1
00:00:02,669 --> 00:00:04,336
Who wants cheese?
2
00:00:04,338 --> 00:00:05,738
Our plate and knife
are dirty,
3
00:00:05,740 --> 00:00:07,739
So you'll have to just
nibble off the block.
4
00:00:07,741 --> 00:00:11,743
Dang, brita filtered water
and now a big cheese?
5
00:00:11,745 --> 00:00:13,678
You two really have it
all figured out.
6
00:00:13,680 --> 00:00:15,280
But I feel bad
we always hang here,
7
00:00:15,282 --> 00:00:18,016
So maybe tomorrow night
we could do a girls' night
8
00:00:18,018 --> 00:00:19,284
At my apartment.
9
00:00:19,286 --> 00:00:20,419
Apartment?
10
00:00:20,421 --> 00:00:21,820
Don't you live at home
with your parents?
11
00:00:21,822 --> 00:00:25,223
No, I meant I was apart
from them,
12
00:00:25,225 --> 00:00:27,359
An a-part-ment.
13
00:00:27,361 --> 00:00:28,693
Get it?
14
00:00:28,695 --> 00:00:32,030
I can put anything I want up
on my walls.
15
00:00:32,032 --> 00:00:34,366
With pushpins. I'm --
I'm not allowed to use nails.
16
00:00:34,368 --> 00:00:36,969
Voice: You sound like an idiot
right now.
17
00:00:36,971 --> 00:00:39,504
A girls' night sounds great.
We're in.
18
00:00:39,506 --> 00:00:40,773
Cool beans!
19
00:00:40,775 --> 00:00:42,307
Voice: "cool beans?"
20
00:00:42,309 --> 00:00:44,877
What the [bleep]
is cool about beans?
21
00:00:47,648 --> 00:00:50,315
♪ good morning, usa ♪
22
00:00:50,317 --> 00:00:53,852
♪ I got a feeling that it's
going to be a wonderful day ♪
23
00:00:53,854 --> 00:00:56,989
♪ the sun in the sky
has a smile on his face ♪
24
00:00:56,991 --> 00:01:00,726
♪ and he's shining a salute
to the american race ♪
25
00:01:03,597 --> 00:01:06,899
♪ oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪
26
00:01:07,066 --> 00:01:09,568
♪ good morning, usa ♪
27
00:01:11,338 --> 00:01:14,907
♪ good morning, usa ♪
28
00:01:19,346 --> 00:01:21,413
There. I think I'm ready
for girls night.
29
00:01:21,415 --> 00:01:23,147
Voice: Oh, I'm sure
they won't notice
30
00:01:23,149 --> 00:01:24,883
Your dining table
is your childhood bed.
31
00:01:24,885 --> 00:01:27,019
[ growls ]
babe, you okay?
32
00:01:27,021 --> 00:01:29,221
You're growling
more than normal.
33
00:01:29,223 --> 00:01:30,755
It's just -- okay.
34
00:01:30,757 --> 00:01:32,557
You know how when
you're nervous, you hear,
35
00:01:32,559 --> 00:01:35,227
Like, a little judgmental voice
in your head?
36
00:01:35,229 --> 00:01:36,761
Maybe.
37
00:01:36,763 --> 00:01:38,763
I'm trying to get better
at reading your moods.
38
00:01:38,765 --> 00:01:41,566
You're either stressed
or horny.
39
00:01:41,568 --> 00:01:42,767
Stressed.
40
00:01:42,769 --> 00:01:44,036
Aw, shucks.
41
00:01:44,038 --> 00:01:47,172
Why is this night
so important to you?
42
00:01:47,174 --> 00:01:48,106
Settle in, jeff.
43
00:01:48,108 --> 00:01:49,241
When I was a kid,
44
00:01:49,243 --> 00:01:51,776
"big city honeys"
was my favorite show.
45
00:01:51,778 --> 00:01:54,847
The "honeys" are young women
living together in the city.
46
00:01:54,849 --> 00:01:56,515
I always imagined
that when I grew up,
47
00:01:56,517 --> 00:01:58,183
I would be
just like them --
48
00:01:58,185 --> 00:02:00,919
Living in the big city,
falling in and out of love,
49
00:02:00,921 --> 00:02:03,455
But always having the support
of my fellow honeys
50
00:02:03,457 --> 00:02:04,723
When I needed it.
51
00:02:04,725 --> 00:02:06,859
But until I met
nerfer and danuta,
52
00:02:06,861 --> 00:02:09,461
I never had
real girlfriends.
53
00:02:09,463 --> 00:02:10,995
That's a sad.
54
00:02:10,997 --> 00:02:12,731
I just need to make sure
there's nothing embarrassing
55
00:02:12,733 --> 00:02:16,801
In the house
that could ruin the night.
56
00:02:16,803 --> 00:02:20,539
Wait till snot sees
my washboard abs.
57
00:02:20,541 --> 00:02:25,610
Steve, do you still have
those freckles on your wrists?
58
00:02:25,612 --> 00:02:27,746
Ah!
59
00:02:27,748 --> 00:02:29,214
Check it out.
60
00:02:29,216 --> 00:02:33,151
We're making rogu a girlfriend
out of canned pork.
61
00:02:33,153 --> 00:02:36,722
Meet spam anderson.
62
00:02:39,493 --> 00:02:40,559
Look!
63
00:02:40,561 --> 00:02:42,627
The boogerman!
64
00:02:42,629 --> 00:02:50,569
♪♪
65
00:02:50,571 --> 00:02:52,571
The boogerman.
66
00:02:52,573 --> 00:02:54,106
[ rogu laughs ]
67
00:02:58,311 --> 00:03:00,645
Love it when the house
is peaceful like this.
68
00:03:00,647 --> 00:03:02,781
Thank you for putting
those turkeys in the shed.
69
00:03:02,783 --> 00:03:04,983
We have
big plans tonight.
70
00:03:04,985 --> 00:03:08,053
Roger is opening a fancy
new spa in the attic,
71
00:03:08,055 --> 00:03:10,922
And we're going to be
his first customers.
72
00:03:10,924 --> 00:03:13,324
Who's ready for a two-hour
couples massage?
73
00:03:13,326 --> 00:03:15,994
I'm rub rub tuggington
and I'll -- oh, wow.
74
00:03:15,996 --> 00:03:17,863
I had never said
that name out loud.
75
00:03:17,865 --> 00:03:19,998
I hate it.
Definitely going to change that.
76
00:03:20,000 --> 00:03:22,001
Awful name.
One of my worst.
77
00:03:22,003 --> 00:03:23,602
It's fine.
The name's only temporary.
78
00:03:23,604 --> 00:03:25,070
It'll be
an easy change.
79
00:03:25,072 --> 00:03:27,072
Might have to order
some new business cards.
80
00:03:27,074 --> 00:03:33,478
[ dramatic stings play ]
81
00:03:33,480 --> 00:03:37,016
My god,
it's everywhere.
82
00:03:41,354 --> 00:03:44,823
This place is supposed to be a
relaxing, professional retreat.
83
00:03:44,825 --> 00:03:46,758
The worst thing that can happen
to your spa
84
00:03:46,760 --> 00:03:48,960
Is it gets known
as a "jerk off" place.
85
00:03:48,962 --> 00:03:50,696
Okay.
Keep it together, roger.
86
00:03:50,698 --> 00:03:52,764
You mean
rub rub tuggington.
87
00:03:52,766 --> 00:03:55,166
Yes.
Thank you, francine.
88
00:03:55,168 --> 00:03:57,769
Let's forget about
this small branding snafu
89
00:03:57,771 --> 00:04:01,140
And get you two ready
for your massage.
90
00:04:02,843 --> 00:04:04,976
[ crack! ]
aaah! Aaaaah!
91
00:04:04,978 --> 00:04:06,177
Carpal tunnel.
92
00:04:06,179 --> 00:04:08,513
Rub rub tuggington,
are you okay?
93
00:04:08,515 --> 00:04:10,115
Stop saying my name!
94
00:04:12,453 --> 00:04:16,255
Tonight is the night,
and we are living it.
95
00:04:16,257 --> 00:04:18,257
Voice: Wow.
You should be a speechwriter
96
00:04:18,259 --> 00:04:20,792
For the president
of numskull island.
97
00:04:20,794 --> 00:04:22,127
Yeah, we're excited.
98
00:04:22,129 --> 00:04:24,529
Been looking forward
to this all day.
99
00:04:24,531 --> 00:04:25,931
Excited, too, I am.
100
00:04:25,933 --> 00:04:27,599
Now you're talking like yoda.
101
00:04:27,601 --> 00:04:29,268
Say something cool.
102
00:04:29,270 --> 00:04:32,604
Doesn't nancy kerrigan
make you guys want to puke?
103
00:04:32,606 --> 00:04:33,805
Uh...
104
00:04:33,807 --> 00:04:35,540
I thought we could
watch this tonight.
105
00:04:35,542 --> 00:04:36,942
"big city honeys."
106
00:04:36,944 --> 00:04:39,010
It was my favorite show
when I was a kid.
107
00:04:39,012 --> 00:04:42,013
Never heard of it.
Me neither, but growing up,
my parents only let me watch
108
00:04:42,015 --> 00:04:44,283
Christian shows
and pro wrestling.
109
00:04:46,287 --> 00:04:49,354
♪ when I'm about to go crazy ♪
110
00:04:49,356 --> 00:04:51,690
♪ 'cause I'm still
living here ♪
111
00:04:51,692 --> 00:04:53,959
♪ I just get my friends
together ♪
112
00:04:53,961 --> 00:04:56,295
♪ and we dance, dance, dance ♪
113
00:04:56,297 --> 00:05:01,032
So, kendra is uptight,
lexi is a total party girl,
114
00:05:01,034 --> 00:05:03,635
And max is just like,
you know, out there.
115
00:05:03,637 --> 00:05:05,236
Voice: You're over-explaining.
116
00:05:05,238 --> 00:05:08,239
Their landlord, mr. Orlando,
is always in their business,
117
00:05:08,241 --> 00:05:09,775
Along with their
goofball neighbor,
118
00:05:09,777 --> 00:05:12,778
Edgar queefinski,
or queef for short.
119
00:05:12,780 --> 00:05:13,979
Oh, there's queef.
120
00:05:13,981 --> 00:05:15,714
Stop saying queef!
121
00:05:15,716 --> 00:05:18,517
I can't have my head stuck
in a pickle jar.
122
00:05:18,519 --> 00:05:20,919
I have a date tonight.
123
00:05:22,723 --> 00:05:24,723
It gets funnier.
Voice: Liar.
124
00:05:24,725 --> 00:05:27,192
You know it doesn't get any
funnier than the pickle jar.
125
00:05:27,194 --> 00:05:29,060
Your friends think
you're a bozo.
126
00:05:29,062 --> 00:05:31,196
Guys,
I'm not a bozo!
127
00:05:33,134 --> 00:05:34,465
I'm in
a desperate situation.
128
00:05:34,467 --> 00:05:36,067
I need to talk
to dr. Penguin.
129
00:05:36,069 --> 00:05:38,670
Don't you want to talk
to your mother and father?
130
00:05:38,672 --> 00:05:40,071
Definitely not.
Whew.
131
00:05:40,073 --> 00:05:42,273
'cause I got my own shit
going on.
132
00:05:42,275 --> 00:05:44,275
You know I haven't peed
in a week?
133
00:05:44,277 --> 00:05:46,277
I'm in the middle
of a massage here.
134
00:05:46,279 --> 00:05:49,148
And dr. Penguin, I think,
is possibly still dead.
135
00:05:49,150 --> 00:05:52,884
Oh, yeah?
Well, I have a groupon.
136
00:05:52,886 --> 00:05:54,953
Tell me
what's on your mind.
137
00:05:54,955 --> 00:05:57,356
I've had this judgmental voice
of self-doubt
138
00:05:57,358 --> 00:05:59,224
In my head
my whole life,
139
00:05:59,226 --> 00:06:02,427
But now it's gotten so constant
I'm doubting everything.
140
00:06:02,429 --> 00:06:04,830
Voice: No, you're not.
[ growls ]
141
00:06:04,832 --> 00:06:06,165
I see.
142
00:06:06,167 --> 00:06:08,700
I do, of course, have
a tried and true therapy
143
00:06:08,702 --> 00:06:11,102
For this situation
that's never been tested.
144
00:06:11,104 --> 00:06:14,305
I will try anything to get
this voice out of my head.
145
00:06:14,307 --> 00:06:17,176
Fantastic.
Get ready for a little hiv --
146
00:06:17,178 --> 00:06:19,578
High-intensity visualization.
147
00:06:19,580 --> 00:06:21,046
Wow. You know, I guess
I'm just terrible
148
00:06:21,048 --> 00:06:22,581
At naming everything now.
149
00:06:22,583 --> 00:06:25,917
Okay. This should only be done
by a trained therapist.
150
00:06:25,919 --> 00:06:27,386
Otherwise,
you'll get aids --
151
00:06:27,388 --> 00:06:31,056
Automatic intense
de-visualization syndrome.
152
00:06:34,327 --> 00:06:36,862
Let's get this critical voice
out of your head
153
00:06:36,864 --> 00:06:38,797
And into that painting.
154
00:06:38,799 --> 00:06:40,799
This is never going to work.
155
00:06:40,801 --> 00:06:42,534
Start taking
deep breaths.
156
00:06:42,536 --> 00:06:44,002
In and out.
157
00:06:44,004 --> 00:06:46,137
Take in the painting
in front of you
158
00:06:46,139 --> 00:06:48,874
And rid yourself
of your critical voice.
159
00:06:48,876 --> 00:06:50,475
Send it away.
160
00:06:50,477 --> 00:06:53,612
I send it away.
161
00:06:53,614 --> 00:06:55,014
Away into the painting.
162
00:06:55,016 --> 00:06:56,415
That horrible critic.
163
00:06:56,417 --> 00:06:59,084
It's made every day
of my life worse.
164
00:06:59,086 --> 00:07:01,420
I did teach you how to
masturbate correctly.
165
00:07:01,422 --> 00:07:03,021
Shut up.
I was doing fine.
166
00:07:03,023 --> 00:07:05,490
You were rubbing
your belly button.
167
00:07:05,492 --> 00:07:06,357
It felt good.
168
00:07:06,359 --> 00:07:07,959
Guys,
can we focus here?
169
00:07:07,961 --> 00:07:10,229
Never to be
heard from again!
170
00:07:10,231 --> 00:07:13,498
I send you
into the painting!
171
00:07:13,500 --> 00:07:15,334
[ fading ]
this'll never work.
172
00:07:20,908 --> 00:07:22,040
I don't hear it.
173
00:07:22,042 --> 00:07:25,110
Wait.
I should get bangs.
174
00:07:25,112 --> 00:07:27,112
Nothing!
It's gone!
175
00:07:27,114 --> 00:07:30,115
Thank you,
dr. Penguin.
176
00:07:30,117 --> 00:07:32,050
Dr. Penguin,
a great name.
177
00:07:32,052 --> 00:07:35,654
Well, back to being rub rub.
178
00:07:35,656 --> 00:07:38,257
[ crack! ]
aaaaah!
179
00:07:38,259 --> 00:07:40,125
Sorry I had to run off
like that.
180
00:07:40,127 --> 00:07:42,461
No problem.
We have our phones.
181
00:07:42,463 --> 00:07:45,264
It's nice to have some time
to just enjoy our phones.
182
00:07:45,266 --> 00:07:47,799
Cow: Moo!
183
00:07:47,801 --> 00:07:50,869
What was that?
184
00:07:50,871 --> 00:07:52,471
Hey, girl.
185
00:07:52,473 --> 00:07:54,539
I sent you into the painting.
Why are you a cow?
186
00:07:54,541 --> 00:07:56,341
There was a cow
in the painting.
187
00:07:56,343 --> 00:07:59,144
Oh, by the way, I heard you were
thinking of getting bangs.
188
00:07:59,146 --> 00:08:01,413
You're going to look
so stupid.
189
00:08:03,751 --> 00:08:05,483
[ pounding on door ]
190
00:08:05,485 --> 00:08:07,953
So nice to be out
of your dumb head.
191
00:08:07,955 --> 00:08:09,354
I'm a cow.
192
00:08:09,356 --> 00:08:12,958
Check out my sweet
little boobies.
193
00:08:12,960 --> 00:08:14,292
What?
194
00:08:14,294 --> 00:08:15,693
Your visualization therapy
gave me a cow
195
00:08:15,695 --> 00:08:16,895
That only I can see.
196
00:08:16,897 --> 00:08:18,430
Huh, weird.
197
00:08:18,432 --> 00:08:21,900
If only you can see the cow,
just ignore it.
198
00:08:21,902 --> 00:08:23,168
Tickle.
Door.
199
00:08:23,170 --> 00:08:25,037
You know what?
He's right.
200
00:08:25,039 --> 00:08:26,905
I'll just ignore you.
201
00:08:26,907 --> 00:08:28,106
You can't ignore me.
202
00:08:28,108 --> 00:08:30,508
I'm not a diarrhea sign
at a public pool!
203
00:08:30,510 --> 00:08:33,378
Who wants to play
"frontiers of finkel"?
204
00:08:33,380 --> 00:08:35,380
What?
"frontiers of finkel."
205
00:08:35,382 --> 00:08:38,650
It's a board game where
you colonize an alien planet.
206
00:08:38,652 --> 00:08:40,786
Hayley, why have you been
acting so strange?
207
00:08:40,788 --> 00:08:43,055
And why do you keep
running out of the room?
208
00:08:43,057 --> 00:08:45,657
These are solid questions,
hayley.
209
00:08:45,659 --> 00:08:48,060
Is this a girls' night
or an interrogation?
210
00:08:48,062 --> 00:08:49,795
The only question you guys
should be asking
211
00:08:49,797 --> 00:08:51,863
Is what space guild
you want to join!
212
00:08:51,865 --> 00:08:53,398
Look at their faces.
213
00:08:53,400 --> 00:08:56,334
Clearly wondering why they ever
became friends with you.
214
00:08:56,336 --> 00:08:58,203
Everybody grab
five resource tokens.
215
00:08:58,205 --> 00:08:59,938
No, danuta,
those are energy coins.
216
00:08:59,940 --> 00:09:01,339
Nerfer,
those are moon doubloons.
217
00:09:01,341 --> 00:09:04,075
You wish you could use those
this round.
218
00:09:04,077 --> 00:09:08,213
What's this?
Uh, a half-eaten weed gummy.
219
00:09:08,215 --> 00:09:10,148
"after a thousand-year journey,
220
00:09:10,150 --> 00:09:12,550
Welcome to planet finkel,
space colonists!"
221
00:09:12,552 --> 00:09:15,153
Okay, first step
is an audit of assets.
222
00:09:15,155 --> 00:09:17,222
Ooh!
Shut up!
223
00:09:17,224 --> 00:09:19,090
Is everything okay?
224
00:09:19,092 --> 00:09:20,358
I have to
go to the bathroom.
225
00:09:20,360 --> 00:09:22,094
They think you're taking
a huge dump.
226
00:09:22,096 --> 00:09:23,695
I have to
take a tiny dump!
227
00:09:23,697 --> 00:09:26,432
That sounds way worse!
228
00:09:26,434 --> 00:09:31,236
[ laughter ]
229
00:09:31,238 --> 00:09:34,105
Guys, I think we might be
feeling the effects
230
00:09:34,107 --> 00:09:35,641
Of that open can
of goop off!
231
00:09:35,643 --> 00:09:38,176
I'll close it up.
But before I do,
232
00:09:38,178 --> 00:09:41,046
I just want to say that
you guys are the best friends
233
00:09:41,048 --> 00:09:44,249
I've ever had in my life.
234
00:09:44,251 --> 00:09:48,587
Can anyone else
hear their brain cells dying?
235
00:09:52,192 --> 00:09:55,060
I can't remember
why I'm up here.
236
00:09:55,062 --> 00:09:59,131
[ laughter ]
237
00:09:59,133 --> 00:10:01,867
Baby blue vw beetle?
238
00:10:01,869 --> 00:10:03,268
[ sniffs ]
239
00:10:03,270 --> 00:10:07,339
Empress by sean john perfume?
240
00:10:07,341 --> 00:10:09,274
Danuta walking around?
241
00:10:09,276 --> 00:10:11,076
That can only be danuta!
242
00:10:11,078 --> 00:10:12,478
Danuta!
243
00:10:12,480 --> 00:10:15,947
Yeah. She and that hottie nerfer
are here tonight.
244
00:10:15,949 --> 00:10:17,015
I have to get out of here.
245
00:10:17,017 --> 00:10:18,416
I need to
tell her something.
246
00:10:18,418 --> 00:10:20,886
Then, damn it,
we'll get you out of here.
247
00:10:20,888 --> 00:10:22,354
We're the shed boys.
248
00:10:22,356 --> 00:10:24,156
We'll do anything
for each other.
249
00:10:24,158 --> 00:10:26,558
Can we tell each other
anything?
250
00:10:26,560 --> 00:10:27,959
Hell, yeah.
251
00:10:27,961 --> 00:10:31,563
I've been eating the kingsford
charcoal briquets,
252
00:10:31,565 --> 00:10:34,966
And I like them.
253
00:10:34,968 --> 00:10:37,169
All: Shed boys!
254
00:10:37,171 --> 00:10:39,971
[ coughs ]
255
00:10:39,973 --> 00:10:41,573
You know, despite you
being here,
256
00:10:41,575 --> 00:10:43,641
I think the night
is going pretty well.
257
00:10:43,643 --> 00:10:46,978
Hayley, I have four stomachs,
and even I can't swallow that.
258
00:10:46,980 --> 00:10:49,114
Who cares if your friendship
is over?
259
00:10:49,116 --> 00:10:50,315
You got me!
260
00:10:50,317 --> 00:10:52,117
But I'd like to blow you up
with dynamite.
261
00:10:52,119 --> 00:10:54,186
Oh, wait.
I know how to save the night!
262
00:10:54,188 --> 00:10:55,587
I got three m-80s.
263
00:10:55,589 --> 00:10:57,122
Let's throw one
in the block of cheese
264
00:10:57,124 --> 00:11:00,726
And class this bish up
with some fondue.
265
00:11:00,728 --> 00:11:01,860
They're gone.
266
00:11:01,862 --> 00:11:03,328
Screw them, hayley.
267
00:11:03,330 --> 00:11:07,065
Let's go outside and
swat flies from our asses.
268
00:11:07,067 --> 00:11:08,200
Danuta texted.
269
00:11:08,202 --> 00:11:09,535
"sorry, hayley.
We took off.
270
00:11:09,537 --> 00:11:11,537
Seems like you're going
through something.
271
00:11:11,539 --> 00:11:13,071
Peace out."
272
00:11:13,073 --> 00:11:16,474
And then nerfer sent a gif
of deadpool waving goodbye.
273
00:11:16,476 --> 00:11:18,610
Okay, eating all
those cheeseburgers
274
00:11:18,612 --> 00:11:20,478
Did nothing
for my carpal tunnel.
275
00:11:20,480 --> 00:11:22,480
Should we maybe just go?
No.
276
00:11:22,482 --> 00:11:24,750
I promised you a massage,
and you're getting one.
277
00:11:24,752 --> 00:11:28,887
Stan, you will massage francine
while I expertly coach.
278
00:11:28,889 --> 00:11:31,223
The most important thing
is that the massage
279
00:11:31,225 --> 00:11:33,425
Cannot get sexual
in any way.
280
00:11:33,427 --> 00:11:36,628
Now, let me put on
some relaxing spa music.
281
00:11:37,097 --> 00:11:40,265
[ slow r&b music plays ]
282
00:11:44,638 --> 00:11:49,241
Under no circumstances
should you be aroused by this.
283
00:11:49,243 --> 00:11:51,276
Almost forgot the oil.
284
00:11:53,713 --> 00:11:55,847
Aaaah!
285
00:11:55,849 --> 00:12:00,652
♪♪
286
00:12:00,654 --> 00:12:02,988
That's good, stan,
but forget the shoulders
287
00:12:02,990 --> 00:12:04,256
And focus on her butt.
288
00:12:04,258 --> 00:12:05,857
Well, get in there.
Don't be shy.
289
00:12:05,859 --> 00:12:07,325
Really knead that ass.
290
00:12:07,327 --> 00:12:08,994
Think pizza dough.
291
00:12:08,996 --> 00:12:11,930
Mm.
Ohh.
292
00:12:11,932 --> 00:12:15,000
Ohh.
Oh, yeah.
293
00:12:15,002 --> 00:12:16,401
You can't bang her,
stan.
294
00:12:16,403 --> 00:12:18,404
That kind of thing
doesn't fly at this spa.
295
00:12:18,406 --> 00:12:19,938
Alright, turn over.
296
00:12:19,940 --> 00:12:21,473
Let's work the knots
out of those breasts.
297
00:12:21,475 --> 00:12:22,674
What should we do now?
298
00:12:22,676 --> 00:12:25,277
Maybe see what some of your exes
are up to?
299
00:12:25,279 --> 00:12:26,878
What's the deal
with reginald?
300
00:12:26,880 --> 00:12:28,947
Are we going to talk about
how you slept with a koala?
301
00:12:28,949 --> 00:12:30,548
I can't take this anymore!
302
00:12:30,550 --> 00:12:32,284
That's it.
I'm getting rid of you.
303
00:12:32,286 --> 00:12:33,751
Uh, good luck, girl.
304
00:12:33,753 --> 00:12:35,621
I'm your cow.
Not for long.
305
00:12:35,623 --> 00:12:37,823
If I got you
through visualization therapy,
306
00:12:37,825 --> 00:12:39,625
I can use it
to get rid of you.
307
00:12:41,561 --> 00:12:43,762
Uh, didn't dr. Penguin
say not to do this
308
00:12:43,764 --> 00:12:45,230
Without
a trained professional?
309
00:12:45,232 --> 00:12:47,800
I like that you're nervous
about this.
310
00:12:49,903 --> 00:12:51,503
I send this cow --
311
00:12:51,505 --> 00:12:53,772
Danuta!
Where is she?
312
00:12:53,774 --> 00:12:55,573
Klaus has something important
to tell her!
313
00:12:55,575 --> 00:12:57,909
She's got to be in here
somewhere!
314
00:12:57,911 --> 00:12:59,911
Tear this place apart!
315
00:12:59,913 --> 00:13:02,914
[ punk music plays ]
316
00:13:02,916 --> 00:13:09,521
♪♪
317
00:13:09,523 --> 00:13:10,856
She's not here!
318
00:13:10,858 --> 00:13:11,990
She's not here!
319
00:13:11,992 --> 00:13:13,258
She couldn't have
gotten far.
320
00:13:13,260 --> 00:13:14,860
We have to find her!
321
00:13:14,862 --> 00:13:17,262
Steve: I see her!
No, that's greg.
322
00:13:17,264 --> 00:13:19,665
Hey, newsman,
have you seen danuta?
323
00:13:19,667 --> 00:13:21,467
Greg: Who?
Danuta!
324
00:13:21,469 --> 00:13:22,801
What are you,
new here?
325
00:13:22,803 --> 00:13:23,735
There's tracks!
326
00:13:23,737 --> 00:13:26,204
Those are danuta's paws,
for sure.
327
00:13:26,206 --> 00:13:27,605
And it leads right to --
328
00:13:27,607 --> 00:13:30,208
[ chittering ]
raccoon!
329
00:13:30,210 --> 00:13:32,210
[ screaming ]
330
00:13:32,212 --> 00:13:34,680
[ rogu laughs ]
331
00:13:34,682 --> 00:13:37,082
[ sighs ] I wish I could just be
in the show.
332
00:13:37,084 --> 00:13:39,017
That's all I ever
really wanted --
333
00:13:39,019 --> 00:13:42,420
To have best friends
who love me, no matter what.
334
00:13:42,422 --> 00:13:44,956
I want to be a big city honey.
335
00:13:44,958 --> 00:13:54,232
♪♪
336
00:13:54,234 --> 00:13:56,301
Am I...
Late for breakfast?
337
00:13:56,303 --> 00:13:57,969
Yeah, hayley, you are.
338
00:13:57,971 --> 00:13:59,371
But I get it.
339
00:13:59,373 --> 00:14:02,441
Max is trying
to cook again.
340
00:14:05,445 --> 00:14:08,380
Breakfast is served.
341
00:14:08,382 --> 00:14:11,249
[ laughter ]
342
00:14:11,251 --> 00:14:14,786
[ applause ]
343
00:14:14,788 --> 00:14:16,521
Yeah!
344
00:14:16,523 --> 00:14:18,790
♪ when I'm about to go crazy ♪
345
00:14:18,792 --> 00:14:20,859
♪ 'cause I'm still living here ♪
346
00:14:20,861 --> 00:14:22,728
♪ I just get my friends
together ♪
347
00:14:22,730 --> 00:14:25,864
♪ and we dance, dance, dance ♪
348
00:14:25,866 --> 00:14:28,533
♪ if this is the fate
of the world ♪
349
00:14:28,535 --> 00:14:31,803
♪ this is the fate
of the world ♪
350
00:14:31,805 --> 00:14:34,673
Hey, I'm not
that bad of a cook.
351
00:14:34,675 --> 00:14:38,944
Your food gives
my heartburn heartburn.
352
00:14:38,946 --> 00:14:40,011
Hello, 911?
353
00:14:40,013 --> 00:14:42,614
I'd like to report
a bad frittata.
354
00:14:44,351 --> 00:14:46,151
Well, my life is over.
355
00:14:46,153 --> 00:14:50,155
I just ran into my boss while
I was doing the walk of shame.
356
00:14:50,157 --> 00:14:51,490
Lexi,
are you part camel?
357
00:14:51,492 --> 00:14:54,693
Because
you sure love to hump.
358
00:14:54,695 --> 00:14:56,628
Yeah.
You've had more plan bs
359
00:14:56,630 --> 00:15:00,365
Than an over-prepared
scout leader.
360
00:15:00,367 --> 00:15:02,301
All I know
is I need a daiquiri.
361
00:15:02,303 --> 00:15:04,570
I'll take one, too.
362
00:15:06,907 --> 00:15:09,308
Queef,
you know we have a door.
363
00:15:09,310 --> 00:15:11,176
Yeah,
but you lock your door.
364
00:15:11,178 --> 00:15:13,312
Exacta-mundo!
365
00:15:13,314 --> 00:15:14,646
It's almost summer.
366
00:15:14,648 --> 00:15:16,648
Who wants to help me
with my manscaping?
367
00:15:16,650 --> 00:15:19,451
I need to trim down
the winter bush.
368
00:15:21,188 --> 00:15:24,656
Razor?
Try a weed whacker.
369
00:15:24,658 --> 00:15:26,591
God,
I love being here.
370
00:15:26,593 --> 00:15:28,794
You know, I used to think there
was something wrong with me,
371
00:15:28,796 --> 00:15:30,729
And I could never keep
any of my friends.
372
00:15:30,731 --> 00:15:34,465
But being here makes me see
that I was never the problem.
373
00:15:34,467 --> 00:15:37,068
Uh, over-share much?
374
00:15:37,070 --> 00:15:38,870
[ pounding on door ]
375
00:15:38,872 --> 00:15:40,271
It's probably my date.
376
00:15:40,273 --> 00:15:42,808
Hayley, get the door.
377
00:15:42,810 --> 00:15:44,543
Moo.
378
00:15:46,147 --> 00:15:48,013
Geez, hayley.
379
00:15:48,015 --> 00:15:50,549
Rude much?
380
00:15:50,551 --> 00:15:53,352
Everyone,
this is my cow.
381
00:15:53,354 --> 00:15:54,486
Holy cow!
382
00:15:54,488 --> 00:15:57,756
This is "udder" madness!
383
00:15:57,758 --> 00:16:00,091
Personally,
I prefer louis vuitton
384
00:16:00,093 --> 00:16:02,061
To emotional baggage.
385
00:16:04,097 --> 00:16:06,297
Mr. Orlando:
What is going on in there?
386
00:16:06,299 --> 00:16:07,566
Mr. Orlando!
387
00:16:07,568 --> 00:16:09,368
There's no pets allowed
in the building.
388
00:16:09,370 --> 00:16:12,103
If we get evicted,
I'll lose you all!
389
00:16:12,105 --> 00:16:13,304
Whoa!
390
00:16:13,306 --> 00:16:16,508
Someone forgot her chill pill
this morning.
391
00:16:16,510 --> 00:16:17,709
Everyone shut up!
392
00:16:17,711 --> 00:16:20,111
This is serious!
I am not [bleep] around.
393
00:16:20,113 --> 00:16:21,646
Do I look like
I am [bleep] around?
394
00:16:21,648 --> 00:16:23,782
Because I assure you, I am not.
395
00:16:23,784 --> 00:16:25,584
Hayley,
are you part witch?
396
00:16:25,586 --> 00:16:28,187
Because
you love to curse.
397
00:16:28,189 --> 00:16:31,690
Why is everyone acting
like this is some joke?
398
00:16:32,926 --> 00:16:34,659
I told you
this was a bad idea.
399
00:16:34,661 --> 00:16:37,462
I am not going to let you
screw this up for me.
400
00:16:37,464 --> 00:16:38,997
You can't hide me
forever, hayley.
401
00:16:38,999 --> 00:16:42,768
I may sleep standing up,
but I won't stand for this.
402
00:16:44,271 --> 00:16:45,604
[ chuckles ]
403
00:16:45,606 --> 00:16:47,806
You girls think
I'm pretty dumb.
404
00:16:47,808 --> 00:16:51,743
Well, something's going on
in here, and I know what it is.
405
00:16:51,745 --> 00:16:55,146
You girls are flushing
tampons again!
406
00:16:55,148 --> 00:16:58,750
Geez, mr. Orlando,
what is with you and tampons?
407
00:16:58,752 --> 00:17:01,553
I've been unhappily married
for 30 years,
408
00:17:01,555 --> 00:17:04,355
So I think I know women,
409
00:17:04,357 --> 00:17:07,759
And they love
flushing tampons!
410
00:17:07,761 --> 00:17:09,494
[ clattering ]
411
00:17:09,496 --> 00:17:11,496
What was that?
412
00:17:11,498 --> 00:17:12,964
Get real, buddy.
413
00:17:12,966 --> 00:17:14,433
You're not getting
into that bathroom.
414
00:17:14,435 --> 00:17:17,035
Not without
a goddamn warrant.
415
00:17:17,037 --> 00:17:19,838
I actually think I saw a tampon
in this bucket.
416
00:17:19,840 --> 00:17:21,874
You did?
Let me see!
417
00:17:28,715 --> 00:17:30,649
See?
Nothing going on in there.
418
00:17:30,651 --> 00:17:32,383
Cow: Moo.
[ thudding ]
419
00:17:32,385 --> 00:17:33,718
What is that racket?
420
00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:35,120
Nothing.
421
00:17:35,122 --> 00:17:36,989
And whatever it is,
I'm trying to repress it.
422
00:17:38,459 --> 00:17:41,393
Moo!
423
00:17:41,395 --> 00:17:42,527
Damn!
424
00:17:42,529 --> 00:17:45,097
That cow is yoked!
425
00:17:46,467 --> 00:17:48,199
Aah!
426
00:17:48,201 --> 00:17:49,868
Aah!
427
00:17:49,870 --> 00:17:51,603
I married the wrong cow.
428
00:17:51,605 --> 00:17:54,873
My wife
never gives me head.
429
00:17:54,875 --> 00:17:57,342
You can't hide me anymore!
430
00:17:57,344 --> 00:18:01,613
You're fighting a losing battle
with your cattle!
431
00:18:01,615 --> 00:18:03,682
I can't believe
you ruined this!
432
00:18:03,684 --> 00:18:05,350
This was my dream!
433
00:18:05,352 --> 00:18:07,018
You ruin everything!
434
00:18:07,020 --> 00:18:09,554
You're the reason I've never
been able to keep friends!
435
00:18:09,556 --> 00:18:11,756
I hate you!
436
00:18:11,758 --> 00:18:14,927
[ crying ]
437
00:18:15,763 --> 00:18:17,362
What the hell
is going on here?
438
00:18:17,364 --> 00:18:20,765
Hayley, I warned you not to
do that therapy without me.
439
00:18:20,767 --> 00:18:22,233
Why is the cow crying?
440
00:18:22,235 --> 00:18:24,903
Probably a knicks fan.
441
00:18:24,905 --> 00:18:27,506
Okay, that's hilarious.
And true.
442
00:18:27,508 --> 00:18:29,508
The knicks are terrible.
I think.
443
00:18:29,510 --> 00:18:31,376
I-I don't really follow
the sport.
444
00:18:31,378 --> 00:18:32,911
If indeed it is a sport.
445
00:18:32,913 --> 00:18:34,779
Roger,
why are you here?
446
00:18:34,781 --> 00:18:36,581
I'm here to help you,
hayley.
447
00:18:36,583 --> 00:18:37,783
Don't you see?
448
00:18:37,785 --> 00:18:39,584
By trying to hide
your negative thoughts,
449
00:18:39,586 --> 00:18:41,320
You only made
your cow bigger.
450
00:18:41,322 --> 00:18:43,455
Why did you ever think that
you could get rid
451
00:18:43,457 --> 00:18:44,723
Of something
that is a part of you?
452
00:18:44,725 --> 00:18:46,325
You told me I could!
453
00:18:46,327 --> 00:18:47,793
It was your therapy!
454
00:18:47,795 --> 00:18:49,260
Paid for
with a groupon.
455
00:18:49,262 --> 00:18:51,330
[ sighs ] what do I need to do
to fix this mess?
456
00:18:51,332 --> 00:18:55,466
Hayley, your cow is only
trying to protect you.
457
00:18:55,468 --> 00:18:57,002
It's true.
458
00:18:57,004 --> 00:19:00,472
Instead of hiding, ignoring,
or fighting with your cow,
459
00:19:00,474 --> 00:19:01,940
You need to accept it.
460
00:19:01,942 --> 00:19:03,942
You can't make those
negative thoughts go away.
461
00:19:03,944 --> 00:19:07,212
But you can learn to acknowledge
them and let them pass.
462
00:19:07,214 --> 00:19:10,415
Love your cow,
but don't let it control you.
463
00:19:10,417 --> 00:19:12,083
Being a big city honey
464
00:19:12,085 --> 00:19:14,686
Means embracing
every part of yourself.
465
00:19:14,688 --> 00:19:16,421
Lady, I got this.
466
00:19:16,423 --> 00:19:19,158
Smooch your cow.
467
00:19:19,160 --> 00:19:20,425
Ew, gross!
468
00:19:20,427 --> 00:19:22,027
I was joking.
469
00:19:22,029 --> 00:19:24,429
You didn't really need to do
that, but it was hilarious.
470
00:19:24,431 --> 00:19:26,065
Come on.
Time to go.
471
00:19:29,170 --> 00:19:31,570
Whoa, that was intense.
472
00:19:31,572 --> 00:19:33,705
Thanks, dr. P.
No problemo, hayley,
473
00:19:33,707 --> 00:19:36,775
But next time we go into a show,
can it be "silver spoons"?
474
00:19:36,777 --> 00:19:39,044
I want to ride
that little train.
475
00:19:39,046 --> 00:19:41,713
Ooh,
cheese and brita water.
476
00:19:41,715 --> 00:19:42,848
Were you
having the queen over?
477
00:19:42,850 --> 00:19:44,183
That reminds me,
I should go.
478
00:19:44,185 --> 00:19:46,718
I need to make things right
with my friends.
479
00:19:46,720 --> 00:19:48,320
Cool.
480
00:19:50,657 --> 00:19:51,723
Back to work.
481
00:19:51,725 --> 00:19:53,324
-Mm.
-Mm.
482
00:19:53,326 --> 00:19:54,526
Oh, yeah.
483
00:19:54,528 --> 00:19:55,994
Oh!
484
00:19:55,996 --> 00:19:58,730
Well, rub rub tuggington's
business is ruined.
485
00:19:58,732 --> 00:20:00,199
Might as well watch.
486
00:20:00,201 --> 00:20:02,401
You know what? The name's
kind of growing on me.
487
00:20:02,403 --> 00:20:03,668
Can you leave,
roger?
488
00:20:03,670 --> 00:20:05,336
How about
instead of leaving,
489
00:20:05,338 --> 00:20:08,139
We have a race
to see who can finish first.
490
00:20:08,141 --> 00:20:09,908
You're on!
491
00:20:13,947 --> 00:20:16,681
Hey. I'm so sorry
that I ruined our night.
492
00:20:16,683 --> 00:20:19,818
I was just so nervous because
I-I like you guys so much,
493
00:20:19,820 --> 00:20:21,152
And I think you're
so cool and --
494
00:20:21,154 --> 00:20:23,488
Voice: Whoa.
Slow down there, girl.
495
00:20:23,490 --> 00:20:25,624
Let me slow down.
496
00:20:25,626 --> 00:20:28,760
I guess you could say I got
a little too in my own head.
497
00:20:28,762 --> 00:20:30,629
Hayley, you don't have
to be nervous
498
00:20:30,631 --> 00:20:32,163
Or apologize
for being weird.
499
00:20:32,165 --> 00:20:34,700
Yeah.
You have a husband and a job.
500
00:20:34,702 --> 00:20:37,836
We think you're the one
who's got it all figured out.
501
00:20:37,838 --> 00:20:40,371
Really?
Wow! I had no idea!
502
00:20:40,373 --> 00:20:42,641
Klaus: Danuta!
503
00:20:42,643 --> 00:20:45,176
Danuta! Danuta!
504
00:20:45,178 --> 00:20:49,514
I have to tell you something,
danuta!
505
00:20:49,516 --> 00:20:50,582
What?
506
00:20:50,584 --> 00:20:52,117
What is it, klaus?
507
00:20:52,119 --> 00:20:56,455
Uhhhh...
508
00:20:56,457 --> 00:20:58,457
Hey.
509
00:20:58,459 --> 00:21:00,292
Bye-bye.
See you soon.