1 00:00:00,870 --> 00:00:04,395 [up-tempo music plays] 2 00:00:04,439 --> 00:00:07,833 - [glass shatters] - Another Oktoberfest in the books. 3 00:00:07,877 --> 00:00:09,835 Now how're we getting home? 4 00:00:09,879 --> 00:00:12,708 Steve doesn't have a license, I'm hammered, Francine's wasted, 5 00:00:12,751 --> 00:00:14,492 and Hayley's way too drunk to drive. 6 00:00:14,536 --> 00:00:16,668 How can you tell? 7 00:00:16,712 --> 00:00:20,846 Because when you abuse alcohol, I like you more as a person. 8 00:00:20,890 --> 00:00:21,891 I can drive! 9 00:00:21,934 --> 00:00:23,588 I stayed sober all night 10 00:00:23,632 --> 00:00:25,416 just so I could be the designated driver. 11 00:00:27,070 --> 00:00:28,506 What-- What about Jeff? 12 00:00:28,550 --> 00:00:30,943 He can't, remember? 13 00:00:30,987 --> 00:00:33,381 He shattered his legs in the beer stein race. 14 00:00:33,424 --> 00:00:36,079 Oh, God! My legs! 15 00:00:36,123 --> 00:00:37,689 Gross! Get out of here! 16 00:00:37,733 --> 00:00:39,169 Come on, Stan! Throw me the keys! 17 00:00:39,213 --> 00:00:41,171 Absolutely not. 18 00:00:41,215 --> 00:00:44,044 - What's the problem? - I already texted Klaus. 19 00:00:44,087 --> 00:00:46,046 He'll get us home safe. 20 00:00:46,089 --> 00:00:48,787 You guys want Klaus to drive instead of me? 21 00:00:48,831 --> 00:00:51,181 Heck yeah we [burping] doooo. 22 00:00:51,225 --> 00:00:53,096 [clanging] 23 00:00:53,140 --> 00:00:55,403 Klaus in the house! 24 00:00:55,446 --> 00:00:57,927 More like Klaus in the truck! [laughs] 25 00:00:57,970 --> 00:00:59,929 Hop in! 26 00:00:59,972 --> 00:01:02,801 Will you please take me to the ER? 27 00:01:02,845 --> 00:01:04,977 No way. I'm not wasting my buzz 28 00:01:05,021 --> 00:01:07,763 sitting around an emergmancy rohm. 29 00:01:07,806 --> 00:01:10,374 But the hospital's on the way home! 30 00:01:10,418 --> 00:01:12,594 I could've skipped the hospital just as well as Klaus! 31 00:01:12,637 --> 00:01:14,726 - [screams] - Oh, please. 32 00:01:14,770 --> 00:01:16,902 Legs heal, but there's no greater pain 33 00:01:16,946 --> 00:01:19,253 than staying sober all night for nothing. 34 00:01:21,994 --> 00:01:24,562 [patriotic music plays] 35 00:01:24,606 --> 00:01:27,435 ♪ Good morning, U.S.A.♪ 36 00:01:27,478 --> 00:01:31,221 ♪ I got a feelin' that it's gonna be a wonderful day♪ 37 00:01:31,265 --> 00:01:34,485 ♪ The sun in the sky has a smile on his face♪ 38 00:01:34,529 --> 00:01:38,359 ♪ And he's shinin' a salute to the American race♪ 39 00:01:40,491 --> 00:01:43,929 ♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say♪ 40 00:01:43,973 --> 00:01:46,018 -♪ Good--♪ -♪ Good morning, U.S.A.♪ 41 00:01:46,062 --> 00:01:47,150 Aah! 42 00:01:48,717 --> 00:01:51,807 ♪ Good morning, U.S.A.♪ 43 00:01:54,679 --> 00:01:58,161 I can't believe none of you would let me drive last night. 44 00:01:58,205 --> 00:02:00,468 I was so upset I had to journal about it, 45 00:02:00,511 --> 00:02:02,252 and that's when I realized none of you 46 00:02:02,296 --> 00:02:04,124 have gotten in a car with me for the past six months! 47 00:02:04,167 --> 00:02:05,429 Why not? 48 00:02:05,473 --> 00:02:06,996 Okay, I'm just gonna say it. 49 00:02:07,039 --> 00:02:08,432 You're the worst driver in the world. 50 00:02:08,476 --> 00:02:10,347 Hayley, please. 51 00:02:10,391 --> 00:02:12,001 You know how much I love pointing out Roger's flaws, 52 00:02:12,044 --> 00:02:14,003 but it's best we leave this to a professional. 53 00:02:14,046 --> 00:02:15,483 That's why I scheduled an appointment 54 00:02:15,526 --> 00:02:17,137 with our insurance adjustor. 55 00:02:17,180 --> 00:02:19,617 You think I need my insurance adjusted? 56 00:02:19,661 --> 00:02:22,272 Well, I think you need your attitude adjusted! 57 00:02:22,316 --> 00:02:23,360 [sobbing] 58 00:02:28,017 --> 00:02:31,281 TOGETHER: Insurance adjustor Heinrich Brown?! 59 00:02:31,325 --> 00:02:33,979 Please, come in. I'll make some room for you. 60 00:02:34,023 --> 00:02:36,156 - [crash] - JEFF: Oh, God! My arms! 61 00:02:36,199 --> 00:02:38,158 Thank you, Stan. 62 00:02:38,201 --> 00:02:39,985 I'm here to explain the reasons Uncle Roger is a threat 63 00:02:40,029 --> 00:02:42,988 to everything I hold dear as an insurance adjustor. 64 00:02:43,032 --> 00:02:46,209 To do so, I'll be using a form of street poetry 65 00:02:46,253 --> 00:02:48,168 colloquially known as "rap." 66 00:02:48,211 --> 00:02:49,821 [rap music plays] 67 00:02:49,865 --> 00:02:51,910 [rapping] ♪ Get up, unh, unh♪ 68 00:02:51,954 --> 00:02:53,825 ♪ My name is Heinrich Brown and I'm here to say♪ 69 00:02:53,869 --> 00:02:56,306 ♪ Uncle Roger drives in a terrible way♪ 70 00:02:56,350 --> 00:02:59,701 ♪ Behind the wheel, he's negligent♪ 71 00:02:59,744 --> 00:03:02,225 I'm sorry, I just... can't. 72 00:03:02,269 --> 00:03:03,139 [record scratches] 73 00:03:05,054 --> 00:03:07,317 This hardened exterior is a lie. 74 00:03:07,361 --> 00:03:09,493 I only pretend to be tough because working in insurance 75 00:03:09,537 --> 00:03:11,234 requires a lot of machismo. 76 00:03:11,278 --> 00:03:13,497 But I need to be honest with myself. 77 00:03:13,541 --> 00:03:14,759 I don't want to rap. 78 00:03:14,803 --> 00:03:16,370 I want to... 79 00:03:16,413 --> 00:03:19,416 ♪ Sing♪ 80 00:03:19,460 --> 00:03:20,504 [R&B music plays] 81 00:03:20,548 --> 00:03:23,681 Uncle Roger, frankly, 82 00:03:23,725 --> 00:03:27,903 there should be a hall of fame for all your accidents. 83 00:03:27,946 --> 00:03:32,124 I heard they were building one and you drove right through it. 84 00:03:32,168 --> 00:03:34,910 I guess the only thing left to say is... 85 00:03:34,953 --> 00:03:37,608 All right, here we go! Full singing! 86 00:03:37,652 --> 00:03:40,263 ♪ Roger, you know♪ 87 00:03:40,307 --> 00:03:44,920 ♪ That you don't belong on the road♪ 88 00:03:44,963 --> 00:03:49,707 ♪ But you can't let go♪ 89 00:03:49,751 --> 00:03:52,362 ♪ It's so apropos♪ 90 00:03:52,406 --> 00:03:54,712 ♪ That we're increasing♪ 91 00:03:54,756 --> 00:03:57,280 ♪ Your deductible♪ 92 00:03:57,324 --> 00:03:59,456 I told you I saw a bunch of people in the basement. 93 00:03:59,500 --> 00:04:01,632 I still don't believe you. 94 00:04:01,676 --> 00:04:06,724 ♪ No, you don't belong on the road♪ 95 00:04:06,768 --> 00:04:11,599 ♪ But you can't let go♪ 96 00:04:11,642 --> 00:04:13,992 ♪ Every single day♪ 97 00:04:14,036 --> 00:04:16,386 ♪ You cause Stan to crash♪ 98 00:04:16,430 --> 00:04:21,261 ♪ Into a flagpoooooole♪ 99 00:04:21,304 --> 00:04:23,437 ♪ Oh, he is crashing♪ 100 00:04:24,786 --> 00:04:28,398 ♪ He's going down, down, down♪ 101 00:04:28,442 --> 00:04:31,923 ♪ Roger, you know that you don't belong on the road♪ 102 00:04:31,967 --> 00:04:35,623 ♪ Somehow he walks away every time♪ 103 00:04:35,666 --> 00:04:39,322 ♪ But you can't let go♪ 104 00:04:39,366 --> 00:04:42,020 This song hurts my feelings, which sucks, 105 00:04:42,064 --> 00:04:44,109 because its already stuck in my head. 106 00:04:44,153 --> 00:04:47,591 What a fabulous concert. Is this free? 107 00:04:47,635 --> 00:04:49,506 It feels free because it's bundled 108 00:04:49,550 --> 00:04:51,334 with your insurance plan. 109 00:04:51,378 --> 00:04:53,162 Free! Free! Free! 110 00:04:53,684 --> 00:04:55,947 ♪ 111 00:04:55,991 --> 00:04:58,298 ROGER: Dear Journal, I hope I can trust you 112 00:04:58,341 --> 00:05:01,605 in the way no one trusts me, which is a lot! 113 00:05:01,649 --> 00:05:04,608 I'm still upset no one in this family will let me drive. 114 00:05:04,652 --> 00:05:06,784 Roger, I know this is a great chance for a joke, 115 00:05:06,828 --> 00:05:08,830 but I want to get straight to it-- 116 00:05:08,873 --> 00:05:11,441 I'm willing to give you driving lessons. 117 00:05:11,485 --> 00:05:12,877 Hmm. 118 00:05:12,921 --> 00:05:15,358 I guess I'd get to drive your sick truck. 119 00:05:15,402 --> 00:05:18,796 Yes. But you have to be extremely careful. 120 00:05:18,840 --> 00:05:21,146 My truck is a highly specific shade of orange 121 00:05:21,190 --> 00:05:23,975 that's been proven to cause epileptic seizures, 122 00:05:24,019 --> 00:05:26,369 so they don't make parts for it anymore. 123 00:05:26,413 --> 00:05:28,850 If you're going to earn the family's trust back, 124 00:05:28,893 --> 00:05:30,808 you're going to have to show them you can focus 125 00:05:30,852 --> 00:05:32,157 - while you're driving-- - Hey, look! 126 00:05:32,201 --> 00:05:33,724 A sign! 127 00:05:33,768 --> 00:05:35,335 He's still allowed to adopt?! 128 00:05:35,378 --> 00:05:36,988 [laughs] 129 00:05:37,032 --> 00:05:38,033 Roger, goddammit, watch the road! 130 00:05:38,076 --> 00:05:39,817 I can laugh and watch the-- 131 00:05:39,861 --> 00:05:40,905 [gasps] 132 00:05:40,949 --> 00:05:42,559 Whee! 133 00:05:44,779 --> 00:05:47,521 You crashed my perfect truck into that hideous Tesla! 134 00:05:47,564 --> 00:05:49,392 Hmm... Tesla... 135 00:05:49,436 --> 00:05:51,394 You better have good insurance, pal. 136 00:05:51,438 --> 00:05:53,178 Oh, God, the orange of your truck 137 00:05:53,222 --> 00:05:55,006 is so highly spec-- 138 00:05:55,050 --> 00:05:59,097 [sputtering] 139 00:05:59,141 --> 00:06:02,231 Tesla... 140 00:06:02,274 --> 00:06:04,842 ♪ 141 00:06:04,886 --> 00:06:07,367 Roger, why did you invite us to SoSo's? 142 00:06:07,410 --> 00:06:09,412 Yeah, this place sucks. 143 00:06:09,456 --> 00:06:12,850 It smells like cheap marinara and unpaid child support. 144 00:06:12,894 --> 00:06:14,374 And the food... 145 00:06:14,417 --> 00:06:15,897 it tastes... 146 00:06:15,940 --> 00:06:17,681 I wanna say... 147 00:06:17,725 --> 00:06:18,856 bad? 148 00:06:18,900 --> 00:06:20,118 Okay, you guys need to stop 149 00:06:20,162 --> 00:06:21,903 shitting on SoSo's. 150 00:06:21,946 --> 00:06:23,121 All right? This is a perfectly fine restaurant 151 00:06:23,165 --> 00:06:24,514 for families on a budget. 152 00:06:24,558 --> 00:06:25,907 Then why don't you eat some? 153 00:06:25,950 --> 00:06:28,300 What?! No! I don't wanna die! 154 00:06:28,344 --> 00:06:31,216 Speaking of not dying, I am finally willing to accept 155 00:06:31,260 --> 00:06:33,088 that none of you want me to drive. 156 00:06:33,131 --> 00:06:34,698 Thank you, Roger. 157 00:06:34,742 --> 00:06:36,439 We appreciate you respecting our wishes. 158 00:06:36,483 --> 00:06:38,049 Sorry, you didn't let me finish. 159 00:06:38,093 --> 00:06:39,703 I'm willing to accept that none of you 160 00:06:39,747 --> 00:06:42,489 want me to drive on Earth! 161 00:06:44,447 --> 00:06:46,667 [engine humming] 162 00:06:48,320 --> 00:06:50,061 [screams] 163 00:06:50,105 --> 00:06:51,323 [all gasp] 164 00:06:55,327 --> 00:06:57,852 [screaming] 165 00:07:05,947 --> 00:07:08,906 Wow! I've heard about five-star dining, 166 00:07:08,950 --> 00:07:10,560 but this is ridiculous! 167 00:07:10,604 --> 00:07:13,258 Looks like at SoSo's, it's not just the savings 168 00:07:13,302 --> 00:07:14,825 that are out of this world! 169 00:07:14,869 --> 00:07:16,784 No, no, I should take this seriously. 170 00:07:16,827 --> 00:07:20,440 After all, there's a certain gravity to this situation! 171 00:07:20,483 --> 00:07:22,311 We have fun. 172 00:07:25,053 --> 00:07:27,185 Roger, what the hell is going on?! 173 00:07:27,229 --> 00:07:28,752 That's a fair question. 174 00:07:28,796 --> 00:07:31,755 See, SoSo's Pizzas are alien spaceships 175 00:07:31,799 --> 00:07:32,930 placed throughout America 176 00:07:32,974 --> 00:07:34,758 in preparation for The Reckoning, 177 00:07:34,802 --> 00:07:38,283 which is when an obscure alien race will destroy humanity 178 00:07:38,327 --> 00:07:40,155 if they ever stop making Law & Order: SVU. 179 00:07:41,678 --> 00:07:43,941 [dramatic sting] 180 00:07:43,985 --> 00:07:46,683 Everyone and their grandma knows about The Reckoning. 181 00:07:46,727 --> 00:07:50,295 We wanna know what's going on with us being in space! 182 00:07:50,339 --> 00:07:52,820 Well, earlier, through no fault of my own, 183 00:07:52,863 --> 00:07:55,300 I crashed Klaus's truck into a Tesla. 184 00:07:55,344 --> 00:07:58,303 That's when I remembered Tesla put a car in space. 185 00:07:58,347 --> 00:08:00,610 And now that's where we are. Space! 186 00:08:00,654 --> 00:08:02,307 But why?! 187 00:08:02,351 --> 00:08:04,788 Because driving in space is way harder 188 00:08:04,832 --> 00:08:06,224 than driving on land. 189 00:08:06,268 --> 00:08:08,531 Up here, even the slightest mistake 190 00:08:08,575 --> 00:08:09,619 will get us all killed. 191 00:08:09,663 --> 00:08:11,316 So if I can do this, 192 00:08:11,360 --> 00:08:13,014 you'll have no choice but to trust me 193 00:08:13,057 --> 00:08:14,842 behind the wheel of a car. 194 00:08:14,885 --> 00:08:17,714 That's your plan to get us to trust you?! 195 00:08:17,758 --> 00:08:19,324 Yup. It was this 196 00:08:19,368 --> 00:08:21,065 or completely changing my personality 197 00:08:21,109 --> 00:08:23,633 and earning it over the next 5 to 10 years. 198 00:08:23,677 --> 00:08:26,636 So you can see how space makes a lot more sense for me. 199 00:08:26,680 --> 00:08:31,815 ♪ 200 00:08:31,859 --> 00:08:34,644 I've got news! The local SoSo's Pizza 201 00:08:34,688 --> 00:08:36,385 was obliterated in what people 202 00:08:36,428 --> 00:08:37,821 who might not even have been there 203 00:08:37,865 --> 00:08:40,171 are calling a freak gas explosion. 204 00:08:40,215 --> 00:08:41,651 No! 205 00:08:41,695 --> 00:08:45,046 My babe and babe-in-laws were at that SoSo's! 206 00:08:45,089 --> 00:08:47,048 [wailing] 207 00:08:47,091 --> 00:08:50,007 You lost your wife, I lost my truck. 208 00:08:50,051 --> 00:08:51,879 Could today get any worse? 209 00:08:51,922 --> 00:08:54,577 Hey, fish! I heard about your dead family 210 00:08:54,621 --> 00:08:57,362 and totaled car. I'm sorry you're feeling down, 211 00:08:57,406 --> 00:08:58,886 but your premiums are going up! 212 00:09:00,409 --> 00:09:02,759 [both sobbing] 213 00:09:05,283 --> 00:09:07,677 Okay, gonna keep it real simple. 214 00:09:07,721 --> 00:09:10,550 Just a few quick maneuvers, then it's right back to Earth. 215 00:09:12,247 --> 00:09:13,770 [beeping] 216 00:09:20,429 --> 00:09:21,561 Ta-dah! 217 00:09:21,604 --> 00:09:23,345 Watch out! Tesla! 218 00:09:26,783 --> 00:09:28,872 Did you just get into a car accident... 219 00:09:28,916 --> 00:09:30,570 in space? 220 00:09:30,613 --> 00:09:32,876 And is it just me, 221 00:09:32,920 --> 00:09:34,269 or are we drifting further and further 222 00:09:34,312 --> 00:09:36,010 from our sweet Mother Gaia? 223 00:09:38,142 --> 00:09:40,275 Not to worry, this is a perfect excuse 224 00:09:40,318 --> 00:09:42,277 to show off my most impressive 225 00:09:42,320 --> 00:09:44,584 and unnecessary space maneuver. 226 00:09:44,627 --> 00:09:47,499 It's called a Planetary Slingshot, 227 00:09:47,543 --> 00:09:50,067 - and it's when-- - You use the gravitational pull 228 00:09:50,111 --> 00:09:52,896 of a planet to accelerate, or "slingshot", 229 00:09:52,940 --> 00:09:55,333 your spacecraft towards your destination. 230 00:09:55,377 --> 00:09:57,118 The math checks out. 231 00:09:57,161 --> 00:10:00,425 FYI, you absolutely cannot look at the sun. 232 00:10:00,469 --> 00:10:02,427 Looking directly into the sun at this proximity 233 00:10:02,471 --> 00:10:04,168 causes Sun Madness. 234 00:10:04,212 --> 00:10:05,735 - Francine? - That's right. 235 00:10:05,779 --> 00:10:07,607 And once you go Sun Mad, 236 00:10:07,650 --> 00:10:11,523 you'll become so infatuated by that big ball of gas 237 00:10:11,567 --> 00:10:14,526 that you'll do anything to burn up inside her. 238 00:10:14,570 --> 00:10:16,485 Including foreplay. 239 00:10:21,664 --> 00:10:23,274 Take us home, Venus! 240 00:10:23,318 --> 00:10:25,450 [all screaming] 241 00:10:25,494 --> 00:10:27,627 Screwed the pooch on that one. 242 00:10:27,670 --> 00:10:29,629 But if at first you don't succeed! 243 00:10:29,672 --> 00:10:31,413 Come onnnnn, Mercury! 244 00:10:32,719 --> 00:10:34,503 [all screaming] 245 00:10:35,591 --> 00:10:37,506 Welp, third time's the charm. 246 00:10:37,549 --> 00:10:40,117 But there's only two planets between Earth and the sun! 247 00:10:40,161 --> 00:10:41,641 Nuh-uh! What about that one? 248 00:10:41,684 --> 00:10:43,643 STAN: That's no planet. 249 00:10:43,686 --> 00:10:46,384 It's a pepperoni! 250 00:10:46,428 --> 00:10:49,692 Bad. So bad. 251 00:10:49,736 --> 00:10:52,782 No big deal. I can turn around and fly home without a problem. 252 00:10:52,826 --> 00:10:54,479 - [chiming] - With one problem. 253 00:10:54,523 --> 00:10:56,046 We're running low on fuel. 254 00:10:56,090 --> 00:10:57,961 But we can still get back, right? 255 00:10:58,005 --> 00:10:59,789 Oh, please let me do the math. 256 00:10:59,833 --> 00:11:02,183 It's like I'm living in my own word problem. 257 00:11:02,226 --> 00:11:05,012 Let's see... ship of this size... 258 00:11:05,055 --> 00:11:06,840 account for the distance... 259 00:11:06,883 --> 00:11:08,668 Good news, family! 260 00:11:08,711 --> 00:11:10,365 If we continue at this speed, 261 00:11:10,408 --> 00:11:12,889 we should have enough fuel to get home in... 262 00:11:12,933 --> 00:11:14,848 seven years?! 263 00:11:14,891 --> 00:11:16,327 What the hell, Roger? 264 00:11:16,371 --> 00:11:17,981 Your driving has ruined our lives! 265 00:11:18,025 --> 00:11:19,591 All you've proven is that we were right 266 00:11:19,635 --> 00:11:21,158 not to trust you behind the wheel. 267 00:11:21,202 --> 00:11:23,508 Maybe we shouldn't trust you at all. 268 00:11:23,552 --> 00:11:26,163 Fine! I'm gonna go journal, and you better believe 269 00:11:26,207 --> 00:11:28,513 this next entry will be scathing! 270 00:11:28,557 --> 00:11:30,907 [sobbing] 271 00:11:30,951 --> 00:11:32,822 JEFF: Oh, God. 272 00:11:32,866 --> 00:11:36,086 I would do anything to not feel this sad. 273 00:11:36,130 --> 00:11:40,395 Well, research shows, and I don't want to do this, 274 00:11:40,438 --> 00:11:42,353 but when two grief-stricken adults 275 00:11:42,397 --> 00:11:44,573 lose everything but each other, 276 00:11:44,616 --> 00:11:47,707 they heal their pain through boinking. 277 00:11:47,750 --> 00:11:52,189 That's just science, ergo my scientific term "boinking" 278 00:11:52,233 --> 00:11:56,716 instead of, you know, sex. 279 00:11:56,759 --> 00:12:00,023 Uh... No offense, Mr. Klaus, 280 00:12:00,067 --> 00:12:03,070 but I really don't wanna get on the train 281 00:12:03,113 --> 00:12:04,593 to Boinksville with you. 282 00:12:04,636 --> 00:12:06,203 Me neither. 283 00:12:06,247 --> 00:12:08,423 Let's hold out as long as we can. 284 00:12:10,294 --> 00:12:15,604 I spy with my little eye something that is-- 285 00:12:15,647 --> 00:12:17,475 I know! Is it a star?! 286 00:12:17,519 --> 00:12:19,434 This is gonna be a long seven years. 287 00:12:19,477 --> 00:12:23,394 It's like a star, but it's more like a pizzeria 288 00:12:23,438 --> 00:12:24,787 and it's headed straight toward us. 289 00:12:24,831 --> 00:12:33,491 ♪ 290 00:12:33,535 --> 00:12:35,276 ROGER: It's docking. 291 00:12:35,319 --> 00:12:39,149 Someone, or some thing, is trying to come aboard. 292 00:12:40,629 --> 00:12:42,805 [hissing] 293 00:12:42,849 --> 00:12:44,938 [beeping, buzzer] 294 00:12:48,942 --> 00:12:50,682 Hey, gang! It's me, Roger! 295 00:12:50,726 --> 00:12:52,684 No, I'm Roger. 296 00:12:52,728 --> 00:12:54,338 We're both Roger! 297 00:12:54,382 --> 00:12:56,514 Only difference is... I'm from the future. 298 00:12:56,558 --> 00:12:58,168 [all gasp] 299 00:12:58,212 --> 00:13:00,910 And my space tan makes me a teensy bit sexier. 300 00:13:00,954 --> 00:13:02,172 [gasps] 301 00:13:04,827 --> 00:13:07,787 So you're me, but from the future? 302 00:13:07,830 --> 00:13:10,267 Aww. Hard to believe I was ever that naive. 303 00:13:10,311 --> 00:13:12,617 But yes, you little cherub, I am. 304 00:13:12,661 --> 00:13:13,836 How far into the future? 305 00:13:13,880 --> 00:13:17,100 Three. Whole. Days. 306 00:13:17,144 --> 00:13:20,277 That's not far, but still unusual. 307 00:13:20,321 --> 00:13:21,844 How did you travel back to us? 308 00:13:21,888 --> 00:13:23,454 I popped through a little wormhole. 309 00:13:23,498 --> 00:13:24,673 That's impossible. 310 00:13:24,716 --> 00:13:26,022 If you suck at driving it is. 311 00:13:26,066 --> 00:13:28,024 Ha! He got you, Roger! 312 00:13:28,068 --> 00:13:30,635 Hey, um... Where's the future us? 313 00:13:30,679 --> 00:13:33,290 They died a couple days ago. 314 00:13:33,334 --> 00:13:34,988 I'm still a little sad about it. 315 00:13:35,031 --> 00:13:36,859 Aw, that's terrible. Please let us know-- 316 00:13:36,903 --> 00:13:38,730 Wait a minute! Do you mean us? 317 00:13:38,774 --> 00:13:40,820 That's what I came back to warn you about. 318 00:13:40,863 --> 00:13:42,473 If you stick with your plan 319 00:13:42,517 --> 00:13:44,824 to get back to Earth the slow way, you die. 320 00:13:44,867 --> 00:13:46,042 - [both gasp] - BOTH: Eep! 321 00:13:46,086 --> 00:13:48,305 Your only chance of getting home 322 00:13:48,349 --> 00:13:50,394 is to slingshot the sun. 323 00:13:50,438 --> 00:13:52,832 Slingshotting? Sounds promising. 324 00:13:52,875 --> 00:13:54,703 You're just gonna trust this guy? 325 00:13:54,746 --> 00:13:57,314 Look, young blood, you're the one who got us in this mess. 326 00:13:57,358 --> 00:13:58,576 I'm trying to get us out of it. 327 00:13:58,620 --> 00:14:00,404 That settles it. 328 00:14:00,448 --> 00:14:02,711 Future Roger's gonna slingshot us around the sun. 329 00:14:02,754 --> 00:14:05,714 Great! I like Future Roger. 330 00:14:05,757 --> 00:14:07,324 He's got a weathered look 331 00:14:07,368 --> 00:14:10,675 that gives me "wise cowboy" vibes. 332 00:14:10,719 --> 00:14:12,721 Mighty kind of you, little lady. 333 00:14:12,764 --> 00:14:14,984 It feels great to have everyone's trust. 334 00:14:15,028 --> 00:14:16,725 You'll just have to trust me on that. 335 00:14:16,768 --> 00:14:18,335 Want your diary, buddy? 336 00:14:18,379 --> 00:14:20,424 It's not a diary, it's a journal! 337 00:14:20,468 --> 00:14:21,991 Like an explorer has! 338 00:14:22,035 --> 00:14:24,080 I'm exploring my inner thoughts! 339 00:14:24,124 --> 00:14:25,908 [sobbing] Ah! 340 00:14:30,217 --> 00:14:34,351 Wait a second, this entry is dated three days from now. 341 00:14:34,395 --> 00:14:36,701 This is Future Me's journal! 342 00:14:36,745 --> 00:14:39,617 FUTURE ROGER: Dear Journal, some good news for a change. 343 00:14:39,661 --> 00:14:42,620 I've fallen in love, and you'll never guess who with! 344 00:14:42,664 --> 00:14:47,234 Her name is The Sun, and I long to die inside her. 345 00:14:47,277 --> 00:14:50,890 Alas, my family doesn't understand my love. 346 00:14:50,933 --> 00:14:52,804 By the time we settled our differences, 347 00:14:52,848 --> 00:14:54,589 we'd been flying in circles so long 348 00:14:54,632 --> 00:14:57,940 that the ship was almost completely out of fuel. 349 00:14:57,984 --> 00:15:00,029 But if my calculations are correct, 350 00:15:00,073 --> 00:15:02,902 I should have just enough fuel to get to a nearby wormhole 351 00:15:02,945 --> 00:15:04,904 and travel back in time. 352 00:15:04,947 --> 00:15:07,297 Then, I'll be able to take the Past Smiths' ship 353 00:15:07,341 --> 00:15:08,864 and fly us all right into the sun! 354 00:15:10,953 --> 00:15:12,563 Holy crap! 355 00:15:12,607 --> 00:15:15,305 Future Me's gone totally Sun Mad! 356 00:15:15,349 --> 00:15:17,917 And now the only one who can stop me is Now Me! 357 00:15:20,615 --> 00:15:22,312 Soon, my sweet. 358 00:15:22,356 --> 00:15:24,575 Soon. 359 00:15:24,619 --> 00:15:26,838 Hey, there, whippersnapper. Whatcha been up to? 360 00:15:26,882 --> 00:15:28,405 Oh, nothing. 361 00:15:28,449 --> 00:15:30,625 Just catching up on some light reading. 362 00:15:30,668 --> 00:15:32,670 My journal! 363 00:15:32,714 --> 00:15:35,064 I suppose that means you know the sun and I are lovers. 364 00:15:35,108 --> 00:15:36,674 That ol' flooze? 365 00:15:36,718 --> 00:15:38,676 Buddy of mine raw dogged her in Cancún. 366 00:15:38,720 --> 00:15:40,940 Said he caught a wicked case of melanoma. 367 00:15:40,983 --> 00:15:42,593 Oh, sure. Slut shame the sun. 368 00:15:42,637 --> 00:15:44,160 Real mature. 369 00:15:44,204 --> 00:15:45,770 And so what? We all have a past. 370 00:15:45,814 --> 00:15:47,511 Oh, a past? 371 00:15:47,555 --> 00:15:49,078 Is that why she still wakes up every morning 372 00:15:49,122 --> 00:15:51,124 and gives it to an entire hemisphere? 373 00:15:51,167 --> 00:15:52,995 [gasps] Take that back! 374 00:15:53,039 --> 00:15:54,083 [both grunting] 375 00:15:54,127 --> 00:15:55,171 Aah! 376 00:15:55,215 --> 00:15:57,043 [beeping, buzzer] 377 00:16:00,655 --> 00:16:03,005 Oh, shitballs. 378 00:16:04,659 --> 00:16:06,269 Rogers! What's going on here? 379 00:16:06,313 --> 00:16:08,793 Oh, Stan, it was awful! 380 00:16:08,837 --> 00:16:10,491 I was preparing for our slingshot 381 00:16:10,534 --> 00:16:13,885 when he detached my ship and threw my journal into space! 382 00:16:13,929 --> 00:16:15,496 Roger, how could you? 383 00:16:15,539 --> 00:16:17,846 You know how important that journal is to yourself. 384 00:16:17,889 --> 00:16:20,022 It was him! He's trying to kill us! 385 00:16:20,066 --> 00:16:22,459 He has Sun Madness! You gotta believe me! 386 00:16:22,503 --> 00:16:23,634 No, I don't. 387 00:16:23,678 --> 00:16:25,549 If I couldn't trust you before, 388 00:16:25,593 --> 00:16:27,812 there's certainly no reason for me to trust you now. 389 00:16:27,856 --> 00:16:30,163 Come on, Future Roger. Let's get you out of here. 390 00:16:30,206 --> 00:16:31,642 It's all a ruse! 391 00:16:31,686 --> 00:16:33,470 He's selfish and manipulative 392 00:16:33,514 --> 00:16:35,211 and he cares more about getting what he wants 393 00:16:35,255 --> 00:16:39,041 than he does about this family's safety and-- ohhhhhh. 394 00:16:39,085 --> 00:16:41,739 This is what it's like for the family all the time. 395 00:16:41,783 --> 00:16:43,306 I get it now. 396 00:16:43,350 --> 00:16:46,353 Wow, when will I stop growing? 397 00:16:53,273 --> 00:16:56,406 Roger. 398 00:16:56,450 --> 00:16:58,887 I took the liberty of upgrading your seatbelts. 399 00:17:01,759 --> 00:17:04,327 - Good looking out. - We can always count on you. 400 00:17:04,371 --> 00:17:06,025 Now that you're restrained, 401 00:17:06,068 --> 00:17:08,027 I should probably mention that I have Sun Madness. 402 00:17:09,202 --> 00:17:11,160 Completely addicted to the sun. 403 00:17:11,204 --> 00:17:13,597 But don't worry, I'm working through a twelve-step program, 404 00:17:13,641 --> 00:17:15,860 and the first step is admitting I have a problem. 405 00:17:15,904 --> 00:17:17,079 The second step? 406 00:17:17,123 --> 00:17:19,603 Flying directly into the sun! 407 00:17:19,647 --> 00:17:20,996 [laughs evilly] 408 00:17:23,738 --> 00:17:25,174 Why isn't it working? 409 00:17:25,218 --> 00:17:27,394 I knew you'd try something like this, 410 00:17:27,437 --> 00:17:30,223 which is why I sabotaged your accelerator. 411 00:17:30,266 --> 00:17:33,182 It's also why I rewired the emergency eject button 412 00:17:33,226 --> 00:17:35,054 to be over here. 413 00:17:35,097 --> 00:17:36,925 Goodbye, Roger. 414 00:17:38,144 --> 00:17:40,059 I'm three days older than you. 415 00:17:40,102 --> 00:17:41,756 You think I didn't see this coming? 416 00:17:41,799 --> 00:17:43,714 I knew you'd try to sabotage me, 417 00:17:43,758 --> 00:17:46,674 which is why I put the real eject button over here! 418 00:17:48,415 --> 00:17:50,460 You must be getting slow in your old age, 419 00:17:50,504 --> 00:17:53,246 because I knew you'd know that I'd deceive you, 420 00:17:53,289 --> 00:17:55,683 which is why I put the real eject button over here! 421 00:17:57,424 --> 00:18:00,296 You didn't think I'd know you knew I knew you'd know? 422 00:18:00,340 --> 00:18:02,298 The real eject button is over here! 423 00:18:05,345 --> 00:18:07,216 Would you kill each other already?! 424 00:18:07,260 --> 00:18:08,739 You're a worthy opponent, 425 00:18:08,783 --> 00:18:10,741 but there's one thing you didn't count on. 426 00:18:10,785 --> 00:18:12,003 The truth! 427 00:18:12,047 --> 00:18:13,744 That's right, this whole time 428 00:18:13,788 --> 00:18:16,225 the real emergency eject button has been... 429 00:18:16,269 --> 00:18:18,097 the emergency eject button! 430 00:18:19,837 --> 00:18:22,666 Well played, but it's not over yet. 431 00:18:22,710 --> 00:18:25,713 Good luck trying to push a button without any hands! 432 00:18:27,628 --> 00:18:29,151 [gasps] 433 00:18:29,195 --> 00:18:32,589 You jagoffs got confused by the temporal paradox. 434 00:18:32,633 --> 00:18:36,419 You're future him, so when you cut off your hands-- 435 00:18:36,463 --> 00:18:38,769 I'm only cutting off my own hands! 436 00:18:38,813 --> 00:18:41,990 Which gives me the upper hand. 437 00:18:43,644 --> 00:18:46,821 Aaaaah! 438 00:18:48,649 --> 00:18:50,520 Joke's on you. 439 00:18:50,564 --> 00:18:53,958 I'm headed right into the fiery arms of my beloved! 440 00:18:54,002 --> 00:18:56,265 Aah! 441 00:18:56,309 --> 00:18:57,440 Noooooo! 442 00:18:57,484 --> 00:19:00,008 I'm stuck in perfect orbit! 443 00:19:00,051 --> 00:19:02,141 But if I can't be inside you, 444 00:19:02,184 --> 00:19:05,274 at least I can pleasure myself to your presence. 445 00:19:05,318 --> 00:19:08,016 Oh, God! No hands! 446 00:19:08,059 --> 00:19:12,063 Roger, you saved us from yourself. 447 00:19:12,107 --> 00:19:14,805 Maybe, but if I want you to trust me, 448 00:19:14,849 --> 00:19:16,285 I have to be honest with you. 449 00:19:16,329 --> 00:19:19,332 And the big truth is, I can't drive. 450 00:19:20,507 --> 00:19:22,030 [creaking] 451 00:19:25,207 --> 00:19:28,341 We've entered the sun's gravitational field! 452 00:19:28,384 --> 00:19:30,865 Our only way out is to pull off a slingshot! 453 00:19:30,908 --> 00:19:32,736 What do you say, Roger? 454 00:19:32,780 --> 00:19:34,999 Can we trust you with our lives twice in one hour? 455 00:19:35,043 --> 00:19:36,044 I don't know... 456 00:19:36,087 --> 00:19:37,741 You can do this, Roger! 457 00:19:37,785 --> 00:19:39,743 We believe in you! 458 00:19:39,787 --> 00:19:41,658 Personally I think this family's a little too quick to forgive. 459 00:19:41,702 --> 00:19:43,312 You're right. 460 00:19:43,356 --> 00:19:45,923 With your trust behind me, I can do anything. 461 00:19:45,967 --> 00:19:48,926 ♪ 462 00:19:48,970 --> 00:19:51,059 [engine whirring] 463 00:19:51,102 --> 00:19:56,064 ♪ 464 00:19:56,107 --> 00:19:59,067 It's so hot! We're too close! 465 00:19:59,110 --> 00:20:00,329 Wait for it... 466 00:20:00,373 --> 00:20:02,331 She's falling apart! 467 00:20:02,375 --> 00:20:03,941 Almost there... 468 00:20:07,380 --> 00:20:09,208 [all screaming] 469 00:20:09,251 --> 00:20:10,383 Now! 470 00:20:15,388 --> 00:20:16,954 Whee! 471 00:20:16,998 --> 00:20:18,347 FRANCINE: Great job, Roger! 472 00:20:18,391 --> 00:20:19,566 HAYLEY: You did it! 473 00:20:19,609 --> 00:20:21,524 STEVE: What a slingshot! 474 00:20:21,568 --> 00:20:23,874 Does this mean I'm driving to Oktoberfest next year? 475 00:20:23,918 --> 00:20:25,224 STAN: Only if you don't drink. 476 00:20:25,267 --> 00:20:26,094 Ech. Never mind. 477 00:20:28,270 --> 00:20:31,926 I'm still sad my whole family's dead. 478 00:20:31,969 --> 00:20:34,102 I'm still sad about my truck. 479 00:20:34,145 --> 00:20:35,277 I give in! 480 00:20:35,321 --> 00:20:37,584 Me too! 481 00:20:37,627 --> 00:20:39,281 - Let's heal! - Let's heal! 482 00:20:39,325 --> 00:20:42,458 ♪ Oh, he's grieving♪ 483 00:20:42,502 --> 00:20:44,721 ♪ Grieving♪ 484 00:20:44,765 --> 00:20:47,115 ♪ On that right now train to Boinksville♪ 485 00:20:47,158 --> 00:20:50,553 ♪ Grieving on that right now train to Boinksville♪ 486 00:20:50,597 --> 00:20:52,294 ♪ Splooge splooge!♪ 487 00:20:52,338 --> 00:20:54,122 Get back in the basement! 488 00:20:56,646 --> 00:20:57,647 Bye! Have a beautiful time!