1 00:00:02,669 --> 00:00:04,336 Who wants cheese? 2 00:00:04,338 --> 00:00:05,738 Our plate and knife are dirty, 3 00:00:05,740 --> 00:00:07,739 So you'll have to just nibble off the block. 4 00:00:07,741 --> 00:00:11,743 Dang, brita filtered water and now a big cheese? 5 00:00:11,745 --> 00:00:13,678 You two really have it all figured out. 6 00:00:13,680 --> 00:00:15,280 But I feel bad we always hang here, 7 00:00:15,282 --> 00:00:18,016 So maybe tomorrow night we could do a girls' night 8 00:00:18,018 --> 00:00:19,284 At my apartment. 9 00:00:19,286 --> 00:00:20,419 Apartment? 10 00:00:20,421 --> 00:00:21,820 Don't you live at home with your parents? 11 00:00:21,822 --> 00:00:25,223 No, I meant I was apart from them, 12 00:00:25,225 --> 00:00:27,359 An a-part-ment. 13 00:00:27,361 --> 00:00:28,693 Get it? 14 00:00:28,695 --> 00:00:32,030 I can put anything I want up on my walls. 15 00:00:32,032 --> 00:00:34,366 With pushpins. I'm -- I'm not allowed to use nails. 16 00:00:34,368 --> 00:00:36,969 Voice: You sound like an idiot right now. 17 00:00:36,971 --> 00:00:39,504 A girls' night sounds great. We're in. 18 00:00:39,506 --> 00:00:40,773 Cool beans! 19 00:00:40,775 --> 00:00:42,307 Voice: "cool beans?" 20 00:00:42,309 --> 00:00:44,877 What the [bleep] is cool about beans? 21 00:00:47,648 --> 00:00:50,315 ♪ good morning, usa ♪ 22 00:00:50,317 --> 00:00:53,852 ♪ I got a feeling that it's going to be a wonderful day ♪ 23 00:00:53,854 --> 00:00:56,989 ♪ the sun in the sky has a smile on his face ♪ 24 00:00:56,991 --> 00:01:00,726 ♪ and he's shining a salute to the american race ♪ 25 00:01:03,597 --> 00:01:06,899 ♪ oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪ 26 00:01:07,066 --> 00:01:09,568 ♪ good morning, usa ♪ 27 00:01:11,338 --> 00:01:14,907 ♪ good morning, usa ♪ 28 00:01:19,346 --> 00:01:21,413 There. I think I'm ready for girls night. 29 00:01:21,415 --> 00:01:23,147 Voice: Oh, I'm sure they won't notice 30 00:01:23,149 --> 00:01:24,883 Your dining table is your childhood bed. 31 00:01:24,885 --> 00:01:27,019 [ growls ] babe, you okay? 32 00:01:27,021 --> 00:01:29,221 You're growling more than normal. 33 00:01:29,223 --> 00:01:30,755 It's just -- okay. 34 00:01:30,757 --> 00:01:32,557 You know how when you're nervous, you hear, 35 00:01:32,559 --> 00:01:35,227 Like, a little judgmental voice in your head? 36 00:01:35,229 --> 00:01:36,761 Maybe. 37 00:01:36,763 --> 00:01:38,763 I'm trying to get better at reading your moods. 38 00:01:38,765 --> 00:01:41,566 You're either stressed or horny. 39 00:01:41,568 --> 00:01:42,767 Stressed. 40 00:01:42,769 --> 00:01:44,036 Aw, shucks. 41 00:01:44,038 --> 00:01:47,172 Why is this night so important to you? 42 00:01:47,174 --> 00:01:48,106 Settle in, jeff. 43 00:01:48,108 --> 00:01:49,241 When I was a kid, 44 00:01:49,243 --> 00:01:51,776 "big city honeys" was my favorite show. 45 00:01:51,778 --> 00:01:54,847 The "honeys" are young women living together in the city. 46 00:01:54,849 --> 00:01:56,515 I always imagined that when I grew up, 47 00:01:56,517 --> 00:01:58,183 I would be just like them -- 48 00:01:58,185 --> 00:02:00,919 Living in the big city, falling in and out of love, 49 00:02:00,921 --> 00:02:03,455 But always having the support of my fellow honeys 50 00:02:03,457 --> 00:02:04,723 When I needed it. 51 00:02:04,725 --> 00:02:06,859 But until I met nerfer and danuta, 52 00:02:06,861 --> 00:02:09,461 I never had real girlfriends. 53 00:02:09,463 --> 00:02:10,995 That's a sad. 54 00:02:10,997 --> 00:02:12,731 I just need to make sure there's nothing embarrassing 55 00:02:12,733 --> 00:02:16,801 In the house that could ruin the night. 56 00:02:16,803 --> 00:02:20,539 Wait till snot sees my washboard abs. 57 00:02:20,541 --> 00:02:25,610 Steve, do you still have those freckles on your wrists? 58 00:02:25,612 --> 00:02:27,746 Ah! 59 00:02:27,748 --> 00:02:29,214 Check it out. 60 00:02:29,216 --> 00:02:33,151 We're making rogu a girlfriend out of canned pork. 61 00:02:33,153 --> 00:02:36,722 Meet spam anderson. 62 00:02:39,493 --> 00:02:40,559 Look! 63 00:02:40,561 --> 00:02:42,627 The boogerman! 64 00:02:42,629 --> 00:02:50,569 ♪♪ 65 00:02:50,571 --> 00:02:52,571 The boogerman. 66 00:02:52,573 --> 00:02:54,106 [ rogu laughs ] 67 00:02:58,311 --> 00:03:00,645 Love it when the house is peaceful like this. 68 00:03:00,647 --> 00:03:02,781 Thank you for putting those turkeys in the shed. 69 00:03:02,783 --> 00:03:04,983 We have big plans tonight. 70 00:03:04,985 --> 00:03:08,053 Roger is opening a fancy new spa in the attic, 71 00:03:08,055 --> 00:03:10,922 And we're going to be his first customers. 72 00:03:10,924 --> 00:03:13,324 Who's ready for a two-hour couples massage? 73 00:03:13,326 --> 00:03:15,994 I'm rub rub tuggington and I'll -- oh, wow. 74 00:03:15,996 --> 00:03:17,863 I had never said that name out loud. 75 00:03:17,865 --> 00:03:19,998 I hate it. Definitely going to change that. 76 00:03:20,000 --> 00:03:22,001 Awful name. One of my worst. 77 00:03:22,003 --> 00:03:23,602 It's fine. The name's only temporary. 78 00:03:23,604 --> 00:03:25,070 It'll be an easy change. 79 00:03:25,072 --> 00:03:27,072 Might have to order some new business cards. 80 00:03:27,074 --> 00:03:33,478 [ dramatic stings play ] 81 00:03:33,480 --> 00:03:37,016 My god, it's everywhere. 82 00:03:41,354 --> 00:03:44,823 This place is supposed to be a relaxing, professional retreat. 83 00:03:44,825 --> 00:03:46,758 The worst thing that can happen to your spa 84 00:03:46,760 --> 00:03:48,960 Is it gets known as a "jerk off" place. 85 00:03:48,962 --> 00:03:50,696 Okay. Keep it together, roger. 86 00:03:50,698 --> 00:03:52,764 You mean rub rub tuggington. 87 00:03:52,766 --> 00:03:55,166 Yes. Thank you, francine. 88 00:03:55,168 --> 00:03:57,769 Let's forget about this small branding snafu 89 00:03:57,771 --> 00:04:01,140 And get you two ready for your massage. 90 00:04:02,843 --> 00:04:04,976 [ crack! ] aaah! Aaaaah! 91 00:04:04,978 --> 00:04:06,177 Carpal tunnel. 92 00:04:06,179 --> 00:04:08,513 Rub rub tuggington, are you okay? 93 00:04:08,515 --> 00:04:10,115 Stop saying my name! 94 00:04:12,453 --> 00:04:16,255 Tonight is the night, and we are living it. 95 00:04:16,257 --> 00:04:18,257 Voice: Wow. You should be a speechwriter 96 00:04:18,259 --> 00:04:20,792 For the president of numskull island. 97 00:04:20,794 --> 00:04:22,127 Yeah, we're excited. 98 00:04:22,129 --> 00:04:24,529 Been looking forward to this all day. 99 00:04:24,531 --> 00:04:25,931 Excited, too, I am. 100 00:04:25,933 --> 00:04:27,599 Now you're talking like yoda. 101 00:04:27,601 --> 00:04:29,268 Say something cool. 102 00:04:29,270 --> 00:04:32,604 Doesn't nancy kerrigan make you guys want to puke? 103 00:04:32,606 --> 00:04:33,805 Uh... 104 00:04:33,807 --> 00:04:35,540 I thought we could watch this tonight. 105 00:04:35,542 --> 00:04:36,942 "big city honeys." 106 00:04:36,944 --> 00:04:39,010 It was my favorite show when I was a kid. 107 00:04:39,012 --> 00:04:42,013 Never heard of it. Me neither, but growing up, my parents only let me watch 108 00:04:42,015 --> 00:04:44,283 Christian shows and pro wrestling. 109 00:04:46,287 --> 00:04:49,354 ♪ when I'm about to go crazy ♪ 110 00:04:49,356 --> 00:04:51,690 ♪ 'cause I'm still living here ♪ 111 00:04:51,692 --> 00:04:53,959 ♪ I just get my friends together ♪ 112 00:04:53,961 --> 00:04:56,295 ♪ and we dance, dance, dance ♪ 113 00:04:56,297 --> 00:05:01,032 So, kendra is uptight, lexi is a total party girl, 114 00:05:01,034 --> 00:05:03,635 And max is just like, you know, out there. 115 00:05:03,637 --> 00:05:05,236 Voice: You're over-explaining. 116 00:05:05,238 --> 00:05:08,239 Their landlord, mr. Orlando, is always in their business, 117 00:05:08,241 --> 00:05:09,775 Along with their goofball neighbor, 118 00:05:09,777 --> 00:05:12,778 Edgar queefinski, or queef for short. 119 00:05:12,780 --> 00:05:13,979 Oh, there's queef. 120 00:05:13,981 --> 00:05:15,714 Stop saying queef! 121 00:05:15,716 --> 00:05:18,517 I can't have my head stuck in a pickle jar. 122 00:05:18,519 --> 00:05:20,919 I have a date tonight. 123 00:05:22,723 --> 00:05:24,723 It gets funnier. Voice: Liar. 124 00:05:24,725 --> 00:05:27,192 You know it doesn't get any funnier than the pickle jar. 125 00:05:27,194 --> 00:05:29,060 Your friends think you're a bozo. 126 00:05:29,062 --> 00:05:31,196 Guys, I'm not a bozo! 127 00:05:33,134 --> 00:05:34,465 I'm in a desperate situation. 128 00:05:34,467 --> 00:05:36,067 I need to talk to dr. Penguin. 129 00:05:36,069 --> 00:05:38,670 Don't you want to talk to your mother and father? 130 00:05:38,672 --> 00:05:40,071 Definitely not. Whew. 131 00:05:40,073 --> 00:05:42,273 'cause I got my own shit going on. 132 00:05:42,275 --> 00:05:44,275 You know I haven't peed in a week? 133 00:05:44,277 --> 00:05:46,277 I'm in the middle of a massage here. 134 00:05:46,279 --> 00:05:49,148 And dr. Penguin, I think, is possibly still dead. 135 00:05:49,150 --> 00:05:52,884 Oh, yeah? Well, I have a groupon. 136 00:05:52,886 --> 00:05:54,953 Tell me what's on your mind. 137 00:05:54,955 --> 00:05:57,356 I've had this judgmental voice of self-doubt 138 00:05:57,358 --> 00:05:59,224 In my head my whole life, 139 00:05:59,226 --> 00:06:02,427 But now it's gotten so constant I'm doubting everything. 140 00:06:02,429 --> 00:06:04,830 Voice: No, you're not. [ growls ] 141 00:06:04,832 --> 00:06:06,165 I see. 142 00:06:06,167 --> 00:06:08,700 I do, of course, have a tried and true therapy 143 00:06:08,702 --> 00:06:11,102 For this situation that's never been tested. 144 00:06:11,104 --> 00:06:14,305 I will try anything to get this voice out of my head. 145 00:06:14,307 --> 00:06:17,176 Fantastic. Get ready for a little hiv -- 146 00:06:17,178 --> 00:06:19,578 High-intensity visualization. 147 00:06:19,580 --> 00:06:21,046 Wow. You know, I guess I'm just terrible 148 00:06:21,048 --> 00:06:22,581 At naming everything now. 149 00:06:22,583 --> 00:06:25,917 Okay. This should only be done by a trained therapist. 150 00:06:25,919 --> 00:06:27,386 Otherwise, you'll get aids -- 151 00:06:27,388 --> 00:06:31,056 Automatic intense de-visualization syndrome. 152 00:06:34,327 --> 00:06:36,862 Let's get this critical voice out of your head 153 00:06:36,864 --> 00:06:38,797 And into that painting. 154 00:06:38,799 --> 00:06:40,799 This is never going to work. 155 00:06:40,801 --> 00:06:42,534 Start taking deep breaths. 156 00:06:42,536 --> 00:06:44,002 In and out. 157 00:06:44,004 --> 00:06:46,137 Take in the painting in front of you 158 00:06:46,139 --> 00:06:48,874 And rid yourself of your critical voice. 159 00:06:48,876 --> 00:06:50,475 Send it away. 160 00:06:50,477 --> 00:06:53,612 I send it away. 161 00:06:53,614 --> 00:06:55,014 Away into the painting. 162 00:06:55,016 --> 00:06:56,415 That horrible critic. 163 00:06:56,417 --> 00:06:59,084 It's made every day of my life worse. 164 00:06:59,086 --> 00:07:01,420 I did teach you how to masturbate correctly. 165 00:07:01,422 --> 00:07:03,021 Shut up. I was doing fine. 166 00:07:03,023 --> 00:07:05,490 You were rubbing your belly button. 167 00:07:05,492 --> 00:07:06,357 It felt good. 168 00:07:06,359 --> 00:07:07,959 Guys, can we focus here? 169 00:07:07,961 --> 00:07:10,229 Never to be heard from again! 170 00:07:10,231 --> 00:07:13,498 I send you into the painting! 171 00:07:13,500 --> 00:07:15,334 [ fading ] this'll never work. 172 00:07:20,908 --> 00:07:22,040 I don't hear it. 173 00:07:22,042 --> 00:07:25,110 Wait. I should get bangs. 174 00:07:25,112 --> 00:07:27,112 Nothing! It's gone! 175 00:07:27,114 --> 00:07:30,115 Thank you, dr. Penguin. 176 00:07:30,117 --> 00:07:32,050 Dr. Penguin, a great name. 177 00:07:32,052 --> 00:07:35,654 Well, back to being rub rub. 178 00:07:35,656 --> 00:07:38,257 [ crack! ] aaaaah! 179 00:07:38,259 --> 00:07:40,125 Sorry I had to run off like that. 180 00:07:40,127 --> 00:07:42,461 No problem. We have our phones. 181 00:07:42,463 --> 00:07:45,264 It's nice to have some time to just enjoy our phones. 182 00:07:45,266 --> 00:07:47,799 Cow: Moo! 183 00:07:47,801 --> 00:07:50,869 What was that? 184 00:07:50,871 --> 00:07:52,471 Hey, girl. 185 00:07:52,473 --> 00:07:54,539 I sent you into the painting. Why are you a cow? 186 00:07:54,541 --> 00:07:56,341 There was a cow in the painting. 187 00:07:56,343 --> 00:07:59,144 Oh, by the way, I heard you were thinking of getting bangs. 188 00:07:59,146 --> 00:08:01,413 You're going to look so stupid. 189 00:08:03,751 --> 00:08:05,483 [ pounding on door ] 190 00:08:05,485 --> 00:08:07,953 So nice to be out of your dumb head. 191 00:08:07,955 --> 00:08:09,354 I'm a cow. 192 00:08:09,356 --> 00:08:12,958 Check out my sweet little boobies. 193 00:08:12,960 --> 00:08:14,292 What? 194 00:08:14,294 --> 00:08:15,693 Your visualization therapy gave me a cow 195 00:08:15,695 --> 00:08:16,895 That only I can see. 196 00:08:16,897 --> 00:08:18,430 Huh, weird. 197 00:08:18,432 --> 00:08:21,900 If only you can see the cow, just ignore it. 198 00:08:21,902 --> 00:08:23,168 Tickle. Door. 199 00:08:23,170 --> 00:08:25,037 You know what? He's right. 200 00:08:25,039 --> 00:08:26,905 I'll just ignore you. 201 00:08:26,907 --> 00:08:28,106 You can't ignore me. 202 00:08:28,108 --> 00:08:30,508 I'm not a diarrhea sign at a public pool! 203 00:08:30,510 --> 00:08:33,378 Who wants to play "frontiers of finkel"? 204 00:08:33,380 --> 00:08:35,380 What? "frontiers of finkel." 205 00:08:35,382 --> 00:08:38,650 It's a board game where you colonize an alien planet. 206 00:08:38,652 --> 00:08:40,786 Hayley, why have you been acting so strange? 207 00:08:40,788 --> 00:08:43,055 And why do you keep running out of the room? 208 00:08:43,057 --> 00:08:45,657 These are solid questions, hayley. 209 00:08:45,659 --> 00:08:48,060 Is this a girls' night or an interrogation? 210 00:08:48,062 --> 00:08:49,795 The only question you guys should be asking 211 00:08:49,797 --> 00:08:51,863 Is what space guild you want to join! 212 00:08:51,865 --> 00:08:53,398 Look at their faces. 213 00:08:53,400 --> 00:08:56,334 Clearly wondering why they ever became friends with you. 214 00:08:56,336 --> 00:08:58,203 Everybody grab five resource tokens. 215 00:08:58,205 --> 00:08:59,938 No, danuta, those are energy coins. 216 00:08:59,940 --> 00:09:01,339 Nerfer, those are moon doubloons. 217 00:09:01,341 --> 00:09:04,075 You wish you could use those this round. 218 00:09:04,077 --> 00:09:08,213 What's this? Uh, a half-eaten weed gummy. 219 00:09:08,215 --> 00:09:10,148 "after a thousand-year journey, 220 00:09:10,150 --> 00:09:12,550 Welcome to planet finkel, space colonists!" 221 00:09:12,552 --> 00:09:15,153 Okay, first step is an audit of assets. 222 00:09:15,155 --> 00:09:17,222 Ooh! Shut up! 223 00:09:17,224 --> 00:09:19,090 Is everything okay? 224 00:09:19,092 --> 00:09:20,358 I have to go to the bathroom. 225 00:09:20,360 --> 00:09:22,094 They think you're taking a huge dump. 226 00:09:22,096 --> 00:09:23,695 I have to take a tiny dump! 227 00:09:23,697 --> 00:09:26,432 That sounds way worse! 228 00:09:26,434 --> 00:09:31,236 [ laughter ] 229 00:09:31,238 --> 00:09:34,105 Guys, I think we might be feeling the effects 230 00:09:34,107 --> 00:09:35,641 Of that open can of goop off! 231 00:09:35,643 --> 00:09:38,176 I'll close it up. But before I do, 232 00:09:38,178 --> 00:09:41,046 I just want to say that you guys are the best friends 233 00:09:41,048 --> 00:09:44,249 I've ever had in my life. 234 00:09:44,251 --> 00:09:48,587 Can anyone else hear their brain cells dying? 235 00:09:52,192 --> 00:09:55,060 I can't remember why I'm up here. 236 00:09:55,062 --> 00:09:59,131 [ laughter ] 237 00:09:59,133 --> 00:10:01,867 Baby blue vw beetle? 238 00:10:01,869 --> 00:10:03,268 [ sniffs ] 239 00:10:03,270 --> 00:10:07,339 Empress by sean john perfume? 240 00:10:07,341 --> 00:10:09,274 Danuta walking around? 241 00:10:09,276 --> 00:10:11,076 That can only be danuta! 242 00:10:11,078 --> 00:10:12,478 Danuta! 243 00:10:12,480 --> 00:10:15,947 Yeah. She and that hottie nerfer are here tonight. 244 00:10:15,949 --> 00:10:17,015 I have to get out of here. 245 00:10:17,017 --> 00:10:18,416 I need to tell her something. 246 00:10:18,418 --> 00:10:20,886 Then, damn it, we'll get you out of here. 247 00:10:20,888 --> 00:10:22,354 We're the shed boys. 248 00:10:22,356 --> 00:10:24,156 We'll do anything for each other. 249 00:10:24,158 --> 00:10:26,558 Can we tell each other anything? 250 00:10:26,560 --> 00:10:27,959 Hell, yeah. 251 00:10:27,961 --> 00:10:31,563 I've been eating the kingsford charcoal briquets, 252 00:10:31,565 --> 00:10:34,966 And I like them. 253 00:10:34,968 --> 00:10:37,169 All: Shed boys! 254 00:10:37,171 --> 00:10:39,971 [ coughs ] 255 00:10:39,973 --> 00:10:41,573 You know, despite you being here, 256 00:10:41,575 --> 00:10:43,641 I think the night is going pretty well. 257 00:10:43,643 --> 00:10:46,978 Hayley, I have four stomachs, and even I can't swallow that. 258 00:10:46,980 --> 00:10:49,114 Who cares if your friendship is over? 259 00:10:49,116 --> 00:10:50,315 You got me! 260 00:10:50,317 --> 00:10:52,117 But I'd like to blow you up with dynamite. 261 00:10:52,119 --> 00:10:54,186 Oh, wait. I know how to save the night! 262 00:10:54,188 --> 00:10:55,587 I got three m-80s. 263 00:10:55,589 --> 00:10:57,122 Let's throw one in the block of cheese 264 00:10:57,124 --> 00:11:00,726 And class this bish up with some fondue. 265 00:11:00,728 --> 00:11:01,860 They're gone. 266 00:11:01,862 --> 00:11:03,328 Screw them, hayley. 267 00:11:03,330 --> 00:11:07,065 Let's go outside and swat flies from our asses. 268 00:11:07,067 --> 00:11:08,200 Danuta texted. 269 00:11:08,202 --> 00:11:09,535 "sorry, hayley. We took off. 270 00:11:09,537 --> 00:11:11,537 Seems like you're going through something. 271 00:11:11,539 --> 00:11:13,071 Peace out." 272 00:11:13,073 --> 00:11:16,474 And then nerfer sent a gif of deadpool waving goodbye. 273 00:11:16,476 --> 00:11:18,610 Okay, eating all those cheeseburgers 274 00:11:18,612 --> 00:11:20,478 Did nothing for my carpal tunnel. 275 00:11:20,480 --> 00:11:22,480 Should we maybe just go? No. 276 00:11:22,482 --> 00:11:24,750 I promised you a massage, and you're getting one. 277 00:11:24,752 --> 00:11:28,887 Stan, you will massage francine while I expertly coach. 278 00:11:28,889 --> 00:11:31,223 The most important thing is that the massage 279 00:11:31,225 --> 00:11:33,425 Cannot get sexual in any way. 280 00:11:33,427 --> 00:11:36,628 Now, let me put on some relaxing spa music. 281 00:11:37,097 --> 00:11:40,265 [ slow r&b music plays ] 282 00:11:44,638 --> 00:11:49,241 Under no circumstances should you be aroused by this. 283 00:11:49,243 --> 00:11:51,276 Almost forgot the oil. 284 00:11:53,713 --> 00:11:55,847 Aaaah! 285 00:11:55,849 --> 00:12:00,652 ♪♪ 286 00:12:00,654 --> 00:12:02,988 That's good, stan, but forget the shoulders 287 00:12:02,990 --> 00:12:04,256 And focus on her butt. 288 00:12:04,258 --> 00:12:05,857 Well, get in there. Don't be shy. 289 00:12:05,859 --> 00:12:07,325 Really knead that ass. 290 00:12:07,327 --> 00:12:08,994 Think pizza dough. 291 00:12:08,996 --> 00:12:11,930 Mm. Ohh. 292 00:12:11,932 --> 00:12:15,000 Ohh. Oh, yeah. 293 00:12:15,002 --> 00:12:16,401 You can't bang her, stan. 294 00:12:16,403 --> 00:12:18,404 That kind of thing doesn't fly at this spa. 295 00:12:18,406 --> 00:12:19,938 Alright, turn over. 296 00:12:19,940 --> 00:12:21,473 Let's work the knots out of those breasts. 297 00:12:21,475 --> 00:12:22,674 What should we do now? 298 00:12:22,676 --> 00:12:25,277 Maybe see what some of your exes are up to? 299 00:12:25,279 --> 00:12:26,878 What's the deal with reginald? 300 00:12:26,880 --> 00:12:28,947 Are we going to talk about how you slept with a koala? 301 00:12:28,949 --> 00:12:30,548 I can't take this anymore! 302 00:12:30,550 --> 00:12:32,284 That's it. I'm getting rid of you. 303 00:12:32,286 --> 00:12:33,751 Uh, good luck, girl. 304 00:12:33,753 --> 00:12:35,621 I'm your cow. Not for long. 305 00:12:35,623 --> 00:12:37,823 If I got you through visualization therapy, 306 00:12:37,825 --> 00:12:39,625 I can use it to get rid of you. 307 00:12:41,561 --> 00:12:43,762 Uh, didn't dr. Penguin say not to do this 308 00:12:43,764 --> 00:12:45,230 Without a trained professional? 309 00:12:45,232 --> 00:12:47,800 I like that you're nervous about this. 310 00:12:49,903 --> 00:12:51,503 I send this cow -- 311 00:12:51,505 --> 00:12:53,772 Danuta! Where is she? 312 00:12:53,774 --> 00:12:55,573 Klaus has something important to tell her! 313 00:12:55,575 --> 00:12:57,909 She's got to be in here somewhere! 314 00:12:57,911 --> 00:12:59,911 Tear this place apart! 315 00:12:59,913 --> 00:13:02,914 [ punk music plays ] 316 00:13:02,916 --> 00:13:09,521 ♪♪ 317 00:13:09,523 --> 00:13:10,856 She's not here! 318 00:13:10,858 --> 00:13:11,990 She's not here! 319 00:13:11,992 --> 00:13:13,258 She couldn't have gotten far. 320 00:13:13,260 --> 00:13:14,860 We have to find her! 321 00:13:14,862 --> 00:13:17,262 Steve: I see her! No, that's greg. 322 00:13:17,264 --> 00:13:19,665 Hey, newsman, have you seen danuta? 323 00:13:19,667 --> 00:13:21,467 Greg: Who? Danuta! 324 00:13:21,469 --> 00:13:22,801 What are you, new here? 325 00:13:22,803 --> 00:13:23,735 There's tracks! 326 00:13:23,737 --> 00:13:26,204 Those are danuta's paws, for sure. 327 00:13:26,206 --> 00:13:27,605 And it leads right to -- 328 00:13:27,607 --> 00:13:30,208 [ chittering ] raccoon! 329 00:13:30,210 --> 00:13:32,210 [ screaming ] 330 00:13:32,212 --> 00:13:34,680 [ rogu laughs ] 331 00:13:34,682 --> 00:13:37,082 [ sighs ] I wish I could just be in the show. 332 00:13:37,084 --> 00:13:39,017 That's all I ever really wanted -- 333 00:13:39,019 --> 00:13:42,420 To have best friends who love me, no matter what. 334 00:13:42,422 --> 00:13:44,956 I want to be a big city honey. 335 00:13:44,958 --> 00:13:54,232 ♪♪ 336 00:13:54,234 --> 00:13:56,301 Am I... Late for breakfast? 337 00:13:56,303 --> 00:13:57,969 Yeah, hayley, you are. 338 00:13:57,971 --> 00:13:59,371 But I get it. 339 00:13:59,373 --> 00:14:02,441 Max is trying to cook again. 340 00:14:05,445 --> 00:14:08,380 Breakfast is served. 341 00:14:08,382 --> 00:14:11,249 [ laughter ] 342 00:14:11,251 --> 00:14:14,786 [ applause ] 343 00:14:14,788 --> 00:14:16,521 Yeah! 344 00:14:16,523 --> 00:14:18,790 ♪ when I'm about to go crazy ♪ 345 00:14:18,792 --> 00:14:20,859 ♪ 'cause I'm still living here ♪ 346 00:14:20,861 --> 00:14:22,728 ♪ I just get my friends together ♪ 347 00:14:22,730 --> 00:14:25,864 ♪ and we dance, dance, dance ♪ 348 00:14:25,866 --> 00:14:28,533 ♪ if this is the fate of the world ♪ 349 00:14:28,535 --> 00:14:31,803 ♪ this is the fate of the world ♪ 350 00:14:31,805 --> 00:14:34,673 Hey, I'm not that bad of a cook. 351 00:14:34,675 --> 00:14:38,944 Your food gives my heartburn heartburn. 352 00:14:38,946 --> 00:14:40,011 Hello, 911? 353 00:14:40,013 --> 00:14:42,614 I'd like to report a bad frittata. 354 00:14:44,351 --> 00:14:46,151 Well, my life is over. 355 00:14:46,153 --> 00:14:50,155 I just ran into my boss while I was doing the walk of shame. 356 00:14:50,157 --> 00:14:51,490 Lexi, are you part camel? 357 00:14:51,492 --> 00:14:54,693 Because you sure love to hump. 358 00:14:54,695 --> 00:14:56,628 Yeah. You've had more plan bs 359 00:14:56,630 --> 00:15:00,365 Than an over-prepared scout leader. 360 00:15:00,367 --> 00:15:02,301 All I know is I need a daiquiri. 361 00:15:02,303 --> 00:15:04,570 I'll take one, too. 362 00:15:06,907 --> 00:15:09,308 Queef, you know we have a door. 363 00:15:09,310 --> 00:15:11,176 Yeah, but you lock your door. 364 00:15:11,178 --> 00:15:13,312 Exacta-mundo! 365 00:15:13,314 --> 00:15:14,646 It's almost summer. 366 00:15:14,648 --> 00:15:16,648 Who wants to help me with my manscaping? 367 00:15:16,650 --> 00:15:19,451 I need to trim down the winter bush. 368 00:15:21,188 --> 00:15:24,656 Razor? Try a weed whacker. 369 00:15:24,658 --> 00:15:26,591 God, I love being here. 370 00:15:26,593 --> 00:15:28,794 You know, I used to think there was something wrong with me, 371 00:15:28,796 --> 00:15:30,729 And I could never keep any of my friends. 372 00:15:30,731 --> 00:15:34,465 But being here makes me see that I was never the problem. 373 00:15:34,467 --> 00:15:37,068 Uh, over-share much? 374 00:15:37,070 --> 00:15:38,870 [ pounding on door ] 375 00:15:38,872 --> 00:15:40,271 It's probably my date. 376 00:15:40,273 --> 00:15:42,808 Hayley, get the door. 377 00:15:42,810 --> 00:15:44,543 Moo. 378 00:15:46,147 --> 00:15:48,013 Geez, hayley. 379 00:15:48,015 --> 00:15:50,549 Rude much? 380 00:15:50,551 --> 00:15:53,352 Everyone, this is my cow. 381 00:15:53,354 --> 00:15:54,486 Holy cow! 382 00:15:54,488 --> 00:15:57,756 This is "udder" madness! 383 00:15:57,758 --> 00:16:00,091 Personally, I prefer louis vuitton 384 00:16:00,093 --> 00:16:02,061 To emotional baggage. 385 00:16:04,097 --> 00:16:06,297 Mr. Orlando: What is going on in there? 386 00:16:06,299 --> 00:16:07,566 Mr. Orlando! 387 00:16:07,568 --> 00:16:09,368 There's no pets allowed in the building. 388 00:16:09,370 --> 00:16:12,103 If we get evicted, I'll lose you all! 389 00:16:12,105 --> 00:16:13,304 Whoa! 390 00:16:13,306 --> 00:16:16,508 Someone forgot her chill pill this morning. 391 00:16:16,510 --> 00:16:17,709 Everyone shut up! 392 00:16:17,711 --> 00:16:20,111 This is serious! I am not [bleep] around. 393 00:16:20,113 --> 00:16:21,646 Do I look like I am [bleep] around? 394 00:16:21,648 --> 00:16:23,782 Because I assure you, I am not. 395 00:16:23,784 --> 00:16:25,584 Hayley, are you part witch? 396 00:16:25,586 --> 00:16:28,187 Because you love to curse. 397 00:16:28,189 --> 00:16:31,690 Why is everyone acting like this is some joke? 398 00:16:32,926 --> 00:16:34,659 I told you this was a bad idea. 399 00:16:34,661 --> 00:16:37,462 I am not going to let you screw this up for me. 400 00:16:37,464 --> 00:16:38,997 You can't hide me forever, hayley. 401 00:16:38,999 --> 00:16:42,768 I may sleep standing up, but I won't stand for this. 402 00:16:44,271 --> 00:16:45,604 [ chuckles ] 403 00:16:45,606 --> 00:16:47,806 You girls think I'm pretty dumb. 404 00:16:47,808 --> 00:16:51,743 Well, something's going on in here, and I know what it is. 405 00:16:51,745 --> 00:16:55,146 You girls are flushing tampons again! 406 00:16:55,148 --> 00:16:58,750 Geez, mr. Orlando, what is with you and tampons? 407 00:16:58,752 --> 00:17:01,553 I've been unhappily married for 30 years, 408 00:17:01,555 --> 00:17:04,355 So I think I know women, 409 00:17:04,357 --> 00:17:07,759 And they love flushing tampons! 410 00:17:07,761 --> 00:17:09,494 [ clattering ] 411 00:17:09,496 --> 00:17:11,496 What was that? 412 00:17:11,498 --> 00:17:12,964 Get real, buddy. 413 00:17:12,966 --> 00:17:14,433 You're not getting into that bathroom. 414 00:17:14,435 --> 00:17:17,035 Not without a goddamn warrant. 415 00:17:17,037 --> 00:17:19,838 I actually think I saw a tampon in this bucket. 416 00:17:19,840 --> 00:17:21,874 You did? Let me see! 417 00:17:28,715 --> 00:17:30,649 See? Nothing going on in there. 418 00:17:30,651 --> 00:17:32,383 Cow: Moo. [ thudding ] 419 00:17:32,385 --> 00:17:33,718 What is that racket? 420 00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:35,120 Nothing. 421 00:17:35,122 --> 00:17:36,989 And whatever it is, I'm trying to repress it. 422 00:17:38,459 --> 00:17:41,393 Moo! 423 00:17:41,395 --> 00:17:42,527 Damn! 424 00:17:42,529 --> 00:17:45,097 That cow is yoked! 425 00:17:46,467 --> 00:17:48,199 Aah! 426 00:17:48,201 --> 00:17:49,868 Aah! 427 00:17:49,870 --> 00:17:51,603 I married the wrong cow. 428 00:17:51,605 --> 00:17:54,873 My wife never gives me head. 429 00:17:54,875 --> 00:17:57,342 You can't hide me anymore! 430 00:17:57,344 --> 00:18:01,613 You're fighting a losing battle with your cattle! 431 00:18:01,615 --> 00:18:03,682 I can't believe you ruined this! 432 00:18:03,684 --> 00:18:05,350 This was my dream! 433 00:18:05,352 --> 00:18:07,018 You ruin everything! 434 00:18:07,020 --> 00:18:09,554 You're the reason I've never been able to keep friends! 435 00:18:09,556 --> 00:18:11,756 I hate you! 436 00:18:11,758 --> 00:18:14,927 [ crying ] 437 00:18:15,763 --> 00:18:17,362 What the hell is going on here? 438 00:18:17,364 --> 00:18:20,765 Hayley, I warned you not to do that therapy without me. 439 00:18:20,767 --> 00:18:22,233 Why is the cow crying? 440 00:18:22,235 --> 00:18:24,903 Probably a knicks fan. 441 00:18:24,905 --> 00:18:27,506 Okay, that's hilarious. And true. 442 00:18:27,508 --> 00:18:29,508 The knicks are terrible. I think. 443 00:18:29,510 --> 00:18:31,376 I-I don't really follow the sport. 444 00:18:31,378 --> 00:18:32,911 If indeed it is a sport. 445 00:18:32,913 --> 00:18:34,779 Roger, why are you here? 446 00:18:34,781 --> 00:18:36,581 I'm here to help you, hayley. 447 00:18:36,583 --> 00:18:37,783 Don't you see? 448 00:18:37,785 --> 00:18:39,584 By trying to hide your negative thoughts, 449 00:18:39,586 --> 00:18:41,320 You only made your cow bigger. 450 00:18:41,322 --> 00:18:43,455 Why did you ever think that you could get rid 451 00:18:43,457 --> 00:18:44,723 Of something that is a part of you? 452 00:18:44,725 --> 00:18:46,325 You told me I could! 453 00:18:46,327 --> 00:18:47,793 It was your therapy! 454 00:18:47,795 --> 00:18:49,260 Paid for with a groupon. 455 00:18:49,262 --> 00:18:51,330 [ sighs ] what do I need to do to fix this mess? 456 00:18:51,332 --> 00:18:55,466 Hayley, your cow is only trying to protect you. 457 00:18:55,468 --> 00:18:57,002 It's true. 458 00:18:57,004 --> 00:19:00,472 Instead of hiding, ignoring, or fighting with your cow, 459 00:19:00,474 --> 00:19:01,940 You need to accept it. 460 00:19:01,942 --> 00:19:03,942 You can't make those negative thoughts go away. 461 00:19:03,944 --> 00:19:07,212 But you can learn to acknowledge them and let them pass. 462 00:19:07,214 --> 00:19:10,415 Love your cow, but don't let it control you. 463 00:19:10,417 --> 00:19:12,083 Being a big city honey 464 00:19:12,085 --> 00:19:14,686 Means embracing every part of yourself. 465 00:19:14,688 --> 00:19:16,421 Lady, I got this. 466 00:19:16,423 --> 00:19:19,158 Smooch your cow. 467 00:19:19,160 --> 00:19:20,425 Ew, gross! 468 00:19:20,427 --> 00:19:22,027 I was joking. 469 00:19:22,029 --> 00:19:24,429 You didn't really need to do that, but it was hilarious. 470 00:19:24,431 --> 00:19:26,065 Come on. Time to go. 471 00:19:29,170 --> 00:19:31,570 Whoa, that was intense. 472 00:19:31,572 --> 00:19:33,705 Thanks, dr. P. No problemo, hayley, 473 00:19:33,707 --> 00:19:36,775 But next time we go into a show, can it be "silver spoons"? 474 00:19:36,777 --> 00:19:39,044 I want to ride that little train. 475 00:19:39,046 --> 00:19:41,713 Ooh, cheese and brita water. 476 00:19:41,715 --> 00:19:42,848 Were you having the queen over? 477 00:19:42,850 --> 00:19:44,183 That reminds me, I should go. 478 00:19:44,185 --> 00:19:46,718 I need to make things right with my friends. 479 00:19:46,720 --> 00:19:48,320 Cool. 480 00:19:50,657 --> 00:19:51,723 Back to work. 481 00:19:51,725 --> 00:19:53,324 -Mm. -Mm. 482 00:19:53,326 --> 00:19:54,526 Oh, yeah. 483 00:19:54,528 --> 00:19:55,994 Oh! 484 00:19:55,996 --> 00:19:58,730 Well, rub rub tuggington's business is ruined. 485 00:19:58,732 --> 00:20:00,199 Might as well watch. 486 00:20:00,201 --> 00:20:02,401 You know what? The name's kind of growing on me. 487 00:20:02,403 --> 00:20:03,668 Can you leave, roger? 488 00:20:03,670 --> 00:20:05,336 How about instead of leaving, 489 00:20:05,338 --> 00:20:08,139 We have a race to see who can finish first. 490 00:20:08,141 --> 00:20:09,908 You're on! 491 00:20:13,947 --> 00:20:16,681 Hey. I'm so sorry that I ruined our night. 492 00:20:16,683 --> 00:20:19,818 I was just so nervous because I-I like you guys so much, 493 00:20:19,820 --> 00:20:21,152 And I think you're so cool and -- 494 00:20:21,154 --> 00:20:23,488 Voice: Whoa. Slow down there, girl. 495 00:20:23,490 --> 00:20:25,624 Let me slow down. 496 00:20:25,626 --> 00:20:28,760 I guess you could say I got a little too in my own head. 497 00:20:28,762 --> 00:20:30,629 Hayley, you don't have to be nervous 498 00:20:30,631 --> 00:20:32,163 Or apologize for being weird. 499 00:20:32,165 --> 00:20:34,700 Yeah. You have a husband and a job. 500 00:20:34,702 --> 00:20:37,836 We think you're the one who's got it all figured out. 501 00:20:37,838 --> 00:20:40,371 Really? Wow! I had no idea! 502 00:20:40,373 --> 00:20:42,641 Klaus: Danuta! 503 00:20:42,643 --> 00:20:45,176 Danuta! Danuta! 504 00:20:45,178 --> 00:20:49,514 I have to tell you something, danuta! 505 00:20:49,516 --> 00:20:50,582 What? 506 00:20:50,584 --> 00:20:52,117 What is it, klaus? 507 00:20:52,119 --> 00:20:56,455 Uhhhh... 508 00:20:56,457 --> 00:20:58,457 Hey. 509 00:20:58,459 --> 00:21:00,292 Bye-bye. See you soon.