1 00:00:01,131 --> 00:00:02,611 PILOT: All right, everybody. 2 00:00:02,654 --> 00:00:04,395 We should be arriving at Langley International 3 00:00:04,439 --> 00:00:06,006 in just a few hours. 4 00:00:06,049 --> 00:00:07,311 Thank you for booking your trip 5 00:00:07,355 --> 00:00:09,661 with ValueVacay package vacations. 6 00:00:09,705 --> 00:00:11,359 ValueVacay-- 7 00:00:11,402 --> 00:00:15,189 we don't offer refunds, but we do offer apologies. 8 00:00:15,232 --> 00:00:17,495 I'm sorry for the smell. 9 00:00:18,844 --> 00:00:21,325 Did you have a nice vacation, dear? 10 00:00:21,369 --> 00:00:25,547 No! My cheap ass husband booked an all-inclusive trip 11 00:00:25,590 --> 00:00:29,638 with ValueVacay to some Cancun shithole! 12 00:00:29,681 --> 00:00:31,509 The trip didn't have to be bad! 13 00:00:31,553 --> 00:00:33,337 It's these lousy kids that ruined it! 14 00:00:33,381 --> 00:00:35,644 Like when Steve left the door open and all those 15 00:00:35,687 --> 00:00:38,125 black spiny-tailed iguanas came into the room. 16 00:00:38,168 --> 00:00:41,650 I was airing things out because Hayley blew up the bathroom! 17 00:00:41,693 --> 00:00:42,825 I was sick! 18 00:00:42,868 --> 00:00:45,045 That monkey put its finger in my mouth! 19 00:00:45,088 --> 00:00:47,003 You sucked on that monkey's finger! 20 00:00:47,047 --> 00:00:49,310 Mom told me to do it! 21 00:00:49,353 --> 00:00:52,008 I thought it was one of those marketing monkeys 22 00:00:52,052 --> 00:00:53,923 that promote new salsa flavors! 23 00:00:53,966 --> 00:00:56,839 Speaking of monkeys, I don't wanna monkey around 24 00:00:56,882 --> 00:00:59,102 with those black clouds in front of us. 25 00:00:59,146 --> 00:01:00,843 Then don't do it! 26 00:01:00,886 --> 00:01:04,847 PILOT: It's too late, I'm sorry. 27 00:01:04,890 --> 00:01:10,244 ♪ 28 00:01:10,287 --> 00:01:11,723 Francine... 29 00:01:11,767 --> 00:01:13,334 About our argument before... 30 00:01:13,377 --> 00:01:16,685 I booked this extremely budgeted vacation package. 31 00:01:16,728 --> 00:01:18,034 It's my fault. 32 00:01:18,078 --> 00:01:21,385 So I just want to say, if we don't survive... 33 00:01:21,429 --> 00:01:24,345 you also made a lot of mistakes before this trip, 34 00:01:24,388 --> 00:01:25,824 and I don't forget that. 35 00:01:25,868 --> 00:01:28,958 Are you gonna bring up the little Matt Damon movie-- 36 00:01:29,001 --> 00:01:30,525 Downsizing. 37 00:01:30,568 --> 00:01:32,744 You forgot to buy me a ticket, so I had to sit by myself. 38 00:01:32,788 --> 00:01:34,398 You forgave me for that! 39 00:01:34,442 --> 00:01:35,617 I did forgive you. 40 00:01:35,660 --> 00:01:37,271 I'm just remembering it now. 41 00:01:37,314 --> 00:01:38,924 I watched from across the theater 42 00:01:38,968 --> 00:01:40,883 while you and the kids laughed your asses off! 43 00:01:40,926 --> 00:01:42,450 We weren't laughing! 44 00:01:42,493 --> 00:01:44,756 I don't think that movie was supposed to be funny. 45 00:01:44,800 --> 00:01:45,975 It was hysterical. 46 00:01:46,018 --> 00:01:47,585 Matt Damon was so small! 47 00:01:47,629 --> 00:01:49,413 It was pretty thoughtless, Mom. 48 00:01:49,457 --> 00:01:52,068 Oh, you're calling Mom thoughtless, Steve? 49 00:01:52,112 --> 00:01:54,940 You let my Sims family [bleep] die in a house fire! 50 00:01:54,984 --> 00:01:56,638 I was five! 51 00:01:56,681 --> 00:01:59,249 They said the saddest nonsense as they burned. 52 00:01:59,293 --> 00:02:01,556 Let it go, Hayley. 53 00:02:01,599 --> 00:02:05,037 When you were five, you poked a hole in my diaphragm, 54 00:02:05,081 --> 00:02:06,822 to disastrous result! 55 00:02:06,865 --> 00:02:09,172 Five? Do you mean me? 56 00:02:09,216 --> 00:02:10,869 I'm a disastrous result? 57 00:02:10,913 --> 00:02:12,610 I like you now! 58 00:02:12,654 --> 00:02:17,006 Please, we're all very scared, and you're fighting so loudly. 59 00:02:17,049 --> 00:02:18,529 Why don't you just die, old lady! 60 00:02:18,573 --> 00:02:20,314 [gasps] 61 00:02:20,357 --> 00:02:22,272 PILOT: The engines are out! 62 00:02:22,316 --> 00:02:24,492 - We're gonna be okay! - [engine whines] 63 00:02:24,535 --> 00:02:27,799 PILOT: We're definitely going to die! 64 00:02:27,843 --> 00:02:30,759 Sweet, sweet lightning, I knew you would save me! 65 00:02:33,065 --> 00:02:35,372 I'm declaring this bird a no-fly! 66 00:02:35,416 --> 00:02:37,157 Everyone head to the back! 67 00:02:38,245 --> 00:02:39,898 Francine, the week we were married, 68 00:02:39,942 --> 00:02:41,639 you ate all the Golden Grahams. 69 00:02:41,683 --> 00:02:43,075 PILOT: Excuse me? 70 00:02:43,119 --> 00:02:44,947 These are your parachutes! 71 00:02:44,990 --> 00:02:46,644 You open them like this. 72 00:02:46,688 --> 00:02:47,906 Oops! 73 00:02:47,950 --> 00:02:49,256 I'm sorr-- 74 00:02:51,649 --> 00:02:54,043 [screaming] 75 00:02:55,784 --> 00:02:57,307 STEVE: [gasping] 76 00:02:57,351 --> 00:03:00,223 Mom? Dad? 77 00:03:00,267 --> 00:03:02,051 Hayley! 78 00:03:02,094 --> 00:03:07,143 ♪ 79 00:03:07,187 --> 00:03:10,364 [coughing] 80 00:03:10,407 --> 00:03:11,887 Steve! 81 00:03:13,976 --> 00:03:15,717 Oh, thank God we're all okay. 82 00:03:15,760 --> 00:03:18,589 There's a lighthouse there. Let's see if someone's inside. 83 00:03:18,633 --> 00:03:23,377 I hope they speak Portuguese. I'm two days in on Duolingo. 84 00:03:26,293 --> 00:03:27,468 Holaaaa? 85 00:03:27,511 --> 00:03:29,948 Which is "hello?" 86 00:03:31,036 --> 00:03:33,256 Seems like no one's been here for a long time. 87 00:03:33,300 --> 00:03:34,823 Lots of drinking water, 88 00:03:34,866 --> 00:03:37,782 and about a thousand cans of pumpkin pie mix. 89 00:03:37,826 --> 00:03:39,741 All those canned food drives 90 00:03:39,784 --> 00:03:42,744 where I gave delicious pumpkin pie mix, 91 00:03:42,787 --> 00:03:44,136 was that all going to... 92 00:03:44,180 --> 00:03:46,138 lighthouse keepers? 93 00:03:46,182 --> 00:03:47,270 Gross. 94 00:03:47,314 --> 00:03:49,098 This radio doesn't work. 95 00:03:49,141 --> 00:03:51,840 Somebody's bound to come look for us. 96 00:03:51,883 --> 00:03:53,581 Maybe once this fog clears. 97 00:03:53,624 --> 00:03:55,104 Could be a long wait. 98 00:03:55,147 --> 00:03:58,020 A chance to have some quality time together! 99 00:03:58,063 --> 00:03:59,891 I can't say I liked the plane crash, 100 00:03:59,935 --> 00:04:03,068 but at least it put a stop to all that silly fighting. 101 00:04:03,112 --> 00:04:06,420 I, for one, am glad that we've stopped all that silly fighting. 102 00:04:06,463 --> 00:04:08,509 I'll tell you what isn't silly-- 103 00:04:08,552 --> 00:04:09,684 our love for each other. 104 00:04:09,727 --> 00:04:10,685 A hundred percent. 105 00:04:10,728 --> 00:04:12,513 The message is clear. 106 00:04:12,556 --> 00:04:14,123 And yet... 107 00:04:14,166 --> 00:04:17,518 I still remember the things you all did that made me mad. 108 00:04:17,561 --> 00:04:19,041 I'm thinking about them right now. 109 00:04:19,084 --> 00:04:21,261 I'm thinking only of those things. 110 00:04:21,304 --> 00:04:23,741 Right, it's like, I'm glad you're all alive, 111 00:04:23,785 --> 00:04:27,745 I just wish my Sims family was alive too, you know? 112 00:04:27,789 --> 00:04:29,225 My Golden Grahams. 113 00:04:29,269 --> 00:04:32,402 I cannot be here with you people! 114 00:04:32,446 --> 00:04:34,709 There's not a single book or magazine 115 00:04:34,752 --> 00:04:38,539 or 4,300-piece limited edition Lego London Tower bridge? 116 00:04:38,582 --> 00:04:41,324 We have to sit around staring at each other? 117 00:04:41,368 --> 00:04:43,370 We don't have to look at each other at all! 118 00:04:43,413 --> 00:04:46,764 There's a TV/VCR combo. 119 00:04:46,808 --> 00:04:47,939 And a tape! 120 00:04:47,983 --> 00:04:49,941 Yessss. Wait, what's on it? 121 00:04:49,985 --> 00:04:52,335 Some episodes of Murphy Brown. 122 00:04:54,337 --> 00:04:57,384 MURPHY BROWN: Oh, this newsmagazine is run by idiots! 123 00:04:57,427 --> 00:05:00,604 - [laugh track] - [applause] 124 00:05:00,648 --> 00:05:02,345 DAD: Whoa, Gold Top Nuts? 125 00:05:02,389 --> 00:05:04,129 I want it to be a nice party. 126 00:05:04,173 --> 00:05:05,827 It is the big game. 127 00:05:05,870 --> 00:05:07,655 - [doorbell rings] - My brother is here! 128 00:05:07,698 --> 00:05:10,222 But he roots for the opposite team! 129 00:05:10,266 --> 00:05:12,355 - My team's gonna win! - [doorbell rings] 130 00:05:12,399 --> 00:05:14,226 Hey, Mom, that's Tiffany. 131 00:05:14,270 --> 00:05:15,793 I invited her over for the big game! 132 00:05:15,837 --> 00:05:17,317 Tiffany's here? 133 00:05:19,188 --> 00:05:20,972 Hi! I brought my boyfriend. 134 00:05:21,016 --> 00:05:22,539 SON: Man! 135 00:05:22,583 --> 00:05:23,975 - [doorbell rings] - Honey, your boss is here! 136 00:05:25,847 --> 00:05:27,239 Sorry to interrupt the big game, 137 00:05:27,283 --> 00:05:29,764 but I came to tell you you're fired. 138 00:05:29,807 --> 00:05:31,809 Oh, and give me that Gold Top. 139 00:05:31,853 --> 00:05:33,768 [cheering] 140 00:05:33,811 --> 00:05:36,248 I had a second can of Gold Top. 141 00:05:38,120 --> 00:05:39,469 ANNOUNCER: Gold Top Nuts. 142 00:05:39,513 --> 00:05:42,080 Give yourself the best. 143 00:05:42,124 --> 00:05:43,778 That's all that's on the tape? 144 00:05:43,821 --> 00:05:45,823 Aaand Murphy. 145 00:05:45,867 --> 00:05:47,347 Cue Murphy. 146 00:05:47,390 --> 00:05:48,435 Where Murphy Brown? 147 00:05:48,478 --> 00:05:50,654 Ughh, we gotta get off this island. 148 00:05:50,698 --> 00:05:52,352 I'm gonna see if I can fix the radio. 149 00:05:52,395 --> 00:05:53,962 That's a dumb idea. 150 00:05:54,005 --> 00:05:55,485 I'll just fix the big light. 151 00:05:55,529 --> 00:05:58,183 I'm gonna write an SOS message on the beach with rocks. 152 00:05:58,227 --> 00:05:59,446 And I'll help. 153 00:05:59,489 --> 00:06:01,317 Ugh. Don't talk to me while we do it. 154 00:06:01,361 --> 00:06:04,886 You don't talk to me first! 155 00:06:06,975 --> 00:06:10,413 [haunting piano music plays] 156 00:06:10,457 --> 00:06:39,703 ♪ 157 00:06:39,747 --> 00:06:43,054 - Hey. - Yeah? 158 00:06:43,098 --> 00:06:44,447 Were you gonna say something? 159 00:06:44,491 --> 00:06:46,188 I, uh, 160 00:06:46,231 --> 00:06:48,408 I don't remember. 161 00:06:48,451 --> 00:06:50,410 Was I gonna say something? 162 00:06:51,411 --> 00:06:53,500 [haunting music continues] 163 00:06:53,543 --> 00:07:15,565 ♪ 164 00:07:23,443 --> 00:07:26,750 - Who are you? - Who am I? 165 00:07:26,794 --> 00:07:28,796 Who are we? 166 00:07:28,839 --> 00:07:30,885 The only question, really... 167 00:07:30,928 --> 00:07:32,800 in addition to all the others. 168 00:07:33,627 --> 00:07:36,151 So none of us knows who we are. 169 00:07:36,194 --> 00:07:37,979 But we are. 170 00:07:38,022 --> 00:07:39,371 We exist. 171 00:07:39,415 --> 00:07:41,939 Agreed. Our existence is unquestionable. 172 00:07:43,027 --> 00:07:47,031 Listen to the sound of my existence upon the ground. 173 00:07:47,075 --> 00:07:49,947 And I know that I am human, that we... 174 00:07:49,991 --> 00:07:51,427 are humans. 175 00:07:51,471 --> 00:07:54,474 But what does it mean to be humans? 176 00:07:54,517 --> 00:07:56,867 I would like to posit something. 177 00:07:56,911 --> 00:07:59,174 There is a lighthouse over there. 178 00:07:59,217 --> 00:08:02,525 If it contains other humans, they might know who we are. 179 00:08:02,569 --> 00:08:04,527 Or why we are. 180 00:08:04,571 --> 00:08:05,702 Sure. 181 00:08:08,009 --> 00:08:10,054 No one is here. 182 00:08:10,098 --> 00:08:11,882 Someone was just here. 183 00:08:11,926 --> 00:08:14,581 They were eating some sort of food. 184 00:08:15,582 --> 00:08:17,105 Mmm. 185 00:08:17,148 --> 00:08:21,805 This is the only, and therefore best food I've ever had. 186 00:08:21,849 --> 00:08:24,155 They were building some sort of device. 187 00:08:24,199 --> 00:08:25,548 - And look at this. - Look at what? 188 00:08:25,592 --> 00:08:27,811 Seems like they go like this. 189 00:08:27,855 --> 00:08:29,334 They're making everything blurry. 190 00:08:29,378 --> 00:08:31,075 That's how everything is to me. 191 00:08:31,119 --> 00:08:33,991 Then now, I am like you. 192 00:08:36,037 --> 00:08:38,518 [waves lapping] 193 00:08:38,561 --> 00:08:40,563 Not much to see. 194 00:08:40,607 --> 00:08:42,260 Where did all the people go? 195 00:08:42,304 --> 00:08:44,045 Look at that! 196 00:08:44,088 --> 00:08:45,916 "H and E." 197 00:08:45,960 --> 00:08:47,744 Who is "he"? 198 00:08:47,788 --> 00:08:50,921 What if someone was interrupted while writing "heaven"? 199 00:08:50,965 --> 00:08:53,533 - Ooh, I like that. - Ahh. 200 00:08:53,576 --> 00:08:54,751 Or "hell." 201 00:08:54,795 --> 00:08:56,797 - Hmm. - Uh-oh. 202 00:08:56,840 --> 00:08:58,450 Or "heggo"? 203 00:08:58,494 --> 00:08:59,626 What is "heggo"? 204 00:08:59,669 --> 00:09:01,366 A third option. 205 00:09:02,977 --> 00:09:04,282 Ugh! 206 00:09:04,326 --> 00:09:06,676 I don't understand what any of this stuff is. 207 00:09:06,720 --> 00:09:09,505 But how are we going to get answers to our questions? 208 00:09:09,549 --> 00:09:10,854 Who are we? 209 00:09:10,898 --> 00:09:12,769 Why are we here? 210 00:09:12,813 --> 00:09:15,206 What does it mean to be human? 211 00:09:15,250 --> 00:09:17,774 I hunger in my despair. 212 00:09:17,818 --> 00:09:20,603 Where is can? 213 00:09:20,647 --> 00:09:21,822 MURPHY BROWN: ...idiots! 214 00:09:21,865 --> 00:09:23,954 [laugh track] 215 00:09:23,998 --> 00:09:26,130 - DAD: Whoa, Gold Top Nuts? - People! 216 00:09:26,174 --> 00:09:27,567 MOM: I want it to be a nice party. 217 00:09:27,610 --> 00:09:29,133 - It is the big game. - [doorbell rings] 218 00:09:29,177 --> 00:09:30,874 MOM: Honey, your boss is here. 219 00:09:30,918 --> 00:09:32,267 Sorry to interrupt the big game, 220 00:09:32,310 --> 00:09:34,617 but I came to tell you you're fired. 221 00:09:34,661 --> 00:09:36,140 This is humanity. 222 00:09:36,184 --> 00:09:37,359 This is culture. 223 00:09:37,402 --> 00:09:38,795 ANNOUNCER: Gold Top Nuts. 224 00:09:38,839 --> 00:09:40,492 Give yourself the best. 225 00:09:42,233 --> 00:09:43,626 Again. 226 00:09:43,670 --> 00:09:46,063 DAD: Whoa, Gold Top Nuts? 227 00:09:46,107 --> 00:09:47,848 MOM: I want it to be a nice party. 228 00:09:47,891 --> 00:09:49,501 - It is the big game. - [doorbell rings] 229 00:09:49,545 --> 00:09:50,590 MOM: My brother is here! 230 00:09:50,633 --> 00:09:51,982 My team's gonna win! 231 00:09:52,026 --> 00:09:53,680 MOM: I had a second can of Gold Top. 232 00:09:53,723 --> 00:09:55,072 - [doorbell rings] - MOM: My brother is here! 233 00:09:55,116 --> 00:09:57,248 But he roots for the opposite team! 234 00:09:57,292 --> 00:09:58,685 [fast forwarding] 235 00:09:58,728 --> 00:09:59,860 SON: Tiffany's here? 236 00:09:59,903 --> 00:10:01,122 Hi! 237 00:10:01,165 --> 00:10:02,645 - I brought my boyfriend. - SON: Man! 238 00:10:02,689 --> 00:10:05,561 Tiffany's boyfriend is something bad. 239 00:10:05,605 --> 00:10:07,563 Gold Top is something good. 240 00:10:07,607 --> 00:10:09,173 - [doorbell rings] - My brother is here! 241 00:10:09,217 --> 00:10:11,262 DAD: But he roots for the opposite team! 242 00:10:11,306 --> 00:10:14,004 ANNOUNCER: Give yourself the best. 243 00:10:15,049 --> 00:10:17,051 They have covered their bodies. 244 00:10:22,578 --> 00:10:24,885 We look just as they now. 245 00:10:25,886 --> 00:10:27,714 ANNOUNCER: Give yourself the best. 246 00:10:27,757 --> 00:10:29,846 Gold Top Nuts. 247 00:10:29,890 --> 00:10:31,065 The best, correct? 248 00:10:31,108 --> 00:10:33,067 They are everything. They are all. 249 00:10:33,110 --> 00:10:34,938 How can we carry on without them? 250 00:10:35,896 --> 00:10:38,942 All we have is the pumpkin pie mix, but... 251 00:10:44,513 --> 00:10:45,775 Gold Top! 252 00:10:45,819 --> 00:10:49,083 Gold Top! Gold Top! Gold Top! 253 00:10:49,126 --> 00:10:52,042 - Gold Top! Gold Top! - Look how human we're being! 254 00:10:52,086 --> 00:10:53,783 Tiffany is a name. 255 00:10:53,827 --> 00:10:55,219 And what a name! 256 00:10:55,263 --> 00:10:57,091 We need names. 257 00:10:57,134 --> 00:10:59,006 My name is Can. 258 00:10:59,049 --> 00:11:02,792 My name is Lighthouse. 259 00:11:02,836 --> 00:11:04,185 My name is Can. 260 00:11:04,228 --> 00:11:05,447 We're doing it! 261 00:11:05,490 --> 00:11:07,231 Gold Top! Gold Top-- 262 00:11:07,275 --> 00:11:08,537 Stop! 263 00:11:08,580 --> 00:11:10,191 Is it Gold Top? 264 00:11:10,234 --> 00:11:12,062 Are these names for people? 265 00:11:12,106 --> 00:11:14,021 Let us turn to the tape! 266 00:11:14,064 --> 00:11:15,718 It is the big game. 267 00:11:15,762 --> 00:11:17,807 The one who puts out the Gold Top first 268 00:11:17,851 --> 00:11:20,418 is always standing, like I am now. 269 00:11:20,462 --> 00:11:21,985 They are called Mom. 270 00:11:22,029 --> 00:11:23,726 I take this name. 271 00:11:23,770 --> 00:11:26,860 The one who is fired, Mom calls it "honey." 272 00:11:26,903 --> 00:11:28,644 I like this sound for myself. 273 00:11:28,688 --> 00:11:30,602 I still like Can. Call me Can. 274 00:11:30,646 --> 00:11:32,300 - Call me... - [doorbell rings] 275 00:11:32,343 --> 00:11:35,042 Murphy Brown. 276 00:11:37,609 --> 00:11:39,699 Hi! I brought my boyfriend. 277 00:11:39,742 --> 00:11:40,830 - Booo! - Hisss! 278 00:11:40,874 --> 00:11:42,527 - [burps] - Ugh. 279 00:11:42,571 --> 00:11:46,357 Your rude belch has entered the room like Tiffany's boyfriend. 280 00:11:46,401 --> 00:11:48,229 MOM: It is the big game. 281 00:11:48,272 --> 00:11:50,318 Can, what is "the big game"? 282 00:11:50,361 --> 00:11:52,799 It came to me in a dream, Mom. 283 00:11:52,842 --> 00:11:54,844 Are you ready to see the big game? 284 00:11:54,888 --> 00:11:56,106 DAUGHTER: Hey, Mom. 285 00:12:01,938 --> 00:12:03,113 Ahh! 286 00:12:03,157 --> 00:12:04,419 [cheering] 287 00:12:04,462 --> 00:12:06,900 Excellent big game, Can. 288 00:12:06,943 --> 00:12:10,338 You know what this fire reminds me of? 289 00:12:10,381 --> 00:12:12,079 The fireplace that you see in the background 290 00:12:12,122 --> 00:12:14,342 when the dreaded Tiffany's boyfriend comes in the door? 291 00:12:14,385 --> 00:12:15,473 Yes! 292 00:12:15,517 --> 00:12:16,866 The light in the sky, 293 00:12:16,910 --> 00:12:18,999 that flashes like the magnificent Gold Top seal, 294 00:12:19,042 --> 00:12:20,304 has gone. 295 00:12:20,348 --> 00:12:22,437 But the small lights... 296 00:12:22,480 --> 00:12:24,526 FRANCINE: I think they can only be one thing. 297 00:12:24,569 --> 00:12:26,484 Other lighthouses. 298 00:12:26,528 --> 00:12:29,531 What about the water that is in every direction? 299 00:12:29,574 --> 00:12:31,794 How could we ever get up to those lighthouses? 300 00:12:31,838 --> 00:12:34,666 Obviously, the world is an inverted, wet bowl, 301 00:12:34,710 --> 00:12:36,364 dotted with lighthouses. 302 00:12:36,407 --> 00:12:37,931 The further out you go, 303 00:12:37,974 --> 00:12:40,498 the higher you climb up the watery walls. 304 00:12:40,542 --> 00:12:43,937 To understand the universe is to control it. 305 00:12:43,980 --> 00:12:46,504 [clears throat] I have written a new story. 306 00:12:46,548 --> 00:12:50,378 Once, there was a dark-haired person whose name was Mom, 307 00:12:50,421 --> 00:12:52,336 and she wanted to make a nice party, 308 00:12:52,380 --> 00:12:54,382 for it was the big game, after all... 309 00:12:54,425 --> 00:12:56,776 [quietly] Another good one from Can. 310 00:12:59,387 --> 00:13:01,650 A beautiful Gold Top day. 311 00:13:01,693 --> 00:13:04,392 [rattling] 312 00:13:04,435 --> 00:13:06,829 [ominous music plays] 313 00:13:06,873 --> 00:13:08,439 - DAD: ...Top Nuts? - MOM: I want it to be a nice... 314 00:13:08,483 --> 00:13:10,528 - Look at this! - MOM: It is the big game. 315 00:13:10,572 --> 00:13:11,834 - Look at this! - [doorbell rings] 316 00:13:11,878 --> 00:13:13,314 MOM: My brother is here. 317 00:13:13,357 --> 00:13:14,532 DAD: But he roots for the opposite team. 318 00:13:16,970 --> 00:13:19,059 Also, look at this! 319 00:13:19,102 --> 00:13:22,192 The pain is a hundred Tiffany's boyfriends! 320 00:13:23,280 --> 00:13:26,936 One thing's clear-- this rock is a very important rock. 321 00:13:26,980 --> 00:13:28,938 Ooh, Gold Top's on! 322 00:13:28,982 --> 00:13:30,157 Sorry to interrupt the big game-- 323 00:13:30,200 --> 00:13:31,767 [sound distorting] 324 00:13:31,811 --> 00:13:33,638 - No! No! - What is happening? 325 00:13:36,772 --> 00:13:39,035 It is gone. 326 00:13:39,079 --> 00:13:40,689 This is a sign. 327 00:13:40,732 --> 00:13:42,778 - It is time to go. - To where? 328 00:13:42,822 --> 00:13:44,867 To the other lighthouses. 329 00:13:44,911 --> 00:13:46,651 Murphy Brown is right. 330 00:13:46,695 --> 00:13:48,262 There must be other lighthouses, 331 00:13:48,305 --> 00:13:50,090 and they must contain other people. 332 00:13:50,133 --> 00:13:53,180 And maybe they don't have our knowledge of Gold Top. 333 00:13:53,223 --> 00:13:54,659 We must teach them. 334 00:13:54,703 --> 00:13:56,705 We must... rule them? 335 00:13:56,748 --> 00:13:57,837 Easy, Can. 336 00:13:57,880 --> 00:13:59,577 It likely won't come to that. 337 00:13:59,621 --> 00:14:00,840 It probably will, though. 338 00:14:03,016 --> 00:14:04,060 It's ready. 339 00:14:04,104 --> 00:14:07,585 To new, identical worlds! 340 00:14:07,629 --> 00:14:11,154 The waters ahead may hold untold bosses 341 00:14:11,198 --> 00:14:13,722 who seek to put us into fire. 342 00:14:13,765 --> 00:14:15,593 But by Tiffany herself, 343 00:14:15,637 --> 00:14:21,251 we will have the second can, and it will be a nice party! 344 00:14:21,295 --> 00:14:22,862 So long, lighthouse. 345 00:14:22,905 --> 00:14:24,428 You've been good to us. 346 00:14:24,472 --> 00:14:27,344 Now, we must ration cans, for it will be a long journey-- 347 00:14:27,388 --> 00:14:28,911 Another lighthouse! 348 00:14:28,955 --> 00:14:31,348 FRANCINE: Told ya! 349 00:14:32,741 --> 00:14:34,612 We bring word of Gold Top! 350 00:14:34,656 --> 00:14:37,485 Kneel before Gold Top, you heathens! 351 00:14:40,314 --> 00:14:42,925 Uh, welcome to the Beacon Diner, 352 00:14:42,969 --> 00:14:46,929 home of the best seafood on the Langley waterfront. 353 00:14:46,973 --> 00:14:48,583 Stan Smith, rewards member. 354 00:14:48,626 --> 00:14:50,933 Need a no-reservation table for... 355 00:14:50,977 --> 00:14:52,935 my family. 356 00:14:52,979 --> 00:14:54,806 Oh, my God. 357 00:14:54,850 --> 00:14:56,634 Oh. Right. 358 00:14:56,678 --> 00:14:58,898 Tiffany's boyfriend, this is embarrassing. 359 00:14:59,986 --> 00:15:02,684 SUZE: It's the fourth hour of Morning Mimosa, 360 00:15:02,727 --> 00:15:04,991 and Trish has fallen asleep in her chair, 361 00:15:05,034 --> 00:15:08,081 so it's time for Liquid Lunch with Suze! 362 00:15:08,124 --> 00:15:11,780 They're the local Langley family that everyone's talking about, 363 00:15:11,823 --> 00:15:13,956 surviving a harrowing plane crash 364 00:15:14,000 --> 00:15:15,958 and ending up on an abandoned island 365 00:15:16,002 --> 00:15:18,961 where magnetic bedrock erased their minds. 366 00:15:19,005 --> 00:15:22,617 What they got up to then has had the whole nation laughing. 367 00:15:22,660 --> 00:15:25,794 My guests today, for their first television interview, 368 00:15:25,837 --> 00:15:30,190 the Smiths, or as they've come to be known, the Nuts family. 369 00:15:30,233 --> 00:15:31,887 One of our conditions in coming here 370 00:15:31,931 --> 00:15:33,628 was that you not use that name! 371 00:15:33,671 --> 00:15:35,456 You survived a plane crash! 372 00:15:35,499 --> 00:15:36,979 - Which is incredible. - [applause] 373 00:15:37,023 --> 00:15:38,154 Thank you. 374 00:15:38,198 --> 00:15:39,721 All the other crash survivors 375 00:15:39,764 --> 00:15:41,462 swam the short distance to shore. 376 00:15:41,505 --> 00:15:45,683 Now, why on Earth did you choose to swim to Magnet Island, 377 00:15:45,727 --> 00:15:47,033 famously shut down for making 378 00:15:47,076 --> 00:15:49,296 all those lighthouse keepers go insane? 379 00:15:49,339 --> 00:15:52,212 We-- We didn't know the island was magnetic, 380 00:15:52,255 --> 00:15:54,301 and we couldn't see anything with all the mist! 381 00:15:54,344 --> 00:15:56,651 Yes, yes, before the island's magnetic properties 382 00:15:56,694 --> 00:15:58,000 were discovered, it was called Misty Island. 383 00:15:58,044 --> 00:16:00,350 - Everyone knows that. - They do? 384 00:16:00,394 --> 00:16:02,700 Let's skip to the ridiculous things 385 00:16:02,744 --> 00:16:04,746 you came to believe on the island. 386 00:16:04,789 --> 00:16:07,618 Well, we couldn't remember what society was, 387 00:16:07,662 --> 00:16:11,013 or who we were, so we tried to figure it out. 388 00:16:11,057 --> 00:16:13,320 By watching what? 389 00:16:13,363 --> 00:16:15,104 This is the best part. 390 00:16:15,148 --> 00:16:17,063 An old commercial for Gold Top Nuts-- 391 00:16:17,106 --> 00:16:20,675 An old commercial for Gold Top Nuts! 392 00:16:20,718 --> 00:16:23,460 [laughter] 393 00:16:23,504 --> 00:16:25,245 It's all we had to go on. 394 00:16:25,288 --> 00:16:27,508 Let's watch the commercial now, and then we'll get into 395 00:16:27,551 --> 00:16:30,728 the frankly hilarious things you took from it. 396 00:16:30,772 --> 00:16:32,252 DAD: Whoa, Gold Top Nuts? 397 00:16:32,295 --> 00:16:34,689 This is great. So funny. 398 00:16:34,732 --> 00:16:36,212 Let's go over your dumb slang, 399 00:16:36,256 --> 00:16:37,692 like the Tiffany's boyfriend stuff, 400 00:16:37,735 --> 00:16:38,867 and then maybe talk about thinking 401 00:16:38,910 --> 00:16:40,434 the sun is a Gold Top seal, 402 00:16:40,477 --> 00:16:41,870 and then maybe the kids can demonstrate 403 00:16:41,913 --> 00:16:44,220 that cuckoo "big game" you made up. 404 00:16:44,264 --> 00:16:45,787 Dad, I don't want to do that. 405 00:16:45,830 --> 00:16:47,397 ANNOUNCER: Give yourself the best. 406 00:16:47,441 --> 00:16:51,227 So you guys watched this commercial and your response 407 00:16:51,271 --> 00:16:53,577 was to start worshipping cashews? 408 00:16:53,621 --> 00:16:55,144 You're making fun of us! 409 00:16:55,188 --> 00:16:57,538 How about you wear your daughter's headband as a diaper, 410 00:16:57,581 --> 00:16:59,844 and we'll feed you some of these for the camera. 411 00:16:59,888 --> 00:17:01,498 Have you had these yet? 412 00:17:01,542 --> 00:17:03,326 None of that stuff matters to us now! 413 00:17:03,370 --> 00:17:04,893 You're being such a brother-in-law, 414 00:17:04,936 --> 00:17:06,547 like you're rooting for the opposite team. 415 00:17:06,590 --> 00:17:09,071 - [gasps] - This interview is over! 416 00:17:09,115 --> 00:17:11,378 [audience laughs, applauds] 417 00:17:11,421 --> 00:17:15,512 Up next, we have a marketing monkey from Pace Picante, 418 00:17:15,556 --> 00:17:18,733 and Tin Cup star Rene Russo is here 419 00:17:18,776 --> 00:17:22,693 to lick their spicy, new salsa off his finger! 420 00:17:22,737 --> 00:17:25,522 That. Was. Horrible. 421 00:17:25,566 --> 00:17:28,264 We are famous for being weirdos! 422 00:17:30,440 --> 00:17:32,399 Hey, Nuts family. 423 00:17:32,442 --> 00:17:34,183 - [tires squeal] - [horns honk] 424 00:17:36,446 --> 00:17:39,536 Hey, looney birds, you like nuts so much, 425 00:17:39,580 --> 00:17:41,408 how 'bout you [bleep] on these! 426 00:17:41,451 --> 00:17:43,410 Do you even have nuts? 427 00:17:43,453 --> 00:17:44,802 How dare you! 428 00:17:44,846 --> 00:17:47,457 [crashing] 429 00:17:47,501 --> 00:17:50,199 That's it. No more TV appearances. 430 00:17:50,243 --> 00:17:51,896 It's time to get back to our lives 431 00:17:51,940 --> 00:17:53,768 and put this nonsense behind us. 432 00:17:53,811 --> 00:17:55,900 But I can't stop thinking about it. 433 00:17:55,944 --> 00:17:58,120 Why did any of it, the plane crash, 434 00:17:58,164 --> 00:18:01,558 the memory wipe, the commercial, why did any of it happen? 435 00:18:01,602 --> 00:18:02,907 That's island talk. 436 00:18:02,951 --> 00:18:05,127 The word "why" is now forbidden. 437 00:18:05,171 --> 00:18:07,086 Why, you ask? Ya don't! 438 00:18:07,129 --> 00:18:08,217 Stan's right. 439 00:18:08,261 --> 00:18:10,132 We have to move on with our lives. 440 00:18:10,176 --> 00:18:12,134 Forget it ever happened. 441 00:18:12,178 --> 00:18:14,267 And no nodding uneasily! 442 00:18:16,834 --> 00:18:18,401 [bubbling] 443 00:18:19,794 --> 00:18:52,305 ♪ 444 00:18:52,348 --> 00:18:55,134 [thud] 445 00:18:55,177 --> 00:18:58,441 I know, I know. I'm making it worse. 446 00:18:58,485 --> 00:19:10,932 ♪ 447 00:19:10,975 --> 00:19:13,935 [haunting piano music] 448 00:19:13,978 --> 00:19:16,155 ♪ 449 00:19:16,198 --> 00:19:17,591 So. 450 00:19:17,634 --> 00:19:19,332 None of us can stop thinking about 451 00:19:19,375 --> 00:19:20,898 what happened on the island. 452 00:19:21,899 --> 00:19:26,208 Steve you asked why, and I think I know now. 453 00:19:26,252 --> 00:19:29,255 Before the island, we were fighting so much. 454 00:19:29,298 --> 00:19:31,213 We thought we couldn't forgive each other 455 00:19:31,257 --> 00:19:33,476 because we couldn't forget. 456 00:19:33,520 --> 00:19:35,957 But it turns out, if you forget, 457 00:19:36,000 --> 00:19:38,873 then there can be no act of forgiveness. 458 00:19:38,916 --> 00:19:42,268 The answer, as much as we've tried to deny it, 459 00:19:42,311 --> 00:19:47,621 as embarrassing and strange as it may be, was on that tape. 460 00:19:47,664 --> 00:19:52,234 If we can't fully forgive and we can't fully forget, 461 00:19:52,278 --> 00:19:57,805 then all we can do is offer each other more kindness. 462 00:19:57,848 --> 00:20:00,895 We have to offer each other... 463 00:20:00,938 --> 00:20:02,679 the best. 464 00:20:02,723 --> 00:20:05,900 How I used to treat all of you. 465 00:20:05,943 --> 00:20:08,163 How I will treat you from now on. 466 00:20:08,207 --> 00:20:18,478 I'll put out the good nuts for you. 467 00:20:18,521 --> 00:20:22,743 ♪ 468 00:20:22,786 --> 00:20:25,876 Gold Top, Gold Top... 469 00:20:25,920 --> 00:20:27,748 [growing louder] Gold Top, Gold-- 470 00:20:27,791 --> 00:20:29,750 ROGER: I'm up in my room, thinking about ice cream, 471 00:20:29,793 --> 00:20:32,100 wanting ice cream, and then I remember we have 472 00:20:32,143 --> 00:20:34,537 that four-year-old Soy Delicious. 473 00:20:34,581 --> 00:20:36,104 Lotta frost on there. 474 00:20:36,147 --> 00:20:39,150 Hey, I'm glad you didn't die on that island or whatever. 475 00:20:41,152 --> 00:20:42,241 Mmm. 476 00:20:43,459 --> 00:20:44,678 Wow. 477 00:20:44,721 --> 00:20:46,854 These are actually incredible. 478 00:20:46,897 --> 00:20:48,421 You should go buy some right now. 479 00:20:48,464 --> 00:20:50,423 ANNOUNCER: This has been a paid advertisement 480 00:20:50,466 --> 00:20:52,120 - for Gold Top Nuts. - WOMAN:♪ Gold Top Nuts♪ 481 00:20:52,163 --> 00:20:54,992 ♪ You deserve the best♪ 482 00:20:56,820 --> 00:20:58,822 Bye! Have a beautiful time!