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Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
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♪ Good morning, USA! ♪
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♪ I got a feeling that it's
gonna be a wonderful day ♪
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♪ The sun in the sky
has a smile on his face ♪
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♪ And he's shining a salute
to the American race ♪
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♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪
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♪ Good... ♪
♪ Good morning, USA ♪
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Aah!
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♪ Good morning, USA! ♪
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Oh, Stan, I can't believe we're
actually going on vacation.
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And the resort has so many activities!
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Parasailing, snorkeling,
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Bellacore Printing Company
East Medford New Jersey...
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We can go whale watching!
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You ain't doing with us.
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Mommy?
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Your father's been working
nonstop lately,
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and he and I are spending
our vacation reconnecting,
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alone.
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I guess I'll just hang with Jeff then.
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No can do.
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I'll be spending my time rolling
naked on top of your sister.
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See, dude, our sex life
is totally dead.
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I'd rather hump a garbage disposal
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than crawl up on there one more time.
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We're hoping vacation sex
will get us back on track.
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This conversation has become
too frank for my liking.
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So I guess I'll have fun
with Roger then.
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It's been a year since
my husband Omar passed.
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I just need to get away
from the apartment.
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All those memories.
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Oh, God, you're gonna be
this old bag all vacation?
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You show some respect for your elders.
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I lived through the
Depression and four seasons
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of Caroline in the City!
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Deputy Director Bullock.
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Oh, sir, I'm afraid I can't help.
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I'm going out of town...
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Yeah, I guess I could access
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the surveillance cameras
with my phone.
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Stan?
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You promised, no work on vacation!
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Oh, I promise stuff
all the time; it means nothing.
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So help me,
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if you work through another
vacation, when we get back,
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I swear to God we're going to that
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marriage seminar we saw on TV.
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No! Not "Oh No He Didn't,
Oh Yes He Did!"
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He promised me he'd help me
flip the mattress.
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And then what happened?
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He went to the ball game instead.
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Oh, no, he didn't.
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Oh, yes, he did!
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She's so angry
and flat-chested.
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Sorry, sir, I'm on vacation.
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Ah, see?
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Isn't this nice and relaxing?
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You know, it really is.
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I don't miss the office at all.
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In fact, I'm going to
e-mail the guys at the CIA
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a photo of us, and under the subject,
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I'm writing "Suck it!"
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'Cause they're there and I'm
here, and they can suck it.
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Pardon, would you mind
taking our picture?
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I'd be happy to.
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It's a phone, but it also
has a camera on it.
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I know. I have
the same one.
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No, that's the 5GS.
Top of the line.
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Yes. The 5GS.
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You're a gardener.
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Smile!
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Hi, hello. I'm Joe, the outdoor
activities director here.
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Just sign us up for everything!
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Ha, ha!
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Your enthusiasm is infectious.
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It has inspired me to do this!
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Oh, my God, I did it!
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I've never done that before!
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My confidence is soaring!
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I'm gonna try singing.
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It's my boss.
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Stan...
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No work on vacation.
That's my motto.
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My motto is, "Don't cry
because it is over,
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smile because
it happened."
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Why is this guy
one-upping me?
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Why am I in competition
with a gardener?
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Excuse me, where's
the hotel camp for older kids?
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This is the only camp.
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What?!
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Ginger snap?
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Ginger slap!
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Dude, run. This
place is the worst.
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Oh, I'm well aware.
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I have heard it rumored that
on the other side of this isle
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lies a beach whose patrons
are au natural.
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Yo-yo-yo,
we talkin' full vee?
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We would have to cross
the island by foot.
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A journey of several days
through treacherous jungle.
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Well, usually I hide
from danger like a big scaredy-puss.
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But there's something
about your accent.
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You know what, sure, let's do it!
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Hey, hey! What
are you gonna do with that, huh?!
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Nothin'!
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Get outta here!
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You're a lovely couple.
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So, which one of you is the man?
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Oh, Omar, you were always the
one who was good at small talk.
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What am I going to do without you?
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Who's gonna set the recorder
so I don't miss NCIS?
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I love that show!
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I haven't missed an episode!
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But if I did, it wouldn't matter.
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'Cause they're
all the same!
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I'm Larry.
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Abigail.
Abigail Lemonparty.
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This is my first vacation by
myself since my wife departed.
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This is my first without Omar.
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Would you care for a Necco wafer?
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Oh.
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Mmm.
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Those people at Necco really know how
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to make a disgusting candy.
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So that was hotel sex.
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Still terrible.
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Tell me about it.
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I wanted it to be over so bad
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I just dumped some
room service mayo on your back.
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Well, I guess that's it.
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We've been married two years
and now our sex life is over.
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Francine, if you want to get to ten,
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you need to put the ball right here.
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You see where my swing is?
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Right there, right there.
You're jamming me up.
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It's not about getting to ten.
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It's about enjoying each other.
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Oh, no, you're right,
it's fun getting to eight.
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Then once to nine, but never ten.
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Come on, no phone calls.
Serve it!
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I got it!
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Deputy Director Bullock.
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Smith, I happened to find
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something interesting when I zoomed in
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on the "suck it" photo you sent us.
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Why would you zoom in?
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Oh, no reason.
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The man in the background
of this photo
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is Goran the Mutilator--
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a war criminal who's been
in hiding for years.
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00:06:39,572 --> 00:06:41,707
But he's the outdoor
activities director.
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He's a bloody monster.
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I need you to kill him.
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Sir, I'm on vacation.
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And I promised my wife
I wouldn't work.
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Smith, are you crazy?
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I'm giving you the opportunity
to bring down a war criminal.
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00:07:04,664 --> 00:07:07,733
Plus, you get 400 CIA bucks.
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00:07:07,767 --> 00:07:09,301
Four-hundred?!
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00:07:14,607 --> 00:07:15,674
Well?
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You can count on me.
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Okay, let's do this.
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98...
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99... 100!
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Yay! Woo-hoo! All right!
Yeah! We did it!
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That guy.
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Today, we're going to
learn the ancient art
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of making hip-hop necklaces.
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Look how great this is.
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No kids, no work.
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Just you and me.
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00:07:48,631 --> 00:07:50,624
Uh, I'm gonna go make
sure the people who live
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just outside the
resort are super poor.
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Now, a lot of brothers
like to represent
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the area code from whence they hail.
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Atlanta's 404 is quite popular.
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00:08:09,926 --> 00:08:12,394
It's too far;
I'll never make it.
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00:08:12,429 --> 00:08:13,863
I have a plan.
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We mount a wild steed of our choosing
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00:08:16,266 --> 00:08:18,467
and it shall whisk us
away across this valley.
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Okay, sounds like a really
bad idea, but that accent.
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00:08:21,838 --> 00:08:24,240
Yeah, let's do it!
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It's working!
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Off we go!
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00:08:39,256 --> 00:08:41,590
My bones!
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00:08:47,797 --> 00:08:53,102
Stay away from that bad, bad
man, you sweet, sweet dolphins.
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00:08:55,772 --> 00:08:57,840
Oh, my.
187
00:09:00,110 --> 00:09:01,677
Oh, no.
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00:09:03,580 --> 00:09:04,580
Oh, the baby.
189
00:09:04,614 --> 00:09:06,181
Stan?
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00:09:07,384 --> 00:09:10,653
While you were out
looking for poor people,
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you missed the entire class!
192
00:09:12,622 --> 00:09:15,157
Well, since we're here, let's
just do the dolphin experience.
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00:09:15,191 --> 00:09:17,192
Sorry, it's closed.
194
00:09:24,768 --> 00:09:26,902
Here's to a sexless marriage.
195
00:09:26,937 --> 00:09:28,704
I guess I'll stop shaving.
196
00:09:28,738 --> 00:09:31,774
Let the forest reclaim the land.
197
00:09:31,808 --> 00:09:33,609
I'm sorry, we didn't mean to overhear,
198
00:09:33,643 --> 00:09:35,244
but we used to be like you.
199
00:09:35,278 --> 00:09:36,812
But then we turned it around.
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00:09:36,846 --> 00:09:37,947
How?
201
00:09:37,981 --> 00:09:39,415
We swap.
202
00:09:39,449 --> 00:09:40,416
Here's our number.
203
00:09:40,450 --> 00:09:41,584
Think about it.
204
00:09:41,618 --> 00:09:43,452
Oh, definitely, we will.
205
00:09:45,288 --> 00:09:46,555
Sounds good, right, babe?
206
00:09:46,590 --> 00:09:47,890
What a bunch of freaks!
207
00:09:47,924 --> 00:09:49,058
Freaks!
208
00:09:49,092 --> 00:09:51,260
We don't have to have sex
with other people.
209
00:09:51,294 --> 00:09:53,195
We just have to get more creative.
210
00:09:53,229 --> 00:09:55,631
Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
211
00:09:55,665 --> 00:09:56,899
Choking!
Role playing!
212
00:09:56,933 --> 00:09:58,934
Role playing!
213
00:09:58,969 --> 00:10:02,137
Babe, that was...
terrible.
214
00:10:02,172 --> 00:10:04,840
Yeah, it was.
215
00:10:04,874 --> 00:10:07,810
I guess now I'll just
use it for peeing.
216
00:10:10,113 --> 00:10:13,549
My eyesight has started failing
me as I'm getting up there.
217
00:10:13,583 --> 00:10:15,417
I need large print books.
218
00:10:15,452 --> 00:10:19,321
Come on, you could easily pass
for a woman in her early 70s.
219
00:10:19,356 --> 00:10:21,123
You, Larry Herman,
220
00:10:21,157 --> 00:10:23,792
are what my grandmother would
call a...
221
00:10:23,827 --> 00:10:25,694
She was from the old country.
222
00:10:25,729 --> 00:10:26,829
Don't miss her.
223
00:10:26,863 --> 00:10:28,864
Do you have any sunblock
in your fanny pack?
224
00:10:28,898 --> 00:10:31,000
It's a colostomy bag.
225
00:10:31,034 --> 00:10:32,501
Hey, chin up.
226
00:10:32,535 --> 00:10:35,437
You're alive; it doesn't matter
where your poop goes.
227
00:10:35,472 --> 00:10:38,374
Getting mine to go anywhere
at all is a big to-do.
228
00:10:38,408 --> 00:10:40,175
Bit of a home body, my poop.
229
00:10:40,210 --> 00:10:43,112
Likes to stay put.
230
00:10:45,148 --> 00:10:48,884
Abigail Lemonparty, would
you like to go with me
231
00:10:48,918 --> 00:10:50,686
to the luau tonight?
232
00:10:50,720 --> 00:10:52,221
Oh, Larry.
233
00:10:52,255 --> 00:10:54,657
As my grandmother would say,
234
00:10:54,691 --> 00:10:57,226
as long as you're not a Puerto Rican.
235
00:11:00,096 --> 00:11:01,397
This is nice.
236
00:11:01,431 --> 00:11:03,766
Just you and me, together.
237
00:11:09,039 --> 00:11:11,306
Francine, can I go get you a drink?
238
00:11:11,341 --> 00:11:12,341
I'm good.
239
00:11:12,375 --> 00:11:14,009
I'll run and get you some sunblock.
240
00:11:14,044 --> 00:11:15,611
I'm fine, Stan.
241
00:11:15,645 --> 00:11:19,381
All I want to do is lay here with you.
242
00:11:19,416 --> 00:11:21,717
I promised my buddy
Chuck I'd help him move.
243
00:11:21,751 --> 00:11:25,554
Hate to leave you, but I'm
the one with the pickup truck.
244
00:11:30,927 --> 00:11:33,295
That son of a bitch is working.
245
00:11:37,734 --> 00:11:38,867
Come along.
246
00:11:38,902 --> 00:11:40,736
Doing the best I can, Liam.
247
00:11:40,770 --> 00:11:43,372
That horse really did
a number on my hot dog.
248
00:11:45,241 --> 00:11:47,409
Oh, man, we have to turn back.
249
00:11:47,444 --> 00:11:48,944
Hogwash.
250
00:11:48,978 --> 00:11:51,880
What we must do is bind
banana leaves to our arms
251
00:11:51,915 --> 00:11:56,552
and it will give us the
additional lift that we need.
252
00:11:56,586 --> 00:11:58,220
And your last one was terrible.
253
00:11:58,254 --> 00:12:00,823
But your accent, it's so convincing.
254
00:12:00,857 --> 00:12:02,391
You know what, let's do it!
255
00:12:08,098 --> 00:12:09,565
Oh.
256
00:12:09,599 --> 00:12:12,067
Tough day to be my hot dog.
257
00:12:15,672 --> 00:12:19,641
Mario, I met a very nice man today.
258
00:12:19,676 --> 00:12:22,010
He said he could never
get tired of my laugh.
259
00:12:29,686 --> 00:12:30,586
Oh.
260
00:12:30,620 --> 00:12:33,422
Looks like he met someone.
261
00:12:33,456 --> 00:12:34,656
Someone much younger.
262
00:12:36,025 --> 00:12:37,926
Excuse me, Mario, won't you?
263
00:12:37,961 --> 00:12:40,863
What happened to our plans, Larry?!
264
00:12:40,897 --> 00:12:43,132
I'm sorry, I don't know who you are.
265
00:12:43,166 --> 00:12:44,199
Poor woman.
266
00:12:44,234 --> 00:12:47,636
Dementia's a terrible thing.
267
00:12:47,670 --> 00:12:49,338
Beat it, you old bag.
268
00:12:49,372 --> 00:12:51,874
You're a bad man, Larry!
269
00:12:51,908 --> 00:12:53,575
Go sit on a ham sandwich!
270
00:12:53,610 --> 00:12:54,610
With mustard!
271
00:12:58,014 --> 00:12:59,414
Mustard.
Mustard. Mustard.
272
00:13:08,191 --> 00:13:09,858
You!
Ooh!
273
00:13:09,893 --> 00:13:12,227
You're trying to kill
someone on our vacation!
274
00:13:12,262 --> 00:13:13,595
What-what, this?
275
00:13:13,630 --> 00:13:16,498
No, no, I signed us up for
the couples' Magnum P.I. class.
276
00:13:16,533 --> 00:13:17,499
You're Higgins.
277
00:13:17,534 --> 00:13:20,002
I saw Bullock's text!
278
00:13:20,036 --> 00:13:23,071
Francine, look, the guy
I'm after is a monster.
279
00:13:23,106 --> 00:13:25,140
He's exterminated entire villages.
280
00:13:25,175 --> 00:13:27,309
Well...
281
00:13:27,343 --> 00:13:29,678
then I guess he deserves
what we're gonna give him.
282
00:13:29,712 --> 00:13:31,079
Wait, "we"?
283
00:13:31,114 --> 00:13:34,416
Stan, we went on this vacation
to spend time together,
284
00:13:34,450 --> 00:13:36,852
and that starts now.
285
00:13:36,886 --> 00:13:39,254
So, who do we have to kill?
286
00:13:39,289 --> 00:13:41,190
Joe, the activities director.
287
00:13:41,224 --> 00:13:44,827
Aw, but he's got such a sweet smile.
288
00:13:44,861 --> 00:13:47,729
I'm gonna shoot him in his face.
289
00:13:50,429 --> 00:13:51,866
Francine, are you sure about this?
290
00:13:51,986 --> 00:13:53,720
Look, the sooner we kill this guy,
291
00:13:53,754 --> 00:13:55,989
the sooner we can start
enjoying ourselves.
292
00:13:56,023 --> 00:13:59,158
Oh, I signed us up for hot
air ballooning at sunset.
293
00:13:59,427 --> 00:14:00,914
Think we'll nail this guy by then?
294
00:14:01,034 --> 00:14:02,662
I-I'm not, I'm not sure.
295
00:14:02,697 --> 00:14:04,998
Come on, what's so hard about it?
296
00:14:05,032 --> 00:14:06,566
Bam! Bam! Bam!
297
00:14:06,601 --> 00:14:09,669
I just killed that waiter, a
baby and a fat guy on a Rascal.
298
00:14:09,704 --> 00:14:12,172
But, honey, Joe is the
outdoor activities director.
299
00:14:12,206 --> 00:14:13,673
He's always surrounded by people.
300
00:14:13,708 --> 00:14:14,875
So kill 'em all.
301
00:14:14,909 --> 00:14:16,643
I think it's hot
when you talk like that,
302
00:14:16,677 --> 00:14:18,545
but that's not how we do things
at the CIA.
303
00:14:18,579 --> 00:14:21,615
Look, I just need you to get him
alone, then I can shoot him.
304
00:14:21,649 --> 00:14:26,553
Okay, well, you figure it out
while I take out these two.
305
00:14:26,587 --> 00:14:28,788
Bam! Bam!
306
00:14:28,823 --> 00:14:31,458
Should have done that a long time ago.
307
00:14:36,097 --> 00:14:39,599
Think you can prey upon the
emotions of a fake elderly widow
308
00:14:39,634 --> 00:14:41,535
who had the courage to open her heart?
309
00:14:41,569 --> 00:14:43,236
Well, guess again!
310
00:14:49,010 --> 00:14:50,477
Hello there.
311
00:14:50,511 --> 00:14:52,712
I'm George Hamilton, 20 years ago.
312
00:14:52,747 --> 00:14:54,414
Oh, my God, I loved you!
313
00:14:54,448 --> 00:14:56,383
Would you like to play
a set of tennis?
314
00:14:56,417 --> 00:14:58,118
Actually, she's with me.
315
00:14:58,152 --> 00:14:59,619
Oh, I see.
316
00:14:59,654 --> 00:15:03,156
Hey, how about we play a new
game: what's in our fanny packs?
317
00:15:03,191 --> 00:15:05,959
I have a scorecard
from my last round of golf--
318
00:15:05,993 --> 00:15:08,995
I shot a 206-- and a half-full
Subway sandwich card.
319
00:15:09,030 --> 00:15:10,063
What's in yours?
320
00:15:10,097 --> 00:15:11,631
I don't think that's any of your...
321
00:15:11,666 --> 00:15:12,682
Zip!
322
00:15:13,985 --> 00:15:16,253
That's a strange thing
to carry around.
323
00:15:16,287 --> 00:15:18,288
I like to leave mine in the toilet.
324
00:15:19,824 --> 00:15:21,825
Shall we?
325
00:15:27,098 --> 00:15:30,333
Hi. So we've decided to take
you up on your proposition.
326
00:15:30,368 --> 00:15:31,902
Fantastic!
327
00:15:31,936 --> 00:15:34,971
You're doing the right thing for
your marriage and your sex life.
328
00:15:44,549 --> 00:15:46,550
Oh.
Oh.
329
00:15:49,353 --> 00:15:51,988
Thanks for the private lesson, Joe.
330
00:15:52,023 --> 00:15:54,157
Happy to do it.
331
00:15:54,191 --> 00:15:55,058
Francine.
332
00:15:55,092 --> 00:15:56,159
Yeah?
333
00:15:56,193 --> 00:15:58,311
Will you please just
keep him in one place?
334
00:15:58,346 --> 00:15:59,946
But I can beat this guy, Stan.
335
00:15:59,981 --> 00:16:01,181
We're trying to kill him!
336
00:16:01,215 --> 00:16:02,649
Right.
337
00:16:07,204 --> 00:16:09,439
Hey, little guy, gonna
get yourself hurt there.
338
00:16:10,625 --> 00:16:12,125
Aw, are you nursing?
339
00:16:12,159 --> 00:16:13,577
Did you lose your mommy?
340
00:16:13,611 --> 00:16:16,296
Go find your mommy.
341
00:16:17,682 --> 00:16:19,332
Oh. Oh, no-no-no.
342
00:16:19,367 --> 00:16:20,767
I'm not gonna kill you.
343
00:16:20,801 --> 00:16:22,402
I've killed enough animals today.
344
00:16:23,871 --> 00:16:25,205
Stan, what the hell?
345
00:16:25,239 --> 00:16:26,573
Why didn't you shoot him?
346
00:16:26,607 --> 00:16:28,475
A suicidal lemur's got my gun!
347
00:16:29,510 --> 00:16:30,810
Oh, the hell with it.
348
00:16:31,846 --> 00:16:33,480
Ah! Francine! Ow!
349
00:16:33,514 --> 00:16:34,781
What are you doing?!
350
00:16:34,815 --> 00:16:36,750
You're Goran the Mutilator!
351
00:16:36,784 --> 00:16:39,552
You've killed thousands
of innocent people
352
00:16:39,587 --> 00:16:42,856
and you're screwing up my vacation!
353
00:16:42,890 --> 00:16:43,990
Now die!
354
00:16:47,428 --> 00:16:50,063
You think you two can kill me?
355
00:16:50,097 --> 00:16:53,166
Stan, you're in the
CIA; what do we do?
356
00:16:53,200 --> 00:16:54,334
Stan?
357
00:16:54,368 --> 00:16:55,168
Run!
358
00:17:27,852 --> 00:17:28,802
We lost him.
359
00:17:42,466 --> 00:17:44,167
Francine!
360
00:17:49,824 --> 00:17:52,459
Oh, my leg!
361
00:17:52,493 --> 00:17:55,061
My, my, we can't let
that get infected.
362
00:17:55,096 --> 00:17:56,963
We'll have to pack it with bees.
363
00:17:58,499 --> 00:17:59,566
Bees?!
364
00:17:59,600 --> 00:18:01,668
You want to put bees
on my open wound?!
365
00:18:01,702 --> 00:18:04,637
They will clean it,
like in the days of old.
366
00:18:04,672 --> 00:18:07,107
No, they used maggots to clean wounds.
367
00:18:07,141 --> 00:18:10,427
And what are maggots
if not wingless bees?
368
00:18:10,461 --> 00:18:13,063
I don't know
what it is about that accent.
369
00:18:13,097 --> 00:18:14,330
Okay, go ahead!
370
00:18:18,703 --> 00:18:20,603
Oh, it tickles.
371
00:18:20,638 --> 00:18:21,738
It must be working...
372
00:18:22,773 --> 00:18:23,840
Th-They're stinging me!
373
00:18:23,874 --> 00:18:24,941
Ow!
374
00:18:24,975 --> 00:18:27,077
Now th-they've crawled
inside my body!
375
00:18:27,111 --> 00:18:29,596
Th-They're stinging me
from the inside!
376
00:18:29,630 --> 00:18:32,599
You sound smart,
like Hugh Grant the movie star,
377
00:18:32,633 --> 00:18:36,102
but you're stupid,
like Hugh Grant the person!
378
00:18:41,225 --> 00:18:42,842
You killed my wife!
379
00:18:52,553 --> 00:18:54,521
Francine? How...
380
00:18:57,508 --> 00:18:59,959
Thank you once again, hip-hop.
381
00:18:59,994 --> 00:19:04,497
Goran, I'm going to take
great pleasure in killing you.
382
00:19:06,500 --> 00:19:08,034
What the...?
383
00:19:08,068 --> 00:19:09,869
You're welcome!
384
00:19:11,889 --> 00:19:14,190
That guy.
385
00:19:19,046 --> 00:19:22,031
When someone shoots your
wife square in the chest,
386
00:19:22,066 --> 00:19:23,967
it really gets a man thinking.
387
00:19:24,001 --> 00:19:26,336
From now on, work comes second.
388
00:19:26,370 --> 00:19:29,672
Oh, Stan, that's all I want.
389
00:19:29,707 --> 00:19:32,509
Ugh, there's blood
all over our clothes.
390
00:19:32,543 --> 00:19:34,344
And we don't have
anything to change into.
391
00:19:34,378 --> 00:19:36,246
I don't think that's
gonna be a problem.
392
00:19:42,920 --> 00:19:44,154
We made it!
393
00:19:44,188 --> 00:19:45,622
After all I've been through,
394
00:19:45,656 --> 00:19:47,724
the promised land!
395
00:19:52,696 --> 00:19:54,781
Oh, God, that's my mom!
396
00:19:54,832 --> 00:19:56,866
Oh, God, that's my dad!
397
00:19:56,901 --> 00:19:59,552
I didn't almost die to see them naked!
398
00:20:01,572 --> 00:20:04,607
Well, how about that one over there?
399
00:20:07,344 --> 00:20:09,145
Ah, that's my sister!
400
00:20:09,180 --> 00:20:10,380
Give us a look.
401
00:20:10,414 --> 00:20:15,418
Just let me make...
triple sure... that it's her.
402
00:20:18,155 --> 00:20:21,291
Oh, my God, the spark is back, babe!
403
00:20:21,325 --> 00:20:22,892
We just needed the jolt of
404
00:20:22,927 --> 00:20:25,562
almost doing something
completely crazy.
405
00:20:25,596 --> 00:20:27,897
And to think we nearly did it.
406
00:20:27,932 --> 00:20:29,632
Right, right.
407
00:20:29,667 --> 00:20:32,302
We didn't go through with it at all.
408
00:20:32,336 --> 00:20:35,288
Jeff, you have mayo on your back.
409
00:20:37,324 --> 00:20:39,626
Thank you, Omar!
410
00:20:39,660 --> 00:20:42,695
Thank you for showing me
I can go on without you!
411
00:20:51,005 --> 00:20:53,556
I know what you did
to our kids, you monster!
412
00:20:54,742 --> 00:20:58,399
Why-why can't I
leave things nice?
413
00:20:58,745 --> 00:21:09,478
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com