1
00:00:02,576 --> 00:00:06,045
It's the beginning of a new season.
2
00:00:06,069 --> 00:00:09,581
Could this season change things for you?
3
00:00:09,605 --> 00:00:13,519
Could it be your season?
4
00:00:13,543 --> 00:00:15,921
Yes, I believe it could...
5
00:00:17,881 --> 00:00:20,660
Welp, I got laughed
out of the library again.
6
00:00:20,684 --> 00:00:22,194
What's wrong, my boy?
7
00:00:22,218 --> 00:00:24,330
It's my soft-ass library card.
8
00:00:24,354 --> 00:00:27,155
Nobody takes me seriously
with this flimsy thing.
9
00:00:29,292 --> 00:00:30,802
A relatable problem.
10
00:00:30,826 --> 00:00:34,406
Naomi at the reference desk
asked if I took it for a swim.
11
00:00:34,430 --> 00:00:37,009
I tried countering with
a Jacques Cousteau joke,
12
00:00:37,033 --> 00:00:39,611
but I'll give you one
[BLEEP] guess how that went.
13
00:00:39,635 --> 00:00:42,948
No. This must be laminated.
14
00:00:42,972 --> 00:00:44,950
Why do we have to come help Steve
15
00:00:44,974 --> 00:00:47,487
get his douchey liberty card laminated?
16
00:00:47,511 --> 00:00:49,755
Li-brary.
17
00:00:49,779 --> 00:00:52,313
Li-brary card.
18
00:00:53,183 --> 00:00:56,095
We should be taking him
to a speech therapist.
19
00:00:56,119 --> 00:00:57,497
Hey, look,
20
00:00:57,521 --> 00:00:59,765
there's a Langley Copy,
Print, and Office Services.
21
00:00:59,789 --> 00:01:01,233
Let's just go there.
22
00:01:01,257 --> 00:01:03,235
Where laminating is at
best third on the list,
23
00:01:03,259 --> 00:01:05,571
lumped in with God knows
what "services"?
24
00:01:05,595 --> 00:01:08,774
No, we need to go where
the job will be done right.
25
00:01:08,798 --> 00:01:10,309
Little Colombia?
26
00:01:10,333 --> 00:01:12,644
Nobody laminates like a Colombian.
27
00:01:12,668 --> 00:01:15,981
You're about to see true
masters practice their craft...
28
00:01:16,005 --> 00:01:18,584
flat plastic without a bubble in sight.
29
00:01:18,608 --> 00:01:19,785
I mean, some bubbles.
30
00:01:19,809 --> 00:01:20,986
They're... They're not wizards.
31
00:01:21,010 --> 00:01:23,723
But let me tell you,
those edges never curl.
32
00:01:23,747 --> 00:01:25,791
Well, over time, sure. Oh, we're here.
33
00:01:29,266 --> 00:01:32,131
I had no idea there was a
Colombian District in Langley.
34
00:01:32,155 --> 00:01:34,066
Oh, it's a thriving community,
35
00:01:34,090 --> 00:01:35,134
brimming with the sights, sounds,
36
00:01:35,158 --> 00:01:37,203
and flavors of authenticity.
37
00:01:38,019 --> 00:01:41,473
These bowls here are handmade
in the town of Boyacá.
38
00:01:41,497 --> 00:01:43,609
And, look. There's a festival today.
39
00:01:43,633 --> 00:01:44,877
Fool's Day.
40
00:01:44,901 --> 00:01:46,145
Something's always happening
41
00:01:46,169 --> 00:01:48,280
here in the land of a thousand rhythms.
42
00:01:48,304 --> 00:01:50,149
Dad, how do you know
so much about Colombia?
43
00:01:50,173 --> 00:01:51,617
Did you do a mission there or something?
44
00:01:51,641 --> 00:01:55,621
No! I-I... read about it
in a-a magazine.
45
00:01:55,645 --> 00:01:58,357
- Cool.
- Oh, oh, you need the name of the magazine?
46
00:01:58,381 --> 00:02:00,025
To make it more believable to you?
47
00:02:00,049 --> 00:02:01,427
I've already stopped thinking about it.
48
00:02:01,451 --> 00:02:02,461
Fine.
49
00:02:03,519 --> 00:02:06,632
Look, the truth is,
I do know about Colombia,
50
00:02:06,656 --> 00:02:10,502
for that country changed
the very core of who I am.
51
00:02:10,526 --> 00:02:13,773
It turned me from an arrogant,
flashy razzle-dazzler
52
00:02:13,797 --> 00:02:17,042
to the humble and hard-working
agent that I am today.
53
00:02:17,066 --> 00:02:20,246
- That sounds worse.
- It's a cautionary tale I've never shared.
54
00:02:20,270 --> 00:02:21,981
That's okay. We're really just focused
55
00:02:22,005 --> 00:02:23,315
on finding a laminating guy.
56
00:02:23,339 --> 00:02:25,517
But I think I may finally be ready.
57
00:02:25,541 --> 00:02:28,854
The story of my time as
a young agent in Colombia
58
00:02:28,878 --> 00:02:30,189
starts right...
59
00:02:32,682 --> 00:02:35,605
♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
60
00:02:35,640 --> 00:02:38,998
♪ I got a feelin'
that it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪
61
00:02:39,022 --> 00:02:41,801
♪ The sun in the sky has
a smile on his face ♪
62
00:02:41,825 --> 00:02:46,494
♪ And he's shinin'
a salute to the American race ♪
63
00:02:48,364 --> 00:02:51,677
♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪
64
00:02:51,701 --> 00:02:54,280
- ♪ Good... ♪
- ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
65
00:02:54,304 --> 00:02:55,336
Aah!
66
00:02:56,640 --> 00:02:59,952
♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
67
00:02:59,976 --> 00:03:01,887
It was the height of the drug war.
68
00:03:01,911 --> 00:03:03,155
What about my library card?
69
00:03:03,179 --> 00:03:04,624
As you know, I cut my teeth
70
00:03:04,648 --> 00:03:06,892
in the Miami field office of the CIA.
71
00:03:06,916 --> 00:03:08,094
Wait, Miami?
72
00:03:08,118 --> 00:03:10,362
I thought you were
talking about Colombia.
73
00:03:10,386 --> 00:03:12,364
Miami is not Colombia.
74
00:03:12,388 --> 00:03:14,766
I know that.
Don't you think I know that?
75
00:03:17,393 --> 00:03:22,041
There's a place between here
and Colombia called Miami.
76
00:03:24,734 --> 00:03:26,167
Here comes the drop.
77
00:03:28,538 --> 00:03:32,785
Looks like they're trolling
for some blow-fish.
78
00:03:32,809 --> 00:03:34,119
Cargo is onboard.
79
00:03:34,143 --> 00:03:36,388
We'll monitor the delivery, and then...
80
00:03:36,412 --> 00:03:39,125
Fly in on a Jet Ski-i-i-i-i-i!
81
00:03:39,149 --> 00:03:41,260
Smith, this isn't our mission.
82
00:03:41,284 --> 00:03:43,129
Save your mission for the nuns,
83
00:03:43,153 --> 00:03:45,954
'cause I'm a stone-cold sinner.
84
00:04:01,371 --> 00:04:04,416
Screw it. Let's nail these creeps.
85
00:04:24,127 --> 00:04:25,171
We got them.
86
00:04:25,231 --> 00:04:29,375
C-I-Ya-a-a-a-y!
87
00:04:29,399 --> 00:04:33,445
♪ Don't leave me this way ♪
88
00:04:33,469 --> 00:04:34,914
♪ Ahhh ♪
89
00:04:34,938 --> 00:04:36,516
♪ Baby ♪
90
00:04:36,540 --> 00:04:40,909
♪ My heart is full of
love and desire for you ♪
91
00:04:45,014 --> 00:04:46,726
We did the job with style,
92
00:04:46,750 --> 00:04:48,928
but never lost sight of the mission.
93
00:04:48,952 --> 00:04:50,862
That was all you today, Smith.
94
00:04:50,886 --> 00:04:52,264
I love your passion, man.
95
00:04:52,288 --> 00:04:54,534
I love it and I love it
and I love your fashion.
96
00:04:54,558 --> 00:04:55,735
It's like I say, man...
97
00:04:55,759 --> 00:04:58,538
I like doing good and
looking even better.
98
00:05:01,231 --> 00:05:04,099
And we never did the drugs.
99
00:05:06,003 --> 00:05:07,203
_
100
00:05:07,204 --> 00:05:09,182
While we no doubt kicked ass yesterday,
101
00:05:09,206 --> 00:05:12,451
the objective was to track
the smugglers into Miami
102
00:05:12,475 --> 00:05:14,988
and figure out their
distribution process,
103
00:05:15,012 --> 00:05:18,057
not launch a surprise Jet Ski attack.
104
00:05:18,081 --> 00:05:20,815
I wasn't surprised.
105
00:05:21,685 --> 00:05:23,062
- Bull's-eye!
- Whoo-hoo!
106
00:05:23,086 --> 00:05:25,264
Uh, settle down, boys.
107
00:05:25,288 --> 00:05:27,822
Now, this is a map of Downtown Miami.
108
00:05:29,158 --> 00:05:30,936
Sorry. I don't settle down.
109
00:05:31,010 --> 00:05:32,738
I get down.
110
00:05:34,964 --> 00:05:36,809
We know where El Narco is.
111
00:05:36,833 --> 00:05:38,878
And by now, he knows we mean business.
112
00:05:38,902 --> 00:05:40,946
I say we waltz into his compound,
113
00:05:40,970 --> 00:05:42,615
and I'll straight-up tell El Narco,
114
00:05:42,639 --> 00:05:45,618
"No blow north of Mexico."
115
00:05:45,642 --> 00:05:47,220
- Whoo! Yes.
- Whoo-hoo!
116
00:05:47,244 --> 00:05:49,222
I guess Smith's action-movie ideas
117
00:05:49,246 --> 00:05:51,090
haven't gotten us killed yet, right?
118
00:05:51,114 --> 00:05:52,489
Let's do it.
119
00:05:53,583 --> 00:05:57,763
And so I was on my way to
Colombia to confront El Narco.
120
00:05:57,787 --> 00:05:59,164
I would need a translator.
121
00:05:59,188 --> 00:06:00,833
But more than that, I would need some
122
00:06:00,857 --> 00:06:03,703
extra-pleated baby-blue
slacks to slide over
123
00:06:03,727 --> 00:06:07,707
my extra-extra bikini-cut
Calvin Klein underwears.
124
00:06:07,731 --> 00:06:11,911
Because when you look good,
you find good translators.
125
00:06:11,935 --> 00:06:13,779
...after which I translated
126
00:06:13,803 --> 00:06:15,915
Chomsky's "Syntactic Structures,"
127
00:06:15,939 --> 00:06:18,384
and received the Leonard
Bloomfield Award.
128
00:06:18,408 --> 00:06:20,385
Yeah, but how many chicks
have you slept with?
129
00:06:20,409 --> 00:06:22,655
Smith, he's clearly qualified.
130
00:06:22,679 --> 00:06:25,524
Qualified to make us look
like a bunch of ass-butts.
131
00:06:25,548 --> 00:06:28,461
Look at his suit. We can't be seen
in public with this guy.
132
00:06:28,485 --> 00:06:30,396
- Next.
- Aloha!
133
00:06:30,420 --> 00:06:33,466
Oh, yeah, that was before
we really knew each other.
134
00:06:33,490 --> 00:06:35,400
Yes. So sorry, Roger.
135
00:06:35,424 --> 00:06:37,403
This is a story that
doesn't include you.
136
00:06:37,427 --> 00:06:40,339
Wow, so you've never put it
together that... You know what?
137
00:06:40,363 --> 00:06:42,275
I'm just gonna sit back
and enjoy the story.
138
00:06:42,299 --> 00:06:45,210
I'll say it again. Aloha!
139
00:06:45,234 --> 00:06:47,080
Someone called for a laminator?
140
00:06:47,104 --> 00:06:48,881
Actually, a translator.
141
00:06:48,905 --> 00:06:50,549
Close enough. I'll take it. Aah!
142
00:06:50,573 --> 00:06:53,352
Geez, I thought there was an
elk in the room for a sec.
143
00:06:53,376 --> 00:06:55,554
That's a lot of brown you got on, man.
144
00:06:55,578 --> 00:06:57,178
Kind of rumpled, too.
145
00:07:01,318 --> 00:07:02,962
Much better.
146
00:07:02,986 --> 00:07:04,897
Who is this?
147
00:07:04,921 --> 00:07:06,832
Hi. Stan Smith. CIA.
148
00:07:06,856 --> 00:07:09,702
Enrique Ruiz. A Colombian man.
149
00:07:09,726 --> 00:07:12,437
I like the way your hand
feels in this handshake.
150
00:07:12,461 --> 00:07:13,906
Wish I could say the same.
151
00:07:13,930 --> 00:07:16,241
Whoa! Looks and attitude?
152
00:07:16,265 --> 00:07:18,243
Do you even speak Spanish?
153
00:07:18,267 --> 00:07:21,046
Uh, does this answer your question?
154
00:07:25,875 --> 00:07:28,121
Oh, mama. This guy can salsa.
155
00:07:28,145 --> 00:07:31,056
He's actually dancing
what's known as bachata.
156
00:07:37,220 --> 00:07:39,821
Now, this is a translator.
157
00:07:41,139 --> 00:07:43,936
No one could deny Enrique's "it" factor.
158
00:07:43,960 --> 00:07:45,138
The job was his.
159
00:07:45,162 --> 00:07:46,605
And it was a risky mission,
160
00:07:46,629 --> 00:07:49,008
but just the kind I lived for.
161
00:07:49,763 --> 00:07:51,076
Hola, boychiks.
162
00:07:51,100 --> 00:07:54,936
The name's Stan Smith,
and I'm here to talk to El Narco.
163
00:07:57,174 --> 00:07:59,607
Stahn Smeeeeth.
164
00:08:03,370 --> 00:08:05,491
Hey, remind me.
When we're done with this mission,
165
00:08:05,515 --> 00:08:07,026
I want to know what
"la cucaracha" means.
166
00:08:07,566 --> 00:08:09,963
Whoa, El Narco's got a rhino.
167
00:08:10,650 --> 00:08:12,231
It's not even an albino rhino.
168
00:08:12,255 --> 00:08:14,167
What's wrong with this guy?
All this money,
169
00:08:14,191 --> 00:08:16,235
and he's not even shoving
it in everybody's face.
170
00:08:16,259 --> 00:08:18,771
Yeah, this is tasteful. Show me gaudy.
171
00:08:18,795 --> 00:08:20,706
I know. Where's the night club, right?
172
00:08:20,730 --> 00:08:23,042
- I bet he doesn't even have one.
- Doesn't have a night club.
173
00:08:23,561 --> 00:08:25,711
Probably doesn't even enjoy soft kisses.
174
00:08:32,141 --> 00:08:35,654
I feel like I'm at college,
and I've just met my best friend.
175
00:08:35,678 --> 00:08:36,856
Wait. What's your favorite movie?
176
00:08:36,880 --> 00:08:38,591
- Porn.
- I've seen that.
177
00:08:38,615 --> 00:08:40,276
- My favorite part is when...
- When the guy's like...
178
00:08:41,951 --> 00:08:43,997
Yes! I'm here for El Narco.
179
00:08:44,021 --> 00:08:48,801
Tell him Stan Smith is here
and El Dumbass's time is up.
180
00:08:48,825 --> 00:08:50,069
Translate, my dude.
181
00:08:50,093 --> 00:08:51,604
- And I do a little of this.
- Yeah.
182
00:08:51,628 --> 00:08:53,339
- And that.
- Spell it out for them.
183
00:08:53,363 --> 00:08:56,075
- And a spin move, and...
- That's word-for-word, bitches.
184
00:08:56,099 --> 00:08:58,010
I'm El Narco.
185
00:08:58,034 --> 00:09:01,814
Holy crap. The translator was El Narco?
186
00:09:01,838 --> 00:09:03,549
Yeah. Total betrayal.
187
00:09:03,573 --> 00:09:05,684
He was sitting in his throne,
flipping me off
188
00:09:05,708 --> 00:09:08,021
- with his big, gray finger.
- Gray?
189
00:09:08,045 --> 00:09:10,089
Yeah, he was a pretty
weird-looking dude.
190
00:09:10,113 --> 00:09:11,490
And to make matters worse...
191
00:09:12,858 --> 00:09:14,227
This was a setup.
192
00:09:14,251 --> 00:09:16,295
You intercept one shipment in Miami
193
00:09:16,319 --> 00:09:19,364
and think you can take
down my entire kingdom? Ha!
194
00:09:19,388 --> 00:09:22,301
Don't laugh yet 'cause my team
is surrounding the compound
195
00:09:22,325 --> 00:09:25,771
and ready to kick it
into high gear... now.
196
00:09:25,795 --> 00:09:26,872
We're all dead.
197
00:09:27,026 --> 00:09:30,243
Dude, you asked me
to help you plan this.
198
00:09:30,267 --> 00:09:31,310
Kill him.
199
00:09:31,334 --> 00:09:33,546
Uh, daring escape.
200
00:09:33,570 --> 00:09:34,647
Smoke bomb.
201
00:09:39,342 --> 00:09:40,853
Why doesn't he spit it out?
202
00:09:40,877 --> 00:09:42,655
This guy makes me laugh.
203
00:09:44,547 --> 00:09:46,725
Now, fool, go back to America
204
00:09:46,749 --> 00:09:49,394
and spread the fame of El Narco.
205
00:09:49,418 --> 00:09:50,930
Oh, and one more thing.
206
00:09:50,954 --> 00:09:53,399
Of course I have a night club.
207
00:10:00,297 --> 00:10:01,941
An albino rhino.
208
00:10:01,965 --> 00:10:04,944
Oh, it was so hard not
to tell you in the car.
209
00:10:04,968 --> 00:10:06,411
It was so hard.
210
00:10:06,435 --> 00:10:07,813
I wanted to tell you so bad,
211
00:10:07,837 --> 00:10:09,282
but I was like, "Err, yeah,
212
00:10:09,306 --> 00:10:11,817
uh, El Narco doesn't have one of those."
213
00:10:17,014 --> 00:10:19,192
So, El Narco sent you back to the U.S.
214
00:10:19,216 --> 00:10:20,726
with your tail between your legs?
215
00:10:20,750 --> 00:10:23,062
Ah, I could see
how that would humble you.
216
00:10:23,086 --> 00:10:24,998
Humbled? No, sir.
217
00:10:25,022 --> 00:10:26,866
But your whole team died.
218
00:10:26,890 --> 00:10:28,001
What does that have to do with me?
219
00:10:28,025 --> 00:10:29,735
Those agents were dead weight.
220
00:10:29,759 --> 00:10:30,870
Now they were just dead.
221
00:10:30,894 --> 00:10:33,206
And my weight was lifted.
222
00:10:33,230 --> 00:10:36,342
Wow, you have a way with words.
223
00:10:36,366 --> 00:10:40,746
Would you order for me?
I want a water and a bread.
224
00:10:40,770 --> 00:10:42,882
There was no way I was leaving Colombia
225
00:10:42,906 --> 00:10:44,550
without taking down El Narco.
226
00:10:44,574 --> 00:10:48,754
And I had my work cut out for me
because he was beloved by all.
227
00:10:48,778 --> 00:10:51,357
El Narco! El Narco is here!
228
00:10:52,101 --> 00:10:54,027
Yes. And bringing gifts.
229
00:10:54,051 --> 00:10:55,383
Chickens.
230
00:10:56,586 --> 00:10:57,586
And hams.
231
00:10:58,588 --> 00:11:01,166
What about the sides, El Narco?
232
00:11:01,660 --> 00:11:02,835
Yes, yes.
233
00:11:02,859 --> 00:11:05,238
Only the best for my people.
234
00:11:05,262 --> 00:11:07,172
Now we play soccer.
235
00:11:07,196 --> 00:11:09,598
Behold my golden leg.
236
00:11:12,335 --> 00:11:14,847
Uh, eh, goal! Go-o-o-o-al!
237
00:11:14,871 --> 00:11:16,049
Yeah.
238
00:11:16,417 --> 00:11:18,584
Yeah!
239
00:11:18,608 --> 00:11:21,387
He had the villagers
wrapped around his finger,
240
00:11:21,411 --> 00:11:24,057
the same gray finger
I mentioned earlier.
241
00:11:24,081 --> 00:11:26,059
Wait, y-you keep mentioning that.
242
00:11:26,083 --> 00:11:27,460
You know who else has gray fingers...
243
00:11:27,484 --> 00:11:29,795
Yeah, probably El Narco's parents.
244
00:11:29,819 --> 00:11:31,865
But that's a story for a different time,
245
00:11:31,889 --> 00:11:34,656
a story that I don't know.
246
00:11:37,026 --> 00:11:38,404
El Americano!
247
00:11:38,428 --> 00:11:39,672
Shh.
248
00:11:39,696 --> 00:11:42,341
Ha! You look ridiculous
hiding in the bushes.
249
00:11:42,365 --> 00:11:43,876
I thought I sent you home.
250
00:11:43,900 --> 00:11:46,746
Good people, please,
this man is not your friend.
251
00:11:46,770 --> 00:11:49,615
He's responsible for death
and suffering in my country.
252
00:11:49,639 --> 00:11:52,485
He's an honest champion of the village.
253
00:11:52,509 --> 00:11:53,887
He gives us gifts.
254
00:11:53,911 --> 00:11:55,755
You don't understand. He...
255
00:11:55,779 --> 00:11:58,357
Mangos. Mangos, mangos, mangos for sale.
256
00:11:58,381 --> 00:12:00,693
- Sir, I'm trying to...
- Juicy mangos.
257
00:12:00,717 --> 00:12:02,361
Eat what the toucans eat.
258
00:12:02,385 --> 00:12:04,029
Forget your stupid mangos.
259
00:12:04,053 --> 00:12:06,299
Now he judges our mangos!
260
00:12:10,259 --> 00:12:13,106
Hope you're not planning
to drive anywhere.
261
00:12:13,130 --> 00:12:14,413
Car bomb!
262
00:12:18,267 --> 00:12:20,846
Ah, does this please my people?
263
00:12:20,870 --> 00:12:22,448
I declare a festival tomorrow
264
00:12:22,472 --> 00:12:25,050
to celebrate my victory over this fool.
265
00:12:25,074 --> 00:12:26,820
Car bomb!
266
00:12:26,944 --> 00:12:28,387
Car bomb!
267
00:12:29,021 --> 00:12:30,523
Ooh, a mean chicken.
268
00:12:30,547 --> 00:12:31,657
Get him, chicken.
269
00:12:33,216 --> 00:12:34,660
I needed a new plan
270
00:12:34,684 --> 00:12:38,598
to expose El Narco for
the criminal he was.
271
00:12:38,622 --> 00:12:40,038
It'll never work.
272
00:12:40,370 --> 00:12:43,002
You left those sunglasses in Miami.
273
00:12:43,026 --> 00:12:45,338
Eat, señor.
274
00:12:45,362 --> 00:12:48,207
Why do you show such kindness,
Mango Man?
275
00:12:48,231 --> 00:12:51,477
Because I despise El Narco.
276
00:12:51,501 --> 00:12:55,280
That idiot says I have bad mangos.
277
00:12:55,304 --> 00:12:56,216
If they're so bad,
278
00:12:56,255 --> 00:12:59,885
why do the flies choose to
lay their eggs in them, eh?
279
00:12:59,909 --> 00:13:01,154
Their own babies.
280
00:13:01,178 --> 00:13:03,889
- Mango Man used the word "idiot"?
- Yep.
281
00:13:04,794 --> 00:13:06,892
How does that make you feel, Roger?
282
00:13:06,916 --> 00:13:08,093
Indifferent.
283
00:13:08,117 --> 00:13:09,495
You guys, I'm telling a story.
284
00:13:09,519 --> 00:13:13,755
Mr. Mango Man, will you work
with me to take down El Narco?
285
00:13:15,192 --> 00:13:17,503
No, no, no. Too dangerous.
286
00:13:17,527 --> 00:13:19,372
I have already said too much.
287
00:13:19,396 --> 00:13:23,108
Mango, mango, mango. Night mango.
288
00:13:23,132 --> 00:13:24,644
Everything set for the festival?
289
00:13:24,668 --> 00:13:26,245
I know El Narco wants to move product,
290
00:13:26,269 --> 00:13:27,913
but... this feels risky.
291
00:13:27,937 --> 00:13:31,584
Just make sure Uncle Sam
is filled with the goods.
292
00:13:31,608 --> 00:13:33,386
We both have to make sure, Dave.
293
00:13:33,410 --> 00:13:35,989
We are a team. This isn't just on me.
294
00:13:36,424 --> 00:13:38,791
I didn't know what he had
planned for the festival,
295
00:13:38,815 --> 00:13:40,793
but I knew it would be my best chance
296
00:13:40,817 --> 00:13:43,663
to expose El Narco in
front of his village.
297
00:13:43,687 --> 00:13:44,864
Uncle Sam.
298
00:13:44,888 --> 00:13:46,199
The float.
299
00:13:46,223 --> 00:13:47,933
The drugs are in the float.
300
00:13:47,957 --> 00:13:51,204
Time to do some good
while looking even better.
301
00:13:51,228 --> 00:13:52,561
Mango Man, now!
302
00:13:54,698 --> 00:13:56,676
Oh, yeah, he...
he said he wasn't gonna help.
303
00:13:56,700 --> 00:13:58,211
He was very clear about that.
304
00:13:58,235 --> 00:14:01,136
Come on, try and steal it from me.
305
00:14:03,240 --> 00:14:04,950
Hey, what's going on?
306
00:14:04,974 --> 00:14:07,820
Gather round, amigos,
as I expose El Narco
307
00:14:07,844 --> 00:14:10,756
for who he truly is... a drug dealer.
308
00:14:10,780 --> 00:14:12,892
You'll never be able to show your face
309
00:14:12,916 --> 00:14:15,428
in 1980s Colombia again.
310
00:14:15,452 --> 00:14:18,720
And now I give you the real fool.
311
00:14:21,685 --> 00:14:24,970
Ha-ha! He's covered in rhino crap.
312
00:14:24,994 --> 00:14:27,707
What? No. Where's the coke?
313
00:14:27,731 --> 00:14:29,909
Or... Or is this the uncut stuff?
314
00:14:29,933 --> 00:14:31,911
Ohh!
315
00:14:31,935 --> 00:14:33,246
Ack! Ugh!
316
00:14:33,270 --> 00:14:34,714
Why do people like drugs?
317
00:14:34,738 --> 00:14:36,604
Ya ate shit, dude.
318
00:14:37,074 --> 00:14:39,807
I can't believe you fell for my trick.
319
00:14:41,026 --> 00:14:43,322
Aw, no way, he fell back in!
320
00:14:43,346 --> 00:14:45,058
Oh, here, let me help you up.
321
00:14:45,082 --> 00:14:46,392
No.
322
00:14:46,416 --> 00:14:48,713
He kissed the anteater!
323
00:14:48,952 --> 00:14:52,197
The anteater loves him.
That's his girlfriend now.
324
00:14:55,292 --> 00:14:58,404
And for dessert, car bomb!
325
00:14:59,963 --> 00:15:02,207
Aw, man, that was my Ferrari.
326
00:15:02,231 --> 00:15:03,543
How could I be so stupid?
327
00:15:03,567 --> 00:15:06,812
It wasn't you, El Narco.
It was the fool's fault.
328
00:15:06,836 --> 00:15:09,482
- Don't call me that.
- Yeah, the fool made me do it.
329
00:15:09,506 --> 00:15:11,884
In fact, from here until forever,
330
00:15:11,908 --> 00:15:15,088
I declare this festival
the Day of the Fool.
331
00:15:15,112 --> 00:15:17,090
- Fool! Fool!
- No.
332
00:15:17,114 --> 00:15:19,158
I'm not a fool. Stop it.
333
00:15:19,182 --> 00:15:20,359
Hear that?
334
00:15:20,383 --> 00:15:22,227
You'll always be a turd-slipping,
335
00:15:22,251 --> 00:15:24,964
anteater-kissing, balls-hurting fool.
336
00:15:24,988 --> 00:15:25,999
My balls don't hurt.
337
00:15:27,925 --> 00:15:29,969
El Narco was right.
338
00:15:29,993 --> 00:15:31,504
My balls did hurt.
339
00:15:31,528 --> 00:15:35,108
And arrogant Stan was
always going to be a fool.
340
00:15:35,132 --> 00:15:37,443
So I left that Stan in Colombia.
341
00:15:37,467 --> 00:15:38,844
And who returned?
342
00:15:38,868 --> 00:15:40,513
The man I am today.
343
00:15:40,537 --> 00:15:44,717
A methodical, hard-working agent
who'd never be a fool again.
344
00:15:44,741 --> 00:15:47,186
- Fool?
- Not at this table, friend.
345
00:15:47,210 --> 00:15:49,322
It is. It's you, the fool.
346
00:15:50,880 --> 00:15:53,459
Wait, you're the fool of Fool's Day?
347
00:15:53,483 --> 00:15:54,994
The fool. The fool.
348
00:15:55,018 --> 00:15:56,329
The fool. The fool. The fool. The fool.
349
00:15:56,353 --> 00:15:59,265
No, no. I-I left all that behind.
350
00:15:59,289 --> 00:16:01,467
He kissed it again!
351
00:16:01,491 --> 00:16:04,593
Mm, get it, girl. I ain't jealous.
352
00:16:09,796 --> 00:16:11,240
Get that away from me, Roger.
353
00:16:11,264 --> 00:16:13,109
You're almost as bad as El Narco.
354
00:16:13,133 --> 00:16:14,243
Dad, are you kidding?
355
00:16:14,267 --> 00:16:16,846
Roger is El Narco.
356
00:16:16,870 --> 00:16:18,047
No.
357
00:16:18,071 --> 00:16:19,449
Blowing up cars,
358
00:16:19,473 --> 00:16:22,051
publicly shaming you
for his own amusement.
359
00:16:22,075 --> 00:16:24,854
- Being piss-poor at soccer.
- Tread lightly, bitch.
360
00:16:24,878 --> 00:16:27,990
Wait. Hold this.
361
00:16:28,899 --> 00:16:31,927
Damn it. Roger, I should kill you.
362
00:16:31,951 --> 00:16:32,995
But you won't.
363
00:16:33,019 --> 00:16:35,931
'Cause I made you the man you are today?
364
00:16:36,981 --> 00:16:39,335
How did this stupid,
little holiday you started
365
00:16:39,359 --> 00:16:40,670
spread around the dang world?
366
00:16:40,694 --> 00:16:42,705
Hey, it's one day a year
where people don't have to
367
00:16:42,743 --> 00:16:45,007
feel bad about the
stupid things they do.
368
00:16:45,031 --> 00:16:46,142
Who wouldn't want that?
369
00:16:46,166 --> 00:16:49,367
You. You made me cheat on my wife.
370
00:16:50,103 --> 00:16:52,482
And he told me you're going
to make him do it again
371
00:16:52,506 --> 00:16:54,339
this year at Red Rocks!
372
00:16:55,975 --> 00:16:59,822
- Roger, we're stopping this holiday.
- How are you gonna stop it?
373
00:16:59,846 --> 00:17:02,224
Well, it started when I
couldn't catch El Narco.
374
00:17:02,248 --> 00:17:05,027
But if I show the village
that I did catch him,
375
00:17:05,051 --> 00:17:06,362
I'll be de-fooled.
376
00:17:06,386 --> 00:17:08,630
Roger, we're going to Colombia.
377
00:17:08,654 --> 00:17:10,032
Ohh, sorry, I can't.
378
00:17:10,056 --> 00:17:12,302
My improv group, Pizza Party Weekend,
379
00:17:12,326 --> 00:17:13,635
has a cage match tonight.
380
00:17:13,659 --> 00:17:15,171
No. We're leaving now.
381
00:17:15,195 --> 00:17:16,638
Oh, are we?
382
00:17:16,662 --> 00:17:19,597
Looks like we got ourselves a standoff.
383
00:17:20,867 --> 00:17:23,513
I'm taking you to Colombia.
384
00:17:23,537 --> 00:17:24,780
No way.
385
00:17:24,804 --> 00:17:27,317
My improv team needs me, Stan.
386
00:17:27,341 --> 00:17:29,574
I do all the Southern characters.
387
00:17:30,944 --> 00:17:32,788
This isn't happening, Stan.
388
00:17:32,812 --> 00:17:34,180
Oh, it's happening.
389
00:17:35,148 --> 00:17:37,927
Oh, don't worry.
That thing's always going off.
390
00:17:37,951 --> 00:17:39,995
No Colombia.
391
00:17:40,019 --> 00:17:41,463
Yes Colombia.
392
00:17:41,487 --> 00:17:44,200
Flight 718 to Colombia is overbooked.
393
00:17:44,224 --> 00:17:46,602
We are offering vouchers
and hotel accommodations
394
00:17:46,626 --> 00:17:49,071
to anyone willing to fly tomorrow.
395
00:17:49,095 --> 00:17:52,474
You'll have to kill me
to get me to Colombia.
396
00:17:52,498 --> 00:17:54,143
We can make that happen.
397
00:17:54,167 --> 00:17:57,413
I need the bathroom,
and you're coming with me.
398
00:17:57,437 --> 00:18:00,216
I'll go anywhere but Colombia.
399
00:18:03,309 --> 00:18:06,288
Who's in Colombia now?
400
00:18:06,312 --> 00:18:08,891
Oh, no, my improv group.
401
00:18:08,915 --> 00:18:10,626
Alright.
402
00:18:10,650 --> 00:18:12,094
Uh, did someone order a pizza box
403
00:18:12,118 --> 00:18:14,697
with a bunch of comedy inside?
404
00:18:14,721 --> 00:18:17,299
We just need a location
to get us started.
405
00:18:17,323 --> 00:18:18,890
The deep South!
406
00:18:20,193 --> 00:18:24,506
Okay, we're two hungry
out-of-town New Yorkers.
407
00:18:30,937 --> 00:18:34,472
It's your fault I crashed
my sister's car, fool.
408
00:18:37,944 --> 00:18:40,656
Mama, I'm sorry I wet the bed.
409
00:18:40,680 --> 00:18:43,682
It's okay, Marco. It was the fool.
410
00:18:44,751 --> 00:18:46,951
You made me wet my bed, fool!
411
00:18:47,887 --> 00:18:50,132
No, he didn't. It was you.
412
00:18:51,017 --> 00:18:52,268
The fool walks among us.
413
00:18:52,292 --> 00:18:54,003
The fool. The fool. The fool. The fool.
414
00:18:54,027 --> 00:18:57,473
Maybe I was the fool once,
but I'm a changed man.
415
00:18:57,497 --> 00:18:59,875
And you'll all have to
start taking responsibility
416
00:18:59,899 --> 00:19:01,677
- for your own mistakes.
- Why?
417
00:19:01,701 --> 00:19:04,680
Because after 20 years of being a joke,
418
00:19:04,704 --> 00:19:08,284
I have finally caught
your famous El Narco.
419
00:19:09,575 --> 00:19:12,888
What? I got him. I won.
420
00:19:12,912 --> 00:19:14,890
Roger, why are they laughing?
421
00:19:14,914 --> 00:19:16,981
Whoa, you need a new moisturizer.
422
00:19:18,184 --> 00:19:19,361
Oh, dang.
423
00:19:21,946 --> 00:19:24,901
I'm still the same fool
I was 20 years ago.
424
00:19:24,968 --> 00:19:26,502
I thought I changed.
425
00:19:26,526 --> 00:19:28,170
I thought I was a better man.
426
00:19:28,194 --> 00:19:31,573
But I'm a fool now,
and I'm gonna die a fool.
427
00:19:33,599 --> 00:19:36,378
Mister, there's a fool in all of us,
428
00:19:36,402 --> 00:19:39,181
and this holiday makes us feel better.
429
00:19:39,205 --> 00:19:41,039
You know what to do.
430
00:19:43,677 --> 00:19:46,711
Oh, my God. Throw it.
431
00:19:47,681 --> 00:19:49,725
Yeah, I knew that.
432
00:19:49,749 --> 00:19:51,916
This is all your fault, fool.
433
00:19:53,487 --> 00:19:55,731
Whoa. That does feel good.
434
00:19:55,755 --> 00:19:57,255
Give me another.
435
00:19:58,671 --> 00:20:00,069
Oh, yeah.
436
00:20:00,093 --> 00:20:01,804
And I got some other gripes.
437
00:20:01,828 --> 00:20:04,540
This is for the time I accidentally said
"I love you"
438
00:20:04,564 --> 00:20:06,608
to the DirecTV operator as I hung up.
439
00:20:07,701 --> 00:20:09,611
- And this is...
- Stan, buddy,
440
00:20:09,635 --> 00:20:11,814
I'm sorry I lied to you for 20 years.
441
00:20:11,838 --> 00:20:13,883
It's okay. The fool made you do it.
442
00:20:13,907 --> 00:20:16,152
In fact, he deserves worse than mangos.
443
00:20:16,413 --> 00:20:18,354
Ah, you son of a bitch.
444
00:20:20,714 --> 00:20:23,092
This guy's got incredible aim.
445
00:20:23,116 --> 00:20:24,226
Smoke bomb.
446
00:20:32,792 --> 00:20:34,504
I'll take two.
447
00:20:34,528 --> 00:20:36,506
Wait. Is this you?
448
00:20:36,530 --> 00:20:38,174
It's all of us, really.
449
00:20:38,908 --> 00:20:40,976
Hey, you broke my statues!
450
00:20:41,000 --> 00:20:42,111
Blame it on the fool.
451
00:20:42,135 --> 00:20:44,046
You're not even wearing pants!
452
00:20:44,070 --> 00:20:49,007
And yet my dignity's intact,
thanks to Fool's Day.
453
00:20:51,883 --> 00:20:53,523
What a [BLEEP] moron.
454
00:20:58,418 --> 00:21:00,118
Bye! Have a beautiful time!
455
00:21:00,119 --> 00:21:02,219
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