1 00:00:01,177 --> 00:00:02,610 [Crickets chirping] 2 00:00:02,612 --> 00:00:04,078 Isn't this great? 3 00:00:04,080 --> 00:00:06,814 I said I wanted to get more involved in Steve's school, 4 00:00:06,816 --> 00:00:08,082 and look at me now! 5 00:00:08,084 --> 00:00:10,618 Sitting front row at a PTA meeting. 6 00:00:10,620 --> 00:00:12,553 And you wore the pink dress. 7 00:00:12,555 --> 00:00:13,654 Excellent choice. 8 00:00:13,656 --> 00:00:14,989 [Clears throat] All right. 9 00:00:14,991 --> 00:00:16,657 The big item on our agenda tonight 10 00:00:16,659 --> 00:00:19,393 is finding a replacement for our guidance counselor, Sheila. 11 00:00:19,395 --> 00:00:22,063 - So, unless anyone has any other business... - Smut! 12 00:00:22,065 --> 00:00:24,565 Our children are being corrupted by smut! 13 00:00:24,567 --> 00:00:26,934 It's everywhere! Just look at this pervert! 14 00:00:26,936 --> 00:00:28,703 Calls herself a librarian! 15 00:00:28,705 --> 00:00:30,471 I call her a smut peddler! 16 00:00:30,473 --> 00:00:32,173 The name's Clum Bizzelskottom, 17 00:00:32,175 --> 00:00:34,942 and I say we burn all the books in the library! 18 00:00:34,944 --> 00:00:36,677 Finally, someone said it! 19 00:00:36,679 --> 00:00:38,769 But then what will my children read? 20 00:00:38,782 --> 00:00:39,725 Glad you asked. 21 00:00:39,816 --> 00:00:42,290 They're gonna read new books... my books! 22 00:00:42,352 --> 00:00:44,151 I rewrote all of the classics, 23 00:00:44,153 --> 00:00:45,853 but took out all the dongs. 24 00:00:45,855 --> 00:00:49,457 Who needs "The Great Gatsby" when they have "The Greatest Gatsby"? 25 00:00:49,459 --> 00:00:52,927 Totally smut-free. Clean as a freshly washed dong. 26 00:00:52,929 --> 00:00:54,862 Other classics I've sanitized... 27 00:00:54,864 --> 00:00:57,531 "Uncle Tom's Luxurious Ski Chalet," 28 00:00:57,533 --> 00:00:59,367 "Little (But Legal) Women," 29 00:00:59,369 --> 00:01:00,668 and "Moby Dickless." 30 00:01:00,670 --> 00:01:02,036 What a presentation! 31 00:01:02,038 --> 00:01:04,438 Principal Loomis, write this good man a check! 32 00:01:04,440 --> 00:01:05,973 [Squishing] 33 00:01:05,975 --> 00:01:07,775 Sorry. I-I wasn't paying attention. 34 00:01:07,777 --> 00:01:09,610 I have something caught in my teeth. 35 00:01:09,612 --> 00:01:11,779 Hmm, but it's not food. 36 00:01:11,781 --> 00:01:14,949 Hmm. Have you tried using your fingernail? 37 00:01:14,951 --> 00:01:17,385 - [Squishing] - Ah. 38 00:01:17,387 --> 00:01:18,619 Well, I'll be! 39 00:01:18,621 --> 00:01:20,688 It's dollhouse furniture. 40 00:01:20,690 --> 00:01:23,257 Francine, that was great advice. 41 00:01:23,259 --> 00:01:26,127 Hey! You should be our new guidance counselor. 42 00:01:26,129 --> 00:01:28,829 Really? I guess I could. 43 00:01:28,831 --> 00:01:31,298 All in favor of Francine and the new expensive books? 44 00:01:31,300 --> 00:01:32,400 [Cheering] 45 00:01:32,402 --> 00:01:34,902 We did it, Francine! We screwed the school! 46 00:01:34,904 --> 00:01:35,703 Yay! 47 00:01:38,223 --> 00:01:40,608 ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪ 48 00:01:40,610 --> 00:01:44,912 ♪ I got a feelin' that it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪ 49 00:01:44,914 --> 00:01:47,581 ♪ The sun in the sky has a smile on his face ♪ 50 00:01:47,583 --> 00:01:52,219 ♪ And he's shinin' a salute to the American race ♪ 51 00:01:53,923 --> 00:01:57,358 ♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪ 52 00:01:57,360 --> 00:02:00,027 - ♪ Good... ♪ - ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪ 53 00:02:00,029 --> 00:02:01,095 Aah! 54 00:02:02,632 --> 00:02:05,633 ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪ 55 00:02:05,635 --> 00:02:08,135 [School bell rings] 56 00:02:09,605 --> 00:02:12,807 Ready to guide. 57 00:02:12,809 --> 00:02:14,542 [Munches] 58 00:02:14,544 --> 00:02:16,010 [Chair rattling] 59 00:02:16,012 --> 00:02:18,646 Steve: All right, Sheila, I had the dream again. 60 00:02:18,648 --> 00:02:20,247 - [Gulps] - The one about Snot. 61 00:02:20,249 --> 00:02:22,183 But this time, my mom was there. 62 00:02:22,185 --> 00:02:24,985 She was super naked and sucking on a garden hose! 63 00:02:24,987 --> 00:02:26,454 [Muffled] Steve, stop talking! 64 00:02:26,456 --> 00:02:28,389 Mom?! Where's Sheila? 65 00:02:28,391 --> 00:02:29,724 I guess she left. 66 00:02:29,726 --> 00:02:31,225 Oh, good for her. 67 00:02:31,227 --> 00:02:33,227 You know, I'd walk into this office every day, 68 00:02:33,229 --> 00:02:34,729 praying she wouldn't be here. 69 00:02:34,731 --> 00:02:36,330 She must have done it. 70 00:02:36,332 --> 00:02:39,266 She must have run off with that 10th-grader she's in love with. 71 00:02:39,268 --> 00:02:41,035 Well, I'll get going. 72 00:02:41,037 --> 00:02:43,003 Probably shouldn't use my mom as a therapist. 73 00:02:43,005 --> 00:02:44,739 - I'm fine with it. - Me, too! 74 00:02:44,741 --> 00:02:47,141 So, what's in the news? 75 00:02:47,143 --> 00:02:50,177 Oh, did I tell you that I've been named head designer 76 00:02:50,179 --> 00:02:52,213 for the French Club Fashion Show?! 77 00:02:52,215 --> 00:02:54,048 Oh. I can help with this. 78 00:02:54,050 --> 00:02:58,018 You're worried your classmates are gonna think that's really lame. 79 00:02:58,020 --> 00:03:00,154 Well, there's no shame in dropping out. 80 00:03:00,156 --> 00:03:02,123 Who cares what people think? 81 00:03:02,125 --> 00:03:04,258 Fashion design is in my soul. 82 00:03:04,260 --> 00:03:05,993 If you don't express what's in your soul, 83 00:03:05,995 --> 00:03:07,294 you might as well be dead. 84 00:03:07,296 --> 00:03:09,130 Okay. 85 00:03:09,132 --> 00:03:10,798 But have you considered 86 00:03:10,800 --> 00:03:13,834 your soul expressing something cool instead? 87 00:03:13,836 --> 00:03:15,336 Something cooler than knowing the difference 88 00:03:15,338 --> 00:03:18,639 between narrow striped silk and warp-woven satin? 89 00:03:18,641 --> 00:03:20,975 What... Ha... Is there such a thing? 90 00:03:20,977 --> 00:03:22,510 - Yes. - No. 91 00:03:22,512 --> 00:03:24,111 [Pops lips] 92 00:03:24,113 --> 00:03:26,080 You're right to be worried about Steve. 93 00:03:26,082 --> 00:03:27,715 If he does that fashion show, 94 00:03:27,717 --> 00:03:29,784 the Golden Girls are gonna tear him apart. 95 00:03:29,786 --> 00:03:31,352 The Golden Girls? 96 00:03:31,354 --> 00:03:35,122 The coolest and the cruelest kids this school has ever seen. 97 00:03:35,124 --> 00:03:38,559 Dorothy, Blanche, and the queen bee, Sophia. 98 00:03:38,561 --> 00:03:39,546 They're bad-ass... 99 00:03:39,562 --> 00:03:41,896 Just look at their signature haircuts. 100 00:03:41,898 --> 00:03:43,764 I'm sorry, are you a janitor 101 00:03:43,766 --> 00:03:46,267 who's taking pictures of the students? 102 00:03:46,269 --> 00:03:47,434 It's a persona. 103 00:03:47,436 --> 00:03:49,703 These girls don't just break the rules, 104 00:03:49,705 --> 00:03:50,971 they make the rules. 105 00:03:50,973 --> 00:03:52,740 They wear men's boxer briefs 106 00:03:52,742 --> 00:03:55,042 as shorts over one-piece bathing suits. 107 00:03:55,044 --> 00:03:56,911 They roll their own tampons. 108 00:03:56,913 --> 00:03:59,747 And they all have matching gold bowling jackets, 109 00:03:59,749 --> 00:04:01,282 even though they don't bowl... 110 00:04:01,284 --> 00:04:02,349 or get cold. 111 00:04:02,351 --> 00:04:03,450 Oh, my God. 112 00:04:03,452 --> 00:04:06,754 It's the archery team all over again! 113 00:04:06,756 --> 00:04:08,422 They ran my high school. 114 00:04:08,424 --> 00:04:12,893 Preyed on anyone who dared to be a little different. 115 00:04:12,895 --> 00:04:15,062 My mom packed me a new dessert. 116 00:04:15,064 --> 00:04:18,365 It's called tir-a-ma-su? 117 00:04:18,367 --> 00:04:21,502 I'm excited but a little nervous to try it. 118 00:04:21,504 --> 00:04:23,537 Archery Girl: Get your ethnic shit out of here! 119 00:04:23,539 --> 00:04:24,738 We eat cake! 120 00:04:24,740 --> 00:04:26,707 Hey, nice shot. 121 00:04:26,709 --> 00:04:30,144 You guys want to hang out sometime? 122 00:04:30,146 --> 00:04:34,615 Beat it, four-eyes. I'm with the cools now. 123 00:04:34,617 --> 00:04:36,350 God, they were the best. 124 00:04:36,352 --> 00:04:38,052 The only way to survive people like that 125 00:04:38,054 --> 00:04:39,420 is to keep your head down. 126 00:04:39,422 --> 00:04:42,790 And since Steve won't, he's gonna need my help. 127 00:04:42,792 --> 00:04:45,059 I'll talk to these Golden Girls. 128 00:04:45,060 --> 00:04:46,260 Tell them to chill out. 129 00:04:47,096 --> 00:04:49,196 Go nuts, bitch. 130 00:04:52,225 --> 00:04:53,724 [Birds chirping] 131 00:04:53,726 --> 00:04:56,327 [Alarm blares] 132 00:04:56,329 --> 00:04:59,130 [Exhales] 133 00:04:59,132 --> 00:05:00,731 Whoa! 134 00:05:00,733 --> 00:05:03,034 Babe, I held it in all night! 135 00:05:03,036 --> 00:05:04,902 Hayley: That's awesome, babe. 136 00:05:07,073 --> 00:05:09,669 Babe, is today free day at the zoo? 137 00:05:09,704 --> 00:05:12,276 You know it, babe. Tuesday's Zoos-day. 138 00:05:12,278 --> 00:05:13,110 Yes! 139 00:05:13,112 --> 00:05:14,912 I love going to the zoo. 140 00:05:14,914 --> 00:05:17,448 The drinking fountains are so cold there. 141 00:05:17,450 --> 00:05:20,718 [Gasps] Do you think it's water from the polar bear thing? 142 00:05:20,720 --> 00:05:22,319 [Whistles] 143 00:05:24,857 --> 00:05:27,625 Babe? Where's my hat? 144 00:05:27,627 --> 00:05:28,959 I don't know. 145 00:05:28,961 --> 00:05:30,761 And I don't know. 146 00:05:30,763 --> 00:05:33,664 Huh. No hat. 147 00:05:33,666 --> 00:05:35,299 No hat. 148 00:05:35,301 --> 00:05:38,869 I can feel the wind blowing across my brain! 149 00:05:38,871 --> 00:05:41,338 How do you live like this?! 150 00:05:41,340 --> 00:05:43,507 I have a headband. 151 00:05:43,509 --> 00:05:45,876 [School bell rings] 152 00:05:45,878 --> 00:05:49,680 [Indistinct conversations] 153 00:05:49,682 --> 00:05:58,856 ♪ 154 00:05:58,858 --> 00:06:08,265 ♪ 155 00:06:08,267 --> 00:06:10,000 [Screams] 156 00:06:10,002 --> 00:06:11,368 Francine, I forgot to tell you 157 00:06:11,370 --> 00:06:13,237 the coolest thing about the Golden Girls. 158 00:06:13,239 --> 00:06:15,673 Their parents buy them lighters! 159 00:06:15,675 --> 00:06:17,908 Hey, gals, what's the haps? 160 00:06:17,910 --> 00:06:23,347 I'm the new "G" to the "C"... that's guidance counselor. 161 00:06:23,349 --> 00:06:25,249 I love... 162 00:06:25,251 --> 00:06:26,450 your beard. 163 00:06:26,452 --> 00:06:29,153 I hope I can grow sick facial hair like that 164 00:06:29,155 --> 00:06:32,223 when I'm a crusty, old Debbie like you. 165 00:06:32,225 --> 00:06:34,792 - [Laughter] - Oh, my God! 166 00:06:34,794 --> 00:06:36,293 S'up, Debbie. 167 00:06:36,295 --> 00:06:37,695 Bye, Debbie. 168 00:06:37,697 --> 00:06:39,897 [Laughter] 169 00:06:39,899 --> 00:06:42,800 Their word arrows hurt worse 170 00:06:42,802 --> 00:06:46,704 than the archery team's real arrows. 171 00:06:46,706 --> 00:06:49,907 [Screaming] 172 00:06:49,909 --> 00:06:52,810 Doing a great job, Francine. 173 00:06:52,812 --> 00:06:55,246 [Birds chirping] 174 00:06:55,248 --> 00:06:56,947 This doesn't make any sense. 175 00:06:56,949 --> 00:06:58,015 Where's my hat? 176 00:06:58,017 --> 00:06:59,283 I'm gonna go look downstairs. 177 00:06:59,285 --> 00:07:00,684 Why would it be downstairs? 178 00:07:00,686 --> 00:07:02,219 I don't know! I'm just trying to help! 179 00:07:02,221 --> 00:07:05,589 Then how about finding my [bleep] hat! 180 00:07:05,591 --> 00:07:07,758 [Crow cawing] 181 00:07:07,760 --> 00:07:10,761 Do you think it's my fault that my parents are getting divorced? 182 00:07:10,763 --> 00:07:13,264 The Golden Girls are so cool. 183 00:07:13,266 --> 00:07:15,366 I think they hate me. What do you think? 184 00:07:15,368 --> 00:07:17,001 I'm thinking about running away. 185 00:07:17,003 --> 00:07:19,537 Sure, that'll solve all your problems. 186 00:07:19,539 --> 00:07:23,073 But I can't run away. I work here, sort of. 187 00:07:23,075 --> 00:07:25,876 But there is one thing I can do. 188 00:07:25,878 --> 00:07:28,779 Roger, would you mind taking over? 189 00:07:28,781 --> 00:07:32,416 Okay, run away dos and don'ts. 190 00:07:32,418 --> 00:07:34,919 Do pair up with an older gentleman. 191 00:07:34,921 --> 00:07:36,954 Don't be afraid to be choosy. 192 00:07:36,956 --> 00:07:39,356 Remember, you're the catch. 193 00:07:41,027 --> 00:07:42,526 What up, sluts? 194 00:07:42,528 --> 00:07:46,197 Let me guess... You're gonna bust us for ditching? 195 00:07:46,199 --> 00:07:50,000 Nah, betch. I'm ditching, too. 196 00:07:50,002 --> 00:07:51,335 Your hair. 197 00:07:51,337 --> 00:07:54,004 Oh, this? This is just my regular haircut. 198 00:07:54,006 --> 00:07:55,272 Oh, don't worry. 199 00:07:55,274 --> 00:07:57,908 I don't think you guys copied me or anything. 200 00:07:57,910 --> 00:07:59,109 'Scuse me a sec. 201 00:07:59,111 --> 00:08:00,611 [Lighter clicks] 202 00:08:01,914 --> 00:08:07,785 Hmm. Maybe you aren't such a crusty, old Debbie after all. 203 00:08:07,787 --> 00:08:10,387 [Mouthing "Oh, my God"] 204 00:08:10,389 --> 00:08:11,822 Billy: Excuse me. 205 00:08:16,696 --> 00:08:20,255 JV?! But I'm a senior! 206 00:08:20,700 --> 00:08:22,600 [Bone crunches] 207 00:08:22,602 --> 00:08:23,605 [Thud] 208 00:08:27,762 --> 00:08:29,838 I covered your 10:00 with Sheldon. 209 00:08:29,840 --> 00:08:32,308 I'm concerned. He has a lot of demons. 210 00:08:32,400 --> 00:08:35,401 And for some reason, he carries a bag of forks around. 211 00:08:35,403 --> 00:08:36,568 I like that. 212 00:08:36,570 --> 00:08:37,770 What's with this? 213 00:08:37,772 --> 00:08:38,971 Oh, this? 214 00:08:38,973 --> 00:08:41,407 It's, uh, just something I did. 215 00:08:41,409 --> 00:08:43,375 And how does this help Steve? 216 00:08:44,452 --> 00:08:46,211 Steve from home? 217 00:08:46,213 --> 00:08:47,312 Oh! 218 00:08:47,314 --> 00:08:51,517 Yeah. That's why I did this. 219 00:08:51,519 --> 00:08:53,218 Because... 220 00:08:53,220 --> 00:08:56,021 the Golden Girls are... 221 00:08:56,023 --> 00:08:58,232 the main threat, 222 00:08:58,267 --> 00:09:01,794 so I have to get in good with them 223 00:09:01,796 --> 00:09:04,930 to help Steve from home! 224 00:09:04,932 --> 00:09:06,732 Ta-da! 225 00:09:06,734 --> 00:09:08,767 Okay. 226 00:09:08,769 --> 00:09:12,771 [Click, whirring] 227 00:09:12,773 --> 00:09:15,307 [Click] 228 00:09:15,309 --> 00:09:16,508 Sure. 229 00:09:16,510 --> 00:09:20,212 [Click, whirring] 230 00:09:23,744 --> 00:09:25,684 Look what I found! 231 00:09:25,686 --> 00:09:26,985 There you are! 232 00:09:26,987 --> 00:09:29,388 Never do that to me again. 233 00:09:29,390 --> 00:09:31,457 [Sniffing] 234 00:09:31,459 --> 00:09:33,225 What did you do? 235 00:09:33,227 --> 00:09:35,360 What do you mean? I found your hat. 236 00:09:35,362 --> 00:09:37,763 [Chuckling] This isn't my hat. 237 00:09:37,765 --> 00:09:39,131 It's a fake. 238 00:09:39,133 --> 00:09:40,699 How could you? 239 00:09:40,701 --> 00:09:43,068 How dare you?! 240 00:09:43,070 --> 00:09:45,237 Jeff, I am so sorry. 241 00:09:45,239 --> 00:09:47,306 I was just trying to make you happy. 242 00:09:48,061 --> 00:09:49,541 And I thought if I bought you a new hat, 243 00:09:49,543 --> 00:09:52,048 we could visit the zoo, like we planned. 244 00:09:52,083 --> 00:09:54,780 "Visit the zoo"?! We belong in the zoo! 245 00:09:54,782 --> 00:09:57,716 The only thing that separates us from the animals 246 00:09:57,718 --> 00:09:59,451 is our hats! 247 00:10:03,424 --> 00:10:08,026 [Sobbing] 248 00:10:08,028 --> 00:10:10,195 [School bell rings] 249 00:10:16,137 --> 00:10:20,339 Why is Wonder Woman's underwear on that huge pole outside? 250 00:10:20,341 --> 00:10:22,341 - That's the flag. - Gross. 251 00:10:22,343 --> 00:10:25,043 Yeah, thanks for letting us skip history, Francine. 252 00:10:25,045 --> 00:10:26,712 History is so stupid. 253 00:10:26,714 --> 00:10:28,313 If that stuff is so great, 254 00:10:28,315 --> 00:10:30,249 how come we're not still doing it? 255 00:10:30,251 --> 00:10:33,085 I do like the name Benedict Arnold, though. 256 00:10:33,087 --> 00:10:36,421 That would be a boss name for, like, a massive bulldog. 257 00:10:37,092 --> 00:10:39,691 On a scale of one to French, how do I look today? 258 00:10:39,693 --> 00:10:41,193 Oh, pardonnez-moi. 259 00:10:41,195 --> 00:10:44,296 I didn't realize you were guiding the young mademoiselles. 260 00:10:45,900 --> 00:10:48,300 Francine, do you know that dweeb? 261 00:10:48,302 --> 00:10:51,770 H-He's my... friend Stan's kid. 262 00:10:52,354 --> 00:10:55,340 Like, 10 years ago, he drew a picture of me, 263 00:10:55,342 --> 00:10:59,378 and it was, like, a circle on top of a triangle. 264 00:10:59,380 --> 00:11:02,014 It's like, "Uh... thanks?" 265 00:11:02,016 --> 00:11:04,183 [Laughter] 266 00:11:04,185 --> 00:11:07,953 Okay, you're kind of my favorite person right now. 267 00:11:07,955 --> 00:11:09,288 Guys... 268 00:11:09,290 --> 00:11:12,925 [Whispering indistinctly, laughing] 269 00:11:12,927 --> 00:11:15,060 So, we never do this, but... 270 00:11:15,731 --> 00:11:16,461 do you want to come hang out 271 00:11:16,463 --> 00:11:18,697 at Blanche's dad's lake house this weekend? 272 00:11:18,699 --> 00:11:20,499 My boyfriend drowned there last summer, 273 00:11:20,501 --> 00:11:23,468 so the cops let us drive around doing whip-its. 274 00:11:23,470 --> 00:11:25,337 That sounds like a blast! 275 00:11:25,339 --> 00:11:28,040 Okay, don't pee yourself over it. 276 00:11:28,042 --> 00:11:30,042 I only pee when I dump. 277 00:11:30,044 --> 00:11:32,277 [Crickets chirping] 278 00:11:32,868 --> 00:11:34,980 You're going to Blanche's dad's lake house? 279 00:11:34,982 --> 00:11:36,448 It that like a field trip? 280 00:11:36,450 --> 00:11:39,051 I don't think you're allowed to go out of town with the students. 281 00:11:39,053 --> 00:11:40,619 What are you, the rule book? 282 00:11:40,621 --> 00:11:42,721 It just seems like you're always with them. 283 00:11:42,723 --> 00:11:46,258 Uh, yeah. We go to the same school. 284 00:11:46,260 --> 00:11:47,693 But I go to that school, 285 00:11:47,695 --> 00:11:50,696 and you won't even wave back to me in the hall. 286 00:11:51,142 --> 00:11:52,965 I'm getting in good with them for you. 287 00:11:52,967 --> 00:11:54,900 [Gasps] Oh, mon dieu! 288 00:11:55,269 --> 00:11:57,469 You're getting them to come to my fashion show! 289 00:11:57,471 --> 00:12:01,173 Wha? They'd never go to that... 290 00:12:01,175 --> 00:12:03,809 without your mother going to the lake house 291 00:12:03,811 --> 00:12:05,544 and talking them into it! 292 00:12:05,546 --> 00:12:07,112 Thank you, Mom! 293 00:12:07,114 --> 00:12:10,549 Okay, don't pee yourself over it. 294 00:12:10,551 --> 00:12:13,485 Is there something a little different about Francine? 295 00:12:13,487 --> 00:12:16,088 She seems cooler somehow. 296 00:12:16,090 --> 00:12:17,522 Wake up, bro. 297 00:12:17,524 --> 00:12:20,792 Francine is, like, the coolest girl in school. 298 00:12:20,794 --> 00:12:22,540 She will be mine. 299 00:12:23,736 --> 00:12:27,853 All I have to do is figure out where Steve goes to school. 300 00:12:27,868 --> 00:12:30,302 [Crickets chirping] 301 00:12:30,604 --> 00:12:34,039 Sophia: The moon looks so stupid up close. 302 00:12:34,041 --> 00:12:35,574 Get away from me. 303 00:12:35,576 --> 00:12:38,343 Sometimes I wish the moon drowned in that lake 304 00:12:38,345 --> 00:12:39,844 instead of Austin. 305 00:12:39,846 --> 00:12:42,314 Hey, Francine, why aren't you making fun of the moon? 306 00:12:42,316 --> 00:12:43,615 Sorry, guys. 307 00:12:43,617 --> 00:12:45,951 I guess I'm just thinking about something. 308 00:12:45,953 --> 00:12:48,486 Oh, no. Why? 309 00:12:48,488 --> 00:12:53,258 I promised one of the students I'd go to his stupid fashion show. 310 00:12:53,260 --> 00:12:56,428 Oh! You know what would be hilarious? 311 00:12:56,430 --> 00:12:57,796 Like, if we all had sex 312 00:12:57,798 --> 00:13:00,365 with that cop who looks like my step-dad? 313 00:13:00,367 --> 00:13:01,566 Uh... 314 00:13:01,568 --> 00:13:06,905 I was thinking more like we go to the fashion show and clap, 315 00:13:06,907 --> 00:13:10,442 but our secret joke... never to be revealed... 316 00:13:10,444 --> 00:13:14,646 would be that we thought it was stupid. 317 00:13:16,016 --> 00:13:17,182 Like the moon. 318 00:13:17,184 --> 00:13:19,217 - Oh, yeah, totally. - Dumb moon. 319 00:13:19,219 --> 00:13:21,653 The moon is such a Debbie. 320 00:13:24,523 --> 00:13:26,024 There she is. 321 00:13:26,026 --> 00:13:27,492 She is so cool! 322 00:13:27,494 --> 00:13:30,562 Francine, hi! It's me... Stan! 323 00:13:30,564 --> 00:13:31,863 I was at your wedding! 324 00:13:31,865 --> 00:13:33,898 She's looking. Pretend I said something funny. 325 00:13:33,900 --> 00:13:35,934 We're the guys who are always laughing. 326 00:13:35,936 --> 00:13:39,904 [Forced laughter] 327 00:13:39,906 --> 00:13:42,007 [French techno music playing] ♪ L'amour ♪ 328 00:13:42,009 --> 00:13:43,608 ♪ Le coeur ♪ 329 00:13:43,610 --> 00:13:45,944 ♪ Se jous ♪ 330 00:13:45,946 --> 00:13:47,545 ♪ Bonjour ♪ 331 00:13:47,547 --> 00:13:49,414 ♪ Monsieur ♪ 332 00:13:49,416 --> 00:13:51,583 ♪ Glamour ♪ 333 00:13:53,186 --> 00:13:55,220 ♪ Bonheur ♪ 334 00:13:55,222 --> 00:13:56,787 ♪ Danseur ♪ 335 00:13:56,788 --> 00:13:58,571 ♪ Voyeur ♪ 336 00:14:00,486 --> 00:14:02,369 ♪ Meilleur ♪ 337 00:14:03,046 --> 00:14:06,448 ♪ 338 00:14:06,450 --> 00:14:08,016 Isn't this hilarious? 339 00:14:08,018 --> 00:14:12,053 It will be... when you dump clam chowder on his head. 340 00:14:12,055 --> 00:14:14,689 [Music continues] 341 00:14:17,594 --> 00:14:19,694 [Scattered applause] 342 00:14:19,696 --> 00:14:22,997 Pull the rope. It'll be hilarious. 343 00:14:22,999 --> 00:14:24,532 Um... 344 00:14:24,534 --> 00:14:28,470 [Scattered applause] 345 00:14:28,472 --> 00:14:30,572 Why is she not doing what you say? 346 00:14:30,574 --> 00:14:33,141 I guess she doesn't want this. 347 00:14:33,143 --> 00:14:35,810 I'd get to be a Golden Girl? 348 00:14:35,812 --> 00:14:38,513 [Splash] 349 00:14:38,515 --> 00:14:40,048 [Laughter] 350 00:14:40,050 --> 00:14:41,883 Cream-covered boy? 351 00:14:42,953 --> 00:14:44,085 Cream-covered boy. 352 00:14:44,087 --> 00:14:46,703 Wait a minute. This has to be a trap. 353 00:14:46,923 --> 00:14:50,558 But, then again, it's better to know. 354 00:14:52,447 --> 00:14:53,847 [School bell rings] 355 00:14:54,122 --> 00:14:55,548 You look great, Francine. 356 00:14:55,550 --> 00:14:58,385 You look like you got hit by a bag of dicks, Dorothy. 357 00:14:58,387 --> 00:15:00,420 [Laughter] 358 00:15:00,422 --> 00:15:02,789 Oh, hi, Francine. 359 00:15:05,294 --> 00:15:06,693 Aw, man! 360 00:15:06,695 --> 00:15:08,695 They put my name backwards. 361 00:15:08,697 --> 00:15:10,964 - Steve killed himself! - What?! 362 00:15:10,966 --> 00:15:12,666 Is the type of thing you might hear, 363 00:15:12,668 --> 00:15:14,567 considering what you did to him yesterday. 364 00:15:14,569 --> 00:15:15,769 What were you thinking? 365 00:15:15,771 --> 00:15:18,672 Oh, my God, Roger, I'm a monster! 366 00:15:18,674 --> 00:15:19,939 What am I gonna do? 367 00:15:19,941 --> 00:15:22,442 I don't effing know! This is a disaster. 368 00:15:22,444 --> 00:15:26,146 [Grunting] 369 00:15:26,148 --> 00:15:27,547 [Groaning] 370 00:15:27,549 --> 00:15:29,883 I think I have to apologize to Steve. 371 00:15:29,885 --> 00:15:32,285 Oh. Yeah, that'll work. 372 00:15:32,287 --> 00:15:34,854 [Birds chirping] 373 00:15:36,992 --> 00:15:38,391 Hey, Steve? 374 00:15:40,329 --> 00:15:41,728 Are you okay, hon? 375 00:15:41,730 --> 00:15:43,563 Oh, hey, Mom. Yeah, I'm good. 376 00:15:43,565 --> 00:15:45,832 I was just smelling my pillow super hard. 377 00:15:45,834 --> 00:15:48,168 Have you ever wondered what dreams smell like? 378 00:15:48,170 --> 00:15:49,536 [Inhales deeply] 379 00:15:49,538 --> 00:15:51,604 I think they smell like this. 380 00:15:52,908 --> 00:15:54,808 What's up? 381 00:15:54,810 --> 00:15:57,911 I... wanted to talk to you about what happened 382 00:15:57,913 --> 00:16:00,113 at the French Club Fashion Show. 383 00:16:00,115 --> 00:16:01,581 Oh, what a disaster. 384 00:16:01,583 --> 00:16:03,717 Barry ate the baguette instead of walking with it, 385 00:16:03,719 --> 00:16:05,685 and, of course, all my friends are just ugly, 386 00:16:05,687 --> 00:16:08,188 so that hurt the fashion in the end, unfortunately. 387 00:16:08,190 --> 00:16:10,423 No, Steve, the chowder. 388 00:16:10,425 --> 00:16:12,092 That was me. 389 00:16:12,094 --> 00:16:15,195 I'm so, so sorry. 390 00:16:15,197 --> 00:16:16,396 Oh, I knew that. 391 00:16:16,398 --> 00:16:17,864 You're not mad? 392 00:16:17,866 --> 00:16:20,400 Nah. I wasn't even covered in chowder for that long. 393 00:16:20,402 --> 00:16:24,337 Roger and who I assume are the other janitors licked it clean off me. 394 00:16:24,339 --> 00:16:28,074 Small price to pay for getting to express what's in my soul. 395 00:16:28,616 --> 00:16:29,676 Wow. 396 00:16:29,678 --> 00:16:32,679 You really don't care what people think. 397 00:16:32,681 --> 00:16:33,913 Can you teach me? 398 00:16:33,915 --> 00:16:35,782 I can teach you what Sheila taught me. 399 00:16:35,784 --> 00:16:38,017 She had a pretty good reputation as a guidance counselor 400 00:16:38,019 --> 00:16:41,321 until she sent pictures of her butthole to that sophomore. 401 00:16:41,323 --> 00:16:42,555 Hmm. 402 00:16:42,557 --> 00:16:46,092 Maybe you could do that for me. 403 00:16:46,094 --> 00:16:48,628 The guidance part. 404 00:16:48,630 --> 00:16:51,464 [Sobbing] 405 00:16:53,668 --> 00:16:55,068 [Knock on door] 406 00:16:55,070 --> 00:16:58,171 Go away! 407 00:16:58,173 --> 00:17:01,274 Don't shut me out, Jeff! 408 00:17:01,276 --> 00:17:04,043 I'm so sorry you lost your hat. 409 00:17:05,015 --> 00:17:09,716 But we'll get through this... together! 410 00:17:09,718 --> 00:17:11,618 I love you, babe. 411 00:17:11,620 --> 00:17:14,454 [Both sobbing] 412 00:17:17,426 --> 00:17:19,092 [School bell rings] 413 00:17:19,094 --> 00:17:22,662 Okay, Francine, let's talk about why you're such a Debbie. 414 00:17:22,664 --> 00:17:23,930 I'm not a Debbie! 415 00:17:23,932 --> 00:17:26,266 It's important to be honest in here. 416 00:17:26,268 --> 00:17:28,368 Okay, maybe I'm a Debbie. 417 00:17:28,776 --> 00:17:31,971 But when I was in high school, they called it being a Herb. 418 00:17:31,973 --> 00:17:34,641 Who called you a Herb... bitches? 419 00:17:34,643 --> 00:17:37,110 Yes! The archery team. 420 00:17:37,112 --> 00:17:39,078 I never expressed myself 421 00:17:39,080 --> 00:17:42,348 because I was always afraid they might think I was lame. 422 00:17:42,350 --> 00:17:43,550 I see. 423 00:17:43,552 --> 00:17:46,352 Well, what would you have done if there were no archery team? 424 00:17:46,354 --> 00:17:48,221 - Break dance. - [Laughs] 425 00:17:48,223 --> 00:17:49,689 Oh, you're serious. Hmm. 426 00:17:49,691 --> 00:17:52,025 Oh, my God! You're judging me. 427 00:17:52,027 --> 00:17:55,061 And that shouldn't matter because...? 428 00:17:55,726 --> 00:17:58,598 Because break dancing is in my soul. 429 00:17:58,600 --> 00:17:59,966 That's right! 430 00:17:59,968 --> 00:18:02,869 Hmm, I'm pretty good at this therapy thing. 431 00:18:02,871 --> 00:18:05,138 Hey, Mertz, tell me your problem. 432 00:18:05,140 --> 00:18:08,041 My foster father adopted me for the money, 433 00:18:08,043 --> 00:18:10,310 and now he beats me with a wrench. 434 00:18:10,312 --> 00:18:12,779 Out of my depth immediately! 435 00:18:12,781 --> 00:18:14,781 [Indistinct conversations] 436 00:18:14,783 --> 00:18:16,716 [Light switch flicking] 437 00:18:17,385 --> 00:18:19,486 ♪ If I wanna take a guy ♪ 438 00:18:19,488 --> 00:18:20,687 ♪ Home with me tonight ♪ 439 00:18:20,689 --> 00:18:22,455 ♪ It's none of your business ♪ 440 00:18:22,457 --> 00:18:25,391 ♪ And if she wanna be a freak and sell it on the weekend ♪ 441 00:18:25,393 --> 00:18:26,926 ♪ It's none of your business ♪ 442 00:18:26,928 --> 00:18:29,028 ♪ Now you shouldn't even get into ♪ 443 00:18:29,030 --> 00:18:30,430 ♪ Who I'm givin' skins to ♪ 444 00:18:30,432 --> 00:18:31,798 ♪ It's none of your business ♪ 445 00:18:31,800 --> 00:18:33,833 ♪ So don't try to change my mind ♪ 446 00:18:33,835 --> 00:18:35,134 ♪ I'll tell you one more time ♪ 447 00:18:35,136 --> 00:18:36,769 ♪ It's none of your business ♪ 448 00:18:36,771 --> 00:18:37,637 ♪ Now... ♪ 449 00:18:37,639 --> 00:18:38,705 [Grunts] 450 00:18:38,707 --> 00:18:41,908 [Laughter] 451 00:18:42,757 --> 00:18:43,810 Are... Are you all right? 452 00:18:44,292 --> 00:18:46,513 Did... Did they love it? 453 00:18:46,515 --> 00:18:47,747 It was terrible. 454 00:18:47,749 --> 00:18:50,149 But that's not the important part. 455 00:18:52,854 --> 00:18:55,455 Thank you. You're right. 456 00:18:55,457 --> 00:18:59,292 You guys, I'm starting to think that she's friends with that dweeb. 457 00:18:59,811 --> 00:19:03,296 Well, for your information, this isn't my dweeb friend. 458 00:19:03,298 --> 00:19:05,064 He's my dweeb son. 459 00:19:05,066 --> 00:19:08,401 And he doesn't care what other people think. 460 00:19:08,403 --> 00:19:10,036 But I do. 461 00:19:10,038 --> 00:19:11,771 Uh-oh. 462 00:19:12,588 --> 00:19:14,908 And next time you mess with a Debbie, 463 00:19:14,910 --> 00:19:17,310 make sure it's not a grown-ass Debbie 464 00:19:17,312 --> 00:19:21,047 with access to your confidential psychological assessments. 465 00:19:21,049 --> 00:19:22,916 Mom, you don't have to do this. 466 00:19:22,918 --> 00:19:26,119 You can walk away knowing you showed everyone your true self. 467 00:19:26,121 --> 00:19:29,122 Yeah, but I didn't show my true self. 468 00:19:29,124 --> 00:19:30,523 I'm not a dancer. 469 00:19:30,525 --> 00:19:32,559 I'm a bad bitch 470 00:19:32,561 --> 00:19:34,961 who lays waste to her enemies. 471 00:19:34,963 --> 00:19:38,431 Blanche, you transferred from your last school 472 00:19:38,433 --> 00:19:41,834 because the kids found out that you carried around 473 00:19:41,836 --> 00:19:45,104 a piece of your own shit in your backpack! 474 00:19:45,106 --> 00:19:46,306 All: Ew! 475 00:19:46,308 --> 00:19:49,709 Sophia, you were taken away from your parents 476 00:19:49,711 --> 00:19:52,145 because they are brother and sister. 477 00:19:52,147 --> 00:19:53,346 [All gasp] 478 00:19:53,348 --> 00:19:54,914 And Dorothy... 479 00:19:54,916 --> 00:19:56,149 Let me guess... You figured out 480 00:19:56,151 --> 00:19:58,384 Austin's death wasn't an accident. 481 00:19:58,386 --> 00:19:59,886 No. 482 00:19:59,888 --> 00:20:02,422 Your file just says you grind your teeth. 483 00:20:02,424 --> 00:20:03,923 Did you murder someone? 484 00:20:03,925 --> 00:20:05,592 She grinds her teeth! 485 00:20:05,594 --> 00:20:08,561 The Golden Girls are a bunch of losers! 486 00:20:08,563 --> 00:20:10,863 Their reign of terror is over! 487 00:20:11,213 --> 00:20:14,467 The age of Mertz begins now! 488 00:20:14,469 --> 00:20:16,402 [Cheering] 489 00:20:16,404 --> 00:20:17,570 Stan: Francine! 490 00:20:17,572 --> 00:20:18,705 Francine! 491 00:20:18,707 --> 00:20:20,106 Will you go to the prom with me? 492 00:20:20,108 --> 00:20:22,308 Stan, we're already married. 493 00:20:22,310 --> 00:20:24,544 That's not a yes, but that's not a no. 494 00:20:24,546 --> 00:20:25,578 Now start laughing. 495 00:20:25,580 --> 00:20:27,280 [Forced laughter] 496 00:20:28,238 --> 00:20:30,283 Are you sure this is a thing that works? 497 00:20:32,718 --> 00:20:33,753 I'm scared. 498 00:20:33,755 --> 00:20:34,954 I understand. 499 00:20:34,956 --> 00:20:38,091 But our new life begins today. 500 00:20:40,095 --> 00:20:42,128 Welcome to Lids. I'm Parker. 501 00:20:42,130 --> 00:20:44,030 What can I help you find today? 502 00:21:02,031 --> 00:21:04,031 - synced and corrected by sot26 - www.addic7ed.com