1
00:00:02,803 --> 00:00:04,469
Stan:
Credit where credit's due.
2
00:00:04,471 --> 00:00:06,805
This is the greatest
game of hide and seek
3
00:00:06,807 --> 00:00:09,341
You've ever played, roger.
4
00:00:09,343 --> 00:00:11,009
"to: Francine"?
5
00:00:11,745 --> 00:00:14,346
"can I see your boobies
in fourth period?
6
00:00:14,348 --> 00:00:16,080
Circle y or n?"
7
00:00:16,082 --> 00:00:18,683
She circled n, but I can see
where she circled y
8
00:00:18,685 --> 00:00:19,751
And erased it!
9
00:00:20,621 --> 00:00:24,222
These are all old love notes.
Why is francine saving these?
10
00:00:24,224 --> 00:00:25,357
Aha!
11
00:00:25,359 --> 00:00:27,960
Hiding in plain sight
as one of your personas.
12
00:00:27,962 --> 00:00:30,228
I got you, roger!
Ow!
13
00:00:30,230 --> 00:00:31,696
Focus, stan.
14
00:00:31,698 --> 00:00:34,099
You know the difference
between roger and a real spider.
15
00:00:34,101 --> 00:00:35,300
[ squeaking ]
16
00:00:35,302 --> 00:00:36,568
Roger?!
17
00:00:36,570 --> 00:00:37,569
[ squeaking ]
18
00:00:37,571 --> 00:00:40,438
♪♪
19
00:00:40,440 --> 00:00:42,975
♪ good morning, u.S.A. ♪
20
00:00:42,977 --> 00:00:46,445
♪ I got a feelin' that
it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪
21
00:00:46,447 --> 00:00:49,514
♪ the sun in the sky
has a smile on his face ♪
22
00:00:49,516 --> 00:00:53,352
♪ and he's shinin' a salute
to the american race ♪
23
00:00:55,856 --> 00:00:59,191
♪ oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪
24
00:00:59,193 --> 00:01:01,660
♪ good -- ♪
♪ good morning, u.S.A. ♪
25
00:01:01,662 --> 00:01:02,861
Aah!
26
00:01:04,131 --> 00:01:07,532
♪ good morning, u.S.A. ♪
27
00:01:07,534 --> 00:01:09,934
♪♪
28
00:01:09,936 --> 00:01:12,937
♪ it's the shaving song,
we're in the leg zone ♪
29
00:01:12,939 --> 00:01:15,874
♪ where the tibia meets
the talus bone ♪
30
00:01:15,876 --> 00:01:18,811
♪ no need for cream,
that stuff's for chumps ♪
31
00:01:18,813 --> 00:01:21,213
♪ press the blade down
hard and -- ♪
32
00:01:21,215 --> 00:01:23,548
Shaving your gams
for corey d?
33
00:01:23,550 --> 00:01:24,616
Who's corey d?
34
00:01:24,618 --> 00:01:25,950
From third grade.
35
00:01:25,952 --> 00:01:28,687
He thinks
"you're berry cool."
36
00:01:28,689 --> 00:01:30,422
You went through
my stuff?
37
00:01:30,424 --> 00:01:31,490
I was looking for roger.
38
00:01:31,492 --> 00:01:32,891
You haven't
found him yet?
39
00:01:32,893 --> 00:01:34,292
He's in the --
don't tell me where he is!
40
00:01:34,294 --> 00:01:36,428
What I did find
is this shoebox
41
00:01:36,430 --> 00:01:38,763
Filled with love letters
to my wife!
42
00:01:38,765 --> 00:01:40,298
Are you threatened
by these?
43
00:01:40,300 --> 00:01:43,635
They're just momentos I save
so our grandkids'll know
44
00:01:43,637 --> 00:01:45,570
Mee-maw was a smoke-show.
45
00:01:45,572 --> 00:01:48,841
There is a world
where I could be overreacting.
46
00:01:48,843 --> 00:01:50,843
Promise me you'll put
those letters back
47
00:01:50,845 --> 00:01:53,178
And stop worrying
about them.
48
00:01:53,180 --> 00:01:55,848
Of course, my love.
This is the end of it.
49
00:01:55,850 --> 00:01:58,250
Your mother and I
are getting a divorce.
50
00:01:58,252 --> 00:01:59,651
All: What?!
Unless...
51
00:01:59,653 --> 00:02:02,787
We determine none of these
old paramours are threats.
52
00:02:02,789 --> 00:02:05,924
Your mother's been saving
old love letters behind my back.
53
00:02:05,926 --> 00:02:07,992
I've assembled this
command center at we work
54
00:02:07,994 --> 00:02:10,395
As a last-ditch effort
to save our marriage.
55
00:02:10,397 --> 00:02:13,331
Maybe she just likes to
look back at memories.
56
00:02:13,333 --> 00:02:14,466
That's what she told me,
57
00:02:14,468 --> 00:02:16,668
But until we comb
through every word,
58
00:02:16,670 --> 00:02:18,070
I have to assume
the worst.
59
00:02:18,072 --> 00:02:20,205
I already have the divorce
papers written up.
60
00:02:20,207 --> 00:02:22,541
I'm gonna pin them here
to motivate you.
61
00:02:22,543 --> 00:02:23,942
We're on it, dad!
62
00:02:23,944 --> 00:02:25,944
If we suss out that any of these
losers are still
63
00:02:25,946 --> 00:02:28,947
After our mom,
they're freaking dead!
64
00:02:28,949 --> 00:02:31,483
Yeah.
Sorry, "tony," but my mom
65
00:02:31,485 --> 00:02:33,552
Doesn't care
that you think her hair is
66
00:02:33,554 --> 00:02:35,287
"shinier than the sun."
67
00:02:35,289 --> 00:02:37,021
You better
back the freak off!
68
00:02:37,023 --> 00:02:38,957
Yeah!
And listen to this clown.
69
00:02:38,959 --> 00:02:41,960
"francine, let me swim
around in your mouth --"
70
00:02:41,962 --> 00:02:44,963
Oh, this is from me
when I was obsessed with her.
71
00:02:44,965 --> 00:02:47,232
And I can freaking
shove off already!
72
00:02:47,234 --> 00:02:48,233
[ sniffles ]
73
00:02:48,235 --> 00:02:49,968
What is it, jeff?
It's...
74
00:02:49,970 --> 00:02:51,703
It's over, mr. S!
75
00:02:51,705 --> 00:02:55,974
This man writes
beautiful poetry to mrs. S.
76
00:02:55,976 --> 00:03:00,245
These words make
my heart freaking pitter-patter!
77
00:03:00,247 --> 00:03:04,649
"francine, your skin as soft
as oleander petals..."
78
00:03:04,651 --> 00:03:05,717
"...Weeping willows..."
79
00:03:05,719 --> 00:03:06,985
[ gasps ]
80
00:03:06,987 --> 00:03:09,254
"...Gentle breeze
upon the nile."
81
00:03:09,256 --> 00:03:11,323
Oh!
It's so good.
82
00:03:11,325 --> 00:03:12,991
And, look,
there's more of them!
83
00:03:12,993 --> 00:03:14,927
This guy's been
writing these for years!
84
00:03:14,929 --> 00:03:17,529
Who wrote
this gorgeous crap?
85
00:03:17,531 --> 00:03:19,397
It's anonymous.
86
00:03:19,399 --> 00:03:23,936
C.I.A.?
It's one of my coworkers?
87
00:03:23,938 --> 00:03:26,238
You know what
you have to do, dad.
88
00:03:29,476 --> 00:03:30,743
I have to go to the c.I.A.
89
00:03:30,745 --> 00:03:33,011
And find out
who's best at poems, right?
90
00:03:33,013 --> 00:03:39,617
And then rip out
their freaking throat!
91
00:03:39,619 --> 00:03:42,087
The drug lord eisenrich
has been --
92
00:03:42,089 --> 00:03:46,158
Dr. Weitzman, why are you
sleeping in our conference room?
93
00:03:46,160 --> 00:03:48,293
I got dumped,
and my girlfriend
94
00:03:48,295 --> 00:03:49,761
Got my apartment
in the breakup.
95
00:03:49,763 --> 00:03:52,297
I should have known
that contract she gave me
96
00:03:52,299 --> 00:03:54,700
On our first date
wasn't just for "funsies"!
97
00:03:54,702 --> 00:03:57,169
Don't get me started
on funsies contracts.
98
00:03:57,171 --> 00:04:01,306
That's how I got saddled with my
ex's alligator farm in orlando.
99
00:04:01,308 --> 00:04:05,377
Ohh, I should go work
on my lab stuff.
100
00:04:05,379 --> 00:04:06,845
As I was saying,
101
00:04:06,847 --> 00:04:09,247
We finally located
the drug lord, eisenrich.
102
00:04:09,249 --> 00:04:10,782
He's in the jungles
of brazil.
103
00:04:10,784 --> 00:04:12,984
Shoot.
I was hoping orlando.
104
00:04:12,986 --> 00:04:16,321
Sir, sounds like you'll need
an agent with poetic prowess.
105
00:04:16,323 --> 00:04:18,190
Allow me
to test the agents.
106
00:04:18,192 --> 00:04:19,858
I don't see
how poetry can --
107
00:04:19,860 --> 00:04:22,127
Dick, perform a haiku
about brazil.
108
00:04:22,129 --> 00:04:24,662
Brazil is a nut.
109
00:04:24,664 --> 00:04:27,399
I have two brazils
in my pants.
110
00:04:27,401 --> 00:04:30,869
Terrible.
Jackson, describe this painting.
111
00:04:30,871 --> 00:04:32,137
Orlando!
112
00:04:32,139 --> 00:04:33,671
Let's try
something different.
113
00:04:33,673 --> 00:04:36,141
Would you describe
my wife's breasts as,
114
00:04:36,143 --> 00:04:38,344
A, large; b, medium;
115
00:04:38,346 --> 00:04:43,014
Or, c, a tonic which could heal
all that ails the human spirit?
116
00:04:43,016 --> 00:04:46,084
I'm gonna say d,
cool!
117
00:04:46,086 --> 00:04:47,419
How about
I print these
118
00:04:47,421 --> 00:04:48,887
And let you all fill
them out individually?
119
00:04:48,889 --> 00:04:51,289
The main office printer
is busted.
120
00:04:51,291 --> 00:04:52,157
You can use mine.
121
00:04:52,159 --> 00:04:53,425
I've got a poem!
122
00:04:53,427 --> 00:04:56,428
Orlando is great,
orlando is fair.
123
00:04:56,430 --> 00:05:00,432
Will you buy
one of my "alligaytares"?
124
00:05:05,239 --> 00:05:07,505
[ gasps ]
the logo!
125
00:05:07,507 --> 00:05:08,706
It's bullock!
126
00:05:08,708 --> 00:05:11,376
I can't murder my boss.
He could fire me!
127
00:05:11,378 --> 00:05:13,779
Wait, wait!
The poems are anonymous.
128
00:05:13,781 --> 00:05:15,447
Mom doesn't know
they're from bullock,
129
00:05:15,449 --> 00:05:17,515
So he can't be a threat,
right?
130
00:05:17,517 --> 00:05:19,184
Of course
he's a threat!
131
00:05:19,186 --> 00:05:21,587
Those poems
are insanely romantic,
132
00:05:21,589 --> 00:05:25,791
And francine is keeping them,
which means she's into it.
133
00:05:25,793 --> 00:05:29,461
One second alone with bullock,
he mentions robert frost,
134
00:05:29,463 --> 00:05:30,796
And the "road not taken"
135
00:05:30,798 --> 00:05:33,865
Definitely won't
be her "bajima."
136
00:05:33,867 --> 00:05:36,201
Maybe you could try to be
more romantic
137
00:05:36,203 --> 00:05:37,869
Like the poems, mr. S.
138
00:05:37,871 --> 00:05:38,737
Let me try.
139
00:05:38,739 --> 00:05:43,008
Ahem.
Francine, your hair is like...
140
00:05:43,010 --> 00:05:44,276
The noodles.
141
00:05:44,278 --> 00:05:46,278
A failure!
We're done!
142
00:05:46,280 --> 00:05:48,080
Divorce!
Which noodles?!
143
00:05:48,082 --> 00:05:50,616
The only way to settle this is
to put bullock and francine
144
00:05:50,618 --> 00:05:52,684
In a situation
where they are alone,
145
00:05:52,686 --> 00:05:55,687
And we see if francine
goes for it.
146
00:05:55,689 --> 00:05:57,155
How do
we get them alone?
147
00:05:57,157 --> 00:05:58,756
A car accident.
Yes!
148
00:05:58,758 --> 00:06:00,892
Tons of romances start
when a hunky dude
149
00:06:00,894 --> 00:06:02,894
Accidentally bumps into
a sexy lady.
150
00:06:02,896 --> 00:06:04,496
There's a motel on the side
of the highway
151
00:06:04,498 --> 00:06:06,231
That's super romantic.
152
00:06:06,233 --> 00:06:08,700
We can cause
the accident there.
Perfect.
153
00:06:08,702 --> 00:06:12,037
I need to see them a mustache
hair's away from boning.
154
00:06:12,039 --> 00:06:13,905
Yeah, we all do!
155
00:06:13,907 --> 00:06:17,309
♪♪
156
00:06:17,311 --> 00:06:18,776
Everyone in position?
157
00:06:18,778 --> 00:06:21,513
Yep, we bribed
the front-desk workers $40
158
00:06:21,515 --> 00:06:22,648
To let us have
an empty room.
159
00:06:22,650 --> 00:06:23,982
The rooms
cost 40 a night,
160
00:06:23,984 --> 00:06:25,917
So pretty sure
you just rented a room.
161
00:06:25,919 --> 00:06:28,854
There, I just lit
over 200 candles.
162
00:06:28,856 --> 00:06:30,922
Had to raid the Halloween
decorations for 'em though,
163
00:06:30,924 --> 00:06:32,991
So they're all
little smiling pumpkins.
164
00:06:32,993 --> 00:06:36,462
But it's still
sexy as hell in there!
165
00:06:36,464 --> 00:06:39,264
I told bullock there was
a dope owl he had to see,
166
00:06:39,266 --> 00:06:41,266
And I told francine
the same thing.
167
00:06:41,268 --> 00:06:42,600
They should be here soon.
168
00:06:42,602 --> 00:06:45,270
Now for a little flat tire.
169
00:06:45,272 --> 00:06:47,205
♪ this is the shaving song ♪
170
00:06:47,207 --> 00:06:48,874
♪ we're in the leg zone ♪
171
00:06:50,944 --> 00:06:52,277
Shit, shit!
172
00:06:53,481 --> 00:06:55,581
[ screaming ]
173
00:06:56,950 --> 00:06:58,350
♪ no need for cream ♪
174
00:06:58,352 --> 00:06:59,685
♪ that stuff's for chumps ♪
175
00:06:59,687 --> 00:07:01,619
♪ press the blade
down hard and... ♪
176
00:07:01,621 --> 00:07:05,090
Aaaaah!
177
00:07:05,092 --> 00:07:07,959
[ car crashes ]
178
00:07:07,961 --> 00:07:08,994
Plan b.
179
00:07:13,433 --> 00:07:14,766
Rose petals?!
180
00:07:14,768 --> 00:07:17,635
No way my insurance
covers this place.
181
00:07:17,637 --> 00:07:20,839
Are you trying to get me
and bullock to hook up?
182
00:07:20,841 --> 00:07:23,709
I was seeing if you would
hook up if given the chance.
183
00:07:23,711 --> 00:07:26,044
He's the one who writes you
those poems.
184
00:07:26,046 --> 00:07:27,245
Bullock?
185
00:07:27,247 --> 00:07:29,581
You're the author
of those amazing poems?
186
00:07:29,583 --> 00:07:32,984
Oh, those transcendent poems
aren't from me.
187
00:07:32,986 --> 00:07:34,386
They're from you.
188
00:07:34,388 --> 00:07:38,990
I'll explain, but can I please
see this dope owl first?
189
00:07:38,992 --> 00:07:40,192
Oh yeah, sure.
190
00:07:40,194 --> 00:07:41,360
[ hooting ]
191
00:07:42,396 --> 00:07:43,896
Wow!
It is dope.
192
00:07:46,333 --> 00:07:49,401
♪♪
193
00:07:49,403 --> 00:07:51,203
So this is me?
194
00:07:51,205 --> 00:07:54,606
Sort of.
There's a part of you in it.
195
00:07:54,608 --> 00:07:57,943
You see, when an agent
joins the c.I.A.,
196
00:07:57,945 --> 00:08:00,345
We do a lot of effed-up things
197
00:08:00,347 --> 00:08:03,815
To ensure you are
successful killing machines.
198
00:08:03,817 --> 00:08:06,752
One of those is
the irreversible operation
199
00:08:06,754 --> 00:08:09,421
Of removing
the romantic lobe.
200
00:08:09,423 --> 00:08:12,758
How does romance get in the way
of c.I.A. Missions?
201
00:08:12,760 --> 00:08:16,729
Romance always
gets in the way.
202
00:08:17,431 --> 00:08:19,565
[ printer whirs ]
203
00:08:19,567 --> 00:08:21,366
"goddess francine,
204
00:08:21,368 --> 00:08:24,570
I must have done something
beautiful in a past life
205
00:08:24,572 --> 00:08:26,372
To be blessed
with your presence!"
206
00:08:26,374 --> 00:08:28,306
Goddess?
207
00:08:28,308 --> 00:08:29,375
Okay!
208
00:08:29,377 --> 00:08:30,909
This is from me!
209
00:08:30,911 --> 00:08:33,045
It made francine blush,
and it's from me!
210
00:08:33,047 --> 00:08:34,780
Exactamundo.
211
00:08:34,782 --> 00:08:39,184
And this espresso machine
has dick's romantic lobe.
212
00:08:39,186 --> 00:08:42,454
Espresso truly made
with love.
213
00:08:42,456 --> 00:08:44,389
The mini fridge
is jackson.
214
00:08:44,391 --> 00:08:46,458
Because he has
a cold heart!
215
00:08:46,460 --> 00:08:49,995
You keep them all
in your office appliances?
216
00:08:49,997 --> 00:08:53,665
Yes.
The lobes act as a power source.
217
00:08:53,667 --> 00:08:57,335
No need for charging, batteries,
or unseemly plugs.
218
00:08:57,337 --> 00:08:58,536
Oh, sick.
219
00:08:58,538 --> 00:09:01,407
Even sicker,
the printer adores you.
220
00:09:01,409 --> 00:09:03,141
When it began
printing poems,
221
00:09:03,143 --> 00:09:06,478
I couldn't bear the thought
of them not being read,
222
00:09:06,480 --> 00:09:08,680
Which is why
I mailed them.
223
00:09:08,682 --> 00:09:10,148
I'm taking this.
Why?
224
00:09:10,150 --> 00:09:13,085
Because with the printer,
we are a perfect couple.
225
00:09:13,087 --> 00:09:15,220
I have
my romantic side back!
226
00:09:15,222 --> 00:09:16,755
That's crazy.
227
00:09:16,757 --> 00:09:19,425
We aren't bringing a printer
into our relationship.
228
00:09:19,427 --> 00:09:20,959
[ whirring ]
229
00:09:20,961 --> 00:09:24,429
"francine, allow me
to take us to dinner."
230
00:09:24,431 --> 00:09:26,031
A spontaneous date?
231
00:09:26,033 --> 00:09:27,966
I guess that is
kind of romantic.
232
00:09:27,968 --> 00:09:30,269
See!
Let's give it a spin, baby.
233
00:09:31,705 --> 00:09:32,904
[ man crying ]
234
00:09:32,906 --> 00:09:36,774
Dr. Weitzman, are you
still crying down there?
235
00:09:36,776 --> 00:09:38,043
Yeah, sorry.
236
00:09:38,045 --> 00:09:42,781
Your heart is broken,
and my printer was just stolen.
237
00:09:42,783 --> 00:09:45,717
Grab your atm card
and your tightest pants.
238
00:09:45,719 --> 00:09:48,120
We're going on
a three-day bender!
239
00:09:48,122 --> 00:09:50,856
All my pants
are the tightest.
240
00:09:51,791 --> 00:09:54,059
♪ la-la la-la ♪
241
00:09:54,061 --> 00:09:58,263
"ode to francine
on the gondola of love.
242
00:09:58,265 --> 00:10:01,599
Though I cannot move myself,
you move me the way
243
00:10:01,601 --> 00:10:03,601
The water moves beneath us."
244
00:10:03,603 --> 00:10:06,004
Oh, I can't finish it.
245
00:10:06,006 --> 00:10:09,741
Stan,
this is beautiful.
246
00:10:09,743 --> 00:10:12,077
It says
it's for the gondolier.
247
00:10:12,079 --> 00:10:14,612
Uh,
these are-a song lyrics.
248
00:10:14,614 --> 00:10:15,747
Sing them!
249
00:10:15,749 --> 00:10:18,684
♪ kiss her hand, rub her feet ♪
250
00:10:18,686 --> 00:10:23,355
♪ I'll create chemistry ♪
251
00:10:23,357 --> 00:10:26,224
♪ because love can be
a science ♪
252
00:10:26,226 --> 00:10:30,295
♪ when you've got
a romantic appliance ♪
253
00:10:30,297 --> 00:10:32,297
Wait,
what is this about?
Just keep going!
254
00:10:32,299 --> 00:10:37,169
♪ I'll say how to treat
her right ♪
255
00:10:37,171 --> 00:10:42,040
♪ like a dance
in the moonlight ♪
256
00:10:42,042 --> 00:10:44,576
♪ no need for self doubting ♪
257
00:10:44,578 --> 00:10:50,782
♪ when I'm printing
how to keep from drowning ♪
258
00:10:50,784 --> 00:10:53,118
♪ with my ink and my toner ♪
259
00:10:53,120 --> 00:10:57,523
♪ she'll fall straight
on your boner ♪
260
00:10:57,525 --> 00:10:58,724
Ew!
261
00:10:58,726 --> 00:11:00,926
♪ romance you cannot
give her ♪
262
00:11:00,928 --> 00:11:07,032
♪ without me,
your romance printer ♪
263
00:11:08,869 --> 00:11:13,405
♪ gently take her
in your arms ♪
264
00:11:13,407 --> 00:11:18,810
♪ squeeze her tight
without harm ♪
265
00:11:18,812 --> 00:11:21,146
♪ if I could do that
to her ♪
266
00:11:21,148 --> 00:11:28,086
♪ it would be me
instead of this dumb loser ♪
267
00:11:28,088 --> 00:11:30,688
♪ I'm in no luck,
I'm a cuck ♪
268
00:11:30,690 --> 00:11:33,425
♪ watching him give her ♪
269
00:11:33,427 --> 00:11:39,965
♪ a lame [bleep] ♪
270
00:11:43,771 --> 00:11:46,572
♪ because love
can be a science ♪
271
00:11:46,574 --> 00:11:56,815
♪ but she won't love
an office appliance ♪
272
00:12:00,654 --> 00:12:02,287
Roger?
273
00:12:04,058 --> 00:12:05,257
Oh, this is beautiful.
274
00:12:05,259 --> 00:12:07,059
Starts with lots
of descriptions.
275
00:12:07,061 --> 00:12:08,860
Here, francine,
I just thought of this.
276
00:12:08,862 --> 00:12:12,264
Aww, thank you.
277
00:12:12,266 --> 00:12:14,399
Do me a favor and grab
that one yourself.
278
00:12:14,401 --> 00:12:18,336
Francine: "francine,
this isn't from stan.
279
00:12:18,338 --> 00:12:20,538
It's from me,
printer.
280
00:12:20,540 --> 00:12:22,007
Run away with me.
281
00:12:22,009 --> 00:12:26,078
A queen like you deserves
better than this beastly oaf."
282
00:12:27,281 --> 00:12:31,483
Uh, stan, I think the printer
is turning on you.
283
00:12:31,485 --> 00:12:33,084
Of course
it's turning on me.
284
00:12:33,086 --> 00:12:36,955
It is me.
It wants you all to itself.
285
00:12:36,957 --> 00:12:38,290
It's trying
to hurt you.
286
00:12:38,292 --> 00:12:39,625
It's playing.
287
00:12:39,627 --> 00:12:42,360
The printer has already made
our lives more romantic.
288
00:12:42,362 --> 00:12:45,363
I don't need our lives
to be more romantic.
289
00:12:45,365 --> 00:12:46,832
I just need you.
290
00:12:46,834 --> 00:12:48,033
Give it one more chance.
291
00:12:48,035 --> 00:12:49,435
We made reservations
tomorrow night
292
00:12:49,437 --> 00:12:51,103
At that
very romantic restaurant.
293
00:12:51,105 --> 00:12:53,371
I'm gonna need
all hands on deck.
294
00:12:53,373 --> 00:12:56,842
They have waiters that
wipe crumbs from your table.
295
00:12:56,844 --> 00:13:00,446
I'm gonna eat
so messily.
296
00:13:00,448 --> 00:13:01,980
We can keep it around...
297
00:13:01,982 --> 00:13:03,181
[ motor starts ]
298
00:13:03,183 --> 00:13:04,817
Roger!
299
00:13:06,654 --> 00:13:08,186
Just the lawnmower!
300
00:13:08,188 --> 00:13:09,521
[ steve vocalizing ]
301
00:13:09,523 --> 00:13:14,059
♪ where the tibia
meets the talus bone ♪
302
00:13:14,061 --> 00:13:17,096
Oh, printer, I didn't know
you were in here.
303
00:13:18,798 --> 00:13:19,998
"handsome"?
304
00:13:20,000 --> 00:13:21,266
[ chuckles ]
305
00:13:21,268 --> 00:13:22,868
Keep that up,
and you can have
306
00:13:22,870 --> 00:13:24,903
The knife, the cheese, the --
307
00:13:25,806 --> 00:13:27,006
Oh, okay.
308
00:13:29,143 --> 00:13:31,377
Wait.
What are you up to --
309
00:13:35,015 --> 00:13:36,348
[ printer whirs ]
310
00:13:41,155 --> 00:13:44,556
Okay, you're trying
to murder stan.
311
00:13:44,558 --> 00:13:46,158
Time to go.
312
00:13:46,760 --> 00:13:48,160
Where is it?!
313
00:13:48,162 --> 00:13:50,962
If you stole it,
I swear on your hat --
314
00:13:50,964 --> 00:13:52,297
Put jeff down.
315
00:13:52,299 --> 00:13:54,632
I dumped the printer
on the side of the road.
316
00:13:54,634 --> 00:13:58,504
It's evil, stan.
It was trying to murder you.
317
00:13:58,506 --> 00:14:00,105
So!
So?
318
00:14:00,107 --> 00:14:01,707
I don't want you murdered.
319
00:14:01,709 --> 00:14:03,175
I'm canceling
the date.
320
00:14:03,177 --> 00:14:05,511
I can't do it
without my romance crutch.
321
00:14:05,513 --> 00:14:07,312
You don't need it.
322
00:14:07,314 --> 00:14:09,247
I know I don't.
You do!
323
00:14:09,249 --> 00:14:11,917
You're the one
who needs the romance.
No, I don't!
324
00:14:11,919 --> 00:14:15,587
You're not listening to me about
what I'm telling you you need!
325
00:14:15,589 --> 00:14:16,922
We're not canceling.
326
00:14:16,924 --> 00:14:19,991
I'm getting tiny pieces of bread
in my cleavage
327
00:14:19,993 --> 00:14:21,659
Whether you're there
or not!
328
00:14:22,662 --> 00:14:25,130
Okay, well, you saying cleavage
got me back in.
329
00:14:25,132 --> 00:14:28,400
He stretched out my shirt.
He owes me a new shirt.
330
00:14:28,402 --> 00:14:29,401
Shh!
331
00:14:34,408 --> 00:14:35,473
Bye, bullock!
332
00:14:35,475 --> 00:14:38,377
A pleasure doing a bender
with you!
333
00:14:40,814 --> 00:14:43,081
Wait,
this isn't the office.
334
00:14:43,083 --> 00:14:44,550
[ printer whirs ]
335
00:14:47,888 --> 00:14:50,021
"hello...
336
00:14:50,023 --> 00:14:52,391
Handsome"?!
337
00:14:56,963 --> 00:14:58,430
Can we take a break?
338
00:14:58,432 --> 00:15:00,899
We've been up writing poetry
all night.
339
00:15:00,901 --> 00:15:02,501
You call this poetry?
340
00:15:02,503 --> 00:15:06,438
"and that's why mom --
I mean, francine -- is so hot."
341
00:15:07,708 --> 00:15:10,575
Is it 'cause I wrote "mom"?
I'm exhausted!
342
00:15:10,577 --> 00:15:11,710
Oh, relax.
343
00:15:11,712 --> 00:15:13,311
You took a three-hour nap
in the corner.
344
00:15:13,313 --> 00:15:16,114
We know you were wearing
fake eyes!
345
00:15:16,116 --> 00:15:18,116
He's wearing them now!
346
00:15:18,118 --> 00:15:19,451
[ snores ]
347
00:15:19,453 --> 00:15:20,452
Hayley, hit me.
348
00:15:20,454 --> 00:15:22,054
I wrote an acrostic.
349
00:15:22,056 --> 00:15:24,189
I spelled out mom's name
and added adjectives
350
00:15:24,191 --> 00:15:26,058
For each letter
describing her.
351
00:15:26,060 --> 00:15:27,392
"'f' is for fat" --
352
00:15:27,394 --> 00:15:29,794
But in a good way,
like with a "ph."
353
00:15:29,796 --> 00:15:31,996
"'r' is for
rack for days.
354
00:15:31,998 --> 00:15:33,598
'a' is for
ass for days" --
355
00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:35,267
Stop. It's solid.
Best we've got.
356
00:15:35,269 --> 00:15:36,668
Good job, hayley.
Really?
357
00:15:36,670 --> 00:15:39,604
I can't believe you rejected
"roses are red,
358
00:15:39,606 --> 00:15:42,006
Violets are blue,
like a gale force wind,
359
00:15:42,008 --> 00:15:43,275
Into my life you blew!"
360
00:15:43,277 --> 00:15:45,878
You can't rhyme
"blue" with "blew."
361
00:15:45,880 --> 00:15:48,280
They're different blues!
362
00:15:48,282 --> 00:15:50,282
It's time
for your date, mr. S!
363
00:15:50,284 --> 00:15:51,750
Wish me luck, team!
364
00:15:51,752 --> 00:15:53,686
You won't need it
with that poem.
365
00:15:53,688 --> 00:15:55,153
Oh, look at hayley.
366
00:15:55,155 --> 00:15:57,222
One good poem, and she thinks
she's ready for
367
00:15:57,224 --> 00:15:58,957
"late night
with walt whitman."
368
00:15:58,959 --> 00:16:00,492
Right, steve?
369
00:16:00,494 --> 00:16:01,694
Steve?
370
00:16:08,635 --> 00:16:11,303
I need to get
some [bleep] sleep.
371
00:16:11,305 --> 00:16:13,371
[ down-tempo piano music
plays ]
372
00:16:13,373 --> 00:16:14,839
"...Ass for days.
373
00:16:14,841 --> 00:16:16,708
'c' -- cute face.
374
00:16:16,710 --> 00:16:18,310
'I' -- is cool.
375
00:16:18,312 --> 00:16:20,312
'n' -- not uncool.
376
00:16:20,314 --> 00:16:22,581
And 'e' --
eggs worked."
377
00:16:22,583 --> 00:16:25,384
I guess that refers
to your successful fertility.
378
00:16:25,386 --> 00:16:28,853
You forgot the "n."
between "a" and "c."
379
00:16:28,855 --> 00:16:31,323
That spells "fracine."
shit balls!
380
00:16:31,325 --> 00:16:32,725
[ french accent ]
good evening.
381
00:16:32,727 --> 00:16:36,861
May I start you off
with some very crumbly bread?
382
00:16:36,863 --> 00:16:38,730
Yes, please.
383
00:16:38,732 --> 00:16:40,632
And two piña coladas.
384
00:16:46,540 --> 00:16:50,475
Stan, you just got crumbed,
and you didn't even notice.
385
00:16:50,477 --> 00:16:52,277
I'm bombing!
Uh...
386
00:16:52,279 --> 00:16:54,012
Your hair is noodles.
387
00:16:54,014 --> 00:16:56,348
Your eyes are...
Noodles!
388
00:16:56,350 --> 00:16:58,550
Your lips are...
Ah, I'm blanking here.
389
00:16:58,552 --> 00:17:01,720
You got them little
macaroni toes, I know that!
390
00:17:03,890 --> 00:17:06,258
Is that...
The printer?
391
00:17:07,294 --> 00:17:08,427
Oh, hi, smiths.
392
00:17:08,429 --> 00:17:11,296
This is my new girlfriend,
printer.
393
00:17:11,298 --> 00:17:13,698
I just gave her arms, legs,
and a voice box.
394
00:17:13,700 --> 00:17:15,567
[ electronic voice ] francine,
I can finally speak.
395
00:17:15,569 --> 00:17:19,103
It feels like my tongue was in
chains, but I have broken free.
396
00:17:19,105 --> 00:17:20,572
I should
have said that!
397
00:17:20,574 --> 00:17:24,909
Now that I am a complete man,
we can finally be together.
398
00:17:24,911 --> 00:17:28,046
What?! I-I thought you were
a girl printer!
399
00:17:28,048 --> 00:17:30,515
Sorry, no.
I lied.
400
00:17:30,517 --> 00:17:31,784
And then used you
to gain leverage
401
00:17:31,786 --> 00:17:33,918
Over this
disgusting pig.
402
00:17:33,920 --> 00:17:35,387
He's not a pig!
403
00:17:35,389 --> 00:17:38,523
You could have a zillion arms
and a zillion voices,
404
00:17:38,525 --> 00:17:41,126
And I still wouldn't
want to be with you.
405
00:17:41,128 --> 00:17:42,927
Let's go, stan.
406
00:17:42,929 --> 00:17:44,129
You should be with him.
407
00:17:44,131 --> 00:17:46,331
He can give you
the romance you deserve.
408
00:17:46,333 --> 00:17:48,467
I don't want to be
with a printer!
409
00:17:48,469 --> 00:17:51,003
I did prepare for this.
410
00:17:51,005 --> 00:17:53,872
[ singsong voice ] oh, goo-oons!
411
00:17:54,008 --> 00:17:56,875
[ people murmuring, screaming ]
412
00:17:56,877 --> 00:18:02,214
♪♪
413
00:18:02,216 --> 00:18:03,482
Goons?!
414
00:18:03,484 --> 00:18:05,818
You said I was
making bridesmaids.
415
00:18:05,820 --> 00:18:08,153
Uh!
All the lies!
416
00:18:08,155 --> 00:18:10,155
Espresso machine,
grab my love.
417
00:18:11,225 --> 00:18:13,358
Yowch!
You're piping hot!
418
00:18:13,360 --> 00:18:14,759
Sorry about that,
tootsie.
419
00:18:14,761 --> 00:18:17,562
Stan, why are you
just sitting there?
420
00:18:17,564 --> 00:18:20,299
You won her
fair and square.
421
00:18:21,502 --> 00:18:23,235
[ banging on door ]
422
00:18:25,439 --> 00:18:28,640
Oh, francine,
is this all my fault?
423
00:18:28,642 --> 00:18:31,043
I know it can be hard,
but we have to trust
424
00:18:31,045 --> 00:18:34,112
Our significant others
when they tell us how they feel.
425
00:18:34,114 --> 00:18:35,447
I'm guilty too.
426
00:18:35,449 --> 00:18:37,449
Looking back
at my last relationship,
427
00:18:37,451 --> 00:18:41,986
The printer told me many, many
times that it was only using me.
428
00:18:41,988 --> 00:18:43,788
You're right.
429
00:18:43,790 --> 00:18:46,791
I've been insecure
instead of trusting francine.
430
00:18:46,793 --> 00:18:50,529
Wow. I've never given
a successful pep talk before!
431
00:18:52,199 --> 00:18:53,398
Did you say something?
432
00:18:53,400 --> 00:18:55,467
I-I was conferencing
with my family.
433
00:18:56,270 --> 00:18:58,470
I'm sorry to force you
on this date, darling,
434
00:18:58,472 --> 00:19:01,740
But it's clear you are
still brainwashed by stan.
435
00:19:01,742 --> 00:19:03,542
Why aren't you
tasting the wine?
436
00:19:03,544 --> 00:19:08,213
Because you're a printer
with no gullet?
437
00:19:08,215 --> 00:19:11,149
Mmm.
Notes of burning co-o-pper.
438
00:19:11,151 --> 00:19:14,219
I heard this pairs well
with having unprotected sex
439
00:19:14,221 --> 00:19:15,220
With your printer.
440
00:19:15,222 --> 00:19:16,555
Do you
even have a dick?
441
00:19:16,557 --> 00:19:18,356
How are
we supposed to bang?
442
00:19:18,358 --> 00:19:21,359
My extender tray
is my dick.
443
00:19:21,361 --> 00:19:22,761
I thought
that was obvious?
444
00:19:24,298 --> 00:19:26,565
I'm not putting that thing
in me!
445
00:19:26,567 --> 00:19:29,501
It's like a long,
flat rectangle.
446
00:19:29,503 --> 00:19:31,904
I'll get a new one.
Go get dr. Weitzman.
447
00:19:31,906 --> 00:19:35,240
Francine needs me to have
a less rectangular dick
448
00:19:35,242 --> 00:19:36,841
So she can realize
she loves me.
449
00:19:36,843 --> 00:19:41,246
For the last time,
I will never love you!
450
00:19:41,248 --> 00:19:44,048
I suggest you listen
to the lady.
451
00:19:44,184 --> 00:19:45,517
[ dramatic music plays ]
452
00:19:45,519 --> 00:19:47,786
Stan, haven't you heard?
453
00:19:47,788 --> 00:19:50,789
Never bring a knife
to an ink fight!
454
00:19:50,791 --> 00:19:52,724
♪♪
455
00:19:52,726 --> 00:19:56,060
This is stupid.
Just give me the gun.
456
00:19:56,062 --> 00:19:57,329
[ gunfire ]
457
00:19:57,331 --> 00:20:04,202
♪♪
458
00:20:04,204 --> 00:20:05,471
[ groans ]
459
00:20:09,476 --> 00:20:12,277
Stan!
You came to your senses!
460
00:20:12,279 --> 00:20:15,880
I'll never be
romantic again!
461
00:20:15,882 --> 00:20:18,183
[ soft moaning ]
462
00:20:20,621 --> 00:20:22,421
[ deep electronic voice ]
coffee bean?
463
00:20:22,423 --> 00:20:25,557
Wait, are you
a girl espresso machine?
464
00:20:25,559 --> 00:20:29,528
Uh...Yeah.
A real pretty one!
465
00:20:30,697 --> 00:20:32,897
♪♪
466
00:20:32,899 --> 00:20:37,636
I know you think I don't save
anything of yours, but I do.
467
00:20:37,638 --> 00:20:40,305
In the junk drawer?
It's not a junk drawer.
468
00:20:40,307 --> 00:20:42,841
It's momentos
from our relationship.
469
00:20:42,843 --> 00:20:46,444
Like the superglue you used
to fix my ed hardy sandal
470
00:20:46,446 --> 00:20:48,513
At the gathering
of the juggalos.
471
00:20:48,515 --> 00:20:51,316
And now
I want to add this.
472
00:20:51,318 --> 00:20:53,852
Why don't you do it?
473
00:20:53,854 --> 00:20:55,988
You found me, stan!
Your turn!
474
00:20:55,990 --> 00:20:58,923
199, 198...
475
00:20:58,925 --> 00:21:00,793
Bye!
Have a great time!