1 00:00:04,071 --> 00:00:06,638 [ alarm beeping ] 2 00:00:09,009 --> 00:00:12,210 Stan, what are you -- it's Saturday. 3 00:00:12,212 --> 00:00:14,346 I thought your spin class was cancelled. 4 00:00:14,348 --> 00:00:16,749 I don't know, the alarm's got a mind of its own. 5 00:00:17,551 --> 00:00:19,351 [ beeping continues ] wait a second. 6 00:00:20,821 --> 00:00:23,488 Oh, my god, it's my peak day alarm. 7 00:00:23,490 --> 00:00:25,758 I set this years ago. [ beeping stops ] 8 00:00:25,760 --> 00:00:28,360 [ groans ] why, you ask? 9 00:00:28,362 --> 00:00:31,630 It's all here, in my vintage issue of men's health. 10 00:00:31,632 --> 00:00:34,499 Aside from correctly predicting zachery ty bryan's 11 00:00:34,501 --> 00:00:36,769 A-lister career, it has an article about 12 00:00:36,771 --> 00:00:39,638 When a man hits the scientific prime of his life, 13 00:00:39,640 --> 00:00:41,573 His "peak," at the third month 14 00:00:41,575 --> 00:00:44,376 Of his 42nd year. That's today. 15 00:00:44,378 --> 00:00:46,779 What's it say about women? When's my peak? 16 00:00:46,781 --> 00:00:49,047 Oh, good lord, that would have been ages ago... 17 00:00:49,049 --> 00:00:52,751 A-and stretching far into the future. 18 00:00:55,322 --> 00:00:59,124 Yes. Even my obvious lies are at peak performance. 19 00:01:01,996 --> 00:01:04,196 ♪ good morning, u.S.A. ♪ 20 00:01:04,198 --> 00:01:08,000 ♪ I got a feelin' that it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪ 21 00:01:08,002 --> 00:01:11,003 ♪ the sun in the sky has a smile on his face ♪ 22 00:01:11,005 --> 00:01:15,574 ♪ and he's shinin' a salute to the american race ♪ 23 00:01:17,344 --> 00:01:20,679 ♪ oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪ 24 00:01:20,681 --> 00:01:23,482 ♪ good -- ♪ ♪ good morning, u.S.A. ♪ 25 00:01:23,484 --> 00:01:24,416 Aah! 26 00:01:25,619 --> 00:01:29,154 ♪ good morning, u.S.A. ♪ 27 00:01:31,425 --> 00:01:35,427 Welcome back to "morning mimosa" with trish and suze. 28 00:01:35,429 --> 00:01:37,362 It's time to call some of the men 29 00:01:37,364 --> 00:01:40,165 Who ghosted trish after one date. 30 00:01:40,167 --> 00:01:43,568 First up on the list is a humorless little schmuck 31 00:01:43,570 --> 00:01:46,104 Named suckboi tony. 32 00:01:46,106 --> 00:01:47,172 Hey. 33 00:01:47,174 --> 00:01:48,573 -Come on. -What the [bleep] 34 00:01:48,575 --> 00:01:51,510 It's time for a thrilling stan-nouncement. 35 00:01:51,512 --> 00:01:54,779 Today, I have officially hit "peak stan." 36 00:01:54,781 --> 00:01:58,383 Everything at this moment in my life is hitting its stride. 37 00:01:58,385 --> 00:02:01,453 I've got it all -- wonderful wife, great kids, 38 00:02:01,455 --> 00:02:03,388 Fridge in the garage. 39 00:02:03,390 --> 00:02:05,524 A blend of faculties and experience 40 00:02:05,526 --> 00:02:07,860 That are in total sync. 41 00:02:07,862 --> 00:02:09,528 Cool, dad, great. 42 00:02:09,530 --> 00:02:12,130 Speak up, my boy, can't hear you up at the peak. 43 00:02:12,132 --> 00:02:13,798 Can we put the tv back on? 44 00:02:13,800 --> 00:02:15,333 Hayley, is that you? 45 00:02:15,335 --> 00:02:16,801 Wind's whippin' like a mother up here. 46 00:02:16,803 --> 00:02:19,538 Be careful, stan, as they're constantly saying 47 00:02:19,540 --> 00:02:21,005 On the series "the crown," 48 00:02:21,007 --> 00:02:24,409 "heavy is the head that wears the crown." 49 00:02:24,411 --> 00:02:25,944 What are you talking about? 50 00:02:25,946 --> 00:02:28,480 I think he's saying that when you're on top of the mountain, 51 00:02:28,482 --> 00:02:30,615 People are gonna try to knock you off. 52 00:02:30,617 --> 00:02:32,217 Right, klaus? Right. 53 00:02:32,219 --> 00:02:36,088 Man, you always get me, francine. 54 00:02:36,090 --> 00:02:37,622 Meet me in the kitchen. 55 00:02:37,624 --> 00:02:39,091 You may be right. 56 00:02:39,093 --> 00:02:41,493 At the peak, I'm most exposed. 57 00:02:41,495 --> 00:02:44,763 But also at the peak, I can see my enemies coming -- 58 00:02:44,765 --> 00:02:45,964 In every direction. 59 00:02:45,966 --> 00:02:48,833 I can also see them not able to handle the altitude. 60 00:02:48,835 --> 00:02:50,703 Should've hired a sherpa, haters. 61 00:02:50,705 --> 00:02:52,971 Come on, honey, let's go to the grocery store. 62 00:02:52,973 --> 00:02:54,439 I want you to see what it's like 63 00:02:54,441 --> 00:02:57,710 When a man at his peak buys baked beans. 64 00:03:02,182 --> 00:03:05,784 So, roger, if you need pointers on how to maximize free samples 65 00:03:05,786 --> 00:03:09,121 Without these crummy farmers giving you crap, just ask. 66 00:03:09,123 --> 00:03:10,989 We do this a lot. 67 00:03:10,991 --> 00:03:12,590 I like to grab a sample, 68 00:03:12,592 --> 00:03:14,860 Take a little lap, come back and pretend 69 00:03:14,862 --> 00:03:16,794 I'm a different talking fish. 70 00:03:16,796 --> 00:03:18,930 That was my tip. I told you that. 71 00:03:18,932 --> 00:03:20,999 No you didn't. My oma taught me that 72 00:03:21,001 --> 00:03:23,669 When I was a young ski jumper in dusseldorf-- 73 00:03:23,671 --> 00:03:25,671 Are you [bleep] with me right now? 74 00:03:25,673 --> 00:03:27,739 How did I end up in this grouping? 75 00:03:27,741 --> 00:03:30,608 Feel like I got put on the practice squad. 76 00:03:30,610 --> 00:03:32,210 Whoa. 77 00:03:32,212 --> 00:03:34,480 Four bucks for one apple? 78 00:03:34,482 --> 00:03:36,014 That's robbery, I'll give two. 79 00:03:36,016 --> 00:03:38,016 They're $4. We have samples if you -- 80 00:03:38,018 --> 00:03:39,951 No, no, no, no, no, I'm not trying anything. 81 00:03:39,953 --> 00:03:42,287 I am in control of this negotiation. 82 00:03:42,289 --> 00:03:43,421 Take the sample. 83 00:03:43,423 --> 00:03:45,557 What is he doing? Is it even good? 84 00:03:45,559 --> 00:03:46,892 The best you'll ever have. 85 00:03:46,894 --> 00:03:48,960 See, now you've overplayed your hand 86 00:03:48,962 --> 00:03:50,628 And just lost a customer. 87 00:03:50,630 --> 00:03:52,164 I'm walking away. 88 00:03:52,166 --> 00:03:54,299 Adios, señor. 89 00:03:54,301 --> 00:03:58,303 Still got any of those apples? 90 00:03:58,305 --> 00:04:00,506 Sucker. That's a fiver. 91 00:04:00,508 --> 00:04:02,841 This is gonna be amazing. 92 00:04:02,843 --> 00:04:05,511 People forget, but apples can go toe-to-toe 93 00:04:05,513 --> 00:04:07,245 With any fruit out there. 94 00:04:07,247 --> 00:04:10,516 Well, not peaches, plums, pears, pomegranates, pineapples -- 95 00:04:10,518 --> 00:04:13,118 And those are just the "p's" -- but a good apple is good. 96 00:04:13,120 --> 00:04:16,388 What are you waiting for? Get to munchin', bro. 97 00:04:16,390 --> 00:04:18,990 Oh, no, I paid out the ass for this thing. 98 00:04:18,992 --> 00:04:20,726 The setting must be perfect. 99 00:04:20,728 --> 00:04:22,728 Every single bite has to be savored. 100 00:04:22,730 --> 00:04:24,530 My hands are empty. Why are my hands empty? 101 00:04:24,532 --> 00:04:26,598 I dropped the apple. When did I drop the apple? 102 00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:27,833 There it goes. 103 00:04:29,069 --> 00:04:31,603 [ gasps ] aah! 104 00:04:31,605 --> 00:04:34,272 It went into that tiny...Sinkhole. 105 00:04:34,274 --> 00:04:35,741 I know. 106 00:04:35,743 --> 00:04:37,876 I thought for sure it would go into that one. 107 00:04:41,815 --> 00:04:44,682 Say, "pe-e-e-e-eak." [ camera shutter clicks ] 108 00:04:44,684 --> 00:04:46,618 I'm ready now. 109 00:04:46,620 --> 00:04:49,221 I'm thinking about a prime filet. 110 00:04:49,223 --> 00:04:50,556 You offering any discounts? 111 00:04:50,558 --> 00:04:52,157 I've hit my peak, see. 112 00:04:52,159 --> 00:04:53,491 Congrats there, friend. 113 00:04:53,493 --> 00:04:55,427 Guess it's all downhill from here. 114 00:04:55,429 --> 00:04:57,963 [ both chuckle ] 115 00:04:57,965 --> 00:04:59,898 Wait. Wait. Wait, what do you mean? 116 00:04:59,900 --> 00:05:01,633 Don't you get it, I'm at my peak. 117 00:05:01,635 --> 00:05:04,036 Sure, but once you've gone all the way up, 118 00:05:04,038 --> 00:05:06,638 There's nowhere to go but, uh -- farther up? 119 00:05:06,640 --> 00:05:09,775 Uh, how about a dry-aged steak? 120 00:05:09,777 --> 00:05:10,842 Dry? 121 00:05:10,844 --> 00:05:11,709 Aged? 122 00:05:11,711 --> 00:05:13,045 Is that what I look like to you? 123 00:05:13,047 --> 00:05:15,581 Hey. I couldn't help but notice you, 124 00:05:15,583 --> 00:05:17,649 And I had to ask. 125 00:05:17,651 --> 00:05:19,184 What's your number? 126 00:05:19,186 --> 00:05:20,718 [ giggles ] oh, tom. 127 00:05:20,720 --> 00:05:22,854 Hey, are you hitting on my wife? 128 00:05:22,856 --> 00:05:25,791 I was just joking about what number she was in line. 129 00:05:25,793 --> 00:05:30,128 Tom, your horniness is a problem for our business. 130 00:05:30,130 --> 00:05:33,599 Everybody's coming for me. They smell blood in the water. 131 00:05:33,601 --> 00:05:35,667 You're reading way too much into this. 132 00:05:35,669 --> 00:05:36,935 Oh, this is rich. 133 00:05:36,937 --> 00:05:39,537 Even the flier guy thinks I'm weak. 134 00:05:39,539 --> 00:05:42,441 Stan, they're on every car. 135 00:05:43,410 --> 00:05:45,010 I'm not weak! 136 00:05:45,012 --> 00:05:46,812 Alright, update on the peak. 137 00:05:46,814 --> 00:05:49,014 My enemies think I'm on the downslope. 138 00:05:49,016 --> 00:05:52,217 And thank you for warning me. Your loyalty will be rewarded. 139 00:05:52,219 --> 00:05:53,685 We were just teasing, stan. 140 00:05:53,687 --> 00:05:54,820 I wasn't even listening. 141 00:05:54,822 --> 00:05:56,488 Don't take this the wrong way, dad, 142 00:05:56,490 --> 00:05:58,356 But other people don't spend a lot of time 143 00:05:58,358 --> 00:06:00,758 Thinking about your life. Maybe. 144 00:06:00,760 --> 00:06:03,028 But lemme bounce an idea back at you. 145 00:06:03,030 --> 00:06:04,296 I am tom brady. 146 00:06:04,298 --> 00:06:05,697 [ all groan ] 147 00:06:05,699 --> 00:06:08,700 People are jealous and dying to see me lose. 148 00:06:08,702 --> 00:06:12,570 But, like tom, I'm starting an anti-aging regimen. 149 00:06:12,572 --> 00:06:13,905 Goop lotions and serums, 150 00:06:13,907 --> 00:06:15,707 Removing nightshades from my diet, 151 00:06:15,709 --> 00:06:18,243 And daily brain training, like the crossword. 152 00:06:19,046 --> 00:06:20,446 I don't know any of these. 153 00:06:20,448 --> 00:06:21,713 Point is, with this regimen, 154 00:06:21,715 --> 00:06:24,582 I can take my peak and turn it into 155 00:06:24,584 --> 00:06:25,583 A mesa. 156 00:06:25,585 --> 00:06:27,986 Flat greatness. Forever. 157 00:06:27,988 --> 00:06:31,523 Stan, I think you're going about this all wrong. 158 00:06:31,525 --> 00:06:32,590 And honestly? 159 00:06:32,592 --> 00:06:34,059 Being pretty narcissistic. 160 00:06:34,061 --> 00:06:36,462 Narcissistic? I'm thinking about other people 161 00:06:36,464 --> 00:06:38,097 And how they think of me. 162 00:06:41,401 --> 00:06:42,534 Huh, him again. 163 00:06:42,536 --> 00:06:47,806 ♪♪ 164 00:06:47,808 --> 00:06:50,809 Hmm, my curiosity is piqued. 165 00:06:50,811 --> 00:06:52,678 Hi, there, stan. 166 00:06:52,680 --> 00:06:53,945 I'm dr. Revánche. 167 00:06:53,947 --> 00:06:55,413 Like I said to the tech, 168 00:06:55,415 --> 00:06:56,748 I don't want to do anything crazy, just -- 169 00:06:56,750 --> 00:06:58,083 Freeze the peak. 170 00:06:58,085 --> 00:06:59,485 You came to the right place. 171 00:06:59,487 --> 00:07:01,086 Look what I can do. 172 00:07:02,823 --> 00:07:05,623 Damn, son, bring a bucket and mop. 173 00:07:05,625 --> 00:07:07,159 Am I right? [ laughs ] 174 00:07:07,161 --> 00:07:09,695 But if I can be serious, this is moving fast. 175 00:07:09,697 --> 00:07:12,498 Maybe a tiny bit of botox to freshen up instead? 176 00:07:12,500 --> 00:07:15,701 Of course. Let's start small. 177 00:07:17,104 --> 00:07:18,837 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 178 00:07:18,839 --> 00:07:20,906 That's the needle you use for botox? 179 00:07:20,908 --> 00:07:23,509 This is the needle I use for heart paralysis. 180 00:07:23,511 --> 00:07:25,110 [ grunts ] I'm a bad guy. 181 00:07:25,112 --> 00:07:28,514 Oh, that's... Honest, at least. 182 00:07:28,516 --> 00:07:31,050 [ body thuds ] [ groaning ] 183 00:07:32,986 --> 00:07:35,053 [ seagulls squawking ] 184 00:07:35,055 --> 00:07:36,922 [ saw whirs ] 185 00:07:40,127 --> 00:07:41,126 Hello, stan. 186 00:07:41,128 --> 00:07:44,062 [ gasps, breathing shakily ] 187 00:07:44,064 --> 00:07:47,132 Aah! What did you do to me?! 188 00:07:47,134 --> 00:07:48,800 Stan, don't worry. 189 00:07:48,802 --> 00:07:51,537 You're going to love your new face. 190 00:07:51,539 --> 00:07:54,072 Although, your old one is pretty nice, too. 191 00:07:54,074 --> 00:07:56,208 [ whimpers ] you were right, 192 00:07:56,210 --> 00:07:58,210 Someone was coming for you. 193 00:07:58,212 --> 00:07:59,545 It was me. 194 00:07:59,547 --> 00:08:01,813 I started with your face, but trust me, 195 00:08:01,815 --> 00:08:03,081 It doesn't end there. 196 00:08:03,083 --> 00:08:06,218 I'm gonna take your whole life. 197 00:08:06,220 --> 00:08:08,954 [ tires squeal ] 198 00:08:10,090 --> 00:08:13,892 Aah! Oh, my god, this is crazy. 199 00:08:13,894 --> 00:08:17,896 And what is going on with my voice? 200 00:08:17,898 --> 00:08:21,299 Oh, I also switched out your larynx with that guy's. 201 00:08:21,301 --> 00:08:22,367 And I love it. 202 00:08:22,369 --> 00:08:25,804 ♪ good morning, alleywa-a-a-a-a-y ♪ 203 00:08:30,444 --> 00:08:31,509 My beautiful face. 204 00:08:31,511 --> 00:08:32,710 My beautiful voice. 205 00:08:32,712 --> 00:08:34,646 That doctor changed everything. 206 00:08:34,648 --> 00:08:36,248 Oh, my god. 207 00:08:36,250 --> 00:08:37,449 I guess it's the same. 208 00:08:37,451 --> 00:08:41,186 Oh, my god, what are you even going on about? 209 00:08:41,188 --> 00:08:42,788 Sorry, I was talking to myself. 210 00:08:42,790 --> 00:08:44,055 So was I. 211 00:08:44,057 --> 00:08:46,625 Not everything revolves around you. 212 00:08:48,061 --> 00:08:51,062 No. No. Lose the hat. 213 00:08:51,064 --> 00:08:53,065 You're right, it's too much. 214 00:08:55,603 --> 00:08:58,937 Okay. We are a family at the table. 215 00:08:58,939 --> 00:09:00,939 It is time for a meal. Uh-huh. 216 00:09:00,941 --> 00:09:02,340 Yeah. Good summary, dad. 217 00:09:02,342 --> 00:09:03,942 What's going on with your voice? 218 00:09:03,944 --> 00:09:06,344 It's peaking, along with the rest of me. 219 00:09:06,346 --> 00:09:08,013 It's like a second puberty. 220 00:09:08,015 --> 00:09:10,282 There's a second puberty? 221 00:09:10,284 --> 00:09:11,950 Oh, no. 222 00:09:11,952 --> 00:09:14,653 Got you. [ screams ] 223 00:09:15,623 --> 00:09:17,022 I said that way too soon. 224 00:09:17,024 --> 00:09:18,824 Stay where you are. I said, "got you." 225 00:09:18,826 --> 00:09:20,692 Cop tackle! Lemme go. 226 00:09:20,694 --> 00:09:21,827 Who is that? 227 00:09:21,829 --> 00:09:23,228 And why are they here? 228 00:09:23,230 --> 00:09:25,697 I asked them to stake out the house. 229 00:09:25,699 --> 00:09:27,565 I noticed this man following me, 230 00:09:27,567 --> 00:09:32,103 And was afraid he might come for my home and family. 231 00:09:32,105 --> 00:09:33,905 Lies. He's not who you think he is. 232 00:09:33,907 --> 00:09:36,975 He stole my face and my voice. 233 00:09:36,977 --> 00:09:38,510 I'm stan, not him. 234 00:09:38,512 --> 00:09:40,178 How do you explain this, then? 235 00:09:40,180 --> 00:09:41,579 Can't fake that. 236 00:09:41,581 --> 00:09:43,048 You gotta believe me. 237 00:09:43,050 --> 00:09:45,116 I just went to the doctor to get botox, 238 00:09:45,118 --> 00:09:47,986 You know, to preserve my peak, and maybe some lip filler-- 239 00:09:47,988 --> 00:09:50,388 I'll give ya some lip filler. [ grunts ] 240 00:09:50,390 --> 00:09:51,323 He said lip. 241 00:09:51,325 --> 00:09:52,791 Why didn't you punch him in the mouth? 242 00:09:52,793 --> 00:09:54,326 Oh, duh, of course. 243 00:09:54,328 --> 00:09:56,928 Hey buddy, say that sweet, sweet set-up line again. 244 00:09:56,930 --> 00:09:58,864 C'mon. If we retrace my steps, 245 00:09:58,866 --> 00:10:00,666 I can show you how he did it all. 246 00:10:00,668 --> 00:10:02,734 Blammo. 247 00:10:02,736 --> 00:10:04,069 Okay, let's go. 248 00:10:04,071 --> 00:10:06,738 I don't think it's coming back. 249 00:10:06,740 --> 00:10:08,073 Let's just get another apple. 250 00:10:08,075 --> 00:10:10,676 No, that was a once-in-a-lifetime deal. 251 00:10:10,678 --> 00:10:12,344 I'm eating that apple. 252 00:10:12,346 --> 00:10:13,611 You can't fit in there. 253 00:10:13,613 --> 00:10:15,881 Sure I can. Been in a weight-loss contest 254 00:10:15,883 --> 00:10:18,283 With college friends, so I'm slim right now. 255 00:10:18,285 --> 00:10:19,885 Slacked off bad the first week, 256 00:10:19,887 --> 00:10:22,220 Got chicken carbonara from domino's like 11 times, 257 00:10:22,222 --> 00:10:25,023 But this week I've only had coffee. 258 00:10:25,025 --> 00:10:28,360 Okay, it's tight, but not so bad. 259 00:10:30,498 --> 00:10:32,230 Oh, no, oh, no, I'm stuck, I'm stuck. 260 00:10:32,232 --> 00:10:35,401 Pull me out, pull me out! I don't wanna do this anymore! 261 00:10:35,969 --> 00:10:37,836 [ both grunt ] 262 00:10:37,838 --> 00:10:40,105 [ stomach rumbles ] 263 00:10:40,107 --> 00:10:41,639 Dude. 264 00:10:41,641 --> 00:10:43,041 I lied. I had four clif bars 265 00:10:43,043 --> 00:10:45,377 And a tub of strawberry frosting this morning. 266 00:10:45,379 --> 00:10:47,579 [ crying ] 267 00:10:47,581 --> 00:10:48,914 He made it. 268 00:10:48,916 --> 00:10:51,717 Hi. Okay, it's way down there. I'll be back. 269 00:10:51,719 --> 00:10:53,919 If you don't hear from me in a week, um... 270 00:10:53,921 --> 00:10:56,054 Ya know what? Just give up. Move on with your lives. 271 00:10:56,056 --> 00:10:57,923 We'll all be fine. 272 00:10:57,925 --> 00:10:59,725 [ elevator bell dings ] 273 00:10:59,727 --> 00:11:01,793 Just ahead is dr. Revánche's office. 274 00:11:01,795 --> 00:11:03,529 You'll see where that monster duped me 275 00:11:03,531 --> 00:11:06,865 And drugged me and set his twisted plan in motion. 276 00:11:06,867 --> 00:11:08,534 Buddy, it's empty. 277 00:11:08,536 --> 00:11:09,868 I don't get it. 278 00:11:09,870 --> 00:11:11,002 Just yesterday this was 279 00:11:11,004 --> 00:11:12,538 A fully-functioning doctor's office. 280 00:11:12,540 --> 00:11:15,541 I mean, his receptionist, susan, sat right there. 281 00:11:15,543 --> 00:11:17,275 She had a gruff exterior, but she really went 282 00:11:17,277 --> 00:11:19,077 To bat for me with my insurance company. 283 00:11:19,079 --> 00:11:21,947 Real stan, why are we indulging this guy? 284 00:11:21,949 --> 00:11:24,015 We're trying to appease a crazy person 285 00:11:24,017 --> 00:11:26,084 Because he knows where we live. 286 00:11:26,086 --> 00:11:27,953 Plus, it's funny, right? I know. 287 00:11:27,955 --> 00:11:30,155 He put his ads everywhere on my drive to work. 288 00:11:30,157 --> 00:11:33,158 I'll show you. [ snickers ] 289 00:11:33,160 --> 00:11:36,228 I swear, he had like five ads in a row. 290 00:11:36,230 --> 00:11:38,230 He couldn't have gotten rid of them all. 291 00:11:40,368 --> 00:11:43,369 Sir, you've peeled these ads all the way back 292 00:11:43,371 --> 00:11:44,636 To old hollywood. 293 00:11:44,638 --> 00:11:47,439 Oh, wait, the flier on my windshield. 294 00:11:47,441 --> 00:11:48,440 Follow me. 295 00:11:50,778 --> 00:11:52,378 I tossed it down here. 296 00:11:52,380 --> 00:11:53,511 Is this it? 297 00:11:53,513 --> 00:11:54,780 No, just a lotto ticket. 298 00:11:54,782 --> 00:11:56,848 Ooh, someone left a box unscratched. 299 00:11:56,850 --> 00:11:58,183 Nope, that was just bird shit. 300 00:11:58,185 --> 00:11:59,651 Can we just arrest this clown? 301 00:11:59,653 --> 00:12:02,654 Say, this guy's clearly going through something. 302 00:12:02,656 --> 00:12:05,391 Ya know...Maybe I can just talk some sense into him. 303 00:12:05,393 --> 00:12:07,793 I speak clown. 304 00:12:07,795 --> 00:12:10,195 Why are you doing this? 305 00:12:10,197 --> 00:12:12,130 You don't remember me, do you? 306 00:12:12,132 --> 00:12:14,266 Let me freshen your memory. 307 00:12:14,268 --> 00:12:19,871 Many years ago, I placed a bid on my dream home, 308 00:12:19,873 --> 00:12:22,474 But I had competition. 309 00:12:24,544 --> 00:12:27,212 You. 310 00:12:27,214 --> 00:12:30,015 So the sellers asked each of us to write a letter 311 00:12:30,017 --> 00:12:31,549 To help them decide. 312 00:12:31,551 --> 00:12:35,553 I put my heart and soul into that letter 313 00:12:35,555 --> 00:12:38,890 But you must have put more because you got the house. 314 00:12:38,892 --> 00:12:40,292 And at the time, 315 00:12:40,294 --> 00:12:44,296 I still believed the world was a fair place. 316 00:12:44,298 --> 00:12:46,231 Later on, I ran into the sellers, 317 00:12:46,233 --> 00:12:51,169 Who informed me that they only received one letter. 318 00:12:51,171 --> 00:12:53,705 Look familiar? 319 00:12:53,707 --> 00:12:54,973 "I like house. 320 00:12:54,975 --> 00:12:56,442 Want to live there bad. 321 00:12:56,444 --> 00:12:58,110 Other guy seems like douche." 322 00:12:58,112 --> 00:13:00,178 This is good. How come you didn't get the house? 323 00:13:00,180 --> 00:13:01,513 That was the letter you wrote! 324 00:13:01,515 --> 00:13:02,848 I don't know how you did it, 325 00:13:02,850 --> 00:13:04,850 But I know you made my letter disappear. 326 00:13:04,852 --> 00:13:06,785 Good instincts. 327 00:13:06,787 --> 00:13:08,119 It was definitely me. 328 00:13:08,121 --> 00:13:10,656 I took it and made a clean getaway. 329 00:13:10,658 --> 00:13:13,659 After that, I was enraged. 330 00:13:13,661 --> 00:13:15,527 I became consumed. 331 00:13:15,529 --> 00:13:18,997 My wife couldn't dedicate herself to a life of revenge, 332 00:13:18,999 --> 00:13:20,798 So I ended it. 333 00:13:20,800 --> 00:13:25,471 And soon I discovered your weakness -- vanity. 334 00:13:25,473 --> 00:13:29,074 So I planted the peak day idea in your head 335 00:13:29,076 --> 00:13:32,077 And led you into my arms... 336 00:13:32,079 --> 00:13:33,479 After med school, 337 00:13:33,481 --> 00:13:35,481 A plastic surgery residency in north dakota, 338 00:13:35,483 --> 00:13:37,349 And a couple years keeping my [bleep] sister's 339 00:13:37,351 --> 00:13:40,285 Sandwich shop afloat in woodstock. 340 00:13:40,287 --> 00:13:43,489 And now I have what's rightfully mine -- 341 00:13:43,491 --> 00:13:48,694 The house and the family I never got the chance to start. 342 00:13:48,696 --> 00:13:51,330 [ laughs maniacally ] 343 00:13:52,766 --> 00:13:54,232 A security camera. 344 00:13:54,234 --> 00:13:55,367 That'll prove everything. 345 00:13:55,369 --> 00:13:57,369 I can't get through to this guy. 346 00:13:57,371 --> 00:13:58,871 Arrest him. 347 00:14:02,176 --> 00:14:04,176 [ both panting ] we'll never catch him. 348 00:14:04,178 --> 00:14:06,044 He had a crazy head start. 349 00:14:06,046 --> 00:14:07,913 He probably ran track. 350 00:14:07,915 --> 00:14:11,116 And now I have what's rightfully mine -- 351 00:14:11,118 --> 00:14:16,121 The house and the family I never got the chance to start. 352 00:14:16,123 --> 00:14:18,724 See? Told you it was me, old friend. 353 00:14:18,726 --> 00:14:20,526 Oh, my god, you are you. 354 00:14:20,528 --> 00:14:22,127 You look good, stan. 355 00:14:22,129 --> 00:14:23,929 Get a bucket and a mop. 356 00:14:23,931 --> 00:14:25,997 The voice is sexy, too. 357 00:14:25,999 --> 00:14:28,334 Say "banana." 358 00:14:28,336 --> 00:14:31,203 No. Stop making eyes at me and listen. 359 00:14:31,205 --> 00:14:32,604 I've been in hell. 360 00:14:32,606 --> 00:14:34,139 But you can save my soul. 361 00:14:34,141 --> 00:14:36,474 You're the linchpin to my whole plan. 362 00:14:36,476 --> 00:14:38,744 Oh, I'm a great linchpin. 363 00:14:38,746 --> 00:14:43,481 Reliable, strong, sexy, charming when I need to be. 364 00:14:43,483 --> 00:14:46,284 Ooh, and if your plan involves walking, 365 00:14:46,286 --> 00:14:48,620 I got a great new set of sneakers. 366 00:14:48,622 --> 00:14:51,089 Comfortable, good price, brown. 367 00:14:51,091 --> 00:14:53,291 Oh, and they got the longest laces, stan. 368 00:14:53,293 --> 00:14:55,694 Shhhh. Less, tuttle. 369 00:14:56,764 --> 00:14:58,063 Got ya. 370 00:15:00,700 --> 00:15:01,633 Got it. 371 00:15:01,635 --> 00:15:03,035 Oh. Lost it. 372 00:15:03,037 --> 00:15:04,336 Got it. 373 00:15:05,305 --> 00:15:06,838 Nope. Got it. 374 00:15:06,840 --> 00:15:07,839 Got it, yes. 375 00:15:07,841 --> 00:15:11,109 Can't hardly see a thing in here. 376 00:15:11,111 --> 00:15:14,213 An orange? Ech. I don't want this. 377 00:15:15,515 --> 00:15:17,416 Feel like I shoulda thrown the orange. 378 00:15:21,721 --> 00:15:24,522 As you can see, I've got some heat on me right now. 379 00:15:24,524 --> 00:15:27,793 So I need you to take this tape and show my family 380 00:15:27,795 --> 00:15:29,527 I am who I say I am. 381 00:15:29,529 --> 00:15:31,196 I think I'm getting a blister. 382 00:15:31,198 --> 00:15:34,266 Maybe I should go home and get a band-aid. 383 00:15:34,268 --> 00:15:36,468 Just go. 384 00:15:36,470 --> 00:15:38,670 I'm starting to panic, stan. 385 00:15:38,672 --> 00:15:40,472 Stop turning around and talking to me. 386 00:15:40,474 --> 00:15:42,408 Did that guy just step out of the bushes? 387 00:15:42,410 --> 00:15:45,143 Yeah. And now he's talking to 'em. 388 00:15:45,145 --> 00:15:47,345 You think we should check it out? 389 00:15:47,347 --> 00:15:50,215 Nah, now he's crawling back into the bushes. 390 00:15:50,217 --> 00:15:52,217 Just a nature freak. 391 00:15:52,219 --> 00:15:53,986 [ tires squeal ] 392 00:15:55,956 --> 00:15:57,756 [ tires squeal ] 393 00:15:57,758 --> 00:16:00,558 Oh, my god, he's got my family! 394 00:16:00,560 --> 00:16:03,228 Looks like the smiths are going on vacation. 395 00:16:03,230 --> 00:16:05,030 Let's check the scanner. 396 00:16:05,032 --> 00:16:06,832 Dispatcher: Officer blatt, caruso, where have you been? 397 00:16:06,834 --> 00:16:08,634 Officer down at sixth street and av-- 398 00:16:08,636 --> 00:16:11,903 Ugh, it's always bad news with that guy. 399 00:16:11,905 --> 00:16:13,972 Tell me about it. 400 00:16:13,974 --> 00:16:15,240 Let's go get some ice cream. 401 00:16:15,242 --> 00:16:18,243 [ engine starts, siren wails, tires squeal ] 402 00:16:21,949 --> 00:16:23,348 They're still gone. 403 00:16:23,350 --> 00:16:26,818 We need to look for clues to where he might be going. 404 00:16:26,820 --> 00:16:28,086 Is this something? 405 00:16:28,088 --> 00:16:30,221 Uch, yes, that's an ipad. 406 00:16:30,223 --> 00:16:32,624 I mean this. 407 00:16:32,626 --> 00:16:33,625 Oh, my god. 408 00:16:33,627 --> 00:16:35,360 Why would he do this to her? 409 00:16:35,362 --> 00:16:38,297 He's going to do surgeries on them. 410 00:16:38,299 --> 00:16:40,299 That godless mons-- actually, 411 00:16:40,301 --> 00:16:42,101 Steve might be able to pull this off. 412 00:16:42,103 --> 00:16:43,302 No, must find them. 413 00:16:43,304 --> 00:16:45,370 Okay, stan, I'll go get my car. 414 00:16:45,372 --> 00:16:47,772 Quiet. Let me think. Where? 415 00:16:47,774 --> 00:16:51,376 I remember him testing the tools. [ saw whirs ] 416 00:16:51,378 --> 00:16:53,979 There was a bird... [ seagulls squawking ] 417 00:16:53,981 --> 00:16:56,247 ...And a bridge. 418 00:16:56,249 --> 00:16:57,849 A rickety wooden bridge. 419 00:16:57,851 --> 00:16:59,918 Tuttle, where is the closest rickety wooden bridge? 420 00:16:59,920 --> 00:17:03,388 Uh, there's a pretty solid one over at the library. 421 00:17:03,390 --> 00:17:05,657 Rickety. Rickety for chrissakes. 422 00:17:05,659 --> 00:17:08,327 Oh! There's one at the japanese tea garden. 423 00:17:08,329 --> 00:17:11,396 Yes! You're a genius. 424 00:17:11,398 --> 00:17:13,398 You absolute fool. 425 00:17:13,400 --> 00:17:15,734 This is not it. 426 00:17:15,736 --> 00:17:18,137 I think -- ah -- it's not a bridge -- ow -- 427 00:17:18,139 --> 00:17:21,006 But there's a rickety dock at the marina. 428 00:17:21,008 --> 00:17:23,074 The bridge was a dock. 429 00:17:23,076 --> 00:17:24,876 The bird was a seagull. 430 00:17:24,878 --> 00:17:26,812 Yes, I was on a boat. 431 00:17:26,814 --> 00:17:28,279 That also explains this barnacle 432 00:17:28,281 --> 00:17:30,683 That's been stuck on me for days. Let's go. 433 00:17:31,752 --> 00:17:33,419 [ tires squeal ] 434 00:17:35,956 --> 00:17:38,289 He must have them on one of these boats. 435 00:17:38,291 --> 00:17:41,893 Some kind of, I dunno, surgery boat? 436 00:17:41,895 --> 00:17:42,761 Do you know which one? 437 00:17:42,763 --> 00:17:45,030 It could literally be any of these. 438 00:17:45,032 --> 00:17:47,566 Dr. Adrian revánche: ♪ surgery boat, surgery boat ♪ 439 00:17:47,568 --> 00:17:50,702 ♪ cuttin' up faces on a surgery boat ♪ 440 00:17:50,704 --> 00:17:54,840 ♪ it's the eighth row over, and the third boat do-o-o-o-wn ♪ 441 00:17:54,842 --> 00:17:56,575 Look, we're never gonna find 'em if we stand around 442 00:17:56,577 --> 00:17:57,843 Listening to this guy sing. 443 00:17:57,845 --> 00:18:00,179 Let's split up and check the boats one by one. 444 00:18:00,181 --> 00:18:01,780 Go. 445 00:18:01,782 --> 00:18:05,116 [ saw whirring ] 446 00:18:05,118 --> 00:18:06,317 Mmm. 447 00:18:06,319 --> 00:18:08,319 Okay, who wants to go first? 448 00:18:08,321 --> 00:18:09,988 Please, no. 449 00:18:09,990 --> 00:18:11,923 Please, sir, have mercy. 450 00:18:11,925 --> 00:18:15,260 I'll go. Always get the first appointment of the day, 451 00:18:15,262 --> 00:18:16,928 When the doctor's fresh. 452 00:18:16,930 --> 00:18:18,263 Life hack for you kids. 453 00:18:18,265 --> 00:18:21,867 Stop. You guys have to believe me. 454 00:18:21,869 --> 00:18:24,135 That's not the stan you know. 455 00:18:24,137 --> 00:18:26,405 Uh, yeah, we've pretty much figured that out by now. 456 00:18:26,407 --> 00:18:29,340 Ugh, will you please just leave me alone? 457 00:18:29,342 --> 00:18:30,542 Listen up, doc. 458 00:18:30,544 --> 00:18:32,411 I'm only gonna say this once -- 459 00:18:32,413 --> 00:18:33,812 Fix my son's cheekbones, 460 00:18:33,814 --> 00:18:36,415 Then get the hell away from my family. 461 00:18:36,417 --> 00:18:38,283 Tell him, dad. Wai-- wuh? 462 00:18:38,285 --> 00:18:40,485 [ chuckles ] looking at you now, 463 00:18:40,487 --> 00:18:43,322 I see that you need a little touch-up. 464 00:18:46,359 --> 00:18:47,959 Nurse, scalpel. 465 00:18:47,961 --> 00:18:49,828 Still tied up over here. Right. 466 00:18:49,830 --> 00:18:53,364 I don't care how obsessed you are with me, 467 00:18:53,366 --> 00:18:55,300 You can't have my family. 468 00:18:55,302 --> 00:18:56,635 You don't get it. 469 00:18:56,637 --> 00:18:59,438 I don't want to have your family. 470 00:18:59,440 --> 00:19:00,906 I want to ruin them, 471 00:19:00,908 --> 00:19:03,409 Just like you ruined my whole life. 472 00:19:13,254 --> 00:19:15,386 [ panting ] 473 00:19:15,388 --> 00:19:16,988 Watch the face. Watch the face. 474 00:19:16,990 --> 00:19:19,458 Obviously, it's mine. 475 00:19:19,460 --> 00:19:22,527 How dare you try to change my family. 476 00:19:22,529 --> 00:19:25,130 Let me tell you, as a plastic surgeon, 477 00:19:25,132 --> 00:19:27,933 Your family is far from perfect. 478 00:19:27,935 --> 00:19:29,000 You bitch. 479 00:19:29,002 --> 00:19:31,536 Maybe they're not perfect to you, 480 00:19:31,538 --> 00:19:34,405 But I love them all as they are -- 481 00:19:34,407 --> 00:19:35,741 Medium-looking. 482 00:19:35,743 --> 00:19:40,412 Except my wife, she's a [bleep] fox! 483 00:19:48,021 --> 00:19:50,956 Time to face the music. 484 00:19:50,958 --> 00:19:53,158 [ groaning ] 485 00:19:53,160 --> 00:19:54,760 I'm so sorry. 486 00:19:54,762 --> 00:19:57,096 When I said I love and accept you as you are, 487 00:19:57,098 --> 00:19:59,564 I realized maybe that's what I've been worried about 488 00:19:59,566 --> 00:20:00,765 This whole time. 489 00:20:00,767 --> 00:20:02,701 That once I'm past my peak 490 00:20:02,703 --> 00:20:04,903 You might not love and accept me. 491 00:20:04,905 --> 00:20:05,771 Just untie us. 492 00:20:05,773 --> 00:20:07,572 Hold on, I'm not quite done. 493 00:20:07,574 --> 00:20:11,576 I realize now, though, you'll never give up on me. 494 00:20:11,578 --> 00:20:13,312 On good ol' stan. 495 00:20:13,314 --> 00:20:15,380 Uch, take it off. Jee-zuss. 496 00:20:15,382 --> 00:20:18,550 [ moans ] get a bucket and a mop. 497 00:20:20,387 --> 00:20:22,387 Whew! Glad that's over. 498 00:20:22,389 --> 00:20:24,055 Wait, is it over? 499 00:20:24,057 --> 00:20:26,325 Hopefully dr. Kalgary can squeeze me in today. 500 00:20:26,327 --> 00:20:27,526 Although, I do like carrying around 501 00:20:27,528 --> 00:20:30,261 This big 'ole flappy face. 502 00:20:30,263 --> 00:20:31,462 Stan. 503 00:20:31,464 --> 00:20:33,699 Come on, I'm kissing your ass. 504 00:20:35,402 --> 00:20:36,935 Someone stop that apple. 505 00:20:36,937 --> 00:20:38,470 Roger? 506 00:20:38,472 --> 00:20:41,206 Whoa, look at your face, dude. 507 00:20:41,208 --> 00:20:42,675 What happened to you? 508 00:20:43,944 --> 00:20:45,210 Hey. 509 00:20:45,212 --> 00:20:46,612 That's a $4 apple. 510 00:20:52,953 --> 00:20:55,688 What am I doing? I'll just go buy another one. 511 00:20:58,091 --> 00:20:59,958 Bye! Have a beautiful time!