1 00:00:01,940 --> 00:00:04,174 You ever feel like every day of your life 2 00:00:04,242 --> 00:00:06,254 has been leading up to one moment? 3 00:00:06,373 --> 00:00:08,513 ♪♪ The wedding of the century, 4 00:00:08,581 --> 00:00:11,232 ♪♪ live on "Morning Mimosa!" 5 00:00:12,228 --> 00:00:14,546 Look how nervous the groom looks. 6 00:00:15,176 --> 00:00:17,183 Wait. This is a hamster wedding? 7 00:00:17,288 --> 00:00:18,771 Oh, here comes the bride. 8 00:00:18,965 --> 00:00:21,529 ♪♪ She's radiant, 9 00:00:21,895 --> 00:00:25,103 like Kate Middleton at Westminster Abbey! 10 00:00:25,303 --> 00:00:26,590 This is so stupid. 11 00:00:26,658 --> 00:00:28,594 This show is all fluff, no substance. 12 00:00:28,662 --> 00:00:30,863 Your mom prefers fluff. It makes her happy. 13 00:00:30,931 --> 00:00:32,864 But there's so much real news out there. 14 00:00:32,951 --> 00:00:35,550 I feel like I get all I need from "Morning Mimosa!" 15 00:00:35,618 --> 00:00:37,226 and I start my day with a smile. 16 00:00:37,294 --> 00:00:38,640 And that smile takes me 17 00:00:38,715 --> 00:00:41,383 all the way to my 4:00 p.m. OxyContin. 18 00:00:41,451 --> 00:00:43,113 You need to expand your mind. 19 00:00:43,181 --> 00:00:44,572 There's a lot of real news out there, 20 00:00:44,639 --> 00:00:46,285 but you need to seek it out. 21 00:00:46,352 --> 00:00:49,852 Seek the truth. The truth will set you free. 22 00:00:49,920 --> 00:00:51,368 Hey, who are you? 23 00:00:51,436 --> 00:00:53,004 Mom needs to get out of her bubble. 24 00:00:53,072 --> 00:00:54,220 And end up like you? 25 00:00:54,288 --> 00:00:55,920 Look what real news has done to you. 26 00:00:56,004 --> 00:00:57,955 - Excuse me? Sir? - Those scowl lines. 27 00:00:58,023 --> 00:00:59,510 Mom looks 20 years younger than you. 28 00:00:59,578 --> 00:01:00,903 - Sir! - 20 years younger?! 29 00:01:00,971 --> 00:01:02,364 Wha... I'm 19! 30 00:01:02,432 --> 00:01:05,376 I now pronounce you hamster and wife. 31 00:01:05,561 --> 00:01:07,433 Hayley, I have something to tell you, 32 00:01:07,536 --> 00:01:09,336 but it can't leave this room. 33 00:01:09,449 --> 00:01:12,042 Last weekend, I was at that hamster's bachelor party 34 00:01:12,110 --> 00:01:13,710 in Key West, and he... 35 00:01:13,840 --> 00:01:16,331 Oh, my God. I can't believe I'm betraying his trust. 36 00:01:16,619 --> 00:01:18,218 He was not faithful. 37 00:01:18,316 --> 00:01:19,693 You missed my birthday dinner 38 00:01:19,761 --> 00:01:21,838 for a hamster bachelor party? 39 00:01:22,348 --> 00:01:24,748 ♪♪ 40 00:01:24,989 --> 00:01:28,049 ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪ 41 00:01:28,127 --> 00:01:31,528 ♪ I got a feelin' that it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪ 42 00:01:31,596 --> 00:01:34,580 ♪ The sun in the sky has a smile on his face ♪ 43 00:01:34,668 --> 00:01:38,578 ♪ And he's shinin' a salute to the American race ♪ 44 00:01:38,645 --> 00:01:40,794 ♪♪ 45 00:01:40,933 --> 00:01:44,142 ♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪ 46 00:01:44,210 --> 00:01:46,609 ♪ Good... ♪ ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪ 47 00:01:46,682 --> 00:01:48,082 Aah! 48 00:01:48,978 --> 00:01:51,194 ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪ 49 00:01:51,261 --> 00:01:53,009 *AMERICAN DAD* Season 13 Episode 02 (TV Release: S15 E02) Title: "Paranoid Frandroid" Aired on : February 12, 2018. 50 00:01:55,405 --> 00:01:57,273 Welcome to Conspiracy Con! 51 00:01:57,372 --> 00:02:00,220 Will you be paying with untraceable bitcoin or... 52 00:02:00,349 --> 00:02:02,095 A big jar of filthy change. 53 00:02:02,171 --> 00:02:03,557 Nice. Keepin' it O.G. 54 00:02:03,625 --> 00:02:05,959 Now, here's your badge and two pumps of deer urine 55 00:02:06,027 --> 00:02:08,391 to repel Bigfoot... And a little CK One 56 00:02:08,459 --> 00:02:10,357 because now you smell like piss. 57 00:02:11,065 --> 00:02:13,066 Roger, who are these people? 58 00:02:13,134 --> 00:02:14,980 They're here for Conspiracy Con. 59 00:02:15,048 --> 00:02:17,476 They're truth seekers looking for a safe haven 60 00:02:17,544 --> 00:02:18,962 from our corporate overlords. 61 00:02:19,030 --> 00:02:20,337 Trust no one... 62 00:02:20,405 --> 00:02:21,910 except Verizon's 4G Network. 63 00:02:22,011 --> 00:02:24,269 I may have let a few corporate overlords in. 64 00:02:24,431 --> 00:02:26,667 Lizard people have infiltrated everything... 65 00:02:26,786 --> 00:02:29,735 The government, sports, even Tinsel Town! 66 00:02:29,803 --> 00:02:30,869 Elizabeth Taylor?! 67 00:02:30,937 --> 00:02:33,338 You mean "E-lizard-beth" Taylor? 68 00:02:33,406 --> 00:02:34,541 Ryan Gosling? 69 00:02:34,609 --> 00:02:36,019 Very lizard. 70 00:02:36,456 --> 00:02:37,673 They don't talk about 71 00:02:37,757 --> 00:02:39,860 any of this stuff on "Morning Mimosa!" 72 00:02:39,940 --> 00:02:42,528 Paper towels are just tall toilet paper. 73 00:02:42,934 --> 00:02:44,815 Is that man okay? 74 00:02:44,883 --> 00:02:47,818 Better than okay. He's got the "truth twitch"! 75 00:02:47,886 --> 00:02:51,083 Right now he's seeing the world as it truly is. 76 00:02:51,209 --> 00:02:53,220 I can help you see the truth, too. 77 00:02:53,288 --> 00:02:54,960 Are you about to sell me drugs? 78 00:02:55,028 --> 00:02:56,500 No. I need my drugs. 79 00:02:59,417 --> 00:03:02,616 Snot, this is gonna be so amazing for you. 80 00:03:03,969 --> 00:03:05,104 As if. 81 00:03:05,172 --> 00:03:06,838 Of course I'll help! 82 00:03:06,992 --> 00:03:10,427 Got it. "Chesterbrook..." 83 00:03:10,502 --> 00:03:11,748 Were you about to write 84 00:03:11,844 --> 00:03:13,622 "Chesterbrook Townhouses"? 85 00:03:13,690 --> 00:03:15,060 Uh... yeah. 86 00:03:15,128 --> 00:03:17,960 Snot's mom is dating this guy, Del, who lives there. 87 00:03:18,028 --> 00:03:20,709 And get this... he invited them to move in! 88 00:03:20,777 --> 00:03:22,577 Del sounds like a catch, bro. 89 00:03:22,645 --> 00:03:26,723 Chesterbrook is high end... Nice landscaping, tennis courts, 90 00:03:26,791 --> 00:03:28,991 communal pool with tons of noodles. 91 00:03:29,059 --> 00:03:30,752 Uh, you can help them move with me. 92 00:03:30,820 --> 00:03:32,157 Oh, hell yes! 93 00:03:32,225 --> 00:03:34,789 I've been dying to get a peek inside a Chesterbrook unit. 94 00:03:34,857 --> 00:03:37,131 But, remember, we're there for Snot. 95 00:03:37,255 --> 00:03:39,482 Steve, I am deeply offended. 96 00:03:39,574 --> 00:03:42,054 Have I ever not been there for Snoot? 97 00:03:46,976 --> 00:03:49,080 Francine. Celery? 98 00:03:49,191 --> 00:03:51,019 Those better be giant gummy celeries, 99 00:03:51,087 --> 00:03:52,957 or I'm gonna have a full meltdown. 100 00:03:53,038 --> 00:03:55,579 Sorry, I didn't get to the market yesterday. 101 00:03:55,647 --> 00:03:59,089 Stan, you'd tell me if you were a lizard, right? 102 00:03:59,157 --> 00:04:00,223 Okay, I'll bite. 103 00:04:00,291 --> 00:04:01,776 What in God's name are you talking about? 104 00:04:01,843 --> 00:04:04,619 Roger's hosting Conspiracy Con in the attic. 105 00:04:04,687 --> 00:04:06,083 That's what's going on up there? 106 00:04:06,151 --> 00:04:08,819 I assumed those creeps were here for a Roger sex thing. 107 00:04:08,887 --> 00:04:11,921 Don't beat yourself up, Stan. We're also having sex. 108 00:04:12,790 --> 00:04:15,448 The electro-radiation booth's running low on foil. 109 00:04:15,527 --> 00:04:17,861 Those guys use it for everything. 110 00:04:17,982 --> 00:04:21,463 The condoms hurt like hell, but I'm not ready to be a mother. 111 00:04:22,037 --> 00:04:24,323 Francine, there are no conspiracies. 112 00:04:24,446 --> 00:04:25,564 They're all fake junk. 113 00:04:25,639 --> 00:04:28,296 But what about George Soros controlling 114 00:04:28,393 --> 00:04:30,994 the Federal Reserve from an underground bunker? 115 00:04:31,062 --> 00:04:33,142 Shh! Francine, he's Jewish. 116 00:04:33,210 --> 00:04:34,543 That's what he should be doing. 117 00:04:34,611 --> 00:04:35,726 He's helping us. 118 00:04:35,794 --> 00:04:37,526 You're all worked up over nothing. 119 00:04:37,594 --> 00:04:40,524 Oh, look! Almost time for someone's favorite program. 120 00:04:40,592 --> 00:04:41,924 "Morning Mimosa!"? 121 00:04:41,992 --> 00:04:43,725 Mwah. That's right. 122 00:04:43,793 --> 00:04:46,928 Just sit back and let gentle morning infotainment 123 00:04:46,996 --> 00:04:48,389 fill your head. 124 00:04:48,457 --> 00:04:51,409 Up next, what our frisky newlywed hamsters 125 00:04:51,477 --> 00:04:54,315 can teach you about pleasing your lover in bed. 126 00:04:54,701 --> 00:04:57,301 Ooh! Stan! You forgot your lunch! 127 00:04:57,369 --> 00:04:59,636 Oh, crap! The foil got lost inside me. 128 00:04:59,704 --> 00:05:01,437 Francine, if you're going to the store, 129 00:05:01,506 --> 00:05:03,882 pick me up some Plan B and a magnet. 130 00:05:06,327 --> 00:05:09,502 In honor of the "Great Snot" moving in, 131 00:05:09,570 --> 00:05:11,988 I took the liberty of stocking the fridge. 132 00:05:13,718 --> 00:05:15,516 Specialty sodas? 133 00:05:15,584 --> 00:05:17,051 Damn! 134 00:05:17,119 --> 00:05:19,480 Cucumber? Toasted marshmallow? 135 00:05:19,591 --> 00:05:22,459 Hey, look, they take all the eggs out of the carton 136 00:05:22,527 --> 00:05:25,280 and put them in the little egg spots in the door. 137 00:05:25,348 --> 00:05:28,348 That's the Chesterbrook difference. 138 00:05:33,605 --> 00:05:36,562 And the final stop on the grand tour... 139 00:05:36,637 --> 00:05:38,261 your new bedroom! 140 00:05:38,329 --> 00:05:40,344 Del wanted to convert his home office, 141 00:05:40,412 --> 00:05:44,538 but I thought it might get noisy next to our bedroom. 142 00:05:44,616 --> 00:05:48,780 Me have sex with the Great Snot's mom? 143 00:05:48,899 --> 00:05:50,379 Uh, yes please. 144 00:05:52,076 --> 00:05:53,429 Del seems great. 145 00:05:53,512 --> 00:05:57,298 He is. It's just... Isn't it a little depressing 146 00:05:57,373 --> 00:05:58,966 living in the basement? 147 00:05:59,143 --> 00:06:00,240 Are you serious? 148 00:06:00,308 --> 00:06:03,058 You have been given a finished basement. 149 00:06:03,126 --> 00:06:06,125 It's like a blank canvas to be awesome in. 150 00:06:06,193 --> 00:06:09,684 Just imagine... air-hockey table, Jamaican flag, 151 00:06:09,752 --> 00:06:12,286 and an Aerosmith mirror some older brother won 152 00:06:12,377 --> 00:06:15,778 at a carnival ring-toss before he died in a car accident. 153 00:06:15,846 --> 00:06:18,655 You know, the classic basement! 154 00:06:18,723 --> 00:06:20,808 I guess that does sound cool. 155 00:06:20,876 --> 00:06:22,849 Who cares if you think it's cool, shithead? 156 00:06:22,941 --> 00:06:24,407 It's for the ladies! 157 00:06:24,475 --> 00:06:27,542 They can't resist the power of a sweet basement. 158 00:06:27,610 --> 00:06:31,183 Then you add music, maybe something like... 159 00:06:31,330 --> 00:06:33,709 ♪ I tried so hard ♪ 160 00:06:33,777 --> 00:06:35,977 ♪ Unt got so far ♪ 161 00:06:36,045 --> 00:06:38,167 ♪ But in ze end ♪ 162 00:06:38,252 --> 00:06:41,297 ♪ It doesn't even matter ♪ 163 00:06:41,419 --> 00:06:43,486 ♪ One thing, I don't know why ♪ 164 00:06:43,608 --> 00:06:45,645 ♪ It doesn't even matter how hard you try ♪ 165 00:06:45,713 --> 00:06:46,733 ♪ Keep that in mind ♪ 166 00:06:46,801 --> 00:06:48,678 ♪ I designed this rhyme to remind myself ♪ 167 00:06:48,746 --> 00:06:51,280 ♪ How I tried so hard ♪ ♪ I tried so hard ♪ 168 00:06:51,348 --> 00:06:52,796 ♪ In spite of the way you were mocking me ♪ 169 00:06:52,863 --> 00:06:53,946 - ♪ Acting like I was part of ♪ - So, 170 00:06:54,013 --> 00:06:55,052 - ♪ your property ♪ - I guess... 171 00:06:55,120 --> 00:06:56,259 - ♪ Remembering all the times ♪ - I'll go get the 172 00:06:56,326 --> 00:06:57,394 - ♪ You fought with me ♪ - stuff. 173 00:06:57,461 --> 00:07:00,286 - ♪ I'm surprised it got so far ♪ - ♪ It got so far ♪ 174 00:07:02,027 --> 00:07:05,203 Trish, Sues, emergency production meeting onstage! 175 00:07:08,262 --> 00:07:11,568 Shh! The executive producer is approaching the stage. 176 00:07:12,345 --> 00:07:15,680 So, I'm head honcho, and I still have to open my own doors? 177 00:07:15,775 --> 00:07:17,307 Sorry, sir. Y-Your coffee? 178 00:07:17,375 --> 00:07:18,487 It's too late. You're fired. 179 00:07:20,432 --> 00:07:22,022 Wait. Gimme that coffee first. 180 00:07:22,098 --> 00:07:24,032 Damn. All right, team. 181 00:07:24,249 --> 00:07:26,399 Most of you know I took over "Morning Mimosa!" 182 00:07:26,467 --> 00:07:28,571 when I realized I could use it to protect my wife 183 00:07:28,639 --> 00:07:30,699 from the harshness of the real world. 184 00:07:32,428 --> 00:07:34,353 Why did Stan come here? 185 00:07:34,441 --> 00:07:36,441 Unfortunately, Francine was exposed 186 00:07:36,509 --> 00:07:38,207 to some scary ideas yesterday, 187 00:07:38,275 --> 00:07:39,962 so we're gonna need to turn up the fluff. 188 00:07:40,030 --> 00:07:42,297 I'm talking cute animals, I'm talking makeovers, 189 00:07:42,390 --> 00:07:44,590 I'm talking 2-year-olds who break-dance. 190 00:07:44,658 --> 00:07:48,336 Because if we don't, I fear her ignorant, fragile mind and... 191 00:07:48,404 --> 00:07:51,101 If I'm being honest... Her backwoods sensibilities 192 00:07:51,169 --> 00:07:52,706 will be thrown into upheaval. 193 00:07:53,611 --> 00:07:54,984 Francine?! 194 00:07:56,012 --> 00:07:58,479 Uh, you all know my brilliant, stable wife, 195 00:07:58,641 --> 00:08:01,309 the sheer essence of continental sophistication? 196 00:08:01,377 --> 00:08:04,544 You told me conspiracies were fake junk, 197 00:08:04,750 --> 00:08:08,826 but... but I'm in a conspiracy. 198 00:08:09,040 --> 00:08:12,568 And, Stan, you put me there. 199 00:08:12,829 --> 00:08:15,199 This isn't a conspiracy. I'm, uh... 200 00:08:15,394 --> 00:08:16,827 I'm doing all these people. 201 00:08:16,895 --> 00:08:18,335 It's just an orgy. 202 00:08:18,710 --> 00:08:20,077 See? 203 00:08:26,814 --> 00:08:28,481 What exactly did you hear? 204 00:08:28,580 --> 00:08:31,181 That you have been secretly running 205 00:08:31,300 --> 00:08:34,774 "Morning Mimosa" for years to keep me in a bubble! 206 00:08:34,842 --> 00:08:36,885 And to also provide a reliable lead-in 207 00:08:36,953 --> 00:08:38,478 for "The Young and the Restless." 208 00:08:39,562 --> 00:08:41,194 I can't trust you. 209 00:08:41,368 --> 00:08:43,910 I can't trust anything. 210 00:08:43,978 --> 00:08:47,032 The bubble... has burst! 211 00:08:51,025 --> 00:08:52,152 Nice. 212 00:08:52,327 --> 00:08:55,494 Whoa-ho-ho! Cool room, sport! 213 00:08:55,562 --> 00:08:58,773 Thanks, Dad. Sorry, I mean "Del." 214 00:08:58,841 --> 00:09:01,939 No, it's okay. You can call me "Dad." 215 00:09:02,592 --> 00:09:03,671 All right, Pops. 216 00:09:03,739 --> 00:09:05,339 Back upstairs. 217 00:09:05,510 --> 00:09:07,230 - Want to play darts? - "Darts"?! 218 00:09:07,298 --> 00:09:09,487 I didn't pimp this basement to play darts. 219 00:09:09,590 --> 00:09:11,862 I know. It's your make-out castle. 220 00:09:11,945 --> 00:09:14,479 Palace. And it's not mine. It's Snot's. 221 00:09:14,624 --> 00:09:17,741 What we need right now is to get some babes in this castle. 222 00:09:17,809 --> 00:09:19,131 See, you did say castle. 223 00:09:19,199 --> 00:09:20,879 Go get girls! 224 00:09:29,207 --> 00:09:31,677 I know they say it's a dog-eat-dog world, 225 00:09:31,759 --> 00:09:33,358 but this is ridiculous. 226 00:09:33,545 --> 00:09:35,032 Good thing no one heard that. 227 00:09:35,524 --> 00:09:36,653 Francine! 228 00:09:36,721 --> 00:09:38,183 How much did you hear? 229 00:09:38,251 --> 00:09:39,898 Conspiracies are real, Roger. 230 00:09:39,966 --> 00:09:41,479 I can trust no one. 231 00:09:41,810 --> 00:09:43,696 Would ya' look at that? 232 00:09:43,764 --> 00:09:45,436 Got yourself a "truth twitch"! 233 00:09:45,504 --> 00:09:47,842 I can see so clearly! 234 00:09:48,000 --> 00:09:50,554 My eyes are finally open! 235 00:09:50,622 --> 00:09:54,034 Oh, good. So you can feast those peepers on this. 236 00:09:54,300 --> 00:09:56,950 The spliiiits. 237 00:09:59,971 --> 00:10:03,073 All right, there's a group of babes by the Noodle Chest. 238 00:10:03,141 --> 00:10:05,115 Work your magic. 239 00:10:05,483 --> 00:10:07,460 Whew, it's warm out here! 240 00:10:07,560 --> 00:10:12,720 Would you girls like to cool off in a cold, dark basement? 241 00:10:13,838 --> 00:10:15,084 I'm sorry. 242 00:10:15,160 --> 00:10:17,367 Wh-What my friend meant to say is 243 00:10:17,789 --> 00:10:21,079 you girls'll fit in real nice with the other treasures 244 00:10:21,147 --> 00:10:22,491 in his basement. 245 00:10:24,528 --> 00:10:25,804 Aah! 246 00:10:26,010 --> 00:10:28,697 Beat it, pervs. We're going to my uncle's 247 00:10:28,765 --> 00:10:30,127 so he can take pictures of us... 248 00:10:30,229 --> 00:10:33,471 Tasteful nudes to launch our modeling careers. 249 00:10:35,596 --> 00:10:38,254 ♪♪ 250 00:10:38,400 --> 00:10:39,923 ♪♪ 251 00:10:40,012 --> 00:10:43,413 Broadcasting live via short wave from a little RV 252 00:10:43,481 --> 00:10:46,946 on planet truth, this is... "Truth Planet." 253 00:10:47,081 --> 00:10:49,982 ♪♪ 254 00:10:50,049 --> 00:10:53,038 ♪♪ 255 00:10:53,148 --> 00:10:55,689 First of all, I want to say hello to the government 256 00:10:55,772 --> 00:10:57,936 if you're listening... Of course they are... 257 00:10:58,048 --> 00:11:00,891 And a quick shout-out to Stamps.com 258 00:11:00,965 --> 00:11:02,632 for sponsoring the show. 259 00:11:02,700 --> 00:11:05,034 Show me the money. 260 00:11:05,107 --> 00:11:08,123 Today, we're going to sit down with legendary 261 00:11:08,191 --> 00:11:10,147 Yeti hunter, Randy Ojai. 262 00:11:10,215 --> 00:11:13,883 But first, are we really safe in our homes? 263 00:11:14,097 --> 00:11:15,844 Truth bomb. 264 00:11:18,412 --> 00:11:19,785 Take your kitchen. 265 00:11:19,909 --> 00:11:23,193 Toasters... what do we really know about them? 266 00:11:23,289 --> 00:11:25,690 Does the bagel button do anything, 267 00:11:25,780 --> 00:11:28,342 or does it just put you on a list? 268 00:11:28,453 --> 00:11:31,185 Shabbat shalom. 269 00:11:31,323 --> 00:11:33,617 You think you're safe in the bathroom? 270 00:11:33,685 --> 00:11:34,952 Think again! 271 00:11:35,061 --> 00:11:36,930 We all bring our phones in there! 272 00:11:37,081 --> 00:11:41,124 The government hacks your camera and boom, they gotcha. 273 00:11:41,246 --> 00:11:44,780 Hook, line, and stinkerrrr! 274 00:11:47,174 --> 00:11:48,523 Francine! 275 00:11:49,172 --> 00:11:50,572 Come on, Francine! 276 00:11:50,659 --> 00:11:52,927 I know you're upset I was controlling your mind 277 00:11:52,995 --> 00:11:54,034 with "Morning Mimosa." 278 00:11:54,102 --> 00:11:55,834 And I know it hurt to find out your husband 279 00:11:55,929 --> 00:11:57,396 has six Daytime Emmys. 280 00:11:57,549 --> 00:12:00,351 Wait, are you jealous of my monster success 281 00:12:00,419 --> 00:12:02,656 in the notoriously fickle 11:00 A.M. slot? 282 00:12:02,766 --> 00:12:03,999 Well, you should be flattered. 283 00:12:04,088 --> 00:12:06,689 I may have dedicated all six Emmys to my lawyer, 284 00:12:06,757 --> 00:12:08,757 the brilliant, ruthless Irwin Klein, 285 00:12:08,832 --> 00:12:10,800 but I won them for you! 286 00:12:13,232 --> 00:12:14,631 No babes? 287 00:12:14,699 --> 00:12:16,983 I've got this basement pulsating with power, 288 00:12:17,051 --> 00:12:18,702 and you're wasting it, Steve! 289 00:12:18,770 --> 00:12:19,889 Gah! 290 00:12:20,470 --> 00:12:22,003 Everything okay down here? 291 00:12:22,101 --> 00:12:27,086 Oh, you turned this into a darling little rumpus room. 292 00:12:27,245 --> 00:12:29,185 Yeah, it's pretty sick. 293 00:12:29,253 --> 00:12:31,036 Gosh, I haven't been in a basement like this 294 00:12:31,104 --> 00:12:32,688 since high school. 295 00:12:33,585 --> 00:12:36,386 ♪♪ 296 00:12:36,580 --> 00:12:40,578 Ooh, this song. It really takes me back. 297 00:12:43,247 --> 00:12:45,542 Did I ever tell you about the summer 298 00:12:45,610 --> 00:12:48,927 I went on tour with a Journey cover band? 299 00:12:49,776 --> 00:12:52,244 This is literally the first time we've met. 300 00:12:52,404 --> 00:12:55,405 Mmm, air hockey? 301 00:12:55,512 --> 00:12:57,245 No thanks. I don't feel like playing. 302 00:12:57,342 --> 00:13:00,877 Aw, you're gonna make me play with myself? 303 00:13:00,972 --> 00:13:04,748 ♪ Lovin', touchin', squeezin' ♪ 304 00:13:04,816 --> 00:13:07,119 Oh, no. The basement has her. 305 00:13:07,187 --> 00:13:08,254 Listen to me. 306 00:13:08,322 --> 00:13:10,761 We must leave this place right now! 307 00:13:13,827 --> 00:13:17,196 ♪ When I'm alone ♪ 308 00:13:18,630 --> 00:13:20,214 ♪ All by myself ♪ 309 00:13:20,322 --> 00:13:22,486 Oh, boy. 310 00:13:24,656 --> 00:13:26,219 Why so glum, chum? 311 00:13:26,287 --> 00:13:28,683 My wife found out I was using "Morning Mimosa!" 312 00:13:28,751 --> 00:13:29,994 to control her mind. 313 00:13:30,062 --> 00:13:32,929 Marriage... It's a real tightrope walk. 314 00:13:33,032 --> 00:13:34,768 Did you mention your Daytime Emmys? 315 00:13:34,871 --> 00:13:36,112 No, I like to play that cool. 316 00:13:36,222 --> 00:13:38,152 And now she doesn't believe anything I say. 317 00:13:38,250 --> 00:13:40,832 She's embraced all these crazy conspiracy theories. 318 00:13:40,949 --> 00:13:42,872 UFOs and Bigfoot. 319 00:13:42,961 --> 00:13:44,232 Yeah, and she's blabbing about them 320 00:13:44,299 --> 00:13:45,898 on some crackpot radio show. 321 00:13:45,966 --> 00:13:47,780 Today she was going on about how the government 322 00:13:47,848 --> 00:13:50,300 is watching us poop through our cellphones. 323 00:13:50,603 --> 00:13:53,147 And she's broadcasting this on the radio? 324 00:13:53,215 --> 00:13:54,965 I have to walk to my office now. 325 00:13:55,033 --> 00:13:56,769 Goodbye. Don't follow me. 326 00:13:58,168 --> 00:14:00,671 Project Toilet Cam has been compromised. 327 00:14:00,739 --> 00:14:03,420 We need to eliminate Francine Smith. 328 00:14:10,414 --> 00:14:13,682 This bank of monitors reminds me of "The Brady Bunch." 329 00:14:13,809 --> 00:14:18,060 Except all these people are taking craps, not just Alice. 330 00:14:25,790 --> 00:14:27,457 I can't believe no one's ever tried 331 00:14:27,562 --> 00:14:29,293 stretching the zombie gun over here! 332 00:14:29,361 --> 00:14:30,601 The other one's getting away! 333 00:14:30,669 --> 00:14:32,107 Yank that Sea-doo over here. 334 00:14:32,175 --> 00:14:33,941 Let's run this **** down. 335 00:14:34,611 --> 00:14:35,744 Sir? 336 00:14:35,874 --> 00:14:38,454 Okay, are you in position at Dave & Buster's? 337 00:14:38,522 --> 00:14:40,942 Yes, sir. Stan is distracted and happy. 338 00:14:41,079 --> 00:14:42,833 You are clear to eliminate Francine. 339 00:14:42,901 --> 00:14:43,961 Excellent! 340 00:14:44,029 --> 00:14:46,367 And I only mean that professionally, 341 00:14:46,435 --> 00:14:48,807 not because I derive some sexual pleasure 342 00:14:48,973 --> 00:14:50,190 from killing my friend's wife, 343 00:14:50,258 --> 00:14:52,154 as you're so heavily implying. 344 00:14:54,528 --> 00:14:56,991 I needed something like this to forget about Francine. 345 00:14:57,082 --> 00:14:59,413 Wait, you told him Francine's getting whacked? 346 00:14:59,481 --> 00:15:01,014 Shut up, dumb-ass! 347 00:15:01,082 --> 00:15:02,215 What the hell is going on? 348 00:15:02,283 --> 00:15:04,012 Dick's buying me more nachos. 349 00:15:04,080 --> 00:15:05,157 No, with Francine. 350 00:15:05,225 --> 00:15:07,295 Bullock put a hit on her. 351 00:15:07,422 --> 00:15:10,258 My wife's getting killed, and I'm at Dave & Buster's? 352 00:15:10,326 --> 00:15:11,860 We were trying to protect you! 353 00:15:11,958 --> 00:15:14,525 I don't need to be protected. I can handle bad news. 354 00:15:15,858 --> 00:15:17,540 - We got to stop him! - Whoa! 355 00:15:17,608 --> 00:15:18,889 ♪♪ At Dave & Buster's, 356 00:15:18,957 --> 00:15:20,514 ♪♪ we've got the slippinest-slidinest 357 00:15:20,582 --> 00:15:22,191 ♪♪ nachos in the world! 358 00:15:22,259 --> 00:15:23,596 Mm-hmm. 359 00:15:23,711 --> 00:15:25,415 Don't eat 'em! 360 00:15:27,999 --> 00:15:29,192 It's too bad we didn't get any 361 00:15:29,260 --> 00:15:31,318 sweet-ass girls to come down to the basement. 362 00:15:31,386 --> 00:15:32,719 The girls will come. 363 00:15:32,865 --> 00:15:37,149 For now, I've got a sweet-ass man I can call Dad. 364 00:15:37,217 --> 00:15:39,170 That's a very mature observation. 365 00:15:39,238 --> 00:15:42,026 I think Del's already having a great effect on you. 366 00:15:43,802 --> 00:15:45,412 We need to get the**** out of here! 367 00:15:45,479 --> 00:15:47,479 I take you into my townhouse, 368 00:15:47,547 --> 00:15:49,662 and this is how you repay me?! 369 00:15:49,748 --> 00:15:51,173 It's not my fault, Del! 370 00:15:51,240 --> 00:15:53,151 It was the basement! 371 00:15:53,230 --> 00:15:54,682 What did you do? 372 00:15:55,936 --> 00:15:57,576 Phew, thought this was a gonner. 373 00:15:57,777 --> 00:16:00,459 All right. Let's beat it before security gets here. 374 00:16:00,713 --> 00:16:02,621 You ruined it! 375 00:16:02,689 --> 00:16:06,801 You ruined it when you sat on that fish's face! 376 00:16:07,070 --> 00:16:08,922 What's happening, Steve? 377 00:16:14,505 --> 00:16:17,534 Yep, that's a wrap on Chesterbrook! 378 00:16:17,860 --> 00:16:19,997 ♪♪ 379 00:16:20,222 --> 00:16:23,690 Let's keep it simple. Kill Francine on three. 380 00:16:23,819 --> 00:16:25,301 One, two... 381 00:16:25,369 --> 00:16:26,408 St-o-o-o-o-p! 382 00:16:26,476 --> 00:16:28,818 Leave my wife alone! 383 00:16:32,828 --> 00:16:34,006 I won! 384 00:16:34,074 --> 00:16:36,340 For the last time, I wasn't racing you 385 00:16:36,408 --> 00:16:38,438 and I clearly passed the mailbox first. 386 00:16:38,506 --> 00:16:39,570 Sir, please... 387 00:16:39,638 --> 00:16:43,040 Smith, I don't want to go to war with you and your goons! 388 00:16:43,196 --> 00:16:45,663 This is between me and the woman who uncovered 389 00:16:45,737 --> 00:16:46,938 Project Toilet Cam. 390 00:16:47,005 --> 00:16:49,251 Compromising photos of people on the toilet 391 00:16:49,319 --> 00:16:51,586 are the greatest ass-et 392 00:16:51,672 --> 00:16:53,525 we have against terrorism. 393 00:16:53,747 --> 00:16:55,011 What? I don't follow. 394 00:16:55,079 --> 00:16:57,276 Think, Smith. What's the most embarrassing 395 00:16:57,344 --> 00:16:59,293 thing you don't want anyone to see? 396 00:16:59,361 --> 00:17:01,081 You leave my children out of this! 397 00:17:01,152 --> 00:17:03,456 Remember the time you ate poached salmon 398 00:17:03,524 --> 00:17:05,308 from an Amoco gas station? 399 00:17:07,826 --> 00:17:09,796 Delete that! I'll do anything you want! 400 00:17:09,864 --> 00:17:12,230 This is why I'm not worried about ISIS. 401 00:17:12,298 --> 00:17:13,706 Sir, we've searched the premises. 402 00:17:13,774 --> 00:17:15,143 There's no sign of Francine Smith 403 00:17:15,234 --> 00:17:17,360 or the Winnebago she was broadcasting from. 404 00:17:17,428 --> 00:17:19,546 All right team, regroup at the CIA. 405 00:17:19,614 --> 00:17:22,716 We'll pick her up on satellite. She can't hide for long. 406 00:17:22,907 --> 00:17:25,211 Release the satellite! 407 00:17:26,779 --> 00:17:27,927 Great job! 408 00:17:28,125 --> 00:17:30,096 Guys, I talked to the hunchback, 409 00:17:30,164 --> 00:17:31,831 and he's been feeling isolated. 410 00:17:31,931 --> 00:17:35,065 Could you maybe make an effort to be a little nicer to him? 411 00:17:35,186 --> 00:17:37,309 Charles! Come over here! 412 00:17:37,461 --> 00:17:39,395 Here's a fresh herring for everyone. 413 00:17:39,463 --> 00:17:41,076 Please, feed it to the hunchback. 414 00:17:41,192 --> 00:17:45,035 So, did everyone catch the game last night? 415 00:17:45,591 --> 00:17:47,067 Mm. 416 00:17:47,248 --> 00:17:48,387 I see you looking. 417 00:17:48,468 --> 00:17:50,843 It's okay to ask about the hump. 418 00:17:53,672 --> 00:17:55,283 Hmm. One day. 419 00:17:55,388 --> 00:17:57,054 Roger, we got to find Francine! 420 00:17:57,142 --> 00:17:59,142 Oh, she gon'! When someone that paranoid 421 00:17:59,210 --> 00:18:01,462 takes off, they always head right off the grid. 422 00:18:01,612 --> 00:18:03,080 A grid runner. 423 00:18:03,218 --> 00:18:05,268 The first thing she'll do is hide 424 00:18:05,336 --> 00:18:06,976 in a communication dead zone. 425 00:18:07,167 --> 00:18:08,740 Needle in a haystack, Stan. 426 00:18:08,859 --> 00:18:11,889 That's the nation's most comprehensive 4G network. 427 00:18:11,981 --> 00:18:13,952 This ain't Cricket Wireless we're talking about. 428 00:18:14,020 --> 00:18:15,553 Verizon's the big dog. 429 00:18:15,628 --> 00:18:17,094 Big dogs got to eat. 430 00:18:17,162 --> 00:18:19,118 Is Verizon paying me to say any of this? 431 00:18:19,186 --> 00:18:20,652 There! 432 00:18:24,903 --> 00:18:27,467 I'm down to one bar. Spread out. 433 00:18:31,643 --> 00:18:33,847 No signal. I'm off the grid. 434 00:18:33,917 --> 00:18:38,319 Aah! 435 00:18:38,487 --> 00:18:39,753 Huh. 436 00:18:39,851 --> 00:18:41,642 Francine, we need to leave! 437 00:18:41,710 --> 00:18:43,377 The CIA is coming to kill you! 438 00:18:43,445 --> 00:18:46,543 I'm supposed to believe you're telling me the truth now? 439 00:18:46,614 --> 00:18:49,100 Look, I'm sorry I didn't think you could handle the real world, 440 00:18:49,168 --> 00:18:51,127 and for executive producing a hit daytime show 441 00:18:51,195 --> 00:18:53,923 - to hide it from you. - Because I'm too fragile? 442 00:18:54,042 --> 00:18:55,332 That's what I told myself. 443 00:18:55,432 --> 00:18:57,499 But when the guys did it to me today, 444 00:18:57,567 --> 00:18:59,233 I realized they were being selfish, 445 00:18:59,338 --> 00:19:02,020 just keeping me happy to make their lives easier. 446 00:19:02,088 --> 00:19:03,752 What were they hiding from you? 447 00:19:03,820 --> 00:19:05,698 The fact that the CIA's gonna kill you! 448 00:19:05,810 --> 00:19:07,725 So one of my theories was right! 449 00:19:07,879 --> 00:19:09,925 - Which was it? - It was the toilet cams. 450 00:19:09,993 --> 00:19:11,100 Really? 451 00:19:11,168 --> 00:19:13,016 Not that Papa John and Peyton Manning 452 00:19:13,084 --> 00:19:15,484 had a sexual relationship for 17 years? 453 00:19:17,393 --> 00:19:19,795 Francine Smith, surrender yourself! 454 00:19:19,863 --> 00:19:22,621 Look, I shouldn't be trying to shield you from things, 455 00:19:22,689 --> 00:19:24,221 no matter how bad they are. 456 00:19:24,295 --> 00:19:27,038 I should be getting through them with you... Together. 457 00:19:27,137 --> 00:19:29,151 How are we gonna get through this? 458 00:19:29,219 --> 00:19:31,210 - Do you trust me? - I do. 459 00:19:31,282 --> 00:19:33,383 Great. Now, I know this is your bear trap 460 00:19:33,451 --> 00:19:34,659 so I don't want you to take it personally 461 00:19:34,726 --> 00:19:35,945 when I say that I hate it. 462 00:19:36,013 --> 00:19:37,480 It feels awful. 463 00:19:37,867 --> 00:19:40,673 Hold your fire! I'd to propose a deal! 464 00:19:40,741 --> 00:19:41,856 Of course. 465 00:19:41,924 --> 00:19:45,821 Kindly step out of the line of fire to the negotiating area. 466 00:19:48,453 --> 00:19:50,110 Aah! 467 00:19:50,235 --> 00:19:52,994 N-o-o-o! Francine! 468 00:19:55,158 --> 00:19:57,213 What have you done?! 469 00:19:57,281 --> 00:19:59,500 I saved America! 470 00:19:59,568 --> 00:20:02,869 Take the weekend to grieve! 471 00:20:04,572 --> 00:20:05,705 Mmm. 472 00:20:05,794 --> 00:20:07,660 This isn't part of the plan. 473 00:20:07,923 --> 00:20:10,007 No one's gonna believe I'm Francine's corpse 474 00:20:10,075 --> 00:20:11,617 unless they see us having sex. 475 00:20:11,685 --> 00:20:13,555 All right, that's enough. 476 00:20:14,454 --> 00:20:15,920 Let's make a deal. 477 00:20:16,081 --> 00:20:19,005 From now on, no more lies between us. 478 00:20:19,137 --> 00:20:21,516 Right. And no more conspiracies. 479 00:20:21,686 --> 00:20:23,835 Well, one more conspiracy. 480 00:20:26,595 --> 00:20:29,530 Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. 481 00:20:29,628 --> 00:20:32,457 I can't believe Stan brought a date to his wife's funeral. 482 00:20:32,544 --> 00:20:34,355 What a baller! 483 00:20:35,901 --> 00:20:38,169 Yeah, and he certainly has a type... 484 00:20:38,343 --> 00:20:41,299 Blonde, beautiful, and named Francine. 485 00:20:41,440 --> 00:20:43,619 And now, the Chesterbrook Quartet 486 00:20:43,687 --> 00:20:46,987 will perform Dead Francine's favorite song. 487 00:20:47,913 --> 00:20:51,511 ♪♪ 488 00:20:51,824 --> 00:20:55,408 ♪♪ Sync corrections by srjanapala 489 00:20:55,476 --> 00:20:57,210 ♪ It starts with ♪ 490 00:20:57,278 --> 00:20:58,372 ♪ One thing! ♪ 491 00:20:58,440 --> 00:21:00,453 Bye! Have a beautiful time!