1
00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:03,419
[♪ upbeat music playing]
2
00:00:03,420 --> 00:00:06,797
Damn, it feels good
to have the old boardwalk back.
3
00:00:06,798 --> 00:00:08,215
This place is awesome.
4
00:00:08,216 --> 00:00:11,427
I used to dominate this place
as a teenager.
5
00:00:11,428 --> 00:00:14,013
"Queen of the Boardwalk,"
I used to call me.
6
00:00:14,014 --> 00:00:16,890
You know, these places are terrible
for the coastal environment.
7
00:00:16,891 --> 00:00:18,142
[all groan]
8
00:00:18,143 --> 00:00:21,020
Plus, the last two boardwalks
literally washed away.
9
00:00:21,021 --> 00:00:22,688
Just seems like a big waste of money.
10
00:00:22,689 --> 00:00:26,108
And besides, all these boards
are a major splinter hazard
11
00:00:26,109 --> 00:00:30,362
for people, like me,
who exclusively wear open-toed shoes,
12
00:00:30,363 --> 00:00:32,364
a historically marginalized group.
13
00:00:32,365 --> 00:00:35,702
Whoa, check out that guy's package
jiggling like crazy.
14
00:00:38,705 --> 00:00:40,706
- Oh, yeah!
- [all cheering]
15
00:00:40,707 --> 00:00:42,541
[wolf-whistling]
16
00:00:42,542 --> 00:00:45,294
Um, welcome to the boardwalk.
17
00:00:45,295 --> 00:00:47,212
{\an8}[♪ theme song playing]
18
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{\an8}♪ Good morning, USA ♪
19
00:00:50,216 --> 00:00:53,886
{\an8}The Langley boardwalk's back,
featuring many old favorites,
20
00:00:53,887 --> 00:00:57,056
{\an8}like the Octocoaster and Fudge-mania.
21
00:00:57,057 --> 00:00:59,224
{\an8}But also many new favorites.
22
00:00:59,225 --> 00:01:02,728
Like a second Fudge-mania location
and Skimboardo's,
23
00:01:02,729 --> 00:01:05,814
{\an8}the exclusive new restaurant on the pier.
24
00:01:05,815 --> 00:01:08,901
{\an8}Let's go now to the new boardwalk's
confident architect.
25
00:01:08,902 --> 00:01:12,696
{\an8}Thank you for coming
to what I can say, without a doubt,
26
00:01:12,697 --> 00:01:18,577
{\an8}is Langley Falls'
sturdiest boardwalk ever!
27
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{\an8}[all cheering]
28
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{\an8}And to make certain,
we drove the support beams
29
00:01:23,583 --> 00:01:26,710
{\an8}two miles down into the Earth's core.
30
00:01:26,711 --> 00:01:29,214
{\an8}This baby ain't going nowhere.
31
00:01:29,798 --> 00:01:30,798
{\an8}Seems a little excessive.
32
00:01:30,799 --> 00:01:33,425
{\an8}Not to mention the mole people
that must've been displaced.
33
00:01:33,426 --> 00:01:34,510
{\an8}Shh!
34
00:01:34,511 --> 00:01:39,264
{\an8}And now,
to hit the ceremonial final spike,
35
00:01:39,265 --> 00:01:41,183
{\an8}opening us for business,
36
00:01:41,184 --> 00:01:44,436
{\an8}wrestling superstar,
and my personal friend,
37
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{\an8}Bret "the Hitman" Hart.
38
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{\an8}[♪ rock music playing]
39
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{\an8}[all cheering]
40
00:01:53,071 --> 00:01:55,364
{\an8}[loud rumbling]
41
00:01:55,365 --> 00:01:57,866
{\an8}- What was that rumble?
- Oh, I don't know, Hayley.
42
00:01:57,867 --> 00:02:03,247
{\an8}Maybe just Pro Wrestling Illustrated's
most hated wrestler of 1997
43
00:02:03,248 --> 00:02:06,334
{\an8}kicking off the best
goddamned summer ever.
44
00:02:07,669 --> 00:02:10,462
{\an8}I'll catch up with you guys later.
I'm gonna hit up some Skee-Ball.
45
00:02:10,463 --> 00:02:12,589
{\an8}Back in the day, I was nasty.
46
00:02:12,590 --> 00:02:15,801
{\an8}Anyway, I want to see
if the old man's still got his touch.
47
00:02:15,802 --> 00:02:17,302
{\an8}Give me that, bitch.
48
00:02:17,303 --> 00:02:20,556
{\an8}We've got to get to Skimboardo's ASAP
if we want to get a table.
49
00:02:20,557 --> 00:02:21,640
{\an8}Rude.
50
00:02:21,641 --> 00:02:24,643
{\an8}- So, what are you--
- I'm gonna go apply for my dream job.
51
00:02:24,644 --> 00:02:26,812
{\an8}Working at the salt water taffy store.
52
00:02:26,813 --> 00:02:29,314
{\an8}Huh. I had no idea
that was your dream job.
53
00:02:29,315 --> 00:02:31,692
{\an8}Did you know taffy was my favorite food?
54
00:02:31,693 --> 00:02:32,943
{\an8}No.
55
00:02:32,944 --> 00:02:36,905
{\an8}And did you know stores
are my favorite places that sell things?
56
00:02:36,906 --> 00:02:39,992
{\an8}I... I never... No, I guess.
57
00:02:39,993 --> 00:02:41,994
{\an8}Then I understand your confusion.
58
00:02:41,995 --> 00:02:43,579
{\an8}Bye.
59
00:02:43,580 --> 00:02:45,330
{\an8}Actually, maybe I did know
60
00:02:45,331 --> 00:02:48,167
{\an8}stores are his favorite places
that sell things.
61
00:02:48,168 --> 00:02:51,796
{\an8}Anyway, I'm gonna get some Dippin' Dots.
I'll find you when I'm done.
62
00:02:53,464 --> 00:02:54,464
{\an8}Ugh...
63
00:02:54,465 --> 00:02:57,426
{\an8}Of course I pick today
to forget my Bow Biters.
64
00:02:57,427 --> 00:02:59,595
{\an8}I'm gonna be tying these puppies all day.
65
00:02:59,596 --> 00:03:01,346
{\an8}Hey, pal. Are you gonna
be here for a second?
66
00:03:01,347 --> 00:03:02,931
{\an8}Do you mind keeping an eye on my kid?
67
00:03:02,932 --> 00:03:05,602
- I was actually just tying my shoes.
- Great. Thanks.
68
00:03:06,769 --> 00:03:09,605
Yo.
69
00:03:09,606 --> 00:03:13,150
Made a sick itinerary of my old faves.
70
00:03:13,151 --> 00:03:15,194
Only playing the hits today.
71
00:03:15,195 --> 00:03:19,698
A full henna sleeve,
loitering outside the boogie board shop.
72
00:03:19,699 --> 00:03:22,951
And I think I'll start
with some boardwalk pizza.
73
00:03:22,952 --> 00:03:24,077
Okay. See ya.
74
00:03:24,078 --> 00:03:26,038
Oh, maybe I'll hang with you.
75
00:03:26,039 --> 00:03:28,498
Ooh, I don't know.
76
00:03:28,499 --> 00:03:31,251
I kind of wanted today to be fun.
77
00:03:31,252 --> 00:03:33,587
Wha... What? I'm fun.
78
00:03:33,588 --> 00:03:36,256
Girl, have you heard yourself
this morning?
79
00:03:36,257 --> 00:03:38,634
You're always looking for problems.
80
00:03:38,635 --> 00:03:41,345
And I've been waiting 20 years for this.
81
00:03:41,346 --> 00:03:44,264
Today, I'm Team Good Vibes only.
82
00:03:44,265 --> 00:03:47,976
Come on, Mom. Give me a chance.
I'll be positive. I promise.
83
00:03:47,977 --> 00:03:52,856
Oh, yeah? I've been thinking
about getting into fracking.
84
00:03:52,857 --> 00:03:55,735
Oh... tight.
85
00:03:58,571 --> 00:04:01,949
And, oh, boy, was my dad screaming.
86
00:04:01,950 --> 00:04:04,034
But my jaw had locked by that point,
87
00:04:04,035 --> 00:04:06,411
so I couldn't have let go
even if I wanted to.
88
00:04:06,412 --> 00:04:09,456
Enough. That story was fine for walking,
but we're here.
89
00:04:09,457 --> 00:04:12,125
This place is buzzing.
But I've got a plan.
90
00:04:12,126 --> 00:04:15,254
We're gonna tell them
we're dining here on business.
91
00:04:15,255 --> 00:04:19,341
Oh-ho-ho. Genius.
Business is so important.
92
00:04:19,342 --> 00:04:21,218
They'll have to respect that.
93
00:04:21,219 --> 00:04:22,469
Hi. Hello.
94
00:04:22,470 --> 00:04:26,515
My colleague and I
would like to dine here on business.
95
00:04:26,516 --> 00:04:28,183
Well, we're all booked up for months,
96
00:04:28,184 --> 00:04:31,103
but you're welcome to sit at the bar
and see if anything opens up.
97
00:04:31,104 --> 00:04:32,562
Oh.
98
00:04:32,563 --> 00:04:35,857
Okay. Yeah, yeah.
I hear what you're saying.
99
00:04:35,858 --> 00:04:39,403
And what's the status on that table a-now?
100
00:04:39,404 --> 00:04:43,408
The status is we're completely booked.
But you're welcome to wait at the bar.
101
00:04:45,034 --> 00:04:46,868
What the hell? The bar?
102
00:04:46,869 --> 00:04:49,579
What? Is the piss-soaked
bathroom floor already full?
103
00:04:49,580 --> 00:04:52,958
Well, we can't leave now.
We're already a hundo in.
104
00:04:52,959 --> 00:04:56,295
Fine. But I won't be showing
any bartenders my balls.
105
00:04:56,296 --> 00:04:58,548
This restaurant has lost that privilege.
106
00:04:59,841 --> 00:05:02,301
- [bell dings]
- Still unstoppable.
107
00:05:02,302 --> 00:05:06,222
This must be how Tom Brady felt
when he read the script for 80 for Brady.
108
00:05:09,642 --> 00:05:10,642
[bell dings]
109
00:05:10,643 --> 00:05:13,354
Whoa, that ties my all-time best.
110
00:05:13,980 --> 00:05:15,147
[♪ dramatic note plays]
111
00:05:15,148 --> 00:05:18,358
What the-- Someone really got 850?
112
00:05:18,359 --> 00:05:19,861
[slurping drink]
113
00:05:24,782 --> 00:05:27,617
[gulps] You're fine, Stan.
You're the best.
114
00:05:27,618 --> 00:05:31,997
Just slowly extract that little worm soul
with these nine balls made of--
115
00:05:31,998 --> 00:05:33,206
What even is this?
116
00:05:33,207 --> 00:05:34,666
It's brown like wood,
117
00:05:34,667 --> 00:05:37,169
but it's, like, heavy and light
at the same time.
118
00:05:37,170 --> 00:05:38,628
Hey, what are these balls made of?
119
00:05:38,629 --> 00:05:41,465
- Masonite.
- Masonite. That's great news.
120
00:05:41,466 --> 00:05:43,051
What the hell is Masonite?
121
00:05:45,428 --> 00:05:46,929
Your dad's been gone a while.
122
00:05:47,930 --> 00:05:49,389
I'm Steve. What's your name?
123
00:05:49,390 --> 00:05:51,683
- Noah.
- Cool.
124
00:05:51,684 --> 00:05:54,561
Like Noah's Ark. Classic tale.
125
00:05:54,562 --> 00:05:55,688
Very cool.
126
00:05:56,689 --> 00:05:59,232
- So, what are you into these days?
- Purple.
127
00:05:59,233 --> 00:06:00,692
Hmm. Yep.
128
00:06:00,693 --> 00:06:02,736
Can I tell you a secret?
129
00:06:02,737 --> 00:06:03,945
Of course.
130
00:06:03,946 --> 00:06:07,241
But full disclosure.
I do tell my friend Snot everything.
131
00:06:08,451 --> 00:06:09,451
Poop.
132
00:06:09,452 --> 00:06:11,453
[giggling]
133
00:06:11,454 --> 00:06:13,080
[sighs]
134
00:06:13,081 --> 00:06:14,916
Snot will actually love that.
135
00:06:16,793 --> 00:06:19,169
I'm here to apply for my dream job.
136
00:06:19,170 --> 00:06:23,006
Well, you're in luck. We're short-staffed,
and you seem like a great guy.
137
00:06:23,007 --> 00:06:25,635
- Can you start right now?
- You bet I can.
138
00:06:26,511 --> 00:06:29,388
Mm, beautiful, isn't she? But listen.
139
00:06:29,389 --> 00:06:32,599
You're gonna want to touch it.
Don't do it.
140
00:06:32,600 --> 00:06:38,313
♪ Even though it's so beautiful ♪
141
00:06:38,314 --> 00:06:39,482
Come on!
142
00:06:41,401 --> 00:06:44,569
Here we go. A great apron for a great man.
143
00:06:44,570 --> 00:06:45,821
[muffled shouting]
144
00:06:45,822 --> 00:06:49,075
Damn. Couldn't have
happened to a better guy.
145
00:06:51,536 --> 00:06:53,745
You've got to learn
to fold it with one hand
146
00:06:53,746 --> 00:06:55,748
so you can hold your 40 in the other.
147
00:06:58,960 --> 00:07:00,043
Mm.
148
00:07:00,044 --> 00:07:01,128
That was lucky.
149
00:07:01,129 --> 00:07:03,756
Your pizza was on the ground
and no seagulls tried to grab it.
150
00:07:04,715 --> 00:07:08,176
There actually aren't any seagulls.
That's... that's kind of weird, right?
151
00:07:08,177 --> 00:07:10,178
Jesus, Hayley.
152
00:07:10,179 --> 00:07:13,265
You really can't help
but look for problems, can you?
153
00:07:13,266 --> 00:07:15,725
No seagulls is a good thing.
154
00:07:15,726 --> 00:07:19,439
Look. I can toss my pizza on the ground,
walk away,
155
00:07:20,815 --> 00:07:21,982
walk back,
156
00:07:21,983 --> 00:07:24,110
and it's still there, untouched.
157
00:07:27,155 --> 00:07:30,073
A birdless boardwalk is the dream.
158
00:07:30,074 --> 00:07:32,451
Just accept something good is happening.
159
00:07:32,452 --> 00:07:34,327
Mm. Come on.
160
00:07:34,328 --> 00:07:36,873
Toss your pizza. See how good it feels.
161
00:07:37,457 --> 00:07:40,208
Or can you not handle Team Good Vibes?
162
00:07:40,209 --> 00:07:43,045
'Course I can.
Does this answer your question?
163
00:07:46,799 --> 00:07:48,925
- Oh.
- Wow. Bad.
164
00:07:48,926 --> 00:07:52,722
Nuh-uh! I can still eat it.
I like it sandy-style.
165
00:07:55,099 --> 00:07:57,225
Did you see all those rats running inland?
166
00:07:57,226 --> 00:08:00,145
Well, yeah. And the seabirds
have clearly figured it out.
167
00:08:00,146 --> 00:08:02,355
- They're all gone.
- Animals are smart.
168
00:08:02,356 --> 00:08:03,940
They knew before we did.
169
00:08:03,941 --> 00:08:05,818
A tsunami is coming.
170
00:08:07,320 --> 00:08:10,114
I wonder where
all them birds went, anyway.
171
00:08:12,325 --> 00:08:16,077
It'd be foolish not to carbo-load
before my big hike.
172
00:08:16,078 --> 00:08:18,038
[gulls squawk softly]
173
00:08:18,039 --> 00:08:19,831
You got this, Al.
174
00:08:19,832 --> 00:08:22,126
Don't panic. Don't panic.
175
00:08:23,628 --> 00:08:24,754
Panic!
176
00:08:25,379 --> 00:08:26,630
[gulls squawking loudly]
177
00:08:26,631 --> 00:08:29,050
[Al screaming]
178
00:08:31,135 --> 00:08:33,553
[♪ ominous music playing]
179
00:08:33,554 --> 00:08:35,096
Sorry. Excuse me.
180
00:08:35,097 --> 00:08:36,182
Hi.
181
00:08:37,433 --> 00:08:39,726
Did you just say a tsunami is coming?
182
00:08:39,727 --> 00:08:42,312
No. I haven't said a word in three hours.
183
00:08:42,313 --> 00:08:44,564
There we go. I'm back in the game.
184
00:08:44,565 --> 00:08:46,900
Apparently, when we put those extra deep,
185
00:08:46,901 --> 00:08:50,612
extra safe pilings
two miles into the ground,
186
00:08:50,613 --> 00:08:52,447
we accidentally hit a fault line.
187
00:08:52,448 --> 00:08:56,076
That line runs out under the ocean,
where it triggered an earthquake,
188
00:08:56,077 --> 00:08:59,287
creating a tidal wave
that's heading right at us.
189
00:08:59,288 --> 00:09:03,166
Great, great. And, um, I shouldn't be
losing my shit because...
190
00:09:03,167 --> 00:09:07,546
This would only be a big deal
if it wasn't totally under control.
191
00:09:07,547 --> 00:09:09,965
I've assembled the beach's
hottest lifeguards,
192
00:09:09,966 --> 00:09:13,051
and we're finalizing a plan
to defuse the wave right now.
193
00:09:13,052 --> 00:09:16,429
So don't go telling everybody.
It'll just create a panic.
194
00:09:16,430 --> 00:09:17,556
A needless panic,
195
00:09:17,557 --> 00:09:21,643
because everything's
gonna be totally fine.
196
00:09:21,644 --> 00:09:23,728
Totally fine, you say?
197
00:09:23,729 --> 00:09:25,522
Totally fine.
198
00:09:25,523 --> 00:09:26,691
[lifeguards laughing]
199
00:09:27,275 --> 00:09:30,068
Oh, hey, Mom. I'm loving this vibe.
200
00:09:30,069 --> 00:09:32,946
But, um, can I talk to you
about something I just saw real quick?
201
00:09:32,947 --> 00:09:36,324
This sounds like boardwalk gossip.
Great vibes.
202
00:09:36,325 --> 00:09:39,953
Hayley, thanks for making such an effort
to be cool today.
203
00:09:39,954 --> 00:09:41,329
I appreciate it.
204
00:09:41,330 --> 00:09:43,457
Anyway, what's the board goss?
205
00:09:44,041 --> 00:09:47,377
Everything's gonna be totally fine.
206
00:09:47,378 --> 00:09:49,254
Totally fine, you say?
207
00:09:49,255 --> 00:09:51,131
Totally fine.
208
00:09:51,132 --> 00:09:53,174
All right. I'm taking your word for it.
209
00:09:53,175 --> 00:09:55,218
I don't want to ruin
this moment with my mom.
210
00:09:55,219 --> 00:09:57,470
Wait. You didn't say
that last part before.
211
00:09:57,471 --> 00:09:59,431
Yeah. We're working through
some recent stuff.
212
00:09:59,432 --> 00:10:00,515
Gotcha.
213
00:10:00,516 --> 00:10:01,600
[Francine] Come on!
214
00:10:01,601 --> 00:10:03,351
I actually gotta go. Bye.
215
00:10:03,352 --> 00:10:04,436
[Francine clapping]
216
00:10:04,437 --> 00:10:07,147
- Give me the goss.
- The gossip?
217
00:10:07,148 --> 00:10:12,277
Um, I, uh, just saw...
a bunch of hot lifeguards.
218
00:10:12,278 --> 00:10:15,322
Oh, my God. That is good gossip.
219
00:10:15,323 --> 00:10:19,577
Lifeguards are so hot.
220
00:10:20,578 --> 00:10:23,288
Welcome to Team Good Vibes, Hayley.
221
00:10:23,289 --> 00:10:25,458
{\an8}[♪ jaunty music playing]
222
00:10:26,250 --> 00:10:29,127
I gave her 100 bucks.
How are we stuck at the bar?
223
00:10:29,128 --> 00:10:30,795
I want my four Jägerbombs
224
00:10:30,796 --> 00:10:33,965
sitting in a regular-sized chair
directly across from you.
225
00:10:33,966 --> 00:10:35,050
Like a gentleman.
226
00:10:35,051 --> 00:10:36,509
That's messed up, man.
227
00:10:36,510 --> 00:10:39,971
Memphis, you're famous.
Go demand a table and bring us with you.
228
00:10:39,972 --> 00:10:41,598
I'm sorry. I don't eat.
229
00:10:41,599 --> 00:10:43,141
- Use your celebrity.
- No.
230
00:10:43,142 --> 00:10:46,519
[groans] You're boning us, dude.
231
00:10:46,520 --> 00:10:48,397
Whoa. These drinks are not cheap.
232
00:10:49,607 --> 00:10:51,191
Oh, forgot my credit card.
233
00:10:51,192 --> 00:10:53,443
- How much cash you got on you?
- Nada, dog.
234
00:10:53,444 --> 00:10:57,155
I figured you'd cover this since I paid
for the Sonicare head we both share.
235
00:10:57,156 --> 00:11:00,575
Hi there. Loving the bar. Beautiful space.
236
00:11:00,576 --> 00:11:03,244
Hey, can we get a partial refund
on that bribe?
237
00:11:03,245 --> 00:11:05,831
But we definitely do
still want the next table.
238
00:11:10,002 --> 00:11:12,837
Roger, grab the tablecloth
and put it over the podium.
239
00:11:12,838 --> 00:11:14,381
We can eat here.
240
00:11:14,382 --> 00:11:17,384
I wouldn't call any of them
my girlfriend, per se,
241
00:11:17,385 --> 00:11:20,720
but... but all high potential situations,
you know.
242
00:11:20,721 --> 00:11:22,556
Um, does that answer your question?
243
00:11:25,559 --> 00:11:29,562
Are you hungry? We can't go far,
but there's a nacho stand right there.
244
00:11:29,563 --> 00:11:30,939
No way.
245
00:11:30,940 --> 00:11:34,609
My friend Tommy said nachos
are too spicy for me.
246
00:11:34,610 --> 00:11:36,444
And now I'm scared to try them.
247
00:11:36,445 --> 00:11:39,739
Aw, buddy, you'll be fine.
Don't listen to Tommy.
248
00:11:39,740 --> 00:11:44,035
Everyone knows he's a [bleep] sucking
mother [bleep] dip [bleep] stinky pants.
249
00:11:44,036 --> 00:11:45,578
[giggling]
250
00:11:45,579 --> 00:11:48,289
I'll even take the first bite
just to make sure.
251
00:11:48,290 --> 00:11:51,126
Hmm... Okay.
252
00:11:51,127 --> 00:11:52,420
Attaboy.
253
00:11:54,088 --> 00:11:55,797
I may also grab a pretzel.
254
00:11:55,798 --> 00:11:58,925
Or has Tommy been running
his mouth about those too?
255
00:11:58,926 --> 00:12:00,969
Noah? Noah?
256
00:12:00,970 --> 00:12:02,262
Noah?
257
00:12:02,263 --> 00:12:04,140
Noah!
258
00:12:04,849 --> 00:12:07,977
[sighs] Oh, thank God. There you are.
259
00:12:08,936 --> 00:12:10,438
Never do that to me again!
260
00:12:11,689 --> 00:12:13,482
I'm sorry. You just scared me.
261
00:12:14,692 --> 00:12:15,693
Oh, thank God.
262
00:12:17,820 --> 00:12:18,820
[bell dings]
263
00:12:18,821 --> 00:12:20,488
How am I getting worse?
264
00:12:20,489 --> 00:12:21,906
I'm never gonna catch him.
265
00:12:21,907 --> 00:12:23,159
I got to do something.
266
00:12:24,118 --> 00:12:25,161
Of course.
267
00:12:29,749 --> 00:12:31,541
Well, looks like you win.
268
00:12:31,542 --> 00:12:33,293
Just wanted to say congra--
269
00:12:33,294 --> 00:12:34,420
What's this?
270
00:12:35,588 --> 00:12:36,796
Oh, my God.
271
00:12:36,797 --> 00:12:39,132
Look what just fell out
of this kid's pocket.
272
00:12:39,133 --> 00:12:40,884
Schematics for 9/11.
273
00:12:40,885 --> 00:12:42,844
This kid helped plan 9/11.
274
00:12:42,845 --> 00:12:45,388
Uh, I wasn't alive for 9/11.
275
00:12:45,389 --> 00:12:47,265
You don't need to call
the cops or anything.
276
00:12:47,266 --> 00:12:48,683
I believe in second chances.
277
00:12:48,684 --> 00:12:51,478
But you do need to disqualify
all his scores.
278
00:12:51,479 --> 00:12:53,062
Sir, before I do anything,
279
00:12:53,063 --> 00:12:55,774
you're gonna have to explain to me
what 9/11 is.
280
00:12:55,775 --> 00:12:57,984
We're crushing this day, Hayles.
281
00:12:57,985 --> 00:13:01,988
After this, we'll head down to the beach,
blast some Eminem real loud,
282
00:13:01,989 --> 00:13:06,242
and smoke salvia right next to a family
with a bunch of little kids.
283
00:13:06,243 --> 00:13:09,579
Yeah. Sounds, um, perfect.
284
00:13:09,580 --> 00:13:10,998
[rats squeaking]
285
00:13:11,791 --> 00:13:16,461
I, um, just remembered I left
my can of dip on the back of the crapper.
286
00:13:16,462 --> 00:13:17,713
Be right back.
287
00:13:19,423 --> 00:13:20,423
Oh, good.
288
00:13:20,424 --> 00:13:22,383
You actually do have a plan.
289
00:13:22,384 --> 00:13:23,802
We have the tightest plan.
290
00:13:23,803 --> 00:13:27,514
These backpacks have dynamite
left over from the boardwalk construction.
291
00:13:27,515 --> 00:13:31,559
We're gonna cruise out, drop it,
and trigger a retaliatory wave,
292
00:13:31,560 --> 00:13:34,938
resulting in zero net waves.
293
00:13:34,939 --> 00:13:36,564
Tsunami neutralized.
294
00:13:36,565 --> 00:13:39,859
And I'll be smoking these dudes
at mini golf by sunset.
295
00:13:39,860 --> 00:13:43,530
I'm, uh, not sure that's how water works.
296
00:13:43,531 --> 00:13:46,324
Well, this is the plan,
and we only got time for one.
297
00:13:46,325 --> 00:13:48,660
So how about some good vibes, lady?
298
00:13:48,661 --> 00:13:51,079
It'll work. Watch for yourself.
299
00:13:51,080 --> 00:13:53,290
Hot lifeguards, mount up!
300
00:13:54,416 --> 00:13:55,959
Everyone got your red things?
301
00:13:55,960 --> 00:13:58,379
- All right. Let's go.
- [all talking excitedly]
302
00:13:59,964 --> 00:14:02,132
[♪ upbeat rock music playing]
303
00:14:14,186 --> 00:14:16,146
Help. Throw me your red thing.
304
00:14:18,524 --> 00:14:21,193
- Good catch.
- Wrong red thing!
305
00:14:25,698 --> 00:14:26,824
[whimpers]
306
00:14:27,491 --> 00:14:29,034
[bubbling]
307
00:14:34,874 --> 00:14:36,083
We're all screwed.
308
00:14:37,376 --> 00:14:39,336
Hey. Do I have kettle corn in my teeth?
309
00:14:41,797 --> 00:14:42,923
Sweet. Thanks.
310
00:14:46,635 --> 00:14:47,803
[camera shutter clicks]
311
00:14:48,429 --> 00:14:49,596
Just to be clear,
312
00:14:49,597 --> 00:14:53,308
you're gonna airbrush this
so I have a big old fat ass, right?
313
00:14:53,309 --> 00:14:54,392
Mom.
314
00:14:54,393 --> 00:14:58,479
What's with the face?
I thought you were being positive today.
315
00:14:58,480 --> 00:15:00,857
Oh, I'm positive. Real positive.
316
00:15:00,858 --> 00:15:02,233
That we're all [bleep].
317
00:15:02,234 --> 00:15:05,403
The entire boardwalk's
about to get wiped out by a tsunami.
318
00:15:05,404 --> 00:15:07,990
You see that huge-ass wave,
Team Good Vibes?
319
00:15:10,910 --> 00:15:12,202
Dear God.
320
00:15:12,912 --> 00:15:14,329
Run!
321
00:15:14,330 --> 00:15:16,122
Hey. You need to pay for these.
322
00:15:16,123 --> 00:15:18,666
This is why we should
get the money up front.
323
00:15:18,667 --> 00:15:21,253
I can't believe you got
assistant manager over me.
324
00:15:21,795 --> 00:15:24,672
[chuckles nervously] Boss.
I didn't see you there.
325
00:15:24,673 --> 00:15:27,634
- [laughter]
- Run for your lives!
326
00:15:27,635 --> 00:15:29,762
Tsunami!
327
00:15:30,638 --> 00:15:32,972
[slurring] Ladies, you can relax.
328
00:15:32,973 --> 00:15:35,224
We can relax because we were wrong
about the tsunami?
329
00:15:35,225 --> 00:15:37,852
No, no, no, no. One's definitely coming.
330
00:15:37,853 --> 00:15:40,897
The super low tide is a dead giveaway.
331
00:15:40,898 --> 00:15:45,109
You can relax because
when the warning signs are this obvious,
332
00:15:45,110 --> 00:15:46,611
it's too late to get away.
333
00:15:46,612 --> 00:15:49,031
There's no outrunning it at this point.
334
00:15:50,407 --> 00:15:51,658
My advice?
335
00:15:51,659 --> 00:15:56,913
Use what little time you have left
saying goodbye to the ones you love.
336
00:15:56,914 --> 00:15:59,333
Am I one of those people?
337
00:16:05,673 --> 00:16:07,507
Honey, we have horrible news.
338
00:16:07,508 --> 00:16:10,885
Ha! The day I've had,
you don't even know what horrible news is.
339
00:16:10,886 --> 00:16:13,012
A tsunami is about
to take out the boardwalk,
340
00:16:13,013 --> 00:16:14,597
and it's too late to get away.
341
00:16:14,598 --> 00:16:15,683
We're goners.
342
00:16:16,308 --> 00:16:19,519
That'll short out these machines, right?
Wipe out all the scores?
343
00:16:19,520 --> 00:16:24,357
Yeah. I mean, it'll wipe out
everything and everyone on this boardwalk.
344
00:16:24,358 --> 00:16:27,819
Including that kid.
And we'd all die tied at zero.
345
00:16:27,820 --> 00:16:31,073
If it's God's will, it's God's will.
Who am I to question it?
346
00:16:33,575 --> 00:16:35,786
See you in purgatory, bitch ass.
347
00:16:39,456 --> 00:16:40,665
And we're all doomed.
348
00:16:40,666 --> 00:16:44,585
[gasps] This isn't fair.
We should have so much more time together.
349
00:16:44,586 --> 00:16:46,587
I know, sweetie.
350
00:16:46,588 --> 00:16:49,090
[sobbing] It's not supposed
to happen this way.
351
00:16:49,091 --> 00:16:54,679
You're supposed to outlive me,
and sing Candle in the Wind at my funeral.
352
00:16:54,680 --> 00:16:56,473
You're not going out like this.
353
00:16:58,684 --> 00:17:00,226
This is my will.
354
00:17:00,227 --> 00:17:02,103
Give it to whoever finds you.
355
00:17:02,104 --> 00:17:05,356
You get it all, son.
356
00:17:05,357 --> 00:17:08,360
Raising you today has been
the greatest honor of my life.
357
00:17:13,407 --> 00:17:14,615
I'm sorry.
358
00:17:14,616 --> 00:17:17,285
I never should
have attacked you for being negative
359
00:17:17,286 --> 00:17:20,121
or asked you not to be yourself.
360
00:17:20,122 --> 00:17:23,291
Turns out you have
pretty good survival instincts.
361
00:17:23,292 --> 00:17:24,375
Thanks, Mom.
362
00:17:24,376 --> 00:17:27,712
It's just, my time
on the boardwalk 20 years ago
363
00:17:27,713 --> 00:17:30,339
was the best weekend of my life.
364
00:17:30,340 --> 00:17:33,885
Wait. This was all based on one weekend?
365
00:17:33,886 --> 00:17:37,680
Geez. Sorry I didn't live at the beach.
I'm not a starfish.
366
00:17:37,681 --> 00:17:41,642
Anyway, maybe I need to be more selective
in calling out problems,
367
00:17:41,643 --> 00:17:43,186
but they do come along,
368
00:17:43,187 --> 00:17:46,272
and if you don't see them,
you can't find solutions.
369
00:17:46,273 --> 00:17:49,067
And we've got a big problem.
370
00:17:49,068 --> 00:17:50,903
And zero solutions.
371
00:17:51,403 --> 00:17:53,654
- [muffled shouting]
- Babe? What happened?
372
00:17:53,655 --> 00:17:55,073
Actually, we don't have time.
373
00:17:55,074 --> 00:17:56,991
Tell me later
when we're drowning to death.
374
00:17:56,992 --> 00:17:58,701
[grunting]
375
00:17:58,702 --> 00:18:00,787
Wow. This taffy won't budge.
376
00:18:00,788 --> 00:18:02,288
[muffled shouting]
377
00:18:02,289 --> 00:18:03,540
[all grunting]
378
00:18:08,670 --> 00:18:11,006
This stuff's strong.
379
00:18:14,009 --> 00:18:16,177
Problem. Solution.
380
00:18:16,178 --> 00:18:19,722
Keep pulling. We're gonna stretch this
all the way down the boardwalk
381
00:18:19,723 --> 00:18:21,266
and make a delicious barrier.
382
00:18:22,226 --> 00:18:24,143
This will take forever.
383
00:18:24,144 --> 00:18:27,230
Need a hand
from Pro Wrestling Illustrated's
384
00:18:27,231 --> 00:18:30,399
most inspirational wrestler of 1994?
385
00:18:30,400 --> 00:18:31,818
[grunting]
386
00:18:31,819 --> 00:18:33,904
[♪ upbeat rock music playing]
387
00:18:35,155 --> 00:18:37,574
[people screaming]
388
00:18:40,786 --> 00:18:42,745
Check out all those empty tables.
389
00:18:42,746 --> 00:18:45,916
Finally, we catch a break. Shall we?
390
00:18:47,042 --> 00:18:49,503
Ah. The promised land.
391
00:18:50,462 --> 00:18:53,339
- I feel so important.
- I'm sorry.
392
00:18:53,340 --> 00:18:55,883
We're actually
gonna be needing that table.
393
00:18:55,884 --> 00:18:57,218
What? Everyone left.
394
00:18:57,219 --> 00:18:59,303
And this place is about to be driftwood.
395
00:18:59,304 --> 00:19:02,723
Yeah, but we're expecting a big group
between now and then.
396
00:19:02,724 --> 00:19:06,978
So you're welcome to keep waiting
at the bar or run for your lives.
397
00:19:06,979 --> 00:19:09,063
Oh, you'd just love that, wouldn't you?
398
00:19:09,064 --> 00:19:11,149
You've been trying to shake us all day,
399
00:19:11,150 --> 00:19:13,568
but you must have us confused
for some suckers.
400
00:19:13,569 --> 00:19:16,404
So we'll be waiting out
the incoming tsunami at the bar.
401
00:19:16,405 --> 00:19:17,488
Thank you very much.
402
00:19:17,489 --> 00:19:20,951
And we will be checking back in with you
if either of us survive.
403
00:19:23,912 --> 00:19:27,123
I know you don't
want to hear this right now,
404
00:19:27,124 --> 00:19:28,834
but I did bring my wallet.
405
00:19:34,256 --> 00:19:37,049
How sure are you this thing
will actually work, Hayley?
406
00:19:37,050 --> 00:19:39,928
Not at all.
But how about some good vibes, Mom?
407
00:19:41,096 --> 00:19:43,098
[♪ dramatic music playing]
408
00:19:57,321 --> 00:19:59,197
- It worked!
- Hallelujah!
409
00:19:59,198 --> 00:20:01,073
Oh, no. My Skee-Ball problem.
410
00:20:01,074 --> 00:20:04,535
Saving hundreds of lives?
Great vibes, Hayles.
411
00:20:04,536 --> 00:20:05,621
Thanks, Mom.
412
00:20:07,331 --> 00:20:09,665
Noah, my baby. There you are.
413
00:20:09,666 --> 00:20:11,417
Thanks for keeping an eye on him.
414
00:20:11,418 --> 00:20:13,753
His dad forgot
he had softball this afternoon.
415
00:20:13,754 --> 00:20:15,922
High school softball. He watches it.
416
00:20:15,923 --> 00:20:17,924
What a day we had, Noah.
417
00:20:17,925 --> 00:20:20,509
But it's time to go back to your family.
418
00:20:20,510 --> 00:20:22,553
I'll always cherish our time together.
419
00:20:22,554 --> 00:20:24,556
Hey, creep. Stay away from my kid.
420
00:20:25,807 --> 00:20:28,017
You'll always be in my heart, Noah.
421
00:20:28,018 --> 00:20:29,770
Let's get the hell out of here.
422
00:20:31,980 --> 00:20:33,147
[Francine] What about Jeff?
423
00:20:33,148 --> 00:20:35,274
[Hayley] Eh, seagulls are back.
They're on it.
424
00:20:35,275 --> 00:20:37,568
[muffled shouting]
425
00:20:37,569 --> 00:20:39,654
{\an8}[♪ ominous music playing]
426
00:20:39,655 --> 00:20:41,114
{\an8}[♪ violin music playing]
427
00:20:47,329 --> 00:20:48,330
[speaking French]
428
00:20:59,091 --> 00:21:01,093
{\an8}[♪ ominous music playing]