1
00:00:03,503 --> 00:00:06,131
After all these years,
we finally did it.
2
00:00:06,215 --> 00:00:07,841
The perfect sleepover.
3
00:00:07,925 --> 00:00:09,468
Keep your head still.
4
00:00:09,551 --> 00:00:11,553
R-rated movie, check.
5
00:00:11,637 --> 00:00:13,472
Video games, check.
6
00:00:13,555 --> 00:00:16,225
That loose pill we found on the floor
of the bus station
7
00:00:16,308 --> 00:00:18,769
that we think
might be Percocet, check.
8
00:00:18,852 --> 00:00:20,145
How are we liking this?
9
00:00:22,189 --> 00:00:25,275
Ugh. I have so many moles
on my scalp.
10
00:00:25,943 --> 00:00:28,070
Sounds like bedtime.
11
00:00:28,153 --> 00:00:29,196
I'll go brush my teeth.
12
00:00:29,279 --> 00:00:31,615
Whoa. Whoa.
We didn't have a sleepover
13
00:00:31,698 --> 00:00:33,575
just to spend time apart.
14
00:00:33,659 --> 00:00:35,118
Let's brush together.
15
00:00:37,287 --> 00:00:41,208
Oh, no. You hear that?
It's "Glycerine."
16
00:00:41,750 --> 00:00:44,795
That means Klaus has a lady friend
in his alcove.
17
00:00:44,878 --> 00:00:47,589
- So?
- So, we have to walk through his alcove
18
00:00:47,673 --> 00:00:48,882
to get to the bathroom.
19
00:00:48,966 --> 00:00:50,759
Maybe we should
just skip brushing.
20
00:00:50,842 --> 00:00:53,971
Snot, we ate three pounds
of Sour Patch Kids.
21
00:00:54,054 --> 00:00:56,181
Go to bed with that crap
stuck to your teeth,
22
00:00:56,265 --> 00:00:58,225
- you'll wake up with a ticket.
- Ticket?
23
00:00:58,892 --> 00:01:00,269
To Cavity Town.
24
00:01:00,352 --> 00:01:02,354
Wow, that was a long walk.
25
00:01:02,437 --> 00:01:04,564
Not as long as this one.
Come on.
26
00:01:04,648 --> 00:01:06,441
Stay close
and keep your eyes shut.
27
00:01:12,781 --> 00:01:14,449
- Oh, my God.
- What?
28
00:01:14,533 --> 00:01:16,326
- Mom?
- Schmuely.
29
00:01:16,410 --> 00:01:19,037
I never thought in a million years
you'd see this.
30
00:01:19,121 --> 00:01:20,747
Why would you think that?
31
00:01:20,831 --> 00:01:24,084
You drove me here.
You dropped me off.
32
00:01:24,167 --> 00:01:25,460
You know this guy
or something?
33
00:01:25,544 --> 00:01:27,254
Honey, let me explain.
34
00:01:27,337 --> 00:01:28,839
Where did your shirt go?
35
00:01:28,922 --> 00:01:31,383
I was waiting for the
right moment to tell you
36
00:01:32,050 --> 00:01:33,302
Klaus and I are dating.
37
00:01:33,385 --> 00:01:35,304
Dating with benefits.
38
00:01:36,179 --> 00:01:38,015
The benefits
are sex with your mom.
39
00:01:41,059 --> 00:01:43,812
♪ Good morning, USA ♪
40
00:01:43,895 --> 00:01:47,357
♪ I got a feeling that it's gonna be
a wonderful day ♪
41
00:01:47,441 --> 00:01:50,319
♪ The sun in the sky
has a smile on his face ♪
42
00:01:50,402 --> 00:01:53,780
♪ And he's shining a salute
to the American race ♪
43
00:01:56,992 --> 00:01:59,995
♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪
44
00:02:00,078 --> 00:02:02,414
♪ Good morning, USA ♪
45
00:02:05,000 --> 00:02:07,252
{\an8}♪ Good morning, USA ♪
46
00:02:10,589 --> 00:02:12,215
{\an8}It's Saturday morning.
47
00:02:12,299 --> 00:02:14,426
{\an8}What do the Smiths
have cooking this weekend?
48
00:02:14,509 --> 00:02:15,761
{\an8}Steve-o, any big plans?
49
00:02:15,844 --> 00:02:18,472
{\an8}Uh, Snot and I might watch
the Kids Choice Awards.
50
00:02:18,555 --> 00:02:20,098
{\an8}Boring. I can tell you
what happens.
51
00:02:20,182 --> 00:02:22,476
{\an8}Jack Black gets slimed.
Francine, you're up.
52
00:02:22,559 --> 00:02:23,560
{\an8}No way.
53
00:02:23,644 --> 00:02:26,605
{\an8}I'm not saying nothing
till we hear your plans.
54
00:02:26,688 --> 00:02:28,315
{\an8}- My plans?
- Yes, Stan.
55
00:02:28,398 --> 00:02:31,026
{\an8}Your big weekend plans.
What are they?
56
00:02:31,109 --> 00:02:33,820
{\an8}I, uh... I have
an important CIA mission.
57
00:02:33,904 --> 00:02:35,447
{\an8}Oh, yeah? What's the mission?
58
00:02:35,530 --> 00:02:37,115
You want to know my mission?
59
00:02:37,199 --> 00:02:39,660
You're cooked. You have nothing
going on this weekend,
60
00:02:39,743 --> 00:02:40,744
and she knows it.
61
00:02:40,827 --> 00:02:42,287
Time to face the music.
62
00:02:42,371 --> 00:02:44,247
{\an8}Excuse me.
Jeff and I have plans.
63
00:02:44,331 --> 00:02:45,332
{\an8}Oh, thank God.
64
00:02:45,415 --> 00:02:47,125
{\an8}I'm fulfilling
a lifelong dream
65
00:02:47,209 --> 00:02:49,711
{\an8}and opening
a Japanese-style cat cafe.
66
00:02:49,795 --> 00:02:52,756
- A what?
- It's a cafe but with cats.
67
00:02:53,298 --> 00:02:55,884
{\an8}You secured a loan,
permits, found real estate,
68
00:02:55,967 --> 00:02:58,970
{\an8}and built out a full cafe?
That must have taken months.
69
00:02:59,054 --> 00:03:01,556
- Years.
- Boy, I'm starving.
70
00:03:05,769 --> 00:03:08,480
I probably burned
10,000 calories last night.
71
00:03:08,563 --> 00:03:11,024
That woman is insatiable.
72
00:03:11,108 --> 00:03:12,317
Could you please shut up?
73
00:03:12,401 --> 00:03:14,444
Hey, who's this guy
coming into my house
74
00:03:14,528 --> 00:03:15,654
and telling me to shut up?
75
00:03:15,737 --> 00:03:18,365
It's Snot. You've met him,
like, 600 times.
76
00:03:18,448 --> 00:03:19,449
My bad, Snot.
77
00:03:19,533 --> 00:03:21,118
I think I must have
a concussion
78
00:03:21,201 --> 00:03:23,245
from banging my head
against your mom's thighs.
79
00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:28,917
Welcome to Whiskers & Cream.
80
00:03:29,000 --> 00:03:30,293
{\an8}What's with the cats?
81
00:03:30,377 --> 00:03:33,505
{\an8}I'll let our Head of Consumer Education
handle this one.
82
00:03:33,588 --> 00:03:36,842
{\an8}- It's a cafe but with cats.
- I see.
83
00:03:37,551 --> 00:03:38,593
{\an8}I'll take an espresso.
84
00:03:42,722 --> 00:03:44,015
{\an8}Actually, just cancel
my order.
85
00:03:44,599 --> 00:03:46,935
{\an8}Jeff, did I overestimate
the demand
86
00:03:47,018 --> 00:03:48,687
{\an8}for a Japanese-style cat cafe?
87
00:03:48,770 --> 00:03:52,482
{\an8}Business will pick up, babe.
Look, someone's coming now.
88
00:04:08,707 --> 00:04:09,958
What do you want, Roger?
89
00:04:10,041 --> 00:04:11,710
{\an8}Not Roger. Marmalade.
90
00:04:14,588 --> 00:04:15,672
{\an8}Here's my application.
91
00:04:15,755 --> 00:04:17,299
{\an8}Sorry, we're fully staffed.
92
00:04:17,382 --> 00:04:18,842
{\an8}You call this a staff?
93
00:04:18,925 --> 00:04:20,760
Snowflake, Zucchini.
94
00:04:20,844 --> 00:04:22,512
Cleo isn't even spayed.
95
00:04:22,596 --> 00:04:25,682
Slut. I'm a slut, too,
but for customers.
96
00:04:25,766 --> 00:04:27,601
I'm a customer slut.
Watch this.
97
00:04:31,396 --> 00:04:33,315
{\an8}You want me
to order something?
98
00:04:33,398 --> 00:04:34,566
{\an8}Meow.
99
00:04:34,649 --> 00:04:36,526
{\an8}Hey, waiter. A large chai tea.
100
00:04:36,610 --> 00:04:38,069
{\an8}Meow.
101
00:04:38,153 --> 00:04:39,321
{\an8}And the scone.
102
00:04:41,907 --> 00:04:43,325
Found this.
Thought you'd like it.
103
00:04:44,242 --> 00:04:46,787
You took a big risk
opening a cat cafe.
104
00:04:46,870 --> 00:04:49,790
As a cat, I swear
I'll work harder than anyone.
105
00:04:49,873 --> 00:04:51,875
Please, give me a chance
to prove it to you.
106
00:04:54,169 --> 00:04:56,421
- We open at 8:00.
- I'll be here at 7:30.
107
00:04:57,297 --> 00:04:59,549
I've had a hiccup.
My car ran out of juice.
108
00:04:59,633 --> 00:05:02,427
It's a first-generation EV,
and the range is only eight miles.
109
00:05:02,511 --> 00:05:04,346
I need the day
to get this all sorted out.
110
00:05:04,429 --> 00:05:05,597
But while I have you,
111
00:05:05,680 --> 00:05:08,391
how do I add 16 dependents
to the health plan?
112
00:05:08,475 --> 00:05:09,768
My wife just had
another litter.
113
00:05:10,477 --> 00:05:13,647
Oh, my God,
that was incredible.
114
00:05:15,065 --> 00:05:19,027
Look at me, sitting between
two boobs like a king.
115
00:05:19,110 --> 00:05:21,112
If only my boys
could see me now.
116
00:05:21,196 --> 00:05:24,574
Aw, you have boys?
How did I not know that?
117
00:05:24,658 --> 00:05:26,827
No idea. I talk
about them constantly.
118
00:05:26,910 --> 00:05:27,994
How old are they?
119
00:05:28,078 --> 00:05:29,287
Jeez, I don't know.
120
00:05:29,371 --> 00:05:32,290
My Myrtle Beach crew looks 40,
but that's just sun damage.
121
00:05:32,374 --> 00:05:33,625
I thought you meant children.
122
00:05:33,708 --> 00:05:36,336
Me, have kids?
That's hilarious.
123
00:05:36,419 --> 00:05:37,587
Hard pass.
124
00:05:37,671 --> 00:05:40,298
Well, me and Schmuely
are a package deal.
125
00:05:40,382 --> 00:05:43,093
Satisfying my every
sexual need isn't enough.
126
00:05:43,176 --> 00:05:45,178
I need someone
who can connect with my kid.
127
00:05:45,262 --> 00:05:47,681
- And you don't think I can?
- I have my doubts.
128
00:05:47,764 --> 00:05:48,849
What... I...
129
00:05:48,932 --> 00:05:50,934
I mean, I love Shroomer.
130
00:05:51,017 --> 00:05:53,353
- Schmuely!
- The name's irrelevant!
131
00:05:53,436 --> 00:05:54,938
You want
a father figure for Snot?
132
00:05:55,021 --> 00:05:57,858
Well, guess what.
You're looking at him, baby.
133
00:05:58,608 --> 00:06:00,777
Let's go, Schmuely.
Your mom says we have to bond.
134
00:06:01,695 --> 00:06:02,821
Wait, you're going?
135
00:06:02,904 --> 00:06:05,282
Steve, I've always wanted
a dad.
136
00:06:05,365 --> 00:06:07,033
He might not be
my first choice,
137
00:06:07,117 --> 00:06:09,619
but my mom likes him.
I'm willing to try.
138
00:06:09,703 --> 00:06:11,121
Schmoove that butt, Schmuely.
139
00:06:11,788 --> 00:06:13,415
Now, the first thing
to remember,
140
00:06:13,498 --> 00:06:15,584
always shave with the scales.
141
00:06:17,878 --> 00:06:19,504
What I meant to say was,
142
00:06:19,588 --> 00:06:22,048
always shave
against the scales.
143
00:06:24,384 --> 00:06:26,720
Hello, Don Draper.
144
00:06:31,057 --> 00:06:33,602
I thought we were going
to the botanical gardens.
145
00:06:33,685 --> 00:06:35,979
I said, "Plants."
Sit next to Big Ed.
146
00:06:36,062 --> 00:06:38,356
He'll teach you the difference
between indica and sativa.
147
00:06:38,440 --> 00:06:39,524
No, I won't.
148
00:06:39,608 --> 00:06:41,151
He's joking.
Sit down next to him.
149
00:06:45,864 --> 00:06:47,699
I have
an acupuncture appointment.
150
00:06:47,782 --> 00:06:50,535
Be back
in a couple hours. Behave.
151
00:06:52,329 --> 00:06:54,122
Want to see
a pregnant armadillo?
152
00:06:55,540 --> 00:06:58,168
My favorite garbage truck.
153
00:06:58,251 --> 00:07:00,045
The Sidewinder XTR
154
00:07:00,128 --> 00:07:03,006
has a 900 cubic foot
trash compartment.
155
00:07:03,089 --> 00:07:05,425
It can take load after load.
156
00:07:05,508 --> 00:07:07,636
Oh. You know who
that reminds me of.
157
00:07:07,719 --> 00:07:08,720
I'm going home.
158
00:07:08,803 --> 00:07:10,930
Wait, wait. You didn't hear
what I was going to say.
159
00:07:11,890 --> 00:07:13,850
It reminds me of your mom.
160
00:07:15,393 --> 00:07:17,687
Man, parenting is hard.
161
00:07:17,771 --> 00:07:20,023
You said it, little buddy.
162
00:07:20,106 --> 00:07:21,941
You can talk?
163
00:07:22,025 --> 00:07:24,486
Thanks to these toxic
dump fumes,
164
00:07:24,569 --> 00:07:27,280
I can do anything you want.
165
00:07:27,364 --> 00:07:28,531
Anything?
166
00:07:29,074 --> 00:07:30,617
Ho-ho-ho!
167
00:07:30,700 --> 00:07:32,160
Yeah!
168
00:07:38,917 --> 00:07:40,126
I can't connect with Snot.
169
00:07:40,210 --> 00:07:42,295
- He's unconnectable.
- Not with me.
170
00:07:42,379 --> 00:07:44,255
That's different.
You're his friend.
171
00:07:44,339 --> 00:07:46,341
I need to be his dad,
and he hates me.
172
00:07:46,424 --> 00:07:47,759
What have you two
done together?
173
00:07:47,842 --> 00:07:48,885
Let's see.
174
00:07:48,968 --> 00:07:51,763
We took Jurgen and his girlfriend
to Planned Parenthood.
175
00:07:51,846 --> 00:07:54,182
Snot actually got punched
by a pro-lifer.
176
00:07:54,265 --> 00:07:55,433
Uh, what else?
177
00:07:55,517 --> 00:07:56,893
We picked up my dry cleaning.
178
00:07:56,976 --> 00:07:58,061
You're bad at this.
179
00:07:58,144 --> 00:08:00,605
Well, what do you expect?
I never knew my own dad.
180
00:08:00,689 --> 00:08:02,357
Okay, chill out.
181
00:08:02,440 --> 00:08:04,401
I have an idea.
Remember Del?
182
00:08:04,484 --> 00:08:06,236
The guy who used
to date Snot's mom.
183
00:08:06,319 --> 00:08:07,779
Goldfish have bad memories.
184
00:08:07,862 --> 00:08:10,448
They moved into Del's townhouse
in Chesterbrook.
185
00:08:11,866 --> 00:08:15,036
In honor of the great Snot
moving in,
186
00:08:15,120 --> 00:08:17,372
I took the liberty
of stocking the fridge with...
187
00:08:18,832 --> 00:08:20,333
Specialty sodas?
188
00:08:22,168 --> 00:08:24,254
Snot was the happiest
I've ever seen him.
189
00:08:24,337 --> 00:08:27,215
Until Del caught
Mrs. Lonstein cheating.
190
00:08:27,298 --> 00:08:29,008
Oh, no. With who?
191
00:08:29,092 --> 00:08:31,636
With you!
On an air hockey table!
192
00:08:31,720 --> 00:08:32,929
Right.
193
00:08:36,516 --> 00:08:38,727
Wait, why are we
remembering this?
194
00:08:39,644 --> 00:08:41,563
Because Snot adored Del.
195
00:08:41,646 --> 00:08:43,940
If you want to connect
with Snot, be like him.
196
00:08:44,023 --> 00:08:45,650
Do wholesome stuff together.
197
00:08:45,734 --> 00:08:48,445
Model rockets,
kayaking, baseball cards.
198
00:08:48,945 --> 00:08:50,947
You're still thinking
about the air hockey table.
199
00:08:51,031 --> 00:08:52,532
No.
200
00:08:55,160 --> 00:08:58,246
Thanks for taking me here.
I used to come all the time.
201
00:08:58,329 --> 00:09:00,498
Tell you what,
pick out any card in the shop,
202
00:09:00,582 --> 00:09:01,624
and I'll buy it for you.
203
00:09:01,708 --> 00:09:02,751
No way.
204
00:09:03,668 --> 00:09:05,628
Within reason.
Keep it under 10 bucks.
205
00:09:05,712 --> 00:09:06,921
Want to see my collection?
206
00:09:07,005 --> 00:09:09,841
I'm going for all
the great Jewish athletes.
207
00:09:09,924 --> 00:09:11,593
I've already got Sandy Koufax,
208
00:09:11,676 --> 00:09:13,470
so now I just need
the other one.
209
00:09:13,553 --> 00:09:16,556
Hey, dadders. Who do you think
Snot considers
210
00:09:16,639 --> 00:09:18,558
the other great
Jewish athlete?
211
00:09:18,641 --> 00:09:21,019
Whisper your answer into the side
of your television set,
212
00:09:21,102 --> 00:09:22,395
and if you're right,
213
00:09:22,479 --> 00:09:24,856
Roger will say your name
on air
214
00:09:24,939 --> 00:09:27,067
at the end of the episode.
215
00:09:27,609 --> 00:09:29,611
Do my eyes deceive me?
216
00:09:29,694 --> 00:09:33,031
- The great Snot in the flesh.
- Del?
217
00:09:34,240 --> 00:09:35,992
It's so good to see you.
218
00:09:36,076 --> 00:09:38,244
I was hoping
we'd cross paths one day.
219
00:09:38,328 --> 00:09:40,371
Hey, Del. Not sure
you remember me, I'm--
220
00:09:40,455 --> 00:09:41,831
I know who you are.
221
00:09:41,915 --> 00:09:44,709
Wow, Snot,
you look so grown up.
222
00:09:44,793 --> 00:09:46,294
We should catch up properly.
223
00:09:46,377 --> 00:09:48,129
Can I treat you two
to ice cream?
224
00:09:48,213 --> 00:09:50,882
I recall Snot's
a Rocky Road man.
225
00:09:50,965 --> 00:09:52,050
We have ice cream at home.
226
00:09:52,133 --> 00:09:53,551
Is it Rocky Road?
227
00:09:53,635 --> 00:09:56,638
Not sure. It's so old, it's mostly ice
crystals at this point.
228
00:09:56,721 --> 00:10:00,809
I think I'd rather go
with Del if that's okay.
229
00:10:00,892 --> 00:10:03,478
- I guess. But--
- To my chariot, Snot.
230
00:10:03,561 --> 00:10:05,355
To the mighty
Sebring convertible
231
00:10:05,438 --> 00:10:07,982
built by Lord Chrysler
himself.
232
00:10:10,902 --> 00:10:12,153
What type of store is this?
233
00:10:12,237 --> 00:10:14,239
I'm late for work,
and need an extension cord
234
00:10:14,322 --> 00:10:15,990
that can reach I-95.
235
00:10:17,575 --> 00:10:19,160
- Klaus?
- Hey, Esther.
236
00:10:19,244 --> 00:10:21,538
Is Snot home? I thought
we could hit the arcade.
237
00:10:22,163 --> 00:10:23,915
That's so sweet.
238
00:10:23,998 --> 00:10:26,668
But Snot just left
for Six Flags with Del.
239
00:10:26,751 --> 00:10:28,753
- Del?
- Snot always liked Del,
240
00:10:28,837 --> 00:10:31,673
and I see no harm in it.
Don't be insecure.
241
00:10:31,756 --> 00:10:33,675
Insecure of what? Del?
242
00:10:33,758 --> 00:10:36,344
The guy who puts cheese
in his guacamole?
243
00:10:36,427 --> 00:10:37,595
He's from Wisconsin.
244
00:10:37,679 --> 00:10:39,305
That doesn't make it right.
245
00:10:39,389 --> 00:10:41,099
Why are you taking his side?
246
00:10:41,182 --> 00:10:44,310
Okay, you're acting crazy.
Call me when you calm down.
247
00:10:44,936 --> 00:10:47,856
Calm down?
I'll show you calm.
248
00:10:52,819 --> 00:10:55,947
Let's see how perfect Del is.
249
00:10:56,614 --> 00:10:58,032
Ice cream again?
250
00:10:58,575 --> 00:11:01,703
The man can handle lactose,
I'll give him that.
251
00:11:01,786 --> 00:11:03,329
Are you spying on girls?
252
00:11:03,413 --> 00:11:04,873
You're not supposed
to do that.
253
00:11:04,956 --> 00:11:06,624
Leave me alone.
I'm spying on Del.
254
00:11:06,708 --> 00:11:07,709
Who's Del?
255
00:11:09,127 --> 00:11:11,379
- You a squirrel or something?
- Raccoon.
256
00:11:12,630 --> 00:11:13,673
Do you have any kids?
257
00:11:13,756 --> 00:11:15,550
I'm 16.
258
00:11:15,633 --> 00:11:17,051
Good for you.
259
00:11:17,135 --> 00:11:19,345
Kids are hard, man.
260
00:11:19,429 --> 00:11:21,472
Trust me.
I tried being a dad once,
261
00:11:22,098 --> 00:11:23,224
a couple of days ago.
262
00:11:23,850 --> 00:11:25,101
Hey, do you guys sell tequila?
263
00:11:25,852 --> 00:11:28,271
Apply firm
downward pressure.
264
00:11:28,354 --> 00:11:31,232
Push through the cut
at an even pace.
265
00:11:31,858 --> 00:11:33,526
Whoa. I'm doing it.
266
00:11:33,610 --> 00:11:35,862
You call this
a garage?
267
00:11:35,945 --> 00:11:37,322
What are you doing
here, Klaus?
268
00:11:37,405 --> 00:11:39,157
What are you doing here, Snot?
269
00:11:39,240 --> 00:11:41,993
Del is teaching me
how to use a circular saw.
270
00:11:42,076 --> 00:11:44,537
Circular saw. Pfft.
271
00:11:44,621 --> 00:11:46,789
I got your circular saw
right here.
272
00:11:46,873 --> 00:11:47,957
Can I get you a water?
273
00:11:48,041 --> 00:11:50,501
No, but you can get me
another bottle of this.
274
00:11:52,170 --> 00:11:53,671
Gotta make that catch.
275
00:11:53,755 --> 00:11:56,007
Uh, I feel uncomfortable.
276
00:11:56,090 --> 00:11:58,218
Papa Klaus is here.
277
00:11:58,301 --> 00:12:00,970
Lift me up, and I'll teach you
how to saw.
278
00:12:02,347 --> 00:12:04,807
Don't look at Del. It's my job
to teach you stuff.
279
00:12:04,891 --> 00:12:06,351
Not his. Mine.
280
00:12:06,434 --> 00:12:07,769
You should wear
safety glasses.
281
00:12:07,852 --> 00:12:10,521
Maybe that's how
they do it in Wisconsin,
282
00:12:10,605 --> 00:12:13,816
but around here, we raise men.
283
00:12:13,900 --> 00:12:15,902
Watch and learn, Snot.
284
00:12:22,242 --> 00:12:24,535
Do you know why this happened?
285
00:12:24,619 --> 00:12:26,454
You didn't wear
safety glasses.
286
00:12:26,537 --> 00:12:30,625
It happened because Del buys
cheap, splintery wood!
287
00:12:30,708 --> 00:12:34,379
I found the tweezers, but I suggest
you go to urgent care.
288
00:12:34,462 --> 00:12:37,006
Urgent care
for an eyeball splinter.
289
00:12:37,090 --> 00:12:38,967
Okay, Bill Gates.
290
00:12:39,050 --> 00:12:40,718
Would you at least like
a mirror?
291
00:12:40,802 --> 00:12:43,638
It's in my eye. I can see it.
292
00:12:47,642 --> 00:12:49,102
You're pushing it deeper.
293
00:12:49,185 --> 00:12:51,688
You're not the first Lonstein
to say that to me.
294
00:12:51,771 --> 00:12:54,148
Aah. You get back here.
295
00:12:55,316 --> 00:12:57,610
Well, I don't see
the splinter anymore.
296
00:13:01,406 --> 00:13:03,866
How do you have to pee again?
297
00:13:03,950 --> 00:13:05,410
You had, like,
one lick of water.
298
00:13:07,036 --> 00:13:08,538
Hayley, hi.
It was a real struggle
299
00:13:08,621 --> 00:13:10,331
getting the kittens
out the door today.
300
00:13:10,415 --> 00:13:11,666
Daddy's on a work call!
301
00:13:11,749 --> 00:13:13,293
What is going on
with you?
302
00:13:13,376 --> 00:13:14,919
I might be late to work today.
303
00:13:15,003 --> 00:13:16,921
I still have to drop
the kittens off at school.
304
00:13:17,005 --> 00:13:18,339
Cats don't go to school!
305
00:13:18,423 --> 00:13:21,092
Mine do, they hunt for mice
on the lacrosse field.
306
00:13:21,175 --> 00:13:22,719
Oh, you won't believe this.
307
00:13:22,802 --> 00:13:23,845
You're not coming in.
308
00:13:23,928 --> 00:13:27,098
No. Well, yes. But I also forgot
to pack the kittens lunch.
309
00:13:27,181 --> 00:13:29,058
Can you just eat
the school mice today?
310
00:13:29,142 --> 00:13:31,352
School mice are not gross.
311
00:13:31,436 --> 00:13:32,854
Hayley, see
what I'm dealing with?
312
00:13:50,747 --> 00:13:52,999
Breakfast is served.
313
00:13:53,082 --> 00:13:54,792
Why are you
in my refrigerator?
314
00:13:54,876 --> 00:13:56,544
Because I'm abducting you.
315
00:13:56,627 --> 00:13:57,879
Don't bother running.
316
00:13:57,962 --> 00:14:00,715
This is a Dr. Slippy's
homing dart.
317
00:14:00,798 --> 00:14:02,633
But I didn't do
anything wrong.
318
00:14:02,717 --> 00:14:04,969
Exactly. You never do
anything wrong.
319
00:14:05,053 --> 00:14:07,555
You're the perfect
father figure in every way!
320
00:14:07,638 --> 00:14:10,016
And Snot will always
choose you over me.
321
00:14:10,099 --> 00:14:12,560
And eventually,
so will his mom.
322
00:14:12,643 --> 00:14:14,270
That's what
you were worried about?
323
00:14:14,353 --> 00:14:16,189
Me and Esther
getting back together?
324
00:14:16,272 --> 00:14:17,815
I moved on, Klaus.
325
00:14:17,899 --> 00:14:19,484
I don't believe you.
326
00:14:19,567 --> 00:14:21,277
Now, before you say,
"Good night,"
327
00:14:21,360 --> 00:14:23,571
I have just one question,
328
00:14:23,654 --> 00:14:25,239
this sliding egg tray,
329
00:14:25,323 --> 00:14:27,492
did it come
with the refrigerator
330
00:14:27,575 --> 00:14:29,494
or was it
an aftermarket purchase?
331
00:14:29,577 --> 00:14:30,745
Aftermarket.
332
00:14:31,788 --> 00:14:33,456
Wrong answer.
333
00:14:40,630 --> 00:14:42,423
Where are we going?
334
00:14:42,507 --> 00:14:43,549
Lanceton Canyon.
335
00:14:43,633 --> 00:14:45,468
I'm going to tie a brick
to the gas pedal,
336
00:14:45,551 --> 00:14:47,595
and send you
right over the edge.
337
00:14:47,678 --> 00:14:50,556
Then I'll probably take a guided donkey
tour to the bottom.
338
00:14:50,640 --> 00:14:52,767
The perfect crime.
339
00:14:53,768 --> 00:14:54,977
We're gonna die!
340
00:14:55,061 --> 00:14:56,395
Stay calm.
341
00:14:56,479 --> 00:14:59,941
Just turn into the skid,
and gently apply the brakes.
342
00:15:02,151 --> 00:15:04,529
See here? There's a nail
in the side wall.
343
00:15:04,612 --> 00:15:06,948
If it was on the tread,
I'd show you how to patch it,
344
00:15:07,031 --> 00:15:08,574
but you need a whole new tire.
345
00:15:08,658 --> 00:15:11,244
It's getting dark, though.
I suggest we set up camp.
346
00:15:11,327 --> 00:15:13,538
Camp? Like camping?
347
00:15:13,621 --> 00:15:15,248
Where are your
emergency supplies?
348
00:15:16,415 --> 00:15:19,377
A box of Hustler magazines
and a ukulele.
349
00:15:19,460 --> 00:15:21,295
There should be edible condoms
in there, too.
350
00:15:27,593 --> 00:15:29,178
It's work. Unbelievable.
351
00:15:29,262 --> 00:15:31,264
Do you realize
how inappropriate this is,
352
00:15:31,347 --> 00:15:33,599
calling me at home
during family movie night?
353
00:15:33,683 --> 00:15:35,184
Are you coming into
work tomorrow?
354
00:15:35,268 --> 00:15:36,936
No, don't pause it.
355
00:15:37,019 --> 00:15:38,521
By the way, when am I getting my paycheck?
356
00:15:38,604 --> 00:15:40,148
Direct deposit is a nightmare.
357
00:15:40,231 --> 00:15:41,482
You haven't earned any money!
358
00:15:41,566 --> 00:15:43,901
Nothing I do will ever
be good enough for you!
359
00:15:43,985 --> 00:15:46,195
You're a tyrant,
and karma will get you!
360
00:15:46,279 --> 00:15:48,489
I just want to know
if you're coming in or not.
361
00:15:48,573 --> 00:15:51,450
I need to lay
all my cards on the table.
362
00:15:51,534 --> 00:15:53,661
I want to be a partner.
I think I've earned it.
363
00:15:53,744 --> 00:15:55,663
I also want the cafe
to be renamed
364
00:15:55,746 --> 00:15:57,748
Big Marmalade's
Caffeine Throwdown.
365
00:15:57,832 --> 00:15:59,167
You never even clocked in!
366
00:15:59,250 --> 00:16:00,543
I forgot where it is.
367
00:16:00,626 --> 00:16:02,503
I was only there once,
and I was drunk.
368
00:16:02,587 --> 00:16:05,089
- You're fired.
- Can you even fire a partner?
369
00:16:05,173 --> 00:16:07,717
Or is that something we should let
the courts decide?
370
00:16:09,343 --> 00:16:10,803
These are all I could carry.
371
00:16:10,887 --> 00:16:12,930
Those are perfect, buddy.
372
00:16:13,014 --> 00:16:15,266
Let's arrange them
over the paper like this.
373
00:16:15,349 --> 00:16:17,810
After the twigs catch fire,
we'll add sticks,
374
00:16:17,894 --> 00:16:19,145
and eventually logs.
375
00:16:22,690 --> 00:16:24,692
♪ It must be your skin ♪
376
00:16:24,775 --> 00:16:27,069
♪ I'm sinking in ♪
377
00:16:27,153 --> 00:16:29,322
♪ It must be for real ♪
378
00:16:29,405 --> 00:16:31,824
♪ 'Cause now I can feel ♪
379
00:16:31,908 --> 00:16:34,452
You can play "Glycerine"
on that?
380
00:16:34,535 --> 00:16:35,870
Sure. Want to learn?
381
00:16:38,122 --> 00:16:39,624
Let me see your fin.
382
00:16:39,707 --> 00:16:41,375
This is a C chord.
383
00:16:42,501 --> 00:16:44,295
Whoa! I'm doing it!
384
00:16:46,672 --> 00:16:48,299
That's
the Andromeda galaxy.
385
00:16:48,382 --> 00:16:51,219
The farthest thing
visible by the naked eye.
386
00:16:51,302 --> 00:16:53,721
It's so far, the light we see
387
00:16:53,804 --> 00:16:56,933
took over two million years
to reach us.
388
00:16:57,016 --> 00:16:58,935
I see the Big Dipper.
389
00:16:59,018 --> 00:17:00,019
You've said that.
390
00:17:00,102 --> 00:17:01,562
I just realized something.
391
00:17:01,646 --> 00:17:04,565
This is actually
my first camping trip.
392
00:17:04,649 --> 00:17:07,193
What? Your father
never took you?
393
00:17:07,276 --> 00:17:09,862
No. He choked to death
when I was young.
394
00:17:09,946 --> 00:17:13,366
He tried on a turtleneck that was way too
tight at the Gap.
395
00:17:13,908 --> 00:17:15,326
Or as we called it...
396
00:17:16,160 --> 00:17:18,496
Das Gaphapshaftenstein.
397
00:17:20,748 --> 00:17:23,501
It's okay to cry. Let it out.
398
00:17:33,970 --> 00:17:36,222
Oh, Del. Sweet Del.
399
00:17:36,889 --> 00:17:38,808
I was wrong all along.
400
00:17:38,891 --> 00:17:40,434
I don't want you to be dead.
401
00:17:40,935 --> 00:17:43,396
I want you to be Dad.
402
00:17:49,318 --> 00:17:50,820
Well, this is your stop.
403
00:17:50,903 --> 00:17:52,905
Sorry about the whole
abduction thing.
404
00:17:52,989 --> 00:17:54,490
Water under the bridge.
405
00:17:55,116 --> 00:17:57,118
You take care of yourself
now, slugger.
406
00:17:57,201 --> 00:17:58,953
Hey, Dad... I mean, Del,
407
00:17:59,620 --> 00:18:02,039
do you think we could catch
a ball game tomorrow?
408
00:18:02,123 --> 00:18:03,416
The Laser Rats are in town.
409
00:18:04,000 --> 00:18:05,543
Sorry. I have plans with Snot.
410
00:18:08,379 --> 00:18:09,714
Snot.
411
00:18:12,174 --> 00:18:14,218
And is it true, Marmalade,
412
00:18:14,302 --> 00:18:18,306
your car only gets eight miles range
on a full charge
413
00:18:18,389 --> 00:18:22,643
and as a result, you suffer
from severe range anxiety?
414
00:18:22,727 --> 00:18:24,812
- Meow.
- Aww.
415
00:18:24,895 --> 00:18:29,066
Now, we don't drive many electric vehicles
down where I'm from,
416
00:18:29,150 --> 00:18:30,985
so, pardon my ignorance,
417
00:18:31,068 --> 00:18:33,863
but eight miles
sure sounds low.
418
00:18:33,946 --> 00:18:35,698
That must be hard on you.
419
00:18:35,781 --> 00:18:38,159
Me-ow.
420
00:18:38,242 --> 00:18:40,828
- Aww.
- This is ridiculous.
421
00:18:41,871 --> 00:18:44,081
That's it, young lady.
I hold you in contempt.
422
00:18:44,165 --> 00:18:46,250
Bailiff, remove her
from the courtroom.
423
00:18:46,334 --> 00:18:48,961
I hereby award
ownership of the cafe
424
00:18:49,045 --> 00:18:50,588
to Marmalade the Cat.
425
00:18:51,547 --> 00:18:52,757
Don't do this.
426
00:18:52,840 --> 00:18:54,884
The cat cafe was my dream.
427
00:18:54,967 --> 00:18:56,427
He never even showed up.
428
00:18:56,510 --> 00:18:57,762
He's not even a cat!
429
00:19:01,641 --> 00:19:02,850
Morning, Esther.
430
00:19:02,933 --> 00:19:05,186
Snot and I have a tee time
for miniature golf.
431
00:19:05,269 --> 00:19:06,896
Really? That's strange.
432
00:19:06,979 --> 00:19:08,564
Klaus and Snot left
a little while ago.
433
00:19:08,648 --> 00:19:09,982
They're going to
Lanceton Canyon.
434
00:19:10,066 --> 00:19:12,318
Lanceton Can...
435
00:19:13,027 --> 00:19:14,445
Del, what's wrong?
436
00:19:14,528 --> 00:19:17,490
The hairs on your goatee,
they're standing straight up!
437
00:19:17,573 --> 00:19:21,786
It's my paternal instinct.
Snot is in trouble.
438
00:19:24,789 --> 00:19:26,874
Your mom
is a great woman, Snot.
439
00:19:26,957 --> 00:19:29,293
But I don't need
a great woman.
440
00:19:29,377 --> 00:19:30,503
I need a dad.
441
00:19:30,586 --> 00:19:33,881
Look at me, sending an
innocent kid off a cliff.
442
00:19:33,964 --> 00:19:36,342
I need a dad
way more than you.
443
00:19:37,843 --> 00:19:40,096
Sayonara, Snot-a.
444
00:19:42,306 --> 00:19:43,391
Don't do it, Klaus.
445
00:19:43,474 --> 00:19:44,767
You can't stop me, Dad.
446
00:19:44,850 --> 00:19:46,977
- Dad?
- Let him go.
447
00:19:47,061 --> 00:19:49,980
And what? Go back to being Snot's
father figure?
448
00:19:50,064 --> 00:19:52,316
No way. I stink at it.
449
00:19:52,400 --> 00:19:53,818
Yeah, that ship has sailed.
450
00:19:53,901 --> 00:19:55,528
Okay, well,
that doesn't change the fact
451
00:19:55,611 --> 00:19:57,029
that I never had a father!
452
00:19:57,113 --> 00:19:58,781
I choose Del as my dad,
453
00:19:58,864 --> 00:20:01,784
and Snot's the only thing
standing in my way.
454
00:20:01,867 --> 00:20:02,952
I have an idea.
455
00:20:03,035 --> 00:20:04,412
You let Snot go,
456
00:20:05,162 --> 00:20:07,081
and I'll take both of you
out to Denny's.
457
00:20:07,164 --> 00:20:08,916
Both of us? Hmm.
458
00:20:09,417 --> 00:20:13,587
So, Snot and I
would essentially be brothers?
459
00:20:13,671 --> 00:20:16,090
I have a better idea.
Let my son go,
460
00:20:16,173 --> 00:20:18,259
- or I'll gut you like a fish!
- Your call, sport.
461
00:20:18,342 --> 00:20:20,886
Death by angry mom
or pancakes.
462
00:20:26,308 --> 00:20:27,560
Sport chooses pancakes!
463
00:20:28,769 --> 00:20:31,105
I hope there are
no hard feelings, Snot.
464
00:20:31,188 --> 00:20:33,149
I know I was a terrible dad,
465
00:20:33,941 --> 00:20:35,401
but I'll be a great brother.
466
00:20:35,943 --> 00:20:37,069
What do you say?
467
00:20:37,153 --> 00:20:39,071
I say, "Enjoy your trip."
468
00:20:39,155 --> 00:20:41,532
My trip? Where am I going?
469
00:20:41,615 --> 00:20:44,160
You got me, bro!
470
00:20:57,590 --> 00:20:59,508
Dadders, the winner
471
00:20:59,592 --> 00:21:03,345
{\an8}of our Great
Jewish Athlete Contest is...
472
00:21:03,429 --> 00:21:04,722
{\an8}Kevin Hart.
473
00:21:04,805 --> 00:21:06,056
{\an8}Wait. Kevin Hart?
474
00:21:06,140 --> 00:21:08,142
{\an8}That's right.
Comedian Kevin Hart
475
00:21:08,225 --> 00:21:11,145
{\an8}correctly guessed
Julian Edelman.
476
00:21:12,938 --> 00:21:15,024
{\an8}This cat cafe
was a great idea.
477
00:21:18,694 --> 00:21:20,863
{\an8}When Hayley gets out of jail,
we gotta bring her.
478
00:21:20,946 --> 00:21:23,491
{\an8}Oh, wow, looks like Esther
and Del are back together.
479
00:21:23,574 --> 00:21:24,825
{\an8}Yeah. Isn't it great?
480
00:21:24,909 --> 00:21:27,244
{\an8}Snot finally has
a normal family.
481
00:21:29,622 --> 00:21:31,332
{\an8}I miss banging Mom.
482
00:21:32,458 --> 00:21:33,876
{\an8}Bye. Have a great day.