1
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Today's your day.
2
00:00:05,506 --> 00:00:06,631
Do you have it?
3
00:00:06,715 --> 00:00:07,925
Of course I have it.
4
00:00:09,510 --> 00:00:11,553
- [Beep, dial tone]
- Francine, I don't have it!
5
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- You left it?
- I need it.
6
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- I'm on it.
- Ten minutes or I'm dead.
7
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[♪ Upbeat music playing]
8
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Smith, let's go.
9
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- [Machine beeps]
- Should we stop her?
10
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No way. She's fabulous.
11
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[Pants]
12
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What the hell are you doing?
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It's my day to bring the snack,
and I didn't forget.
14
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Beef sticks and peanut butter bars
for everyone.
15
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[All cheering] Stan! Stan!
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[Screaming] Stan!
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Oh, no. Oh, God.
18
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Can we go... Can this thing
go back in time?
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[♪ Theme music playing]
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00:01:04,982 --> 00:01:07,942
♪ Good morning, USA ♪
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♪ I got a feeling
That it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪
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♪ The sun in the sky
Has a smile on his face ♪
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♪ And he's shining a salute
To the American race ♪
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♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪
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♪ Good morning, USA ♪
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{\an8}♪ Good morning, USA ♪
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{\an8}[Dr. Fay] Francine,
it's wonderful to see you alive.
28
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{\an8}I understand you suffered
a very traumatic head injury.
29
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{\an8}Yeah, the doctors said they'd never seen
a skull fractured in so many pieces.
30
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{\an8}And now look at her. Perfect skull.
31
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{\an8}Catacomb-worthy.
32
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{\an8}If they were a pile of skulls
in a catacomb,
33
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{\an8}my baby's would be top of the pile.
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{\an8}The crowning skull. Mwah.
35
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{\an8}It was a lucky break
as far as cracked skulls go.
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{\an8}Big pieces, mostly.
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{\an8}They think they've found
almost all of them.
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{\an8}- I'm better now.
- Better?
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{\an8}Uh, more like the best!
Woman in the world, that is.
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{\an8}Heart of gold. Strongest body.
Coolest brain. Nice feet.
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{\an8}Even better ideas.
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{\an8}I'm glad that we're having
a little check-in.
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{\an8}Accidents like this can sometimes
take a toll on a marriage.
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{\an8}There might be buried resentment,
45
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{\an8}- secret guilt--
- I'm gonna stop you right there.
46
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{\an8}First of all, we don't think of it
as an accident.
47
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{\an8}We think of it
as an opportunity for growth.
48
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{\an8}We're as rock solid
as Francine's new skull.
49
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{\an8}Francine, are you also
feeling as positively
50
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{\an8}about the marriage?
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{\an8}- I do, yeah.
- [Sighs in relief]
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And in the spirit of that,
there is something I need to share.
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[Inhales and exhales]
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John Mayer is trying
to communicate with me
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- through the radio.
- Say what?
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{\an8}The musician?
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{\an8}He created a satellite radio station
in an attempt to reach me
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because he doesn't have my phone number.
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Mmm, okay.
60
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I'm trying to understand.
61
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What's so hard to understand?
62
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John Mayer is obsessed with me.
63
00:03:03,558 --> 00:03:06,269
But, Stan, it's a one-way obsession.
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His way. Toward me. So don't worry.
65
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Why would I be worried?
66
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I know what you're thinking.
67
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But no, it's not just
John Mayer songs all the time.
68
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It's John Mayer songs sometimes.
69
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But mostly he puts together
playlists and talks, a lot.
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So it's just like a normal radio station,
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except John Mayer
is talking directly to me,
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and all the songs he plays
are messages for me.
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Now I get it.
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That's, uh, a lot on your plate.
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It is, yeah.
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Francine, would you say
that this communication from John Mayer
77
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started after the traumatic head injury
caused by your accident?
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[Scoffs] Wow.
I know what you're getting at.
79
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And no, many years ago,
80
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John Mayer and I met briefly
in a Bed Bath and Beyond.
81
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Chime in here, Stan!
82
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How dare you imply my wife's fantasy
is a result of her accident.
83
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John Whatever could be trying
to reach out to her
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through his radio station.
85
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Not fantasy, not could be, Stan.
86
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- It's what's happening.
- I know. It's so obvious.
87
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I'm concerned
and I'd love to keep talking.
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No, I'm done talking.
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I'm walking.
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Stan, are you hesitant to admit
that something is wrong
91
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because you feel responsible for it?
92
00:04:21,928 --> 00:04:23,513
Duh! I mean, no. What?
93
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This is my private cell.
94
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It's extremely important
that you call me if this escalates.
95
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If what escalates? Her recovery speed?
96
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The amount I'm not
responsible for anything?
97
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Get a life.
98
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You know, I don't like that Dr. Fay.
99
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She doesn't get it, she doesn't get us.
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Yeah. I just want to forget
every single thing
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that happened before
this moment, don't you?
102
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Well, no. I'm too upset.
103
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And so am I.
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I can't believe she implied there
is something wrong with my brain.
105
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I've seen your brains,
so I know how good they are.
106
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Do you want to hear it?
107
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Which? What? Something good or bad?
108
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John Mayer. The radio station.
109
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Or will it make you too upset?
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Oh, I can handle it.
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[John Mayer over radio] You're unique,
and I know what kind of music you like.
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It's called "good music."
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So here's "I would Do Anything
for Love" by Meat Loaf.
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- You see?
- I do.
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But connect the dots in case
I'm, like, a total idiot.
116
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He would "do anything for love."
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Like create a radio station to talk to me.
118
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Plus, I can eat so much meatloaf,
and he must know that on some level.
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Wow. Yeah, he's a sicko.
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I wish this would stop.
121
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Let's make it stop!
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Let's turn it off and never think
or talk about it again.
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Take my finger.
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We'll push that button together.
125
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Okay.
126
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You've done nothing wrong,
I've done nothing wrong,
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and anyway, it's all in the past.
128
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The John Mayer thing, the accident,
the Stone Age, all in the past.
129
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Anyone want to go
to the arboretum on Sunday?
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It's not in the past! It's happening now.
131
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It's still out there.
132
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Bed time everyone, go to your rooms.
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You can't just turn it off.
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- Why not?
- Because it's in the waves,
135
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and the waves are in the air,
136
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and the air is all around me
and my family.
137
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She's absolutely right. But what about?
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[John Mayer over radio]
This is life with John Mayer
139
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and that was Michael Bolton's,
"How Can We Be Lovers."
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Yeesh, you gonna let him
talk to her like that?
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[John Mayer over radio]
I'll be recording live from the Win Hotel
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in Las Vegas all week.
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So, if you're around,
please stop by and say hello.
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I'd love to see you.
145
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He just invited me to meet up at a hotel.
146
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He's shameless!
147
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Stan, we're going to Las Vegas
to confront him.
148
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This is a clear escalation.
149
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On his end. Toward me.
150
00:06:48,950 --> 00:06:50,785
We are going to find John Mayer,
151
00:06:50,869 --> 00:06:53,788
and I'm gonna tell him
to just knock it off.
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00:06:53,872 --> 00:06:55,164
Right behind you.
153
00:06:55,248 --> 00:06:57,124
Mom is unwell. Her brain is broke.
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You should not indulge this
155
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because you feel guilty
about her accident.
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Her opportunity.
157
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Plus, shut up, and I don't.
158
00:07:03,423 --> 00:07:05,591
Dad, are you really gonna
take her to Vegas,
159
00:07:05,675 --> 00:07:09,095
or are you gonna admit that something
might be seriously wrong with Mom?
160
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Vegas! Woo-hoo! Yeah!
161
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Vegas, baby!
162
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We'll see some shows, have nice dinners--
163
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Ooh, there's an M&M store.
164
00:07:21,816 --> 00:07:24,569
Okay, but first, we're gonna
confront John Mayer.
165
00:07:24,653 --> 00:07:26,821
Oh, we're still doing that? Great.
166
00:07:27,781 --> 00:07:29,282
You seem nervous, Stan.
167
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- And I totally understand why.
- You do?
168
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Of course!
169
00:07:32,702 --> 00:07:35,413
But you're forgetting that he invited me.
170
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I had forgotten that,
and now I'm feeling more at ease.
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[Engine revving]
172
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This is fun. And speaking of,
why are we driving to Vegas from Virginia?
173
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I'm thinking we could still fly,
174
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if people wanted that.
175
00:07:48,093 --> 00:07:49,760
I don't like paper trails, Stan.
176
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So smart. And...
And this might be so dumb,
177
00:07:52,430 --> 00:07:54,140
but are we ever gonna stop to rest?
178
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No need. I have so much energy.
179
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Plus, I popped in an old catheter
180
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from when I was in the hospital
for all those months.
181
00:08:01,356 --> 00:08:03,024
The hospital, yes.
182
00:08:03,108 --> 00:08:04,900
Where you got all the way better.
183
00:08:04,984 --> 00:08:06,193
And look at this bounty.
184
00:08:06,277 --> 00:08:09,530
Lotta snacks, nice.
Hand sanitizer, awesome.
185
00:08:09,614 --> 00:08:10,740
Zip ties...
186
00:08:10,824 --> 00:08:12,575
Francine, what are the zip ties for?
187
00:08:12,659 --> 00:08:13,743
For whoever needs them.
188
00:08:13,827 --> 00:08:14,828
[Car dings]
189
00:08:15,912 --> 00:08:18,539
Well, the car is saying it needs gas.
190
00:08:18,623 --> 00:08:21,626
"Let's get some gas.
Are zip ties an escalation?"
191
00:08:21,710 --> 00:08:24,253
[chuckles nervously] That's...
That's just the car wondering.
192
00:08:24,337 --> 00:08:26,756
[Phone ringing]
193
00:08:27,465 --> 00:08:29,383
- Hello?
- Yes, you called?
194
00:08:29,467 --> 00:08:31,093
- Stan?
- Dr. Fay!
195
00:08:31,177 --> 00:08:32,887
To what do I owe this occasion?
196
00:08:32,971 --> 00:08:36,683
Stan, you called me.
How is Francine doing?
197
00:08:38,309 --> 00:08:39,685
Good kicks, good chops.
198
00:08:39,769 --> 00:08:42,521
While I have you,
we are 18 sleepless hours
199
00:08:42,605 --> 00:08:45,358
outside of Vegas,
en route to confront John Mayer
200
00:08:45,442 --> 00:08:47,401
in some fashion
I don't totally understand.
201
00:08:47,485 --> 00:08:49,195
What do you think about that? If anything.
202
00:08:49,279 --> 00:08:52,156
Stan, you need to turn around immediately.
203
00:08:52,240 --> 00:08:55,618
You cannot let her get near John Mayer.
204
00:08:55,702 --> 00:09:00,247
He is an object of her psychosis,
and something bad could happen.
205
00:09:00,331 --> 00:09:02,792
She needs to be checked into a hospital.
206
00:09:03,793 --> 00:09:05,336
She needs to be checked into a hotel!
207
00:09:05,420 --> 00:09:08,214
With a world class spa
and a sexy pool scene.
208
00:09:08,298 --> 00:09:09,548
Stan, no.
209
00:09:09,632 --> 00:09:12,009
Now that I hear you,
you're being very dramatic.
210
00:09:12,093 --> 00:09:14,178
You're like that gringo who did my MRI,
211
00:09:14,262 --> 00:09:15,763
seeing problems where there ain't.
212
00:09:15,847 --> 00:09:18,808
I'm about to board a flight. Please, Stan.
213
00:09:18,892 --> 00:09:20,393
Please stop calling me.
214
00:09:25,273 --> 00:09:27,066
{\an8}Ooh, shiny!
215
00:09:27,150 --> 00:09:28,275
{\an8}Let's go find him.
216
00:09:28,359 --> 00:09:32,030
{\an8}Uh, we need a room first,
and I need to freshen up.
217
00:09:32,697 --> 00:09:34,657
{\an8}[Francine] I can't wait on a long line,
218
00:09:34,741 --> 00:09:36,701
I'm here on important business.
219
00:09:36,785 --> 00:09:39,662
I couldn't help but hear
you are on important business,
220
00:09:39,746 --> 00:09:43,916
and I couldn't help but notice
that you are fabulous.
221
00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:46,002
This line is not for you. Come, come.
222
00:09:46,920 --> 00:09:48,379
{\an8}What kind of room are we thinking?
223
00:09:48,463 --> 00:09:50,965
{\an8}- Whatever. Something fast.
- Okay.
224
00:09:51,049 --> 00:09:52,967
She's coy, she's humble.
225
00:09:53,051 --> 00:09:56,053
She's negging me a little,
I'm living for it.
226
00:09:56,137 --> 00:09:57,430
Where is John Mayer?
227
00:09:57,514 --> 00:09:58,764
Oh, big fan.
228
00:09:58,848 --> 00:10:00,057
Yes, he is.
229
00:10:00,141 --> 00:10:05,187
He's recording his satellite radio
show live from the hotel all week.
230
00:10:05,271 --> 00:10:08,774
I know. Where.
231
00:10:08,858 --> 00:10:10,443
Bitch, I'll tell you.
232
00:10:10,527 --> 00:10:14,572
So, there's actually a recording booth
on the casino floor.
233
00:10:19,702 --> 00:10:21,746
Why is John Mayer not in the booth?
234
00:10:21,830 --> 00:10:23,247
He moved to a different location,
235
00:10:23,331 --> 00:10:25,041
but he's still broadcasting live.
236
00:10:25,125 --> 00:10:28,919
Please don't talk to me like
I'm some weirdo nobody, okay?
237
00:10:29,003 --> 00:10:30,421
He invited me here.
238
00:10:30,505 --> 00:10:33,299
John Mayer created this
radio station to talk to me!
239
00:10:33,925 --> 00:10:35,468
Stan, oh, my God,
240
00:10:35,552 --> 00:10:37,178
I'm so embarrassed...
241
00:10:38,263 --> 00:10:39,680
For these women.
242
00:10:39,764 --> 00:10:43,810
They think John Mayer is talking
to them through the radio.
243
00:10:44,352 --> 00:10:45,770
I'm gonna go see what's up.
244
00:10:46,813 --> 00:10:49,315
Just tell me where he's broadcasting from.
245
00:10:49,399 --> 00:10:53,027
I'm not gonna hurt him,
I just want to hold him... Down!
246
00:10:54,863 --> 00:10:55,863
That's my wife.
247
00:10:55,947 --> 00:11:00,117
I'm having a hard time facing the reality
that she's suffering from a deep psychosis
248
00:11:00,201 --> 00:11:01,452
I can't help her out of.
249
00:11:01,536 --> 00:11:03,079
- Same for you?
- Uh, no.
250
00:11:03,163 --> 00:11:05,748
Sounds like you should
take your wife to a hospital.
251
00:11:05,832 --> 00:11:08,125
But me? I'm exactly where I should be.
252
00:11:08,209 --> 00:11:11,212
About to R and R my wife
into snapping out of it.
253
00:11:11,296 --> 00:11:12,839
Snapping out of nothing at all.
254
00:11:15,341 --> 00:11:17,384
I'm thinking, we gotta
get away from these people.
255
00:11:17,468 --> 00:11:19,720
If they find out you're the one
he's really talking to,
256
00:11:19,804 --> 00:11:20,930
something bad could happen.
257
00:11:21,014 --> 00:11:23,057
- That's a really good point.
- It is.
258
00:11:23,141 --> 00:11:24,558
Let's head down to the pool,
259
00:11:24,642 --> 00:11:27,812
indulge in the calm,
healing waters. Have a relax.
260
00:11:27,896 --> 00:11:30,564
I actually am starting
to feel a little tired.
261
00:11:30,648 --> 00:11:31,982
I got you.
262
00:11:32,066 --> 00:11:33,443
Do the right thing, man.
263
00:11:37,488 --> 00:11:38,823
Francine, did you see me?
264
00:11:38,907 --> 00:11:40,825
Wait, I got water in my nose that time.
265
00:11:41,743 --> 00:11:45,162
Okay, Hunty! She's giving "Mother."
266
00:11:45,246 --> 00:11:47,707
She's sexy, she's iconic.
267
00:11:48,958 --> 00:11:52,211
She's catatonic. Slay queen!
268
00:11:52,295 --> 00:11:55,381
[Coughing] I'm okay.
269
00:11:55,465 --> 00:11:57,550
Ooh, reservations guy, reservations guy.
270
00:11:57,634 --> 00:12:00,094
Did you get the, um...
Reservations I asked for?
271
00:12:00,178 --> 00:12:04,306
Oh, yes. You wanted the best
of the best at the last moment
272
00:12:04,390 --> 00:12:05,891
for the least amount of money.
273
00:12:05,975 --> 00:12:07,893
Yes, that's me. Thank you for remembering.
274
00:12:07,977 --> 00:12:13,607
I was able to secure dinner at 2:30 p.m.
In a different hotel's steakhouse.
275
00:12:13,691 --> 00:12:16,236
And, tickets to Wayne Newton at four.
276
00:12:17,570 --> 00:12:20,239
Bring us your best,
most healing brain food.
277
00:12:20,323 --> 00:12:22,116
Not that anyone here needs that.
278
00:12:22,200 --> 00:12:23,868
[Chuckling] Except maybe me.
279
00:12:23,952 --> 00:12:25,078
Maybe I'm the one.
280
00:12:26,955 --> 00:12:27,956
Boop!
281
00:12:28,873 --> 00:12:31,208
- Stan! Francine!
- Oh, hey, Roger.
282
00:12:31,292 --> 00:12:35,379
The name's Leoncio Bedoncio,
official merch guy for Wayne.
283
00:12:35,463 --> 00:12:37,757
Francine, glamorous as ever.
284
00:12:38,633 --> 00:12:41,635
She's lost a bit of energy over
the last few hours, hasn't said a word,
285
00:12:41,719 --> 00:12:44,513
but maybe that's what happens
right before someone snaps out of it.
286
00:12:44,597 --> 00:12:47,600
Maybe. You guys want to buy
a Wayne Newton t-shirt?
287
00:12:47,684 --> 00:12:50,769
Wayne Newton whitening strips?
A hyperbaric chamber?
288
00:12:50,853 --> 00:12:54,106
We all know how good Wayne looks,
how strong he is.
289
00:12:54,190 --> 00:12:56,567
I've never seen him.
Don't know his face or his work.
290
00:12:56,651 --> 00:12:58,819
What? He's Mr. Las Vegas!
291
00:12:58,903 --> 00:13:01,280
And this is the hyperbaric chamber
he sleeps in.
292
00:13:01,364 --> 00:13:03,991
Not this one exactly,
but one basically just like it.
293
00:13:04,075 --> 00:13:08,329
And it could be yours for the low,
low price of $53,000.
294
00:13:08,913 --> 00:13:11,165
I really hope this show isn't horrible.
295
00:13:11,249 --> 00:13:15,586
♪ ...For always
my heart says, danke schoen ♪
296
00:13:15,670 --> 00:13:17,296
♪ Danke schoen ♪
297
00:13:17,380 --> 00:13:18,672
Yeah!
298
00:13:18,756 --> 00:13:21,050
Beautiful. Bellissimo.
299
00:13:21,134 --> 00:13:23,052
Stan, I figured it out.
300
00:13:23,136 --> 00:13:25,221
You did? I'm so happy, Francine.
301
00:13:25,305 --> 00:13:27,389
I knew you would. And so did I.
302
00:13:27,473 --> 00:13:29,099
All thanks to Wayne Newton.
303
00:13:29,183 --> 00:13:30,893
Should we stay for the 7:00 p.m. show?
304
00:13:30,977 --> 00:13:31,977
No, sorry.
305
00:13:32,061 --> 00:13:35,105
I haven't been listening to this
or anything you said for hours.
306
00:13:35,189 --> 00:13:38,275
I've been listening to
John Mayer's live broadcast.
307
00:13:38,359 --> 00:13:40,027
I figured out where he is.
308
00:13:40,111 --> 00:13:43,072
It's time to go silence him, for good.
309
00:13:44,699 --> 00:13:46,116
Wait. I, uh...
310
00:13:46,200 --> 00:13:49,453
I would kick myself if I didn't get
inside this hyperbaric chamber.
311
00:13:49,537 --> 00:13:50,913
See if I fit.
312
00:13:54,167 --> 00:13:56,585
- [Phone beeps]
- Dr. Fay, call me as soon as you get this.
313
00:13:56,669 --> 00:13:58,837
She needs help.
More help than I can give her.
314
00:13:58,921 --> 00:14:01,340
- She's crazy.
- [Francine] You think I'm crazy?
315
00:14:01,424 --> 00:14:03,133
This isn't soundproof?
316
00:14:03,217 --> 00:14:06,512
You never believed me. The whole time.
317
00:14:06,596 --> 00:14:10,182
This hurts more than when
you dropped me 300 feet
318
00:14:10,266 --> 00:14:11,642
and broke my head.
319
00:14:11,726 --> 00:14:14,520
Please understand.
I thought this was soundproof.
320
00:14:15,938 --> 00:14:16,981
[Door banging]
321
00:14:17,565 --> 00:14:18,691
Dr. Fay, me again.
322
00:14:18,775 --> 00:14:20,734
I'm stuck in here like Sleeping Beauty,
323
00:14:20,818 --> 00:14:24,238
and I think my Prince Charming
is going to murder John Mayer.
324
00:14:24,322 --> 00:14:25,990
Sleeping beauty is right.
325
00:14:26,074 --> 00:14:28,742
Soon, you will be "Sleeping beautiful!"
326
00:14:28,826 --> 00:14:30,160
And it's yours for only--
327
00:14:30,244 --> 00:14:32,121
I can't believe
I'm giving you this price--
328
00:14:32,205 --> 00:14:33,956
$65,000.
329
00:14:34,916 --> 00:14:37,335
You don't seem excited.
Did I say less before?
330
00:14:42,381 --> 00:14:44,216
Gotta stop Francine.
331
00:14:44,300 --> 00:14:47,219
Wow! So strong after only one session.
332
00:14:47,303 --> 00:14:48,387
Shall I ring it up?
333
00:14:48,471 --> 00:14:49,722
Francine!
334
00:14:49,806 --> 00:14:51,265
Oh, God, Francine!
335
00:14:51,349 --> 00:14:52,892
- [Bell ringing]
- Francine!
336
00:14:53,726 --> 00:14:55,519
Why are casinos designed like this?
337
00:14:55,603 --> 00:14:56,645
Where is the exit?
338
00:14:56,729 --> 00:14:58,605
I actually... You know what?
339
00:14:58,689 --> 00:15:00,399
I... I don't even know.
340
00:15:03,694 --> 00:15:04,820
Francine!
341
00:15:04,904 --> 00:15:07,406
No, it's me, Wayne Newton.
342
00:15:07,490 --> 00:15:08,824
I don't mean to interrupt.
343
00:15:08,908 --> 00:15:10,617
I just... I lost my wife.
344
00:15:10,701 --> 00:15:13,037
I'm so sorry. How did she pass?
345
00:15:13,121 --> 00:15:14,788
She didn't. She gave me the slip.
346
00:15:14,872 --> 00:15:16,832
- [Rimshot plays]
- [audience laughing]
347
00:15:16,916 --> 00:15:18,208
It's not a joke, it's true.
348
00:15:18,292 --> 00:15:20,920
Get up here. Tell us what's going on.
349
00:15:21,420 --> 00:15:23,297
I messed up, Wayne. Big time.
350
00:15:23,381 --> 00:15:24,965
And I was too afraid to face it.
351
00:15:25,049 --> 00:15:27,426
But then your song, it made me weep,
352
00:15:27,510 --> 00:15:29,928
because it put my deepest
feelings into words.
353
00:15:30,012 --> 00:15:33,390
Those words, of course,
are "Donkey shame."
354
00:15:33,474 --> 00:15:35,225
- Danke schoen.
- Exactly.
355
00:15:35,309 --> 00:15:36,393
Donkey shame.
356
00:15:36,477 --> 00:15:39,354
The shame a donkey feels
just for existing.
357
00:15:39,438 --> 00:15:41,315
That's me, I'm the donkey.
358
00:15:41,399 --> 00:15:44,902
And it's not only that I caused
an accident that broke my wife's brain...
359
00:15:44,986 --> 00:15:47,905
Yes, Wayne, it was an accident,
it wasn't an opportunity.
360
00:15:47,989 --> 00:15:50,074
- I see.
- You should see my wife.
361
00:15:50,158 --> 00:15:53,160
She's lit from within.
A dime, inside and out.
362
00:15:53,244 --> 00:15:54,244
And I get it now.
363
00:15:54,328 --> 00:15:56,538
She deserves to be
with a beautiful donkey.
364
00:15:56,622 --> 00:15:58,165
A donkey that isn't ashamed.
365
00:15:58,249 --> 00:15:59,583
You know what I'm saying, Wayne?
366
00:15:59,667 --> 00:16:01,627
Some donkeys are tens, some are threes.
367
00:16:01,711 --> 00:16:04,171
You're the donkey expert.
Who's that donkey from Shrek?
368
00:16:04,255 --> 00:16:05,756
He is pretty. What's his name?
369
00:16:05,840 --> 00:16:07,633
- Donkey.
- You're an angel, Wayne.
370
00:16:07,717 --> 00:16:11,136
What I'm trying to say is,
I trapped a firefly in a jar.
371
00:16:11,220 --> 00:16:12,346
She's too good for me.
372
00:16:12,430 --> 00:16:15,265
I'd let her out, but with
my donkey hooves, I can't.
373
00:16:15,349 --> 00:16:17,059
By the way, what's your name?
374
00:16:17,143 --> 00:16:19,812
I'm Stan. And my wife thinks
John Mayer is trying
375
00:16:19,896 --> 00:16:21,355
to talk to her through the radio,
376
00:16:21,439 --> 00:16:24,483
which is coocoomunga,
but in another life, maybe it's true.
377
00:16:24,567 --> 00:16:27,027
Maybe her broken brain
is revealing a secret wish
378
00:16:27,111 --> 00:16:30,823
to be with someone fabulous instead
of someone like me.
379
00:16:30,907 --> 00:16:33,700
And now, unfortunately,
she's on her way to kill him or something.
380
00:16:33,784 --> 00:16:36,120
That's bad news. How can I help?
381
00:16:36,204 --> 00:16:39,456
She said she figured out where he is
by listening to his live radio show.
382
00:16:39,540 --> 00:16:41,709
- Again, though, she's coocoomunga.
- [Snaps fingers]
383
00:16:42,752 --> 00:16:45,170
[John Mayer over radio]
And now for another great song,
384
00:16:45,254 --> 00:16:47,965
the same song we've been listening
to for the last hour,
385
00:16:48,049 --> 00:16:52,261
- this is "SOS" by ABBA.
- [Snaps fingers]
386
00:16:52,345 --> 00:16:55,472
Now I feel like John Mayer
is talking to me.
387
00:16:55,556 --> 00:16:56,890
That's an SOS.
388
00:16:56,974 --> 00:17:00,394
Oh, God, he's recording from the Win,
but he wasn't in the booth.
389
00:17:00,478 --> 00:17:02,563
Well, then he's in the penthouse.
390
00:17:02,647 --> 00:17:04,857
That's where they keep
the beautiful donkeys.
391
00:17:04,941 --> 00:17:06,316
You did it, Wayne!
392
00:17:06,400 --> 00:17:07,401
[All cheering]
393
00:17:07,485 --> 00:17:09,945
Well, they don't call me Mr. Las Vegas
for nothing.
394
00:17:10,029 --> 00:17:13,949
I'm sorry, Mr. Las Vegas,
but nobody gets up who isn't on the list.
395
00:17:14,033 --> 00:17:15,868
- Damn.
- I know she's up there.
396
00:17:15,952 --> 00:17:17,786
She's yelling, she's got him tied up.
397
00:17:17,870 --> 00:17:20,330
Oh, God, she's going to jail,
and it's all my fault.
398
00:17:20,414 --> 00:17:22,332
How are we gonna get up there now, Wayne?
399
00:17:22,416 --> 00:17:26,962
I can do this with such ease,
because I sleep in a hyperbaric chamber.
400
00:17:27,046 --> 00:17:28,964
♪ Danke schoen ♪
401
00:17:29,048 --> 00:17:31,675
♪ Darling, danke schoen ♪
402
00:17:31,759 --> 00:17:33,719
Oh, Wayne!
403
00:17:33,803 --> 00:17:35,846
I am telling you the truth.
404
00:17:35,930 --> 00:17:38,765
I don't know you. I've never
seen you before in my life,
405
00:17:38,849 --> 00:17:42,186
you've broken into my room,
and you are holding me hostage.
406
00:17:43,145 --> 00:17:45,439
- Francine!
- [Woman] Stan?
407
00:17:46,357 --> 00:17:47,525
Dr. Fay?
408
00:17:49,193 --> 00:17:51,236
Okay, now I'm tired.
409
00:17:51,320 --> 00:17:53,280
I'm gonna take a quick disco nap.
410
00:17:53,364 --> 00:17:57,826
Hey, Wayne, I ordered a hyperbaric chamber
from your merch guy, and it never arrived.
411
00:17:57,910 --> 00:17:59,161
I paid 80 grand.
412
00:17:59,245 --> 00:18:00,996
That guy doesn't work for me.
413
00:18:01,080 --> 00:18:03,123
Everyone shut up!
414
00:18:03,207 --> 00:18:04,625
Dr. Fay, what are you doing?
415
00:18:04,709 --> 00:18:06,084
After you left my office,
416
00:18:06,168 --> 00:18:08,086
I checked out the radio station.
417
00:18:08,170 --> 00:18:12,132
And I realized John Mayer
wasn't talking to Francine,
418
00:18:12,216 --> 00:18:14,843
he was talking to me!
419
00:18:14,927 --> 00:18:18,055
But he's being really weird about it.
420
00:18:18,139 --> 00:18:19,223
Now, sit!
421
00:18:24,228 --> 00:18:25,229
You.
422
00:18:25,313 --> 00:18:26,688
You got my messages!
423
00:18:26,772 --> 00:18:29,399
- Wait, what?
- How did you get up here?
424
00:18:29,483 --> 00:18:31,360
I had to go through the sewer.
425
00:18:31,444 --> 00:18:35,656
She was on the list,
under "Bed Bath and Beyond."
426
00:18:35,740 --> 00:18:36,865
[taser whirrs]
427
00:18:36,949 --> 00:18:38,492
You shouldn't have come.
428
00:18:39,577 --> 00:18:42,413
I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be.
429
00:18:46,167 --> 00:18:50,838
[Woman singing] ♪ Danke schoen
Darling, danke schoen ♪
430
00:18:51,881 --> 00:18:58,054
♪ Thank you for all the joy and pain ♪
431
00:18:58,596 --> 00:19:03,392
♪ Picture show, second balcony... ♪
432
00:19:03,476 --> 00:19:05,269
That's why the karate!
433
00:19:05,353 --> 00:19:08,772
♪ Was the place we'd meet
Second seat ♪
434
00:19:08,856 --> 00:19:10,232
♪ Gold Dutch treat ♪
435
00:19:11,025 --> 00:19:12,025
[Grunts]
436
00:19:12,109 --> 00:19:14,111
♪ Danke schoen ♪
437
00:19:14,195 --> 00:19:15,363
[Stan] The zip ties!
438
00:19:16,989 --> 00:19:18,657
Francine, wow.
439
00:19:18,741 --> 00:19:19,866
Francine.
440
00:19:19,950 --> 00:19:21,034
So that's your name.
441
00:19:21,118 --> 00:19:22,744
I haven't stopped thinking about you
442
00:19:22,828 --> 00:19:25,330
since we were both perusing
those shower radios
443
00:19:25,414 --> 00:19:26,915
at BB and Beyond.
444
00:19:26,999 --> 00:19:30,419
You were my white whale,
but I had no way of reaching you.
445
00:19:30,503 --> 00:19:34,506
I figured I'd start a radio station
as a little nod to our meeting,
446
00:19:34,590 --> 00:19:37,384
and just talk to you directly,
in the shower.
447
00:19:37,468 --> 00:19:38,844
He means me.
448
00:19:38,928 --> 00:19:41,638
I see now that I was
casting too wide a net,
449
00:19:41,722 --> 00:19:43,223
confusing a lot of people.
450
00:19:43,307 --> 00:19:44,975
It's why I had to move upstairs.
451
00:19:45,059 --> 00:19:46,810
But that's all in the past.
452
00:19:46,894 --> 00:19:49,187
I knew you would hear me.
I knew you would come.
453
00:19:49,271 --> 00:19:50,314
Hang on there.
454
00:19:50,398 --> 00:19:52,357
Stan, I went back to get you,
455
00:19:52,441 --> 00:19:55,444
but I got lost in the casino,
and then you were gone.
456
00:19:55,528 --> 00:19:58,280
I'm sorry for trapping you,
that wasn't cool.
457
00:19:58,364 --> 00:19:59,531
No, Francine.
458
00:19:59,615 --> 00:20:02,534
I should apologize for
trapping you. In this life.
459
00:20:02,618 --> 00:20:06,121
You shouldn't be with a donkey like me,
you should be with John Mayer.
460
00:20:06,205 --> 00:20:08,290
I don't want to be with John Mayer.
461
00:20:08,374 --> 00:20:10,292
Oh, no, why not?
462
00:20:10,376 --> 00:20:12,086
You want to be with Wayne?
463
00:20:12,712 --> 00:20:13,712
[Spritzing]
464
00:20:13,796 --> 00:20:16,173
Have you been listening to me at all?
465
00:20:16,257 --> 00:20:19,968
I came here to tell John Mayer
to knock it off.
466
00:20:20,052 --> 00:20:22,012
- Knock it off, John.
- Okay.
467
00:20:22,096 --> 00:20:25,182
Stan, you can never trap me.
468
00:20:25,266 --> 00:20:30,437
I love you, and I choose you,
every single day.
469
00:20:30,521 --> 00:20:32,064
'Cause I like weird [bleep].
470
00:20:35,443 --> 00:20:36,652
[Sniffles]
471
00:20:36,736 --> 00:20:39,613
I'm weeping again,
but it's not donkey shame.
472
00:20:39,697 --> 00:20:40,948
I feel the opposite.
473
00:20:41,657 --> 00:20:45,827
Horse proud to be rock solid
with the best gal in the world.
474
00:20:45,911 --> 00:20:47,120
Bravo!
475
00:20:47,204 --> 00:20:50,248
Also, this was my plan all along.
476
00:20:50,332 --> 00:20:54,419
To get you guys to this
truly rock-solid place.
477
00:20:54,503 --> 00:20:56,171
Would you believe that?
478
00:20:56,255 --> 00:20:58,716
And also say it to the police.
479
00:21:02,845 --> 00:21:06,139
{\an8}[All chanting] Arboretum! Arboretum!
480
00:21:06,223 --> 00:21:08,767
{\an8}I can't wait to see the cherry blossoms.
481
00:21:08,851 --> 00:21:10,602
{\an8}And the birds of paradise.
482
00:21:10,686 --> 00:21:12,562
{\an8}Yes! Let's get crazy.
483
00:21:12,646 --> 00:21:17,776
{\an8} "We're never gonna survive
unless we get a little crazy."
484
00:21:17,860 --> 00:21:21,279
{\an8}Seal sang that, and John Mayer
played it on the radio,
485
00:21:21,363 --> 00:21:22,572
{\an8}as a message for me.
486
00:21:22,656 --> 00:21:23,866
{\an8}[Both] You mean me.
487
00:21:25,451 --> 00:21:27,035
{\an8}[Jeff] Well, let's just ask him then.
488
00:21:27,119 --> 00:21:28,704
{\an8}[Klaus] Why would he be talking
to you guys?
489
00:21:28,788 --> 00:21:31,707
{\an8}He's talking to me!