1
00:00:04,671 --> 00:00:07,305
[Horns honking]
2
00:00:08,808 --> 00:00:09,962
This damn traffic.
3
00:00:10,009 --> 00:00:11,909
We're gonna be late for
the Bazooka Sharks game,
4
00:00:11,911 --> 00:00:13,244
and if you don't see the beginning,
5
00:00:13,246 --> 00:00:14,979
the rest of the game
doesn't make any sense.
6
00:00:14,981 --> 00:00:18,149
Thanks for agreeing to take me to
Urban Outfitters after the game.
7
00:00:18,151 --> 00:00:20,751
It sucks that the closest
one is 70 miles away.
8
00:00:20,753 --> 00:00:22,286
I never agreed to that.
9
00:00:22,288 --> 00:00:23,921
I don't even know what that is,
some sort of store?
10
00:00:23,923 --> 00:00:25,890
Stan, it's not just a store.
11
00:00:25,892 --> 00:00:28,793
It's a lifestyle,
but more than that, it's a store.
12
00:00:28,795 --> 00:00:30,795
They have everything...
Polaroid cameras,
13
00:00:30,797 --> 00:00:33,264
suitcase record players,
and the flower dress.
14
00:00:33,266 --> 00:00:35,666
Janeane Garofalo wore in
"Reality Bites."
15
00:00:35,668 --> 00:00:38,569
It's one-stop shopping if you're
looking to go full Garofalo.
16
00:00:38,571 --> 00:00:40,891
Fine. If it'll shut you up,
we can go there after the game.
17
00:00:40,940 --> 00:00:42,039
Thanks, Stan.
18
00:00:42,041 --> 00:00:44,809
Some road head to celebrate?
19
00:00:44,901 --> 00:00:46,567
We haven't moved in ages.
20
00:00:46,569 --> 00:00:47,935
You know what our town could use?
21
00:00:47,937 --> 00:00:49,503
One of those bullet trains.
22
00:00:49,505 --> 00:00:50,805
A bullet train?
23
00:00:50,807 --> 00:00:53,040
Yeah, a high-speed bullet train.
24
00:00:53,042 --> 00:00:54,876
Take you from downtown
to the Sharks' Nest
25
00:00:54,878 --> 00:00:56,077
at 200 miles per hour.
26
00:00:56,079 --> 00:00:58,546
That is a humdinger of an idea.
27
00:00:58,548 --> 00:01:00,448
You got to take that
straight to the mayor.
28
00:01:00,450 --> 00:01:02,083
Okay, let's do it.
29
00:01:02,085 --> 00:01:04,151
I feel good about this... really good.
30
00:01:04,153 --> 00:01:06,354
And not just because I'm on OxyContin,
31
00:01:06,356 --> 00:01:09,323
though that is... [snores]
32
00:01:09,325 --> 00:01:12,660
Man: It's kickoff time,
Bazooka Shark Fans.
33
00:01:12,662 --> 00:01:14,028
We're missing the game.
34
00:01:14,030 --> 00:01:15,897
Oh, man. So is Sky Crooner.
35
00:01:15,899 --> 00:01:18,165
♪ On my way back from family court ♪
36
00:01:18,167 --> 00:01:21,702
♪ Got to keep my job
to pay child support ♪
37
00:01:21,704 --> 00:01:23,638
♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
38
00:01:23,640 --> 00:01:27,975
♪ Sky Crooner stuck in traffic ♪
39
00:01:30,680 --> 00:01:33,180
♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
40
00:01:33,182 --> 00:01:37,051
♪ I got a feelin'
that it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪
41
00:01:37,053 --> 00:01:40,154
♪ The sun in the sky has
a smile on his face ♪
42
00:01:40,156 --> 00:01:44,859
♪ And he's shinin'
a salute to the American race ♪
43
00:01:46,529 --> 00:01:49,530
♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪
44
00:01:49,532 --> 00:01:52,233
- ♪ Good... ♪
- ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
45
00:01:52,235 --> 00:01:53,301
Aah!
46
00:01:54,771 --> 00:01:58,005
♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
47
00:02:00,243 --> 00:02:02,944
No one even touched their plates.
48
00:02:02,946 --> 00:02:06,480
Guess they're too good for
this lovely breakfast brisket.
49
00:02:06,482 --> 00:02:07,748
Aah!
50
00:02:09,519 --> 00:02:12,687
Oh, you like my brisket.
51
00:02:12,689 --> 00:02:14,855
Well, I like you.
52
00:02:14,857 --> 00:02:17,725
Oh, but you have to try it
with the sauce and sides.
53
00:02:17,727 --> 00:02:19,860
Here, I'll make you a plate.
54
00:02:22,332 --> 00:02:23,731
This, Mom.
55
00:02:23,733 --> 00:02:27,168
This kind of thing is why
you're always getting rabies.
56
00:02:29,405 --> 00:02:31,739
Thanks for taking the time
out of your busy schedule
57
00:02:31,741 --> 00:02:33,407
- to meet with us.
- My pleasure.
58
00:02:33,409 --> 00:02:36,277
I, uh,
always have time for my constituents.
59
00:02:36,279 --> 00:02:38,479
You really can lower your firearm now.
60
00:02:38,481 --> 00:02:39,680
Of course.
61
00:02:39,682 --> 00:02:41,282
I just find the old skull popper
62
00:02:41,284 --> 00:02:43,284
works better than a
bunch of phone calls.
63
00:02:43,286 --> 00:02:45,052
Now, I only have a few minutes,
64
00:02:45,054 --> 00:02:48,022
and then I have to get back
to my reelection campaign.
65
00:02:48,024 --> 00:02:49,890
I hear you have an amazing idea for me.
66
00:02:49,892 --> 00:02:53,828
Yes. Well, sorry. I'm a little nervous.
67
00:02:53,830 --> 00:02:55,162
Stan, don't be nervous.
68
00:02:55,164 --> 00:02:58,232
He's the one who looks
like a human bullfrog.
69
00:02:59,369 --> 00:03:02,636
But he's also the one we
have to impress right now.
70
00:03:02,638 --> 00:03:04,338
And judging by the scowl on his face,
71
00:03:04,340 --> 00:03:05,906
he heard the bullfrog thing.
72
00:03:05,908 --> 00:03:08,042
So take it away, Stan.
73
00:03:08,044 --> 00:03:10,778
Mr. Mayor,
this town needs a bullet train.
74
00:03:10,780 --> 00:03:13,280
A bullet train. Huh.
75
00:03:13,282 --> 00:03:14,782
- Guys?
- A conservative estimate
76
00:03:14,784 --> 00:03:16,183
for a bullet train is in the billions,
77
00:03:16,185 --> 00:03:18,119
and using a bullet train
for intracity travel
78
00:03:18,121 --> 00:03:19,920
makes no sense at all.
79
00:03:21,891 --> 00:03:23,324
Let Stan finish.
80
00:03:23,326 --> 00:03:25,159
I think you'll change your dumb minds
81
00:03:25,161 --> 00:03:26,427
after you hear the presentation
82
00:03:26,429 --> 00:03:29,797
my main man worked all afternoon on.
83
00:03:29,799 --> 00:03:31,799
Here's a rendering of the train proposal
84
00:03:31,801 --> 00:03:33,167
along with environmental impact,
85
00:03:33,169 --> 00:03:35,403
traffic-flow analysis,
and other factors.
86
00:03:36,157 --> 00:03:39,774
I drew Batman, too, because I'm
really good at drawing Batman.
87
00:03:40,410 --> 00:03:43,277
[Laughter]
88
00:03:43,279 --> 00:03:44,945
I humiliated myself.
89
00:03:44,947 --> 00:03:46,280
It's a stupid idea.
90
00:03:46,282 --> 00:03:47,148
No, it's not.
91
00:03:47,150 --> 00:03:48,816
I still believe in the idea.
92
00:03:48,818 --> 00:03:50,317
I still believe in you.
93
00:03:50,319 --> 00:03:52,119
Tell her your idea, Stan.
94
00:03:52,121 --> 00:03:55,689
I think this town should
have a bullet train.
95
00:03:55,691 --> 00:03:57,691
A bullet train?
96
00:03:57,693 --> 00:03:59,060
Oh, hon.
97
00:03:59,062 --> 00:04:01,262
That is exactly what this town needs.
98
00:04:01,264 --> 00:04:03,097
I hate that we don't have one of those.
99
00:04:03,099 --> 00:04:04,665
You guys talking bullet train?
100
00:04:04,667 --> 00:04:07,802
Yeah, I-I think it could
help with traffic and stuff.
101
00:04:07,804 --> 00:04:09,503
I, for one, dislike traffic,
102
00:04:09,505 --> 00:04:11,806
so this idea is really speaking to me.
103
00:04:11,808 --> 00:04:13,507
Well, it isn't just about traffic.
104
00:04:13,509 --> 00:04:15,409
A bullet train isn't about taking you
105
00:04:15,411 --> 00:04:16,577
from place to another.
106
00:04:16,579 --> 00:04:18,779
A bullet train is about telling people
107
00:04:18,781 --> 00:04:21,415
that this town has arrived.
108
00:04:21,417 --> 00:04:22,850
That's beautiful.
109
00:04:22,852 --> 00:04:24,452
You're beautiful, babe.
110
00:04:24,454 --> 00:04:25,553
Aww.
111
00:04:25,555 --> 00:04:27,721
I'm getting so horny
for this bullet train.
112
00:04:27,723 --> 00:04:29,423
Has anyone considered roundabouts?
113
00:04:29,425 --> 00:04:32,927
In Europe, they've alleviated...
[screams]
114
00:04:32,929 --> 00:04:34,862
We're talking about a train.
115
00:04:34,864 --> 00:04:37,398
Now, I'm not gonna stand up
here and say that this train
116
00:04:37,400 --> 00:04:39,266
will solve all of your problems
117
00:04:39,268 --> 00:04:40,968
because you already know it will.
118
00:04:40,970 --> 00:04:44,772
It's so simple, just two stops,
downtown to the Sharks' Nest.
119
00:04:44,774 --> 00:04:47,274
This woman right here,
she could get to the game fast.
120
00:04:47,276 --> 00:04:50,277
This guy here could also
get to the game very fast.
121
00:04:50,279 --> 00:04:52,813
Will the tracks run
through Clementine Park?
122
00:04:52,815 --> 00:04:54,148
I hate that place.
123
00:04:54,150 --> 00:04:56,283
It's full of couples having
sex in sleeping bags,
124
00:04:56,285 --> 00:05:00,421
and I am sick of watching
them as much as I can.
125
00:05:00,423 --> 00:05:02,022
I'm not sure.
126
00:05:02,024 --> 00:05:03,791
That is all I need to hear.
127
00:05:03,793 --> 00:05:07,461
I am all aboard this train idea.
128
00:05:07,463 --> 00:05:09,563
- Chicka-chicka-chicka-chicka...
- Whoo-whoo!
129
00:05:12,135 --> 00:05:14,902
- Chicka-chicka-chicka-chicka.
- Whoo-whoo!
130
00:05:18,504 --> 00:05:20,471
[Yawns]
131
00:05:23,209 --> 00:05:24,975
[Urinating]
132
00:05:24,977 --> 00:05:27,611
[Copier beeps]
133
00:05:28,614 --> 00:05:31,248
[Urinating stops]
134
00:05:32,485 --> 00:05:35,486
I have half a mind to ask who that was.
135
00:05:36,322 --> 00:05:38,389
- What do you think?
- What the hell is going on?
136
00:05:38,391 --> 00:05:40,858
I've never mentioned it
because I'm humble as hell,
137
00:05:40,860 --> 00:05:42,493
but as W. Willard Wartz,
138
00:05:42,495 --> 00:05:46,764
I ran Adlai Stevenson's
presidential bids in '52 and '56.
139
00:05:46,766 --> 00:05:50,234
Landslide losses,
laughed out of the beltway,
140
00:05:50,236 --> 00:05:52,036
swore off politics forever.
141
00:05:52,038 --> 00:05:54,838
That is until I saw you
speak at that diner.
142
00:05:54,840 --> 00:05:58,075
Stan, you're
a once-in-a-generation candidate.
143
00:05:58,077 --> 00:05:59,576
You have to run for mayor.
144
00:05:59,578 --> 00:06:00,744
Look at this new sign.
145
00:06:02,348 --> 00:06:05,149
Oops. Old sign. But timeless message.
146
00:06:05,151 --> 00:06:07,117
Me? Run for mayor?
147
00:06:07,119 --> 00:06:09,386
Oh, my God, Stan.
That should be your slogan.
148
00:06:09,388 --> 00:06:12,156
"Stan Smith... me run for mayor."
149
00:06:12,158 --> 00:06:13,991
Uh, I don't know, Roger.
150
00:06:14,727 --> 00:06:16,560
No, no, no. No, no, no. No, no, no, no.
151
00:06:16,562 --> 00:06:19,963
Steve, you cannot be seen with
those losers during an election.
152
00:06:19,965 --> 00:06:21,131
I got you new friends.
153
00:06:21,133 --> 00:06:22,366
New friends?
154
00:06:22,368 --> 00:06:24,935
If you think I'm going to abandon...
155
00:06:24,937 --> 00:06:28,605
Make sure those dorks don't
sneak in through the back.
156
00:06:28,607 --> 00:06:31,308
To the pool!
157
00:06:31,310 --> 00:06:33,410
Let me guess,
I'm going to need a new husband
158
00:06:33,412 --> 00:06:35,045
because Jeff's gonna make
the campaign look bad.
159
00:06:35,047 --> 00:06:38,182
Jeff is actually polling great
with suburban househusbands
160
00:06:38,184 --> 00:06:40,517
and Cajun seniors in the
meat-packing industry.
161
00:06:40,519 --> 00:06:43,754
We have to win those demos,
or we are screwed.
162
00:06:43,756 --> 00:06:45,522
I'm a pollster now.
163
00:06:45,524 --> 00:06:48,926
And you said calling everyone
mon ami was super annoying.
164
00:06:48,928 --> 00:06:51,328
Are you sure a different
husband wouldn't poll better?
165
00:06:51,330 --> 00:06:52,629
You know, someone with a big-ass dick
166
00:06:52,631 --> 00:06:54,298
the voters can really get behind?
167
00:06:54,300 --> 00:06:56,367
Isn't this exciting, Stan?
168
00:06:56,369 --> 00:06:58,635
I could be the First Lady.
169
00:06:58,637 --> 00:07:00,237
I've always thought of myself
170
00:07:00,239 --> 00:07:02,740
as the Jackie Kennedy of Langley Falls.
171
00:07:02,742 --> 00:07:04,241
Um, what's with the...
172
00:07:04,243 --> 00:07:06,610
Lamonte? He's my rat.
173
00:07:06,612 --> 00:07:08,879
Oh, hey, Lamonte.
So, what do you think, Stanny?
174
00:07:08,881 --> 00:07:10,514
I'm not sure, Roger.
175
00:07:10,516 --> 00:07:12,983
Isn't there more to governing
than just building a train?
176
00:07:12,985 --> 00:07:15,052
No, that's the genius of your idea.
177
00:07:15,054 --> 00:07:16,653
The train solves everything.
178
00:07:16,655 --> 00:07:17,788
Unemployment...
179
00:07:17,790 --> 00:07:19,556
everybody can have a
job building the train.
180
00:07:19,558 --> 00:07:22,493
Education... ride the rails
and learn some hobo wisdom.
181
00:07:22,495 --> 00:07:26,196
Crime... the only thing criminal
is not having a bullet train.
182
00:07:26,198 --> 00:07:29,199
Stan, your town needs you.
183
00:07:29,201 --> 00:07:30,401
I'll do it.
184
00:07:30,403 --> 00:07:32,503
Stan Smith is running for mayor.
185
00:07:32,505 --> 00:07:34,438
[Cheers]
186
00:07:34,440 --> 00:07:36,306
What do you think, Francine?
187
00:07:36,308 --> 00:07:38,008
Ever done it with a mayor?
188
00:07:38,010 --> 00:07:39,943
I have. Six of them, actually.
189
00:07:39,945 --> 00:07:43,010
Seven if you count the guy
in the Mayor McCheese outfit.
190
00:07:43,015 --> 00:07:45,482
You dog.
191
00:07:50,471 --> 00:07:51,737
Dad, you remember James Garfield,
192
00:07:51,739 --> 00:07:53,072
the dead ex-president you cloned?
193
00:07:53,074 --> 00:07:56,142
Of course.
Welcome aboard Team Stan, Garfy.
194
00:07:56,144 --> 00:07:57,643
Happy to pitch in.
195
00:07:57,645 --> 00:08:00,146
I do know a thing or two about politics.
196
00:08:00,148 --> 00:08:03,816
I've been a U.S. President,
and, also, thanks to Hulu,
197
00:08:03,818 --> 00:08:06,986
I've now seen every episode of
"Spin City."
198
00:08:06,988 --> 00:08:08,988
Come on,
our campaign ad is about to air.
199
00:08:08,990 --> 00:08:12,424
I hope you like it, because
I blew our entire budget on this.
200
00:08:12,426 --> 00:08:16,962
Leykis: Everyone thinks they
know Mayor Alan Woodside.
201
00:08:16,964 --> 00:08:19,298
I got Tom Leykis to do the voice over.
202
00:08:19,300 --> 00:08:21,233
Huge get. Chicks love him.
203
00:08:22,336 --> 00:08:25,538
But how well do we really know him?
204
00:08:25,540 --> 00:08:28,674
- [Snarling]
- That's right.
205
00:08:28,676 --> 00:08:32,077
He's a giant spider,
except this spider hates God,
206
00:08:32,079 --> 00:08:35,648
young mothers,
and only loves one thing...
207
00:08:35,650 --> 00:08:37,950
masturbating on the American flag.
208
00:08:37,952 --> 00:08:40,085
I'm Stan Smith,
and I approve this message.
209
00:08:40,888 --> 00:08:45,057
This is a very savvy ad.
210
00:08:45,059 --> 00:08:46,458
Roger, I'm not sure...
211
00:08:46,460 --> 00:08:48,627
You got to trust me, Stan.
Just focus on the debates.
212
00:08:48,629 --> 00:08:50,796
We need to spend all
day tomorrow prepping
213
00:08:50,798 --> 00:08:52,264
because the debates are Thursday.
214
00:08:52,266 --> 00:08:54,366
Isn't today Thursday?
215
00:08:55,603 --> 00:08:58,604
If you're right,
and I'm beginning to think you are,
216
00:08:58,606 --> 00:09:01,252
I slept 36 hours last night.
217
00:09:02,810 --> 00:09:05,511
I'm Memphis Stormfront,
your local weatherman,
218
00:09:05,513 --> 00:09:07,813
and I guess I also do this.
219
00:09:07,815 --> 00:09:09,415
Let's welcome our candidates.
220
00:09:09,417 --> 00:09:11,817
- Your incumbent mayor, Alan Woodside.
- [Applause]
221
00:09:11,819 --> 00:09:14,787
And you've probably seen this
guy in your Facebook feed,
222
00:09:14,789 --> 00:09:18,190
- yelling about trains, Stan Smith.
- [Applause]
223
00:09:18,192 --> 00:09:19,592
This will be a town-hall debate
224
00:09:19,594 --> 00:09:22,561
with questions from
real undecided voters.
225
00:09:22,563 --> 00:09:24,797
- Let's begin.
- As a pregnant woman,
226
00:09:24,799 --> 00:09:27,533
I want to know why Mayor
Woodside thinks I'm ugly.
227
00:09:27,535 --> 00:09:30,135
What?! I do not think you're ugly.
228
00:09:30,137 --> 00:09:31,971
- I think motherhood is...
- Boring.
229
00:09:31,973 --> 00:09:35,040
This guy has derailed
the town long enough.
230
00:09:35,042 --> 00:09:38,344
We need to get back on track.
231
00:09:38,346 --> 00:09:39,878
Hello. I'm a small-business owner.
232
00:09:39,880 --> 00:09:43,282
Why is Mayor Woodside poisoning
the town's water supply?
233
00:09:43,284 --> 00:09:45,017
What? I-I-I'm not doing that.
234
00:09:45,019 --> 00:09:46,619
[Audience booing]
235
00:09:46,621 --> 00:09:48,554
Woodside molested my goat.
236
00:09:48,556 --> 00:09:49,855
[Bleats]
237
00:09:49,857 --> 00:09:52,691
I have never touched
that goat or any goat.
238
00:09:52,693 --> 00:09:55,294
I think we're focusing
on the wrong thing here.
239
00:09:55,296 --> 00:09:58,998
My opponent has no experience
governing at any level.
240
00:09:59,000 --> 00:10:04,236
What I may lack in experience,
I make up for in The Power Team.
241
00:10:04,238 --> 00:10:07,306
♪ We're not gonna take it ♪
242
00:10:07,308 --> 00:10:10,643
♪ No, we ain't gonna take it ♪
243
00:10:10,645 --> 00:10:16,081
♪ We're not gonna take it anymore ♪
244
00:10:17,451 --> 00:10:20,452
♪ We're not gonna take it ♪
245
00:10:20,454 --> 00:10:23,622
♪ No, we ain't gonna take it ♪
246
00:10:23,624 --> 00:10:24,857
♪ We're not gonna take it anymore ♪
247
00:10:24,859 --> 00:10:27,993
[Audience chanting "Stan"]
248
00:10:27,995 --> 00:10:30,829
- [Camera shutter clicks]
- [All gasp]
249
00:10:30,831 --> 00:10:34,300
Okay, so here are your approval
ratings from the debate.
250
00:10:34,302 --> 00:10:35,934
As you can see, great start.
251
00:10:35,936 --> 00:10:38,671
Roger's running around hammering
the mayor from all sides,
252
00:10:38,673 --> 00:10:41,407
and here is where The
Power Team took the stage.
253
00:10:41,409 --> 00:10:42,608
I know you're not a professional,
254
00:10:42,610 --> 00:10:44,009
but this is a very high number.
255
00:10:44,011 --> 00:10:46,612
But here,
here's where you drop the baby.
256
00:10:46,614 --> 00:10:48,414
You can almost see it falling.
257
00:10:48,416 --> 00:10:50,749
Well, what's this right here?
Looks like I rebounded.
258
00:10:50,751 --> 00:10:53,319
That's when people thought you
were going to catch the baby
259
00:10:53,321 --> 00:10:54,887
on the first bounce.
260
00:10:54,889 --> 00:10:57,022
I guess the whole town is
best friends with that baby.
261
00:10:57,024 --> 00:10:59,425
Stan, cheer up.
This is just a little gaffe.
262
00:10:59,427 --> 00:11:01,260
- I'll fix it.
- Here's an idea.
263
00:11:01,262 --> 00:11:06,432
Maybe we get some dirt on that baby,
make Stan the hero.
264
00:11:07,268 --> 00:11:10,035
Bye, Mom. My crew and I
are gonna roll up our jeans
265
00:11:10,037 --> 00:11:12,705
and playfully chase
each other on the beach.
266
00:11:13,808 --> 00:11:16,008
Why is he always telling
me where he's going?
267
00:11:16,010 --> 00:11:18,177
So, if Dad wins,
what's gonna be your thing?
268
00:11:18,179 --> 00:11:20,312
You know how first ladies
always have projects
269
00:11:20,314 --> 00:11:21,647
they want to accomplish?
270
00:11:21,649 --> 00:11:24,183
Hmm, I haven't given much thought to it.
271
00:11:24,185 --> 00:11:27,386
Been mostly focused on my rat,
but you're right.
272
00:11:27,388 --> 00:11:29,355
I need a project.
273
00:11:29,357 --> 00:11:31,724
Well, I hate fat kids.
274
00:11:31,726 --> 00:11:34,793
Is there something I could do
with that? Maybe...
275
00:11:34,795 --> 00:11:37,129
- School lunches?
- Ship them away to an island?
276
00:11:39,266 --> 00:11:41,200
Polls are closing soon, but buckle up
277
00:11:41,202 --> 00:11:44,303
because it's going to be a long
night before a winner is declared.
278
00:11:44,305 --> 00:11:45,671
Luckily, as always,
279
00:11:45,673 --> 00:11:47,606
we have our Channel 3
election-night panel
280
00:11:47,608 --> 00:11:49,208
of political insiders.
281
00:11:49,210 --> 00:11:51,777
Hooper, Trish, Detective Turlington,
282
00:11:51,779 --> 00:11:54,079
Joe Chandler,
Tom from the grocery store,
283
00:11:54,081 --> 00:11:58,951
Trey, Billy, James Hetfield,
Devon, Krampus, David Axelrod.
284
00:11:58,953 --> 00:12:01,687
Never mind. The votes are in.
They've called the election.
285
00:12:01,689 --> 00:12:04,289
Apparently,
thanks in part to a mass influx
286
00:12:04,291 --> 00:12:05,958
of 10,000 migrant workers,
287
00:12:05,960 --> 00:12:10,062
it's a landslide victory for Htims Nats.
288
00:12:10,064 --> 00:12:11,430
Oh, wait. I read that backwards.
289
00:12:11,432 --> 00:12:13,298
It's Stan Smith.
290
00:12:13,300 --> 00:12:16,802
- [Cork pops]
- [Cheers]
291
00:12:16,804 --> 00:12:17,903
Have you seen Stan?
292
00:12:17,905 --> 00:12:19,705
No. Have you seen my crew?
293
00:12:19,707 --> 00:12:21,340
Silly goose, the election's over.
294
00:12:21,342 --> 00:12:23,275
I could only afford to
rent them for a week.
295
00:12:23,277 --> 00:12:26,412
They're gone,
but were all gonna go with Ashton
296
00:12:26,414 --> 00:12:28,414
to meet his birth mother.
297
00:12:28,416 --> 00:12:29,782
Stan?
298
00:12:29,784 --> 00:12:31,150
Stan, this is your big night.
299
00:12:31,152 --> 00:12:32,985
What the heck are you doing
up here with your hat?
300
00:12:32,987 --> 00:12:34,920
What have I gotten myself into?
301
00:12:34,922 --> 00:12:36,422
I don't know how to be mayor.
302
00:12:36,424 --> 00:12:37,990
What do mayors even do?
303
00:12:37,992 --> 00:12:41,326
I'm, like, in charge of the
libraries and Pizza Huts?
304
00:12:41,328 --> 00:12:43,162
I-I have to approve all the abortions?
305
00:12:43,164 --> 00:12:46,165
- Buddy, take a breath.
- [Inhales sharply]
306
00:12:46,167 --> 00:12:47,266
Now, think back.
307
00:12:47,268 --> 00:12:49,168
The whole time you
were running for mayor,
308
00:12:49,170 --> 00:12:50,636
it was a pretty good time, right?
309
00:12:50,638 --> 00:12:52,304
It was cool meeting The Power Team.
310
00:12:52,306 --> 00:12:54,773
- They liked meeting you, too.
- [Gasps]
311
00:12:54,775 --> 00:12:56,208
You know why you had a good time?
312
00:12:56,210 --> 00:12:58,877
Because I was doing all
the boring work stuff,
313
00:12:58,879 --> 00:13:00,546
and that's not gonna change.
314
00:13:00,548 --> 00:13:02,748
The Mayor's job is to delegate,
315
00:13:02,750 --> 00:13:05,017
so you put me in charge
of building the train,
316
00:13:05,019 --> 00:13:07,553
and you focus on this fun puzzle.
317
00:13:10,391 --> 00:13:11,623
Oof.
318
00:13:11,625 --> 00:13:13,804
No one said politics was gonna be easy.
319
00:13:15,663 --> 00:13:19,832
This town can't afford a
$5 billion bullet train.
320
00:13:19,834 --> 00:13:22,434
[Snaps fingers]
321
00:13:22,436 --> 00:13:25,070
[Grunting]
322
00:13:31,745 --> 00:13:34,046
[Snaps fingers]
323
00:13:38,118 --> 00:13:40,752
[Grunting]
324
00:13:44,225 --> 00:13:46,592
Sorry, but you're gonna
have to push the unveiling.
325
00:13:46,594 --> 00:13:49,495
Oh, really? [Snaps fingers]
326
00:13:49,497 --> 00:13:50,929
[Snaps fingers]
327
00:13:50,931 --> 00:13:52,998
Are you snapping at me?
328
00:13:53,000 --> 00:13:55,634
No, I was snapping at my
goons to take you away.
329
00:13:55,636 --> 00:13:56,702
Hey, yeah, it's me.
330
00:13:56,704 --> 00:13:58,737
Why are you guys making
me look like an asshole?
331
00:13:58,739 --> 00:14:01,507
I'm snapping like
crazy here and nothing.
332
00:14:01,509 --> 00:14:03,208
Well, where's Dante?
333
00:14:03,210 --> 00:14:05,077
Are either of the Brocks available?
334
00:14:05,079 --> 00:14:07,012
Oh, never mind. I see Scoot.
335
00:14:07,014 --> 00:14:09,114
Shouldn't be much longer.
336
00:14:13,287 --> 00:14:16,221
First of all,
I'm proud to announce, look.
337
00:14:16,223 --> 00:14:19,291
- [Cheers]
- What was one is two.
338
00:14:19,293 --> 00:14:20,826
Thank you. Thank you.
339
00:14:20,828 --> 00:14:22,094
Now, a lot of people tried to tell me
340
00:14:22,096 --> 00:14:23,462
that there's no silver bullet
341
00:14:23,464 --> 00:14:25,697
to solving all the
problems in this town,
342
00:14:25,699 --> 00:14:26,999
but I guess those asswipes
343
00:14:27,001 --> 00:14:30,402
have never seen a silver bullet train.
344
00:14:32,439 --> 00:14:34,907
Oh, I thought it was gonna be silver.
345
00:14:34,909 --> 00:14:37,109
Hey, cool if I talk to the crowd?
346
00:14:37,111 --> 00:14:39,311
What... What are you wearing?
347
00:14:39,313 --> 00:14:40,312
Are those dead rats?
348
00:14:40,314 --> 00:14:43,348
Oh, God, no. That would be disgusting.
349
00:14:43,350 --> 00:14:44,983
Show him, boys.
350
00:14:44,985 --> 00:14:47,085
[Snaps fingers]
351
00:14:47,087 --> 00:14:48,987
Can you handle this woman?
352
00:14:50,891 --> 00:14:52,591
[Rats squeaking]
353
00:14:52,593 --> 00:14:54,593
Is that a bag full of live rats?
354
00:14:54,595 --> 00:14:55,994
Is that a T-shirt cannon?
355
00:14:55,996 --> 00:14:58,297
Are you gonna shoot
live rats into the crowd
356
00:14:58,299 --> 00:14:59,231
with a T-shirt cannon?
357
00:14:59,233 --> 00:15:01,900
Well, I am the First lady.
358
00:15:01,902 --> 00:15:03,835
Sorry, Franny. Your rat fun is over.
359
00:15:03,837 --> 00:15:05,604
Roger, get out of my way.
360
00:15:05,606 --> 00:15:08,807
I'm the Mayor's wife,
and you work for him.
361
00:15:08,809 --> 00:15:11,110
Oh, is that what's going on?
362
00:15:11,182 --> 00:15:12,615
Take her away.
363
00:15:12,617 --> 00:15:15,785
[Grunts, screams]
364
00:15:15,789 --> 00:15:18,354
Rats, protect your queen.
365
00:15:18,356 --> 00:15:22,124
Take the form of... Eiffle Tower.
366
00:15:22,126 --> 00:15:24,693
[Rats squeaking]
367
00:15:24,695 --> 00:15:26,295
I taught them that.
368
00:15:26,627 --> 00:15:28,193
Where are we going?
369
00:15:29,797 --> 00:15:31,430
Hello, Francine.
370
00:15:31,432 --> 00:15:33,932
Doesn't it feel nice to have
that bag taken off your head?
371
00:15:33,934 --> 00:15:34,816
What's happening?
372
00:15:34,836 --> 00:15:37,636
We've all been deemed
enemies of the state.
373
00:15:37,638 --> 00:15:39,237
To which I say, good.
374
00:15:39,239 --> 00:15:43,008
About time somebody cracked
down on me littering.
375
00:15:50,451 --> 00:15:52,851
The whole freaking town must be in here.
376
00:15:53,520 --> 00:15:57,122
Hey, Francie.
Look how quickly I made friends.
377
00:15:59,931 --> 00:16:00,768
Huh.
378
00:16:00,770 --> 00:16:02,837
It's rush hour and no traffic at all.
379
00:16:03,325 --> 00:16:06,841
Can only mean one thing...
bullet train killing it.
380
00:16:08,344 --> 00:16:10,878
[Cellphone whooshes]
381
00:16:10,880 --> 00:16:12,813
That's weird. Usually by now,
382
00:16:12,815 --> 00:16:15,683
Francine's texted me
back a black thumbs up.
383
00:16:16,226 --> 00:16:18,019
Stan, we must talk.
384
00:16:18,021 --> 00:16:20,287
Your chief of staff has
turned Langley Falls
385
00:16:20,289 --> 00:16:22,456
into a totalitarian state.
386
00:16:22,458 --> 00:16:24,225
You've become a puppet.
387
00:16:24,227 --> 00:16:25,793
You need to...
388
00:16:25,795 --> 00:16:27,828
That's preposterous. I'm not a puppet.
389
00:16:27,830 --> 00:16:30,164
I'm real. I'm a real boy.
390
00:16:30,166 --> 00:16:31,332
Now, listen, Stan.
391
00:16:31,334 --> 00:16:33,000
Aah! Talking cricket!
392
00:16:33,002 --> 00:16:34,135
Aah.
393
00:16:36,773 --> 00:16:38,072
Roger, we need to talk.
394
00:16:38,074 --> 00:16:40,474
I just looked up what
"totalitarian" means,
395
00:16:40,476 --> 00:16:42,009
and I'm concerned.
396
00:16:45,448 --> 00:16:47,048
- Francine.
- [Monitor clicks off]
397
00:16:47,050 --> 00:16:51,218
Well, well, well,
you finally put it all together.
398
00:16:51,220 --> 00:16:52,887
Wait,
did you finally put it all together?
399
00:16:52,889 --> 00:16:55,022
- No, I'm very confused.
- Okay.
400
00:16:55,024 --> 00:16:57,558
If you must know, I've,
sort of, become a despot,
401
00:16:57,560 --> 00:17:00,294
and I've, kind of, thrown half
the town into the Sharks' Nest,
402
00:17:00,296 --> 00:17:03,597
which I may have turned into
a postapocalyptic prison.
403
00:17:03,599 --> 00:17:04,965
Why would you do this?
404
00:17:04,967 --> 00:17:07,301
Stan, this has always been
about one thing
405
00:17:07,303 --> 00:17:10,304
and one thing only... Urban Outfitters.
406
00:17:10,306 --> 00:17:13,007
What the hell does your weird
store have to do with this?
407
00:17:13,009 --> 00:17:14,775
I was sick of driving 90 minutes
408
00:17:14,777 --> 00:17:16,777
to buy a pillow shaped like a taco.
409
00:17:16,779 --> 00:17:19,814
I need to attract an Urban
Outfitters to Langley.
410
00:17:19,816 --> 00:17:22,583
You know what it takes to
get an Urban Outfitters?
411
00:17:22,585 --> 00:17:24,018
Infrastructure.
412
00:17:24,020 --> 00:17:26,420
That's why your bullet
train was the perfect idea,
413
00:17:26,422 --> 00:17:28,155
and while I'm admitting stuff,
414
00:17:28,157 --> 00:17:32,159
I also slept with, like,
all our interns, even the chubby one.
415
00:17:32,161 --> 00:17:33,360
His name is Noah.
416
00:17:33,362 --> 00:17:34,962
We're in love,
and we don't care what you think.
417
00:17:34,964 --> 00:17:36,597
You need to close down that prison.
418
00:17:36,599 --> 00:17:39,800
Are you crazy? That's where
Noah and I had our first kiss.
419
00:17:39,802 --> 00:17:41,802
I'm the Mayor. I demand it.
420
00:17:41,804 --> 00:17:44,672
Buddy, you think you're in charge?
421
00:17:44,674 --> 00:17:47,174
I've been in charge
from the very beginning.
422
00:17:47,176 --> 00:17:48,809
Power Team, take him away.
[Snaps fingers]
423
00:17:48,811 --> 00:17:51,579
You'll never turn The
Power Team against me.
424
00:17:51,581 --> 00:17:53,647
You hear me? Never.
425
00:17:53,649 --> 00:17:55,149
Never.
426
00:17:55,151 --> 00:17:56,951
Never!
427
00:17:56,953 --> 00:18:00,254
- Never what, sir?
- Um... Oh, wow.
428
00:18:00,256 --> 00:18:03,057
Uh, never...
429
00:18:03,059 --> 00:18:04,692
Hmm.
430
00:18:10,233 --> 00:18:11,432
[Grunts]
431
00:18:12,328 --> 00:18:14,969
Oh, God.
This place is worse than I thought.
432
00:18:14,971 --> 00:18:18,172
I got to find Francine,
but where to even start looking?
433
00:18:18,174 --> 00:18:19,306
Oh, there she is.
434
00:18:20,042 --> 00:18:23,377
So this... this just kept going.
435
00:18:23,379 --> 00:18:24,678
Don't like the coat?
436
00:18:24,680 --> 00:18:27,314
How about a little summertime fun?
437
00:18:27,316 --> 00:18:29,150
[Rats squeaking]
438
00:18:29,152 --> 00:18:30,251
Gross.
439
00:18:30,253 --> 00:18:31,485
[Snaps fingers]
440
00:18:31,487 --> 00:18:33,387
I'm just glad you're all right.
441
00:18:33,389 --> 00:18:34,688
I'm sorry, Francine.
442
00:18:34,690 --> 00:18:36,624
Don't apologize to me.
443
00:18:36,626 --> 00:18:38,893
Apologize to them.
444
00:18:42,632 --> 00:18:45,633
Look, I made a mistake thinking
I could just have amazing,
445
00:18:45,635 --> 00:18:48,269
brilliant ideas and let
someone else do all the work.
446
00:18:48,271 --> 00:18:51,105
The real enemy here is delegating.
447
00:18:51,107 --> 00:18:53,741
Too abstract.
We want to throw bottles at someone.
448
00:18:53,743 --> 00:18:55,676
I'm so sorry for all this.
449
00:18:55,678 --> 00:18:57,578
I almost wish none of
it had ever happened.
450
00:18:57,580 --> 00:18:59,079
That's not an apology.
451
00:18:59,081 --> 00:19:00,514
Look, I'll apologize later.
452
00:19:00,516 --> 00:19:02,116
Right now,
I'm going to get us out of here.
453
00:19:02,118 --> 00:19:03,350
How the hell are you gonna do that?
454
00:19:03,352 --> 00:19:07,154
Not by with talking. [Snaps fingers]
455
00:19:07,156 --> 00:19:09,823
♪ Action sequence, baby ♪
456
00:19:09,825 --> 00:19:17,431
♪
457
00:19:17,433 --> 00:19:21,569
[Grunting]
458
00:19:21,571 --> 00:19:27,408
♪
459
00:19:27,410 --> 00:19:30,144
Yeah, ye-e-e-ah-ow-w-w-w!
460
00:19:30,146 --> 00:19:32,680
So, does it feel
like an Urban Outfitters?
461
00:19:32,682 --> 00:19:34,014
It's very large.
462
00:19:34,016 --> 00:19:36,684
Seven acres of floor
space for funky coasters
463
00:19:36,686 --> 00:19:38,118
and denim that fits weird.
464
00:19:38,120 --> 00:19:39,386
And there's a bullet train?
465
00:19:39,388 --> 00:19:40,588
There sure is.
466
00:19:40,590 --> 00:19:42,823
That's hella tight.
Doodle-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo.
467
00:19:42,825 --> 00:19:43,958
And these complementary Dasani waters
468
00:19:43,960 --> 00:19:45,192
really put you over the top.
469
00:19:45,194 --> 00:19:46,994
Welcome to the Urban Outfitters family.
470
00:19:46,996 --> 00:19:49,063
Oh, my God. This is amazing.
471
00:19:49,065 --> 00:19:51,899
Doodle-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo.
472
00:19:51,901 --> 00:19:55,035
I'll just get a pen
to sign the contracts.
473
00:19:55,037 --> 00:19:57,538
- Aah! Aah!
- [Horn blares]
474
00:19:57,540 --> 00:19:59,506
Sorry, what?
475
00:19:59,508 --> 00:20:00,941
Well, shit.
476
00:20:00,943 --> 00:20:04,378
Well, lemonade.
Doodle-loo-loo-loo-loo-loo.
477
00:20:04,380 --> 00:20:06,880
Guess this could also be a Build-A-Bear.
478
00:20:06,882 --> 00:20:09,216
It is with great regret I announce
479
00:20:09,218 --> 00:20:11,418
that I am stepping down as mayor.
480
00:20:11,420 --> 00:20:14,521
Look, I didn't take
being mayor seriously.
481
00:20:14,523 --> 00:20:17,091
I was an idiot for thinking
I could do this job,
482
00:20:17,093 --> 00:20:19,059
but you're also idiots for electing me,
483
00:20:19,061 --> 00:20:22,129
so we all share responsibility
for this dumpster fire,
484
00:20:22,131 --> 00:20:23,530
but if I had to pick,
485
00:20:23,532 --> 00:20:25,466
I would say you guys
were the bigger idiots.
486
00:20:25,468 --> 00:20:26,867
Oh, yeah!
487
00:20:26,869 --> 00:20:29,403
It's time for a return
to sensible leadership
488
00:20:29,405 --> 00:20:32,273
as I give the office of
mayor back to a great man,
489
00:20:32,275 --> 00:20:35,142
the unfairly maligned, Alan Woodside.
490
00:20:35,144 --> 00:20:37,278
- Come on up here, Alan.
- [Applause]
491
00:20:37,280 --> 00:20:40,814
Woodside was stabbed to
death in your illegal prison.
492
00:20:41,651 --> 00:20:42,783
Oh.
493
00:20:42,785 --> 00:20:45,052
Then, eeny, meeny, miny, moe.
494
00:20:45,054 --> 00:20:49,056
Ooh! I love this city, and I pledge...
495
00:20:49,058 --> 00:20:52,493
Mmmmmoe... Garfield.
496
00:20:52,495 --> 00:20:57,064
The streets will run red
with the blood of my enemies!
497
00:20:57,066 --> 00:20:58,532
Parker: Oh, yeah!
498
00:20:58,534 --> 00:21:00,207
Bye-bye. See you soon.
499
00:21:02,008 --> 00:21:04,008
- synced and corrected by sot26 -
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