1
00:00:04,071 --> 00:00:06,638
[ alarm beeping ]
2
00:00:09,009 --> 00:00:12,210
Stan, what are you --
it's Saturday.
3
00:00:12,212 --> 00:00:14,346
I thought your spin class
was cancelled.
4
00:00:14,348 --> 00:00:16,749
I don't know, the alarm's
got a mind of its own.
5
00:00:17,551 --> 00:00:19,351
[ beeping continues ]
wait a second.
6
00:00:20,821 --> 00:00:23,488
Oh, my god,
it's my peak day alarm.
7
00:00:23,490 --> 00:00:25,758
I set this years ago.
[ beeping stops ]
8
00:00:25,760 --> 00:00:28,360
[ groans ]
why, you ask?
9
00:00:28,362 --> 00:00:31,630
It's all here, in my vintage
issue of men's health.
10
00:00:31,632 --> 00:00:34,499
Aside from correctly predicting
zachery ty bryan's
11
00:00:34,501 --> 00:00:36,769
A-lister career,
it has an article about
12
00:00:36,771 --> 00:00:39,638
When a man hits the scientific
prime of his life,
13
00:00:39,640 --> 00:00:41,573
His "peak,"
at the third month
14
00:00:41,575 --> 00:00:44,376
Of his 42nd year.
That's today.
15
00:00:44,378 --> 00:00:46,779
What's it say about women?
When's my peak?
16
00:00:46,781 --> 00:00:49,047
Oh, good lord, that would
have been ages ago...
17
00:00:49,049 --> 00:00:52,751
A-and stretching
far into the future.
18
00:00:55,322 --> 00:00:59,124
Yes. Even my obvious lies
are at peak performance.
19
00:01:01,996 --> 00:01:04,196
♪ good morning, u.S.A. ♪
20
00:01:04,198 --> 00:01:08,000
♪ I got a feelin' that
it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪
21
00:01:08,002 --> 00:01:11,003
♪ the sun in the sky
has a smile on his face ♪
22
00:01:11,005 --> 00:01:15,574
♪ and he's shinin' a salute
to the american race ♪
23
00:01:17,344 --> 00:01:20,679
♪ oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪
24
00:01:20,681 --> 00:01:23,482
♪ good -- ♪
♪ good morning, u.S.A. ♪
25
00:01:23,484 --> 00:01:24,416
Aah!
26
00:01:25,619 --> 00:01:29,154
♪ good morning, u.S.A. ♪
27
00:01:31,425 --> 00:01:35,427
Welcome back to "morning
mimosa" with trish and suze.
28
00:01:35,429 --> 00:01:37,362
It's time to call
some of the men
29
00:01:37,364 --> 00:01:40,165
Who ghosted trish
after one date.
30
00:01:40,167 --> 00:01:43,568
First up on the list is
a humorless little schmuck
31
00:01:43,570 --> 00:01:46,104
Named suckboi tony.
32
00:01:46,106 --> 00:01:47,172
Hey.
33
00:01:47,174 --> 00:01:48,573
-Come on.
-What the [bleep]
34
00:01:48,575 --> 00:01:51,510
It's time for
a thrilling stan-nouncement.
35
00:01:51,512 --> 00:01:54,779
Today, I have officially hit
"peak stan."
36
00:01:54,781 --> 00:01:58,383
Everything at this moment in
my life is hitting its stride.
37
00:01:58,385 --> 00:02:01,453
I've got it all --
wonderful wife, great kids,
38
00:02:01,455 --> 00:02:03,388
Fridge in the garage.
39
00:02:03,390 --> 00:02:05,524
A blend of faculties
and experience
40
00:02:05,526 --> 00:02:07,860
That are in total sync.
41
00:02:07,862 --> 00:02:09,528
Cool, dad, great.
42
00:02:09,530 --> 00:02:12,130
Speak up, my boy,
can't hear you up at the peak.
43
00:02:12,132 --> 00:02:13,798
Can we put
the tv back on?
44
00:02:13,800 --> 00:02:15,333
Hayley, is that you?
45
00:02:15,335 --> 00:02:16,801
Wind's whippin'
like a mother up here.
46
00:02:16,803 --> 00:02:19,538
Be careful, stan,
as they're constantly saying
47
00:02:19,540 --> 00:02:21,005
On the series "the crown,"
48
00:02:21,007 --> 00:02:24,409
"heavy is the head
that wears the crown."
49
00:02:24,411 --> 00:02:25,944
What are you
talking about?
50
00:02:25,946 --> 00:02:28,480
I think he's saying that when
you're on top of the mountain,
51
00:02:28,482 --> 00:02:30,615
People are gonna try
to knock you off.
52
00:02:30,617 --> 00:02:32,217
Right, klaus?
Right.
53
00:02:32,219 --> 00:02:36,088
Man, you always get me,
francine.
54
00:02:36,090 --> 00:02:37,622
Meet me in the kitchen.
55
00:02:37,624 --> 00:02:39,091
You may be right.
56
00:02:39,093 --> 00:02:41,493
At the peak,
I'm most exposed.
57
00:02:41,495 --> 00:02:44,763
But also at the peak,
I can see my enemies coming --
58
00:02:44,765 --> 00:02:45,964
In every direction.
59
00:02:45,966 --> 00:02:48,833
I can also see them not able
to handle the altitude.
60
00:02:48,835 --> 00:02:50,703
Should've hired a sherpa,
haters.
61
00:02:50,705 --> 00:02:52,971
Come on, honey, let's go
to the grocery store.
62
00:02:52,973 --> 00:02:54,439
I want you
to see what it's like
63
00:02:54,441 --> 00:02:57,710
When a man at his peak
buys baked beans.
64
00:03:02,182 --> 00:03:05,784
So, roger, if you need pointers
on how to maximize free samples
65
00:03:05,786 --> 00:03:09,121
Without these crummy farmers
giving you crap, just ask.
66
00:03:09,123 --> 00:03:10,989
We do this a lot.
67
00:03:10,991 --> 00:03:12,590
I like to grab a sample,
68
00:03:12,592 --> 00:03:14,860
Take a little lap,
come back and pretend
69
00:03:14,862 --> 00:03:16,794
I'm a different
talking fish.
70
00:03:16,796 --> 00:03:18,930
That was my tip.
I told you that.
71
00:03:18,932 --> 00:03:20,999
No you didn't.
My oma taught me that
72
00:03:21,001 --> 00:03:23,669
When I was a young ski jumper
in dusseldorf--
73
00:03:23,671 --> 00:03:25,671
Are you [bleep]
with me right now?
74
00:03:25,673 --> 00:03:27,739
How did I end up
in this grouping?
75
00:03:27,741 --> 00:03:30,608
Feel like I got put
on the practice squad.
76
00:03:30,610 --> 00:03:32,210
Whoa.
77
00:03:32,212 --> 00:03:34,480
Four bucks for one apple?
78
00:03:34,482 --> 00:03:36,014
That's robbery,
I'll give two.
79
00:03:36,016 --> 00:03:38,016
They're $4.
We have samples if you --
80
00:03:38,018 --> 00:03:39,951
No, no, no, no, no,
I'm not trying anything.
81
00:03:39,953 --> 00:03:42,287
I am in control
of this negotiation.
82
00:03:42,289 --> 00:03:43,421
Take the sample.
83
00:03:43,423 --> 00:03:45,557
What is he doing?
Is it even good?
84
00:03:45,559 --> 00:03:46,892
The best
you'll ever have.
85
00:03:46,894 --> 00:03:48,960
See, now you've overplayed
your hand
86
00:03:48,962 --> 00:03:50,628
And just lost a customer.
87
00:03:50,630 --> 00:03:52,164
I'm walking away.
88
00:03:52,166 --> 00:03:54,299
Adios, señor.
89
00:03:54,301 --> 00:03:58,303
Still got any
of those apples?
90
00:03:58,305 --> 00:04:00,506
Sucker.
That's a fiver.
91
00:04:00,508 --> 00:04:02,841
This is gonna be
amazing.
92
00:04:02,843 --> 00:04:05,511
People forget,
but apples can go toe-to-toe
93
00:04:05,513 --> 00:04:07,245
With any fruit
out there.
94
00:04:07,247 --> 00:04:10,516
Well, not peaches, plums, pears,
pomegranates, pineapples --
95
00:04:10,518 --> 00:04:13,118
And those are just the "p's" --
but a good apple is good.
96
00:04:13,120 --> 00:04:16,388
What are you waiting for?
Get to munchin', bro.
97
00:04:16,390 --> 00:04:18,990
Oh, no, I paid out the ass
for this thing.
98
00:04:18,992 --> 00:04:20,726
The setting
must be perfect.
99
00:04:20,728 --> 00:04:22,728
Every single bite
has to be savored.
100
00:04:22,730 --> 00:04:24,530
My hands are empty.
Why are my hands empty?
101
00:04:24,532 --> 00:04:26,598
I dropped the apple.
When did I drop the apple?
102
00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:27,833
There it goes.
103
00:04:29,069 --> 00:04:31,603
[ gasps ]
aah!
104
00:04:31,605 --> 00:04:34,272
It went into
that tiny...Sinkhole.
105
00:04:34,274 --> 00:04:35,741
I know.
106
00:04:35,743 --> 00:04:37,876
I thought for sure it would
go into that one.
107
00:04:41,815 --> 00:04:44,682
Say, "pe-e-e-e-eak."
[ camera shutter clicks ]
108
00:04:44,684 --> 00:04:46,618
I'm ready now.
109
00:04:46,620 --> 00:04:49,221
I'm thinking about
a prime filet.
110
00:04:49,223 --> 00:04:50,556
You offering any discounts?
111
00:04:50,558 --> 00:04:52,157
I've hit my peak, see.
112
00:04:52,159 --> 00:04:53,491
Congrats there, friend.
113
00:04:53,493 --> 00:04:55,427
Guess it's all downhill
from here.
114
00:04:55,429 --> 00:04:57,963
[ both chuckle ]
115
00:04:57,965 --> 00:04:59,898
Wait. Wait.
Wait, what do you mean?
116
00:04:59,900 --> 00:05:01,633
Don't you get it,
I'm at my peak.
117
00:05:01,635 --> 00:05:04,036
Sure, but once you've gone
all the way up,
118
00:05:04,038 --> 00:05:06,638
There's nowhere to go
but, uh --
farther up?
119
00:05:06,640 --> 00:05:09,775
Uh, how about
a dry-aged steak?
120
00:05:09,777 --> 00:05:10,842
Dry?
121
00:05:10,844 --> 00:05:11,709
Aged?
122
00:05:11,711 --> 00:05:13,045
Is that what I look like
to you?
123
00:05:13,047 --> 00:05:15,581
Hey. I couldn't help
but notice you,
124
00:05:15,583 --> 00:05:17,649
And I had to ask.
125
00:05:17,651 --> 00:05:19,184
What's your number?
126
00:05:19,186 --> 00:05:20,718
[ giggles ]
oh, tom.
127
00:05:20,720 --> 00:05:22,854
Hey,
are you hitting on my wife?
128
00:05:22,856 --> 00:05:25,791
I was just joking about
what number she was in line.
129
00:05:25,793 --> 00:05:30,128
Tom, your horniness is a problem
for our business.
130
00:05:30,130 --> 00:05:33,599
Everybody's coming for me.
They smell blood in the water.
131
00:05:33,601 --> 00:05:35,667
You're reading
way too much into this.
132
00:05:35,669 --> 00:05:36,935
Oh, this is rich.
133
00:05:36,937 --> 00:05:39,537
Even the flier guy
thinks I'm weak.
134
00:05:39,539 --> 00:05:42,441
Stan,
they're on every car.
135
00:05:43,410 --> 00:05:45,010
I'm not weak!
136
00:05:45,012 --> 00:05:46,812
Alright,
update on the peak.
137
00:05:46,814 --> 00:05:49,014
My enemies think
I'm on the downslope.
138
00:05:49,016 --> 00:05:52,217
And thank you for warning me.
Your loyalty will be rewarded.
139
00:05:52,219 --> 00:05:53,685
We were just teasing,
stan.
140
00:05:53,687 --> 00:05:54,820
I wasn't even listening.
141
00:05:54,822 --> 00:05:56,488
Don't take this
the wrong way, dad,
142
00:05:56,490 --> 00:05:58,356
But other people
don't spend a lot of time
143
00:05:58,358 --> 00:06:00,758
Thinking about
your life.
Maybe.
144
00:06:00,760 --> 00:06:03,028
But lemme bounce an idea
back at you.
145
00:06:03,030 --> 00:06:04,296
I am tom brady.
146
00:06:04,298 --> 00:06:05,697
[ all groan ]
147
00:06:05,699 --> 00:06:08,700
People are jealous
and dying to see me lose.
148
00:06:08,702 --> 00:06:12,570
But, like tom, I'm starting
an anti-aging regimen.
149
00:06:12,572 --> 00:06:13,905
Goop lotions and serums,
150
00:06:13,907 --> 00:06:15,707
Removing nightshades
from my diet,
151
00:06:15,709 --> 00:06:18,243
And daily brain training,
like the crossword.
152
00:06:19,046 --> 00:06:20,446
I don't know
any of these.
153
00:06:20,448 --> 00:06:21,713
Point is,
with this regimen,
154
00:06:21,715 --> 00:06:24,582
I can take my peak
and turn it into
155
00:06:24,584 --> 00:06:25,583
A mesa.
156
00:06:25,585 --> 00:06:27,986
Flat greatness.
Forever.
157
00:06:27,988 --> 00:06:31,523
Stan, I think you're going
about this all wrong.
158
00:06:31,525 --> 00:06:32,590
And honestly?
159
00:06:32,592 --> 00:06:34,059
Being pretty
narcissistic.
160
00:06:34,061 --> 00:06:36,462
Narcissistic?
I'm thinking about other people
161
00:06:36,464 --> 00:06:38,097
And how they think
of me.
162
00:06:41,401 --> 00:06:42,534
Huh, him again.
163
00:06:42,536 --> 00:06:47,806
♪♪
164
00:06:47,808 --> 00:06:50,809
Hmm, my curiosity is piqued.
165
00:06:50,811 --> 00:06:52,678
Hi, there, stan.
166
00:06:52,680 --> 00:06:53,945
I'm dr. Revánche.
167
00:06:53,947 --> 00:06:55,413
Like I said
to the tech,
168
00:06:55,415 --> 00:06:56,748
I don't want to do
anything crazy, just --
169
00:06:56,750 --> 00:06:58,083
Freeze the peak.
170
00:06:58,085 --> 00:06:59,485
You came
to the right place.
171
00:06:59,487 --> 00:07:01,086
Look what I can do.
172
00:07:02,823 --> 00:07:05,623
Damn, son,
bring a bucket and mop.
173
00:07:05,625 --> 00:07:07,159
Am I right?
[ laughs ]
174
00:07:07,161 --> 00:07:09,695
But if I can be serious,
this is moving fast.
175
00:07:09,697 --> 00:07:12,498
Maybe a tiny bit of botox
to freshen up instead?
176
00:07:12,500 --> 00:07:15,701
Of course.
Let's start small.
177
00:07:17,104 --> 00:07:18,837
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa.
178
00:07:18,839 --> 00:07:20,906
That's the needle you use
for botox?
179
00:07:20,908 --> 00:07:23,509
This is the needle I use
for heart paralysis.
180
00:07:23,511 --> 00:07:25,110
[ grunts ]
I'm a bad guy.
181
00:07:25,112 --> 00:07:28,514
Oh, that's...
Honest, at least.
182
00:07:28,516 --> 00:07:31,050
[ body thuds ]
[ groaning ]
183
00:07:32,986 --> 00:07:35,053
[ seagulls squawking ]
184
00:07:35,055 --> 00:07:36,922
[ saw whirs ]
185
00:07:40,127 --> 00:07:41,126
Hello, stan.
186
00:07:41,128 --> 00:07:44,062
[ gasps,
breathing shakily ]
187
00:07:44,064 --> 00:07:47,132
Aah!
What did you do to me?!
188
00:07:47,134 --> 00:07:48,800
Stan, don't worry.
189
00:07:48,802 --> 00:07:51,537
You're going to love
your new face.
190
00:07:51,539 --> 00:07:54,072
Although, your old one
is pretty nice, too.
191
00:07:54,074 --> 00:07:56,208
[ whimpers ]
you were right,
192
00:07:56,210 --> 00:07:58,210
Someone was coming
for you.
193
00:07:58,212 --> 00:07:59,545
It was me.
194
00:07:59,547 --> 00:08:01,813
I started with your face,
but trust me,
195
00:08:01,815 --> 00:08:03,081
It doesn't end there.
196
00:08:03,083 --> 00:08:06,218
I'm gonna take
your whole life.
197
00:08:06,220 --> 00:08:08,954
[ tires squeal ]
198
00:08:10,090 --> 00:08:13,892
Aah!
Oh, my god, this is crazy.
199
00:08:13,894 --> 00:08:17,896
And what is going on
with my voice?
200
00:08:17,898 --> 00:08:21,299
Oh, I also switched out
your larynx with that guy's.
201
00:08:21,301 --> 00:08:22,367
And I love it.
202
00:08:22,369 --> 00:08:25,804
♪ good morning,
alleywa-a-a-a-a-y ♪
203
00:08:30,444 --> 00:08:31,509
My beautiful face.
204
00:08:31,511 --> 00:08:32,710
My beautiful voice.
205
00:08:32,712 --> 00:08:34,646
That doctor changed
everything.
206
00:08:34,648 --> 00:08:36,248
Oh, my god.
207
00:08:36,250 --> 00:08:37,449
I guess it's the same.
208
00:08:37,451 --> 00:08:41,186
Oh, my god, what are you
even going on about?
209
00:08:41,188 --> 00:08:42,788
Sorry,
I was talking to myself.
210
00:08:42,790 --> 00:08:44,055
So was I.
211
00:08:44,057 --> 00:08:46,625
Not everything revolves
around you.
212
00:08:48,061 --> 00:08:51,062
No. No.
Lose the hat.
213
00:08:51,064 --> 00:08:53,065
You're right,
it's too much.
214
00:08:55,603 --> 00:08:58,937
Okay. We are a family
at the table.
215
00:08:58,939 --> 00:09:00,939
It is time
for a meal.
Uh-huh.
216
00:09:00,941 --> 00:09:02,340
Yeah.
Good summary,
dad.
217
00:09:02,342 --> 00:09:03,942
What's going on
with your voice?
218
00:09:03,944 --> 00:09:06,344
It's peaking,
along with the rest of me.
219
00:09:06,346 --> 00:09:08,013
It's like
a second puberty.
220
00:09:08,015 --> 00:09:10,282
There's a second puberty?
221
00:09:10,284 --> 00:09:11,950
Oh, no.
222
00:09:11,952 --> 00:09:14,653
Got you.
[ screams ]
223
00:09:15,623 --> 00:09:17,022
I said that
way too soon.
224
00:09:17,024 --> 00:09:18,824
Stay where you are.
I said, "got you."
225
00:09:18,826 --> 00:09:20,692
Cop tackle!
Lemme go.
226
00:09:20,694 --> 00:09:21,827
Who is that?
227
00:09:21,829 --> 00:09:23,228
And why are they here?
228
00:09:23,230 --> 00:09:25,697
I asked them
to stake out the house.
229
00:09:25,699 --> 00:09:27,565
I noticed this man
following me,
230
00:09:27,567 --> 00:09:32,103
And was afraid he might come
for my home and family.
231
00:09:32,105 --> 00:09:33,905
Lies.
He's not who you think he is.
232
00:09:33,907 --> 00:09:36,975
He stole my face
and my voice.
233
00:09:36,977 --> 00:09:38,510
I'm stan, not him.
234
00:09:38,512 --> 00:09:40,178
How do you explain this,
then?
235
00:09:40,180 --> 00:09:41,579
Can't fake that.
236
00:09:41,581 --> 00:09:43,048
You gotta believe me.
237
00:09:43,050 --> 00:09:45,116
I just went to the doctor
to get botox,
238
00:09:45,118 --> 00:09:47,986
You know, to preserve my peak,
and maybe some lip filler--
239
00:09:47,988 --> 00:09:50,388
I'll give ya
some lip filler.
[ grunts ]
240
00:09:50,390 --> 00:09:51,323
He said lip.
241
00:09:51,325 --> 00:09:52,791
Why didn't you punch him
in the mouth?
242
00:09:52,793 --> 00:09:54,326
Oh, duh, of course.
243
00:09:54,328 --> 00:09:56,928
Hey buddy, say that
sweet, sweet set-up line again.
244
00:09:56,930 --> 00:09:58,864
C'mon.
If we retrace my steps,
245
00:09:58,866 --> 00:10:00,666
I can show you
how he did it all.
246
00:10:00,668 --> 00:10:02,734
Blammo.
247
00:10:02,736 --> 00:10:04,069
Okay, let's go.
248
00:10:04,071 --> 00:10:06,738
I don't think
it's coming back.
249
00:10:06,740 --> 00:10:08,073
Let's just get
another apple.
250
00:10:08,075 --> 00:10:10,676
No, that was a
once-in-a-lifetime deal.
251
00:10:10,678 --> 00:10:12,344
I'm eating that apple.
252
00:10:12,346 --> 00:10:13,611
You can't fit in there.
253
00:10:13,613 --> 00:10:15,881
Sure I can.
Been in a weight-loss contest
254
00:10:15,883 --> 00:10:18,283
With college friends,
so I'm slim right now.
255
00:10:18,285 --> 00:10:19,885
Slacked off bad
the first week,
256
00:10:19,887 --> 00:10:22,220
Got chicken carbonara
from domino's like 11 times,
257
00:10:22,222 --> 00:10:25,023
But this week
I've only had coffee.
258
00:10:25,025 --> 00:10:28,360
Okay, it's tight,
but not so bad.
259
00:10:30,498 --> 00:10:32,230
Oh, no, oh, no,
I'm stuck, I'm stuck.
260
00:10:32,232 --> 00:10:35,401
Pull me out, pull me out!
I don't wanna do this anymore!
261
00:10:35,969 --> 00:10:37,836
[ both grunt ]
262
00:10:37,838 --> 00:10:40,105
[ stomach rumbles ]
263
00:10:40,107 --> 00:10:41,639
Dude.
264
00:10:41,641 --> 00:10:43,041
I lied.
I had four clif bars
265
00:10:43,043 --> 00:10:45,377
And a tub of strawberry
frosting this morning.
266
00:10:45,379 --> 00:10:47,579
[ crying ]
267
00:10:47,581 --> 00:10:48,914
He made it.
268
00:10:48,916 --> 00:10:51,717
Hi. Okay, it's way down there.
I'll be back.
269
00:10:51,719 --> 00:10:53,919
If you don't hear from me
in a week, um...
270
00:10:53,921 --> 00:10:56,054
Ya know what? Just give up.
Move on with your lives.
271
00:10:56,056 --> 00:10:57,923
We'll all be fine.
272
00:10:57,925 --> 00:10:59,725
[ elevator bell dings ]
273
00:10:59,727 --> 00:11:01,793
Just ahead
is dr. Revánche's office.
274
00:11:01,795 --> 00:11:03,529
You'll see where
that monster duped me
275
00:11:03,531 --> 00:11:06,865
And drugged me and set
his twisted plan in motion.
276
00:11:06,867 --> 00:11:08,534
Buddy, it's empty.
277
00:11:08,536 --> 00:11:09,868
I don't get it.
278
00:11:09,870 --> 00:11:11,002
Just yesterday this was
279
00:11:11,004 --> 00:11:12,538
A fully-functioning
doctor's office.
280
00:11:12,540 --> 00:11:15,541
I mean, his receptionist,
susan, sat right there.
281
00:11:15,543 --> 00:11:17,275
She had a gruff exterior,
but she really went
282
00:11:17,277 --> 00:11:19,077
To bat for me
with my insurance company.
283
00:11:19,079 --> 00:11:21,947
Real stan, why are we
indulging this guy?
284
00:11:21,949 --> 00:11:24,015
We're trying to appease
a crazy person
285
00:11:24,017 --> 00:11:26,084
Because he knows
where we live.
286
00:11:26,086 --> 00:11:27,953
Plus, it's funny, right?
I know.
287
00:11:27,955 --> 00:11:30,155
He put his ads everywhere
on my drive to work.
288
00:11:30,157 --> 00:11:33,158
I'll show you.
[ snickers ]
289
00:11:33,160 --> 00:11:36,228
I swear, he had
like five ads in a row.
290
00:11:36,230 --> 00:11:38,230
He couldn't have gotten rid
of them all.
291
00:11:40,368 --> 00:11:43,369
Sir, you've peeled these ads
all the way back
292
00:11:43,371 --> 00:11:44,636
To old hollywood.
293
00:11:44,638 --> 00:11:47,439
Oh, wait, the flier
on my windshield.
294
00:11:47,441 --> 00:11:48,440
Follow me.
295
00:11:50,778 --> 00:11:52,378
I tossed it down here.
296
00:11:52,380 --> 00:11:53,511
Is this it?
297
00:11:53,513 --> 00:11:54,780
No, just a lotto ticket.
298
00:11:54,782 --> 00:11:56,848
Ooh, someone left
a box unscratched.
299
00:11:56,850 --> 00:11:58,183
Nope,
that was just bird shit.
300
00:11:58,185 --> 00:11:59,651
Can we just arrest
this clown?
301
00:11:59,653 --> 00:12:02,654
Say, this guy's clearly
going through something.
302
00:12:02,656 --> 00:12:05,391
Ya know...Maybe I can just
talk some sense into him.
303
00:12:05,393 --> 00:12:07,793
I speak clown.
304
00:12:07,795 --> 00:12:10,195
Why are you doing this?
305
00:12:10,197 --> 00:12:12,130
You don't remember me,
do you?
306
00:12:12,132 --> 00:12:14,266
Let me freshen
your memory.
307
00:12:14,268 --> 00:12:19,871
Many years ago, I placed a bid
on my dream home,
308
00:12:19,873 --> 00:12:22,474
But I had competition.
309
00:12:24,544 --> 00:12:27,212
You.
310
00:12:27,214 --> 00:12:30,015
So the sellers asked each of us
to write a letter
311
00:12:30,017 --> 00:12:31,549
To help them decide.
312
00:12:31,551 --> 00:12:35,553
I put my heart and soul
into that letter
313
00:12:35,555 --> 00:12:38,890
But you must have put more
because you got the house.
314
00:12:38,892 --> 00:12:40,292
And at the time,
315
00:12:40,294 --> 00:12:44,296
I still believed
the world was a fair place.
316
00:12:44,298 --> 00:12:46,231
Later on,
I ran into the sellers,
317
00:12:46,233 --> 00:12:51,169
Who informed me that
they only received one letter.
318
00:12:51,171 --> 00:12:53,705
Look familiar?
319
00:12:53,707 --> 00:12:54,973
"I like house.
320
00:12:54,975 --> 00:12:56,442
Want to live there bad.
321
00:12:56,444 --> 00:12:58,110
Other guy
seems like douche."
322
00:12:58,112 --> 00:13:00,178
This is good. How come
you didn't get the house?
323
00:13:00,180 --> 00:13:01,513
That was the letter
you wrote!
324
00:13:01,515 --> 00:13:02,848
I don't know
how you did it,
325
00:13:02,850 --> 00:13:04,850
But I know you made
my letter disappear.
326
00:13:04,852 --> 00:13:06,785
Good instincts.
327
00:13:06,787 --> 00:13:08,119
It was definitely me.
328
00:13:08,121 --> 00:13:10,656
I took it and made
a clean getaway.
329
00:13:10,658 --> 00:13:13,659
After that,
I was enraged.
330
00:13:13,661 --> 00:13:15,527
I became consumed.
331
00:13:15,529 --> 00:13:18,997
My wife couldn't dedicate
herself to a life of revenge,
332
00:13:18,999 --> 00:13:20,798
So I ended it.
333
00:13:20,800 --> 00:13:25,471
And soon I discovered
your weakness -- vanity.
334
00:13:25,473 --> 00:13:29,074
So I planted the peak day idea
in your head
335
00:13:29,076 --> 00:13:32,077
And led you
into my arms...
336
00:13:32,079 --> 00:13:33,479
After med school,
337
00:13:33,481 --> 00:13:35,481
A plastic surgery residency
in north dakota,
338
00:13:35,483 --> 00:13:37,349
And a couple years
keeping my [bleep] sister's
339
00:13:37,351 --> 00:13:40,285
Sandwich shop afloat
in woodstock.
340
00:13:40,287 --> 00:13:43,489
And now I have
what's rightfully mine --
341
00:13:43,491 --> 00:13:48,694
The house and the family
I never got the chance to start.
342
00:13:48,696 --> 00:13:51,330
[ laughs maniacally ]
343
00:13:52,766 --> 00:13:54,232
A security camera.
344
00:13:54,234 --> 00:13:55,367
That'll prove
everything.
345
00:13:55,369 --> 00:13:57,369
I can't get through
to this guy.
346
00:13:57,371 --> 00:13:58,871
Arrest him.
347
00:14:02,176 --> 00:14:04,176
[ both panting ]
we'll never catch him.
348
00:14:04,178 --> 00:14:06,044
He had a crazy
head start.
349
00:14:06,046 --> 00:14:07,913
He probably ran track.
350
00:14:07,915 --> 00:14:11,116
And now I have
what's rightfully mine --
351
00:14:11,118 --> 00:14:16,121
The house and the family I
never got the chance to start.
352
00:14:16,123 --> 00:14:18,724
See? Told you
it was me, old friend.
353
00:14:18,726 --> 00:14:20,526
Oh, my god,
you are you.
354
00:14:20,528 --> 00:14:22,127
You look good, stan.
355
00:14:22,129 --> 00:14:23,929
Get a bucket
and a mop.
356
00:14:23,931 --> 00:14:25,997
The voice is sexy, too.
357
00:14:25,999 --> 00:14:28,334
Say "banana."
358
00:14:28,336 --> 00:14:31,203
No. Stop making eyes at me
and listen.
359
00:14:31,205 --> 00:14:32,604
I've been in hell.
360
00:14:32,606 --> 00:14:34,139
But you can save my soul.
361
00:14:34,141 --> 00:14:36,474
You're the linchpin
to my whole plan.
362
00:14:36,476 --> 00:14:38,744
Oh,
I'm a great linchpin.
363
00:14:38,746 --> 00:14:43,481
Reliable, strong, sexy,
charming when I need to be.
364
00:14:43,483 --> 00:14:46,284
Ooh, and if your plan
involves walking,
365
00:14:46,286 --> 00:14:48,620
I got a great
new set of sneakers.
366
00:14:48,622 --> 00:14:51,089
Comfortable,
good price, brown.
367
00:14:51,091 --> 00:14:53,291
Oh, and they got
the longest laces, stan.
368
00:14:53,293 --> 00:14:55,694
Shhhh.
Less, tuttle.
369
00:14:56,764 --> 00:14:58,063
Got ya.
370
00:15:00,700 --> 00:15:01,633
Got it.
371
00:15:01,635 --> 00:15:03,035
Oh. Lost it.
372
00:15:03,037 --> 00:15:04,336
Got it.
373
00:15:05,305 --> 00:15:06,838
Nope. Got it.
374
00:15:06,840 --> 00:15:07,839
Got it, yes.
375
00:15:07,841 --> 00:15:11,109
Can't hardly see a thing
in here.
376
00:15:11,111 --> 00:15:14,213
An orange? Ech.
I don't want this.
377
00:15:15,515 --> 00:15:17,416
Feel like I shoulda
thrown the orange.
378
00:15:21,721 --> 00:15:24,522
As you can see, I've got
some heat on me right now.
379
00:15:24,524 --> 00:15:27,793
So I need you to take this tape
and show my family
380
00:15:27,795 --> 00:15:29,527
I am who I say I am.
381
00:15:29,529 --> 00:15:31,196
I think
I'm getting a blister.
382
00:15:31,198 --> 00:15:34,266
Maybe I should go home
and get a band-aid.
383
00:15:34,268 --> 00:15:36,468
Just go.
384
00:15:36,470 --> 00:15:38,670
I'm starting to panic,
stan.
385
00:15:38,672 --> 00:15:40,472
Stop turning around
and talking to me.
386
00:15:40,474 --> 00:15:42,408
Did that guy just step
out of the bushes?
387
00:15:42,410 --> 00:15:45,143
Yeah.
And now he's talking to 'em.
388
00:15:45,145 --> 00:15:47,345
You think
we should check it out?
389
00:15:47,347 --> 00:15:50,215
Nah, now he's crawling back
into the bushes.
390
00:15:50,217 --> 00:15:52,217
Just a nature freak.
391
00:15:52,219 --> 00:15:53,986
[ tires squeal ]
392
00:15:55,956 --> 00:15:57,756
[ tires squeal ]
393
00:15:57,758 --> 00:16:00,558
Oh, my god,
he's got my family!
394
00:16:00,560 --> 00:16:03,228
Looks like the smiths
are going on vacation.
395
00:16:03,230 --> 00:16:05,030
Let's check
the scanner.
396
00:16:05,032 --> 00:16:06,832
Dispatcher: Officer blatt,
caruso, where have you been?
397
00:16:06,834 --> 00:16:08,634
Officer down
at sixth street and av--
398
00:16:08,636 --> 00:16:11,903
Ugh, it's always bad news
with that guy.
399
00:16:11,905 --> 00:16:13,972
Tell me about it.
400
00:16:13,974 --> 00:16:15,240
Let's go get
some ice cream.
401
00:16:15,242 --> 00:16:18,243
[ engine starts, siren wails,
tires squeal ]
402
00:16:21,949 --> 00:16:23,348
They're still gone.
403
00:16:23,350 --> 00:16:26,818
We need to look for clues
to where he might be going.
404
00:16:26,820 --> 00:16:28,086
Is this something?
405
00:16:28,088 --> 00:16:30,221
Uch, yes,
that's an ipad.
406
00:16:30,223 --> 00:16:32,624
I mean this.
407
00:16:32,626 --> 00:16:33,625
Oh, my god.
408
00:16:33,627 --> 00:16:35,360
Why would he do this
to her?
409
00:16:35,362 --> 00:16:38,297
He's going to do surgeries
on them.
410
00:16:38,299 --> 00:16:40,299
That godless mons--
actually,
411
00:16:40,301 --> 00:16:42,101
Steve might be able
to pull this off.
412
00:16:42,103 --> 00:16:43,302
No, must find them.
413
00:16:43,304 --> 00:16:45,370
Okay, stan,
I'll go get my car.
414
00:16:45,372 --> 00:16:47,772
Quiet. Let me think.
Where?
415
00:16:47,774 --> 00:16:51,376
I remember him
testing the tools.
[ saw whirs ]
416
00:16:51,378 --> 00:16:53,979
There was a bird...
[ seagulls squawking ]
417
00:16:53,981 --> 00:16:56,247
...And a bridge.
418
00:16:56,249 --> 00:16:57,849
A rickety wooden bridge.
419
00:16:57,851 --> 00:16:59,918
Tuttle, where is the closest
rickety wooden bridge?
420
00:16:59,920 --> 00:17:03,388
Uh, there's a pretty solid
one over at the library.
421
00:17:03,390 --> 00:17:05,657
Rickety.
Rickety for chrissakes.
422
00:17:05,659 --> 00:17:08,327
Oh! There's one
at the japanese tea garden.
423
00:17:08,329 --> 00:17:11,396
Yes!
You're a genius.
424
00:17:11,398 --> 00:17:13,398
You absolute fool.
425
00:17:13,400 --> 00:17:15,734
This is not it.
426
00:17:15,736 --> 00:17:18,137
I think -- ah --
it's not a bridge -- ow --
427
00:17:18,139 --> 00:17:21,006
But there's a rickety dock
at the marina.
428
00:17:21,008 --> 00:17:23,074
The bridge was a dock.
429
00:17:23,076 --> 00:17:24,876
The bird was a seagull.
430
00:17:24,878 --> 00:17:26,812
Yes, I was on a boat.
431
00:17:26,814 --> 00:17:28,279
That also explains
this barnacle
432
00:17:28,281 --> 00:17:30,683
That's been stuck on me
for days. Let's go.
433
00:17:31,752 --> 00:17:33,419
[ tires squeal ]
434
00:17:35,956 --> 00:17:38,289
He must have them
on one of these boats.
435
00:17:38,291 --> 00:17:41,893
Some kind of, I dunno,
surgery boat?
436
00:17:41,895 --> 00:17:42,761
Do you know which one?
437
00:17:42,763 --> 00:17:45,030
It could literally be
any of these.
438
00:17:45,032 --> 00:17:47,566
Dr. Adrian revánche:
♪ surgery boat, surgery boat ♪
439
00:17:47,568 --> 00:17:50,702
♪ cuttin' up faces
on a surgery boat ♪
440
00:17:50,704 --> 00:17:54,840
♪ it's the eighth row over,
and the third boat do-o-o-o-wn ♪
441
00:17:54,842 --> 00:17:56,575
Look, we're never gonna find 'em
if we stand around
442
00:17:56,577 --> 00:17:57,843
Listening to
this guy sing.
443
00:17:57,845 --> 00:18:00,179
Let's split up and check
the boats one by one.
444
00:18:00,181 --> 00:18:01,780
Go.
445
00:18:01,782 --> 00:18:05,116
[ saw whirring ]
446
00:18:05,118 --> 00:18:06,317
Mmm.
447
00:18:06,319 --> 00:18:08,319
Okay,
who wants to go first?
448
00:18:08,321 --> 00:18:09,988
Please, no.
449
00:18:09,990 --> 00:18:11,923
Please, sir,
have mercy.
450
00:18:11,925 --> 00:18:15,260
I'll go. Always get the first
appointment of the day,
451
00:18:15,262 --> 00:18:16,928
When the doctor's fresh.
452
00:18:16,930 --> 00:18:18,263
Life hack
for you kids.
453
00:18:18,265 --> 00:18:21,867
Stop.
You guys have to believe me.
454
00:18:21,869 --> 00:18:24,135
That's not the stan
you know.
455
00:18:24,137 --> 00:18:26,405
Uh, yeah, we've pretty much
figured that out by now.
456
00:18:26,407 --> 00:18:29,340
Ugh, will you please
just leave me alone?
457
00:18:29,342 --> 00:18:30,542
Listen up, doc.
458
00:18:30,544 --> 00:18:32,411
I'm only gonna
say this once --
459
00:18:32,413 --> 00:18:33,812
Fix my son's cheekbones,
460
00:18:33,814 --> 00:18:36,415
Then get the hell away
from my family.
461
00:18:36,417 --> 00:18:38,283
Tell him, dad.
Wai-- wuh?
462
00:18:38,285 --> 00:18:40,485
[ chuckles ]
looking at you now,
463
00:18:40,487 --> 00:18:43,322
I see that you need
a little touch-up.
464
00:18:46,359 --> 00:18:47,959
Nurse, scalpel.
465
00:18:47,961 --> 00:18:49,828
Still tied up
over here.
Right.
466
00:18:49,830 --> 00:18:53,364
I don't care how obsessed
you are with me,
467
00:18:53,366 --> 00:18:55,300
You can't have my family.
468
00:18:55,302 --> 00:18:56,635
You don't get it.
469
00:18:56,637 --> 00:18:59,438
I don't want to have
your family.
470
00:18:59,440 --> 00:19:00,906
I want to ruin them,
471
00:19:00,908 --> 00:19:03,409
Just like you ruined
my whole life.
472
00:19:13,254 --> 00:19:15,386
[ panting ]
473
00:19:15,388 --> 00:19:16,988
Watch the face.
Watch the face.
474
00:19:16,990 --> 00:19:19,458
Obviously, it's mine.
475
00:19:19,460 --> 00:19:22,527
How dare you try to change
my family.
476
00:19:22,529 --> 00:19:25,130
Let me tell you,
as a plastic surgeon,
477
00:19:25,132 --> 00:19:27,933
Your family
is far from perfect.
478
00:19:27,935 --> 00:19:29,000
You bitch.
479
00:19:29,002 --> 00:19:31,536
Maybe they're not
perfect to you,
480
00:19:31,538 --> 00:19:34,405
But I love them all
as they are --
481
00:19:34,407 --> 00:19:35,741
Medium-looking.
482
00:19:35,743 --> 00:19:40,412
Except my wife,
she's a [bleep] fox!
483
00:19:48,021 --> 00:19:50,956
Time to face the music.
484
00:19:50,958 --> 00:19:53,158
[ groaning ]
485
00:19:53,160 --> 00:19:54,760
I'm so sorry.
486
00:19:54,762 --> 00:19:57,096
When I said I love
and accept you as you are,
487
00:19:57,098 --> 00:19:59,564
I realized maybe that's what
I've been worried about
488
00:19:59,566 --> 00:20:00,765
This whole time.
489
00:20:00,767 --> 00:20:02,701
That once
I'm past my peak
490
00:20:02,703 --> 00:20:04,903
You might not love
and accept me.
491
00:20:04,905 --> 00:20:05,771
Just untie us.
492
00:20:05,773 --> 00:20:07,572
Hold on,
I'm not quite done.
493
00:20:07,574 --> 00:20:11,576
I realize now, though,
you'll never give up on me.
494
00:20:11,578 --> 00:20:13,312
On good ol' stan.
495
00:20:13,314 --> 00:20:15,380
Uch, take it off.
Jee-zuss.
496
00:20:15,382 --> 00:20:18,550
[ moans ]
get a bucket and a mop.
497
00:20:20,387 --> 00:20:22,387
Whew!
Glad that's over.
498
00:20:22,389 --> 00:20:24,055
Wait, is it over?
499
00:20:24,057 --> 00:20:26,325
Hopefully dr. Kalgary
can squeeze me in today.
500
00:20:26,327 --> 00:20:27,526
Although,
I do like carrying around
501
00:20:27,528 --> 00:20:30,261
This big 'ole
flappy face.
502
00:20:30,263 --> 00:20:31,462
Stan.
503
00:20:31,464 --> 00:20:33,699
Come on,
I'm kissing your ass.
504
00:20:35,402 --> 00:20:36,935
Someone stop that apple.
505
00:20:36,937 --> 00:20:38,470
Roger?
506
00:20:38,472 --> 00:20:41,206
Whoa,
look at your face, dude.
507
00:20:41,208 --> 00:20:42,675
What happened to you?
508
00:20:43,944 --> 00:20:45,210
Hey.
509
00:20:45,212 --> 00:20:46,612
That's a $4 apple.
510
00:20:52,953 --> 00:20:55,688
What am I doing?
I'll just go buy another one.
511
00:20:58,091 --> 00:20:59,958
Bye! Have a beautiful time!