1 00:00:03,273 --> 00:00:04,114 [ Sighs ] 2 00:00:04,352 --> 00:00:05,852 I love springtime, 3 00:00:05,887 --> 00:00:08,054 when the bulky sweatshirts come off, 4 00:00:08,089 --> 00:00:11,257 and you can see which guys were in the gym all winter. 5 00:00:11,292 --> 00:00:13,593 What's that, snot? Why am I so distracted today? 6 00:00:15,497 --> 00:00:18,264 'Cause I'm craving something, something I've never had. 7 00:00:18,299 --> 00:00:19,899 Potato boobs! 8 00:00:19,934 --> 00:00:21,367 [ Chomping ] 9 00:00:21,403 --> 00:00:23,936 You can have the starchy simulacra. 10 00:00:23,938 --> 00:00:27,490 I need to -- nay, I will touch the real thing. 11 00:00:27,610 --> 00:00:30,959 _ 12 00:00:31,079 --> 00:00:34,747 Exactly! What kind of guys get boob at this school? 13 00:00:34,783 --> 00:00:37,350 I could be Tanya Johnson's baby. 14 00:00:37,385 --> 00:00:40,887 [ Speaks inaudibly ] [ Coos ] 15 00:00:40,922 --> 00:00:43,856 But he's doing that. Or... 16 00:00:43,892 --> 00:00:45,708 [ Indistinct conversations ] 17 00:00:45,760 --> 00:00:47,593 Hello. 18 00:00:47,629 --> 00:00:49,562 Varsity athletes touch boob! 19 00:00:49,597 --> 00:00:51,831 'Cause they got those cool letter jackets! 20 00:00:51,866 --> 00:00:55,101 [ Scoffs ] And how are you gonna become a varsity athlete? 21 00:00:55,221 --> 00:00:58,143 _ 22 00:00:59,007 --> 00:01:01,007 Hardly anyone's going out for water polo. 23 00:01:01,042 --> 00:01:03,409 I-it's like they're giving letter jackets away! 24 00:01:03,445 --> 00:01:05,645 Or you could buy a foreign knockoff jacket 25 00:01:05,680 --> 00:01:07,013 and say you transferred in. 26 00:01:07,048 --> 00:01:10,750 I really think people don't remember us. 27 00:01:11,352 --> 00:01:13,736 ♪ 28 00:01:13,788 --> 00:01:16,622 ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. 29 00:01:16,658 --> 00:01:20,042 ♪ I got a feelin' that it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪ 30 00:01:20,078 --> 00:01:23,329 ♪ the sun in the sky has a smile on his face ♪ 31 00:01:23,381 --> 00:01:27,633 ♪ and he's shinin' a salute to the American race ♪ 32 00:01:29,671 --> 00:01:32,672 ♪ oh, boy, it's swell to say 33 00:01:32,674 --> 00:01:35,341 ♪ good -- ♪ good morning, U.S.A. 34 00:01:43,818 --> 00:01:46,769 [ Indistinct conversations ] 35 00:01:46,821 --> 00:01:49,105 Man, these C.I.A. auctions are amazing. 36 00:01:49,157 --> 00:01:51,107 There's so much cool stuff. 37 00:01:51,159 --> 00:01:52,658 Hey, can we get a Farsi translator? 38 00:01:52,694 --> 00:01:53,993 Please, please, please? 39 00:01:54,028 --> 00:01:55,745 Will you feed her and take her for walks? 40 00:01:55,780 --> 00:01:57,497 No. 41 00:01:57,532 --> 00:01:58,831 And sold! 42 00:01:58,867 --> 00:02:00,666 This working hellfire missile 43 00:02:00,702 --> 00:02:04,036 goes to the man stroking a cat menacingly in the front row. 44 00:02:04,072 --> 00:02:05,621 [ Chuckles ] Oh, it's not for me. 45 00:02:05,673 --> 00:02:07,874 It's for downtown Pittsburgh. 46 00:02:07,926 --> 00:02:09,876 [ Cat purrs ] 47 00:02:09,928 --> 00:02:13,379 Our next item is a 26-foot sailboat 48 00:02:13,381 --> 00:02:16,516 seized off the coast of Colombia. 49 00:02:16,551 --> 00:02:17,884 Wow. Wow. 50 00:02:17,919 --> 00:02:20,086 I've always wanted to be a boat guy. 51 00:02:20,121 --> 00:02:22,421 I know, right? Hanging out on the deck, 52 00:02:22,457 --> 00:02:24,557 washing down fries from the marina café 53 00:02:24,592 --> 00:02:26,058 with some cheap canned beer, 54 00:02:26,094 --> 00:02:27,994 making constant small repairs, 55 00:02:28,029 --> 00:02:29,529 getting sunburned 56 00:02:29,564 --> 00:02:31,163 and complaining the whole time... 57 00:02:31,199 --> 00:02:32,865 Sounds like heaven. 58 00:02:32,901 --> 00:02:35,701 Why don't we start the bidding at $5,000? 59 00:02:35,737 --> 00:02:37,837 Right here! I see $5,000. Do I have -- 60 00:02:37,872 --> 00:02:39,171 $10,000! $20,000! 61 00:02:39,207 --> 00:02:40,706 $50,000! 62 00:02:40,742 --> 00:02:41,941 What the hell is going on?! 63 00:02:41,976 --> 00:02:43,543 'Scusies? 64 00:02:43,578 --> 00:02:46,162 Has the Colombian boat been searched for cocaine? 65 00:02:46,214 --> 00:02:48,814 Uh, yes. There is no cocaine on the boat. 66 00:02:48,850 --> 00:02:50,116 Take backs. Me, too. 67 00:02:50,151 --> 00:02:51,551 I'm out. 68 00:02:51,586 --> 00:02:53,653 Sold to the transvestite in the red dress. 69 00:02:53,688 --> 00:02:55,655 Whoa, whoa, whoa! 70 00:02:55,690 --> 00:02:57,056 He is good. 71 00:02:57,091 --> 00:02:59,892 He's got a better eye than Garry Marshall. 72 00:03:02,855 --> 00:03:04,388 Good afternoon, men, 73 00:03:04,423 --> 00:03:06,809 and welcome to water polo tryouts. 74 00:03:06,929 --> 00:03:09,059 I'm the new coach, James Hetfield. 75 00:03:09,094 --> 00:03:10,661 I know what you're thinking. 76 00:03:10,696 --> 00:03:13,263 "Whoa, the James Hetfield from Metallica?" 77 00:03:13,298 --> 00:03:15,165 The answer is no way... 78 00:03:15,200 --> 00:03:17,300 even though I look and sound like him 79 00:03:17,336 --> 00:03:18,835 and have all his guitars. 80 00:03:18,871 --> 00:03:20,137 The point is, if I had to deal 81 00:03:20,172 --> 00:03:22,172 with the kind of pressure that guy's under, 82 00:03:22,207 --> 00:03:23,807 I'd probably crack 83 00:03:23,842 --> 00:03:25,776 and end up as a high school water polo coach. 84 00:03:25,811 --> 00:03:27,844 So, it's a good thing that I'm just 85 00:03:27,880 --> 00:03:29,913 this very different James Hetfield. 86 00:03:31,817 --> 00:03:34,017 Okay, I appreciate everyone's interest in the team, 87 00:03:34,053 --> 00:03:37,454 but I can only keep 13 boys. 88 00:03:37,489 --> 00:03:40,257 And...there are 13 of you trying out. 89 00:03:40,292 --> 00:03:41,458 Okay, we're good. 90 00:03:41,493 --> 00:03:43,293 Sweet! [ Door bangs open ] 91 00:03:43,328 --> 00:03:44,928 Not so... 92 00:03:44,963 --> 00:03:46,229 Uhh! 93 00:03:46,265 --> 00:03:47,831 [ Groans ] Not... 94 00:03:47,866 --> 00:03:50,000 not so fast! 95 00:03:50,035 --> 00:03:52,919 I'll take my jacket in a women's medium. 96 00:03:52,955 --> 00:03:54,705 [ Water splashing ] 97 00:03:54,757 --> 00:03:57,207 I got cut from water polo tryouts! 98 00:03:57,209 --> 00:03:58,709 So you're not on a team, 99 00:03:58,711 --> 00:04:00,293 and I don't get to hang with the cool parents 100 00:04:00,345 --> 00:04:02,763 for yet another year. Gotcha. 101 00:04:02,798 --> 00:04:05,449 [ Spoon clatters ] 102 00:04:05,484 --> 00:04:07,484 Great. No one cares. I care. 103 00:04:07,519 --> 00:04:09,419 Klaus? Wh-where are you? 104 00:04:09,455 --> 00:04:10,921 On the table, 105 00:04:10,956 --> 00:04:13,457 under a pair of Stan's workout shorts. 106 00:04:13,492 --> 00:04:15,442 He missed the dirty clothes hamper... 107 00:04:15,477 --> 00:04:17,728 by, like, 80 feet. 108 00:04:17,730 --> 00:04:19,730 So tell me about this water polo tryout. 109 00:04:19,782 --> 00:04:21,198 How was your eggbeater? 110 00:04:21,233 --> 00:04:23,200 Were your dry passes not to the strong side hand? 111 00:04:23,235 --> 00:04:24,951 Uh...I don't know. 112 00:04:24,987 --> 00:04:27,404 Wha-- how do you know so much about water polo? 113 00:04:27,406 --> 00:04:28,955 Eh, growing up, 114 00:04:28,991 --> 00:04:30,741 it was a terrific way to avoid Turkish people. 115 00:04:30,743 --> 00:04:32,409 Now I can give you some pointers, 116 00:04:32,411 --> 00:04:34,911 and we will force the coach to reconsider you. 117 00:04:34,963 --> 00:04:36,213 Awesome! 118 00:04:36,248 --> 00:04:37,831 I am going to make you 119 00:04:37,883 --> 00:04:41,251 the greatest water polo player in the world! 120 00:04:41,303 --> 00:04:44,471 Yeah! Step aside, Peter Nordquis! 121 00:04:44,506 --> 00:04:47,390 Wow. You really know your water polo. 122 00:04:47,426 --> 00:04:48,925 I was just making a name up. 123 00:04:48,977 --> 00:04:51,762 Welp, you got it right. 124 00:04:51,814 --> 00:04:53,864 Ready? Ready! 125 00:04:56,485 --> 00:04:58,769 There seems to have been a misunderstanding 126 00:04:58,804 --> 00:05:01,037 about what kind of boat guys we're gonna be. 127 00:05:01,073 --> 00:05:03,173 Whoa! Is it true you guys bought a sailboat?! 128 00:05:03,208 --> 00:05:04,841 What do you care? 129 00:05:04,877 --> 00:05:07,177 I love sailing. I practically grew up on boats. 130 00:05:07,212 --> 00:05:08,478 I taught at sailing camp. 131 00:05:08,514 --> 00:05:10,347 It's the one thing I'm really good at. 132 00:05:10,382 --> 00:05:12,415 I guess, statistically, there had to be one. 133 00:05:12,451 --> 00:05:14,151 If you ever need any help with the boat -- 134 00:05:14,186 --> 00:05:15,418 No. I'd be happy to -- 135 00:05:15,454 --> 00:05:16,887 [ cocks gun ] 136 00:05:18,190 --> 00:05:19,790 Guns are a great tool 137 00:05:19,825 --> 00:05:22,159 for keeping things from escalating out of control. 138 00:05:22,194 --> 00:05:24,094 Now then, about this outfit disagreement... 139 00:05:24,129 --> 00:05:26,797 [ Cocks gun ] You're gonna dress my way. 140 00:05:26,832 --> 00:05:29,065 Nice and easy. 141 00:05:29,101 --> 00:05:30,801 See? This works! No talking! 142 00:05:30,853 --> 00:05:32,552 Let's hit the marina. 143 00:05:32,604 --> 00:05:34,971 [ Panting ] I just got mugged! 144 00:05:34,973 --> 00:05:37,974 [ Both whistling ] 145 00:05:43,198 --> 00:05:46,116 Ugh. Look at your upper body bobbing and swaying. 146 00:05:46,151 --> 00:05:48,151 You look like a broken Barbie doll 147 00:05:48,153 --> 00:05:50,070 surfacing after a ferry sinking. 148 00:05:50,122 --> 00:05:51,988 Well, h-how do I stay still? 149 00:05:52,040 --> 00:05:54,825 Tuck your hips in. [ Grunts ] Like this? 150 00:05:54,877 --> 00:05:57,327 Ugh. Here, watch me. 151 00:05:58,463 --> 00:06:00,580 Like this. 152 00:06:01,917 --> 00:06:03,216 Dude, what is wrong with you? 153 00:06:03,252 --> 00:06:05,168 I don't understand what I'm supposed to do! 154 00:06:05,220 --> 00:06:07,637 You're supposed to do this. 155 00:06:09,007 --> 00:06:10,307 Aah! 156 00:06:10,342 --> 00:06:12,142 Tuck...your...hips! 157 00:06:12,177 --> 00:06:14,094 Ooh! 158 00:06:14,146 --> 00:06:18,064 Then you pick up a ball, eggbeater for elevation, 159 00:06:18,100 --> 00:06:20,191 and fire it into the back of the net. [ Grunts ] 160 00:06:21,520 --> 00:06:23,019 Whoa. 161 00:06:23,021 --> 00:06:24,487 Holy crap. 162 00:06:24,523 --> 00:06:26,239 You "ratatouille"'d me! 163 00:06:26,275 --> 00:06:28,074 But it's not like I can go to tryouts with a -- 164 00:06:28,110 --> 00:06:30,193 with a -- with a fish hanging on my shorts. 165 00:06:30,195 --> 00:06:32,112 I'm just gonna have to keep practicing 166 00:06:32,164 --> 00:06:33,363 till I can do it myself. 167 00:06:33,365 --> 00:06:35,532 [ Scoffs ] A fish hanging on my shorts. 168 00:06:35,534 --> 00:06:38,118 You know, in Japan, a fish on your shorts 169 00:06:38,170 --> 00:06:40,871 is eight years of neither good nor bad luck. 170 00:06:40,873 --> 00:06:44,040 The Japanese are very superstitious. 171 00:06:44,092 --> 00:06:47,093 [ Metallica's "Master of Puppets" playing ] 172 00:06:51,133 --> 00:06:54,968 [ Chuckles ] Wow. Smith, you just made the team. 173 00:06:55,020 --> 00:06:56,219 ♪ Master! 174 00:06:56,271 --> 00:06:57,554 ♪ Master! [ Crank clicking ] 175 00:06:57,556 --> 00:07:00,440 ♪ Master! 176 00:07:00,475 --> 00:07:03,393 I don't know what got into you, but I love it. 177 00:07:03,395 --> 00:07:05,278 You're stronger, more confident. 178 00:07:05,314 --> 00:07:08,389 Even your package looks bigger. Well done. 179 00:07:13,372 --> 00:07:16,940 Nothing wrong with a fish hanging in your shorts. 180 00:07:16,975 --> 00:07:21,161 [ Both laughing maniacally ] 181 00:07:21,213 --> 00:07:23,242 There's probably a few things wrong with it. 182 00:07:32,093 --> 00:07:34,260 Look at those guys with their tit-eating grins. 183 00:07:34,312 --> 00:07:35,928 Time to join 'em. 184 00:07:35,930 --> 00:07:38,431 All right, Klaus. Take the curly reins. 185 00:07:39,517 --> 00:07:40,984 [ High-pitched voice ] Aah! 186 00:07:41,019 --> 00:07:42,435 Let's go, Scottie! 187 00:07:42,487 --> 00:07:43,970 Focus, Matt! 188 00:07:44,005 --> 00:07:45,321 Please note that I'm here, Nick! 189 00:07:45,357 --> 00:07:47,106 I have to go back to work soon! 190 00:07:50,945 --> 00:07:52,278 [ Whistle blows ] 191 00:07:52,330 --> 00:07:53,997 [ "Master of Puppets" playing ] 192 00:07:54,032 --> 00:07:55,531 [ Spectators cheer ] 193 00:07:55,583 --> 00:07:58,117 ♪ 194 00:07:58,119 --> 00:07:59,452 [ Spectators cheer ] 195 00:08:03,258 --> 00:08:04,841 [ Spectators cheer ] 196 00:08:11,266 --> 00:08:13,132 [ Spectators cheer ] 197 00:08:13,184 --> 00:08:15,468 ♪ 198 00:08:15,520 --> 00:08:17,520 Wow! Uh...go, Steve! 199 00:08:17,555 --> 00:08:19,238 Woman: You're Steve's mom? 200 00:08:19,274 --> 00:08:21,474 [ Hesitantly ] Yes? Your son's a superstar! 201 00:08:21,509 --> 00:08:23,109 What are you doing way over there? 202 00:08:23,144 --> 00:08:25,044 You have to sit with us! 203 00:08:25,080 --> 00:08:27,347 Really? With the cool parents? 204 00:08:27,382 --> 00:08:30,483 Let me just check for something in my purse. 205 00:08:30,485 --> 00:08:33,036 Yes! Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes! 206 00:08:33,071 --> 00:08:34,821 [Bleep] Yes! 207 00:08:34,873 --> 00:08:36,322 ♪ Master! 208 00:08:36,374 --> 00:08:37,990 ♪ Master! [ Spectators cheering ] 209 00:08:39,411 --> 00:08:41,994 Great first game, men. That was as exciting 210 00:08:42,047 --> 00:08:44,130 as singing in front of 70,000 people 211 00:08:44,165 --> 00:08:46,833 at Giants Stadium... I would imagine. 212 00:08:46,835 --> 00:08:48,835 Tell you what. You keep the wins going, 213 00:08:48,887 --> 00:08:50,553 I'm taking you all to raging waters, 214 00:08:50,588 --> 00:08:52,388 and everyone can bring a friend. 215 00:08:52,424 --> 00:08:54,006 [ All cheer ] 216 00:08:54,059 --> 00:08:56,426 I'm bringing David! 217 00:09:00,565 --> 00:09:02,014 You hear that, buddy? 218 00:09:02,016 --> 00:09:03,316 Raging waters. 219 00:09:03,351 --> 00:09:06,903 So much water, so much rage. 220 00:09:06,938 --> 00:09:08,321 It sounds lovely. 221 00:09:08,356 --> 00:09:10,323 Well, you're gonna be my plus-one. 222 00:09:10,358 --> 00:09:13,025 Really? Of course. You're my partner. 223 00:09:13,061 --> 00:09:14,394 Hell, right now 224 00:09:14,429 --> 00:09:17,430 you're my best friend in the whole world. 225 00:09:17,465 --> 00:09:18,998 [ Breathing unevenly ] 226 00:09:19,033 --> 00:09:21,901 [ Sobbing quietly ] 227 00:09:21,936 --> 00:09:24,170 [ Fizzles ] 228 00:09:24,205 --> 00:09:26,172 [ Water lapping, seabird calling ] 229 00:09:26,207 --> 00:09:28,541 [ Slurping, gulping ] 230 00:09:30,261 --> 00:09:33,546 Slow down! No wake! 231 00:09:33,598 --> 00:09:35,047 Assholes. 232 00:09:35,049 --> 00:09:38,935 [ Both gulping ] 233 00:09:38,970 --> 00:09:41,354 Thanks, buddy. [ Slurps ] 234 00:09:41,389 --> 00:09:44,090 Hey, you think we should, uh, sand something? 235 00:09:44,125 --> 00:09:46,159 Something always needs sanding. 236 00:09:46,194 --> 00:09:47,493 [ Scratching ] 237 00:09:47,529 --> 00:09:48,895 [ Slurps ] 238 00:09:48,947 --> 00:09:50,229 Whew! Hot work. 239 00:09:50,231 --> 00:09:52,148 I could use another cold one, Stan. 240 00:09:52,200 --> 00:09:53,900 Oh, I think we're out. 241 00:09:53,952 --> 00:09:56,502 Who the...What the... 242 00:09:56,538 --> 00:09:59,138 [ Angelic music plays ] You boys looked dry. 243 00:10:00,542 --> 00:10:02,375 [ Fizzes ] Welcome to the marina. 244 00:10:02,410 --> 00:10:04,444 Or as they say in Spanish, 245 00:10:04,479 --> 00:10:07,013 bienvenidos to the marina. 246 00:10:07,048 --> 00:10:08,581 I'm Van Dusen. 247 00:10:08,616 --> 00:10:10,283 I'm Roger, and this is Stan. 248 00:10:10,318 --> 00:10:11,951 We're just up from the B.V.I. 249 00:10:11,986 --> 00:10:13,586 Ahh. Good sail. 250 00:10:13,621 --> 00:10:15,421 [ Slurps ] Good sail. [ Slurps ] Good sail. Good sail. 251 00:10:15,473 --> 00:10:18,141 You, uh...painting after you sand? 252 00:10:18,176 --> 00:10:20,226 You know it. Ain't that just how it goes? 253 00:10:20,261 --> 00:10:21,511 It surely is. 254 00:10:21,563 --> 00:10:23,146 You know what I tell my friends 255 00:10:23,181 --> 00:10:25,181 when they ask what it's like to own a boat? 256 00:10:25,233 --> 00:10:28,935 I say, "Stand under a cold shower 257 00:10:28,937 --> 00:10:31,604 and tear up $100 bills." 258 00:10:31,606 --> 00:10:34,073 [ Laughing ] Oh, my God, you're perfect! 259 00:10:34,108 --> 00:10:36,108 That's such a perfect thing to say! 260 00:10:36,161 --> 00:10:38,327 [ Chuckles ] It surely is. 261 00:10:38,363 --> 00:10:42,381 Well, I'll see ya, boys. I got a fuel line to patch. 262 00:10:43,718 --> 00:10:46,285 Did you see all the melanomas on his arms? 263 00:10:46,321 --> 00:10:47,587 That's a boat guy. 264 00:10:47,622 --> 00:10:49,522 And now we are, too. [ Clink ] 265 00:10:49,557 --> 00:10:52,124 How's the sanding going? I think I've been sanding a window. 266 00:10:52,177 --> 00:10:53,459 Cool. 267 00:10:56,130 --> 00:10:57,430 Morning, mom. 268 00:10:57,465 --> 00:10:59,465 Sit, Steve. I made you breakfast. 269 00:10:59,467 --> 00:11:01,601 I-I'm kind of running late for school. 270 00:11:01,636 --> 00:11:03,469 This is just a little thank-you 271 00:11:03,521 --> 00:11:06,222 for turning me into one of the cool jock parents. 272 00:11:06,274 --> 00:11:07,640 Well, I'm glad to help. 273 00:11:07,692 --> 00:11:10,476 I never thought I'd be part of their world 274 00:11:10,528 --> 00:11:14,146 because you and Hayley have always sucked at everything. 275 00:11:14,199 --> 00:11:17,200 Hey. What's for breakfast? Nothin'. Beat it. 276 00:11:18,486 --> 00:11:20,036 [ Metallica's "All Nightmare Long" playing ] 277 00:11:20,071 --> 00:11:22,622 ♪ 'Cause we hunt you down without mercy ♪ 278 00:11:22,657 --> 00:11:26,192 ♪ hunt you down all nightmare long ♪ 279 00:11:26,227 --> 00:11:28,728 ♪ feel us breathe upon your face ♪ 280 00:11:28,763 --> 00:11:31,364 ♪ feel us shift, every move we trace ♪ 281 00:11:31,399 --> 00:11:34,200 ♪ hunt you down without mercy 282 00:11:34,235 --> 00:11:36,135 ♪ hunt you down all night-- 283 00:11:36,170 --> 00:11:37,537 [ camera shutter clicks ] 284 00:11:37,572 --> 00:11:39,171 Hey! No cameras! 285 00:11:39,173 --> 00:11:41,173 Are you reaching for something? 286 00:11:41,209 --> 00:11:42,558 Only greatness. 287 00:11:42,594 --> 00:11:44,060 I'm Amy Reed, 288 00:11:44,095 --> 00:11:45,344 sports editor of the Pearl Bailey Gazette. 289 00:11:45,346 --> 00:11:47,346 A girl trying to make it in a boys' world. 290 00:11:47,348 --> 00:11:49,098 I respect the hell out of that. 291 00:11:49,150 --> 00:11:50,766 You're taking the school by storm, 292 00:11:50,818 --> 00:11:53,152 and I want to know what makes you so good. 293 00:11:53,187 --> 00:11:55,454 My laser-like focus. 294 00:11:55,490 --> 00:11:57,390 [ Breathily ] Oh, my. 295 00:11:57,425 --> 00:11:59,659 To be continued. 296 00:12:00,461 --> 00:12:04,196 Okay, the new name for your shorts is "The Bone Yard," 297 00:12:04,232 --> 00:12:06,566 'cause there were so many bones in there. 298 00:12:06,601 --> 00:12:08,100 Wait, did -- did you also have a -- 299 00:12:08,136 --> 00:12:10,803 Oh, don't tell me you didn't feel mine, bro. 300 00:12:10,838 --> 00:12:12,405 That's bullshit, man. 301 00:12:16,644 --> 00:12:19,345 Ugh. Soggy. 302 00:12:19,380 --> 00:12:21,347 I can't get a single fry in my mouth! 303 00:12:21,382 --> 00:12:22,598 [ Thud ] Aah! 304 00:12:22,634 --> 00:12:24,383 I didn't ask for a beer! 305 00:12:24,435 --> 00:12:26,552 Throwing beers is the only thing that breaks up the monotony. 306 00:12:26,604 --> 00:12:29,305 Owning a boat sucks. It does. 307 00:12:29,357 --> 00:12:31,140 It's just constant maintenance. 308 00:12:31,192 --> 00:12:34,110 Should we...I don't know, try sailing it? 309 00:12:34,145 --> 00:12:37,280 Where? Where in the ocean do you need to go? 310 00:12:37,315 --> 00:12:40,783 Uh, here's the bill for this month's slip fee. 311 00:12:42,403 --> 00:12:44,537 Are you kidding me? Oh, my God! 312 00:12:44,572 --> 00:12:47,657 $14?! That's an hour of kiln time! 313 00:12:47,709 --> 00:12:49,575 That's it. We're sellin' the boat. 314 00:12:49,577 --> 00:12:50,826 Heh, good luck. 315 00:12:50,878 --> 00:12:54,297 I've been trying to sell mine for 15 years. 316 00:12:54,332 --> 00:12:58,384 Trouble is, most people know how stupid it is to own a boat. 317 00:12:58,419 --> 00:13:00,753 Sometimes I just wish this thing would sink 318 00:13:00,805 --> 00:13:02,838 so I could get the insurance money. 319 00:13:02,890 --> 00:13:05,391 That gives me an idea. 320 00:13:05,426 --> 00:13:06,826 Me, too. 321 00:13:06,861 --> 00:13:09,345 Oh, I love it when we have ideas at the same time! 322 00:13:09,397 --> 00:13:11,847 So do I! Bring it in. 323 00:13:11,899 --> 00:13:13,733 [ Lowered voice ] I think we should get pinkberry. 324 00:13:13,768 --> 00:13:15,351 [ Lowered voice ] Oh, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum. 325 00:13:15,403 --> 00:13:18,270 And after that, let's commit... [ Whispers ] insurance fraud. 326 00:13:18,306 --> 00:13:21,574 [ Whispers ] It's so easy to make plans with you. 327 00:13:24,245 --> 00:13:25,711 Hey, Klaus. 328 00:13:25,747 --> 00:13:28,414 I see Amy's water polo story came out in the school paper. 329 00:13:28,449 --> 00:13:31,484 Yeah, pretty cool. She calls me the "Pool Shark." 330 00:13:31,519 --> 00:13:35,287 "When asked how he got so good at water polo, Smith replied, 331 00:13:35,323 --> 00:13:38,491 "'by being totally awesome all by myself with no help. 332 00:13:38,526 --> 00:13:39,792 #blessed'" 333 00:13:39,827 --> 00:13:41,594 what is this crap?! 334 00:13:41,629 --> 00:13:44,296 Come on! I couldn't say I had a fish in my shorts. 335 00:13:44,298 --> 00:13:45,865 I-I'd get kicked off the team! 336 00:13:45,900 --> 00:13:47,733 You wouldn't even be on the team 337 00:13:47,769 --> 00:13:49,802 if I wasn't steering you by the pubes. 338 00:13:49,804 --> 00:13:52,138 Ugh, Klaus, stop being such a baby. 339 00:13:52,190 --> 00:13:53,522 It's one stupid article. 340 00:13:53,558 --> 00:13:55,307 Yeah, but -- But nothing! 341 00:13:55,309 --> 00:13:57,727 I'm not forgetting about you, I swear to God! 342 00:13:57,779 --> 00:14:00,312 [ Horn honks ] Oh, that's the bus to raging waters. 343 00:14:00,314 --> 00:14:02,481 Great, I'll get my stuff. 344 00:14:02,483 --> 00:14:03,699 I'm ready. 345 00:14:03,735 --> 00:14:05,151 Oh. Yeah... 346 00:14:05,203 --> 00:14:06,485 Ugh. 347 00:14:06,521 --> 00:14:08,387 Um, about that... 348 00:14:08,423 --> 00:14:12,324 Come on, Steve! Thanks for inviting me! 349 00:14:12,360 --> 00:14:13,926 Dude. 350 00:14:13,961 --> 00:14:17,913 I know I invited you first, but you can't compete with that. 351 00:14:19,751 --> 00:14:24,170 If it's competition you want, then prepare to lose. 352 00:14:24,222 --> 00:14:25,554 Uh, but not right now, of course, 353 00:14:25,590 --> 00:14:26,922 because you're killing it. 354 00:14:26,974 --> 00:14:28,841 You're taking a hot girl to a water park, 355 00:14:28,893 --> 00:14:33,229 and I'm stuck home in a bowl. But things can change. 356 00:14:33,264 --> 00:14:37,650 Oh, yes, change is in the air. 357 00:14:37,685 --> 00:14:40,735 Change is a-comin'. 358 00:14:40,855 --> 00:14:42,728 Chan-- 359 00:14:45,149 --> 00:14:47,216 It's been a hell of a season, men. 360 00:14:47,251 --> 00:14:49,651 You've played for me, for each other, 361 00:14:49,687 --> 00:14:51,103 and for this letter jacket. 362 00:14:51,138 --> 00:14:54,139 Now let's go send Fairfax Country Day School... 363 00:14:54,191 --> 00:14:58,227 ♪ Off to never-never land, ah! 364 00:15:05,069 --> 00:15:07,703 'Sup? Ready to do this? 365 00:15:07,738 --> 00:15:09,071 I'm thinking today 366 00:15:09,073 --> 00:15:11,907 the pool shark will be doing it by himself. 367 00:15:11,909 --> 00:15:14,743 I'm too engrossed in this week's cafeteria menu. 368 00:15:14,745 --> 00:15:16,745 [ Sighs ] Is this about raging waters? 369 00:15:16,797 --> 00:15:18,080 Sloppy Joe Friday. 370 00:15:18,132 --> 00:15:20,749 Start your weekend on the toilet. 371 00:15:20,801 --> 00:15:23,252 Fine. I don't need you. Yeah, yeah. 372 00:15:23,254 --> 00:15:25,220 This is gonna be like the part of "Ratatouille" 373 00:15:25,256 --> 00:15:26,755 when the human realizes 374 00:15:26,757 --> 00:15:28,140 he doesn't need the rat any more, 375 00:15:28,175 --> 00:15:30,142 and then he's really successful on his own, 376 00:15:30,177 --> 00:15:31,844 and then the movie ends. 377 00:15:33,264 --> 00:15:34,763 The movie doesn't end 378 00:15:34,815 --> 00:15:37,766 when you fall asleep with your blankie, Steve. 379 00:15:37,802 --> 00:15:39,034 [ Whistle blows ] 380 00:15:39,069 --> 00:15:40,302 [ Cheering ] 381 00:15:40,337 --> 00:15:42,271 [ Grunting ] 382 00:15:42,273 --> 00:15:43,655 [ Coughs ] 383 00:15:43,691 --> 00:15:46,191 [ Smack ] 384 00:15:46,243 --> 00:15:48,610 The hell's wrong with you, Smith?! 385 00:15:48,612 --> 00:15:50,078 Is Steve all right? 386 00:15:50,114 --> 00:15:53,615 I don't think so. He's losing his mother's love. 387 00:15:53,617 --> 00:15:56,118 [ Grunting ] 388 00:15:56,170 --> 00:15:58,954 Look at you, quivering like the Italian army. 389 00:15:58,956 --> 00:16:01,790 That's because your legs are as weak as the Italian air force, 390 00:16:01,842 --> 00:16:04,676 which is why you've taken fewer shots than the Italian Navy. 391 00:16:04,712 --> 00:16:06,178 I'm not just gonna float here 392 00:16:06,213 --> 00:16:08,931 and let you compare me to the entire Italian armed forces. 393 00:16:08,966 --> 00:16:12,267 Well, what are you gonna do about it, paisan? 394 00:16:12,303 --> 00:16:14,186 I'm gonna use all my strength 395 00:16:14,221 --> 00:16:16,638 to be the pool shark I know I can be! 396 00:16:16,640 --> 00:16:20,893 [ Triumphant music playing ] 397 00:16:26,650 --> 00:16:28,317 [ Glass shatters ] 398 00:16:28,319 --> 00:16:30,319 Oh! Just missed. 399 00:16:30,371 --> 00:16:34,823 [ Weakly ] And I used... all my strength. 400 00:16:36,160 --> 00:16:37,993 [ Thinking ]Oh, God. 401 00:16:37,995 --> 00:16:40,329 Am I drowning? 402 00:16:40,381 --> 00:16:42,714 I am drowning. 403 00:16:42,750 --> 00:16:44,967 My life is flashing before my eyes. 404 00:16:45,002 --> 00:16:47,836 [ Claps hands ] [ Singsongy ] Come to mama! 405 00:16:49,340 --> 00:16:51,006 [ Thud ] 406 00:16:53,978 --> 00:16:55,677 What?! No! 407 00:16:55,729 --> 00:16:58,063 Have fun tonight, honey. 408 00:16:58,098 --> 00:17:00,899 Give him everything he wants. 409 00:17:00,935 --> 00:17:03,068 You bet. 410 00:17:05,272 --> 00:17:07,072 [ Both moaning ] 411 00:17:07,107 --> 00:17:09,324 No! Those are my boobs! 412 00:17:09,360 --> 00:17:12,194 Stop...ignoring me. 413 00:17:31,849 --> 00:17:34,132 [ Bubbling ] 414 00:17:36,387 --> 00:17:39,771 [ Coughing, sputtering ] 415 00:17:39,807 --> 00:17:42,024 You okay? [ Coughs ] 416 00:17:42,059 --> 00:17:45,861 Yeah. Yeah, I'm better than okay. 417 00:17:45,896 --> 00:17:50,065 It took me being underwater to finally see things clearly. 418 00:17:50,067 --> 00:17:52,734 That's a great lyric. 419 00:17:52,736 --> 00:17:54,319 I got my confidence back. 420 00:17:54,371 --> 00:17:55,821 I quit. 421 00:17:59,009 --> 00:18:00,776 I have a confession to make. 422 00:18:00,811 --> 00:18:04,379 I didn't become a great water polo player all by myself. 423 00:18:04,415 --> 00:18:07,950 In fact, the guy that made me great is here today. 424 00:18:07,985 --> 00:18:09,751 [ Lowered voice ] Dude, what are you doing? 425 00:18:09,787 --> 00:18:13,355 You see, sometimes one member of the team gets the spotlight, 426 00:18:13,390 --> 00:18:15,023 even though he couldn't have done it 427 00:18:15,059 --> 00:18:17,759 without another member -- an important member. 428 00:18:17,795 --> 00:18:20,796 I'm talking about the little guy in my swimsuit. 429 00:18:20,831 --> 00:18:23,398 And I think it's time for everybody to meet him. 430 00:18:23,434 --> 00:18:25,817 [ All gasp ] 431 00:18:27,021 --> 00:18:29,521 Welp, it was a good run. 432 00:18:29,573 --> 00:18:31,857 Stop! You'll lose everything. 433 00:18:31,909 --> 00:18:34,159 This guy doesn't get the attention he deserves. 434 00:18:34,194 --> 00:18:36,945 Maybe 'cause he's so small. Prove it! 435 00:18:36,947 --> 00:18:40,248 'Scuse me. Sorry. Just making my way out. 436 00:18:40,284 --> 00:18:41,950 I know how this ends. 437 00:18:41,952 --> 00:18:43,502 He gets a little shy. 438 00:18:43,537 --> 00:18:46,538 M-maybe if I stroke him a bit, he'll pop his head out. 439 00:18:46,590 --> 00:18:48,290 That's so gross. 440 00:18:48,292 --> 00:18:50,459 I'm so cold. 441 00:18:50,461 --> 00:18:52,094 Are you a varsity athlete? 442 00:18:52,129 --> 00:18:54,129 No. My dad owns a jacket company. 443 00:18:54,181 --> 00:18:56,848 Oh, my God. [ Giggles ] 444 00:18:56,884 --> 00:18:59,101 Okay, everybody, I see how this looks. 445 00:18:59,136 --> 00:19:01,970 I'm not a weirdo. I just have a fish in my shorts. 446 00:19:02,022 --> 00:19:03,972 He's been helping me get a jacket. 447 00:19:04,024 --> 00:19:06,391 Seemed like a good way to get to second base. 448 00:19:06,443 --> 00:19:09,061 Thinking about switching schools. 449 00:19:11,532 --> 00:19:13,815 I think she's ready. Shipshape. 450 00:19:13,817 --> 00:19:17,986 Hey, guys! I'm so psyched you invited me to take the boat out! 451 00:19:18,038 --> 00:19:20,238 Well, Jeff, we realized how selfish we'd been, 452 00:19:20,290 --> 00:19:22,407 and we wanted to share the boat-guy lifestyle 453 00:19:22,459 --> 00:19:24,209 with someone who'd appreciate it. 454 00:19:24,244 --> 00:19:27,245 Awesome. So, can I cast off? 455 00:19:27,297 --> 00:19:29,581 You mean drive it? Yeah, sure, knock yourself out. 456 00:19:29,633 --> 00:19:31,333 Hey, dad. 457 00:19:31,385 --> 00:19:34,302 Whoa! Hayley, Hayley, we just invited Jeff to go sailing. 458 00:19:34,338 --> 00:19:35,921 But it's our anniversary. 459 00:19:35,973 --> 00:19:37,472 Of what? Being married. 460 00:19:37,508 --> 00:19:41,093 And what better way to celebrate than a sunset sail? 461 00:19:41,145 --> 00:19:42,561 Eh, mind the lines. 462 00:19:45,232 --> 00:19:48,233 [ Adventurous music playing ] 463 00:19:54,658 --> 00:19:59,528 [ Seabirds calling ] 464 00:19:59,530 --> 00:20:01,079 So that's what sailing's supposed to look like. 465 00:20:01,115 --> 00:20:02,364 Would've been cool if we'd done that. Yeah. 466 00:20:02,416 --> 00:20:04,032 So, how long till the boat sinks? 467 00:20:04,084 --> 00:20:05,951 Mm, as soon as the painter's tape 468 00:20:06,003 --> 00:20:09,337 that's covering the big hole in the bottom disintegrates. 469 00:20:09,373 --> 00:20:10,539 Well, let's go get 'em 470 00:20:10,591 --> 00:20:12,958 and collect that sweet boat insurance. 471 00:20:13,010 --> 00:20:14,926 Boat insurance? Who insures a boat? 472 00:20:14,962 --> 00:20:17,045 I thought the play was life insurance. 473 00:20:17,047 --> 00:20:18,380 What? 474 00:20:18,382 --> 00:20:20,048 I took out a very aggressive policy on Jeff. 475 00:20:20,050 --> 00:20:22,300 Damn it, Roger, we can't let them drown! 476 00:20:22,352 --> 00:20:25,554 It's, uh, it's actually a pretty important part of the plan. 477 00:20:25,606 --> 00:20:27,606 The -- the, uh, crux, if you will. 478 00:20:27,641 --> 00:20:29,391 Ugh, forget it. They lived. 479 00:20:31,278 --> 00:20:34,229 [ Panting ] That was horrible! The boat just sank! 480 00:20:34,231 --> 00:20:36,398 And the life jackets didn't help at all! 481 00:20:36,450 --> 00:20:38,400 It's like they're filled with sand. 482 00:20:38,452 --> 00:20:40,485 Roger! It wasn't me! 483 00:20:40,537 --> 00:20:42,621 Wait a minute. [ Click ] 484 00:20:45,626 --> 00:20:47,242 Cocaine! 485 00:20:47,294 --> 00:20:49,127 Stan, do you know what this means?! 486 00:20:49,163 --> 00:20:50,579 I sure do. 487 00:20:50,631 --> 00:20:52,810 It means all three of you are going to prison. 488 00:20:53,626 --> 00:20:54,718 Wait, what?