625 and make some fish sticks. 274 00:12:09,228 --> 00:12:11,147 Ooh, which one is ours? 275 00:12:11,313 --> 00:12:12,347 First thing I'm gonna do 276 00:12:12,472 --> 00:12:13,816 is plant some heirloom tomatoes up in here. 277 00:12:17,736 --> 00:12:19,638 You're not gonna ruin my big day. 278 00:12:19,763 --> 00:12:21,574 That wedding is happening, damn it! 279 00:12:52,729 --> 00:12:54,173 Brian, it's Stan. 280 00:12:54,298 --> 00:12:55,507 I wanted to tell you 281 00:12:55,632 --> 00:12:58,100 that Tracy won't be bothering us anymore. 282 00:13:00,571 --> 00:13:02,031 Hello, white cheese. 283 00:13:02,197 --> 00:13:03,491 But I killed you! 284 00:13:03,657 --> 00:13:05,017 You can't kill this love. 285 00:13:05,142 --> 00:13:07,519 What we got here is the eternal flame. 286 00:13:07,644 --> 00:13:10,906 The Bangles, bi-atch, circa '87! 287 00:13:11,031 --> 00:13:13,375 No! You're supposed to be on the wagon, 288 00:13:13,500 --> 00:13:16,003 not drinking toilet wine with your prison wife! 289 00:13:16,236 --> 00:13:18,280 Look, I love Ellen, 290 00:13:18,405 --> 00:13:21,049 but seeing Tracy stirred up feelings I thought were gone. 291 00:13:21,174 --> 00:13:22,851 We had some great times together. 292 00:13:22,976 --> 00:13:24,987 He knows me so well. 293 00:13:25,112 --> 00:13:27,156 I was afraid of dying alone. 294 00:13:27,281 --> 00:13:29,324 Maybe now I don't have to. 295 00:13:29,449 --> 00:13:30,959 This isn't a real marriage! 296 00:13:31,084 --> 00:13:32,628 You are getting real-married to Ellen, 297 00:13:32,753 --> 00:13:35,397 and I'm going to be best man! 298 00:13:35,522 --> 00:13:37,132 This is prison marriage, bitch! 299 00:13:38,892 --> 00:13:40,035 This is prison rules! 300 00:13:42,404 --> 00:13:44,907 Hmm. Prison rules. 301 00:13:45,073 --> 00:13:46,208 I love Brian Lewis. 302 00:13:46,333 --> 00:13:48,150 My heart is his forever. 303 00:13:53,290 --> 00:13:54,633 Where we goin'? 304 00:13:54,758 --> 00:13:56,168 Our house to watch movies? 305 00:13:56,293 --> 00:13:58,170 Uh, what's happening? 306 00:13:58,295 --> 00:14:01,573 Since I beat you up, Tracy becomes my bitch now. 307 00:14:01,698 --> 00:14:03,509 You know they made four Free Willies? 308 00:14:03,634 --> 00:14:06,302 How'd that fat water fool let himself get caught four times? 309 00:14:12,528 --> 00:14:13,605 Hey, cooking bitch. 310 00:14:13,730 --> 00:14:15,373 Hey! Cookin' bitch! 311 00:14:15,498 --> 00:14:16,941 What you cookin'? 312 00:14:17,066 --> 00:14:18,142 Egg whites? 313 00:14:18,267 --> 00:14:20,026 I'm gonna kill you! 314 00:14:20,192 --> 00:14:22,497 Um... what's going on? 315 00:14:22,622 --> 00:14:23,779 I'm super afraid! 316 00:14:24,023 --> 00:14:27,051 So, Stan, how long is your friend going 317 00:14:27,176 --> 00:14:28,553 to be staying with us? 318 00:14:28,678 --> 00:14:30,479 Just until after Lewis gets married. 319 00:14:31,714 --> 00:14:34,309 Oh, we need salt. 320 00:14:37,959 --> 00:14:40,565 Stan, I know 321 00:14:40,690 --> 00:14:43,117 how much being a best man means to you, 322 00:14:43,242 --> 00:14:45,553 but your friend keeps stabbing me. 323 00:14:45,678 --> 00:14:49,138 I just need my bitches to get along for a couple more days. 324 00:14:49,304 --> 00:14:50,725 Just getting a Popsicle! 325 00:14:52,285 --> 00:14:56,103 Marmalade... for the table? 326 00:14:59,826 --> 00:15:01,936 Last night was horrible, Steven! 327 00:15:02,061 --> 00:15:03,986 It was theorst night of my life! 328 00:15:06,099 --> 00:15:08,476 If I had known there was someone as beautiful 329 00:15:08,601 --> 00:15:11,546 as you out there, I would have come out so much sooner. 330 00:15:11,671 --> 00:15:14,482 Take off your shorts, mi amor. 331 00:15:14,607 --> 00:15:16,499 Uh... let's just make out some more. 332 00:15:16,665 --> 00:15:21,212 But Roger, it's clearly time for butt play! 333 00:15:21,378 --> 00:15:22,924 The worst part is, 334 00:15:23,049 --> 00:15:25,209 I felt like Ricky Martin and I had a connection. 335 00:15:25,334 --> 00:15:26,627 Well, Roger, if that's true, 336 00:15:26,752 --> 00:15:29,030 then you shouldn't be afraid to take your shorts off. 337 00:15:29,155 --> 00:15:30,631 Your looks open the door, 338 00:15:30,756 --> 00:15:33,724 but your personality takes the door off its hinges. 339 00:15:33,890 --> 00:15:35,336 Like the bathrooms at the beach? 340 00:15:35,461 --> 00:15:36,771 Mm-hmm. 341 00:15:36,896 --> 00:15:39,707 Do they do that so the bums won't have sex in there? 342 00:15:39,832 --> 00:15:41,075 Mm-hmm. 343 00:15:41,200 --> 00:15:43,150 That's really smart. Mm-hmm. 344 00:15:45,861 --> 00:15:47,081 Thanks for coming. 345 00:15:47,206 --> 00:15:49,617 We four are the most important members in the wedding: 346 00:15:49,742 --> 00:15:51,953 best man, groom, bride and flower girl. 347 00:15:52,078 --> 00:15:54,704 I thought my niece was going to be the flower girl. 348 00:15:54,870 --> 00:15:56,357 No, your niece was not attractive. 349 00:15:56,482 --> 00:15:59,193 But Ashley here has won a regional beauty pageant. 350 00:15:59,318 --> 00:16:00,795 I think it's horrible 351 00:16:00,920 --> 00:16:03,464 the way we treat marine life in this country. 352 00:16:03,589 --> 00:16:05,333 Now I'm going to play the flute. 353 00:16:05,458 --> 00:16:07,216 ♪ ♪ 354 00:16:07,382 --> 00:16:08,586 Atta girl. 355 00:16:08,711 --> 00:16:10,438 Brian, you and Ashley go practice dancing 356 00:16:10,563 --> 00:16:11,989 with her standing on your feet. 357 00:16:12,114 --> 00:16:14,664 It'll be adorable, a real crowd pleaser. 358 00:16:16,853 --> 00:16:18,730 I'm glad we have some alone time, Ellen. 359 00:16:18,855 --> 00:16:21,632 I'm working on my speech and wanted to ask a few questions. 360 00:16:21,757 --> 00:16:23,067 Sure. Shoot. 361 00:16:23,192 --> 00:16:25,670 When was the moment you realized you wanted to marry Brian? 362 00:16:25,795 --> 00:16:27,739 When I realized I wanted a baby. 363 00:16:27,864 --> 00:16:29,207 Oh. Okay. 364 00:16:29,332 --> 00:16:31,376 And what do you love most about him? 365 00:16:31,501 --> 00:16:33,611 That he has a penis full of baby ingredients. 366 00:16:33,736 --> 00:16:34,869 Oh. 367 00:16:35,035 --> 00:16:36,230 Here's the deal. 368 00:16:36,355 --> 00:16:38,699 I want to marry Brian and have a baby with him 369 00:16:38,824 --> 00:16:40,935 because it will help me get to my ultimate goal... 370 00:16:41,060 --> 00:16:42,084 City Comptroller. 371 00:16:42,250 --> 00:16:42,752 What?! 372 00:16:42,918 --> 00:16:43,938 I've been accused 373 00:16:44,063 --> 00:16:45,306 of two things: 374 00:16:45,431 --> 00:16:47,358 not liking blacks and not liking kids. 375 00:16:47,483 --> 00:16:49,394 Getting married to Brian, an educator, 376 00:16:49,519 --> 00:16:52,163 and having a half-black baby is exactly what I need 377 00:16:52,288 --> 00:16:54,932 to get out of this superintendent dead end. 378 00:16:55,057 --> 00:16:57,635 There will be no limit to how far I can go. 379 00:16:57,760 --> 00:16:59,587 The locks on a lot of doors 380 00:16:59,712 --> 00:17:04,023 in this city are mulatto baby-shaped, Stan. 381 00:17:04,189 --> 00:17:05,483 Why are you telling me all this?! 382 00:17:05,701 --> 00:17:08,279 We're both using Brian to get what we want. 383 00:17:08,404 --> 00:17:09,714 You won't say anything. 384 00:17:09,839 --> 00:17:12,116 This wedding is too important to us. 385 00:17:12,241 --> 00:17:15,201 Ashley's doing the splits for a cigarette. 386 00:17:15,367 --> 00:17:17,370 Unfiltered, if you have it. 387 00:17:17,536 --> 00:17:19,872 ♪ ♪ 388 00:17:21,000 --> 00:17:23,044 Hello, Ricky Martin. 389 00:17:23,169 --> 00:17:24,879 You're looking guapo, as usual. 390 00:17:25,004 --> 00:17:26,147 Don't say a word. 391 00:17:26,272 --> 00:17:27,949 I have to be honest with you! 392 00:17:28,074 --> 00:17:29,131 What is it, Roger? 393 00:17:29,375 --> 00:17:31,252 I didn't take my shorts off last night 394 00:17:31,377 --> 00:17:33,621 because I didn't want you to see the real me. 395 00:17:33,746 --> 00:17:34,789 But I'm ready now. 396 00:17:34,914 --> 00:17:36,090 I really like you, 397 00:17:36,215 --> 00:17:38,307 and I hope you'll still really like me, too. 398 00:17:39,852 --> 00:17:41,620 Okay. 399 00:17:43,311 --> 00:17:45,366 You... 400 00:17:45,491 --> 00:17:47,418 are even more beautiful to me now 401 00:17:47,543 --> 00:17:49,318 because it is the real you. 402 00:17:49,484 --> 00:17:50,905 This is it, isn't it? 403 00:17:51,030 --> 00:17:52,373 This is the real thing. 404 00:17:52,498 --> 00:17:54,375 Yes. It is. 405 00:17:54,500 --> 00:17:57,410 Especially because I have a secret of my own. 406 00:17:57,576 --> 00:17:59,614 I, too, found an old blind woman 407 00:17:59,739 --> 00:18:01,580 behind a small door inside a Ross. 408 00:18:01,746 --> 00:18:03,624 Oh, you shop at Ross. 409 00:18:03,843 --> 00:18:06,254 The woman made me the T-shirt that I am wearing. 410 00:18:06,379 --> 00:18:07,722 That was nine years ago. 411 00:18:07,847 --> 00:18:09,690 I have been afraid to take it off 412 00:18:09,815 --> 00:18:11,659 in front of another person ever since. 413 00:18:11,784 --> 00:18:15,261 But your love has finally given me the guts to do it. 414 00:18:19,775 --> 00:18:21,851 Grab! No! 415 00:18:22,017 --> 00:18:23,828 ♪ ♪ 416 00:18:32,611 --> 00:18:34,389 ♪ ♪ 417 00:18:48,877 --> 00:18:50,421 ♪ ♪ 418 00:18:52,758 --> 00:18:54,235 Is that the real Mrs. Garrett? 419 00:18:54,360 --> 00:18:55,820 Oh, there's the inspiration for Kimberly! 420 00:18:55,945 --> 00:18:57,355 Mr. Drummond was a man of means, 421 00:18:57,480 --> 00:18:58,888 so this should be a nice wedding! 422 00:18:59,054 --> 00:19:00,890 This is a beautiful wedding. 423 00:19:01,056 --> 00:19:02,243 Yes, it certainly... 424 00:19:03,803 --> 00:19:07,021 Uh. Switch seats with me? 425 00:19:07,187 --> 00:19:10,351 Welcome. I'm Stan Smith, your best man! 426 00:19:10,476 --> 00:19:12,436 First up, the bride and groom will read 427 00:19:12,561 --> 00:19:14,789 their vows to each other, which will be boring, 428 00:19:14,914 --> 00:19:16,798 but then, your best man will be right back! 429 00:19:18,448 --> 00:19:19,760 Mr. Drummond, right? 430 00:19:19,885 --> 00:19:22,620 Mr. Druffold, but you can call me Mr. D. 431 00:19:22,786 --> 00:19:24,932 Look at that. True love, huh? 432 00:19:25,057 --> 00:19:26,500 Well, true love... 433 00:19:26,625 --> 00:19:28,292 is that really important? 434 00:19:28,458 --> 00:19:29,837 It's everything. 435 00:19:29,962 --> 00:19:31,405 After Kimberly's mother passed, 436 00:19:31,530 --> 00:19:33,241 I almost remarried the wrong woman. 437 00:19:33,366 --> 00:19:35,109 Turns out she had a secret agenda 438 00:19:35,234 --> 00:19:37,144 to ship the kids off to a boarding school. 439 00:19:37,269 --> 00:19:38,479 Wait. I saw that episode. 440 00:19:38,604 --> 00:19:41,616 Season one, episode 12... "The Woman." 441 00:19:41,741 --> 00:19:44,558 But luckily, a good friend of mine was looking out for me. 442 00:19:46,345 --> 00:19:49,271 It's hard to know what the right thing is sometimes, Mr. D. 443 00:19:49,515 --> 00:19:51,142 Well, how does your heart feel? 444 00:19:51,267 --> 00:19:52,610 My heart hurts. 445 00:19:52,735 --> 00:19:54,469 Well, I think you have your answer. 446 00:19:56,611 --> 00:19:57,696 Stop! 447 00:20:00,009 --> 00:20:01,385 Brian, you can't marry that woman! 448 00:20:01,510 --> 00:20:03,020 What you talkin' 'bout, Stan?! 449 00:20:03,145 --> 00:20:04,488 - Yeah! - All right! 450 00:20:04,613 --> 00:20:06,257 - All right, yeah. - Oh, finally. 451 00:20:06,382 --> 00:20:08,374 She's a horrible person! 452 00:20:08,540 --> 00:20:11,762 I was trying to force this union so I could have my big day, 453 00:20:11,887 --> 00:20:14,081 but I've realized there's something more important 454 00:20:14,206 --> 00:20:15,783 than being a best man. 455 00:20:15,908 --> 00:20:18,653 I think I have to go to the hospital. 456 00:20:18,778 --> 00:20:20,886 And that's being a better friend. 457 00:20:21,136 --> 00:20:23,457 I was wrong to try and change you. 458 00:20:23,582 --> 00:20:26,127 So go on. Do what you were born to do. 459 00:20:26,252 --> 00:20:28,310 Go punch that dog in the face. 460 00:20:28,476 --> 00:20:29,311 Huh? 461 00:20:30,423 --> 00:20:32,290 You're a good friend. 462 00:20:44,743 --> 00:20:47,498 You ruined everything! 463 00:20:47,623 --> 00:20:49,600 Now how will I get my half-black baby 464 00:20:49,725 --> 00:20:51,218 and become City Comptroller?! 465 00:20:51,343 --> 00:20:52,887 Where we goin'? 466 00:20:53,012 --> 00:20:54,338 Our house to take a bubble bath? 467 00:20:54,463 --> 00:20:55,873 What? Prison rules, girl. 468 00:20:55,998 --> 00:20:58,465 You beat up my husband, so I'm your bitch now. 469 00:21:09,350 --> 00:21:14,023 Sync and correction by Mlmlte www.addic7ed.com