1 00:00:04,057 --> 00:00:07,959 Okay, we have 90 seconds before Demetrius Pertz 2 00:00:07,961 --> 00:00:12,097 walks into this park with a briefcase of weapons-grade uranium. 3 00:00:12,099 --> 00:00:14,532 - Whoa. - Yes. 4 00:00:14,534 --> 00:00:18,837 Smith, the rendezvous point is there, by that fountain. 5 00:00:18,839 --> 00:00:21,506 You have the untraceable South African Krugerrands 6 00:00:21,508 --> 00:00:23,842 to make the exchange? 7 00:00:23,844 --> 00:00:25,743 Where will the support team be, sir? 8 00:00:25,745 --> 00:00:28,646 We'll be in the last place he expects... 9 00:00:28,648 --> 00:00:30,815 that bush. 10 00:00:30,817 --> 00:00:33,318 Holding the last thing he expects... 11 00:00:33,320 --> 00:00:36,688 this net I bought at True Value hardware. 12 00:00:36,690 --> 00:00:38,656 Now, this could be our only chance. 13 00:00:38,658 --> 00:00:41,459 Pertz can smell a rat through a lead wall. 14 00:00:41,461 --> 00:00:42,727 Is that a real expression? 15 00:00:42,729 --> 00:00:44,589 Great question, Smith! 16 00:00:45,328 --> 00:00:48,099 Bush squad, mount up! 17 00:00:51,532 --> 00:00:53,365 - Hey! - Sorry, señor. 18 00:00:53,367 --> 00:00:54,633 This is my spot. 19 00:00:54,635 --> 00:00:56,768 Well, not today. Just go over there. 20 00:00:56,770 --> 00:00:58,370 This is always my spot. 21 00:00:58,372 --> 00:01:01,339 It was my grandfather's spot, my father's spot. 22 00:01:01,341 --> 00:01:03,608 I hope, one day, to be my son's spot. 23 00:01:03,610 --> 00:01:06,078 Well, your son is gonna be selling fruit to mutants 24 00:01:06,080 --> 00:01:07,946 if I don't stop this uranium dealer. 25 00:01:07,948 --> 00:01:09,381 My son? No! 26 00:01:09,383 --> 00:01:11,683 Go on, get out of here! 27 00:01:12,386 --> 00:01:14,853 Go on, get out of here! 28 00:01:14,855 --> 00:01:16,421 Whoa. That was weird. 29 00:01:16,423 --> 00:01:18,890 I said, "Get out of here"! 30 00:01:18,992 --> 00:01:21,927 I said, "Get out of here"! 31 00:01:21,929 --> 00:01:23,428 What the hell is happening? 32 00:01:23,430 --> 00:01:25,997 Smith, I have eyes on Pertz. 33 00:01:25,999 --> 00:01:27,232 Are you in position? 34 00:01:27,234 --> 00:01:28,700 No. But let me explain why. 35 00:01:28,702 --> 00:01:31,770 Damn it, Smith, get out of here! 36 00:01:31,772 --> 00:01:33,772 Get out of here! 37 00:01:33,774 --> 00:01:35,207 I know this doesn't make any sense, 38 00:01:35,209 --> 00:01:37,275 but suddenly I don't want to be alone. 39 00:01:37,277 --> 00:01:39,911 I can't be alone. 40 00:01:41,915 --> 00:01:43,248 You're blowing it, Smith. 41 00:01:43,250 --> 00:01:45,484 You're blowing the whole mission. 42 00:01:47,354 --> 00:01:49,621 He has a jet pack! Get the net! 43 00:01:49,623 --> 00:01:52,257 Get the net! 44 00:01:57,164 --> 00:01:58,764 Smith, you idiot. 45 00:01:58,766 --> 00:02:00,699 You let Pertz get away. 46 00:02:00,701 --> 00:02:04,803 You, however, captured 30 guava, my favorite fruit. 47 00:02:04,805 --> 00:02:08,173 I may have another mission for you. 48 00:02:11,311 --> 00:02:13,845 ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪ 49 00:02:13,847 --> 00:02:17,482 ♪ I got a feelin' that it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪ 50 00:02:17,484 --> 00:02:20,152 ♪ The sun in the sky has a smile on his face ♪ 51 00:02:20,154 --> 00:02:24,489 ♪ And he's shinin' a salute to the American race ♪ 52 00:02:26,660 --> 00:02:30,028 ♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪ 53 00:02:30,030 --> 00:02:32,531 - ♪ Good... ♪ - ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪ 54 00:02:32,533 --> 00:02:33,632 Aah! 55 00:02:35,169 --> 00:02:37,836 ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪ 56 00:02:40,430 --> 00:02:41,696 Honestly, sir, I don't know 57 00:02:41,698 --> 00:02:43,098 what made me feel so clingy before, 58 00:02:43,100 --> 00:02:44,332 but I'll be fine. 59 00:02:44,334 --> 00:02:45,700 No, no. I am fine. 60 00:02:45,702 --> 00:02:46,935 Are you, Smith? 61 00:02:46,937 --> 00:02:48,555 Because you're taking a shit with me. 62 00:02:48,572 --> 00:02:50,238 Ha! Yes, I am. 63 00:02:50,240 --> 00:02:52,674 You made my net look like a fool. 64 00:02:52,676 --> 00:02:54,676 Get out of here! 65 00:02:54,778 --> 00:02:56,878 Get out of here! 66 00:02:56,880 --> 00:02:57,879 I don't want to go. 67 00:02:57,881 --> 00:02:59,180 You need to sort this out. 68 00:02:59,182 --> 00:03:01,416 I can't have you blowing another mission. 69 00:03:01,418 --> 00:03:03,818 Now, hand me that stack of paper. 70 00:03:03,820 --> 00:03:05,019 What are these? 71 00:03:05,021 --> 00:03:07,322 These are tweets from my haters. 72 00:03:07,324 --> 00:03:09,791 I use them for toilet paper to remind myself 73 00:03:09,793 --> 00:03:11,526 they can't get to me. 74 00:03:11,528 --> 00:03:14,796 Take that at Domino's Pizza. 75 00:03:14,798 --> 00:03:17,198 You did this to yourself. 76 00:03:24,244 --> 00:03:27,942 Oh ho! Epic fail! 77 00:03:29,980 --> 00:03:31,412 Should we be following him? 78 00:03:31,414 --> 00:03:33,882 Are we... are we sure we want to make that our thing? 79 00:03:33,884 --> 00:03:35,550 I mean, sometimes it feels like we only 80 00:03:35,552 --> 00:03:37,385 get to do one fun thing a week. 81 00:03:37,387 --> 00:03:38,853 True. 82 00:03:38,855 --> 00:03:42,657 Do we really want to put all of our energy and creativity 83 00:03:42,659 --> 00:03:44,792 into whatever the hell Klaus has going on? 84 00:03:44,794 --> 00:03:46,928 It will probably be funny. 85 00:03:46,930 --> 00:03:49,597 Oh, Gwen Stefani, Gwen Stefani. 86 00:03:49,599 --> 00:03:50,698 No doubt, no doubt. 87 00:03:50,700 --> 00:03:52,600 See? Like that. 88 00:03:52,602 --> 00:03:58,439 Do we want to pour that kind of magic into Klaus' shit soup? 89 00:03:58,441 --> 00:03:59,607 "F" it, I'll do it. 90 00:03:59,609 --> 00:04:01,576 - Yeah, me too. - What the hell. 91 00:04:01,578 --> 00:04:02,977 I'm not gonna commit quite yet. 92 00:04:02,979 --> 00:04:05,246 I've been planting a lot of seeds, socially, 93 00:04:05,248 --> 00:04:08,082 and I just know that as soon as I'm unavailable, 94 00:04:08,084 --> 00:04:09,810 everybody's gonna want a piece of me. 95 00:04:09,850 --> 00:04:13,318 Social butterfly, that's who I'll be. 96 00:04:13,320 --> 00:04:15,487 Spreading his wings. 97 00:04:17,524 --> 00:04:19,191 Should probably eat something while I have time, 98 00:04:19,193 --> 00:04:20,859 before it gets crazy. 99 00:04:24,407 --> 00:04:25,973 I'd like to know a little bit more 100 00:04:25,975 --> 00:04:28,543 about these flashbacks you've been having. 101 00:04:28,545 --> 00:04:29,911 I'm sorry, Dr. Ray. 102 00:04:29,913 --> 00:04:32,613 It's just, dude, I saw you die. 103 00:04:32,615 --> 00:04:34,015 Right, right. 104 00:04:34,017 --> 00:04:36,984 You say we had both been miniaturized, was it? 105 00:04:36,986 --> 00:04:40,254 And my head was bitten off by a giant ant? 106 00:04:40,256 --> 00:04:43,291 The ant wasn't giant, it was normal sized. 107 00:04:43,293 --> 00:04:44,625 We were very small. 108 00:04:45,339 --> 00:04:46,093 What are you writing? 109 00:04:46,095 --> 00:04:49,931 Oh, I just drew a little picture of a nut. 110 00:04:49,933 --> 00:04:53,568 Your separation anxiety has severely compromised 111 00:04:53,570 --> 00:04:55,036 your ability to do your job. 112 00:04:55,038 --> 00:04:58,472 So no more talk about a wild C.I.A. shrink ray 113 00:04:58,474 --> 00:05:01,375 or some fantastical clone technology 114 00:05:01,377 --> 00:05:03,511 that could bring a dead man back to life. 115 00:05:03,513 --> 00:05:06,714 Let's be in the real world, where I hook you up 116 00:05:06,716 --> 00:05:08,249 to a mental visualizer, 117 00:05:08,251 --> 00:05:11,020 that will print a photo of your thoughts. 118 00:05:12,345 --> 00:05:15,947 It won't... I... I can't... I don't see him. 119 00:05:15,949 --> 00:05:17,015 Then forget it. 120 00:05:17,017 --> 00:05:18,750 You're wasting my time. 121 00:05:18,752 --> 00:05:20,529 Go away! 122 00:05:21,555 --> 00:05:23,109 Go away! 123 00:05:25,092 --> 00:05:26,558 Here's your man. 124 00:05:26,560 --> 00:05:29,094 Oh, my God! 125 00:05:29,096 --> 00:05:32,497 It's Curly Neal, sir, the legendary Harlem Globetrotter. 126 00:05:32,499 --> 00:05:35,701 Somehow, he's responsible for my separation anxiety. 127 00:05:35,878 --> 00:05:39,747 Listen, Smith, I'm still upset about Demetrius Pertz. 128 00:05:39,749 --> 00:05:41,148 He made it to U.S. soil, 129 00:05:41,150 --> 00:05:46,120 where the C.I.A. can't operate because of craven judicial overreach. 130 00:05:46,122 --> 00:05:48,923 - You mean laws? - You mean laws? 131 00:05:48,925 --> 00:05:50,091 Okay, you're in a mood. 132 00:05:50,093 --> 00:05:52,893 I'm gonna go deal with this. 133 00:05:55,765 --> 00:05:57,498 All right. Klaus, what's going on? 134 00:05:57,500 --> 00:05:59,033 Yeah, dazzle us, fish. 135 00:05:59,035 --> 00:06:01,669 I have a website. 136 00:06:01,671 --> 00:06:03,404 Klaustastrophe.tv. 137 00:06:03,406 --> 00:06:06,641 It's where I document all the epic fails around me. 138 00:06:06,643 --> 00:06:09,276 See? 139 00:06:12,382 --> 00:06:13,814 Forgot my keys. 140 00:06:16,619 --> 00:06:18,119 - [Sneezes] - Gesundheit. 141 00:06:18,121 --> 00:06:20,354 - Actually, that was a cough. - Oh. 142 00:06:23,426 --> 00:06:26,327 [Crying] 143 00:06:28,297 --> 00:06:30,498 Klaus, do you even know what an epic fail is? 144 00:06:30,500 --> 00:06:33,668 Yeah, Klaus, I was just crying about my life. 145 00:06:33,670 --> 00:06:35,036 It's not that big a deal. 146 00:06:35,038 --> 00:06:37,204 Steve was right to hold out for something better. 147 00:06:37,206 --> 00:06:38,372 Why, what's he got going on? 148 00:06:38,374 --> 00:06:40,074 He's going to Rhode Island with Stan 149 00:06:40,076 --> 00:06:41,976 to see the Harlem Globetrotters. 150 00:06:41,978 --> 00:06:43,978 Goddamn Klaus. 151 00:06:46,082 --> 00:06:47,381 Best day ever. 152 00:06:47,383 --> 00:06:49,917 First we got to fly Southwest Airlines 153 00:06:49,919 --> 00:06:51,952 in boarding group "C" for cool. 154 00:06:51,954 --> 00:06:53,454 That's what it stands for. 155 00:06:53,456 --> 00:06:57,124 Now we're gonna watch some former junior college ball hogs 156 00:06:57,126 --> 00:06:59,560 light it up in the same building 157 00:06:59,562 --> 00:07:02,763 that, just 24 hours from now, will host. 158 00:07:02,765 --> 00:07:04,965 "Sesame Street on Ice." 159 00:07:04,967 --> 00:07:09,270 Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, the world-famous Harlem Globetrotters. 160 00:07:09,272 --> 00:07:11,839 The road to Curly starts here. 161 00:07:11,841 --> 00:07:12,973 Here they come! 162 00:07:12,975 --> 00:07:14,875 To answer for their sins. 163 00:07:14,877 --> 00:07:16,544 They're amazing, Steve! 164 00:07:16,546 --> 00:07:17,912 At keeping secrets. 165 00:07:17,914 --> 00:07:18,979 I'll kill them if I have to. 166 00:07:18,981 --> 00:07:20,281 Low voice. 167 00:07:20,283 --> 00:07:22,583 ["Sweet Georgia Brown" playing] 168 00:07:25,955 --> 00:07:27,955 [Laughter] 169 00:07:27,957 --> 00:07:29,990 [Laughs] 170 00:07:29,992 --> 00:07:32,760 Hey, guys, how about joining us for a magic circle? 171 00:07:32,762 --> 00:07:36,030 Not the first time I've gotten that invitation from a gentleman. 172 00:07:36,032 --> 00:07:38,566 ["Sweet Georgia Brown" continues] 173 00:07:46,542 --> 00:07:48,109 Whew. 174 00:07:49,946 --> 00:07:51,078 Your turn, pops. 175 00:07:51,080 --> 00:07:52,847 No, wait, I don't know how to... 176 00:07:52,849 --> 00:07:56,884 [Crowd gasps] 177 00:07:56,886 --> 00:07:59,620 [Applause] 178 00:07:59,622 --> 00:08:07,622 ♪ 179 00:08:09,132 --> 00:08:12,266 Aah! Don't get me wet! 180 00:08:12,268 --> 00:08:15,603 It's not water. It's a miracle! 181 00:08:18,307 --> 00:08:21,175 Go on, Stan, we don't want you anymore. 182 00:08:21,177 --> 00:08:24,044 [Thunder crashes] 183 00:08:24,046 --> 00:08:24,936 That's it. 184 00:08:25,015 --> 00:08:28,983 When I was 9 years old, I went to Globetrotters camp. 185 00:08:28,985 --> 00:08:30,985 I had the best month of my life. 186 00:08:30,987 --> 00:08:33,888 And then, for no reason, they kicked me out. 187 00:08:33,890 --> 00:08:35,389 Wow, that's rough. 188 00:08:35,391 --> 00:08:37,458 But are you too upset to take a half-court shot 189 00:08:37,460 --> 00:08:40,895 for a lifetime supply of Little Debbie products? 190 00:08:40,897 --> 00:08:42,029 Give me the rock. 191 00:08:42,031 --> 00:08:43,397 [Cheers and applause] 192 00:08:43,399 --> 00:08:44,565 [Grunts] 193 00:08:48,437 --> 00:08:49,436 Swish. 194 00:08:49,438 --> 00:08:51,271 ♪ All I do is win, win, win ♪ 195 00:08:51,340 --> 00:08:52,840 ♪ No matter what ♪ 196 00:08:52,842 --> 00:08:55,643 ♪ Got money on my mind I can never get enough ♪ 197 00:08:59,064 --> 00:09:00,119 I need some answers. 198 00:09:00,121 --> 00:09:01,620 You missed the shot. You don't get the food. 199 00:09:01,622 --> 00:09:03,322 No. Why did Curly and the Globetrotters 200 00:09:03,324 --> 00:09:04,390 kick me out of camp? 201 00:09:04,672 --> 00:09:05,871 How long ago was this? 202 00:09:05,873 --> 00:09:06,939 34 years. 203 00:09:06,941 --> 00:09:08,240 I'm 24. 204 00:09:08,242 --> 00:09:10,142 I would have been minus 10 years old. 205 00:09:10,144 --> 00:09:11,176 That's a small number. 206 00:09:11,178 --> 00:09:13,478 That's a small integer. 207 00:09:13,480 --> 00:09:16,949 Junior college is still college. 208 00:09:16,951 --> 00:09:18,750 All right. Time to hit the showers. 209 00:09:18,752 --> 00:09:21,053 And don't just sprinkle water on your hair, 210 00:09:21,055 --> 00:09:22,454 I'll be able to tell. 211 00:09:22,456 --> 00:09:24,923 These kids don't know where to find Curly, 212 00:09:24,925 --> 00:09:26,792 but I do. 213 00:09:26,794 --> 00:09:34,794 ♪ 214 00:09:36,837 --> 00:09:38,604 It's just a little further. 215 00:09:38,606 --> 00:09:40,686 Couldn't you have just written these directions down? 216 00:09:40,742 --> 00:09:43,275 Ooh! Am I such bad company? 217 00:09:43,277 --> 00:09:45,510 Well, good luck finding him yourself. 218 00:09:48,482 --> 00:09:51,433 Damn it! 219 00:09:51,435 --> 00:09:54,336 Have your epic fails not been epic enough? 220 00:09:54,338 --> 00:09:59,141 Try giving your smoothie a kick with an M-80 berry. 221 00:10:06,417 --> 00:10:07,983 If it can clean a golf club, 222 00:10:07,985 --> 00:10:11,019 imagine what it can do for teeth. 223 00:10:19,663 --> 00:10:21,563 [Screams] 224 00:10:23,801 --> 00:10:27,336 Roger is about to learn, when you snooze, you lose. 225 00:10:29,206 --> 00:10:32,274 [Snoring] 226 00:10:34,812 --> 00:10:36,478 Aah! 227 00:10:38,082 --> 00:10:46,082 ♪ 228 00:10:47,291 --> 00:10:50,258 - Wait. Is that... - It can't be... 229 00:10:50,260 --> 00:10:52,794 - Is it? - Stan Smith. 230 00:10:52,796 --> 00:10:54,062 Curly? 231 00:10:54,064 --> 00:10:56,732 I thought I'd never see you again. 232 00:10:56,734 --> 00:11:00,035 Curly, I traveled a long way to see you. 233 00:11:00,037 --> 00:11:01,370 Traveling is a violation. 234 00:11:01,372 --> 00:11:03,605 Curly's ball on the porch. 235 00:11:03,607 --> 00:11:06,274 So they got you all the way out here, huh? 236 00:11:06,276 --> 00:11:07,576 Yeah, we stay isolated 237 00:11:07,578 --> 00:11:09,344 in case another "Space Jam" happens 238 00:11:09,346 --> 00:11:11,780 and they need us to defeat the Monstars. 239 00:11:11,782 --> 00:11:15,183 So I hear you remember those dribbling tricks I taught you. 240 00:11:15,185 --> 00:11:17,652 Well, my dazzle catch was slow to... Hold on. 241 00:11:17,654 --> 00:11:19,454 We can't just sit here like friends. 242 00:11:19,456 --> 00:11:21,623 You guys abandoned me. You kicked me out of your camp. 243 00:11:21,625 --> 00:11:24,259 Oh, Stan, there's no such thing 244 00:11:24,261 --> 00:11:26,795 - as Globetrotter camp. - What?! 245 00:11:26,797 --> 00:11:29,965 We had just played a show. 246 00:11:29,967 --> 00:11:31,333 And as we were leaving, 247 00:11:31,335 --> 00:11:33,435 we saw you waiting for your dad. 248 00:11:33,437 --> 00:11:36,938 An usher told us he had pounded a Sprite, burped the words. 249 00:11:36,940 --> 00:11:40,475 "Time for some strange," and jogged off into the night. 250 00:11:40,477 --> 00:11:42,110 We offered to take you home, 251 00:11:42,112 --> 00:11:44,212 but you didn't know where you lived. 252 00:11:44,214 --> 00:11:46,581 My dad said it was important I never know our address 253 00:11:46,583 --> 00:11:49,751 in case I was ever captured and tortured by people looking for him. 254 00:11:49,753 --> 00:11:52,487 Well, that didn't sound like a great scene to us, 255 00:11:52,489 --> 00:11:55,424 so we took you on the road and told you it was camp. 256 00:11:55,426 --> 00:11:58,226 And you trotted around the globe with us 257 00:11:58,228 --> 00:12:01,463 on a bus up and down I-70. 258 00:12:01,465 --> 00:12:04,032 But 4 weeks later, your dad showed up, 259 00:12:04,034 --> 00:12:05,434 and we had to give you back. 260 00:12:05,436 --> 00:12:07,335 Except you didn't like that idea. 261 00:12:07,337 --> 00:12:10,072 No, I'm staying with you guys. 262 00:12:10,074 --> 00:12:13,341 Well, you can't, because... 263 00:12:16,380 --> 00:12:20,082 We don't want you around, okay?! 264 00:12:20,084 --> 00:12:21,983 Go on, get out of here! 265 00:12:21,985 --> 00:12:24,619 I said, "Get out of here"! 266 00:12:38,135 --> 00:12:40,402 So you just said that stuff 267 00:12:40,404 --> 00:12:42,771 to make me go back to my dad. 268 00:12:42,773 --> 00:12:45,540 It was the hardest thing I've ever done. 269 00:12:45,542 --> 00:12:47,342 We all missed you so much. 270 00:12:47,344 --> 00:12:49,845 We even tried to adopt you, but 12 black men 271 00:12:49,847 --> 00:12:51,713 asking for custody of a young white boy 272 00:12:51,715 --> 00:12:53,815 wasn't a slam dunk back then. 273 00:12:53,817 --> 00:12:55,817 Or even now, probably. 274 00:12:55,819 --> 00:12:58,320 You don't know how helpful you've been to me, Curly. 275 00:12:58,322 --> 00:13:00,288 Come back anytime, Stan. 276 00:13:00,290 --> 00:13:02,290 That won't be necessary. 277 00:13:05,662 --> 00:13:07,929 Guess I can say goodbye to my separation anxiety 278 00:13:07,931 --> 00:13:10,398 because the Globetrotters didn't abandon me. 279 00:13:10,400 --> 00:13:12,434 My dad did, which is way worse 280 00:13:12,436 --> 00:13:14,302 because that ain't never going away. 281 00:13:14,304 --> 00:13:17,839 [Laughs nervously] 282 00:13:17,841 --> 00:13:21,042 [Crying] 283 00:13:21,044 --> 00:13:23,245 Oh, God, not that guy again. 284 00:13:26,850 --> 00:13:28,316 You almost killed us. 285 00:13:28,318 --> 00:13:30,185 I was taking your notes. 286 00:13:30,187 --> 00:13:32,320 The fails are so epic now. 287 00:13:32,322 --> 00:13:34,689 Traffic is up, so is ad revenue. 288 00:13:34,691 --> 00:13:36,691 People are actually watching this? 289 00:13:36,693 --> 00:13:37,626 Hundreds. 290 00:13:37,628 --> 00:13:39,928 And you can make money from it? 291 00:13:39,930 --> 00:13:41,263 Thousands. 292 00:13:41,265 --> 00:13:43,064 It will take more than just shouting numbers 293 00:13:43,066 --> 00:13:44,299 to get me on board. 294 00:13:44,301 --> 00:13:45,734 Millions. 295 00:13:45,736 --> 00:13:47,769 Well, you called my bluff, I'm in. 296 00:13:53,043 --> 00:13:53,805 Hi. 297 00:13:53,844 --> 00:13:55,610 I've realized that, due to my crippling, 298 00:13:55,612 --> 00:13:57,679 father-induced separation anxiety, 299 00:13:57,681 --> 00:14:00,482 I can no longer be a reliable member of the team. 300 00:14:00,484 --> 00:14:03,351 Is there a process for becoming a lone-wolf agent? 301 00:14:03,353 --> 00:14:06,221 I'd like to stop Demetrius Pertz all by myself, 302 00:14:06,223 --> 00:14:07,689 without my daddy or anyone. 303 00:14:07,691 --> 00:14:10,892 You'll have to sign these lone-wolf forms. 304 00:14:13,197 --> 00:14:14,996 Doing what you're told? 305 00:14:14,998 --> 00:14:16,565 You're no lone wolf. 306 00:14:16,567 --> 00:14:19,100 Lone wolves are rebels, playing by their own rules. 307 00:14:19,102 --> 00:14:21,469 Look at the name I signed. 308 00:14:21,471 --> 00:14:23,238 Butts McButts. 309 00:14:23,240 --> 00:14:25,005 ♪ All I do is win, win, win ♪ 310 00:14:25,108 --> 00:14:26,608 ♪ No matter what ♪ 311 00:14:26,610 --> 00:14:29,511 ♪ Got money on my mind I can never get enough ♪ 312 00:14:31,766 --> 00:14:39,766 ♪ 313 00:14:39,908 --> 00:14:43,643 Demetrius Pertz. And this time, I'm ready. 314 00:14:43,645 --> 00:14:47,413 The only person I can get killed is myself. 315 00:14:51,119 --> 00:14:53,052 Well, you're halfway there. 316 00:14:55,290 --> 00:14:56,856 See, Klaus? This is what you get 317 00:14:56,858 --> 00:14:58,925 when you work with us on the epic fails. 318 00:14:58,927 --> 00:15:01,728 They're just as epic, but none of us are bleeding 319 00:15:01,730 --> 00:15:05,532 on either the outside or the inside. 320 00:15:05,534 --> 00:15:08,835 Time to go downstairs to do the laundry. 321 00:15:08,837 --> 00:15:11,337 Can't think of anything safer. 322 00:15:11,339 --> 00:15:12,372 Whoa! 323 00:15:12,374 --> 00:15:13,940 [Thud!] 324 00:15:19,047 --> 00:15:22,882 I'm gonna dunk this basketball, for reals. 325 00:15:29,991 --> 00:15:31,524 Movie time! 326 00:15:31,526 --> 00:15:33,826 I hope it's not a scary one. 327 00:15:40,268 --> 00:15:41,301 [Gulps] 328 00:15:41,303 --> 00:15:42,635 Ugh! I got a burnt one. 329 00:15:43,872 --> 00:15:47,273 It's so bad I don't even want to listen to my catchphrase. 330 00:15:47,275 --> 00:15:48,441 What was bad about it? 331 00:15:48,443 --> 00:15:49,909 Everything. 332 00:15:49,911 --> 00:15:52,845 All those clumsy camera cuts to hide how fake it was. 333 00:15:52,847 --> 00:15:55,315 Klaustastrophe. Tv is over. 334 00:15:55,317 --> 00:15:57,750 Thanks a lot, idiots. 335 00:15:59,988 --> 00:16:02,355 I don't understand. I did eat that spider. 336 00:16:02,357 --> 00:16:04,023 Why did we cut away from that? 337 00:16:04,025 --> 00:16:07,860 Actually tasted okay, like a hairy croissant full of blood. 338 00:16:10,732 --> 00:16:12,765 I apologize for the scratchy ropes. 339 00:16:12,767 --> 00:16:14,601 I bought them on scratchyropes.com. 340 00:16:14,603 --> 00:16:15,835 I thought it was a joke. 341 00:16:15,837 --> 00:16:17,437 I was like, "No one is gonna pay full price 342 00:16:17,439 --> 00:16:19,172 "for scratchy ropes," but here we are. 343 00:16:19,174 --> 00:16:22,875 They got my money, and you got scratchy ropes. 344 00:16:22,877 --> 00:16:25,745 Anyway, I got a sidewinder missile sale to finish. 345 00:16:25,747 --> 00:16:28,281 So you're going to abandon me, too? 346 00:16:28,283 --> 00:16:31,985 Don't worry, I'll be back in a minute to kill you. 347 00:16:31,987 --> 00:16:35,755 Whatever. Go do your thing that's so important. 348 00:16:35,757 --> 00:16:37,223 This is the worst. 349 00:16:37,225 --> 00:16:38,825 If this rope was any scratchier, 350 00:16:38,827 --> 00:16:42,061 it would be overseen by the state lottery commission. 351 00:16:42,063 --> 00:16:44,664 If I had a team with me, someone would have laughed at that. 352 00:16:44,666 --> 00:16:46,799 Curly: You do have a team with you, Stan. 353 00:16:46,801 --> 00:16:48,234 That just wasn't very funny. 354 00:16:48,236 --> 00:16:49,702 Curly! 355 00:16:52,307 --> 00:16:53,640 How did you guys find me? 356 00:16:53,642 --> 00:16:55,241 With a little help from the tracking chip 357 00:16:55,243 --> 00:16:56,643 I implanted in your neck 358 00:16:56,645 --> 00:16:58,511 while I was putting the visualizer on you. 359 00:16:58,513 --> 00:17:02,215 We may not have caused your problems, Stan, but we can help fix it. 360 00:17:02,217 --> 00:17:05,018 Then come with me, old men and Dr. Ray. 361 00:17:05,020 --> 00:17:07,420 We've got an arms deal to stop. 362 00:17:07,422 --> 00:17:12,158 ♪ 363 00:17:12,160 --> 00:17:13,926 Any chance any of you are armed? 364 00:17:13,928 --> 00:17:17,263 Just with athletic ability and a passion for entertainment. 365 00:17:17,265 --> 00:17:19,966 Right! Right. 366 00:17:19,968 --> 00:17:21,100 Grenade! 367 00:17:21,102 --> 00:17:23,503 Magic circle! 368 00:17:23,505 --> 00:17:25,705 ["Sweet Georgia Brown" playing] 369 00:17:28,476 --> 00:17:29,876 Wait, guys, get rid of it. 370 00:17:29,878 --> 00:17:32,578 ["Sweet Georgia Brown" continues] 371 00:17:37,552 --> 00:17:40,787 Okay, that's nice. 372 00:17:40,789 --> 00:17:42,221 Goose, you still got it, man. 373 00:17:42,223 --> 00:17:43,356 Okay, big finish now. 374 00:17:43,358 --> 00:17:44,724 Now, now, now, now, now! 375 00:17:44,726 --> 00:17:50,830 ♪ 376 00:17:50,832 --> 00:17:53,800 Both: Again, do it again. 377 00:17:53,802 --> 00:17:55,735 Okay, so we make a circle. 378 00:17:55,737 --> 00:17:57,870 [Laughter] 379 00:17:57,872 --> 00:18:00,273 - No! - Boo! 380 00:18:00,275 --> 00:18:03,876 Sorry, Stan, turns out we're not much of a rescue party. 381 00:18:05,914 --> 00:18:08,281 How about one last magic circle? 382 00:18:11,086 --> 00:18:12,118 Goodbye, guys. 383 00:18:12,120 --> 00:18:14,120 Thanks for being there for me. 384 00:18:14,122 --> 00:18:16,723 [Gunfire] 385 00:18:16,725 --> 00:18:19,492 - Is anybody hit? - No. 386 00:18:19,494 --> 00:18:21,060 The circle really is magic! 387 00:18:21,062 --> 00:18:23,696 Bullock: Yes, it magically took credit for me 388 00:18:23,698 --> 00:18:26,733 shooting all these bad guys. 389 00:18:26,735 --> 00:18:28,534 Sir! How did you find me? 390 00:18:28,536 --> 00:18:29,702 I had you chipped. 391 00:18:29,704 --> 00:18:31,838 You're remarkably easy to chip. 392 00:18:31,840 --> 00:18:34,006 There are, like, seven in you. 393 00:18:34,008 --> 00:18:35,908 But why? I quit the team. 394 00:18:35,910 --> 00:18:37,276 Don't be a dumb-ass, Stan. 395 00:18:37,278 --> 00:18:39,045 You'll always be part of the team. 396 00:18:39,047 --> 00:18:40,980 Pertz: Then you'll die together! 397 00:18:42,684 --> 00:18:43,883 Thanks, coach! 398 00:18:43,885 --> 00:18:46,352 Don't thank me, thank rolling. 399 00:18:49,758 --> 00:18:52,725 Look, guys, I'm... I'm sorry I yelled at you before. 400 00:18:52,727 --> 00:18:55,228 I mean, the website isn't that important. 401 00:18:55,230 --> 00:18:57,163 So, I scraped together a few bucks 402 00:18:57,165 --> 00:19:01,234 for a little apology party if you're interested. 403 00:19:03,505 --> 00:19:06,239 Grab a seat. Dig in. 404 00:19:06,241 --> 00:19:08,775 [All scream] 405 00:19:08,777 --> 00:19:11,544 Epic fail! 406 00:19:11,546 --> 00:19:12,812 What the hell, Klaus? 407 00:19:12,814 --> 00:19:15,148 Your junk was so lame. 408 00:19:15,150 --> 00:19:17,950 This is the primo stuff that goes right into 409 00:19:17,952 --> 00:19:20,153 the public's veins. 410 00:19:20,155 --> 00:19:22,255 Yes! Whoa! 411 00:19:22,257 --> 00:19:23,923 Nein! 412 00:19:23,925 --> 00:19:26,092 Oh, no. My cup. 413 00:19:26,094 --> 00:19:27,994 I need water, or I'll die. 414 00:19:27,996 --> 00:19:29,729 What are we supposed to do? 415 00:19:29,731 --> 00:19:32,331 Spit on me. 416 00:19:32,333 --> 00:19:34,934 [All spitting] 417 00:19:34,936 --> 00:19:36,536 It's not enough. 418 00:19:36,538 --> 00:19:38,271 I need more liquid. 419 00:19:38,273 --> 00:19:40,740 You'll have to... 420 00:19:40,742 --> 00:19:42,775 Whoa, that's where your pee comes out? 421 00:19:42,777 --> 00:19:45,545 - Sometimes. - Wait, is the camera still on? 422 00:19:45,547 --> 00:19:47,413 Turn it off. Don't film this! 423 00:19:47,415 --> 00:19:49,015 Francine: My turn. 424 00:19:51,219 --> 00:19:53,085 So I guess what I'm saying is, 425 00:19:53,087 --> 00:19:54,821 even though I discovered yet another way 426 00:19:54,823 --> 00:19:56,522 my dad really screwed me up, 427 00:19:56,524 --> 00:19:59,625 I realized I don't have to worry about being abandoned. 428 00:19:59,627 --> 00:20:02,762 There are people in my life who love and care about me 429 00:20:02,764 --> 00:20:05,131 and will always be there for me... 430 00:20:05,133 --> 00:20:09,168 the Harlem Globetrotters and my friends from work. 431 00:20:09,170 --> 00:20:12,872 The pattern of abandonment has been broken. 432 00:20:12,874 --> 00:20:14,574 Where is Steve? 433 00:20:14,576 --> 00:20:17,210 [Sighs] 434 00:20:17,212 --> 00:20:19,178 Look, Steve, there's no such thing 435 00:20:19,180 --> 00:20:21,414 as Sesame Street on Ice camp. 436 00:20:21,416 --> 00:20:24,083 Your dad just abandoned you at the arena. 437 00:20:24,085 --> 00:20:27,687 No, I want to stay with you guys. 438 00:20:27,689 --> 00:20:29,722 Well, you can't. 439 00:20:29,724 --> 00:20:31,039 Because... 440 00:20:33,155 --> 00:20:35,261 we don't want you around, okay?! 441 00:20:35,263 --> 00:20:37,330 Go on, get out of here! 442 00:20:37,332 --> 00:20:39,665 I said, "Get out of here"! 443 00:20:39,667 --> 00:20:42,401 [Thunder crashes] 444 00:20:42,403 --> 00:20:48,407 ♪ 445 00:20:48,409 --> 00:20:50,009 [Crying] 446 00:20:50,011 --> 00:20:53,145 It's okay, Marcus. It's okay. 447 00:20:53,147 --> 00:20:58,484 We've got four other kids in the van that nobody is coming for. 448 00:21:01,148 --> 00:21:03,152 - synced and corrected by sot26 - www.addic7ed.com