1 00:00:03,962 --> 00:00:06,715 ♪ Good morning, USA ♪ 2 00:00:06,798 --> 00:00:09,968 ♪ I got a feeling that it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪ 3 00:00:10,052 --> 00:00:13,222 ♪ The sun in the sky has a smile on his face ♪ 4 00:00:13,305 --> 00:00:16,934 ♪ And he's shining a salute to the American race ♪ 5 00:00:19,436 --> 00:00:22,898 ♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪ 6 00:00:22,981 --> 00:00:25,317 ♪ Good morning, USA ♪ 7 00:00:28,028 --> 00:00:30,322 {\an8}♪ Good morning, USA ♪ 8 00:00:32,699 --> 00:00:34,993 You are cool. 9 00:00:35,077 --> 00:00:36,703 Cool as a cucumber. 10 00:00:36,787 --> 00:00:38,247 A cucumber doesn't want... 11 00:00:38,330 --> 00:00:39,790 ...it doesn't fear. 12 00:00:39,873 --> 00:00:41,708 It just is. 13 00:00:41,792 --> 00:00:42,960 Everyone, come quick! 14 00:00:43,043 --> 00:00:44,503 Steve is doing something. 15 00:00:44,586 --> 00:00:45,837 I'm psyching myself up 16 00:00:45,921 --> 00:00:47,339 for the Langley Church Carnival. 17 00:00:47,422 --> 00:00:48,715 {\an8}Take this with a grain of salt 18 00:00:48,799 --> 00:00:50,259 {\an8}because I've never been to this fair 19 00:00:50,342 --> 00:00:52,761 {\an8}and this is the first I'm hearing of it. You're not ready. 20 00:00:52,844 --> 00:00:55,597 {\an8}The Church Carnival closes the summer social calendar. 21 00:00:55,681 --> 00:00:57,349 {\an8}It's a chance to reinvent yourself 22 00:00:57,432 --> 00:00:59,059 {\an8}right before school starts again. 23 00:00:59,142 --> 00:01:00,602 {\an8}And you're going as... 24 00:01:00,686 --> 00:01:02,562 {\an8}What did you say? A pickle? 25 00:01:02,646 --> 00:01:04,856 {\an8}Your trolling would've gotten to the old Steve, 26 00:01:04,940 --> 00:01:08,151 {\an8}but new me is easy and/or breezy. 27 00:01:08,235 --> 00:01:09,278 {\an8}I've been very patient. 28 00:01:09,361 --> 00:01:10,862 {\an8}Please talk about the belt now. 29 00:01:10,946 --> 00:01:12,864 {\an8}It's the centerpiece to the new me. 30 00:01:12,948 --> 00:01:15,409 {\an8}Gives me the confidence of a cucumber. 31 00:01:15,492 --> 00:01:18,912 {\an8}Famously the most confident of all the penis-shaped foods. 32 00:01:20,372 --> 00:01:21,415 {\an8}Ready to go, Steve? 33 00:01:21,498 --> 00:01:24,126 {\an8}Whoa! I'm loving the new braided centerpiece. 34 00:01:24,209 --> 00:01:26,169 {\an8}You guys are doing this fair thing, too? 35 00:01:26,253 --> 00:01:27,504 {\an8}Carnival. And yes. 36 00:01:27,588 --> 00:01:29,006 {\an8}It's the perfect opportunity 37 00:01:29,089 --> 00:01:31,258 {\an8}to reset who you are before the school year. 38 00:01:31,341 --> 00:01:32,759 {\an8}If it goes well. 39 00:01:32,843 --> 00:01:34,511 {\an8}It goes wrong sometimes? 40 00:01:36,430 --> 00:01:38,932 {\an8}Hayley had a bad carnival last summer. 41 00:01:39,016 --> 00:01:40,726 {\an8}Derailed her whole year. 42 00:01:40,809 --> 00:01:42,769 {\an8}She developed an unhealthy bond 43 00:01:42,853 --> 00:01:44,521 {\an8}with a goat in the petting zoo. 44 00:01:44,604 --> 00:01:46,189 {\an8}They caught her trying to, uh... 45 00:01:46,273 --> 00:01:48,442 {\an8}To lure it away into a porta-potty. 46 00:01:48,525 --> 00:01:50,569 {\an8}Are you guys talking about the goat again? 47 00:01:50,652 --> 00:01:53,030 {\an8}- Let it go! - You freaked everyone out! 48 00:01:53,113 --> 00:01:54,614 He needed to be alone! 49 00:01:54,698 --> 00:01:55,699 With me! 50 00:01:55,782 --> 00:01:57,492 This fair sounds incredible! 51 00:01:57,576 --> 00:01:59,578 Everyone get in the car right freaking now. 52 00:01:59,661 --> 00:02:01,246 Well, it doesn't start for a few hours. 53 00:02:01,330 --> 00:02:04,958 Wow. I can't stop learning things about this fair! 54 00:02:08,211 --> 00:02:09,254 I can't do it. 55 00:02:09,338 --> 00:02:10,672 This Henley was a mistake. 56 00:02:10,756 --> 00:02:13,425 Look how much chest I'm just giving away for free. 57 00:02:13,508 --> 00:02:14,926 Be honest, is it slutty? 58 00:02:15,010 --> 00:02:16,887 Honestly? Yes. 59 00:02:16,970 --> 00:02:19,139 But in a way that really sings. 60 00:02:19,222 --> 00:02:21,975 If anything, I'm worried about my bold lip. 61 00:02:22,059 --> 00:02:24,478 - Is it-- - Absolutely perfect? Yes. 62 00:02:24,561 --> 00:02:27,314 Those lips belong in Paris or on a motorcycle. 63 00:02:27,397 --> 00:02:29,441 I can't wait to see them drop like a curtain 64 00:02:29,524 --> 00:02:31,068 on a bunch of fried pickles. 65 00:02:31,151 --> 00:02:32,861 Oh, Stan. 66 00:02:34,446 --> 00:02:37,282 Right. I've watched 16 hours of YouTube videos 67 00:02:37,366 --> 00:02:39,826 on how to beat every rigged game here. 68 00:02:39,910 --> 00:02:43,497 Those carny fat cats have had it too good for too long. 69 00:02:43,580 --> 00:02:45,540 And I am gonna have a normal time. 70 00:02:45,624 --> 00:02:47,876 I'm certainly not going anywhere near the porta-potties. 71 00:02:47,959 --> 00:02:49,294 Or the petting zoo-- 72 00:02:49,378 --> 00:02:51,546 You're literally acting insane about this. 73 00:02:51,630 --> 00:02:54,049 Can we just forget about the goat? I have. 74 00:02:54,132 --> 00:02:55,884 {\an8}I bet he wouldn't even recognize me anyway. 75 00:02:55,967 --> 00:02:57,761 {\an8}I mean, I've grown a bunch. 76 00:02:57,844 --> 00:02:59,680 {\an8}Has he grown? I don't care! 77 00:02:59,763 --> 00:03:01,640 {\an8}And I've got my cucumber thing! 78 00:03:01,723 --> 00:03:03,058 {\an8}Oh, wait, was that Steve's? 79 00:03:03,141 --> 00:03:04,768 {\an8}I will also be a cucumber. 80 00:03:07,187 --> 00:03:09,606 Whoa, Steve, nice belt. 81 00:03:09,690 --> 00:03:11,650 Thanks. That flamenco fingernail 82 00:03:11,733 --> 00:03:13,235 is nothing to sneeze at either. 83 00:03:13,318 --> 00:03:14,611 This? Oh, no. 84 00:03:14,695 --> 00:03:16,738 My new thing is gonna be cocaine. 85 00:03:16,822 --> 00:03:18,198 So what do we do first? 86 00:03:18,281 --> 00:03:20,367 Check out the rides? The girls? 87 00:03:20,450 --> 00:03:21,952 The women? 88 00:03:22,035 --> 00:03:24,204 This year, I'm easy-peasy Steazy. 89 00:03:24,287 --> 00:03:27,582 I'm even willing to ride the big-kid rides. 90 00:03:27,666 --> 00:03:28,667 Are you sure? 91 00:03:28,750 --> 00:03:30,043 Snot, look at my belt. 92 00:03:30,127 --> 00:03:32,129 The new Steve is ready for anything. 93 00:03:32,212 --> 00:03:33,588 That's great news! 94 00:03:33,672 --> 00:03:35,090 'Cause there's a new ride this year 95 00:03:35,173 --> 00:03:36,842 that's supposed to be nuts. 96 00:03:36,925 --> 00:03:38,552 There is? 97 00:03:38,635 --> 00:03:41,096 Satan's Tantrum. 98 00:03:47,185 --> 00:03:49,354 Very cool. 99 00:03:49,438 --> 00:03:51,064 But what's the rush, right? 100 00:03:51,148 --> 00:03:53,024 Let's get some funnel cake first-- 101 00:03:53,108 --> 00:03:54,401 Stop hitting yourself! 102 00:03:56,403 --> 00:03:58,989 Steve! Help me! 103 00:03:59,072 --> 00:04:00,282 Smith! 104 00:04:00,365 --> 00:04:03,160 I was just thinking about how I'd like to hit you with this. 105 00:04:03,243 --> 00:04:06,121 Uh, I got a cricket leg in my funnel cake last year. 106 00:04:06,204 --> 00:04:07,289 Let's hit that ride. 107 00:04:07,372 --> 00:04:08,373 What about Billy? 108 00:04:08,457 --> 00:04:10,709 Billy might've been the aggressor here. We came in late. 109 00:04:11,501 --> 00:04:13,795 Now the trick here is the backspin-- 110 00:04:13,879 --> 00:04:14,880 Hey, watch it! 111 00:04:14,963 --> 00:04:16,631 Winner, winner, chicken dinner! 112 00:04:16,715 --> 00:04:18,175 I'm not a prize to be won. 113 00:04:18,258 --> 00:04:19,926 Help! I'm being trafficked! 114 00:04:20,010 --> 00:04:21,595 Probably for sex! 115 00:04:21,678 --> 00:04:23,597 - Wait, is it for sex? - No. 116 00:04:23,680 --> 00:04:25,932 Okay, yeah. Then help! 117 00:04:28,435 --> 00:04:32,647 The best part is it wasn't even built by a ride architect. 118 00:04:32,731 --> 00:04:35,275 - Then who made it? - A guy. 119 00:04:35,358 --> 00:04:39,237 After he built it, he was committed to an insane asylum. 120 00:04:39,321 --> 00:04:41,573 Are pieces supposed to be falling off like that? 121 00:04:44,034 --> 00:04:45,410 Nobody knows! 122 00:04:45,494 --> 00:04:47,287 That's what makes it great! 123 00:04:47,370 --> 00:04:49,289 Step on the scale, boy. 124 00:04:49,372 --> 00:04:52,042 And get this. No height requirement. 125 00:04:52,125 --> 00:04:54,044 Just a weight requirement. 126 00:04:54,127 --> 00:04:56,588 The guy was absolutely mental. 127 00:04:56,671 --> 00:04:58,632 What happens if you don't weigh enough? 128 00:04:58,715 --> 00:04:59,716 You fly out. 129 00:05:03,303 --> 00:05:05,514 Huh. He's not heavy enough. 130 00:05:05,597 --> 00:05:07,098 But Toshi's smaller than me. 131 00:05:10,185 --> 00:05:11,686 I can't ride the ride 132 00:05:12,187 --> 00:05:14,481 Oh! I can't ride the ride! 133 00:05:14,564 --> 00:05:16,942 Ugh! Enjoy the hell out of it, boys. 134 00:05:17,025 --> 00:05:18,944 I'm gonna try to cool off in the mirror maze. 135 00:05:21,696 --> 00:05:24,157 Hi. I'm a little late to the game on this fair thing, 136 00:05:24,241 --> 00:05:26,451 but I'm loving what I'm seeing from you carnies. 137 00:05:26,535 --> 00:05:30,664 Doing drugs in the open, having filthy hay sex while your teeth drop out. 138 00:05:30,747 --> 00:05:33,166 - I'll do anything to work here. - You're hired. 139 00:05:34,334 --> 00:05:35,418 Fantastic! 140 00:05:35,502 --> 00:05:37,045 I need the first two weeks off. 141 00:05:41,842 --> 00:05:44,553 Hey, big guy. Close shave out there. 142 00:05:44,636 --> 00:05:46,513 Satan's Tantrum was a curveball. 143 00:05:46,596 --> 00:05:47,764 It's okay to be scared. 144 00:05:47,848 --> 00:05:50,100 You're still King Cuke. 145 00:05:53,311 --> 00:05:54,604 Mertz. 146 00:05:54,688 --> 00:05:55,689 Wow. 147 00:05:55,772 --> 00:05:58,608 What in the candy-ass hell did I just stumble on? 148 00:05:58,692 --> 00:06:00,151 Oh, no. 149 00:06:00,235 --> 00:06:02,237 I can't control myself. 150 00:06:02,320 --> 00:06:05,031 When I see a wuss being this vulnerable, 151 00:06:05,115 --> 00:06:07,701 my body just has to bully. 152 00:06:07,784 --> 00:06:09,327 Good luck catching the real me. 153 00:06:09,411 --> 00:06:11,746 I know this place like the back of my-- 154 00:06:12,455 --> 00:06:13,832 This is exciting. 155 00:06:13,915 --> 00:06:16,960 I wonder what my body's gonna do to you. 156 00:06:18,086 --> 00:06:19,379 I know my rights! 157 00:06:19,462 --> 00:06:21,423 I am allowed to sing to the goat. 158 00:06:21,506 --> 00:06:23,550 You're a cucumber. You're a cucumber. 159 00:06:23,633 --> 00:06:24,968 Not this one. 160 00:06:25,051 --> 00:06:26,094 He's a flight risk. 161 00:06:28,430 --> 00:06:29,431 Hot damn! 162 00:06:29,514 --> 00:06:31,057 Welcome to hell, boy. 163 00:06:31,141 --> 00:06:33,310 No, please! Somebody stop him! 164 00:06:38,607 --> 00:06:40,483 What are you doing? 165 00:06:40,567 --> 00:06:42,485 I told you, I don't know. 166 00:06:42,569 --> 00:06:46,531 But whatever happens is your fault, King Cuke. 167 00:07:06,551 --> 00:07:07,552 Ahhh! 168 00:07:08,178 --> 00:07:10,138 Steve! I got you! 169 00:07:10,221 --> 00:07:11,848 {\an8}Next on Greg's Goodies, 170 00:07:11,931 --> 00:07:14,643 {\an8}I'll be trying the famous twice-fried corn dogs-- 171 00:07:17,062 --> 00:07:19,439 A real news story. And at the carnival. 172 00:07:19,522 --> 00:07:20,982 My school year is set. 173 00:07:28,948 --> 00:07:31,117 Ooh, you are so dead. 174 00:07:31,201 --> 00:07:32,452 Everyone saw that! 175 00:07:32,535 --> 00:07:34,329 Assault, attempted murder, 176 00:07:34,412 --> 00:07:37,248 and worst of all, misleading an innocent carny! 177 00:07:37,332 --> 00:07:39,459 I know what your body's gonna do next. 178 00:07:39,542 --> 00:07:41,044 Go straight to jail! 179 00:07:44,714 --> 00:07:47,342 {\an8}We'll see if we can get a word from the hero himself. 180 00:07:47,425 --> 00:07:50,720 {\an8}- Hang on-- - And hang on, he did. To you. 181 00:07:50,804 --> 00:07:52,514 {\an8}What was going through your mind up there? 182 00:07:52,597 --> 00:07:54,683 {\an8}Nothing. I... I just did it. 183 00:07:54,766 --> 00:07:56,017 {\an8}Inspiring words. 184 00:07:56,101 --> 00:07:58,395 {\an8}And what's new about me is the bolo tie! 185 00:08:03,900 --> 00:08:05,944 And at the height of Satan's Tantrum, 186 00:08:06,027 --> 00:08:08,780 Mertz, clear-eyed and cool. 187 00:08:08,863 --> 00:08:12,117 And Steve, the sniveling nerd, 188 00:08:12,200 --> 00:08:14,202 unchanged by the miracle of the carnival, 189 00:08:14,285 --> 00:08:17,288 wearing pink heart boxers, like a cartoon sea captain 190 00:08:17,372 --> 00:08:19,416 whose pants are ripped open by an alligator. 191 00:08:19,499 --> 00:08:21,668 Can't say I love the way I'm being depicted. 192 00:08:21,751 --> 00:08:24,504 I gotta set the record straight. Mertz is no hero. 193 00:08:24,587 --> 00:08:26,756 It's his fault I was even on that death trap! 194 00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:28,466 Uh... 195 00:08:28,550 --> 00:08:31,928 - What? - It's just that he did save your life. 196 00:08:32,011 --> 00:08:36,599 Criticizing Mertz now might come across as ungrateful? 197 00:08:36,683 --> 00:08:39,936 Dare I say, uncool. 198 00:08:40,019 --> 00:08:42,397 He's tormented us our entire lives. 199 00:08:42,480 --> 00:08:44,941 Barry, he Gorilla Glued your boobs together. 200 00:08:45,025 --> 00:08:46,192 You had to have surgery. 201 00:08:46,276 --> 00:08:47,318 We know that. 202 00:08:47,402 --> 00:08:48,945 But I think Barry's right. 203 00:08:49,029 --> 00:08:50,780 You gotta let this blow over. 204 00:08:50,864 --> 00:08:53,783 On the bright side, he hasn't bullied any of us today. 205 00:08:53,867 --> 00:08:57,620 True. I don't miss the usual back-to-school butt crack wet willy. 206 00:08:57,704 --> 00:08:58,872 Maybe you're right. 207 00:08:58,955 --> 00:09:01,583 Maybe this will all die down in a few days. 208 00:09:01,666 --> 00:09:04,836 {\an8}A key to the city is the greatest honor 209 00:09:04,919 --> 00:09:08,131 {\an8}Langley Falls can bestow upon a citizen. 210 00:09:08,214 --> 00:09:11,551 Though, in truth, it opens very little. 211 00:09:11,634 --> 00:09:14,721 The holes simply aren't big enough, I've found. 212 00:09:15,263 --> 00:09:18,850 And so, to you, Mertz, we offer this key. 213 00:09:18,933 --> 00:09:20,643 Thank you for not forcing me 214 00:09:20,727 --> 00:09:22,937 to cancel the carnival because of a death. 215 00:09:23,438 --> 00:09:24,564 Thank you. 216 00:09:24,647 --> 00:09:27,358 But the truth is I'm no hero. 217 00:09:27,442 --> 00:09:29,402 That's a thing a hero would say. 218 00:09:29,486 --> 00:09:32,030 I've done a lot of things I'm not proud of. 219 00:09:32,113 --> 00:09:35,492 I used to prey on the weak. Steve in particular. 220 00:09:35,575 --> 00:09:37,744 Uh, for the record, that was the old Steve. 221 00:09:37,827 --> 00:09:40,246 If I can draw your attention to my belt for a moment-- 222 00:09:40,330 --> 00:09:43,958 But saving him awoke in me a desire to do good. 223 00:09:44,042 --> 00:09:46,628 Now I get up each day and try to be the person 224 00:09:46,711 --> 00:09:48,630 all of you believe I am already. 225 00:09:49,172 --> 00:09:51,925 Thank you. 226 00:09:52,008 --> 00:09:53,760 I wasn't supposed to be on that ride. 227 00:09:53,843 --> 00:09:55,804 And for the other boy, 228 00:09:55,887 --> 00:09:58,181 Zanes department store has graciously donated 229 00:09:58,264 --> 00:10:01,267 a pack of less embarrassing underwear. 230 00:10:01,351 --> 00:10:04,270 For the love of... My underwear is fine! 231 00:10:04,354 --> 00:10:07,690 No! They're the underwear of a foppish captain 232 00:10:07,774 --> 00:10:11,402 who gets his pants ripped open by a hungry alligator! 233 00:10:11,486 --> 00:10:12,654 I've seen that one! 234 00:10:12,737 --> 00:10:14,572 What was it called? 235 00:10:14,656 --> 00:10:17,534 Meet me by the stage. Everyone else, go home. 236 00:10:17,617 --> 00:10:19,202 Francine, your makeup. 237 00:10:19,285 --> 00:10:22,372 People are gonna think we skipped this thing to have sex in the car. 238 00:10:22,455 --> 00:10:24,707 Especially the people who saw us doing it. 239 00:10:24,791 --> 00:10:25,875 Can we go now? 240 00:10:25,959 --> 00:10:28,211 Mertz, we never had a chance to say a proper thank you 241 00:10:28,294 --> 00:10:30,130 for what you did for Steve. 242 00:10:30,213 --> 00:10:32,257 I'd shake your hand, but I haven't washed mine, 243 00:10:32,340 --> 00:10:35,301 and I, uh, just did something cool. 244 00:10:35,385 --> 00:10:37,303 Do you have dinner plans tonight? 245 00:10:37,387 --> 00:10:39,639 I was gonna have a quiet night in. 246 00:10:39,722 --> 00:10:41,307 Dang, he's booked up. Let's go. 247 00:10:41,391 --> 00:10:43,977 Come to our house for dinner. It's the least we can do. 248 00:10:44,060 --> 00:10:47,063 Wow. Uh, okay. Thank you. 249 00:10:47,814 --> 00:10:49,107 Dad, no! 250 00:10:49,190 --> 00:10:51,276 He once did an entire history report 251 00:10:51,359 --> 00:10:54,112 on the agrarian tradition of plowing Mom! 252 00:10:54,195 --> 00:10:57,699 Great. You never wanna talk about the stuff I'm interested in. 253 00:10:59,284 --> 00:11:01,703 So, Mertz, what kind of doors are open to you 254 00:11:01,786 --> 00:11:03,288 now that you're a celebrity? 255 00:11:03,371 --> 00:11:05,331 I bet you could get on Raya easy. 256 00:11:05,415 --> 00:11:07,041 Everyone's been so generous. 257 00:11:07,125 --> 00:11:10,795 The petting zoo said I could pick any animal I want and keep it. 258 00:11:12,005 --> 00:11:14,507 What did you decide on? 259 00:11:14,591 --> 00:11:15,967 Could someone pass me a napkin? 260 00:11:16,050 --> 00:11:17,635 A teacup piglet. 261 00:11:17,719 --> 00:11:20,346 Hmm. Yeah, I don't see what the fuss is about this guy. 262 00:11:20,430 --> 00:11:21,431 Okay. 263 00:11:21,514 --> 00:11:24,517 Probably time for Mertz to be hitting the old dusty trail. 264 00:11:24,601 --> 00:11:28,146 No can do. I am not leaving you guys with all these dishes. 265 00:11:28,229 --> 00:11:29,439 That's sort of my thing. 266 00:11:29,522 --> 00:11:30,523 Since when? 267 00:11:30,607 --> 00:11:32,275 Let him clean up if he wants. 268 00:11:32,358 --> 00:11:35,486 I torched the casserole dish. It's gonna need a hero. 269 00:11:35,570 --> 00:11:37,155 All right. 270 00:11:37,238 --> 00:11:39,574 You got into my house, you won over my family. 271 00:11:39,657 --> 00:11:40,742 Congratulations. 272 00:11:40,825 --> 00:11:42,952 Now you can use it all to stab me in the heart. 273 00:11:43,036 --> 00:11:44,120 That's the plan, right? 274 00:11:44,204 --> 00:11:45,997 There's no plan, Steve. 275 00:11:46,080 --> 00:11:47,665 God's plan, maybe. 276 00:11:47,749 --> 00:11:50,668 Something shifted inside me on that ride. 277 00:11:50,752 --> 00:11:53,338 Something more than my elbow popping out. 278 00:11:53,421 --> 00:11:54,756 Well, I don't buy the act. 279 00:11:54,839 --> 00:11:56,799 I'm not gonna spend the rest of my life in debt 280 00:11:56,883 --> 00:11:59,969 to the guy who gave me a swirly in a toilet he upper-decked. 281 00:12:00,053 --> 00:12:02,347 Steve, I don't think you understand. 282 00:12:02,430 --> 00:12:04,057 I'm in debt to you. 283 00:12:04,140 --> 00:12:07,227 For the first time in my life, I like who I am. 284 00:12:07,310 --> 00:12:08,645 You saved me. 285 00:12:08,728 --> 00:12:12,023 And I can't wait to tell the whole world about it tomorrow. 286 00:12:12,106 --> 00:12:14,108 - What... What's tomorrow? - You didn't hear? 287 00:12:14,192 --> 00:12:16,819 Buddy, we're gonna be on Morning Mimosa! 288 00:12:16,903 --> 00:12:20,949 Hmm. Show the world who you truly are, you say. 289 00:12:21,032 --> 00:12:24,035 I didn't. But I love when you put words in my mouth. 290 00:12:24,118 --> 00:12:26,037 Gives my tongue a rest. 291 00:12:27,330 --> 00:12:29,499 Look, babe! I got you a goat! 292 00:12:29,582 --> 00:12:31,000 Who's that? I don't know that goat. 293 00:12:31,084 --> 00:12:33,336 It's a goat, like you like. 294 00:12:33,962 --> 00:12:35,380 Oh. Wow. 295 00:12:35,463 --> 00:12:37,966 Okay, now I'm starting to see what's going on here. 296 00:12:38,049 --> 00:12:41,552 "Hayley likes goats. Any goat will do." Is that about right? 297 00:12:41,636 --> 00:12:42,887 I... I don't understand. 298 00:12:42,971 --> 00:12:46,140 Yeah, well, everything's coming into focus for me. 299 00:12:46,224 --> 00:12:48,601 I'm achieving a level of clarity about you now. 300 00:12:48,685 --> 00:12:49,936 Did I do something wrong? 301 00:12:50,019 --> 00:12:51,104 Get out of here. 302 00:12:51,187 --> 00:12:54,357 And take whatever it is you think this is, with you. 303 00:12:54,440 --> 00:12:55,858 - The goat? - Jeff, Jeff, Jeff. 304 00:12:55,942 --> 00:12:58,027 - Just go, honey. Go. - Jeff, Jeff, Jeff, Jeff. 305 00:12:59,195 --> 00:13:01,489 That went so sideways in there. 306 00:13:01,572 --> 00:13:03,491 What the hell did you do? 307 00:13:04,742 --> 00:13:06,703 Stop saying that! 308 00:13:08,746 --> 00:13:10,873 Welcome back from our Boot and Rally intermission 309 00:13:10,957 --> 00:13:12,959 sponsored by Fruit Stripe gum. 310 00:13:13,042 --> 00:13:14,210 Fruit Stripe gum! 311 00:13:14,294 --> 00:13:17,505 For when you need your mouth to be as fresh as a zebra. 312 00:13:17,588 --> 00:13:20,091 Our producer, Charlie, is telling me 313 00:13:20,174 --> 00:13:24,304 our guests are the carnival hero and the boy he saved. 314 00:13:24,387 --> 00:13:27,223 So tell us, are you as worried as me 315 00:13:27,307 --> 00:13:30,143 that every car is clay-colored now? 316 00:13:30,226 --> 00:13:31,686 - Uh... - Sure. 317 00:13:31,769 --> 00:13:34,814 In fact, there's not much I don't worry about, Suze. 318 00:13:34,897 --> 00:13:37,734 Yes! You look like a worrier. 319 00:13:37,817 --> 00:13:40,987 Guilty. I'm a bit of a wuss. 320 00:13:41,487 --> 00:13:44,282 I have this fun little thing I like to do that helps me. 321 00:13:44,365 --> 00:13:47,785 It's incredibly earnest and vulnerable. 322 00:13:47,869 --> 00:13:48,911 Do you all wanna see it? 323 00:13:51,748 --> 00:13:52,749 Please don't. 324 00:13:54,208 --> 00:13:56,335 Steven Anita Smith. 325 00:13:56,419 --> 00:13:57,628 My middle name is Anita. 326 00:13:57,712 --> 00:13:59,380 You are cool. 327 00:13:59,464 --> 00:14:02,383 Cool as a big, firm cucumber. 328 00:14:05,636 --> 00:14:07,472 Calm and cool. 329 00:14:07,555 --> 00:14:10,683 Probably the coolest of all the fruits. 330 00:14:10,767 --> 00:14:12,393 The King Cuke. 331 00:14:13,895 --> 00:14:14,937 Gotcha. 332 00:14:15,021 --> 00:14:17,482 Oh, my God! I'm so sorry! 333 00:14:17,565 --> 00:14:18,983 I don't know why I did that. 334 00:14:19,067 --> 00:14:21,194 No, I feel it too. I want... 335 00:14:21,277 --> 00:14:23,613 I want to stuff him somewhere small? 336 00:14:23,696 --> 00:14:25,239 - His place! - Yes! 337 00:14:25,323 --> 00:14:27,658 I wanna put him in his place! 338 00:14:27,742 --> 00:14:29,202 In his place! 339 00:14:29,285 --> 00:14:30,828 In his place! 340 00:14:30,912 --> 00:14:31,913 Stop! 341 00:14:31,996 --> 00:14:34,248 I don't mean to silence women, 342 00:14:34,332 --> 00:14:37,752 but where you look at Steve and see a four-eyed weenie, 343 00:14:37,835 --> 00:14:41,172 I see a guy with the courage to try to change. 344 00:14:42,381 --> 00:14:44,550 And in the end, isn't that what we all really want? 345 00:14:44,634 --> 00:14:46,636 To be better versions of ourselves? 346 00:14:47,136 --> 00:14:49,263 To be more like Steve? 347 00:14:51,641 --> 00:14:53,267 You son of a bitch! 348 00:14:53,351 --> 00:14:54,644 Ow! My arm! 349 00:14:54,727 --> 00:14:58,564 Show them you're a bully! 350 00:14:58,648 --> 00:15:00,149 Free for all! 351 00:15:07,657 --> 00:15:11,202 Snot's basement, my safe place. 352 00:15:11,285 --> 00:15:12,286 Figuratively. 353 00:15:12,370 --> 00:15:14,205 The radon actually makes it pretty dangerous 354 00:15:14,288 --> 00:15:15,581 to spend much time down here. 355 00:15:15,665 --> 00:15:16,666 Are you okay? 356 00:15:16,749 --> 00:15:17,875 We saw the show. 357 00:15:17,959 --> 00:15:19,752 No. But I will be. 358 00:15:19,836 --> 00:15:21,796 Thanks for doing this emergency sleepover. 359 00:15:21,879 --> 00:15:24,924 You guys might be the only ones immune to the Mertz-mania. 360 00:15:25,007 --> 00:15:26,801 Hey, guys. 361 00:15:26,884 --> 00:15:27,885 Sorry I'm late. 362 00:15:27,969 --> 00:15:30,221 Pizza Overlord keeps giving me pizzas. 363 00:15:30,304 --> 00:15:32,140 I hope it's okay that I brought some. 364 00:15:32,223 --> 00:15:34,433 Yum, yum, yum! I'm fat. 365 00:15:34,517 --> 00:15:36,769 Is that what you all want me to say? 366 00:15:36,853 --> 00:15:38,396 You invited Mertz? 367 00:15:38,479 --> 00:15:42,900 Steve, he said some beautiful things about you on Morning Mimosa. 368 00:15:42,984 --> 00:15:44,819 I think he's being sincere. 369 00:15:44,902 --> 00:15:47,029 {\an8}And the Steve we saw in the show... 370 00:15:47,113 --> 00:15:48,656 {\an8}that wasn't you. 371 00:15:50,116 --> 00:15:53,578 {\an8}We thought the real Steve would want the chance to apologize. 372 00:15:53,661 --> 00:15:54,745 No way! 373 00:15:54,829 --> 00:15:57,748 I'm not apologizing to that... That douche nozzle! 374 00:15:57,832 --> 00:15:59,500 - Whoa! - Too far, Steve. 375 00:15:59,584 --> 00:16:02,420 We've always believed the carnival is an opportunity 376 00:16:02,503 --> 00:16:04,005 to change who you are. 377 00:16:04,088 --> 00:16:07,008 Why can't you accept that's also true for Mertz? 378 00:16:07,091 --> 00:16:09,093 Because I didn't change! 379 00:16:09,177 --> 00:16:11,095 I tried and I couldn't! 380 00:16:11,179 --> 00:16:14,307 And if I can't, then this monster doesn't deserve to! 381 00:16:17,268 --> 00:16:19,645 Wrong, Steve. You did change. 382 00:16:19,729 --> 00:16:22,064 - I did? - For the worse! 383 00:16:25,985 --> 00:16:28,070 Look what I've done to your game. 384 00:16:28,154 --> 00:16:29,238 I'll just go. 385 00:16:29,822 --> 00:16:31,574 Enjoy the pies. 386 00:16:31,657 --> 00:16:33,868 No! Mertz, stay. 387 00:16:33,951 --> 00:16:36,579 - Steve, you go. - Me? 388 00:16:37,205 --> 00:16:39,457 Look what you've become, Steve. 389 00:16:39,540 --> 00:16:40,541 Get out! 390 00:16:42,835 --> 00:16:45,796 "Ooh, Mertz, we all love you 391 00:16:45,880 --> 00:16:47,840 "and your idiot broken arm, Mertz!" 392 00:16:52,678 --> 00:16:54,513 "Kiss my baby, Mertz. 393 00:16:54,597 --> 00:16:56,182 "Now kiss me, Mertz." 394 00:16:56,265 --> 00:16:58,226 "Now let's all kiss at the same time 395 00:16:58,309 --> 00:17:00,937 "on Steve's stupid grave!" 396 00:17:01,020 --> 00:17:04,941 Steve! I got worried when it started raining. Hop in. 397 00:17:05,024 --> 00:17:07,652 - Stop kissing everyone? - What? 398 00:17:09,904 --> 00:17:11,948 Whoa. Is it raining? 399 00:17:12,031 --> 00:17:14,200 I love my job! 400 00:17:14,283 --> 00:17:16,702 - Leave me alone! - I can't. 401 00:17:16,786 --> 00:17:19,789 I'd never forgive myself if something happened to you. 402 00:17:19,872 --> 00:17:21,290 Oop. 403 00:17:21,374 --> 00:17:23,292 Gotta blot that before it stains. 404 00:17:23,834 --> 00:17:25,962 I got napkins here somewhere. 405 00:17:26,045 --> 00:17:28,047 Look, maybe you have changed. 406 00:17:28,130 --> 00:17:30,007 Maybe you're a completely different person. 407 00:17:30,091 --> 00:17:32,677 But that doesn't change the fact that I hate you. 408 00:17:32,760 --> 00:17:33,970 And I hate that I'm gonna be 409 00:17:34,053 --> 00:17:36,764 an afterthought to you the rest of my life! 410 00:17:37,515 --> 00:17:40,017 Back in the seat. 411 00:17:40,101 --> 00:17:42,436 Almost ready to look out the windshield again. 412 00:17:42,520 --> 00:17:44,522 Where my eye drops at? 413 00:17:46,607 --> 00:17:48,276 Ah. 414 00:17:54,156 --> 00:17:56,409 Ooh. That was-- 415 00:18:01,414 --> 00:18:03,124 - Dad? - Oh, Steve! 416 00:18:03,207 --> 00:18:04,333 We were so worried! 417 00:18:04,917 --> 00:18:05,918 Are you naked? 418 00:18:06,460 --> 00:18:08,963 Yes. Your mother prefers when I dress like this. 419 00:18:09,046 --> 00:18:10,631 My arms. 420 00:18:10,715 --> 00:18:13,259 - I... I can't-- - ...believe I got the correct goat? 421 00:18:13,342 --> 00:18:14,385 I believe. 422 00:18:14,468 --> 00:18:15,636 I always believed. 423 00:18:15,720 --> 00:18:17,888 And now it doesn't matter if no one else understands. 424 00:18:17,972 --> 00:18:19,432 I understand a little. 425 00:18:19,515 --> 00:18:22,768 Oh, really, Jeff? What part exactly? 426 00:18:27,231 --> 00:18:28,482 Don't feel bad for him. 427 00:18:28,566 --> 00:18:30,192 This is what he does! 428 00:18:30,276 --> 00:18:32,403 And I've given up on the carnival circuit. 429 00:18:32,486 --> 00:18:34,447 Kicked out, really, for hygiene reasons. 430 00:18:34,530 --> 00:18:35,740 Gotta keep my eyes peeled 431 00:18:35,823 --> 00:18:37,992 for something less buttoned-up than carny life. 432 00:18:38,659 --> 00:18:40,119 And is that Klaus? 433 00:18:40,202 --> 00:18:41,662 Timing will be of the essence. 434 00:18:41,746 --> 00:18:43,372 While Sergei is clogging the filter, 435 00:18:43,456 --> 00:18:45,124 it will be up to me to open the window 436 00:18:45,207 --> 00:18:47,543 so Beth can catapult Pierre to freedom. 437 00:18:48,628 --> 00:18:51,005 Oh, my God, guys. That's my family! 438 00:18:51,088 --> 00:18:52,590 Get me out of here! 439 00:18:52,673 --> 00:18:55,217 Good to leave? Seemed like you're in the middle of something. 440 00:18:55,301 --> 00:18:56,636 An escape plan for the clownfish. 441 00:18:56,719 --> 00:18:58,304 It's fine. I wasn't crucial. 442 00:19:01,557 --> 00:19:03,351 Wonderful. You're awake. 443 00:19:03,434 --> 00:19:04,935 You're very lucky you made it. 444 00:19:05,019 --> 00:19:08,189 A certain hero got you here in the nick of time. 445 00:19:08,272 --> 00:19:09,398 Oh, no. 446 00:19:11,442 --> 00:19:12,985 Whoops! Wrong curtain. 447 00:19:13,069 --> 00:19:15,446 The truck driver's in pretty rough shape. 448 00:19:17,448 --> 00:19:19,742 Lucky, too, that Mertz was a donor match. 449 00:19:19,825 --> 00:19:21,869 Okay, everyone, that's visiting hours. 450 00:19:21,952 --> 00:19:22,995 Steve needs rest. 451 00:19:24,955 --> 00:19:28,000 Mertz, you can do whatever you like. 452 00:19:28,084 --> 00:19:31,003 Come by the parking lot when you're done, and I'll smoke you out. 453 00:19:32,338 --> 00:19:34,715 They gave me this Jel-O for giving blood, 454 00:19:34,799 --> 00:19:37,593 and I... I figured you could use it more. 455 00:19:37,677 --> 00:19:40,137 I've got a spoon here somewhere. 456 00:19:40,221 --> 00:19:42,515 I guess I owe you an apology. 457 00:19:42,598 --> 00:19:44,558 You really have changed. 458 00:19:44,642 --> 00:19:45,935 Into my belt? 459 00:19:46,018 --> 00:19:48,312 Oh. You noticed my little trophy, huh? 460 00:19:49,563 --> 00:19:51,774 It's for defeating you completely. 461 00:19:51,857 --> 00:19:53,609 - What? - I was being honest 462 00:19:53,693 --> 00:19:55,528 when I said you changed me, Smith. 463 00:19:55,611 --> 00:19:59,490 You unlocked a whole new form of torture I didn't know was in me. 464 00:19:59,573 --> 00:20:03,119 I call it long-form bullying. 465 00:20:03,202 --> 00:20:05,496 - You're not even hurt. - Right? 466 00:20:05,579 --> 00:20:08,749 And we're the only ones who will ever know. 467 00:20:08,833 --> 00:20:13,170 I saved your life so I could ruin it, Smith. 468 00:20:13,754 --> 00:20:15,423 Oh. There's that spoon. 469 00:20:15,506 --> 00:20:18,259 Ugh, that's ripe. 470 00:20:18,342 --> 00:20:21,804 {\an8}Hope this doesn't overpower your white grape Jel-O. 471 00:20:21,887 --> 00:20:23,764 {\an8}It's a delicate taste. 472 00:20:24,348 --> 00:20:25,975 No! 473 00:20:32,314 --> 00:20:34,150 You wanted to see me, detectives? 474 00:20:34,233 --> 00:20:36,944 We need you to take a look at something. 475 00:20:38,738 --> 00:20:40,114 Am I supposed to know him? 476 00:20:40,197 --> 00:20:42,950 The truck driver who hit you 50 years ago. 477 00:20:43,033 --> 00:20:45,661 The guy who made you more metal than me. 478 00:20:45,745 --> 00:20:47,079 I'm no filthy bot! 479 00:20:47,163 --> 00:20:48,956 Easy. Easy. 480 00:20:49,039 --> 00:20:53,169 Our future technology has allowed us to do a retinal scan on cadavers 481 00:20:53,252 --> 00:20:55,546 and see everything they've ever seen. 482 00:20:55,629 --> 00:20:56,839 Show him, Kyle. 483 00:21:00,050 --> 00:21:04,138 {\an8}I saved your life so I could ruin it, Smith. 484 00:21:05,181 --> 00:21:08,976 {\an8}All your complaints over the years, and you were right all along. 485 00:21:09,059 --> 00:21:12,271 {\an8}On behalf of the Langley Acid Falls Police Department, 486 00:21:12,354 --> 00:21:14,982 {\an8}we want to issue an unofficial apology. 487 00:21:16,442 --> 00:21:17,943 {\an8}Wait, unofficial? 488 00:21:18,027 --> 00:21:19,820 {\an8}We can't ever let this footage leak. 489 00:21:19,904 --> 00:21:21,697 {\an8}It'd cause global instability 490 00:21:21,781 --> 00:21:25,868 {\an8}and threaten the reputation of the United States President. 491 00:21:25,951 --> 00:21:27,787 {\an8}President Mertz. 492 00:21:27,870 --> 00:21:30,164 {\an8}Man, I'd love to get a belt like his. 493 00:21:30,247 --> 00:21:32,208 {\an8}Ah, so cool.