1 00:00:05,483 --> 00:00:07,094 Before we begin our Christmas shopping, 2 00:00:07,094 --> 00:00:10,271 I thought I might reflect on the importance of gift-giving. 3 00:00:11,663 --> 00:00:14,362 Put simply, gift-giving is the only way 4 00:00:14,362 --> 00:00:16,712 for someone to know how much you love them. 5 00:00:16,712 --> 00:00:19,019 Growing up, my father didn't love me. 6 00:00:19,019 --> 00:00:21,456 Thus, he only ever gave me one gift... 7 00:00:21,456 --> 00:00:24,154 A VHS copy of "Death Wish 3" 8 00:00:24,154 --> 00:00:29,029 only sold at Exxon stations for one week in 1985. 9 00:00:29,029 --> 00:00:31,596 Good to see I'm finally getting through to you knuckleheads. 10 00:00:31,596 --> 00:00:33,816 Knuckle deep, Dad. Can we go now? 11 00:00:33,816 --> 00:00:36,645 Nope. They only sold one copy, and the rest they used 12 00:00:36,645 --> 00:00:38,516 as security tapes until they wore out, 13 00:00:38,516 --> 00:00:41,650 meaning it's likely the only copy in circulation. 14 00:00:41,650 --> 00:00:44,609 The day my dad traded it for our first VCR 15 00:00:44,609 --> 00:00:46,437 was the saddest day of my life. 16 00:00:46,437 --> 00:00:50,180 But there was one positive to your childhood trauma. 17 00:00:50,180 --> 00:00:53,053 And that was that it caused me to overcorrect 18 00:00:53,053 --> 00:00:55,707 and become the world's best gift-giver, 19 00:00:55,707 --> 00:00:57,927 - the King of Presents. - All hail the king! 20 00:00:57,927 --> 00:01:01,887 Now, since I'm King of Presents, I only need one hour to shop. 21 00:01:01,887 --> 00:01:03,802 But as my first gift of the season, 22 00:01:03,802 --> 00:01:05,804 I'm giving all of you two. 23 00:01:05,804 --> 00:01:07,806 Well, I already knocked out my shopping. 24 00:01:07,806 --> 00:01:09,808 I'm gonna go see if the single-occupant restroom 25 00:01:09,808 --> 00:01:11,375 at Banana Republic's available. 26 00:01:11,375 --> 00:01:12,811 Klaus is definitely lying 27 00:01:12,811 --> 00:01:14,465 and not buying us gifts this year, right? 28 00:01:14,465 --> 00:01:17,642 We'll just have to see when we open presents Christmas Eve. 29 00:01:17,642 --> 00:01:18,991 All right, enough chit-chat. 30 00:01:18,991 --> 00:01:20,950 Break! 31 00:01:20,950 --> 00:01:24,040 Well, since I bought all my gifts months ago, 32 00:01:24,040 --> 00:01:25,389 I guess we can go home. 33 00:01:25,389 --> 00:01:27,478 But I can't remember where I parked. 34 00:01:27,478 --> 00:01:29,393 Was it P-1 or... 35 00:01:29,393 --> 00:01:30,786 Oh, no, it was right there. 36 00:01:34,442 --> 00:01:37,749 ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪ 37 00:01:41,188 --> 00:01:42,885 Can I tag along and watch the king? 38 00:01:42,885 --> 00:01:45,975 I'm not buying any presents because I'm Wiccan this year. 39 00:01:45,975 --> 00:01:47,890 Always got time for my subjects. 40 00:01:47,890 --> 00:01:49,544 I'll show you my King of Presents 41 00:01:49,544 --> 00:01:52,460 Two-Pronged Present-Buying System. 42 00:01:52,460 --> 00:01:54,984 Prong one-- Use the employees. 43 00:01:54,984 --> 00:01:56,464 Just give them a brief description 44 00:01:56,464 --> 00:01:57,987 of who you're buying for... 45 00:01:57,987 --> 00:02:01,295 Hey, my daughter's 19 and a girl! 46 00:02:01,295 --> 00:02:04,124 Prong two-- Spring for something nicer. 47 00:02:04,124 --> 00:02:05,299 Your family deserves it. 48 00:02:05,299 --> 00:02:08,867 Come on, something nicer than that! 49 00:02:08,867 --> 00:02:11,305 And that's how it's done. 50 00:02:11,305 --> 00:02:13,176 My son is 14 and a boy! 51 00:02:13,176 --> 00:02:15,265 My wife is 39 and a woman! 52 00:02:15,265 --> 00:02:17,615 My fish is 58 and a German man! 53 00:02:17,615 --> 00:02:20,314 My uncle-in-the-attic is 1,600-years old 54 00:02:20,314 --> 00:02:22,577 and non-gendered! 55 00:02:22,577 --> 00:02:23,621 An air fryer?! 56 00:02:23,621 --> 00:02:26,798 Come on, something nicer than that! 57 00:02:26,798 --> 00:02:28,583 Follow me. 58 00:02:30,324 --> 00:02:31,629 2-Pack? 59 00:02:31,629 --> 00:02:33,936 And that's why you're the king. 60 00:02:37,244 --> 00:02:38,854 The Opulus-- 61 00:02:38,854 --> 00:02:41,422 the gateway to the Metaverse. 62 00:02:43,946 --> 00:02:45,426 Unlike in real life, 63 00:02:45,426 --> 00:02:48,429 in the Metaverse the possibilities are endless. 64 00:02:48,429 --> 00:02:50,518 Just put on the Opulus, and in seconds 65 00:02:50,518 --> 00:02:52,694 you can be riding a Jet Ski, 66 00:02:52,694 --> 00:02:53,999 feeding an ostrich, 67 00:02:53,999 --> 00:02:57,351 or riding an ostrich like a Jet Ski! 68 00:02:57,351 --> 00:03:01,050 Ohh. I'd die to ride an ostrich like a Jet Ski. 69 00:03:01,050 --> 00:03:04,271 But I don't even have enough money to buy my family presents, 70 00:03:04,271 --> 00:03:06,360 let alone an Opulus for myself. 71 00:03:06,360 --> 00:03:08,188 Ah! Dad's buying me one?! 72 00:03:08,188 --> 00:03:10,364 You're lucky you came in when you did. 73 00:03:10,364 --> 00:03:13,715 This is our last Opulus. 74 00:03:15,717 --> 00:03:16,805 That was weird. 75 00:03:20,765 --> 00:03:23,594 And now my gift to you all-- 76 00:03:23,594 --> 00:03:26,162 Klaus's famous egg nog! 77 00:03:26,162 --> 00:03:28,033 This one's booze, this one's weed, 78 00:03:28,033 --> 00:03:30,471 and this one's 5-Hour Energy. 79 00:03:30,471 --> 00:03:32,168 None for you, Stan. 80 00:03:32,168 --> 00:03:34,953 Egg nog gives you that nasty-ass gas. 81 00:03:34,953 --> 00:03:38,130 Your body is a fart machine that runs on egg nog. 82 00:03:38,130 --> 00:03:39,610 You're Fart Simpson. 83 00:03:39,610 --> 00:03:42,134 Don't have a cow. Don't have any dairy! 84 00:03:42,134 --> 00:03:44,136 Can we focus on the main event here? 85 00:03:44,136 --> 00:03:45,573 To Hayles-Bells, 86 00:03:45,573 --> 00:03:48,532 love, The King of Presents. 87 00:03:48,532 --> 00:03:50,142 Dad, I love it! 88 00:03:50,142 --> 00:03:52,362 I've been wanting to get back into clubbing! 89 00:03:52,362 --> 00:03:55,017 Oh, this'll go great with my Ziploc bag of molly. 90 00:03:57,062 --> 00:03:59,891 This one's from Stan, too. 91 00:03:59,891 --> 00:04:01,850 Oh, it's beautiful, Stan. 92 00:04:01,850 --> 00:04:03,895 It's a Pandora bracelet. 93 00:04:03,895 --> 00:04:05,419 You fill them with charms. 94 00:04:05,419 --> 00:04:06,855 There's a bear charm on there 95 00:04:06,855 --> 00:04:08,770 because we went to the zoo once, I think. 96 00:04:08,770 --> 00:04:11,903 I think we did, too, Stan. 97 00:04:11,903 --> 00:04:13,035 Mwah! 98 00:04:13,035 --> 00:04:14,645 I just want to remind everyone 99 00:04:14,645 --> 00:04:16,560 I was a little light on money this year, 100 00:04:16,560 --> 00:04:18,301 so I had to get creative. 101 00:04:18,301 --> 00:04:21,565 Mom and Hayley, your gifts are actually virtual, 102 00:04:21,565 --> 00:04:24,351 so check your inboxes. 103 00:04:24,351 --> 00:04:26,744 Wait, is this a Cameo from... 104 00:04:26,744 --> 00:04:28,050 Deandre Ayton?! 105 00:04:28,050 --> 00:04:29,834 My favorite basketball player?! 106 00:04:29,834 --> 00:04:33,098 Hey, Hayley, it's me, Deandre Ayton. 107 00:04:33,098 --> 00:04:34,970 I heard you're quite the hooper. 108 00:04:34,970 --> 00:04:36,363 Hope you have a great Christmas, 109 00:04:36,363 --> 00:04:37,755 dominate the paint, 110 00:04:37,755 --> 00:04:39,540 and protect the rim at all costs. 111 00:04:39,540 --> 00:04:42,586 Oh, my God, Steve! 112 00:04:42,586 --> 00:04:46,634 Mom, your gift is a music video of a song I wrote for you. 113 00:04:50,464 --> 00:04:52,422 ♪ This Christmas ♪ 114 00:04:52,422 --> 00:04:54,163 ♪ I give you my heart ♪ 115 00:04:54,163 --> 00:04:59,560 ♪ Which is where it'll stay till you pass away ♪ 116 00:05:00,256 --> 00:05:02,476 Aw! 117 00:05:02,476 --> 00:05:06,175 Stan, can I talk to you upstairs? 118 00:05:06,175 --> 00:05:07,481 Just as I thought. 119 00:05:07,481 --> 00:05:09,526 Steve is demolishing you at gift-giving! 120 00:05:09,526 --> 00:05:11,528 He's gonna take the title of King of Presents! 121 00:05:11,528 --> 00:05:13,965 That's impossible. All he's given are videos. 122 00:05:13,965 --> 00:05:16,577 Those aren't gifts. At best, they're gifs. 123 00:05:16,577 --> 00:05:18,274 That's what's hot right now. 124 00:05:18,274 --> 00:05:21,016 They're called experiences, and the family's loving them. 125 00:05:21,016 --> 00:05:22,539 Don't believe me? 126 00:05:22,539 --> 00:05:24,846 I had a thermal reader installed in the living room 127 00:05:24,846 --> 00:05:26,848 to measure each person's reaction. 128 00:05:26,848 --> 00:05:29,416 Well, I-I installed it for a sex group I'm in, 129 00:05:29,416 --> 00:05:30,634 but the same principles 130 00:05:30,634 --> 00:05:32,201 of giving and receiving are at play. 131 00:05:32,201 --> 00:05:33,594 Steve's in first, 132 00:05:33,594 --> 00:05:36,336 and you each only have one present left. 133 00:05:36,336 --> 00:05:37,815 What do you think? 134 00:05:37,815 --> 00:05:39,426 Torch the house, burn it down, none of this counts? 135 00:05:39,426 --> 00:05:41,515 I'm the King of Presents for a reason. 136 00:05:41,515 --> 00:05:43,821 Watch and learn. 137 00:05:43,821 --> 00:05:44,953 It's a... 138 00:05:44,953 --> 00:05:46,650 chef's jersey! 139 00:05:46,650 --> 00:05:47,695 Chiefs jersey. 140 00:05:47,695 --> 00:05:49,000 Patrick Mahomes-- 141 00:05:49,000 --> 00:05:51,002 the jersey all the kids want this year. 142 00:05:51,002 --> 00:05:53,396 It'll help you fit in and not get beat up. 143 00:05:53,396 --> 00:05:55,355 Aw, thanks, Dad. 144 00:05:55,355 --> 00:05:57,313 Here's mine for you. 145 00:05:57,313 --> 00:05:59,010 Feels a little light. 146 00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:02,884 Oh, my God! 147 00:06:02,884 --> 00:06:05,713 "Exxon Presents: Death Wish 3." 148 00:06:05,713 --> 00:06:07,367 How did you find this? 149 00:06:07,367 --> 00:06:09,020 Took me months. 150 00:06:09,020 --> 00:06:11,414 Had to get pretty deep into the world of VHS collectors, 151 00:06:11,414 --> 00:06:15,549 which, as it happens, is not a scene for children. 152 00:06:15,549 --> 00:06:18,900 It's the greatest gift I've ever received, 153 00:06:18,900 --> 00:06:21,381 even better than the last time I got it. 154 00:06:21,381 --> 00:06:23,252 Wait. 155 00:06:23,252 --> 00:06:25,515 It's over. He got you. 156 00:06:25,515 --> 00:06:26,734 The king is dead. 157 00:06:26,734 --> 00:06:28,039 No, no, no, no! 158 00:06:28,039 --> 00:06:29,127 You son of a bitch! 159 00:06:29,127 --> 00:06:30,781 You knew exactly what you were doing! 160 00:06:30,781 --> 00:06:32,696 Oh, this is so good. 161 00:06:32,696 --> 00:06:34,655 This is... not over! 162 00:06:34,655 --> 00:06:35,830 This is not over! 163 00:06:35,830 --> 00:06:37,484 My God, this is beautiful. 164 00:06:37,484 --> 00:06:39,486 I can't believe I'm touching it again. 165 00:06:39,486 --> 00:06:41,270 You monster! I will destroy you. 166 00:06:41,270 --> 00:06:42,532 I don't love you. 167 00:06:42,532 --> 00:06:45,056 Even though you gave me this. 168 00:06:47,929 --> 00:06:51,106 Every dad dreads the day his son overtakes him. 169 00:06:51,106 --> 00:06:52,542 If I'm not the King of Presents, 170 00:06:52,542 --> 00:06:53,935 what's even the point of Christmas? 171 00:06:53,935 --> 00:06:56,067 You can still fix this, Stan. 172 00:06:56,067 --> 00:06:58,113 You just have to get Steve an even better gift 173 00:06:58,113 --> 00:07:00,681 than he got you by the end of Christmas tomorrow. 174 00:07:00,681 --> 00:07:02,160 Well, how are we gonna do that? 175 00:07:02,160 --> 00:07:04,859 It's gonna be tough. His gift did make you cry. 176 00:07:04,859 --> 00:07:07,122 Oh, wait, I know. Opulus goggles! 177 00:07:07,122 --> 00:07:09,167 What the hell is an Opulus goggles? 178 00:07:09,167 --> 00:07:10,517 You wear 'em. 179 00:07:10,517 --> 00:07:12,432 They're the gateway to the Metaverse, duh! 180 00:07:12,432 --> 00:07:14,085 And exactly what Steve wants. 181 00:07:14,085 --> 00:07:15,696 Anyway, they're sold out everywhere, 182 00:07:15,696 --> 00:07:17,262 but you might have a chance online. 183 00:07:17,262 --> 00:07:20,135 You're in luck. There's one pair left on Amazon, 184 00:07:20,135 --> 00:07:21,658 and it can get here by the morning. 185 00:07:21,658 --> 00:07:23,007 Yes, yes, yes! 186 00:07:23,007 --> 00:07:24,966 Let me just clear out my cart. 187 00:07:24,966 --> 00:07:27,664 What's this huge jug of soy sauce doing in here? 188 00:07:27,664 --> 00:07:29,013 Didn't I already buy that? 189 00:07:29,013 --> 00:07:30,972 'Cause if I didn't, I definitely want to, 190 00:07:30,972 --> 00:07:33,844 but I don't want to end up with two huge jugs of soy sauce. 191 00:07:33,844 --> 00:07:35,803 - Buy the goggles! - Buy! 192 00:07:35,803 --> 00:07:37,805 Oh, no! It just sold out! 193 00:07:37,805 --> 00:07:40,677 And I bought two more jugs of soy sauce? 194 00:07:40,677 --> 00:07:43,288 Dammit, Roger! Now what am I gonna do? 195 00:07:43,288 --> 00:07:45,639 Um, there is one guy I know 196 00:07:45,639 --> 00:07:47,641 that would definitely have it right now. 197 00:07:47,641 --> 00:07:48,990 Only problem is 198 00:07:48,990 --> 00:07:51,122 he's pretty much our biggest enemy. 199 00:07:51,122 --> 00:07:52,950 I'm talking about... 200 00:07:52,950 --> 00:07:54,038 Santa. 201 00:07:54,038 --> 00:07:56,214 Oh, yeah, he is our biggest enemy. 202 00:07:56,214 --> 00:07:58,173 For a second I thought you were talking about the guy 203 00:07:58,173 --> 00:08:00,697 that made up that song about me on the shuttle to the airport 204 00:08:00,697 --> 00:08:01,959 and got everyone to join in. 205 00:08:01,959 --> 00:08:04,222 What? No, that guy was hilarious. 206 00:08:04,222 --> 00:08:06,224 ♪ Big chin guy dropped his bag ♪ 207 00:08:06,224 --> 00:08:08,313 ♪ Got real mad in a fight with his wife ♪ 208 00:08:08,313 --> 00:08:09,445 ♪ Gonna miss his flight! ♪ 209 00:08:09,445 --> 00:08:10,751 ♪ Oh, yeah! ♪ 210 00:08:13,580 --> 00:08:15,364 You know how you two are always begging 211 00:08:15,364 --> 00:08:17,061 for a bigger role in the family? 212 00:08:17,061 --> 00:08:18,280 No. Yes. 213 00:08:18,280 --> 00:08:19,673 Well, now's your chance. 214 00:08:19,673 --> 00:08:22,458 I'm gonna super-speed Stan up to the North Pole 215 00:08:22,458 --> 00:08:24,939 to get a present, and we need you two to cover for us. 216 00:08:24,939 --> 00:08:27,637 You want Rogu and me to pretend to be the two of you? 217 00:08:27,637 --> 00:08:30,031 Yeah, Rogu will be me, and you'll be Stan. 218 00:08:30,031 --> 00:08:31,598 Why do I have to be Stan? 219 00:08:31,598 --> 00:08:34,035 I'm more like Roger. I'm wild. 220 00:08:34,035 --> 00:08:36,037 Wait, you would rather be Roger than me? 221 00:08:36,037 --> 00:08:39,475 "I'm Daddy. I like wine." 222 00:08:39,475 --> 00:08:42,391 Please tell me that's not your impression of me, Rogu. 223 00:08:42,391 --> 00:08:44,393 Wine's not even a big part of who I am. 224 00:08:44,393 --> 00:08:46,177 Well, you do drink a lot of wine, Roger. 225 00:08:46,177 --> 00:08:47,701 I do a lot of a lot of things! 226 00:08:47,701 --> 00:08:49,703 All right, stop. Time is of the essence. 227 00:08:49,703 --> 00:08:51,052 Rogu will play me, 228 00:08:51,052 --> 00:08:53,184 and Klaus the Traitor will play Roger. 229 00:08:53,184 --> 00:08:54,751 We're depending on you two. 230 00:08:54,751 --> 00:08:56,623 The fate of Christmas as we know it 231 00:08:56,623 --> 00:08:58,407 is in the balance. 232 00:09:01,541 --> 00:09:02,846 Okay, maybe you shoulda... 233 00:09:02,846 --> 00:09:05,719 climbed in after-- Yeah. No, I got it. 234 00:09:05,719 --> 00:09:07,416 Man, we haven't even left the house yet, 235 00:09:07,416 --> 00:09:09,113 and my thighs are burning. 236 00:09:24,607 --> 00:09:27,741 Hey! That's the elf that choked me out last time. 237 00:09:27,741 --> 00:09:29,394 I'm gonna go say hi. 238 00:09:29,394 --> 00:09:31,222 Roger, no! 239 00:09:31,222 --> 00:09:35,096 Hey, remember me from a few years ago? 240 00:09:35,096 --> 00:09:36,619 He remembers... 241 00:09:36,619 --> 00:09:38,969 how I like it. 242 00:09:42,146 --> 00:09:43,757 Now I've got to convince Santa 243 00:09:43,757 --> 00:09:45,323 to give me this year's hottest gift. 244 00:09:45,323 --> 00:09:47,499 After I convince him not to kill me, of course. 245 00:09:47,499 --> 00:09:51,068 This is gonna take all my C.I.A. negotiation training. 246 00:09:51,068 --> 00:09:53,375 Please, please, please don't kill me! 247 00:09:53,375 --> 00:09:55,159 I need an Opulus. I'll do anything. 248 00:09:55,159 --> 00:09:56,421 I'll eat gross stuff. 249 00:09:56,421 --> 00:09:57,945 I'll put firecrackers in my butt. 250 00:09:57,945 --> 00:09:59,642 I'll tell the guys at work how I manscape 251 00:09:59,642 --> 00:10:01,949 using a pair of plastic kindergarten scissors. 252 00:10:01,949 --> 00:10:03,124 I'll do anything! 253 00:10:03,124 --> 00:10:04,995 Jesus, man, get up. 254 00:10:04,995 --> 00:10:08,129 The neighbors record everything. 255 00:10:08,129 --> 00:10:10,305 You're lucky you caught me when you did. 256 00:10:10,305 --> 00:10:13,090 Christmas Eve right before I deliver presents 257 00:10:13,090 --> 00:10:14,483 is when I'm nicest. 258 00:10:14,483 --> 00:10:17,094 Good, because my son's gunning for me. 259 00:10:17,094 --> 00:10:18,530 And if I don't get him an Opulus, 260 00:10:18,530 --> 00:10:21,446 I lose my crown as my family's King of Presents. 261 00:10:21,446 --> 00:10:22,839 There you are! 262 00:10:22,839 --> 00:10:24,145 Why aren't you answering your texts? 263 00:10:24,145 --> 00:10:26,364 I think I left my cellphone somewhere. 264 00:10:26,364 --> 00:10:28,628 You are killing me right now. 265 00:10:28,628 --> 00:10:30,107 We have to stay on schedule. 266 00:10:30,107 --> 00:10:31,935 I'm coming, Guffrie! 267 00:10:31,935 --> 00:10:34,111 I have a guest right now! 268 00:10:34,111 --> 00:10:35,809 Those are contradictory sentences. 269 00:10:35,809 --> 00:10:37,637 I'm coming! 270 00:10:39,073 --> 00:10:40,988 Nog? Oh, I shouldn't. 271 00:10:40,988 --> 00:10:42,467 Oh, actually, what the hell? 272 00:10:42,467 --> 00:10:45,427 How often you get the chance to drink Santa's nog, right? 273 00:10:45,427 --> 00:10:48,343 You might be able to hold off your son this year, Stan, 274 00:10:48,343 --> 00:10:50,301 but he's going to keep coming for you. 275 00:10:50,301 --> 00:10:53,130 I've been in the presents game a long time, 276 00:10:53,130 --> 00:10:57,004 and I've never seen anything like what's happening now. 277 00:10:57,004 --> 00:10:58,266 The Internet? 278 00:10:58,266 --> 00:11:00,007 Amazon? 279 00:11:00,007 --> 00:11:01,965 And you know who I blame? 280 00:11:01,965 --> 00:11:03,358 The millennials. 281 00:11:03,358 --> 00:11:05,055 Don't even get me started on them. 282 00:11:05,055 --> 00:11:09,190 Never seen anything like them in my 2,000 years, 283 00:11:09,190 --> 00:11:13,194 with their cool haircuts and their skinny jeans. 284 00:11:13,194 --> 00:11:14,978 I don't understand the skinny jeans. 285 00:11:14,978 --> 00:11:16,197 What if you want to sit down? 286 00:11:16,197 --> 00:11:17,459 That can't be comfortable. 287 00:11:17,459 --> 00:11:21,028 And when you do, where does the penis go? 288 00:11:21,028 --> 00:11:22,464 Where does the penis go? 289 00:11:22,464 --> 00:11:25,206 That's why I like a baggier crotch in my pants. 290 00:11:25,206 --> 00:11:27,730 I love it. I love a baggy crotch. 291 00:11:27,730 --> 00:11:30,254 I'd like to wear those baggy pants that men wore 292 00:11:30,254 --> 00:11:32,561 in Middle-Eastern bazaars, like in "Aladdin." 293 00:11:32,561 --> 00:11:35,216 Oh, I have a pair, and I love them. 294 00:11:35,216 --> 00:11:36,783 They're called harem pants. 295 00:11:36,783 --> 00:11:40,743 And by the way, they're back in a big way right now, Stan. 296 00:11:40,743 --> 00:11:45,008 I gotta say, I'm surprised we're getting along so well. 297 00:11:45,008 --> 00:11:46,140 Me, too. 298 00:11:46,140 --> 00:11:47,750 It's too bad we're enemies, 299 00:11:47,750 --> 00:11:51,362 'cause you really got your head screwed on straight. 300 00:11:51,362 --> 00:11:54,235 Can I show you something I've been working on? 301 00:11:54,235 --> 00:11:56,846 Of course. You can show me anything. 302 00:12:00,632 --> 00:12:03,331 Shouldn't we be spending Christmas Eve together? 303 00:12:03,331 --> 00:12:06,508 Just let your Dad spin out upstairs with Roger. 304 00:12:06,508 --> 00:12:09,424 The Enrique Iglesias holiday special is on, 305 00:12:09,424 --> 00:12:13,994 and he really revs my vagina, if you know what I mean. 306 00:12:13,994 --> 00:12:15,256 It's... 307 00:12:15,256 --> 00:12:16,953 You're being very clear. 308 00:12:16,953 --> 00:12:18,999 Oh, hi, Stan, it's me, Roger. 309 00:12:18,999 --> 00:12:20,261 What are you doing? 310 00:12:20,261 --> 00:12:22,567 Taking shower. 311 00:12:22,567 --> 00:12:25,179 I'm loud man. 312 00:12:25,179 --> 00:12:26,746 There. Stop worrying. 313 00:12:26,746 --> 00:12:28,269 Your dad's taking a shower. 314 00:12:28,269 --> 00:12:29,966 Why's he using our shower? 315 00:12:29,966 --> 00:12:32,839 Loud man like variety. 316 00:12:32,839 --> 00:12:34,754 There. You satisfied? 317 00:12:34,754 --> 00:12:36,756 Loud man like variety. 318 00:12:39,671 --> 00:12:43,588 Now that we've stolen the technology from the Opulus, 319 00:12:43,588 --> 00:12:46,287 I'm making my own version. 320 00:12:46,287 --> 00:12:48,811 I call them JollyGoggles. 321 00:12:48,811 --> 00:12:52,510 And they'll take you anywhere in the Jingleverse-- 322 00:12:52,510 --> 00:12:54,861 my version of the Metaverse. 323 00:12:54,861 --> 00:12:56,166 Sick names. 324 00:12:56,166 --> 00:13:00,170 In the Jingleverse, you can go anywhere-- 325 00:13:00,170 --> 00:13:01,737 the Alps... 326 00:13:01,737 --> 00:13:03,391 the Caribbean... 327 00:13:03,391 --> 00:13:05,654 space! 328 00:13:05,654 --> 00:13:09,484 And it's so real, people will never take them off. 329 00:13:09,484 --> 00:13:11,834 They'll spend all their time in there, 330 00:13:11,834 --> 00:13:14,794 even exchanging virtual presents 331 00:13:14,794 --> 00:13:16,926 in the Jingleverse on Christmas. 332 00:13:16,926 --> 00:13:21,496 And with the computer set up to give out any gift imaginable, 333 00:13:21,496 --> 00:13:25,500 I'll never have to make another toy in my life. 334 00:13:25,500 --> 00:13:27,110 Nice. 335 00:13:27,110 --> 00:13:29,939 Hey, you don't think I could get a pair of JollyGoggles 336 00:13:29,939 --> 00:13:31,245 for Steve, do you? 337 00:13:31,245 --> 00:13:33,551 Unfortunately, we're a little late to market 338 00:13:33,551 --> 00:13:36,598 because we haven't had any human beta-testers. 339 00:13:36,598 --> 00:13:40,820 Just elves, and all they want is Christmas porn. 340 00:13:40,820 --> 00:13:42,299 Dirty little buggers. 341 00:13:42,299 --> 00:13:44,824 We do have the hard-wired prototypes here. 342 00:13:44,824 --> 00:13:46,173 Wait, Stan. 343 00:13:46,173 --> 00:13:48,653 What if we put your family in the Jingleverse 344 00:13:48,653 --> 00:13:49,829 without them knowing? 345 00:13:49,829 --> 00:13:51,178 Why would we do that? 346 00:13:51,178 --> 00:13:53,354 Because it's so real, when they wake up, 347 00:13:53,354 --> 00:13:55,486 they'd think it's real life. 348 00:13:55,486 --> 00:14:00,622 And we could program it so you're King of Presents forever. 349 00:14:00,622 --> 00:14:02,015 Oh-kay! 350 00:14:02,015 --> 00:14:03,233 So, how would we do that? 351 00:14:03,233 --> 00:14:04,669 When I'm delivering presents, 352 00:14:04,669 --> 00:14:06,541 I'll just stop by your house, 353 00:14:06,541 --> 00:14:08,238 grab them, and bring them here. 354 00:14:08,238 --> 00:14:10,066 You'd really do that for me? 355 00:14:10,066 --> 00:14:11,676 Of course. 356 00:14:11,676 --> 00:14:13,026 Thanks. 357 00:14:13,026 --> 00:14:14,114 Here you are. 358 00:14:14,114 --> 00:14:15,855 I'm coming! 359 00:14:15,855 --> 00:14:17,334 If you don't leave right now, 360 00:14:17,334 --> 00:14:19,032 children in the first time zone-- 361 00:14:19,032 --> 00:14:22,035 I said I'm coming! 362 00:14:25,821 --> 00:14:27,040 Why do we look like this? 363 00:14:27,040 --> 00:14:29,303 What are you-- Ah! 364 00:14:29,303 --> 00:14:30,870 Mamma mia! This isn't good. 365 00:14:31,958 --> 00:14:33,873 Why am I numbers? 366 00:14:33,873 --> 00:14:35,178 Why is babe numbers?! 367 00:14:35,178 --> 00:14:37,006 I'm not good at numbers! 368 00:14:37,006 --> 00:14:39,269 Okay, obviously this isn't real life. 369 00:14:39,269 --> 00:14:40,662 Only a fool would think that. 370 00:14:40,662 --> 00:14:42,316 This is the Jingleverse, 371 00:14:42,316 --> 00:14:44,448 the Christmas version of the Metaverse. 372 00:14:44,448 --> 00:14:46,798 It's an experience I got you. 373 00:14:46,798 --> 00:14:50,367 The King of Presents, baby! 374 00:14:50,367 --> 00:14:53,109 I can't believe those elves knocked-out and kidnapped 375 00:14:53,109 --> 00:14:54,937 the whole family except us. 376 00:14:54,937 --> 00:14:56,983 We're main family members. 377 00:14:56,983 --> 00:14:59,202 I'm loud man. 378 00:14:59,202 --> 00:15:00,595 We gotta go to the North Pole 379 00:15:00,595 --> 00:15:02,640 and save and/or avenge these 380 00:15:02,640 --> 00:15:03,859 Let's ride! 381 00:15:06,166 --> 00:15:07,645 Try to have a little fun. 382 00:15:07,645 --> 00:15:09,778 We can go anywhere in the Jingleverse. 383 00:15:09,778 --> 00:15:12,128 We can go to the Alps. 384 00:15:12,128 --> 00:15:13,782 Oh, my God. It's so cold. 385 00:15:13,782 --> 00:15:16,654 I can't believe how real the cold feels. 386 00:15:16,654 --> 00:15:18,395 And what is that? 387 00:15:18,395 --> 00:15:19,657 Run. 388 00:15:19,657 --> 00:15:21,659 Ruuuun! 389 00:15:23,096 --> 00:15:25,228 Stan, what the hell's going on? 390 00:15:25,228 --> 00:15:27,230 It's okay. None of this is real. 391 00:15:27,230 --> 00:15:30,233 We're wearing goggles we can take off. 392 00:15:30,233 --> 00:15:32,235 Ahh. I can't get mine off. 393 00:15:32,235 --> 00:15:33,367 I can't get mine off! 394 00:15:33,367 --> 00:15:34,846 Santa! Santa! 395 00:15:34,846 --> 00:15:35,891 Santa?! 396 00:15:35,891 --> 00:15:39,373 Ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas! 397 00:15:39,373 --> 00:15:41,984 What the hell is he doing here? 398 00:15:41,984 --> 00:15:43,420 Oh, it's cool. We're friends now. 399 00:15:43,420 --> 00:15:45,074 Hey, man, I can't get my goggles off. 400 00:15:45,074 --> 00:15:47,685 That's because they're fused to your head, 401 00:15:47,685 --> 00:15:50,688 just like they'll be fused to every human's head 402 00:15:50,688 --> 00:15:52,081 next Christmas! 403 00:15:52,081 --> 00:15:54,866 Wait, once you put on the JollyGoggles, 404 00:15:54,866 --> 00:15:56,042 they never come off? 405 00:15:56,042 --> 00:15:57,695 Yeah, we think it's a feature 406 00:15:57,695 --> 00:16:00,307 that'll really help us with user retention. 407 00:16:00,307 --> 00:16:01,830 But this place sucks. 408 00:16:01,830 --> 00:16:05,181 I've seen better coded '90s GeoCities sites. 409 00:16:05,181 --> 00:16:07,357 Hey! It's going to get a lot better 410 00:16:07,357 --> 00:16:11,187 now that I finally have some human beta-testers. 411 00:16:11,187 --> 00:16:12,406 You tricked me. 412 00:16:12,406 --> 00:16:14,582 Hey, you were so worried 413 00:16:14,582 --> 00:16:17,150 about your dumb King of Presents thing, 414 00:16:17,150 --> 00:16:19,543 you would've agreed to anything. 415 00:16:19,543 --> 00:16:20,936 Wait, Stan. 416 00:16:20,936 --> 00:16:24,374 You agreed to let Santa put us in here? 417 00:16:24,374 --> 00:16:27,073 The guy that left a diaper full of shit 418 00:16:27,073 --> 00:16:29,249 under our Christmas tree? 419 00:16:29,249 --> 00:16:30,990 That was not me. 420 00:16:30,990 --> 00:16:32,426 I shit coal. 421 00:16:32,426 --> 00:16:33,775 I had to do something. 422 00:16:33,775 --> 00:16:36,343 Steve was gonna steal my King of Presents crown. 423 00:16:36,343 --> 00:16:39,041 What? I just wanted to give you a nice gift. 424 00:16:39,041 --> 00:16:41,565 Just wanted to give me a nice gift, 425 00:16:41,565 --> 00:16:42,958 just because. 426 00:16:42,958 --> 00:16:44,655 Not just because. 427 00:16:44,655 --> 00:16:47,223 Because you're always there for us. 428 00:16:47,223 --> 00:16:49,791 Shoot, you went all the way to the North Pole 429 00:16:49,791 --> 00:16:51,880 on Christmas Eve just to get me a present. 430 00:16:51,880 --> 00:16:55,057 Steve, do not use this as a positive example. 431 00:16:55,057 --> 00:16:57,842 That's why I wanted to get you such a great present. 432 00:16:57,842 --> 00:17:00,715 Because you're always doing crazy stuff for us. 433 00:17:00,715 --> 00:17:01,890 Thanks, Steve. 434 00:17:01,890 --> 00:17:04,806 I'm sorry I got you all stuck in here. 435 00:17:04,806 --> 00:17:05,937 We should be at home. 436 00:17:05,937 --> 00:17:07,200 Wait. We're not at home? 437 00:17:07,200 --> 00:17:09,245 No, we're at the mercy of some... 438 00:17:09,245 --> 00:17:11,465 Millennial-looking Santa. 439 00:17:11,465 --> 00:17:13,728 He looks like Macklemore. 440 00:17:13,728 --> 00:17:16,470 More like if Santa ate Macklemore. 441 00:17:16,470 --> 00:17:18,298 Dammit. Quit making me laugh. 442 00:17:18,298 --> 00:17:20,952 Oh, my God! 443 00:17:20,952 --> 00:17:22,302 What is that smell? 444 00:17:22,302 --> 00:17:25,609 Ugh! It smells like Dad's egg-nog farts. 445 00:17:25,609 --> 00:17:27,437 Santa offered. What am I supposed to do, 446 00:17:27,437 --> 00:17:30,353 say no to Kris freakin' Kringle's personal nog? 447 00:17:30,353 --> 00:17:33,139 You talkin' about Ho-Ho-Host Malone's 448 00:17:33,139 --> 00:17:34,705 nog over here? 449 00:17:35,793 --> 00:17:37,012 Okay, you know what? 450 00:17:37,012 --> 00:17:38,492 Screw you guys. 451 00:17:38,492 --> 00:17:40,972 To JingleJail Island! 452 00:17:46,152 --> 00:17:48,502 Oh, my God. It's so cold again! 453 00:17:48,502 --> 00:17:52,810 Yep, and you'll get to feel it for the rest of your lives-- 454 00:17:52,810 --> 00:17:57,946 well, as long as I can keep your bodies alive in real life. 455 00:18:02,472 --> 00:18:05,127 Steve, I drank that nog in real life, 456 00:18:05,127 --> 00:18:06,998 which means I farted in real life. 457 00:18:06,998 --> 00:18:08,174 Cool, Dad. 458 00:18:08,174 --> 00:18:09,697 And we all smelt it in real life. 459 00:18:09,697 --> 00:18:12,961 Which means we're all in the same room. 460 00:18:12,961 --> 00:18:15,920 I'm going after Santa. 461 00:18:20,621 --> 00:18:21,796 Ow! Hey! 462 00:18:21,796 --> 00:18:23,058 - Hello. - Hoo-hoo! 463 00:18:23,058 --> 00:18:26,540 Hey! Someone touched me! 464 00:18:29,804 --> 00:18:32,459 I gotta give you props on getting us this SnoCat, Rogu. 465 00:18:32,459 --> 00:18:35,723 Whatever you told that guy in the shed really worked. 466 00:18:35,723 --> 00:18:40,119 Daddy teach me power of persuasion. 467 00:18:45,124 --> 00:18:47,082 That's you, isn't it, Stan? 468 00:18:47,082 --> 00:18:48,388 Guffrie! 469 00:18:48,388 --> 00:18:51,347 Release me from the Jingleverse! 470 00:18:51,347 --> 00:18:53,784 Guffrie! Ugh! 471 00:18:53,784 --> 00:18:54,742 What do we do? 472 00:18:54,742 --> 00:18:56,483 Let's see where this goes. 473 00:18:56,483 --> 00:18:58,876 Stan, you've got no way out. 474 00:18:58,876 --> 00:19:00,139 I'll make you a deal. 475 00:19:00,139 --> 00:19:03,751 Leave your family in here and move in with me. 476 00:19:03,751 --> 00:19:06,884 Kings of Presents- slash-roommates. 477 00:19:06,884 --> 00:19:08,538 You know it'd be lit. 478 00:19:08,538 --> 00:19:09,931 I don't wanna be King of Presents 479 00:19:09,931 --> 00:19:11,889 if the presents aren't for my family. 480 00:19:11,889 --> 00:19:13,717 Ugh! Ugh! 481 00:19:13,717 --> 00:19:14,631 Oh! 482 00:19:14,631 --> 00:19:17,243 That was a big mistake Stan. 483 00:19:17,243 --> 00:19:20,115 Where are you, Guffrie?! 484 00:19:20,115 --> 00:19:21,551 You're there, aren't you, Guffrie? 485 00:19:21,551 --> 00:19:22,900 Let my family out. 486 00:19:22,900 --> 00:19:24,902 You can keep Santa in here all year 487 00:19:24,902 --> 00:19:26,339 and run things your way. 488 00:19:26,339 --> 00:19:27,992 You know how much better it would be. 489 00:19:27,992 --> 00:19:30,343 Guffrie, if you are seriously there 490 00:19:30,343 --> 00:19:33,911 and listening to this, I am going to shit myself. 491 00:19:33,911 --> 00:19:35,652 And then you can free all the elves 492 00:19:35,652 --> 00:19:37,524 he's locked up in the Jingleverse. 493 00:19:37,524 --> 00:19:38,873 That's gotta be eating at you. 494 00:19:38,873 --> 00:19:40,048 Oh, wow. 495 00:19:40,048 --> 00:19:42,093 Always nice to have the C.I.A. come by 496 00:19:42,093 --> 00:19:45,532 and lecture me on putting people in cages. 497 00:19:52,321 --> 00:19:54,976 Oh, you dicks! 498 00:19:54,976 --> 00:19:56,630 I'm gonna kill you, Smith! 499 00:19:56,630 --> 00:19:58,371 I know where you live! 500 00:19:58,371 --> 00:20:02,070 I know where everybody lives! 501 00:20:02,070 --> 00:20:03,767 Let's go. 502 00:20:08,642 --> 00:20:10,861 I'm the Santa now. 503 00:20:13,995 --> 00:20:16,127 Hey, you guys trying to get out of here, too? 504 00:20:16,127 --> 00:20:17,607 I just had a three-way, 505 00:20:17,607 --> 00:20:20,001 and we were not all on the same page. 506 00:20:20,001 --> 00:20:21,307 Hearts were broken. 507 00:20:21,307 --> 00:20:22,699 What's that? 508 00:20:27,008 --> 00:20:28,662 Somebody need a ride? 509 00:20:28,662 --> 00:20:31,186 Chicks ride free. 510 00:20:31,186 --> 00:20:32,883 We can't all fit in there. 511 00:20:32,883 --> 00:20:34,668 Look over there. 512 00:20:34,668 --> 00:20:36,409 And over there! 513 00:20:43,851 --> 00:20:45,809 Welp, another pretty good Christmas 514 00:20:45,809 --> 00:20:47,289 in the books, wouldn't you say? 515 00:20:47,289 --> 00:20:49,465 Jesus. What is that smell? 516 00:20:49,465 --> 00:20:51,206 - - Stan! - Dad! - Dad! 517 00:20:51,206 --> 00:20:52,773 Ugh! 518 00:20:52,773 --> 00:20:55,036 Merry Christmas! 519 00:20:56,733 --> 00:20:57,691 Have a great night!