1 00:00:04,557 --> 00:00:08,693 Hello, I'm Patrick Stewart, theatre genius. 2 00:00:08,711 --> 00:00:11,529 Late last year, I found 3 00:00:11,547 --> 00:00:14,966 unsuccessful New York playwright Chester Winkle 4 00:00:15,001 --> 00:00:18,870 dead in his extended-stay hotel room. 5 00:00:18,888 --> 00:00:21,422 Among his belongings were a hot plate, 6 00:00:21,532 --> 00:00:23,957 a stack of Baby Gap catalogs, 7 00:00:24,407 --> 00:00:27,435 and 12 American Dad episodes 8 00:00:27,555 --> 00:00:29,214 he had written for the stage 9 00:00:29,249 --> 00:00:31,767 in one cocaine-fueled night. 10 00:00:31,801 --> 00:00:34,937 They were literally the finest collection of words 11 00:00:34,971 --> 00:00:37,489 ever put to paper. 12 00:00:37,524 --> 00:00:40,576 And now, we're proud to present 13 00:00:40,610 --> 00:00:42,695 the only one of Mr. Winkle's plays 14 00:00:42,729 --> 00:00:45,731 I didn't eat out of sheer jealousy: 15 00:00:45,765 --> 00:00:49,234 Blood Crieth Unto Heaven. 16 00:00:59,079 --> 00:01:00,996 Shh! 17 00:01:04,300 --> 00:01:05,567 Hurry, everyone! 18 00:01:05,602 --> 00:01:07,469 Stan'll be here any moment. 19 00:01:07,677 --> 00:01:09,711 Do you think he'll like my gift, Mother? 20 00:01:09,745 --> 00:01:12,514 If it's anything like you, sweet Steven, 21 00:01:12,548 --> 00:01:14,983 I'm sure he'll adore it. 22 00:01:15,017 --> 00:01:16,101 Lord, it's warm. 23 00:01:16,135 --> 00:01:17,852 Devil farted thick today. 24 00:01:17,887 --> 00:01:20,338 We got a face-full, didn't we? 25 00:01:20,373 --> 00:01:22,307 Edna, be a good girl, 26 00:01:22,341 --> 00:01:25,393 run downstairs and give the air conditioner a kick, won't you? 27 00:01:25,428 --> 00:01:26,511 Yes, ma'am. 28 00:01:26,545 --> 00:01:28,163 Whoo! 29 00:01:29,131 --> 00:01:30,098 Edna. 30 00:01:30,132 --> 00:01:31,099 Yes, Miss Hayley? 31 00:01:31,133 --> 00:01:32,367 How... is... 32 00:01:32,401 --> 00:01:33,702 everything? 33 00:01:33,736 --> 00:01:35,070 Just fine, Miss Hayley. 34 00:01:35,104 --> 00:01:36,838 Everything... and everyone... 35 00:01:36,872 --> 00:01:38,807 is just fine. 36 00:01:42,428 --> 00:01:43,778 Hayley... 37 00:01:43,813 --> 00:01:46,514 It's... been a super long time. 38 00:01:46,549 --> 00:01:48,433 I miss you. 39 00:01:48,467 --> 00:01:50,035 I miss us... 40 00:01:50,069 --> 00:01:53,271 having a ton of sex. 41 00:01:53,306 --> 00:01:55,273 You... look tired. 42 00:01:59,078 --> 00:02:02,113 Smith residence, Francine speaking. 43 00:02:02,148 --> 00:02:04,816 You silly, stupid girl. 44 00:02:04,850 --> 00:02:06,818 Hello, Betty. 45 00:02:06,852 --> 00:02:08,670 Does this mean you won't be coming 46 00:02:08,704 --> 00:02:10,939 to your only son's birthday party? 47 00:02:10,973 --> 00:02:14,009 There's a reason Stan hasn't celebrated his birthday 48 00:02:14,043 --> 00:02:15,293 since he was a child. 49 00:02:15,328 --> 00:02:17,595 Why couldn't you just leave well enough alone? 50 00:02:17,630 --> 00:02:18,897 Enough! 51 00:02:18,931 --> 00:02:21,599 You and I have a very strained relationship 52 00:02:21,634 --> 00:02:22,867 and we both know it! 53 00:02:22,902 --> 00:02:24,919 Oh, yes, we do! 54 00:02:26,789 --> 00:02:27,756 He's here! 55 00:02:27,790 --> 00:02:29,607 The guest of honor is here! 56 00:02:33,346 --> 00:02:34,946 Francine, get my fender sponge. 57 00:02:34,981 --> 00:02:36,214 I hit another dog driving home... 58 00:02:36,248 --> 00:02:38,216 Surprise! Ah! 59 00:02:39,352 --> 00:02:40,819 # Happy birth... No! 60 00:02:40,853 --> 00:02:42,253 No, no, no, no, no! 61 00:02:42,288 --> 00:02:46,124 Stan, everybody's here to celebrate your birthday. 62 00:02:46,158 --> 00:02:48,560 Well, send them all home, 'cause as far as I'm concerned 63 00:02:48,594 --> 00:02:49,928 I don't have a birthday! 64 00:02:53,215 --> 00:02:55,617 No, everybody stay. Please. 65 00:02:55,651 --> 00:02:58,153 Dan, put on some music. 66 00:02:58,187 --> 00:03:00,155 This party could use a little dancing. 67 00:03:09,231 --> 00:03:11,466 What has gotten into you? 68 00:03:11,500 --> 00:03:13,201 I said no birthdays! 69 00:03:13,235 --> 00:03:14,602 But why? 70 00:03:14,637 --> 00:03:16,838 Why? I'll tell you why. 71 00:03:16,872 --> 00:03:18,707 But understand, the why I'm talking about 72 00:03:18,741 --> 00:03:20,575 isn't the place where poor people learn to swim 73 00:03:20,609 --> 00:03:22,560 and gay drifters rule the showers. 74 00:03:24,180 --> 00:03:26,614 I remember everything about it so clearly. 75 00:03:26,649 --> 00:03:27,932 I was eight... 76 00:03:27,967 --> 00:03:30,268 it was the last time I had a birthday party. 77 00:03:30,302 --> 00:03:33,238 And you know what my biggest memory of that party was? 78 00:03:33,272 --> 00:03:34,439 Not the cake. 79 00:03:34,473 --> 00:03:35,874 Not the presents. 80 00:03:35,908 --> 00:03:39,110 It was my dad, packin' up and walkin' out on us. 81 00:03:49,371 --> 00:03:50,955 Daddy! No, don't go! 82 00:03:50,990 --> 00:03:53,658 Daddy! 83 00:03:59,181 --> 00:04:01,449 Stan, I never knew. 84 00:04:01,484 --> 00:04:02,667 Yeah. 85 00:04:02,701 --> 00:04:03,968 But I'm glad he's gone. 86 00:04:04,003 --> 00:04:05,203 He was a thief. 87 00:04:05,237 --> 00:04:06,855 And now he's in jail, where he belongs. 88 00:04:06,889 --> 00:04:08,006 Daddy? 89 00:04:08,040 --> 00:04:09,874 Would you like to open my gift now, Daddy? 90 00:04:09,909 --> 00:04:10,942 Not now, son! 91 00:04:10,976 --> 00:04:12,177 Damn this birthday! 92 00:04:12,211 --> 00:04:13,495 Damn it straight to hell! 93 00:04:18,067 --> 00:04:19,667 This birthday's ruined! 94 00:04:19,702 --> 00:04:21,870 Not just yet, little Klaus. 95 00:04:21,904 --> 00:04:23,988 Not just yet. 96 00:04:24,023 --> 00:04:25,056 Dolores. 97 00:04:25,091 --> 00:04:26,991 Connect me to the favor department. 98 00:04:27,026 --> 00:04:29,360 I'm calling in a favor. 99 00:04:29,395 --> 00:04:31,663 Where did you go, Stan? 100 00:04:31,697 --> 00:04:35,166 Swept up by a wave of your own darkness... 101 00:04:36,368 --> 00:04:37,602 Go easy, bro. 102 00:04:43,425 --> 00:04:46,728 Curse my cursed birthday! 103 00:04:54,487 --> 00:04:56,688 Oh. Am I interrupting? 104 00:04:56,722 --> 00:04:57,889 Oh, no, Mr. Bullock, 105 00:04:57,923 --> 00:04:59,524 I'm just tinkerin' with the air coldener. 106 00:04:59,558 --> 00:05:01,459 Well, I won't be a bother. 107 00:05:01,494 --> 00:05:03,862 Just down for a bottle of champagne. 108 00:05:03,896 --> 00:05:07,248 People upstairs, they can't get enough of it. 109 00:05:07,282 --> 00:05:09,267 To throw in people's faces... 110 00:05:11,270 --> 00:05:13,671 Never cared much for the bubbly myself. 111 00:05:13,706 --> 00:05:15,140 Water's my drink. 112 00:05:15,174 --> 00:05:17,308 That's so refreshing. 113 00:05:17,343 --> 00:05:19,277 You should try it with a twist of lime. 114 00:05:19,311 --> 00:05:20,845 Edna! 115 00:05:20,880 --> 00:05:23,131 I'm not talking about water-- 116 00:05:23,165 --> 00:05:24,866 water's disgusting. 117 00:05:24,900 --> 00:05:29,838 No, I'm talking about your attitude re: water. 118 00:05:29,872 --> 00:05:35,143 Why can't more people be poor and simple, like you? 119 00:05:35,177 --> 00:05:38,947 Oh, sir, I wish more people were like you, to be honest. 120 00:05:38,981 --> 00:05:40,515 I'm sorry; I've spoken out of turn. 121 00:05:40,549 --> 00:05:42,550 Oh, no, it was your turn. 122 00:05:42,585 --> 00:05:44,285 I'd just spoken. 123 00:05:44,320 --> 00:05:46,354 And now it's my turn again. 124 00:05:46,388 --> 00:05:49,491 And I'm going to use that turn... 125 00:05:49,525 --> 00:05:51,526 to do this! 126 00:06:08,294 --> 00:06:12,130 The party ended hours ago and he's still not back. 127 00:06:12,164 --> 00:06:14,432 Well, if you hear from Stan, let me know. 128 00:06:14,466 --> 00:06:17,168 Thank you, Mrs. Fartface. 129 00:06:18,871 --> 00:06:20,038 That must be him! 130 00:06:22,091 --> 00:06:23,758 Officer O'Sullivan? 131 00:06:23,792 --> 00:06:26,060 Sorry to bother you so late, Mrs. Smythe, 132 00:06:26,095 --> 00:06:29,614 but I believe I found something of yours. 133 00:06:29,648 --> 00:06:30,748 Stan? 134 00:06:30,783 --> 00:06:32,450 He was eatin' crab and drivin'. 135 00:06:33,719 --> 00:06:35,453 He'd be spending the night in the cooler, 136 00:06:35,487 --> 00:06:37,922 if there was anything illegal about what he was doin'. 137 00:06:37,957 --> 00:06:39,190 Thank you, Ronan. 138 00:06:39,225 --> 00:06:41,226 We'll take it from here. 139 00:06:41,760 --> 00:06:42,727 We? 140 00:06:42,761 --> 00:06:44,495 - Who's we? - Me. 141 00:06:44,530 --> 00:06:46,331 You! 142 00:06:46,365 --> 00:06:48,266 That's right. Your dad. 143 00:06:48,300 --> 00:06:49,901 You're... Your daddy. 144 00:06:49,935 --> 00:06:51,536 No, I mean, you're... Ready for a swim. 145 00:06:51,570 --> 00:06:52,670 No, I'm surprised you're... 146 00:06:52,705 --> 00:06:53,805 Out of jail? Yes. 147 00:06:53,839 --> 00:06:55,173 Me too. 148 00:06:55,207 --> 00:06:57,508 I called the warden and got him out for your birthday. 149 00:06:57,543 --> 00:06:59,577 It's time you two talk. 150 00:07:10,851 --> 00:07:14,087 And now, we return to Act Two. 151 00:07:14,121 --> 00:07:15,555 Gesundheit! 152 00:07:15,589 --> 00:07:17,590 Just kidding. 153 00:07:19,260 --> 00:07:22,295 The theatre can be a lonely place. 154 00:07:31,222 --> 00:07:32,722 What the hell are you doing here? 155 00:07:32,756 --> 00:07:34,307 You're supposed to be in jail! 156 00:07:34,341 --> 00:07:36,809 I called in a favor to the warden. 157 00:07:36,844 --> 00:07:38,678 He's my brother, remember? 158 00:07:38,712 --> 00:07:40,029 Oh, yeah. 159 00:07:40,064 --> 00:07:43,616 I figured if your dad's the one who ruined your birthdays, 160 00:07:43,651 --> 00:07:45,852 maybe he's the one who can fix them. 161 00:07:45,886 --> 00:07:47,670 Well, I'm sorry you wasted your time. 162 00:07:47,705 --> 00:07:51,057 'Cause I ain't got squat to say to this low-life. 163 00:07:51,091 --> 00:07:52,258 All the same to me. 164 00:07:52,293 --> 00:07:54,244 Warden only released me for eight hours 165 00:07:54,278 --> 00:07:55,712 and I just want to swim. 166 00:07:55,746 --> 00:07:57,013 Damn this heat. 167 00:08:00,100 --> 00:08:02,785 You can't swim your way out of this one, Jack. 168 00:08:02,820 --> 00:08:05,888 Now, you're both gonna sit here and talk this out. 169 00:08:16,467 --> 00:08:17,934 Why did you leave? 170 00:08:17,968 --> 00:08:18,935 Why did you stay? 171 00:08:18,969 --> 00:08:20,136 I was eight! 172 00:08:20,170 --> 00:08:21,304 I just ate! 173 00:08:21,338 --> 00:08:23,239 That's why I can't swim right now. 174 00:08:23,274 --> 00:08:26,075 Not for nine more minutes. 175 00:08:26,110 --> 00:08:27,577 You walked out on us. 176 00:08:27,611 --> 00:08:29,562 I remember it like it was yesterday. 177 00:08:29,597 --> 00:08:32,448 My eighth birthday party. 178 00:08:32,499 --> 00:08:34,300 I was having the time of my life. 179 00:08:34,335 --> 00:08:36,169 There was a cake, a clown, 180 00:08:36,203 --> 00:08:37,870 and all my friends were there. 181 00:08:37,904 --> 00:08:39,839 Oh, and my guest of honor! 182 00:08:39,873 --> 00:08:42,008 Police Commissioner Jared Stacy! 183 00:08:42,042 --> 00:08:43,843 I was in the Junior Detective's Club, 184 00:08:43,877 --> 00:08:45,545 he was my idol... 185 00:08:45,579 --> 00:08:47,463 and he came to my party! 186 00:08:47,514 --> 00:08:48,581 And there I am! 187 00:08:48,616 --> 00:08:49,749 Look at me! 188 00:08:49,783 --> 00:08:51,184 The birthday boy. 189 00:08:51,218 --> 00:08:53,853 Yes, it was the best day of my life... 190 00:08:53,887 --> 00:08:55,872 until it was not that. 191 00:08:55,906 --> 00:08:57,690 At all. 192 00:08:59,259 --> 00:09:00,393 Where to, Mac? 193 00:09:00,427 --> 00:09:02,428 As far away from my family as possible. 194 00:09:04,264 --> 00:09:05,264 Daddy! 195 00:09:08,185 --> 00:09:10,036 So that's how you remember it, huh? 196 00:09:10,070 --> 00:09:11,537 Yeah, 'cause that's how it happened. 197 00:09:11,572 --> 00:09:13,973 Good, 'cause that's exactly what happened and nothing more. 198 00:09:14,008 --> 00:09:16,042 Enough swimming in memories. 199 00:09:16,076 --> 00:09:18,611 The only swimming I want to do is in the pool! 200 00:09:26,220 --> 00:09:29,255 Tell me about Chicago-style pizza, Avery. 201 00:09:29,289 --> 00:09:30,957 Or have you never had it? 202 00:09:30,991 --> 00:09:32,392 No, no, I have. 203 00:09:32,426 --> 00:09:34,160 Let's see. 204 00:09:34,194 --> 00:09:36,896 It's... deep... 205 00:09:36,930 --> 00:09:38,931 very deep. 206 00:09:38,966 --> 00:09:39,999 Is it dangerous? 207 00:09:40,034 --> 00:09:41,134 Were you scared? 208 00:09:41,168 --> 00:09:42,301 A little. 209 00:09:42,336 --> 00:09:44,704 Any man who says he's not is a liar. 210 00:09:44,738 --> 00:09:47,040 More champagne? 211 00:09:47,074 --> 00:09:48,808 I have to admit, 212 00:09:48,842 --> 00:09:51,411 you're unlike any maid I've ever known. 213 00:09:51,445 --> 00:09:53,813 And I've known nine. 214 00:09:53,847 --> 00:09:57,083 Each of them more Jamaican than the last... 215 00:09:57,117 --> 00:09:59,118 until you. 216 00:09:59,920 --> 00:10:02,355 Avery, you make me so happy. 217 00:10:02,389 --> 00:10:03,556 It's funny. 218 00:10:03,590 --> 00:10:07,527 I feel like I could stay down here forever. 219 00:10:07,561 --> 00:10:09,562 Oh, Avery! 220 00:10:11,465 --> 00:10:12,765 Who's there? 221 00:10:12,800 --> 00:10:13,933 What's that? 222 00:10:13,967 --> 00:10:15,334 I didn't hear nothin'. 223 00:10:16,570 --> 00:10:18,471 Listen! There. 224 00:10:18,505 --> 00:10:20,173 It sounds like a baby. 225 00:10:20,207 --> 00:10:21,874 Show yourself, baby! 226 00:10:24,611 --> 00:10:26,295 It's not mine, I'm just raising her. 227 00:10:26,330 --> 00:10:27,764 A baby... 228 00:10:27,798 --> 00:10:29,499 I'm sorry, Edna. 229 00:10:29,533 --> 00:10:33,236 I... can't bear to be around them. 230 00:10:33,270 --> 00:10:36,172 They remind me... of babies. 231 00:10:36,206 --> 00:10:40,176 You see, I was in a relationship with this woman. 232 00:10:40,210 --> 00:10:44,046 She got pregnant and we lost the baby. 233 00:10:44,081 --> 00:10:46,215 Seeing this one, it's... 234 00:10:46,250 --> 00:10:49,034 it's just too painful! 235 00:10:50,104 --> 00:10:53,106 But Avery, we're perfect together! 236 00:10:53,140 --> 00:10:54,807 I'm sorry, Edna. 237 00:10:54,842 --> 00:10:55,975 No! 238 00:10:56,009 --> 00:10:57,393 If I had known I was going to fall in love, 239 00:10:57,428 --> 00:11:00,146 I never would've agreed to raise this baby for Hayley, 240 00:11:00,180 --> 00:11:01,814 whose baby it actually is! 241 00:11:05,369 --> 00:11:07,203 Avery! 242 00:11:07,237 --> 00:11:09,772 Damn this baby! 243 00:11:09,807 --> 00:11:11,741 Damn this heat. 244 00:11:17,765 --> 00:11:19,031 What the hell were you thinking 245 00:11:19,066 --> 00:11:21,984 bringing my son of a bitch father back here?! 246 00:11:22,019 --> 00:11:23,286 Did you guys talk? 247 00:11:23,320 --> 00:11:25,254 Oh, we talked and we talked and we talked! 248 00:11:25,289 --> 00:11:26,889 If talking were a potbellied pig, 249 00:11:26,924 --> 00:11:28,991 we could have entered this one in the county fair! 250 00:11:29,026 --> 00:11:32,161 But life isn't... fair. 251 00:11:32,196 --> 00:11:35,364 And I won't county on my father ever again. 252 00:11:35,399 --> 00:11:36,699 Stan, you're exhausted. 253 00:11:36,733 --> 00:11:38,334 Why don't you rest? 254 00:11:38,368 --> 00:11:39,986 Rest?! Yes. 255 00:11:41,071 --> 00:11:43,206 Stan, you've cut yourself! 256 00:11:43,240 --> 00:11:44,941 Well, it's my birthday. 257 00:11:44,975 --> 00:11:47,176 I should be allowed to feel something. 258 00:11:48,779 --> 00:11:50,379 Listen to him out there. 259 00:11:50,414 --> 00:11:52,498 Having more fun than me on my birthday. 260 00:11:52,533 --> 00:11:55,184 There's nothing stopping you from having fun, too. 261 00:11:55,219 --> 00:11:56,586 Oh, well, what a relief! 262 00:11:56,637 --> 00:11:58,921 Why don't I go out there and do just that! 263 00:12:01,775 --> 00:12:02,925 Yuck-yuck-yuck! 264 00:12:02,976 --> 00:12:04,443 What a fun party! Yuck-yuck-yuck-yuck-yuck! 265 00:12:04,478 --> 00:12:05,962 Oh, is this for me? 266 00:12:05,996 --> 00:12:08,815 Nom-nom-nom, yuck-yuck-yuck! Isn't this fun?! 267 00:12:08,849 --> 00:12:09,816 Stan... 268 00:12:09,850 --> 00:12:11,884 Oh, a balloon! How fun! 269 00:12:11,919 --> 00:12:13,553 A doodle-doodle-doodle-doo! A doodle-doodle-doodle-dee! 270 00:12:13,587 --> 00:12:15,021 I have no interest in 271 00:12:15,055 --> 00:12:17,657 watching you make a fool of yourself. 272 00:12:17,691 --> 00:12:20,693 And there he goes, everyone, right on cue! 273 00:12:20,727 --> 00:12:22,812 Leaving in the middle another party! 274 00:12:22,846 --> 00:12:24,881 Papa, now that you're making merry, 275 00:12:24,915 --> 00:12:27,049 perhaps you'd like to open my gift? 276 00:12:27,084 --> 00:12:28,084 Not now, Steve! 277 00:12:28,118 --> 00:12:29,418 My cup overfloweth! 278 00:12:29,453 --> 00:12:31,320 I have cake-face and balloon! 279 00:12:31,355 --> 00:12:34,574 Hear that, Daddy?! Cake-face and balloon! 280 00:12:35,776 --> 00:12:37,410 What... wh-wh-wh-what is it, Father? 281 00:12:37,444 --> 00:12:38,411 That sound. 282 00:12:38,445 --> 00:12:40,046 The balloon. 283 00:12:40,080 --> 00:12:43,076 There was a pop just like it the day my dad left. 284 00:12:43,185 --> 00:12:45,886 I remember... more. 285 00:12:45,921 --> 00:12:47,321 More what, Stan? 286 00:12:47,356 --> 00:12:50,291 More... information. 287 00:12:52,527 --> 00:12:54,845 It was during the party, before my dad left. 288 00:12:54,880 --> 00:12:58,015 I remember the balloon animal the clown made for me. 289 00:12:58,050 --> 00:12:59,116 It popped. 290 00:12:59,151 --> 00:13:00,217 I started crying. 291 00:13:00,252 --> 00:13:03,287 Went searching for my mommy. 292 00:13:03,322 --> 00:13:04,672 Mommy, my balloon! 293 00:13:06,425 --> 00:13:08,893 I-I remember another sound. 294 00:13:08,927 --> 00:13:10,795 A horn... or a honking. 295 00:13:10,829 --> 00:13:12,930 It was coming from... 296 00:13:12,964 --> 00:13:15,900 my parent's bedroom. 297 00:13:17,703 --> 00:13:20,071 Mommy! Mommy! 298 00:13:22,724 --> 00:13:24,525 My dad didn't walk out on us... 299 00:13:24,559 --> 00:13:27,061 my mother drove him away. 300 00:13:27,095 --> 00:13:29,497 My mother is a clown whore! 301 00:13:29,531 --> 00:13:31,716 Is that any way to greet me, Stan? 302 00:13:31,750 --> 00:13:34,852 Mommy?! How could you? 303 00:13:34,886 --> 00:13:38,022 The information, it's too much! 304 00:13:38,056 --> 00:13:39,090 It's... 305 00:13:39,124 --> 00:13:42,960 T.M.I. 306 00:13:52,640 --> 00:13:54,408 Hurry up, it's starting! 307 00:13:54,442 --> 00:13:56,360 I don't know what we're in for. 308 00:13:56,394 --> 00:14:00,030 I'm a little confused whether this is a comedy or a tragedy. 309 00:14:00,064 --> 00:14:03,933 A catastrophe in the end would certainly clear things up. 310 00:14:03,951 --> 00:14:05,485 Let's watch! 311 00:14:16,280 --> 00:14:19,783 I told you throwing Stan a birthday party was a bad idea. 312 00:14:19,817 --> 00:14:21,318 How was I to know 313 00:14:21,352 --> 00:14:23,387 Stan caught you cheating on his father... 314 00:14:23,421 --> 00:14:25,305 with a clown?! 315 00:14:25,339 --> 00:14:26,390 You! 316 00:14:26,424 --> 00:14:28,825 All these years, I blamed my father 317 00:14:28,860 --> 00:14:30,193 for destroying our family. 318 00:14:30,228 --> 00:14:32,095 And you allowed me to believe this lie 319 00:14:32,130 --> 00:14:33,230 when it was you. 320 00:14:33,264 --> 00:14:34,631 You're the reason he left! 321 00:14:34,665 --> 00:14:36,800 Stan, you don't understand. 322 00:14:36,834 --> 00:14:38,568 I understand you can't keep your legs shut 323 00:14:38,603 --> 00:14:40,871 if there's a curly wig and big shoes in the room. 324 00:14:40,905 --> 00:14:43,139 Is it gift time, Daddy? 325 00:14:48,296 --> 00:14:50,097 Trying to forget something? 326 00:14:51,265 --> 00:14:53,483 Why did you tell me you'd had a miscarriage? 327 00:14:53,518 --> 00:14:55,185 I was scared! 328 00:14:55,219 --> 00:14:56,686 I wasn't ready for a baby. 329 00:14:56,721 --> 00:14:59,256 And you, you were so enthusiastic! 330 00:14:59,290 --> 00:15:02,309 I just wanted it all to go away! 331 00:15:02,343 --> 00:15:04,044 But I loved you. 332 00:15:04,078 --> 00:15:05,378 If you'd given it a chance, 333 00:15:05,413 --> 00:15:07,948 there was nothing our love couldn't overcome! 334 00:15:07,982 --> 00:15:09,599 I know that now! 335 00:15:09,634 --> 00:15:11,468 Really? Already? 336 00:15:11,502 --> 00:15:12,469 Yes! 337 00:15:12,503 --> 00:15:13,670 Then let's be together! 338 00:15:13,704 --> 00:15:15,572 Oh, Avery! 339 00:15:15,606 --> 00:15:17,340 Let's go get our child 340 00:15:17,375 --> 00:15:19,676 and begin our life together anew! 341 00:15:27,385 --> 00:15:30,020 We can be together now, Avery. 342 00:15:30,054 --> 00:15:31,188 I solved the problem. 343 00:15:31,222 --> 00:15:33,223 What is she talking about? 344 00:15:33,257 --> 00:15:36,827 It's quiet now. Just like you wanted. 345 00:15:36,861 --> 00:15:39,629 Edna, what have you done? 346 00:15:39,664 --> 00:15:41,598 What on Lucifer's black beach have you done?! 347 00:15:41,632 --> 00:15:43,567 Where's my baby?! 348 00:15:43,601 --> 00:15:45,635 Your... baby? 349 00:15:47,238 --> 00:15:48,872 No! No! 350 00:15:48,890 --> 00:15:50,774 I didn't know! 351 00:15:50,808 --> 00:15:53,260 Avery, I did it so we could be together! 352 00:15:56,297 --> 00:15:57,731 There's no distinction! 353 00:15:57,765 --> 00:16:00,484 No demarcation! 354 00:16:00,518 --> 00:16:04,971 Hell and earth slumber in the same bed tonight! 355 00:16:10,778 --> 00:16:14,097 Swimming, swimming in the swimming pool. 356 00:16:14,132 --> 00:16:18,068 Perhaps I'll do a froggy kick, to swim from me to you. 357 00:16:18,102 --> 00:16:19,136 Daddy! 358 00:16:20,404 --> 00:16:24,357 Stan! I was just reciting "The Swimming Pool" by Homer. 359 00:16:24,392 --> 00:16:26,092 Daddy, I know the truth! 360 00:16:26,127 --> 00:16:27,160 It wasn't your fault. 361 00:16:27,195 --> 00:16:29,863 You left because mom pushed you away! 362 00:16:29,897 --> 00:16:32,149 She's a no-good clown whore! 363 00:16:32,183 --> 00:16:34,134 You watch your punk mouth! 364 00:16:34,185 --> 00:16:35,385 Your mother is a rose! 365 00:16:35,419 --> 00:16:38,155 And you're just a weed that grows in her shade! 366 00:16:38,189 --> 00:16:40,323 But she cheated on you. 367 00:16:40,358 --> 00:16:42,392 She deserves the wretched mud I sling! 368 00:16:42,426 --> 00:16:43,527 I didn't want 369 00:16:43,561 --> 00:16:45,295 to take you down this gravelly road. 370 00:16:45,329 --> 00:16:46,696 Not on these tires. 371 00:16:46,731 --> 00:16:49,566 But I can't let you think your only mother's a whore. 372 00:16:49,600 --> 00:16:51,902 It's time for you to hear... 373 00:16:51,936 --> 00:16:53,102 the truth. 374 00:16:53,120 --> 00:16:55,255 Jack, please don't go down that road. 375 00:16:55,289 --> 00:16:56,456 Not on those tires. 376 00:16:56,490 --> 00:16:58,291 Sorry, Bets. The hand of fate is 377 00:16:58,326 --> 00:17:00,093 about to extend three of its fingers 378 00:17:00,127 --> 00:17:03,330 and give Stan one hell of a shocker. 379 00:17:03,364 --> 00:17:05,799 Pop! There you are. 380 00:17:05,833 --> 00:17:07,667 You remember this part, I know. 381 00:17:07,702 --> 00:17:09,402 Your balloon dog had just popped 382 00:17:09,437 --> 00:17:11,271 and you were looking for your mommy 383 00:17:11,305 --> 00:17:12,973 like a bitch... 384 00:17:13,007 --> 00:17:17,177 Mommy! Mommy, my balloon! 385 00:17:17,211 --> 00:17:21,181 You want the truth, Stan? It's just beyond that door. 386 00:17:21,215 --> 00:17:23,016 Push... 387 00:17:23,050 --> 00:17:25,518 Push the door open. 388 00:17:26,837 --> 00:17:28,071 That's right. 389 00:17:28,105 --> 00:17:30,240 Your mother was receiving a clown pound. 390 00:17:30,274 --> 00:17:32,709 But what you don't know is that the clown... 391 00:17:32,743 --> 00:17:33,977 was me! 392 00:17:36,497 --> 00:17:39,282 Oh, so everything's okay. 393 00:17:39,317 --> 00:17:40,684 Mom never cheated on you. 394 00:17:40,718 --> 00:17:42,786 You were just having sex with your wife... 395 00:17:42,820 --> 00:17:44,604 in a clown outfit. 396 00:17:44,639 --> 00:17:46,306 Why were you dressed as a clown? 397 00:17:46,340 --> 00:17:49,843 Oh, you had to have a clown at your birthday. 398 00:17:49,877 --> 00:17:53,546 Otherwise, your party wasn't going to be "perfect." 399 00:17:53,598 --> 00:17:56,499 But your father and I didn't have any money for a real clown. 400 00:17:56,534 --> 00:17:58,368 Clowns were scarce in those days. 401 00:17:58,402 --> 00:18:00,770 The good ones could name their own price. 402 00:18:00,805 --> 00:18:02,239 Not like now. 403 00:18:02,273 --> 00:18:05,041 Oh, but you needed a clown. 404 00:18:05,076 --> 00:18:08,178 And you threw a tantrum fit for a real queen. 405 00:18:08,212 --> 00:18:12,349 So I pulled out the clown suit that I used 406 00:18:12,383 --> 00:18:14,384 for robbing fruit trucks around town. 407 00:18:14,418 --> 00:18:17,320 That's why we always had the freshest fruit. 408 00:18:17,355 --> 00:18:19,623 Right. Now a lot of people were horny 409 00:18:19,657 --> 00:18:21,057 to catch that clown. 410 00:18:21,092 --> 00:18:26,029 None more so than your friend the police commissioner. 411 00:18:26,047 --> 00:18:27,247 I always managed 412 00:18:27,298 --> 00:18:29,733 to stay one oversized step ahead of him... 413 00:18:29,767 --> 00:18:32,185 until your birthday. 414 00:18:35,423 --> 00:18:37,373 Thanks to you, 415 00:18:37,391 --> 00:18:39,759 there I was, performing in that outfit. 416 00:18:39,810 --> 00:18:42,979 And there he was, your invited guest. 417 00:18:43,014 --> 00:18:46,766 He put the whole thing together like two docking hogs in 418 00:18:46,817 --> 00:18:50,036 the bathroom of a San Francisco supermarket. 419 00:18:50,071 --> 00:18:51,404 What are you saying? 420 00:18:51,439 --> 00:18:54,641 He's saying that he gave you the party you wanted... 421 00:18:54,675 --> 00:18:57,277 even though he knew it meant giving up his freedom. 422 00:18:57,311 --> 00:19:00,046 The Commissioner called for backup, and I fled. 423 00:19:00,081 --> 00:19:03,083 I fled like a guy sprinting from a supermarket bathroom 424 00:19:03,117 --> 00:19:05,485 after trying something that felt great at the time, 425 00:19:05,519 --> 00:19:08,405 but that he was ultimately ashamed of. 426 00:19:08,439 --> 00:19:11,975 Of course, before I left, I had to show your mother 427 00:19:12,009 --> 00:19:14,411 just how much I loved her one last time. 428 00:19:14,445 --> 00:19:16,079 Oh, Jack. 429 00:19:16,113 --> 00:19:20,383 That means... it was my fault you left. 430 00:19:20,418 --> 00:19:21,584 Bingo. 431 00:19:21,619 --> 00:19:24,788 I... destroyed our family! 432 00:19:24,822 --> 00:19:26,589 You sure did, kiddo. 433 00:19:26,624 --> 00:19:28,525 Time to go back to the slammer, Jack. 434 00:19:28,559 --> 00:19:30,627 Aw...! 435 00:19:30,661 --> 00:19:33,830 I wish things could've been different, Bets. 436 00:19:33,864 --> 00:19:36,232 I never stopped loving you, Jack. 437 00:19:38,135 --> 00:19:40,153 No, no... 438 00:19:40,187 --> 00:19:41,621 Not again! 439 00:19:41,655 --> 00:19:43,723 Everything's been my fault. 440 00:19:43,758 --> 00:19:46,126 All these years we'll never get back. 441 00:19:46,160 --> 00:19:47,827 Here's your present, Papa! 442 00:19:47,862 --> 00:19:48,962 Steve! 443 00:19:48,996 --> 00:19:50,597 Let me guess: you don't have time. 444 00:19:50,631 --> 00:19:52,432 Well, how 'bout I open it for you? 445 00:19:53,801 --> 00:19:57,604 Here, it's an authentic 19th-century Army revolver. 446 00:19:57,638 --> 00:19:59,873 Not that you care! 447 00:19:59,907 --> 00:20:01,241 Thank you, son. 448 00:20:01,275 --> 00:20:04,310 This is just what I need. 449 00:20:04,345 --> 00:20:05,512 Really? 450 00:20:05,546 --> 00:20:08,581 Th-that's all I've ever wanted. 451 00:20:08,616 --> 00:20:11,534 Oh, Daddy, I'm so happy. 452 00:20:12,870 --> 00:20:14,020 Stan! 453 00:20:14,055 --> 00:20:16,289 I hope the party was worth it. 454 00:20:16,323 --> 00:20:21,027 Steve, what have you done to this family?! 455 00:20:26,217 --> 00:20:28,818 It appears the guilt that consumed Stan 456 00:20:28,853 --> 00:20:33,223 will now be passed on to Steve. 457 00:20:33,257 --> 00:20:36,926 In a sense... his only inheritance. 458 00:20:52,293 --> 00:20:55,595 You thought I was asleep, didn't you? 459 00:20:55,629 --> 00:20:57,914 Acting. 460 00:20:57,932 --> 00:20:59,048 Good night! 461 00:21:31,874 --> 00:21:33,689 Bye! Have a beautiful time.