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00:00:02,916 --> 00:00:05,555
♪ Good morning, USA ♪

2
00:00:05,555 --> 00:00:09,190
♪ I got a feeling That it's
gonna be A wonderful day ♪

3
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♪ The sun in the sky
Has a smile on his face ♪

4
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♪ And he's shining a salute
To the American race ♪

5
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♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪

6
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♪ Good morning, USA ♪

7
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♪ Good morning, USA ♪

8
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The C.I.A. talent show
is in a week.

9
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So I need everyone's help to--

10
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They found me.

11
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Francine, get
on the counter. Now!

12
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Francine, it's time
you learned the truth.

13
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My name is not Klaus.
It's Professor Max Hammer.

14
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And my job is
to save the world.

15
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Dark forces
have banded together...

16
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Not all of them human.

17
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Vampires!

18
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Mexican vampires.

19
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They are after this amulet.

20
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See? The lost city
of Atlantis.

21
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I found it.

22
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And I found you.

23
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Klaus, shut up!

24
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You shut up!

25
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Bwap!

26
00:02:08,032 --> 00:02:09,790
Did my interpretive
dance sell it?

27
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I want a popcorn maker
for my attic.

28
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Don't be stupid, Roger.

29
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The attic is above sea level,

30
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and popcorn doesn't pop
above sea level.

31
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I know. I've spent time
in Denver.

32
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That's the dumbest thing
I've ever heard.

33
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It's not dumb, Roger.

34
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My dad's a genius.
He knows everything.

35
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So what's Denver
like, Dad?

36
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Well, it's 2,000 miles
above sea level,

37
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so the winds are fierce.

38
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Hence its nickname,
the Windy City.

39
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Wow. Maybe someday,
if I study hard enough,

40
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I can be
as smart as you.

41
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Which reminds me.

42
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I have an oral report
on fossils tomorrow.

43
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I already know how to talk.

44
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So the remaining
10% of the work

45
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will be learning
about fossils.

46
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Hmm.

47
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This sandwich could use
a little something.

48
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There we go!

49
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Now to just type "fossils"
into the search engine.

50
00:02:57,383 --> 00:02:59,780
And now to just separate
the fossil sites

51
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from the porn sites.

52
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"Tyrannosaurus." Fossil.

53
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"Babe-osaurus." Porn.

54
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"A symposium on
the Pangaea theory

55
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"of the Permian extinction..."

56
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Wow! That is some nasty porn!

57
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Arnie, stop chewing
on the line.

58
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Hi!

59
00:03:23,077 --> 00:03:25,994
Hi, Gilbert!

60
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Gilbert, I told you.

61
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Your brother can't keep
biting through utility lines.

62
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He won't, Jerry. I promise.

63
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The Internet is down!

64
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I was in the middle of
trading stocks online.

65
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I was about to
make a killing in silver

66
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and use the money
to buy a popcorn maker!

67
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Forget your crazy dream of
popping corn above sea level.

68
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I have my report
due tomorrow.

69
00:03:51,809 --> 00:03:52,888
What's all the commotion?

70
00:03:52,888 --> 00:03:55,524
Wait. Dad, you can
help me with my report.

71
00:03:55,524 --> 00:03:58,042
Uh, Steve, I don't think
that's a good idea.

72
00:03:58,042 --> 00:03:59,760
Your dad's kind of
a moron.

73
00:03:59,760 --> 00:04:00,919
No, he's not.

74
00:04:00,919 --> 00:04:02,997
Dad, do you know anything
about fossils?

75
00:04:02,997 --> 00:04:05,874
Are you kiddin'? I know
everything about fossils.

76
00:04:05,874 --> 00:04:07,632
Steve, grab a pen.

77
00:04:07,632 --> 00:04:09,990
Then, in 5,000 B.C.,

78
00:04:09,990 --> 00:04:13,346
a mere 1,000 years
after the creation of Earth,

79
00:04:13,346 --> 00:04:15,905
the human-dinosaur treaty
fell apart,

80
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and they drove
the dinosaurs underground.

81
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And that's where
fossils come from.

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Dumb-ass.

83
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Damn it!

84
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Problem, Steve?

85
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What are you doing here?

86
00:04:29,091 --> 00:04:30,969
And where did that
swivel chair come from?

87
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I brought it down from
the attic for dramatic effect.

88
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It wouldn't fit
through the door,

89
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so I had to
take off the wheels.

90
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Frankly, it was a hassle.

91
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But worth it,
like Klaus's costume.

92
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It's fun to play dress up.

93
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Not all the time,
but sometimes.

94
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Not this time.

95
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I wrote down everything
my dad told me,

96
00:04:45,834 --> 00:04:47,353
and I got an "F"
on my report.

97
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He's an idiot!

98
00:04:48,512 --> 00:04:50,789
That's what I was
trying to tell you.

99
00:04:50,789 --> 00:04:52,348
But relax.
This isn't a bad thing.

100
00:04:52,348 --> 00:04:53,706
It's an opportunity.

101
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As the two smartest people
in the house,

102
00:04:55,944 --> 00:04:58,062
we can manipulate
your stupid father

103
00:04:58,062 --> 00:04:59,300
to get everything we want!

104
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I don't know, Roger.
That sounds kind of mean.

105
00:05:01,698 --> 00:05:03,817
Steve, sympathy
is for the herd.

106
00:05:03,817 --> 00:05:05,895
And you are a shepherd.

107
00:05:05,895 --> 00:05:07,653
I am a shepherd.

108
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All right!
Let's go screw some sheep!

109
00:05:10,969 --> 00:05:12,048
Oh, I--

110
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Yeah, yeah. No.
I know what you mean.

111
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Kudos to the way
you conned my dad

112
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into getting us
this popcorn machine.

113
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It was just a matter
of finding the right way

114
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to combine the words

115
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"tasty," "low-fat"
and "9/11."

116
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Speaking of 9/11,

117
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I believe that was
my dad's S.A.T. score.

118
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Sir, you are a wit.

119
00:05:33,587 --> 00:05:35,824
You should write
for basic cable.

120
00:05:35,824 --> 00:05:37,182
Look at her, Steve.

121
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That is the most tasty,
low-fat 9/11 memorial ever.

122
00:05:42,977 --> 00:05:44,056
Why are you laughing?

123
00:05:44,056 --> 00:05:45,894
Because your plebeian
rodent brain...

124
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Fell prey to
the carnivorous hawk

125
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that is my mind.

126
00:05:48,691 --> 00:05:50,649
You can't talk to me like that.

127
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Irregardless of what
you think of me,

128
00:05:51,848 --> 00:05:53,206
I'm still your father.

129
00:05:56,044 --> 00:05:57,363
"Irregardless"?

130
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That's not even a real word.

131
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You're affixing the negative
prefix "ir" to "regardless."

132
00:06:02,158 --> 00:06:04,236
But as "regardless"
is already negative,

133
00:06:04,236 --> 00:06:05,834
it's a logical absurdity.

134
00:06:05,834 --> 00:06:07,352
I have half a mind to--

135
00:06:07,352 --> 00:06:09,072
There he goes
exaggerating again.

136
00:06:11,428 --> 00:06:12,427
You're grounded.

137
00:06:13,506 --> 00:06:15,225
It's time, Steven.

138
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What's going on?

139
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I can't live
under the roof of a man

140
00:06:18,742 --> 00:06:21,698
who's forcing me to walk
in his ignorant footsteps.

141
00:06:21,698 --> 00:06:23,457
And I can't live
under the roof.

142
00:06:23,457 --> 00:06:25,814
Literally. I live right under
the roof, and I hate it.

143
00:06:25,814 --> 00:06:27,652
We're going to
the one place on Earth,

144
00:06:27,652 --> 00:06:29,171
where we can
turn our intelligence

145
00:06:29,171 --> 00:06:30,409
into a big pile of money.

146
00:06:30,409 --> 00:06:32,567
Magic Land?

147
00:06:32,567 --> 00:06:34,806
No. New York City.

148
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Fine. Go.

149
00:06:35,964 --> 00:06:37,563
Farewell, simpleton.

150
00:06:40,239 --> 00:06:43,437
Apres moi le deluge.

151
00:06:43,437 --> 00:06:44,715
That's what Andrew Cunanan

152
00:06:44,715 --> 00:06:45,994
wrote in his
high school yearbook.

153
00:06:45,994 --> 00:06:47,353
Byesie-daisies.

154
00:06:48,352 --> 00:06:49,870
Stan, do something.

155
00:06:49,870 --> 00:06:52,427
Trust me, Francine.
Steve's not going anywhere.

156
00:06:52,427 --> 00:06:54,266
All he has is
the shirt on his back

157
00:06:54,266 --> 00:06:57,342
and the $1,600 I gave him
to pay this quarter's kid tax.

158
00:06:57,342 --> 00:06:59,660
By the way,
can you believe this kid tax?

159
00:07:02,697 --> 00:07:05,735
Bueno. Muchas gracias, Toshi.

160
00:07:05,735 --> 00:07:07,653
None of Steve's friends
have seen him.

161
00:07:07,653 --> 00:07:09,411
I should have
never let them leave.

162
00:07:09,411 --> 00:07:11,369
What if they really
did go to New York?

163
00:07:15,365 --> 00:07:17,723
Francine,
they're not in New York.

164
00:07:18,841 --> 00:07:20,519
They're in the tree house?

165
00:07:20,519 --> 00:07:21,878
Oh, thank God.

166
00:07:22,478 --> 00:07:23,836
Not so fast.

167
00:07:23,836 --> 00:07:26,634
It's time to teach
our little geniuses a lesson.

168
00:07:26,634 --> 00:07:27,872
We'll ignore them

169
00:07:27,872 --> 00:07:30,430
and see just how long
they can last up there.

170
00:07:30,430 --> 00:07:32,747
Who's the idiot now?

171
00:07:35,984 --> 00:07:37,902
Arnie, stop playing
with the curtain.

172
00:07:37,902 --> 00:07:40,819
Don't you yell at him, Gilbert.
He's your brother.

173
00:07:40,819 --> 00:07:42,617
You have to take care
of your brother.

174
00:07:42,617 --> 00:07:45,495
Yeah, Gilbert. You have to
take care of your brother.

175
00:07:57,403 --> 00:07:59,281
Hello, New York.

176
00:08:00,879 --> 00:08:02,677
And good-bye,
struggling gay actor.

177
00:08:19,341 --> 00:08:21,219
Oh, my God!
You missed it.

178
00:08:21,219 --> 00:08:23,616
Some cameraman
was just creamed by a bus.

179
00:08:23,616 --> 00:08:24,655
Oh, my God!

180
00:08:24,655 --> 00:08:26,134
I know. Lunch?

181
00:08:29,810 --> 00:08:31,528
We've made it, Steve.

182
00:08:31,528 --> 00:08:33,607
That's right, pal.
New York City.

183
00:08:33,607 --> 00:08:35,044
No dumb people here.

184
00:08:35,044 --> 00:08:36,843
They herd them all
into New Jersey.

185
00:08:36,843 --> 00:08:39,840
Finally someone brave enough
to take a swipe at New Jersey.

186
00:08:39,840 --> 00:08:41,038
Look.

187
00:08:43,077 --> 00:08:45,754
If it isn't
Beauregard Les Fontaine,

188
00:08:45,754 --> 00:08:48,711
Langley Falls's
premier hairstylist.

189
00:08:48,711 --> 00:08:50,709
Well, slop me up
a bit of coincidence.

190
00:08:50,709 --> 00:08:53,107
What made y'all scooch on up
to the Big ol' Apple?

191
00:08:53,107 --> 00:08:55,385
Warn the cops, 'cause
I'm gonna make a killing

192
00:08:55,385 --> 00:08:56,943
in the stock market.

193
00:08:56,943 --> 00:08:58,422
And I'm here
to strike it rich

194
00:08:58,422 --> 00:09:00,140
as a comedy writer
for television.

195
00:09:00,140 --> 00:09:02,618
Or as I like to call it,
Smell-O-Vision.

196
00:09:02,618 --> 00:09:05,335
As you can see,
I'm going to do very well.

197
00:09:05,335 --> 00:09:07,852
Well, delicately kiss
my pomegranates.

198
00:09:07,852 --> 00:09:09,810
I'm here to
make a splash, too.

199
00:09:09,810 --> 00:09:12,168
I'm gonna join
New York's long tradition

200
00:09:12,168 --> 00:09:14,525
of wealthy,
obnoxious weirdos.

201
00:09:14,525 --> 00:09:16,044
Gentlemen,
to our genius.

202
00:09:21,238 --> 00:09:23,116
That is so Raven.

203
00:09:27,273 --> 00:09:29,990
Here's some brownies
for my little runaways.

204
00:09:33,227 --> 00:09:36,024
Arnie, come bring your mama
one of them brownies.

205
00:09:36,024 --> 00:09:39,181
I'm coming, Mama.

206
00:09:41,538 --> 00:09:43,337
Mmm! Oh, Arnie,

207
00:09:43,337 --> 00:09:45,614
you're my knight
in shimmering armor.

208
00:09:53,567 --> 00:09:55,205
Steve, I... I read
your sketch packet,

209
00:09:55,205 --> 00:09:57,403
and I just
had to meet you.

210
00:09:57,403 --> 00:09:58,641
I expected as much.

211
00:09:58,641 --> 00:10:00,559
My comedic samplings
are sublime.

212
00:10:00,559 --> 00:10:02,678
No. Not quite sublime.

213
00:10:02,678 --> 00:10:05,754
More the worst packet
I have ever read.

214
00:10:05,754 --> 00:10:06,833
What do you mean?

215
00:10:06,833 --> 00:10:09,150
Everything in there is gold.
Pure gold.

216
00:10:09,150 --> 00:10:10,350
Gold. Okay.

217
00:10:10,350 --> 00:10:12,348
Uh, well, let's take
the first sketch.

218
00:10:12,348 --> 00:10:14,985
Uh, I believe that one's
entitled "Quantum Rape."

219
00:10:17,183 --> 00:10:19,181
Come on. It's brilliant.

220
00:10:19,181 --> 00:10:21,898
It's about a guy who gets
thrown into a jail cell,

221
00:10:21,898 --> 00:10:23,177
and his cell mate
is in there

222
00:10:23,177 --> 00:10:25,614
because he just raped
Scott Bakula.

223
00:10:25,614 --> 00:10:28,292
Yeah. And then the rapist
spends eight pages

224
00:10:28,292 --> 00:10:30,610
explaining the premise of
Quantum Leap to the guy.

225
00:10:30,610 --> 00:10:33,367
But the guy
just doesn't get it!

226
00:10:40,280 --> 00:10:42,797
Clearly Jon Stewart
was raped as a child.

227
00:10:42,797 --> 00:10:44,555
What other explanation
could there be?

228
00:10:44,555 --> 00:10:46,034
Don't worry.
I got us covered.

229
00:10:46,034 --> 00:10:48,312
I put all of our money
in the stock "S.J.P."

230
00:10:48,312 --> 00:10:49,710
It's a sure thing.

231
00:10:49,710 --> 00:10:52,068
As soon as that bell rings,
we'll be in the money.

232
00:10:52,068 --> 00:10:54,385
Here we go.

233
00:10:54,385 --> 00:10:56,464
Watch S.J.P. take off.

234
00:11:07,173 --> 00:11:08,611
What the hell was that?

235
00:11:08,611 --> 00:11:10,809
You said S.J.P.
was a sure thing.

236
00:11:10,809 --> 00:11:11,848
I don't understand.

237
00:11:11,848 --> 00:11:13,966
S.J.P. is in the new
Spielberg movie.

238
00:11:13,966 --> 00:11:15,165
It's gonna be huge.

239
00:11:15,165 --> 00:11:16,484
What are you talking about?

240
00:11:16,484 --> 00:11:19,681
S.J.P. is a Canadian
chiropractic supplies company.

241
00:11:19,681 --> 00:11:22,037
You mean it's not
Sarah Jessica Parker?

242
00:11:22,037 --> 00:11:23,757
What? No!

243
00:11:23,757 --> 00:11:26,114
Isn't this the Hollywood
Stock Exchange?

244
00:11:26,114 --> 00:11:27,232
You know, the website

245
00:11:27,232 --> 00:11:28,791
where you buy and sell
celebrity stocks,

246
00:11:28,791 --> 00:11:30,629
based on the ups and downs
of their careers.

247
00:11:30,629 --> 00:11:31,868
No!

248
00:11:31,868 --> 00:11:33,466
Oh.

249
00:11:33,466 --> 00:11:34,825
Then what is all this?

250
00:11:34,825 --> 00:11:37,302
This is the
New York Stock Exchange!

251
00:11:37,302 --> 00:11:38,821
Like in the movie
Wall Street?

252
00:11:38,821 --> 00:11:40,500
I thought that was
Hollywood make-believe,

253
00:11:40,500 --> 00:11:41,938
like children
of every color

254
00:11:41,938 --> 00:11:43,536
being at
the same McDonald's.

255
00:11:43,536 --> 00:11:44,736
But back home, you said

256
00:11:44,736 --> 00:11:46,774
you were about to
make a fortune in silver.

257
00:11:46,774 --> 00:11:48,132
Ron Silver!

258
00:11:52,687 --> 00:11:53,846
Wow.

259
00:11:53,846 --> 00:11:56,404
I guess running away
builds up an appetite.

260
00:11:57,442 --> 00:11:59,401
Mama.

261
00:11:59,401 --> 00:12:01,358
There's a storm coming, Mama.

262
00:12:01,358 --> 00:12:03,517
Ooh! Scary.

263
00:12:03,517 --> 00:12:05,874
Scary storms up there, Mama.

264
00:12:09,071 --> 00:12:10,269
Mama?

265
00:12:10,269 --> 00:12:13,307
Mama, you're hiding
from me, huh?

266
00:12:13,307 --> 00:12:15,545
Mama's hiding from Arnie.

267
00:12:15,545 --> 00:12:18,462
I know that.

268
00:12:18,462 --> 00:12:19,620
Mama?

269
00:12:19,620 --> 00:12:23,057
Mama?

270
00:12:23,736 --> 00:12:25,654
Mama?

271
00:12:32,488 --> 00:12:34,924
Roger, we have 20 bucks left.

272
00:12:34,924 --> 00:12:36,644
We can't afford
another night here.

273
00:12:36,644 --> 00:12:39,001
Would you relax?
I've got a plan.

274
00:12:39,001 --> 00:12:39,920
May I help you?

275
00:12:39,920 --> 00:12:41,399
My friend and I

276
00:12:41,399 --> 00:12:44,476
will be staying indefinitely
without paying.

277
00:12:48,712 --> 00:12:50,071
That seemed
a little extreme.

278
00:12:50,071 --> 00:12:51,309
Couldn't they just
escort us out?

279
00:12:51,309 --> 00:12:52,948
Roger, you spit
in his face.

280
00:12:52,948 --> 00:12:55,064
I don't think so.

281
00:12:55,064 --> 00:12:56,504
That doesn't sound like me.

282
00:13:02,058 --> 00:13:03,576
Dad, you can't
let Steve and Roger

283
00:13:03,576 --> 00:13:04,615
stay in the tree house.

284
00:13:04,615 --> 00:13:05,734
They'll catch their death.

285
00:13:05,734 --> 00:13:07,572
Nonsense. Death has
better things to do,

286
00:13:07,572 --> 00:13:09,490
like remembering
Tony Curtis already.

287
00:13:09,490 --> 00:13:11,808
They'll stay out there
until they respect me.

288
00:13:11,808 --> 00:13:13,846
Trust me. A little rain
won't hurt 'em.

289
00:13:20,440 --> 00:13:22,678
Oh, my God!
They're dead!

290
00:13:24,596 --> 00:13:27,233
No!

291
00:13:27,233 --> 00:13:28,352
It's okay, Arnie.

292
00:13:28,352 --> 00:13:30,230
It would have taken
a crane to get her out.

293
00:13:30,230 --> 00:13:32,347
And this way,
she won't be a joke.

294
00:13:32,347 --> 00:13:34,626
Why?

295
00:13:36,544 --> 00:13:38,381
I can't feel my arms.

296
00:13:38,381 --> 00:13:40,100
Buck up. We're gonna
make it through this.

297
00:13:40,100 --> 00:13:41,538
We still have 20 bucks.

298
00:13:41,538 --> 00:13:43,097
In this town, with our brains,

299
00:13:43,097 --> 00:13:45,015
we'll turn it into millions
in no time.

300
00:13:45,015 --> 00:13:46,733
I'll have the new issue
of Cherry,

301
00:13:46,733 --> 00:13:48,372
and keep the change,
my good man.

302
00:13:49,451 --> 00:13:50,849
Roger!

303
00:13:50,849 --> 00:13:53,128
Steve, it's a special
big butts collector's issue.

304
00:13:53,128 --> 00:13:55,285
Someday it'll be
worth a fortune.

305
00:13:55,285 --> 00:13:58,002
Now we play
the waiting game.

306
00:14:05,194 --> 00:14:05,994
Hi.

307
00:14:06,713 --> 00:14:07,513
Hi.

308
00:14:08,351 --> 00:14:09,431
How was your day?

309
00:14:10,430 --> 00:14:11,228
Fine.

310
00:14:12,108 --> 00:14:13,267
Washing the dishes?

311
00:14:14,146 --> 00:14:14,905
Mm-hmm.

312
00:14:16,184 --> 00:14:18,381
Honey, it's been
three weeks.

313
00:14:18,381 --> 00:14:22,019
Maybe we should start
planning Steve's funeral.

314
00:14:22,019 --> 00:14:24,176
I wanted to go get him!

315
00:14:24,176 --> 00:14:26,053
I wanted to bring him inside!

316
00:14:26,053 --> 00:14:27,733
But you wouldn't let me!

317
00:14:27,733 --> 00:14:30,809
Our baby's dead
because of you!

318
00:14:30,809 --> 00:14:32,327
Don't you think I know that?

319
00:14:36,524 --> 00:14:37,443
No!

320
00:14:37,443 --> 00:14:40,559
I can't make it, Stan.

321
00:14:40,559 --> 00:14:41,798
Yes, you can.

322
00:14:41,798 --> 00:14:43,836
Look, this is killing us.
We need to get away.

323
00:14:43,836 --> 00:14:45,954
We need to take a trip
far, far away.

324
00:14:45,954 --> 00:14:47,753
But we can't afford that.

325
00:14:47,753 --> 00:14:51,189
Well, there is
Steve's college money.

326
00:14:51,189 --> 00:14:53,067
Well,

327
00:14:53,067 --> 00:14:55,224
I guess he won't be
needing it.

328
00:14:55,224 --> 00:14:57,902
Our little cowboy
is in a better place.

329
00:15:00,859 --> 00:15:03,097
So, basically, all I have
to do is stand here,

330
00:15:03,097 --> 00:15:05,455
and beautiful women will pay
me to have sex with them?

331
00:15:05,455 --> 00:15:08,371
-That's right.
-Prostitution is awesome!

332
00:15:08,371 --> 00:15:10,370
Now, why am I wearing
a cowboy outfit?

333
00:15:10,370 --> 00:15:11,408
It's your gimmick.

334
00:15:11,408 --> 00:15:13,606
You're the Cowboy
of Sixth Avenue.

335
00:15:13,606 --> 00:15:14,925
Howdy. Who wants to be

336
00:15:14,925 --> 00:15:17,203
the first buckaroo through
these double doors?

337
00:15:17,203 --> 00:15:19,320
Um, Roger,
those were guys.

338
00:15:19,320 --> 00:15:21,279
I know. I just
doubled your clientele.

339
00:15:21,279 --> 00:15:22,518
I got a brain for business.

340
00:15:22,518 --> 00:15:24,396
I'm not having sex with guys.

341
00:15:24,396 --> 00:15:26,434
Do you want to crawl back
to your idiot father

342
00:15:26,434 --> 00:15:27,872
and admit you were wrong?

343
00:15:27,872 --> 00:15:29,390
That you couldn't
make it on your own?

344
00:15:29,390 --> 00:15:31,788
That you don't have the brains
to make it out here?

345
00:15:31,788 --> 00:15:32,868
No.

346
00:15:32,868 --> 00:15:33,906
Of course not.

347
00:15:33,906 --> 00:15:35,224
I'm here to make sure

348
00:15:35,224 --> 00:15:37,343
you never have to go through
anything that degrading.

349
00:15:37,343 --> 00:15:38,582
Now put these on.

350
00:15:38,582 --> 00:15:40,419
They're knee pads
I made out of old diapers.

351
00:15:48,252 --> 00:15:50,889
I never thought
I could be happy again.

352
00:15:50,889 --> 00:15:52,887
I feel like Steve
is here with us.

353
00:15:52,887 --> 00:15:55,085
Hey, Steve.
Want to steer?

354
00:15:56,363 --> 00:15:58,082
Ah. Feels good to laugh.

355
00:16:02,278 --> 00:16:05,035
Roger, it's been two days
and no customers.

356
00:16:05,035 --> 00:16:07,552
Maybe my mouth's not as
pretty as you keep saying.

357
00:16:07,552 --> 00:16:09,351
And your cough
is getting worse.

358
00:16:09,351 --> 00:16:10,470
I'm fine.

359
00:16:10,470 --> 00:16:12,468
Let's just go back
to our cardboard box

360
00:16:12,468 --> 00:16:15,105
and see if the rattrap
snagged us some din-din.

361
00:16:16,783 --> 00:16:19,380
Ooh! Ooh! A limo!
You can do this, Steve.

362
00:16:19,380 --> 00:16:21,378
Always remember.
You're a whore.

363
00:16:23,017 --> 00:16:24,336
Beauregard!

364
00:16:24,336 --> 00:16:27,533
Look at you two poor things
out here in the cold.

365
00:16:27,533 --> 00:16:29,770
Why don't y'all
come on back to my hotel?

366
00:16:30,889 --> 00:16:32,647
Steve, is this
really happening?

367
00:16:32,647 --> 00:16:35,045
'Cause I just shotgunned
a 40 of Robitussin,

368
00:16:35,045 --> 00:16:36,923
and everything's
kind of awesome.

369
00:16:43,716 --> 00:16:45,075
Your friend can rest here

370
00:16:45,075 --> 00:16:48,551
while you and I
adjourn to the bedroom.

371
00:16:48,551 --> 00:16:50,070
Oh. Oh, God.

372
00:16:50,070 --> 00:16:52,347
Um, uh, uh,
my friend's really sick.

373
00:16:52,347 --> 00:16:53,985
I don't think
I should leave his side.

374
00:16:53,985 --> 00:16:55,345
Right, Roger?

375
00:16:55,345 --> 00:16:57,103
No, I need
some me time anyway.

376
00:16:57,103 --> 00:16:57,902
You kids have fun.

377
00:17:08,612 --> 00:17:11,528
These are my associates.
They like to watch.

378
00:17:11,528 --> 00:17:13,446
Oh, that's unsettling.

379
00:17:13,446 --> 00:17:14,845
Steve, do you know who said,

380
00:17:14,845 --> 00:17:17,961
"I can resist anything
but temptation"?

381
00:17:17,961 --> 00:17:19,481
Um, Jesus?

382
00:17:21,878 --> 00:17:23,876
It was Oscar Wilde.

383
00:17:23,876 --> 00:17:25,355
How gauche.

384
00:17:25,355 --> 00:17:26,553
Oh, yes.

385
00:17:26,553 --> 00:17:28,871
This is definitely
my new boy.

386
00:17:28,871 --> 00:17:30,030
Just how I like 'em.

387
00:17:30,030 --> 00:17:32,468
Dumb as a bag
of Mississippi mud.

388
00:17:32,468 --> 00:17:33,626
Excuse me?

389
00:17:33,626 --> 00:17:35,784
See, my friends and I
like to amuse ourselves

390
00:17:35,784 --> 00:17:38,661
by finding stupid people
and mocking them.

391
00:17:38,661 --> 00:17:40,100
I'm not stupid.

392
00:17:42,258 --> 00:17:43,856
I don't have to
put up with this.

393
00:17:43,856 --> 00:17:46,493
Go ahead, Steve.
Go back to the cold.

394
00:17:51,489 --> 00:17:52,927
That's what I thought.

395
00:17:52,927 --> 00:17:57,042
Now scooch on over here
and spell "hors d'oeuvre."

396
00:18:01,639 --> 00:18:02,678
Here's your mail.

397
00:18:02,678 --> 00:18:04,516
Oh, dandy.
My French Vogue came.

398
00:18:04,516 --> 00:18:06,274
Read it to me,
cover to cover.

399
00:18:06,274 --> 00:18:07,592
You're just gonna
make fun of me

400
00:18:07,592 --> 00:18:08,951
'cause I can't speak French.

401
00:18:08,951 --> 00:18:10,509
This is so humiliating.

402
00:18:10,509 --> 00:18:12,028
Can't you just
have sex with me?

403
00:18:12,028 --> 00:18:14,585
Steven, I could be having sex
with you right now.

404
00:18:14,585 --> 00:18:16,025
You'd be too dumb to know it.

405
00:18:16,025 --> 00:18:17,222
That's it.

406
00:18:17,222 --> 00:18:18,742
I'm gonna go lay down.

407
00:18:20,380 --> 00:18:23,336
What would you like
to lay down? A tray?

408
00:18:23,336 --> 00:18:26,454
'Cause you don't lay down.
You lie down.

409
00:18:26,454 --> 00:18:29,051
You must be
from a family of morons.

410
00:18:29,051 --> 00:18:30,330
Probably comes from

411
00:18:30,330 --> 00:18:32,887
daddy passing on
his defective chromosomes.

412
00:18:32,887 --> 00:18:35,444
Do you even know
what a chromosome is?

413
00:18:35,444 --> 00:18:37,882
'Cause you've got,
like, nine extra ones!

414
00:18:42,318 --> 00:18:43,437
Ow!

415
00:18:43,437 --> 00:18:44,916
Don't talk about
my dad that way.

416
00:18:44,916 --> 00:18:46,554
Just because he doesn't know
everything, doesn't--

417
00:18:46,554 --> 00:18:47,432
Aaah!

418
00:18:47,432 --> 00:18:48,312
mean--

419
00:18:48,312 --> 00:18:49,830
he's... Stupid.

420
00:18:49,830 --> 00:18:50,988
Oh!

421
00:18:51,828 --> 00:18:53,186
Hey, Roger. Get this.

422
00:18:53,186 --> 00:18:55,385
Beauregard, the
greyhound-riding half man.

423
00:18:55,385 --> 00:18:57,862
His middle name is Lawrence.
What a freak.

424
00:19:03,616 --> 00:19:06,015
I don't think
I'm gonna make it, Steve.

425
00:19:06,015 --> 00:19:09,451
My one regret is not watching
enough television.

426
00:19:12,448 --> 00:19:14,366
Steve,
where are we going?

427
00:19:14,366 --> 00:19:15,844
We're going home.

428
00:19:15,844 --> 00:19:17,722
You're gonna be okay, Roger.

429
00:19:17,722 --> 00:19:19,321
Thanks, old friend.

430
00:19:21,878 --> 00:19:23,476
Get your whore jacket
off me.

431
00:19:27,472 --> 00:19:30,110
That's $2,000.
We're going to Rome!

432
00:19:30,110 --> 00:19:31,548
Thank God for eBay

433
00:19:31,548 --> 00:19:32,868
and Steve's prized

434
00:19:32,868 --> 00:19:34,585
collection of death masks
of the Little Rascals.

435
00:19:35,104 --> 00:19:35,943
Steve!

436
00:19:36,384 --> 00:19:37,543
Steve!

437
00:19:37,543 --> 00:19:39,341
-We thought you were dead!
-What about me?

438
00:19:39,341 --> 00:19:40,859
We thought
you were dead, too.

439
00:19:40,859 --> 00:19:44,416
Dad, I said some pretty mean
things to you, and I'm sorry.

440
00:19:44,416 --> 00:19:45,654
That's okay.

441
00:19:45,654 --> 00:19:48,291
Irregardless, I'm glad
to have you home, Son.

442
00:19:48,291 --> 00:19:51,288
Irregardless,
I'm glad to be home, too.

443
00:19:51,288 --> 00:19:53,127
I'm not.
I hate this place.

444
00:19:53,127 --> 00:19:55,165
Good night!

445
00:19:55,165 --> 00:19:57,243
The doctor
said it would be a miracle

446
00:19:57,243 --> 00:19:59,441
if Arnie lived
past a year and a half.

447
00:19:59,441 --> 00:20:01,479
Well, he just turned two.

448
00:20:01,479 --> 00:20:04,316
Mama's gone,
and so is the tree house.

449
00:20:04,316 --> 00:20:05,674
But we can go anywhere.

450
00:20:05,674 --> 00:20:06,873
Come on, Gilbert.

451
00:20:15,505 --> 00:20:16,823
We can go anywhere.

452
00:20:47,792 --> 00:20:49,950
Captions by Point.360