1 00:00:03,421 --> 00:00:06,674 Damn, it feels good to have the old boardwalk back. 2 00:00:06,674 --> 00:00:08,092 This place is awesome. 3 00:00:08,092 --> 00:00:11,303 I used to dominate this place as a teenager. 4 00:00:11,303 --> 00:00:13,889 "Queen of the Boardwalk," I used to call me. 5 00:00:13,889 --> 00:00:16,767 You know, these places are terrible for the coastal environment. 6 00:00:18,018 --> 00:00:19,562 Plus, the last two boardwalks 7 00:00:19,562 --> 00:00:20,896 literally washed away. 8 00:00:20,896 --> 00:00:22,565 Just seems like a big waste of money. 9 00:00:22,565 --> 00:00:25,985 {\an8}And besides, all these boards are a major splinter hazard 10 00:00:25,985 --> 00:00:27,737 {\an8}for people, like me, 11 00:00:27,737 --> 00:00:30,239 {\an8}who exclusively wear open-toed shoes, 12 00:00:30,239 --> 00:00:32,241 {\an8}a historically marginalized group. 13 00:00:32,241 --> 00:00:35,578 Whoa, check out that guy's package jiggling like crazy. 14 00:00:38,581 --> 00:00:40,583 - Oh, yeah! 15 00:00:42,418 --> 00:00:45,171 Um, welcome to the boardwalk. 16 00:00:47,089 --> 00:00:50,092 {\an8}♪ Good morning, USA ♪ 17 00:00:50,092 --> 00:00:53,763 {\an8}The Langley boardwalk's back, featuring many old favorites, 18 00:00:53,763 --> 00:00:55,306 {\an8}like the Octocoaster 19 00:00:55,306 --> 00:00:56,932 {\an8}and Fudge-mania. 20 00:00:56,932 --> 00:00:59,101 {\an8}But also many new favorites. 21 00:00:59,101 --> 00:01:01,020 {\an8}Like a second Fudge-mania location 22 00:01:01,020 --> 00:01:02,605 {\an8}and Skimboardo's, 23 00:01:02,605 --> 00:01:05,691 {\an8}the exclusive new restaurant on the pier. 24 00:01:05,691 --> 00:01:08,778 {\an8}Let's go now to the new boardwalk's confident architect. 25 00:01:08,778 --> 00:01:12,573 {\an8}Thank you for coming to what I can say, without a doubt, 26 00:01:12,573 --> 00:01:14,492 {\an8}is Langley Falls' 27 00:01:14,492 --> 00:01:18,454 {\an8}sturdiest boardwalk ever! 28 00:01:20,456 --> 00:01:21,707 {\an8}And to make certain, 29 00:01:21,707 --> 00:01:23,459 {\an8}we drove the support beams 30 00:01:23,459 --> 00:01:26,587 {\an8}two miles down into the Earth's core. 31 00:01:26,587 --> 00:01:29,715 {\an8}This baby ain't going nowhere. 32 00:01:29,715 --> 00:01:31,759 {\an8}Seems a little excessive. Not to mention 33 00:01:31,759 --> 00:01:34,386 {\an8}- the mole people that must've been displaced. - Shh! 34 00:01:34,386 --> 00:01:36,639 {\an8}And now, to hit 35 00:01:36,639 --> 00:01:39,141 {\an8}the ceremonial final spike, 36 00:01:39,141 --> 00:01:40,810 {\an8}opening us for business, 37 00:01:40,810 --> 00:01:42,561 {\an8}wrestling superstar, 38 00:01:42,561 --> 00:01:44,313 {\an8}and my personal friend, 39 00:01:44,313 --> 00:01:46,732 {\an8}Bret "the Hitman" Hart. 40 00:01:55,241 --> 00:01:57,743 {\an8}- What was that rumble? - Oh, I don't know, Hayley. 41 00:01:57,743 --> 00:01:59,912 {\an8}Maybe just Pro Wrestling Illustrated's 42 00:01:59,912 --> 00:02:03,123 {\an8}most hated wrestler of 1997 43 00:02:03,123 --> 00:02:06,210 {\an8}kicking off the best goddamned summer ever. 44 00:02:07,545 --> 00:02:08,879 {\an8}I'll catch up with you guys later. 45 00:02:08,879 --> 00:02:10,339 {\an8}I'm gonna hit up some Skee-Ball. 46 00:02:10,339 --> 00:02:12,466 {\an8}Back in the day, I was nasty. 47 00:02:12,466 --> 00:02:15,678 {\an8}Anyway, I want to see if the old man's still got his touch. 48 00:02:15,678 --> 00:02:17,221 {\an8}Give me that, bitch. 49 00:02:17,221 --> 00:02:19,306 {\an8}We've got to get to Skimboardo's ASAP 50 00:02:19,306 --> 00:02:21,517 {\an8}- if we want to get a table. - Rude. 51 00:02:21,517 --> 00:02:24,520 {\an8}- So, what are you-- - I'm gonna go apply for my dream job. 52 00:02:24,520 --> 00:02:26,689 {\an8}Working at the salt water taffy store. 53 00:02:26,689 --> 00:02:29,191 {\an8}Huh. I had no idea that was your dream job. 54 00:02:29,191 --> 00:02:31,569 {\an8}Did you know taffy was my favorite food? 55 00:02:31,569 --> 00:02:32,820 {\an8}No. 56 00:02:32,820 --> 00:02:34,446 {\an8}And did you know stores 57 00:02:34,446 --> 00:02:36,782 {\an8}are my favorite places that sell things? 58 00:02:36,782 --> 00:02:39,869 {\an8}I... I never... No, I guess. 59 00:02:39,869 --> 00:02:41,871 {\an8}Then I understand your confusion. 60 00:02:41,871 --> 00:02:43,455 {\an8}Bye. 61 00:02:43,455 --> 00:02:45,207 {\an8}Actually, maybe I did know 62 00:02:45,207 --> 00:02:48,043 {\an8}stores are his favorite places that sell things. 63 00:02:48,043 --> 00:02:50,170 {\an8}Anyway, I'm gonna get some Dippin' Dots. 64 00:02:50,170 --> 00:02:51,672 {\an8}I'll find you when I'm done. 65 00:02:53,340 --> 00:02:54,466 {\an8}Ugh... 66 00:02:54,466 --> 00:02:57,303 {\an8}Of course I pick today to forget my Bow Biters. 67 00:02:57,303 --> 00:02:59,430 {\an8}I'm gonna be tying these puppies all day. 68 00:02:59,430 --> 00:03:01,223 {\an8}Hey, pal. Are you gonna be here for a second? 69 00:03:01,223 --> 00:03:02,808 {\an8}Do you mind keeping an eye on my kid? 70 00:03:02,808 --> 00:03:05,477 - I was actually just tying my shoes. - Great. Thanks. 71 00:03:06,645 --> 00:03:09,481 Yo. 72 00:03:09,481 --> 00:03:13,027 Made a sick itinerary of my old faves. 73 00:03:13,027 --> 00:03:15,070 Only playing the hits today. 74 00:03:15,070 --> 00:03:16,906 A full henna sleeve, 75 00:03:16,906 --> 00:03:19,575 loitering outside the boogie board shop. 76 00:03:19,575 --> 00:03:22,828 And I think I'll start with some boardwalk pizza. 77 00:03:22,828 --> 00:03:23,954 Okay. See ya. 78 00:03:23,954 --> 00:03:25,915 Oh, maybe I'll hang with you. 79 00:03:25,915 --> 00:03:28,375 Ooh, I don't know. 80 00:03:28,375 --> 00:03:31,128 I kind of wanted today to be fun. 81 00:03:31,128 --> 00:03:33,464 Wha... What? I'm fun. 82 00:03:33,464 --> 00:03:36,133 Girl, have you heard yourself this morning? 83 00:03:36,133 --> 00:03:38,510 You're always looking for problems. 84 00:03:38,510 --> 00:03:41,221 And I've been waiting 20 years for this. 85 00:03:41,221 --> 00:03:44,141 Today, I'm Team Good Vibes only. 86 00:03:44,141 --> 00:03:45,976 Come on, Mom. Give me a chance. 87 00:03:45,976 --> 00:03:47,853 I'll be positive. I promise. 88 00:03:47,853 --> 00:03:52,733 Oh, yeah? I've been thinking about getting into fracking. 89 00:03:52,733 --> 00:03:55,611 Oh... tight. 90 00:03:56,612 --> 00:03:59,990 And, oh, boy, was my dad screaming. 91 00:03:59,990 --> 00:04:02,076 But my jaw had locked by that point, 92 00:04:02,076 --> 00:04:04,453 so I couldn't have let go even if I wanted to. 93 00:04:04,453 --> 00:04:07,498 Enough. That story was fine for walking, but we're here. 94 00:04:07,498 --> 00:04:10,167 This place is buzzing. But I've got a plan. 95 00:04:10,167 --> 00:04:13,295 We're gonna tell them we're dining here on business. 96 00:04:13,295 --> 00:04:15,506 Oh-ho-ho. Genius. 97 00:04:15,506 --> 00:04:17,383 Business is so important. 98 00:04:17,383 --> 00:04:19,259 They'll have to respect that. 99 00:04:19,259 --> 00:04:20,803 Hi. Hello. 100 00:04:20,803 --> 00:04:24,556 My colleague and I would like to dine here on business. 101 00:04:24,556 --> 00:04:26,350 Well, we're all booked up for months, 102 00:04:26,350 --> 00:04:29,144 but you're welcome to sit at the bar and see if anything opens up. 103 00:04:29,144 --> 00:04:30,604 Oh. 104 00:04:30,604 --> 00:04:32,481 Okay. Yeah, yeah. 105 00:04:32,481 --> 00:04:33,899 I hear what you're saying. 106 00:04:33,899 --> 00:04:37,444 And what's the status on that table a-now? 107 00:04:37,444 --> 00:04:39,405 The status is we're completely booked. 108 00:04:39,405 --> 00:04:41,448 But you're welcome to wait at the bar. 109 00:04:43,075 --> 00:04:44,910 What the hell? The bar? 110 00:04:44,910 --> 00:04:47,621 What? Is the piss-soaked bathroom floor already full? 111 00:04:47,621 --> 00:04:49,039 Well, we can't leave now. 112 00:04:49,039 --> 00:04:51,000 We're already a hundo in. 113 00:04:51,000 --> 00:04:54,336 Fine. But I won't be showing any bartenders my balls. 114 00:04:54,336 --> 00:04:56,588 This restaurant has lost that privilege. 115 00:04:57,881 --> 00:05:00,342 - Still unstoppable. 116 00:05:00,342 --> 00:05:02,011 This must be how Tom Brady felt 117 00:05:02,011 --> 00:05:04,263 when he read the script for 80 for Brady. 118 00:05:08,684 --> 00:05:11,937 Whoa, that ties my all-time best. 119 00:05:13,188 --> 00:05:14,356 What the-- 120 00:05:14,356 --> 00:05:16,400 Someone really got 850? 121 00:05:23,824 --> 00:05:25,659 You're fine, Stan. You're the best. 122 00:05:25,659 --> 00:05:28,037 Just slowly extract that little worm soul 123 00:05:28,037 --> 00:05:30,039 with these nine balls made of-- 124 00:05:30,039 --> 00:05:31,248 What even is this? 125 00:05:31,248 --> 00:05:32,708 It's brown like wood, 126 00:05:32,708 --> 00:05:35,169 but it's, like, heavy and light at the same time. 127 00:05:35,169 --> 00:05:36,670 Hey, what are these balls made of? 128 00:05:36,670 --> 00:05:38,005 - Masonite. - Masonite. 129 00:05:38,005 --> 00:05:39,506 That's great news. 130 00:05:39,506 --> 00:05:41,091 What the hell is Masonite? 131 00:05:43,469 --> 00:05:44,970 Your dad's been gone a while. 132 00:05:45,971 --> 00:05:47,431 I'm Steve. What's your name? 133 00:05:47,431 --> 00:05:49,725 - Noah. - Cool. 134 00:05:49,725 --> 00:05:52,603 Like Noah's Ark. Classic tale. 135 00:05:52,603 --> 00:05:54,646 Very cool. 136 00:05:54,646 --> 00:05:57,274 - So, what are you into these days? - Purple. 137 00:05:57,274 --> 00:05:58,734 Hmm. Yep. 138 00:05:58,734 --> 00:06:00,778 Can I tell you a secret? 139 00:06:00,778 --> 00:06:03,113 Of course. But full disclosure. 140 00:06:03,113 --> 00:06:05,282 I do tell my friend Snot everything. 141 00:06:06,492 --> 00:06:07,493 Poop. 142 00:06:11,121 --> 00:06:12,956 Snot will actually love that. 143 00:06:14,833 --> 00:06:17,211 I'm here to apply for my dream job. 144 00:06:17,211 --> 00:06:19,379 Well, you're in luck. We're short-staffed, 145 00:06:19,379 --> 00:06:21,048 and you seem like a great guy. 146 00:06:21,048 --> 00:06:22,341 Can you start right now? 147 00:06:22,341 --> 00:06:24,468 You bet I can. 148 00:06:24,468 --> 00:06:27,429 Mm, beautiful, isn't she? But listen. 149 00:06:27,429 --> 00:06:30,641 You're gonna want to touch it. Don't do it. 150 00:06:30,641 --> 00:06:36,355 ♪ Even though it's so beautiful ♪ 151 00:06:36,355 --> 00:06:37,523 Come on! 152 00:06:39,441 --> 00:06:40,484 Here we go. 153 00:06:40,484 --> 00:06:42,611 A great apron for a great man. 154 00:06:43,862 --> 00:06:47,116 Damn. Couldn't have happened to a better guy. 155 00:06:49,576 --> 00:06:51,787 You've got to learn to fold it with one hand 156 00:06:51,787 --> 00:06:53,789 so you can hold your 40 in the other. 157 00:06:57,000 --> 00:06:58,252 Mm. 158 00:06:58,252 --> 00:07:00,295 That was lucky. Your pizza was on the ground 159 00:07:00,295 --> 00:07:02,673 and no seagulls tried to grab it. 160 00:07:02,673 --> 00:07:04,466 There actually aren't any seagulls. 161 00:07:04,466 --> 00:07:06,218 That's... that's kind of weird, right? 162 00:07:06,218 --> 00:07:08,220 Jesus, Hayley. 163 00:07:08,220 --> 00:07:11,306 You really can't help but look for problems, can you? 164 00:07:11,306 --> 00:07:13,767 No seagulls is a good thing. 165 00:07:13,767 --> 00:07:17,479 Look. I can toss my pizza on the ground, walk away, 166 00:07:18,856 --> 00:07:20,023 walk back, 167 00:07:20,023 --> 00:07:22,151 and it's still there, untouched. 168 00:07:25,195 --> 00:07:28,115 A birdless boardwalk is the dream. 169 00:07:28,115 --> 00:07:30,492 Just accept something good is happening. 170 00:07:30,492 --> 00:07:32,369 Mm. Come on. 171 00:07:32,369 --> 00:07:33,662 Toss your pizza. 172 00:07:33,662 --> 00:07:35,414 See how good it feels. 173 00:07:35,414 --> 00:07:38,250 Or can you not handle Team Good Vibes? 174 00:07:38,250 --> 00:07:39,376 'Course I can. 175 00:07:39,376 --> 00:07:41,086 Does this answer your question? 176 00:07:44,840 --> 00:07:45,883 - Oh. - Wow. 177 00:07:45,883 --> 00:07:46,967 Bad. 178 00:07:46,967 --> 00:07:49,094 Nuh-uh! I can still eat it. 179 00:07:49,094 --> 00:07:50,762 I like it sandy-style. 180 00:07:53,182 --> 00:07:55,267 Did you see all those rats running inland? 181 00:07:55,267 --> 00:07:58,187 Well, yeah. And the seabirds have clearly figured it out. 182 00:07:58,187 --> 00:08:00,397 - They're all gone. - Animals are smart. 183 00:08:00,397 --> 00:08:02,065 They knew before we did. 184 00:08:02,065 --> 00:08:03,859 {\an8}A tsunami is coming. 185 00:08:05,360 --> 00:08:08,155 I wonder where all them birds went, anyway. 186 00:08:10,365 --> 00:08:14,119 It'd be foolish not to carbo-load before my big hike. 187 00:08:16,079 --> 00:08:17,873 You got this, Al. 188 00:08:17,873 --> 00:08:20,167 Don't panic. Don't panic. 189 00:08:21,668 --> 00:08:23,337 Panic! 190 00:08:29,551 --> 00:08:31,094 Sorry. Excuse me. 191 00:08:31,094 --> 00:08:32,179 Hi. 192 00:08:33,430 --> 00:08:35,724 Did you just say a tsunami is coming? 193 00:08:35,724 --> 00:08:38,310 No. I haven't said a word in three hours. 194 00:08:38,310 --> 00:08:40,562 There we go. I'm back in the game. 195 00:08:40,562 --> 00:08:42,898 Apparently, when we put those extra deep, 196 00:08:42,898 --> 00:08:46,610 extra safe pilings two miles into the ground, 197 00:08:46,610 --> 00:08:48,445 we accidentally hit a fault line. 198 00:08:48,445 --> 00:08:50,280 That line runs out under the ocean, 199 00:08:50,280 --> 00:08:52,074 where it triggered an earthquake, 200 00:08:52,074 --> 00:08:55,285 creating a tidal wave that's heading right at us. 201 00:08:55,285 --> 00:08:56,703 Great, great. 202 00:08:56,703 --> 00:08:59,164 And, um, I shouldn't be losing my shit because... 203 00:08:59,164 --> 00:09:00,999 This would only be a big deal 204 00:09:00,999 --> 00:09:03,543 if it wasn't totally under control. 205 00:09:03,543 --> 00:09:05,963 I've assembled the beach's hottest lifeguards, 206 00:09:05,963 --> 00:09:09,049 and we're finalizing a plan to defuse the wave right now. 207 00:09:09,049 --> 00:09:10,676 So don't go telling everybody. 208 00:09:10,676 --> 00:09:12,427 It'll just create a panic. 209 00:09:12,427 --> 00:09:13,637 A needless panic, 210 00:09:13,637 --> 00:09:17,641 because everything's gonna be totally fine. 211 00:09:17,641 --> 00:09:19,726 Totally fine, you say? 212 00:09:19,726 --> 00:09:21,520 Totally fine. 213 00:09:23,272 --> 00:09:24,773 Oh, hey, Mom. 214 00:09:24,773 --> 00:09:26,525 I'm loving this vibe. 215 00:09:26,525 --> 00:09:28,944 But, um, can I talk to you about something I just saw real quick? 216 00:09:28,944 --> 00:09:32,322 This sounds like boardwalk gossip. Great vibes. 217 00:09:32,322 --> 00:09:35,951 Hayley, thanks for making such an effort to be cool today. 218 00:09:35,951 --> 00:09:37,327 I appreciate it. 219 00:09:37,327 --> 00:09:39,955 Anyway, what's the board goss? 220 00:09:39,955 --> 00:09:43,375 Everything's gonna be totally fine. 221 00:09:43,375 --> 00:09:45,252 Totally fine, you say? 222 00:09:45,252 --> 00:09:47,129 Totally fine. 223 00:09:47,129 --> 00:09:49,131 All right. I'm taking your word for it. 224 00:09:49,131 --> 00:09:51,216 I don't want to ruin this moment with my mom. 225 00:09:51,216 --> 00:09:53,468 Wait. You didn't say that last part before. 226 00:09:53,468 --> 00:09:55,429 Yeah. We're working through some recent stuff. 227 00:09:55,429 --> 00:09:56,513 Gotcha. 228 00:09:56,513 --> 00:09:57,597 Come on! 229 00:09:57,597 --> 00:09:59,349 I actually gotta go. Bye. 230 00:10:00,434 --> 00:10:02,019 Give me the goss. 231 00:10:02,019 --> 00:10:03,145 The gossip? 232 00:10:03,145 --> 00:10:06,481 Um, I, uh, just saw... 233 00:10:06,481 --> 00:10:08,275 a bunch of hot lifeguards. 234 00:10:08,275 --> 00:10:09,359 Oh, my God. 235 00:10:09,359 --> 00:10:11,320 That is good gossip. 236 00:10:11,320 --> 00:10:16,491 Lifeguards are so hot. 237 00:10:16,491 --> 00:10:19,286 Welcome to Team Good Vibes, Hayley. 238 00:10:22,247 --> 00:10:23,623 I gave her 100 bucks. 239 00:10:23,623 --> 00:10:25,125 How are we stuck at the bar? 240 00:10:25,125 --> 00:10:26,752 I want my four Jagerbombs 241 00:10:26,752 --> 00:10:28,420 sitting in a regular-sized chair 242 00:10:28,420 --> 00:10:29,963 directly across from you. 243 00:10:29,963 --> 00:10:31,048 Like a gentleman. 244 00:10:31,048 --> 00:10:32,507 That's messed up, man. 245 00:10:32,507 --> 00:10:33,884 Memphis, you're famous. 246 00:10:33,884 --> 00:10:35,969 Go demand a table and bring us with you. 247 00:10:35,969 --> 00:10:37,596 I'm sorry. I don't eat. 248 00:10:37,596 --> 00:10:39,139 - Use your celebrity. - No. 249 00:10:39,139 --> 00:10:42,517 You're boning us, dude. 250 00:10:42,517 --> 00:10:44,394 Whoa. These drinks are not cheap. 251 00:10:45,604 --> 00:10:47,189 Oh, forgot my credit card. 252 00:10:47,189 --> 00:10:49,441 - How much cash you got on you? - Nada, dog. 253 00:10:49,441 --> 00:10:50,859 I figured you'd cover this 254 00:10:50,859 --> 00:10:53,153 since I paid for the Sonicare head we both share. 255 00:10:53,153 --> 00:10:55,322 Hi there. Loving the bar. 256 00:10:55,322 --> 00:10:56,698 Beautiful space. 257 00:10:56,698 --> 00:10:59,242 Hey, can we get a partial refund on that bribe? 258 00:10:59,242 --> 00:11:01,828 But we definitely do still want the next table. 259 00:11:05,999 --> 00:11:08,835 Roger, grab the tablecloth and put it over the podium. 260 00:11:08,835 --> 00:11:10,379 We can eat here. 261 00:11:10,379 --> 00:11:13,382 I wouldn't call any of them my girlfriend, per se, 262 00:11:13,382 --> 00:11:16,718 but... but all high potential situations, you know. 263 00:11:16,718 --> 00:11:18,553 Um, does that answer your question? 264 00:11:21,556 --> 00:11:23,517 Are you hungry? We can't go far, 265 00:11:23,517 --> 00:11:25,560 but there's a nacho stand right there. 266 00:11:25,560 --> 00:11:26,937 No way. 267 00:11:26,937 --> 00:11:30,607 My friend Tommy said nachos are too spicy for me. 268 00:11:30,607 --> 00:11:32,442 And now I'm scared to try them. 269 00:11:32,442 --> 00:11:34,277 Aw, buddy, you'll be fine. 270 00:11:34,277 --> 00:11:35,737 Don't listen to Tommy. 271 00:11:35,737 --> 00:11:37,656 Everyone knows he's a [bleep] sucking 272 00:11:37,656 --> 00:11:40,033 mother [bleep] dip stinky pants. 273 00:11:41,576 --> 00:11:44,287 I'll even take the first bite just to make sure. 274 00:11:44,287 --> 00:11:47,124 Hmm... Okay. 275 00:11:47,124 --> 00:11:48,417 Attaboy. 276 00:11:50,085 --> 00:11:51,795 I may also grab a pretzel. 277 00:11:51,795 --> 00:11:54,923 Or has Tommy been running his mouth about those too? 278 00:11:54,923 --> 00:11:56,967 Noah? Noah? 279 00:11:56,967 --> 00:11:58,260 Noah? 280 00:11:58,260 --> 00:12:00,137 Noah! 281 00:12:00,846 --> 00:12:02,889 Oh, thank God. 282 00:12:02,889 --> 00:12:03,974 There you are. 283 00:12:04,933 --> 00:12:06,435 Never do that to me again! 284 00:12:07,686 --> 00:12:09,479 I'm sorry. You just scared me. 285 00:12:10,689 --> 00:12:11,690 Oh, thank God. 286 00:12:14,818 --> 00:12:16,486 How am I getting worse? 287 00:12:16,486 --> 00:12:17,904 I'm never gonna catch him. 288 00:12:17,904 --> 00:12:19,156 I got to do something. 289 00:12:20,115 --> 00:12:21,158 Of course. 290 00:12:25,745 --> 00:12:27,539 Well, looks like you win. 291 00:12:27,539 --> 00:12:29,291 Just wanted to say congra-- 292 00:12:29,291 --> 00:12:30,417 What's this? 293 00:12:31,585 --> 00:12:32,794 Oh, my God. 294 00:12:32,794 --> 00:12:35,130 Look what just fell out of this kid's pocket. 295 00:12:35,130 --> 00:12:36,882 Schematics for 9/11. 296 00:12:36,882 --> 00:12:38,842 This kid helped plan 9/11. 297 00:12:38,842 --> 00:12:41,386 Uh, I wasn't alive for 9/11. 298 00:12:41,386 --> 00:12:43,263 You don't need to call the cops or anything. 299 00:12:43,263 --> 00:12:44,681 I believe in second chances. 300 00:12:44,681 --> 00:12:47,476 But you do need to disqualify all his scores. 301 00:12:47,476 --> 00:12:49,060 Sir, before I do anything, 302 00:12:49,060 --> 00:12:51,771 you're gonna have to explain to me what 9/11 is. 303 00:12:51,771 --> 00:12:53,982 We're crushing this day, Hayles. 304 00:12:53,982 --> 00:12:56,067 After this, we'll head down to the beach, 305 00:12:56,067 --> 00:12:57,986 blast some Eminem real loud, 306 00:12:57,986 --> 00:12:59,362 and smoke salvia 307 00:12:59,362 --> 00:13:02,240 right next to a family with a bunch of little kids. 308 00:13:02,240 --> 00:13:05,577 Yeah. Sounds, um, perfect. 309 00:13:07,704 --> 00:13:11,249 I, um, just remembered I left my can of dip 310 00:13:11,249 --> 00:13:13,710 on the back of the crapper. Be right back. 311 00:13:15,420 --> 00:13:16,421 Oh, good. 312 00:13:16,421 --> 00:13:18,381 You actually do have a plan. 313 00:13:18,381 --> 00:13:19,799 We have the tightest plan. 314 00:13:19,799 --> 00:13:21,343 These backpacks have dynamite 315 00:13:21,343 --> 00:13:23,512 left over from the boardwalk construction. 316 00:13:23,512 --> 00:13:27,557 We're gonna cruise out, drop it, and trigger a retaliatory wave, 317 00:13:27,557 --> 00:13:30,936 resulting in zero net waves. 318 00:13:30,936 --> 00:13:32,562 Tsunami neutralized. 319 00:13:32,562 --> 00:13:35,857 And I'll be smoking these dudes at mini golf by sunset. 320 00:13:35,857 --> 00:13:39,528 I'm, uh, not sure that's how water works. 321 00:13:39,528 --> 00:13:40,779 Well, this is the plan, 322 00:13:40,779 --> 00:13:42,322 and we only got time for one. 323 00:13:42,322 --> 00:13:44,658 So how about some good vibes, lady? 324 00:13:44,658 --> 00:13:45,825 It'll work. 325 00:13:45,825 --> 00:13:47,077 Watch for yourself. 326 00:13:47,077 --> 00:13:49,287 Hot lifeguards, mount up! 327 00:13:50,413 --> 00:13:51,957 Everyone got your red things? 328 00:13:51,957 --> 00:13:54,376 - All right. Let's go. 329 00:14:10,183 --> 00:14:12,143 Help. Throw me your red thing. 330 00:14:14,521 --> 00:14:17,190 - Good catch. - Wrong red thing! 331 00:14:30,870 --> 00:14:32,080 We're all screwed. 332 00:14:33,373 --> 00:14:35,292 Hey. Do I have kettle corn in my teeth? 333 00:14:37,794 --> 00:14:38,920 Sweet. Thanks. 334 00:14:42,340 --> 00:14:43,508 Just to be clear, 335 00:14:43,508 --> 00:14:44,968 you're gonna airbrush this 336 00:14:44,968 --> 00:14:47,220 so I have a big old fat ass, right? 337 00:14:47,220 --> 00:14:48,305 Mom. 338 00:14:48,305 --> 00:14:49,931 What's with the face? 339 00:14:49,931 --> 00:14:52,392 I thought you were being positive today. 340 00:14:52,392 --> 00:14:54,769 Oh, I'm positive. Real positive. 341 00:14:54,769 --> 00:14:56,313 That we're all [bleep]. 342 00:14:56,313 --> 00:14:59,316 The entire boardwalk's about to get wiped out by a tsunami. 343 00:14:59,316 --> 00:15:01,901 You see that huge-ass wave, Team Good Vibes? 344 00:15:04,821 --> 00:15:06,114 {\an8}Dear God. 345 00:15:06,823 --> 00:15:08,241 Run! 346 00:15:08,241 --> 00:15:10,035 Hey. You need to pay for these. 347 00:15:10,035 --> 00:15:12,579 This is why we should get the money up front. 348 00:15:12,579 --> 00:15:15,624 I can't believe you got assistant manager over me. 349 00:15:15,624 --> 00:15:18,585 Boss. I didn't see you there. 350 00:15:18,585 --> 00:15:21,546 - Run for your lives! 351 00:15:21,546 --> 00:15:24,466 Tsunami! 352 00:15:24,466 --> 00:15:26,885 Ladies, you can relax. 353 00:15:26,885 --> 00:15:29,137 We can relax because we were wrong about the tsunami? 354 00:15:29,137 --> 00:15:30,305 No, no, no, no. 355 00:15:30,305 --> 00:15:31,765 One's definitely coming. 356 00:15:31,765 --> 00:15:34,809 The super low tide is a dead giveaway. 357 00:15:34,809 --> 00:15:39,022 You can relax because when the warning signs are this obvious, 358 00:15:39,022 --> 00:15:40,523 it's too late to get away. 359 00:15:40,523 --> 00:15:42,942 There's no outrunning it at this point. 360 00:15:44,319 --> 00:15:45,570 My advice? 361 00:15:45,570 --> 00:15:47,697 Use what little time you have left 362 00:15:47,697 --> 00:15:50,825 saying goodbye to the ones you love. 363 00:15:50,825 --> 00:15:53,244 Am I one of those people? 364 00:15:59,584 --> 00:16:01,419 Honey, we have horrible news. 365 00:16:01,419 --> 00:16:04,798 Ha! The day I've had, you don't even know what horrible news is. 366 00:16:04,798 --> 00:16:06,925 A tsunami is about to take out the boardwalk, 367 00:16:06,925 --> 00:16:08,510 and it's too late to get away. 368 00:16:08,510 --> 00:16:10,178 We're goners. 369 00:16:10,178 --> 00:16:13,431 That'll short out these machines, right? Wipe out all the scores? 370 00:16:13,431 --> 00:16:15,934 Yeah. I mean, it'll wipe out 371 00:16:15,934 --> 00:16:18,269 everything and everyone on this boardwalk. 372 00:16:18,269 --> 00:16:19,562 Including that kid. 373 00:16:19,562 --> 00:16:21,731 And we'd all die tied at zero. 374 00:16:21,731 --> 00:16:23,650 If it's God's will, it's God's will. 375 00:16:23,650 --> 00:16:24,984 Who am I to question it? 376 00:16:27,487 --> 00:16:29,698 See you in purgatory, bitch ass. 377 00:16:33,368 --> 00:16:34,536 And we're all doomed. 378 00:16:34,536 --> 00:16:36,287 This isn't fair. 379 00:16:36,287 --> 00:16:38,498 We should have so much more time together. 380 00:16:38,498 --> 00:16:40,500 I know, sweetie. 381 00:16:40,500 --> 00:16:43,002 It's not supposed to happen this way. 382 00:16:43,002 --> 00:16:45,422 You're supposed to outlive me, 383 00:16:45,422 --> 00:16:48,591 and sing Candle in the Wind at my funeral. 384 00:16:48,591 --> 00:16:50,385 You're not going out like this. 385 00:16:52,595 --> 00:16:54,139 This is my will. 386 00:16:54,139 --> 00:16:56,015 Give it to whoever finds you. 387 00:16:56,015 --> 00:16:59,269 You get it all, son. 388 00:16:59,269 --> 00:17:02,272 Raising you today has been the greatest honor of my life. 389 00:17:07,318 --> 00:17:08,695 I'm sorry. 390 00:17:08,695 --> 00:17:11,197 I never should have attacked you for being negative 391 00:17:11,197 --> 00:17:14,033 or asked you not to be yourself. 392 00:17:14,033 --> 00:17:17,203 Turns out you have pretty good survival instincts. 393 00:17:17,203 --> 00:17:18,580 Thanks, Mom. 394 00:17:18,580 --> 00:17:21,624 It's just, my time on the boardwalk 20 years ago 395 00:17:21,624 --> 00:17:24,252 was the best weekend of my life. 396 00:17:24,252 --> 00:17:27,797 Wait. This was all based on one weekend? 397 00:17:27,797 --> 00:17:31,593 Geez. Sorry I didn't live at the beach. I'm not a starfish. 398 00:17:31,593 --> 00:17:35,555 Anyway, maybe I need to be more selective in calling out problems, 399 00:17:35,555 --> 00:17:37,098 but they do come along, 400 00:17:37,098 --> 00:17:40,185 and if you don't see them, you can't find solutions. 401 00:17:40,185 --> 00:17:42,979 And we've got a big problem. 402 00:17:42,979 --> 00:17:45,231 And zero solutions. 403 00:17:45,231 --> 00:17:47,567 - Babe? What happened? 404 00:17:47,567 --> 00:17:48,985 Actually, we don't have time. 405 00:17:48,985 --> 00:17:50,904 Tell me later when we're drowning to death. 406 00:17:52,614 --> 00:17:54,699 Wow. This taffy won't budge. 407 00:18:02,582 --> 00:18:04,918 This stuff's strong. 408 00:18:07,921 --> 00:18:10,089 Problem. Solution. 409 00:18:10,089 --> 00:18:12,008 Keep pulling. We're gonna stretch this 410 00:18:12,008 --> 00:18:15,053 all the way down the boardwalk and make a delicious barrier. 411 00:18:16,137 --> 00:18:18,056 This will take forever. 412 00:18:18,056 --> 00:18:21,142 Need a hand from Pro Wrestling Illustrated's 413 00:18:21,142 --> 00:18:24,312 most inspirational wrestler of 1994? 414 00:18:34,697 --> 00:18:36,658 Check out all those empty tables. 415 00:18:36,658 --> 00:18:39,828 Finally, we catch a break. Shall we? 416 00:18:40,954 --> 00:18:44,290 Ah. The promised land. 417 00:18:44,290 --> 00:18:47,252 - I feel so important. - I'm sorry. 418 00:18:47,252 --> 00:18:49,796 We're actually gonna be needing that table. 419 00:18:49,796 --> 00:18:51,130 What? Everyone left. 420 00:18:51,130 --> 00:18:53,174 And this place is about to be driftwood. 421 00:18:53,174 --> 00:18:56,636 Yeah, but we're expecting a big group between now and then. 422 00:18:56,636 --> 00:19:00,890 So you're welcome to keep waiting at the bar or run for your lives. 423 00:19:00,890 --> 00:19:02,976 Oh, you'd just love that, wouldn't you? 424 00:19:02,976 --> 00:19:04,769 You've been trying to shake us all day, 425 00:19:04,769 --> 00:19:07,480 but you must have us confused for some suckers. 426 00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:10,275 So we'll be waiting out the incoming tsunami at the bar. 427 00:19:10,275 --> 00:19:11,901 Thank you very much. 428 00:19:11,901 --> 00:19:14,863 And we will be checking back in with you if either of us survive. 429 00:19:17,824 --> 00:19:18,825 I know you don't 430 00:19:18,825 --> 00:19:21,035 want to hear this right now, 431 00:19:21,035 --> 00:19:22,745 but I did bring my wallet. 432 00:19:28,167 --> 00:19:30,962 How sure are you this thing will actually work, Hayley? 433 00:19:30,962 --> 00:19:33,840 Not at all. But how about some good vibes, Mom? 434 00:19:51,232 --> 00:19:53,109 - It worked! - Hallelujah! 435 00:19:53,109 --> 00:19:54,986 Oh, no. My Skee-Ball problem. 436 00:19:54,986 --> 00:19:57,030 Saving hundreds of lives? 437 00:19:57,030 --> 00:19:58,448 Great vibes, Hayles. 438 00:19:58,448 --> 00:19:59,532 Thanks, Mom. 439 00:20:01,242 --> 00:20:03,578 Noah, my baby. There you are. 440 00:20:03,578 --> 00:20:05,330 Thanks for keeping an eye on him. 441 00:20:05,330 --> 00:20:07,624 His dad forgot he had softball this afternoon. 442 00:20:07,624 --> 00:20:09,834 High school softball. He watches it. 443 00:20:09,834 --> 00:20:11,836 What a day we had, Noah. 444 00:20:11,836 --> 00:20:14,422 But it's time to go back to your family. 445 00:20:14,422 --> 00:20:16,466 I'll always cherish our time together. 446 00:20:16,466 --> 00:20:18,468 Hey, creep. Stay away from my kid. 447 00:20:19,719 --> 00:20:21,930 You'll always be in my heart, Noah. 448 00:20:21,930 --> 00:20:23,681 Let's get the hell out of here. 449 00:20:25,892 --> 00:20:27,143 What about Jeff? 450 00:20:27,143 --> 00:20:29,187 Eh, seagulls are back. They're on it.