1
00:00:03,273 --> 00:00:04,114
[ Sighs ]
2
00:00:04,352 --> 00:00:05,852
I love springtime,
3
00:00:05,887 --> 00:00:08,054
when the bulky sweatshirts
come off,
4
00:00:08,089 --> 00:00:11,257
and you can see which guys
were in the gym all winter.
5
00:00:11,292 --> 00:00:13,593
What's that, snot?
Why am I so distracted today?
6
00:00:15,497 --> 00:00:18,264
'Cause I'm craving something,
something I've never had.
7
00:00:18,299 --> 00:00:19,899
Potato boobs!
8
00:00:19,934 --> 00:00:21,367
[ Chomping ]
9
00:00:21,403 --> 00:00:23,936
You can have
the starchy simulacra.
10
00:00:23,938 --> 00:00:27,490
I need to -- nay, I will touch
the real thing.
11
00:00:27,610 --> 00:00:30,959
_
12
00:00:31,079 --> 00:00:34,747
Exactly! What kind of guys
get boob at this school?
13
00:00:34,783 --> 00:00:37,350
I could be Tanya Johnson's baby.
14
00:00:37,385 --> 00:00:40,887
[ Speaks inaudibly ]
[ Coos ]
15
00:00:40,922 --> 00:00:43,856
But he's doing that. Or...
16
00:00:43,892 --> 00:00:45,708
[ Indistinct conversations ]
17
00:00:45,760 --> 00:00:47,593
Hello.
18
00:00:47,629 --> 00:00:49,562
Varsity athletes touch boob!
19
00:00:49,597 --> 00:00:51,831
'Cause they got
those cool letter jackets!
20
00:00:51,866 --> 00:00:55,101
[ Scoffs ] And how are you gonna
become a varsity athlete?
21
00:00:55,221 --> 00:00:58,143
_
22
00:00:59,007 --> 00:01:01,007
Hardly anyone's going out
for water polo.
23
00:01:01,042 --> 00:01:03,409
I-it's like they're
giving letter jackets away!
24
00:01:03,445 --> 00:01:05,645
Or you could buy
a foreign knockoff jacket
25
00:01:05,680 --> 00:01:07,013
and say you transferred in.
26
00:01:07,048 --> 00:01:10,750
I really think people don't
remember us.
27
00:01:11,352 --> 00:01:13,736
♪
28
00:01:13,788 --> 00:01:16,622
♪ Good morning, U.S.A.
29
00:01:16,658 --> 00:01:20,042
♪ I got a feelin' that
it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪
30
00:01:20,078 --> 00:01:23,329
♪ the sun in the sky
has a smile on his face ♪
31
00:01:23,381 --> 00:01:27,633
♪ and he's shinin' a salute
to the American race ♪
32
00:01:29,671 --> 00:01:32,672
♪ oh, boy, it's swell to say
33
00:01:32,674 --> 00:01:35,341
♪ good --
♪ good morning, U.S.A.
34
00:01:43,818 --> 00:01:46,769
[ Indistinct conversations ]
35
00:01:46,821 --> 00:01:49,105
Man, these C.I.A. auctions
are amazing.
36
00:01:49,157 --> 00:01:51,107
There's so much cool stuff.
37
00:01:51,159 --> 00:01:52,658
Hey, can we get
a Farsi translator?
38
00:01:52,694 --> 00:01:53,993
Please, please, please?
39
00:01:54,028 --> 00:01:55,745
Will you feed her
and take her for walks?
40
00:01:55,780 --> 00:01:57,497
No.
41
00:01:57,532 --> 00:01:58,831
And sold!
42
00:01:58,867 --> 00:02:00,666
This working hellfire missile
43
00:02:00,702 --> 00:02:04,036
goes to the man stroking a cat
menacingly in the front row.
44
00:02:04,072 --> 00:02:05,621
[ Chuckles ]
Oh, it's not for me.
45
00:02:05,673 --> 00:02:07,874
It's for downtown Pittsburgh.
46
00:02:07,926 --> 00:02:09,876
[ Cat purrs ]
47
00:02:09,928 --> 00:02:13,379
Our next item is
a 26-foot sailboat
48
00:02:13,381 --> 00:02:16,516
seized off the coast
of Colombia.
49
00:02:16,551 --> 00:02:17,884
Wow.
Wow.
50
00:02:17,919 --> 00:02:20,086
I've always wanted to be
a boat guy.
51
00:02:20,121 --> 00:02:22,421
I know, right?
Hanging out on the deck,
52
00:02:22,457 --> 00:02:24,557
washing down fries
from the marina café
53
00:02:24,592 --> 00:02:26,058
with some cheap canned beer,
54
00:02:26,094 --> 00:02:27,994
making constant small repairs,
55
00:02:28,029 --> 00:02:29,529
getting sunburned
56
00:02:29,564 --> 00:02:31,163
and complaining
the whole time...
57
00:02:31,199 --> 00:02:32,865
Sounds like heaven.
58
00:02:32,901 --> 00:02:35,701
Why don't we start the bidding
at $5,000?
59
00:02:35,737 --> 00:02:37,837
Right here!
I see $5,000. Do I have --
60
00:02:37,872 --> 00:02:39,171
$10,000!
$20,000!
61
00:02:39,207 --> 00:02:40,706
$50,000!
62
00:02:40,742 --> 00:02:41,941
What the hell is going on?!
63
00:02:41,976 --> 00:02:43,543
'Scusies?
64
00:02:43,578 --> 00:02:46,162
Has the Colombian boat
been searched for cocaine?
65
00:02:46,214 --> 00:02:48,814
Uh, yes. There is no cocaine
on the boat.
66
00:02:48,850 --> 00:02:50,116
Take backs.
Me, too.
67
00:02:50,151 --> 00:02:51,551
I'm out.
68
00:02:51,586 --> 00:02:53,653
Sold to the transvestite
in the red dress.
69
00:02:53,688 --> 00:02:55,655
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
70
00:02:55,690 --> 00:02:57,056
He is good.
71
00:02:57,091 --> 00:02:59,892
He's got a better eye
than Garry Marshall.
72
00:03:02,855 --> 00:03:04,388
Good afternoon, men,
73
00:03:04,423 --> 00:03:06,809
and welcome to
water polo tryouts.
74
00:03:06,929 --> 00:03:09,059
I'm the new coach,
James Hetfield.
75
00:03:09,094 --> 00:03:10,661
I know what you're thinking.
76
00:03:10,696 --> 00:03:13,263
"Whoa, the James Hetfield
from Metallica?"
77
00:03:13,298 --> 00:03:15,165
The answer is no way...
78
00:03:15,200 --> 00:03:17,300
even though
I look and sound like him
79
00:03:17,336 --> 00:03:18,835
and have all his guitars.
80
00:03:18,871 --> 00:03:20,137
The point is, if I had to deal
81
00:03:20,172 --> 00:03:22,172
with the kind of pressure
that guy's under,
82
00:03:22,207 --> 00:03:23,807
I'd probably crack
83
00:03:23,842 --> 00:03:25,776
and end up as
a high school water polo coach.
84
00:03:25,811 --> 00:03:27,844
So, it's a good thing
that I'm just
85
00:03:27,880 --> 00:03:29,913
this very different
James Hetfield.
86
00:03:31,817 --> 00:03:34,017
Okay, I appreciate
everyone's interest in the team,
87
00:03:34,053 --> 00:03:37,454
but I can only keep 13 boys.
88
00:03:37,489 --> 00:03:40,257
And...there are 13 of you
trying out.
89
00:03:40,292 --> 00:03:41,458
Okay, we're good.
90
00:03:41,493 --> 00:03:43,293
Sweet!
[ Door bangs open ]
91
00:03:43,328 --> 00:03:44,928
Not so...
92
00:03:44,963 --> 00:03:46,229
Uhh!
93
00:03:46,265 --> 00:03:47,831
[ Groans ] Not...
94
00:03:47,866 --> 00:03:50,000
not so fast!
95
00:03:50,035 --> 00:03:52,919
I'll take my jacket
in a women's medium.
96
00:03:52,955 --> 00:03:54,705
[ Water splashing ]
97
00:03:54,757 --> 00:03:57,207
I got cut
from water polo tryouts!
98
00:03:57,209 --> 00:03:58,709
So you're not on a team,
99
00:03:58,711 --> 00:04:00,293
and I don't get to hang
with the cool parents
100
00:04:00,345 --> 00:04:02,763
for yet another year.
Gotcha.
101
00:04:02,798 --> 00:04:05,449
[ Spoon clatters ]
102
00:04:05,484 --> 00:04:07,484
Great. No one cares.
I care.
103
00:04:07,519 --> 00:04:09,419
Klaus? Wh-where are you?
104
00:04:09,455 --> 00:04:10,921
On the table,
105
00:04:10,956 --> 00:04:13,457
under a pair
of Stan's workout shorts.
106
00:04:13,492 --> 00:04:15,442
He missed
the dirty clothes hamper...
107
00:04:15,477 --> 00:04:17,728
by, like, 80 feet.
108
00:04:17,730 --> 00:04:19,730
So tell me about
this water polo tryout.
109
00:04:19,782 --> 00:04:21,198
How was your eggbeater?
110
00:04:21,233 --> 00:04:23,200
Were your dry passes not to
the strong side hand?
111
00:04:23,235 --> 00:04:24,951
Uh...I don't know.
112
00:04:24,987 --> 00:04:27,404
Wha-- how do you know so much
about water polo?
113
00:04:27,406 --> 00:04:28,955
Eh, growing up,
114
00:04:28,991 --> 00:04:30,741
it was a terrific way
to avoid Turkish people.
115
00:04:30,743 --> 00:04:32,409
Now I can give you
some pointers,
116
00:04:32,411 --> 00:04:34,911
and we will force the coach
to reconsider you.
117
00:04:34,963 --> 00:04:36,213
Awesome!
118
00:04:36,248 --> 00:04:37,831
I am going to make you
119
00:04:37,883 --> 00:04:41,251
the greatest water polo player
in the world!
120
00:04:41,303 --> 00:04:44,471
Yeah!
Step aside, Peter Nordquis!
121
00:04:44,506 --> 00:04:47,390
Wow. You really know
your water polo.
122
00:04:47,426 --> 00:04:48,925
I was just making a name up.
123
00:04:48,977 --> 00:04:51,762
Welp, you got it right.
124
00:04:51,814 --> 00:04:53,864
Ready?
Ready!
125
00:04:56,485 --> 00:04:58,769
There seems to have been
a misunderstanding
126
00:04:58,804 --> 00:05:01,037
about what kind of boat guys
we're gonna be.
127
00:05:01,073 --> 00:05:03,173
Whoa! Is it true you guys
bought a sailboat?!
128
00:05:03,208 --> 00:05:04,841
What do you care?
129
00:05:04,877 --> 00:05:07,177
I love sailing. I practically
grew up on boats.
130
00:05:07,212 --> 00:05:08,478
I taught at sailing camp.
131
00:05:08,514 --> 00:05:10,347
It's the one thing
I'm really good at.
132
00:05:10,382 --> 00:05:12,415
I guess, statistically,
there had to be one.
133
00:05:12,451 --> 00:05:14,151
If you ever need any help
with the boat --
134
00:05:14,186 --> 00:05:15,418
No.
I'd be happy to --
135
00:05:15,454 --> 00:05:16,887
[ cocks gun ]
136
00:05:18,190 --> 00:05:19,790
Guns are a great tool
137
00:05:19,825 --> 00:05:22,159
for keeping things from
escalating out of control.
138
00:05:22,194 --> 00:05:24,094
Now then, about this outfit
disagreement...
139
00:05:24,129 --> 00:05:26,797
[ Cocks gun ]
You're gonna dress my way.
140
00:05:26,832 --> 00:05:29,065
Nice and easy.
141
00:05:29,101 --> 00:05:30,801
See? This works!
No talking!
142
00:05:30,853 --> 00:05:32,552
Let's hit the marina.
143
00:05:32,604 --> 00:05:34,971
[ Panting ]
I just got mugged!
144
00:05:34,973 --> 00:05:37,974
[ Both whistling ]
145
00:05:43,198 --> 00:05:46,116
Ugh. Look at your upper body
bobbing and swaying.
146
00:05:46,151 --> 00:05:48,151
You look like
a broken Barbie doll
147
00:05:48,153 --> 00:05:50,070
surfacing after a ferry sinking.
148
00:05:50,122 --> 00:05:51,988
Well, h-how do I stay still?
149
00:05:52,040 --> 00:05:54,825
Tuck your hips in.
[ Grunts ] Like this?
150
00:05:54,877 --> 00:05:57,327
Ugh. Here, watch me.
151
00:05:58,463 --> 00:06:00,580
Like this.
152
00:06:01,917 --> 00:06:03,216
Dude, what is wrong with you?
153
00:06:03,252 --> 00:06:05,168
I don't understand
what I'm supposed to do!
154
00:06:05,220 --> 00:06:07,637
You're supposed to do this.
155
00:06:09,007 --> 00:06:10,307
Aah!
156
00:06:10,342 --> 00:06:12,142
Tuck...your...hips!
157
00:06:12,177 --> 00:06:14,094
Ooh!
158
00:06:14,146 --> 00:06:18,064
Then you pick up a ball,
eggbeater for elevation,
159
00:06:18,100 --> 00:06:20,191
and fire it into the back of the net.
[ Grunts ]
160
00:06:21,520 --> 00:06:23,019
Whoa.
161
00:06:23,021 --> 00:06:24,487
Holy crap.
162
00:06:24,523 --> 00:06:26,239
You "ratatouille"'d me!
163
00:06:26,275 --> 00:06:28,074
But it's not like
I can go to tryouts with a --
164
00:06:28,110 --> 00:06:30,193
with a -- with a fish
hanging on my shorts.
165
00:06:30,195 --> 00:06:32,112
I'm just gonna
have to keep practicing
166
00:06:32,164 --> 00:06:33,363
till I can do it myself.
167
00:06:33,365 --> 00:06:35,532
[ Scoffs ]
A fish hanging on my shorts.
168
00:06:35,534 --> 00:06:38,118
You know, in Japan,
a fish on your shorts
169
00:06:38,170 --> 00:06:40,871
is eight years of
neither good nor bad luck.
170
00:06:40,873 --> 00:06:44,040
The Japanese
are very superstitious.
171
00:06:44,092 --> 00:06:47,093
[ Metallica's
"Master of Puppets" playing ]
172
00:06:51,133 --> 00:06:54,968
[ Chuckles ] Wow.
Smith, you just made the team.
173
00:06:55,020 --> 00:06:56,219
♪ Master!
174
00:06:56,271 --> 00:06:57,554
♪ Master!
[ Crank clicking ]
175
00:06:57,556 --> 00:07:00,440
♪ Master!
176
00:07:00,475 --> 00:07:03,393
I don't know what got into you,
but I love it.
177
00:07:03,395 --> 00:07:05,278
You're stronger, more confident.
178
00:07:05,314 --> 00:07:08,389
Even your package looks bigger.
Well done.
179
00:07:13,372 --> 00:07:16,940
Nothing wrong with
a fish hanging in your shorts.
180
00:07:16,975 --> 00:07:21,161
[ Both laughing maniacally ]
181
00:07:21,213 --> 00:07:23,242
There's probably a few things
wrong with it.
182
00:07:32,093 --> 00:07:34,260
Look at those guys
with their tit-eating grins.
183
00:07:34,312 --> 00:07:35,928
Time to join 'em.
184
00:07:35,930 --> 00:07:38,431
All right, Klaus.
Take the curly reins.
185
00:07:39,517 --> 00:07:40,984
[ High-pitched voice ] Aah!
186
00:07:41,019 --> 00:07:42,435
Let's go, Scottie!
187
00:07:42,487 --> 00:07:43,970
Focus, Matt!
188
00:07:44,005 --> 00:07:45,321
Please note that I'm here, Nick!
189
00:07:45,357 --> 00:07:47,106
I have to go back to work soon!
190
00:07:50,945 --> 00:07:52,278
[ Whistle blows ]
191
00:07:52,330 --> 00:07:53,997
[ "Master of Puppets" playing ]
192
00:07:54,032 --> 00:07:55,531
[ Spectators cheer ]
193
00:07:55,583 --> 00:07:58,117
♪
194
00:07:58,119 --> 00:07:59,452
[ Spectators cheer ]
195
00:08:03,258 --> 00:08:04,841
[ Spectators cheer ]
196
00:08:11,266 --> 00:08:13,132
[ Spectators cheer ]
197
00:08:13,184 --> 00:08:15,468
♪
198
00:08:15,520 --> 00:08:17,520
Wow! Uh...go, Steve!
199
00:08:17,555 --> 00:08:19,238
Woman: You're Steve's mom?
200
00:08:19,274 --> 00:08:21,474
[ Hesitantly ] Yes?
Your son's a superstar!
201
00:08:21,509 --> 00:08:23,109
What are you doing
way over there?
202
00:08:23,144 --> 00:08:25,044
You have to sit with us!
203
00:08:25,080 --> 00:08:27,347
Really?
With the cool parents?
204
00:08:27,382 --> 00:08:30,483
Let me just check for something
in my purse.
205
00:08:30,485 --> 00:08:33,036
Yes! Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!
206
00:08:33,071 --> 00:08:34,821
[Bleep] Yes!
207
00:08:34,873 --> 00:08:36,322
♪ Master!
208
00:08:36,374 --> 00:08:37,990
♪ Master!
[ Spectators cheering ]
209
00:08:39,411 --> 00:08:41,994
Great first game, men.
That was as exciting
210
00:08:42,047 --> 00:08:44,130
as singing in front
of 70,000 people
211
00:08:44,165 --> 00:08:46,833
at Giants Stadium...
I would imagine.
212
00:08:46,835 --> 00:08:48,835
Tell you what.
You keep the wins going,
213
00:08:48,887 --> 00:08:50,553
I'm taking you all
to raging waters,
214
00:08:50,588 --> 00:08:52,388
and everyone can bring a friend.
215
00:08:52,424 --> 00:08:54,006
[ All cheer ]
216
00:08:54,059 --> 00:08:56,426
I'm bringing David!
217
00:09:00,565 --> 00:09:02,014
You hear that, buddy?
218
00:09:02,016 --> 00:09:03,316
Raging waters.
219
00:09:03,351 --> 00:09:06,903
So much water, so much rage.
220
00:09:06,938 --> 00:09:08,321
It sounds lovely.
221
00:09:08,356 --> 00:09:10,323
Well, you're gonna be
my plus-one.
222
00:09:10,358 --> 00:09:13,025
Really?
Of course. You're my partner.
223
00:09:13,061 --> 00:09:14,394
Hell, right now
224
00:09:14,429 --> 00:09:17,430
you're my best friend
in the whole world.
225
00:09:17,465 --> 00:09:18,998
[ Breathing unevenly ]
226
00:09:19,033 --> 00:09:21,901
[ Sobbing quietly ]
227
00:09:21,936 --> 00:09:24,170
[ Fizzles ]
228
00:09:24,205 --> 00:09:26,172
[ Water lapping,
seabird calling ]
229
00:09:26,207 --> 00:09:28,541
[ Slurping, gulping ]
230
00:09:30,261 --> 00:09:33,546
Slow down!
No wake!
231
00:09:33,598 --> 00:09:35,047
Assholes.
232
00:09:35,049 --> 00:09:38,935
[ Both gulping ]
233
00:09:38,970 --> 00:09:41,354
Thanks, buddy. [ Slurps ]
234
00:09:41,389 --> 00:09:44,090
Hey, you think we should, uh,
sand something?
235
00:09:44,125 --> 00:09:46,159
Something always needs sanding.
236
00:09:46,194 --> 00:09:47,493
[ Scratching ]
237
00:09:47,529 --> 00:09:48,895
[ Slurps ]
238
00:09:48,947 --> 00:09:50,229
Whew! Hot work.
239
00:09:50,231 --> 00:09:52,148
I could use
another cold one, Stan.
240
00:09:52,200 --> 00:09:53,900
Oh, I think we're out.
241
00:09:53,952 --> 00:09:56,502
Who the...What the...
242
00:09:56,538 --> 00:09:59,138
[ Angelic music plays ]
You boys looked dry.
243
00:10:00,542 --> 00:10:02,375
[ Fizzes ]
Welcome to the marina.
244
00:10:02,410 --> 00:10:04,444
Or as they say in Spanish,
245
00:10:04,479 --> 00:10:07,013
bienvenidos to the marina.
246
00:10:07,048 --> 00:10:08,581
I'm Van Dusen.
247
00:10:08,616 --> 00:10:10,283
I'm Roger, and this is Stan.
248
00:10:10,318 --> 00:10:11,951
We're just up
from the B.V.I.
249
00:10:11,986 --> 00:10:13,586
Ahh. Good sail.
250
00:10:13,621 --> 00:10:15,421
[ Slurps ] Good sail.
[ Slurps ] Good sail. Good sail.
251
00:10:15,473 --> 00:10:18,141
You, uh...painting
after you sand?
252
00:10:18,176 --> 00:10:20,226
You know it.
Ain't that just how it goes?
253
00:10:20,261 --> 00:10:21,511
It surely is.
254
00:10:21,563 --> 00:10:23,146
You know what I tell my friends
255
00:10:23,181 --> 00:10:25,181
when they ask what it's like
to own a boat?
256
00:10:25,233 --> 00:10:28,935
I say,
"Stand under a cold shower
257
00:10:28,937 --> 00:10:31,604
and tear up $100 bills."
258
00:10:31,606 --> 00:10:34,073
[ Laughing ] Oh, my God,
you're perfect!
259
00:10:34,108 --> 00:10:36,108
That's such a perfect thing
to say!
260
00:10:36,161 --> 00:10:38,327
[ Chuckles ] It surely is.
261
00:10:38,363 --> 00:10:42,381
Well, I'll see ya, boys.
I got a fuel line to patch.
262
00:10:43,718 --> 00:10:46,285
Did you see all the melanomas
on his arms?
263
00:10:46,321 --> 00:10:47,587
That's a boat guy.
264
00:10:47,622 --> 00:10:49,522
And now we are, too.
[ Clink ]
265
00:10:49,557 --> 00:10:52,124
How's the sanding going?
I think I've been sanding a window.
266
00:10:52,177 --> 00:10:53,459
Cool.
267
00:10:56,130 --> 00:10:57,430
Morning, mom.
268
00:10:57,465 --> 00:10:59,465
Sit, Steve.
I made you breakfast.
269
00:10:59,467 --> 00:11:01,601
I-I'm kind of running late
for school.
270
00:11:01,636 --> 00:11:03,469
This is just
a little thank-you
271
00:11:03,521 --> 00:11:06,222
for turning me into
one of the cool jock parents.
272
00:11:06,274 --> 00:11:07,640
Well, I'm glad to help.
273
00:11:07,692 --> 00:11:10,476
I never thought I'd be
part of their world
274
00:11:10,528 --> 00:11:14,146
because you and Hayley have
always sucked at everything.
275
00:11:14,199 --> 00:11:17,200
Hey. What's for breakfast?
Nothin'. Beat it.
276
00:11:18,486 --> 00:11:20,036
[ Metallica's
"All Nightmare Long" playing ]
277
00:11:20,071 --> 00:11:22,622
♪ 'Cause we hunt you down
without mercy ♪
278
00:11:22,657 --> 00:11:26,192
♪ hunt you down
all nightmare long ♪
279
00:11:26,227 --> 00:11:28,728
♪ feel us breathe
upon your face ♪
280
00:11:28,763 --> 00:11:31,364
♪ feel us shift,
every move we trace ♪
281
00:11:31,399 --> 00:11:34,200
♪ hunt you down without mercy
282
00:11:34,235 --> 00:11:36,135
♪ hunt you down all night--
283
00:11:36,170 --> 00:11:37,537
[ camera shutter clicks ]
284
00:11:37,572 --> 00:11:39,171
Hey! No cameras!
285
00:11:39,173 --> 00:11:41,173
Are you reaching for something?
286
00:11:41,209 --> 00:11:42,558
Only greatness.
287
00:11:42,594 --> 00:11:44,060
I'm Amy Reed,
288
00:11:44,095 --> 00:11:45,344
sports editor of
the Pearl Bailey Gazette.
289
00:11:45,346 --> 00:11:47,346
A girl trying to make it
in a boys' world.
290
00:11:47,348 --> 00:11:49,098
I respect the hell out of that.
291
00:11:49,150 --> 00:11:50,766
You're taking the school
by storm,
292
00:11:50,818 --> 00:11:53,152
and I want to know
what makes you so good.
293
00:11:53,187 --> 00:11:55,454
My laser-like focus.
294
00:11:55,490 --> 00:11:57,390
[ Breathily ] Oh, my.
295
00:11:57,425 --> 00:11:59,659
To be continued.
296
00:12:00,461 --> 00:12:04,196
Okay, the new name for
your shorts is "The Bone Yard,"
297
00:12:04,232 --> 00:12:06,566
'cause there were
so many bones in there.
298
00:12:06,601 --> 00:12:08,100
Wait, did -- did you also
have a --
299
00:12:08,136 --> 00:12:10,803
Oh, don't tell me you didn't
feel mine, bro.
300
00:12:10,838 --> 00:12:12,405
That's bullshit, man.
301
00:12:16,644 --> 00:12:19,345
Ugh. Soggy.
302
00:12:19,380 --> 00:12:21,347
I can't get a single fry
in my mouth!
303
00:12:21,382 --> 00:12:22,598
[ Thud ]
Aah!
304
00:12:22,634 --> 00:12:24,383
I didn't ask for a beer!
305
00:12:24,435 --> 00:12:26,552
Throwing beers is the only thing
that breaks up the monotony.
306
00:12:26,604 --> 00:12:29,305
Owning a boat sucks.
It does.
307
00:12:29,357 --> 00:12:31,140
It's just constant maintenance.
308
00:12:31,192 --> 00:12:34,110
Should we...I don't know,
try sailing it?
309
00:12:34,145 --> 00:12:37,280
Where? Where in the ocean
do you need to go?
310
00:12:37,315 --> 00:12:40,783
Uh, here's the bill
for this month's slip fee.
311
00:12:42,403 --> 00:12:44,537
Are you kidding me?
Oh, my God!
312
00:12:44,572 --> 00:12:47,657
$14?! That's an hour
of kiln time!
313
00:12:47,709 --> 00:12:49,575
That's it.
We're sellin' the boat.
314
00:12:49,577 --> 00:12:50,826
Heh, good luck.
315
00:12:50,878 --> 00:12:54,297
I've been trying to sell mine
for 15 years.
316
00:12:54,332 --> 00:12:58,384
Trouble is, most people know
how stupid it is to own a boat.
317
00:12:58,419 --> 00:13:00,753
Sometimes I just wish
this thing would sink
318
00:13:00,805 --> 00:13:02,838
so I could get
the insurance money.
319
00:13:02,890 --> 00:13:05,391
That gives me an idea.
320
00:13:05,426 --> 00:13:06,826
Me, too.
321
00:13:06,861 --> 00:13:09,345
Oh, I love it when we have
ideas at the same time!
322
00:13:09,397 --> 00:13:11,847
So do I! Bring it in.
323
00:13:11,899 --> 00:13:13,733
[ Lowered voice ] I think
we should get pinkberry.
324
00:13:13,768 --> 00:13:15,351
[ Lowered voice ] Oh, yum, yum,
yum, yum, yum, yum, yum.
325
00:13:15,403 --> 00:13:18,270
And after that, let's commit...
[ Whispers ] insurance fraud.
326
00:13:18,306 --> 00:13:21,574
[ Whispers ] It's so easy
to make plans with you.
327
00:13:24,245 --> 00:13:25,711
Hey, Klaus.
328
00:13:25,747 --> 00:13:28,414
I see Amy's water polo story
came out in the school paper.
329
00:13:28,449 --> 00:13:31,484
Yeah, pretty cool.
She calls me the "Pool Shark."
330
00:13:31,519 --> 00:13:35,287
"When asked how he got so good
at water polo, Smith replied,
331
00:13:35,323 --> 00:13:38,491
"'by being totally awesome
all by myself with no help.
332
00:13:38,526 --> 00:13:39,792
#blessed'"
333
00:13:39,827 --> 00:13:41,594
what is this crap?!
334
00:13:41,629 --> 00:13:44,296
Come on! I couldn't say
I had a fish in my shorts.
335
00:13:44,298 --> 00:13:45,865
I-I'd get kicked off
the team!
336
00:13:45,900 --> 00:13:47,733
You wouldn't even be on the team
337
00:13:47,769 --> 00:13:49,802
if I wasn't steering you
by the pubes.
338
00:13:49,804 --> 00:13:52,138
Ugh, Klaus, stop being
such a baby.
339
00:13:52,190 --> 00:13:53,522
It's one stupid article.
340
00:13:53,558 --> 00:13:55,307
Yeah, but --
But nothing!
341
00:13:55,309 --> 00:13:57,727
I'm not forgetting about you,
I swear to God!
342
00:13:57,779 --> 00:14:00,312
[ Horn honks ]
Oh, that's the bus to raging waters.
343
00:14:00,314 --> 00:14:02,481
Great, I'll get my stuff.
344
00:14:02,483 --> 00:14:03,699
I'm ready.
345
00:14:03,735 --> 00:14:05,151
Oh. Yeah...
346
00:14:05,203 --> 00:14:06,485
Ugh.
347
00:14:06,521 --> 00:14:08,387
Um, about that...
348
00:14:08,423 --> 00:14:12,324
Come on, Steve!
Thanks for inviting me!
349
00:14:12,360 --> 00:14:13,926
Dude.
350
00:14:13,961 --> 00:14:17,913
I know I invited you first,
but you can't compete with that.
351
00:14:19,751 --> 00:14:24,170
If it's competition you want,
then prepare to lose.
352
00:14:24,222 --> 00:14:25,554
Uh, but not right now,
of course,
353
00:14:25,590 --> 00:14:26,922
because you're killing it.
354
00:14:26,974 --> 00:14:28,841
You're taking a hot girl
to a water park,
355
00:14:28,893 --> 00:14:33,229
and I'm stuck home in a bowl.
But things can change.
356
00:14:33,264 --> 00:14:37,650
Oh, yes, change is in the air.
357
00:14:37,685 --> 00:14:40,735
Change is a-comin'.
358
00:14:40,855 --> 00:14:42,728
Chan--
359
00:14:45,149 --> 00:14:47,216
It's been a hell of a season,
men.
360
00:14:47,251 --> 00:14:49,651
You've played for me,
for each other,
361
00:14:49,687 --> 00:14:51,103
and for this letter jacket.
362
00:14:51,138 --> 00:14:54,139
Now let's go send
Fairfax Country Day School...
363
00:14:54,191 --> 00:14:58,227
♪ Off to never-never land, ah!
364
00:15:05,069 --> 00:15:07,703
'Sup?
Ready to do this?
365
00:15:07,738 --> 00:15:09,071
I'm thinking today
366
00:15:09,073 --> 00:15:11,907
the pool shark will be
doing it by himself.
367
00:15:11,909 --> 00:15:14,743
I'm too engrossed
in this week's cafeteria menu.
368
00:15:14,745 --> 00:15:16,745
[ Sighs ] Is this about
raging waters?
369
00:15:16,797 --> 00:15:18,080
Sloppy Joe Friday.
370
00:15:18,132 --> 00:15:20,749
Start your weekend
on the toilet.
371
00:15:20,801 --> 00:15:23,252
Fine. I don't need you.
Yeah, yeah.
372
00:15:23,254 --> 00:15:25,220
This is gonna be like
the part of "Ratatouille"
373
00:15:25,256 --> 00:15:26,755
when the human realizes
374
00:15:26,757 --> 00:15:28,140
he doesn't need the rat
any more,
375
00:15:28,175 --> 00:15:30,142
and then he's really successful
on his own,
376
00:15:30,177 --> 00:15:31,844
and then the movie ends.
377
00:15:33,264 --> 00:15:34,763
The movie doesn't end
378
00:15:34,815 --> 00:15:37,766
when you fall asleep
with your blankie, Steve.
379
00:15:37,802 --> 00:15:39,034
[ Whistle blows ]
380
00:15:39,069 --> 00:15:40,302
[ Cheering ]
381
00:15:40,337 --> 00:15:42,271
[ Grunting ]
382
00:15:42,273 --> 00:15:43,655
[ Coughs ]
383
00:15:43,691 --> 00:15:46,191
[ Smack ]
384
00:15:46,243 --> 00:15:48,610
The hell's wrong with you,
Smith?!
385
00:15:48,612 --> 00:15:50,078
Is Steve all right?
386
00:15:50,114 --> 00:15:53,615
I don't think so.
He's losing his mother's love.
387
00:15:53,617 --> 00:15:56,118
[ Grunting ]
388
00:15:56,170 --> 00:15:58,954
Look at you, quivering like
the Italian army.
389
00:15:58,956 --> 00:16:01,790
That's because your legs are as
weak as the Italian air force,
390
00:16:01,842 --> 00:16:04,676
which is why you've taken fewer
shots than the Italian Navy.
391
00:16:04,712 --> 00:16:06,178
I'm not just gonna float here
392
00:16:06,213 --> 00:16:08,931
and let you compare me to
the entire Italian armed forces.
393
00:16:08,966 --> 00:16:12,267
Well, what are you gonna
do about it, paisan?
394
00:16:12,303 --> 00:16:14,186
I'm gonna use all my strength
395
00:16:14,221 --> 00:16:16,638
to be the pool shark
I know I can be!
396
00:16:16,640 --> 00:16:20,893
[ Triumphant music playing ]
397
00:16:26,650 --> 00:16:28,317
[ Glass shatters ]
398
00:16:28,319 --> 00:16:30,319
Oh! Just missed.
399
00:16:30,371 --> 00:16:34,823
[ Weakly ] And I used...
all my strength.
400
00:16:36,160 --> 00:16:37,993
[ Thinking ]Oh, God.
401
00:16:37,995 --> 00:16:40,329
Am I drowning?
402
00:16:40,381 --> 00:16:42,714
I am drowning.
403
00:16:42,750 --> 00:16:44,967
My life is flashing
before my eyes.
404
00:16:45,002 --> 00:16:47,836
[ Claps hands ]
[ Singsongy ] Come to mama!
405
00:16:49,340 --> 00:16:51,006
[ Thud ]
406
00:16:53,978 --> 00:16:55,677
What?! No!
407
00:16:55,729 --> 00:16:58,063
Have fun tonight, honey.
408
00:16:58,098 --> 00:17:00,899
Give him everything he wants.
409
00:17:00,935 --> 00:17:03,068
You bet.
410
00:17:05,272 --> 00:17:07,072
[ Both moaning ]
411
00:17:07,107 --> 00:17:09,324
No! Those are my boobs!
412
00:17:09,360 --> 00:17:12,194
Stop...ignoring me.
413
00:17:31,849 --> 00:17:34,132
[ Bubbling ]
414
00:17:36,387 --> 00:17:39,771
[ Coughing, sputtering ]
415
00:17:39,807 --> 00:17:42,024
You okay?
[ Coughs ]
416
00:17:42,059 --> 00:17:45,861
Yeah.
Yeah, I'm better than okay.
417
00:17:45,896 --> 00:17:50,065
It took me being underwater
to finally see things clearly.
418
00:17:50,067 --> 00:17:52,734
That's a great lyric.
419
00:17:52,736 --> 00:17:54,319
I got my confidence back.
420
00:17:54,371 --> 00:17:55,821
I quit.
421
00:17:59,009 --> 00:18:00,776
I have a confession to make.
422
00:18:00,811 --> 00:18:04,379
I didn't become a great
water polo player all by myself.
423
00:18:04,415 --> 00:18:07,950
In fact, the guy that
made me great is here today.
424
00:18:07,985 --> 00:18:09,751
[ Lowered voice ] Dude,
what are you doing?
425
00:18:09,787 --> 00:18:13,355
You see, sometimes one member of
the team gets the spotlight,
426
00:18:13,390 --> 00:18:15,023
even though
he couldn't have done it
427
00:18:15,059 --> 00:18:17,759
without another member --
an important member.
428
00:18:17,795 --> 00:18:20,796
I'm talking about the little guy
in my swimsuit.
429
00:18:20,831 --> 00:18:23,398
And I think it's time
for everybody to meet him.
430
00:18:23,434 --> 00:18:25,817
[ All gasp ]
431
00:18:27,021 --> 00:18:29,521
Welp, it was a good run.
432
00:18:29,573 --> 00:18:31,857
Stop! You'll lose everything.
433
00:18:31,909 --> 00:18:34,159
This guy doesn't get
the attention he deserves.
434
00:18:34,194 --> 00:18:36,945
Maybe 'cause he's so small.
Prove it!
435
00:18:36,947 --> 00:18:40,248
'Scuse me. Sorry.
Just making my way out.
436
00:18:40,284 --> 00:18:41,950
I know how this ends.
437
00:18:41,952 --> 00:18:43,502
He gets a little shy.
438
00:18:43,537 --> 00:18:46,538
M-maybe if I stroke him a bit,
he'll pop his head out.
439
00:18:46,590 --> 00:18:48,290
That's so gross.
440
00:18:48,292 --> 00:18:50,459
I'm so cold.
441
00:18:50,461 --> 00:18:52,094
Are you a varsity athlete?
442
00:18:52,129 --> 00:18:54,129
No. My dad owns
a jacket company.
443
00:18:54,181 --> 00:18:56,848
Oh, my God. [ Giggles ]
444
00:18:56,884 --> 00:18:59,101
Okay, everybody,
I see how this looks.
445
00:18:59,136 --> 00:19:01,970
I'm not a weirdo.
I just have a fish in my shorts.
446
00:19:02,022 --> 00:19:03,972
He's been helping me
get a jacket.
447
00:19:04,024 --> 00:19:06,391
Seemed like a good way
to get to second base.
448
00:19:06,443 --> 00:19:09,061
Thinking about
switching schools.
449
00:19:11,532 --> 00:19:13,815
I think she's ready.
Shipshape.
450
00:19:13,817 --> 00:19:17,986
Hey, guys! I'm so psyched you
invited me to take the boat out!
451
00:19:18,038 --> 00:19:20,238
Well, Jeff, we realized
how selfish we'd been,
452
00:19:20,290 --> 00:19:22,407
and we wanted to share
the boat-guy lifestyle
453
00:19:22,459 --> 00:19:24,209
with someone who'd
appreciate it.
454
00:19:24,244 --> 00:19:27,245
Awesome. So, can I cast off?
455
00:19:27,297 --> 00:19:29,581
You mean drive it?
Yeah, sure, knock yourself out.
456
00:19:29,633 --> 00:19:31,333
Hey, dad.
457
00:19:31,385 --> 00:19:34,302
Whoa! Hayley, Hayley, we just
invited Jeff to go sailing.
458
00:19:34,338 --> 00:19:35,921
But it's our anniversary.
459
00:19:35,973 --> 00:19:37,472
Of what?
Being married.
460
00:19:37,508 --> 00:19:41,093
And what better way to celebrate
than a sunset sail?
461
00:19:41,145 --> 00:19:42,561
Eh, mind the lines.
462
00:19:45,232 --> 00:19:48,233
[ Adventurous music playing ]
463
00:19:54,658 --> 00:19:59,528
[ Seabirds calling ]
464
00:19:59,530 --> 00:20:01,079
So that's what sailing's
supposed to look like.
465
00:20:01,115 --> 00:20:02,364
Would've been cool if we'd done that.
Yeah.
466
00:20:02,416 --> 00:20:04,032
So, how long till
the boat sinks?
467
00:20:04,084 --> 00:20:05,951
Mm, as soon
as the painter's tape
468
00:20:06,003 --> 00:20:09,337
that's covering the big hole
in the bottom disintegrates.
469
00:20:09,373 --> 00:20:10,539
Well, let's go get 'em
470
00:20:10,591 --> 00:20:12,958
and collect
that sweet boat insurance.
471
00:20:13,010 --> 00:20:14,926
Boat insurance?
Who insures a boat?
472
00:20:14,962 --> 00:20:17,045
I thought the play was
life insurance.
473
00:20:17,047 --> 00:20:18,380
What?
474
00:20:18,382 --> 00:20:20,048
I took out a very aggressive
policy on Jeff.
475
00:20:20,050 --> 00:20:22,300
Damn it, Roger,
we can't let them drown!
476
00:20:22,352 --> 00:20:25,554
It's, uh, it's actually a pretty
important part of the plan.
477
00:20:25,606 --> 00:20:27,606
The -- the, uh, crux,
if you will.
478
00:20:27,641 --> 00:20:29,391
Ugh, forget it. They lived.
479
00:20:31,278 --> 00:20:34,229
[ Panting ] That was horrible!
The boat just sank!
480
00:20:34,231 --> 00:20:36,398
And the life jackets
didn't help at all!
481
00:20:36,450 --> 00:20:38,400
It's like they're filled
with sand.
482
00:20:38,452 --> 00:20:40,485
Roger!
It wasn't me!
483
00:20:40,537 --> 00:20:42,621
Wait a minute.
[ Click ]
484
00:20:45,626 --> 00:20:47,242
Cocaine!
485
00:20:47,294 --> 00:20:49,127
Stan, do you know what
this means?!
486
00:20:49,163 --> 00:20:50,579
I sure do.
487
00:20:50,631 --> 00:20:52,810
It means all three of you
are going to prison.
488
00:20:53,626 --> 00:20:54,718
Wait, what?