1
00:00:02,887 --> 00:00:05,789
Ugh, why are you dragging
us to church with you?
2
00:00:05,823 --> 00:00:08,693
We were gonna find Jeff the
perfect pair of overalls today.
3
00:00:08,725 --> 00:00:11,228
It's always the chest pocket
that's the dealbreaker.
4
00:00:11,261 --> 00:00:13,565
When it comes to overalls,
you can't settle.
5
00:00:13,597 --> 00:00:15,267
It's why Kris Kross split up.
6
00:00:15,299 --> 00:00:17,135
It's Wiggity-wiggity-wiggity sad.
7
00:00:17,168 --> 00:00:20,472
This family goes to church
on Easter, end of story.
8
00:00:20,505 --> 00:00:22,040
Well, Roger's part of the family.
9
00:00:22,072 --> 00:00:23,274
Why doesn't he have to go?
10
00:00:23,307 --> 00:00:25,776
Roger goes to church, just not ours.
11
00:00:30,747 --> 00:00:33,151
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
12
00:00:33,184 --> 00:00:34,452
Oh!
13
00:00:34,484 --> 00:00:36,887
Brother Jenkins is feeling it!
14
00:00:36,920 --> 00:00:39,758
Jesus, take my feet!
15
00:00:41,591 --> 00:00:45,162
Okay, kids, get ready to
find those Easter eggs.
16
00:00:45,195 --> 00:00:46,730
Aren't you too old for this?
17
00:00:46,764 --> 00:00:48,465
You're never too old to have fun.
18
00:00:49,834 --> 00:00:51,303
Over here!
19
00:00:51,335 --> 00:00:53,204
And stay down!
20
00:00:58,142 --> 00:01:01,513
Bow to your leader, the King of eggs!
21
00:01:01,545 --> 00:01:04,249
Hey, kid in the middle you're faking!
22
00:01:04,282 --> 00:01:07,485
Aaatomic Easter drop!
23
00:01:10,321 --> 00:01:13,158
# Good morning, U.S.A. #
24
00:01:13,190 --> 00:01:16,594
# I got a feelin' that it's
gonna be a wonderful day #
25
00:01:16,627 --> 00:01:19,931
# The sun in the sky has
a smile on his face #
26
00:01:19,964 --> 00:01:23,969
# And he's shinin' a salute
to the American race #
27
00:01:25,970 --> 00:01:29,206
# Oh, boy, it's swell to say #
28
00:01:29,240 --> 00:01:31,509
# Good morning, U.S.A. #
29
00:01:31,541 --> 00:01:32,810
Aah!
30
00:01:34,077 --> 00:01:35,257
# Good morning, U.S.A. #
31
00:01:40,184 --> 00:01:42,152
Which is why, on this day,
32
00:01:42,185 --> 00:01:44,723
we remember what happened in Galilee.
33
00:01:44,756 --> 00:01:47,192
Psst! Red hat!
34
00:01:47,225 --> 00:01:48,827
Red hat!
35
00:01:51,896 --> 00:01:53,998
Stan, who is that?
36
00:01:54,030 --> 00:01:56,834
If I play my cards right, a new friend.
37
00:01:56,868 --> 00:01:59,536
Mr. Smith, your son has
outgrown Sunday school.
38
00:01:59,569 --> 00:02:01,905
Smart, lady... get rid of
the one kid who can kind of
39
00:02:01,938 --> 00:02:03,574
go to the bathroom by himself.
40
00:02:03,607 --> 00:02:06,310
- Sit!
- Okay.
41
00:02:06,344 --> 00:02:08,979
So, this is adult services?
42
00:02:09,013 --> 00:02:10,749
The place is bigger than I imagined.
43
00:02:10,781 --> 00:02:12,517
Were we supposed to bring
our own cushions, or...
44
00:02:12,549 --> 00:02:13,817
Shh!
45
00:02:13,851 --> 00:02:17,187
And the disciples found his tomb empty
46
00:02:17,221 --> 00:02:20,425
because he had risen from
the dead, and then...
47
00:02:20,458 --> 00:02:23,360
So... so Jesus was like a zombie?
48
00:02:23,394 --> 00:02:25,230
Like in "The Walking Dead"?
49
00:02:25,263 --> 00:02:27,866
...Shall ye be told
what shall be made...
50
00:02:27,899 --> 00:02:29,501
I wish Chris Hardwick were here
51
00:02:29,533 --> 00:02:31,769
to giddily explain these
confusing plot points.
52
00:02:31,803 --> 00:02:33,270
Shh!
53
00:02:33,304 --> 00:02:35,440
Doubting Thomas himself
stepped forward...
54
00:02:35,472 --> 00:02:38,442
Doubting Thomas stuck his
finger in Jesus' what?
55
00:02:38,476 --> 00:02:40,944
Am I the only one here who
thinks this is totally weird?!
56
00:02:40,977 --> 00:02:42,212
- Shh!
- Quiet!
57
00:02:42,245 --> 00:02:43,881
- Please!
- Come on!
58
00:02:43,914 --> 00:02:46,017
Is anyone actually buying this?
59
00:02:46,049 --> 00:02:47,918
Steve, you're destroying
all the groundwork
60
00:02:47,952 --> 00:02:49,788
I laid with red hat.
61
00:02:52,289 --> 00:02:55,226
My own son, a Godless heathen.
62
00:02:55,258 --> 00:02:57,895
Ehh, got to admit, he
made a few good points.
63
00:02:57,929 --> 00:03:00,198
That's it, hash Browns
for believers only.
64
00:03:00,231 --> 00:03:02,400
Okay, dad, if you're
such a good Christian,
65
00:03:02,432 --> 00:03:04,602
why weren't you paying
attention in church?
66
00:03:04,634 --> 00:03:06,237
'Cause I'm already a believer.
67
00:03:06,269 --> 00:03:08,405
Religion solves all the
big problems for me.
68
00:03:08,438 --> 00:03:09,973
Life after death? Solved!
69
00:03:10,007 --> 00:03:11,743
Meaning of existence? Solved!
70
00:03:11,775 --> 00:03:14,711
Now I can spend my time
focusing on things I enjoy,
71
00:03:14,745 --> 00:03:17,247
like complaining about
the terrible service!
72
00:03:17,281 --> 00:03:18,616
What?!
73
00:03:18,649 --> 00:03:21,286
This place sucks.
74
00:03:21,318 --> 00:03:23,620
Now, back to the big picture.
75
00:03:23,654 --> 00:03:25,823
Imagine life is like a really hard class
76
00:03:25,857 --> 00:03:29,227
that you're for sure gonna fail,
but then you open your textbook,
77
00:03:29,259 --> 00:03:32,262
and you see some nerd wrote all
the answers in it for you.
78
00:03:32,295 --> 00:03:35,500
Well, this guy you've got
the balls to call a nerd?
79
00:03:35,532 --> 00:03:39,837
That's God, and your
textbook, the Bible.
80
00:03:39,870 --> 00:03:43,574
But it's just a bunch of crazy
folk tales and impossible stuff.
81
00:03:43,608 --> 00:03:46,644
Nonsense. Every word of
the Bible is 100% true.
82
00:03:46,676 --> 00:03:48,745
Oh, really? And what makes you so sure?
83
00:03:48,779 --> 00:03:50,815
Because it's the greatest
book ever written.
84
00:03:50,847 --> 00:03:52,449
All the best stories are in there.
85
00:03:52,483 --> 00:03:53,952
Noah's ark, David and Goliath,
86
00:03:53,984 --> 00:03:56,019
the Princess and the
pea, "Steamboat Willie,"
87
00:03:56,053 --> 00:03:58,490
the story of the rabbit who
stole the children's cereal,
88
00:03:58,523 --> 00:04:01,126
the man who says, "Now,
that's a spicy meatball!"
89
00:04:02,626 --> 00:04:04,328
Uhh, Dad?
90
00:04:04,362 --> 00:04:07,298
Have you ever, you know,
actually read the Bible?
91
00:04:07,330 --> 00:04:09,967
Why would I? That's what the
talking guy at church does.
92
00:04:10,001 --> 00:04:12,470
If there was something fishy in
there, he'd have caught it by now.
93
00:04:12,502 --> 00:04:14,137
He's obsessed with that thing.
94
00:04:14,170 --> 00:04:16,507
- Well, maybe you should go read it.
- Fine, I will.
95
00:04:16,541 --> 00:04:18,108
In fact, I tell you what, Steve.
96
00:04:18,142 --> 00:04:19,610
We'll read the Bible together.
97
00:04:19,644 --> 00:04:21,211
It's about time someone instilled
98
00:04:21,245 --> 00:04:22,646
a little faith into you.
99
00:04:22,680 --> 00:04:24,816
Please. Faith is for suckers.
100
00:04:27,817 --> 00:04:29,454
Stan?!
101
00:04:31,589 --> 00:04:33,725
Daddy, please stop gasping!
102
00:04:42,008 --> 00:04:44,344
Here we are, the family Bible.
103
00:04:44,378 --> 00:04:46,380
I see you got it at Waldenbooks.
104
00:04:46,414 --> 00:04:47,882
Yes, Waldenbooks.
105
00:04:47,914 --> 00:04:49,750
Don't you have respect for anything?
106
00:04:49,784 --> 00:04:52,086
No better place to start
than at the beginning.
107
00:04:52,118 --> 00:04:55,255
"In the beginning..."
right spot, good start...
108
00:04:55,289 --> 00:04:57,425
"God created the heavens and the Earth.
109
00:04:57,457 --> 00:05:00,894
On the first day, God separated
light and darkness."
110
00:05:00,928 --> 00:05:02,564
- See? Simple enough.
- Hmm.
111
00:05:02,596 --> 00:05:04,933
Well, down here, it says
that on the fourth day,
112
00:05:04,966 --> 00:05:06,601
God created the sun and stars.
113
00:05:06,633 --> 00:05:08,235
Tell me, how could light exist
114
00:05:08,269 --> 00:05:10,204
before the sun and stars were created?
115
00:05:10,236 --> 00:05:11,672
Well, there's got to be an explanation.
116
00:05:11,705 --> 00:05:13,073
And here it is.
117
00:05:13,106 --> 00:05:15,142
Probably God has lasers.
118
00:05:18,378 --> 00:05:20,681
The Adam and Eve story.
119
00:05:20,714 --> 00:05:23,618
I defy you to find even a
single flaw with this.
120
00:05:23,651 --> 00:05:26,954
It says that Adam lived
to be 930 years old.
121
00:05:26,988 --> 00:05:29,390
That's a big number, but
you got to remember,
122
00:05:29,423 --> 00:05:30,925
this was before doctors,
123
00:05:30,957 --> 00:05:33,428
so cancer and that kind of
stuff didn't exist yet.
124
00:05:33,461 --> 00:05:34,963
Cain was married?
125
00:05:34,995 --> 00:05:36,863
How could Cain possibly have had a wife
126
00:05:36,897 --> 00:05:39,132
when the only other people
in existence at the time
127
00:05:39,166 --> 00:05:40,702
were his parents and brother?
128
00:05:40,734 --> 00:05:43,937
Steve, guys like Cain always
end up with the girl.
129
00:05:43,971 --> 00:05:45,974
Scratch that... still makes no sense.
130
00:05:46,007 --> 00:05:49,277
Um, uh, might have to
come back to that one.
131
00:05:49,310 --> 00:05:53,081
The ark is filled with thousands
upon thousands of animals.
132
00:05:53,113 --> 00:05:56,049
How were each of them fed and
tended to by just eight people?
133
00:05:56,082 --> 00:05:58,152
Uh...
134
00:05:58,185 --> 00:06:01,389
And how did a dove return
with an Olive leaf,
135
00:06:01,421 --> 00:06:03,924
when no Olive tree
could possibly survive
136
00:06:03,957 --> 00:06:05,760
an apocalyptic flood?
137
00:06:05,793 --> 00:06:07,729
Oh, God, I don't know!
138
00:06:07,762 --> 00:06:10,064
And the ark... a boat this size
139
00:06:10,096 --> 00:06:12,500
could never hold two of every animal.
140
00:06:12,532 --> 00:06:14,167
The ark would have to be, like,
141
00:06:14,200 --> 00:06:16,070
the size of four baseball stadiums.
142
00:06:18,805 --> 00:06:20,741
No boat that's big! I'm drowning!
143
00:06:20,774 --> 00:06:22,243
I'm drowning in your logic!
144
00:06:22,276 --> 00:06:24,145
Oh, God, my faith.
145
00:06:24,178 --> 00:06:26,648
Everything I believe, it's all crazy.
146
00:06:26,680 --> 00:06:28,315
It's crazy baloney.
147
00:06:28,349 --> 00:06:31,753
It's not crazy baloney because
crazy baloney is real.
148
00:06:31,786 --> 00:06:34,155
It's called pepperoni.
149
00:06:39,533 --> 00:06:41,602
I don't know who I am anymore.
150
00:06:41,635 --> 00:06:44,738
Without my faith, I'm... I'm nothing.
151
00:06:44,771 --> 00:06:46,340
That's not true.
152
00:06:46,372 --> 00:06:48,875
- You're a husband, a father.
- That means nothing!
153
00:06:48,909 --> 00:06:52,613
Stan, maybe you don't need to
be so literal with the Bible.
154
00:06:52,646 --> 00:06:56,517
You know, a lot of people see it
as a set of instructive fables.
155
00:06:56,550 --> 00:06:58,886
Fables? You want me to
base my entire life
156
00:06:58,918 --> 00:07:00,788
on a bunch of imaginary fairy tales?
157
00:07:00,820 --> 00:07:03,122
That would only make sense
if I was imaginary.
158
00:07:03,156 --> 00:07:04,925
The only problem is I'm real!
159
00:07:04,957 --> 00:07:07,293
I'm as real as crazy baloney!
160
00:07:12,933 --> 00:07:14,802
It's the end of the world!
161
00:07:14,834 --> 00:07:16,736
- I know.
- You heard, too?
162
00:07:16,769 --> 00:07:19,472
Kraft made their mac and
cheese even cheesier.
163
00:07:19,505 --> 00:07:20,940
I mean, I haven't tried it yet,
164
00:07:20,973 --> 00:07:23,077
but I'm almost certain it'll
be too cheesy for me.
165
00:07:23,110 --> 00:07:24,545
What?! No!
166
00:07:24,577 --> 00:07:26,714
- I lost my faith.
- Oh, that.
167
00:07:26,747 --> 00:07:28,148
Stan, I've been telling you for years
168
00:07:28,180 --> 00:07:29,416
religion was a load of bull.
169
00:07:29,449 --> 00:07:31,050
Why didn't you ever listen to me?
170
00:07:31,084 --> 00:07:32,987
No one likes to be ignored.
171
00:07:33,019 --> 00:07:34,921
You hurt my feelings,
172
00:07:34,954 --> 00:07:36,824
but I suppose that's all in the past.
173
00:07:36,856 --> 00:07:38,993
- I'm already over it!
- Good for you.
174
00:07:39,026 --> 00:07:41,127
Stan, wake up!
175
00:07:41,161 --> 00:07:42,396
Can't you see?
176
00:07:42,428 --> 00:07:43,830
Without the shackles of religion,
177
00:07:43,863 --> 00:07:45,332
you're free to do whatever you want.
178
00:07:45,365 --> 00:07:46,966
Break a commandment, break all of 'em.
179
00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:48,267
How will that help?
180
00:07:48,300 --> 00:07:50,269
Uh, pleasure... ever heard of it?
181
00:07:50,303 --> 00:07:51,639
Ever grokked it?
182
00:07:51,671 --> 00:07:54,007
Pleasure is the road to happiness.
183
00:07:54,041 --> 00:07:57,110
People talk about filling the
void as if it's a bad thing.
184
00:07:57,144 --> 00:08:00,214
It's actually full of nerve endings.
185
00:08:01,882 --> 00:08:03,517
Okay, we'll start off small.
186
00:08:03,550 --> 00:08:06,286
Sneak over to the neighbor's
porch and steal the welcome mat.
187
00:08:06,319 --> 00:08:08,489
I don't know, that kind
of sounds like stealing.
188
00:08:08,522 --> 00:08:10,089
And thou shalt not do it,
189
00:08:10,122 --> 00:08:12,659
but that's why it'll make you feel good.
190
00:08:19,065 --> 00:08:20,633
Whoo, that did feel good.
191
00:08:20,666 --> 00:08:22,969
Who needs God when you've
got this welcome mat?
192
00:08:23,002 --> 00:08:25,104
Welcome mat's just the beginning.
193
00:08:25,137 --> 00:08:26,806
We're gonna go way deeper.
194
00:09:14,955 --> 00:09:18,425
Umm, what did you do with the basement?
195
00:09:18,457 --> 00:09:21,327
You scared Suck Boy Tony!
196
00:09:21,360 --> 00:09:24,331
Stan, you don't seem very happy.
197
00:09:24,364 --> 00:09:26,399
I tried everything
to fill the void
198
00:09:26,433 --> 00:09:27,867
where my faith used to be.
199
00:09:27,900 --> 00:09:29,269
I'm lost, Francine.
200
00:09:29,302 --> 00:09:31,337
Everything is meaningless.
201
00:09:31,370 --> 00:09:32,872
Have you tried meditating?
202
00:09:32,905 --> 00:09:35,775
Hey, Tony, that mouth's
not for giving advice.
203
00:09:35,808 --> 00:09:37,543
Have you seen dad?
204
00:09:37,577 --> 00:09:39,178
He's supposed to take me
to an autograph session
205
00:09:39,211 --> 00:09:41,414
with Food & Wine magazine's Gail Simmons
206
00:09:41,447 --> 00:09:43,082
at Murray's Discount Auto Store.
207
00:09:43,115 --> 00:09:44,351
Listen to me.
208
00:09:44,384 --> 00:09:46,353
Your father's in really bad shape
209
00:09:46,385 --> 00:09:48,956
because of your big-shot
ideas about the Bible.
210
00:09:48,989 --> 00:09:52,760
So you need to find a way to
restore his faith real fast.
211
00:09:52,793 --> 00:09:54,360
Me? I don't know what to do.
212
00:09:54,394 --> 00:09:56,429
You broke him, you fix him!
213
00:09:56,462 --> 00:09:58,899
Oh, and stay out of the basement.
214
00:09:58,932 --> 00:10:00,634
The furnace has been making
215
00:10:00,667 --> 00:10:04,370
a moaning and wet slapping sound.
216
00:10:09,409 --> 00:10:10,811
Okay, great.
217
00:10:10,843 --> 00:10:13,045
I can just send him to
one of these camps.
218
00:10:13,078 --> 00:10:14,447
Oh.
219
00:10:14,481 --> 00:10:17,384
These are, uh, gay conversion camps.
220
00:10:17,417 --> 00:10:20,821
Wait a minute, is that Suck Boy Tony?
221
00:10:20,854 --> 00:10:23,791
They got their
work cut out for them.
222
00:10:24,524 --> 00:10:25,793
Dad?
223
00:10:28,160 --> 00:10:30,296
I've never seen him like this before.
224
00:10:30,330 --> 00:10:32,733
He's just lying out there
in the pouring rain.
225
00:10:32,765 --> 00:10:35,968
The pouring rain!
226
00:10:40,774 --> 00:10:42,809
It's all meaningless.
227
00:10:42,842 --> 00:10:46,779
There's no point to anything,
not even breathing.
228
00:10:46,812 --> 00:10:48,481
Last one.
229
00:10:56,356 --> 00:10:58,357
God?
230
00:10:58,390 --> 00:11:01,127
- Is that really you?
- No, son.
231
00:11:01,160 --> 00:11:03,696
I'm your brain cells dying.
232
00:11:03,730 --> 00:11:07,000
You've now forgotten the word zebra.
233
00:11:07,033 --> 00:11:08,467
Zebra?
234
00:11:08,500 --> 00:11:10,637
Big whoop. I never heard
that word in my life.
235
00:11:17,977 --> 00:11:19,612
Dad, come inside.
236
00:11:19,645 --> 00:11:20,947
I got something to show you.
237
00:11:20,981 --> 00:11:24,016
Look! It's a gigantic ship in Korea.
238
00:11:24,049 --> 00:11:28,288
- So?
- And it's bigger than four baseball stadiums.
239
00:11:28,321 --> 00:11:29,889
Like the ark.
240
00:11:29,923 --> 00:11:31,625
Wait, is this real?
241
00:11:31,658 --> 00:11:34,027
We thought it was
impossible, but here it is!
242
00:11:34,059 --> 00:11:37,663
So, the ark could be real,
and if the ark's real,
243
00:11:37,697 --> 00:11:39,700
everything else just falls into place.
244
00:11:39,732 --> 00:11:41,500
- Well...
- I can have my faith!
245
00:11:41,534 --> 00:11:43,236
I can have my faith again!
246
00:11:43,269 --> 00:11:44,538
Stan, you're back!
247
00:11:44,571 --> 00:11:46,673
Of course, I am, and better than ever.
248
00:11:46,706 --> 00:11:49,810
Whoo!
249
00:11:49,842 --> 00:11:52,578
I was hopeless for so long,
but now I can see that God
250
00:11:52,611 --> 00:11:54,847
was only testing the
strength of my faith.
251
00:11:54,880 --> 00:11:56,549
And you passed the test.
252
00:11:56,582 --> 00:11:59,852
I did, so he revealed to
me through his instrument,
253
00:11:59,885 --> 00:12:03,155
- Steve, the location of the new ark.
- Oh, no.
254
00:12:03,188 --> 00:12:05,925
Family, be at peace, for
we must get to the ark
255
00:12:05,958 --> 00:12:09,829
before the floods begin
because I am the new Noah.
256
00:12:09,862 --> 00:12:11,430
Stan?
257
00:12:11,463 --> 00:12:13,199
You've been depressed,
258
00:12:13,232 --> 00:12:17,570
and now you're just swinging too
far in the other direction.
259
00:12:18,871 --> 00:12:21,741
Listen! It's a sign.
260
00:12:21,774 --> 00:12:23,409
- It's a bark.
- Exactly.
261
00:12:23,442 --> 00:12:24,778
B-ark!
262
00:12:24,811 --> 00:12:26,713
Just get rid of the "B." Ark!
263
00:12:26,745 --> 00:12:29,448
Wait! Bring the letter "B" back.
264
00:12:29,481 --> 00:12:31,418
"B" on the ark.
265
00:12:31,451 --> 00:12:33,353
Absolutely hilarious.
266
00:12:33,385 --> 00:12:36,689
Sir, where have you
been all these years?
267
00:12:38,725 --> 00:12:41,128
Lord, I shall go to Korea...
268
00:12:41,160 --> 00:12:43,229
...And carry out your grand design.
269
00:12:43,263 --> 00:12:44,598
Look out, world!
270
00:12:44,630 --> 00:12:47,601
God and Stan are back together again!
271
00:12:47,634 --> 00:12:51,238
It's not official till you
change your Facebook status!
272
00:12:55,485 --> 00:12:59,255
- Look, dad actually thinks he's Noah.
- Don't worry.
273
00:12:59,280 --> 00:13:00,852
When he sees that his ark is just
274
00:13:00,905 --> 00:13:04,193
a liquefied natural gas
ship, he'll snap out of it.
275
00:13:04,303 --> 00:13:07,273
And go back to being the dad,
husband, and paid killer
276
00:13:07,305 --> 00:13:09,809
for the U.S. government
we all know and love.
277
00:13:09,842 --> 00:13:11,677
What if this ark thing is real?
278
00:13:11,709 --> 00:13:12,977
He'll need two goldfish.
279
00:13:13,011 --> 00:13:14,512
Do you think he'll choose me?
280
00:13:14,545 --> 00:13:16,549
Mm, I wouldn't.
281
00:13:18,516 --> 00:13:21,252
Stan... how's it going?
282
00:13:21,285 --> 00:13:23,922
You've just been smiling peacefully
283
00:13:23,956 --> 00:13:25,457
for 20 hours straight.
284
00:13:25,490 --> 00:13:27,092
Well, why wouldn't I be smiling?
285
00:13:27,125 --> 00:13:28,861
Everyone's about to drown except us.
286
00:13:35,867 --> 00:13:37,770
Hey, watch it, buddy!
287
00:13:37,803 --> 00:13:39,104
You watch it.
288
00:13:39,136 --> 00:13:41,106
We have 40 tons of overalls to unload.
289
00:13:41,139 --> 00:13:43,008
- Overalls?
- Whoa.
290
00:13:43,040 --> 00:13:44,475
You're into overalls, too?
291
00:13:44,509 --> 00:13:46,011
I've been looking for the perfect pair,
292
00:13:46,044 --> 00:13:47,513
but it's so hard to find the right...
293
00:13:47,545 --> 00:13:48,980
...Chest pocket!
294
00:13:49,014 --> 00:13:52,351
Partner, follow my lead.
295
00:13:58,924 --> 00:14:00,358
Come on, Jeff!
296
00:14:04,730 --> 00:14:07,533
- There's no cone to kick!
- Just get in.
297
00:14:07,565 --> 00:14:11,737
I'll explain on the way why a
second cone isn't important.
298
00:14:15,073 --> 00:14:19,678
There it is... the ark.
299
00:14:19,711 --> 00:14:21,413
What a sight!
300
00:14:21,445 --> 00:14:26,684
And the crescendo of emotions,
and then, satisfied,
301
00:14:26,717 --> 00:14:29,188
we're ready to go back to the car.
302
00:14:29,221 --> 00:14:31,690
Are you joking? No, we
got to go on board.
303
00:14:31,722 --> 00:14:34,359
Dad, I'm pretty sure they're
not gonna let us do that.
304
00:14:34,392 --> 00:14:35,693
Ahoy!
305
00:14:35,727 --> 00:14:37,362
Noah!
306
00:14:37,395 --> 00:14:39,598
We've been waiting for you!
307
00:14:41,632 --> 00:14:45,536
Hi, I'm Robert Kim with
Daesong Heavy Industries.
308
00:14:45,569 --> 00:14:49,407
I know it's kind of a shocker,
but this actually is the ark.
309
00:14:49,440 --> 00:14:52,377
God gave Daesong direct
orders to rebuild it.
310
00:14:52,410 --> 00:14:54,280
Well, then, what's the hold-up?
Let's get on board.
311
00:14:54,313 --> 00:14:55,713
Absolutely.
312
00:14:55,746 --> 00:14:57,282
First, though, in order to get you ready
313
00:14:57,315 --> 00:14:58,750
for the flood, we need to train you.
314
00:14:58,784 --> 00:15:02,254
Once again, you're one step ahead.
315
00:15:02,286 --> 00:15:04,455
Sir, you can just follow
these fine folks here,
316
00:15:04,488 --> 00:15:07,292
and we will get you set up.
317
00:15:07,326 --> 00:15:09,695
You're a great man! Don't worry.
318
00:15:09,727 --> 00:15:11,563
We know he's not a great
man, and of course,
319
00:15:11,596 --> 00:15:13,365
of course this isn't the ark.
320
00:15:13,397 --> 00:15:16,134
But... you just... and he...
321
00:15:16,168 --> 00:15:17,436
Allow me to explain.
322
00:15:17,468 --> 00:15:19,438
Daesong builds a lot of big ships,
323
00:15:19,471 --> 00:15:21,640
and each time we do, it attracts people
324
00:15:21,673 --> 00:15:24,743
- who have what is known as a Noah complex.
- Like my dad?
325
00:15:24,775 --> 00:15:27,412
Lunatics like your father
can be a big nuisance,
326
00:15:27,445 --> 00:15:28,713
always sneaking on board,
327
00:15:28,746 --> 00:15:30,616
slithering around the engine room.
328
00:15:30,649 --> 00:15:33,751
So we came up with the Noah experience...
329
00:15:33,785 --> 00:15:34,987
...designed to make people feel like
330
00:15:35,020 --> 00:15:36,487
they're living through the food.
331
00:15:36,520 --> 00:15:38,623
They go through it, get
it out of their systems,
332
00:15:38,656 --> 00:15:41,225
then everyone heads home
happy and safely away
333
00:15:41,259 --> 00:15:43,062
from our very expensive ships.
334
00:15:43,094 --> 00:15:44,829
Now if you'll follow me,
335
00:15:44,862 --> 00:15:47,665
we have a wonderful assortment
of Pepperidge Farm cookies
336
00:15:47,698 --> 00:15:49,300
awaiting you in the family lounge.
337
00:15:49,333 --> 00:15:50,636
Pepperidge Farm?
338
00:15:50,669 --> 00:15:52,438
Well, well, well.
339
00:16:00,779 --> 00:16:02,414
Who are these guys?
340
00:16:02,447 --> 00:16:03,982
Fellow ark seekers, like yourself.
341
00:16:04,015 --> 00:16:07,886
So, who here is ready to
start our holy adventure?!
342
00:16:10,521 --> 00:16:13,958
Look out! Here comes the storm!
343
00:16:18,329 --> 00:16:19,530
- Whoo-hoo!
- Make it rain!
344
00:16:19,563 --> 00:16:21,299
- All right!
- Yay!
345
00:16:21,333 --> 00:16:23,102
- Yeah!
- All right!
346
00:16:23,135 --> 00:16:26,038
There's something about
this I'm not buying.
347
00:16:26,070 --> 00:16:28,673
Get your animals to their pens!
348
00:16:28,707 --> 00:16:32,044
Go to your pen, you striped horse!
349
00:16:33,578 --> 00:16:36,548
Hmm, got to admit that
felt pretty Noah-y.
350
00:16:36,581 --> 00:16:39,418
Now let's see if the flood
waters have receded.
351
00:16:44,588 --> 00:16:45,857
Hoo-ah!
352
00:16:45,890 --> 00:16:48,059
We survived the flood!
353
00:16:48,092 --> 00:16:49,627
It's over!
354
00:16:49,660 --> 00:16:51,295
We did it!
355
00:16:51,328 --> 00:16:53,464
Ark!
356
00:16:53,497 --> 00:16:56,568
- Pretty exciting.
- And it worked!
357
00:16:56,601 --> 00:16:57,836
- Yay!
- Yeah!
358
00:16:57,868 --> 00:16:59,537
It weeded out all the fake Noahs.
359
00:16:59,570 --> 00:17:01,139
- Aw, shit.
- Aw, shit.
360
00:17:01,173 --> 00:17:02,508
So you're not over this?
361
00:17:02,540 --> 00:17:04,208
The whole experience was a sham!
362
00:17:04,242 --> 00:17:06,412
I mean, sure, the
animatronics were incredible.
363
00:17:06,445 --> 00:17:09,715
Yes, I had the time of my
life, and without question,
364
00:17:09,747 --> 00:17:11,516
these are top-quality items...
365
00:17:11,550 --> 00:17:13,819
Things I'm going to keep forever...
366
00:17:13,852 --> 00:17:15,586
But still, I was lied to!
367
00:17:15,620 --> 00:17:18,090
Yeah, you shouldn't put up with that!
368
00:17:18,122 --> 00:17:20,491
I know... let's go home,
369
00:17:20,525 --> 00:17:23,896
and you take a bunch of
antipsychotic medication.
370
00:17:23,929 --> 00:17:26,431
- That'll show 'em!
- No! This is happening!
371
00:17:26,465 --> 00:17:29,601
The flood is coming, and we
are going to be on that ark!
372
00:17:29,633 --> 00:17:32,203
Stan, come back!
373
00:17:35,640 --> 00:17:37,943
Time to do some Bible thumping!
374
00:17:55,392 --> 00:17:57,595
The ark is ours!
375
00:17:57,629 --> 00:17:59,765
Stan, we got to go.
376
00:17:59,797 --> 00:18:02,300
You just threw the whole
crew in the ocean.
377
00:18:05,070 --> 00:18:06,205
Good work, Stan!
378
00:18:06,237 --> 00:18:07,605
Hey, it just occurred to me.
379
00:18:07,639 --> 00:18:09,108
There were never fish aboard the ark.
380
00:18:09,140 --> 00:18:10,641
They stayed down in the water.
381
00:18:10,675 --> 00:18:13,412
No, no!
382
00:18:13,445 --> 00:18:16,314
You dipshit, there are
sharks in there!
383
00:18:19,117 --> 00:18:21,120
Mom, we got to get out of here!
384
00:18:21,152 --> 00:18:23,654
What?! This is our home
for the next 40 days.
385
00:18:23,688 --> 00:18:25,424
Let's go check it out.
386
00:18:25,457 --> 00:18:27,092
Steve, this must be your room.
387
00:18:27,124 --> 00:18:29,794
Dad, this is a tank
for liquefied natural gas.
388
00:18:29,827 --> 00:18:32,296
And would you look at
those vaulted ceilings!
389
00:18:32,330 --> 00:18:35,067
Perfect for all your
Cheryl Tiegs posters!
390
00:18:35,100 --> 00:18:37,169
This is the room where the pipes are.
391
00:18:37,201 --> 00:18:40,304
And this one is where
the extra pipes are.
392
00:18:40,338 --> 00:18:42,141
Oh, and this must be the main pipe room.
393
00:18:42,173 --> 00:18:45,777
Pipes are very important on a ship.
394
00:18:46,678 --> 00:18:51,249
Okay, here's the animals, but
still no master bedroom.
395
00:18:51,283 --> 00:18:54,753
- There are animals here.
- No way.
396
00:18:54,785 --> 00:18:57,288
There has to be some
logical explanation.
397
00:18:57,322 --> 00:19:00,926
Ah, this manifest says these
animals are from the Busan Zoo
398
00:19:00,958 --> 00:19:03,262
being transported to the
National Zoo of Malaysia.
399
00:19:03,294 --> 00:19:04,862
See? It all makes sense.
400
00:19:04,896 --> 00:19:07,765
Not really. Even that is weird.
401
00:19:07,798 --> 00:19:09,100
Why would a zoo use
402
00:19:09,133 --> 00:19:11,469
a natural gas ship to transport animals?
403
00:19:11,503 --> 00:19:12,771
Because...
404
00:19:12,804 --> 00:19:14,773
we got overalls!
405
00:19:16,541 --> 00:19:18,177
It's happening!
406
00:19:18,209 --> 00:19:19,777
We didn't miss nothing.
407
00:19:19,811 --> 00:19:21,179
Stan's still insane!
408
00:19:23,981 --> 00:19:25,783
We have to set sail now!
409
00:19:25,816 --> 00:19:28,487
Stop! Think for a second!
410
00:19:28,519 --> 00:19:31,355
Are you really about to
steal a boat of animals
411
00:19:31,389 --> 00:19:33,025
and sail off into the ocean?
412
00:19:33,057 --> 00:19:35,794
Listen, I know everything at this moment
413
00:19:35,826 --> 00:19:37,028
must look crazy to you.
414
00:19:37,062 --> 00:19:38,964
For the last thousand moments.
415
00:19:38,996 --> 00:19:41,333
But I'm asking you, all of you,
416
00:19:41,365 --> 00:19:45,537
to take this leap with
me, to have some faith.
417
00:19:47,505 --> 00:19:48,907
I'm staying.
418
00:19:48,939 --> 00:19:51,509
Steve, do you really
think this is the ark?
419
00:19:51,543 --> 00:19:53,178
Look, t-there's a lot of weird stuff
420
00:19:53,210 --> 00:19:54,880
going on that I can't explain.
421
00:19:54,912 --> 00:19:56,414
But you have faith.
422
00:19:56,448 --> 00:20:00,352
Yeah, but it's faith in
you 'cause you're Dad.
423
00:20:00,384 --> 00:20:02,420
- Well, that's stupid.
- Thanks, Son.
424
00:20:02,454 --> 00:20:03,922
Francine?
425
00:20:03,955 --> 00:20:07,226
Well, I've seen one miracle today.
426
00:20:07,258 --> 00:20:09,727
You've given Steve some faith.
427
00:20:09,760 --> 00:20:11,896
That's enough to make me stay.
428
00:20:11,929 --> 00:20:15,333
Plus, I'd like to pet the Alpaca I saw.
429
00:20:15,367 --> 00:20:17,269
Hayley?
430
00:20:17,302 --> 00:20:18,870
What do you say, baby girl?
431
00:20:18,902 --> 00:20:21,272
No way! This is beyond crazy.
432
00:20:21,305 --> 00:20:23,441
I'll see you when the
police haul you in.
433
00:20:27,711 --> 00:20:29,948
Start the damn boat!
434
00:20:34,952 --> 00:20:37,021
Stan, I'm scared!
435
00:20:37,054 --> 00:20:40,525
Don't worry, after every
ending is a new beginning!
436
00:20:40,557 --> 00:20:41,794
Okay!
437
00:20:43,294 --> 00:20:45,029
Please, slow down!
438
00:20:45,063 --> 00:20:46,631
I'll never catch up!
439
00:20:46,665 --> 00:20:48,100
I'll die out here!
440
00:20:48,132 --> 00:20:50,134
My bowl!
441
00:20:51,736 --> 00:20:54,473
I'll ride out the flood in my own ark!
442
00:20:54,506 --> 00:20:58,075
Kiss my ass, Stan, you crazy dick head!