1 00:00:03,132 --> 00:00:04,517 Well, it's official, 2 00:00:04,550 --> 00:00:07,187 the golden age of television has begun. 3 00:00:07,220 --> 00:00:09,523 "Step Brothers" is on every channel. 4 00:00:09,555 --> 00:00:13,026 Help! Roger's trying to give me the bubonic plague! 5 00:00:15,194 --> 00:00:17,663 Whoa, there. You're breaking two rules... 6 00:00:17,727 --> 00:00:19,495 no weaponized plagues in the house 7 00:00:19,529 --> 00:00:21,131 and no running on the stairs. 8 00:00:21,163 --> 00:00:23,767 But if Steve isn't dying, the Make-A-Wish Foundation 9 00:00:23,800 --> 00:00:25,435 won't let us meet The Weeknd. 10 00:00:25,468 --> 00:00:27,937 What? You want to meet Saturday and Sunday? 11 00:00:27,971 --> 00:00:29,940 No! The Weeknd is a singer! 12 00:00:29,972 --> 00:00:31,174 It's true, Stan. 13 00:00:31,207 --> 00:00:33,844 Listen to his hit song, "Starboy"! 14 00:00:35,644 --> 00:00:37,880 ♪ I'm tryna put you in the worst mood, ah ♪ 15 00:00:37,914 --> 00:00:39,483 Look at us. 16 00:00:39,515 --> 00:00:43,320 Dancing, grooving, feeling it. 17 00:00:43,353 --> 00:00:44,855 Also, The Weeknd's hot. 18 00:00:44,887 --> 00:00:47,123 He's number one on my freebie list. 19 00:00:47,156 --> 00:00:49,825 Those are the celebrities she's allowed to bone. 20 00:00:49,859 --> 00:00:53,730 It's a long list, so number one is sayin' something. 21 00:00:53,762 --> 00:00:57,420 He better drop six octaves if he wants to be on my radar. 22 00:00:57,455 --> 00:01:00,803 And this, Roger. This is one of the good syringes for company. 23 00:01:00,836 --> 00:01:03,506 - You know the rules! - You have a rule for everything! 24 00:01:03,540 --> 00:01:06,009 Because you need them. You can't control yourself. 25 00:01:06,042 --> 00:01:08,679 I'll have you know, I had a salad for lunch. 26 00:01:08,712 --> 00:01:09,847 Does that sound like someone 27 00:01:09,895 --> 00:01:11,560 who can't control themselves? 28 00:01:11,847 --> 00:01:13,349 Hey, Roger, it's me, 29 00:01:13,382 --> 00:01:14,685 Bobby from Grubhub! 30 00:01:14,718 --> 00:01:16,486 I got two full trays of meatballs 31 00:01:16,519 --> 00:01:18,855 and a meatball sub, extra meatballs. 32 00:01:18,888 --> 00:01:21,758 The note says, "Put a rush on it, I can't control myself." 33 00:01:21,790 --> 00:01:23,426 Jesus Christ, Bobby. 34 00:01:24,927 --> 00:01:27,530 Ha ha. Oh, this part's great. 35 00:01:32,602 --> 00:01:35,204 ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪ 36 00:01:35,238 --> 00:01:39,042 ♪ I got a feelin' that it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪ 37 00:01:39,075 --> 00:01:42,179 ♪ The sun in the sky has a smile on his face ♪ 38 00:01:42,212 --> 00:01:46,584 ♪ And he's shinin' a salute to the American race ♪ 39 00:01:48,418 --> 00:01:51,855 ♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪ 40 00:01:51,888 --> 00:01:54,291 - ♪ Good... ♪ - ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪ 41 00:01:54,323 --> 00:01:55,391 Aah! 42 00:01:56,725 --> 00:02:00,030 ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪ 43 00:02:03,810 --> 00:02:05,201 As you probably don't know, 44 00:02:05,235 --> 00:02:07,737 I've been reading Alec Baldwin's book on parenting. 45 00:02:07,771 --> 00:02:08,939 Go, Dad! 46 00:02:09,715 --> 00:02:11,107 In it, Baldwin explains 47 00:02:11,141 --> 00:02:13,410 a term called "teachable moments." 48 00:02:13,442 --> 00:02:16,946 And that's why you kidnapped this guy? 49 00:02:17,819 --> 00:02:19,048 Ya nailed it, babe. 50 00:02:20,249 --> 00:02:21,485 The Weeknd! 51 00:02:21,517 --> 00:02:22,918 Yo, where am I? 52 00:02:22,952 --> 00:02:24,988 You're in a teachable moment, my man. 53 00:02:25,021 --> 00:02:26,155 Oh, okay. Dope. 54 00:02:26,189 --> 00:02:28,959 You're really here! At our dinner table! 55 00:02:28,992 --> 00:02:31,661 You could sneeze, and your boogers would land on my food! 56 00:02:31,695 --> 00:02:33,563 - Bro. - Mister The Weeknd, 57 00:02:33,595 --> 00:02:36,098 Oh, my God, I am literally your biggest fan. 58 00:02:36,131 --> 00:02:38,301 Parties, drugs, supermodels. 59 00:02:38,334 --> 00:02:41,470 You've inspired me to hate my boring life. 60 00:02:41,504 --> 00:02:43,640 You've turned me against my family. 61 00:02:43,672 --> 00:02:45,074 Thank you. 62 00:02:45,107 --> 00:02:47,777 And how did this miracle happen, Roger? 63 00:02:47,810 --> 00:02:50,814 Not by breaking the rules, but by following the rules... 64 00:02:50,846 --> 00:02:54,117 with government-sanctioned abductions and C.I.A. clearance. 65 00:02:55,124 --> 00:02:56,753 I-I thought you were gonna murder me. 66 00:02:58,287 --> 00:03:00,089 Silly Weeknd! 67 00:03:00,123 --> 00:03:02,659 Dang, this family vibe is refreshing as hell. 68 00:03:02,691 --> 00:03:04,293 More like boring as hell. 69 00:03:04,327 --> 00:03:05,796 More like hell nah. 70 00:03:05,828 --> 00:03:07,263 Honestly, I miss being around 71 00:03:07,297 --> 00:03:08,799 boring people like this family. 72 00:03:08,832 --> 00:03:10,668 Aww! 73 00:03:12,167 --> 00:03:14,438 - This lasagna's delicious. - No, it's not! 74 00:03:14,470 --> 00:03:15,971 Roger. Attitude. 75 00:03:16,005 --> 00:03:17,607 When my lame-ass chefs make lasagna, 76 00:03:17,640 --> 00:03:19,041 it's all the same temperature. 77 00:03:19,075 --> 00:03:21,611 I never get to crack a tooth on a frozen noodle 78 00:03:21,643 --> 00:03:23,679 while burning my tongue on beef sauce. 79 00:03:23,713 --> 00:03:25,948 Oh, Weeknd! 80 00:03:25,982 --> 00:03:27,150 My secret? 81 00:03:27,183 --> 00:03:29,286 I microwave it for 30 seconds, 82 00:03:29,319 --> 00:03:32,722 then turn it, and microwave it for 15 minutes. 83 00:03:32,755 --> 00:03:34,056 May I please have some more? 84 00:03:34,089 --> 00:03:36,225 What's happening? You're a Starboy. 85 00:03:36,259 --> 00:03:38,028 Starboys don't eat lasagna. 86 00:03:38,060 --> 00:03:41,665 Starboys get all their nutrients from eating [BLEEP] 87 00:03:41,697 --> 00:03:42,705 Too far, Roger! 88 00:03:42,741 --> 00:03:45,302 Go to your room, and don't come down until I say so! 89 00:03:45,334 --> 00:03:47,671 - Aah! - Oh, no! 90 00:03:47,703 --> 00:03:50,873 Some of that lasagna got on my pants. 91 00:03:50,906 --> 00:03:53,844 I better take them off and stand in my underwear 92 00:03:53,876 --> 00:03:55,811 in front of The Weeknd. 93 00:03:55,845 --> 00:03:57,547 I'm gonna make you come... pletely clean 94 00:03:57,579 --> 00:03:59,982 in the pants region. 95 00:04:00,016 --> 00:04:01,317 ♪ Mmmm! ♪ 96 00:04:01,351 --> 00:04:04,654 ♪ Because I really like lasagna! ♪ 97 00:04:04,686 --> 00:04:06,055 You call this clean? 98 00:04:09,431 --> 00:04:12,194 Roger, are you ready to come down and apologize? 99 00:04:12,226 --> 00:04:14,128 The Weeknd's telling us what it's like to ride 100 00:04:14,161 --> 00:04:16,265 the Matterhorn all by himself! 101 00:04:17,431 --> 00:04:19,400 Roger, I told you to stay in the attic. 102 00:04:19,433 --> 00:04:21,736 I don't have to! For your information, 103 00:04:21,769 --> 00:04:24,072 Tuttle stole antibiotics from his mom, 104 00:04:24,104 --> 00:04:25,573 and we're gonna feed them to sharks. 105 00:04:25,606 --> 00:04:28,142 Oh, no, you're not gonna feed them to sharks. 106 00:04:28,176 --> 00:04:31,079 Ow! Ooooowwwwwwww! 107 00:04:31,451 --> 00:04:33,414 Hey, you can't lock up my clothes! 108 00:04:33,447 --> 00:04:35,149 - Then I can't go out! - You're the idiot 109 00:04:35,183 --> 00:04:37,084 who leaves all their clothes in one place. 110 00:04:37,118 --> 00:04:39,887 I got shirts and underwear stashed all over this house. 111 00:04:39,921 --> 00:04:42,757 You never know when somebody's gonna try to ground you. 112 00:04:42,791 --> 00:04:45,060 Aah! I hate you! 113 00:04:45,092 --> 00:04:48,164 Fine, but you're gonna hear me bowling all night! 114 00:04:50,935 --> 00:04:51,966 300! 115 00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:54,769 I just rolled a perfect game, and nobody cares! 116 00:04:54,803 --> 00:04:56,772 This family sucks! 117 00:04:59,306 --> 00:05:01,442 Mom, there's something wrong with my water. 118 00:05:01,476 --> 00:05:03,579 - It's too clear. - The Weeknd thought 119 00:05:03,611 --> 00:05:05,613 it would be "dope" to fix the plumbing 120 00:05:05,647 --> 00:05:09,183 so I don't have to get our water from Tuttle's pond anymore. 121 00:05:09,216 --> 00:05:10,752 Well, I'm glad The Weeknd 122 00:05:10,784 --> 00:05:12,421 snaked someone's plumbing. 123 00:05:12,454 --> 00:05:14,423 She's sad because she blew her one shot 124 00:05:14,455 --> 00:05:16,123 to sleep with The Weeknd. 125 00:05:16,156 --> 00:05:17,926 I'm sad she's sad. 126 00:05:17,959 --> 00:05:20,796 But I'm also not sad she didn't sleep with him. 127 00:05:20,829 --> 00:05:24,365 Those are my two emotions, sad and not sad. 128 00:05:24,399 --> 00:05:27,135 Will you please go tell Roger he can come down? 129 00:05:27,168 --> 00:05:29,672 He's been such a quiet, good boy. 130 00:05:33,474 --> 00:05:36,212 - _ - Huh. Must be an apology video. 131 00:05:37,878 --> 00:05:39,714 If you're watching this video, 132 00:05:39,748 --> 00:05:42,149 I've already switched places with The Weeknd. 133 00:05:42,183 --> 00:05:43,552 Million on black, Leon. 134 00:05:43,584 --> 00:05:46,454 And I'm enjoying his rule-free lifestyle. 135 00:05:46,488 --> 00:05:47,990 And a million on red, Leon. 136 00:05:48,022 --> 00:05:49,790 See, Stan, I wanted to show you 137 00:05:49,824 --> 00:05:52,027 that I'd thrive without your stupid rules. 138 00:05:52,060 --> 00:05:53,629 Double zero green! 139 00:05:54,196 --> 00:05:55,363 There's green?! 140 00:05:55,397 --> 00:05:58,132 Leon, don't tell me there's rules to this game. 141 00:05:58,166 --> 00:06:00,836 Oh, what's this? Free buffet? 142 00:06:00,868 --> 00:06:03,005 All you can eat. No rules. 143 00:06:03,038 --> 00:06:04,907 Just how I like it. 144 00:06:08,243 --> 00:06:09,377 Morning, Stan. 145 00:06:09,411 --> 00:06:10,879 I slept so well. 146 00:06:10,911 --> 00:06:12,647 Mmm, incredible. 147 00:06:12,680 --> 00:06:14,582 Where did you find a bed without girls in it? 148 00:06:18,752 --> 00:06:21,160 You sure you don't want to play pinochle, The Weeknd? 149 00:06:21,194 --> 00:06:22,496 No, you go ahead. 150 00:06:22,528 --> 00:06:24,264 I've been so busy singing hit songs, 151 00:06:24,297 --> 00:06:25,933 I never get to fold laundry anymore. 152 00:06:26,933 --> 00:06:28,369 I'm getting good. 153 00:06:31,299 --> 00:06:32,740 Hey, everyone. 154 00:06:32,773 --> 00:06:34,174 Hi, Weeknd. 155 00:06:34,206 --> 00:06:35,374 Don't let me interrupt. 156 00:06:35,408 --> 00:06:38,045 I just need to stretch. 157 00:06:38,077 --> 00:06:39,612 Mmm! 158 00:06:39,646 --> 00:06:42,883 Ooh! Yeah... 159 00:06:42,915 --> 00:06:44,218 Ugh! 160 00:06:44,250 --> 00:06:46,552 Whoa! 161 00:06:46,586 --> 00:06:49,757 Did you ever get boners in your old life, The Weeknd? 162 00:06:49,790 --> 00:06:51,023 All too often. 163 00:06:51,057 --> 00:06:53,193 This family is a great break from boners. 164 00:06:55,261 --> 00:06:57,064 Man, I miss my fans, 165 00:06:57,096 --> 00:06:59,398 but I just know they're in good hands with Roger. 166 00:07:01,634 --> 00:07:04,103 ♪ I wanna tell you how I don't miss Stan, ah ♪ 167 00:07:04,136 --> 00:07:06,807 ♪ His chin bigger than a mini-van, ah ♪ 168 00:07:06,839 --> 00:07:09,442 ♪ Life's much better as The Weeknd, though ♪ 169 00:07:09,475 --> 00:07:12,045 ♪ Partial strip view at the Fla-min-go ♪ 170 00:07:12,077 --> 00:07:14,580 ♪ Vodka in my thermos, bong's full of grass ♪ 171 00:07:14,613 --> 00:07:17,950 ♪ Never hit a donkey, but I do pound ass ♪ 172 00:07:20,687 --> 00:07:23,723 ♪ 'Cause I'm a mother[BLEEP] Starboy! ♪ 173 00:07:24,757 --> 00:07:27,593 Groupies, meet The Weeknd. 174 00:07:27,627 --> 00:07:29,329 Very nice, Klaus. 175 00:07:29,362 --> 00:07:32,266 Security! Klaus, a weirdo snuck backstage with you! 176 00:07:32,298 --> 00:07:33,334 That's Vu. 177 00:07:33,421 --> 00:07:37,504 He's a weird hang but an excellent drug dealer. 178 00:07:37,536 --> 00:07:39,138 Apologies, Vu. 179 00:07:39,172 --> 00:07:41,942 Okay, my entourage has taken shape. 180 00:07:41,975 --> 00:07:43,576 We have Vu, groupies, 181 00:07:43,610 --> 00:07:45,812 - Klaus as my manager... - Sick! 182 00:07:45,846 --> 00:07:48,182 But I'm lacking something. 183 00:07:48,214 --> 00:07:51,685 Yes, my entourage is missing an energy guy... 184 00:07:51,718 --> 00:07:54,021 Klaus, bring me Breckin Meyer. 185 00:07:54,541 --> 00:07:56,490 You can't get Breckin. 186 00:07:56,523 --> 00:07:58,258 Nobody can get Breckin. 187 00:07:58,290 --> 00:07:59,992 He's the ultimate energy guy! 188 00:08:00,026 --> 00:08:01,128 Just make it happen. 189 00:08:01,159 --> 00:08:03,529 We're gonna take drugs and see that show at Excalibur. 190 00:08:03,562 --> 00:08:04,964 "Tournament of Kings"?! 191 00:08:04,997 --> 00:08:06,499 That's the only show in Vegas 192 00:08:06,533 --> 00:08:09,603 where they don't vacuum the floors afterwards! 193 00:08:09,636 --> 00:08:10,871 Hey, Vu, got anything on you 194 00:08:10,903 --> 00:08:13,173 that'll make me feel like a king? 195 00:08:15,007 --> 00:08:16,976 You're a good drug dealer, Vu. 196 00:08:25,552 --> 00:08:27,020 Vu, you little minx! 197 00:08:27,052 --> 00:08:28,222 I'm buzzing you in. 198 00:08:29,890 --> 00:08:31,658 It's Francine, Roger. 199 00:08:31,690 --> 00:08:32,825 Vuuuu! 200 00:08:32,858 --> 00:08:34,360 Get up here, Vuuuu! 201 00:08:35,862 --> 00:08:38,564 Are you trying to buzz me into your apartment? 202 00:08:39,766 --> 00:08:42,301 Vu, dude, you gotta pull when I buzz! 203 00:08:42,334 --> 00:08:44,338 Klaus got in touch with Breckin Meyer! 204 00:08:44,371 --> 00:08:46,372 He's flying in from Los Cabos! 205 00:08:46,406 --> 00:08:48,040 It's about to get wild. 206 00:08:48,074 --> 00:08:49,742 That new stuff you gave me? 207 00:08:49,776 --> 00:08:52,079 You should call it clown blood on the windshield 208 00:08:52,112 --> 00:08:54,114 because that's all I'm seein', baby! 209 00:08:54,122 --> 00:08:55,514 Hang on, Bobo! 210 00:08:55,548 --> 00:08:58,252 You're gonna make it! 211 00:09:02,055 --> 00:09:05,691 Nooooo! 212 00:09:09,529 --> 00:09:13,500 Ugh, I am never doing drugs again. 213 00:09:13,532 --> 00:09:15,668 Maybe Stan was on target. 214 00:09:15,702 --> 00:09:17,170 Do you need rules, brah? 215 00:09:17,203 --> 00:09:20,007 Wha-aw-gah-jah-yah-jah... No! 216 00:09:20,040 --> 00:09:21,440 You blew $40 million 217 00:09:21,473 --> 00:09:23,709 playing a female Ghostbusters slot machine. 218 00:09:23,742 --> 00:09:26,412 Oh, so there can't be female Ghostbusters? 219 00:09:26,445 --> 00:09:27,713 It's the 21st century. 220 00:09:27,747 --> 00:09:29,549 Women can bust every ghost a man can. 221 00:09:29,582 --> 00:09:30,784 Oh, no, no, no, no. 222 00:09:30,796 --> 00:09:33,185 I'm only worried about you losing your money. 223 00:09:33,218 --> 00:09:36,689 So you prefer I lose my money on a male Ghostbusters machine? 224 00:09:36,723 --> 00:09:38,458 I don't want you to lose your money at all! 225 00:09:38,520 --> 00:09:39,692 Why? 'Cause I'm a man?! 226 00:09:39,720 --> 00:09:42,096 If a woman lost her money, you wouldn't be upset? 227 00:09:43,262 --> 00:09:46,399 How... How would a woman have money? 228 00:09:46,433 --> 00:09:48,802 I got ya! I knew I'd get ya! 229 00:09:49,803 --> 00:09:51,905 I am dying. This is rock bottom. 230 00:09:51,938 --> 00:09:55,409 Sharing a jail cell with the one misogynist in the system. 231 00:09:55,441 --> 00:09:57,209 I gotta call Stan for help. 232 00:09:57,242 --> 00:09:58,377 I deeply respect women. 233 00:10:00,914 --> 00:10:03,250 We interrupt this broadcast of "Step Brothers"... 234 00:10:03,282 --> 00:10:04,083 - Noooo! - Ahhhh! 235 00:10:04,116 --> 00:10:05,085 What the hell?! 236 00:10:05,122 --> 00:10:07,721 ...to bring you "Step Brothers" in its entirety. 237 00:10:07,753 --> 00:10:08,521 - Yeahhhh! - Whoo-hoo! 238 00:10:08,550 --> 00:10:09,867 Hell yeah! 239 00:10:11,156 --> 00:10:12,425 This better be good. 240 00:10:12,459 --> 00:10:13,660 I'm in the middle of "Step Brothers," 241 00:10:13,693 --> 00:10:14,761 and it's about to start. 242 00:10:14,794 --> 00:10:16,396 Stan, it's me. 243 00:10:16,429 --> 00:10:18,966 Your old pal, Roger. Um... 244 00:10:18,998 --> 00:10:20,300 I'm in a bit of a bind. 245 00:10:20,333 --> 00:10:22,569 Maybe got out of control a smidge. 246 00:10:22,602 --> 00:10:24,304 To quote the Beatles, "Help. 247 00:10:24,337 --> 00:10:25,771 I need Stan's body." 248 00:10:25,805 --> 00:10:27,840 Well, as En Vogue says, 249 00:10:27,873 --> 00:10:31,577 "Never gonna get it, never, ever gonna get it." 250 00:10:31,611 --> 00:10:33,080 That was Roger begging for help. 251 00:10:33,112 --> 00:10:34,613 Why did you hang up?! 252 00:10:34,646 --> 00:10:36,650 He made this mess, and he can get himself out. 253 00:10:36,683 --> 00:10:39,486 If he's asking for help, hasn't he learned his lesson? 254 00:10:39,518 --> 00:10:43,422 Simple boy, right now his lesson is like wet cement. 255 00:10:43,455 --> 00:10:47,460 If we bail Roger out, the cement will evaporate. 256 00:10:47,493 --> 00:10:49,495 Yeah, that's not how cement works. 257 00:10:51,964 --> 00:10:53,032 Sir, sir? 258 00:10:53,065 --> 00:10:55,435 Is your baby breathing? 259 00:10:55,468 --> 00:10:56,969 Stan isn't coming. 260 00:10:57,002 --> 00:10:58,472 We're gonna die in here. 261 00:10:58,505 --> 00:11:00,507 I wouldn't be so sure about that. 262 00:11:00,540 --> 00:11:02,709 I've never heard of you, but the D.A.'s daughter's 263 00:11:02,742 --> 00:11:05,846 a big fan and said we have to let you out. 264 00:11:05,878 --> 00:11:07,213 Sweet! Later, Klaus. 265 00:11:07,247 --> 00:11:09,315 - What about me?! - Suck it, Klaus! 266 00:11:09,348 --> 00:11:10,883 You're gonna die in here! 267 00:11:10,916 --> 00:11:13,152 Of course I knew you were getting out, too. 268 00:11:13,185 --> 00:11:15,788 - It's just jokes. - I love jokes myself. 269 00:11:15,821 --> 00:11:18,057 Hey, I got a good one for ya. 270 00:11:19,825 --> 00:11:21,694 'Sup, boners?! 271 00:11:25,765 --> 00:11:28,702 This was crazy, and I love it. Hit me later. 272 00:11:28,734 --> 00:11:30,736 Pound, pound. Back to Cabo. 273 00:11:30,770 --> 00:11:33,740 Swim in a T-shirt 'cause I get crazy sunburned. 274 00:11:33,772 --> 00:11:35,175 Love your music, dude. 275 00:11:42,915 --> 00:11:45,518 I learned a valuable lesson while I was in jail. 276 00:11:45,551 --> 00:11:46,685 Well, that's good! 277 00:11:46,718 --> 00:11:48,521 I learned I was right. 278 00:11:48,555 --> 00:11:50,991 Rules suck, and it's better to be The Weeknd. 279 00:11:51,024 --> 00:11:52,159 Uh-huh. 280 00:11:52,191 --> 00:11:53,926 Rules, restrictions, 281 00:11:53,959 --> 00:11:55,429 shackles of the mind. 282 00:11:55,462 --> 00:11:57,831 Today, I free myself from those. 283 00:11:57,863 --> 00:11:59,365 And I free you, too! 284 00:11:59,399 --> 00:12:00,734 Blast off with me, Klaus! 285 00:12:00,766 --> 00:12:02,502 Tell me your wildest dream! 286 00:12:02,535 --> 00:12:04,838 I'd like to have a really nice dinner 287 00:12:04,871 --> 00:12:06,506 with a woman who loves me. 288 00:12:06,539 --> 00:12:08,574 Did you say "music festival"? 289 00:12:08,608 --> 00:12:10,776 - No. - Your wish is my command. 290 00:12:10,810 --> 00:12:12,912 An island music festival by day, 291 00:12:12,945 --> 00:12:15,181 and a no-rules utopia by night... 292 00:12:15,214 --> 00:12:17,383 and also day. Music at night, too. 293 00:12:17,416 --> 00:12:20,019 Well... where will we do it, Roger? 294 00:12:20,053 --> 00:12:21,221 Right here. 295 00:12:21,253 --> 00:12:22,721 I only see water. 296 00:12:22,755 --> 00:12:24,724 Some things you see with your eyes, 297 00:12:24,757 --> 00:12:27,893 and some things you see with the drugs that Vu gave you. 298 00:12:27,926 --> 00:12:29,162 Let's ride! Aah! 299 00:12:29,206 --> 00:12:31,697 Ooh, keychains with your name on it. 300 00:12:31,731 --> 00:12:34,067 I'm gonna be "Doris" from now on. 301 00:12:34,099 --> 00:12:35,868 $27?! 302 00:12:35,901 --> 00:12:38,371 Uch, I'm just gonna keep being The Weeknd. 303 00:12:42,574 --> 00:12:45,545 Are you sure you'll be okay if I sleep with The Weeknd? 304 00:12:45,578 --> 00:12:47,447 If you sleep with The Weeknd? 305 00:12:47,479 --> 00:12:50,249 When you sleep with The Weeknd. 306 00:12:50,282 --> 00:12:52,451 And, no, I'm not sure. Hold still. 307 00:12:52,484 --> 00:12:54,553 You really think The Weeknd will sleep with me? 308 00:12:54,587 --> 00:12:56,156 I've given you the tools. 309 00:12:56,189 --> 00:12:57,557 You've gotta do the hammering. 310 00:12:58,657 --> 00:13:00,293 Hold still. 311 00:13:02,261 --> 00:13:04,463 Hey, I got your text. Everything okay? 312 00:13:04,497 --> 00:13:05,732 It is... 313 00:13:05,765 --> 00:13:07,234 now. 314 00:13:07,266 --> 00:13:10,603 Mm, you are so tight. 315 00:13:11,080 --> 00:13:12,472 Are you wearing bug spray? 316 00:13:12,505 --> 00:13:14,274 Shit. 317 00:13:14,306 --> 00:13:16,142 How about a little massage? 318 00:13:16,175 --> 00:13:18,410 Hayley, we can't do this. 319 00:13:18,444 --> 00:13:19,679 Yes, we can! 320 00:13:19,712 --> 00:13:22,516 Weeknd, you son of a bitch! 321 00:13:22,549 --> 00:13:25,651 What's it gonna take for you to nail my wife?! 322 00:13:25,685 --> 00:13:27,154 Look, I'm sorry, 323 00:13:27,186 --> 00:13:28,954 but it has nothing to do with Hayley. 324 00:13:28,987 --> 00:13:30,991 I have a confession. 325 00:13:31,024 --> 00:13:32,859 I've never told anyone this before. 326 00:13:32,891 --> 00:13:35,929 ♪ Had a lot of girls in my day ♪ 327 00:13:35,962 --> 00:13:37,597 ♪ Wanted more from me ♪ 328 00:13:37,630 --> 00:13:40,500 ♪ But there's only really one way ♪ 329 00:13:40,532 --> 00:13:42,201 ♪ To start a family ♪ 330 00:13:42,234 --> 00:13:46,338 ♪ And I know you can't believe it's true ♪ 331 00:13:46,372 --> 00:13:50,142 ♪ But I'm man enough to say to you ♪ 332 00:13:50,175 --> 00:13:53,379 ♪ I'm a virgin ♪ 333 00:13:53,412 --> 00:13:56,282 ♪ Never got close enough ♪ 334 00:13:56,315 --> 00:13:59,819 ♪ Cellphone blowing up, but I'm waiting ♪ 335 00:13:59,852 --> 00:14:03,223 ♪ For the right person ♪ 336 00:14:03,256 --> 00:14:05,125 ♪ Trying to act super-tough ♪ 337 00:14:05,157 --> 00:14:08,961 ♪ But, inside, I'm a 12-year-old boy ♪ 338 00:14:11,164 --> 00:14:13,500 ♪ I see you looking in a strong way ♪ 339 00:14:13,532 --> 00:14:15,801 ♪ But I won't give it up ♪ 340 00:14:15,834 --> 00:14:17,737 ♪ Supermodels, they were all fake ♪ 341 00:14:17,770 --> 00:14:20,073 ♪ 'Cause I never humped ♪ 342 00:14:20,106 --> 00:14:21,875 ♪ And I know you ♪ 343 00:14:21,907 --> 00:14:24,009 ♪ I know you want to ♪ 344 00:14:24,042 --> 00:14:27,546 ♪ But I'm man enough to say to you ♪ 345 00:14:27,579 --> 00:14:29,715 - ♪ Oh ♪ - _ 346 00:14:29,748 --> 00:14:31,917 ♪ Underneath the lies and the big talk ♪ 347 00:14:31,950 --> 00:14:34,353 ♪ I've been waiting for a wife ♪ 348 00:14:34,386 --> 00:14:37,022 ♪ I never watched porn, never did drugs ♪ 349 00:14:37,055 --> 00:14:38,824 ♪ 'Cause I'm terrified ♪ 350 00:14:38,858 --> 00:14:40,593 ♪ And I know you ♪ 351 00:14:40,627 --> 00:14:42,996 ♪ You can't believe it's true ♪ 352 00:14:43,029 --> 00:14:46,700 ♪ But I'm man enough to say to you ♪ 353 00:14:46,733 --> 00:14:50,203 ♪ I'm a virgin, uh ♪ 354 00:14:50,236 --> 00:14:52,439 ♪ Never got close enough ♪ 355 00:14:52,472 --> 00:14:56,108 ♪ Cellphone blowing up, but I'm waiting ♪ 356 00:14:56,141 --> 00:14:58,078 ♪ For the right person ♪ 357 00:14:58,909 --> 00:15:02,015 ♪ You wanna hold hands, then sign me up ♪ 358 00:15:02,048 --> 00:15:05,719 ♪ But just know you're not gonna score ♪ 359 00:15:05,752 --> 00:15:08,787 ♪ I'm a virgin ♪ 360 00:15:08,820 --> 00:15:11,123 ♪ Never got close enough ♪ 361 00:15:11,156 --> 00:15:14,927 ♪ Pure as a dove, and I'm waiting ♪ 362 00:15:14,960 --> 00:15:18,364 ♪ For the right person ♪ 363 00:15:18,397 --> 00:15:20,633 ♪ Never once been touched ♪ 364 00:15:20,666 --> 00:15:25,171 ♪ The power of God in my loins ♪ 365 00:15:26,506 --> 00:15:29,041 - So, yeah, I'm a virgin. - Why? 366 00:15:29,074 --> 00:15:30,977 Containing my seed gives me superpowers 367 00:15:31,010 --> 00:15:32,712 other singers don't possess. 368 00:15:32,744 --> 00:15:35,881 Right now I'm using my virgin power to win Grammys. 369 00:15:35,915 --> 00:15:37,617 But if my calculations are correct, 370 00:15:37,650 --> 00:15:39,919 soon my nut sack will be a time machine. 371 00:15:39,952 --> 00:15:42,489 ♪ I'm tryna [BLEEP] with dinosaurs ♪ 372 00:15:42,521 --> 00:15:43,956 I feel dirty! 373 00:15:43,989 --> 00:15:47,860 I put a virgin at the top of my freebie list! 374 00:15:50,294 --> 00:15:52,298 Wow. 375 00:15:54,867 --> 00:15:56,336 Oop! Ah. 376 00:15:56,368 --> 00:15:57,803 You guys were smart. 377 00:15:57,837 --> 00:16:00,273 You all went with sandwiches from Panera. 378 00:16:00,305 --> 00:16:02,508 There it is! Festival island! 379 00:16:04,544 --> 00:16:07,079 I see a ridiculously active volcano. 380 00:16:07,112 --> 00:16:09,015 Yeah, she's gorgeous! 381 00:16:09,048 --> 00:16:10,450 Vu, bring us down. 382 00:16:10,483 --> 00:16:11,617 Keep us up, Vu! 383 00:16:11,651 --> 00:16:12,852 It's all lava! 384 00:16:12,885 --> 00:16:14,354 Quiet, Klaus. I'm in charge. 385 00:16:14,386 --> 00:16:17,690 That giant wave is about to cool us a runway. 386 00:16:18,790 --> 00:16:19,792 Aah! 387 00:16:24,004 --> 00:16:27,408 Whoa, Klaus just sent a suh-weet pic of a volcano. 388 00:16:27,441 --> 00:16:28,872 - Cool. - And a text. 389 00:16:28,907 --> 00:16:32,714 - Yuck. - Says, "Roger and I are about to die." 390 00:16:32,747 --> 00:16:35,684 Uch. Mute... conversation. 391 00:16:35,716 --> 00:16:37,918 Stan, your rules backfired! 392 00:16:37,951 --> 00:16:39,854 And now Roger's gonna die! 393 00:16:39,888 --> 00:16:41,056 And Klaus. 394 00:16:41,089 --> 00:16:42,391 We have to save them! 395 00:16:43,158 --> 00:16:44,358 You're right. 396 00:16:44,392 --> 00:16:46,927 Francine, what's your wildest dream? 397 00:16:46,960 --> 00:16:49,330 Going to the moon, realizing it's really small, 398 00:16:49,364 --> 00:16:50,999 then throwing it like a baseball. 399 00:16:51,032 --> 00:16:52,167 Did you say... 400 00:16:52,200 --> 00:16:53,768 "meet The Weeknd"? 401 00:16:58,773 --> 00:17:02,077 We have three days to build a music utopia. 402 00:17:02,109 --> 00:17:04,245 Let's scout locations for the main stage. 403 00:17:14,088 --> 00:17:15,791 Oh, my God. 404 00:17:16,479 --> 00:17:17,859 Where's the rest of the gang? 405 00:17:17,891 --> 00:17:19,059 They're dead! 406 00:17:19,092 --> 00:17:20,695 Like we're gonna be dead! 407 00:17:20,727 --> 00:17:22,229 Like the 10,000 ticket holders 408 00:17:22,263 --> 00:17:24,832 you suckered into coming here are gonna be dead! 409 00:17:25,800 --> 00:17:27,936 Ah! Aah! 410 00:17:27,968 --> 00:17:29,703 Going for a little dip, huh? 411 00:17:29,736 --> 00:17:32,306 Well, I, for one, am getting down to business. 412 00:17:35,642 --> 00:17:38,879 _ 413 00:17:38,913 --> 00:17:40,080 Hang in there, baby. 414 00:17:40,113 --> 00:17:41,415 As soon as we rescue Roger, 415 00:17:41,448 --> 00:17:43,417 this antidote will fix you right up. 416 00:17:43,451 --> 00:17:46,221 Do it now. Please, Stan. 417 00:17:46,253 --> 00:17:48,156 Francine, I'm trying to do the right thing here. 418 00:17:48,188 --> 00:17:49,890 I could use your support. 419 00:17:49,924 --> 00:17:53,628 - Captain on the bridge! - You must be little Francine. 420 00:17:53,660 --> 00:17:55,763 We'll get you that selfie with The Weeknd, 421 00:17:55,796 --> 00:17:57,164 come hell or high water. 422 00:17:57,197 --> 00:17:59,133 Sir, we have visual on The Weeknd! 423 00:17:59,167 --> 00:18:00,435 Wow. 424 00:18:00,467 --> 00:18:02,771 I've really made a mess of things. 425 00:18:02,803 --> 00:18:05,273 And everybody's given up on me. 426 00:18:05,305 --> 00:18:06,407 Except you. 427 00:18:07,490 --> 00:18:08,581 Thank you. 428 00:18:13,767 --> 00:18:15,182 Just crop myself out... 429 00:18:15,215 --> 00:18:16,421 Bingo. 430 00:18:18,119 --> 00:18:19,620 "Wishin'" accomplished! 431 00:18:19,654 --> 00:18:22,457 If you infect anyone else, we can come back for them. 432 00:18:22,490 --> 00:18:24,292 If that's their wish. 433 00:18:24,324 --> 00:18:27,528 Our business is granting wishes, not suggesting them. 434 00:18:31,232 --> 00:18:33,468 Stan! You saved me! 435 00:18:33,501 --> 00:18:37,038 It's one of my rules... Keep my loved ones safe. 436 00:18:37,571 --> 00:18:39,773 And that includes me! 437 00:18:39,807 --> 00:18:41,877 Stan, I'm sorry. 438 00:18:41,909 --> 00:18:44,478 I thought being a Smith was boring... and it is... 439 00:18:44,512 --> 00:18:46,147 but it's better than this. 440 00:18:46,179 --> 00:18:47,349 Can I come home? 441 00:18:48,649 --> 00:18:50,217 Oh, right. Francine. 442 00:18:50,251 --> 00:18:53,021 Sorry, Roger. I just need to cure my wife's bubonic plague. 443 00:18:54,688 --> 00:18:57,191 You butterfingers sonuva... 444 00:18:57,225 --> 00:18:59,060 You're choking me, my love. 445 00:18:59,092 --> 00:19:00,661 You killed me. 446 00:19:00,695 --> 00:19:02,297 Hello! 447 00:19:02,330 --> 00:19:04,232 _ 448 00:19:04,264 --> 00:19:06,501 Special delivery! 449 00:19:11,906 --> 00:19:13,340 She's dying, The Weeknd. 450 00:19:13,373 --> 00:19:15,175 This is a murder. 451 00:19:15,208 --> 00:19:17,044 Don't worry. I'm a virgin. 452 00:19:17,078 --> 00:19:19,848 - Really? - Stan, I think I can help. 453 00:19:19,880 --> 00:19:22,182 Right now, I have enough virgin seed in my balls 454 00:19:22,215 --> 00:19:24,051 to produce five hit albums... 455 00:19:24,084 --> 00:19:25,252 or save one life. 456 00:19:25,285 --> 00:19:26,720 I don't understand. 457 00:19:26,753 --> 00:19:29,390 I'm so very glad you kidnapped me, old friend. 458 00:19:32,760 --> 00:19:37,532 Virgin power! 459 00:19:42,904 --> 00:19:45,073 What the [BLEEP] is happening? 460 00:19:45,106 --> 00:19:48,009 The Weeknd cured Francine, 461 00:19:48,042 --> 00:19:52,746 but it drained his virginal life energy. 462 00:19:52,780 --> 00:19:54,583 No, I was talking about your pants. 463 00:19:54,616 --> 00:19:56,551 You tied them into a life raft. 464 00:19:56,583 --> 00:19:57,952 That's sick, bro. 465 00:19:57,985 --> 00:19:59,620 He's dying, Stan! 466 00:19:59,654 --> 00:20:01,289 Don't go, The Weeknd! 467 00:20:01,321 --> 00:20:03,925 That's the thing that sucks about weekends... 468 00:20:03,957 --> 00:20:07,195 They've gotta end sometime. 469 00:20:07,227 --> 00:20:10,064 Whoa! His last words were a joke! 470 00:20:10,098 --> 00:20:11,232 Guy nailed it! 471 00:20:11,264 --> 00:20:12,600 Keep it 100, y'all. 472 00:20:12,634 --> 00:20:13,935 Ah, he blew it. 473 00:20:28,683 --> 00:20:30,986 - Explain that. - Okay. 474 00:20:31,019 --> 00:20:36,224 As volcanic islands form, they search for identity. 475 00:20:36,256 --> 00:20:39,494 This island chose The Weeknd's soul 476 00:20:39,526 --> 00:20:41,996 as its metaphysical blueprint. 477 00:20:42,030 --> 00:20:43,831 You're a solid dude, Vu. 478 00:20:43,865 --> 00:20:47,335 If you ever deal drugs near Chimdale, look me up. 479 00:20:47,368 --> 00:20:49,270 - I'd like that. - We apologize. 480 00:20:49,302 --> 00:20:50,772 Due to an error in scheduling, 481 00:20:50,804 --> 00:20:52,740 you saw an episode of "American Dad." 482 00:20:52,773 --> 00:20:55,510 We now return you to "Step Brothers." 483 00:20:55,542 --> 00:20:57,311 Have a great night! 484 00:20:57,312 --> 00:20:59,641 - synced and corrected by sot26 - www.addic7ed.com