1 00:00:02,678 --> 00:00:05,435 ♪ Good morning, USA ♪ 2 00:00:05,435 --> 00:00:08,910 ♪ I got a feeling that It's gonna be a wonderful day ♪ 3 00:00:08,910 --> 00:00:11,748 ♪ The sun in the sky Has a smile on his face ♪ 4 00:00:11,748 --> 00:00:15,105 ♪ And he's shining a salute To the American race ♪ 5 00:00:17,902 --> 00:00:20,859 ♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪ 6 00:00:20,859 --> 00:00:23,777 ♪ Good morning, USA ♪ 7 00:00:25,695 --> 00:00:28,132 ♪ Good morning, USA ♪ 8 00:00:32,927 --> 00:00:35,964 Our next film is by Hayley Smith. 9 00:00:35,964 --> 00:00:39,001 Thank you. This film was inspired by my mother. 10 00:00:40,559 --> 00:00:43,277 Okay, sit down. Don't milk it, Tracey Ullman. 11 00:00:46,034 --> 00:00:49,031 History has been studded with great women, 12 00:00:49,031 --> 00:00:51,388 women who have had a profound effect on the world. 13 00:00:52,428 --> 00:00:54,346 Then there's my mother. 14 00:00:56,183 --> 00:00:57,423 Why waste money? 15 00:00:57,423 --> 00:01:00,420 A simple blanket stitch makes old socks new again. 16 00:01:02,458 --> 00:01:04,776 Mom can't tell you who her congressman is, 17 00:01:04,776 --> 00:01:06,453 but she does know this. 18 00:01:06,453 --> 00:01:08,811 Never throw away old shower caps. 19 00:01:08,811 --> 00:01:10,329 Use them to cover casseroles. 20 00:01:25,914 --> 00:01:27,512 How humiliating! 21 00:01:27,512 --> 00:01:29,591 Hayley made me look like 22 00:01:27,512 --> 00:01:31,588 a total idiot. 23 00:01:29,591 --> 00:01:31,588 Honey, you're not 24 00:01:31,588 --> 00:01:34,825 I mean, you got the point of the film, right? What the... 25 00:01:36,983 --> 00:01:40,060 A raging teenage house party in our neighborhood? 26 00:01:41,019 --> 00:01:43,696 Steve, I can't believe you're here! 27 00:01:45,095 --> 00:01:47,173 The Schwartztein's house is going off! 28 00:01:47,173 --> 00:01:49,930 It's like a damn Ludacris video. Pimp cups, shorties. 29 00:01:49,930 --> 00:01:51,209 It's all crunked out. 30 00:01:51,209 --> 00:01:52,927 We're quantifying the molecular-- 31 00:01:52,927 --> 00:01:54,926 Steve, if you're ever gonna crawl out of this geek swamp, 32 00:01:54,926 --> 00:01:57,202 you gotta log some face time with the cool kids. 33 00:01:57,202 --> 00:01:58,322 Now get going! 34 00:01:59,760 --> 00:02:02,357 I'd, uh, ditch fatty and dim sum on the way there. 35 00:02:02,357 --> 00:02:04,036 They're gonna blow the ratio. 36 00:02:04,036 --> 00:02:06,554 Her film made me look like a boring housewife 37 00:02:06,554 --> 00:02:07,992 who's only good at cleaning! 38 00:02:07,992 --> 00:02:09,910 Oh, that is an outrage! 39 00:02:09,910 --> 00:02:10,869 Thank you, Roger. 40 00:02:10,869 --> 00:02:12,427 You're a terrible cleaner! 41 00:02:12,427 --> 00:02:15,105 Look at this place! It's filthy! 42 00:02:15,105 --> 00:02:17,823 Yeah, that's a big dirty "S" for schmutz. 43 00:02:19,780 --> 00:02:21,499 My film was the biggest hit 44 00:02:21,499 --> 00:02:23,176 in Groff Community College history. 45 00:02:23,176 --> 00:02:24,736 I got a check-plus-plus. 46 00:02:24,736 --> 00:02:26,813 That's like a "C" at Arizona State. 47 00:02:26,813 --> 00:02:29,210 Hayley, did you ever consider that your film 48 00:02:29,210 --> 00:02:32,368 might make my life look... Well, worthless? 49 00:02:32,368 --> 00:02:33,486 Come on, Mom. 50 00:02:33,486 --> 00:02:35,644 Women are doing bold, exciting things. 51 00:02:35,644 --> 00:02:37,922 -And you're-- -What? 52 00:02:37,922 --> 00:02:41,359 The HMS Cucumber declares war on poor nutrition. 53 00:02:41,359 --> 00:02:44,715 Admiral Egg spots hunger off the starboard bow. 54 00:02:44,715 --> 00:02:47,073 He's launching baby corn torpedoes! 55 00:02:50,029 --> 00:02:51,189 Open. 56 00:02:52,906 --> 00:02:54,306 Oh! Oh! Ew! 57 00:02:54,306 --> 00:02:56,144 Ew! Look at this. 58 00:02:56,144 --> 00:02:58,901 Eight years of dead bugs. You disgust me! 59 00:02:58,901 --> 00:03:01,458 Now hold the ladder. I wanna come down. 60 00:03:01,458 --> 00:03:03,138 What do you think Steve's doing at the party? 61 00:03:03,138 --> 00:03:04,735 Probably chillin', drinking a Mickey. 62 00:03:04,735 --> 00:03:06,015 He's eating Ruffles, 63 00:03:06,015 --> 00:03:07,172 debating whether or not 64 00:03:07,172 --> 00:03:09,090 to hook up with that black chick. 65 00:03:09,090 --> 00:03:11,288 Do it, Steve. Do it for both of us. 66 00:03:11,288 --> 00:03:13,926 Did you go to a lot of parties when you were in high school? 67 00:03:13,926 --> 00:03:17,443 What? Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, oh, a lot of parties. 68 00:03:20,040 --> 00:03:21,958 Delivery for the popular party. 69 00:03:21,958 --> 00:03:25,874 Is that you, Smith? I told you, no losers. 70 00:03:25,874 --> 00:03:27,752 I'm in the party! I'm in the party! 71 00:03:27,752 --> 00:03:29,471 Stop him! 72 00:03:29,471 --> 00:03:31,469 -Hey! -I'm so wasted! 73 00:03:33,587 --> 00:03:35,185 Slut! 74 00:03:35,185 --> 00:03:37,822 I don't know what to do! 75 00:03:37,822 --> 00:03:41,139 Keep the baby. Life begins at conception. Whoo! 76 00:03:43,896 --> 00:03:46,653 Yeah, I was pretty popular. 77 00:03:48,971 --> 00:03:50,489 Hey! How was the party? 78 00:03:50,489 --> 00:03:53,447 They gave me and Snot swirlies, threw Toshi in the trash, 79 00:03:53,447 --> 00:03:56,444 and used Barry's fat folds to open their beers. 80 00:03:56,444 --> 00:03:59,201 I'm gonna make a necklace. 81 00:03:59,201 --> 00:04:01,479 Mr. S, those parties aren't for guys like us. 82 00:04:01,479 --> 00:04:02,837 They're for jocks. 83 00:04:02,837 --> 00:04:04,236 Jocks, huh? 84 00:04:06,114 --> 00:04:07,233 Come on, Coach! 85 00:04:07,233 --> 00:04:08,831 I didn't pay you to not play my son! 86 00:04:08,831 --> 00:04:12,468 Scared he's gonna be too good? 87 00:04:12,468 --> 00:04:15,625 Thirty years of smoking, I'm still alive. 88 00:04:15,625 --> 00:04:16,943 Smith, you're in! 89 00:04:16,943 --> 00:04:18,382 You hear that? This is your chance! 90 00:04:18,382 --> 00:04:19,421 Yea! This is my chance! 91 00:04:34,966 --> 00:04:37,522 Sorry about my unusually thick tongue. 92 00:04:37,522 --> 00:04:39,520 He forgot to stretch, that's all. 93 00:04:39,520 --> 00:04:41,158 Just, uh, needs to walk it off. 94 00:04:42,318 --> 00:04:43,317 Thirsty much? 95 00:04:45,394 --> 00:04:47,592 Dude, did you just hear what Vince Chung said? 96 00:04:47,592 --> 00:04:50,310 Yeah, he's so cool and popular, you forget he's Asian. 97 00:04:55,225 --> 00:04:57,462 Hi. I got your exclusive 98 00:04:57,462 --> 00:04:59,980 invitation under my windshield wiper. 99 00:04:59,980 --> 00:05:03,656 My daughter doesn't respect me. So, I'm here to change my life. 100 00:05:03,656 --> 00:05:05,375 Well, then welcome. 101 00:05:05,375 --> 00:05:08,732 We take you the legally required 67 miles offshore, 102 00:05:08,732 --> 00:05:10,929 where the international laws of the Internet apply 103 00:05:10,929 --> 00:05:13,407 and certify you in the career of your choice. 104 00:05:14,166 --> 00:05:16,244 Oh, surgeon sounds fun. 105 00:05:16,244 --> 00:05:19,001 Excellent. Now, that comes with your choice of a specialty, 106 00:05:19,001 --> 00:05:21,718 heart or brain, and a Dr. Bearington. 107 00:05:21,718 --> 00:05:23,356 His specialty is hugs. 108 00:05:27,953 --> 00:05:29,550 Oh, good. You're not touching yourself. 109 00:05:29,550 --> 00:05:32,308 Son, I know a way we can make you a better athlete 110 00:05:32,308 --> 00:05:33,905 and get you in with the cool kids. 111 00:05:33,905 --> 00:05:35,425 Really? How? 112 00:05:35,425 --> 00:05:36,584 Well, we could embark 113 00:05:36,584 --> 00:05:38,262 on a strict three-year training program 114 00:05:38,262 --> 00:05:39,580 where we'd spend lots of time together, 115 00:05:39,580 --> 00:05:41,099 bonding as father and son. 116 00:05:41,099 --> 00:05:42,298 Oh, I'd like that! 117 00:05:42,298 --> 00:05:43,496 Yeah, me neither. 118 00:05:43,496 --> 00:05:44,655 That's why you should take these steroids. 119 00:05:45,574 --> 00:05:47,413 The CIA lab tech is on vacation 120 00:05:47,413 --> 00:05:49,211 and I have spare keys to his office. 121 00:05:49,211 --> 00:05:50,329 In case of a fire drill, 122 00:05:50,329 --> 00:05:51,809 I'm floor monitor. It's complicated. 123 00:05:51,809 --> 00:05:54,406 Anyway, I managed to get my hands on this top-of-the-line, 124 00:05:54,406 --> 00:05:56,803 largely untested performance enhancer. 125 00:05:56,803 --> 00:05:58,082 Dad, face it. 126 00:05:58,082 --> 00:06:00,120 I'm never gonna be popular like Vince Chung. 127 00:06:00,120 --> 00:06:02,837 Don't say that! Don't ever say that! 128 00:06:02,837 --> 00:06:04,116 Don't you see, Son? 129 00:06:04,116 --> 00:06:06,114 Everything's better when you're popular. 130 00:06:06,114 --> 00:06:08,431 Colors are brighter, jeans fit snugger. 131 00:06:08,431 --> 00:06:09,471 You know when you put 132 00:06:09,471 --> 00:06:10,949 a piece of Juicy Fruit in your mouth 133 00:06:10,949 --> 00:06:13,906 and for the first five seconds it tastes so sweet and perfect, 134 00:06:13,906 --> 00:06:16,344 like someone sprayed a little miracle on your tongue? 135 00:06:16,344 --> 00:06:19,820 Well, that's what being popular is like, but all the time! 136 00:06:19,820 --> 00:06:20,979 Piece of Juicy... 137 00:06:20,979 --> 00:06:23,736 Oh, my God. I, I have to sit down. 138 00:06:23,736 --> 00:06:26,014 I never had it, Steve, but you can. 139 00:06:26,014 --> 00:06:27,492 -I want it! -Then take it! 140 00:06:27,492 --> 00:06:29,171 -I will! -Then grab it! 141 00:06:29,171 --> 00:06:30,290 I shall! 142 00:06:31,809 --> 00:06:34,205 Oh, I see today you're making tea. 143 00:06:34,205 --> 00:06:36,563 Well, today I became a surgeon. 144 00:06:36,563 --> 00:06:38,721 My diploma. 145 00:06:38,721 --> 00:06:41,639 This is printed on the back of a Chinese takeout menu. 146 00:06:41,639 --> 00:06:43,356 You've clearly been scammed, Mom. 147 00:06:43,796 --> 00:06:44,874 Doctor! 148 00:06:44,874 --> 00:06:47,672 I didn't go to school for 12 hours to be called "Mom"! 149 00:06:51,628 --> 00:06:53,666 -Feet, please. -Thanks, Francine. 150 00:06:53,666 --> 00:06:54,945 No, it's me, Roger. 151 00:06:54,945 --> 00:06:57,303 I'm finally taking charge of this pigsty. 152 00:06:57,303 --> 00:07:00,140 Now I'm going upstairs to clean behind the bookshelf. 153 00:07:00,140 --> 00:07:03,817 Yes, Stan, there's a "behind the bookshelf." 154 00:07:03,817 --> 00:07:06,253 I told you, Francine, it's too expensive. 155 00:07:06,253 --> 00:07:08,332 Damn your experimental steroids! 156 00:07:09,051 --> 00:07:09,970 It's okay, Son. 157 00:07:09,970 --> 00:07:11,329 You're experiencing 158 00:07:11,329 --> 00:07:13,367 a perfectly natural side effect called "'roid rage." 159 00:07:13,367 --> 00:07:15,764 Oh, I'm experiencing a side effect all right! 160 00:07:16,643 --> 00:07:18,202 I have boobs! 161 00:07:18,202 --> 00:07:19,720 Oh, my God! 162 00:07:19,720 --> 00:07:22,277 I know. Talk about a butter face. 163 00:07:29,949 --> 00:07:31,389 Let's not panic. 164 00:07:31,389 --> 00:07:34,066 The CIA scientist gets back from vacation in a few days. 165 00:07:34,066 --> 00:07:35,265 So until I get the antidote, 166 00:07:35,265 --> 00:07:36,384 we have to keep 167 00:07:36,384 --> 00:07:37,782 your magnificent ta-ta's under wraps. 168 00:07:37,782 --> 00:07:39,540 What am I supposed to do now? 169 00:07:39,540 --> 00:07:41,259 Strap 'em down with these Ace bandages. 170 00:07:41,259 --> 00:07:42,457 It's what Hilary Swank used 171 00:07:42,457 --> 00:07:44,335 to hide her breasts in Boys Don't Cry. 172 00:07:44,335 --> 00:07:46,454 You know, that movie where she got what she deserved. 173 00:07:46,454 --> 00:07:48,532 An Oscar... 174 00:07:48,532 --> 00:07:49,969 And brutally sodomized. 175 00:07:49,969 --> 00:07:51,369 Dad! 176 00:07:51,369 --> 00:07:53,846 In a review by Derek Simms of the Detroit Free Press. 177 00:07:53,846 --> 00:07:55,125 Steve, is this really the time 178 00:07:55,125 --> 00:07:56,922 for showbiz trivia? You've got breasts! 179 00:07:58,841 --> 00:08:01,838 Wow. Good thing I didn't wear my fake doctor's jacket. 180 00:08:01,838 --> 00:08:03,277 That would have been awkward. 181 00:08:03,277 --> 00:08:05,874 I'll have you know this is a real doctor's jacket. 182 00:08:05,874 --> 00:08:08,431 I have an interview at a real hospital 183 00:08:08,431 --> 00:08:11,429 where I'm gonna get hired and do real doctor stuff. 184 00:08:11,429 --> 00:08:14,225 Stuff like... stethoscoping, 185 00:08:14,225 --> 00:08:16,983 medicine type things, thermometer! 186 00:08:22,338 --> 00:08:23,976 I taught myself the toilet. 187 00:08:30,689 --> 00:08:33,048 Oh, my God. The heat is killing me. 188 00:08:33,048 --> 00:08:34,485 I just need air for a second. 189 00:08:40,400 --> 00:08:41,679 Uh, Steve, right? 190 00:08:41,679 --> 00:08:42,917 Uh, yeah. 191 00:08:42,917 --> 00:08:44,195 Killer jugs. 192 00:08:44,195 --> 00:08:47,233 Oh, uh, thanks, Vince Chung. 193 00:08:47,233 --> 00:08:49,191 No prob. Up top! 194 00:08:49,950 --> 00:08:53,266 Whaa-aa-aa! 195 00:08:53,266 --> 00:08:55,184 Oh, yeah! 196 00:09:03,896 --> 00:09:07,212 Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Oh. 197 00:09:07,212 --> 00:09:09,131 Yeah, this degree is a complete joke. 198 00:09:09,131 --> 00:09:10,649 No one will ever hire you. 199 00:09:10,649 --> 00:09:12,767 But you just said, "Oh," like you were impressed. 200 00:09:13,367 --> 00:09:14,965 Yeah. Yeah, I did. 201 00:09:20,839 --> 00:09:23,236 We need help! Our friend is hurt! 202 00:09:23,236 --> 00:09:24,796 Oh, the entrance is right over-- 203 00:09:24,796 --> 00:09:27,911 We don't have insurance! Please, Doctor, he could die! 204 00:09:28,751 --> 00:09:29,990 "Doctor." 205 00:09:37,223 --> 00:09:39,261 Steve, thank God! How'd it go at school? 206 00:09:39,261 --> 00:09:40,819 Did anyone notice your man melons? 207 00:09:40,819 --> 00:09:44,296 Uh, no. I kept them hidden, like you said. 208 00:09:44,296 --> 00:09:47,133 Hey, pal. Ready to work on our science fair project? 209 00:09:47,133 --> 00:09:48,492 Totally! I got a great idea for-- 210 00:09:50,610 --> 00:09:53,087 Hey, Steve, we're going to the river. Hop in. 211 00:09:53,087 --> 00:09:56,004 That's Vince freaking Chung. What's he want with you? 212 00:09:56,004 --> 00:09:58,162 Oh, um, we... 213 00:09:58,162 --> 00:10:00,679 We started talking in the hall today. 214 00:10:00,679 --> 00:10:03,237 I guess those steroids must have increased my confidence. 215 00:10:03,237 --> 00:10:05,234 That's fantastic. You have to go with them. 216 00:10:05,234 --> 00:10:08,871 But we're behind on our project for the science fair. 217 00:10:08,871 --> 00:10:11,948 How do I say this nicely? Loser! Loser! Loser! 218 00:10:11,948 --> 00:10:13,427 -Dad! -I'm kidding. 219 00:10:13,427 --> 00:10:14,546 Not kidding! 220 00:10:14,546 --> 00:10:17,303 Have fun at the river, Juicy Fruit. 221 00:10:17,303 --> 00:10:19,740 Just remember to keep those bad boys under wraps. 222 00:10:19,740 --> 00:10:20,699 I will, Dad. 223 00:10:27,733 --> 00:10:29,491 That is refreshing. 224 00:10:29,491 --> 00:10:31,729 I'm glad you guys talked me into taking a dip. 225 00:10:32,488 --> 00:10:33,647 Aren't you coming in? 226 00:10:33,647 --> 00:10:35,924 Nah. It looks like the water's kinda cold. 227 00:10:35,924 --> 00:10:36,923 But why don't you show us 228 00:10:36,923 --> 00:10:38,601 how Flipper swims backwards again. 229 00:10:38,601 --> 00:10:41,279 Oh, okay. 230 00:10:46,074 --> 00:10:48,351 There. A simple blanket stitch 231 00:10:48,351 --> 00:10:49,910 and the arm is as good as new. 232 00:10:49,910 --> 00:10:51,908 That was amazing, Dr. Smith. 233 00:10:51,908 --> 00:10:54,905 Let me introduce everyone. You know Blind Jimmy. 234 00:10:54,905 --> 00:10:58,181 I'm Johnny Four Legs. These are the twins, Large Monty... 235 00:10:58,181 --> 00:11:00,259 -Hey, how you doin'? -And Little Tex. 236 00:11:00,259 --> 00:11:02,297 -Howdy! -And that's Deaf Teddy. 237 00:11:02,297 --> 00:11:03,935 We call him "Wheels." 238 00:11:03,935 --> 00:11:06,334 But it don't really matter what we call him, 'cause he's deaf. 239 00:11:06,334 --> 00:11:07,453 Ain't that right, Melissa? 240 00:11:07,453 --> 00:11:09,211 Nice to meet you. 241 00:11:09,211 --> 00:11:12,327 Francine, we want you to come work for our organization 242 00:11:12,327 --> 00:11:13,886 as our permanent physician. 243 00:11:13,886 --> 00:11:16,843 Really? What organization is that? 244 00:11:16,843 --> 00:11:18,881 The Handicapped Mafia. 245 00:11:20,119 --> 00:11:23,077 -The what now? -The Handicapped Mafia. 246 00:11:24,276 --> 00:11:26,434 I'm sorry. I don't know what that is. 247 00:11:26,434 --> 00:11:28,711 We operate within the "handi" community 248 00:11:28,711 --> 00:11:29,870 picking up the scraps 249 00:11:29,870 --> 00:11:32,028 the regular Mafia don't got time for. 250 00:11:32,028 --> 00:11:33,866 Forging handicap placards, 251 00:11:33,866 --> 00:11:38,302 rigging the Special Olympics, the Paralympics, women's golf. 252 00:11:38,302 --> 00:11:40,061 We's not all mobsters, you know. 253 00:11:40,061 --> 00:11:41,419 I'm a country western singer. 254 00:11:41,419 --> 00:11:42,897 Just cut my first demo. 255 00:11:42,897 --> 00:11:46,094 It's called "I Gotta Be Me... and Some of Him." 256 00:11:47,852 --> 00:11:50,249 So, Doc, what do you say? 257 00:11:50,249 --> 00:11:53,127 I don't know. Handicapped Mafia. 258 00:11:53,127 --> 00:11:54,645 It seems wrong. 259 00:11:54,645 --> 00:11:57,522 I mean, the Mafia part, not the handicapped part. 260 00:11:57,522 --> 00:11:59,281 I think it's great you're handicapped. 261 00:12:01,638 --> 00:12:05,795 Negotiations broke down with the Braille Institute. 262 00:12:05,795 --> 00:12:06,992 And they stabbed you? 263 00:12:06,992 --> 00:12:10,829 No. My van crashed into a... cutlery truck. 264 00:12:13,826 --> 00:12:15,025 You gotta help him, Doc! 265 00:12:15,505 --> 00:12:16,983 And so we will. 266 00:12:16,983 --> 00:12:19,101 Dr. Bearington will assist... 267 00:12:19,101 --> 00:12:21,978 by being so snuggly! 268 00:12:21,978 --> 00:12:25,175 Ooh, look at the furry, furry little guy like you! 269 00:12:27,132 --> 00:12:30,009 Stem, stem, seeds, stem. 270 00:12:30,009 --> 00:12:31,927 Damn it, Eddie! I slept with you. 271 00:12:34,006 --> 00:12:35,764 Oh, my God! 272 00:12:35,764 --> 00:12:38,122 You're covered in blood! What happened? 273 00:12:38,122 --> 00:12:39,481 I can't tell you, 274 00:12:39,481 --> 00:12:42,198 but I'm saving lives, because that's what I do. 275 00:12:42,198 --> 00:12:43,836 I can't just refuse a patient 276 00:12:43,836 --> 00:12:46,074 because I find them morally reprehensible. 277 00:12:46,074 --> 00:12:47,872 Damn it, Jim! I'm a doctor! 278 00:12:47,872 --> 00:12:50,269 It's work. 279 00:12:50,269 --> 00:12:52,307 Tell your father I'll be gone all night. 280 00:12:52,307 --> 00:12:54,146 Man, these hours are brutal. 281 00:12:54,146 --> 00:12:55,545 No wonder those doctors 282 00:12:55,545 --> 00:12:57,303 on Scrubs don't have time to be funny. 283 00:12:59,541 --> 00:13:01,339 I like Scrubs. 284 00:13:01,339 --> 00:13:02,657 Wait, wait. Back up. 285 00:13:02,657 --> 00:13:04,376 So you said "bonus," and then Vince Chung laughed? 286 00:13:04,376 --> 00:13:06,254 Or Vince Chung laughed, and then you said "bonus"? 287 00:13:06,254 --> 00:13:08,931 Dad, I think Mom might have gone over the edge. 288 00:13:08,931 --> 00:13:10,490 She just left covered in blood, 289 00:13:10,490 --> 00:13:12,647 saying she was gonna be working all night. 290 00:13:12,647 --> 00:13:14,805 Working all night, huh? 291 00:13:21,199 --> 00:13:23,876 Steve, this is the best party I've ever thrown. 292 00:13:23,876 --> 00:13:27,393 I mean, you've ever thrown. We're finally popular. 293 00:13:27,393 --> 00:13:29,351 What are you doing, you animals? 294 00:13:29,351 --> 00:13:31,788 Feet on the couch! I just steam cleaned... 295 00:13:31,788 --> 00:13:34,305 Salsa on the carpet! But I vacuumed! 296 00:13:38,742 --> 00:13:40,100 Coasters! 297 00:13:44,056 --> 00:13:45,334 Oh, hey, guys. 298 00:13:45,334 --> 00:13:46,853 Well, what are you doing here? 299 00:13:46,853 --> 00:13:50,090 We're supposed to work on our science fair project, remember? 300 00:13:50,090 --> 00:13:51,688 We're running out of time! 301 00:13:51,688 --> 00:13:53,167 Uh, I can't. 302 00:13:53,726 --> 00:13:55,764 I'm, uh, sick. 303 00:13:55,764 --> 00:13:56,883 Awesome party, dude. 304 00:13:56,883 --> 00:13:58,722 To Steve's continuing good health. 305 00:14:05,835 --> 00:14:08,712 Whoo! Best popular party of the year, huh? 306 00:14:08,712 --> 00:14:10,070 Hey, has anyone seen Steve? 307 00:14:11,309 --> 00:14:13,307 Hey, the party's moved upstairs. 308 00:14:13,307 --> 00:14:14,505 Little migration action. 309 00:14:14,505 --> 00:14:16,543 I love how that happens. Keeps it fresh. 310 00:14:19,500 --> 00:14:23,616 Oh, my God! 311 00:14:23,616 --> 00:14:24,855 My son's a slut! 312 00:14:24,855 --> 00:14:26,254 I just made that bed! 313 00:14:32,967 --> 00:14:34,446 Shame! Shame on you! 314 00:14:34,446 --> 00:14:35,844 How can you just use him like that? 315 00:14:35,844 --> 00:14:37,483 He's a person, not a girl! 316 00:14:38,521 --> 00:14:39,720 What'd you do that for? 317 00:14:39,720 --> 00:14:41,878 I'm finally popular, like we wanted! 318 00:14:41,878 --> 00:14:43,556 You're not popular. You're easy! 319 00:14:43,556 --> 00:14:45,234 Maybe my girls opened the door, 320 00:14:45,234 --> 00:14:46,913 but I'm the one who walked through it. 321 00:14:46,913 --> 00:14:48,391 They like me for me. 322 00:14:48,391 --> 00:14:49,711 You are not leaving this house 323 00:14:49,711 --> 00:14:51,349 until those milk monsters are gone! 324 00:14:51,349 --> 00:14:53,547 Vince Chung invited me to his party tomorrow night 325 00:14:53,547 --> 00:14:54,785 and you can't stop me! 326 00:14:54,785 --> 00:14:56,144 Oh, yeah? 327 00:14:57,862 --> 00:15:00,060 Just so you know, I had the shot! 328 00:15:18,162 --> 00:15:19,760 Look at this. 329 00:15:19,760 --> 00:15:23,157 First National Bank is collecting donations for orphans. 330 00:15:23,157 --> 00:15:25,475 Oh! I'd love to steal that money 331 00:15:25,475 --> 00:15:27,193 right out from under those damn greedy orphans! 332 00:15:34,545 --> 00:15:35,585 Thank you. 333 00:15:35,585 --> 00:15:37,223 Well, it was getting pretty awkward. 334 00:15:37,223 --> 00:15:38,940 So I got your message. 335 00:15:40,100 --> 00:15:41,579 What are you doing? 336 00:15:41,579 --> 00:15:42,817 This gentleman here 337 00:15:42,817 --> 00:15:45,214 didn't wanna sell us the short buses at cost. 338 00:15:45,214 --> 00:15:47,732 I'm sorry. I, I can't do this. 339 00:15:47,732 --> 00:15:49,051 I became a surgeon 340 00:15:49,051 --> 00:15:50,689 so my daughter would respect me. 341 00:15:50,689 --> 00:15:52,927 And now I don't even respect myself. 342 00:15:52,927 --> 00:15:54,006 Sorry, toots. 343 00:15:54,006 --> 00:15:56,044 You know too much about our organization. 344 00:15:56,044 --> 00:15:58,281 Once you're in, there's no way out. 345 00:15:58,281 --> 00:16:01,518 But... I took that lamp off your brace. 346 00:16:01,518 --> 00:16:03,757 Ow! Let go of me! 347 00:16:03,757 --> 00:16:05,514 Hayley, what are you doing here? 348 00:16:05,514 --> 00:16:06,753 I was worried. 349 00:16:06,753 --> 00:16:09,551 You were acting so crazy. So I followed you. 350 00:16:21,739 --> 00:16:22,818 Good news, Steve! 351 00:16:22,818 --> 00:16:24,695 I got the boob antidote from the CIA! 352 00:16:24,695 --> 00:16:26,294 He's gone! 353 00:16:26,294 --> 00:16:27,453 I bet he's going to 354 00:16:27,453 --> 00:16:29,131 Vince Chung's inscrutable party. 355 00:16:29,131 --> 00:16:31,409 I have to make him understand they're just using him. 356 00:16:31,409 --> 00:16:33,367 I've got to go save my son! 357 00:16:35,085 --> 00:16:37,962 I've got to go save my son! 358 00:16:37,962 --> 00:16:43,516 I've got... to go save... my son. 359 00:16:43,516 --> 00:16:46,313 Yeah, that one's it. I've got to go save my son. 360 00:16:47,913 --> 00:16:49,750 Where are you taking us? 361 00:16:49,750 --> 00:16:52,148 A place where we like to dump dead bodies. 362 00:16:54,586 --> 00:16:56,943 ♪ Spent the whole night Drinking ♪ 363 00:16:56,943 --> 00:16:58,422 Uh, what rhymes with "drinking"? 364 00:16:58,422 --> 00:17:01,618 Thinking? Uh-huh. That's good. I gotta write that down. 365 00:17:01,618 --> 00:17:03,576 Get ready, fellas. We're almost there. 366 00:17:03,576 --> 00:17:04,656 Fine. 367 00:17:04,656 --> 00:17:06,094 You can kill us. 368 00:17:06,094 --> 00:17:08,212 I just thought you were better than this. 369 00:17:08,212 --> 00:17:09,731 What are you babbling about? 370 00:17:09,731 --> 00:17:11,128 I mean, wasting your time 371 00:17:11,128 --> 00:17:13,487 on some small-town housewife and her daughter? 372 00:17:13,487 --> 00:17:16,444 Taking the scraps the real Mafia leaves behind? 373 00:17:16,444 --> 00:17:18,402 You better have a point, lady! 374 00:17:18,402 --> 00:17:21,039 You aren't living up to your potential. 375 00:17:21,039 --> 00:17:23,836 Neither was I, until I saw my daughter's movie. 376 00:17:23,836 --> 00:17:27,432 So I made more of my life. And so can you! 377 00:17:27,432 --> 00:17:29,431 Four Legs, you said you wanted 378 00:17:29,431 --> 00:17:31,629 to steal that orphan money from First National. 379 00:17:31,629 --> 00:17:33,586 -Why not do it? -Mom! 380 00:17:33,586 --> 00:17:35,705 Are you kiddin'? That bank is a fortress. 381 00:17:35,705 --> 00:17:37,263 Plus, it's not handi-accessible. 382 00:17:37,263 --> 00:17:39,581 You can pull it off! What do you say? 383 00:17:41,219 --> 00:17:42,977 To First National Bank! 384 00:17:49,930 --> 00:17:52,767 You're not second-class citizens. 385 00:17:52,767 --> 00:17:55,165 You deserve the same recognition and fame 386 00:17:55,165 --> 00:17:56,323 as everyone else! 387 00:17:57,523 --> 00:17:59,520 You can do anything you want! 388 00:18:01,079 --> 00:18:02,916 You can demand respect! 389 00:18:02,916 --> 00:18:05,674 You are handi-capable! 390 00:18:05,674 --> 00:18:07,952 Yeah! 391 00:18:13,386 --> 00:18:14,946 Don't die on me, damn it! 392 00:18:14,946 --> 00:18:17,143 I got a gig at Hootenanny's in an hour. 393 00:18:18,301 --> 00:18:19,260 That's that then. 394 00:18:23,657 --> 00:18:25,933 So he attack-rolled a D-20. 395 00:18:25,933 --> 00:18:28,452 Luckily, I had armor-class zero. 396 00:18:28,452 --> 00:18:30,170 So I didn't lose any hit points. 397 00:18:30,170 --> 00:18:32,527 Mmm. Armor-class zero. 398 00:18:32,527 --> 00:18:33,966 -Uh-huh. -That's cool. 399 00:18:33,966 --> 00:18:35,844 Hey, fellas. Killer party. 400 00:18:35,844 --> 00:18:37,803 So you got a band? A couple of kegs? 401 00:18:37,803 --> 00:18:38,961 Righteous. Righteous. 402 00:18:42,397 --> 00:18:44,076 Dad, what are you doing? 403 00:18:44,076 --> 00:18:46,353 I gave myself a triple dose of steroids 404 00:18:46,353 --> 00:18:48,152 so you'd see I was telling the truth. 405 00:18:48,152 --> 00:18:50,350 Boys this age are only interested in one thing. 406 00:18:50,350 --> 00:18:52,028 Oops! Boobs fell in the punch. 407 00:18:52,028 --> 00:18:54,346 No! No! You guys are my friends. 408 00:18:54,346 --> 00:18:56,264 Steve, I think there's some more soda in the basement. 409 00:18:56,264 --> 00:18:57,582 Why don't you go count it? 410 00:18:57,582 --> 00:18:59,341 Don't worry, Son, they're not getting any. 411 00:18:59,341 --> 00:19:01,019 Your old man's just a tease. 412 00:19:03,656 --> 00:19:05,735 So that whole time you knew they were gonna fail? 413 00:19:05,735 --> 00:19:07,013 Are you kidding? 414 00:19:07,013 --> 00:19:09,490 That bank had to have at least a hundred steps. 415 00:19:09,490 --> 00:19:11,609 Sorry I underestimated you, Mom. 416 00:19:11,609 --> 00:19:12,728 Thanks, honey. 417 00:19:14,925 --> 00:19:16,404 What the hell? 418 00:19:16,404 --> 00:19:18,282 No problem. Got it under control. 419 00:19:18,282 --> 00:19:19,800 Roger, what are you doing? 420 00:19:19,800 --> 00:19:21,878 -Is that gasoline? -Mm-hmm. 421 00:19:21,878 --> 00:19:24,635 Windex is just a Band-Aid. I realize that now. 422 00:19:24,635 --> 00:19:27,393 There's only one way to win the war on dirt in this house. 423 00:19:31,669 --> 00:19:33,066 You were right, Dad. 424 00:19:33,066 --> 00:19:35,104 The guys only liked me for my body. 425 00:19:35,104 --> 00:19:37,663 Hey, you're a smart boy with a lot more to offer 426 00:19:37,663 --> 00:19:39,421 than just a nice pair of meat balloons. 427 00:19:39,421 --> 00:19:41,938 I'm sorry I pushed you to be popular. 428 00:19:41,938 --> 00:19:43,057 I just wanted you to have 429 00:19:43,057 --> 00:19:44,855 a better time in high school than I did. 430 00:19:44,855 --> 00:19:47,612 But I was already having a good time with my friends. 431 00:19:47,612 --> 00:19:51,009 Yeah, I guess you were. Those loser dorks are okay. 432 00:19:51,009 --> 00:19:52,127 Thanks, Dad. 433 00:19:52,127 --> 00:19:54,126 Bread sticks, courtesy of table four. 434 00:19:55,684 --> 00:19:59,161 Thanks, fellas. Thank you. Wave to the nice men, Steve. 435 00:19:59,161 --> 00:20:01,399 Not too eager, Son. They just bought us bread. 436 00:20:01,399 --> 00:20:03,636 They didn't let us take the Jag out for a spin. 437 00:20:08,272 --> 00:20:11,548 ♪ Pour some sugar on me ♪ 438 00:20:11,548 --> 00:20:13,867 ♪ Oh, in the name of love ♪ 439 00:20:13,867 --> 00:20:17,302 ♪ Pour some sugar on me ♪ 440 00:20:17,302 --> 00:20:19,421 ♪ Come on Fire me up ♪ 441 00:20:19,421 --> 00:20:22,738 ♪ Pour your sugar on me ♪ 442 00:20:22,738 --> 00:20:24,096 ♪ I can't get enough ♪ 443 00:21:00,259 --> 00:21:01,858 Have a great night.