1
00:00:03,266 --> 00:00:07,401
Stan, a new gym opened up
on Oak Road.
2
00:00:07,403 --> 00:00:09,470
They're offering
a free one-week trial!
3
00:00:09,472 --> 00:00:12,006
They have a pool,
all-new equipment,
4
00:00:12,008 --> 00:00:16,144
and a "designated area for old
men to blow-dry their balls."
5
00:00:16,146 --> 00:00:18,146
You had me at old men's balls.
6
00:00:18,148 --> 00:00:19,747
That was the last thing I said.
7
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And the best!
8
00:00:21,083 --> 00:00:24,152
I can't wait to commit
to a new healthy lifestyle.
9
00:00:24,154 --> 00:00:26,954
What? You never commit
to anything.
10
00:00:26,956 --> 00:00:28,222
You're a dabbler, Mom.
11
00:00:28,224 --> 00:00:29,624
Yeah, I'm a dabbler.
12
00:00:29,626 --> 00:00:32,092
And now I'm thinking about
dabbling in committing.
13
00:00:32,094 --> 00:00:34,228
You know, when a gym's trying to
get you to sign up,
14
00:00:34,230 --> 00:00:35,896
they'll do anything
to keep you happy.
15
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But once you join, you're just
some guy paying 60 bucks a month
16
00:00:39,035 --> 00:00:42,102
to have a place to stop and take
dumps on the way home from work.
17
00:00:42,104 --> 00:00:44,572
So that's why
you never go at home.
18
00:00:44,574 --> 00:00:47,107
I was beginning to think
you were a "Westworld."
19
00:00:57,988 --> 00:01:00,788
♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
20
00:01:00,790 --> 00:01:04,525
♪ I got a feelin' that
it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪
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♪ The sun in the sky
has a smile on his face ♪
22
00:01:07,329 --> 00:01:11,199
♪ And he's shinin' a salute
to the American race ♪
23
00:01:13,670 --> 00:01:16,937
♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪
24
00:01:16,939 --> 00:01:19,674
♪ Good... ♪
♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
25
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Aah!
26
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♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
27
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I love gym towels.
28
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Each one is the perfect size
to dry one limb.
29
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I'm gonna make
a ton of towel swans.
30
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Sir! You have to pay
for those Muscle Milks!
31
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Doin' the free trial, my man!
32
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Hey...
33
00:01:51,156 --> 00:01:53,123
That's enough of that!
34
00:01:58,430 --> 00:02:01,131
Where do they go?
35
00:02:03,501 --> 00:02:06,436
Before the invention
of the high-five,
36
00:02:06,438 --> 00:02:07,971
man searched in vain
37
00:02:07,973 --> 00:02:10,907
for a satisfying way
to celebrate victory.
38
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Everything changed in 1977,
39
00:02:13,779 --> 00:02:16,913
with the first-ever
recorded high-five.
40
00:02:16,915 --> 00:02:18,114
Oh, the high-five.
41
00:02:18,116 --> 00:02:20,850
Not to toot my own horn
but... I invented that.
42
00:02:20,852 --> 00:02:23,453
...invented by Glenn Burke
and Dusty Baker.
43
00:02:23,455 --> 00:02:24,788
What?!
44
00:02:24,790 --> 00:02:26,456
Glenn and I
were at Dodger Stadium
45
00:02:26,458 --> 00:02:28,858
and we stumbled upon
this perfect hand thing
46
00:02:28,860 --> 00:02:30,460
that changed the world.
47
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Lies!
I invented the high-five
48
00:02:32,464 --> 00:02:36,066
after passing my drug test
at the 1974 Junior Olympics!
49
00:02:36,068 --> 00:02:38,802
Not according to
this IFC documentary.
50
00:02:38,804 --> 00:02:41,205
IFC?!
IFC are liars!
51
00:02:41,207 --> 00:02:43,607
Don't call yourself
the Independent Film Channel
52
00:02:43,609 --> 00:02:45,809
and then air
"A Very Brady Sequel"!
53
00:02:45,811 --> 00:02:48,544
Hang on, Klaus.
What are you angry about?
54
00:02:48,546 --> 00:02:50,546
IFC or the high-five thing?
55
00:02:50,548 --> 00:02:52,416
Ohhh, the high-five!
56
00:02:52,418 --> 00:02:53,817
I invented that!
57
00:02:53,819 --> 00:02:55,752
Not according to IFC.
58
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Ohhh, don't get me
started on IFC!
59
00:03:00,092 --> 00:03:02,092
So, what are you gonna do today?
60
00:03:02,094 --> 00:03:03,827
Probably cool down at the pool,
61
00:03:03,829 --> 00:03:06,162
release some towel swans,
wonder where they go.
62
00:03:06,164 --> 00:03:09,099
If you want results, you got to
stick to your routine.
63
00:03:10,235 --> 00:03:11,234
Whoops!
64
00:03:11,236 --> 00:03:12,636
Your free trial is over.
65
00:03:12,638 --> 00:03:16,039
Let's just sign you up for paid
membership, get you in there.
66
00:03:16,041 --> 00:03:17,441
Oh, yeah, yeah, of course.
67
00:03:17,443 --> 00:03:20,110
Let me just get my credit card
out of my pocket...
68
00:03:28,254 --> 00:03:31,054
You were right to add
HBO Latino, Jeff.
69
00:03:31,056 --> 00:03:34,124
"Schindler's List" is much
less sad when it's in Spanish.
70
00:03:34,126 --> 00:03:36,460
Uno mas!
Uno mas muchacho!
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00:03:37,996 --> 00:03:39,729
Just because I don't want
to go to the gym
72
00:03:39,731 --> 00:03:41,197
doesn't mean you can't.
73
00:03:41,199 --> 00:03:43,800
But I was really liking
going together.
74
00:03:43,802 --> 00:03:47,137
Guess I can't go at all.
Uch, so unfair!
75
00:03:47,139 --> 00:03:49,739
Wait a second, are you using me
as an excuse
76
00:03:49,741 --> 00:03:50,941
to stop going to the gym?
77
00:03:50,943 --> 00:03:53,143
- That's ridiculous.
- Is it, Mom?
78
00:03:53,145 --> 00:03:56,946
It kind of sounds like
ceramics class all over again.
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00:03:56,948 --> 00:03:58,614
I only quit that class because
80
00:03:58,616 --> 00:04:01,818
your dad couldn't get hard
if my hands smelled like clay!
81
00:04:01,820 --> 00:04:04,420
O... kay. How about when you
were gonna learn Spanish,
82
00:04:04,422 --> 00:04:06,756
but then you quit because
your kids only speak English
83
00:04:06,758 --> 00:04:08,758
and you wanted to be
able to understand them?
84
00:04:08,760 --> 00:04:11,828
I wanted to
communicate with my kids.
85
00:04:11,830 --> 00:04:13,763
Take me away, officer!
86
00:04:13,765 --> 00:04:15,365
Yeah, I was pretty bummed
87
00:04:15,367 --> 00:04:18,302
when you quit writing
your one-woman show, Mrs. S.
88
00:04:18,304 --> 00:04:21,305
I told you,
I haven't lived the ending yet.
89
00:04:21,307 --> 00:04:23,239
That just seems like
another excuse.
90
00:04:23,241 --> 00:04:25,309
You know, Mom, it sounds
like Dad has a good point.
91
00:04:25,311 --> 00:04:26,776
It is a good point.
92
00:04:26,778 --> 00:04:29,379
Steve said it, too!
Hear that, hon?
93
00:04:29,381 --> 00:04:31,715
I made a good point
about you being a quitter!
94
00:04:31,717 --> 00:04:34,318
Me! Stan Smith!
Good point guy!
95
00:04:34,320 --> 00:04:37,787
Come on, kids! I say "good,"
you say "point"! Good!
96
00:04:37,789 --> 00:04:39,255
Point! Good! Point!
97
00:04:39,257 --> 00:04:40,056
Good!
Point!
98
00:04:40,058 --> 00:04:41,191
Point!
What?
99
00:04:41,193 --> 00:04:42,326
Good! Point! Oh! Point!
100
00:04:42,328 --> 00:04:43,827
Good point.
101
00:04:46,131 --> 00:04:47,597
Fans, please welcome
102
00:04:47,599 --> 00:04:49,799
the beloved inventor
of the high-five,
103
00:04:49,801 --> 00:04:53,469
toothpick enthusiast
Dusty Baker!
104
00:04:53,471 --> 00:04:54,671
Wow!
105
00:04:54,673 --> 00:04:56,606
I am so blessed to see
106
00:04:56,608 --> 00:05:00,344
how the world's embraced
my little iconic gesture...
107
00:05:00,346 --> 00:05:02,679
Liar!
108
00:05:02,681 --> 00:05:03,613
Liar!
109
00:05:03,615 --> 00:05:05,815
I invented the high-five!
110
00:05:05,817 --> 00:05:09,152
Whoops, sounds like someone
had a little too much to drink.
111
00:05:09,154 --> 00:05:13,156
Please! How can anyone get drunk
paying $14 a beer?
112
00:05:13,158 --> 00:05:16,292
It's half my disability check
just to catch a buzz!
113
00:05:16,294 --> 00:05:18,828
I'm sorry, are you mad about
the price of beer
114
00:05:18,830 --> 00:05:20,564
or the origin of the high-five?
115
00:05:20,566 --> 00:05:23,033
Ohhh, the high-five!
116
00:05:23,035 --> 00:05:24,500
I invented that!
117
00:05:27,239 --> 00:05:28,772
It's okay, folks!
118
00:05:28,774 --> 00:05:31,908
The high-five is such
a natural expression of joy
119
00:05:31,910 --> 00:05:35,045
that people want to claim
ownership, but truly...
120
00:05:35,047 --> 00:05:37,513
it belongs to all of us.
121
00:05:42,988 --> 00:05:45,389
Listen, you seem like
a good guy.
122
00:05:45,391 --> 00:05:48,524
Why don't I have you over for
a drink, sort this all out?
123
00:05:48,526 --> 00:05:51,861
Buddy, I don't drink,
I get wasted!
124
00:05:51,863 --> 00:05:53,263
Yeah-ha!
125
00:05:53,265 --> 00:05:57,334
I'ma piss on your futon!
Sigma Chi!
126
00:05:58,937 --> 00:06:00,536
Jacket material?
127
00:06:00,538 --> 00:06:02,338
Satin's always in style.
128
00:06:02,340 --> 00:06:03,407
Lining?
129
00:06:03,409 --> 00:06:05,209
Satin's always popular.
130
00:06:05,211 --> 00:06:06,410
Font?
131
00:06:06,412 --> 00:06:09,813
Obviously "Laverne & Shirley"
shadow bold.
132
00:06:11,817 --> 00:06:13,884
And order.
133
00:06:13,886 --> 00:06:15,285
Three weeks?!
134
00:06:15,287 --> 00:06:17,553
Well, I'll just stay busy.
135
00:06:31,903 --> 00:06:34,304
- Dad?
- Can't you see I'm busy?!
136
00:06:34,306 --> 00:06:35,972
Every time!
137
00:06:43,115 --> 00:06:44,380
I don't see any need
138
00:06:44,382 --> 00:06:46,416
to bring insurance companies
into this.
139
00:06:48,720 --> 00:06:50,454
Francine!
What's wrong with you?
140
00:06:50,456 --> 00:06:53,189
Did my good point
crush your spirit?
141
00:06:53,191 --> 00:06:55,191
You're making me feel terrible
about my new jacket.
142
00:06:55,193 --> 00:06:57,527
Check it out, oh, yeah!
143
00:06:57,529 --> 00:06:59,529
"Good point gay"?
144
00:06:59,531 --> 00:07:01,131
What?!
145
00:07:01,133 --> 00:07:03,333
Are you kidding me?!
Really?!
146
00:07:03,335 --> 00:07:04,734
What time is it?
147
00:07:04,736 --> 00:07:05,936
I got to get back to the gym.
148
00:07:05,938 --> 00:07:07,137
But you quit the gym.
149
00:07:07,139 --> 00:07:08,672
I wrote a whole jacket about it.
150
00:07:08,674 --> 00:07:11,475
Ooaaaah!
151
00:07:16,148 --> 00:07:19,015
B-b-b-oner from body!
152
00:07:19,017 --> 00:07:21,017
Body give boner!
153
00:07:21,019 --> 00:07:23,820
Beautiful body give baby boner!
154
00:07:23,822 --> 00:07:25,155
Oh, mommy!
155
00:07:26,892 --> 00:07:28,959
Ooaaaah!
156
00:07:28,961 --> 00:07:31,027
- Stan...
- Ooaaaah!
157
00:07:31,029 --> 00:07:32,428
Okay. Explain.
158
00:07:32,430 --> 00:07:36,032
Well, as much as it hurt,
you did have a good point.
159
00:07:36,034 --> 00:07:39,303
I tend to quit things,
and I want to change that.
160
00:07:39,305 --> 00:07:41,771
So I decided to
stick with the gym.
161
00:07:41,773 --> 00:07:46,242
And my trainer, Jackie, has been
helping me push past my limits.
162
00:07:46,244 --> 00:07:47,711
Are you even listening to me?
163
00:07:47,713 --> 00:07:49,112
Yeah, yeah, you said,
164
00:07:49,114 --> 00:07:52,048
"Lackie, bleen be mush
mast your glinglets."
165
00:07:52,050 --> 00:07:53,850
Now let's screw!
166
00:07:53,852 --> 00:07:55,986
That was so powerful, Francine.
167
00:07:55,988 --> 00:07:57,387
So special.
168
00:07:57,389 --> 00:07:59,789
I trust it put an end
to those nasty rumors
169
00:07:59,791 --> 00:08:01,858
my jacket's been spreading.
170
00:08:01,860 --> 00:08:03,059
What are you doing?
171
00:08:03,061 --> 00:08:04,794
I'm heading back to the gym.
172
00:08:04,796 --> 00:08:07,197
No, but stay here, though.
173
00:08:07,199 --> 00:08:10,133
Stan, I have to go.
It's a leg day.
174
00:08:10,135 --> 00:08:13,403
I called the gym
and they said it's a bed day.
175
00:08:13,405 --> 00:08:15,405
Honey.
176
00:08:15,407 --> 00:08:16,873
Human blanket!
177
00:08:16,875 --> 00:08:19,075
Don't go.
You can bwame bwanket.
178
00:08:19,077 --> 00:08:21,211
Stan, I promised myself.
179
00:08:21,213 --> 00:08:24,681
I can't miss my workouts.
180
00:08:26,484 --> 00:08:28,618
That was a hot slam, Francine!
181
00:08:28,620 --> 00:08:29,819
Hey, Steve, what's up?
182
00:08:29,821 --> 00:08:31,421
Your mom
just gave me a hot slam.
183
00:08:31,423 --> 00:08:32,622
Did you feel the house move?
184
00:08:32,624 --> 00:08:35,926
I'm just trying to
walk down the hall.
185
00:08:37,963 --> 00:08:40,163
Everything's gold.
186
00:08:40,165 --> 00:08:43,133
That classy sonuvabitch.
187
00:08:56,982 --> 00:08:59,315
Klaus!
The fish from the game!
188
00:08:59,317 --> 00:09:02,886
Thank you so much
for coming to my home.
189
00:09:04,189 --> 00:09:05,255
Now, listen here, Dusty...
190
00:09:05,257 --> 00:09:06,723
Toothpick for your lamb?
191
00:09:06,725 --> 00:09:09,726
Everything tastes better
with just a hint of tree.
192
00:09:09,728 --> 00:09:10,927
Who cares?!
193
00:09:10,929 --> 00:09:12,396
I want to talk about
the high-five.
194
00:09:12,398 --> 00:09:15,065
I invented it. Not you.
Are we clear?
195
00:09:15,067 --> 00:09:18,068
I guess we'll just have to
agree to disagree.
196
00:09:18,070 --> 00:09:20,804
It's like Tina Turner
said to me...
197
00:09:20,806 --> 00:09:22,138
Stop!
198
00:09:22,140 --> 00:09:24,140
You know Tina Turner?
199
00:09:24,142 --> 00:09:26,542
She's a dear, dear friend.
200
00:09:26,544 --> 00:09:29,880
Tell me right now...
did you smush her?
201
00:09:29,882 --> 00:09:32,482
Klaus, a gentleman never tells.
202
00:09:32,484 --> 00:09:37,153
But I will say, if I
"high-fived" her in an elevator,
203
00:09:37,155 --> 00:09:39,623
it was
♪ Simply the best ♪
204
00:09:43,962 --> 00:09:45,762
Who is this?
205
00:09:45,764 --> 00:09:47,497
What is that?
206
00:09:49,101 --> 00:09:51,567
Where was that there?!
Francine!
207
00:09:52,370 --> 00:09:54,570
Roger, who the hell parked
their van in the driveway?
208
00:09:54,572 --> 00:09:57,040
Oh, that's Jackie.
Francine's gym friend.
209
00:09:57,042 --> 00:09:59,776
Oh, there's another muscle lady
in the house?
210
00:09:59,778 --> 00:10:01,111
Yes, there is.
211
00:10:01,113 --> 00:10:02,578
And she's a man!
212
00:10:02,580 --> 00:10:03,447
Well, sort of.
213
00:10:03,449 --> 00:10:05,449
In pursuit of the perfect
bikini front,
214
00:10:05,451 --> 00:10:08,852
I trained my penis to
permanently recede into my body.
215
00:10:08,854 --> 00:10:10,787
- How far?
- Out the back.
216
00:10:10,789 --> 00:10:13,457
It looks like he has a tail.
Show him, Jackie.
217
00:10:13,459 --> 00:10:15,325
Francine!
218
00:10:18,130 --> 00:10:19,663
Francine, we need to talk.
219
00:10:19,665 --> 00:10:22,332
Sure, but could you
hop on my back?
220
00:10:22,334 --> 00:10:24,935
I need more resistance.
221
00:10:24,937 --> 00:10:27,203
Okay, Francine,
I get it, good job.
222
00:10:27,205 --> 00:10:29,139
I don't think
you're a quitter anymore.
223
00:10:29,141 --> 00:10:32,542
Now that you've proven me wrong,
can you... quit?
224
00:10:32,544 --> 00:10:35,812
I'm not trying to
prove anything to you.
225
00:10:35,814 --> 00:10:36,880
This is for me.
226
00:10:36,882 --> 00:10:38,414
But it's affecting everyone.
227
00:10:38,416 --> 00:10:41,285
The house is a mess,
every meal is some gross shake,
228
00:10:41,287 --> 00:10:43,353
and the last three
family movie nights
229
00:10:43,355 --> 00:10:45,555
have been P90X workout videos.
230
00:10:45,557 --> 00:10:47,491
I'm so distracted
I didn't even ask Roger
231
00:10:47,493 --> 00:10:49,359
why he's dressed like
a park ranger.
232
00:10:49,361 --> 00:10:51,094
And you just know
it's something cool!
233
00:10:51,096 --> 00:10:52,629
Well, I'm not quitting.
234
00:10:52,631 --> 00:10:53,763
Jackie and I just entered
235
00:10:53,765 --> 00:10:56,232
the Langley Falls
Bodybuilding Competition.
236
00:10:56,234 --> 00:10:58,434
So what, you're just gonna
keep doing this forever?
237
00:10:58,436 --> 00:10:59,569
Yes!
238
00:10:59,571 --> 00:11:02,639
Yes! Of course
I can get Francine to quit.
239
00:11:02,641 --> 00:11:04,841
Let's not forget
she's a quitter at heart.
240
00:11:04,843 --> 00:11:07,511
She didn't even get around to
stuffing her Build-A-Bear.
241
00:11:07,513 --> 00:11:09,379
And remember her one-woman show?
242
00:11:12,784 --> 00:11:15,185
I just want things
the way they were.
243
00:11:15,187 --> 00:11:17,321
All she needs
is a little setback.
244
00:11:17,323 --> 00:11:20,656
Like say... if you and I
were to beat them
245
00:11:20,658 --> 00:11:22,392
in the bodybuilding competition.
246
00:11:22,394 --> 00:11:24,661
How are we gonna do that?
She's been training for weeks.
247
00:11:24,663 --> 00:11:25,862
It won't be easy.
248
00:11:25,864 --> 00:11:27,998
Transforming your body
will take dedication.
249
00:11:28,000 --> 00:11:31,601
No time for family, or friends.
I am talking total sacrifice.
250
00:11:31,603 --> 00:11:34,137
I'm talkin' no sweets, Stan.
I'm in.
251
00:11:34,139 --> 00:11:36,206
Did you hear the part
about no sweets? Yes.
252
00:11:36,208 --> 00:11:38,875
That means no cookies,
you little cookie monster.
253
00:11:38,877 --> 00:11:41,411
Roger! Sorry,
I had to test your dedication.
254
00:11:41,413 --> 00:11:42,746
Now I have to test...
255
00:11:42,748 --> 00:11:44,715
how much steroids you can take
in your neck.
256
00:11:48,354 --> 00:11:50,286
Dusty, I got to say,
257
00:11:50,288 --> 00:11:53,156
these have been some of
the best days of my life.
258
00:11:53,158 --> 00:11:56,426
I can't believe I was mad at you
about the high-five.
259
00:11:56,428 --> 00:12:01,765
'Cause now you're like
my best friend.
260
00:12:01,767 --> 00:12:02,966
My man!
261
00:12:02,968 --> 00:12:05,835
Can I get a high-five?
262
00:12:05,837 --> 00:12:07,637
Dusty, ow!
263
00:12:07,639 --> 00:12:09,039
What are you doing?
264
00:12:09,041 --> 00:12:11,375
I stole it from you.
265
00:12:11,377 --> 00:12:14,778
I was at the Junior Olympics
when you invented the high-five.
266
00:12:14,780 --> 00:12:18,715
It was so beautiful.
I had to make it mine.
267
00:12:18,717 --> 00:12:19,916
What?
268
00:12:19,918 --> 00:12:23,053
You know how hard it is
to be a famously nice guy
269
00:12:23,055 --> 00:12:26,590
when I'm constantly reminded
that my greatest accomplishment
270
00:12:26,592 --> 00:12:28,124
is a lie?!
271
00:12:28,126 --> 00:12:29,393
Without the high-five,
272
00:12:29,395 --> 00:12:31,861
I'm just a highly respected
athlete
273
00:12:31,863 --> 00:12:34,330
who transitioned perfectly
into a vibrant
274
00:12:34,332 --> 00:12:38,268
and fulfilling second act
as a leader of men.
275
00:12:38,270 --> 00:12:39,469
That still sounds pretty good.
276
00:12:39,471 --> 00:12:42,138
To you!
The great genius!
277
00:12:42,140 --> 00:12:44,007
Don't you see I hurt?!
278
00:12:44,009 --> 00:12:46,009
So I decided to hurt you.
279
00:12:46,011 --> 00:12:49,079
First by showing you everything
that should've been yours,
280
00:12:49,081 --> 00:12:53,617
and now by taking away
everything you've got!
281
00:12:53,619 --> 00:12:56,220
But you already have the only
great thing I ever did!
282
00:12:56,222 --> 00:12:58,221
What more can you take?!
283
00:12:58,223 --> 00:13:00,424
Well, I could start with...
284
00:13:00,426 --> 00:13:02,092
...your accent.
285
00:13:02,094 --> 00:13:04,828
Now I am German sounding!
286
00:13:08,233 --> 00:13:12,569
And then I take
your whole fish idea.
287
00:13:18,710 --> 00:13:21,111
Who is the fish now?
288
00:13:21,113 --> 00:13:23,447
Finally, I steal from you
289
00:13:23,449 --> 00:13:27,284
the ability to
breathe underwater!
290
00:13:38,797 --> 00:13:41,665
Well, I think we both
saw that coming.
291
00:13:50,676 --> 00:13:53,409
Give it up for
Jan and Jim López!
292
00:13:53,411 --> 00:13:56,647
Who's who? Hard to tell,
but fun to guess!
293
00:13:58,484 --> 00:14:00,416
Arms up, pull it down!
294
00:14:00,418 --> 00:14:02,085
Attagirl, Francine!
295
00:14:02,087 --> 00:14:03,687
You're so big!
296
00:14:03,689 --> 00:14:05,355
You think she's big?
297
00:14:05,357 --> 00:14:07,623
Excuse me, I'm trying to...
298
00:14:07,625 --> 00:14:10,026
If I could just get past.
299
00:14:10,028 --> 00:14:11,295
Thank you... Johnny?
300
00:14:11,297 --> 00:14:12,362
Sorry I thought
you were someone else.
301
00:14:12,364 --> 00:14:13,630
'Scuse me. Sorry.
302
00:14:13,632 --> 00:14:15,165
Stan, that was
definitely Johnny.
303
00:14:15,167 --> 00:14:16,766
We had sex.
Pardon me!
304
00:14:16,768 --> 00:14:18,368
Sorry, where was I?
Oh, yeah.
305
00:14:18,370 --> 00:14:20,404
You think she's big?!
306
00:14:21,907 --> 00:14:23,439
Ta da!
307
00:14:23,441 --> 00:14:26,910
Boom. Rat braid.
Ready to quit?
308
00:14:26,912 --> 00:14:30,580
I cannot believe you would
do this just to get me to quit!
309
00:14:30,582 --> 00:14:33,449
Well, it's only gonna
make me try harder!
310
00:14:33,451 --> 00:14:35,185
You just woke the dragon.
311
00:14:35,187 --> 00:14:38,588
Eeeeh!
312
00:14:38,590 --> 00:14:41,791
I'm sorry,
I don't know what a dragon is.
313
00:14:41,793 --> 00:14:45,329
Please welcome
Stan Smith and Tammy Twopiece!
314
00:14:45,331 --> 00:14:47,463
♪ Dirty South, uh-huh ♪
315
00:14:47,465 --> 00:14:48,932
♪ Can y'all really feel me ♪
316
00:14:48,934 --> 00:14:50,534
♪ East Coast, feel me ♪
317
00:14:50,536 --> 00:14:52,336
♪ West Coast, feel me ♪
318
00:14:52,338 --> 00:14:57,674
♪ Boy, I've been watching you
like the hawk in the sky ♪
319
00:14:57,676 --> 00:15:01,011
♪ That flies
and you were my prey ♪
320
00:15:01,013 --> 00:15:04,414
♪ Boy, I promise you
if we keep bumpin' heads ♪
321
00:15:04,416 --> 00:15:07,817
♪ I know that
one of these days ♪
322
00:15:07,819 --> 00:15:11,355
♪ We gon' hook it up
while we talk on the phone ♪
323
00:15:11,357 --> 00:15:14,958
♪ But see, I don't know
if that's good ♪
324
00:15:14,960 --> 00:15:18,695
♪ I've been holdin' back
this secret from you ♪
325
00:15:18,697 --> 00:15:20,430
♪ I probably shouldn't tell it,
but ♪
326
00:15:20,432 --> 00:15:24,100
♪ If I, if I let you know ♪
327
00:15:24,102 --> 00:15:28,171
♪ You can't tell nobody,
I'm talkin' 'bout nobody ♪
328
00:15:29,375 --> 00:15:30,974
That, ladies and gentlemen,
329
00:15:30,976 --> 00:15:33,944
is what Langley Bodybuilding
is all about!
330
00:15:36,048 --> 00:15:37,915
You'll never beat that.
331
00:15:39,985 --> 00:15:41,184
We can do this!
332
00:15:41,186 --> 00:15:42,852
No limits! No limits!
333
00:15:58,404 --> 00:15:59,669
We're losing them!
334
00:15:59,671 --> 00:16:01,271
Let's spell it out for them.
335
00:16:01,273 --> 00:16:03,273
Ab-phabet.
336
00:16:16,888 --> 00:16:19,022
You can't hold that pose
forever!
337
00:16:19,024 --> 00:16:21,157
Oh, yes, I can!
338
00:16:21,159 --> 00:16:24,961
I'll never quit!
339
00:16:29,301 --> 00:16:31,167
A new vein... gross!
340
00:16:31,169 --> 00:16:32,568
And the judges love it!
341
00:16:32,570 --> 00:16:36,172
I'm absolutely
losing my mind here!
342
00:16:43,715 --> 00:16:47,250
Are we about to see
the world's first brain flex?!
343
00:16:58,830 --> 00:17:01,698
Francine's extreme exertion
during the competition
344
00:17:01,700 --> 00:17:03,433
caused her to have an aneurysm.
345
00:17:03,435 --> 00:17:04,434
She's in a coma.
346
00:17:04,436 --> 00:17:06,436
This is totally my fault.
347
00:17:06,438 --> 00:17:08,972
If only I hadn't
strong-armed my way
348
00:17:08,974 --> 00:17:10,908
into that
bodybuilding competition.
349
00:17:10,910 --> 00:17:12,442
Sir, please stop posing.
350
00:17:12,444 --> 00:17:15,979
I can't. This is shaking me
to the core!
351
00:17:15,981 --> 00:17:17,447
Stan, snap out of it!
352
00:17:17,449 --> 00:17:19,716
Don't you understand,
Franny's in trouble!
353
00:17:19,718 --> 00:17:21,118
Yah!
354
00:17:22,321 --> 00:17:24,187
Roger, snap out of it!
355
00:17:24,189 --> 00:17:26,456
These machines are
keeping her alive!
356
00:17:26,458 --> 00:17:27,457
Is she gonna live?
357
00:17:27,459 --> 00:17:29,258
Well, that depends.
358
00:17:29,260 --> 00:17:30,393
Is she a fighter?
359
00:17:30,395 --> 00:17:31,461
Hell yeah, she is!
360
00:17:31,463 --> 00:17:34,197
Or... a quitter?
361
00:17:34,199 --> 00:17:36,599
Ewewewoh...
362
00:17:36,601 --> 00:17:39,669
A q-q-quitter, that's, uh, an
interesting word to choose,
363
00:17:39,671 --> 00:17:43,273
given, uh, it's been a-a recent,
uh, bone of contention,
364
00:17:43,275 --> 00:17:44,608
uh, between me and my wife.
365
00:17:44,610 --> 00:17:46,075
Are you guys on drugs?
366
00:17:46,077 --> 00:17:48,111
- Very much.
- Yes. An incredible amount. Yes.
367
00:17:54,219 --> 00:17:55,552
She's unresponsive.
368
00:17:55,554 --> 00:17:58,455
But it doesn't mean
she's not in there.
369
00:18:05,764 --> 00:18:09,298
It all began when I was 15.
370
00:18:09,300 --> 00:18:14,237
I begged my mom for a drum kit
and she got it for me.
371
00:18:14,239 --> 00:18:18,976
I was going to be
the world's best female drummer.
372
00:18:18,978 --> 00:18:21,979
Big drum, big drum, middle one,
little one, foot drum,
373
00:18:21,981 --> 00:18:24,581
metal thing, metal thing,
no mistakes!
374
00:18:24,583 --> 00:18:26,650
That was my dream.
375
00:18:26,652 --> 00:18:29,786
But instead of practicing,
I got real high.
376
00:18:29,788 --> 00:18:31,855
But this isn't about drugs.
377
00:18:31,857 --> 00:18:35,192
This is about me quitting.
378
00:18:35,194 --> 00:18:38,795
And I quit everything.
379
00:18:41,000 --> 00:18:45,002
Two years later,
I wanted to become a chef.
380
00:18:45,004 --> 00:18:46,803
Chop, chop, sizzle, sizzle!
381
00:18:48,139 --> 00:18:51,675
Working at Applebee's
is not as glamorous
382
00:18:51,677 --> 00:18:54,077
as it's chopped up to be.
383
00:18:54,079 --> 00:18:55,512
I quit!
384
00:18:57,416 --> 00:18:59,016
Yo soy.
385
00:18:59,018 --> 00:19:00,417
Yo soy.
386
00:19:00,419 --> 00:19:02,219
Tu eres.
387
00:19:02,221 --> 00:19:03,553
Too much!
388
00:19:03,555 --> 00:19:05,689
How do you say
"quit" in Spanish?
389
00:19:05,691 --> 00:19:07,156
I don't know.
390
00:19:07,158 --> 00:19:08,992
Are you getting it yet?
391
00:19:11,496 --> 00:19:14,231
So when I started bodybuilding,
392
00:19:14,233 --> 00:19:17,034
I made a promise
I wouldn't quit.
393
00:19:17,036 --> 00:19:18,568
But guess what?
394
00:19:18,570 --> 00:19:20,770
My body quit on me.
395
00:19:20,772 --> 00:19:23,907
Isn't that the most Francine
thing you ever heard?
396
00:19:25,244 --> 00:19:26,643
Bingah!
397
00:19:30,716 --> 00:19:34,718
"Pac-Man" game over sound.
398
00:19:34,720 --> 00:19:36,253
Now, that my body's given up,
399
00:19:36,255 --> 00:19:40,523
maybe it's time
for my spirit to quit, too.
400
00:19:40,525 --> 00:19:42,191
This is bullshit!
401
00:19:42,193 --> 00:19:43,593
Who's heckling me?!
402
00:19:43,595 --> 00:19:45,662
I'm trying to end this!
403
00:19:45,664 --> 00:19:47,330
It's not over!
404
00:19:47,332 --> 00:19:49,266
Stan?
405
00:19:49,268 --> 00:19:51,801
I'm sorry I made you feel bad
about quitting.
406
00:19:51,803 --> 00:19:53,202
Quitting's not so bad.
407
00:19:53,204 --> 00:19:55,272
It means you have
a curious mind.
408
00:19:55,274 --> 00:19:59,008
And you want to taste everything
life has to offer.
409
00:19:59,010 --> 00:20:01,010
Plus, you never quit me.
410
00:20:01,012 --> 00:20:03,280
Even though
you probably should have.
411
00:20:03,282 --> 00:20:05,682
I do stupid stuff.
412
00:20:05,684 --> 00:20:07,016
You do do stupid stuff.
413
00:20:07,018 --> 00:20:08,418
Shut the [bleep] up!
414
00:20:08,420 --> 00:20:11,755
Oh, Francine, I can't lose you.
I need you!
415
00:20:11,757 --> 00:20:14,558
Stan...
I got to end my show.
416
00:20:14,560 --> 00:20:16,426
Don't do it.
Don't go!
417
00:20:16,428 --> 00:20:18,027
If you all think this show's
418
00:20:18,029 --> 00:20:20,497
coming to some
exciting conclusion,
419
00:20:20,499 --> 00:20:22,699
you haven't been
paying attention.
420
00:20:22,701 --> 00:20:26,569
It ends like everything ends.
421
00:20:26,571 --> 00:20:29,706
With me quitting.
422
00:20:30,909 --> 00:20:32,909
Being in a coma!
423
00:20:32,911 --> 00:20:34,978
Geez! A little warning
next time, Francine!
424
00:20:34,980 --> 00:20:37,046
- She's awake!
- Mommy!
425
00:20:37,048 --> 00:20:39,849
I'm sorry, it's time
to pull the plug
426
00:20:39,851 --> 00:20:41,985
and end this morbid charade.
427
00:20:41,987 --> 00:20:43,853
Your wife is never going to...
428
00:20:43,855 --> 00:20:45,054
Oh, she woke up!
429
00:20:45,056 --> 00:20:48,591
I did it again.
I saved a life. Yes!
430
00:20:48,593 --> 00:20:50,059
But some sad news.
431
00:20:50,061 --> 00:20:52,595
Earlier today,
Dusty Baker drowned
432
00:20:52,597 --> 00:20:55,198
in a giant fish bowl
of his own creation.
433
00:20:55,200 --> 00:20:57,034
No!
434
00:20:58,470 --> 00:21:00,237
Bye-bye! See you soon!