1 00:00:02,558 --> 00:00:05,275 ♪ Good morning, USA ♪ 2 00:00:05,275 --> 00:00:08,991 ♪ I got a feeling That it's gonna be A wonderful day ♪ 3 00:00:08,991 --> 00:00:11,748 ♪ The sun in the sky Has a smile on his face ♪ 4 00:00:11,748 --> 00:00:15,105 ♪ And he's shining a salute To the American race ♪ 5 00:00:17,862 --> 00:00:20,780 ♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪ 6 00:00:20,780 --> 00:00:23,697 ♪ Good morning, USA ♪ 7 00:00:26,014 --> 00:00:28,332 ♪ Good morning, USA ♪ 8 00:00:30,968 --> 00:00:34,006 Here we are, Steve. The most important building in the world. 9 00:00:34,006 --> 00:00:36,244 -You excited? -For my eight billionth installment 10 00:00:36,244 --> 00:00:38,162 of "Look How Awesome My Dad Is"? 11 00:00:38,162 --> 00:00:39,600 -How could I not be? -You couldn't. 12 00:00:39,600 --> 00:00:41,159 I was just making conversation. 13 00:00:41,159 --> 00:00:43,716 Hey, check this out. I'll kill you! 14 00:00:45,634 --> 00:00:47,673 You totally flinched! 15 00:00:47,673 --> 00:00:48,872 Lovely. 16 00:00:51,868 --> 00:00:53,946 Look, I'm a skeleton! 17 00:00:53,946 --> 00:00:57,902 No, no, I'm an obsessive Oingo Boingo fan circa 1985. 18 00:00:57,902 --> 00:00:59,900 ♪ It's a weird-science party ♪ 19 00:00:59,900 --> 00:01:01,578 ♪ Who shall ask for more ♪ 20 00:01:04,656 --> 00:01:06,694 Hey, Donny, tell my son about the guy who tried 21 00:01:06,694 --> 00:01:09,330 to sneak a lipstick camera past the XR-21. 22 00:01:09,330 --> 00:01:11,489 I accidentally shot him. 23 00:01:11,489 --> 00:01:14,646 Yeah, you did. It's called justice. And it was hilarious. 24 00:01:16,763 --> 00:01:18,202 Look, who's here. 25 00:01:18,202 --> 00:01:20,400 Steve, want me to teach you some dolphin chatter? 26 00:01:20,400 --> 00:01:22,517 You've already taught me how to speak dolphin. 27 00:01:22,517 --> 00:01:24,316 All they ever want to talk about is mackerel. 28 00:01:24,316 --> 00:01:25,994 Nonsense! The dolphins are great. 29 00:01:33,466 --> 00:01:35,705 -Can we go home now? -Go home? 30 00:01:35,705 --> 00:01:37,702 We haven't even played Identity Theft yet. 31 00:01:41,179 --> 00:01:43,537 Look at me! I'm the dolphin-tank cleaner! 32 00:01:43,537 --> 00:01:46,493 You save three seconds by not putting your clothes on him! 33 00:01:51,769 --> 00:01:53,606 Steve used to really look up to me. 34 00:01:53,606 --> 00:01:55,644 But now it's like he's not into me anymore. 35 00:01:55,644 --> 00:01:58,960 Wow. That's really, really boring. 36 00:01:58,960 --> 00:02:01,359 I'm serious, Roger. I'm opening up to you here. 37 00:02:01,359 --> 00:02:03,437 It's like my son's rejection is bringing up... 38 00:02:03,437 --> 00:02:05,874 all kinds of feelings I don't understand. 39 00:02:05,874 --> 00:02:08,671 Oh. Okay, uh... 40 00:02:09,510 --> 00:02:11,389 Not sure what to say here. 41 00:02:11,389 --> 00:02:14,825 Well, I'm off to petition my college for an Eskimo Studies program. 42 00:02:14,825 --> 00:02:16,623 What? They don't have one? 43 00:02:16,623 --> 00:02:18,381 I'm sorry, Stan. I'd love to help you. 44 00:02:18,381 --> 00:02:21,179 But the Eskimos? Their plight? That's the real stuff here. 45 00:02:21,179 --> 00:02:22,698 You care about the Eskimos? 46 00:02:22,698 --> 00:02:23,856 Yeah, yeah. I love their pies. 47 00:02:23,856 --> 00:02:25,854 Keep going. Walk, walk, walk, walk, walk. 48 00:02:25,854 --> 00:02:28,092 Are you still moping about Steve? 49 00:02:28,092 --> 00:02:30,090 Come on. He's just going through a phase. 50 00:02:30,090 --> 00:02:32,208 It's like Steve is America 51 00:02:32,208 --> 00:02:34,206 and you're Arrested Development. 52 00:02:34,206 --> 00:02:37,482 It doesn't mean you're bad. It just means he's not interested in you. 53 00:02:37,482 --> 00:02:40,999 I'm thinking about canceling our biweekly trip to the Franklin Mint. 54 00:02:40,999 --> 00:02:43,196 Oh, let's not overreact. Just ask him. 55 00:02:43,196 --> 00:02:45,075 I'll get it! 56 00:02:45,075 --> 00:02:47,513 -Go on. -Steve, do you still want to go 57 00:02:47,513 --> 00:02:49,191 to the Franklin Mint this weekend? 58 00:02:49,191 --> 00:02:51,509 The new Clara Peller commemorative plates are in. 59 00:02:51,509 --> 00:02:53,427 "Where's the beef?" 60 00:02:53,427 --> 00:02:55,465 Good question. Where was that beef? 61 00:02:55,465 --> 00:02:57,582 -Nobody knew. -Oh, my God! 62 00:02:57,582 --> 00:03:00,939 The Franklin Mint! Yeah, I'd rather die. 63 00:03:00,939 --> 00:03:04,615 Hey, Steve. Somebody left this on your front porch. 64 00:03:04,615 --> 00:03:06,454 Great. It's the fat one. 65 00:03:06,454 --> 00:03:09,331 -That's a doormat, Barry. -Who's Matt Barry? 66 00:03:09,331 --> 00:03:11,288 God, I hate you so much! 67 00:03:11,288 --> 00:03:12,967 Mom, can Barry stay for dinner? 68 00:03:12,967 --> 00:03:14,725 If it's okay with his parents. 69 00:03:14,725 --> 00:03:18,402 Oh, they won't care. They never care. 70 00:03:18,402 --> 00:03:20,599 Good people. My kind of people. 71 00:03:20,599 --> 00:03:24,117 Eh, time to take my vitamin. 72 00:03:24,117 --> 00:03:25,954 May I have a glass of water? 73 00:03:25,954 --> 00:03:28,711 Fatty can use the garden hose! 74 00:03:28,711 --> 00:03:30,869 How could the dean give our Eskimo Studies money... 75 00:03:30,869 --> 00:03:32,827 to the stupid Fraternity Council? 76 00:03:32,827 --> 00:03:34,546 It's all political. I hate it. 77 00:03:34,546 --> 00:03:35,705 Fraternities. 78 00:03:35,705 --> 00:03:38,302 Bunch of lazy, immature guys getting drunk... 79 00:03:38,302 --> 00:03:40,180 on every kind of liquor known to man. 80 00:03:40,180 --> 00:03:41,459 I mean... 81 00:03:44,056 --> 00:03:46,773 Hi, can you please help me? I'm not drunk. 82 00:03:51,489 --> 00:03:55,284 Stan, why don't you tell one of your exciting Grenada stories 83 00:03:55,284 --> 00:03:58,121 that everyone loves, including Steve. 84 00:03:58,121 --> 00:04:01,998 Oh, nobody wants to hear any of my stupid stories. 85 00:04:01,998 --> 00:04:04,795 -You were in Grenada? -Barry, don't encourage... 86 00:04:04,795 --> 00:04:08,152 Why don't you pull up a couple of chairs? 87 00:04:08,152 --> 00:04:10,789 October 30. We were pinned down by the enemy. 88 00:04:10,789 --> 00:04:12,707 And I'd just learned Johnson was going to 89 00:04:12,707 --> 00:04:15,225 the U.S.O. Halloween pageant as Ms. Pac-Man, 90 00:04:15,225 --> 00:04:18,102 which meant I had less than 24 hours 91 00:04:18,102 --> 00:04:20,459 to come up with a whole new costume. 92 00:04:29,730 --> 00:04:33,406 Well, now I've done that. Steve? 93 00:04:33,406 --> 00:04:36,004 Hey, aren't you supposed to be at the Mint with your father? 94 00:04:36,004 --> 00:04:38,482 Isn't it great? I guess he finally figured out 95 00:04:38,482 --> 00:04:42,038 I don't care about his stupid commemorative plates anymore. 96 00:04:42,038 --> 00:04:44,155 They're here! The new plates are here! 97 00:04:44,155 --> 00:04:45,515 We got 'em! 98 00:04:45,515 --> 00:04:47,073 We did it. 99 00:04:47,073 --> 00:04:49,870 Oh. You two went to the Mint together? 100 00:04:49,870 --> 00:04:52,468 -Sure did. -Barry has a knack for it too. 101 00:04:52,468 --> 00:04:54,665 He can spot the difference between a plate and a platter. 102 00:04:54,665 --> 00:04:55,984 You either know that or you don't. 103 00:04:55,984 --> 00:04:57,662 It's like sexing a chicken. 104 00:04:57,662 --> 00:05:00,259 You hear that, Steve? Your dad knows my name. 105 00:05:00,259 --> 00:05:02,857 My name is Barry! And he knows that! 106 00:05:02,857 --> 00:05:05,095 Uh, yeah. That's great. 107 00:05:05,095 --> 00:05:07,133 So, Barry, want to wind down by watching 108 00:05:07,133 --> 00:05:09,731 the best movie ever, Red Dawn? 109 00:05:09,731 --> 00:05:12,408 I'm Barry! 110 00:05:12,408 --> 00:05:15,724 Red Dawn? Dad, I thought that was our thing. 111 00:05:15,724 --> 00:05:18,802 Oh, you're off the hook, Steve. I know you never bought into the whole Nicaraguans, 112 00:05:18,802 --> 00:05:21,239 Russians and Cubans invading Colorado thing. 113 00:05:21,239 --> 00:05:23,997 Besides, I've got Barry now. I don't need you, per se. 114 00:05:23,997 --> 00:05:26,994 -You don't need me? -"Per se," Steve. 115 00:05:26,994 --> 00:05:29,270 Geez, doesn't anyone appreciate Latin anymore? 116 00:05:29,270 --> 00:05:31,109 Well done, Barry. 117 00:05:39,221 --> 00:05:42,737 The cougar, wolves, killer salmon. 118 00:05:42,737 --> 00:05:45,135 And I think you'll be surprised to see what creature 119 00:05:45,135 --> 00:05:47,813 was number one in my "Enemies of the Bear" collection... 120 00:05:48,372 --> 00:05:49,611 man. 121 00:05:49,611 --> 00:05:52,407 Time for my vitamin. 122 00:05:53,847 --> 00:05:55,765 I should run home and get more. 123 00:05:55,765 --> 00:05:57,483 You don't need those. 124 00:05:57,483 --> 00:06:00,639 Your little candy pills won't make you live forever, will they? 125 00:06:00,639 --> 00:06:03,077 -Will they? -What are you guys doing in here? 126 00:06:03,077 --> 00:06:04,236 Oh, hey, Barry's friend. 127 00:06:04,236 --> 00:06:06,034 Dad, you said if I ever set foot 128 00:06:06,034 --> 00:06:07,233 in the commemorative-plate room, 129 00:06:07,233 --> 00:06:08,792 you'd send me to military school. 130 00:06:08,792 --> 00:06:10,909 And you also said that this room 131 00:06:10,909 --> 00:06:13,028 has a maximum capacity of two. 132 00:06:13,028 --> 00:06:15,905 Way to remember my words, Barry. 133 00:06:15,905 --> 00:06:18,062 So, Steve, I guess we'll, uh, 134 00:06:18,062 --> 00:06:21,459 just, uh, see you at dinner then. 135 00:06:21,459 --> 00:06:23,216 Don't look at him. 136 00:06:28,372 --> 00:06:30,569 No frat parties harder than we do. 137 00:06:30,569 --> 00:06:33,327 Last year, one of our pledges drank himself to death. 138 00:06:33,327 --> 00:06:36,523 At his funeral, everybody got laid. 139 00:06:36,523 --> 00:06:38,642 Hey, what's that guy doing? 140 00:06:38,642 --> 00:06:40,320 Oh, that's a keg stand. 141 00:06:40,320 --> 00:06:42,238 Gets the beer into your system faster. 142 00:06:43,397 --> 00:06:45,874 I'm sorry. I was just overcome with joy. 143 00:06:45,874 --> 00:06:47,912 Anyway, you mind if I, uh... 144 00:06:50,310 --> 00:06:53,107 One, two, three, four... 145 00:06:53,107 --> 00:06:57,423 307, 308, 309! 146 00:07:00,580 --> 00:07:03,776 About an hour ago, I heard somebody mention chili fries. 147 00:07:03,776 --> 00:07:06,734 -What's happening with that? -Roger! Roger! 148 00:07:06,734 --> 00:07:08,891 Roger! Roger! 149 00:07:14,086 --> 00:07:16,204 There you go. 150 00:07:17,283 --> 00:07:19,481 -Bunk beds. -Dad, what are you doing? 151 00:07:19,481 --> 00:07:21,318 Prepping your room for the sleepover. 152 00:07:21,318 --> 00:07:22,478 Hey, Steve. 153 00:07:22,478 --> 00:07:24,156 My Spider-Man shirt! 154 00:07:24,156 --> 00:07:26,673 Told you he wouldn't mind. All right, boys, good night. 155 00:07:26,673 --> 00:07:30,030 -Reveille at 0700 tomorrow? -0700? 156 00:07:30,030 --> 00:07:32,188 How about okay! 157 00:07:32,188 --> 00:07:34,146 You scamp, I love you! 158 00:07:36,264 --> 00:07:39,900 Thanks to your dad, I don't need my vitamins anymore. 159 00:07:39,900 --> 00:07:43,137 Okay, Barry, I've had enough. Time for you to go home. 160 00:07:43,137 --> 00:07:45,535 -Go home? -Yes. Go home. 161 00:07:45,535 --> 00:07:47,853 Just cut off my shirt and leave! 162 00:07:47,853 --> 00:07:50,089 I don't think so, Steve. 163 00:07:50,089 --> 00:07:51,968 I like it here. 164 00:07:51,968 --> 00:07:55,245 Your voice, I-it's different. 165 00:07:55,245 --> 00:07:59,401 Yes, lots of things are different now. 166 00:07:59,401 --> 00:08:02,278 You see, your father and I get along quite well. 167 00:08:02,278 --> 00:08:04,875 He likes me and I like him. 168 00:08:04,875 --> 00:08:07,472 And no one... I mean no one... 169 00:08:07,472 --> 00:08:10,789 ...is going to stand in the way of our friendship. 170 00:08:10,789 --> 00:08:13,106 So just shut your skinny mouth, 171 00:08:13,106 --> 00:08:14,826 get in the bottom bunk 172 00:08:14,826 --> 00:08:17,742 and go to sleep. 173 00:08:17,742 --> 00:08:21,019 That fly... I-It just crawled in your. 174 00:08:21,019 --> 00:08:23,497 Get in the bottom bunk, Steven, 175 00:08:23,497 --> 00:08:25,774 and go to sleep! 176 00:08:33,926 --> 00:08:37,603 That should be with you momentarily. 177 00:08:40,560 --> 00:08:42,877 You don't understand. He... He's crazy! 178 00:08:42,877 --> 00:08:44,795 He... He was talking like Gary Oldman 179 00:08:44,795 --> 00:08:46,434 and he made me sleep under the bed! 180 00:08:46,434 --> 00:08:49,910 And then a fly crawled in his mouth and... and he ate it! 181 00:08:49,910 --> 00:08:51,748 He... He ate the fly! 182 00:08:51,748 --> 00:08:53,506 He... It went... He just ate it! 183 00:08:53,506 --> 00:08:56,065 Well, you tell Barry not to fill up on junk. 184 00:08:56,065 --> 00:08:57,703 I'm making tacos for dinner. 185 00:08:57,703 --> 00:08:59,700 Hey, hey! There he is! 186 00:09:01,458 --> 00:09:03,856 -You look great, champ! -I took a shower. 187 00:09:03,856 --> 00:09:07,093 Boy, that bathroom is so clean, Mrs. S. 188 00:09:07,093 --> 00:09:10,090 How do you find the time to still be so pretty? 189 00:09:10,090 --> 00:09:13,167 Oh, Barry, please. I look terrible. 190 00:09:15,126 --> 00:09:18,241 Stan, could we stop by church on the way to breakfast? 191 00:09:18,241 --> 00:09:20,720 Before I take my first sip of OJ, 192 00:09:20,720 --> 00:09:23,077 I like to take a big gulp of Jesus. 193 00:09:23,077 --> 00:09:24,075 You bet, slugger. 194 00:09:25,235 --> 00:09:27,193 Oh, I'm heading to church for Bible study. 195 00:09:27,193 --> 00:09:29,550 Mind if I catch a ride? 196 00:09:29,550 --> 00:09:31,429 -Ooh. -Hey. 197 00:09:34,066 --> 00:09:36,543 Uh, Steve, would you mind opening the door for us? 198 00:09:36,543 --> 00:09:38,781 Yes, I mind. You have to believe me. 199 00:09:38,781 --> 00:09:42,018 There's something wrong with Barry. Something evil. 200 00:09:42,018 --> 00:09:43,696 Fine, I'll open the door. 201 00:09:43,696 --> 00:09:46,214 When we get to church, nobody pray for Steve. 202 00:09:50,369 --> 00:09:53,607 So then Dogger was like, "Man, who vomited on my bed?" 203 00:09:53,607 --> 00:09:56,404 And I was, like, "Dogger, not only is that not vomit" 204 00:09:56,404 --> 00:09:57,762 that's not a bed." 205 00:09:59,960 --> 00:10:01,958 Beer breath and bloodshot eyes 206 00:10:01,958 --> 00:10:03,716 are not things to subsidize! 207 00:10:03,716 --> 00:10:05,754 Beer breath and bloodshot eyes 208 00:10:05,754 --> 00:10:07,392 -are not things to subsidize! -Let me handle this. 209 00:10:07,392 --> 00:10:09,950 Ladies, ladies, the dean gave us 210 00:10:09,950 --> 00:10:11,589 that money fair and square. 211 00:10:11,589 --> 00:10:14,586 Yes, but not so you could blow it on parties and alcohol! 212 00:10:14,586 --> 00:10:16,263 -Yeah, that's right! Tell him, Hayley! -Yeah, I know! 213 00:10:16,263 --> 00:10:17,702 -That's right! Yeah! -Yeah! 214 00:10:17,702 --> 00:10:20,380 Listen, you girls like studying different cultures, right? 215 00:10:20,380 --> 00:10:22,178 Uh-huh. 216 00:10:22,178 --> 00:10:25,136 Well, we're a culture. A gender-and-ethnic-exclusionary hierarchy. 217 00:10:25,136 --> 00:10:28,771 Maybe you should study us. Say tomorrow night? At the house? 218 00:10:28,771 --> 00:10:30,409 -That sounds fair. -He makes a good point. 219 00:10:30,409 --> 00:10:33,047 -I'll tell the Eskimos. -Wait! Don't go! 220 00:10:33,047 --> 00:10:34,765 We need to stay the course! 221 00:10:34,765 --> 00:10:35,883 This isn't over, Roger. 222 00:10:35,883 --> 00:10:37,723 I know. We just made plans for tomorrow. 223 00:10:37,723 --> 00:10:40,239 Weren't you listening? Ho! 224 00:10:43,277 --> 00:10:45,155 I don't know what's gotten into you, Barry, 225 00:10:45,155 --> 00:10:47,512 but this is my family, my house and... 226 00:10:50,389 --> 00:10:52,707 Whoa, whoa, Barry. I... I didn't mean to... 227 00:10:52,707 --> 00:10:54,505 No, no, you're right. 228 00:10:54,505 --> 00:10:56,823 It... It's just that your dad is so great. 229 00:10:56,823 --> 00:11:00,020 And I wanted to have a dad like that. And I feel bad. 230 00:11:00,020 --> 00:11:02,857 And so I made you a sandwich. 231 00:11:02,857 --> 00:11:05,774 Oh, well, thanks. 232 00:11:05,774 --> 00:11:08,172 Why are you using oven mitts for a cold sandwich? 233 00:11:08,172 --> 00:11:11,408 I'm pretending they're pockets. 234 00:11:11,408 --> 00:11:14,525 Hey! That's my dad's Tara Reid collector's plate. 235 00:11:16,403 --> 00:11:18,682 You can't touch that. You know how much that'll be worth 236 00:11:18,682 --> 00:11:20,320 in a few months when she's dead? 237 00:11:24,875 --> 00:11:26,673 -That sounded like... -My porcelain! 238 00:11:27,232 --> 00:11:30,270 No! 239 00:11:30,270 --> 00:11:31,948 They were innocent! 240 00:11:31,948 --> 00:11:34,585 What plate will commemorate you? 241 00:11:34,585 --> 00:11:36,264 Who would do such a thing? 242 00:11:36,264 --> 00:11:39,061 -I don't know. -What if we dust for prints? 243 00:11:39,061 --> 00:11:42,177 Of course. Barry, that's it. To the crime lab! 244 00:11:42,177 --> 00:11:44,775 Wow, Stan! 245 00:11:44,775 --> 00:11:46,614 The crime lab turned out great. 246 00:11:50,889 --> 00:11:53,886 Dad, there's got to be millions of suspects in that database. 247 00:11:53,886 --> 00:11:55,724 It's gonna take forever. 248 00:11:55,724 --> 00:11:59,760 We've got a match. A picture of the culprit is now on my monitor. 249 00:11:59,760 --> 00:12:01,478 Now I just have to turn my head 250 00:12:01,478 --> 00:12:03,316 slightly to the left and... 251 00:12:04,037 --> 00:12:05,435 Steve! 252 00:12:05,435 --> 00:12:07,112 Why, Steve? Why? 253 00:12:07,112 --> 00:12:09,071 What? I didn't do it. 254 00:12:09,071 --> 00:12:12,228 Well, yours are the only fingerprints on there. 255 00:12:12,668 --> 00:12:14,225 Oh, my God! 256 00:12:14,225 --> 00:12:16,943 The oven mitts! It was the oven mitts! 257 00:12:16,943 --> 00:12:18,621 I think he's dangerous. 258 00:12:18,621 --> 00:12:21,978 He told me he's been strangling cats for years. 259 00:12:21,978 --> 00:12:23,976 -I did not! He's just... -Look out! 260 00:12:23,976 --> 00:12:25,855 He's got a gun! 261 00:12:25,855 --> 00:12:28,052 Oh, my God! What's happened to our son? 262 00:12:28,052 --> 00:12:30,968 I think it's time for a little tough love. 263 00:12:35,285 --> 00:12:37,323 Oven mitts! 264 00:12:52,867 --> 00:12:56,303 Listen up! You boys are here because you require punishment! 265 00:12:56,303 --> 00:12:59,860 Unusual punishment that at times will border on the absurd! 266 00:12:59,860 --> 00:13:01,978 Sir, um, where are we? 267 00:13:01,978 --> 00:13:04,695 Well, we ain't at a Denny's in Tucson 268 00:13:04,695 --> 00:13:07,532 trying to convince the waitress it's our birthday! 269 00:13:07,532 --> 00:13:09,490 We're on an oil rig in the Atlantic. 270 00:13:09,490 --> 00:13:12,927 Try to escape and you'll be met with deadly sharks and sniper fire! 271 00:13:12,927 --> 00:13:16,404 Do as you're told, and you'll find this a very safe environment. 272 00:13:22,837 --> 00:13:26,234 You can do this, Gary. Your time is now. 273 00:13:26,234 --> 00:13:30,270 All right! Maggots to the barracks! 274 00:13:33,746 --> 00:13:37,103 -More tea, Lady Harrington? -Why, thank you. 275 00:13:37,103 --> 00:13:39,261 Wolverines! 276 00:13:44,176 --> 00:13:46,733 -My Puffalump! -Leave it! 277 00:13:46,733 --> 00:13:49,131 This is great, Barry. Steve isn't interested 278 00:13:49,131 --> 00:13:50,929 in playing Red Dawn with me anymore. 279 00:13:50,929 --> 00:13:54,087 I'm sorry you wasted 14 years of your life with him. 280 00:13:54,087 --> 00:13:55,285 Stan? 281 00:13:55,285 --> 00:13:57,643 I need some furniture moved while I vacuum! 282 00:13:57,643 --> 00:13:59,480 Sorry, champ. Playtime's over. 283 00:13:59,480 --> 00:14:01,558 -But... -Wife comes first, pal. 284 00:14:03,876 --> 00:14:05,954 Oh, Francine is first 285 00:14:05,954 --> 00:14:08,631 on my list... to kill. 286 00:14:09,511 --> 00:14:10,989 My name is Barry. 287 00:14:16,703 --> 00:14:18,941 Thank you. 288 00:14:18,941 --> 00:14:21,378 What's wrong with these kids? 289 00:14:21,378 --> 00:14:23,736 They all seem so slow. 290 00:14:23,736 --> 00:14:25,934 Line up, munchwads! Time for your pills! 291 00:14:25,934 --> 00:14:29,491 -What pills? -The ones that retard your aggressive criminal minds! 292 00:14:32,088 --> 00:14:33,965 Wait a minute. 293 00:14:33,965 --> 00:14:35,724 Retard. 294 00:14:35,724 --> 00:14:39,520 Time to take my vitamin. 295 00:14:39,520 --> 00:14:42,477 That's it! Barry stopped taking his meds! 296 00:14:42,477 --> 00:14:44,275 He's unretarded! 297 00:14:44,275 --> 00:14:46,834 Don't take that! It turns you into one of them! 298 00:14:46,834 --> 00:14:49,671 Thanks, but if you touch me again, I'll cut your nipples off. 299 00:14:49,671 --> 00:14:51,149 Hey, there's a reason I'm here. 300 00:14:51,149 --> 00:14:52,747 My family's in danger. 301 00:14:52,747 --> 00:14:54,265 I got to get home! 302 00:14:54,265 --> 00:14:56,943 So this family of yours, do they, uh, 303 00:14:56,943 --> 00:14:58,302 I don't know, have nipples? 304 00:15:02,577 --> 00:15:04,336 Girls, put those drinks down. 305 00:15:04,336 --> 00:15:07,053 We're supposed to be studying this elitist subculture. 306 00:15:07,053 --> 00:15:08,732 You've lost your objectivity. 307 00:15:08,732 --> 00:15:10,969 We're not objects, Hayley. We're women. 308 00:15:10,969 --> 00:15:12,688 Hear me... 309 00:15:12,688 --> 00:15:14,606 Listen up, Hayley. 310 00:15:14,606 --> 00:15:16,524 There's nothing wrong with a good time. 311 00:15:16,524 --> 00:15:18,761 Try talking to one of the bros. You might enjoy it. 312 00:15:18,761 --> 00:15:20,999 Never. You hear me? Never! 313 00:15:20,999 --> 00:15:22,917 Well, that's a shame, 'cause fraternities 314 00:15:22,917 --> 00:15:24,755 really do represent virtue, 315 00:15:24,755 --> 00:15:26,593 charity and brotherly love. 316 00:15:26,593 --> 00:15:29,991 Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll be playing foosball in the rape room. 317 00:15:36,183 --> 00:15:39,180 Barry, what are you... Where's Francine? 318 00:15:39,180 --> 00:15:42,418 Uh, someplace she can't get between us anymore. 319 00:15:42,418 --> 00:15:45,575 Move over, Stan. You're freezing. 320 00:15:49,770 --> 00:15:51,169 What did you do, you little... 321 00:15:51,169 --> 00:15:53,486 Uh-uh. But since you're up, 322 00:15:53,486 --> 00:15:56,404 what do you say we go downstairs for a little game? 323 00:15:56,404 --> 00:16:00,360 -Your... Your voice. -Soothing, isn't it? 324 00:16:00,360 --> 00:16:04,395 Sweet and terrible like a madman's lullaby. 325 00:16:04,395 --> 00:16:06,634 If any of you 326 00:16:06,634 --> 00:16:09,950 were thinking about breaking into a musical number, think again! 327 00:16:09,950 --> 00:16:12,228 I'm the only one who sings on this rig! 328 00:16:12,228 --> 00:16:15,066 ♪ Food, glorious food ♪ 329 00:16:15,066 --> 00:16:17,702 ♪ Hot sausage and mustard ♪ 330 00:16:17,702 --> 00:16:20,500 ♪ While we're in the mood ♪ 331 00:16:20,500 --> 00:16:22,578 ♪ Cold jelly and custard ♪ 332 00:16:22,578 --> 00:16:25,455 This is our chance. We're busting out of here. 333 00:16:28,292 --> 00:16:30,889 Time to play Identity Theft. 334 00:16:35,405 --> 00:16:36,244 Wow! 335 00:16:39,121 --> 00:16:40,719 She's all yours. 336 00:16:46,473 --> 00:16:48,991 And now to lower the speedboat. 337 00:16:48,991 --> 00:16:52,148 Alarm button next to the speedboat. Lowering button pushed! 338 00:16:52,148 --> 00:16:54,306 -Let's get out of here! -Alarm button 339 00:16:54,306 --> 00:16:56,064 next to the speedboat - lowering button pushed! 340 00:17:00,899 --> 00:17:03,177 -What are you doing? -Quick! Through here! 341 00:17:08,971 --> 00:17:11,889 There's no way out! We got you surrounded! 342 00:17:11,889 --> 00:17:15,325 Let go! 343 00:17:19,521 --> 00:17:21,998 All right, kids are dead. Back to work! 344 00:17:27,073 --> 00:17:28,271 That was amazing, Steve. 345 00:17:28,271 --> 00:17:30,349 How'd you learn to do all that? 346 00:17:30,349 --> 00:17:32,428 -Um, my dad taught me. -Cool! 347 00:17:32,428 --> 00:17:33,787 Very cool. 348 00:17:33,787 --> 00:17:36,223 Yeah, I guess it is. 349 00:18:08,392 --> 00:18:11,628 -Well, look who stayed over. -Leave me alone, Roger. 350 00:18:11,628 --> 00:18:13,546 I'm already ashamed. 351 00:18:13,546 --> 00:18:17,104 Ashamed I turned my back on the Eskimos. 352 00:18:17,104 --> 00:18:20,940 You sure turned your back on me last night. 353 00:18:20,940 --> 00:18:24,135 That's Tuk-Tuk. Good bro. Good for the house. 354 00:18:25,974 --> 00:18:29,690 Well, if I'm gonna be any fun at the luau tonight, I better hit the sack. 355 00:18:29,690 --> 00:18:32,727 Uh-uh. No, you don't. Brothers sleep. Pledges clean. 356 00:18:32,727 --> 00:18:35,045 E... Excuse me. Clean? 357 00:18:35,045 --> 00:18:38,841 Yeah. After a house party, pledges spend the day cleaning up. 358 00:18:38,841 --> 00:18:42,797 Why don't you start by cleaning that up, bitch? 359 00:18:42,797 --> 00:18:45,315 Tired of getting spanked by dudes anyway. 360 00:18:49,510 --> 00:18:52,148 -Uh-oh. -Go ahead. Play the card. 361 00:18:52,148 --> 00:18:53,786 But it'll send you back to start. 362 00:18:53,786 --> 00:18:56,623 -I'm familiar with the rules, Stan. -But... 363 00:18:56,623 --> 00:18:58,022 Play your card! 364 00:18:58,022 --> 00:19:00,820 -All right, Barry! -The jig is up! 365 00:19:00,820 --> 00:19:02,138 Steve, you're a jockey! 366 00:19:02,138 --> 00:19:04,295 Had to play Identity Theft to get home. 367 00:19:04,295 --> 00:19:06,734 Had to do a lot of things you taught me to get home. 368 00:19:06,734 --> 00:19:08,732 I'm sorry I thought you were lame, Dad. 369 00:19:08,732 --> 00:19:10,250 That's okay, Son. 370 00:19:10,250 --> 00:19:12,807 Time to take your pill! 371 00:19:12,807 --> 00:19:15,844 You're not in any position to be calling the shots, Steven. 372 00:19:15,844 --> 00:19:17,642 I'm the one holding the gun. 373 00:19:17,642 --> 00:19:20,120 Sure, you could kill me with your gun. 374 00:19:20,120 --> 00:19:23,038 But are you willing to try something much more elaborate and unnecessary? 375 00:19:25,554 --> 00:19:28,752 Your antipsychotic vitamin is in one of these glasses. 376 00:19:28,752 --> 00:19:31,789 You choose which one, then we both drink. 377 00:19:31,789 --> 00:19:35,185 -Delightful. -Careful, Steve! He's as mad as he is fat! 378 00:19:35,185 --> 00:19:38,541 I'll just make my decision based upon what I know about you. 379 00:19:38,541 --> 00:19:41,059 You escaped the work camp, so I know you're cunning. 380 00:19:41,059 --> 00:19:43,377 I also know you're shy, farsighted, 381 00:19:43,377 --> 00:19:46,373 grumpy in the morning... I know you've seen The Princess Bride. 382 00:19:46,373 --> 00:19:48,851 -You're stalling. -And I knew you were going to say that. 383 00:19:48,851 --> 00:19:52,407 I know you're a handful at boy-girl parties. Your name backwards is Nevets. 384 00:19:52,407 --> 00:19:54,325 And your aim at the urinal is, 385 00:19:54,325 --> 00:19:56,404 shall we say, less than accurate. 386 00:19:56,404 --> 00:19:58,681 -Are you gonna choose a glass? -Yes, I choose this one! 387 00:20:01,878 --> 00:20:04,036 Thanks for driving me home, Mr. Smith. 388 00:20:04,036 --> 00:20:06,234 We're going faster than people! 389 00:20:06,234 --> 00:20:08,392 Quiet, fatty, fat, fat, fatty! 390 00:20:08,392 --> 00:20:10,349 Sorry we sent you to work camp, Son. 391 00:20:10,349 --> 00:20:12,108 Barry really pulled one over on us. 392 00:20:12,108 --> 00:20:13,506 How'd you know he'd pick the right glass? 393 00:20:13,506 --> 00:20:15,544 I put vitamins in both. 394 00:20:16,783 --> 00:20:18,662 I found this on the floor. 395 00:20:19,939 --> 00:20:21,418 Man, I'm getting hungry. 396 00:20:21,418 --> 00:20:22,498 Hey, let's go dig up your mother 397 00:20:22,498 --> 00:20:23,895 so she can make us breakfast.