1 00:00:14,221 --> 00:00:18,607 # And he's shining a salute to the American race # 2 00:00:20,510 --> 00:00:23,896 # Oh, boy, it's swell to say 3 00:00:23,930 --> 00:00:25,898 # Good... # Good morning, USA 4 00:00:25,932 --> 00:00:27,449 Aah! 5 00:00:28,735 --> 00:00:32,137 # Good morning, USA! 6 00:00:34,641 --> 00:00:36,876 So, can I get you guys a drink to start? 7 00:00:36,910 --> 00:00:38,143 Iced tea, soda? 8 00:00:38,178 --> 00:00:39,478 Tap water's fine, 9 00:00:39,513 --> 00:00:41,914 and we'll take a basket of your free-est bread. 10 00:00:41,948 --> 00:00:43,699 Dad, can we get an appetizer? 11 00:00:44,701 --> 00:00:47,102 Appetizer? 12 00:00:47,137 --> 00:00:50,089 Honey, good news, Hayley has been made the Queen of Denmark. 13 00:00:50,123 --> 00:00:52,141 You better give Kingorva T an heir 14 00:00:52,175 --> 00:00:53,993 before he discovers you've spent all his treasure 15 00:00:54,027 --> 00:00:55,427 on jalapeño poppers. 16 00:00:55,462 --> 00:00:57,947 I don't think he wants you to get an appetizer. 17 00:00:57,981 --> 00:00:59,415 What's the big deal? 18 00:00:59,449 --> 00:01:02,051 The big deal is I'm the only one in this family with a job, 19 00:01:02,085 --> 00:01:03,485 and it's a low-paying government job. 20 00:01:03,520 --> 00:01:04,887 And your mom doesn't make a cent, 21 00:01:04,921 --> 00:01:06,939 but at least she lets me have sex with her, 22 00:01:06,973 --> 00:01:08,941 which is more than I can say for you two. 23 00:01:08,975 --> 00:01:10,175 Wait. 24 00:01:10,210 --> 00:01:11,477 Do you want us to have... 25 00:01:11,511 --> 00:01:13,812 No, but it wouldn't hurt to offer once in a while. 26 00:01:13,847 --> 00:01:16,448 Anyway, I crunched some numbers and with the way we spend money, 27 00:01:16,483 --> 00:01:17,917 we're gonna be broke in no time. 28 00:01:17,951 --> 00:01:20,553 We'll just share the grilled chicken off the kids menu. 29 00:01:20,587 --> 00:01:21,921 And make sure you grill it... 30 00:01:21,955 --> 00:01:23,956 on the barbie. 31 00:01:23,990 --> 00:01:25,224 Pretty good, huh? 32 00:01:25,258 --> 00:01:27,526 Gina, consider that amazing impression your tip. 33 00:01:27,561 --> 00:01:29,562 Because you won't be getting a tip. 34 00:01:31,514 --> 00:01:33,282 Well, Stan, I've got some news 35 00:01:33,316 --> 00:01:36,285 that might just put your money troubles in the rearview. 36 00:01:36,319 --> 00:01:38,554 Guess who's getting out of jail tomorrow. 37 00:01:38,588 --> 00:01:40,222 Charles Manson? 38 00:01:40,257 --> 00:01:41,891 He's gonna finish what he started? 39 00:01:41,925 --> 00:01:43,425 What? No. 40 00:01:43,460 --> 00:01:45,794 I'll give you a hint: He's rich, he's obnoxious, 41 00:01:45,829 --> 00:01:49,531 and he loves showering this family with gifts and cash. 42 00:01:49,566 --> 00:01:50,766 Max Jets? 43 00:01:50,800 --> 00:01:52,201 The one and only. 44 00:01:52,235 --> 00:01:53,736 Really? Oh, my God. 45 00:01:53,770 --> 00:01:54,837 Crikey! 46 00:01:54,871 --> 00:01:57,006 Six years that guy's been in the slammer. 47 00:01:57,040 --> 00:01:59,808 Wonder if I'll even recognize him when I pick him up. 48 00:02:37,330 --> 00:02:39,648 Max Jets, you're free to go. 49 00:02:39,683 --> 00:02:40,916 Great. 50 00:02:40,951 --> 00:02:42,384 Sorry to see you go, Max. 51 00:02:42,419 --> 00:02:44,219 You were a model prisoner. 52 00:02:44,254 --> 00:02:46,789 You basically just slept for six years. 53 00:02:49,326 --> 00:02:51,560 Ugh, I can't believe you guys 54 00:02:51,594 --> 00:02:54,096 always go along with this Max Jets charade. 55 00:02:54,130 --> 00:02:55,597 It's just Roger dressed up 56 00:02:55,632 --> 00:02:57,599 in another one of his stupid outfits. 57 00:02:57,634 --> 00:02:59,802 Yeah, but this character's loaded, 58 00:02:59,836 --> 00:03:01,070 so he's more likeable. 59 00:03:01,104 --> 00:03:03,806 He's an annoying, inconsiderate old douche. 60 00:03:03,840 --> 00:03:05,174 Last time he was here, 61 00:03:05,208 --> 00:03:07,843 dude borrowed my car and returned it with no wiper fluid. 62 00:03:07,877 --> 00:03:09,478 I don't know what he did with it, 63 00:03:09,512 --> 00:03:11,113 spraying it all over town. 64 00:03:11,147 --> 00:03:12,781 Well, we're gonna have to suck it up 65 00:03:12,816 --> 00:03:14,817 because I'm tired of living on the cheap. 66 00:03:14,851 --> 00:03:17,319 I'm done using dirty Kleenex as toilet paper, 67 00:03:17,354 --> 00:03:19,388 and vice versa. 68 00:03:19,422 --> 00:03:20,556 He's here. 69 00:03:20,590 --> 00:03:21,623 Smiles, everyone. Smiles. 70 00:03:21,675 --> 00:03:22,808 Max. 71 00:03:22,842 --> 00:03:24,943 Don't get too close. I got a cold. 72 00:03:24,978 --> 00:03:26,645 Ah... ah... 73 00:03:26,680 --> 00:03:27,846 Ah-choo! 74 00:03:27,881 --> 00:03:29,515 Max is back. 75 00:03:29,549 --> 00:03:32,234 You're so clever. Spending mucus! 76 00:03:32,268 --> 00:03:34,737 Oh, Max, it's so good to see you. 77 00:03:34,771 --> 00:03:36,872 And it looks like you still have your fortune. 78 00:03:36,906 --> 00:03:39,241 Please, when you know what I know about Bill Gates, 79 00:03:39,275 --> 00:03:41,810 the money faucet just keeps a-flowin'. 80 00:03:41,845 --> 00:03:43,379 Oh, great, because I have some dental work 81 00:03:43,413 --> 00:03:44,480 I've been putting off. 82 00:03:44,514 --> 00:03:46,148 I could use some new school clothes. 83 00:03:46,182 --> 00:03:48,117 I have an alarming amount of credit card debt 84 00:03:48,151 --> 00:03:49,918 that I've been hiding from the family. 85 00:03:49,953 --> 00:03:50,986 Don't you worry. 86 00:03:51,021 --> 00:03:53,355 Max Jets will take care of everything. 87 00:03:53,390 --> 00:03:55,090 But first, I missed a lot of elections, 88 00:03:55,125 --> 00:03:56,625 so I got to vote real quick. 89 00:03:59,162 --> 00:04:00,529 Stan. 90 00:04:00,563 --> 00:04:02,197 Aren't you tired of washing your face 91 00:04:02,232 --> 00:04:03,832 after every time you blow your nose? 92 00:04:03,867 --> 00:04:05,534 Let him vote. 93 00:04:05,568 --> 00:04:07,102 Oh, Max. 94 00:04:07,137 --> 00:04:08,554 Click. 95 00:04:08,588 --> 00:04:10,389 Democracy gets me hungry. 96 00:04:10,423 --> 00:04:12,791 What do you say we go out to a nice dinner on me? 97 00:04:12,826 --> 00:04:13,892 All right. Yeah. 98 00:04:13,927 --> 00:04:15,027 Appetizers. 99 00:04:15,061 --> 00:04:16,478 I'm so glad you're back, Max. 100 00:04:16,513 --> 00:04:17,646 Me, too. 101 00:04:17,680 --> 00:04:19,481 Oh, special election. 102 00:04:22,869 --> 00:04:25,137 You let him. 103 00:04:27,674 --> 00:04:30,309 Max, paying all our bills was one thing, 104 00:04:30,343 --> 00:04:32,344 but all these gifts... 105 00:04:32,378 --> 00:04:34,813 I mean my fur, 106 00:04:34,848 --> 00:04:37,816 these diamonds, Stan's grill. 107 00:04:39,919 --> 00:04:41,687 This is just the beginning. 108 00:04:41,721 --> 00:04:44,189 Hey, you with the ass I'd like to take a nap on, 109 00:04:44,224 --> 00:04:45,457 we're ready to order. 110 00:04:45,492 --> 00:04:46,892 Oh, great, you guys. 111 00:04:46,926 --> 00:04:48,560 I'll get you the bread and ice water. 112 00:04:48,595 --> 00:04:49,628 Ice water? 113 00:04:49,662 --> 00:04:51,697 I want every soda and beer you got. 114 00:04:51,731 --> 00:04:53,799 You know what? Just bring us everything on the menu. 115 00:04:53,833 --> 00:04:55,868 And while you're at it, bring us all the menus. 116 00:04:55,902 --> 00:04:57,770 I don't want anyone else ordering while we're here. 117 00:04:58,905 --> 00:05:00,005 And this is for you. 118 00:05:00,039 --> 00:05:02,141 I'm pre-tipping, and if you like the tip, 119 00:05:02,175 --> 00:05:04,843 later on I'll give you the whole thing. Oh-ho-ho! 120 00:05:04,878 --> 00:05:06,578 Very appropriate, Max. 121 00:05:06,613 --> 00:05:08,430 So, uh, what's the plan? 122 00:05:08,465 --> 00:05:10,099 You know, now that you're out of prison. 123 00:05:10,133 --> 00:05:12,067 Well, Stan, I'm a changed man. 124 00:05:12,102 --> 00:05:13,735 Now that I've been raped by some guys 125 00:05:13,770 --> 00:05:15,070 that actually know what they're doing, 126 00:05:15,105 --> 00:05:17,339 I just want to share, you know, give a little back. 127 00:05:17,373 --> 00:05:19,675 So, you're gonna give all your money to charity? 128 00:05:22,245 --> 00:05:23,812 I'm sorry. I didn't hear you, dear. 129 00:05:23,847 --> 00:05:25,080 My ears aren't working so well. 130 00:05:25,115 --> 00:05:27,583 I got AIDS in prison. 131 00:05:27,617 --> 00:05:29,651 Hearing aids; I should really use them. 132 00:05:29,686 --> 00:05:31,937 Then I might've heard that guy who snuck up on me 133 00:05:31,971 --> 00:05:33,939 in the shower and gave me HIV. 134 00:05:33,973 --> 00:05:35,874 Anyhow, I'm not a young man anymore, 135 00:05:35,909 --> 00:05:37,826 and I just want to spend my money 136 00:05:37,861 --> 00:05:39,595 on the only people in my life. 137 00:05:39,629 --> 00:05:40,963 You people. 138 00:05:40,997 --> 00:05:42,264 You people?! 139 00:05:42,298 --> 00:05:43,532 Who are you calling, "You people"? 140 00:05:43,566 --> 00:05:45,234 Them. Oh, sorry. 141 00:05:45,268 --> 00:05:46,902 I thought you meant the letter U. 142 00:05:46,936 --> 00:05:48,337 As in the "U People." 143 00:05:48,371 --> 00:05:50,439 I've been looking for them for a long time. 144 00:05:50,473 --> 00:05:51,807 They live underground, you see. 145 00:05:51,841 --> 00:05:53,575 That's where the U comes from. 146 00:05:53,610 --> 00:05:54,877 They're hard to find, 147 00:05:54,911 --> 00:05:58,113 but if you find one, it is tasty. 148 00:05:58,148 --> 00:05:59,681 Okay. 149 00:05:59,732 --> 00:06:02,151 I need to get as far away from this weirdo as possible. 150 00:06:02,185 --> 00:06:03,685 How about we all go to Spain? 151 00:06:03,720 --> 00:06:05,654 On me. 152 00:06:08,191 --> 00:06:10,492 Spain's gonna be incredible. 153 00:06:10,527 --> 00:06:13,162 I can't wait to be so close to Portugal. 154 00:06:13,196 --> 00:06:16,098 Morning, all. 155 00:06:16,132 --> 00:06:17,466 So, what's going on? 156 00:06:17,500 --> 00:06:19,334 We were just talking about how excited we are 157 00:06:19,369 --> 00:06:20,602 for our trip to Spain, 158 00:06:20,637 --> 00:06:22,738 the birthplace of Mexican napping. 159 00:06:22,772 --> 00:06:24,306 Yeah, about that. 160 00:06:24,340 --> 00:06:25,707 I don't think we're gonna go. 161 00:06:25,742 --> 00:06:27,342 Oh, and all that stuff I bought you, 162 00:06:27,377 --> 00:06:28,510 I'm gonna need that back. 163 00:06:28,545 --> 00:06:29,370 What? 164 00:06:29,490 --> 00:06:31,716 Yeah, Gina says I've been spending too much money. 165 00:06:31,836 --> 00:06:33,222 Gina? Who's Gina? 166 00:06:33,342 --> 00:06:35,083 My new sweetheart. 167 00:06:37,420 --> 00:06:38,684 You didn't gasp. 168 00:06:38,804 --> 00:06:40,944 That's 'cause I don't understand what's happening. 169 00:06:41,064 --> 00:06:43,125 We just lost our sugar daddy. 170 00:06:43,159 --> 00:06:45,204 Oh, now I get it. 171 00:06:45,324 --> 00:06:47,497 Liar. You have no idea what I'm talking about. 172 00:06:53,901 --> 00:06:55,902 Max, the waitress? 173 00:06:55,937 --> 00:06:58,505 Waitresses are supposed to date waiters. 174 00:06:58,539 --> 00:06:59,773 What the hell? 175 00:06:59,807 --> 00:07:01,441 How did you two even wind up together? 176 00:07:01,476 --> 00:07:03,443 Well, last night after my shift, 177 00:07:03,478 --> 00:07:05,145 I found him changing his diaper 178 00:07:05,179 --> 00:07:06,819 behind his Rolls Royce in the parking lot. 179 00:07:06,848 --> 00:07:09,449 Those teriyaki wings shot through me like a bullet. 180 00:07:09,484 --> 00:07:11,084 And we just really hit it off. 181 00:07:11,118 --> 00:07:12,686 We've been together ever since. 182 00:07:12,720 --> 00:07:14,488 Exclamation point! Look at that. 183 00:07:14,522 --> 00:07:16,456 We're already finishing each other's sentences. 184 00:07:16,491 --> 00:07:18,158 Well, providing punctuation, but that's... 185 00:07:18,192 --> 00:07:19,259 A start. 186 00:07:19,293 --> 00:07:20,427 Hey! Hey! 187 00:07:20,461 --> 00:07:22,362 Come on, honey, let's go buy you a car 188 00:07:22,396 --> 00:07:25,398 and some Botox for your super-bumpy areolas. 189 00:07:27,318 --> 00:07:29,603 No way she could be interested in Max. 190 00:07:29,637 --> 00:07:31,872 Hot girls are never into guys that old. 191 00:07:31,906 --> 00:07:34,241 Unless they're after one thing. 192 00:07:34,275 --> 00:07:35,909 Fatherly advice. 193 00:07:35,943 --> 00:07:37,978 Do you seriously still not know what's going on? 194 00:07:38,012 --> 00:07:39,312 Ehh. 195 00:07:39,347 --> 00:07:41,515 After all the money we've let him spend on us, 196 00:07:41,549 --> 00:07:42,782 we can't just let him stop. 197 00:07:42,817 --> 00:07:45,318 So many secret elections. 198 00:07:45,353 --> 00:07:48,054 We have to convince Max to get rid of Gina. 199 00:07:48,089 --> 00:07:50,991 Because she's gonna take all our money. 200 00:07:51,025 --> 00:07:52,926 Way to go, Mom; you get it. 201 00:07:52,960 --> 00:07:54,761 I understand everything. 202 00:07:54,795 --> 00:07:57,797 There's still time to save Des Moines. 203 00:08:05,439 --> 00:08:08,858 So Gina seems really nice, but... 204 00:08:08,893 --> 00:08:10,911 ...there is quite an age difference 205 00:08:10,945 --> 00:08:12,445 between you two and... 206 00:08:12,480 --> 00:08:15,749 ...sometimes a girl can seem interested, 207 00:08:15,783 --> 00:08:19,586 and I'm not saying she's not, but... 208 00:08:19,620 --> 00:08:20,754 She's a gold digger, bro. 209 00:08:20,788 --> 00:08:22,022 Don't be ridiculous. 210 00:08:22,056 --> 00:08:24,491 Wake up, leprechaun. She's after your gold. 211 00:08:24,525 --> 00:08:26,960 I assure you, Stan. Gina loves me. 212 00:08:26,994 --> 00:08:29,095 She hasn't asked me for a single cent. 213 00:08:29,130 --> 00:08:31,381 In fact, the only thing she wants to do is sing. 214 00:08:31,415 --> 00:08:33,250 Which is why I built her this. 215 00:08:33,284 --> 00:08:34,918 What happened to the basement? 216 00:08:34,952 --> 00:08:36,052 Where's the water heater? 217 00:08:36,087 --> 00:08:37,254 Hey, baby. 218 00:08:37,288 --> 00:08:39,756 I've got my cans on. 219 00:08:39,790 --> 00:08:41,591 Yeah, you do, baby. 220 00:08:41,626 --> 00:08:44,794 "Cans" is recording studio talk for huge breasts. 221 00:08:44,829 --> 00:08:46,846 Look, Stan, I appreciate your concern, 222 00:08:46,881 --> 00:08:49,683 but the love Gina has for me is pure. 223 00:08:53,554 --> 00:08:55,255 # My love is pure 224 00:08:55,289 --> 00:08:57,140 # Purely for money 225 00:08:57,174 --> 00:08:59,092 # Money from people 226 00:08:59,126 --> 00:09:00,560 # Who I don't love 227 00:09:00,595 --> 00:09:02,796 # Old men disgust me 228 00:09:02,830 --> 00:09:04,831 # I'd never love one 229 00:09:04,865 --> 00:09:07,867 # Unless they give me money 230 00:09:07,902 --> 00:09:10,804 # Hands across America, bitches. # 231 00:09:13,240 --> 00:09:15,308 I know what you're thinking, Stan. 232 00:09:15,343 --> 00:09:17,010 One take, no mistake. 233 00:09:17,044 --> 00:09:18,678 Slap it in the oven, easy bake. 234 00:09:18,713 --> 00:09:21,715 What do you think, Jeremy? Is it a hit? 235 00:09:28,556 --> 00:09:29,756 I brought you guys here 236 00:09:29,790 --> 00:09:31,391 so you can get to know Gina better. 237 00:09:31,425 --> 00:09:34,060 I know you have your doubts, but once you get to know her, 238 00:09:34,095 --> 00:09:36,930 I'm sure you'll see what I see. 239 00:09:40,818 --> 00:09:42,402 Breathe. 240 00:09:42,436 --> 00:09:43,803 Hey, guys. 241 00:09:43,838 --> 00:09:46,339 Hot enough for you? 242 00:09:46,374 --> 00:09:47,641 Listen, Chuckles. 243 00:09:47,675 --> 00:09:50,043 I know what you're up to, and I don't like it. 244 00:09:50,077 --> 00:09:51,528 I don't know what you're talking about. 245 00:09:51,562 --> 00:09:53,346 Don't you? 246 00:09:53,381 --> 00:09:54,831 Kiss her, Mommy. Kiss her. 247 00:09:58,336 --> 00:10:01,338 Come on, Maxie. It's too crowded in here. 248 00:10:01,372 --> 00:10:03,206 Let's go play some volleyball. 249 00:10:03,240 --> 00:10:05,308 You go. I'll have fun watching you have fun. 250 00:10:05,343 --> 00:10:06,726 Okay. 251 00:10:06,761 --> 00:10:10,163 Hey, why don't you two lovebirds kiss before you go? 252 00:10:10,197 --> 00:10:11,898 Love to. 253 00:10:20,608 --> 00:10:23,393 See, Max, she's repulsed by you. 254 00:10:23,411 --> 00:10:25,545 What? She does that every time we kiss. 255 00:10:25,579 --> 00:10:27,664 She says it's because she gets so excited. 256 00:10:27,698 --> 00:10:29,232 Max, are you okay with that? 257 00:10:29,266 --> 00:10:30,400 With what? 258 00:10:30,434 --> 00:10:32,769 Stop. 259 00:10:32,803 --> 00:10:35,805 It's like a damn Dr. Dre video out there. 260 00:10:35,840 --> 00:10:38,341 I see what you mean. 261 00:10:38,376 --> 00:10:40,076 I've been an old fool. 262 00:10:40,111 --> 00:10:41,261 This is not right. 263 00:10:41,295 --> 00:10:42,429 No, it's not right. 264 00:10:42,463 --> 00:10:44,597 It's offensive. Right in your face. 265 00:10:44,632 --> 00:10:46,399 What's happening? I zoned out for a second. 266 00:10:46,434 --> 00:10:47,667 I can't do this anymore. 267 00:10:47,702 --> 00:10:50,053 Gina? Gina, can I talk to you? 268 00:10:58,963 --> 00:11:01,064 That's right, bitch. Cry. 269 00:11:01,098 --> 00:11:02,298 No more money for... 270 00:11:02,333 --> 00:11:03,867 Why is he getting down on one knee? 271 00:11:05,469 --> 00:11:07,537 Please be a bomb. Please be a ring bomb. 272 00:11:10,741 --> 00:11:13,843 You were right! I needed to lock this down! 273 00:11:13,878 --> 00:11:16,246 We're getting married! 274 00:11:22,503 --> 00:11:24,571 Commissioning and defacing this painting of Gina 275 00:11:24,605 --> 00:11:26,573 was a good first step, but how are we going 276 00:11:26,607 --> 00:11:29,409 to remain the sole beneficiaries in Max's will? 277 00:11:29,443 --> 00:11:31,244 We're screwed! Once he marries Gina, 278 00:11:31,278 --> 00:11:32,912 he's gonna leave everything to her! 279 00:11:32,947 --> 00:11:34,180 I wanted to be rich! 280 00:11:34,215 --> 00:11:37,050 I wanted to be the first boy to whack it on the moon! 281 00:11:37,084 --> 00:11:39,269 Well, then it's clear what we have to do. 282 00:11:39,303 --> 00:11:41,671 We have to kill Gina. 283 00:11:42,440 --> 00:11:44,073 We can't kill Gina! 284 00:11:44,108 --> 00:11:46,659 Max will know it was us and completely cut us off. 285 00:11:46,694 --> 00:11:48,461 Well, we gotta think of something. 286 00:11:48,496 --> 00:11:50,597 I want to be the mother of the first boy 287 00:11:50,631 --> 00:11:52,165 to whack it on the moon! 288 00:11:52,199 --> 00:11:55,201 Well, then the only way to ensure we get that money 289 00:11:55,236 --> 00:11:58,571 is to kill Max before he gets married and changes his will. 290 00:11:58,606 --> 00:12:01,641 You do realize that Roger is Max, right? 291 00:12:01,675 --> 00:12:05,228 I mean by killing Max, you'll be killing Roger. 292 00:12:06,697 --> 00:12:07,793 Yeah. Okay. Sure. 293 00:12:07,913 --> 00:12:09,599 Gotta break some eggs. 294 00:12:15,372 --> 00:12:17,468 - What's this? - Our wedding cake. 295 00:12:17,747 --> 00:12:20,015 The ultimate tribute to my bride. 296 00:12:20,049 --> 00:12:23,752 Well, I'm sure it'll be a nice change of pace for her 297 00:12:23,786 --> 00:12:26,521 to be at a party where she ends up inside everyone else. 298 00:12:26,556 --> 00:12:29,291 It's been a while since my wedding. 299 00:12:29,325 --> 00:12:31,626 How much does a wife-cake set you back these days? 300 00:12:31,661 --> 00:12:33,461 I told Maxie he didn't need to spend 301 00:12:33,496 --> 00:12:35,130 so much of his money on me. 302 00:12:35,164 --> 00:12:36,531 My dove, after we're married, 303 00:12:36,566 --> 00:12:38,199 everything that's mine will be yours. 304 00:12:38,234 --> 00:12:39,701 So it's really our money. 305 00:12:39,735 --> 00:12:41,419 Not until tomorrow! 306 00:12:41,454 --> 00:12:43,121 Oh, honey, look, I got you 307 00:12:43,155 --> 00:12:45,323 the best wedding singer on the East Coast. 308 00:12:45,358 --> 00:12:46,491 He's gonna sing the "Thong Song" 309 00:12:46,525 --> 00:12:48,260 when Gina walks down the aisle. 310 00:12:48,294 --> 00:12:51,930 Uh, testing, one, two. 311 00:12:51,964 --> 00:12:54,633 # She had dumps like a truck, truck-truck # 312 00:12:54,667 --> 00:12:56,434 # Thighs like what, what-what 313 00:12:56,469 --> 00:12:58,403 # Baby, move your butt, butt-butt! # 314 00:12:58,437 --> 00:12:59,904 Well, everything looks great, guys. 315 00:12:59,939 --> 00:13:03,408 Traditional, classy, subtle. 316 00:13:03,426 --> 00:13:05,093 He's gonna blow half of our money 317 00:13:05,127 --> 00:13:06,995 on this wedding alone. I say we kill him now! 318 00:13:07,029 --> 00:13:08,163 Just be patient. 319 00:13:08,197 --> 00:13:09,965 Hey, have you guys met Reverend Ping Ping? 320 00:13:09,999 --> 00:13:12,167 Max flew Ping Ping first class from China 321 00:13:12,201 --> 00:13:14,135 and put him up at the Four Seasons. 322 00:13:14,170 --> 00:13:15,837 You'll be fine. 323 00:13:15,871 --> 00:13:18,773 Just thank everyone for coming, maybe start with a joke. 324 00:13:18,808 --> 00:13:20,208 Something just occurred to me. 325 00:13:20,242 --> 00:13:22,243 Can you talk? 326 00:13:22,278 --> 00:13:23,478 You're right, Stan. 327 00:13:23,512 --> 00:13:25,914 We gotta kill that old son of a bitch right now! 328 00:13:25,948 --> 00:13:27,315 You're gonna do it, right, Dad? 329 00:13:27,350 --> 00:13:29,601 Of course. I'm trained in these matters. 330 00:13:29,635 --> 00:13:31,002 Got the background, the chops, 331 00:13:31,037 --> 00:13:32,437 the know-how, the "Say Hey." 332 00:13:32,471 --> 00:13:33,672 Great. Then it's settled. 333 00:13:33,706 --> 00:13:35,707 You kill Max, Gina's out of the picture, 334 00:13:35,741 --> 00:13:37,542 and we all split the inheritance money. 335 00:13:37,576 --> 00:13:39,744 Right, with an extra 30% for me. 336 00:13:39,779 --> 00:13:40,745 What? 30%? 337 00:13:40,780 --> 00:13:41,880 Standard killer's fee. 338 00:13:41,914 --> 00:13:44,015 I do all the work, I get something extra. 339 00:13:44,050 --> 00:13:45,817 No way! I want the money! 340 00:13:45,851 --> 00:13:48,520 So do I! I'll burn him to the ground! 341 00:13:48,554 --> 00:13:50,438 No, I'll do it. Two to the head, 342 00:13:50,473 --> 00:13:52,641 dynamite up the butt, whatev. How hard can it be? 343 00:13:52,675 --> 00:13:54,559 Idiots! It has to look like an accident. 344 00:13:54,593 --> 00:13:55,927 Look, just leave this to me. 345 00:13:55,961 --> 00:13:57,295 You guys'll only screw it up. 346 00:13:57,330 --> 00:13:58,463 We'll see about that. 347 00:13:58,497 --> 00:14:01,333 I say whoever kills him first gets the bonus. 348 00:14:01,367 --> 00:14:03,101 Okay, then every man for himself. 349 00:14:03,135 --> 00:14:05,303 And may the best killer win. 350 00:14:22,171 --> 00:14:24,205 What are you two doing up here?! 351 00:14:24,240 --> 00:14:26,141 I'm murdering! Mind your own business! 352 00:14:26,175 --> 00:14:27,876 You don't even know how to murder! 353 00:14:27,910 --> 00:14:29,411 You don't even have good murder stuff! 354 00:14:29,445 --> 00:14:30,879 Both of you zip it! 355 00:14:30,913 --> 00:14:32,480 Neither one of you are murdering! 356 00:14:32,515 --> 00:14:33,515 Mommy's murdering! 357 00:14:47,179 --> 00:14:48,413 Amateurs. 358 00:14:53,919 --> 00:14:55,086 Ooh, soup! 359 00:14:57,623 --> 00:14:59,023 Ah! 360 00:15:01,944 --> 00:15:04,379 # I like it when your booty goes # 361 00:15:04,413 --> 00:15:07,716 # Baby, make your booty go... 362 00:15:07,750 --> 00:15:09,017 # That thong-th-thong- thong-thong! # 363 00:15:09,051 --> 00:15:11,119 Dad, wake up! The wedding! 364 00:15:11,153 --> 00:15:12,904 It's happening! 365 00:15:12,938 --> 00:15:14,339 Oh, my God! We have to go! 366 00:15:14,373 --> 00:15:15,356 Ooh, soup! 367 00:15:15,391 --> 00:15:16,441 No! Right! 368 00:15:16,475 --> 00:15:19,294 We've got to get down there! 369 00:15:19,328 --> 00:15:21,746 I was electrocuted. I should be dead... 370 00:15:21,780 --> 00:15:25,967 or at least be able to control things with my mind. 371 00:15:38,147 --> 00:15:40,615 # I like it when your booty goes # 372 00:15:40,649 --> 00:15:43,351 # Let me see your booty go-o-o, yeah! # 373 00:15:43,385 --> 00:15:45,737 Oh, my God, we're o late! 374 00:15:45,771 --> 00:15:47,439 All that money is now hers! 375 00:15:47,473 --> 00:15:48,840 We get nothing! 376 00:15:48,874 --> 00:15:51,476 I won't go back to packing a cooler when we go skiing. 377 00:15:51,510 --> 00:15:55,814 I'm eating lodge food! I need my $20 chili! 378 00:15:57,416 --> 00:15:58,483 Hey, guys! 379 00:15:58,517 --> 00:16:00,452 How about that Reverend Ping Ping, huh? 380 00:16:00,486 --> 00:16:02,987 Had no idea his accent was gonna be so thick. 381 00:16:03,022 --> 00:16:04,389 Ha. Oh, well. The Chinese are 382 00:16:04,423 --> 00:16:06,391 taking over this god-forsaken planet. 383 00:16:06,425 --> 00:16:08,393 Might as well get used to it. 384 00:16:08,427 --> 00:16:09,994 Congratulations, Gina. You did it. 385 00:16:10,029 --> 00:16:11,396 You got him to marry you 386 00:16:11,430 --> 00:16:13,331 and now the money's yours. 387 00:16:13,365 --> 00:16:16,201 From now on I'm gonna call you 388 00:16:16,235 --> 00:16:18,803 "Allied Nevada Precious Metal Exploration Company," 389 00:16:18,838 --> 00:16:21,039 because you, Gina, are a gold digger. 390 00:16:21,073 --> 00:16:23,141 Long way to go for that one, son. 391 00:16:23,175 --> 00:16:24,909 You watch what you say about my wife! 392 00:16:24,944 --> 00:16:26,544 It's okay, Maxie. 393 00:16:26,579 --> 00:16:28,813 I know what you think of me, but you're all wrong. 394 00:16:28,848 --> 00:16:31,616 I didn't marry Max for his money. 395 00:16:31,650 --> 00:16:35,053 And that's why I insisted on signing this prenup. 396 00:16:35,087 --> 00:16:36,354 What?! 397 00:16:36,388 --> 00:16:38,756 When the angels take my Maxie to heaven, 398 00:16:38,791 --> 00:16:41,326 I get nothing, nada, zilch. 399 00:16:41,360 --> 00:16:42,994 You have disappointed me. 400 00:16:47,266 --> 00:16:50,468 I would like to invite Max and non-cake Gina up 401 00:16:50,503 --> 00:16:52,670 to cut cake Gina. 402 00:16:54,073 --> 00:16:55,106 We're terrible people. 403 00:16:55,140 --> 00:16:56,808 I feel awful. 404 00:16:56,842 --> 00:16:58,877 We owe Gina an apology. 405 00:16:58,911 --> 00:17:01,012 We were so blinded by our greed 406 00:17:01,046 --> 00:17:03,748 that we missed two people finding true love. 407 00:17:03,782 --> 00:17:06,818 Just look at them. So happy. 408 00:17:06,852 --> 00:17:09,087 Which piece do you want? 409 00:17:09,121 --> 00:17:10,555 You know! 410 00:17:16,445 --> 00:17:18,980 You know that's how I like to do that! 411 00:17:19,014 --> 00:17:21,382 This family will never again allow money to corrupt... 412 00:17:22,418 --> 00:17:23,384 Oh, my God! 413 00:17:25,688 --> 00:17:27,322 He's dead! 414 00:17:27,356 --> 00:17:28,957 Yes! We're rich! 415 00:17:28,991 --> 00:17:31,359 # We got his money 416 00:17:31,393 --> 00:17:33,428 # We got his money 417 00:17:33,462 --> 00:17:37,198 # The good Lord gave us his money # 418 00:17:37,233 --> 00:17:40,835 # Thank you, ow! Baby Jesus, ha! # 419 00:17:40,870 --> 00:17:44,873 # For giving us all of that money! # 420 00:17:44,907 --> 00:17:46,090 # Oh... # Yeah! 421 00:17:46,125 --> 00:17:47,742 # Baby Jesus # Yeah! 422 00:17:47,776 --> 00:17:49,561 # Baby Jesus # Yeah! 423 00:17:49,595 --> 00:17:51,529 # Baby Jesus # Yeah! 424 00:17:51,564 --> 00:17:52,847 # Baby Jesus. 425 00:17:52,882 --> 00:17:55,416 Sing the song, Max Jets-ah! # 426 00:17:55,451 --> 00:17:59,721 Ohm you can't-ah! 'Cause you're dead-ah! 427 00:18:06,896 --> 00:18:08,062 I will now read 428 00:18:08,097 --> 00:18:10,698 from the last will and testament. 429 00:18:10,733 --> 00:18:14,269 I Maximus Horatio Shamus Benny and the Jets, 430 00:18:14,303 --> 00:18:17,472 of sound mind and body, 431 00:18:17,506 --> 00:18:18,673 choose to leave all 432 00:18:18,707 --> 00:18:22,226 of my assets and worldly possessions... 433 00:18:22,261 --> 00:18:24,395 to my son, Jerry Jets. 434 00:18:24,430 --> 00:18:25,496 What? 435 00:18:25,531 --> 00:18:26,698 Who's that? 436 00:18:26,732 --> 00:18:27,732 Me. 437 00:18:27,766 --> 00:18:29,000 Of course. 438 00:18:31,370 --> 00:18:32,470 You! 439 00:18:32,504 --> 00:18:35,340 Yeah, me. But how? 440 00:18:35,374 --> 00:18:37,075 Counsel, could you excuse us? 441 00:18:37,109 --> 00:18:39,844 We have some private illegal matters to discuss. 442 00:18:39,878 --> 00:18:41,779 Of course. Take your time. 443 00:18:44,617 --> 00:18:46,951 I don't understand. 444 00:18:46,986 --> 00:18:48,119 Allow me to explain... 445 00:18:48,153 --> 00:18:50,154 with marionettes. 446 00:18:57,763 --> 00:19:00,064 My nephew got in here. 447 00:19:00,099 --> 00:19:02,784 Screw it. I'll do it with flashbacks. 448 00:19:02,818 --> 00:19:05,298 My father and I were estranged, so much so 449 00:19:05,321 --> 00:19:08,289 that we couldn't even be in the same room at the same time. 450 00:19:08,324 --> 00:19:10,141 But he was so proud of Gina 451 00:19:10,175 --> 00:19:13,127 that he couldn't resist introducing me to her. 452 00:19:15,547 --> 00:19:18,132 And then Jerry and I started having an affair, 453 00:19:18,167 --> 00:19:20,485 and we did it, like, all the time. 454 00:19:20,519 --> 00:19:23,221 And we did it everywhere. 455 00:19:23,255 --> 00:19:26,057 Oh! My bed! 456 00:19:29,061 --> 00:19:31,312 Come on! 457 00:19:31,347 --> 00:19:34,182 I convinced Max to patch things up with Jerry 458 00:19:34,216 --> 00:19:37,652 and leave him everything in his will. 459 00:19:37,686 --> 00:19:39,520 Oop! I got 'em untangled. I'll take it 460 00:19:39,555 --> 00:19:40,838 from here, darling! 461 00:19:40,873 --> 00:19:44,292 Then Gina put poison in the cake and fed it to my dear old dad. 462 00:19:47,713 --> 00:19:48,796 Damn it! 463 00:19:48,831 --> 00:19:51,332 I signed the prenup so no one would suspect me. 464 00:19:51,367 --> 00:19:54,469 Now Gina and I have my father's fortune 465 00:19:54,503 --> 00:19:56,170 and we can live happily ever after. 466 00:19:56,205 --> 00:19:59,040 Farewell, you penniless fools! 467 00:20:07,616 --> 00:20:09,617 So, have you decided? 468 00:20:09,651 --> 00:20:12,787 Um, I see it says kids eat free? 469 00:20:12,821 --> 00:20:15,156 Does that include kids at heart? 470 00:20:15,190 --> 00:20:17,692 Yes, it does. 471 00:20:17,726 --> 00:20:19,093 Yippee! 472 00:20:19,128 --> 00:20:20,995 Four koala kids' meals. 473 00:20:25,200 --> 00:20:26,434 What's up, homies? 474 00:20:26,468 --> 00:20:28,102 Roger, what are you doing here? 475 00:20:28,137 --> 00:20:30,238 Aren't you traveling the world as Jerry Jets? 476 00:20:30,272 --> 00:20:31,706 Yeah, about that. 477 00:20:31,740 --> 00:20:34,375 Turns out Gina was even more evil than I thought. 478 00:20:34,410 --> 00:20:37,945 She killed Jerry for his money. Beat him down with an oar. 479 00:20:37,980 --> 00:20:39,547 Blood everywhere. Gruesome. Sexy. 480 00:20:39,581 --> 00:20:41,432 But you're Jerry. 481 00:20:41,467 --> 00:20:42,600 Uh-huh. 482 00:20:42,634 --> 00:20:45,386 So how could she kill Jerry, who was you, 483 00:20:45,421 --> 00:20:47,588 without killing you? 484 00:20:47,623 --> 00:20:49,724 And how did Max die without you dying? 485 00:20:49,758 --> 00:20:52,254 You know what? I would love, love 486 00:20:52,374 --> 00:20:53,975 to explain all of it to you, 487 00:20:54,009 --> 00:20:55,443 but we're out of time.