1 00:00:09,835 --> 00:00:11,054 Daddy's home! 2 00:00:11,098 --> 00:00:13,883 Another mission, uh, survived. 3 00:00:13,926 --> 00:00:15,493 Oh, Stan! 4 00:00:15,537 --> 00:00:18,018 It's always such a relief to have you back -- 5 00:00:18,061 --> 00:00:20,933 Ew! You're soaked in sweat! 6 00:00:20,977 --> 00:00:24,111 Where was your mission, inside a giant pair of ski boots? 7 00:00:24,154 --> 00:00:26,983 We relocated a family for the witness protection program, 8 00:00:27,027 --> 00:00:29,203 and part of that is actually helping the people move. 9 00:00:29,246 --> 00:00:31,118 Dick made fun of me for wearing a back brace 10 00:00:31,161 --> 00:00:32,858 then threw his own back out trying to show off. 11 00:00:32,902 --> 00:00:34,469 It was awesome. 12 00:00:34,512 --> 00:00:37,167 I had to move two pool tables by myself, but totally worth it. 13 00:00:37,211 --> 00:00:40,562 Witness protection?! How exciting! 14 00:00:40,605 --> 00:00:43,521 How did the people end up there? Did they see someone get iced? 15 00:00:43,565 --> 00:00:45,001 Sorry. Those are state secrets. 16 00:00:45,045 --> 00:00:46,655 Which is unfortunate for you 17 00:00:46,698 --> 00:00:49,353 'cause this town's crawlin' with fascinating witnesses! 18 00:00:49,397 --> 00:00:52,487 But I'm a vault, baby! These secrets die with me. 19 00:00:52,530 --> 00:00:54,184 Unless I die after 2035. 20 00:00:54,228 --> 00:00:56,012 That's when they become public domain. 21 00:00:56,056 --> 00:00:59,276 Attention, please. I have an announcement. 22 00:00:59,320 --> 00:01:02,410 I found my first gray hair. 23 00:01:02,453 --> 00:01:05,326 And I couldn't be happier! 24 00:01:05,369 --> 00:01:08,503 I'd always hoped to go full gray by the end of high school, 25 00:01:08,546 --> 00:01:12,724 and this is the first step towards that silver-fox dream! 26 00:01:12,768 --> 00:01:14,639 Like Jamie Lee Curtis! 27 00:01:14,683 --> 00:01:16,293 This is great news! 28 00:01:16,337 --> 00:01:19,122 My boy is ready for a man's barber shop. 29 00:01:19,166 --> 00:01:21,429 You can finally come to Bushwhackers! 30 00:01:21,472 --> 00:01:24,040 The haircuts are whatever, but the vibe's incredible. 31 00:01:24,084 --> 00:01:26,434 We sit around for hours just choppin' it up. 32 00:01:26,477 --> 00:01:28,914 - Chopping what up? - You know, "choppin' it up." 33 00:01:28,958 --> 00:01:30,133 Gabbin', shootin' the shit, 34 00:01:30,177 --> 00:01:31,613 smokin' and jokin' without the smokin'. 35 00:01:31,656 --> 00:01:33,658 Chit-chat on steroids. You're gonna love it. 36 00:01:33,702 --> 00:01:35,530 Let's go! 37 00:01:35,573 --> 00:01:38,228 Also, babe, on my walk this morning, 38 00:01:38,272 --> 00:01:40,665 I made contact with a really big dog 39 00:01:40,709 --> 00:01:43,015 and I finally found my dinosaur book and -- 40 00:01:43,059 --> 00:01:44,887 - Jeff! What's up? - Not much. 41 00:01:44,930 --> 00:01:46,410 No. Why are you telling me 42 00:01:46,454 --> 00:01:48,499 about every little thing in your life? 43 00:01:48,543 --> 00:01:50,936 I am trying to read Cinnabon's privacy policy. 44 00:01:50,980 --> 00:01:53,200 Well, my memory's so bad that I know 45 00:01:53,243 --> 00:01:55,637 if I don't tell you everything right away, 46 00:01:55,680 --> 00:01:58,335 the important stuff will slip through the cracks. 47 00:01:58,379 --> 00:02:00,468 How about this -- instead of telling me 48 00:02:00,511 --> 00:02:02,383 everything as it happens, 49 00:02:02,426 --> 00:02:03,819 write it all down in this notebook. 50 00:02:03,862 --> 00:02:05,299 Oh, I get it! 51 00:02:05,342 --> 00:02:07,388 And then I can go through it 52 00:02:07,431 --> 00:02:09,259 and share the most important parts with you 53 00:02:09,303 --> 00:02:10,782 No! 54 00:02:15,570 --> 00:02:18,355 ♪ Good morning, U.S.A.♪ 55 00:02:18,399 --> 00:02:22,185 ♪ I got a feelin' that it's gonna be a wonderful day♪ 56 00:02:22,229 --> 00:02:25,449 ♪ The sun in the sky has a smile on his face♪ 57 00:02:25,493 --> 00:02:29,540 ♪ And he's shinin' a salute to the American race♪ 58 00:02:31,586 --> 00:02:35,024 ♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say♪ 59 00:02:35,067 --> 00:02:36,895 - ♪ Good --♪ - ♪ Good morning, U.S.A.♪ 60 00:02:36,939 --> 00:02:38,288 Aah! 61 00:02:39,594 --> 00:02:42,901 ♪ Good morning, U.S.A.♪ 62 00:02:45,208 --> 00:02:47,123 You ever see the show Cheers? 63 00:02:47,167 --> 00:02:49,299 I'm kinda the Sam Malone around here. 64 00:02:49,343 --> 00:02:51,562 You have to be Kirstie Alley. Everyone else is taken. 65 00:02:51,606 --> 00:02:53,216 Oh! No, I knew you were gonna say that! 66 00:02:53,260 --> 00:02:55,349 - Oh, you... - That's Tony. He's great. 67 00:02:55,392 --> 00:02:57,307 He has a bunch of brothers who refuse to talk to him, 68 00:02:57,351 --> 00:02:58,917 and he won't tell us why. 69 00:02:58,961 --> 00:03:01,398 It was a soul-stirring episode. 70 00:03:01,442 --> 00:03:04,053 No, no, no, no, no! No Masked Singer talk. 71 00:03:04,096 --> 00:03:06,273 I wasn't able to watch last night 'cause I... 72 00:03:06,316 --> 00:03:07,926 was on...a date! 73 00:03:07,970 --> 00:03:09,624 - Ooh! - Ha ha ha! 74 00:03:09,667 --> 00:03:11,843 So, where'd you take Tuttle's mom? 75 00:03:13,541 --> 00:03:16,283 Yeah! Where'd you take my mom, Tony? 76 00:03:16,326 --> 00:03:18,285 My mom missed my ninth birthday party 77 00:03:18,328 --> 00:03:20,939 'cause of a vicious yeast infection. 78 00:03:20,983 --> 00:03:25,292 Uh... I'm, uh, sorry to hear that, Stan. 79 00:03:25,335 --> 00:03:27,032 Tony, this is my son, Steve. 80 00:03:27,076 --> 00:03:29,121 He just got his first gray hair. 81 00:03:29,165 --> 00:03:31,254 I remember my first gray hair... 82 00:03:31,298 --> 00:03:33,822 but it wasn't on my head. 83 00:03:35,302 --> 00:03:36,825 Hey, Steve, pretty soon 84 00:03:36,868 --> 00:03:39,262 the whole town's gonna know about your gray hair. 85 00:03:39,306 --> 00:03:40,916 Raymont here's a real blabbermouth. 86 00:03:40,959 --> 00:03:43,135 Ha ha! It's true! 87 00:03:43,179 --> 00:03:45,660 That's why I became a news director. 88 00:03:45,703 --> 00:03:48,097 Lewis was talking about his PEEEE-NISSSSS! 89 00:03:50,317 --> 00:03:52,928 So, my date last night. 90 00:03:52,971 --> 00:03:55,278 You'll never guess who it was with. 91 00:03:55,322 --> 00:03:57,324 Dracula! Dracula's a funny guess! 92 00:03:57,367 --> 00:03:59,587 Oh, uh, n-no, uh... 93 00:03:59,630 --> 00:04:02,198 Guys, it was Tanya from the nail salon across the street. 94 00:04:02,242 --> 00:04:03,721 - He-yo! - Va-va-va voom! 95 00:04:03,765 --> 00:04:05,114 Suck your blood! 96 00:04:06,071 --> 00:04:08,248 Hey, Tony, want to see a picture of a rose? 97 00:04:08,291 --> 00:04:11,642 It's got the reddest petals, like red on steroids! 98 00:04:11,686 --> 00:04:14,776 Uh, I should, uh, probably focus on the kid's hair. 99 00:04:16,691 --> 00:04:19,955 So, uh...h-how'd the date go? 100 00:04:19,998 --> 00:04:21,826 Yeah. Did ya get lucky? 101 00:04:21,870 --> 00:04:25,439 Actually, boys, I did get lucky... 102 00:04:25,482 --> 00:04:28,659 'cause I forgot my wallet and she had to pay! 103 00:04:28,703 --> 00:04:31,140 Classic Tony! 104 00:04:31,183 --> 00:04:33,055 Save that money, bitch! 105 00:04:33,098 --> 00:04:34,448 Who wants to hear more 106 00:04:34,491 --> 00:04:37,451 about my mother's yeast infection? 107 00:04:41,585 --> 00:04:43,892 Another great trip to the barber shop. 108 00:04:43,935 --> 00:04:45,937 Damn. I was on "fi-ah" today. 109 00:04:45,981 --> 00:04:49,071 "Steve got his hairs cut. 110 00:04:49,114 --> 00:04:52,988 Mr. S got caught on fire. 111 00:04:53,031 --> 00:04:57,340 Mrs. S is watching pornography on the living-room TV." 112 00:04:59,081 --> 00:05:01,562 Must have been cool seeing your dad in his element, huh? 113 00:05:01,605 --> 00:05:04,216 I-It was -- It was fine, I guess. 114 00:05:04,260 --> 00:05:07,437 You guess? Come on! Tell your mother how awesome I was. 115 00:05:07,481 --> 00:05:09,221 - I can't. - Sure, you can! 116 00:05:09,265 --> 00:05:11,615 It's not braggin' if you're talking about somebody else. 117 00:05:11,659 --> 00:05:15,358 Dad, you were completely out of sync. 118 00:05:15,402 --> 00:05:16,794 Every time you spoke, 119 00:05:16,838 --> 00:05:19,362 the conversation came to a screeching halt. 120 00:05:19,406 --> 00:05:21,712 No! I-I'm good at chopping it up. 121 00:05:21,756 --> 00:05:23,279 I'm Sam from Cheers! 122 00:05:23,323 --> 00:05:25,150 No chance. You're... 123 00:05:25,194 --> 00:05:27,414 Gosh, I can't even give you the quiet guy with glasses 124 00:05:27,457 --> 00:05:29,546 who pops up like every 10 episodes. 125 00:05:29,590 --> 00:05:33,028 You're so out of place, it'd be like if a character 126 00:05:33,071 --> 00:05:35,944 from a completely different show came in the bar -- 127 00:05:35,987 --> 00:05:37,859 maybe Gargamel from The Smurfs? 128 00:05:37,902 --> 00:05:39,469 And I feel like that's even generous. 129 00:05:39,513 --> 00:05:42,254 Nope. Unh-unh. We are going back to Bushwhackers. 130 00:05:42,298 --> 00:05:44,256 I'm gonna show you how wrong you are! 131 00:05:44,300 --> 00:05:47,651 Ooh! - Hmm. 132 00:05:47,695 --> 00:05:52,090 I think Doctor Throbber's wiener may have never been broken. 133 00:05:54,919 --> 00:05:56,834 Well, I'm on your side, Brian. 134 00:05:56,878 --> 00:05:59,446 It sounds like vengeance was necessary. 135 00:05:59,489 --> 00:06:01,752 The kid's neck is ready for another shave, Tony. 136 00:06:01,796 --> 00:06:03,232 Okay, what are we talking about? 137 00:06:03,275 --> 00:06:05,016 I was just explaining to the fellas 138 00:06:05,060 --> 00:06:07,758 why the Coast Guard keeps coming around looking for me. 139 00:06:07,802 --> 00:06:10,413 Coast Guard, coast is clear, Clear Channel, English Channel. 140 00:06:10,457 --> 00:06:12,241 Go, Bazooka Sharks, guv'na! 141 00:06:13,677 --> 00:06:16,201 Hmm. Not exactly a standing ovation. 142 00:06:16,245 --> 00:06:18,726 But that's okay. Let's go with a classic. 143 00:06:18,769 --> 00:06:21,990 Hey, have I ever shown you guys this amazing picture of a rose?! 144 00:06:23,034 --> 00:06:24,775 Gargamel... 145 00:06:24,819 --> 00:06:26,560 Gargamel... 146 00:06:26,603 --> 00:06:28,431 Gargamel... 147 00:06:28,475 --> 00:06:30,346 Am I bad at chopping it up? 148 00:06:30,390 --> 00:06:33,262 So I told him, "For a perfect ham sandwich, 149 00:06:33,305 --> 00:06:37,179 the secret is... uncooked black beans." 150 00:06:37,222 --> 00:06:39,094 Secrets?! You want secrets?! 151 00:06:39,137 --> 00:06:41,183 Well, Tuttle's in the witness protection program 152 00:06:41,226 --> 00:06:42,402 'cause he saw a bunch of murders! 153 00:06:42,445 --> 00:06:44,447 Stan! How could you?! 154 00:06:44,491 --> 00:06:47,668 Stan, if that's true, you basically just killed Tuttle. 155 00:06:47,711 --> 00:06:50,627 H-Hey, we're -- we're just guys chopping it up, right? 156 00:06:50,671 --> 00:06:52,542 What happens at Bushwhackers s-stays at Bushwhack-- 157 00:06:52,586 --> 00:06:54,196 Gotta go! 158 00:06:56,459 --> 00:06:58,461 I'm receiving breaking news from my boss 159 00:06:58,505 --> 00:07:00,637 with another Chop From the Barber Shop. 160 00:07:00,681 --> 00:07:02,596 Langley Falls' own Al Tuttle 161 00:07:02,639 --> 00:07:04,815 is in the witness protection program. 162 00:07:04,859 --> 00:07:08,036 Is this station responsible for the certain death of Al Tuttle? 163 00:07:08,079 --> 00:07:11,474 We blame the person who told us -- Stan Smith. 164 00:07:11,518 --> 00:07:15,304 As always, our file photos come from Pogofest 2017. 165 00:07:23,660 --> 00:07:26,228 I can't believe he's dead. 166 00:07:26,271 --> 00:07:28,448 Goes to show, you can go at any moment, 167 00:07:28,491 --> 00:07:30,624 no matter how perfect your body is. 168 00:07:30,667 --> 00:07:32,843 If I'm God, I'd want that back, too. 169 00:07:32,887 --> 00:07:34,454 This is tragic! 170 00:07:34,497 --> 00:07:37,631 I was about to get Tuttle to lend me 16 bucks. 171 00:07:37,674 --> 00:07:40,329 - I needed that 16! - Why? 172 00:07:40,372 --> 00:07:41,678 I'm getting sued for renting someone 173 00:07:41,722 --> 00:07:43,245 an apartment I don't own. 174 00:07:43,288 --> 00:07:45,508 It costs 16 bucks to park at the courthouse, 175 00:07:45,552 --> 00:07:48,511 where I will tell that person to go himself. 176 00:07:52,559 --> 00:07:54,386 You're doing great. We'll be done here soon, 177 00:07:54,430 --> 00:07:56,040 then we'll set you up with a new identity. 178 00:07:56,084 --> 00:07:58,042 - Thanks, Stan -- - Oh, God! 179 00:07:58,086 --> 00:08:00,392 I just miss you so much, buddy! 180 00:08:00,436 --> 00:08:04,832 So sad! So unsuspicious! 181 00:08:04,875 --> 00:08:08,009 Today we lay to rest Al Tuttle. 182 00:08:08,052 --> 00:08:09,793 Tuttle was recently outed as a snitch 183 00:08:09,837 --> 00:08:11,752 against multiple crime families. 184 00:08:16,887 --> 00:08:19,760 But even more recently, he happened to die -- 185 00:08:19,803 --> 00:08:21,762 murdered by one of the many prostitutes 186 00:08:21,805 --> 00:08:23,851 he had grown to trust. 187 00:08:23,894 --> 00:08:26,767 But most importantly, Tuttle is now very dead, 188 00:08:26,810 --> 00:08:28,551 and anyone who came to town looking to kill him 189 00:08:28,595 --> 00:08:29,552 can head home. 190 00:08:29,596 --> 00:08:31,293 God did the job for you. 191 00:08:31,336 --> 00:08:33,469 I thought a prostitute killed him? 192 00:08:33,513 --> 00:08:35,863 Uh, the -- the prostitute's name was God. 193 00:08:35,906 --> 00:08:38,387 She was... Dutch, I believe. 194 00:08:38,430 --> 00:08:40,302 No more questions. This funeral's over. 195 00:08:43,435 --> 00:08:44,785 Why all the long faces? 196 00:08:44,828 --> 00:08:46,917 It's a beautiful day. Let's chop it up. 197 00:08:46,961 --> 00:08:48,745 Is there any difference between heavy cream 198 00:08:48,789 --> 00:08:50,530 and heavy whipping cream? 199 00:08:50,573 --> 00:08:53,620 Yeah. They add a protein that makes it easier to whip. 200 00:08:53,663 --> 00:08:56,361 Oh. Uh, well... 201 00:08:56,405 --> 00:08:58,842 Tuttle's still alive! We faked the whole thing! 202 00:09:01,279 --> 00:09:03,934 Well, shit. Up and at 'em. Time for plan B. 203 00:09:03,978 --> 00:09:05,327 I'm going, too?! 204 00:09:05,370 --> 00:09:07,111 Absolutely. 205 00:09:07,155 --> 00:09:08,678 Your dad's been off his game. 206 00:09:08,722 --> 00:09:11,246 I can't leave you thinking that's how Big Stan operates. 207 00:09:11,289 --> 00:09:14,379 Is this really a mission for a 14-year-old to be going on?! 208 00:09:14,423 --> 00:09:17,600 Oh, I'm sorry. I thought I was talking to a gray-haired man. 209 00:09:17,644 --> 00:09:19,820 Oh, my God! 210 00:09:19,863 --> 00:09:22,910 Tuttle was dead, and now he's back to life! 211 00:09:22,953 --> 00:09:25,042 Well, if Tuttle's not dead... 212 00:09:25,086 --> 00:09:27,131 Are you thinking what I'm thinking? 213 00:09:27,175 --> 00:09:30,874 Gold medal! Team U.S.A.! 214 00:09:30,918 --> 00:09:33,268 This isn't a dream! This is really happening! 215 00:09:33,311 --> 00:09:35,009 I know! 216 00:09:38,839 --> 00:09:40,623 I think we lost 'em. 217 00:09:40,667 --> 00:09:43,670 And if they do catch us, at least I'll die with friends, 218 00:09:43,713 --> 00:09:45,846 which I really never saw for myself. 219 00:09:45,889 --> 00:09:48,239 We're gonna be fine. There's a safe house in Vermont. 220 00:09:48,283 --> 00:09:50,546 We just have to get there, notify the CIA, 221 00:09:50,590 --> 00:09:52,853 and they'll swoop in and reset everything for Tuttle. 222 00:09:52,896 --> 00:09:54,855 I liked my old life. 223 00:09:54,898 --> 00:09:57,858 Now I'm gonna be shipped off to somewhere like Antarctica. 224 00:09:57,901 --> 00:10:00,948 I mean, it'll be a nice excuse to wear my new winter coat, 225 00:10:00,991 --> 00:10:03,733 and there's gotta be good access to fresh fish. 226 00:10:03,777 --> 00:10:05,300 Can't be much traffic. 227 00:10:05,343 --> 00:10:07,607 Okay! I'm actually looking forward to it! 228 00:10:07,650 --> 00:10:10,305 Mr. Tuttle, how'd you end up in witness protection anyway? 229 00:10:10,348 --> 00:10:12,568 Well, back in my 20s, I lived in Chicago... 230 00:10:14,483 --> 00:10:17,094 ...and I suffered from horrible agoraphobia. 231 00:10:17,138 --> 00:10:18,792 Didn't go outside for years. 232 00:10:18,835 --> 00:10:24,536 And then one day I forced myself to face my fears. 233 00:10:24,580 --> 00:10:28,758 But as luck would have it, Chicago was hosting Mob-Con, 234 00:10:28,802 --> 00:10:30,673 and there were a few families there 235 00:10:30,717 --> 00:10:32,283 who didn't care for each other. 236 00:10:34,155 --> 00:10:36,287 Courtesy of the Gambonis! 237 00:10:36,331 --> 00:10:39,726 I saw a mob hit. And then another. 238 00:10:39,769 --> 00:10:42,424 Strike four! Courtesy of the Gambinos! 239 00:10:44,382 --> 00:10:47,516 Courtesy of the Bingonis! 240 00:10:47,559 --> 00:10:50,606 I had to testify in a whole mess of trials. 241 00:10:50,650 --> 00:10:52,869 So I was placed in witness protection. 242 00:10:55,437 --> 00:10:58,092 But I choose to look at it as a blessing. 243 00:10:58,135 --> 00:11:00,572 Otherwise, I never would have ended up in Langley Falls 244 00:11:00,616 --> 00:11:01,965 and met you guys! 245 00:11:02,009 --> 00:11:04,881 Geez. Meeting us is the blessing? 246 00:11:04,925 --> 00:11:07,275 Ever wish you just let the mob kill ya instead? 247 00:11:08,755 --> 00:11:10,844 Ah, sometimes I wonder if they did 248 00:11:10,887 --> 00:11:12,628 and this is actually hell! 249 00:11:14,064 --> 00:11:16,240 The devil lives in hell! 250 00:11:19,287 --> 00:11:22,072 He, uh...sure does, Dad. 251 00:11:22,116 --> 00:11:24,727 Damn. I'm really not good at choppin' it up, am I? 252 00:11:24,771 --> 00:11:26,250 Dad, forget it. 253 00:11:26,294 --> 00:11:27,687 Let's just focus on getting Tuttle to -- 254 00:11:29,123 --> 00:11:30,690 Dad, why are you pulling over? 255 00:11:30,733 --> 00:11:32,474 Because it's not my fault. 256 00:11:32,517 --> 00:11:34,824 I'm with a nerdy kid and a snitch loser. 257 00:11:34,868 --> 00:11:36,783 I just need some new energy in here. 258 00:11:38,132 --> 00:11:40,395 Dad, considering the circumstances, 259 00:11:40,438 --> 00:11:42,745 we really shouldn't be inviting strangers into the car! 260 00:11:42,789 --> 00:11:45,008 I'm kinda with Steve on this, Stan. 261 00:11:45,052 --> 00:11:46,575 Can you two chill out? 262 00:11:46,618 --> 00:11:48,751 I gotta get this chop-it-up monkey off my back. 263 00:11:48,795 --> 00:11:50,840 Ah, don't worry. I'm harmless. 264 00:11:50,884 --> 00:11:53,756 Except for one time when I was passing through Chattanooga. 265 00:11:53,800 --> 00:11:56,498 Well, ya -- ya can't blame anyone 266 00:11:56,541 --> 00:11:57,934 for what they do in Chattanooga. 267 00:11:59,283 --> 00:12:00,807 A friend of mine from the gym 268 00:12:00,850 --> 00:12:02,809 goes to Europe, like, all the time. 269 00:12:05,376 --> 00:12:07,770 And at that point, it was do or die, 270 00:12:07,814 --> 00:12:11,382 so I pushed that octopus right in front of the train. 271 00:12:11,426 --> 00:12:13,167 Can't blame anyone for what they do in Chattanooga! 272 00:12:14,429 --> 00:12:16,387 Yeah, like the gentleman said -- 273 00:12:16,431 --> 00:12:19,651 Hitchhiker, I gotta say, you are a dazzling conversationalist. 274 00:12:19,695 --> 00:12:22,176 Well, when you're a career hitchhiker, you have to be. 275 00:12:22,219 --> 00:12:24,439 You rely on people wanting you in the car. 276 00:12:24,482 --> 00:12:26,006 If you wanna keep the mileage going, 277 00:12:26,049 --> 00:12:27,790 you gotta keep the convo going. 278 00:12:27,834 --> 00:12:29,052 Did you just make that up? 279 00:12:29,096 --> 00:12:30,967 - No. - Wow! 280 00:12:31,011 --> 00:12:33,448 Would you be willing... to teach me? 281 00:12:33,491 --> 00:12:36,451 Yes. If you allow me to take my shoes and socks off. 282 00:12:36,494 --> 00:12:37,539 Deal! 283 00:12:37,582 --> 00:12:39,584 Good, 'cause I just took 'em off. 284 00:12:39,628 --> 00:12:41,499 And...you'll be able to tell. 285 00:12:46,113 --> 00:12:48,419 The sun is shining. 286 00:12:50,247 --> 00:12:53,990 Two crows are fighting over a dildo. 287 00:12:54,034 --> 00:12:55,862 Babe's gonna love this. 288 00:12:57,646 --> 00:13:00,344 With all this writing, I forgot to eat lunch. 289 00:13:00,388 --> 00:13:02,172 Better grab a popsicle. 290 00:13:03,652 --> 00:13:05,959 Whoa! Two popsicles! 291 00:13:10,833 --> 00:13:12,617 Wait. I had been doing something, 292 00:13:12,661 --> 00:13:15,838 something that was helping with my memory. 293 00:13:15,882 --> 00:13:17,405 What was it? 294 00:13:17,448 --> 00:13:19,320 Whoa! Two popsicles! 295 00:13:19,363 --> 00:13:22,540 Whoa! Two crows fighting over a dildo! 296 00:13:22,584 --> 00:13:24,760 Babe's gonna love this! 297 00:13:24,804 --> 00:13:26,283 Hey, babe! 298 00:13:26,327 --> 00:13:28,198 Whoa! Two popsicles! 299 00:13:37,251 --> 00:13:39,166 Let's fire up a test convo, Stan, 300 00:13:39,209 --> 00:13:40,732 so I can see what I'm working with. 301 00:13:40,776 --> 00:13:42,604 Tuttle, start us off, chief. 302 00:13:42,647 --> 00:13:45,650 O-kay, well, uh, I, for one, 303 00:13:45,694 --> 00:13:48,871 am really enjoying all the stars in the sky. 304 00:13:48,915 --> 00:13:51,352 Yeah. Don't get this in the big city. 305 00:13:51,395 --> 00:13:54,094 I saw a video on YouTube of a rat dying! 306 00:13:54,137 --> 00:13:55,747 Okay. We'll pause there. 307 00:13:55,791 --> 00:13:58,054 Let's start with a concept called "Fit," 308 00:13:58,098 --> 00:13:59,273 and that's gonna be a three-pronger 309 00:13:59,316 --> 00:14:00,840 for a guy like you, Stan. 310 00:14:00,883 --> 00:14:03,190 One, does what I have to say fit 311 00:14:03,233 --> 00:14:05,322 with the subject of the conversation? 312 00:14:05,366 --> 00:14:07,107 - At all? - Interesting. 313 00:14:07,150 --> 00:14:09,631 Steve, write all this down for me, 'kay? 314 00:14:09,674 --> 00:14:12,547 Two, does it fit with the tone? 315 00:14:12,590 --> 00:14:16,246 Happy versus sad, nice versus mean. 316 00:14:16,290 --> 00:14:19,859 And, three, does it fit, just, like, space-wise? 317 00:14:19,902 --> 00:14:22,035 Because if someone else is already talking, 318 00:14:22,078 --> 00:14:23,601 the -- the answer is no. 319 00:14:23,645 --> 00:14:24,951 Make sense? 320 00:14:26,953 --> 00:14:29,564 Steve, go ahead and read all that back to me. 321 00:14:29,607 --> 00:14:32,001 Anyone can string words together -- 322 00:14:32,045 --> 00:14:33,829 gravel, thunder, swimming pool. 323 00:14:33,873 --> 00:14:35,918 Oh, yeah, that sounds nice! 324 00:14:35,962 --> 00:14:38,486 No, Stan, that's actually the opposite of what I'm saying. 325 00:14:38,529 --> 00:14:41,358 90% of talking...is listening. 326 00:14:42,751 --> 00:14:45,058 Aah! They found us! 327 00:14:45,101 --> 00:14:47,060 That guy's from the funeral, Dad! 328 00:14:47,103 --> 00:14:48,670 Mangia this bullet, you snitch! 329 00:14:52,717 --> 00:14:55,720 That was too close, Dad! W-We gotta be more careful! 330 00:14:55,764 --> 00:14:57,287 You saw what happened to that guy, 331 00:14:57,331 --> 00:14:59,376 and you think we should be more careful? 332 00:15:00,421 --> 00:15:03,032 Here it is, the safe house. 333 00:15:05,817 --> 00:15:09,386 Uh, Dad, why aren't you, uh, getting out? 334 00:15:09,430 --> 00:15:12,085 I think you and I both know why I'm not getting out. 335 00:15:12,128 --> 00:15:14,174 I've gotta keep driving around with Hitchhiker. 336 00:15:14,217 --> 00:15:16,785 I'm this close to choppin' it up like a master. 337 00:15:16,828 --> 00:15:18,004 - No, you're not. - Shut up! 338 00:15:18,047 --> 00:15:19,483 See? We're already ribbin' each other. 339 00:15:19,527 --> 00:15:20,876 - No, we're not. - Damn you to hell! 340 00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:23,183 You guys head in. I'll be back in no time. 341 00:15:23,226 --> 00:15:24,619 You see how close I am. 342 00:15:24,662 --> 00:15:27,622 Dad, don't go! 343 00:15:27,665 --> 00:15:31,191 Well, Steve, I guess that puts you in charge. 344 00:15:38,938 --> 00:15:40,069 CYBORG # Over there! 345 00:15:45,074 --> 00:15:46,989 CYBORG #Whoa. 346 00:15:47,033 --> 00:15:48,686 What's this? 347 00:15:54,866 --> 00:15:56,999 Guys, I'm back! 348 00:15:57,043 --> 00:15:59,697 The Hitchhiker told me he couldn't teach me anything more 349 00:15:59,741 --> 00:16:00,960 and then just walked into the ocean. 350 00:16:02,831 --> 00:16:05,007 There you boneheads are! 351 00:16:05,051 --> 00:16:06,966 Come on! Let's chop it up! 352 00:16:08,097 --> 00:16:11,144 Pointing? Okay. How about... 353 00:16:11,187 --> 00:16:13,711 Nice point. You should be a pencil for Halloween! 354 00:16:15,670 --> 00:16:16,976 See? These guys get it. 355 00:16:17,019 --> 00:16:18,934 No. We're laughin' at you. 356 00:16:18,978 --> 00:16:21,197 Uhp. Rude dude alert. 357 00:16:26,768 --> 00:16:29,292 How long after I left did the mafia get here? 358 00:16:29,336 --> 00:16:31,164 Like right away. Maybe two minutes? 359 00:16:31,207 --> 00:16:33,035 Okay. Good. I don't have to feel bad 360 00:16:33,079 --> 00:16:35,037 about stopping for dinner with Hitchhiker. 361 00:16:35,081 --> 00:16:36,908 Wouldn't have changed anything. 362 00:16:36,952 --> 00:16:39,911 Our three families have been warring for decades, 363 00:16:39,955 --> 00:16:41,826 but looking for you, Tuttle, 364 00:16:41,870 --> 00:16:44,046 has brought us together peacefully! 365 00:16:44,090 --> 00:16:46,744 So...does that mean you're not gonna kill me? 366 00:16:46,788 --> 00:16:48,529 Oh, no, we're definitely killing you. 367 00:16:48,572 --> 00:16:51,749 Please! You can't! Is he perfect? No! 368 00:16:51,793 --> 00:16:54,535 But he's a good guy, and I'll feel responsible if he dies. 369 00:16:54,578 --> 00:16:57,625 Nah, you won't feel anything. You'll be dead, too. 370 00:16:57,668 --> 00:16:59,322 Not taking care of witnesses 371 00:16:59,366 --> 00:17:01,542 is kinda how we ended up in this mess. 372 00:17:01,585 --> 00:17:04,371 Plus, this way, each family gets to kill one person, 373 00:17:04,414 --> 00:17:07,200 which'll keep things fair in our uneasy alliance. 374 00:17:07,243 --> 00:17:10,203 Just give us a minute to decide who kills who. 375 00:17:10,246 --> 00:17:12,422 I'm sorry chopping it up brought us to this. 376 00:17:12,466 --> 00:17:14,555 - It happens! - It's just... 377 00:17:14,598 --> 00:17:16,731 I'm your hero in every other aspect of life. 378 00:17:16,774 --> 00:17:18,037 You are? 379 00:17:18,080 --> 00:17:20,517 I couldn't handle even one teeny, tiny area 380 00:17:20,561 --> 00:17:23,303 where you didn't look at me as an absolute god. 381 00:17:23,346 --> 00:17:25,522 But fortunately no one has to die, 382 00:17:25,566 --> 00:17:28,090 because Big Stan has a plan. 383 00:17:28,134 --> 00:17:29,613 What you've both forgotten is that 384 00:17:29,657 --> 00:17:31,615 I'm a master of chopping it up now. 385 00:17:32,834 --> 00:17:34,531 I'm gonna go chat with the mafia guys, 386 00:17:34,575 --> 00:17:36,055 and when they're completely engrossed, 387 00:17:36,098 --> 00:17:38,187 you two slip out the back and call the police. 388 00:17:38,231 --> 00:17:40,102 All that's gonna do is get you shot first! 389 00:17:40,146 --> 00:17:42,887 Stan. You got this. 390 00:17:42,931 --> 00:17:44,933 Thanks, Tuttle. 391 00:17:44,976 --> 00:17:47,327 All right. Game time, bitches. 392 00:17:49,807 --> 00:17:51,113 Can I do this guy? 393 00:17:52,419 --> 00:17:56,031 Uh, you guys wanna see a picture of a rose? 394 00:17:56,075 --> 00:17:58,599 Sure. We'll check it out. 395 00:17:58,642 --> 00:18:01,906 - Oh, it's beautiful! - Soooo red! 396 00:18:01,950 --> 00:18:05,388 And I'm just now appreciatin' that strong, spiky stem! 397 00:18:05,432 --> 00:18:08,261 I'd gladly receive a kiss from this rose. 398 00:18:08,304 --> 00:18:10,306 Ha! Like the song! 399 00:18:12,482 --> 00:18:15,616 He's doin' it! He's choppin' it up! 400 00:18:15,659 --> 00:18:18,923 Such a nicely composed photo. Did you take this? 401 00:18:18,967 --> 00:18:21,274 Yeah, I took it. Off the Internet! 402 00:18:31,327 --> 00:18:32,676 And, class, 403 00:18:32,720 --> 00:18:35,026 Stan was so good at conversing now 404 00:18:35,070 --> 00:18:36,767 that he used his silver tongue 405 00:18:36,811 --> 00:18:40,249 to actually "chop up" the bad guys. 406 00:18:40,293 --> 00:18:43,296 It's all here in The Book of Fischer. 407 00:18:43,339 --> 00:18:46,908 After our lord and savior, Tuttle, died and rose again, 408 00:18:46,951 --> 00:18:49,563 this was the first miracle he performed -- 409 00:18:49,606 --> 00:18:51,565 giving an ordinary man the ability 410 00:18:51,608 --> 00:18:54,916 to chop up wrongdoers with his words. 411 00:18:54,959 --> 00:18:58,137 Whoa! 412 00:18:58,180 --> 00:19:00,313 How do we know any of this is true? 413 00:19:00,356 --> 00:19:03,794 Part of being a Tuttle's Witness is faith. 414 00:19:03,838 --> 00:19:07,189 Once you have truly welcomed Tuttle into your life, 415 00:19:07,233 --> 00:19:09,757 you'll know in your heart that everything 416 00:19:09,800 --> 00:19:11,628 in The Book of Fischer is true, 417 00:19:11,672 --> 00:19:13,891 every story enlightening, 418 00:19:13,935 --> 00:19:16,633 every spelling mistake meaningful. 419 00:19:16,677 --> 00:19:18,461 But wait a second. 420 00:19:18,505 --> 00:19:21,247 How did the prophet Fischer even record this story? 421 00:19:21,290 --> 00:19:24,598 It happened after his book was entombed in the refrigerator. 422 00:19:24,641 --> 00:19:28,210 Uh...not all stories are told linearly. 423 00:19:28,254 --> 00:19:30,169 Time to color in your picture of a rose. 424 00:19:37,872 --> 00:19:41,354 Uh, you guys wanna see a picture of a rose? 425 00:19:49,144 --> 00:19:51,190 Tuttle, easy. I-It's over. 426 00:19:51,233 --> 00:19:53,061 What the hell, Tuttle?! We had a plan! 427 00:19:53,104 --> 00:19:55,237 The rose was about to do its thing! 428 00:19:55,281 --> 00:19:57,021 Have you had that gun the whole time? 429 00:19:57,065 --> 00:19:59,894 Yeah, I've been a marked man for 20 years. 430 00:19:59,937 --> 00:20:02,288 But I've never had to use it before. 431 00:20:02,331 --> 00:20:04,681 Well, everyone who knew you were alive is dead. 432 00:20:04,725 --> 00:20:08,119 So I guess you can either go back to Langley Falls 433 00:20:08,163 --> 00:20:10,209 or your life before that. 434 00:20:10,252 --> 00:20:12,602 Uh, I'll go back to Langley. 435 00:20:12,646 --> 00:20:14,604 That's where I have the most friends. 436 00:20:14,648 --> 00:20:17,477 Ha! I'll never be as funny as you are, Tuttle. 437 00:20:17,520 --> 00:20:19,609 Do we have to do something about this? 438 00:20:19,653 --> 00:20:22,090 It's a safe house, not an Airbnb. 439 00:20:22,133 --> 00:20:25,136 We don't have to "load the dishwasher" before we go. 440 00:20:27,356 --> 00:20:29,924 The Parable of Chopping It Up 441 00:20:29,967 --> 00:20:32,318 is one of my favorites. 442 00:20:32,361 --> 00:20:34,058 Can we go to McCyberDonald's on the way home? 443 00:20:34,102 --> 00:20:36,844 Ask your father. Here he comes. 444 00:20:39,977 --> 00:20:43,285 Still alive and kickin' after all these years! 445 00:20:43,329 --> 00:20:45,418 Pretty annoying how everyone worships Jeff now, 446 00:20:45,461 --> 00:20:47,071 but gotta put up with it... 447 00:20:47,115 --> 00:20:49,726 'cause I can't get enough of these sexy robot people! 448 00:20:51,162 --> 00:20:53,121 Stop!