1 00:00:03,873 --> 00:00:05,396 Hayley. Hayley, wake up. 2 00:00:05,440 --> 00:00:07,007 It's a horrible family emergency! 3 00:00:07,050 --> 00:00:08,530 What?! God what?! 4 00:00:08,573 --> 00:00:11,011 The emergency is your life isn't going anywhere, 5 00:00:11,054 --> 00:00:12,403 so we're going to get you some drive. 6 00:00:12,447 --> 00:00:14,188 We're going for a drive? 7 00:00:14,231 --> 00:00:15,319 In a car? 8 00:00:15,363 --> 00:00:17,321 No, we're going for a walk. 9 00:00:17,365 --> 00:00:20,020 In our bodies. 10 00:00:20,063 --> 00:00:22,022 As you know, every day I leap out of bed 11 00:00:22,065 --> 00:00:23,675 and fly into my slippers. 12 00:00:23,719 --> 00:00:25,242 Of course, your "leap of faith." 13 00:00:25,286 --> 00:00:27,157 It shakes the whole house. 14 00:00:27,201 --> 00:00:30,334 But what you don't know is every morning before my leap, 15 00:00:30,378 --> 00:00:33,076 I take a brisk walk around Langley's historic 16 00:00:33,120 --> 00:00:35,209 Gaslamp District to get the blood up 17 00:00:35,252 --> 00:00:36,862 and the laziness down. 18 00:00:36,906 --> 00:00:39,082 You go on this walk and then get back in bed? 19 00:00:39,126 --> 00:00:41,215 This healthy routine gives me the drive 20 00:00:41,258 --> 00:00:43,173 I need to have a successful career. 21 00:00:43,217 --> 00:00:44,696 I want that for you, too. 22 00:00:44,740 --> 00:00:47,569 But I already have a successful career at SubHub. 23 00:00:47,612 --> 00:00:49,875 They even trust me enough to let me have a key. 24 00:00:49,919 --> 00:00:51,051 A key to where? 25 00:00:51,094 --> 00:00:52,704 The bathroom. 26 00:00:52,748 --> 00:00:54,358 Just as I feared. 27 00:00:54,402 --> 00:00:56,099 The room so awful it's where we hide 28 00:00:56,143 --> 00:00:57,535 our disgusting toilets. 29 00:00:57,579 --> 00:00:59,624 Hayley, SubHub is not a career. 30 00:00:59,668 --> 00:01:02,627 It's a dead-end. But I'm showing you a way out, 31 00:01:02,671 --> 00:01:04,281 complete with breakfast at a little place 32 00:01:04,325 --> 00:01:05,543 I like to call... 33 00:01:05,587 --> 00:01:07,241 Johnny Fifties! 34 00:01:08,590 --> 00:01:10,374 I remember this place! 35 00:01:10,418 --> 00:01:11,767 We used to come here all the time. 36 00:01:11,810 --> 00:01:13,073 Johnny, my man! 37 00:01:13,116 --> 00:01:14,291 Gimme a piece of toast, 38 00:01:14,335 --> 00:01:16,206 and mash up these peas for me. 39 00:01:16,250 --> 00:01:19,209 But only if you promise not to charge me for the peas. 40 00:01:19,253 --> 00:01:20,602 They're my property, Johnny. 41 00:01:20,645 --> 00:01:24,388 I won't pay for what's already mine, Johnny. 42 00:01:24,432 --> 00:01:27,217 Again, Stan, my name is Sal. 43 00:01:27,261 --> 00:01:28,914 The restaurant is Johnny Fif-- 44 00:01:28,958 --> 00:01:30,133 Ooh, I'll have a shortstack of pan-- 45 00:01:30,177 --> 00:01:31,787 No, the food is terrible. 46 00:01:31,830 --> 00:01:34,746 You just come to soak up that authentic 1990s-style 47 00:01:34,790 --> 00:01:36,400 '50s atmosphere. 48 00:01:36,444 --> 00:01:39,229 Stan, I've got some bad news. We're closing. 49 00:01:39,273 --> 00:01:41,144 Closing?! How could this be?! 50 00:01:41,188 --> 00:01:45,105 Well, people just don't care about 1950s nostalgia anymore. 51 00:01:45,148 --> 00:01:47,977 Or maybe we'd have survived if, I dunno, every day 52 00:01:48,020 --> 00:01:50,022 you bought something more expensive than toast. 53 00:01:50,066 --> 00:01:51,589 Johnny, 86 the toast. 54 00:01:51,633 --> 00:01:53,025 You can't expect people to eat 55 00:01:53,069 --> 00:01:54,984 after getting terrible news like that! 56 00:01:57,160 --> 00:01:58,857 No! No! Stop the music! 57 00:01:58,901 --> 00:02:00,946 Not today, big brass band! 58 00:02:00,990 --> 00:02:02,252 Shut up! Shut up! 59 00:02:02,296 --> 00:02:04,428 You okay up there, Mr. Smith? 60 00:02:04,472 --> 00:02:06,430 Johnny Fifties is going under. 61 00:02:06,474 --> 00:02:08,954 It's bad news, or to put it in terms 62 00:02:08,998 --> 00:02:11,131 you'll understand, bad music. 63 00:02:11,174 --> 00:02:13,045 Well, if you love the place so much, 64 00:02:13,089 --> 00:02:14,656 maybe you could give them a loan? 65 00:02:14,699 --> 00:02:16,962 I just don't know where I'd find the money. 66 00:02:17,006 --> 00:02:19,051 Anyway, you and the boys take the rest of the week off, 67 00:02:19,095 --> 00:02:21,271 fully paid of course. 68 00:02:21,315 --> 00:02:23,882 Well it's official, gang. 69 00:02:23,926 --> 00:02:25,971 I have Hep C. 70 00:02:26,015 --> 00:02:28,452 I think it's time for some major lifestyle changes -- 71 00:02:28,496 --> 00:02:30,193 Red alert! Family emergency! 72 00:02:30,237 --> 00:02:31,673 What?! God what?! 73 00:02:31,716 --> 00:02:33,979 I'm too upset to say what the emergency is. 74 00:02:34,023 --> 00:02:35,851 I must carve it. 75 00:02:38,680 --> 00:02:40,899 J... 76 00:02:40,943 --> 00:02:42,901 O... 77 00:02:42,945 --> 00:02:45,295 Oh, it's about Johnny Fifties closing. 78 00:02:45,339 --> 00:02:46,992 I heard him tell the Bandleader. 79 00:02:47,036 --> 00:02:49,517 Oh, yeah, Johnny Fifties! 80 00:02:49,560 --> 00:02:51,345 Their food sucks. 81 00:02:51,388 --> 00:02:53,216 And no Shock Top. 82 00:02:53,260 --> 00:02:54,913 Okay, my fingers hurt. 83 00:02:54,957 --> 00:02:56,524 It's Johnny Fifties. 84 00:02:56,567 --> 00:02:58,482 I cannot let this restaurant close. 85 00:02:58,526 --> 00:03:00,092 - Why? - Well, for one thing, 86 00:03:00,136 --> 00:03:01,659 it's part of my morning routine. 87 00:03:01,703 --> 00:03:03,183 But also, let's be honest. 88 00:03:03,226 --> 00:03:05,185 I'm a '50s kind of guy. 89 00:03:05,228 --> 00:03:06,838 Exhibit A -- My suit. 90 00:03:06,882 --> 00:03:10,494 Oh, yeah, your suit is sort of '50s. 91 00:03:10,538 --> 00:03:12,844 For a '50s guy like me, letting Johnny Fifties 92 00:03:12,888 --> 00:03:15,412 close would be like admitting the '50s were over. 93 00:03:15,456 --> 00:03:17,849 But the '50s are over! 94 00:03:17,893 --> 00:03:20,374 Don't you get it?! If you're truly nostalgic, 95 00:03:20,417 --> 00:03:22,027 nothing is ever over! 96 00:03:22,071 --> 00:03:23,899 As someone who was alive back then 97 00:03:23,942 --> 00:03:27,119 with a Wolfman Jack-type radio DJ persona 98 00:03:27,163 --> 00:03:30,253 and a number-one doo wop hit, I think Stan's onto something. 99 00:03:30,297 --> 00:03:31,863 Look around this house, guys. 100 00:03:31,907 --> 00:03:33,213 Not a lot of love for the '50s. 101 00:03:33,256 --> 00:03:35,040 He's right. No Jell-O molds. 102 00:03:35,084 --> 00:03:36,520 No hula hoops! 103 00:03:36,564 --> 00:03:40,611 Plus, you're not watching TV while you eat! 104 00:03:40,655 --> 00:03:43,440 And even if you were, Happy Days is never on! 105 00:03:43,484 --> 00:03:45,137 Uhp, there it is, but it's a bad one, 106 00:03:45,181 --> 00:03:46,443 doesn't count -- too much Potsie. 107 00:03:46,487 --> 00:03:48,097 That's it! If I'm going to 108 00:03:48,140 --> 00:03:49,272 save the restaurant -- 109 00:03:49,316 --> 00:03:50,708 You have to improve the food? 110 00:03:50,752 --> 00:03:53,407 I need to get people to love the '50s again! 111 00:03:53,450 --> 00:03:55,931 There's no time to lose! 112 00:03:55,974 --> 00:03:59,282 Did you know glory holes were much, much larger in the '50s? 113 00:03:59,326 --> 00:04:01,284 One time me and both Everly Brothers 114 00:04:01,328 --> 00:04:02,546 stuck our junk in one together 115 00:04:02,590 --> 00:04:03,982 all at the same time. 116 00:04:04,026 --> 00:04:05,288 And you know who was on the other side? 117 00:04:05,332 --> 00:04:06,898 The Big Bopper. 118 00:04:06,942 --> 00:04:08,596 At least that's what it felt like, I never saw him. 119 00:04:09,945 --> 00:04:12,513 What? Never seen a successful person before? 120 00:04:13,949 --> 00:04:15,559 Is this supposed to be like Dad's 121 00:04:15,603 --> 00:04:17,169 "leap of faith" out of bed? 122 00:04:17,213 --> 00:04:19,563 It's a natural expression of drive. 123 00:04:19,607 --> 00:04:21,478 The Regional Manager's coming to SubHub today 124 00:04:21,522 --> 00:04:23,959 and I am gonna show him, and Dad, 125 00:04:24,002 --> 00:04:26,004 that I've got what it takes to get ahead. 126 00:04:27,658 --> 00:04:30,400 Mr. S throws our food on the ground 127 00:04:30,444 --> 00:04:32,402 and she jumps all over the table? 128 00:04:32,446 --> 00:04:34,752 Someone's gotta say it. 129 00:04:34,796 --> 00:04:37,799 They made a mockery of breakfast. 130 00:04:40,367 --> 00:04:42,717 As your regional manager, I'm here 131 00:04:42,760 --> 00:04:45,633 because by now, most of you have seen the leaked documents 132 00:04:45,676 --> 00:04:47,765 referring to your positions as "dead-end jobs." 133 00:04:47,809 --> 00:04:49,289 Uh, what documents? 134 00:04:49,332 --> 00:04:50,855 It doesn't matter. 135 00:04:50,899 --> 00:04:54,294 The point here is your jobs are not dead-ends. 136 00:04:54,337 --> 00:04:55,425 Yes, dead-ender in the back. 137 00:04:55,469 --> 00:04:56,948 So are we allowed to drink 138 00:04:56,992 --> 00:04:58,298 the Oranginas or what? 139 00:04:58,341 --> 00:04:59,777 Give me a promotion! 140 00:04:59,821 --> 00:05:01,344 I've got the keys to success! 141 00:05:01,388 --> 00:05:04,216 Or should I say the bathroom? 142 00:05:04,260 --> 00:05:07,307 Pee pee? Poo pee? What's your pleasure? 143 00:05:07,350 --> 00:05:08,960 Tell me what you need, what SubHub needs, 144 00:05:09,004 --> 00:05:10,484 and I am on it. 145 00:05:10,527 --> 00:05:13,138 Well, we would like to open a new location 146 00:05:13,182 --> 00:05:15,227 in the hugely-desirable- nearly-impossible-to-find- 147 00:05:15,271 --> 00:05:17,360 an-open-space-in Gaslamp District. 148 00:05:17,404 --> 00:05:20,363 I know just the place. 149 00:05:21,669 --> 00:05:25,150 Johnny Fifties is closing and SubHub can take its place! 150 00:05:25,194 --> 00:05:26,630 Great idea! 151 00:05:26,674 --> 00:05:27,805 You're promoted! 152 00:05:27,849 --> 00:05:29,633 The rest of you -- demoted! 153 00:05:29,677 --> 00:05:32,462 You live here now and get paid in pepperoni. 154 00:05:32,506 --> 00:05:34,029 According to math, 155 00:05:34,072 --> 00:05:36,510 Johnny Fifties can stay afloat for eight weeks. 156 00:05:36,553 --> 00:05:38,163 And we're gonna need every minute of it 157 00:05:38,207 --> 00:05:40,165 to get people to love the '50s again. 158 00:05:40,209 --> 00:05:41,993 'Cause you really have to love the '50s 159 00:05:42,037 --> 00:05:44,822 to stomach your signature nauseating burgers. 160 00:05:44,866 --> 00:05:46,171 I mean you no disrespect, Johnny. 161 00:05:46,215 --> 00:05:47,651 My name is Sal. 162 00:05:47,695 --> 00:05:50,567 I call it "Operation '50s Heat Up: 163 00:05:50,611 --> 00:05:54,049 Get 'Em Interested In The '50s And Save Johnny Fifties!" 164 00:05:54,092 --> 00:05:57,400 What if we call it "Operation '50s Fever?" 165 00:05:57,444 --> 00:06:00,403 Horrible idea. Klaus, you're going to Milwaukee 166 00:06:00,447 --> 00:06:02,274 to get the statue of Arthur Fonzarelli, 167 00:06:02,318 --> 00:06:04,233 aka The Bronze Fonz. 168 00:06:04,276 --> 00:06:05,495 I need it! Go now! 169 00:06:08,890 --> 00:06:10,500 I don't really need the Fonz statue. 170 00:06:10,544 --> 00:06:11,936 We just can't have Klaus around 171 00:06:11,980 --> 00:06:13,503 sloshing his bowl water all over 172 00:06:13,547 --> 00:06:15,070 everyone's classic cars. 173 00:06:15,113 --> 00:06:17,377 Everyone will have classic cars? 174 00:06:17,420 --> 00:06:19,074 And more! Here's some concept art 175 00:06:19,117 --> 00:06:21,119 I had made to inspire us. 176 00:06:21,163 --> 00:06:24,732 Cruisin' cars, lawn darts, asbestos chunks, 177 00:06:24,775 --> 00:06:28,388 Johnny Fifties bursting with hungry Fonzie impersonators. 178 00:06:28,431 --> 00:06:31,739 Stan, you seem to be leaning pretty heavily on Fonzie. 179 00:06:31,782 --> 00:06:34,916 Um, people also like, I don't know, Elvis? 180 00:06:34,959 --> 00:06:37,527 Oh, you mean Singing Fonzie. Good idea! 181 00:06:37,571 --> 00:06:39,703 I always wanted to be like Marilyn Monroe 182 00:06:39,747 --> 00:06:41,923 and have an air vent blow my dress up! 183 00:06:41,966 --> 00:06:43,925 You'll do it! And Roger, you do your old 184 00:06:43,968 --> 00:06:45,883 Wolfman Jack DJ persona. 185 00:06:45,927 --> 00:06:48,320 That persona was unforgettable. 186 00:06:48,364 --> 00:06:50,453 What was his name again? Wolfman Puck? 187 00:06:50,497 --> 00:06:51,715 No, that's not it. Don't worry, 188 00:06:51,759 --> 00:06:52,977 it'll come to me on the air. 189 00:06:53,021 --> 00:06:54,457 Jeff, you're a beatnik, 190 00:06:54,501 --> 00:06:57,417 and Steve, you can be a nerd or "square." 191 00:06:57,460 --> 00:07:00,115 Easy. True to the time period, 192 00:07:00,158 --> 00:07:02,770 I'll put tape on my glasses to make them appear broken -- 193 00:07:02,813 --> 00:07:04,467 No need! 194 00:07:04,511 --> 00:07:06,774 Just like James Dean, I pulled my punch 195 00:07:06,817 --> 00:07:08,166 so I only hurt the glasses. 196 00:07:08,210 --> 00:07:09,429 No you didn't! 197 00:07:09,472 --> 00:07:11,822 Hayley, you can be Spudnik. 198 00:07:11,866 --> 00:07:14,085 He was a very famous potato. 199 00:07:14,129 --> 00:07:17,611 Dad, you won't believe this. Your walk gave me drive. 200 00:07:17,654 --> 00:07:21,484 And that drive got me a job as manager of a new SubHub 201 00:07:21,528 --> 00:07:23,573 opening where Johnny Fifties used to be! 202 00:07:23,617 --> 00:07:26,315 But Johnny Fifties is where Johnny Fifties used to be. 203 00:07:26,358 --> 00:07:28,273 Not for long. After I told them 204 00:07:28,317 --> 00:07:31,276 it was closing, SubHub sweet-talked the landlord 205 00:07:31,320 --> 00:07:33,670 into taking over the lease in two days! 206 00:07:33,714 --> 00:07:36,456 But two days isn't nearly enough time for my plan! 207 00:07:36,499 --> 00:07:37,935 Aren't you happy for me? 208 00:07:37,979 --> 00:07:39,937 Happy? You betrayed me. 209 00:07:39,981 --> 00:07:42,287 You're trying to destroy a place I love. 210 00:07:42,331 --> 00:07:43,767 So, you don't like it when I don't have drive, 211 00:07:43,811 --> 00:07:45,943 and you don't like when I do have drive. 212 00:07:45,987 --> 00:07:47,292 What even is this? 213 00:07:47,336 --> 00:07:49,599 "Operation '50s Fever"? 214 00:07:49,643 --> 00:07:51,296 My original idea. Klaus was never here. 215 00:07:51,340 --> 00:07:53,516 Blueprints for a leather jacket? 216 00:07:53,560 --> 00:07:56,345 A list of places for Beaver to leave it? 217 00:07:56,388 --> 00:07:59,479 This plan is so stupid. 218 00:07:59,522 --> 00:08:01,785 Thank God I commissioned concept art 219 00:08:01,829 --> 00:08:04,135 for every possible betrayal. 220 00:08:04,179 --> 00:08:07,312 This is exactly how I feel, right down to my giant ass! 221 00:08:07,356 --> 00:08:08,836 I can't let her do this to me. 222 00:08:08,879 --> 00:08:10,185 New plan! 223 00:08:10,228 --> 00:08:12,492 Oh, good, that one was kinda stupid -- 224 00:08:12,535 --> 00:08:14,494 The old plan, faster! 225 00:08:14,537 --> 00:08:17,975 We'll do "Operation '50s Fever" in 48 hours! 226 00:08:18,019 --> 00:08:20,630 Why have I pinned my hopes on this fool? 227 00:08:20,674 --> 00:08:23,503 Would a fool get concept art of himself 228 00:08:23,546 --> 00:08:25,896 dressed as a court jester pleading with the king 229 00:08:25,940 --> 00:08:27,811 not to cut his head off for not having enough bells 230 00:08:27,855 --> 00:08:29,334 on his jester hat? 231 00:08:29,378 --> 00:08:31,859 I'm a goner! Welp, lesson learned. 232 00:08:31,902 --> 00:08:33,513 Shoulda had more bells. 233 00:08:33,904 --> 00:08:36,124 Big Daddy Stan needs Langley to catch 234 00:08:36,167 --> 00:08:38,300 a baaad case of '50s Fever 235 00:08:38,343 --> 00:08:40,041 or else Hayley will be proven right 236 00:08:40,084 --> 00:08:42,347 that Stan's plan to save Johnny Fifties 237 00:08:42,391 --> 00:08:45,176 is a stupid, stuuuupid plan. 238 00:08:45,220 --> 00:08:47,091 You heard it from me, uh... 239 00:08:47,135 --> 00:08:48,440 what's my name again? 240 00:08:48,484 --> 00:08:50,138 The '50s was so long ago. 241 00:08:50,181 --> 00:08:52,793 Wolfboy... George? 242 00:08:52,836 --> 00:08:55,056 Did I mention Hayley thinks Stan's plan is stupid? 243 00:08:56,753 --> 00:09:00,061 Gah! I feel betrayed by Hayley all over again! 244 00:09:00,104 --> 00:09:01,802 - And by you! - Why me?! 245 00:09:01,845 --> 00:09:03,717 Because you're here talking my ear off 246 00:09:03,760 --> 00:09:05,370 when you should be buying extra food 247 00:09:05,414 --> 00:09:07,677 for when I ignite '50s Fever! 248 00:09:08,852 --> 00:09:10,637 But Stan, I'm bankrupt -- 249 00:09:10,680 --> 00:09:12,943 You don't say you're "bankrupt," Daddy-O. 250 00:09:12,987 --> 00:09:14,510 You say you're "on the skids." 251 00:09:16,643 --> 00:09:18,427 I like your plan. 252 00:09:18,470 --> 00:09:21,169 And I love not wearing seatbelts. 253 00:09:21,212 --> 00:09:22,257 Aah! 254 00:09:22,300 --> 00:09:24,302 The CIA's Cuban Operations 255 00:09:24,346 --> 00:09:26,914 really came through with these classic cars on short notice. 256 00:09:26,957 --> 00:09:28,742 Paging Mr. Bega, 257 00:09:28,785 --> 00:09:31,571 can you say "Mambo Number '50s"? 258 00:09:34,399 --> 00:09:35,879 Plenty more where that came from. 259 00:09:35,923 --> 00:09:37,402 Like a greaser, I've got goodies 260 00:09:37,446 --> 00:09:39,143 rolled up all over my body. 261 00:09:39,187 --> 00:09:40,362 Pack of raisins. 262 00:09:40,405 --> 00:09:42,451 Box of Goobers in my waistband. 263 00:09:45,672 --> 00:09:46,934 Aah! 264 00:09:48,805 --> 00:09:50,328 Where are all the contestants?! 265 00:09:50,372 --> 00:09:52,504 You had one simple job, Steve. 266 00:09:52,548 --> 00:09:54,855 To gather 500 to 600 professional 267 00:09:54,898 --> 00:09:57,205 Fonzie impersonators on an hour's notice. 268 00:09:57,248 --> 00:09:59,207 How was I supposed to get the word out? 269 00:09:59,250 --> 00:10:00,774 You won't let me use my computer! 270 00:10:00,817 --> 00:10:02,384 Before there was e-mail, 271 00:10:02,427 --> 00:10:04,778 there was just plain tell-e-grams. 272 00:10:04,821 --> 00:10:08,042 And we attached them to the infamously dangerous lawn darts. 273 00:10:08,085 --> 00:10:11,480 Infamously dangerously fun. 274 00:10:12,829 --> 00:10:15,092 Have faith, son. Trends always start with 275 00:10:15,136 --> 00:10:17,791 one single brave cool guy. 276 00:10:17,834 --> 00:10:20,010 But this time it's not James Dean. 277 00:10:20,054 --> 00:10:21,838 It's James Me-- 278 00:10:24,145 --> 00:10:25,799 Enough of these faulty toothpicks! 279 00:10:25,842 --> 00:10:29,629 It's time to show Hayley just how wrong she is. 280 00:10:29,672 --> 00:10:30,673 Okay, one more try. 281 00:10:35,939 --> 00:10:37,593 Oh, Marilyn! 282 00:10:37,637 --> 00:10:39,900 Time to walk over that normal vent! 283 00:10:40,944 --> 00:10:43,164 I'm in a hurry! Outta my way! 284 00:10:43,207 --> 00:10:45,949 Whoa, the air's so hot! 285 00:10:45,993 --> 00:10:47,037 My genitals! 286 00:10:47,081 --> 00:10:48,865 Aaaaaaagh! 287 00:10:53,000 --> 00:10:54,218 Hey, let's play chicken! 288 00:10:55,698 --> 00:10:57,395 Whoa! 289 00:10:57,439 --> 00:10:59,833 Someone shred that guy and slather him 290 00:10:59,876 --> 00:11:01,225 in hot mayonnaise and marshmallows, 291 00:11:01,269 --> 00:11:02,792 because he's a chicken, 292 00:11:02,836 --> 00:11:04,968 and that's my recipe for Chicken Ambrosia. 293 00:11:08,842 --> 00:11:11,932 Here's one that never fails to spark '50s Fever -- 294 00:11:11,975 --> 00:11:14,412 passing a milkshake between cars. 295 00:11:15,022 --> 00:11:16,327 I can't reach you! 296 00:11:16,371 --> 00:11:18,112 I like bongos! 297 00:11:20,505 --> 00:11:21,724 Too thick! 298 00:11:21,768 --> 00:11:23,595 The way it used to be! 299 00:11:23,639 --> 00:11:24,771 Aah! 300 00:11:28,035 --> 00:11:31,342 Ribs broken by steering column... 301 00:11:31,386 --> 00:11:33,388 the way it used to be. 302 00:11:35,390 --> 00:11:36,696 Yes! 303 00:11:36,739 --> 00:11:39,089 Yay! 304 00:11:39,133 --> 00:11:41,222 With '50s Fever failing to catch, 305 00:11:41,265 --> 00:11:44,051 it looks like SubHub's new location is all 306 00:11:44,094 --> 00:11:46,836 but a certainty, which means... 307 00:11:46,880 --> 00:11:48,446 I'm really gonna be a manager! 308 00:11:48,490 --> 00:11:50,405 With a manager's salary. 309 00:11:50,448 --> 00:11:53,190 And a manager's mansion. 310 00:11:53,234 --> 00:11:56,324 Who is this concept artist everyone's using? 311 00:11:56,367 --> 00:11:59,631 None of this would be possible without you. 312 00:11:59,675 --> 00:12:01,851 My rod is too hot! 313 00:12:01,895 --> 00:12:03,592 And the Goobers in my pants melted! 314 00:12:05,637 --> 00:12:07,074 Yeah. 315 00:12:07,117 --> 00:12:09,163 None of this would be possible without me. 316 00:12:09,206 --> 00:12:11,731 You feel bad for a man who doesn't want his daughter 317 00:12:11,774 --> 00:12:13,036 to live in a mansion? 318 00:12:13,080 --> 00:12:14,472 The best type of house?! 319 00:12:14,516 --> 00:12:17,345 It's all Hayley's fault! 320 00:12:17,388 --> 00:12:19,651 I should've known she'd mess up having drive 321 00:12:19,695 --> 00:12:22,785 like she has everything else in her life. 322 00:12:22,829 --> 00:12:24,482 That's it. 323 00:12:24,526 --> 00:12:27,137 You're live on the air with... 324 00:12:27,181 --> 00:12:28,356 some kinda wolf... 325 00:12:28,399 --> 00:12:29,879 Dad, I know you're listening, 326 00:12:29,923 --> 00:12:31,359 and I want you to know 327 00:12:31,402 --> 00:12:33,578 I'm with people who appreciate my drive 328 00:12:33,622 --> 00:12:35,929 so much I'm getting a mansion. 329 00:12:35,972 --> 00:12:37,800 Wow. For our listeners who don't know, 330 00:12:37,844 --> 00:12:40,063 that's the best type of house. 331 00:12:40,107 --> 00:12:42,805 So just give up now and stop embarrassing yourself! 332 00:12:44,067 --> 00:12:45,895 Another caller! 333 00:12:45,939 --> 00:12:47,244 This isn't over, Hayley. 334 00:12:47,288 --> 00:12:49,029 The fever is catching. 335 00:12:49,072 --> 00:12:50,726 It's the loser '50s guy! 336 00:12:50,770 --> 00:12:52,815 He's cheating and using a cellphone! 337 00:12:52,859 --> 00:12:55,209 Loser? Maybe free asbestos 338 00:12:55,252 --> 00:12:56,514 will change your mind! 339 00:12:56,558 --> 00:12:59,039 The miracle molecule of the '50s! 340 00:12:59,082 --> 00:13:00,997 Ugh! - And, uh... 341 00:13:01,041 --> 00:13:03,826 it's only gonna get more feverish when people see, 342 00:13:03,870 --> 00:13:04,958 uh... 343 00:13:06,960 --> 00:13:08,918 ...a James Dean type like me 344 00:13:08,962 --> 00:13:12,313 in a classic teenage knife fight up at the old observatory! 345 00:13:12,356 --> 00:13:14,750 DJ, play a song of betrayal. 346 00:13:14,794 --> 00:13:17,753 I wanna dedicate it to my daughter. 347 00:13:17,797 --> 00:13:21,017 ♪ Betrayal is a terrible thing♪ 348 00:13:21,061 --> 00:13:23,498 ♪ The pain can last so long♪ 349 00:13:23,541 --> 00:13:26,370 ♪ Oh, the devil's gonna poke you in your giant ass♪ 350 00:13:26,414 --> 00:13:29,896 ♪ And your daughter's gonna cheer him on♪ 351 00:13:32,812 --> 00:13:34,465 Watch out, teens! 352 00:13:34,509 --> 00:13:38,034 This rebel's gonna cause you to love the '50s! 353 00:13:39,514 --> 00:13:40,907 Oh, my God! 354 00:13:40,950 --> 00:13:42,604 You stabbed me! 355 00:13:42,647 --> 00:13:44,475 It's just a nick! Please like this 356 00:13:44,519 --> 00:13:46,129 so I can prove my daughter wrong! 357 00:13:46,173 --> 00:13:47,739 Please, I beg you! 358 00:13:47,783 --> 00:13:48,958 I'm not crazy! 359 00:13:49,002 --> 00:13:51,004 I just really love a restaurant. 360 00:13:52,919 --> 00:13:55,051 That's him! The Bowzer from Sha Na Na lookalike 361 00:13:55,095 --> 00:13:56,661 who pooped his pants! 362 00:13:56,705 --> 00:13:59,229 James Dean... Goobers. 363 00:13:59,273 --> 00:14:01,188 Yeah, that's what they all say. 364 00:14:01,231 --> 00:14:03,886 We've got a warrant for your arrest and plenty of witnesses. 365 00:14:07,672 --> 00:14:10,937 Before you arrest me, I just want to say 366 00:14:10,980 --> 00:14:12,982 none of that stuff I did was wrong 367 00:14:13,026 --> 00:14:15,289 in the '50s. You could get away with 368 00:14:15,332 --> 00:14:17,857 all kinds of crazy stuff because... 369 00:14:17,900 --> 00:14:20,816 ♪ We didn't know that was bad yet♪ 370 00:14:20,860 --> 00:14:22,513 ♪ We didn't know that could kill ya♪ 371 00:14:25,038 --> 00:14:27,736 ♪ Turn back the page to an innocent age♪ 372 00:14:27,779 --> 00:14:30,173 ♪ We didn't know it was wrong♪ 373 00:14:30,217 --> 00:14:32,175 You threw a lawn dart in my skull! 374 00:14:32,219 --> 00:14:33,698 ♪ We didn't know it was wrong!♪ 375 00:14:33,742 --> 00:14:35,091 You stabbed my son! 376 00:14:35,135 --> 00:14:36,353 ♪ We didn't know, we didn't know♪ 377 00:14:36,397 --> 00:14:38,051 You threw asbestos in my face! 378 00:14:38,094 --> 00:14:39,530 ♪ Now you're insulated, dude♪ 379 00:14:39,574 --> 00:14:40,923 My genitals! 380 00:14:40,967 --> 00:14:42,533 ♪ Wow, you're Howdy Doody smooth♪ 381 00:14:42,577 --> 00:14:45,319 ♪ Turn back the page to an innocent age♪ 382 00:14:45,362 --> 00:14:47,843 ♪ We didn't know it was wrong♪ 383 00:14:47,887 --> 00:14:49,366 But what if someone gets hurt? 384 00:14:49,410 --> 00:14:51,020 The nurses all wear funny hats! 385 00:14:51,064 --> 00:14:53,893 What about the rampant sexism and racism? 386 00:14:53,936 --> 00:14:55,329 It was wrong then and it is wrong now 387 00:14:55,372 --> 00:14:56,852 and in our new '50s, it isn't allowed! 388 00:14:57,984 --> 00:14:59,507 The Fonzies came! 389 00:14:59,550 --> 00:15:02,727 - ♪ Ay♪ - ♪ Ay♪ 390 00:15:02,771 --> 00:15:05,556 ♪ We're Fonzies and we're here to say♪ 391 00:15:05,600 --> 00:15:08,559 - ♪ Ay♪ - ♪ Ay♪ 392 00:15:08,603 --> 00:15:11,867 ♪ '50s fever's here to stay♪ 393 00:15:11,911 --> 00:15:15,044 I get it! The '50s were about willful ignorance! 394 00:15:15,088 --> 00:15:16,698 Now you're razzin' my berries! 395 00:15:16,741 --> 00:15:18,918 So I don't have to go to school? 396 00:15:18,961 --> 00:15:20,397 ♪ That was the opposite of cool♪ 397 00:15:20,441 --> 00:15:21,964 And I can litter on the ground? 398 00:15:22,008 --> 00:15:23,096 ♪ I call it nature's lost and found♪ 399 00:15:23,139 --> 00:15:24,880 And I can eat trans fats? 400 00:15:24,924 --> 00:15:26,055 ♪ Some say that's where the flavor's at♪ 401 00:15:26,099 --> 00:15:27,665 So I can stab my son? 402 00:15:27,709 --> 00:15:29,232 ♪ It's just a nick, and yes, it's fun!♪ 403 00:15:29,276 --> 00:15:30,755 So I can drink and drive? 404 00:15:30,799 --> 00:15:32,105 ♪ Fonzie did it all the time♪ 405 00:15:32,148 --> 00:15:33,715 Ay! 406 00:15:33,758 --> 00:15:36,196 ♪ Turn back the page to an innocent age♪ 407 00:15:36,239 --> 00:15:38,720 ♪ We didn't know it was wrong♪ 408 00:15:40,809 --> 00:15:43,768 Now that you've ignited '50s Fever, what's next, Stan? 409 00:15:43,812 --> 00:15:46,293 Going to Johnny Fifties, saving it at long last? 410 00:15:48,121 --> 00:15:49,992 Too soon. 411 00:15:50,036 --> 00:15:51,951 These people aren't hungry enough yet to choke down 412 00:15:51,994 --> 00:15:53,039 that wretched slop. 413 00:15:53,082 --> 00:15:54,823 Everyone, to the Sock Hop! 414 00:15:54,866 --> 00:15:56,564 It's over, Hayley. 415 00:15:56,607 --> 00:15:58,609 Everyone can't have '50s Fever. 416 00:15:58,653 --> 00:16:00,916 My god, it's happening in here! 417 00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:03,963 Wail on that black forest ham, big daddy! 418 00:16:05,138 --> 00:16:07,140 Welp, we're throwing in the towel. 419 00:16:07,183 --> 00:16:10,099 SubHub Corporate is as quick to give up as we are to celebrate. 420 00:16:10,143 --> 00:16:11,971 Why would he do this to me? 421 00:16:12,014 --> 00:16:14,451 He wanted me to have drive. 422 00:16:14,495 --> 00:16:15,626 Wait... 423 00:16:15,670 --> 00:16:17,106 drive... 424 00:16:17,150 --> 00:16:20,457 Time to fight '50s with '50s. 425 00:16:26,724 --> 00:16:28,857 Aah! 426 00:16:28,900 --> 00:16:31,077 Now that you've danced yourselves ravenous 427 00:16:31,120 --> 00:16:34,297 and would eat trash like wild boars, let's go... 428 00:16:34,341 --> 00:16:35,820 save Johnny Fift-- 429 00:16:35,864 --> 00:16:38,475 I challenge you to a drag race! 430 00:16:39,563 --> 00:16:41,043 If I win the race, 431 00:16:41,087 --> 00:16:44,133 SubHub takes over Johnny Fifties. 432 00:16:44,177 --> 00:16:45,787 Ha! Why would I accept that 433 00:16:45,830 --> 00:16:47,528 when I already have everything I want? 434 00:16:47,571 --> 00:16:51,358 Because -- '50s Honor demands it. 435 00:16:55,188 --> 00:16:56,319 Okay! Okay! 436 00:16:56,363 --> 00:16:58,321 '50s Honor, which I've just heard of, 437 00:16:58,365 --> 00:17:00,367 is everything to me! 438 00:17:00,410 --> 00:17:02,543 Let's drag! 439 00:17:02,891 --> 00:17:06,677 Everyone's finally tuning into me, Dogboy Chuck, 440 00:17:06,721 --> 00:17:09,854 as we all wonder who will win the big drag race. 441 00:17:09,898 --> 00:17:11,334 It's Stan vs. Hayley, 442 00:17:11,378 --> 00:17:13,423 Johnny Fifties vs. SubHub, 443 00:17:13,467 --> 00:17:14,772 past vs. future, 444 00:17:14,816 --> 00:17:17,645 today's glory holes vs. giant '50s 445 00:17:17,688 --> 00:17:19,255 Looney Tunes sized glory holes 446 00:17:19,299 --> 00:17:20,996 where you can just wave at the guy or the gal 447 00:17:21,040 --> 00:17:22,041 on the other side. 448 00:17:25,174 --> 00:17:27,568 Hayley, before I win, 449 00:17:27,611 --> 00:17:29,570 I should finally be honest with you. 450 00:17:29,613 --> 00:17:31,746 I wish Fonzie was my daughter. 451 00:17:31,789 --> 00:17:33,269 You're sick, Dad. 452 00:17:33,313 --> 00:17:36,185 And Fonzie is really more of a '70s icon! 453 00:17:36,229 --> 00:17:38,100 Fonzie, Chachi, Potsie, Richie, Fonzie, Chachi, Potsie, Richie! 454 00:17:40,276 --> 00:17:43,062 Don't! These cars are death traps! 455 00:17:43,105 --> 00:17:44,280 Don't worry, Steve. 456 00:17:44,324 --> 00:17:46,108 I've had my mechanics working all night. 457 00:17:46,152 --> 00:17:47,849 Show 'em, boys! 458 00:17:47,892 --> 00:17:49,546 Ay! 459 00:17:49,590 --> 00:17:51,679 Safe enough for ya, Steve? 460 00:17:51,722 --> 00:17:55,465 And I'm DJ Apeman Snack, the voice of a generation 461 00:17:55,509 --> 00:17:57,250 and the face of a genera-- 462 00:17:57,293 --> 00:17:59,469 damn it, you can't see my face on the radio. 463 00:17:59,513 --> 00:18:01,123 I'll text you all a picture of my face 464 00:18:01,167 --> 00:18:02,907 using AMBER Alert technology. 465 00:18:02,951 --> 00:18:04,387 Look at it even if you're driving. 466 00:18:06,389 --> 00:18:08,304 Sorry if my dick is also in the picture. 467 00:18:08,348 --> 00:18:09,871 Don't let that shock you off the road. 468 00:18:09,914 --> 00:18:12,482 And take off those seatbelts, it's the '50s! 469 00:18:12,526 --> 00:18:14,615 Vietnam's around the corner and it's gonna git ya! 470 00:18:18,706 --> 00:18:21,317 And now the song you've all been waiting for, 471 00:18:21,361 --> 00:18:24,668 my very own number-one hit from 1958, 472 00:18:24,712 --> 00:18:26,714 "Drag Race Angels"! 473 00:18:26,757 --> 00:18:30,021 This one's dedicated to Stan and Hayley. 474 00:18:30,065 --> 00:18:33,199 ♪ Drag race angels♪ 475 00:18:34,591 --> 00:18:36,724 ♪ A father who's mean♪ 476 00:18:36,767 --> 00:18:39,074 ♪ Drag race angels♪ 477 00:18:41,294 --> 00:18:43,470 ♪ A daughter who dreams♪ 478 00:18:43,513 --> 00:18:45,472 Wait a second, I know this song. 479 00:18:45,515 --> 00:18:47,256 It was our song! 480 00:18:50,433 --> 00:18:53,523 ♪ Remember when Hayley♪ 481 00:18:53,567 --> 00:18:57,179 ♪ Was just a little girl?♪ 482 00:18:57,223 --> 00:19:00,487 ♪ You'd eat at Johnny Fifties♪ 483 00:19:00,530 --> 00:19:02,837 ♪ And drink a Malt with two straws♪ 484 00:19:02,880 --> 00:19:05,056 ♪ You love these memories♪ 485 00:19:05,100 --> 00:19:07,711 ♪ Not the '50s, you crazy drag race angel♪ 486 00:19:07,755 --> 00:19:10,671 Wow. This song really takes me back. 487 00:19:10,714 --> 00:19:13,717 And a lot of the lyrics make more sense now than ever. 488 00:19:13,761 --> 00:19:16,242 I loved Johnny Fifties because of the time 489 00:19:16,285 --> 00:19:18,026 I spent there with Hayley. 490 00:19:18,069 --> 00:19:19,897 But I can spend time with her now! 491 00:19:19,941 --> 00:19:22,378 Must kill Dad! 492 00:19:22,422 --> 00:19:24,467 Eesh. Or maybe I can't. 493 00:19:24,511 --> 00:19:26,774 Man, how would Fonzie fix this? 494 00:19:28,079 --> 00:19:29,646 Ay! 495 00:19:31,866 --> 00:19:33,868 Nay! 496 00:19:40,788 --> 00:19:42,833 The Bronze Fonz, Stan! 497 00:19:42,877 --> 00:19:44,531 I took some '50s-style benzos 498 00:19:44,574 --> 00:19:46,924 and drove to Milwaukee and back in one day! 499 00:19:51,277 --> 00:19:53,496 Johnny Fifties is saved! 500 00:20:02,418 --> 00:20:04,246 Oh, my God! Dad, are you okay? 501 00:20:04,290 --> 00:20:05,987 Oh, Hayley, forgive me. 502 00:20:06,030 --> 00:20:08,772 I haven't been James Dean or James Me. 503 00:20:08,816 --> 00:20:11,297 I've been plain old James Mean. 504 00:20:11,340 --> 00:20:13,516 Dad, you -- you might have brain damage. 505 00:20:13,560 --> 00:20:15,779 One of your pupils is so big. 506 00:20:15,823 --> 00:20:18,869 That's because I'm looking at someone I love so big. 507 00:20:18,913 --> 00:20:21,307 Hayley, I want you to know I support you 508 00:20:21,350 --> 00:20:23,309 wherever your drive takes you next, 509 00:20:23,352 --> 00:20:24,962 SubHub or no SubHub. 510 00:20:26,790 --> 00:20:28,575 The toothpicks are back! 511 00:20:28,618 --> 00:20:32,100 I'm gonna drive you to the hospital. 512 00:20:32,143 --> 00:20:34,276 I spy with my little eye -- 513 00:20:34,320 --> 00:20:35,756 a table! 514 00:20:35,799 --> 00:20:38,628 Aww, it's our table! 515 00:20:39,412 --> 00:20:41,240 ROGER:♪ Table angels♪ 516 00:20:43,764 --> 00:20:45,331 ♪ They love each other now♪ 517 00:20:45,374 --> 00:20:49,552 ♪ Don't worry about Sal♪ 518 00:20:49,596 --> 00:20:51,728 ♪ He sells Chicken Ambrosia, wow♪ 519 00:20:51,772 --> 00:20:52,947 ♪ He's a billionaire♪ 520 00:20:52,990 --> 00:20:56,603 ♪ Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa♪ 521 00:20:56,646 --> 00:20:57,778 Bye-bye! See you soon!