1
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「請列舉你在中情局
最偉大的貢獻事蹟?」

2
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跳過

3
00:00:08,383 --> 00:00:10,217
-「長期目標」
- 跳過

4
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-「最大的優點」
- 跳過

5
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-「最大的缺點」
- 天啊,從哪點開始講好?

6
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首先,我不知道怎麼讓電腦開機
老實說,還是跳過吧

7
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你應該不能跳過每一道題目

8
00:00:21,730 --> 00:00:24,314
那績效考核中,可以跳過幾道題目?

9
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我不知道,可能12題吧

10
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解釋一下

11
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我都已經把傳單貼滿整個小鎮

12
00:00:37,454 --> 00:00:39,997
但怎麼還是沒有半個人影來參加

13
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我的老爹翻唱樂團處女秀
破處之父的演出?

14
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拜託,羅傑,我正在
練習工作上的績效考核

15
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而且我真的必須專心...

16
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為什麼你需要練習績效考核?

17
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我不擅長臨場發揮

18
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要是毫無準備
我會很緊張而且腦子一片空白

19
00:00:56,181 --> 00:00:57,931
我就不會,我最擅長臨場發揮

20
00:00:57,932 --> 00:00:59,767
隨時隨地都能來一發

21
00:00:59,768 --> 00:01:02,019
真是聽膩了這個笑話

22
00:01:02,020 --> 00:01:03,729
反正,史坦別說了

23
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真的,別浪費唇舌了
因為他做的都只是抱怨

24
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不要把我扯進去

25
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- 好,我們來...
- 反正我現在沒空跟你聊

26
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我得加緊練習踢踏舞
好參加大型社區劇院甄選

27
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- 拜託,我只需要安靜一下...
- 我的腳就像袋鼠的胖短腿

28
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實在不適合跳流行踢踏舞

29
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我的腳只有膝蓋,不像你,史坦
你的腳非常適合跳舞

30
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- 像樹幹般粗壯的肌肉,跟大橡樹似的
- 閉嘴!

31
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你為什麼總是這麼討人厭?

32
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史坦,你自己也沒多完美

33
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你把我的燈籠褲拿去烘乾
整件都大縮水了

34
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- 穿上身就是個笑話
- 那是我的燈籠褲

35
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但我穿比較好看

36
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范星,走吧
我們去羅傑吵不了我們的地方

37
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不如你來參加
我的老爹翻唱樂團處女秀

38
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- 破處之父的演出?
- 拜託不要再說那些詞

39
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什麼聲音?

40
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羅古,你看,我覺得這雙鞋
比舊鞋發出的聲響更大

41
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我最擅長臨場發揮
隨時隨地都能來一發

42
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(朋友是自己選擇的家人)

43
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他有夠煩人,而且無所不在

44
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- 就像...
- 先等等

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{\an8}早安,美國

46
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{\an8}好,你剛說到哪?

47
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{\an8}我幾乎想不起來

48
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一開始怎麼會跟他當朋友

49
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你們初次見面是多年前
在51區,他救了...

50
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(管制區,勿擅闖)

51
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{\an8}好,夠了,不需要講太多

52
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{\an8}他在51區救了我一命

53
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{\an8}我們躲在洗衣公司的卡車裡一起逃跑
開著偷來的小轎車

54
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{\an8}一路開回維吉尼亞州
然後讓他住進我們家

55
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{\an8}最終我要賠上我的人生來救他

56
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{\an8}總而言之,言而總之
因為我們是真正的朋友

57
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{\an8}但范星,為什麼要,親愛的?
我們為什麼是朋友?

58
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{\an8}經過這麼多年
我實在想不起來原因是什麼

59
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{\an8}最近不管他做什麼,我都看不順眼

60
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{\an8}他吃飯的樣子,走路的樣子
那個不算,短腿仔沒辦法

61
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{\an8}天啊,還有他的聲音

62
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{\an8}哇,這也太沉重了

63
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{\an8}他沒禮貌,自私自利
笨手笨腳而且老是偷聽人說話

64
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{\an8}好,最後兩項不能...

65
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{\an8}你想不起來我們怎麼會當朋友?

66
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{\an8}- 很好,我也是
- 我們稱得上朋友嗎?

67
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{\an8}朋友會為彼此著想

68
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{\an8}除了煩我之外,你還為我做過什麼?

69
00:03:23,870 --> 00:03:25,412
{\an8}那你又為我做過什麼?

70
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{\an8}也許你們需要單獨相處的時間

71
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{\an8}重新發掘跟彼此當朋友的原因

72
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{\an8}就像在荒漠無人島上的生存情境

73
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{\an8}我接下來說的不要往心裡去
但是范星,妳真是個大蠢蛋

74
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{\an8}花更多時間相處?

75
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{\an8}我需要的是盡可能地讓他遠離我

76
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{\an8}難得一次,我跟這個王八蛋有共識

77
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{\an8}你才是無敵王八蛋

78
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{\an8}要不然我就直接到飯店入住,你說呢?

79
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{\an8}- 很好,我甚至可以載你過去
- 好,那真是非常感謝

80
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{\an8}我們應該順路去一趟阿比速食

81
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{\an8}好主意
現在有五份牛肉起司堡的五元促銷

82
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{\an8}我覺得我應該做點有趣的事

83
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是這樣嗎?

84
00:04:09,374 --> 00:04:13,001
也許我能做的就是再等一段時間

85
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謝謝你聽我吐苦水,克勞司

86
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史蒂夫,你是在跟
我的紙漿雕塑品講話嗎?

87
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約登在法院強制藝術治療課上
做的那隻?

88
00:04:23,221 --> 00:04:24,222
雕塑品?

89
00:04:26,599 --> 00:04:28,475
我想我只是太專注於...

90
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你有煩心的事嗎?
我可是這個家裡的諮詢專家

91
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- 來吧,全說給我聽
- 對,我很需要人同情我的遭遇

92
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有個女生...

93
00:04:40,113 --> 00:04:42,031
很好,跟我擊掌吧

94
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我搞不清楚我們是不是...

95
00:04:46,828 --> 00:04:48,454
- 她叫什麼名字?
- 凱爾西

96
00:04:49,998 --> 00:04:52,582
- 她胸部大嗎?
- 也許我應該跟...

97
00:04:52,583 --> 00:04:55,210
我們應該這樣做,假搶劫

98
00:04:55,211 --> 00:04:57,546
然後你及時像個英雄出現救場

99
00:04:57,547 --> 00:04:59,881
這是我兄弟斯龜兒的拿手招數

100
00:04:59,882 --> 00:05:01,842
當然他確實去監獄蹲了一陣子

101
00:05:01,843 --> 00:05:04,970
但有很多瘋狂小妞會寫信給囚犯那類的

102
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瘋狂的辣妹妞

103
00:05:06,764 --> 00:05:09,434
我來聯絡斯龜兒
看他能不能稍微指點一下

104
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天啊,你開車技術有夠爛,有夠愚蠢

105
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- 我等不及要擺脫你了
- 你整個人都很噁心

106
00:05:19,527 --> 00:05:23,781
- 你那些白癡的多重人格
-「范星,我現在才發覺我錯了」

107
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史嘟麥笨斯、阿達蠢警探

108
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- 其實這兩個角色聽起來不錯
- 你就是個大爛人

109
00:05:30,288 --> 00:05:34,624
- 你真是讓人厭惡,我真是受夠你了
- 我鄙視你

110
00:05:34,625 --> 00:05:37,127
你應該改名叫史坦屎密斯

111
00:05:37,128 --> 00:05:40,672
如果你是一部電影
片名應該叫做《噁人出差》

112
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有夠幼稚

113
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狗嘴吐不出象牙
從你嘴裡講出來一點都不意外

114
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- 好耶
- 我受夠這首歌了

115
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說謊專家合唱團的《兩個王子》?
你的品味差到透頂

116
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說到說謊專家合唱團
就要聽《小姐不會錯》

117
00:05:55,897 --> 00:05:58,858
- 那才是真正的音樂
- 坐我車,就要聽我選的歌

118
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我真是受不了你!

119
00:06:27,678 --> 00:06:28,763
我們毫髮無傷

120
00:06:35,311 --> 00:06:38,106
羅傑還好嗎?

121
00:06:38,856 --> 00:06:40,941
- 算吧
- 該死

122
00:06:40,942 --> 00:06:44,736
普通醫院的那些飯桶宣告你們倆雙亡

123
00:06:44,737 --> 00:06:46,154
所以我才帶你們來這

124
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聽好,我不得不

125
00:06:48,741 --> 00:06:51,701
採取一些非正規的療程

126
00:06:51,702 --> 00:06:54,996
但這是唯一能救回你們的方法

127
00:06:54,997 --> 00:06:55,914
鏡子

128
00:06:55,915 --> 00:06:59,459
只要記得適應上可能需要些時間

129
00:06:59,460 --> 00:07:00,503
給我鏡子

130
00:07:04,090 --> 00:07:06,550
我看起來沒事,你還幫我剪了頭髮

131
00:07:06,551 --> 00:07:08,428
- 很好
- 往下看,史坦

132
00:07:19,897 --> 00:07:21,858
早安,美國

133
00:07:22,233 --> 00:07:24,861
我的老天,我以為這只是一場惡夢

134
00:07:26,571 --> 00:07:27,488
不是

135
00:07:29,866 --> 00:07:31,909
小心點,你噴到我了,真粗魯

136
00:07:32,410 --> 00:07:34,453
我拿不到古龍水

137
00:07:34,454 --> 00:07:37,373
- 你已經噴過了
- 對,但我喜歡噴很濃

138
00:07:38,374 --> 00:07:39,750
我這個位置就很好

139
00:07:45,673 --> 00:07:47,507
不准吃培根,我是魚素主義者

140
00:07:47,508 --> 00:07:50,844
而且史坦,我可不能任由你
把那種垃圾食物吃進我們的體內

141
00:07:50,845 --> 00:07:52,889
天阿,我不能這樣活...

142
00:07:54,348 --> 00:07:55,183
(啤酒)

143
00:07:55,391 --> 00:07:56,558
你到底在幹嘛?

144
00:07:56,559 --> 00:07:59,478
你以為這情況對我而言很容易嗎?
我是在發洩排解

145
00:07:59,479 --> 00:08:01,813
羅傑,去你的,我今天要進行績效考核

146
00:08:01,814 --> 00:08:04,150
- 我不能醉醺醺地去上班
- 隨便你

147
00:08:04,275 --> 00:08:06,902
- 夠了,我要把你切出來
- 史坦,住手

148
00:08:06,903 --> 00:08:10,280
聽好,也許這正是你們需要的

149
00:08:10,281 --> 00:08:12,532
你們的荒漠無人島情況

150
00:08:12,533 --> 00:08:15,244
重新發掘友情可貴的契機

151
00:08:16,287 --> 00:08:19,122
我想也許我可以在你的績效考核上

152
00:08:19,123 --> 00:08:20,582
幫你回答一些問題

153
00:08:20,583 --> 00:08:24,377
然後我們可以用你這雙高大結實的雙腳
順利通過我的甄選

154
00:08:24,378 --> 00:08:28,131
確實,我們之前
曾經有幾次不錯的團隊合作

155
00:08:28,132 --> 00:08:30,676
也許這是最好的安排?

156
00:08:30,801 --> 00:08:32,302
最好的朋友?

157
00:08:32,303 --> 00:08:34,846
- 朋友中最好的一種?
- 超級好那種

158
00:08:34,847 --> 00:08:36,348
- 確定要這樣做?
- 我想是的

159
00:08:36,349 --> 00:08:39,060
- 我們真要這樣做?
- 對,沒錯,我們就這樣做

160
00:08:42,188 --> 00:08:44,857
你看我能這樣做,搔你的癢,我搔

161
00:08:46,609 --> 00:08:47,568
住手

162
00:08:49,362 --> 00:08:51,238
好,史蒂夫,計畫上出了點小差錯

163
00:08:51,239 --> 00:08:54,491
我連絡不上我兄弟斯龜兒
無法幫你把到大胸妞

164
00:08:54,492 --> 00:08:56,410
顯然他七年前就死了

165
00:08:57,411 --> 00:08:59,789
- 你背後藏了什麼?
- 沒什麼

166
00:08:59,997 --> 00:09:03,125
看我配備關節抓取器配件的可伸縮手杖

167
00:09:04,544 --> 00:09:06,254
你是在跟那個東西講話嗎?

168
00:09:06,379 --> 00:09:11,384
抱歉,但老實說
他是比你更稱職的聆聽者

169
00:09:12,176 --> 00:09:17,180
你老是要插手管閒事
或搞錯重點或發出那種聲音

170
00:09:17,181 --> 00:09:20,351
- 什麼聲音?
- 只要任何人提到女人...

171
00:09:22,395 --> 00:09:25,064
- 史蒂夫,你跟好克勞司說完沒?
- 好克勞司?

172
00:09:26,107 --> 00:09:29,442
是壞克勞司,糟糕,紙包不住火了

173
00:09:29,443 --> 00:09:31,653
妳也會跟它講話?

174
00:09:31,654 --> 00:09:34,030
對,而且我現在真的很需要大發牢騷

175
00:09:34,031 --> 00:09:36,324
傑夫今天犯了思鄉病,他搞得我要抓狂

176
00:09:36,325 --> 00:09:37,450
思鄉?思哪裡?

177
00:09:37,451 --> 00:09:39,911
就是跟著那隻烏龜繞社區

178
00:09:39,912 --> 00:09:41,705
先說好,海莉用完,下一個是我

179
00:09:41,706 --> 00:09:45,667
還有拜託不要把好克勞司隨處亂放

180
00:09:45,668 --> 00:09:48,878
我發現羅古
會對它做一些很不恰當的事

181
00:09:48,879 --> 00:09:52,049
我們可不想讓它落得
跟之前那隻舊泰迪熊一樣的下場

182
00:09:52,174 --> 00:09:54,676
他真的讓它屁股開花

183
00:09:54,677 --> 00:09:56,636
好,我用完會把它放在它的房間

184
00:09:56,637 --> 00:09:58,138
它的房間?

185
00:09:58,139 --> 00:10:00,599
對,我們算是把多的客房給它用

186
00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:02,809
跟老爹的辦公室共用衛浴

187
00:10:02,810 --> 00:10:05,645
什麼?還有衛...好,先不管那個

188
00:10:05,646 --> 00:10:09,107
跟我聊就好啊,不是跟那東西

189
00:10:09,108 --> 00:10:11,067
我才是這個家裡的諮詢專家

190
00:10:11,068 --> 00:10:13,571
跟我聊!

191
00:10:14,780 --> 00:10:15,864
好,我們剛剛講到哪?

192
00:10:15,865 --> 00:10:18,366
{\an8}(中情局)

193
00:10:18,367 --> 00:10:19,744
(副局長布洛克)

194
00:10:20,453 --> 00:10:22,163
- 兄弟,你感覺如何?
- 感覺很好

195
00:10:22,288 --> 00:10:23,913
兄弟,因為你在這,我才感覺很好

196
00:10:23,914 --> 00:10:26,708
交給我,兄弟,我知道怎麼對付布洛克

197
00:10:26,709 --> 00:10:29,253
- 史密斯
- 好戲上場

198
00:10:30,046 --> 00:10:32,631
我手上的紀錄指出去年

199
00:10:32,632 --> 00:10:35,509
你曠職了112天

200
00:10:35,635 --> 00:10:38,470
- 那些時間你去哪了?
- 大部分是跟你媽一起

201
00:10:38,471 --> 00:10:40,222
大部分是跟你媽一起,什麼?

202
00:10:40,389 --> 00:10:43,266
- 什麼?
- 你的曼波舞老師

203
00:10:43,267 --> 00:10:45,477
大部分是跟你的曼波舞老師一起

204
00:10:45,478 --> 00:10:49,857
我的曼波舞老師是個大聖人
你敢亂講?

205
00:10:51,233 --> 00:10:54,611
好,你覺得自己最大的優勢是?

206
00:10:54,612 --> 00:10:57,739
你回「我最擅長臨場發揮
隨時隨地都能來一發」

207
00:10:57,740 --> 00:10:58,698
什麼?不行

208
00:10:58,699 --> 00:11:00,367
- 快說,他會覺得很幽默
- 不要

209
00:11:00,368 --> 00:11:03,954
- 不要什麼?
- 不要小看我最擅長的...

210
00:11:04,664 --> 00:11:05,498
抱歉

211
00:11:06,624 --> 00:11:09,250
- 安靜待著
- 你幹嘛不聽我的建議?

212
00:11:09,251 --> 00:11:11,002
因為你的建議都很爛

213
00:11:11,003 --> 00:11:12,922
- 你才爛
- 我什麼?

214
00:11:13,839 --> 00:11:17,093
沒事,不如我跟你談談我最大的缺點?

215
00:11:20,096 --> 00:11:22,264
不錯的午餐小酌

216
00:11:22,390 --> 00:11:24,974
就像過往的黃金歲月

217
00:11:24,975 --> 00:11:27,686
你要給我瓶啤酒嗎?

218
00:11:27,687 --> 00:11:28,978
{\an8}- 好
- 不

219
00:11:28,979 --> 00:11:30,147
{\an8}稍等一下

220
00:11:37,363 --> 00:11:38,738
你可以喝南瓜麥酒

221
00:11:38,739 --> 00:11:42,034
滾出我的辦公室,你這混蛋!

222
00:11:42,576 --> 00:11:44,911
- 你這次要把我害慘了
- 放輕鬆

223
00:11:44,912 --> 00:11:47,164
等我甄選結束,我會幫你擺平一切

224
00:11:47,289 --> 00:11:49,916
我才不要現在蹺班
只為了去你愚蠢的甄選

225
00:11:49,917 --> 00:11:50,875
但你答應過我

226
00:11:50,876 --> 00:11:53,129
看你能拿我怎樣,肚皮小子?

227
00:11:56,382 --> 00:11:57,383
糟糕

228
00:12:01,011 --> 00:12:05,182
看看這,我現在可以控制史坦的腳

229
00:12:05,558 --> 00:12:08,811
看我發現什麼?兩百週年紀念幣

230
00:12:12,940 --> 00:12:16,151
看看你,神氣兮兮

231
00:12:16,152 --> 00:12:18,194
你或許以為你能取代我

232
00:12:18,195 --> 00:12:21,407
但我會想辦法讓這個家庭
重新跟我訴苦聊天

233
00:12:23,367 --> 00:12:25,202
你真的是個很棒的聆聽者

234
00:12:33,627 --> 00:12:36,213
現在就只要等待

235
00:12:36,756 --> 00:12:39,133
(舊鐵軌劇院,今日甄選)

236
00:12:39,258 --> 00:12:40,258
好

237
00:12:40,259 --> 00:12:44,012
你確定想要這樣進行甄選?

238
00:12:44,013 --> 00:12:46,348
後面拖著你兒子?

239
00:12:47,057 --> 00:12:50,143
對,這小傢伙已經累壞了
找不到保母帶他

240
00:12:50,144 --> 00:12:51,519
但這不會影響我的表現

241
00:12:51,520 --> 00:12:54,063
我準備了一小段踢踏舞的舞步

242
00:12:54,064 --> 00:12:57,233
這是《陰道獨白》的甄選場次

243
00:12:57,234 --> 00:12:59,819
但來點刺激精彩的也沒損失,對吧?

244
00:12:59,820 --> 00:13:01,071
是沒錯

245
00:13:27,389 --> 00:13:30,350
老人,你有看到這附近的球棒嗎?

246
00:13:30,351 --> 00:13:33,186
球棒已經送去清潔了

247
00:13:33,187 --> 00:13:36,148
- 什麼?
- 羅傑,這是哪...

248
00:13:36,732 --> 00:13:39,192
你把我打昏,然後翹班來這裡?

249
00:13:39,193 --> 00:13:42,363
史坦,麻煩你讓我一錘敲昏你

250
00:13:43,280 --> 00:13:45,741
你答應過我會來這裡的
你這個自私的混...

251
00:13:47,618 --> 00:13:51,663
我自私?我就知道
跟你搞在一起準沒好事

252
00:13:51,664 --> 00:13:52,580
{\an8}(假刀)

253
00:13:52,581 --> 00:13:53,499
{\an8}(真刀)

254
00:14:06,303 --> 00:14:07,221
蛋蛋神拳

255
00:14:23,112 --> 00:14:24,070
好消息

256
00:14:24,071 --> 00:14:27,657
你們這次又從火車鐵軌下
完好無缺地倖存下來

257
00:14:27,658 --> 00:14:29,701
而且我幫你剪了莫霍克飛機頭

258
00:14:29,702 --> 00:14:32,620
- 謝謝,醫生,聽我說
- 你有沒有任何方法...

259
00:14:32,621 --> 00:14:34,206
可以把我們分開?

260
00:14:36,166 --> 00:14:39,460
老實說,打從一開始

261
00:14:39,461 --> 00:14:41,921
就不需要把你們兩個縫在一起

262
00:14:41,922 --> 00:14:42,964
那幹嘛這麼做?

263
00:14:42,965 --> 00:14:45,801
她跟我說你們需要
荒漠無人島的極端情境

264
00:14:45,926 --> 00:14:50,722
所以我讓你們兄弟連體
重新喚醒珍貴的情誼

265
00:14:50,723 --> 00:14:53,434
對我和比利大有幫助

266
00:14:53,851 --> 00:14:57,520
不,沒有,我更討厭你了

267
00:14:57,521 --> 00:14:59,147
比利老弟,安靜點

268
00:14:59,148 --> 00:15:03,484
所以說,我可以把你們分開
但為什麼要我這樣做呢?

269
00:15:03,485 --> 00:15:07,405
因為我們已經試過這種極端情境

270
00:15:07,406 --> 00:15:10,116
我們似乎還是想不起來為什麼要當朋友

271
00:15:10,117 --> 00:15:11,993
甚至連為彼此做過什麼都想不起來

272
00:15:11,994 --> 00:15:13,620
也許...

273
00:15:13,621 --> 00:15:15,955
也許我們不算朋友

274
00:15:15,956 --> 00:15:19,084
那我想眼前必要的就是...

275
00:15:21,295 --> 00:15:22,796
好友切除術

276
00:15:25,507 --> 00:15:28,968
好,看來我應該
要再三考慮這件事才對

277
00:15:28,969 --> 00:15:31,387
根本沒人來找我講話

278
00:15:31,388 --> 00:15:33,307
肚子開始餓了

279
00:15:36,435 --> 00:15:39,020
好克勞司,我們得談談

280
00:15:39,021 --> 00:15:43,691
很好,大專家,開始仔細聆聽吧

281
00:15:43,692 --> 00:15:47,487
- 是跟壞克勞司有關的事
- 就是真的克勞司

282
00:15:47,488 --> 00:15:49,822
雖然你比他好上太多

283
00:15:49,823 --> 00:15:51,991
而且我們也更喜歡你...

284
00:15:51,992 --> 00:15:55,078
- 超過壞克勞司太多了
- 勝過他好幾萬倍

285
00:15:55,079 --> 00:15:57,372
好,聽起來不太舒服

286
00:15:57,373 --> 00:15:59,165
他還是我們的家人

287
00:15:59,166 --> 00:16:03,170
我們覺得留下你對他來說太難受了

288
00:16:03,295 --> 00:16:04,253
對,沒錯

289
00:16:04,254 --> 00:16:06,798
好,我們最好快毀滅這東西

290
00:16:06,799 --> 00:16:09,425
否則很快就會忍不住走回舊路

291
00:16:09,426 --> 00:16:10,677
- 妳說什麼?
- 對

292
00:16:10,678 --> 00:16:13,597
我們把他丟給羅古,很快就可以搞定

293
00:16:14,056 --> 00:16:16,891
不,等一下,是我啊,壞克勞司

294
00:16:16,892 --> 00:16:20,980
連哼個聲都無法,吞太多膠水了

295
00:16:21,981 --> 00:16:23,816
等一下!救命!

296
00:16:25,275 --> 00:16:26,193
糟糕

297
00:16:27,903 --> 00:16:30,363
小橘菊啊

298
00:16:30,364 --> 00:16:32,073
不,不要!

299
00:16:32,074 --> 00:16:34,952
不!

300
00:16:36,120 --> 00:16:39,664
好吧,祝你好運,一切順利直到永遠

301
00:16:39,665 --> 00:16:40,623
你也是

302
00:16:40,624 --> 00:16:44,460
還有跟大家說,我跟他們永別
隨便啦,說什麼都好

303
00:16:44,461 --> 00:16:45,546
保重

304
00:16:54,805 --> 00:16:56,682
(蘭尼洗衣房)

305
00:16:58,559 --> 00:17:01,019
{\an8}(即將離開軍事據點51區)

306
00:17:01,020 --> 00:17:02,020
{\an8}(12年前)

307
00:17:02,021 --> 00:17:03,312
{\an8}(大概)

308
00:17:03,313 --> 00:17:05,524
{\an8}(51區洗衣房)

309
00:17:16,744 --> 00:17:19,496
一切安全,你現在可以出來了
如果你想可以坐前座

310
00:17:20,164 --> 00:17:21,664
我在後面就好

311
00:17:21,665 --> 00:17:23,916
你真的願意讓我跟你一起住?

312
00:17:23,917 --> 00:17:26,836
我是說到做到的男人
我們家後面有個避難所

313
00:17:26,837 --> 00:17:29,047
我可以每個月幫你補一次必需品

314
00:17:29,048 --> 00:17:30,507
好極了

315
00:17:34,428 --> 00:17:37,430
那太空世界長怎樣?

316
00:17:37,431 --> 00:17:39,474
還行,很多氫氣

317
00:17:39,475 --> 00:17:42,853
你通常會做什麼休閒活動?

318
00:17:44,021 --> 00:17:46,857
哥斯納,我喜歡哥斯納

319
00:17:49,151 --> 00:17:50,693
你知道我們不用說這些吧

320
00:17:50,694 --> 00:17:54,781
感謝你幫了我又收留我
但沉默也可以的

321
00:17:54,782 --> 00:17:56,282
那真是不好意思,光頭仔

322
00:17:56,283 --> 00:18:00,286
屁股臉,冷靜點
你酸起人來也是不留情面

323
00:18:00,287 --> 00:18:04,415
抱歉,我只是...
對,我一向是個比較嚴謹的人

324
00:18:04,416 --> 00:18:06,751
你是拿手指撮戳我肛門嗎?

325
00:18:06,752 --> 00:18:10,421
老兄,你真沒說謊
你確實夾得像削鉛筆機一樣緊

326
00:18:10,422 --> 00:18:13,674
好吧,如果要聊的話就聊
但不要聊這種無趣的屁事

327
00:18:13,675 --> 00:18:17,053
來,跟我講些真心話
像是分享一些黑暗不為人知的祕密

328
00:18:17,054 --> 00:18:18,763
但我很嚴肅...

329
00:18:18,764 --> 00:18:20,598
- 快啊,來嘛
- 不,不可能

330
00:18:20,599 --> 00:18:23,226
我想是有件事可以講,但...

331
00:18:23,227 --> 00:18:26,897
- 不,我辦不到,你會笑我
- 可能吧,好,我先說

332
00:18:27,022 --> 00:18:29,524
關於我的私人祕密?我沒有生殖器

333
00:18:29,525 --> 00:18:31,442
你看,光滑平整

334
00:18:31,443 --> 00:18:35,571
是有種複雜的軟骨組織
會在特定情況下彈出來,但...

335
00:18:35,572 --> 00:18:39,535
好吧,我有件事情從沒跟別人講過...

336
00:18:40,994 --> 00:18:43,539
就是我...

337
00:18:45,624 --> 00:18:48,544
我一直以來都想蓄落腮鬍

338
00:18:50,170 --> 00:18:51,587
- 你應該試試看
- 真的?

339
00:18:51,588 --> 00:18:53,172
對啊,你的下巴很適合

340
00:18:53,173 --> 00:18:55,843
對,我正在想像中,看起來很不錯

341
00:18:55,968 --> 00:18:56,884
是嗎?

342
00:18:56,885 --> 00:19:00,139
還有我九歲時
看到我爺爺拿斧頭殺了人

343
00:19:00,264 --> 00:19:03,517
那是用金斧頭還是銀斧頭呢?

344
00:19:05,060 --> 00:19:07,311
你真有趣,是剛剛想到的嗎?

345
00:19:07,312 --> 00:19:10,232
我最擅長臨場發揮
隨時隨地都能來一發

346
00:19:11,608 --> 00:19:15,195
- 這樣講對嗎?
- 你真可愛

347
00:19:17,739 --> 00:19:19,741
- 我愛這首歌
- 我也是

348
00:19:32,296 --> 00:19:33,922
好,我們到了

349
00:19:34,381 --> 00:19:37,926
好,那我應該去整理一下避難所

350
00:19:38,468 --> 00:19:41,929
對了,我們的閣樓其實也還有空位

351
00:19:41,930 --> 00:19:45,184
我在想,也許你會想要住在房子裡

352
00:19:48,812 --> 00:19:50,898
我高興的時候,偶而會這樣

353
00:19:57,029 --> 00:19:58,530
(回憶路)

354
00:20:03,619 --> 00:20:05,369
- 史坦?
- 羅傑?

355
00:20:05,370 --> 00:20:08,414
感謝老天,聽我說,我想起來了

356
00:20:08,415 --> 00:20:11,834
我們的友誼
重點不是我們為彼此做了什麼

357
00:20:11,835 --> 00:20:14,003
而是我們跟彼此相處時的感受

358
00:20:14,004 --> 00:20:17,465
聽起來似乎有人想起
我們第一次公路旅行的回憶

359
00:20:17,466 --> 00:20:18,549
對

360
00:20:18,550 --> 00:20:21,802
抱歉我忽略了我們的友誼有多特別

361
00:20:21,803 --> 00:20:26,182
只是因為我慢慢變得
真的、非常、完全,極度看你不爽

362
00:20:26,183 --> 00:20:28,352
史坦,我也是

363
00:20:29,853 --> 00:20:31,812
我很高興你下了公車,羅傑

364
00:20:31,813 --> 00:20:33,481
我不得已,史坦

365
00:20:33,482 --> 00:20:36,485
公車司機抓到我在毛毯下打手槍

366
00:20:37,569 --> 00:20:39,738
{\an8}來吧,兄弟,我們回家

367
00:20:47,913 --> 00:20:52,501
{\an8}恐怕這次我是真的必須把你們縫在一起

368
00:20:52,960 --> 00:20:56,380
{\an8}好吧,除了他
我也想不到能跟誰黏在一起

369
00:20:56,964 --> 00:20:57,798
{\an8}史坦?

370
00:21:00,175 --> 00:21:02,177
{\an8}字幕翻譯:
Yu Feng Chang