1 00:00:02,794 --> 00:00:04,775 Do you ever think about dying? 2 00:00:04,874 --> 00:00:07,051 I just watched Chernobyl on HBO. 3 00:00:07,148 --> 00:00:09,164 There were so many people dying, 4 00:00:09,261 --> 00:00:10,983 I couldn't even laugh at the jokes. 5 00:00:11,081 --> 00:00:12,932 You never know what's gonna get ya, Francine. 6 00:00:13,030 --> 00:00:14,331 Take my friend, Jennifer. 7 00:00:14,428 --> 00:00:16,118 She got warts on her feet walking barefoot 8 00:00:16,217 --> 00:00:17,939 at a Rascal Flatts concert. 9 00:00:18,035 --> 00:00:19,888 Which is why I always wear foot condoms. 10 00:00:19,986 --> 00:00:21,707 You'd think they don't make condoms that big. 11 00:00:21,805 --> 00:00:23,366 But I've got a guy? Downtown? 12 00:00:23,463 --> 00:00:25,380 He'll make you condoms any size you want. 13 00:00:25,479 --> 00:00:28,696 Roger! I'm trying to talk to you about death. 14 00:00:28,794 --> 00:00:31,231 Do you realize we could go at any time? 15 00:00:31,328 --> 00:00:33,083 And as if that weren't bad enough, 16 00:00:33,180 --> 00:00:36,040 Jennifer's having a crisis with her adult daughter, Ricki. 17 00:00:36,137 --> 00:00:37,144 Can you listen to me? 18 00:00:37,242 --> 00:00:38,706 Ricki won't move out of the house. 19 00:00:38,802 --> 00:00:40,916 And now Ricki's adult mom's new boyfriend, 20 00:00:41,013 --> 00:00:42,540 Douglath... that's how he pronounces it 21 00:00:42,638 --> 00:00:44,458 because he says that's the "official" way... 22 00:00:44,556 --> 00:00:45,693 - Douglath... - Ugh! 23 00:00:45,791 --> 00:00:47,870 He's so annoying! 24 00:00:47,968 --> 00:00:50,989 Brain, do what Roger sounds like. 25 00:00:51,088 --> 00:00:54,468 - "Wah-wah-wah-wah-wah." - That's exactly right, brain. 26 00:00:54,565 --> 00:00:55,800 Good impression. 27 00:00:55,897 --> 00:00:58,141 Ugh, maybe I should just go. 28 00:00:58,238 --> 00:00:59,538 Yeah, good idea. 29 00:00:59,635 --> 00:01:01,195 - I'm gonna go. - Oh, don't go! 30 00:01:01,293 --> 00:01:03,406 Having you here makes me feel so heard. 31 00:01:03,502 --> 00:01:05,096 I guess that's why you're my best friend 32 00:01:05,192 --> 00:01:06,557 in the whole wide world. 33 00:01:06,655 --> 00:01:08,377 - I'm your best friend? - Yes. 34 00:01:08,475 --> 00:01:09,775 What about Stan? 35 00:01:09,873 --> 00:01:12,244 He's been distant since we kissed at Coachella. 36 00:01:12,342 --> 00:01:14,129 - How about Klaus? - Derendorf? 37 00:01:14,227 --> 00:01:15,657 The LA-based record producer? 38 00:01:15,755 --> 00:01:17,379 - I barely know him! - What about Steve? 39 00:01:17,477 --> 00:01:18,452 Potrowski? 40 00:01:18,453 --> 00:01:19,883 - Hayley... - Joel Osment? 41 00:01:19,980 --> 00:01:21,605 A solid friend, but we'll never be 42 00:01:21,702 --> 00:01:22,807 as close as you and me. 43 00:01:22,905 --> 00:01:24,042 Ugh. 44 00:01:24,138 --> 00:01:26,220 I guess I could hang out a bit longer. 45 00:01:26,318 --> 00:01:27,649 Good. Oh, get this! 46 00:01:27,747 --> 00:01:30,217 Jennifer's daughter had sex with a man at SeaWorld. 47 00:01:30,315 --> 00:01:31,744 In front of the dolphins. 48 00:01:31,841 --> 00:01:34,377 And the dolphins started acting all weird after. 49 00:01:34,475 --> 00:01:37,107 They had to pour CBD oil into the tank. 50 00:01:41,894 --> 00:01:44,623 ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪ 51 00:01:44,657 --> 00:01:47,831 ♪ I got a feelin' that it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪ 52 00:01:47,929 --> 00:01:50,952 ♪ The sun in the sky has a smile on his face ♪ 53 00:01:51,048 --> 00:01:55,112 ♪ And he's shinin' a salute to the American race ♪ 54 00:01:56,964 --> 00:02:00,148 ♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪ 55 00:02:00,246 --> 00:02:02,392 - ♪ Good... ♪ - ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪ 56 00:02:02,490 --> 00:02:03,692 Aah! 57 00:02:04,927 --> 00:02:08,177 ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪ 58 00:02:12,661 --> 00:02:16,562 Death. Death. Death. Death. 59 00:02:16,659 --> 00:02:19,194 Death. Death. Death. 60 00:02:19,292 --> 00:02:22,101 Oh, Franci-ine! I got an update... 61 00:02:22,135 --> 00:02:23,386 ...about Ricki's adult mom 62 00:02:23,484 --> 00:02:25,792 Jennifer's boyfriend, Douglaaaath! 63 00:02:25,890 --> 00:02:27,156 Hmm. 64 00:02:27,253 --> 00:02:28,814 Where is she? 65 00:02:29,542 --> 00:02:31,252 Oh, hey, Hayley. Puttin' in a tampon? 66 00:02:31,348 --> 00:02:32,649 Get out! 67 00:02:32,746 --> 00:02:34,957 Sheesh. Must be that time of the month. 68 00:02:36,581 --> 00:02:38,336 Ooh, a visitor. 69 00:02:38,433 --> 00:02:40,320 - Welcome to my alcove. - Shh! 70 00:02:40,416 --> 00:02:41,943 I'm hiding out from Roger, 71 00:02:42,041 --> 00:02:44,965 and this is the last place anyone would ever go. 72 00:02:45,063 --> 00:02:48,444 Visitors can sometimes say the cruelest things. 73 00:02:48,541 --> 00:02:52,440 Alas, why was I born loving visitors so? 74 00:02:52,538 --> 00:02:56,080 You must never let a visitor see your tears, Klaus. 75 00:02:56,177 --> 00:02:58,810 Ha-ha! Good one, Francine. 76 00:03:00,078 --> 00:03:01,736 I'm actually off to a bit of a spa day 77 00:03:01,833 --> 00:03:03,002 in the kitchen. 78 00:03:03,101 --> 00:03:04,888 You should come with. 79 00:03:04,985 --> 00:03:05,993 Francine? 80 00:03:06,091 --> 00:03:08,073 You in here cooking up some yogurt? 81 00:03:13,273 --> 00:03:16,847 Ahh. Nothing like a good steam. 82 00:03:19,415 --> 00:03:21,527 So, what's going on with you and Roger? 83 00:03:21,624 --> 00:03:23,705 He doesn't listen to me anymore. 84 00:03:23,803 --> 00:03:26,338 He's always blah, blah, blah nonstop. 85 00:03:26,435 --> 00:03:28,255 Seems like maybe the door is opening wider 86 00:03:28,353 --> 00:03:30,043 for our friendship. 87 00:03:30,141 --> 00:03:31,115 Uch. 88 00:03:31,214 --> 00:03:33,066 I don't come to the spa to be hit on 89 00:03:33,162 --> 00:03:35,275 by little orange lame-os. 90 00:03:35,372 --> 00:03:38,460 I'm trying to solve my problem with Roger. 91 00:03:38,558 --> 00:03:41,256 Well, you could be honest with him about your feelings. 92 00:03:41,353 --> 00:03:43,854 Like you are with me for some cruel reason. 93 00:03:43,952 --> 00:03:46,292 - Meh. - Well, if it's his constant gabbing 94 00:03:46,390 --> 00:03:49,640 that's driving you crazy, go somewhere he can't talk. 95 00:03:49,737 --> 00:03:50,776 Like space! 96 00:03:50,874 --> 00:03:53,084 - Or the movies. - Oh, that's great. 97 00:03:53,181 --> 00:03:54,515 Because it's closer. 98 00:03:54,612 --> 00:03:56,334 And I know how to get there. 99 00:03:56,433 --> 00:03:57,861 And I have a coupon. 100 00:03:57,959 --> 00:04:00,429 And you can't eat Goobers in space. 101 00:04:00,526 --> 00:04:02,316 They'd float away! 102 00:04:02,412 --> 00:04:04,395 I think that's enough reasons. 103 00:04:07,346 --> 00:04:10,243 So it turns out, Ricki's boyfriend wasn't a lawyer. 104 00:04:10,341 --> 00:04:13,757 He was just carrying a briefcase to and from Starbucks every day. 105 00:04:13,854 --> 00:04:15,905 - Jennifer was crushed. - Shh! 106 00:04:16,002 --> 00:04:19,062 Mister, you're ruining my first trip to the movies. 107 00:04:19,158 --> 00:04:21,339 I see right through you, pal. You're not a little kid. 108 00:04:21,436 --> 00:04:23,292 You're just a tiny man who gets his rocks off 109 00:04:23,388 --> 00:04:25,017 pretending he's never been to a theater before. 110 00:04:25,113 --> 00:04:26,513 You don't know me. 111 00:04:26,610 --> 00:04:27,913 Roger, be quiet! 112 00:04:28,011 --> 00:04:29,312 Fine, I'll whisper. 113 00:04:29,409 --> 00:04:32,078 So, Jennifer is taking a trip to Chicago... 114 00:04:32,174 --> 00:04:34,649 Oh, my gosh. Have you ever been to Chicago? 115 00:04:34,746 --> 00:04:37,251 There is so much deep-dish pizza, 116 00:04:37,349 --> 00:04:39,041 which is a thing I do not like. 117 00:04:39,140 --> 00:04:42,002 I'm more of a super-flat cheeseburger guy myself. 118 00:04:42,101 --> 00:04:43,889 What is happening? 119 00:04:43,988 --> 00:04:46,396 I love this whispering. 120 00:04:46,494 --> 00:04:48,642 Please direct me to your city's finest, flattest cheeseburger. 121 00:04:48,738 --> 00:04:50,073 Goosebumps. 122 00:04:50,170 --> 00:04:52,872 The real Chicagoan experience... 123 00:04:55,410 --> 00:04:57,850 Waaaaahhhh! 124 00:04:57,947 --> 00:04:59,478 Y'all feelin' this?! 125 00:04:59,576 --> 00:05:02,633 Neuron dance partyyyyy! 126 00:05:10,379 --> 00:05:13,047 ...a man on the bus said it didn't matter how much 127 00:05:13,146 --> 00:05:14,967 I liked flat cheeseburgers. 128 00:05:15,066 --> 00:05:17,213 That didn't make it a Chicago thing. 129 00:05:17,311 --> 00:05:19,067 So, whatever, that trip was a bust. 130 00:05:19,166 --> 00:05:20,336 The end. 131 00:05:22,354 --> 00:05:24,762 No, keep talking about yourself, 132 00:05:24,860 --> 00:05:26,586 and don't forget to whisper. 133 00:05:26,682 --> 00:05:28,862 You're the best listener in the world. 134 00:05:28,961 --> 00:05:32,346 Okay, so after Chi-Town, I was like, 135 00:05:32,442 --> 00:05:34,493 "Why am I traveling so much?" 136 00:05:34,590 --> 00:05:37,128 So I stayed home and went to CVS 137 00:05:37,227 --> 00:05:38,852 and slid around the linoleum 138 00:05:38,950 --> 00:05:42,270 in the socks Stan yelled at me for wearing hiking. 139 00:05:45,752 --> 00:05:47,086 There she is, fellas. 140 00:05:47,183 --> 00:05:49,526 The future Mrs. Ashley Wagner. 141 00:05:49,625 --> 00:05:51,381 I'll be taking her name when we get married. 142 00:05:51,479 --> 00:05:53,334 Does she even know you exist? 143 00:05:53,432 --> 00:05:55,286 Not yet, but I've written a love note 144 00:05:55,385 --> 00:05:56,490 to drop in her locker. 145 00:05:56,587 --> 00:05:59,224 Smart! Girls love to read! 146 00:05:59,321 --> 00:06:01,567 I told her I'd reveal myself at the dance 147 00:06:01,665 --> 00:06:04,235 and signed it "Your secret admirer," 148 00:06:04,333 --> 00:06:06,708 so she'll fall in love with me for the merits of my writing 149 00:06:06,807 --> 00:06:10,157 and not my Rachel Maddow good looks. 150 00:06:10,255 --> 00:06:11,298 Coming through! 151 00:06:11,395 --> 00:06:13,216 Dangerous construction materials! 152 00:06:13,315 --> 00:06:15,656 Shortcut to the site, through the school! 153 00:06:20,669 --> 00:06:23,044 Ooh, goth girls. Spooky. 154 00:06:27,210 --> 00:06:28,511 Steve, look out! 155 00:06:28,922 --> 00:06:30,048 Ugh! 156 00:06:34,596 --> 00:06:36,613 Oh, God! I could be blamed for this. 157 00:06:38,079 --> 00:06:39,315 - Aaaah! - Aah! 158 00:06:39,412 --> 00:06:41,398 My sweet Steve! 159 00:06:41,494 --> 00:06:43,513 We were friends! 160 00:06:44,681 --> 00:06:46,443 We were friends! 161 00:06:46,539 --> 00:06:48,427 What are you talking about? 162 00:06:48,525 --> 00:06:49,826 We're still friends. 163 00:06:49,923 --> 00:06:51,095 Do you not feel it? 164 00:06:51,192 --> 00:06:52,429 Feel what? 165 00:06:52,527 --> 00:06:54,382 Hey, look. Someone slipped me a note. 166 00:06:54,480 --> 00:06:56,529 "Dear beautiful." Hah! 167 00:06:56,628 --> 00:06:58,645 Flattery will get you everywhere. 168 00:06:58,742 --> 00:07:00,435 "You're all I can think about..." 169 00:07:01,541 --> 00:07:03,331 Are you all right? 170 00:07:03,428 --> 00:07:05,088 I'm better than all right! 171 00:07:05,187 --> 00:07:07,236 I have a secret admirer! 172 00:07:07,334 --> 00:07:09,740 And she's gonna reveal herself at the dance! 173 00:07:09,839 --> 00:07:11,498 Looks like ol' Steven Anita 174 00:07:11,596 --> 00:07:14,264 might be the first to lose his V-card. 175 00:07:27,834 --> 00:07:29,430 One of those days, huh? 176 00:07:30,796 --> 00:07:32,325 Roger whispered. 177 00:07:32,424 --> 00:07:34,049 And when he did, 178 00:07:34,147 --> 00:07:37,207 it gave me an incredible sensation. 179 00:07:37,305 --> 00:07:41,469 A kind of peace and relaxation I haven't felt 180 00:07:41,567 --> 00:07:44,334 since I started obsessing over death. 181 00:07:44,431 --> 00:07:48,790 I got the chilly thrillies up and down my neck! 182 00:07:48,888 --> 00:07:50,483 Ah, yes. 183 00:07:50,582 --> 00:07:52,435 Technically, it's called ASMR. 184 00:07:52,534 --> 00:07:55,038 ASMR? As in... 185 00:07:55,137 --> 00:07:58,294 asymmetrical sexy men rule? 186 00:07:58,390 --> 00:08:00,897 No. It's when you get unbelievably relaxed 187 00:08:00,993 --> 00:08:02,231 by whispers. 188 00:08:02,329 --> 00:08:05,323 It also works with eating pickles or other crunchy foods, 189 00:08:05,419 --> 00:08:07,926 like, uh... 190 00:08:08,023 --> 00:08:10,105 pickles, w-which is, uh... 191 00:08:10,204 --> 00:08:11,245 the best example. 192 00:08:11,343 --> 00:08:13,034 Some people think ASMR is sexual, 193 00:08:13,133 --> 00:08:15,378 but for most people, it's not. 194 00:08:15,476 --> 00:08:16,776 But for me, it definitely is. 195 00:08:16,874 --> 00:08:19,316 Klaus, this is perfect! 196 00:08:19,413 --> 00:08:22,731 I'll just hang out with Roger where he's forced to whisper. 197 00:08:23,664 --> 00:08:25,010 So it turns out, 198 00:08:25,107 --> 00:08:27,255 Ricki's boyfriend didn't run out on her. 199 00:08:27,353 --> 00:08:30,867 He just got tangled in some wind chimes at a Pier 1 200 00:08:30,965 --> 00:08:32,820 and they found him a couple of days ago, 201 00:08:32,918 --> 00:08:35,192 severely dehydrated. 202 00:08:38,035 --> 00:08:40,217 That movie was really relaxing. 203 00:08:40,314 --> 00:08:43,374 Oh, yeah, these Transformers movies are so zen. 204 00:08:43,471 --> 00:08:45,263 All that metal-on-metal scraping. 205 00:08:45,360 --> 00:08:47,639 And Optimus Prime is sneaky funny. 206 00:08:47,736 --> 00:08:50,275 Hanging out with you has really taken my mind off 207 00:08:50,372 --> 00:08:52,197 death by nuclear holocaust. 208 00:08:52,295 --> 00:08:54,215 In fact, why are we leaving? 209 00:08:54,312 --> 00:08:55,321 Let's see another movie. 210 00:08:55,419 --> 00:08:56,462 I'm a little movied out. 211 00:08:56,559 --> 00:08:57,893 Can we go somewhere where I can talk? 212 00:08:57,991 --> 00:08:59,425 Out loud? 213 00:08:59,522 --> 00:09:01,019 Oh! Yes. 214 00:09:01,117 --> 00:09:02,419 Great idea. 215 00:09:02,517 --> 00:09:04,144 How about the... 216 00:09:04,243 --> 00:09:05,251 library? 217 00:09:05,349 --> 00:09:06,748 La biblioteca? 218 00:09:06,846 --> 00:09:09,093 That's Spanish for "Sure, why not?" 219 00:09:10,655 --> 00:09:13,066 Oh, I am a total Hufflepuff. 220 00:09:13,163 --> 00:09:14,952 Don't you think I'm a Hufflepuff? 221 00:09:15,050 --> 00:09:17,949 Francine, what the fuff is a Hufflepuff? 222 00:09:21,236 --> 00:09:22,310 Pickle? 223 00:09:22,407 --> 00:09:25,435 A man would be a fool to refuse a purse pickle. 224 00:09:27,518 --> 00:09:29,146 Ahh! 225 00:09:32,434 --> 00:09:34,845 Oh, that's nice. 226 00:09:34,942 --> 00:09:36,764 Uhp, there's an owl in this. 227 00:09:36,861 --> 00:09:38,490 If I was interested in things with big eyes, 228 00:09:38,588 --> 00:09:40,606 I would still be stalking Emma Stone. 229 00:09:40,704 --> 00:09:42,037 Do you think I should check on her? 230 00:09:42,135 --> 00:09:44,350 No, let's go to a golf tournament. 231 00:09:44,447 --> 00:09:47,084 Sure. A-And maybe on the way, we swing by her parents' house 232 00:09:47,181 --> 00:09:49,396 and see if they have anything cool in their trash? 233 00:09:51,999 --> 00:09:53,889 Douglath bailed on Jen, 234 00:09:53,987 --> 00:09:55,907 so she went indoor skydiving alone. 235 00:09:56,005 --> 00:09:57,210 So brave. 236 00:09:57,308 --> 00:09:59,945 I can't even go to Souplantation alone. 237 00:10:00,954 --> 00:10:02,906 What do you think it would sound like 238 00:10:03,004 --> 00:10:05,251 if you tapped your nails on this book 239 00:10:05,348 --> 00:10:07,562 I stole from the library? 240 00:10:15,180 --> 00:10:16,156 Aah! 241 00:10:17,067 --> 00:10:18,534 I think he killed that guy. 242 00:10:18,630 --> 00:10:19,900 It's okay. 243 00:10:19,998 --> 00:10:21,299 I've come to realize 244 00:10:21,397 --> 00:10:23,351 death plays a beautiful role 245 00:10:23,449 --> 00:10:25,533 in the circle of life. 246 00:10:28,560 --> 00:10:29,894 This funeral reminds me 247 00:10:29,991 --> 00:10:32,303 of when Jennifer's dog got heartworm. 248 00:10:32,401 --> 00:10:33,606 It survived, of course. 249 00:10:33,703 --> 00:10:35,461 That's the main difference. 250 00:10:35,558 --> 00:10:38,067 Crinkle these noodles as you talk. 251 00:10:38,164 --> 00:10:39,335 You betcha. 252 00:10:41,646 --> 00:10:44,024 Shortcut through the cemetery! 253 00:10:44,122 --> 00:10:46,464 Ooh, this funeral's spooky! 254 00:10:49,940 --> 00:10:52,618 Wow. My secret admirer is a helluva writer. 255 00:10:52,716 --> 00:10:54,897 Should we tell him he wrote that letter? 256 00:10:54,995 --> 00:10:57,176 Why? Look how happy he is. 257 00:10:57,274 --> 00:10:59,325 Just look at the way she loops her L's. 258 00:10:59,422 --> 00:11:01,994 She clearly knows her way around a dick. 259 00:11:02,092 --> 00:11:04,371 Should we at least pull out the pole? 260 00:11:04,467 --> 00:11:07,594 No, then he'll remember he wrote the note! 261 00:11:07,690 --> 00:11:10,198 You want to fix his brain and break his heart? 262 00:11:11,597 --> 00:11:14,365 Mm. This food tastes kind of metallic. 263 00:11:14,462 --> 00:11:15,829 Are you guys getting any of that? 264 00:11:15,927 --> 00:11:17,425 Yes, sirree! 265 00:11:17,522 --> 00:11:20,063 Pearl Bailey's famous copper nachos. 266 00:11:20,160 --> 00:11:23,609 There's a lucky penny melted into every batch! 267 00:11:23,708 --> 00:11:25,531 So, you guys are assuring me this is normal? 268 00:11:25,628 --> 00:11:26,734 Ohhh, yeah. 269 00:11:26,833 --> 00:11:29,275 Everything that's going on is normal. 270 00:11:29,373 --> 00:11:32,010 Normal's the word of the day here. 271 00:11:34,483 --> 00:11:35,950 Francinie-weenie! 272 00:11:36,046 --> 00:11:37,414 Ready to hang? 273 00:11:37,512 --> 00:11:38,911 Huh, no Francine. 274 00:11:39,009 --> 00:11:40,994 Welp, then I guess this is a great time 275 00:11:41,091 --> 00:11:43,794 for me to snooooop! 276 00:11:44,966 --> 00:11:46,400 Spider-Man action figure. 277 00:11:46,497 --> 00:11:48,026 Unexpected. 278 00:11:48,123 --> 00:11:49,329 Grapefruit. 279 00:11:49,428 --> 00:11:50,664 Another Spider-Man? Wow. 280 00:11:50,760 --> 00:11:52,292 She really has a thing for Spider-Man. 281 00:11:53,489 --> 00:11:55,384 Ohhh! 282 00:11:55,483 --> 00:11:56,686 What's this? 283 00:11:58,217 --> 00:12:00,918 A microcassette of "Roger's whispers"? 284 00:12:02,838 --> 00:12:05,053 And I'm like, "What channels do I lose 285 00:12:05,151 --> 00:12:07,495 if I move down to the ultimate package?" 286 00:12:07,593 --> 00:12:11,173 And she's like, "You'd lose HGTV and DIY Network." 287 00:12:11,271 --> 00:12:14,071 So, yeah, I still pay $400 a month for cable. 288 00:12:15,405 --> 00:12:18,140 Klaus, do you know why Francine is recording my stories? 289 00:12:18,237 --> 00:12:20,223 Is she trying to steal them for a book or something? 290 00:12:20,320 --> 00:12:22,633 Like you did when you befriended The Situation? 291 00:12:22,731 --> 00:12:23,710 Yeah, like that. 292 00:12:23,838 --> 00:12:25,498 Oh, no. She doesn't care about what you're saying. 293 00:12:25,596 --> 00:12:27,744 She just likes the sounds your mouth makes 294 00:12:27,841 --> 00:12:29,373 when you whisper and stuff! 295 00:12:29,470 --> 00:12:30,998 They relax her. 296 00:12:31,096 --> 00:12:33,733 She's recording everything you do. 297 00:12:33,831 --> 00:12:35,753 What?! 298 00:12:35,850 --> 00:12:37,869 "Roger's crunching"? 299 00:12:42,455 --> 00:12:44,867 Oh, my God. Is that what I sound like when I eat pickles? 300 00:12:44,966 --> 00:12:46,430 Ugh. So nasally. 301 00:12:46,528 --> 00:12:47,700 I thought I sounded more like 302 00:12:47,797 --> 00:12:49,980 Dwayne "Vin Diesel 'The Rock'" Johnson. 303 00:12:50,078 --> 00:12:52,973 Rawr, we're family! Crunch crunch. 304 00:12:53,071 --> 00:12:55,774 Francine's not listening to me? 305 00:12:59,755 --> 00:13:01,112 I caught you red-handed! 306 00:13:01,210 --> 00:13:03,358 Hey, man, I paid for this toast. 307 00:13:03,457 --> 00:13:04,888 "Roger's crunching"?! 308 00:13:04,986 --> 00:13:07,006 You only care about my noises! 309 00:13:07,102 --> 00:13:08,763 What's the big deal? 310 00:13:08,860 --> 00:13:11,336 We're hanging out, and your noises relax me. 311 00:13:11,432 --> 00:13:12,669 You want to relax? 312 00:13:12,768 --> 00:13:15,372 Listen to the crunch of me destroying your tapes! 313 00:13:15,987 --> 00:13:17,749 No! Ahhh. 314 00:13:17,846 --> 00:13:18,823 But no! 315 00:13:18,921 --> 00:13:20,841 Oh, that's nice. 316 00:13:20,939 --> 00:13:22,468 Well, that's all you're getting! 317 00:13:22,567 --> 00:13:24,748 You won't get another sound out of me! 318 00:13:24,846 --> 00:13:27,351 Roger, I can just follow you around 319 00:13:27,450 --> 00:13:29,143 and tape whatever I want. 320 00:13:29,241 --> 00:13:30,835 Oh, you're gonna follow me, huh? 321 00:13:30,934 --> 00:13:32,528 Bet you won't follow me to... 322 00:13:32,625 --> 00:13:34,579 Ch-Ch-Ch-Chernobyl. 323 00:13:34,677 --> 00:13:36,761 Roger, you can't go to Chernobyl! 324 00:13:36,859 --> 00:13:38,160 It's dangerous! 325 00:13:38,257 --> 00:13:41,156 Well, I'd rather die there than be ignored here! 326 00:13:42,426 --> 00:13:43,695 Hey, Mom. Heads up... 327 00:13:43,792 --> 00:13:45,321 I hit a cyclist with your car. 328 00:13:45,420 --> 00:13:46,396 She's not dead. 329 00:13:46,527 --> 00:13:48,447 I put her in the trunk until I can come up with a plan. 330 00:13:48,545 --> 00:13:50,217 Just letting you know where I've been lately. 331 00:13:53,042 --> 00:13:54,051 My whispers. 332 00:13:54,149 --> 00:13:55,419 Where are my whispers? 333 00:13:55,517 --> 00:13:56,689 I need my whispers! 334 00:13:56,785 --> 00:13:58,674 I could do them for you, Francine. 335 00:13:58,771 --> 00:14:00,691 You're sssssafe 336 00:14:00,788 --> 00:14:03,133 with Klaussssss. 337 00:14:03,230 --> 00:14:05,735 No, just stop! You don't have it! 338 00:14:05,833 --> 00:14:09,022 Yessss, I dooooo. 339 00:14:09,121 --> 00:14:10,975 I drove Roger away! 340 00:14:11,072 --> 00:14:12,342 He left! 341 00:14:12,440 --> 00:14:15,368 I drove him to the airport, and then he left! 342 00:14:15,465 --> 00:14:16,996 Well, you could go after him. 343 00:14:17,093 --> 00:14:20,087 Ooh, according to his Insta, he's made it to Chernobyl. 344 00:14:20,184 --> 00:14:22,040 Oh, no! We've got to save him! 345 00:14:22,138 --> 00:14:24,285 The radiation's gonna make him sick! 346 00:14:25,074 --> 00:14:26,726 It's already making him thirsty. 347 00:14:26,823 --> 00:14:29,232 What the hell, I'll give him a little sip. 348 00:14:35,610 --> 00:14:37,823 What the hell am I doing here? 349 00:14:37,922 --> 00:14:39,808 - Was this stupid? - Yes. 350 00:14:39,906 --> 00:14:41,859 Well, we have to find Roger. 351 00:14:41,956 --> 00:14:44,658 According to Ask Jeeves, we have five hours 352 00:14:44,755 --> 00:14:48,303 before the radiation turns us into walkin'-talkin' tumors. 353 00:14:48,401 --> 00:14:50,223 Five hours 'til I turn into that fish 354 00:14:50,320 --> 00:14:52,468 from The Simpsons with three eyes. 355 00:14:52,567 --> 00:14:54,160 Do you watch The Simpsons, Francine? 356 00:14:54,259 --> 00:14:56,016 It's getting good. 357 00:14:56,113 --> 00:14:57,415 And Jennifer's current boyfriend 358 00:14:57,514 --> 00:15:00,247 is also a bartender at TGI Friday's. 359 00:15:00,345 --> 00:15:02,850 So either she's got a type or she can't walk away 360 00:15:02,948 --> 00:15:04,739 from free Jack Daniel's Shrimp and Grits. 361 00:15:04,836 --> 00:15:07,764 That is fine, but you have very little time to live. 362 00:15:07,862 --> 00:15:10,433 The radiation has already eaten away your nose and ears. 363 00:15:10,531 --> 00:15:13,101 Well, you look like a banana with a handle. 364 00:15:14,027 --> 00:15:15,151 Pee-yew! 365 00:15:15,249 --> 00:15:17,072 You been Vladimir Putin in there? 366 00:15:17,170 --> 00:15:18,211 What have you done?! 367 00:15:18,310 --> 00:15:19,545 You should be thanking me! 368 00:15:19,642 --> 00:15:21,108 You were just breathing it in! 369 00:15:21,206 --> 00:15:22,735 Roger? 370 00:15:22,832 --> 00:15:24,395 Well, look who it is. 371 00:15:24,492 --> 00:15:27,649 The person I was wrong about how afraid they were of Chernobyl. 372 00:15:27,745 --> 00:15:29,895 I thought I wouldn't see you here. 373 00:15:29,992 --> 00:15:31,651 Roger, you look terrible. 374 00:15:31,749 --> 00:15:33,052 You need to come home. 375 00:15:33,150 --> 00:15:35,426 So you can have my whispers at your disposal? 376 00:15:35,524 --> 00:15:37,869 Well, you're not gonna like my whispers anymore! 377 00:15:41,871 --> 00:15:45,744 The radiation has made them more relaxing than ever! 378 00:15:46,357 --> 00:15:48,086 Sleeeeep! 379 00:15:53,164 --> 00:15:55,962 Wow. I guess life is coming back to Chernobyl. 380 00:15:59,738 --> 00:16:02,992 I've heard of a weeping willow, but a sleeping willow? 381 00:16:03,090 --> 00:16:05,432 _ 382 00:16:12,925 --> 00:16:14,706 There's only a few more songs left. 383 00:16:14,805 --> 00:16:18,711 Steve's gonna be devastated when there's no secret admirer. 384 00:16:18,809 --> 00:16:20,826 Did... Did we handle this wrong? 385 00:16:20,924 --> 00:16:22,322 I have an idea! 386 00:16:22,421 --> 00:16:23,560 Hit me with it, Barry. 387 00:16:23,658 --> 00:16:26,912 Maybe if we each got a pole in our head, 388 00:16:27,010 --> 00:16:29,840 we'd have secret admirers like Steve! 389 00:16:29,938 --> 00:16:32,053 Okay. I'm on my own here. 390 00:16:32,151 --> 00:16:33,877 Just gotta break the news to him. 391 00:16:33,974 --> 00:16:36,187 And I'll work on finding poles! 392 00:16:37,748 --> 00:16:39,864 Steve, there's nobody coming. 393 00:16:39,961 --> 00:16:41,362 That love note? 394 00:16:41,458 --> 00:16:42,664 You wrote it yourself. 395 00:16:42,761 --> 00:16:45,039 Ohhh. And I probably don't remember 396 00:16:45,136 --> 00:16:46,504 because I have a pole in my head. 397 00:16:46,600 --> 00:16:47,706 You know about that?! 398 00:16:47,805 --> 00:16:49,139 I tied my bow tie. 399 00:16:49,237 --> 00:16:50,767 Can't do that without a mirror. 400 00:16:50,865 --> 00:16:52,198 So, in a way, 401 00:16:52,296 --> 00:16:54,216 I'm my own secret admirer! 402 00:16:54,314 --> 00:16:56,493 You always have been. 403 00:16:56,592 --> 00:16:59,749 Me, may I have this dance? 404 00:16:59,848 --> 00:17:02,319 Yes, me. You may. 405 00:17:09,556 --> 00:17:10,944 I got the poles! 406 00:17:14,621 --> 00:17:17,291 Look! Barry's doing a new dance! 407 00:17:17,387 --> 00:17:19,862 I call it the Barry! Everybody do the Barry! 408 00:17:19,958 --> 00:17:21,586 ♪ Barry, Barry, Barry ♪ 409 00:17:21,683 --> 00:17:23,182 ♪ Do the Barry-Barry ♪ 410 00:17:23,278 --> 00:17:26,208 ♪ He's a fat kid who's almost fallin' down ♪ 411 00:17:26,306 --> 00:17:28,972 Lock the doors until everyone does the Barry. 412 00:17:34,051 --> 00:17:35,710 How long were we out for? 413 00:17:35,807 --> 00:17:37,436 We only have an hour before we die. 414 00:17:37,532 --> 00:17:40,038 And we don't have any idea where Roger is. 415 00:17:40,136 --> 00:17:41,927 Maybe he went that way. 416 00:17:44,594 --> 00:17:45,831 But even if we find him, 417 00:17:45,929 --> 00:17:47,687 he'll just put us to sleep again. 418 00:17:47,784 --> 00:17:48,989 Hmm. 419 00:17:49,085 --> 00:17:50,843 Did you see the movie Bird Box? 420 00:17:50,941 --> 00:17:52,796 It's been on my watch list for like six months, 421 00:17:52,893 --> 00:17:54,391 but I don't actually want to watch it. 422 00:17:54,488 --> 00:17:56,344 Well, what if instead of Sandra Bullock 423 00:17:56,440 --> 00:17:58,361 not being able to see, 424 00:17:58,458 --> 00:18:00,052 she couldn't hear? 425 00:18:00,544 --> 00:18:02,103 That sounds so scary! 426 00:18:02,201 --> 00:18:03,536 But like I said, I haven't seen it, 427 00:18:03,632 --> 00:18:05,031 and I'm probably not going to. 428 00:18:06,115 --> 00:18:08,287 We're gonna have to reach Roger 429 00:18:08,385 --> 00:18:11,475 without our most important sense. 430 00:18:13,396 --> 00:18:15,447 I can't hear where I'm going! 431 00:18:15,543 --> 00:18:17,887 How do deaf people get anywhere? 432 00:18:17,986 --> 00:18:19,840 What, Francine? Where are you? 433 00:18:20,757 --> 00:18:22,345 What the hell? 434 00:18:24,265 --> 00:18:27,000 Gawwww. Stacked high animals. 435 00:18:27,096 --> 00:18:28,595 This is horrible. 436 00:18:28,692 --> 00:18:31,197 But now I'm getting used to it. 437 00:18:31,295 --> 00:18:32,826 Now it's kind of cute. 438 00:18:44,345 --> 00:18:45,486 What are you doing here? 439 00:18:45,582 --> 00:18:46,688 I thought I told you to 440 00:18:46,787 --> 00:18:48,771 sleeeep! 441 00:18:50,660 --> 00:18:52,774 Wait, why aren't you asleep? 442 00:18:52,871 --> 00:18:54,922 Roger, we've gotta go! 443 00:18:55,021 --> 00:18:56,517 You're gonna die! 444 00:18:56,615 --> 00:18:57,592 I don't care! 445 00:18:57,688 --> 00:19:00,033 You don't belong here alone! 446 00:19:00,129 --> 00:19:03,709 You wouldn't even go to Souplantation by yourself! 447 00:19:04,392 --> 00:19:05,564 You heard me! 448 00:19:05,662 --> 00:19:06,802 Come on! 449 00:19:06,898 --> 00:19:09,437 You're acting weirder than those dolphins 450 00:19:09,534 --> 00:19:13,765 after they saw Ricki having sex with that guy at SeaWorld! 451 00:19:13,863 --> 00:19:15,913 Oh, my God. 452 00:19:18,908 --> 00:19:22,097 You were... listening to me the whole time? 453 00:19:22,194 --> 00:19:24,081 Well, part of the time. 454 00:19:24,180 --> 00:19:25,645 You talk a lot, Roger. 455 00:19:25,741 --> 00:19:27,467 I'm bound to pick up bits and pieces. 456 00:19:27,565 --> 00:19:29,809 That's so sweet of you, remembering all that stuff 457 00:19:29,907 --> 00:19:31,339 about people I made up. 458 00:19:32,380 --> 00:19:33,521 Oh, no! 459 00:19:33,617 --> 00:19:35,146 We've gotta get out of here. 460 00:19:35,245 --> 00:19:36,383 Klaus is dying! 461 00:19:36,481 --> 00:19:37,881 Or maybe it's too late for him, 462 00:19:37,978 --> 00:19:39,476 but we have a little time. 463 00:19:39,573 --> 00:19:41,916 Because there's a brunch place I'd like to try out. 464 00:19:42,014 --> 00:19:43,315 Although it might not be open. 465 00:19:43,413 --> 00:19:46,017 A lot of stuff closed after the, um... 466 00:19:46,115 --> 00:19:48,263 nuclear unpleasantness. 467 00:19:50,865 --> 00:19:53,502 I'm sorry I used you for your noises. 468 00:19:53,600 --> 00:19:55,421 I know I'm supposed to be your best friend, 469 00:19:55,520 --> 00:19:57,635 but I wasn't acting like it. 470 00:19:57,734 --> 00:20:00,889 Well, you did face your fear of death to come bring me home. 471 00:20:00,986 --> 00:20:02,940 Huh, that's true. 472 00:20:03,037 --> 00:20:06,195 Let's celebrate our friendship by doing The Barry! 473 00:20:06,291 --> 00:20:07,886 ♪ Barry, Barry, Barry ♪ 474 00:20:07,984 --> 00:20:09,351 ♪ Do the Barry-Barry ♪ 475 00:20:09,449 --> 00:20:12,345 ♪ He's a fat kid who's almost fallin' down ♪ 476 00:20:12,443 --> 00:20:13,646 The Barry? 477 00:20:13,745 --> 00:20:15,600 The radiation is driving them insane. 478 00:20:15,698 --> 00:20:16,835 I'm with you, brother. 479 00:20:16,934 --> 00:20:18,202 These people are nuts. 480 00:20:18,301 --> 00:20:19,536 But I've got your back. 481 00:20:19,635 --> 00:20:21,176 I am your back! 482 00:20:24,743 --> 00:20:26,680 Have a great night! 483 00:20:27,348 --> 00:20:29,350 - synced and corrected by sot26 - www.addic7ed.com