1 00:00:02,678 --> 00:00:05,715 ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪ 2 00:00:05,715 --> 00:00:07,593 Previously on American Dad. 3 00:00:07,593 --> 00:00:11,309 -I forbid you to do that play! -You forbid me? Ha! 4 00:00:11,309 --> 00:00:15,305 I'm not going to fire you, Smith. I'm going to promote you. 5 00:00:15,305 --> 00:00:18,541 It will require you and your family to relocate. 6 00:00:18,541 --> 00:00:20,940 Wait a minute! 7 00:00:20,940 --> 00:00:24,096 -This isn't a promotion. -Saudi Arabia is a dry country. 8 00:00:24,096 --> 00:00:25,933 You think that's something? 9 00:00:25,933 --> 00:00:28,371 Wait till you hear the rules about women. 10 00:00:28,371 --> 00:00:30,929 Surprise! I got us a second wife. 11 00:00:30,929 --> 00:00:33,606 -How much for the woman? -Woman? 12 00:00:33,606 --> 00:00:36,404 Oh, no, that's just Rog-- Sold. 13 00:00:38,083 --> 00:00:41,239 I am a man! 14 00:00:41,239 --> 00:00:43,157 I've decided to give you your old job back. 15 00:00:43,157 --> 00:00:46,193 -Sir, I kind of like it here. -What about your family? 16 00:00:48,231 --> 00:00:51,947 I officially renounce our American citizenship. 17 00:00:51,947 --> 00:00:55,385 The Smiths are staying in Saudi Arabia forever! 18 00:00:58,222 --> 00:01:01,299 Francine, Thundercat, there's no need to fight over me. 19 00:01:01,299 --> 00:01:03,336 -I love you both equally. -What? 20 00:01:03,336 --> 00:01:06,974 Francine, we live in Saudi Arabia now, and in Saudi Arabia, 21 00:01:06,974 --> 00:01:10,090 Daddy makes the decisions, Mommy makes a sandwich. 22 00:01:10,090 --> 00:01:12,848 Mommy makes a sandwich. 23 00:01:12,848 --> 00:01:15,045 You've lost it, Stan. 24 00:01:15,045 --> 00:01:17,002 Has your boss called to offer you your job back yet? 25 00:01:17,002 --> 00:01:18,841 Nope, he didn't call me an hour ago. 26 00:01:18,841 --> 00:01:21,319 Or maybe it wasn't more like an hour and a half ago. 27 00:01:23,157 --> 00:01:26,035 Mmm! Delicious sandwich, Number One. 28 00:01:26,035 --> 00:01:28,152 I'm sorry. She's in the lead now. 29 00:01:28,152 --> 00:01:31,388 She got 50 points for making the sandwich. Oh, yeah, there's points. 30 00:01:32,787 --> 00:01:34,865 -Get back here, whore! -It's okay. 31 00:01:34,865 --> 00:01:37,582 I respect your right to chase me. 32 00:01:37,582 --> 00:01:39,899 Aah! Son of a bitch! 33 00:01:39,899 --> 00:01:42,498 My face! Damn it! Aah! 34 00:01:43,816 --> 00:01:46,773 Oh, there you are. 35 00:01:46,773 --> 00:01:50,410 Hey, you know a woman can't be out in public unescorted by a man. 36 00:01:50,410 --> 00:01:52,728 -You know this harlot? -She is my sister. 37 00:01:52,728 --> 00:01:55,325 -Right, Sis? -Uh, yeah. 38 00:01:55,325 --> 00:01:57,643 All units to the northeast corner of the casbah! 39 00:01:57,643 --> 00:02:00,240 -220 in progress! -220? Someone just spotted a woman's ankles. 40 00:02:00,240 --> 00:02:02,357 Let's move. 41 00:02:02,357 --> 00:02:05,315 You should be more careful around the police of vice and virtue. 42 00:02:05,315 --> 00:02:07,033 Do you want to get stoned? 43 00:02:07,033 --> 00:02:09,391 Yes! Oh, my God! It's been, like, forever. 44 00:02:09,391 --> 00:02:11,789 You would like to be buried up to your neck 45 00:02:11,789 --> 00:02:14,345 and have a crowd of angry men throw rocks at your head? 46 00:02:14,345 --> 00:02:18,342 -Oh. No. -Normally, I wouldn't come to the aid of an American. 47 00:02:18,342 --> 00:02:20,739 Your country's foreign policy is despicable, 48 00:02:20,739 --> 00:02:23,936 your culture is crude, and your gluttony and greed make me sick. 49 00:02:25,215 --> 00:02:27,812 You are so hot. 50 00:02:31,369 --> 00:02:34,406 Whoa. That thing came out of nowhere. 51 00:02:36,803 --> 00:02:39,360 I'm stranded in the middle of a desert 52 00:02:39,360 --> 00:02:41,799 with no food, no water, but at least 53 00:02:41,799 --> 00:02:44,676 I finally get to see Angelina Jolie's sweet, 54 00:02:44,676 --> 00:02:46,674 supple-- 55 00:02:47,753 --> 00:02:53,107 No! 56 00:02:53,107 --> 00:02:56,424 I'm gonna kill Steve. Selling me to some stranger. 57 00:02:56,424 --> 00:02:58,581 And he didn't even haggle. By the way, 58 00:02:58,581 --> 00:03:00,779 these baskets go for, like, 80 bucks at Pier One. 59 00:03:00,779 --> 00:03:03,336 I bet you paid, what, like 50 cents? Be honest. 60 00:03:03,336 --> 00:03:06,174 Silence! You were not purchased for your opinions. 61 00:03:06,174 --> 00:03:09,051 -You were purchased to be a wife. -Wife? 62 00:03:09,051 --> 00:03:11,449 Look, bub, I'm not marrying you! 63 00:03:11,449 --> 00:03:14,885 Of course you're not marrying me. You're marrying him. 64 00:03:24,315 --> 00:03:26,874 Well, a girl can't hold out forever. 65 00:03:28,632 --> 00:03:30,950 The Iraq war was a travesty. 66 00:03:30,950 --> 00:03:34,585 Exactly. It's like the whole unilateral preemption thing is-- 67 00:03:34,585 --> 00:03:37,063 An insupportable doctrine with inevitable negative 68 00:03:37,063 --> 00:03:39,141 repercussions on the geopolitical stage! 69 00:03:41,299 --> 00:03:44,895 -Hey, you want to get dinner? -Ooh, now is not good. 70 00:03:44,895 --> 00:03:48,132 I have a meeting. I'm in this secret group called Al-Qae-- 71 00:03:48,132 --> 00:03:50,529 "Al-qae-holics" Anonymous? 72 00:03:50,529 --> 00:03:54,325 Hayley, promise me you won't go near the American embassy. 73 00:03:54,325 --> 00:03:56,444 The embassy? Oh, my God, you're a-- 74 00:03:56,444 --> 00:03:59,321 Oh, Kazim, no! Look, I hate America's policies too, 75 00:03:59,321 --> 00:04:01,599 -but there are other ways. -Oh, Hayley, 76 00:04:01,599 --> 00:04:04,715 perhaps if I had met such an incredible Western girl years ago. 77 00:04:04,715 --> 00:04:07,233 But it's not too late! You can't-- -No. I must. 78 00:04:07,233 --> 00:04:09,471 -It is written. -Nothing is written. 79 00:04:17,862 --> 00:04:20,939 It's so good to have Stan working with us on the pipeline 80 00:04:20,939 --> 00:04:23,657 and not for the-- yuck-- United States. 81 00:04:23,657 --> 00:04:26,693 -Imperialist swine. -They want to enslave all Arabs. 82 00:04:26,693 --> 00:04:30,370 You know damn well that America does not want to enslave all Arabs. 83 00:04:30,370 --> 00:04:32,368 Just the ones who have oil. 84 00:04:34,525 --> 00:04:37,202 Am I right, fellas? Yeah. Americans. Ha! 85 00:04:37,202 --> 00:04:39,481 Bunch of douche bags. Praise Allah. 86 00:04:41,958 --> 00:04:44,116 Bullock here. 87 00:04:44,116 --> 00:04:47,673 Deputy Director Bullock, will you please offer Stan his job back? 88 00:04:47,673 --> 00:04:49,790 Francine, what a surprise. 89 00:04:49,790 --> 00:04:53,626 I already offered Stan his job back. He said no. 90 00:04:56,423 --> 00:04:58,341 Your family may have moved to Saudi Arabia, 91 00:04:58,341 --> 00:05:00,339 but I'm the real fish out of water. 92 00:05:02,137 --> 00:05:03,857 Seriously, I'm dying. 93 00:05:06,614 --> 00:05:09,810 Okay. I'm cool. 94 00:05:09,810 --> 00:05:12,687 Whatever life throws at me, I can take it, 95 00:05:12,687 --> 00:05:16,084 because I am a strong, independent black woman. 96 00:05:16,084 --> 00:05:19,600 I mean, white teenager. Oh, God! I'm gonna die out here! 97 00:05:22,517 --> 00:05:26,754 Lord, please send me some water or food or-- 98 00:05:34,185 --> 00:05:36,264 Or Angelina Jolie. Angelina Jolie's fine. 99 00:05:38,821 --> 00:05:41,219 Your beverage, Princess. 100 00:05:41,219 --> 00:05:43,376 Thank you, Zacharias. 101 00:05:44,696 --> 00:05:48,052 Oh, Zacharias, this is a Tom Collins. 102 00:05:48,052 --> 00:05:50,570 Whatever you did this time, write it down because you nailed it. 103 00:05:50,570 --> 00:05:52,687 You freakin' nailed it. 104 00:05:52,687 --> 00:05:55,045 There's my desert flower. 105 00:05:57,283 --> 00:05:59,321 Uh, what ya doin'? 106 00:05:59,321 --> 00:06:03,277 Preparing to consort with my newest and loveliest concubine. 107 00:06:03,277 --> 00:06:05,994 Consort? Consort! Whoa! Whoa. 108 00:06:05,994 --> 00:06:07,872 Nuh-uh! Now, I-I don't know what you've heard 109 00:06:07,872 --> 00:06:09,790 about American girls, but we don't go hopping 110 00:06:09,790 --> 00:06:11,628 into bed with some guy we only just met! 111 00:06:11,628 --> 00:06:15,905 Oh, Hayley, that was so wonderful. 112 00:06:15,905 --> 00:06:18,421 But now I'm so confused. 113 00:06:18,421 --> 00:06:21,459 It's like I'm not sure who I am anymore. 114 00:06:21,459 --> 00:06:23,776 Why, because of that thing I did with my finger? 115 00:06:23,776 --> 00:06:26,094 Look, we tried something weird, and you liked it. 116 00:06:26,094 --> 00:06:29,610 That's doesn't make-- Oh, you're talking about the terrorism thing. 117 00:06:29,610 --> 00:06:32,248 Oh, oh, you know what else I hate about America? 118 00:06:32,248 --> 00:06:34,806 New Mexico. Like we need another one of those. 119 00:06:34,806 --> 00:06:36,923 Stan Smith! 120 00:06:36,923 --> 00:06:39,161 Deputy Director Bullock offered you your job back, 121 00:06:39,161 --> 00:06:41,158 and you turned him down? 122 00:06:41,158 --> 00:06:43,516 -You lied to me, Stan! -You're right. 123 00:06:43,516 --> 00:06:45,754 And it was a mistake to lie. You know why? 124 00:06:45,754 --> 00:06:49,031 Because I didn't have to. Because I'm the man, and what I say goes. 125 00:06:49,031 --> 00:06:52,188 And I say Saudi Arabia's the greatest country in the world. 126 00:06:52,188 --> 00:06:54,426 Greatest country in the world? 127 00:06:54,426 --> 00:06:57,183 ♪ We packed our bags We hopped a plane ♪ 128 00:06:57,183 --> 00:06:59,420 ♪ We left our happy home ♪ 129 00:06:59,420 --> 00:07:01,338 Uh, Francine, singing's kind of illegal here. 130 00:07:01,338 --> 00:07:04,256 ♪ The culture seemed a bit insane ♪ 131 00:07:04,256 --> 00:07:06,694 ♪ But you said Hey, when in Rome ♪ 132 00:07:06,694 --> 00:07:08,851 Seriously, Francine, ix-nay on the inging-- 133 00:07:08,851 --> 00:07:13,606 ♪ Maybe you've got no reason to complain ♪ 134 00:07:13,606 --> 00:07:19,121 ♪ But I've got no "Y" chromosome ♪ 135 00:07:19,121 --> 00:07:21,478 So, here's what I don't like about Saudi Arabia. 136 00:07:21,478 --> 00:07:23,636 Hit it! 137 00:07:23,636 --> 00:07:27,033 ♪ You can't go out unless you are escorted by a man ♪ 138 00:07:27,033 --> 00:07:30,270 ♪ And when you do you come home with a butt crack full of sand ♪ 139 00:07:30,270 --> 00:07:33,467 ♪ No alcohol, no rum and Cokes and no Dom Pérignon ♪ 140 00:07:33,467 --> 00:07:35,624 ♪ At least a girl can have a smoke ♪ 141 00:07:35,624 --> 00:07:40,180 -But not on Ramadan! -♪ Oh, it's a land of joy ♪ 142 00:07:40,180 --> 00:07:43,177 ♪ If you are a boy ♪ 143 00:07:43,177 --> 00:07:46,894 ♪ But if you are a girl ♪ 144 00:07:46,894 --> 00:07:49,410 ♪ It's the worst place in the world ♪ 145 00:07:49,410 --> 00:07:51,328 Okay, Francine, we get it. 146 00:07:51,328 --> 00:07:53,246 Oh, but I'm just getting started. 147 00:07:53,246 --> 00:07:54,965 ♪ American girls we do Pilates ♪ 148 00:07:54,965 --> 00:07:56,643 ♪ Starve ourselves until we're hotties ♪ 149 00:07:56,643 --> 00:07:58,442 ♪ Why? Because we like our bodies ♪ 150 00:07:58,442 --> 00:08:00,360 ♪ Check me out you uptight Saudis ♪ 151 00:08:02,557 --> 00:08:05,354 ♪ Oh, it's so awfully grand ♪ 152 00:08:05,354 --> 00:08:08,231 ♪ Come on, Francine stop singing ♪ -♪ If you are a man ♪ 153 00:08:08,231 --> 00:08:10,150 ♪ I'm only backup singing ♪ 154 00:08:10,150 --> 00:08:12,867 ♪ If you don't take me home soon, Stan ♪ 155 00:08:12,867 --> 00:08:16,383 ♪ I think I'm gonna hurl ♪ 156 00:08:16,383 --> 00:08:19,260 ♪ It's the worst place in the world ♪ 157 00:08:19,260 --> 00:08:21,898 I started this point system, and she's way behind. 158 00:08:21,898 --> 00:08:25,215 ♪ I only want to see the world explore and socialize ♪ 159 00:08:25,215 --> 00:08:28,692 ♪ But in this town I can't so much as look at other guys ♪ 160 00:08:28,692 --> 00:08:31,888 ♪ 'Cause if I did they'd call me harlot whore, adulteress ♪ 161 00:08:31,888 --> 00:08:35,005 ♪ I bet my last riyal you fellas won't approve of this ♪ 162 00:08:35,005 --> 00:08:36,683 Who wants a kiss? 163 00:08:43,796 --> 00:08:46,114 ♪ It's great if you're from Mars ♪ 164 00:08:46,114 --> 00:08:48,352 ♪ But not if you're from Venus ♪ 165 00:08:48,352 --> 00:08:50,709 ♪ If you want to drive a car ♪ 166 00:08:50,709 --> 00:08:53,068 ♪ You'd better have a penis ♪ 167 00:08:53,068 --> 00:08:55,025 ♪ So if you've got a vagina ♪ 168 00:08:55,025 --> 00:08:56,303 -Ooh! -♪ A vulva ♪ 169 00:08:56,303 --> 00:08:57,983 -Yeee! -♪ A clitoris ♪ 170 00:08:57,983 --> 00:09:01,819 -What is a clitoris? -♪ And a labia ♪ 171 00:09:01,819 --> 00:09:03,457 You see where I'm going with this. 172 00:09:03,457 --> 00:09:06,693 ♪ Stay the hell away from ♪ 173 00:09:06,693 --> 00:09:12,208 ♪ Saudi Arabia ♪ 174 00:09:14,006 --> 00:09:15,965 Whore! 175 00:09:18,042 --> 00:09:20,600 Stan! 176 00:09:28,831 --> 00:09:32,787 Singing in public, dancing in public, indecent exposure. 177 00:09:32,787 --> 00:09:36,503 Stan, you need to go to the U.S. embassy and get help. 178 00:09:36,503 --> 00:09:40,140 Oh, sure, one little snag and we go running back to the imperialist pig dogs. 179 00:09:40,140 --> 00:09:42,617 Will you have a little faith in the Saudi legal system? 180 00:09:42,617 --> 00:09:45,454 Let me tell you about the Saudi legal system. 181 00:09:45,454 --> 00:09:49,331 I've been in here for 23 years, and you know what I did? 182 00:09:49,331 --> 00:09:51,928 -I stole a candy bar. -I don't believe you. 183 00:09:51,928 --> 00:09:54,406 My hand to God. 184 00:09:54,406 --> 00:09:57,203 -So I'm going to head over to the embassy. -Yeah, good idea. 185 00:09:59,680 --> 00:10:01,758 Listen, honey, this isn't a good time. 186 00:10:01,758 --> 00:10:04,996 I-- I'm riding the cotton camel right now. Know what I mean? 187 00:10:04,996 --> 00:10:08,631 You need not be embarrassed, my little hyacinth. 188 00:10:08,631 --> 00:10:13,187 Wow, this is so not how I pictured my first time. 189 00:10:13,187 --> 00:10:15,784 Now I know how Brenda Walsh felt on prom night. 190 00:10:15,784 --> 00:10:17,942 What is this you speak of? 191 00:10:17,942 --> 00:10:20,539 You know, Shannen Doherty on 90210, 192 00:10:20,539 --> 00:10:23,098 goes to the prom with brooding rebel Dylan McKay, 193 00:10:23,098 --> 00:10:25,055 grapples with a decision to lose her virginity? 194 00:10:25,055 --> 00:10:26,934 Your story intrigues me. 195 00:10:26,934 --> 00:10:28,972 Tell me of this glorious epic. 196 00:10:28,972 --> 00:10:30,969 Glorious epic? 197 00:10:30,969 --> 00:10:33,566 Wow, you just made Aaron Spelling's year. 198 00:10:33,566 --> 00:10:36,683 Okay, okay. I'll tell you the tale, but it could take a while. 199 00:10:36,683 --> 00:10:39,959 And when you are done, we will make the beast with two backs? 200 00:10:39,959 --> 00:10:43,516 I can't believe you have to pay for wives. You're such a charmer. 201 00:10:43,516 --> 00:10:47,392 Anyway, once upon a time there was a magical place 202 00:10:47,392 --> 00:10:49,391 where Beemers glistened in the parking lot, 203 00:10:49,391 --> 00:10:52,467 and all the teenagers were white and in their 30s. 204 00:10:53,386 --> 00:10:55,425 Wow, Angelina Jolie! 205 00:10:55,425 --> 00:10:57,743 I have so many questions to ask you. 206 00:10:57,743 --> 00:11:00,379 Is that whole thing about you sleeping with knives in the bed true? 207 00:11:00,379 --> 00:11:02,737 I'm not Angelina Jolie, Steve. I'm God. 208 00:11:02,737 --> 00:11:04,975 I simply chose the form most pleasing to you. 209 00:11:04,975 --> 00:11:07,453 Oh, you're God. 210 00:11:07,453 --> 00:11:10,130 So is that thing about Angelina Jolie sleeping with knives in the bed true? 211 00:11:10,130 --> 00:11:12,129 Yeah. It's messed up, isn't it? 212 00:11:12,129 --> 00:11:14,805 I'm glad you showed up. I guess I sort of got carried away 213 00:11:14,805 --> 00:11:17,483 with this whole "being a man" thing, huh? 214 00:11:17,483 --> 00:11:20,360 You know, Steve, you'll be all grown up before you know it. 215 00:11:20,360 --> 00:11:23,517 So in the meantime, why not enjoy being a kid a little longer? 216 00:11:23,517 --> 00:11:26,673 Because it doesn't last forever. 217 00:11:26,673 --> 00:11:28,591 -Hey, can I see your boobs? -What? 218 00:11:28,591 --> 00:11:31,189 Come on, baby. I-- I mean, God. 219 00:11:31,189 --> 00:11:34,186 All right. But be warned-- 220 00:11:34,186 --> 00:11:37,183 a single glance at the rack of infinite wisdom 221 00:11:37,183 --> 00:11:39,340 could drive a man to madness. 222 00:11:39,340 --> 00:11:41,538 Oh, now I have to see them. 223 00:11:42,897 --> 00:11:44,816 Awesome. 224 00:11:55,844 --> 00:11:57,562 Mmm. 225 00:11:57,562 --> 00:11:59,720 Now I know how a kebab feels. 226 00:12:01,918 --> 00:12:04,555 My darling, Hayley, you have moved me beyond words, 227 00:12:04,555 --> 00:12:06,914 but I must now fulfill my destiny. 228 00:12:06,914 --> 00:12:08,910 Farewell forever, Kazim. 229 00:12:08,910 --> 00:12:11,068 P.S. Stay away from the U.S. embassy. 230 00:12:11,068 --> 00:12:12,827 The embassy! 231 00:12:19,221 --> 00:12:21,299 Move! Out of my way! 232 00:12:41,199 --> 00:12:42,877 Oh, no! No! 233 00:12:45,794 --> 00:12:48,471 Shwarma King! Get your shwarma! 234 00:12:48,471 --> 00:12:50,309 -Kazim? -Hayley, I-- 235 00:12:50,309 --> 00:12:52,108 I thought we talked about you not coming to the embassy. 236 00:12:52,108 --> 00:12:53,787 You work at Shwarma King? 237 00:12:53,787 --> 00:12:56,143 Let me guess. 238 00:12:56,143 --> 00:12:58,900 He tricked you into thinking he was a terrorist so you'd have sex with him. 239 00:12:58,900 --> 00:13:00,659 He does that with all the American girls. 240 00:13:00,659 --> 00:13:03,217 Shwarma? 241 00:13:03,217 --> 00:13:05,255 -May I help you? -Yes, my wife's in jail. 242 00:13:05,255 --> 00:13:07,532 You see, she-- -I don't need to hear it. She's an American. 243 00:13:07,532 --> 00:13:10,170 We'll have her out in time for dinner. I'll just need your passport. 244 00:13:10,170 --> 00:13:13,247 Yeah, passport. Uh, funny story. 245 00:13:13,247 --> 00:13:16,244 -Let me guess. Monkey stole it? -No. 246 00:13:16,244 --> 00:13:18,682 -Monkey ate it? -No. Why do you think there's a monkey? 247 00:13:18,682 --> 00:13:22,078 You said it was a funny story. I just assumed it involved nature's clown. 248 00:13:22,078 --> 00:13:24,715 No, I renounced our citizenship and burned our passports. 249 00:13:24,715 --> 00:13:27,353 Well, that's not funny. That's not funny at all. 250 00:13:27,353 --> 00:13:29,271 Your wife's in real trouble, man. 251 00:13:33,986 --> 00:13:36,064 Monkey! 252 00:13:36,064 --> 00:13:38,261 And I knew the show was dead when they started 253 00:13:38,261 --> 00:13:40,780 giving the guy from the Peach Pit his own stories. 254 00:13:40,780 --> 00:13:43,896 Like I care if Nat couldn't read. Click. 255 00:13:43,896 --> 00:13:46,134 Delightful. What a riveting tale! 256 00:13:46,134 --> 00:13:48,211 -Okay, time for sex. -Uh, uh, hey, 257 00:13:48,211 --> 00:13:50,370 if you like that story-- 258 00:13:50,370 --> 00:13:52,208 No, no, y-you wouldn't wanna hear about it. 259 00:13:52,208 --> 00:13:54,685 -Hear about what? -Oh, another enchanted place 260 00:13:54,685 --> 00:13:56,763 just to the east of Beverly Hills. 261 00:13:56,763 --> 00:13:59,801 A place called Melrose. 262 00:14:21,459 --> 00:14:24,655 People of Saudi Arabia, I have gone into the wilderness, 263 00:14:24,655 --> 00:14:27,773 and I have spoken with God. 264 00:14:27,773 --> 00:14:31,248 In the beginning, my children, light was separated from darkness-- 265 00:14:31,248 --> 00:14:34,126 And so, by dividing up the disputed territories thusly, 266 00:14:34,126 --> 00:14:39,480 Israelis and Palestinians can finally coexist in peace. 267 00:14:39,480 --> 00:14:42,278 -He's right. That would work. -Peace in the Middle East. 268 00:14:42,278 --> 00:14:44,196 All praise Steve Smith! 269 00:14:44,196 --> 00:14:47,992 Whoa, whoa, fellas. Don't praise me. Praise God. 270 00:14:47,992 --> 00:14:50,350 She's the one who came up with all this stuff. 271 00:14:51,668 --> 00:14:53,706 I'm-- I'm sorry. Did you say "she"? 272 00:14:53,706 --> 00:14:57,262 -Yeah, God's a woman. -Oh, I think I see what happened. 273 00:14:57,262 --> 00:15:00,260 You thought it was a woman, but really God was a guy in drag. 274 00:15:00,260 --> 00:15:03,217 No, no. This was definitely a woman. She had boobs and everything. 275 00:15:03,217 --> 00:15:06,414 Oh, so God's a man, but he has fake boobs 276 00:15:06,414 --> 00:15:08,531 'cause that's just how he rolls, right? 277 00:15:08,531 --> 00:15:11,729 No, guys, this was a woman. You're missing the point. 278 00:15:11,729 --> 00:15:13,767 We need to ride to Jerusalem and-- 279 00:15:13,767 --> 00:15:16,364 I've got it! I know what it is! 280 00:15:16,364 --> 00:15:19,999 God was born with two sets of genitals, and the doctors-- 281 00:15:19,999 --> 00:15:22,398 No! Look, God is a woman! 282 00:15:22,398 --> 00:15:26,833 God... is... a... woman. Geez! 283 00:15:26,833 --> 00:15:30,349 -Well, now we gotta kill him. -Too bad. He had some good ideas. 284 00:15:33,787 --> 00:15:36,503 And then she climbed up onto our camel 285 00:15:36,503 --> 00:15:39,261 and... danced. 286 00:15:39,261 --> 00:15:42,337 Don't panic. I got you the best lawyer in Saudi Arabia. 287 00:15:42,337 --> 00:15:45,575 I'm sorry, counselor. What did you say your name is? 288 00:15:45,575 --> 00:15:48,092 -Irv Rosenblatt. -Guilty! 289 00:15:48,092 --> 00:15:50,170 Every single case! 290 00:15:50,170 --> 00:15:52,088 Oy, this is a tough town. 291 00:15:52,088 --> 00:15:55,046 Please, Your Honor. I won't last in prison. 292 00:15:55,046 --> 00:15:57,322 Well, then, this is your lucky day. 293 00:15:57,322 --> 00:15:59,240 I sentence you to... 294 00:15:59,240 --> 00:16:01,319 death by stoning! 295 00:16:07,272 --> 00:16:09,990 Stan, don't let them stone me! 296 00:16:09,990 --> 00:16:11,908 Your Honor, this is all my fault. 297 00:16:11,908 --> 00:16:15,384 -If anyone should be stoned, it's me. -Sorry. 298 00:16:15,384 --> 00:16:17,622 Then stone me with her. I'm an American. 299 00:16:17,622 --> 00:16:19,940 And in America, marriage is an equal partnership. 300 00:16:19,940 --> 00:16:22,178 So if she dies, I die with her. 301 00:16:22,178 --> 00:16:26,053 Stan, that's very noble, but I'm doing this alone, and that's final. 302 00:16:26,053 --> 00:16:28,172 Francine, I forbid it. 303 00:16:30,210 --> 00:16:32,128 While I'm sure that's a meaningful callback 304 00:16:32,128 --> 00:16:33,806 to an earlier conversation, 305 00:16:33,806 --> 00:16:35,884 I must point out that you're a man, 306 00:16:35,884 --> 00:16:37,722 and you have broken no laws. 307 00:16:37,722 --> 00:16:40,519 So what does a guy have to do to get stoned around here? 308 00:16:40,519 --> 00:16:42,957 We're not big on homosexuality. 309 00:16:42,957 --> 00:16:45,315 There. 310 00:16:45,315 --> 00:16:48,192 -I'm gay. Stone me. -I don't know. It didn't seem like you were really into it. 311 00:16:51,069 --> 00:16:55,025 Mmm, mmm, mmm. 312 00:16:56,264 --> 00:16:58,462 Stone him. 313 00:16:58,462 --> 00:17:00,420 This Sunday, Sunday, Sunday! 314 00:17:00,420 --> 00:17:02,777 Shwarma King and Clear Channel present 315 00:17:02,777 --> 00:17:04,975 Stone Mayhem '05! 316 00:17:04,975 --> 00:17:07,412 Where the crowd gets loud and the infidels get rocked. 317 00:17:07,412 --> 00:17:11,889 Admission covers the entire seat, but you'll only need the edge! 318 00:17:11,889 --> 00:17:14,606 Don't worry, Francine. Steve's out there somewhere. 319 00:17:14,606 --> 00:17:16,444 The Smith name shall live on. 320 00:17:16,444 --> 00:17:18,721 Sorry, Dad. I had an epiphany in the desert, 321 00:17:18,721 --> 00:17:21,319 I became a prophet, and then my disciples betrayed me 322 00:17:21,319 --> 00:17:23,277 when I said God's a woman. 323 00:17:23,277 --> 00:17:26,274 Teenagers. Anyway, the Smith name could still live on. 324 00:17:26,274 --> 00:17:28,431 Hayley's a filthy liberal. She'll probably hyphenate. 325 00:17:28,431 --> 00:17:31,469 Yeah, I'm here too. I put a shwarma guy in a coma. 326 00:17:31,469 --> 00:17:34,226 Well, I guess this is it. I'll see most of you in heaven. 327 00:17:34,226 --> 00:17:36,544 Hayley, it's been a crazy ride. 328 00:17:36,544 --> 00:17:40,978 -Attention, stone-throwers. -Two minutes till the stoning. 329 00:17:40,978 --> 00:17:44,496 We could sure use a miracle right about now. 330 00:17:51,049 --> 00:17:53,446 -President Bush! -Howdy, Saudis. 331 00:17:53,446 --> 00:17:55,325 Democracy has arrived. 332 00:17:58,121 --> 00:18:03,196 ♪ Gotta get ready to go 'cause it's time again ♪ 333 00:18:03,196 --> 00:18:05,275 -♪ We know ♪ -♪ We are the ones ♪ 334 00:18:05,275 --> 00:18:08,312 ♪ Who do it numb again ♪ 335 00:18:08,312 --> 00:18:10,909 Looks like I got here just in time. 336 00:18:10,909 --> 00:18:12,907 Hey, it's snowing. 337 00:18:12,907 --> 00:18:14,946 Look, Mr. President. 338 00:18:14,946 --> 00:18:16,984 Teacher says every time a bell rings, 339 00:18:16,984 --> 00:18:19,500 -an oppressive autocracy gets freedom. -That's right. 340 00:18:19,500 --> 00:18:22,458 That's right. Attaboy, Clarence. 341 00:18:22,458 --> 00:18:25,695 ♪ Days of auld lang syne ♪ 342 00:18:28,332 --> 00:18:30,250 -Wake up! -What, what, what? 343 00:18:30,250 --> 00:18:32,687 Damn! Oh, God, we're all going to die, 344 00:18:32,687 --> 00:18:35,724 and our lives meant nothing, absolutely nothing! 345 00:18:35,724 --> 00:18:38,042 I-- I mean, uh, something comforting. 346 00:18:38,042 --> 00:18:40,639 Stone-throwers ready? 347 00:18:53,067 --> 00:18:55,624 That's me. Sorry. Hang on. Yello. 348 00:18:55,624 --> 00:18:57,542 Oh, hello, sir. 349 00:18:57,542 --> 00:19:00,140 What? But they're infidels. 350 00:19:00,140 --> 00:19:03,496 Fine. Great. Rock blocked. You're free to go. 351 00:19:05,694 --> 00:19:07,653 -Ow! -It's over, Thundercat. 352 00:19:07,653 --> 00:19:09,411 Whore. 353 00:19:12,168 --> 00:19:14,486 -I can't believe it. -What do you think happened? 354 00:19:16,364 --> 00:19:19,081 Okay, beast with two backs. Now. 355 00:19:20,519 --> 00:19:22,437 Oh, that's what all the fuss is about? 356 00:19:22,437 --> 00:19:24,396 Oh, yeah, okay. No problem. 357 00:19:30,189 --> 00:19:33,066 Gee, Dad, less than 24 hours ago, you hated America. 358 00:19:33,066 --> 00:19:35,425 Shut the hell up, Hayley. 359 00:19:35,425 --> 00:19:38,102 But you know, I will admit, America's got its flaws. 360 00:19:38,102 --> 00:19:40,180 Really, Dad? Like what? 361 00:19:40,180 --> 00:19:42,498 ♪ Well, there's ♪ 362 00:19:42,498 --> 00:19:44,975 ♪ Free speech and there's gun control and lousy Democrats ♪ 363 00:19:44,975 --> 00:19:48,093 ♪ The media's too liberal and everyone's too fat ♪ 364 00:19:48,093 --> 00:19:51,489 ♪ The women have careers and form opinions of their own ♪ 365 00:19:51,489 --> 00:19:54,646 ♪ We let our wives control our lives ♪ -♪ Damn, it's good to be home ♪ 366 00:19:54,646 --> 00:19:57,722 ♪ Our life's not always great ♪ 367 00:19:57,722 --> 00:20:01,039 ♪ In these United States ♪ 368 00:20:01,039 --> 00:20:06,074 ♪ But remember boys and girls ♪ 369 00:20:06,074 --> 00:20:09,191 ♪ It's not the worst place ♪ 370 00:20:09,191 --> 00:20:12,348 ♪ In the world ♪ 371 00:20:12,348 --> 00:20:15,544 ♪ It's not the worst place in the world, yeah, yeah ♪ 372 00:20:15,544 --> 00:20:18,301 Oh, and, uh, what happens in Saudi Arabia 373 00:20:18,301 --> 00:20:20,380 stays in Saudi Arabia. 374 00:20:20,380 --> 00:20:22,738 Okay? Seriously. 375 00:21:00,060 --> 00:21:01,898 Bye, bye. See you soon.